#I'm not ok and I don't think I will be for a while.

[ohthecalamity]

Year 6. 10 years old. Mrs M. Spelling class.

to set the scene:

the teacher, Mrs M, only liked Neat-Haired Dancer Kids That Are Seen, Not Heard (you know the type).

I was uncoordinated, opinionated, outspoken & articulate, and hated combing my hair. (aka: autistic). She did not like me.

Mrs M was nothing but nice to her Favourites. She gave them compliments, extra help, lots of leeway with homework & grades.

But those she didn't like? She tried her utmost to make their lives miserable. She loved mercilessly ripping into any & all academic insecurities, making people hate themselves. (I'm willing to bet a lot of my classmates left with lasting psychological damage.)

Fortunately, I did not value her opinion. I realised pretty quick she was not ruled by logic or truth.

In year 6, we had weekly spelling tests. And if there's one thing I've always known, it's words. So my answers were consistently correct, and she haaated it. I didn't give her anything to sink her teeth into.

So week after week, she had to bear it. Be an Objective Teacher, as per the marking schedule. She was openly fuming. I tbh enjoyed it.

One week, though, she must have had enough. Like usual, I brought up my (all correct) spelling sheet. She glanced through it....peeked up at me....looked back down at the sheet....and gave me a zero.

Why?

'Because you started all the words with a CAPITAL LETTER. And these words aren't ALWAYS written CAPITALISED.'

I had always capitalised them in the past, and never been marked down for this. I know for a fact at least a few of my classmates did the same. And not to mention: that's an incredibly dumb thing to nitpick???

I was angry, obviously, but there is only so much a year 6 can argue in the face of someone like Mrs M, no matter how stubborn they are. So I finally went screw it, ok, I'll do this her way. Why not. I still know I'm right.

Fast forward to next week: spelling test, same deal, all correct. And this time, all lowercase, too. And what did she give me?

Another zero.

Why?

'because, if you put a word on a NEW LINE, it should ALWAYS be CAPITALISED.'

other things mrs m has done (hall of fame):

yelled at me for "throwing a chair" when it (after being put up for the end of the day) fell off a table of its own accord. It was not my chair, nor even at my table group. also, I was sitting down and reading halfway across the room

she decided she didn't like one of her previous Favourites (for reasons I won't get into) and yelled at her for an extended period of time. why? because she finished something early, and asked what work she should do next. How unforgiveable...

we did one of those "make super super detailed how-to instructions like for a computer" assignments, and she shouted at me (I sense a theme) for being 'too detailed'.

Oh, and once I yawned, and she shouted at me for that!! Thinking back, a lot of my year 6 was getting shouted at while trying not to laugh. I did openly laugh at her a couple of times. Her reaction was always even funnier. (I really tried not to provoke her though--don't get me wrong. I don't love yelling. Well, nobody does. But specifically, it's loud, and I'm autistic... anyway)

and oh. oh yeah. she told my old friend she was 'too silly' and 'obnoxious to be around', and 'will never be taken seriously in life if she keeps going on like that'. It got to her. It really got to her. She was never quite as joyful/carefree after that talk.

I think of Mrs M as a joke, a place to mine for funny conversation material. She was something I never took seriously, that I kinda enjoyed thwarting. But other people, people in the same class, got actually hurt by her. Had long-lasting effects from all her nonsense.

God, I forgot about that.

when i was a kid i got a 90% on my kindergarten "what are your favorite things?" test because for the question "what is your favorite animal?" i wrote down "puma" and it got marked wrong because my teacher said a puma isnt even an animal its a kind of shoe

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

Hi there! First, I just want to say I love your blog and your writing! You are seriously so talented! I have a request for Bucky that I would be cute! (I don't think you've written anything similar but if so, I'm sorry for sending in a duplicate).

I saw a writing prompt thing on Pinterest and the prompt was "I can walk." The guy then looks at her and sasy "I thought you were dead. I need to f*ckin hold you."

And I immediately thought of Bucky! I kind of pictured you getting hurt on a mission or something like that and Bucky just being super touchy and wanting to hold you after because he was scared that he had lost you.

I'll let you fill in the rest with your amazing creativity!

Almost Lost You » Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier

Pairings: Thunderbolts!Bucky Barnes x Agent!Female Reader

Summary: You get shot during a mission and all Bucky wants to do is hold you.

Warnings: Fluff, language, coworkers to lovers (is that a thing?), blood, kissing, pet names

A/N: Thank you for the request, nonnie🩵 I immediately thought of Thunderbolts when I seen this🥰

Written on my phone. My apologies for any mistakes.

Header made by @buck-star

GIF IS NOT MINE! Gif credit goes to the creator.

It’s no secret that Bucky has feelings for you. He has had feelings on you for a while. Most of the time you two get partnered up for missions, but sometimes it calls for individual work. Like this one.

Bucky was stopping a truck from hitting someone with his vibranium arm. You were chasing and shooting at the targets you were assigned to do. The rest of the team was doing their parts as well.

You were chasing one of the targets you were assigned to take down. You jumped on him to knock him to the ground, in which he did. He made a groaning noise as he fell to the ground. He grabbed his knife to try to stab you, but you smacked it out of his hand before you could.

“You need some back up, Y/N?” Bucky asks you through his ear piece.

“No, I’m good, Bucky.” You replied.

As soon as you said that, the guy you were trying to take down pulled out a gun. Before you could smack it out of his hand, he shot you in the side. You cried out in pain as he pushed you off of him and ran away. You managed to Army crawl your way off to the side and lean against a wall. You held your hand over where you were shot, feeling blood trickling down your side.

Bucky looked over at where you were supposed to be, but didn’t see you. He walked around to look for you. He found you leaning against a wall with your eyes closed. His eyes widened and his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He ran over to you to check on you.

“Please be alive.” Bucky whispers to himself.

He put his fingers against your neck to feel for your pulse. He felt relieved when he felt it.

“What are you doing?” You asked, opening your eyes to see Bucky crouched down in front of you.

“I was just checking on you. You look injured.” Bucky says. “Are you ok?” He asks.

You knew he’d figure out one way or another to see if you’re injured or not. You lifted your shirt, showing him where you got shot. Bucky’s eyes went wide when he seen it. He put his hand over it and applied pressure. You yelped in pain.

“I know it hurts, but you’re going to be ok.” He says softly.

All you could do is nod. You tried to stand up, but the pain got the best of you.

“Let me help you.” Bucky says.

Bucky lifted you to your feet and then went to pick you up, but you stopped him by putting your hand on his chest to stop him.

“I can walk.” You say.

“I thought you were dead. I need to fucking hold you.” He says.

You were in too much pain to argue with him so you just nodded. Bucky picked you up bridal style and went to get you help. Luckily for you, there was an ambulance not too far from where you two were.

“What happened?” Yelena asks when she seen Bucky walk past her with you in his arms.

“Some asshole shot her.” Bucky tells her.

The paramedics saw Bucky carrying you and got a stretcher out of the aid car, rolling it over to you. Bucky gently laid you on it and explained what happened to you to the paramedics. You grabbed Bucky’s arm and looked up at him.

“Please stay with me.” You said in almost a whisper.

“I’m not going anywhere, doll.” Bucky says softly, gently caressing your cheek.

The paramedics took you to the hospital and Bucky stayed with you the whole time, except when he was told to go to the waiting room. Bucky sat in the waiting room with his nerves through the roof. He was bouncing one of his legs, trying to keep his nerves in control. All he wants to do is be with you.

“Bucky.” He hears Yelena’s voice.

Bucky looks up to see Yelena, Alexi, John, and Ava walking towards him.

“How is she?” Ava asks.

“They said the bullet didn’t hit anything major and they took her to surgery just to make sure.” Bucky tells them.

“She’ll be out before you know it.” Alexi says, trying to stay positive.

Bucky smiles softly and nods. That’s when the doctor walked in the waiting room. He practically jumped up from his seat.

“Y/N is out of surgery and she’ll be fine. She needs to take it easy for a while. You can see her now if you want.” The doctor says.

Bucky let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He’s even more relieved to know that you’re fine.

“We’ll be out here if either of you need anything.” Yelena says.

Bucky smiles and went to your hospital room. You were just waking up when he walked in the room. You turned your head towards the door, smiling when you saw him.

“You stayed.” You say.

“I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.” Bucky says with a smile.

Bucky sat down in the chair next to the hospital bed. He gently picked up your hand and kissed it, making you blush.

“You really know how to make a girl blush, James.” You say with a soft giggle.

“That’s part of my charm, doll face.” He says with a smile.

You giggled again, but then winced in pain.

“Be careful, doll. Don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He says.

You smiled at him.

“Did you really think I was dead?” You asked.

“Yes and it scared me. One of my worst fears is losing you.” He says.

“One of your worst fears is losing me?” You asked, making sure you heard him right.

“Yes and it’s only because I’m in love with you.” He admits.

Your eyebrows rose in surprise. You have always knew that Bucky had a crush on you from the way he acts around you, but at the same time, you weren’t sure. His love confession confirmed it for you.

“You’re in love with me?” You asked in almost a whisper.

“I have been since I met you.” Bucky says.

You smiled at him and lifted your hand to caress his cheek, rubbing your thumb against his beard.

“Wanna know something?” You asked.

Bucky nods.

“I’m in love with you too.” You confessed. “That’s why I always played hard to get every time you flirt with me.” You say.

Bucky smiles widely. He leaned over and kissed you passionately. Your hand continued to caress his cheek. He then pulled away and leaned his forehead against yours, looking deep in your eyes.

“Was that kiss your way of asking me to be your doll?” You asked in a whisper.

“Only if you want to be. I don’t want to pressure you in any way.” He says.

“I would love to be your doll.” You say softly.

Bucky smiles and kisses you again. The kiss was short lived when the team walked in the room.

“I didn’t know hospitals provided this kind of treatment.” Yelena jokes, making you and Bucky laugh.

You and Bucky pulled away from each other. You looked at the team and smiled at them.

“How are you feeling?” Ava asks.

“Other than the little bit of pain, I’m fine.” You say.

As the team was visiting you, they noticed how touchy Bucky was being with you. They couldn’t tell if it was from almost losing you or having a crush on you. Maybe it’s a mix of both.

“Are you two a thing now?” John asks.

“Yes.” Bucky answers immediately.

Everyone smiled and congratulated you two on finally making it official. They visited a little bit longer before leaving so you and Bucky can be alone together.

“You’re so beautiful.” Bucky almost whispers.

“Even in a hospital gown?” You asked with a small giggle.

“It adds more to your beauty.” He says with a smile.

You smiled at him and gazed deeply in his eyes.

“I’m never letting you go.” He whispers.

You scooted over in the hospital bed, wanting Bucky to lay down next to you and cuddle you. You winced in pain when you moved.

“Cuddle me.” You murmured.

Bucky smiles and lays down next to you, wrapping his arms around you, being careful to not accidentally bump your wound.

“You’re coming home with me when you get released from here.” Bucky says.

“I would love that.” You whispered, smiling at him.

Bucky pecks your lips softly a few times and looks deep in your eyes.

“I don’t want to experience almost losing you again.” He says softly, his voice cracking.

“You won’t. I promise I’ll be more careful and ask for back up next time.” You promised.

“I love you so much, babydoll.” He whispers, kissing you sweetly and softly.

“I love you too, baby.” You say, smiling up at him.

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

-Bucky’s Doll

[colossrat]

keranos? like the magic card?

Batman: I ask that when leaving, anyone who agrees with the approach proposed by me and Superman signs the pamphlet next to the door.

And then the heroes come out, whoever thinks it's a good idea to be discussed again at the next meeting signs with their hero name. but Captain Marvel was the first to sign, so he didn't see how the others signed and didn't know if he should use "Captain Marvel".

He has an argument with Solomon inside his own head that lasted a little less than a second, and in the end they come to a consensus that he can sign as one of the many names of the champion of magic. but they were so… simple… billy decided to add some details, a signature worthy of an entity that's zibilions of years old and a store of immense magic.

The other day, while Billy is "saving" some kitchen leftovers in his pocket dimension, Batman arrives and approaches him while holding a paper.

Batman: Captain… What did you put in the signatures?

Marvel: oh? hmm, my name?

Batman: your name... Can you tell me how to pronounce it?

Marvel: oh. Yes? Ahm, its Keranos. sorry, its hard to read?

Batman: no, it's okay. It was what I thought it could be. It's just that I never found these types of letters before, despite the similarity with the current alphabet…

Marvel noticed that he exaggerated a little with the decoration in the signature: yeah… it's a-- rune language that died a long, long, time ago, but I tried to mix it up a little with the letters from the current world so it wouldn't look so strange. The sound of the pronunciation is "keranos", so in our alphabet it could be written with k-e-r-a-n-o-s… Next time I'm going to use the normal alphabet, sorry… I… I didn't think that much when I wrote it.

Batman: of course. Don't worry captain. I can't imagine what it must be like to live in a world where your name can no longer be written the way it should be.

Marvel: its... ok, i like Marvel a lot too.

Batman: So… would you like us to start calling you Keranos?

Marvel: well, if you want, of course, I have no problem. It's one of my oldest names. but you don't have to if it's confusing, you know, me having several names.

Batman: don't worry. It's a pleasure to meet you, Keranos.

Marvel: The pleasure is mine, mister batman sir!!

There are several league members hiding in the hallway near the kitchen, whispering.

Flash: that's so cool! Marvel is so tight with his personal information, but he's letting go, he even gave us one of his names! That means he's finally opening up, right?

Wonder Woman: Indeed. Keranos… This name is familiar to me from the stories my sisters and I told each other. a god of the wrath of storms…

Hal: Just like the magic card???

Superman: I remembered that too. It's literally the definition of the creature, isn't it?

Hal: technically it's only a creature if your devotion is less than seven, anyway. even the way it is written.

Flash: my god, you are two nerds.

If one day they ask Marvel about the magic card, he will be genuinely confused because he didn't know it. billy never had the money to buy these games.

"oh, is there a game card with my name? a god of storms? wow, I'm embarrassed, I didn't know that name had been kept alive by these stories haha"

I was playing with Billy and Marvel's signature, thinking about how they would write differently in each form, and I ended up thinking about this

I don't know if the captain's fandom took keranos from the magic card, but that's what I found when I looked up the name and I thought it was brilliant

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

hi!! I had an idea for a funny/ prank type fic for frat boy jaehyun!! It’s that one trend where the girl talks about getting a wax appointment (or some other appointment) after a really long time and plays it off as a guy waxes her which usually gets the significant other really confused thinking “a guy waxes you..?” I HOPE U KNOW WHAT I MEAN 😭😭 have a good day💞💞

anoooooon!!! THANK YOU FOR THIS IDEA!!!!

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ �� . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

⋆⭒˚.⋆ what do you mean, he? ⋆⭒˚.⋆

(cw: f!reader, TikTok trend, profanity sugestive, Jaehyun is such a fucking loser (affectionate) in this)

where the girl talks about getting a wax appointment (or some other appointment) after a really long time and plays it off as a guy waxes her which usually gets the significant other really confused thinking “a guy waxes you..?”

"Oh baby!" You sing as you push that door open to Fratboy!Jaehyun's room.

It's a handful of days before his birthday now and all week you've been doing the prep you need for a very romantic and heated night with your own Valentine Boy. You'd gotten your nails done, been doing face masks, done a few hair masks, gotten your eyebrows done, and finally today, "guess who got her coochie waxed!"

Your exclamation is met with a "hell yeah!" from down the hall and a flushed Jaehyun scrambling away from his desk to shut the door behind you.

"Ok, love the news, love the mental image, but what did we say about announcing things like that around here?" Jaehyun asks with rosy cheeks.

"But you guys talk about your dicks and balls all the time, why can't you hear about my coochie?"

"Trust me Sweets, I want to hear about her day and night, but I don't want everyone else to hear about her," Jaehyun chuckles while pressing a kiss on your cheek.

You throw yourself onto his bed, turning to watch him settle back into his chair. He rubs your calf softly, "how was it?"

"Hurt like a bitch, but I'm getting used to it. Ash is pretty good about soothing the pain and has good tips for aftercare and all that," you explain.

"Ash? Didn't you used to go to a Jane or something?"

You smile at him, finding it endearing that he listens to what others would consider to be useless details, "yeah, but Jane is on maternity leave, so now I'm seeing Ash. He's good too—"

"He?!" Jaehyun exclaims with his eyes wide with shock.

"Um, yes, he. Is that a problem?" You ask with a confused tilt of your head.

"A guy waxes you, Sweetheart?"

"What is so confusing about this? Yes, my waxer, Ash, is a guy." You state, still not understanding what his incessant questioning is about.

"Sweetheart, another guy is looking at your... lady bits. Like all up and intimate up there while you're probably like spread eagle and showing yourself to him. Shouldn't you only be like that for me?" He asks, speaking slowly and softly in the hopes that you'll understand his point of view better now.

You roll your eyes and push his hand off your leg, "Ash is a 50 something year old gay man who is married and talks about the recipes he most recently made while he's ripping hair out of my 'lady bits'. Can I make it any more clear that he's not interested and more importantly, I'm not either!"

You stand from the bed, throwing your hands up as you continue, "I mean, hello! I got waxed for you! For your birthday! Duh!"

"You know I don't need you to do anything like that. I'm sorry Sweetheart," Jaehyun apologizes, grabbing your hips and tugging you closer to him until he can nuzzle his head against your stomach, "I just went a little crazy thinking about another guy looking at my girl..."

"Your girl? Jae, guys look at me all the time—" you say with a look of confusion until you're interrupted by a single finger against your lips.

"Not you, my girl," Jaehyun mumbles, dragging his finger down from your lips to the waistband of your pants, "her my girl."

You push his head away with a scoff, "oh fuck off, Jaehyun. Coochie privileges revoked until your birthday."

"Damn..."

[thecaduceusclay]

Alright, I’ll bite. Devil’s Minion in both the book and the show feels very connected to the AIDS crisis… but I’ve only ever acquired knowledge about that period through osmosis, so I’m curious if you have any thoughts/connections or information. 👀

I put out a call for people to ask me fandom-related queer history questions since I know a lot! I want to remind people this is open and that I welcome any fandom questions about queer history!

Ok this is going to get long because I have a lot of feelings on this topic especially. For those who just want some resources, further reading, and my sources, you can find those at the end. I'll pepper some links in, but I'll try to put the bulk of it there. But Daniel Molloy in the show especially is a man heavily impacted by the history of the AIDS crisis and I have a lot to say about that. I'm also assuming a knowledge of what HIV and AIDS are in the first place. You can do some quick reading here.

First, a note on the books since I mostly want to talk about the show. Queen of the Damned was published in 1988 when the AIDS crisis was in full swing. The peak of deaths was in 1993, but 1988 wasn't exactly early in it. The previous year saw the start of the AIDS memorial quilt, the founding of ACT UP (we'll talk about them later 💜), and Princess Diana publicly shaking the hand of an HIV positive patient. The shadow is cast over the culture, Anne Rice was not immune to the zeitgeist. Hell, she was living in the Castro district at the time and that is a notably queer area. (Her son Christopher talks about that briefly here.) I don't this the parallels are an accident. Armand is a man watching his lover slowly waste away while he can do nothing about it. Sure, it isn't AIDS, it's the alcohol and lack of care to his body. Sure, Armand could turn him. But despite their fun and their arguments being such a focus, that helplessness and fear permeates their relationship in the Devil's Minion chapter. Like so many gay men at the time, Daniel is wasting away. Armand is tormented by this. That is one of the most prominent faces of queer men at this time!

Daniel in the show has more going on in relation to the crisis.

I'll start by saying this in case it needs asserted, Daniel is a leftist journalist. And I don't mean in a casual liberal way. He's clearly passionate and involved and these things matter to him. He makes flippant and offensive comments in the interview sure, but I'm not saying he's perfect. His books give this away. He wrote about environmental issues in Under the Burning Sky, the prison industrial complex in The United States of Prison and Profit, and seemingly the surveillance state in Homelandia and likely in his book on Snowden. I'd also like to gesture to his work with "the barb". The Berkeley Barb was a leftist underground student paper. I'd recommend taking a look at their archives linked here and their website to get a grasp for what he was writing with at the time. (Warning, the archives are often NSFW). But in short the barb's attitude was largely anti-war, sex-positive, fuck the establishment kind of writing. He was already like this when he ran into Louis in '73. This will inform our view of him moving forward and will be our framework for understanding how he interfaced with the AIDS crisis.

I think it's important to note Daniel's proximity to AIDS too. I mean, subtextually, he had a brush with it when Louis nearly killed him in '73. Louis was a silent killer sweeping through the queer men of San Fran. Gay men were likely seeing lovers and friends disappear after going home with a stranger. Risky sex and drug use leading to a death going unacknowledged, one that's largely impacting gay men? I think the subtext of it is queer-- I mean clear. (Louis is not an all around metaphor for AIDS, but the ties between it and vampirism in the series seem clear, and in this instance the connection is there specifically for Louis, no one come for my ass).

Speaking of, the proximity is there in his behaviors too. He's a drug user who goes home with random men. (Casual sex was a big part of gay culture back then, see the hanky code and cruising for this.) Both of these actions put him at high risk of contracting HIV and put him among populations more likely to contract it. He was using heroin, and needle sharing is a huge risk factor in the spread of bloodborne illnesses, which can lead to the spread of HIV (which is why needle exchanges are so important.)

Finally for incidental proximity early on, Daniel was living in San Francisco. We know he frequented Polynesian Mary's at least, and possibly other gay bars. He also likely lived near or in the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood (given his memoir being called Hate and Ashbury). This area is very notably queer, historically. By 1990 HIV was the leading cause of death for young men in San Francisco at 61%. That's frighteningly high, and sure this was much later, but San Francisco was an epicenter.

AIDS was first identified in 1981 as a spread of Karposi Sarcoma and PCP (or "gay pneumonia" colloquially) in gay men in areas like New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco. The first KS patient to go public (Bobbi Campbell) was in San Fran. He later wrote the first pamphlet on "safer sex". The first KS clinic was opened here, and later the first dedicated AIDS clinic (which Daniel seems to have written an article about according to his LinkedIn). By 1982 this epidemic was known as GRID, or Gay Related Immuno-Deficiency. (Interesting parallel that s1 notes Daniel as having an auto-immune disease, which Parkinson's is not primarily known as...). Daniel was covering these early years. His book A Shadow on the Skin was about this! It was a collection of articles he wrote on KS in the early years as he documented it becoming the AIDS crisis! He was routinely writing about the early epidemic. (s/o to @cbrownjc for this post where I found the blurb on the back of the book).

So, while living in San Francisco, this deeply politically involved young man was watching the early crisis unfold. He saw gay men dying slowly. Some gay men at the time described watching the AIDS crisis sweep through as watching their cities become ghost towns. This was something terrifying, something haunting, and something attributed largely to queer men. I mean, it was called GRID until 1982/1983. It wasn't until Ryan White, a 13 year old boy, contracted HIV from a blood transfusion in 1984 that people began seeing it as anything but just a gay disease. Even then, public perception didn't change quickly. It was so heavily associated with gay men, even, that getting national medical authorities to recognize women could contract it and treat it in women was a struggle.

All of this horror was occurring and the government ignored it. When they didn't ignore it? Ronald Reagan, then president, laughed at it. Hospitals were terrified of gay men, some refused to touch or treat AIDS patients. The FDA and CDC were slow to respond and to treat it.

In season one, Daniel is dismissive of his own queerness. He shrugs off his being in gay bars and hooking up with men, acts like it wasn't a big deal and it was just to score. I think this dismissive attitude likely stems from the AIDS crisis, at least in part. Lingering trauma from Louis' attack in '73 may play a role, after all, the body keeps the score. But I don't think we can overlook AIDS as a factor. The writers clearly didn't overlook it in his characterization, as exemplified above. I think they mean for this to impact who he is and how we view him! He watched some of the most terrifying years in recent queer history, of course he would downplay his queerness, of course he would marry two women even if he wasn't happy with them. (Not denying he may be bisexual, but he's certainly closeted.) And in the end, despite distance from his queerness, he still ended up having to waste away slowly from a disease with no cure, just uncomfortable treatments, much like men in the early AIDS crisis. (Early AIDS treatments were all trial based, you were lucky if you got in. You were lucky if you didn't end up in the control group. But the gamble was all you had, and those were the lucky ones. Even then it may not work, it was a trial for a reason. It wasn't until 1987 that AZT was approved to treat AIDS. It wasn't until the mid-90's, years later, that AIDS was considered survivable. I can't help but see his levadopa and how it only slows the inevitable as a parallel to this. A terrible reflection of earlier fears. Parkinson's has no cure. He'll deteriorate until he succumbs, even with medicine. He's lucky if it improves his quality of life, if it doesn't just make him more miserable. He'd be lucky to get a few more years.)

If Devil's Minion happened in the past, Armand watched his lover engage in high risk activities, while clearly aware of the risk given his coverage of AIDS. He watched Daniel writing a book worth of articles on KS and AIDS clinics. He knew how horrifying it was, he knew Daniel knew, and he watched his lover play with fire by using heroin anyway. And in the end? He still watched Daniel deteriorate slowly with medicine that only slowed it more.

If Devil's Minion is only coming and wasn't in the past at all? I think the impact of AIDS mostly falls to Daniel. After being turned he embraces life so fully. Yes, because he was dying before. But his style feels more queer once again. He doesn't have to fear any human diseases! He can fuck men! He can be gay! The shadow that hung over his youthful queer exploration, that interrupted it, is gone for him. And now he doesn't feel it's too late for him, I imagine. I mean, before he didn't have many peers, so many his age died. But now he's a vampire, he's outside of this. He can fuck young men, vampires, whatever. He's now outside of society whether he likes it or not, he's the "other", in for a penny in for a pound, right? And I think that's all going to impact who he is as a character going forward now too.

If there's interest in a Part 2 on the impact of AIDS activism in New York, since Daniel likely saw a lot of it up close, I'll gladly write it. I have opinions and info to share.

For now, stay safe everyone. I love you. And here's some further reading.

~~~~~~~~

A timeline of HIV and AIDS (1981-2024)

Only Your Calamity: The Beginnings of Activism by and for People With AIDS

HIV Infection as Leading Cause of Death Among Young Adults in US Cities and States (1993, about 1990)

On the impacts of the AIDS crisis on gay culture

The Queer significance of San Francisco

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIDS Memorial Quilt

Princess Diana's AIDS Advocacy

About the Berkeley Barb

How Ryan White impacted the view of AIDS

Daniel Molloy's LinkedIn

Practicum Page

[transit-fag]

Hello. I recently visited your presumably fine city, and I have to say, I did not enjoy myself.

I am reminded of a quote from AA (non active): "Principles before personalities."

Seems everywhere I went I was harassed, discriminated against, belittled, kicked out, yes sexually harassed, etc, apparently based on the characteristics of my physical appearance, as I gave no indication of political creed, religious affiliation, life philosophy, personal history, or otherwise. Like come on guys, my fashion sense is not THAT bad.

For example, a barista I interacted with saw fit to yell "no" in my face as I was attempting to order. Like fine, if you feel the need to publicly and preemptively cock block me by loudly stating your negative sexual preference towards my person, and thereby impress friends and bystanders, while letting that fella or lady you truly are smitten with know just how loyal a girl you really can be... I can't stop you. I'm sure they're great. I'm just trying to get some coffee.

Ok ok ok, so now, you (the reader) share a knowing look with the apparently psychic iindividual who tells you what to think and how to act (they obviously know about these things), who then makes a simple gesture accusing me of pedophilia and boom. Game, set, and match. It's over. Why even continue reading?

Not that either you believe what you are saying, but who gives a fuck at this point right? It's just that the look on both your faces reminds me of a smug version of the look my dog gets when he is licking his own butt.

Funny story-up until recently, I worked with an actual convicted child rapist. The genuine article. And let me tell you, he was having a fucking field day with this shit. It's ok, get it all out buddy. That's fine right? He's a part of the movement, and everyone gets something. Well, almost everyone lol;) ;)

Yes sir, it's a real pander fest out there. At an intersection, there is an environmentalist guy and a guy with the unnecessarily large and noisy truck. Given our recent political decision making process, you would think they would be staring daggers, yelling, celebratory coal rolling, etc. No absolutely not. Dudes are falling all over themselves in a mad scramble of trans political endearment. It's so simple!! All we have to do is find the one guy in society who isn't a completely gullible dumbfuck and shit all over him and poof. All problems resolved. Transgressions forgiven. A new age.

I mean, it is somewhat interesting how each of you has an individually unique rationalization for the exact same , identical patterns of hateful and abusive behavior. The tree hugger and the coal roller. Beautiful snowflakes all.

Just kidding, it's actually really easy to just place you in a cliched typology and reverse engineer your justification for participating in fascism lite (tm) based on a presumable self conception. I don't really give a fuck what lies you tell yourself in the mirror. But as your Bob Dylan said, it ain't me babe.

Point being, having superceded the political, as well as all conventional rules of civilized conduct, and or general local culture in your fair city, The Movement (tm) (ha) or whatever the fuck you call it, is the dominant social reality and governing social principle.

AND YOU CANNOT TALK ABOUT IT

Which is fine. You do you. But please cease to labor under the illusion that you still have any translatable values, of any kind, whatsoever. It's not that open harassment or discrimination or whatever, particularly when perpetrated by a group of people in a position of social power, is wrong, per se, right? I mean, it would be interesting to hear any of you attempt to justify yourselves, but unfortunately YOU CANNOT TALK ABOUT IT. It is forbidden. I get it. Its like fight club. That's fair. White guys have made some pretty decent movies.

Let's say you dropped $100k on a liberal arts degree. Here's a chance to exercise some critical thinking in the face of a mass social movement founded on cruelty and open hatred, which is kind of the basic purpose of such a degree. Nope. Let's say it was history. What does this say about your chosen field of study? Hide all evidence right? Or sociology. Beyond your purview. Philosophy. When in Rome? Congratulations.

A lot I could say, but, regarding the preposterous idea that this is jall ust a some organic, spontaneously occurring culture phenomenon (rationalization received from a Christian): 1. Easily forensically disprovable, I'm not even particularly well studied and I know exactly who your master is, where they work, and why, and 2. Shockingly naive, given the power dynamics of the situation, sorry no way are your overlords leaving that kind of money on the table.

I don't really feel like elaborating further other than to say that because you are unable to speak or "go back and forth with me", whatever it is that you are participating in is, on its face, complete bullshit, as you, by both structural and philosophical necessity, lack individual moral and intellectual agency, which is, in fact, and in spite of what you may believe (ask your benevolent dictator), the root of all collective historical human failure. As well as the principle rationale for a liberal arts education. But fuck it right?

So, you spent 100k on education, only to turn around and will yourself into intellectual and moral slavery, and become the object of some corporate marketing psychologist's vanity project? May I wipe my ass with that diploma?

In closing, I don't want to go over the top here and start some kind of song of myself, oh no, but having been treated like human garbage, I feel compelled to state:

In terms of adverse personal experience, I soloed goddamn Annapurna in the snow season, lived to tell the tale, and this is the shit I come back to. You are all useful idiots and your behavior is an insult to the human condition.

Why me? Honestly, because out of everyone in at least the entire western United States apparently, you could literally put a gun to my head and I would not get on whatever bullshit from the literal church of corporate Satan you all are being spoon fed. Which I guess is some sort of crime.

On behalf of myself, humanity, Jesus, the Buddha, the better angels of our nature, all the great ones who came before, rock-'n'-roll, etc, Bellingham, YOUR SCENE SUCKS.

I will enjoy the cold comfort of inner freedom and a righteous cause while watching you abandon any semblance of a coherent value system and continue to lick fascist corporate ass for a bump of cocaine (which I don't think is very punk rock:( )

In solidarity, an actual, working, breathing, locally available, and highly DMable, high 7-ish, cultural dissident.

And, let the bad faith Cassandra treatment begin.

(Unless you are feeling spry big fella. Wanna earn some points???)

UPDATE: You guys, you guys wait!!! I thought of a really good one. The hand gesture thing-that is soooo Hitler

Update to Update: WOW so many responses. I am not able to give each one the time and attention it deserves, so here I will make a brief general reply before sharing something (indeed) very special with everyone.

Briefly perusing these responses, they seemed mostly attempts and bad faith gaslighting (as predicted) along with a sprinkling of salty literary criticism. I, at least, personally, found the gaslighting amusing, because I said you would do it, and you still did it anyway. Lol.

But really, everyone here, myself included, knows that besides "though shalt not speak," like the second rule in the playbook (which apparently descended from Shiva on a ray of light or some shit) is "Just keep doing it," so really this discussion is basically pointless, other than to point out that based on your actions, you are now complicit in an ongoing attempt to manufacture a historical falsehood about our society as it exists today, which, to me, is somewhat mind-blowing and honestly something of a privilege to witness firsthand. Now on to the important stuff.

Driving home today, listening to some predictably tinny, cacaphonous, and emotionally shallow corporate music, it occurred to me: When all this first I was actually pretty afraid. I remember first commenting on this pattern of organized behavior I got so scared I had like a four day flashback, you know the terrors, worries that someone was going come kidnap me and bury me alive somewhere because the shit I talked was so unprecedentedly nasty there was no way it could be allowed to stand, etc.(Which honestly is a pretty scary thought, because just based on the responses I received here it is clear that no one is gonna come looking). But you know, this went on, and the ol shoe never dropped.

I could only speculate that I must have been the subject of some kind of Job-like wager, to see whether I could walk the razors edge between hysteria, due to the gaslighting, on the one hand, and some form of violence, due to the anger at the abusive treatment, on the other. And it went on, and on, and on.

Today I realized that due to recent developments, and in small part because of this post, the terms of the wager have changed (which is good, because turns out, I can do this shit indefinitely, but where's the fun in that?). I am no longer the subject of this wager. No, I am now a party to it.

So, what or who (you may ask), is now then the new subject? What is the nature of this new wager?

The subject, my friends, is you. My fellow citizens. The unwashed (stereotype) masses. The people of Bellingham. The human race.

And what is in question? I guess on my side would be what is known as traditional humanism. Although I am no paragon and did not choose this, this tradition would generally focus on the value of things like honesty, courage, dignity, perseverance, kindness, love etc. which in my opinion are inescapable, and due to my own experiences with hardship, indispensable, and woe be to him who has not felt that light touch some corner of his immortal soul.

The counterargument (I suppose) could (for my purposes) be described as anti-humanist, at least in the traditional sense. I believe that this position holds that the idealization of these traditional virtues breeds discontent and indeed mass violence and war, as humans are inherently somewhat petty, cruel, violent, etc, Overly harmonious, idealized group identities simply displace(?) sublimate (?) (my bad) these tendencies outward, in the form of group based hatred and violence.

Relevant questions: Realistically, are humans capable of self government? Are ideals good? Is the project of the enlightenment practical or desirable?

I would argue that life is basically not worth living in the anti-humanist society, as well as point out that in the more moderate "European" view, this is why we have things like rock climbing or whatever other stupid shit you guys do. Traditional forms of collective action are still necessary, and you can't solve many problems "herding cats."

To some extent this is a matter of taste, but I guess the real question is whether your corporate overlords can succeed in birthing the anti-humanist society and ,indeed, become bigger than Jesus.

You guys aren't helping my case much, but regardless this is the fundamental reality of what is happening right here, right now, plain as day.

I'll end with a plea for collegiately, as I have presented the arguments collegially, mainly out of fear for my personal safety, although we both know, if one thing is true about people from my tradition, it's that we fucking LOVE to party.

The ball is obviously not in my court, as I am alone here in a literal sea of sycophantic assholes, with nothing to defend myself but my rapacious wit, endearing humor, and roguish good looks.

It is ironic though. Me, an actual pariah, and the girl who has it all, arguing across each other. Like, I cannot fucking BELIEVE I am defending you people.

[orchidyoonkook]

Diving back into your glory with the second response! Kiki you once again absolutely spoil me. I had the biggest damn smile and the giggles reading through this <3

okay so the first thing that caught my eye was the warning yoon why????? a whole jk and ady warning i can't i don't think i can make it through them fucking 😩😩😩

I'm a big believer in not shying away from writing things that may make people uncomfortable. Especially if I find it to be crucial for the plot, like it is here. It's a very important back and forth, metnal conversation, sen reactions and visual scene and it. is. important!! THEREFORE! you get a warning that it is going to happen to prep yourself! I know folks dont really side pairings a lot of the time when the sex is included with them, but in this case I needed it to show an important contrast so I kept it in.

also! Because I can. :)

(this is also why i will fight to the death for all my horror, yandere, boundary pushing writers. Just because their work makes YOU (general use) uncomfortable or upset, doesnt make them wrong for writing it)

like oc and nel i can handle but jk and ady ugh nooooooo our boy our prince not her please anyone else i can take but not her (i just realized the hate train towards ady is strong damn my loyalty to oc ain't cracking) so i am just going to power through that part and take the angst that comes with it (which I welcome)

I hope you were able to see why it was needed!! (let me know if you wanna!) and I appreciate your dedication so much. I know it's tough when it's obvious to you as the reader why something probably shouldnt happen and ngl that makes it wayyyyyyyy more fun to write.

i did notice that subtle hint at of using someone and the fantasies uhmmmmm ok that must be the upside...

noooooooooooooooooo comment 😈

I honestly wonder why oc isn't mentioning her friendship with jk I honestly love it it's giving me little tingles,

She went over her reasoning in chapter three!! ☺ but that was a while ago so I cant blame you there. In a terribly summary she essentially wants to stay out of the public eye, keep the prince happy because she does emjoy his company, and not cause any drama with friends and family.

That being said! I love it too

i don't think i mentioned it but uhm this slow burn is everything its freaking burning and i think oc is definitely feeling it now that jk is with someone, the little encounter at the cafe and the texting they are just adorable and fluffy my face hurts from the smiles...

This is one of my favourite parts of the story. The banter, the subtle jabs, the build up upon build up, the realising of things and denying them, just all of it. Slow burns are my bread and butter, i can devour them always, and apparently I can somewhat write them too. Which is pretty cool

I just love how they have these opinions about each other's partners like the red flags they each see but they are all about each other's happiness, oc held back with ady but oooh jk isn't 😂 you go boy you tell her gosh i love his character in that scene....

This is another contrast!! It's intentional!! I love that you noticed because I try to be subtle about it. They both have their issues and deal with it in their own ways. OC very much deals with it in a small town girl way, whereas the freaking prince is, shockingly (not) very confrontational. I love that theyre opposites in this way.

oc and nel's scene had me pausing cause i literally went why the heck is she thinking about jk at a time like this and then she said it too it was epic oh oc you give me the giggles😂

AHA i LOVE this. I also love the fact their yours and her lines of thinking lined up. That's actually really nice feedback in a way because it means I was able to write OC in a way that actually mimics real life thought patterns when in certain situations and thats REALLY COOL to hear as the writer from the reader.

Also! Happy to make you giggle! Humor is another thing I struggle with writing wise, so I'm glad I can make you crack a smile now and then with mine.

wait what she didn't finish?!?!??!?!?! THIS IS MY ACTUAL REACTION IT'S LIKE OC IS IN MY HEAD ANSWERING ALL MY QUESTIONS OC BABYGIRL NO DIDN'T YOU LITERALLY GIVE YURI ADVICE ABOUT HER DATE AND NOW THIS 😩😩😩

The best advice often comes from those who have experience with things one way or another.

Ex: I never dated in highschool and yet I was the person ALLLLLLL of my friends came too for their relationship advice.

So, my darling OC was just looking out for her bestie in that regard imo, as someone who has trouble in that aspect of her life.

and we jump straight into jk's horror I can't help it this back to back is amazing, not me shouting no through out his entire scene why jk why, here's oc is having trouble and ady on her fourth whyyyyyyyy he better have oc on his mind

YOU DID SEE HOW THE BACK TO BACK WAS IMPORTANT!!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!

oh I'm so happy, literally this was the "let me know if you wanna" from earlier. This is what I was hoping for!!

JK is allowed to make bad decisions every now and then unfortunately as no one is perfect and no one has perfect coping mechanisms the first time they encounter new problems. He's human, and therefore is prone to making poor human mistakes.

as for the orgasm ratio....noooo comment :)

i love how jungkook says nels name in full i can literally picture the disgust and the face he would pull (cue oc eye roll) italics and all..

AHA I love this. This is probably my fave part im sorry becaue I wrote this in intentionally as sort of a joke that turns into a habit and it's just.....so him. And i adore it because its SO. PETTY. and I live for it.

i am writing this as i read so everything scene/sentence i go to write something on my notepad so i hope it all makes sense

it does!!

and let's just say when he shut her up the scene was better to read

As the writer, I'm cackling. As a reader, FACTS.

ugh jungkook likes oc he likes her fuck can they get together already i am dying here this chapter was perfect (even if ady was in it) like the build up and their thoughts both being on each other oh that tension is building i love the progression between them and the next chapter is gone be golden ahhhhhh lemme run over

Literally the only response I can think to give is just a bunch of these guys: 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈 and then a giant THANKYOU!

yoon you beautiful genius you have my heart this fic is everything and it's getting more and more captivating as it goes along i can't wait to see what more you do in this series seriously yoon with every update i go back and re-read everything again and I am in awe every single time and your talent, like this should be printed like i want a physical copy when it's done you are brilliant and such a star for coming up with this ily yoon i hope you know that 🥹🖤

SOBBING IN THE CLUB KIKI. THERES A SPOTLIGHT ON ME, IM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD OF DANCING PEOPLE AND IM SOBBING.

And funfact! I can actually bind this when I'm done with it as I am slowly gathering all the materials I need in order to do so. So maybe one day it will have a physcial copy (or two)!

Once again I feel nothing but warmth and love and light and kindness from your beautiful words. As much as I enjoy writing, it's words like yours and lovely folks like you that make me want to keep writing.

Thankyou. Truly, truly.

Xo, Yoon.

To What We Were Before, And All The Things After | JJK | Ch. 6 | M

Title: Eastern Arrivals and Unwanted Doubt

Pairing: Prince!College Student!JK x Fine Arts Major!(F)!Reader

Series Rating//Genre: (M) | College AU, Mild Royalty AU, Smut, Angst, Fluff, S2F2L, Indiffernce to lovers, sloooowwww ass burn

Summary: Nel's here for the week and you couldn't be more excited!! Jungkook's another story though...

Warnings: M, fluff, smut, swearing, drinking, pining, angsstt, slight boundary pushing (not sexual), unwanted/ unneeded overprotectiveness, jealousy, lying, [reader eats bacon and eggs but it's not specified what kind or where it's from, just bacon and eggs, so whether that means veggie, vegan or normal is up to you], intentional pissing off of Nel, a little spat between major characters, sex as a plot device.

Mature warnings under the cut.

Word Count: 6,945

Release Date: April 20, 2:00PM

A/N 1: 6 months later and we have chapter 6! slow updates, but they will be written and they will be posted. I have no plans to abandon this, I just, very unfortunately, have a bit of an outernet life now. So not a lot of free time to be creative which I hate. But it's here!!

Series: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five

Mature Warnings: Consensual sex x 2, both reader with Nel and JK with Ady -> sorry not sorry cuz it's plot sex. We got us some: kissing, protected sex (as we should), missionary, fingering, oral (f. rec), tiny bit of groping (consenual), multiple orgasms, loud sex, like annoyingly, sex as a terrible coping mechanism (imo), fantasizing.

Bouncing lightly from foot to foot, you’re buzzing after finally receiving the text you were waiting on a few minutes ago.

Nelly <3 [10:10pm]: Landed. See you soon 😘

He’s almost here. He’s almost here!

Just a few more seconds until—

The gates slide open. A flood of people in a mixture of sweats and business casual wear with luggage of all sizes and neck pillows walk through. You hold up the sign above your head with both hands, a smile that could outshine the sun plastered on your face, and search.

Where is he? Where is he, where is he, where is he, you think as you scour the bodies filing out of the automatic doors. You can’t see him. He’s none of the nameless faces that pass you by as they find their family, friends or rides. 

Is this even the right group of people? What if his luggage got lost and he won’t be out with this group. What if he got taken aside for some reason, and now he’s being held in some dusty room being asked a bunch of stupid questions he doesn’t know how to answer? What if he’s fig—

But then there’s a gap in the crowd, and the boy you’ve spent the last half decade of your life with comes into perfect, crystalline view. His lips pulled taught, teeth beautifully bared as he sets his sights on your sign high in the air, then down to you.

And you're running. 

You’re running and dodging and swerving until you’re jumping into Nels arms as he abandons his suitcase in favour of keeping you both up right. He buries his face into your neck, holding you so tightly you think he’ll never let go. And that’s just fine with you as you hold on just as tight, taking in a big breath of him too. 

He smells like airplane and coastal breeze and most importantly, home. 

Nel smells like home.

A muffled, “Ohhhhhhh, I missed you,” greets your ears, and you melt into him even more if that's even possible.

“I missed you too,” you say, pulling back and kissing him. You don’t really care if there’s an audience or not right now. Not when Nel’s here, and he’s in your arms, and he’s yours for a whole 9 days and life is as it should be once again.

He releases his hold slightly, but your arms don’t leave his shoulders. The sign still clutched, now crushed and crinkled, in one hand. 

“Car?” he asks, a kiss to your nose.

“This way,” you lead, releasing your hold.

Luckily, his suitcase is small, so he forgoes rolling it, instead gripping the handle at the top and carrying it in one hand. Your own reaching for his other and not letting go. He’s going to have to peel you off him if he wants space right now. 

Nel’s wearing his usual fall attire; a dark green school sweater that has ‘ECAD’ written over the chest in a large, academic looking mustard yellow font, regular old blue jeans, and dark brown lace up boots. His short, dirty blond hair's covered by a hat you’d gotten him as a highschool graduation present, and his ocean blue eyes remain as gorgeous as they were the day you met. 

Passing through doors to the outside and back to lot J, you hop in the car as he puts his bag in the trunk.

“How have you been? What’s new? What’s not? Tell me everything,” he asks as he climbs in and sits beside you, hand finding yours again. 

Never gone for too long. You relish in the comfort and happiness that alone brings you. 

He’s finally here. You finally have him back.

“I’m great. Yuri’s still Yuri, classes are only a little more challenging this year, but I’m still at the top of them,” Nel slips in a ‘not surprised’ and you smile brighter as you continue. “They’re already telling us to start brainstorming ideas for our thesis show next year,” you have no idea what you’re going to do, but you’re working on it. “Campus is the same, dorms are the same, the cafe’s the same. Though, they have the egg tarts I like in more, which is awesome for my taste buds and terrible for my bank account.” 

Vivian stayed true to her word, and now they had the tarts in every week. 

“I can only imagine,” Nel jokes.

“Uhhmm, what else…” a thought pops up, and you guess you can tell him. It doesn’t reveal anything the whole world doesn’t already know. “The prince is dating Adaline Dupree.”

His eyebrows raise, remembering, “Oh yeah, that’s right, the prince goes to your school now.”

“Yep.”

“Have you met him?”

Is he seriously not completely shocked at the prince dating Adaline? You only bitched about her to him all the time.

“Uhhh… yep, once or twice, I guess.” 

You hate it. You hate lying, especially to Nel. You hate it so much, but it’s for the greater good. It’s to keep the peace. But that doesn’t stop the burning feeling in your chest nor the roil in your belly.

“The day he arrived Yuri dragged me down to see him speak. She made us sit front row because Yuri,” Nel nods, knowing exactly what you mean. “He had everyone assemble to hear why he was at school and tell us not to treat him like a prince. He wants to be able to study without his title getting in the way.”

You hit your blinker, making a one handed left turn. 

“Makes sense. Is he nice at least?” Nel doesn’t sound at all suspicious, and why should he? You’ve never given him reason to not believe you at your word before. Never lied to him before.

Fuck you hate this so much. It was so much easier when he was 5000 miles away. But now that he's right beside you? This week may end up being more difficult than you thought.

“He was very princely. Tried to kiss my hand like he did like every other girl there, but I made it a handshake instead. Figured if he wants to be treated like everyone else, I would liste—Oh!” you laugh before you can even get the words out.

“What?” he asks, intrigued but confused.

You can barely speak coherently. “You should have seen Yuri’s face when I called him Jungkook and not Prince or Your Highness...her eyes nearly fell out of her head,” tears are starting to form from laughing so hard. “It was great.”

“He didn’t mind?” Nel asks and you shake your head. Yuri’s face that day will forever be seared into your brain for whenever you need a pick-me-up. 

“No, he was grateful actually. I was the first person that had addressed him like that, the way he’d asked to be.” Stopping at a red light, you're finally regaining yourself.

“Well,” he squeezes your hand, “you always were good at first impressions,” and looks at you so softly you can’t help but smile into the kiss you give him. 

He remembers that school art fair just as fondly as you do. 

Nel pulls away first with a thought. “Is Yuri with us this time?” 

Yuri hadn’t been able to go home last year, her parents too busy on a work trip, so she stayed back and kicked it with you two, but also gave you your space when needed.

Lots and lots of space.

“Nope! Parents welcomed her with open arms this afternoon, I’m sure. They’re all on some tropical island down south. She’s bringing me an ocean bottle though, so I’m excited for that. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to add a new one.”

Everytime you travelled somewhere with a beach you got a glass bottle and filled it with half sand, half water, added in some shells or rocks and labelled it. Instead of towels, keychains, or magnets, you did ocean bottles. They lined a shelf in your room back home. 

You probably have at least fifteen of them by now. Your mum likes to travel and make sure you experience the world around you, not just your little corner of it.

“Oh that’s great babe! I know how much you love those.”

“Yeah, it is.” You lean your head on his shoulder, basking in his presence for as long as the light remains red. 

He’s here. He’s yours. 

You only have to do this for a couple more years and then you’ll be together all the time. God you can’t wait. But you are nothing if not disciplined. 

And it’s going to be so worth it in the end.

The rest of the ride to your dorm goes by quickly. 

Some more red lights, some more kisses. You point out the same things you always do on the way back, and Nel acts like it’s the first time he’s seen them, just like he always does.

His hand never leaves yours over the center console. 

Soon enough, you find yourselves flopping down on your bed. Bags, jackets and shoes, scattered. Nel pulls you into him, his head on your pillow, yours lying on his chest. True peace settling in for the first time in months.

“I can't wait until we’re done school and I have more than four and a half months with you a year,” he sighs.  “It’s not enough. I want more. Need more.”

“Me too. But good things come to those who wait.”

“Yeah…I’m just really sick of waiting.” 

“Me too,” you repeat in a yawn. 

Nel’s breathing slowly evens out as you lie there, content to be in your arms again. And you look up to see his eyes closed, warm exhales brushing over your face from his nose. 

You can’t blame him for being so tired. He’d had an early morning exam before flying out, even brought his suitcase to it so he could leave the second he was done. Then, the flight alone was ten hours, plus travel times to and from the airports was about an hour each way, and the wait time before boarding was another two. 

Shit, he’s probably been awake for around eighteen hours straight at this point because he’s also the type that can’t sleep on planes no matter what he tries. 

Oh, Nel...Of course he’s exhausted.

Giving him a squeeze before getting up, you take off his socks and jeans carefully, then tuck him into bed as much as you can. You’d try the sweater, but it involved too many working parts and you didn’t want to wake him, so you figure it’s best to have the window open tonight instead. 

Grabbing your phone, you tiptoe to the bathroom and do your night time routine. It’s not an overly complicated one, just brushing your teeth, washing your face and a simple 3 step skincare routine of cleanser, toner and moisturizer. Short and sweet, but it does the job. 

Halfway through brushing, you do your friend due diligence and send Yuri a ‘back safe’ text, just like she’d sent you her own ‘here safe’ when she’d landed.

You spit and rinse, moving onto washing your face and applying cleanser.

Teeth clean and face moisturized, you sneak into your room again. Nel's still out cold. 

You sneak out of habit—your mom wakes at the sound of a pin dropping. But absolutely nothing could wake Nel now outside of his mother’s voice and his morning alarm. It’s a talent of his you’ve always been jealous of.  

Removing today's clothes and tossing them in your overflowing hamper—reminder to self: do laundry—you slide on your pjs and climb into bed beside him, plugging in your phone and setting it down. 

A thought pops into your head and you pick it back up, shooting a quick text before you can think twice. 

You [11:26pm]: home safe

It pings not seconds later.

PJK [11:26pm]: Thanks Picasso  PJK [11:27pm]: glad ur home safe

Your heart beats a little louder at the nickname, and you chalk it up to the excitement still in you at having Nel here and being tired. 

But you sleep better that night than you have in a long time. 

A short, repetitive, rhythmic vibration. 

Picasso [11:26pm]: home safe

Jungkook is still standing in the same corner by the wall, Adaline somewhere in the crowd in front of him dancing with her friends. She asked him to join her, but he declined. He doesn’t need to see himself more than half drunk and dancing on the cover of tomorrow’s news cycles. Not to mention his security team would shut the party down the second a camera flashed.

His guards are carefully stationed throughout the house, all dressed down in casual wear, a few with empty cups in their hands. One is watching some sort of beer pong like game in the corner, another is mingling with some guys over in the kitchen. Three he can’t immediately see. And he knows his head guard is outside in a black car ready to get him out at a moment's notice.

Nobody can tell they aren’t here for the party, not unless they’re sober enough to notice watchful eyes continually making their way over the crowd as the night goes on. 

Your text woke him from the stillness he’s adapted from standing so long, trying hard not to draw attention to himself. 

You were home safe. Home safe from the airport. Home safe from picking up Cornelius. 

Your boyfriend. 

Cornelius, your boyfriend. 

He doesn’t acknowledge his teeth grinding.

You were home from picking up your beau but even then, you’d texted him to let him know you were back on campus safely. To let him know you were okay. 

It’s the first thing that makes him smile all night.

So he sends back, a bit to quickly: 

Me [11:26pm]: Thanks Picasso Me [11:26pm]: glad ur home safe

Because it means something to him that you deem him close enough to send a ‘home safe’ text too. 

That you want him to know you’re back.  

Want him to know you’re safe.

Whether you know it or not, your safety means a lot to Jungkook, so that little two word text makes his heart lurch. 

He needs to leave. 

He needs to get out of this fucking house and back to his dorm. He came, he drank, he observed, he fulfilled his boyfriend duty.

That’s enough for him. 

He shoots Adaline a text that says he isn’t feeling well and gets out as fast as he possibly can, dodging bodies left and right and doing his best to hide his face. 

Once he’s out, security team in tow, the cooling midnight air does him some good. 

“Someone make sure she gets back to her dorm safe,” he says in their general direction, brain too muddled to be polite in this exact moment, but it’s nothing they haven’t seen before. 

This is going to be such a long week.

He can’t wait till it’s over. Till he doesn’t have to share anymore. 

He was never very good at it anyway. 

The smell of bacon wakes you. 

And toast, and…

Eggs? 

You think, at least. Since when do you have bacon? Or eggs? Toast is a given, it’s part of your life’s blood.

Opening your eyes, you blindly reach for your phone, successfully unplugging it and bringing it to your face.

The screen is too bright but you suffer through it, squinting.

9:27am. 

9:27? 

You slept for ten hours!?

You can’t remember the last time you slept more than 6 consecutively, aside from recovery nights, and even then it was fitful.

Nel comes in with two plates, his full with a very Eastern breakfast of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon. Yours with two pieces of toast, lots of bacon, a bit of eggs and some fruit. Where did he—?

He smiles at your confusion, “You have a cafeteria that sells breakfast food, you know.”

You know that.

“I know that.”

“Do you? Because the look on your face says otherwise.”

You flop back down and pull the pillow over your head, mumbling incoherent nonsense. You rarely used the dorm cafeteria for breakfast. Much preferring the greenhouse cafe or simple toast and juice that you can make in your dorm.

He chuckles. “Two breakfasts for me then, okay, if you insist,” Nel moves to leave but you screech, uncovering your face.

“Noo! I want it. Please, sweet nutrition,” he hands the plate over when you sit up, arms out stretched, and you dig in. 

After a piece of bacon, you ask, “How long have you been up?”

Nel’s sitting with his legs crossed at the end of your bed, munching away, “Long enough to get changed, grab my wallet, get food and come back.”

The bacon is really good. You’ve never been so glad he knew you so well as you grab another piece from the dwindling pile.

“You slept well then, too? That’s good, I’m glad. You needed the rest.”

“Having you around always makes it easier to fall asleep,” he nudges your knee with his elbow.

Even after five years he can still make you blush.

“I know the feeling.”

You two fall into step, starting your weeks in advance prepared plans, the rest of your day passing quickly. 

Too quickly. 

And so does the next day, and the next, and the next. 

All of your activities are going great. The zoo, picnics, study dates, restaurant dates, historical, artistic and architectural museum tours. Even a swim at the school’s indoor pool, and there’s plenty more to come. 

Things slip back into being easy, just as they always have been with Nel, ever since that first day back in tenth grade. 

He knows you like the back of his hand and predicts your moves before you make them, just like you do for him. 

You know his favourite foods, and where he prefers to park when driving—always avoiding open curbs—you know his dream travel destinations, and who his favourite musicians are. You know his favourite pencils to design with and his favourite pencils to shade with, that he always put on his right sock first, then right shoe, then left sock and left shoe. You know that his drink order is an iced coffee with two cream and two sugar, that he prefers loose shirts over fitted ones, and that his favourite colour is orange.

It’s a pretty orange too, not just any orange. You wonder if it’s anything like Jungkook's–

Wait. 

You search your memory for the information, going through favourite foods, drinks, music—all discussed previously, because you know their answers. But colour?

Nothing.

How have you never asked what Jungkook’s favourite colour is?

Isn’t that usually one of the first things people ask when they’re trying to get to know one another? Funny. Guess you’ll have to inquire the next time you see him. 

Anyways, just like you know everything there is to know about Nel, he knows everything about you too, including your routines. 

Which is why at twelve noon every day, he starts getting ready to go to the greenhouse for your afternoon study session.

Including today.  

Your week’s already half over and you hate it. Time always moves far to fast when all you want it to do is slow the fuck down. 

You only have five days left. Five days.

You’re lucky the greenhouse cafe is open during break, some places on campus are required to stay open for the students who can’t make it home, but greenhouse chooses to. 

As you and Nel turn the corner you see a familiar figure sitting in his old spot at the back of the patio. The same hat, mask and hoodie, now paired with a leather jacket on top due to the weather starting to cool down.

You can tell Jungkook wasn’t expecting to see you by the way he stiffens before those all too familiar brown eyes of his meet your own. Which is fair, your schedule shifts a bit when you’re on break, he isn’t used to you being here at twelve on Wednesdays. 

But as quickly as he sees you, his gaze is back on his laptop, like he never saw you in the first place. 

Like you asked him to do. 

And a sharp pain stings inside your chest.

When you and Nel get to your table, he sits in the seat opposite to where you always do, leaving where Jungkook usually sits beside you, empty. 

A part of you is grateful for that, though you can’t figure out why and table that self discussion for a later date. 

Setting down your things, you ask Nel if he wants coffee. He answers yes, like always, and after a quick visit with Viv, you're pulling out your chair and setting down your cups. Your back faces Jungkook. It’s a small mercy you can’t see him. Maybe you can forget he’s here and actually focus on your work. 

But it’s also exactly because of your position, that you can’t see as Jungkook subtly watches you over the rim of his laptop while you and Nel talk quietly and study. 

Nel can though. 

It feels weird to ignore him. To pretend you don’t know one another when for the better part of the last seven weeks all you’ve done is talk, hang out, study or a mixture of the three, every day. 

When having him sit behind you and not beside you feels so wrong and so foreign. 

But this is your own doing, you caused this. So you need to suck it up and get used to it. 

This is exactly what you asked for all those weeks ago. The perfect solution to your problem. 

No one can know. 

Not Nel. 

Not anyone. 

But fuck, if it didn’t absolutely suck in practice. 

Setting some of your books out around you and on the table Jungkook usually uses, you dig into your business homework. Having a major and a minor are great for job prospects, on paper, and in practice after you’ve completed them.

But getting them? It takes years of hard work and dedication with no distractions. 

None.  

You spend almost every free moment you have doing homework or practicing, trying to get ahead, trying to stay on top.

…Trying to beat Adaline. 

But you just use that as fuel for your drive to be better. To be the best. 

Competition is healthy. Especially when you’re winning against the rich brat who’s used to getting what she wants. 

Not that you're petty.

Ehh…You are. But only a little bit. At least you can admit it.

Nel gets to work as well, the sunlight from his spot is great for drawing. He’s working on a rough version of his thesis project that’s due at the end of the year. He has to have multiple completed renderings as well as a scale model, and he’s been brainstorming since last year about what he wants to do.

Currently, he’s drawing up an airport, trying to design so that it’s not confusing and complicated for first time users. 

However, his occasional swearing and muttering to himself makes you think he’s having a tough time with it. 

You try not to laugh, but a small giggle slips out. 

“What,” Nel asks, a little distracted.

“Nothing.”

“No really, what’s up? I could use a laugh right now,” he insists, eyes on you at first. But then something behind you steals their attention every few seconds. 

Someone. 

“You just…you still make funny sounds when you're frustrated with a drawing. It’s endearing.” You reach to place your hand on his knee, trying to gain back his full attention. 

Ignore him, Nel. Please ignore him. 

“Yeah...” he exhales. “I guess airports are out,” his hand covers yours quickly and you hear a faint chair screech from behind you. Nel doesn’t miss it as he says. “But I do have a much bigger appreciation and understanding for all those who came before me,” pupils now unmoving from their target behind you. 

Fine. 

You’ll acknowledge it. 

“Is everything okay? You keep looking at something? Is there an animal or…” You know what he’s looking at, but go so far as to turn anyway, playing up the ‘confused girlfriend’ role. But Nel squeezes your hand, stopping you. 

He leans in, placing a fake mask of serene on and lowers his voice. “That guy keeps looking at us, moreso you. And he looks pissed off.”

Fuck, think of something.

Anything. Anythi—Oh!

You lean in too, so close your noses almost touch. “He’s probably just upset we’re talking. The greenhouse cafe is usually a quiet place to work,” good enough, you think. That’s believable, right?. “It’ll be fine. Let’s just ignore him and get back to work.”

You place a quick kiss on his lips but Nel isn’t letting up on his unnecessary vigilance. But then again, he doesn’t know that Jungkook is the opposite of a threat to you. So you reassure him, in your own way.  

“Babe, seriously. If you’re going to be all protective or whatever, don’t. I come here everyday when you're not here and I’m still alive and unharmed. Go get a sandwich or a refill to get your head off of it and say hi to Viv. She’s still here, and I’m betting she remembers you. You’re kinda hard to forget.” 

You can tell Nel’s about to reject the idea when you insist. “I’ll be fine, Nel. Promise. Three years and not a scratch on me.” 

He sighs through his nose, but relents. 

Placing his drawing pad on the table, he gets up, but not before placing another kiss to your forehead and mumbling, “Scream ‘cumquat’ if you’re in danger and I’ll come running, okay?” 

You laugh outright at that. “Will do.”

You watch him as he goes, and the second he’s inside, you’re racing for your phone, typing at an astounding speed.

You [1:45pm]: Didn’t your royal upbringing teach you not to stare so blatantly!??? Nel caught you

You hear a quiet ping from behind you followed by a small exhale that sounds more like a disguised chuckle. 

PJK [1:45pm]: Yes.  

You [1:45pm]: So you intentionally got caught?

PJK [1:45pm]: Maybe

You [1:45pm]: Shithead

PJK [1:46pm]: Rude

You [1:46pm]: You deserve it

PJK [1:46pm]: I know. I’m just making sure he’s treating you right.  PJK [1:47pm]: and trying to see if he acts differently when he knows he’s being watched. He’s very protective you know 

Jungkook saw the second Nel noticed he was watching you. 

His posture changed from easy going to on alert. His hand went so quickly to yours on his knee and his public displays of affection increased significantly. 

It was pathetic, really. It went above a normal amount of protection. Nel was claiming his ‘property’, making sure Jungkook knew not to touch. 

And the nasty look Nel gave him as he entered the cafe—gratefully still unrecognizable in his disguise—was another silent way to say back off, stay away, and don’t try anything or you’ll regret it. 

It was a red flag in Jungkook's mind. A small one, but it’s still there because his efforts are completely unneeded. After five years together, Nel should know that you can handle yourself. 

Hell, Jungkook knows that and it’s only been two months. 

You [1:47pm]: yes I know he is, and I already told you he treats me well because he always. Does. Not just in public or under watchful eyes  You [1:48pm]: and since when does my boyfriend of half a decade need your ~princely~ seal approval?

He ignores the small jab. You only ever brought up his title when you were mocking or upset with him. And he knows that in this case it's the latter.

PJK [1:48pm]: Since now PJK [1:49pm]: And it’s not that I don’t trust you at your word, but I usually like to decide for myself

That has you reeling. 

Where does he get the audacity to think he has any say in or about your relationship? Your very solidly built, five years strong, healthy, happy relationship?

Because he’s the Prince? You’re pretty sure you established on day one that you didn’t and still don’t give a fuck about his birthright. 

If he thinks he gets an opinion on any of this he’s got another thing coming the second he asks you anything about Adaline again. 

You’re in the middle of typing out a paragraph explaining all of this when another text comes in.  

PJK [1:49pm]: Because I’ve seen far too many women in love who are blind to certain things PJK [1:50pm]: And far too many hurt in the end because of it. 

You pause. Fingers frozen mid swipe.

Blind to what?

How many women did he know that were in love but missing something about their partner? Surely there couldn't be that many. Right? 

But this was Jungkook you were talking to, he’s lived numerous lifetimes already. That fancy birthright of his you don’t care about having given him far too many life experiences to have at his age. And they’re only going to increase from here.

So instead of hitting send and cursing him out quite spectacularly, you stop and think for a moment. 

What did he see that they didn’t? 

That you might… not?

You’re a decent judge of character if your record tracks. And it does. 

So your curiosity gets the better of you as you delete your rage paragraph and settle for a simple two word question instead. 

You [1:50pm]: Like what?

You can see that he’s typing out a response but the bell on the cafe door rings and you put your phone down. It buzzes with his response a few seconds after. 

You’ll check it later.

Nel takes his seat again, and you notice he has his sandwich, but also that he’s moved his chair and starts sketching from the new position giving him a direct eye line with Jungkook. 

You internally scoff at that. 

Nel has always been protective. But he was raised that way and you don’t mind too much. You don’t expect him to change his core values for you, just like he never expects you to change yours for him, even when a couple of his are just the slightest bit overbearing. 

But that’s part of a relationship. Give and take and compromise. No one person is going to be perfect for another. It’s healthy to have differences. 

That being said, Nel doesn’t change positions for the rest of the hour. Even as Jungkook packs up and leaves, Nel eyeballs him until he’s out of sight. 

That night while Nel is brushing his teeth and you're lying in bed, you check the text from Jungkook. 

PJK [1:51pm]: Like if they’re getting treated the way they should be or if they’re settling for the best they think they can get or for the first guy that showed interest. The one who hasn’t grown up even though time has passed. The one who’s holding her back by not setting her free

You stare at your phone. At the text. At his words. 

And dismiss it. 

You aren’t one of those women. 

You know yourself. 

You know what you deserve and how you should be treated. You didn’t settle, you just happened to find your love at a young age. That’s something special and rare and should be protected. And Nel has most certainly grown up as time passed. 

Jungkook is being ridiculous for absolutely no reason. Surely he’ll have seen that today. Seen how Nel loves you, treats you how you deserve to be treated, holds you up. Supports you. 

You’re confident he’ll be eating his words soon enough.

Finished brushing, Nel comes back to the bedroom and snuggles up behind you and you put down your phone. 

He cuddles you for a minute before placing a kiss at your neck. Then another. And another before he’s mouthing up your neck, and sliding a hand up your thigh and to your waist. It pauses on your stomach with teasing caresses, before dipping lower and lower, beneath the fabric of your sleep shorts, and under the elastic of your underwear. 

A small moan sounds in your throat at the touch. His fingers meeting your folds and the sensitive bundle of nerves at their apex.

You wanted this. 

Need it. 

He’s grown, you think; as a finger slips in you and you gasp at the stretch, legs opening wider for him. A second finger plunges in and you can feel yourself getting wetter and wetter with every thrust. Just like you can feel a bulge forming behind you. 

You know what you deserve; as he uses them to scissor you open, making sure you’re ready. You roll over, now on your back with Nel over you as he pulls your shorts and underwear down to get better access, your own hands removing your shirt.

You’re not settling; as Nel moves down, tongue making a couple swipes at your entrance and you hiss in pleasure before he’s reaching over, grabbing a condom from the nightstand drawer and sliding it on, length hard and dripping at the sight of you bared before him. 

Nel wasn’t the first guy who’d shown interest, just the first you’d said yes to; and he slides in. Both of you moaning at the snug fit.

“Fuck...” he says and you nod, agreeing, before pulling him down into a deep kiss.

He eases into a slow, steady rhythm that has you breathy and his abs tensing. 

But it’s not enough. You need more. You need to erase these past two months without him, and take enough to last for the next two. It’s never enough, but you try. 

“Faster baby,” you beg, “Please…faster.”

Nel isn’t holding you back. Jungkook doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. 

Nel picks up the pace and you start moaning, louder like you know he likes. Likes to hear he’s doing a good job. He’s grabbing your breast and sucking in a nipple, tongue swirling and you're bringing your hips to meet his with every thrust. 

It feels good. It always feels good with Nel. 

He was your first everything. First kiss, first intimate touch, first love. 

Only love.

And he makes you feel good with that love. That touch. His kiss.

He makes you feel safe, inside and out. 

Jungkook can go eat grass. He doesn’t know your relationship. Doesn’t know the first thing about it. 

“There, right there!” you whine as Nel hits your sweet spot once and you arch. He tries again but misses, continuing faster, his peak coming quickly. 

Jungkook can never understand what you two have. What you two have built in these five years. The understanding and security that comes with it. 

He’s being an unrightfully opinionated ass on something he knows nothing about and— 

Fuck! Why are you thinking about Jungkook? You’re having sex with Nel. You shouldn’t be thinking about anything or anyone other than that. 

Than him. 

So why can’t you get what Jungkook said out of your fucking head?

“Ahhh… oh fuck. I’m cumming.” Nel’s hips stutter, his face contorting in pleasure as he releases, filling the condom.

You kiss him passionately to rid yourself of your princely plagued thoughts, the ones filling you with unwanted and unnecessary doubt. You want them gone, gone, gone. Nothing but Nel in their place. 

And you slip an, “I love you,” in between kisses for good measure. 

Jungkook could never understand. 

Nel kisses you back just as hard, dramatically slowing his thrusts, drawing out his high for as long as possible. 

“I love you too.”

Jungkook doesn’t know anything. 

Nel groans into your lips when it becomes too much and pulls out. 

Removing and tying off the condom, Nel goes to the washroom to throw it out and starts the shower he knows you’ll be joining him for when you're done. 

A routine you’re all too familiar with. 

One you created. 

He knows you need a few minutes to get yourself off. 

You’ve never been able to cum from sex with a partner. No matter how hard you tried. No matter what you did. 

Most would think Nel wasn’t a good lover or wasn’t trying enough, but it was through years of constantly trying anything and everything that you learned you just…couldn’t. 

No amount of fingering or oral or penetration from your partner could make you orgasm. 

So Nel knows to wait for you in the shower as you finish yourself off, your own fingers making quick work of it, because you always could for some reason. 

It isn’t your ideal situation, and it isn’t anyone’s fault. But it works. You both get the intimacy you crave and you accepted a long time ago that you were just one of the unlucky few. 

Screams fill Jungkook’s ears as a hand finds his hair and nails rake against his scalp. 

Adaline isn’t a quiet receiver. 

“Ohmygod!” She shouts for the twentieth time. “Yes! There…so goo-oohhhh,” the last syllable turning into a loud moan. 

He’s holding her downwith a forearm by her pelvis, mouth full as he brings out her third orgasm of the night, juices flooding his tongue. 

He’s working out earlier frustrations and proving a point to himself in this fucked up version of self therapy. 

He shouldn’t be. 

But he does.

Has to.

Seeing you today with Cornelius spurred feelings within him that he didn’t know he had. Sure, there were bits and pieces of something stirring he refused to name, but today? 

They were in a whole different ballpark. Different than anything else he’s ever felt before, brewing inside him, bubbling up to the surface even though he’s been trying his best to pop them and shove them down.

Anger? 

Feelings he doesn’t want to have. 

Jealousy? 

Does have. 

Wanting you to look at him the way you look at Nel?

Can’t have. 

Not for… 

He admits he provoked Nel because he could. Dick move, but it was because Jungkook knew just by looking at him that giving you any form of attention would piss him off.  He seemed the type. 

Overly possessive, overprotective. 

Overbearingly so. 

Suffocatingly so. 

Because Nel knows how lucky he is. That you chose him. That you still choose him. 

He knows he has to keep others away. 

Knows he isn’t good enough for you, holds you back. But keeps you anyway.

The selfish prick. 

So Jungkook eyed you up and down, leisurely, and for as long as he wanted. Purely out of the need to prove to himself he was right about his little assessment of your boyfriend. At least that’s what he told himself. 

Was it childish and unnecessary? 

Yes. 

But he was right. And that felt good. 

He could see in your posture and your hushed words you didn’t want Nel’s protection, didn’t need it, and that Nel ignored that wish of yours. Did what he wanted to instead of respecting your ability to make decisions for yourself. Bulldozed your opinions. 

It pissed Jungkook off. 

He’d left a little while after sending you that text to read, but you never did. At least not since the last time he checked. And so he’d made plans with Adaline the second he was out of your earshot. Calling her up and setting a time for what’s currently taking up his primary focus. 

Because even though it was Adaline underneath him, for the very first time, that’s not who he imagined it was. 

Not who he just dragged a fourth orgasm out of with his fingers because he could. 

Because he would. He would be so much better. Give so much more. If only… 

Fuck.

Jungkook stands and drags his cock over Adaline’s entrance, whacking it against her clit a couple times before running the tip through her folds and pushing in. He hisses at the feeling. At who he was sinking into in his head, splayed out in front of him. Skin glistening with sweat mixed with arousal. Mouth open, slack jawed in pleasure. 

Adaline moans loudly and it dissolves his visual. 

His tattooed hand moves to hold her hands above her head, the other silences her mouth. 

“Quiet now,” he whispers, low and deep. A bead of sweat dripping off his brow, hair sticking to his neck and temple.

He intends it to be sexy for her, but in reality, he’s just sick of hearing her. It’s ruining his mental image. Not that she’ll ever know that though. 

To Adaline, this session is all about her and making her feel good. 

But constant screams and loud, pornographic moans aren’t appealing to him in the slightest. They're taking him out of the mood. Making him soft. 

Once or twice when it’s genuine? Sure. But the constant assault she loves to give his eardrums? Not even a little bit.

He sets a fast, rough pace, and Adaline’s eyes roll back in pleasure, screams finally subsiding in white hot bliss, replaced by bitten lips and smothered whimpers.

He is going to prove this point to himself over and over again. All night if he has to. 

And he has to.  

To get whatever it is he’s feeling for you out of his system.

To keep his sanity. 

To forget. 

And while it’s Adaline’s name is on his lips when he cums. 

It’s not the name he repeats in his head like a prayer. 

Chapter Seven: Hard Goodbyes and Favourite Colours

A/N 2: Thanks for waiting for this chapter. I'll try my best to have 7 out as soon as I can get it. I promise.

A/N 3: As always, Thank you for reading, loves. Xoxo - Yoon <3

<- Back

[count-on-mi]

Twice Interactive Story Part 14 Push & Pull (Jihyo, Feat. Sana, Dahyun)

You put a penguin doll in Mina's arm before you leave quietly, you see Mina smiles again when she gets something in her arms again.

You get in your car and check your phone to see did anyone find you, Nayeon is not on the list. There are messages from Dahyun, Momo and Jihyo.

Dahyun 'Oppa, I am coming over tonight, remember pick me up!'

Jihyo 'Y/N, are you ok? I saw Nayeon cries when she back home last night, and she leaves again this morning.'

Momo 'Y/N, why would Nayeon know our relationship, you told her? She send me this' Momo's message and attached with a photo of Nayeon's selfie when you are fucking in doggy style just two nights before with a message 'Leave my boyfriend alone.'

You finally understand why she will stop moving for a while suddenly that time, she was taking photos.

I check how long ago the message from Dahyun was and respond accordingly. I tell Jihyo that things have changed and she doesn't have to worry about it. I tell Momo that I didn't tell Nayeon anything and that I just told her that I still went to you as a personal trainer. After all that I go home quickly to change.

You reply to Dahyun that you are going to pick her up tonight and reply to others accordingly.

You arrived home and see Jihyo resting on the sofa, 'Welcome back, Y/N. What happened yesterday, Nayeon leaves in the morning before I wake up.' You did not reply but immediately check your wardrobe, Nayeon did not bring her belongings back to her home, is it means there is still a chance for you?

"It’s nothing Jihyo, don't worry about it. My relationship status may have changed, so sex might be off the table now." I tell Jihyo as I poke my head out from my room. I start to pack Nayeon's clothes in a bag or suitcase before I have to pick up Dahyun.

'I'm definitely not asking for sex now, Y/N. But did Nayeon just find out that you have friends with benefits, I can feel it from her reactions. It's just like me before.' Jihyo comes in and helps you pack Nayeon's belongings.

"It was one person particularly. Nayeon sent a message to them about staying away from me. That being said that doesn't change anything with you staying here that way Daniel doesn't find you. Also my sisters are staying for a while." After I finish packing, I check the time.

Seeing still have some time left before you going to pick up Dahyun, you and Jihyo back to living room for some coffee.

Jihyo and you just chit-chat while waiting, 'I'm curious Y/N, if you have one more chance, will you still hook up with other girls and then break up with Nayeon? She's definitely not like me that can tolerate so much time.'

"There are two paths, if it's relationship over I'm just going to be single for a while. If she chooses to stay with me for some reason, I'll won't do it again. I've learned my lesson. If you don't kind my asking, why did you deal with it for so long?"

Jihyo looks at the ground when she hears your question, 'I once believed he will change for me, I innocently thought the marriage could make him tied to me, but I was wrong.'

'So you and Nayeon have officially broken up? Maybe we two injured souls can try to be together?' Jihyo teases you.

I chuckle before looking away "I don't know if we are broken up, if we are I wouldn't mind trying with you. But would you really be willing to try again with someone like me?"

'You know you are playboy too huh, Y/N?' Jihyo spanks your shoulder and giggles. 'I don't know, my heart always comes before my mind. But I guess I have a lot of competitors, your colleague, your friend with benefits, and also your little secretary. Mina is so obvious you know?'

"Mina does make it obvious, she'd be your biggest challenge. She's always so helpful and willing to put me first. She should really find someone better." I say with a laugh.

'Maybe She thinks you are the best for her.' Jihyo smirks and looks at the clock, '30 minutes before you got to go, a quick one?' Jihyo comes closer to you and sits on your lap.

"I don't know, what if Nayeon comes back?"

'OK, so you gonna abstinence until you know the results? Can you do it, haha? Jihyo catches your cock before she backs to her room, 'I will miss you, big guy.'

'Hey, Y/N, better finish dinner with your sister before coming back, don't wanna act like your new girlfriend when we first meet, so awkward.'

"Yeah, I will." I walk out of the apartment and head to my car to get to the airport early.

You waiting for Dahyun at the terminal while playing your phone, and you receive Momo's message that she wants to see you tonight. When you wanna reply to her, you see Dahyun rushing to you, 'Oppa!'

'Hey, Dubu, still so tiny huh.' 'Yah, Oppa.' Dahyun wants to hit your head but she's too short to reach it, so she just hit your chest.'

'Where is Nayeon eooni, I thought she is with you already.' Dahyun turns around and try to search for Nayeon.

"She won't be around Dahyun. Let's get you something to eat. What do you want to eat?" I ask to distract her.

You help Dahyun get the suitcase and guide her to your car. 'I miss the food you cook, Oppa. How about you cook for me.'

Remember what Jihyo told you, you only can reject Dahyun's request. 'Sorry, Dubu, not many ingredients left at home, maybe next time? We will just casually eat tonight.'

'Ok... I forgot how long did we last meet each other, you are much thinner, so much stress on work?'

'Nah, Dubu, just as usual, I'm fine. Did you start finding jobs, you have graduated for half a year already.'

'Ummm, I am trying, just give me sometime, oppa. I am working on it.'

"Ah Dubu, you need to look harder. And if you don't choose a place to eat I'll choose." I say as I start driving.

You drive to a random restaurant and have dinner with Dahyun, you two talk about all the things that happened from last time you meet.

'OH, Oppa, I guess I don't need to share a room with Chaeyoung, right? if Nayeon eooni is not here.' Dahyun smirks.

Your home has 3 rooms, usually, Chaeyoung and Dahyun need to sleep together when Nayeon is staying, as you don't want to cause any embarrassment to your sisters, although Nayeon is not here, now Jihyo has occupied 1 of them, maybe it's time that you should tell Dahyun you have a guest.

I explain to Dahyun the situation Jihyo is going through and that she will have to share a room with Chaeyoung.

'OH, come on, Oppa, I have expected I can have my own room at your home.' Dahyun shows a sad face. You caress Dahyun's head, 'Dubu is a good girl, right? You should understand what situation Jihyo is facing, you won't be happy too right?  And you can occupy the room until Chae arrives, don't be sad!'

'Yes, but does Nayeon eooni knows you bring a girl home?' You are a little bit frustrated that Dahyun is keep mentioning Nayeon.

"Dahyun, Nayeon and I are going through a rough patch right now. I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention her." We finish the meals and begin our ride home.

Dahyun's emotions are hard to describe, but you can catch her happiness before it disappears when she hear Nayeon and you have some arguments. You two did not talk about Nayeon again through the dinner.

You two finished the dinner and ready to back home. 'Oppa, what if we buy some snacks and watch movie together tonight?' In the meantime, you remember Momo wants to see you tonight either.

I quickly send Momo a message and ask if we could meet another time for the reason that I'm picking up Dahyun from the airport.

'Y/N, I am just so afraid that why Nayeon will know what happens, if you can't come today, how about tomorrow.' Momo replies immediately. You then drive to some snacks before back to home.

Jihyo is sitting on the sofa again when you arrive, 'OH hi Y/N, and little sister, your brother should have mentioned about me, Nice to meet you, sorry for disturbing your family day.'

I send Momo another message to say I'll meet her tomorrow, then I introduce Dahyun to Jihyo. I ask Dahyun "Dahyun would it be alright if Jihyo joined us for the movie?"

'Sure Oppa, your friend is my friend too.' Then you three sit on the sofa and start watching the movie.

You sit between Jihyo and Dahyun, each of you covering a blanket or pillow while enjoying the movie. You suddenly feel Jihyo 's chest pressing on your arm, you turn around to check Dahyun, she is too focusing on the movie and not paying attention to you.

Jihyo put a finger on her lips, tell you to keep quiet, and start caressing your cock under the blanket.

I keep quiet recognizing that if I said anything it would give it all away.

Jihyo is happy that you are so obedience and not making any noise, she put your hands into your pants and start stroking you slowly.

Seeing your body shivers from the sensation, Jihyo blows hot winds into your ear and whispers to you, 'You seems so excited when I am stroking you next to your baby sister, enjoying it?'

I whisper back "stop it, you're going to get us in trouble."

'Relax, Y/N. Let me handle it, Dahyun won't know what's happening, she loves the movie so much.' Jihyo starts stroking you faster.

You try your best to not release any moans, but Jihyo's hand is really good, and you wanna cum. Jihyo feels your cock pulsing in her hands, 'Cum for me, I am ready.' Jihyo then kisses you to cover your moan.

I cum in Jihyo’s hand, I'm grateful for the kiss as I'd otherwise release a huge moan. Once we break it off, I whisper to her "I'm going to get you back for this."

'Wow so many, you are really so excited, don't you?' Jihyo pulls out her hand and start licking it. 'You know where to find me if you want to thank me.' Jihyo whispers again before she moves to bathroom to clean her hands.

You notice Dahyun is still focusing on the movie and doesn't know Jihyo has left for bathroom.

As much as I want to get Jihyo back at this moment, I keep myself in my seat for a time before going to the bathroom.

You wait for Jihyo's return before you go to the bathroom to tidy up yourself, Dahyun finally out of her concentration and wanna sit closer to you.

'Oppa, that part is so good, isn't it? The tension is so strong.' Dahyun tries to talk about the film, but actually you are totally into Jihyo's handjob at that moment, so you could just simply answer her yes.

'Oppa, the smell is so strange suddenly, what is it?' Dahyun turning around to check what smelling strange in the living room.

"I'm not sure, did you fart Dahyun?" I joke to her, as I make sure she shouldn't see anything.

'Ya, Oppa!' Dahyun spanks you and then move back to her seat. You just giggle and start watching the movie. Finally, Jihyo has come out from the bathroom, you rush inside immediately before Dahyun could find out anything.

The rest of the night just spend normally, all of you are going to bed after movie has ended. You see Jihyo winks at you before she enters her room.

I help Dahyun get set up in her room before going back to my own.

You help Dahyun unpack her luggage, and you see some formal dressing in her suitcase, Dahyun pushes you out before you ask any questions. 'Now get out, let my enjoy my own room.'

'Aren't you have whole of the house when Chae is living in dorm, huh?'

'That's different, Oppa. Goodnight.'

You go back to your room, laying on your bed, ready to end the day. Your phone buzzes, and it's Sana message.

'I heard you have some fun with Mina alone today huh? On sick leave together and she applies it for you. The office is talking about you two again, I wish I was there too.' Sana attached a photo of her opening her clits for you.

"I was hungover from the night before Sana. I was in no condition to come in." After I respond, I just lay back and relax for a minute.

'Oh, sex after drunk? I wanna try with you too.' Sana attaches a video this time, a self cam in a high angle, she is not wearing bra in the pajamas, you can see her nipples clearly while she is playing with her tits.

"Sana just get some sleep." I delete the conversation logs after keeping things safe for myself.

'It's Friday night, why can't I have some fun before I sleep?' Sana sends you another video where she is sucking her finger while looking at the camera seductively.

You back up the video to the locked folder and prepare to clear the message log again, Sana's text comes again, 'Maybe we can try phone sex tonight? If Mina or your girlfriend is not beside you😏😏'

"Not interested Sana. You enjoy yourself." I respond before I head to the kitchen to make myself a snack.

You head to Kitchen and grab some chocolate for night snacks, you check your conversation logs with Nayeon, she still hasn’t online since last night.

You sigh and return to your room, you see Jihyo slightly opens the door of her room, enough for you to peek inside.

I look at the door debating if I should go, but first I check on Dahyun. Putting my ear to her door to see if she's awake or not.

You hear no sound from Dahyun's room, she should be asleep already. You back to the corridor and your phone buzzes again, It's Sana again.

This time the video is she masturbating with a dildo and moaning your name, 'having a dildo in my pussy, but it's nothing when comparing with you.'

"Sana, nothing is going to compare to me" and then emoji with the tongue sticking out is what I respond with. I put my phone to vibrate only and then I head back to Jihyo’s room.

You slowly enter Jihyo's room and lock the door. Jihyo is sleeping on her bed, with a sexy lace pajamas, you can see her got body inside the pajamas. You don't understand why Daniel would still hook up with others even he has a such needy and hot wife at home.

I get beside Jihyo and pull down her pajama bottoms before I start teasing her pussy. I get my other hand ready to cover her mouth, so she doesn't make noise.

Jihyo wakes up from your assault, she grabs your hand on her mouth in her pajamas to play with her tits and turns around to make out with you. You can see the lust burning in her eyes, seems she is really needy as her husband ignores her for a long time.

"Seems like you really want this Jihyo." I say as my fingers go under her panties and inside if her.

'Stop teasing me, Y/N! Put it In!' Jihyo bites your lips and row over you, wanting to ride you.

Her tits keep bouncing as she breathes heavily, you put your hand on it and start playing with it.

I roll her over so I'm on top again. Covering her mouth again, and thrusting my fingers into her pussy. "Oh no, Jihyo. You teased me earlier, it's my turn."

Jihyo's tits till bouncing, her body twists due to the sensation, 'Ah, faster Y/N, please put it in. At least I let you cum.' Jihyo starts to moan louder to contest your teasing.

"Don't worry I'll let you cum." I say as I kiss her. "Get any louder and I'll stop right now." I continue kissing Jihyo to make her be quiet.

Jihyo cannot hide her moan so she just grab your head to kiss harder, you are feeling her become tighter, you thrust your finger faster until she reaches her orgasm.

'Ummm....' Jihyo moans in your mouth when she reaches her orgasm, you finally let go of her lips and let her catch her breath, but still slowly thrust your finger in her pussy.

Her bouncing tits are so eye-catching, so you just can't wait to suck her nipples.

As much as I want to continue this I continue, i pull my fingers out and have Jihyo suck them clean before I leave.

You let Jihyo clean your fingers before you leave, 'What? That's all?' Jihyo looks in disbelief when she sees you leaving her room.

"Yep, I just wanted to get back at you." I walk back over to her, rub her pussy again. "Don't you worry, I'll make sure to fill you up next time." I kiss her cheek and then leave.

'I wear this pajama for you, Y/N. Even Daniel hasn't seen me wearing it.' Jihyo said with a sad face. You comeback and give her one more kiss and leave eventually.

You back to your room and finally start to sleep, it's already midnight. You think about tomorrow's date with Momo before you fall asleep.

I'll wake the next morning well rested and ready for the day.

[rookamell]

There are people who are going to disagree with me on this for thematic Rook/Solas reasons and that's ok, but I've been stewing on this for a few weeks now and I truly believe the Regret Prison was the biggest missed oppertunity to have a Fort Drakon Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.

So Rook falls in behind the statue of Varric, and the screen fades to black, and it switches to the companions in the Lighthouse library. I can't decide but I'm leaning toward the scene indicating that a substantial amount of time has passed (three weeks in game? That's a good time?) and the companions are arguing, because of course they are, because Rook isn't there to 'lead'.

Idk how, but somehow Emmrich locates Rook in the Fade, but there's some sort of barrier, obviously, because Rook can't find their way out of their own in this scenario: so We (the team) have to go in an find them.

BUT! Oh no! Emmrich can only hold the Fade open (or however you say it) long enough for two people to get through. So your love interest obviously immediately jumps at the chance, and then whichever companion you have the highest bond/ most approval with goes with them. (Could be a good way to incorporate the bond/approval thing they have going on in the game, because I don't think they utilised it enough AT ALL) if you didn't romance anyone, it's just the two with the highest approval.

So you play as these two, and you have to work together to face Rook's Regrets. (You could even have a callback here to the Gauntlet in Origins when you have to get Andraste's Ashes when you fight whichever companions you brought, but instead maybe its whichever companions you fucked over so Neve/Bellara, Lace/Davrin, Neve/Lucanis <- sucks a little that Neve is there twice but this is a work in progress, ok?) and obviously you face a bunch of other stuff (maybe have to answer some questions about what Rook did for the team like in Inner Demons? Idk) and the 'final boss' is Varric, who is already standing with Rook.

The kicker here is that the 'boss fight' is not a fight, your success or lack thereof depends on 1.) how much your companions approve of you and 2.) if they are all heroes of the Veilguard (aka if you actually did as Varric asked and 'looked after the team for [him], kid')

And then Rook and whoever is there share a moment before they all move on and get back to the others yadda yadda.

I get why they didn't do this because 1.) I think it would take A Lot to implement in the game actually and idk if they had the time/budget for that, and 2.) there is a theme there with Solas being stuck in his regret and Rook being able to make their way out.

But as for 2.) I think you could still say there's a Rook/Solas thing there because Solas pushed everyone away while Rook embraced their team/friends and so they got out because they had people willing to help them get out. Like I said, I know people aren't going to agree with that but it's just my take.

It would have been a cool way to show how much the companions do care about Rook and also gain some insight into Rook that's not their perspective. Also it would actually add to the whole 'found family' thing the game tries to tell you is what's happening in a very tell not show way. This could be the 'show'.

Just some thoughts anyway

[xiaq]

Would you ever write a story or book about Kuzy? I need more of himmmm ❤️ one of the few characters I'd read MF for though I feel like if anyone would be chill about finding out he was bi and going with it, it'd be Kuzy lol #yeshomo

@rainbowsandcoconut

I don't currently have any substantive plans for a Kuzy story, but if you want some of my brainworms about him/his eventual romance, my thought is that he lives right next to a firehouse and there's a cute, kickass firewoman (cis, leans androgynous) named Nicole "call me Nic" who he has occasional banter-moments with (I used to live next to a firehouse and if they were out front they'd always chat with me when I walked the dog; I loved that community dynamic).

One night after a rough game, Kuzy is going for a walk and Nic is sitting out on a lawn chair in front of the house, processing a rough call, and they have a little moment of vulnerability together, looking up at the stars. She's the child of immigrants and they bond over how stupid the English language is. Kuzy tells her about Eli/Hawk and she mentions that she loves dogs but can't have one with her work schedule.

Over the next few days, Kuzy can't stop thinking about her and wants an excuse to see her more often that doesn't feel creepy, so he goes to the shelter nearby and offers to exercise dogs. Now he has a perfectly good reason to walk past the firehouse (sometimes multiple times a day!) on the off-chance the firefighters are out and he can politely offer a dog's brief company for Nic's enjoyment.

Except he's not super smooth about it because the rest of the folks at the house realize pretty quickly that the giant Russian walking dogs only happens to walk dogs on the days that Nic is on shift.

Convenient.

This continues for longer than it probably should. Until Kuzy is hosting some of the Hounds and one of the rookies does something stupid. Not sure what. I'm thinking gets his hand stuck in an expensive vase. Or maybe his head. And Kuzy very sheepishly has to walk him over to the firehouse like, "hello, this baby is my responsibility, can you please rescue him?" And they eventually get the thing cut off of his hand/head/whatever but one of Nic's bros pulls Kuzy aside and says, "maybe you should just ask her out instead of coming up with increasingly more creative excuses to talk to her—at this rate someone is going to get hurt" and Kuzy is like, “ok, this was 100% not contrived and while I would like to go out with her, she is a goddess who saves lives and I am but a goofy athlete, undeserving of her attentions," and Firefighter Bro like, "you know, I think she'd settle for you."

So, spurred on by this bit of hope, he's like, "I need to do this right, this can't just be some hookup, I like her." And he starts Operation Woo Nic.

And the whole time Nic is like, "would you just fucking take me home, I would like to bang you," but he's trying so hard to be a gentleman about it that she lets him for a while. She's never been woo'ed before. Might be fun. Eventually she gets fed up and when he's dropping off cookies or whatever on his daily dog-walk she's like, "hey, do you want to be my boyfriend? Yeah? Great. We should have sex about that. My shift ends in three hours, what's your address?"

It is possibly the best day of Kuzy's life.

Anyway. As usual, there's no real plot, just vibes. But he is Smitten. And she is hopelessly endeared. And she's certified as a paramedic, so she's constantly ragging him for his little injuries and keeping him honest about PT. At some point she gets injured in the line of duty and he gets to be suitably dramatic and probably make declarations at her hospital bedside. He dotes on her for a while during her recovery.

And eventually he convinces her to move in with him so she can be close to work and she's like, "yeah? That's the only reason? For the ease of my commute?" And he says, "well that but also because I love you more than I thought was possible and when we're not together I miss you like a limb and our schedules are shit enough as it is, I'm greedy for every second I can have with you," and she's like, "yeah, fair enough."

So. Not really sure how it would end, but uh. There you go! Kuzy and his Firefighter Lady. Also he definitely foster-fails multiple times and hires a full-time nanny to take care of all his and Nic's dogs when she's on shift and he's traveling. It's great.

AND I imagine some very funny cultural confusion moments when her family (Japanese) interacts with his family (Russian) but they all generally bond over their shared love of fermented foods and dumplings. And alcohol. There are hijinks.

Ok. The End!

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

Hi hello hey

I think this is my first time requesting here but I honestly don't know so if I've sent this in you can ignore it

I was wondering if you could write little scenarios(headcannons? One shots? Idk the term) with the bosses during the chase scenes where the reader is just, WAY too fast and WAY too good at hiding. When the chase starts, the reader is OUT OF THERE, could be mistaken for the flash from afar. And by the time the toys get to where the player would usually get them killed, they're gone. Hiding somewhere they have no business even getting to. It doesn't even matter how big they are. They could be 6'5 and still manage to fit somewhere that's 3/5ths their size.

OKAY THAT'S ALL YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE THIS LOVE UR WRITING OK BYE

I did this idea with Mommy Long Legs because she's a character I'm yet to write for.

If you like my work, please consider commissioning me :)

Mommy Long Legs & escape artist Player

★ Mommy Long Legs is deceptively quick, her limbs stretching out to grab you. But not today. You're already halfway through the tunnel, twisting and turning to avoid her grasp like a sewer rat.

★ She follows, her frustration growing with every step. At one point, she thinks she has you cornered. Only to find that you have vanished when she turns the corner. You had wedged yourself into an empty storage locker and close the door, leaving a tiny gap.

★ You wait, holding your breath, while she searches the area thoroughly. Her anger grows as she realizes you've escaped her again. By the time she figures out where you are, if she figures it out, you're long gone, having climbed into an air vent.

★ By the time the chase it's over she's very tired of playing hide-and-seek with you. Her once playful demeanor has turned into sheer frustration. You aren't even worth the trouble anymore. You've won this game, just get out.

[marikosenwrites]

karasuno men -- time skip headcanons

a/n: this is time skip ver., so spoilers!! i mean they're not big, but yeah. i'm doing like four characters at a time so i seem like i'm productive and my brain thinks so too

characters: hinata shoyo, kageyama tobio, sawamura daichi, sugawara koushi (for part one)

pt. 1 / ? (i'll be updating this afterwards...)

gn!reader

↳ ❝ [ 日向翔陽　HINATA SHOUYOU ] ¡! ❞

much like his high school self, he's very cheery

he's matured though lmfao

if you were an msby staff (manager etc), he's clinging to you anytime he's on break

"manager-san, [proceeds to ask you about your personal life]!!"

bokuto often complains about how shouyou sticks to you half the time

i think, in any circumstances, he's the bolder one and will confess first.

once you guys start dating, shouyou's telling EVERYONE

and i mean everyone (EVERYONE HE KNOWS)

even if you want to keep it a secret, it's kind of hard with how he clings and gives you MORE affection

eventually it gets the press catches on because y'all (shouyou) are too wild with pda

anyways it's much better but you sometimes get toxic messages from shouyou's fans (you block them and sometimes tell shouyou 'cause you don't really wanna worry him)

why do i feel like he'd slip up and call you 'my beloved ball'

you guys go on dates occasionally! he always makes sure to reserve some time for you and tells his coach ahead of time

you try to adjust your schedule to his most of the time, but there are rare occasions where you don't go on dates at all whether it be because he's going overseas or whatever

you guys definitely get married after like two years because shouyou is a jumpy little guy

↳ ❝ [ 影山飛雄　KAGEYAMA TOBIO] ¡! ❞

mayybe staff or classmate in highschool? (idk man)

if you were a classmate, i feel like he'd open up to you more easily cuz yall have history even if you only did like a few projects with him (be so fr, you carried)

you'd have to tend to him a lot with scheweiden if you want him to be closer to you

but he's quite obvious with his feelings i guess

the teammates caught on pretty fast (even wakatoshi)

tobio's also quite the tsundere, i think

he's not so good at recognizing nor understanding his feelings and he's REALLY blunt with everyone

but for you he's willing to try <33

i think he typically loves home dates because you're comfy and you're with him.

generally he just loves wherever you are

OIKAWA GENUINELY WANTS TO MAKE TOBIO JEALOUS AND STEAL YOU AWAY— win win situation for him— tobio isn't letting you go that easily though <3

"oikawa-san, please back off"

wahh you make pork curry for him all the time

sometimes you two going on a convenience store run is good enough to call it a date (MEAT BUNS???)

just calls you by your given name

↳ ❝ [ 澤村大地　SAWAMURA DAICHI] ¡! ❞

policeman, right? i hc he saved you from some creep or something

just on patrol, sees this person (you) walking in the streets, the lights are barely on, and then another guy creepily stalking them…

straight up walks up to you and say, "baby, are you heading home?"

you stop walking, stare at him and he points backwards, and you get the signal

that's kind of how it began ;)

after that incident you see him once in a while and he accompanies you home because it's on the way to the police station

he asks you out on one of the times you guys go home

then one date turned into multiple dates and he finally asked you to be his partner

you go to the monthly karasuno meet-ups too

lovely man, honestly— he's like the ideal husband

daichi likes to fiddle with your hair or hands because they're soft

interlocking hands while walking is a must for him, he likes holding onto you but shh you don't need to know that

ahh he loves treating you to any food you want…

like if you want steak, ok we're getting steak at a fancy ahh restaurant

during the worst days of your periods he'd like…take a day or two off because he knows that those are the days that you need support the most

mostly calls you by a nickname or your given name

↳ ❝ [ 菅原孝支　SUGAWARA KOUSHI] ¡! ❞

you could be a colleague, a friend, or a classmate

(i'll just say yall are already dating)

he usually stays up until like one grading assignments for three classes because he's developed a serious case of procrastination…

you try to remind him to get some rest all the time

"kou, it's already midnight…shouldn't you go to sleep?"

"just one more…"

that sentence usually turns into a couple more

you always make bentos for him because you have the time and YOU SLEEP EARLIER THAN HE DOES…

i'd imagine that he sometimes wakes up a bit late and then panics

weekends are for dates!! so he cramps all his work during the weekdays (poor koushi)

"baby…i do this for you…" (when you scold him for staying up too late) (you end up accompanying him while he grades)

complete ray of sunshine (like shoyo but less bright) during the weekends because HE GETS TO GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU YIPPEE

koushi calls you by so many different nicknames though…like a shortform of your name or some random adjective he thought of on the spot, there's no pattern to it

if you happen to want anything during your dates, koushi always tries his best to buy it for you because he's a gentleman

but of course living ain't easy so it really does depend on the price

BUT YOU SAY "daijoubu, we can just buy that one instead" and you point to a completely different thing

regular meet-ups with the karasuno gang

yippee!!

ending notes: i'm sorry i couldn't find better photos of daichi and koushi, there weren't any good ones so i had to settle with these but they're pretty

©marikosenwrites 2024-25 all banners, dividers, and work. please do not steal. i own none of the HAIKYUU!!/ハイキュー！！ characters mentioned. reblogs, likes, and comments are welcomed. <3

[afurtivecake]

ok I'm going to have to defend Abby here. I know there is an argument that Abby should have known better than to say something like "My Foxes fight back," to Jean, a victim of recent brutality. It definitely comes across as tactless from Jean's POV and you would expect the nurse of a team of traumatized students to know what to say. But I don't think Abby actually knows what to say in these situations - and I don't think it's her fault.

This line from Wymack's bonus chapter suggests that Abby really doesn't have the same sort of background as Wymack and their players:

"David had sworn years ago not to interfere with his kids' fixes so long as they didn't get caught or end up hospitalized. It had led to more fights than he could count between him and Abby in the early days. She'd given in eventually, though she'd probably never forgive him for taking such a stance when he should be setting a better example. Maybe she was right, or maybe she didn't have enough nightmares to understand."

While Abby has agreed to back Wymack up on the issue of allowing players to take drugs, Wymack still believes that Abby privately disagrees. Wymack insists upon it because of his personal experiences in life and guesses that Abby doesn't have those same experiences to understand why he insists upon it.

It's easy to forget because of the POV the story is in, but Abby's reaction is the "normal" one. Most people do not support giving students alcohol and see it as their responsibility to stop students from taking drugs if they find out about it. Wymack only takes the harm reduction approach (i.e. allowing/giving recovering addicts the substance they are addicted to safely, instead of forcing them to be cut off immediately. A divisive approach, even nowadays.) because of his own experiences, not because he has formal training in addictions counselling/treatment. All Abby is doing, is sticking with what she knows and believes will help these young people.

Abby is very "by-the-book" in comparison to Wymack or even Betsy. She argues against taking Andrew off his medication and putting him in rehab immediately because she believes it goes against the recommended procedure of these situations. She argues against it out of genuine concern for Andrew, because she believes going against the recommended procedures will do him more harm than good.

It makes me think back to Abby's interactions with Neil back in AFTG, where Abby says, "Sometimes I think this job is going to kill me, seeing what people have done, what people continue to do, to my Foxes," right after Neil's been through hell at Evermore. This always rubbed me the wrong way because Neil's just been put through the wringer and all Abby can talk about it how much it's affecting her? She can give up this job at any time and walk away but Neil can't just walk away from being in his situation. But this is a really common sentiment among people who work with vulnerable populations. It's called "vicarious trauma" and it can happen when working with and empathizing with survivors of trauma. It can lead to lingering feelings of anger, sadness, guilt and burnout. Those feelings are no more Abby's fault that the feelings experienced in response to direct trauma.

The way I read it, Abby isn't trying to blame Jean or shame him for his victimhood. What Abby sees is a kid who acts like he's already given up on life, a kid who doesn't want others' kindness. It's not an unreasonable assumption to make; even Kevin and Neil have said that Jean "isn't a fighter." My interpretation is that Abby's "My Foxes fight back," is her attempt at copying Wymack's gruff support. I think she's hoping that a direct challenge will spark pride or defiance, or at least enough anger, to stop Jean from giving up. She's seen Wymack and Neil strong-arm Kevin into being brave all year, and I think she thought that that's what Jean needed to hear too. After all, it really seems to work when Wymack does it. But the difference between her and Wymack is that Wymack's understanding of what their players need comes from personal experience. He knows when the right time to say certain things are. Andrew tells Neil first thing, "Coach always knows what to say." And that's not because Wymack is a better person than Abby; it's just because Wymack knows from experience what they need to hear.

It's not Abby's fault that she doesn't understand them the way that Wymack does and that she can't help them the way that Wymack can. She doesn't have Wymack's lived experience. What's she's been doing this entire time is trying to understand what these kids need and trying to do the best she can for them with what she knows. She genuinely cares and she's trying, but she's making all the mistakes a normal person would make. And that's perfectly realistic and fine! It doesn't mean she doesn't care about the students she works with. It doesn't make her a horrible person. It just means that she's just kind of painfully normal. In fact, her painfully normal responses have helped too. Like when she hugs Neil and though Neil's not used to hugs (like, at all), it's new and comforting and something only she would have and could have given him at the time. And yes, she's going to fuck up from time to time and not be able to give people what they need, but that's part of caring for anyone.

[certifiedsexed]

I dont know if this is the right place to ask but I'm desperate. And please dont say you don't have enough details to help because I'm trying my best. I'm a girl (15) and I think I was SA'd by a guy friend. At a school dance we were talking and he asked me to dance and I said ok and it was awkward for a while but then he kissed my cheek. I was like bruh wtf and he said it felt like the right time and he had been having a crush on me for awhile now. I didnt ask for him to kiss me and told him not to talk to me anymore and he said ok and that was a few weeks ago and I haven't talked to him since. The problem is I did kinda want him to talk to me and I felt like he didnt pick up on what I was saying. We have a mutual friend in our friend group who told me she was giving him education on SA and abuse and stuff and he said he felt bad about kissing my cheek so I think he feels guilty abt what he's done. I want him to apologize to me or at least talk to me but he won't talk to me. Did he SA me and is he being abusive now by giving me silent treatment

Okay.

So, as a general rule, unless you have permission beforehand, it's always best to ask people before kissing them! But a kiss on the cheek without permission is not considered sexual assault.

But uncomfortable, definitely. I'm sorry he didn't ask your permission, I know that can be shitty.

If it were something that happened more than once and you'd said no but he was still trying to flirt with you, that would be considered harassment but what you're talking about is not.

Now, as for the rest of this, I'm a little confused. You told this guy not to talk to you and you're upset that he's not talking to you? You say he "didn't pick up" on what you were saying but you don't mention saying anything other than "don't talk to me", so I don't know what you mean by that.

I understand wanting an apology for him invading your space but I imagine even if he is feeling guilty, he probably doesn't want to cross another line given the one he already did and the fact you told him not to talk to you.

If you want him to talk to you, you're probably going to have to talk to him and explain what you're thinking.

Also, no, he's not being abusive or "giving you the silent treatment". The silent treatment is a term specifically for when someone stops speaking to you and ignores you in an attempt to punish you for something.

It's not the silent treatment if you told the person not to talk to you, especially not given it doesn't sound like he's trying to punish you. It just sounds like he's trying to be respectful.

I'm not sure how helpful this is but I hope it helps! Let me know if you have anymore questions, Anon. <3

[a-friendly-fangirl]

"I Can't Hear It Now" is a CaitVi song (and I can prove it)

Ok, I know how this might sound, like I'm trying to make everything CaitVi related and I have no respect for Cait's loss and her feelings.

I promise though, that this might actually make sense... and if it does, then it's gonna be heartbreaking.

FIrst of all, I'd like to say that Freya Ridings' "I Can't Hear It Now" has been my favourite song since the very beginning of Arcane's second season, shattering my soul in enough pieces to make a challenging puzzle. The words and the way they're sung are heartfelt and moving, taking us through the kaleidoscope of feelings Cait experiences during her mother's funeral.

I'm a sucker for good music adding meaning to a show and its scenes and Arcane is exactly the kind of show that'd do that, so I've been eager to fully explore each song in the show's context, starting with this one.

When I first listened to it, I immediately thought that it was Caitlyn pleading Cassandra for guidance through her grief and her sense of guilt, because, as Cait herself admits, her mother left a huge hole in Piltover's political scene and in her own family and she has no clue as to how deal with it.

"Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning" seemed to me as something one would ask to their parent, were they a person with an important political role, having to constantly keep up appearances. Caitlyn, young and in mourning as she is after her mother's death, is also left alone to face publicly the loss, because her father is clearly in no condition to do that and she doesn't know what she's supposed to do to be a good replacement for both of her parents. I think everyone would understand, if she were to pray her deceased mother for help.

With time, though, I started rethinking my whole interpretation, because a few elements seemed off. Two are the ones that matter the most:

To be a song about a Piltovan dealing with grief by conversing with her lost one, it would've been weirdly spiritual. Although I don't know much about the city's lore, a quick research clarified that Piltover doesn't seem to have an official religion or religious belief and, in my experience, talking to a deceased person and asking them for guidance is something deeply rooted in spirituality and religion. Of course, when mourning everyone can talk to their lost ones as a form of coping mechanism, but in the song it is explicitly stated that the person Caitlyn is talking to can see her (Where you watch while these dreams gently float away), which is something we never hear from her. Caitlyn, actually, believes exactly on the contrary, which is that her mother has left a duty she doesn't know how to fulfill and she can't turn to her to find her way; in fact, she never appeals to Cassandra in any fashion. She remembers her, probably wonders whether she's proud of her or not, but she never reaches out to her directly. Long story short, then, the lyrics seem directed more to a living person than to a dead one;

Some lines simply don't apply to Cassandra. Look, I know I shouldn't take every word literally, but here some things wouldn't make any sense anyway. Like the way your voice always sounds when you sing to me doesn't appear to me as a line I could ever imagine Cait addressing to her mother. Cassandra, even though she wasn't a terrible mother, was still an estimated Councillor and head of one of Piltover's richest and strongest families. She raised her daughter hoping some day she'd take over and sit proudly on her seat at the Council table. Caitlyn was educated as an aristocrat without wanting to be one ("I know you doubt the merit of your birthright, Caitlyn"), which sparked several arguments between them. Cassandra, despite loving her daughter, could never fully accept or understand her and her upbringing and position probably made everything worse. In other terms, Cassandra wasn't probably the kind of mum that'd sing Caitlyn lullabies. Also, again, the verb is conjugated in the present tense, as if the person addressed in the song was still alive. Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning sounded pretty odd to me as well. While it is undoubtly true that Cassandra was probably a professional pretender because of her social position, what Caitlyn is asking for is something much deeper: she's asking to be pulled out from a black hole of sorrow and hatred. It takes experience to put on a good poker face when given such a challenge and, even if we don't know much about Cassandra herself, I could guess that she'd have lacked that sort of knowledge.

Going briefly back to the funeral scene, we can all recall that, while Cassandra and Caitlyn were both in colour, there was also another character highlighted as the heart of that moment: Vi. Vi, who, as it is made perfectly clear through the whole second season, is Caitlyn's anchor. She's the person she relies on the most, starting a war to save her father and letting go of the person she despises the most for her. She goes through her plan with her, asking her what Jinx's fate should be. Vi's the person she turns to when she feels like breaking down instead of her own dad. In other words, in such a desperate moment, if Caitlyn needed someone to talk to, she'd go to Vi.

And that's when the song starts making even more sense:

. There is an ocean so dark down below the waves/ Where you watch while these dreams gently float away: while Caitlyn's saying goodbye to her mother, Vi... watches. Almost like a worried guardian, she keeps her distance while empathising with her girl's feelings, literally watching while their dreams of peace, love and freedom leave with the coffin;

. And there is a silence so soft it's only memory/ Like the way your voice always sounds when you sing to me: this is such a CaitVi thing to me. Do you remember the wind chimes scene? Her thought of Jinx makes the wind grow furious just like her, while the thought of Vi calms her down. When Cait is tormented by the terrifying noise of Jinx's laughter breaking the silence, Vi comes in and restores it. It's no accident that the only music we can hear in the end is Vi's singing, a soft humming;

. But I can't hear it now/ Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning: to enjoy silence and not feel suffocated by it, your mind must be at peace. At the very beginning of the season, Cait's isn't. Her anger, her sense of guilt scream loud enough to drown Vi's voice. Still, Caitlyn turns to her, because Vi's the only person in her life that knows what she's going through. In fact, when Caitlyn's losing it, because she has no idea of how to fill the hole left by Cassandra, it is Vi that replies: "It gets smaller, but you never fill it".

So here it is, I rest my case.

[red-hibiscus]

THE Lee Taemin held the flag I designed so here's a rant from a shawol of 14 years

I got into SHINee in 2011 when I was 13. They were my first kpop group and to this day they are my favorites. They've always stood out and will never be overtaken no matter how many kpop groups I listen to.

I had just barely missed the last SMtown concert in nyc and I never thought I'd be able to see any SHINee related concert (excluding whatever SuperM was). SM certainly wasn't going to give them a tour. So when Taemin announced a world tour it felt like a dream. When I managed to snag that ticket I was shaking.

I had started making flags for some artists a year and a half ago for onlyoneof's tour. Just as a silly "lmao what I give them a pride flag" then decided "fuck it I'm gonna design an onlyoneof pride flag." Then I did it for Lucy (my 2nd favorite k-music act) for two different cities. It's addicting seeing your creations be so well received by fans and artists alike. It's my little selfish fan moment of something I worked hard on be acknowledged and loved by them with the bonus of making other fans happy.

So of course I had to make Taemin a flag, and when I got the ok, I knew exactly what to do. I wanted to show his progression as an artist. So I had two silhouettes. One from Lucifer and one from Move. Lucifer (my 2nd ever kpop song after Hello) we all know is so influential. The choreo is iconic and it set the stage for more difficult choreo in kpop. The legendary practice video that had people dizzy while they stared at Taemin trying to learn it. I was there too. And Move... I mean come on. Kpop is different post Move. We know how viral Taemin went for move. How everyone was and still is absolutely shocked. The androgynous (relatively slow) difficult and sensual choreo that only Taemin can do. And the music as well!! I've seen several kpop artists try similar styles after that. So Lucifer and Move were the obvious choices.

Seeing people slowly fill up the flag while they signed it at the pre-show party was so fulfilling. All the people whose eyes lit up when they learned the flag was going to be given to him. The anxiety they got when they tried to think of what to write cause there's no going back and it's gonna be given to their idol. All the compliments I got on my design. It brings me so much happiness.

To be honest I was kind of stressed. The actual designing/drawing of the flag wasn't too bad, but getting it approved and the uncertainty that the flag would be brought out for picture time had me going crazy. But they did. He held it. Lee Taemin... Kpop jesus... The idol's idol held my flag. And he was smiling. He loved it. He looked so good. It's like it was destined to be in his hands.

After he got it I was shaking. It actually took a bit for me to process it was actually happening. And then I cried (for the 3rd time that concert except harder this time) all throughout Say Less. Probably gonna get emotional every time I hear that song now. Thanks Taemin.

I don't know what artists do with flags they get. Store them in a closet, toss them away, give them to their company, idk. For now all I know and care about is that it's safely with him and he knows it exists. Maybe he'll read some of the messages. Maybe he'll read the messages on the postcard we gave him and smile when he reads my message. I'll never know. If he's happy, I'm happy.