#I'm not letting go of my hope no matter what happens
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ot8xbangchansgirlsblog · 11 hours ago
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𝕃𝕦𝕟𝕒 | ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕠𝕟𝕖 | ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕥𝕨𝕠 | ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 | ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕣
Warning: Angst/mention of death/Blood/MPreg/MxM
A/B/O dynamics:
Omega (Han, Felix, Y/n)
Beta (Hyunjin, Seungmin, I.N)
Alpha (Chan, Changbin, Leeknow)
The series might traumatize you. I really hope you guys like it and enjoy it.
Summary - Request; I've just been reading your A/B/O series and it's so so so good. I was wondering if you would accept an ot8 request where their omega gets in trouble with another pack and Straykids are really worried?
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
"Is Y/N okay? Please tell me she’s okay?" Chan’s voice was laced with panic as they finally stepped into the house. His eyes were bloodshot, and so were Changbin’s—both of them were fully in alpha mode.
His body ached, but he could already feel his powers working, healing him rapidly. One thing about alphas: they always heal in hours, no matter the damage.
"Can we at least get you settled before you start panicking?" Leeknow scoffed, his tone exasperated. "You’re acting like you’re not bleeding right now."
"Oh, hyung!" Felix gasped, hands covering his mouth in shock. He looked terrified. "What happened to you guys?" His omega was whimpering anxiously, and Felix’s hands shook as he tried to move closer, but Seungmin held him back.
"We’re fine, Lix. Just a little damage control," Changbin teased, waving it off.
"You guys can't keep doing this to me. I’m too pregnant to be stressed out every time you walk through that door!" Felix huffed, pouting in frustration.
"Come here, sweetie," Chan said softly, holding out his uninjured hand. Seungmin released his hold on Felix’s waist, and Felix waddled towards his pack alpha, the tension in his shoulders slowly melting away.
"You must have been so worried, hm?" Chan kissed the younger boy gently and began to scent him, his fingers gently brushing through Felix’s hair as Felix clung to him tightly, unwilling to let go.
"Yes, I was... I can’t lose you guys too," Felix sniffled, his voice trembling.
"I'm fine," Chan assured him, his voice steady. "I’m right here, and so is Changbin. We’re not going anywhere anytime soon." He kissed Felix’s forehead. "Go ahead and finish your dinner with I.N and Seungmin. We’ll be there soon, okay?" Chan noticed the food still on the table, realizing they had been in the middle of dinner.
"Are you sure you’re okay?" Felix asked again, his concern still clear.
"Positive," Chan replied with a reassuring smile. "You know me. I’ll heal in a few hours, and then I’ll tell you about my little adventure. I’ll come cuddle you tonight."
"Really?" Felix’s eyes widened, and his voice held a spark of excitement. Chan hadn’t been able to sleep with him the past week because of all the stress, so this meant a lot to Felix.
"Yeah, I promise," Chan said, his smile softening. "Now, go eat. We’ll join you soon."
Felix nodded, giving Chan a quick kiss on the cheek before waddling back to the dining room, rejoining the rest of the pack.
Leeknow sighed as he shifted his weight to help Chan, once again supporting him. "Let’s get you both cleaned up," he muttered.
"Binnie-hyung?" I.N’s voice called from across the room, his tone shy and hesitant.
"Yeah, I.N?" Changbin, who had been lounging on the couch, looked up at the younger boy. I.N was standing awkwardly, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
"Can you sleep with me tonight?" I.N asked quietly, his face turning even redder. He fidgeted, clearly embarrassed by his own request.
"Of course, love," Changbin replied with a warm smile. "You can always sleep with me."
I.N's face lit up with a huge grin, and he giggled, practically skipping off to the dining room, clearly thrilled.
"I swear, those boys love you more than they love us sometimes," Hyunjin grumbled, rolling his eyes as he helped Changbin off the couch.
"Pack alpha always wins," Chan said with a teasing smirk, his eyes glowing faintly red, clearly enjoying the banter. The other boys groaned in unison and rolled their eyes.
When Leeknow got Chan into his room, he couldn’t resist flicking the older alpha lightly on the forehead, earning a small grunt from him.
"Ow!"
"You idiot," Leeknow scolded as he carefully helped Chan sit down on the bed. "No way you went and killed them without the rest of us. I thought you guys were just going to hunt."
"Leeknow, they saw us coming. Mark and the others were already in position. They wanted to finish it quickly, and I didn’t have a chance to react," Chan sighed but winced as Leeknow gently removed his clothes.
"Are the others injured, or was it just you?" Leeknow asked, his voice a mix of concern and frustration. He was trying to stay calm, but it was clear he was upset about Chan's reckless decision.
"No, everyone else is fine," Chan reassured him. "They’re coming over tomorrow for dinner to celebrate."
Leeknow sighed, nodding. "Well, I’ll need to go hunting for some meat then," he said, focusing on wrapping Chan's wounds.
"H-how’s Y/N?" Chan asked, his face twisted in pain as he winced again. His thoughts were clearly on his luna, and Leeknow could see it in his eyes.
"She’s doing okay," Leeknow replied, his expression softening. "She let Han in today, but..." he hesitated. "She’s still not letting anyone into the bond. She’s rejecting even Hyunjin."
Chan’s expression dropped. "Yeah, I figured. My bite mark still feels like it’s burning," he said with a defeated sigh.
"She’ll come around, Hyung," Leeknow said gently, pausing to adjust the bandage on Chan's arm. "Time will heal things. You did what you needed to. Now we just need to give her space to heal, too."
"What am I supposed to do, Leeknow?" Chan asked, looking up at him, his eyes filled with frustration and self-doubt. "I handled the rogues, but I can’t fix what they did to her. I can’t make it right. It feels like she’s still hurting, and I don’t know how to help her. I thought I’d feel better, but it’s like I’m suffocating… and I can’t fix it..." His voice trailed off, heavy with the weight of his words.
Leeknow paused, seeing the pain in Chan's eyes. Without saying a word, he leaned in and placed a firm, comforting kiss to his forehead.
"Hyung, you really need to stop blaming yourself, actually...we all need to stop blaming ourselves," Leeknow said, his voice full of quiet conviction. "You’ve done what you needed to. Time will heal everything, but you can’t do it all. You took care of the rogues, but now we need to give her the space to heal. We can’t keep dwelling on the past. Felix needs you, and so does she."
Chan let out a long breath, feeling the tension slowly drain from his body, but his worry for Y/N was still there. "I’m trying to be there for them both," he murmured. "Everyone expects me to hold it together, and I just don’t know how."
"Chan," Leeknow sighed, rolling his eyes at the older alpha’s stubbornness. "You’ve got a thick head, don’t you?" He chuckled softly. "You can’t fix everything right now. Time will take care of things. Let’s focus on the positives. Y/N is back home, Felix is healthy. We have that."
"Yeah," Chan agreed, finally giving in to Leeknow’s words. "You’re right."
"I know I am," Leeknow said with a grin. "Now, go take a shower, you’re a mess. And while you’re at it, tell me everything about your little killing hunt later."
Chan couldn’t help but smile at Leeknow’s playful tone, feeling a bit lighter. "Alright, alright," he chuckled. "I’ll go clean up, but you better not skip dinner, go eat."
"oh please! how can i eat with you rascals running around." chan stuck his tongue out as he slowly limped into the bathroom.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
When Hyunjin finally helped Changbin get dressed in pajamas after a shower (the alpha didn’t really need help, he just wanted Hyunjin’s attention), they both made their way downstairs into the dining hall, where everyone was already sitting, including Minho and Chan.
"What took you guys so long?" Seungmin asked, raising an eyebrow.
"SOMEONE," Hyunjin rolled his eyes and pointed at Changbin, "Wanted me to help him shower and get dressed," he huffed as he took his seat.
"Okay, first of all," Changbin gasped dramatically, holding his chest, "I just got back from a killing hunt. Can’t I ask for a little love and attention from my wife?" He playfully nuzzled his nose into Hyunjin’s neck, earning a surprised moan from him.
"Hyung!" Hyunjin smacked his chest lightly before rubbing his sensitive gland, his face flushed.
"Oh, you two definitely fucked," Seungmin snickered, and the room erupted into laughter.
"We did not!" Hyunjin screeched in embarrassment, his face turning bright red.
"We did too!" Changbin teased, poking Hyunjin’s stomach.
"Ugh, why are you always so...horny?" Hyunjin rolled his eyes, clearly exasperated, though a small smile tugged at his lips. The room was now thick with alpha scent, mixing with the betas' as the tension shifted.
"I'm the one who's horny?" Changbin shot back, but before they could continue, a small voice interrupted.
"Hyung? You’re back?" Han’s voice was soft, his nervousness clear as he stood in the doorway. Chan’s eyes flickered red as he recognized the familiar sweet scent of mangoes and peaches. His omega had arrived.
"Hey, baby," Chan stood immediately, his concern clear as he walked toward Han, who looked hesitant to enter the room.
"Yes, I’m back, my love. Are you okay?" Chan pulled Han into a gentle hug, sensing the exhaustion and sadness hanging around him. Han’s posture was tense, and Chan could feel the weight of the day on him.
"I’m... fine," Han whispered, though his voice trembled slightly. "Just tired."
"Hyunjin..." Han glanced over at him. "Can you—"
"Of course," Hyunjin said, standing up to make a plate of food for Y/N. "I’ll bring it up, don’t worry."
Han gave him a soft smile of gratitude as Hyunjin left the room, carefully carrying the food upstairs.
"She’s asleep, so she’ll be up in a bit for her medicine," Han sighed. He felt Chan's eyes studying him, the weight of his gaze making him uneasy. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Chan’s eyes.
"Do you want to talk, my love?" Chan’s voice was tender, but there was concern behind it.
"Not right now, hyung," Han answered softly. "I just need to eat. I’m tired, and I don’t want to talk."
"Did something happen?" Chan pressed, his voice thick with worry. He couldn’t ignore the way Han had been blocking everyone out, even from the bond.
"No, Chan, it’s just..." Han’s voice broke, his lip trembling. "It’s just... being in that room with her. She’s not getting any better."
"Don’t say that," Felix said, his voice tight as he stood up. "Maybe if I go see her, it’ll help. Maybe I can do something."
"No, Felix," Leeknow’s voice was firm, his tone shifting to something serious.
"Why can’t I go see her?" Felix’s voice was laced with confusion. "Why are you all keeping something from me? Does she not want me there?" His eyebrows furrowed in suspicion.
Leeknow sighed, his gaze shifting away as he answered through the bond talking to only chan so no one else could hear. She doesn’t want him there because of... his situation. Don’t tell him, Chan.
Chan’s expression hardened, but he nodded in understanding. I won’t.
Felix’s frustration was building. "I can see you guys talking through the bond! Why are you hiding something from me? Does she not want to see me?" His voice cracked with hurt.
"I already said no, Felix," Leeknow said, his tone sharper now.
Felix’s eyes watered as he stood there, looking between them. "What are you not telling me, hyung? I can feel you lying through the bond. Just tell me the truth!"
Leeknow exhaled sharply, frustration evident. He stormed out of the room without another word.
"Leeknow, wait!" Felix called, immediately getting up to follow. As he passed Chan and Han, Han reached out and grabbed his hand.
"Just... let him cool off," Han said quietly. "I’ll explain everything. But i need to eat first."
Felix’s eyes softened as he looked at Han. "She doesn’t want to see me, does she?" His voice was breaking now, tears welling up in his eyes. "I knew it."
Before Han could answer, Felix yanked his hand away and quickly turned toward the door.
"Felix, wait!" Chan cursed under his breath before running after the omega.
Seungmin, who had been watching the entire exchange, sighed dramatically. "Well, screw this," he muttered, getting up and heading to the fridge. "I need a drink to deal with all of this."
"Pour me one too," Changbin added, slumping down in his chair. "I can’t keep up with this pack anymore."
Han let out a long sigh, sitting down at the table and serving himself some food. "Tell me about it," he muttered before pouring himself a glass of soju.
"I heard she’s talking again," I.N asked, also helping himself to a drink. "At least that’s a good sign, right?"
"Yeah, we’ve had some conversations," Han replied, his voice tinged with exhaustion. "But mostly... she just cried. About... everything."
"The pup?" I.N asked softly, glancing at Han with concern.
"Yeah," Han said, looking away. "It’s so draining, I thought I could handle it, but being in that room... it’s like I’m sinking."
Seungmin nodded sympathetically. "I get it. When they brought her in, I could barely look at her. I thought I was going to break down too."
"At least she’ll talk to you guys," Changbin said with a groan, his shoulders slumping. "She won’t even let us near her. I can’t wait for all of this to be over."
"Same," I.N, Seungmin, and Han all agreed in unison.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
A/N: can these guys actually stop stressing felix tf out
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deepestdelulu · 6 hours ago
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30 Things To Make Life Unforgettable
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Appreciating life is one of the things I´ve learned this year, small things, happy moments... All of them are valuable for who we are as well as who we will become. However, we are not conscious of what we have, all the feellings we are experimenting and the opportunities we are losing for doing other things (such as being on our phones 5+ hours). I hope this list helps you making life a little bit simpler.
Walking in the rain. In my city rains a lot, so I´m not going to propose you going to the beach, since I can´t (obv you can do it), we have to adapt ourselves to what we have, and rain is one of my favourite things, I used to hate it when I was younger tho.
Spend your day in a cozy cafe. Not only can you have a coffee, but you can also read, study and be productive. The bes part is that you are experimenting new things, being productive and having fun with a hot coffe/tea.
Put your phone away. Be present babe, this is all what we have, you want to live your life, don´t you? Then start doing it, of course you are not going to live advemtures everyday, but at least you can try it. :)
Learn new things. It will never be a waste of time knowledge.
Be more passionate and intense. Who cares if you are too much? It only matters what YOU want.
Trying new recipees. I didn´t use to be a big fan of cooking, but I tried it few months ago, and let me tell you, all I do naw are bisquits for people I care.
More museums, more art gallery. I´ve always wanted to give mysterious girl vibes (I´m a yapper but introverted at the same time) you can always try reading in a museum.
"For the plot" mindset. My friends and I sometimes play saying yes to almost everything, just to see hwo things develop. It´s very fun:)
Bucketlisting. In a world of consumerism no one can scape
Trying something new. I started dancing, and I feel so energetic.
Learning to be alone. I do have a post about it :) go check it after this one.
Candle+Sweater=Coziness. Scented candles, my bff in autumn/winter.
Book annotating. It helps focusing, you can go through your notes after it and in my opinion creates more powerful bonds with the story and you.
Old classic books. Culture girls are the hottest.
Cooking your own meals. It's such a simple and sweet act of self-care. You can also try making your own Jam or something.
Doing things that you enjoyed as a child. My favorites are horse riding, swimming, baking, and bubble baths.
Buying flowers for yourself. It doesn't have to be an expensive and fancy bouquet, just some pretty flowers for your room.
Doing your nails. I like red wine ones, makes me feel like a vampire!
Taking more Photos. You can also buy a cool vintage camera (I recommend looking on eBay!) to make it more aesthetically pleasing.
Trying crochet, knitting, or sewing. I'm trying to crochet a sweater for my dog right now, haha.
Planting a plant. I tried to plant an avocado, but it didn´t grow as i expected, although i´ll keep trying it
Making plans with your friends like going on a picnic. You could plan some themed picnics like cottagecore, homemade food from your culture, strawberries, and so on; also a great opportunity to take some pictures!
Do volunteer work. Tried it last year, it was so fun to learn new skills and meeting new people while trying to make world better.
Writing a diary. Writing down things that have happened and looking back at them feels really lovely to me.
Writing letters to your friends. Letters just feel more personal than text; you can also keep them as a memory.
Dressing in a way that makes you feel happy. Wearing outfits that make you feel confident will definitely make life better.
Petting stray cats. I love cats.
Starting to collect something. You could collect something small like jewelry or postcards!
Playing music in the background while doing stuff. I can't stop listening to the lofi girl stream on youtube, haha.
Going on gloomy walks in the Forrest. Name something more comforting. I will wait.
Please feel free to add more suggestions in the comments! <3
✩‧₊*:・love ya ・:*₊‧
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vapolis · 1 day ago
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I really want to meet merc's partner in the story and learn more about them. so many opportunities for angst... but also I can't see merc leaving anybody for them at this point. and I can't imagine this meeting not being a huge pile of misery for both parties. merc is all fucked up and broken and so so different, they have a new life with new people in it and leaving this life behind is not really an option right now. if they meet it will probably hurt this person a lot. like a lot. meeting merc already hurts enough, but seeing what they are rn makes it worse. and merc doesn't even know shit. they don't remember anything. and then it hurts them in turn. and I don't even know if remembering would make it all better or worse.
I really like merc. and I'd like them to remember at least something from their past. at least some bits. to remember what and who they were. I don't know if it would help them, but I think they deserve it. and as much as I am a sucker for orla, I really want merc to be respected more. to be more than a tool. to be a person, whose opinion matters, whose life matters, whose feeling matter. I want them to be loved and wanted, I want someone to care for them, to listen to them, to actually listen to them. merc deserves so fucking much and I would give them the world I swear, I love them so much, none of these people deserve them. most of them wouldn't really care if merc went and died and I hate them for it deeply.
also I really need merc to cry, that's a carnal desire of mine. sex is good but my god this bitch (affectionate) needs to let it all out. too bad there's no one willing to listen to them and crying on the bathroom floor is a mood but not when you have to go and kill someone for orla right after. I don't know if there will be a happy ending for this game but oh god I need it. I would kill for a happier and more mentally stable merc I swear. I know I'm not treating them good either by making them romance jax and orla (and that's with their dog x mistress dynamic going on. god have mercy) but still. I have hopes. I don't know if I am a fool for having them but god. I need things to be good. at some point.
I'm so so sorry for this wall of text but I swear I can't make it better and neither can I express my thoughts coherently. but I just love merc. yeah. thanks.
the meeting/reveal of their former partner will certainly be interesting! I don't want to spoil anything but I think it'll be as confusing and angst inducing as possible.
them remembering stuff however... I'm not sure if that would be good or bad for them but how things are rn I'd say merc remembering more would send them spiraling. more than they already are.
orla and merc are complicated as fuck but probably my fave dynamic and the scenes I'm writing for chapter 5 are already soooo. a little further going into the direction of orla acknowledging merc as someone beyond a tool to wield.
and I think I've answered an ask about whether the ROs would care if merc dies and vaguely rmr saying yes... they're not as indifferent to merc as it feels and we're also only on chapter 5. so lots of moments that bring ros and merc closer are still to happen!
I'm personally excited for things to pick up a little more now and one or two of the things you describe are yet to happen :)
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frogchiro · 3 days ago
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I've never asked a question before, but your neighbor! James idea gave me so much brain rot because it was THAT good, and I had to write something about it or else I was going to die.
I was just writing whatever came to my head here, but I hope I did your idea justice:
"He saw her, oh did he see her, the pretty little thing that moved into an apartment just a few blocks down from his house a month ago. It was a shame really, James wouldn't get to see her as often as he would like but when he did, it became nearly impossible for him to focus on anything else.
You were all smooth skin and perfection with silky hair that he wanted tug on and run his fingers through coupled with the sweet sugary smell of vanilla from the perfume you always wore, it was just the right amount as to not be too overbearing yet heavy enough for him to get absolutely high of off, but James wouldn't have it any other way. 
Although, sometimes when he finds himself alone in the confines of his bedroom late at night, he’d begin to have second thoughts about the whole thing, this “feeling” or whatever he wanted to call it was completely one-sided. It bothered him to no end but at the same time the still logical part of his brain was telling every nerve ending in his body that this was wrong, so very wrong. 
This only made him want you even more, and this terrified him.
The filthy thoughts he had of you were always constantly buzzing around in his head like TV static that he didn't know whether to turn off and ignore or entertain just to see what would happen to himself. At some point James knew that he couldn't have his feet in both worlds, a decision would have to be made. 
The only thing James could do right now was pray that he could keep this little game of his going as long as possible, no matter what it'd cost him. 
He knew he was walking a tightrope, but he wanted so much more.
Then one day it happened, on his way to work, in the early light of the morning, that he saw you right outside of his window wearing a pastel blue sweater, a pair of black sneakers and a white colored pleated mini skirt that was leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination with your hair tied up into two space buns.
James found it all incredibly adorable yet also undeniably sexy, what he wouldn’t have given in that moment to drag you into his house, take you up to his bedroom and lick every single part of you that his tongue could reach. Were you a screamer? Or were you one of those shy girls that stayed quiet? Honestly it wouldn’t matter to him in the slightest, he’d have you screaming his name until that pretty little throat of yours hurt, regardless.
The opening noise of his front door made you look up at him with a bright smile and as embarrassing as it is for him to look back on this particular interaction now, he almost groaned, just from the sight of you even back then. 
And it got even better when you opened that gorgeous mouth and James could practically feel the chemistry of his brain shift when you spoke, “Hi! I'm (Y/N), nice to finally meet you, I was just going around the neighborhood and introducing myself to everyone. I just moved in, it's James, right?”
Oh god, he thought, I’m so fucked."
Yeah, so I just wanted to share that before I exploded, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk
Ahhh thank you very much for this delicious thing dear!!
And yeah, you're honestly so right, James would be so thirsty and borderline obsessed that he'd start to be kinda creepy :(
He'd fantasize about you, your body, your scent, how you'd sound in bed if he actually took you; would you scream for him? Would you let out those sweet shy whimpers? Were you a sweet sweet virgin, just his for the taking and never letting you go?
I kind of see him as feeling guilty at times; look at him and look at you. He was a tired, washed out widower in his 30's with a boring office job. Sure it made him quite good money but what was the point of it if he didn't even know what to spend it on?
And then there was you, the sweet 20-something college girl who smelled like vanilla, was bright, smart, kind and had an amazing future in front of her, what would someone like you want to do anything with a guy like him?
His thoughts would race, his guilt rising until the moment you actually spoke to him, introducing yourself to James, your voice sweet with a tinge of shyness to it as you explained that you're just introducing yourself as the new neighbour.
Oh he was fucked.
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The battle of the Mothers of Victory (handle with caution)
Disclaimer: This is not a prediction or a theory, it's my thought process. This is how I roll at first and then I rule out stuff as I see fit, so BEAR WITH ME.
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So, first thing that came to mind was:
"OMFG! That tells me all I need to know, that's Tiff’s wedding. Syd and Donna sitting at the same table in a family event. I am losing my mind IF syd is Carmy's +1. Maybe they are not showing him at the wedding bc it would be too obvious if they spoiled rn that she was his +1. I’m pretty sure Syd was his +1... OMFGGGG!
BUT, I said IF. FML
She may have attended the wedding with Luca.
FUCK!”
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And then the overthinker in me took over and ... it didn't go that well.
What we know
is that C was there, Carmy was there and Syd was there too. We don't know about Luca, that's the wildcard.
And we also know that Shapiro's subplot was already closed and archived long before Syd even got invited to the wedding, that's why she's there, so YAY! 💅 and we also know there was a fight between Carmy and C on the street at Syd’s place:
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What we don't know
is the ORDER of the scenes.
IK it looks like Syd and Carmy at the wedding pissed C off and someway somehow C ended up knocking on Syd’s door and Carmy got the door and then C stormed out and Carmy went after her and they had a fight.
Remember my theory about → territory? Well, no wonder the C person stormed out IF that was the case... LOL!
Wishlist
I hope that the order of the scenes was precisely that one. BUT the truth is we don't know. The teaser could be a red herring. IDK... The wedding seems too early in the season to be such a Sydcarmy catalytic event.
But we could be right!🤩
I wish the footage of that fight, which I went over 1000 times already and couldn't see WTF were they wearing, was better bc I could confirm the potential chronological order based on their outfits.
IF the fight happened after the wedding we’re golden!
Moreover: If that's the case WTH was Carmy doing at Syd's place after the wedding? THAT'S THE MEAT OF THE MATTER.
Too good to be true...
Let's calm the fuck down.
Having said that, I'm not complaining…
😍😍😍😍
#MANIFESTING
Bonus track: Maybe if we all think about this together I can calm the fuck down faster. LMK what you, chefs, think.
Are you pessimistic or optimistic? Scratch that! That's the WRONG QUESTION. The right one is: What do you think Storer would do? (Argument pls)
I'm all eyes👀
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unabashegirl · 3 days ago
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Vicious 13 — mafia hs
After his father's death, Harry Styles must take control of the family mafia while dealing with his unpredictable brother, Silas. He meets Y/N Castellano, the daughter of an Italian mafia boss, and learns about their arranged marriage.
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Author's note: Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well. Please enjoy tonights new chapter. Let me know what you think. This is one of my favorite episodes!
warnings: cursing and violence
--> vicious masterlist <--
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After dressing herself, Y/N sat back in the same position as before, running her fingers through her hair as she tried to compose herself. The last thing she wanted was for the rest of Harry's men to know what had transpired behind closed doors.
Harry opened the door for the men, and Y/N remained still, her gaze fixed on the floor. She didn't want to meet anyone's eyes, especially not with the guilt and desire still swirling within her.
The men entered the room, their expressions a mix of curiosity and amusement. Y/N could feel their eyes on her, their silent questions hanging in the air. She resisted the urge to shrink under their scrutiny, instead focusing on keeping her composure.
Harry, ever the composed leader, cleared his throat and addressed the men. "Alright," he said, his voice steady and commanding. Liam and Jack walked nervously walked into the room.
They had gotten wind that the boss was looking for them, and a sense of unease settled over Liam and Jack. They exchanged worried glances, their minds racing with possibilities of what this meeting could be about. Liam furrowed his brow, trying to recall their recent interactions with Harry. He scanned his memory, searching for any hints of a missed task or an error in judgment, but nothing significant surfaced.
Jack, typically composed, found himself fidgeting nervously. He raked his mind for any recent slip-ups, any instance where they might have fallen short of expectations. The weight of uncertainty hung heavy in the air as they made their way to the meeting room, each step feeling heavier than the last.
Y/N couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment at the sudden return to reality. She knew that what had happened between her and Harry was a fleeting moment, a forbidden indulgence that couldn't be repeated.
As the men filed out of the room, Y/N took a deep breath, steeling herself for the rest of the evening. She knew she had to put on a facade of normalcy, to act as though nothing had happened.
But deep down, she couldn't shake the memory of Harry's touch, the way he had made her feel alive and desired.
"What's happening?" Jack cut through the tension, his voice sharp with unease.
"Boss," Charlie began, prompting both men to focus on him.
"Yeah, what is it?" Liam pressed, his apprehension evident in his tone.
"What's the matter, boss?" Charlie clarified, his expression serious. "This isn't just a casual chat with a friend.”
Jack and Liam exchanged a glance, their silence a wall against the probing questions.
"Two weeks back, a shipment came through. How much of it?" Harry's interrogation cut through the air, his gaze sharp and unyielding. He had received a call days ago, tipping him off about internal issues within the club. The voice on the other end of the line remained steadfastly anonymous, even after Harry offered incentives and the promise of a personal meeting. "I won't ask again," Harry's voice was firm, cutting through the air like a blade.
Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat, exchanging a quick glance with Liam. They both knew what Harry was referring to, but neither wanted to be the first to speak up.
"It was... uh, about 20 kilos," Liam finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.
Harry's eyes narrowed, his jaw tightening at the admission. "And where did that shipment go?"
"It... it went out the back, to the usual buyers," Jack stammered, his eyes darting around the room nervously.
"The usual buyers?" Harry's tone was incredulous. "Do I look like I'm in the mood for games? If there were 20 kilos why were only 10 delivered?” Someone had stolen from him and from his buyers. It had made him loose money. “Liam”.
The weight of Harry's words hung heavy in the room, the gravity of the situation sinking in for Jack and Liam. They exchanged nervous glances, realizing the severity of their mistake.
"I... I don't know, boss," Liam stammered, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape. "We... we thought... we thought the shipment was all there."
"Half of it is missing. Who did you sell it to?" Harry's voice was dangerously low and dry, his patience wearing thin. He knew what they had done, he just wanted them to admit it. Then he would reprimand.
"We didn't mean any harm, boss," Liam spoke up, his voice pleading. "We were just trying to make some extra money..."
"Extra money?" Harry's voice rose, his frustration boiling over. "You risked everything for 'extra money'? Who did you sell it to?!" He yelled, nodding at Charlie and Lex.
Charlie and Lex were quick to step between both of the men. Lex's knuckles met with Jack's face, the sound echoing in the room, while Charlie held Liam back.
"Who, Liam?" Harry asked again, his voice deadly calm now, a dangerous glint in his eyes. He knew there was no escaping this now. The truth had to come out, one way or another. "Again," Lex punched him once more, the force of it making Jack stagger. "I find it quite amusing that you think you'll be able to hide it from me," Harry growled, Lex’s grip tightening on Jack's collar.
"Again. Again. Again," Harry repeated, each punch landing hard on Jack's gut and face.
"The Italians! Federico!" Liam finally shouted, his voice desperate.
A cold chill ran down Y/N's spine at the mention of her father's name. She wasn't surprised that Federico had something to do with it. She just hoped that he wouldn't meddle with Harry until after they were married. The thought of her father's interference made her stomach churn with unease.
Harry's eyes darkened at the revelation. He released a heavy sigh, his mind already calculating the consequences of Federico's betrayal. "You sold it to Federico?" Harry's voice was low, a dangerous edge to it that made the air in the room tense.
Jack nodded frantically, his face contorted in fear. "Yes, yes, He offered us a good deal, we needed the money...”
Harry's jaw clenched as he listened to Jack's excuses. He knew Federico's game well—using his daughter's captor to undermine his business rival. It was a power play, and Harry was not going to let it slide.
"How are you going to make this right?" Harry's voice was low, the cigarette dangling from his fingers as he studied the two men before him.
"We'll do whatever it takes, boss," Liam said, his voice quivering slightly.
Harry took a step closer to Jack, his eyes narrowing. "You think money will fix this?" he asked, his tone dripping with disdain.
Jack swallowed hard, his hands shaking as he tried to compose himself. "We'll pay you back, boss. Every last penny," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Harry's gaze flickered to the blood on Jack's face, and he reached out to grasp his arm, pulling him to his feet. "Clean yourself up," Harry said, his voice firm. He pulled a tissue from his pocket and handed it to Jack.
Harry stood behind Jack in silence, the weight of the situation heavy in the air. Jack's heart pounded in his chest as he walked, his mind racing with fear and uncertainty.
It wasn't until Jack felt the cold, unforgiving metal of Harry's gun pressed against his temple that he realized the gravity of his mistake. The world seemed to slow down as panic gripped him, and he opened his mouth to plead for mercy.
But before he could utter a single word, the gun went off with a deafening bang. Jack felt a searing pain as the bullet tore through his skull, and in an instant, his world erupted into chaos.
Blood sprayed everywhere, painting the walls and floor in a gruesome display. Liam, who stood frozen beside Jack, was drenched in the warm, sticky fluid, his eyes wide with horror and shock.
Harry's expression remained cold and unyielding as he lowered the smoking gun, his eyes fixed on the lifeless body of his former associate. The room was filled with an eerie silence, broken only by the sound of ragged breaths and the drip, drip, drip of blood.
For a moment, no one moved. The weight of what had just happened hung heavy in the air, suffocating them all with its brutality.
Then, with a grim determination, Harry turned to Liam, his gaze piercing and unyielding. "You have one week," he said, his voice cutting through the silence like a knife. "One week to make this right, or you'll end up like him."
Liam could only nod weakly, his body trembling with fear and shock. He knew that Harry was not a man to be trifled with, and the consequences of failure were too terrible to imagine.
As Harry turned away, the reality of the situation crashed down on Liam like a ton of bricks. He was alone now, left to clean up the mess and make amends for the grave mistake that had cost Jack his life.
With a heavy heart and a mind filled with dread, Liam knew that the next week would be the longest and most terrifying of his life. And as he stared down at the lifeless body of his former partner, he couldn't shake the feeling that his own fate hung in the balance.
"Get them out of here," Harry ordered, his voice cutting through the room like a blade.
Lex and Charlie wasted no time in wrapping Jack’s body and dragging him out of the room, their protests muffled by the sound of the door slamming shut.
Y/N watched in silence, her heart racing with a mix of fear and anticipation. She knew Harry's wrath was not to be taken lightly, especially when it came to betrayal. She could only hope that her father's actions wouldn't jeopardize everything they had been building.
Harry's swift and cold-blooded execution of Jack served as a brutal wake-up call for Y/N. It was like a bucket of ice water thrown over her, jolting her back to the harsh reality of their situation. In that moment, she saw Harry for who he truly was—a man capable of taking a life without a hint of regret or remorse.
The man who had touched her moments ago, who had ignited a fire of desire within her, was now a distant memory. In his place stood a ruthless and unyielding figure, a man of steel and stone.
Y/N couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene before her—the bloodied corpse of Jack lying on the ground, the unmistakable scent of gunpowder lingering in the air. It was a stark reminder of the dangerous world she had been thrust into, a world where lives were disposable and loyalty came at a deadly price.
She felt a shiver run down her spine as she watched Harry, his expression unreadable as he calmly holstered his gun. There was no flicker of emotion in his eyes, no sign of the man who had held her moments ago with such passion.
In that moment, Y/N knew that she was nothing more than a pawn in Harry's game. She was a piece to be moved and manipulated at his whim, a tool to be used for his own gain.
The realization was a bitter pill to swallow, and it filled her with a sense of dread and unease. She had been drawn to Harry, seduced by his charm and charisma. But now, she saw him for what he truly was—a dangerous man with blood on his hands.
As the weight of the situation settled over her, Y/N felt a surge of fear and uncertainty. She knew that she was in too deep, entangled in a web of danger and deceit from which there was no easy escape.
With a heavy heart and a mind filled with trepidation, Y/N realized that she was now truly alone. In this world of shadows and secrets, she could trust no one—not even the man who had once held her in his arms and whispered promises of passion.
Harry's cold gaze met hers, and for a fleeting moment, Y/N saw a glimmer of something in his eyes—a spark of something dark and dangerous. It sent a shiver of fear down her spine, and she knew that she was treading on dangerous ground.
In that moment, Y/N made a silent vow to herself. She would survive this, no matter the cost. She would play the game, dance the dance of shadows and deceit, all while keeping her true intentions hidden deep within her heart.
As the room fell into an uneasy silence, Harry turned his gaze to Y/N. His eyes softened slightly as he approached her, the intensity of his earlier anger now replaced with a more calculating look.
"We have a problem," Harry said, his voice low as he stood in front of her. "And we need to deal with it before it gets out of hand."
Y/N swallowed hard, her eyes meeting his with a mix of apprehension and determination. "What do you need me to do?" she asked, steeling herself for whatever was to come.
Harry's lips quirked into a small smirk, a hint of admiration in his eyes. "I need you to make a call," he said, his voice a low murmur. "To your dear father."
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Y/N's heart raced as the car pulled up to the elegant restaurant where she had agreed to meet her father. The familiar knot of anxiety tightened in her stomach, and she took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves.
The valet opened the car door, and she stepped out, her eyes scanning the elegant facade of the restaurant. It was a place of polished wood and gleaming glass, with soft lighting that cast a warm glow over the entrance.
As she made her way inside, the soft murmur of conversation and the clink of silverware filled the air. The restaurant was bustling with the chatter of diners, the aroma of delicious food wafting through the air.
Y/N felt a wave of apprehension wash over her as she scanned the crowded room, searching for her father's familiar face. She spotted him at a corner table, his expression unreadable as he watched her approach.
"Y/N," he greeted her with a nod, his voice cool and controlled.
"Father," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.
They sat in silence for a moment, the tension between them palpable. Y/N felt the weight of her father's gaze on her, scrutinizing her every move.
"I trust you've been well," her father finally spoke, his tone casual, but there was an underlying edge to his words.
"Yes," Y/N replied, her voice steady despite the nerves churning inside her.
"Good," he said, his gaze lingering on her face. "I've heard some... unsettling rumors recently."
Y/N's heart skipped a beat, her mind racing with possibilities. She had to tread carefully, choosing her words with caution.
"I'm not sure what you're referring to, Father," she replied, her voice carefully neutral.
Her father leaned back in his chair, studying her with a calculating gaze. "You know as well as I do the importance of loyalty, Y/N," he said, his voice low and dangerous.
Y/N felt a surge of fear grip her heart, knowing the implications of her father's words. Loyalty was everything in their world, and any hint of betrayal was met with swift and merciless consequences.
"I am loyal, Father," she said, her voice trembling slightly despite her best efforts to appear composed. “I just have to gain his trust”.
"I've heard that you've been opening your legs to him," he sneered, his voice dripping with disdain. "I wasn't surprised. You are just like your mother."
Y/N felt a surge of anger and humiliation rise within her, but she bit down hard on her tongue, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. She hated when he spoke about her mother, using her as a weapon to wound her.
"Is that what you've come here to discuss, Father?" she asked, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside her.
Her father leaned back in his chair, a cold smile playing on his lips. "Oh, there are many things we could discuss, my dear," he said, his eyes glinting with malice. "But let's start with your... indiscretions."
Y/N clenched her jaw, her fists tight at her sides. She knew she had to tread carefully, to keep her emotions in check.
"I assure you, Father, my personal life is of no concern to you," she replied, her voice tinged with steel.
"Isn't it?" her father replied, his voice low and dangerous. "You seem to forget where your loyalties lie, Y/N. You are a Castellano, and you will behave as such."
Y/N felt a surge of defiance rise within her, pushing back against her father's demands. "I am loyal to the family, Father," she said, her voice unwavering. "But I will not be treated as a pawn in your games."
Her father's eyes flashed with anger, his jaw clenched tightly. "You will do as you're told, Y/N," he said, his voice a low growl. "Or there will be consequences."
Y/N met his gaze, her chin lifted defiantly. "I will not be controlled, Father," she said, her voice firm. "I will make my own choices, regardless of the consequences."
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You’re a genocide apologist, and we will remember until the day your favorite genocidal politicians wipe us off the planet - which you’ll pretend to care about until your own comfort is affected.
I hope nobody buys your book.
if there had been a choice available to me that would ensure not a single further act of genocide would ever take place--a choice that would make it so families weren't viscously slaughtered, children's bodies wouldn't be lining the streets, innocent people wouldn't be stuck with lifelong traumas i cannot even begin to comprehend the magnitude of--of COURSE i would have picked it. of COURSE. the problem, tho, is that there wasn't. my options were "pick the person who would kill everyone if he got the opportunity" and "someone who will make it so fewer people suffer," and i went with the one that would make fewer people suffer. bc at least that would save some children. some innocent people who did nothing but be born. bc to me, some was better than none
think of it this way: i work at a domestic violence shelter. sometimes we get calls from people who are in dangerous situations but for whatever reason (needs are too high, we don't have the resources available, they're out of scope, our grants will only pay for intimate partner violence, not family violence, etc etc), we can't offer them the resources needed to help them
now, what i could do, when that happens, is quit my job and refuse to work for an organization that would ever turn someone in need away. i could say "i don't care what your reasons are, letting even one person suffer is wrong, and i can't be complicit"
but the thing is, if i decided to take that stand, it wouldn't change anything, bc it wouldn't change any of the circumstances. it wouldn't provide more funding to the shelter. it wouldn't give us staff who can deal with higher needs. etc etc
what it WOULD do, however, is put me in a position where i am suddenly not helping ANYONE. my stance that nobody should be without services, no matter what, leading to a boycott, means that everyone suffers
what i CAN do, tho, is continue to work at the shelter, while actively advocating for improvements on the side. i can help with fundraisers, and offer suggestions to my higher ups, and help with grants. i can spread the word. i can make my voice heard. i can fight for these people we have to turn away, but i can do it while still helping the people we can serve
the moral stance of "these people should be helped" is an admirable one. it's the one you should have. it's one of compassion and human connection. but we also have to recognize that we can't always save everyone all at once. i would argue that most of the time we can't. sometimes we have to pick the choice that causes the least harm, and then continue to advocate for bigger changes on the side. abstaining from helping entirely just means everyone gets hurt, and that's completely counter to that core belief of compassion
i care SO much about the victims of this genocide. there is nothing i can ever do that will make me understand the horrors of what they're facing. and did it feel fucking gross to advocate for someone who aided the perpetrators? of course it did. but i did it, despite the discomfort, bc i knew that, in the end, it would at least save some people, and that was better than none
but too many people didn't agree with that. too many people abstained, or decided to try leaning to the right, and now i'm terrified bc i don't know how this ends, but i don't think it's good. i think a lot of people are going to be hurt, and i think we could have prevented it, but instead of coming together, we split apart and caused something terrible to happen. we didn't just quit working at the shelter--we shut the whole thing down. and now where do the people who need help go? where are they going to go? don't you see there is nowhere for them to go?
the doors to safety have been shut, and i don't know how to open them, and now we're all stuck outside
we have nowhere to go
and that's terrifying
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sequinsmile-x · 3 days ago
Text
All's Well That Ends Well to End Up With You
Emily and Aaron get married, and they make other promises to each other along the way.
-x-
Hi besties!
I'm back at work tomorrow following my surgery, and the most intense Sunday Scaries ever have set in...so I wanted to write some fluff. This is based on an idea from the lovely @louisaland who suggested something to do with our favs wedding day.
This is part of the kissing prompt series I am doing of unrelated mini-fics and oneshots, and this is the 'kisses as a promise' prompt.
As always, a full list of the prompts I'm working my way through are on the main fic's master list.
As always let me know what you think <3
-x-
Warnings: so fluffy you should floss after reading
Words: 2k
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut
Emily hums a tune she can’t remember the name of, letting the vibrations of it pass from her chest to her two-month-old daughter’s, hoping that it lulls her back to sleep. It was 3 am, the house quiet apart from her humming and the occasional grunt from Mia, the little girl resistant to sleep even though she had a clean diaper and a full belly. Emily tilts her head to look down, sighing when her eyes meet Mia’s, the dark eyes she’d got from her staring back at her, wide and open as she grunts, squirming in what Emily thinks is an attempt to get even closer.
“Mia, baby,” she says, hearing the slight whine in her own voice as she kisses her daughter’s head, breathing in the sweet smell she’d been addicted to since she’d first held her, “You need to sleep. We both do,” she runs her hand up down her back, “Mommy and Daddy are getting married today,” she can’t help the smile at the thought of it, resting her cheek on the top of Mia’s head, “We need our beauty sleep.” 
Aaron proposed just two weeks before they found out she was pregnant. They’d been trying for a little while, both achingly aware they were working against a ticking clock and that this was something they wanted. When she was staring at two lines on a pregnancy test, her engagement ring sparkling just out of the corner of her eye, it all felt too good to be true. Like she was in a dream she’d wake up from only to find herself alone and in her apartment in Paris, everything that had happened to her since a fantasy she’d let herself get lost in. Aaron would always assure her it was real. He’d hold her and let her hear his heartbeat, and he’d breathe a little deeper so she’d feel the rise and fall of his chest as he told her all about their present and their future- something so intimate and real she knew her imagination could never come up with it. 
She had everything she’d ever wanted. A house that actually felt like home. A little boy she loved as her own. A little girl she’d felt grow beneath her skin. A partner who loved and respected her in equal measure. 
And today, she was going to marry him. 
As soon as they found out she was pregnant they decided to hold off the wedding until she had the baby. She didn’t want to be a pregnant bride and Aaron was happy to do whatever she wanted to do. They agreed the wedding would be small, and no matter how much Elizabeth made her opinion on it clear Emily was pleased that she’d managed to stop her from interfering.
When she was a little girl, she never imagined that she’d pick a wedding dress based on ease of access so she could nurse her 8-week-old baby. She never imagined she’d get married in her friend’s backyard. She never imagined she’d find a man like Aaron, and that she’d have the kind of love she felt every day. 
It was nothing like what she’d pictured, but it was infinitely more. 
“Neither of you need beauty sleep.” 
She looks up at the doorway of the nursery, and she smiles when her eyes meet her fiancés. He looks deliciously rumpled, his pjyamas askew and his hair sticking up in every direction. Exhaustion that came with having a newborn written all over his face in a way she’s sure is written all over hers. She hums and looks back down at Mia, unsurprised to find that she’s still awake.
“Daddy is lying, Mia,” she says, stage whispering as she raises an eyebrow when she looks back over at him, “But we love him for it.”
He shrugs and walks over, joining them on the loveseat, his arm hooked around her shoulder as he replies, “Not a lie,” he kisses her forehead and then places his hand over hers on Mia’s back, “You’re both beautiful. If you got any more beautiful it would be unfair on everyone else.” 
She chuckles and rests her head against him, her cheek pressed against his jaw, “You promise?” 
He cups her cheek and encourages him to look at her, stamping his lips against hers, soft and sure and simple. “I promise.” 
It was something that had started in the early days. Back when they were both too nervous to admit how much they loved each other. She didn’t even remember the first time she’d done it, the first time she’d looked up at him, her smile shy as she asked him if he promised. He kissed her in response, his forehead against hers as he followed it up with a confirmation. It became their thing before they could say that they loved each other. Two words instead of three that were never replaced when they did become brave enough, another way to express how they felt for each other that was just theirs, an oath they could make in front of other people without them knowing. 
She smiles and kisses him before she pulls back, casting a glance down at the still awake Mia. Emily groans, the sound turning into a shaky breath as she feels tears press at the back of her eyes, exhaustion starting to get the better of her. “Why does she hate sleep so much? I’m so tired.” 
“Let me take her for a bit,” he says, offering his hands out to take her as Emily nods, letting go of Mia as he shifts her into his arms, kissing the top of her head as he settles her against her chest. Emily wraps both of her arms around one of his and rests her head on his shoulder, her eyes drifting closer for a moment as she breathes him in. 
“You should sing,” she says, not even attempting to suppress a yawn as she settles into his side, “It always helped when she was living inside of me and never stopped kicking.” 
“I can sing,” he replies, yawning, rubbing a circle on Mia’s back, “If I can think of any songs.” 
She chuckles and kisses his shoulder, “We seriously need some sleep otherwise we’re going to say the wrong names during our vows tomorrow.” 
He kisses the top of her head, “You’ve just given me an idea,” he says, clearing his throat before he starts to sing, “Goin' to the chapel, and we're gonna get married, gee, I really love you-”
“Oh god,” she grumbles, hiding her smile against his tricep, “Of all the songs-”
“And we're gonna get married, goin' to the chapel of love-”
“We aren’t even getting married in a chapel, we’re getting married in Dave’s backyard.” 
“Are you going to keep on interrupting me?” He asks, his eyebrows raised as he looks down at her, “Close your eyes and relax.” 
She sighs, putting fake irritation into it as she makes a point of closing her eyes, “Go ahead.” 
He kisses her forehead and returns his attention to Mia, “Spring is here, the sky is blue, whoa birds all sing as if they knew, today's the day we'll say ‘I do’, and we'll never be lonely anymore.”
___
“Bells will ring, the sun will shine, whoa, I'll be his and he'll be mine, we'll love until the end of time-” she cuts herself off with a groan and stops her pacing, taking an opportunity to look down at Mia, smiling when she sees the little girl was, of course, awake, “Daddy is lucky Mommy loves him so much sweet girl, because he’s got that damn song stuck in my head. I walked down the aisle humming it to myself.” 
It had been a beautiful day. Small, simple, perfect and theirs. The party was still going on outside, but she’d heard Mia’s cry through the monitor she’d been keeping an eye on since Aaron, her husband, put her down for a nap just a couple of hours ago. Dave had set up one of the rooms downstairs for Mia to nap in and they’d brought the pack and play. Despite Elizabeth’s insistence that it wouldn’t work, that they’d need to get a sitter all day for their 2-month-old and not have their daughter at their wedding, there hadn’t been any problems. Except for when Mia started crying in Penelope’s arms during the vows. She only settled down when Emily passed over her bouquet and took her little girl from her bridesmaid, holding her against her chest as she promised forever to the man who she was building her family with. 
“There’s my wife and the world’s most adorable bouquet.” 
She looks at Aaron and smiles, enjoying the parallel from the early hours of that morning. It was only a handful of hours ago, but so much had changed. He was her husband now. She was a Hotchner, at least in her heart - there was a mountain of paperwork to get through before she made it official. Elizabeth had been horrified when she found out she was changing her surname, said she was throwing away all the opportunities her name gave her, but Emily had simply rolled her eyes. 
Being a Hotchner had given her everything and she’d only been one for two hours. 
“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” she quips and he shrugs and walks into the room, letting the door close behind him before he wraps his arm around her. 
“I’d happily walk in on my girls together for the rest of my life.” 
She smiles and kisses him, “You’re corny as fuck today.” 
“No cursing in front of the baby,” he says, smiling when she rolls her eyes at him, “And I’m allowed to be corny today,” he stamps a kiss against her lips, “We got married.” 
She nods, “I guess I can give you today,” she says, sighing in relief when she looks down and sees Mia is asleep, “I’m going to put her down.”
He smiles and kisses Mia’s forehead, “Love you so much, Mia.”
Emily does the same, whispering her love for her daughter against her skin before she lays her down in the pack and play, holding her breath as she lets go and waits for a moment, smiling when she stays asleep. Aaron steps up behind her, crowding her between him and the portable bassinet their daughter is asleep in. He kisses her shoulder, then her neck and she hums contentedly.
“We should go back outside,” she says quietly, turning in his embrace, her smile getting wider when he wraps his arms around her, his hands warm and firm against her back, “It’s us they are celebrating out there.” 
“And our love for each other,” he replies, stamping his lips against hers, “Don’t forget that part,” he winks at her when she playfully narrows her eyes at him, “You did just say I can be as corny as I want today.” 
She shakes her head lovingly at him and wraps her arms around his neck, scratching her blunt nails against the base of his head, “Don’t tell anyone this,” she says, her teeth sinking into her lower lip, “But I like it when you’re corny.” 
He already knew, because of course he did. She knew he didn’t miss how she’d smile when he’d say something she would have once considered trite and the thing of cheap airport romance novels. How she’d sink into his embrace as he told her how much he loved her and their life together. He already knew but he smiles anyway, his lips catching the corner of her mouth before he pulls back enough to speak. 
“Your secret is safe with me.” 
She smiles, any attempt to contain it ruined when her dimples give it away, carved out deep in her cheeks by love and happiness, “You promise?” 
He kisses her, his hands on her back holding her in place, and she holds him close too, wanting nothing more than to sink into him, her husband, for the rest of her life. When they finally pull back, his forehead against hers again, she sees his smile, the same one he’d given her when they’d been confirmed as husband and wife, before he whispers his reply. 
“I promise.” 
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k0fii · 1 year ago
Text
『The moment the world was finished, the author had to descend from the position of creator.』
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They say that before you die, you live through the events of your entire life for 7 minutes.
Naturally, for writers, this meant the tear-jerker flashback scenes written to make a character's death hurt for the readers.
Han Sooyoung belatedly wondered if her death would be recorded as such. Well, she had written this very world but it had long left her hands by now.
The void rushed to take what was left of her, which wasn't much at all. She thought that it felt familiar. She couldn't seem to remember why though.
--
A small bit of her consciousness managed to survive.
She didn't know why, and could barely feel anything than the coldness of the void surrounding her.
The ghost of a body remained after her physical body crumbled away - it was something, but it wasn't anything, defined more by the fact that it wasn't the void, like white ink on a black page or stars in the dark night.
She curled into herself with barely any strength, eyes closing and her hand floating uselessly around her, as if trying to reach something.
Before she knew what she was reaching out for, she felt a grasp on her hand.
It was warm, unlike the desolate void around her. For some reason, she was afraid to open her eyes. Maybe it was because she recognized that hand holding hers, or that warmth, or maybe it was because she's scared that opening her eyes would reveal it all to be a dream.
"Sooyoung-ah."
She fought back tears and found it useless in the end. Silently, her grip tightened, unwilling to let go.
If this was her final moment, if this was a last-minute hallucination or dream conjured up by her mind, she decided that she wouldn't let this bastard leave before her again.
"You dumbass..!"
Her voice came out shaky. Anger, hurt, and relief all spilling out in multitudes. She kept her eyes tightly shut.
"I know. I'm sorry."
If she could punch him, she would - there were too many questions, too much grief between the two of them. God knows how many times she wanted to beat some sense into him.
"Why couldn't you just come back?"
"..."
"Do you know all we did just to get you back?!"
"..."
"We all tried to move on with our lives but no matter what I did, I couldn't."
"..."
"I couldn't even write anymore. I wanted to throw up at the sight of the subway."
"..."
"I hate you so damn much, do you know that?"
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Don't just say that!"
"What do you want me to say?"
"I.."
What did she want him to say? What words could fix all the hurt he's caused? What words could repay her for all she did to get him back?
Her throat felt strangled now.
"What..what did you think of the story I wrote?"
"It was good."
Han Sooyoung didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She felt her heart bursting with joy at such half-baked praise.
"..That's it? That's 500 chapters of work!"
Banter that would've made the two of them laugh previously now felt like a parting gift. A last chat, a few jokes and the warmth of laughter before everything fades to nothing.
"It was perfect."
"Of course it is! The genius writer wrote it, so obviously."
Her voice was still shaky, but there was a smile to it now.
"You did good until now. Thank you, Sooyoung-ah."
"Ha..ha.."
Shaky laughter turned into teary sobs. Han Sooyoung didn't bother to wipe the tears sliding down her face.
She was content here, in her final moments, knowing that this story reached the person it was written for.
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mars-ipan · 3 months ago
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this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately
#marzi speaks#I PROMISE I'M NOT TRYING TO EARN GOOD BOY POINTS HOLD ON LET ME. EXPLAIN MYSELF HERE#obvs we're in kinda a tense political climate rn#and i'm noticing trends have been getting . increasingly misogynistic lately?#in like . a subtle but for sure still noticeable way#and women are being dismissed and all this awful shit#and ppl are going. completely mask off about it when the woman happens to be a trans gender#and it reminds me of when i was a little girl. and how my mom spent so much time in my childhood#training me to not stand for and take misogynistic bullshit from anyone. and to defend other women too#she taught me to assert myself in professional or academic environments. she taught me to stand proud and take up physical space#once as a kid my great uncle (who's always been a nut) didn't let me come on a fishing trip because i was a girl#when i came to my mom crying about it because i loved boats and fishing and my family she just about murdered him. completely tore into him#my whole life my mom has been there to tell me that people will try to put me down. they will try to overlook me or dismiss me#or make me feel smaller. and if i dare to get too confident i'll be labeled bossy or a bitch#and that no matter what i do i cannot let those pieces of shit win. i cannot let that stop me#and that i'd have to fight so fucking hard for it my whole life and it won't be fair but i will do it because i have no other option#and i'm seeing a lot of transfems having to navigate that now too#but they didn't get the privilege of being trained in this since day 1. they have to figure it out on their own#and the demonization right now is so strong that a single misstep can be. so dangerous#and it makes me so mad. all of that built up anger from every time i've had to learn how to not take misogynistic bullshit comes to a boil#the little girl scout in my brain who grew up forcing people to see that a girl can do whatever the fuck she wants fuck you is ACTIVE rn#she's angry. she's so angry. because she's seeing the same bullshit she dealt with in middle school being repeated again#anyways. transfems. i love you so much. you deserve so much fucking better.#i hope you can safely advocate for yourself. until then i will fucking yell and scream from the rooftops because this shit is so unfair#you should be allowed to succeed and you should be allowed to fail. and you should be allowed to take up as much goddamn space as you want#and wear whatever the hell you want. transfems i love you and i am so so angry on your behalf. modern feminism has failed you#and i am going to kill someone over it#remember to be loudly and unapologetically yourself as much as you safely can. do not let them crush your spirit
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lesboylycan · 5 months ago
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.
#it's me#twitch.txt#tw vent#i hate that we'd still take them back if they wanted us#i hate that we miss being vulnerable and showing real emotions around them. around anyone#i hate that i know it's never fucking happening#i wish we'd never known how it felt to be wanted. even if that meant i would never exist#because i'm only here to feel angry. i'm only here to feel angry to hide fear and hurt because we're all still fucking scared#and they feel. fine.#i wish i'd known how it felt to be loved by them#because the people i care about are mourning what they had still 6 nearly 7 months later#i wish i could mourn instead of just being angry#i hate that we still want them in some way. i hate that we miss having them#i hate that there are things to miss. i hate that we can't just be angry. that we can't go full scorched earth and fucking#block them on everything. remove them from all of the servers we can and leave the ones we can't. pretend they never existed#i hate that we're a fucking coward. that we're hoping something horrible will happen so we'll feel like there's an excuse to leave#and i hate that that's only the second best option I HATE THAT WE STILL FUCKING WANT THEM god damn it#i hate that there was any history between us#i hate that i exist. a world where i don't exist is a world where we didn't have to hide#i hate that we wish we could be vulnerable around them and i hate knowing that it would take monumentous effort to get there#and i hate knowing that we'll never get that chance#i hate knowing that our fucking wildest fantasies of them wanting us like that again are impossible. i hate not being able to hope#i hate not being able to hope and yet still wanting it anyway#i hate that we're a coward#i hate the fucking december curse and the four year curse and the fact we know we'll lose it all no matter what we try#i hate knowing that what we want doesn't fucking matter because nothing we want could possibly last for long#i hate not being able to let my guard down#i hate that we can't get comfort#i hate that we have to hide that we're still hurting and scared when they feel fucking fine#i hate that we feel so out of place. that we feel like we're constantly on our back foot around them. that we have no sense of control
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fitzselfships · 1 year ago
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I go into the imagines tag to try and make myself feel better and almost immediately see a rape imagine why are people like this </3
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chuluoyi · 3 months ago
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✎ all of me
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- gojo satoru x reader
you understand that some things in marriage just needs compromise. and he soon understands too, when you're at your most vulnerable and he fails to be by your side when you need him the most
genre: angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship (you're married & have a son!) argument, feral gojo, mentions of injury & blood, fluff
note: if it isn't obvious by now i'm in the mood of angst-hurt/comfort this week HEHE :)) this is longer than the usual love entry, so i hope you'll enjoy it!
a part of gojo's love entries
general masterlist
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Bantering with your husband is not uncommon―in fact, it happens on daily basis.
"Satoru― I'm talking to you!"
But having serious arguments with him is another matter entirely.
Your fists tightening at your sides, facing his unamused expression. How insufferable is he? You told him that everyday, but right now, he's truly surpassed previous levels of infuriating behavior.
"And I can hear you, sweetheart," he retorted, casting a glance your way. The term of endearment he used for you sounding almost like a sneer to your ears and you felt offended.
"I don't think you're taking this seriously," you griped, trying to calm your emotions, still balling your hands. "Someone is following our son on his way back from school―how can you be this... flippant?!"
Numerous photograph of your son exiting the school building from different angles had arrived in your mailbox, and if it wasn't a creepy warning from those who placed a target on his back, then you didn't know what it was.
Satoru let out an exasperated grunt. "I'm telling you, I'll pick him up for the rest of the week. No one will lay a hand on him."
You gritted your teeth. "And I'm telling you, they're trying to make you do just that. Even morons know not to mess with you― they're leaving hints, and you're taking the bait!"
Contrary to what you believed, Satoru felt just as worried as you upon knowing that someone might have marked his precious son, who was now six years old and had recently started attending preschool.
But this is where your approaches differ. You are always the cautious one, overanalyzing each detail, while he leans towards being impulsive, often resorting to brute force.
"Who do you think can stand a chance against me?" Satoru challenged with a real sneer this time. "Remember my words, wife, no one is going to hurt me, you or our baby. I'll end them where they stand."
"That's not the point!" you threw your hands in the air, irate. "Satoru, they're going to take advantage of―"
"Look, I don't want to argue with you." Satoru's gaze was hard on you, his tone clipped, and it made you stiffen. "His safety comes first— and you, of all people, should know I'd never let anything happen to him. You need to quit nitpicking and have a little faith in me."
"I know you are more than capable, but you are not―!"
And then he said it, and his words piercing through you like a knife―
"Don't compare me to you," your husband remarked a little too coldly. "I can do things you can't. Just rest your pretty head, I'll take care of the rest."
Nevermind that he blatantly dismissed your skills as a jujutsu sorcerer, nevermind that he totally didn't listen to you at all―he just went and made himself look like some sort unparalleled god, forgetting how much his hubris could actually take him.
And all these thoughts only made you angrier.
"So be it then." You tried desperately to hold yourself from shaking because you'd be damned if you showed it to him. "A word of advice, Satoru: beware of your arrogance."
With those words, you spun around, marching off toward your son's room, because no way in hell was you going to sleep with that obnoxious prick tonight.
But when you caught the sight of your baby scuttling away from the gap in the door, a fragment of your heart crumbled. Oh. He has seen it all.
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In Gojo Satoru's mind, he is made of two things: a powerful jujutsu sorcerer and a family man.
With his immense strength, comes a certain responsibility. And with that responsibility, certain habits have formed. If you just took a few seconds to breathe and looked back throughout the past decade he'd spent with you, you'd know that in fact―
It was also his way to shield you. Satoru stands by the principle that you and his little boy must be protected at all cost, and he most certainly would pull all stops to do just that.
But frankly, he couldn't deny that he felt insulted by how defiant you were. Did you really think he would let anyone ever touch your―his―son? He wouldn't, they'd meet his wrath first and you should've known that.
Still, something akin to guilt nudged at his conscience as he lay alone in your shared bed that night. It felt strange not having you cuddling him. He felt empty.
. . .
None of your shampoo-scented pillow, none of your nightdresses, all of it replaced by a single photo hanging in the wall and the urn of ashes—
Abruptly, he jerked his eyes open, shaken from the most dreadful nightmare he had experienced—
Of you no longer by his side.
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“Mama.” Your little boy looked up to you with his doe-blue eyes in the next day, his hand gripping yours. “I’ll be fine.”
You were accompanying him to the preschool. While Satoru had requested Ichiji to drive him, you insisted on tagging along to keep a watchful eye as well. You'd leave your husband to pick him up later just as he wanted.
“Huh?” you turned to him, tilting your head.
“I'll stick by Uncle Ichiji's side the entire time,” he replied in a murmur. “And papa will be picking me up too later. If there are bad guys, they'll get him first.”
You bit your lip, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you. Your boy witnessed your outburst last night and hadn't inquired about it until now, and even then, he was trying to reassure you.
“So… don’t fight.” His round, cerulean eyes then darted towards you, blinking hesitantly, causing you to catch your breath.
He looks so much like Satoru. At six years old, he was the spitting image of him, except his personality—he took after you in that area. It was as if your son was a softer, more innocent version of him. And your heart twisted, remembering your argument last night.
Don't compare me to you.
With a sigh, you bent down to be eye-level with him and managed a smile, holding both of his little hands. “I’m sorry… it was just misunderstanding last night, okay? Don’t worry.”
“…really?”
“Really. Mama and papa were just tired,” you tried to reason, a thin smile on your face. "It's going to be okay, just like you said, yeah? Papa will beat the bad guys out there."
“Will he pull through...? If they bring a knife, and he's just there laughing, they can cut him.”
A giggle escaped your lips at your baby's innocent wonderings, easing the ache in your heart as you recalled how Satoru humored him in so many ways.
You gently poked your son in the cheek. "Nah, do you remember what he always goes on about?"
He puffed up his cheeks in response, his expression turning sour as if combing through memories of hundreds of shenanigans Satoru had instigated to recall his words. You let out a hearty chuckle, finding him so adorable.
"He's strong, he's going to win. He always does."
"Oh. Mmm." Your son scrunched up his nose cutely, before looking away and squeezing your hand. A sincerer smile bloomed in your lips, heart melting at the sight of your growing munchkin.
You will protect him. And maybe you could patch things up with Satoru later that night. Maybe yesterday you were just too paranoid.
That was the plan... at least until your son suddenly screamed—someone wrenching him from your grasp. Without a second thought, you reacted, flipping the attacker away from you and him.
. . . and that was the beginning of how everything started to unravel so terribly that day.
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"Gojo-san...! There's been an incident!"
He got that call right after he finished some things with Yaga. Satoru teleported to the preschool right away, only to be greeted by a scene of utter chaos.
Several teachers stood outside the building, and police officers were present at the scene. It was all a blur of cursed energy until his eyes caught sight of—
His little boy, red-faced and obviously in fear, was clinging to Ichiji, who was frantically making calls. Some teachers gathered around him were seemingly trying to coax him to speak.
He didn't waste a second to dash towards him, tearing through the crowd.
"Are you okay? Hey, buddy, what happened?" Satoru pulled him away from Ichiji and turned him over, crouching to his level to check for any signs of injury or harm.
And upon seeing him actually here, his son's eyes immediately welled up with tears, and Satoru felt a chill run through his veins as he broke into sobs, which quickly turned into heart-wrenching wails.
"Mama—! F-find mama—!" the little boy choked out through his tears, clutching onto his shirt tightly and crumbling in his embrace, thoroughly inconsolable.
Satoru's sharp gaze quickly swept over the scene, seeking any clues, while he tightened his hold over him. It was then he noticed traces of your cursed energy mingled with blood.
They hurt you.
"Hey, kiddo—listen to me, it's going to be alright, yeah?" Satoru said, gently pulling away to wipe away his tears, holding the boy's face tenderly in his hands. "Go with Ichiji for now, okay? I'm going to bring mama back, I promise."
He didn't need to be told twice. Your son is always obedient when it matters the most. He gave him a small nod, still shaking with tears.
"Don't worry," he flashed a reassuring smile and ruffled his hair. "I'm the strongest, remember? I'll get her back," he vowed once again. "She'll be fine. Wait for me until then, yeah?"
Ichiji was ready to leave as he had called for those in headquarters as backup in case anything were to happen again. Trusting him to keep his son safe, Satoru took off as soon as he could no longer see the sight of his son's tear-streaked face trying to watch him as the car pulled away.
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"I won't repeat myself— where is my wife?"
Satoru wasn't playing this time. He skipped past taunts and just plain threats. These little fries, he thought.
The man he held by the throat was in a lot of distress. "Hyaaa! It's him! Please, please, let me go! I'm acting under orders!"
He then flung him across the wall— might have added more cursed energy than necessary.
At the moment, his entire focus was on trying to locate you. He couldn't let his mind wander to anything else; in fact, he didn't permit himself to.
It didn't take him long to piece together the general location of where you were through the residual of your cursed energy. They stationed several hooligans in this abandoned warehouse to stall him, but he got rid of them quickly and he could sense that you were close by.
"It's Gojo Satoru!"
"Run! Ruuuun!"
What a pain. They picked the wrong person to mess with, and Satoru's lips curled into a manic grin as he opened his palm, pulling them in—
"Cursed Technique Lapse: Blue."
Chaos erupted as the building collapsed around him. He hoped you would realize he was here and manage to avoid getting caught in the wreckage. He was sure you'd know though.
And true to his thoughts, soon he found you— blasting your attacker away with a powerful kick.
Satoru thought that you were a sight to behold, really. And he was about to call out to you when he felt it.
It happened almost in an instant. The way his heart dropped to his stomach, and how his body reacted, barely whispering the incantation for Red as he shot it at something lurking behind you—
At that moment, the only thing you were aware of was the foul stench of a curse. Time seemed to stop before the overwhelming force of Red expelled it away from you.
But before then, you experienced a searing, white-hot pain that scorched through your flesh and pierced your abdomen—
"Y/N―fuck―!" The voice that came from Satoru's throat was raw and laden with panic.
He pulled you against him protectively as you collapsed, blinded by pain. He immediately felt warmth spreading across his lower body—your blood was rapidly drenching his shirt, and he felt a shiver down his spine.
You held onto him tightly while suppressing your scream, feeling every bit of your strength drain away along with the dark crimson blood that poured out of you.
"―toru―" you managed to croak amidst the scalding pain, curling and whimpering in his hold.
"Hey― sweetheart, please―" his voice rang in your ears, as he pressed down on your wound. His hands were shaking, and you clawed at him and groaned in agony. "I-I'm taking you back now― You're going to be alright, yeah?"
The wound was beyond anything you had experienced before, causing you to cry out and gasp for air. It was almost as if something fried your insides. It was hard to stay conscious.
"I've got you now. You're going to be okay." His voice was coarse, as he hurriedly carried you out. And he tried not to let the full-blown panic take over him when your body went limp in his arms, your breaths slowing, head lolling in his chest.
"You're going to be alright! You hear me, sweetheart? You're going to make it. Our baby― he's waiting for you. I promise you, you're going to be fine―"
Perhaps he was trying to tell that to himself, because despite the excruciating pain, a wave of reassurance washed over you.
You were in the arms of the strongest sorcerer alive, what more could you possibly afraid of?
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A special grade curse. They had actually unleashed a potent curse and likely aimed at him as their final card—until it veered off course and struck you, leaving a searing gash across your abdomen.
Satoru felt numb as he sat in the waiting room in his bloodied uniform. You got hurt so terribly right in front of his eyes, and all he could feel was this profound void that seemed to bore through him and pierced his soul.
He was supposed to protect you. He said it to your face that nothing and no one would touch your son, and it was in his wedding vows that he'd protect you with his life too.
And yet what happened?
If only he was faster. If only he was able to pull you to him and protect you with his infinity—none of this shit would have happened.
Seeing your face twisted in agony and smeared with blood made him feel sick to his stomach. Inside that OR, you hovered on the brink of life and death, and he was here, unable to do anything.
Satoru rested his head against the wall, feeling a sharp pain surge through his chest. He remembered waking up to your face every morning, the way your touches felt, and how you had brightened his world for the past decade. If he lost you now... he wouldn't survive it. He would wreck anything, everything—
"Papa!" and came his voice of reason. Satoru immediately discarded his bloodstained jacket by instinct, throwing it away before his boy could see it, with Ichiji and Megumi closely trailing behind.
His son crashed himself into him and threw his little arms around his torso, crying—and in that very second, the thump of his heart sounded louder in his ears. Somehow it felt like a knife that twisted his insides.
"Hey, kiddo." Satoru repositioned him so that he would sit on his lap and hugged him, patting him in the back. "There, there... it's alright, yeah? Mama is inside, she'll get better soon."
Your little boy pulled away and wiped his eyes, and Satoru chuckled as he helped him blow his nose. His child was incredibly adorable, and his actions mirrored yours to such an extent that it made Satoru's heart soften.
"Mama g-got hurt trying to... tell me to g-go..." the boy suddenly said amidst his quieter sniffles. "And... she s-said... papa— i-is strong and g-going to win..."
You believe in him. Ignoring the ache in his chest, only able to reply him with a "Yeah..."
Not long after, Shoko emerged from the operating room and informed him that the surgery had been successful, though you would likely need to have a one-week stay in the hospital for observation. He intended to move you to the VIP suite and stay the night there, but then he remembered his son, who was holding his hand.
Satoru crouched down and patted him in the head, fixing him a smile. "See? Mama is okay, but she needs to sleep here to get even better. Now you go home first with big brother Megumi, yeah?"
Your son adored Megumi and often begged you to let him stay over at his place, but this time he looked hesitant, fiddling with his little fingers. "Really? Mama will be home... soon?"
"Mm-hmm, the more she sleeps here, the faster she'll go back home, alright?"
And with that, his baby nodded and Satoru turned to Megumi with a nod. "Thank you for this, Megumi."
The boy whose life he had once saved on some sort of a whim, now grown up and shared the same concern he had for you, Fushiguro Megumi had never before witnessed his benefactor expressing such sincere gratitude for anything before.
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When you came to, your body felt as heavy as lead.
The discomfort in your abdomen made you flinch, and you almost let out a groan until you turned to your side and saw him.
Satoru was asleep while sitting in the sofa next to your bed, dark circles evident under his eyes. It might have been your imagination, but his cheeks appeared to be slightly red too.
You tried to recall what had happened to you when it came back—you urging your son to run away as you let yourself being taken away, almost escaping from that warehouse, the flash of excruciating pain, and Satoru's stricken voice.
So he must've been here since last night. Any remnants of your disagreement seemed to have vanished, seeing him there with you, barely covering himself with the blanket, with a frown still marking his forehead even in his sleep.
You wanted to reach out to him until the movement sent a sharp jab to your stomach and you cried out a bit.
In that split second, Satoru's eyes jerked open, and realizing you were awake, his gaze locked onto yours. "Y/N—" But your strained whimper and expression told him everything. "Does it hurt? I-I'll get Shoko, wait—"
And then he hit the call button. Throughout it all, he kept a firm grip on your hand for reassurance. A few minutes later, Shoko arrived and examined your wound, subsequently administering painkillers to alleviate your discomfort.
"It's going to leave a scar," she explained grimly, showing the mangled skin where the curse had made its mark on you, and seeing that, Satoru clenched his fists.
Shoko sighed, empathizing with her friend's frustration. "It's going to fade with time, don't worry. You did well, Gojo. You brought her here quickly. Had you been even slightly later, there could have been an irreversible damage to her organs."
But your husband remained quiet, unable to bring himself to look at you. And after she left, you tried to finally voice your question to him.
"O-our—"
"He's fine," Satoru immediately answered, squeezing your hand. "Our boy is fine. I'll tell Megumi to visit later—he's with him."
A sigh of relief came out of you. "Thank... goodness."
But his expression seemed to fall even further after hearing your response. Satoru settled himself on the seat next to you and lowered the rail on your bed, allowing you to be even closer to each other.
"Do you not feel any pain anymore?" he asked then, gently tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. He looked so sad, a stark contrast of how he usually was, and it bugged you.
"No... I feel fine now."
"Then, can I hug you?"
Of course you nodded without a second thought, and carefully, he wrapped his arms around your body, pulling you close and resting his face on the crook of your neck.
You knew what it was. Satoru was still visibly shaken by what had happened to you, and he wasn't great at expressing himself, so he tried to find consolation through this physical closeness instead.
"I'm okay..." you patted his back, trying to convince him. "I'm alright now, yeah?" But to your surprise, suddenly his whole body started to shake. "Satoru...?"
“…’m sorry.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he nuzzled you. “I shouldn't... have let you get this hurt...”
It always amazes you how Satoru always gets this distressed whenever you sustain any injury. You had seen him cry precisely two times now—once after you gave birth to your son and experienced severe bleeding, and now.
"It's not your fault..." you whispered in response. "You... have protected me well."
He held you tighter, his tone faltering. "I didn't."
"You have..." you stroked his hair, trying to convince him. "I'm still here, aren't I?"
Hearing you say that made Satoru's chest ache. The thought of something like this happening to you was unimaginable, and now that it had, he couldn't come to terms with seeing you hurt right in front of him.
"Don't—" he choked on his voice, his breath trembled against your neck. "Don't ever put yourself in danger again. If something happened to you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself..."
You couldn't make that promise. Despite the pleading in his voice, you knew deep down that your son's life—and his—meant more, and given the chance, you would obviously save theirs for yours.
“Satoru... I love you, you know that, right?”
So you simply embraced him close, hoping that in this life, you would live long enough that he would never have to see you like this again.
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Epilogue
"Papa, how do I become stronger?"
Satoru blinked when his son asked him that so innocently and curiously, taken aback as he led him to your private room later that afternoon. "Oh? What brought this on?"
His first and only son, a perfect miniature of himself, pursed his lips. "I don't want Mama to get hurt again..."
Satoru's heart warmed at his baby’s sincere words, and despite himself, he chuckled.
"What's funny?" his son leveled a glare at him. "I'm being serious."
"Well, aren't you such a good boy? Don't worry, kiddo, I'll teach you my ways~"
"What ways?"
"Well, no need to rush, pumpkin. First of all, you will have to harness your skills and then you have to be more like me—"
"Do I have to be like you…? Is there no other way?"
"—? What's wrong with being more like me?"
"Everything...?"
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zoekrystall · 7 months ago
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"Oh I sleep until x to watch that one stream and then immediately sleep after to fix schedule" it is now 7am I am still in distracting pain since yesterday I want to combust I hate everything please universe let me at least sleep. i got smth tomorrow and later today a call w my ex bff to maybe go along again please let it be gone by then. It makes me lose it not knowing if usual or covid since 2020 before that was it just "oh body hates me again got it" (which still not great but better). Anyways neck thing prob own fault everything else idk. I just guess sleep brain off is hard bc "productivity! smth anything should be done before!" but like focus hard even just icons let alone drawing or whatever let's not fall back to old habits n just relax n sleep please brain. asmr vids usually help but it feels awful if I can watch multiple completely through I should be sleeping by then. I was able to sleep well n easier why is it so hard again,,,,
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mako-island-moon-pool · 8 months ago
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Ignored again today, going to start maiming the hostages until behavior improves
#Look at my bids for human connection LOOK AT THEM#''why don't you ever talk about yourself unprompted'' when I speak no one listens to me#I don't even have the energy to ask why they're ignoring me anymore#Tf am I going to get in response? 'o sorry lol my brain sux'? And then it'll just keep happening? Yeah I'm good#Stupid fucking moron can't discern fantasy from reality- actually believes friendship is a real thing that can happen IRL. More at 11.#Idiot#Should've learned from the last 15 people who ditched you as soon as they realized you were too fucking weird for them to handle#Why the FUCK would any other human on this stupid fucking mud ball be any different???#You've done it man. You've seen all there is to see. Let it fucking go already. Friendship is a lie sold by big cartoons to make you believe#In something more so you have enough hope to keep on living day to day so that you can be exploited for money#Give it a rest!!! There is no friendship and there is no fridge! They LIED!#For real though#I'm so fucking tired of being ignored all the time. I don't know why it always happens or what I'm doing wrong but I can't stand it anymore#And every time I bring it up I get hollow empty apologies or excuses and no matter what it will continue to happen#I really don't know what else to do. I've spoken to people. I've not spoken to people. I've reached out. I've stayed silent. Everything.#I can't fucking do this anymore I don't know what's wrong with me that makes people think it's fine to do this#People just get angry at me for things they don't tell me or assume I'm angry at them when I'm not and then the whole friendship falls apart#And I can't keep doing this#I don't know what it is about me that makes this so fucking difficult but I can't stand it anymore#My very fucking existence must be branded with something that makes people go 'this one isn't too important we can just ignore it to#Conserve energy' because it happens with *everyone*#Ffs my dad can't even be bothered to remember how old I am#There is something seriously wrong with me#There has to be#I don't think I'm going to be able to escape it
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gentlethorns · 10 months ago
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sigh i carry it w me. i carry it all w me. when and where do i put it down
#she bork#idk ik it's bc i'm in an episode (thanks period + stress combo) so everything is magnified and the biggest deal on earth but sometimes i#just feel like i carry so much sadness and tragedy not just from shit that happens to me but shit that happens to people i'm close to or#even people i just know in passing or even people idk at all (for example palestine) and sometimes it just feels like it all builds up.#there is so so so much loss everywhere and i try not to fixate on it and let it build on itself but sometimes it's hard. lol all this is#being brought on bc last night one of my friends (the one we were gonna move in w) showed me the poetry of his friend (who was also going to#move in w us so my bf and i like knew her in passing and were planning to get to know her more) who took her life last month and her work#just struck me. it was very good and it honestly reminded me of my own work like we had very similar styles and vocabulary and her work was#just very striking and it made me sad. sad bc like now she's gone and there will be no more words and also sad bc i feel like i really would#have liked to know her more and feed off of her and let her feed off of that part of myself as well. i feel like we would've understood each#other. god loss like this is just everywhere everywhere everywhere you cannot escape it and sometimes i just find it difficult to cope.#whatever no matter i'm getting another tattoo bc again i am in an episode and the stress pushed me to it so i'm hoping to get some good rest#while i'm being tattooed and/or for it to be therapeutic. sometimes it can be a form of like mindfulness or zen so that's what i'm hoping to#get out of it (along w a sick tat obviously)
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