#I'm not in a place where i can cope well with other people's mental health rn unfortunately

[plow-and-propose]

it's fucked up that you can get trauma from someone else's trauma. yeah so discussions about suicidal ideation make me start trembling like grandma's anxious chihuahua because an ex-friend kept trying to kill themself. sorry

[hi-i-love-u-bitch]

I'm thinking about how Angel Dust and Husk's mental health struggles would manifest as complete opposites from each other...

I know people headcannon Angel to be very mess with his room full of clutter but I honestly think he'd be kind of a neat freak. Like keeping his room as well as himself clean is the only form of control he has in his life (afterlife?). He's VERY particular about how everything is organized and takes pride on how tidy he keeps everything. Outside the hotel he is a dirty whore who is forced to do dirty things for dirty people. But at home he can wash that all away; the clients, the messy benders, the blood and bruises, Valentino. He has to shower straight after work or else he starts to get really manic and hostile and he's hyper aware of everything around him. There are days where Angel feels extra dirty and he just can't seem to clean himself up enough or his room still feels too messy even though he's cleaned it several times. He can get just as bad as Niffty when overwhelmed, though he tries to keep that side of himself confined to his own room but the more comfortable he got living at the hotel the more it spread to other places. At sone point he had a particularly bad episodes and Husk found him scrubbing the kitchen floor during the middle of the night. His face puffy and red from crying, with his body scrubbed raw from the the 3 baths previous, and his hands covered in chemical burns from the cleaning supplies he was using. Husk quietly picked him up from the floor, gently wiped his face his hands with a warm damp cloth, and tucked him into bed.

Husk on the other hand has a form of manic depression where he just does not care, not in the nonchalant "who cares what anybody thinks" sort of way (which is also true) but in he "cannot be bothered to take care of himself" sort of way. Everything is an EXTREME effort for him; waking up, showering, brushing teeth, eating, interacting with people, etc. His room and hygiene are abysmal, his health would have put him in the ground ten times over if he wasn't already dead, and the only thing he CAN be bothered to do is drink to numb it all down. If allowed he will sleep for actual DAYS, doesn't even need to be a bed, he'll curl up in dark corners, closets, or under furniture and not move a single muscle. He would let himself waste away into nothing if given the chance. Sometimes it gets so bad he'll straight up defy orders from Alastor, not so secretly hoping the Radio Demon with make go on his threat and at least put him out of his misery. Angel had the luck of witnessing this once: Husk was way too messy and drunk, practically egging Alastor on, and it probably would have worked if Angel hadn't been there to intervene, masking it all with jokes and innuendo to deflate the tension as he dragged a pissy Husk into another room to calm down. It was the first time he witnessed the bartender actually breakdown, and Angel held him close as Husk collapsed into a sobbing mess.

And I'm thinking how even though they cope with things in completely opposite ways from each other, it also makes them even more compatible. Because Husk doesn't mind Angel being a mess, and Angel doesn't mind cleaning up after Husk.

[olderthannetfic]

A common anti talking point is that "problematic" content is fine as long as it's portrayed in a bad light, and I know this is mostly a way for them to say "porn bad", but, like... if we exclude stupidity, is this even a common issue at all?

I try to think of what they could otherwise mean, because I read a lot of things they'd hate, but even the cutesy stuff has dark undertones, or is clearly done with the reader meant to understand that at least one character involved is a freak. Even with porn, I'm not sure I've seen many that didn't lean into how taboo it is. The closest trend I can think of is age gap romances where the protagonist is 16 and going for someone in their 30s, but even those make sure you're extremely aware of the age difference the entire time since that's the appeal. Or an anime where the siblings are REALLY close and no one comments, but as a viewer I can still clearly pick up that these are codependent freaks.

Is this a me thing? Do I just not see these swarms of insidious positive portrayals and they're actually everywhere? I don't doubt there are bad writers that fumble their stories, and I'm less likely to read those long enough to find out, so is that what they're referring to? Or is it really always just porn is evil?

--

No, people being dumb as a box of rocks and not grasping that weird internet porn is not a how-to manual is not that common a problem.

However, being traumatized and having zero useful mental health support is.

A lot of anti talking points are coming from a place of toxic coping. mechanisms where someone thinks that if they can just control everything around them The Bad Thing can't happen again, to them or to anyone else.

Blaming the influence of bad fiction is a very common step for people who haven't had enough time or safety to accept that, no, actually, the person they trusted hurt them on purpose because they felt like it, not because Media Made Them Do It.

Or that maybe their dumb teen self handled some situations badly, but it's because teens often do that and/or because no decent adult was around to ask them why they seemed upset, not because it was fiction's job to teach them boundaries. It's a lot easier to blame the concrete experience of reading something that modeled bad behavior than the highly amorphous negative space where good offline role models who paid attention and gave a fuck should have been.

--

Some people are self-medicating with a rage high. A few are nasty ringleaders trying to power trip. Lots are just scared dumbasses who haven't grasped that it's okay to have dark fantasies.

A lot of it is just people with the hubris to say "Well, I have decent reading comprehension and can spot subtext, but what if all these other people can't?"

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Lunar's mental health. An update.

TW: bad mental health, EDs, depression, s/h, personal stuff, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, vent, self hate, heavy topics.

Sorry I haven't been posting!!

An update on me.

...Hi, you might know me as Lunar, or, TheLunarSystemWrites! I'm just an artist on here, trying to do things I like.... right?

Well, unfortunately, real life doesn't really... care. It doesn't care if I have friends to talk to, art to make, things I like to do.

I've been exhausted, physically and mentally. I've been busy working a lot in our home. (Painting, building, packing, inside work, cooking, etc) and it's always stressful... we're starting to get a little tight on money.

I've spent majority of my time in my bed. I don't wanna face my family members, so I've hidden away. It's hard to get up every day, and try to find the will to take care of myself.

I also recently relapsed with Bulimia, a disorder that, essentially means I throw up whatever I eat. I've been purging since September 16th, 2022. But I had awhile where I only purged once a day or none, but I'm back at it with full force. So my body doesn't have any energy left. I've also now lost my periods do to it.

I don't sleep well. It's much easier to stay up all night than waste my only free time sleeping. So I have no energy from sleeping well unless I sleep a whole day away, which makes me groggy.

Self harm is also something bothering me too, I'm too tired to do it and yet I keep doing it. Wasting precious spoons on it, I literally can't be clean for a whole year this year, that dream is dead. But, I am a few days clean as I type!

Suicidal and intrusive thoughts have been.... pesky. But I can't just leave my friends, plus I have prizes to make.

But, I'm unmotivated. I can't seem to write or draw anything. All my art is looking... regressed, to me. Everything is repetitive.

I've hated myself now more than ever in my life, I'm in a pretty bad place and I hate how self aware I am.

SPEAKING of regression! I have like, regression block. My brain isn't working with me, isn't regressing unless Involuntary. So my main coping mechanism is.... out of order.

I've been angry at the world, really pissy and moody. Tired, hungry, sad, then happy but not much. Numbness is a huge factor, I'm feeling depressed.

Not to mention, there's drama everywhere I look. This creator gets bullied, that one turns out to be disgusting. People get doxxed over opinions... it's constantly anxiety that I'll be wrongly accused, ridiculed, or abandoned. It's terrifying that people will go at each other's throats. It's exhausting to deal with it and be dragged into drama with problematic people.

Every day has been the same for me for the past 3 years. I'm tired, bored, understimulation controls me.

My friends are my lifeline right now.

I feel uncomfortable in my own body all the time, unsatisfied with my art, everything is essentially falling apart in my life.

Depression, anxiety... not a good mix to wake up disoriented and anxious, then gave zero spoons throughout the day. I'm not in a good home situation right now.

So... I kinda just... haven't been posting, role-playing, answering DMs, answering asks, etc...

I'm burnt out.

I feel like I'm a walking corpse.

Useless even.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely have the energy to talk to friends, every little bad things sets me back. I just can't bring myself to really engage much anymore.

So... sorry. I'm sorry, if I wasted your time. Or if this isn't like what you wanted to hear. I'm just not okay anymore, April was the last good month I had this year. APRIL.

I just wanted to update you all, there's a lot of other stuff I didn't share because it's nit important. I swear I'll get to the prizes eventually, I just ain't up to it right now. Might not be for awhile, apologies in advance!!

Hope you guys can understand, I might or might not be back to doing art, who knows. But I'll definitely get things done before that if I ever stopped. It just doesn't bring me joy, I used to hope I'd make an AU people cares about, and I've barely achieved that ^^"

Hope you're all well!! Stay safe, take care!! Remember to hydrate and to try eating if you can, you're spectacular!!!

Daily clicks!! ^^

Previous pinned post.

[windvexer]

This is in reply to a very long ask, which I would prefer to summarize.

As a young child, Anon and their mother left an abusive situation and moved into a new house.

When they moved, Anon began suffering from severe violent and grotesque intrusive thoughts even though they were a young child with no prior exposure to these things.

In order to cope, Anon shut out these thoughts as much as possible.

When Anon moved out of the house, these intrusive thoughts stopped and never returned.

Now, some years later and coming from a more stable place, Anon believes that these intrusive thoughts had a supernatural source. Not from a haunting spirit, but from the home itself.

Anon finishes the ask with: "So I think shutting out spiritual energy has become so deeply ingrained in me that I just can't get a proper practice going. Aside from getting good at warding to fill that role, I was hoping you had some advice on breaking down that barrier a bit?"

Anon, I hope I've correctly summarized your ask. I'm looking at it now on the other half of the screen to respond to what you wrote.

I am not going to comment on mental health issues. As you've said yourself, this is something you've worked through and doubtless you are very aware of the mental and emotional impact such a life transition could have on a young child.

Since I'm not qualified to speak on mental health or self therapy, let's move forward with the assumption that you did experience something supernatural - that something about the house, or within the house, was causing those thoughts.

It's my experience that the scariness of a supernatural event is often unrelated to how "powerful" that event was.

Many people who experience overwhelming negative spiritual contact tend to set out with the point of view that because these events affected them so strongly, that the event must have been caused by a very powerful force.

When I was in my first apartment, there were old hard water stains in the toilet bowl. My room mate scrubbed and scrubbed all day with zero progress, and declared the bowl to be permanently stained.

I went in and dumped some toilet bowl cleaner in, and the stains came out in about five minutes.

Despite all the work, my room mate had failed to use the necessary cleanser to actually resolve the problem.

It's just the same thing with unwanted spiritual contact. People use the wrong tools for the job, and declare the situation hopeless.

But more likely than not, the people who tell me they are struggling with debilitating spiritual symptoms have never tried any act of magic to resolve them, at all.

And more likely than not, the very first ward they try will resolve it.

Supernatural problems may be very difficult to resolve through mundane means, but they tend to be easy to resolve with supernatural means.

In my experience, a vast majority of people experiencing overwhelming spiritual contact can resolve the problem with basic warding.

I know that you're not in that old house any more, but I want to emphasize that dealing with these sorts of problems is really not as difficult as most people think.

You shouldn't set yourself up to think that it will take months of study to craft a serviceable ward, or banishment, or cleansing. Doubtless you could do all of them right now, if you had a decent recipe book in front of you.

I believe you could probably do this even if it was the first spell you had ever cast.

My first piece of advice is to ward pretty well. If you do not want to deal with surprise spirits popping up, I would recommend a pretty heavy-handed ward that limits most spiritual ingress.

This isn't because lots of spirits are guaranteed to appear, although in my experience it can happen to new practitioners. It's just about creating a safe space where you feel confident exploring the things around you.

A personal protection, such as a protective amulet, is also very helpful. For people really worried about spiritual protections, I recommend two; an "everyday use" amulet, and a very "heavy" protection likened to a suit of armor.

Protections need to be maintained. If you want to be a witch, learning how to monitor, feed, and manage ongoing protections is an important skill for beginners. Working with wards is an excellent way to learn this.

You should learn one method of cleansing and one method of banishing. These can both be more mild, "everyday use" sorts of spells. By this I mean you don't have to go nuclear - again, even very mild magical action goes a long way towards resolving supernatural problems.

I recommend this because it is very helpful as a witch to learn that you can control your environment, and start unlearning helplessness towards the vibes.

Many people who have an affinity towards the supernatural become helpless towards the dreary and damaging fogbanks of deleterious energy that settle around people and places. They become helpless because they don't know how to resolve it; it's just there, and it's something they experience, and that's that.

But you don't need to do that, because you have the tools to correct it.

Begin practicing, as often as you have an opportunity to do so, the art of adjusting the vibes. Teach yourself how to cleanse and revitalize spaces so that it's enjoyable to let your guard down and soak up what's around you.

Unlearn any internalization: "ugh, every time I'm in this room I feel terrible, even though I shouldn't. I don't know what's wrong with me." Begin pushing back. Fix spaces. Protect against unsavory people whom you can't avoid.

This undertaking, by and large, will teach you plenty of magic.

You should consider getting reacquainted with your spiritual senses through energy work, not through contacting gods or spirits.

This really eliminates the worry about contacting "something out there," and lets you focus on just playing about with some energies.

It can be danged useful, too. Learning how to shield - even something as ubiquitous and basic as a sphere of white light - can be significantly helpful towards blocking out unwanted supernatural contact.

Try warding your space for peace of mind, and then practicing some of the common energy work exercises: energy balls, grounding roots, cycling energy through the body and earth, breathing energy in and out, raising shields, channeling energy into objects, centering/reclaiming energy, and so on.

If you'd like to work with spirits, try talking to a tree that gives you really good vibes. Trees are often - but not always - remarkably friendly, especially domesticated trees in urban or suburban areas. They also tend to be more talkative than rocks.

You don't need to leave offerings or set up a contact schedule or anything. But if you feel that you're prepared to start reaching beyond yourself, a tree is a decent guy to start talking to.

Magically speaking, some people really have tapped down their own psychism and connections so much, that it becomes an actual blockage.

If you're trying to do magical or psychic work and you can't shake a weird feeling that something is actually in the way, like a boulder blocking the path, then this is of course a magical boulder and should be addressed through magical means.

You can try three things:

The first is personal cleansing of any sort, but especially done with a focus to remove magical blockages and barriers. Be aware that this may need to be done multiple times over a period of weeks, or longer, to take effect. If multiple cleansings are necessary, this is preferable over intense "lightning strike" cleansings that can rip things open.

The second is to give yourself permission. In your original ask you mention being familiar with shadow work, and so perhaps you are familiar with the idea of granting yourself permission or authority to engage in things, which deep down you are nervous of doing.

The third is to build a shrine that honors your own psychism and your own connections. Almost imagine that you are building a shrine to a lost god, forgotten for so long that he's turned to ash and dust. Burn candles, light incense, and give offerings to your own ability to connect. Lovingly tend to it, and treat it as a wayward spirit who now needs to be called home, nurtured, and restored to its rightful throne.

[shadowwolfmemes]

Fuck off already, Shoo

Get @rainbow-starheart's pretty name out your fucking mouth, you stupid bitch. She's not the one block evading. YOU are. Unlike you, she doesn't go out of her way to harass the people she doesn't like because she knows it's a waste of time. And she has a life outside of the internet.

1.) She doesn't send her whatever knights to attack people like you assume. If anyone who likes to harass people the most, it's you. You make over 1,000+ alts to argue with someone for the sake of arguing. If you're such a "grown" person, why don't you just block and move on? Oh wait, you can't because you lack common sense.

2.) I don't think you understand what criticism is. When we criticize something, we don't always do it out of feelings, but rather because something is out of place and should be corrected. In this case, feelings don't matter. Feel what you want to feel, but drawing CP is illegal and that'll never change. Period.

3.) Like I said, feelings don't matter in this situation. We want CP gone because minors can't consent, fictional or not.

4.) If drawing minors getting their holes penetrated is your way of coping, then something is wrong with you. Why would you want to fantasize a bad thing in a positive light? Believe it or not, that does more harm to your mental health than good. Don't try to shame or guilt trip us because we find that fantasy disgusting and understandably so.

5.) A fictional child is still a child, no matter what. There's no good excuses to draw them in a sexual manner. You can go 'head and convince yourself that you're not a pedophilic creep for defending CP, I guess that's the only way you can sleep comfortably at night. You know what? You deserve more than just being put on a blocklist. You also deserve to be put on the FBI's watchlist if you think there's nothing wrong with getting off to fictional minors being fucked in the ass. You're the weird one, not us.

I don't know where you got that idea from, but your argument here is sure as hell inadequate and shallow. Yes, animators should be open about other's arts, but that doesn't mean they can't deny you a job. So, stop trying to shut down @ennuizrealblog's goals because at least they have a better idea what to do with their time, unlike you.

You think animators as a whole don't get well paid? Wrong! Think again, dumbass.

Depending on the company itself, this is enough to make them a millionaire. Before making such a claim and saying it's true, you better do some research (if you're smart enough to).

I have a question for you, Shoo. If you have the time to make over 1,000 alt accounts to make stupid, no brainer arguments, how come you don't spend your time searching for a job application? You claim you're an "adult", but you certainly don't act your age.

Unlike you, I have a better idea on how to spend my entire life once I graduate from high school in a few months. At least I put in actual efforts looking for a job. I even got accepted into a college because I made better use of my time despite being a high school senior. What about you? I'm pretty sure you just lay around in your mommy's moldy basement arguing with random minors you come across on the internet while your mother is wondering where she went wrong with you.

If you had actual respect for yourself, you wouldn't waste your time arguing over nothing. You wouldn't bother responding either (I know you'll find this post sooner or later).

Stay bitter, Shoo~! 😘

[thejockout]

A Word On Dumbing Down

In some conversations with my bros @avissapiens and @master-villain the other day, I finally managed to put a specific idea into words that had been crystallising for a long time. Nothing earth-shattering or even transformative, because I'd been exploring this same understanding with different wording for quite a while now, but it felt significant to me and sparked me to make this post.

The realisation was simple: Dumbing Down is not something you can "Do" as a standalone action. It's perhaps more accurate to say Dumbing Down is itself the perspective shift and realisation that "Smart" is something you can choose to "Not Do."

Clunky wording, I know, but pretend it's smooth for me.

(And as a necessary fyi, this post assumes familiarity with Dumbing Down as a hypnotic concept, which is nowadays most often written and spoken about as a general simplification of thought and cognition versus turning you into some drooling doofus. Maybe the latter is your thing, maybe it isn't - either way, I'm talking here about the more "realistic"/AKA sustainable model where the word dumb is synonymous with "so laid back, you don't want to think or care if people perceive you as dumb because of it".)

Too many subjects (myself included) work at hypnotic personality and cognition changes with a straining effort, in an energetically desperate approach. This is understandable - we tend to push hard for things we really want - and anyone can fall victim to it. It's very similar contextually to the trap many anxiety sufferers fall into when they begin therapy. In an earnest attempt to recover, many sufferers approach recovery with the exact same mindset they do life; that of a "fixer", a "do-er", someone who problem-solves and overthinks themselves into knots and runs loops around the same well-worn mental tracks over and over again to the point of exhaustion.

Don't worry, I'm not here to give some big-brain solution to mental health issues. I suffer myself and am on my own journey of recovery, so I'm in no place to play armchair psychologist. But I will speak about this topic as it relates to hypnosis and dumbing down because the overlap of people who are into Dumbing Down/IQ Reduction/Simplification/Bimbofication/Himbofication hypnosis and who suffer with anxiety (and overthinking) is quite high, so chances are that many who struggle with Dumbing Down suggestions are making the same mistakes. Please see my peer-reviewed Paint Diagram below which provides unequivocal, non-anecdotal proof of this.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with this overlap. Kink is an outlet for many people to deal with emotional issues, and often a very helpful coping mechanism. Dumbing Down is no different conceptually. But I'm talking about this because, just like approaching anti-anxiety work with an anxious energy and effort is doomed to failure, the exact same is true for Dumbing Down. Approaching it with an Intellectualist mindset OR in other words, the anxious energy of a fix-er and do-er and try-er is antithetical to the very state you wish to experience.

Does that make sense?

Successful Dumbing Down (beyond the very enjoyable, shorter-term effects of deep trance which feel like intoxication) is effectively the act of stepping back from mental action/the habit of overthinking. To give another clumsy metaphor, if your default mind works like a toy train constantly running around its track, sometimes gaining speed and sometimes slowing down... Dumbing Down comes from realising "hey, I can actually plug this thing out." No, it's not as simple as turning off an appliance, and it takes time for everyone. Overthought (in all its forms, whether anxious or just from over-intellectualising your life) is effectively a habit, and habits take time to make or break.

Therefore, Perspective Shift #1 that you need to make: recognise that thinking patterns and their frequency are ultimately behavioural and habitual, and can therefore be rewired and lessened with time and specific action. It's not an immediate thing - but it is possible, and this is effectively what dumbing in hypnosis is about.

That perspective raises some questions, I know. But I don't want to write about the answers just yet. Reread and consider that last paragraph a few times to make sure you've really processed it. Think about the questions it leaves you with, and come up with a few answers of your own if you can. You can post your thoughts in the comments or reblogs of this post, as I will be taking the time to read through them, and I'll continue this topic in future as I think more on it myself.

Later.

[maxdibert]

Re: the ask about Lily being Snape's "attachment figure" and him confusing that for love. Based on the people you work with experiencing similar... how well can people manage to move beyond that with the correct support/therapy/environment/other interventions, and form healthier relationships and have a better quality of life? Like, best case scenario

I'm imagining Sev leaves Hogwarts and Spinner's End, gets some peace and quiet and maybe some therapy(?) - although Sev doesn't seem the type to me to naturally step away from an unhealthy place or engage with any sort of treatment, at least at first, and in any case the wizarding world has a very "get over it" attitude and like 0 awareness of mental health lol (and his next big problem if he survived ofc would probably be being mobbed by fans and haters alike, and Rita Skeeter turning up in his floorboards to write a colourful biography).

BUT in an ideal world, how (and how well) could he perhaps move on from being overly attached to Lily and her memory, and form new, healthier relationships and prioritise himself?

And only if you care to write about it because i know this has gotten long, but how about on the flip side of if he survived, his purpose fulfilled (Harry lived and is safe; his debt to Lily repaid) - and he received no support or new friends/community, how would he cope? Without that goal/focus? Without the structure of Hogwarts? With the tumult of the end of the war, more attention, but no purpose, and probably no job teaching? I've seen a few fics where he turns to drink but I can't really see it myself, and would love to hear your thoughts!! Love seeing that you've posted 💕

It depends on whether it's driven by mere emotional deprivation or part of a clinical diagnosis. For example, having attachment figures is quite common in people with bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder—most of them experience it regularly. It's also the case for those of us who suffer from anxiety or have an anxious attachment style; we tend to have attachment figures as well, but that’s more of a clinical issue.

From what I've learned and what people who work directly to improve people's daily lives (I'm in the legal field, after all) like psychologists or social caregivers have told me, it all depends on the case, the severity, and the person themselves. Generally, younger people have more success with recovery than those in middle age, which makes sense because the younger you are, the more adaptable you are and the easier it is to develop tools and ways to self-manage. The older you get, the harder it becomes, because these behaviors have been established over many years, and it's quite difficult to change them. But for younger people, especially teenagers and those under 30, the prognosis is generally good, especially if the person is intervened, receives good therapy, and is properly supported. BUT ABOVE ALL ELSE, if that person wants it, because no matter how many resources you give someone, if they don't want to make use of them, there's nothing you can do. One of the first things you learn when you work in social services and community work, lolololololol.

Now, it's a bit like what you said. I can't imagine Severus just leaving Spinner's End like that because, personally, I think he never left because it was a self-imposed prison for him when he wasn't at Hogwarts. His penance as a professor was something Dumbledore had given him, but when he wasn't teaching, he had another penance: going back to that house, which was tied to his childhood and all the bad memories. So, I find it hard to picture him leaving easily... but, well, let's pretend we live in La-La Land. If a 21-year-old Severus hadn't gotten stuck in that spiral of suffering and guilt, selling his soul to Dumbledore after already selling it to Voldemort (those daddy issues, my dear Sev, I love you but it's true), and if he'd managed to find some rehabilitation, I think he'd have had a decent prognosis. Being so young, with good therapists and professionals? Sure. Especially because good therapy also involves learning to relate socially and emotionally in a healthy way, but we’re talking about very modern therapy concepts, not the 80s where they just handed out Prozac and antipsychotics for everything, lololol. I don’t think Severus was a lost cause back then. I think circumstances made him a lost cause. And yes, I believe he could have learned to relate to others (maybe not perfectly because, socially awkward to the max), maybe even have friends, and potentially even a partner. Absolutely. But not in the 80s and not in the wizarding world where mental health issues seem less important than in medieval times.

Regarding the AU where Severus survives, that's something I really like and read a lot of (I even wrote an SSxReader with that premise). I honestly think that if he had survived after completing his mission—settling his debt to Lily by ensuring Harry survived, making sure Voldemort was dead, and achieving his goals—he would have fallen into a severe depression. That’s how I portray him, essentially as someone very depressed who doesn't know what to do with a life he never asked for, because he always thought he’d die in the war or be killed at some point, so he never had a plan for survival. And also someone deeply ashamed for Harry knowing everything about his past (imagine surviving knowing Harry Potter knows EVERYTHING about your past—just thinking about it would blow your mind) and at the same time knowing that to some, he’s a hero, to others, he’s a jerk, and to some, he’s a traitor, but the thing is, he’s never indifferent to anyone, and he just wants to be left alone. Without being a professor because he’s always hated kids, but not really knowing what else to do because, well, that's the only thing he's ever done. In general, he’s someone who doesn’t know what to do with his life because he’s never had one, so he doesn’t know how to handle it. That’s my general vision.

[genericpuff]

HIHI!!! I hope you're good, Puff!!

If you're ever up for it, I'd love to hear how you work and create while dealing with ADHD. I got a confirmed diagnosis just yesterday (though I've been suspecting it for a long time) and it'd be wonderful to hear how you cope with the struggles it provides, or even discuss any benefits you've discovered.

If not, no worries!! Thank you for reading this, Puff!!

<3

oh god I feel so bad every time this question comes up because. I can't really tell you how exactly I've been able to do it LOL Congrats on getting your assessment, I actually just got paired with a new physician the other day and am now pursuing medication for my own ADHD struggles as well! I got diagnosed with 100% combined ADHD yaaaaay!

Short answer to your question: very very carefully! Because despite the work I put out, I am still VERY prone to burnout. While on the surface you all see me putting out regular updates of Rekindled, underneath that are projects that have fallen to the wayside because my brain just said "nah, I don't wanna play with you anymore" and that sucks! And I don't want Rekindled to wind up that way either!

Recognizing my limitations and making accommodations where needed has definitely helped. Changing my update schedule from once a week to once every two weeks, working with an assistant, learning which battles to fight and which ones to pass on, etc. Obviously out-of-pocket things like having an assistant aren't options for everyone, but getting to work with Banshriek has really opened my eyes to how much I was putting myself through with when I was flying solo. I have that bad habit of taking on way too much for myself, thinking that I'm capable of being everything within a project and fulfilling every role, but that's exactly how folks like us wind up getting burnt out and falling out of love with our projects. So I've definitely learned to appreciate collaboration more in that regard, both for the sake of "carrying the load" as well as giving me another voice to give input and feedback.

But when that's not an option, definitely make sure to pace yourself. There's so much misinformation about what makes a "successful" comic and normalization of extremely unhealthy working habits that it makes people think they're not allowed to make comics unless it's a 50+ panel a week ordeal. Update on a schedule that works for you, people appreciate consistency above all things, even if it's only a page a week or a few pages a month, that's more than enough.

You also absolutely need to make sure to rest. Proper rest, no thinking about the next page or the next update, just go out and exercise or hang out with friends or do something that gets you away from your usual working area and also provides you with stimulation. It's good for both your mental and physical health. I know with ADHD it can be very tempting to just pour every bit of yourself into a project right off the bat because you're so excited and full of BEANS, but that's just the dopamine demon talking! Don't let it tempt you into spending all of it in once place! If you do that, that's when you'll wind up burnt out and taking breaks that you can't recover from! It's a marathon, not a race!

When it comes to my own experiences, I really just love drawing comics. If it wasn't Rekindled, it would be anything else. That made it 'easy' to turn it into a habitual routine, but that's only because to me, drawing comics is the escape from the more boring shit I have going on in my life. This means I have to balance it carefully so that it doesn't become too much of a job or an obligation. There are definitely times when that balance tips, when the last thing I wanna look at is whatever episode I'm working on, and when I find myself crunching on pages with 2 days left on the clock before an upload.

The important thing is not to get yourself down over the failures and keep moving forward, even if it's not as fast a speed as you were hoping for. We're often really hard on ourselves to put out 150% on everything we do, but if 150% were the norm, it would just be 100%, y'know what I mean? And even still we're not designed to put 100% in every day, because some days we'll only have the capacity to offer up 30% - 30% is 100% on those days. Be kind to yourself <3

[traumacatholic]

Im on the verge of suicide and I suspect my two sisters are as well. While I don't think I will ever do it, because I'm religious, idk about them. And even if I won't do it, to live in such a torment ad the one I'm experiencing is unbearable and unimaginable. Logically I believe in the power of prayers, but on a personal level I find it unlikely anything will ever help me. But I'm still asking for prayers in the intention of us three staying alive no matter what.

I'm really sorry to hear that you and your sisters are struggling with suicidal thoughts. I don't know where you live, but please know that there will be crisis and non-crisis resources that you can access for support and pass on resources to your sisters (as well as to use for yourself). Suicide hotlines are just one form of accessing support. You can absolutely reach out to your local doctor, or see what other support services are in place. Sometimes you can access therapy groups which can often have shorter waiting list times and can often be offered for free or low cost. There are also a range of apps that are free or low cost that offer a range of coping mechanisms. I would recommend just putting in 'mental health' or 'suicide support' into your app store because sometimes it will also recommend apps that are ran by local resources to you.

As for prayers, something that you can try and do is use these prayers. You can say them when you get up in the morning, before you go to bed, or whenever you feel like anxiety/pain/etc is building up. You can pick up praying one of them a day, or whenever you're able, or using more than one. Whatever you feel is most beneficial to you (and also most achievable). I'm giving you a range of prayers under a readmore, just because some of them vary in length and you might find a certain length of prayer works best for you.

Lord Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner

----

Good Saint Dymphna, great wonder-worker in every affliction of mind and body, I humbly implore your powerful intercession with Jesus through Mary, the Health of the Sick, in my present need. (Mention it.) Saint Dymphna, martyr of purity, patroness of those who suffer with nervous and mental afflictions, beloved child of Jesus and Mary, pray to Them for me and obtain my request.

(Pray one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be.)

Saint Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us.

----

Glorious Archangel Saint Raphael, great prince of the heavenly court, you are illustrious for your gifts of wisdom and grace.

You are a guide of those who journey by land or sea or air, consoler of the afflicted, and refuge of sinners. I beg you, assist me in all my needs and in all the sufferings of this life, as once you helped the young Tobias on his travels.

Because you are the medicine of God, I humbly pray you to heal the many infirmities of my soul and the ills that afflict my body. I especially ask of you the favor

(mention your request here)

and the great grace of purity to prepare me to be the temple of the Holy Spirit.

St. Raphael, of the glorious seven who stand before the throne of Him who lives and reigns, Angel of health, the Lord has filled your hand with balm from heaven to soothe or cure our pains. Heal or cure the victim of disease and guide our steps when doubtful of our ways.

Amen.

---

O my beloved Queen, my hope, O Mother of God, protector of orphans and protector of those who are hurt, the savior of those who perish and the consolation of all those who are in distress, thou seest my misery, thou seest my sorrow and my loneliness. Help me—I am powerless; give me strength. Thou knowest what I suffer, thou knowest my grief: Lend me thy hand, for who else can be my hope but thee, my protector and my intercessor before God? I have sinned before thee and before all people. Be my Mother, my consoler, my helper. Protect me and save me, chase grief away from me, chase my lowness of heart and my despondency. Help me, O Mother of my God!

----

Thee alone I follow, Lord Jesus, Who heals my wounds. For what shall separate me from the love of God, which is in Thee? Shall tribulation, or distress, or famine? I am held fast as though by nails, and fettered by the bonds of charity. Remove from me, O Lord Jesus, with Thy potent sword, the corruption of my sins. Secure me in the bonds of Thy love; cut away what is corrupt in me. Come quickly and make an end of my many, my hidden and secret afflictions. Open the wound lest the evil humor spread. With Thy new washing, cleanse in me all that is stained. Hear me, you earthly men, who in your sins bring forth drunken thoughts: I have found a Physician. He dwells in Heaven and distributes His healing on earth. He alone can heal my pains Who Himself has none. He alone Who knows what is hidden can take away the grief of my heart, the fear of my soul: Jesus Christ. Christ is grace! Christ is life! Christ is Resurrection! Amen.

[serotoninswitch]

I've been feeling kind of isolated as someone who's Hypersexual. Which, in my case, means my mental health is inextricably linked to the frequency that I have sex*, among some other less relevant symptoms. All the coping skills in the world can lessen my symptoms, but with over five years of observation, without any sex my symptoms won't actually go away. Not to say that's *why* I'm a slut, I do it for the love of the game, but my Hypersexuality certainly puts some high stakes and pressure on my ability *to* slut.

This places me in an awkward position where I feel like I can't open up to a lot of people about my mental health. Family, putting aside how awkward it is, the few times I've even hinted at my Hypersexuality I was met with slut shaming. Friends with benefits, it can scare them away, people might feel frightened or intimidated if they don't have a very open mind. The Queer community at large, well I've seen how we've reacted to Aromantic men, so I shudder to think how normal the Queer community would be about an amab genderfluid creature who literally feeds off of sex, seeking out partners to maintain his(her/their) mental health. Needless to say I'm *very* calmly typing all of this. My therapist is pretty good with helping me though. Plus the severity of my syndrome finally clicked with my wife (we're poly) a few weeks ago, and she's been pretty supportive since (after 5 years of me telling her the same thing in different words).

I'm mostly venting. Partly looking for people to talk to. But I guess this is partially an explanation of why I write almost exclusively monster-fucking smut. Maybe if people can show love for an actively hunting Lust Demon that needs sex to survive or something equally monsterous in media, maybe just maybe, I'll find some more people who accept this facet of me in real life.

*I use the word sex in this post for brevity, but more accurately I mean sex and kink. Kink alone can help my symptoms as well. I just honestly didn't feel like writing "sex and kink" a million times

[nyenylon]

hiya nye!! hope you're doing good :3

looking for some OC advice if that's okay: i have an OC who has MDD, but afaik i don't have it myself and i really want to avoid harmful stereotyping or unrealistic portrayals!

was wondering if you have any tips on writing it, if there's anything specific i should know (if there's treatment, side-effects, etc.) or just anything to avoid in terms of stereotypes?

obviously don't answer this if you don't want to, it's probably very personal, and take your time if you do! i want to avoid screwing up, and while i am also going to check out articles and do my research, i also want to make sure i'm not accidentally being a prick or looking at misinformation and ask you if you have any advice :)

thank you so much! have a nice day nye, stay hydrated :D

Heeyyyy Artsy :3

I'd be happy to help in whatever way I can, but heads up I'm not professionally diagnosed or anything and am definitely not an expert on the topic, so this will just be from my personal experience

So of course maladaptive daydreaming is different for everyone, I think the most common interpretation of it is someone who might use their persona to self insert themselves into media they might like, or a personally written story. Sometimes they might be pre-written and played out (I personally believe this is what "shifters" do). A second common one might be writing a story by thinking about it as a show, where you yourself may not be involved. Many people wrote brilliant stories using this method.

My personal experience is that I can count multiple times where my maladaptive daydreaming was more prominent throughout my life, but I can't really pick it out if childhood experiences as it was kind of like the hit thing to be good at imagining when you were 5.

My standout experience with MDD is ongoing. It started five years ago and it involves myself and other people consistently. There is no change in plot or reboots, I consider these people consistent as any other person I might know. Plainly, I consider the maladaptive daydreaming characters that I have created (ocs) AND have not created to exist as people in some way, so I treat them as such.

Part of my MDD is that these people I know through my head interact with people from the real world, having casual conversations and such.

My level of focus on my MDD varies on my mental health and environment, it usually ranges from maybe 1 interaction a day to things I have planned for the day being cancelled because I'm busy daydreaming. My daydreaming friends will often grow distressed if I don't speak to them for long periods of time. Some of them (my ocs) fear that they'd cease to exist, while others may fear their friends could disappear, including me.

Something well known for MDD is repetitive motions, personally I find my stims outside of MDD are larger and more noticable, while I'm daydreaming sometimes my repetitive motions will be spinning a pen or something as miniscule as timed blinking or eye movement. It's like keeping pace to me, like they tell you to associate a smell with sleeping if you have a hard time sleeping. The motions help keep me focused on my daydreams.

I don't like closing my eyes when I daydream, but I do like dark rooms. I also prefer background noise. It's also well known people like to listen to music while they daydream, and I do, but the noise doesn't have to be music. It just has to be constant and have some kind of pattern that I can tune out to. The noise helps distract me from what I see visually!

I haven't researched treatment because recently I've been quite good at regulating my daydreams, and in the past it's been a fear of mine. I think the only treatment there would be for MDD is finding other coping mechanisms.

As for side effects, I'm not sure what would qualify. I can get angry at daydreams the same way I would anything else, same goes for every emotion. Sometimes it just makes my mood seem out of place, I think. I also think it's obvious when I'm daydreaming, because people usually poke me or wave a hand in front of my face (THIS IS SO ANNOYING DON'T DO THIS I'M DAYDREAMING FOR A REASON). MDD sometimes restricts my real life experiences, socializing, sometimes makes me forget meals, it also makes my memory of everything worse, instead replaced by memories of daydreams. MDD is something that I deal with, while I know it's a negative thing it's something that I don't have any desire to detach myself from. That's a scary idea to me, so I suppose that's a side effect in itself.

As far as writing a character with MDD goes, you'd have to know what they were daydreaming about first. A lot of the rest of the traits, such as what noise or actions they use, would be down to their other characteristics. If I was going to avoid something, it would be to not make everything they daydream about separate to reality. Almost everyone I've known with MDD has integrated their realities in some way, whether it be having their persona personality shine through, their daydreams interact with people around them, writing about it, drawing or infodumping. Of course this might not be everyone, but I think it also depends how private of a person they are. People who have MDD tend to know they're creating something complex.

Thanks for asking me Artsy, again, this is just from personal experiences. Hope this helped! :3

[black-arcana]

HALESTORM's LZZY And AREJAY HALE Open Up About Mental Health

In a interview with Keen Eye 4 Concerts, HALESTORM frontwoman Lzzy Hale and her brother, HALESTORM drummer Arejay Hale, opened up about their personal experiences with a diverse array of mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, and how music has helped them get through their hardest times. Arejay said in part (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "My life greatly improved four years ago. Going through immense heartbreak and a terrible breakup with someone you thought was your forever person really makes you a songwriter. Immense heartbreak and tragic life things that happen really, really force you to turn to music to help you cope with it, help you to get through it. So I'm thankful that I went through all that because it made me figure out how to express my emotions in music and how much better it made me feel, how much it helped me get through it. So now that I'm at a place now where my life is more stable and I have an incredible partner, I've got an adorable little dog, I'm glad I was able to kind of bring those things that I learned to the table now and utilize them when I'm writing for either HALESTORM, [my side project] KEMIKALFIRE or myself. Yeah, I think that you can get to the point where you're more mentally balanced, but you can still keep on being creative and keep on bringing things to the table."

Lzzy, who co-founded HALESTORM in her teens and has become an advocate for women and mental health in recent years, said: "And I'm so glad to see [Arejay] happier. We've all seen each other in our lowest lows and our highest highs and helped each other work through them. Arejay has been immense in my ups and downs and healing.

"Something that I try to remind myself of, I think it's helpful to remember that we're on a seesaw," she continued. "There is immense darkness and immense light on either side and one cannot exist without the other. You can't be all one way; there has to be a balance of the two. So I think that for me, if you try to flip the rhetoric and say, 'Well, I'm very grateful for the low times, because those low times were integral in making me who I am. And I like who I am today.' If I had made the best decisions in the world, it would have led me somewhere completely different and I wouldn't appreciate the fact that I've overcome that.

"I think that we have this misconception that we have to be these perfect beings, and we're just not going to be that way, and we shouldn't be that way, because without us failing, falling on our face every single time and trying to move forward, we wouldn't find, we wouldn't recognize our strength," Lzzy added. "And in a selfish way, on a personal level, regardless of whether we're musicians, songwriters, rodeo clowns or strippers or whatever we wanna be, I think that it's important that nobody's expecting you to be perfect, 'cause nobody is. So if you are, in fact, flawed, which we all are… So let's just get that out there — we are all flawed. We are all imperfect. We all make terrible decisions. We all have darkness in us. We all get to the deepest depths and think that we're the most terrible person in the world. We all are there. But as we recognize that and overcome that, you're going to be getting so much more from people. We get so much more from our fans, from our family by admitting to all of that and by showing all of that, because anyone who is looking at you for inspiration or looking at you, especially with us, with that imposter syndrome situation, and if they're looking at you like it's somebody that they want to be, how cool is it that you can say, 'You know what? I'm just as fucked up as you are, and I'm still here.' And that says something."

HALESTORM is currently working on a new album with producer Dave Cobb after making three records with Nick Raskulinecz.

Lzzy and Arejay formed HALESTORM in 1998 while in middle school. Guitarist Joe Hottinger joined the group in 2003, followed by bassist Josh Smith in 2004.

Last May, HALESTORM teamed up with country singer Ashley McBryde for a reimagined version of the band's song "Terrible Things", which was originally featured on HALESTORM's latest album, 2022's "Back From The Dead".

[m-to-z-andbackto-m]

UnderLust Ramble Time (Main points/summary at bottom of post)

TW for my sex repulsed fellows, this is not for you along with related topics like minors are a nono and Ess/Ayy

Okay so I looked back into it (because I drew Lust in my last post lol) and I still see the same issues and I'm gonna be honest. I'm pretty neutral about UL, they're just some silly guys, guys-

Well. No. Not just that but. That's why I'm rambling!

I am not siding with the original UL, its creator, or people who say it's problematic for the wrong reasons. I kinda have my own view of it, lemme explain:

Okay so people are saying it's problematic JUST because people are focusing on the sexual characteristic and that's all anyone sees it as.

But DustTale isn't problematic when people only see Murder as a crazed murderer without a heart. Which is completely untrue, did you know that? Broski's oddly chill y'know- Depends. De- Yeah it depends but he's not exactly out for bloodlust-

Okay I got side tracked

Anyways the point is unaliving people is BAD. Being overly sexual is...? Ehhh... Depends how you go about it (more on this later) BUT.

The reason I first heard/saw that UL was problematic was because of sexualized minors (Chara's design and not many people know this but Temmie is also a child) And... Eugh... Proshipping...

THOSE are the reasons it should be farted on 😭

Okay back to people only making it to be about sexy stuff.

I mean. When you don't count Mettaton's storyline. That's essentially what makes UL... Well? UL. This is the wrong reason to hate on it, it's literally in the name, it's supposed to be lusty and if people overdo it, just take it as thier interpretation/variation.

Same way people interpret Dust as a mindless power hungry murderer, it's not right, or canon at all, doesn't mean it's wrong, just how someone sees it.

Now I suppose it's chill with me and a lot of other people to explore Ess/Ayy and what it does to someone's mental health and their relationships with others. Plus other topics related to a sexual environment, but there's a line where it's okay and where it's messed up (Some Random Examples, But There's More: Say a victim "falls in love" with their perpetrator, ew, no, just no- Say, a victim is learning to cope and recover, yes, just yes.)

So yeah! It's nice we have an AU/Concept that gives us the grounds to do that!

It's irritating sure but there's good content, look for that instead. I don't think we should shun the idea of anything as long as its basis isn't something disgusting?

"But MZM, lustful behavior IS disgusting 🥺"

...

🎶 "It might seem crazy what I'm 'bout to say..." 🎶

Guys lust is in our nature as primarily sexual beings. (I know fellow Aces, I know, hold on, I love you too but this post isn't the time 😭)

I don't think anything natural is completely "disgusting" as long as you don't go about it the wrong way, then it becomes disgusting (Say, pedophilia is p much a disorder, some people get help, some people get arrested, that's the difference)

UnderLust could very well be like some sex club in Hell or basic UnderTale with slightly sexual undertones, there's middle ground guys, over sexualizing it can be bad, move on and focus on the good people do for this universe

Now, I'm an Ink kinnie so I love creation, I adore it. I hate to shut down a concept just because it's taboo or the creator/s didn't turn out so good. Make something wonderful instead of shutting it down for the problems it has in OTHER people's hands. It's our jobs as a creator to give life to these sillies as long as we're invested, and if someone does a bad job, that doesn't mean you or someone else can't have something good made in place of it.

Love the concept, don't mind the creator.

Love the children, not their parents.

Main points for those who didn't wanna read too much because let's be honest, I talk A LOT:

UL is not problematic because of being overly sexual, that's literally its nature

UL doesn't have to be overly sexual, just because it's common, doesn't mean it's hopeless, there's good content and you can contribute to it

UL is problematic because of sexualization of minors and proshipping if I recall correctly

UL gives us grounds to explore Ess/Ayy, sexuality, lack of it, hypersexuality, etc... it's how you go about it that matters

(I think I lost a bullet point but I can't remember what it said)

Don't turn it down for what it is or what it commonly is interpreted as, give it life for what it could be

For ANY Content Out There: Adore the creation/concept, you don't have to like the creator, or the original.

Thanks For Reading 🫶

[just-promise-me-jm]

Make it right, it's gonna be all right

I'm just going to include this gif at the top because its one of my favorite Jimin gifs from this past year.

I had meant to come back here sooner, but to be honest my life is kind of a mess right now and work has been killing me so I haven't wanted to spend any more time on the computer than I have to during the day. But as we approach enlistment week, I felt like it made sense to come back on here and share some of the feelings I've been trying to process since news of Jimin's enlistment first dropped.

There are a couple of things that I feel like are important to preface before I share the rest of my feelings:

I am not Korean and have never lived in South Korea, so I don't have an intimate understanding of how the enlistment process or military service in South Korea works. I will do my best to just share my feelings and opinions without getting to deeply into things that I don't really have a place to comment on.

Generally speaking, I am a pacifist so I wish that we lived in a world where no one had to serve in the military, voluntarily or involuntarily. I also understand why that isn't always a reality.

I am a woman, so in most cases mandatory military service isn't something that would apply to me and therefore I can't really speak to how this would make me feel if I was in his shoes.

Obviously we knew this day was going to come eventually, especially once Jin had started the enlistment process, but it doesn't make it any easier to sit and think about not having Jimin around for the next 18 or so months. It's a weird set of emotions to process the absence of someone who you don't know personally, but who has been a constant in your life for years. The fact that this comes during December, a month which many people (including myself) find to be a difficult time of year, only makes it harder.

Because a conversation around whether or not the members of BTS should have to serve is basically irrelevant at this point, I'd rather focus on some of the conversations I've seen around whether or not Jimin will "do well" in the military.

Now, some of what I've seen posted is coming from PJMs or other Jimin fans who are concerned with his welfare and whether or not he will be subject to bullying or harassment like some other idols have experienced. I've also seen some really unhinged takes saying he is too "weak" or won't be able to cope due to some imagined mental health issue (obviously this is not coming from anyone who really cares for or supports Jimin). I even saw posts detailing Jimin's martial arts prowess meant to defend him against those accusations.

So let me be real for a sec - I think Jimin is one of the most dedicated and hard working people I have ever come across and I'm including people I know IRL in that calculation. That isn't just about his martial arts background (even though he could definitely kick some ass if he wanted to), how many hours he spent on his own practicing his singing and dancing leading up to and after his debut, the amount of work he put into FACE, or even how grueling the life of an idol can be. I think it comes down to the type of person he is at a fundamental level - no one can keep up that level of effort on an ongoing basis unless it's hardwired into them. Ultimately, this is what I think will help Jimin to survive and even thrive during his service.

Beyond all that, seeing how well Jin and Hobi seem to have done during their service so far also gives me a lot of comfort. Knowing that Jimin and JK will be stationed with Jin for the next few months gives me hope that he can show them the ropes and help them get settled in. Having those familiar faces will have to make things easier, especially in the beginning.

Even though I'm sure Jimin will be fine, I am wondering what the best way to cope with all of this will be. It feels a little weird to be worried about his fans in a situation like this but at the same time I know I'm not the only one who cares deeply for him and will be impacted by this situation. I think my game plan right now is to light a candle that day for Jimin and send out some positive vibes for his happiness and a safe return, but if anyone has some good suggestions please share.

I probably won't be able to be super active on here until after the holidays are over, but if I think of anything slightly interesting to share I will try and post that when I can. I've also been thinking of what I might want to do in the new year to continue to celebrate Jimin until he comes back. I was considering doing some posts discussing some of my favorite songs or music videos of his, but would be open to suggestions if there is anything you would like to hear my thoughts on. I'm also happy to be here to listen if you need someone to chat with about missing Jimin.

Hope wherever you are you are having a good morning/day/evening/night 💗.

[trashyswitch]

The Curious Feywild Fishies

Torbek feels lonely, despite sitting and watches the fishes in the river. When Frost comes to talk to him, Torbek and Frost discover some new things about the feywild and naturally, about each other.

This fanfic was written when I was experiencing loneliness myself. Though having friends means you're not alone, you can still experience loneliness. It's unfortunate, but being alone and being lonely are two different things. I wanted to highlight that slightly in this fanfic. Writing is not just a hobby for me anymore. It's become a healthy form of escape, as well as a healthy coping mechanism for my mental health. It's actually gotten to the point where writing is a big part of me. So much so, that I got a feather quill tattoo on my right arm. Here's the link.

Alright, I'm done rambling now. I hope you enjoy the fanfic!

The feywild was a beautiful place with many rivers, waterfalls and mountains. This specific river was filled with feywild fishes, both big and small. Some of the fishes were glow-in-the-dark. Other fishes were quite large. But there were even little fishes that were living in tranquility amongst the bigger fishes. Glowing, flying bugs circled the river, occasionally landing on a large furry being that sat on a rock near the river. 

This being lifted up their arm, and looked at the glowing bugs. These glowing bugs were quite tiny, but very comforting to the dark creature. It provided them a sense of calmness…a sense of warmth that was difficult to replicate. 

“There you are, Torbek.” Someone said behind the creature. “We were worried you wandered away.” The person said, sitting down on the rock right beside the creature. 

Torbek remained silent as he watched a couple of the flying bugs get eaten by one or two of the big fishes. 

“The river is quite nice…” The person said next. “I’ve never seen a river so tranquil, yet bustling with life.” The person admitted, taking off his hood. 

Torbek kept looking at the river, mentally noting the circular ripples that expanded each time a fish would bring its face out of the water. 

“Something appears to be troubling you.” The tabaxi mentioned. “Would you like to talk about it?” 

Torbek let out a long, coarse sigh. “Torbek is not sure, Frost.” He admitted. 

The tabaxi nodded his head. “Is it your memories? Do you need help sorting them?” Frost asked. 

Torbek shook his head. “No thank you. This isn’t about Torbek’s memories.” 

Frost nodded his head. “Okay.” 

Torbek lowered his legs from his chest. “Do you ever feel lonely and worthless?” He asked. 

Frost’s face softened. “Yes…Once in a while.” He responded. 

“You don’t feel that way everyday?” Torbek asked him, looking towards the tabaxi. 

Frost shrugged his shoulders. “Not everyday. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen at all.” Frost looked at the river. “I remember being quite lonely before I met Gricko. I often found that the knowledge of this world can only be truly enjoyed if your knowledge is shared with other people.” Frost admitted. “And my relationship with Gricko only solidified that.” Frost looked to Torbek. “I learned that the world is a confusing place without a close friend by your side.” He added. 

Torbek smiled a bit. “Did the sadness go away after you met Gricko?” Torbek asked. 

“In a way, yes.” Frost nodded. “Occasionally it would come back. But often Gricko would dispel those thoughts in my head by telling me jokes or coming up with something new to try.” He explained. 

Torbek looked at Frost with a look of desperation mixed with curiosity. “Do you have any good jokes for Torbek?” Torbek asked. 

Frost smiled a bit. “Not really…Gricko’s the one with the jokes, not me.” Frost mentioned. 

“Okay…” Torbek muttered, looking down at the river again. 

Frost bit his lip. “Sorry…” Frost mumbled. 

“It’s okay. Torbek isn’t very good at jokes either.” Torbek admitted. 

Frost nodded his head and looked closer at the river. Seeing the different types of fish, Frost smiled a bit. “I’ve never seen these types of fish before.” Frost admitted. 

Torbek looked at the different-sized fishes. “Why are the small fishes not being eaten by the big fishes?” Torbek asked. 

Frost shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I suppose the feywild’s circle of life is different.” Frost theorized. 

Torbek tilted his head as he stared at the fishes. “Are they friendly?” He asked. 

Frost shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know that either. They could be, or they could be deceiving.” 

“Hmm…” Torbek mumbled. 

Growing more curious, Frost looked towards Torbek. “Would you like to see for yourself?” He asked. 

Torbek tilted his head. “How do we do that?” 

Frost shrugged his shoulders. “My first instinct was to create a fishing line, but…” Frost looked in his backpack. “I don’t have the correct string to make a fishing rod.” Frost admitted, showing him the ball of yarn. 

Torbek looked at the fishes, before looking down at his own paws. “Torbek knows this is not the best idea…” Torbek showed Frost his paw. “But maybe Torbek can put his paws into the water.” He suggested. 

Frost looked at Torbek with a look of uncertainty, before shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe…” 

Torbek widened his eyes slightly. “So there’s a chance?” 

Frost nodded his head. “There is a chance. The worst thing they can do is bite you.” Frost mentioned. 

Torbek looked down at the fishes, before gently dipping his paw into the freshwater. Without warning, the fishes scattered away from the foreign thing invading their habitat. 

Torbek whined. “Awww…They don’t like Torbek…” Torbek mumbled. 

Frost looked down at the fishes. “Ah…I suppose they didn’t understand your intentions.” Frost explained. 

“Torbek should’ve known…Torbek’s too scary for fishies…Everyone’s afraid of bugbears…” Torbek looked down. “Torbek shouldn’t even try next time…Torbek will just scare them…” Torbek grumbled to himself. 

Frost looked to Torbek with surprise. He knew Torbek was infamous for talking bad about himself, but…these words specifically, sounded more genuine than most of Torbek’s self-deprecation. Seeing how desperate Torbek was to make friends, Frost narrowed his eyes at the fishes. Sensing Torbek’s torment through his tone alone, Frost decided to try something different. 

“Torbek, remove your hand for a moment.” Frost told him. 

“Okay.” Torbek replied. 

When Torbek did as he was told, Frost looked down at one of the bigger fishes, and used his telepathy ability against it. ‘It’s okay. He’s not going to harm you.’ Frost told the fish in his mind. ‘He wants friends.’ 

“What are you doing, Frost?” Torbek asked. 

Frost removed his fingers from his forehead. “Nothing of importance.” Frost looked up at Torbek. “Alright. Let’s try that again.” Frost encouraged. 

“Try what?” Torbek asked. 

“Place your paw back into the water again. But…move it slower, this time.” Frost clarified gently. 

“Okay…” Torbek gently put his paw into the water, making sure not to go too fast that it caused a ripple. At first, the fishes were frozen in place. This left Torbek doubtful, but curious. And then slowly, a small collection of fishes started to make their way closer to Torbek’s paw. It was as if the luck of the feywild was suddenly on his side! And the look of innocence and excitement that filled Torbek’s face…was almost beautiful to see! “They like Torbek!” Torbek reacted. 

Frost smiled a bit more. “I can see that.” He replied. 

“The fishies like Torbek’s fur! It feels funny!” Torbek added. 

Frost couldn’t help it…His smile grew toothy the more he heard Torbek’s words of excitement. 

“Frost should try this too!” Torbek encouraged next, motioning to Frost with his dry paw. 

“Oh no, I’m okay.” Frost replied. 

But it quickly became evident that Torbek just wouldn’t take no for an answer…Because Torbek had grabbed Frost’s paw with his free bugbear paw, and put both Frost’s and his own paw into the water. 

“Oh- Uhhh…” Frost muttered, unsure how to react. 

“Now wait…” Torbek told him, slowly letting go of Frost’s paw. 

Frost watched his paw for a moment. Though the feeling of the wet paw was quite uncomfortable, he didn’t want to hurt Torbek’s feelings…especially now that he had just lifted Torbek’s spirits. So using all of the patience he had practiced over the years, Frost waited. 

Slowly, some of the fishes moved from Torbek’s paw, to Frost’s paw. And goodness, it felt really strange! “Oh wow…” Frost watched with wonder as more and more fishes filled his paw. It felt like little kisses against his toe beans! “This feels…really nice.” 

“Hehehe-” 

Frost’s ear flicked as he heard a little growly laugh fill the air for a few moments. “Hm?” Frost muttered. 

Not even a second later, and more growly laughter filled the air again. Only this time, it sounded slightly more bubbly. “Hahahaha!” He heard. 

“Torbek?” Frost looked over at the bugbear, and widened his eyes at the sight: 

Torbek’s one eye was squeezed shut as a toothy smile kept widening and reducing. He was tapping the rock with his other paw, looking both confused, yet visibly giddy at the same time. Hahahahehehe! Thihihis is getting mohore funnyhyhyhy!” Torbek admitted. 

Frost stared at Torbek with surprise. “Oh wow…” was all he could get out. 

“Ihihit’s vehehery ticklihihihish!” Torbek admitted. 

“Really?” Frost reacted. “Is this a new feeling for you?” He asked next. 

“Nohoho, ihit’s nohohot.” Torbek lifted his hand out of the water and shook it off. “Tohorbek dihihidn’t knohow his paw was ticklish.” He admitted. 

“I see…” Frost responded with a smile. 

“Is that normal?” Torbek asked. 

Frost thought for a moment. “Well…I’d think so.” Frost nodded his head. “If it wasn’t normal, then I would be much more confused and concerned.” he admitted. 

“Are your paws ticklish?” Torbek asked. 

“Well…” Frost looked at his own paw, which was still being nibbled by the fishes in the water. “My upper paws are not.” Frost removed his right paw and moved his lower paws up to the edge of the rock. “But my lower paws are quite sensitive.” Frost admitted, fiddling with the shoes. 

Torbek widened his eyes. “Why are you taking your shoes off, Frost?” Torbek asked. 

“Because I want to see what it feels like on my paw pads.” Frost admitted. “And considering you showed me one of your sensitive spots, I feel a little more comfortable getting out of my own comfort zone.” Frost added as he placed his shoes and socks onto the grassy ground behind him. 

Torbek smiled slightly. “Really? Does…” Torbek looked down a bit. “Does this mean you trust Torbek now?” 

Frost smiled a bit. “Yeah…I’d say so.” Frost slowly put his lower paws into the water. It felt wet in an uncomfortable way…but at the same time, it felt cool and comforting as a result. This night in the feywild was warm, and the water was helping his body cool down. And then things took a turn when the curious fishes came to look at the new furry things invading their habitat. 

“Hello there.” Frost said, watching them as they swam a little closer. “Curious little things, huh?” Frost asked next. 

The fish finally touched his paws and started nibbling. 

“Oh- Oh wohow- HaHA- Oho no!” Frost squinted his face as he tried not to move his paws around too much. “Thihis is- hahaha!”

“Is it really ticklish?” Torbek asked. 

“Hehe- hehehe-!” Frost threw his head back. “Hahahahaha!” He yelled out. “Ohoho noho!” Frost covered his mouth. “Thihis is wohohorse than I thohohought!” Frost admitted. 

Torbek smiled. “Is it more ticklish than my paws?” Torbek asked. 

“Mahahaybehe?” Frost was unsure if he should pull his foot out, or endure it for a little longer. Trying to handle the feeling, Frost started tapping the rock he was sitting on with his claws. 

“Hehehehe-” Recognizing the laughter, Frost looked towards Torbek. “Hahahaha!” Frost’s smile grew wider as he saw Torbek’s paw in the water again, clearly nibbling and tickling him. 

‘Yohou’re doing ihihit too?” Frost asked. 

Torbek nodded his head. “Yeheheah!” He replied rather proudly. “Thihihis ihis reheheally fun!” Torbek admitted. 

“Ihihit reheheally ihihis!” Frost replied back. 

Torbek pulled his hand out of the water, and shook the water off his paw. “Ihihit’s stihill ticklyhyhyhy…” Torbek admitted, holding his paw. 

Frost followed suit as well, pulling his lower paws out of the water and bringing them up to his chest. “Fucking hehehell…” He muttered. “Ihi don’t understand how people do that on a daily basis.” He admitted next. 

Torbek shrugged his shoulders. “Torbek does…” 

Frost nodded his head and took his green robe off so he could dry off his paws. “Are you feeling any better?” 

Torbek smiled. “Yes, Torbek feels a lot better.” He replied. 

“That’s good.” Frost reacted gently as he got up onto his feet. “I’m gonna head back to the campsite.” Frost told him. 

“Really?” Torbek looked up at Frost with a disappointed look. 

“Yeah…I feel like my paws need to dry off more.” Frost admitted, not noticing Torbek’s face. 

“Umm…” Torbek lifted his paw up. “Frost?” 

Frost turned around to look at him. “Yes?” 

Almost right away, Frost noticed Torbek’s disappointed, yet nervous face. “Can…” Torbek tensed up. “Canyoustaywithtorbek?” He asked really quickly. 

Frost widened his eyes. To say he was shocked, would be an understatement. “You…want me to stay?” Frost asked him. 

Torbek nodded his head. “P…Please?” Torbek looked at him with a pleading look. 

Frost’s face softened as he looked at him. Torbek was one with the group, after all…and with this conversation having brought them closer, he felt like he would really hurt Torbek’s feelings if he told him no. 

“Okay.” Frost walked up. “I’ll stay for a little longer.” Frost sat down on the same rock Torbek was sitting on. “Do you need to talk? Or…” Frost asked. 

“Uhhh…” Torbek slowly handed Frost his hand. “Can…Can you…” Torbek looked away, clearly embarrassed. “Can you t-tickle my paw?” Torbek asked.

Frost tilted his head slightly, and slowly took the bottom of his hand. “Really?” He adjusted himself on the rock. “That’s why you wanted me to stay?” Frost asked him. 

Torbek groaned and covered his face with his other hand. “Oooooh…I know…It’s so embarrassing…” Torbek admitted. 

“It’s okay, Torbek.” Frost reassured him. “Gricko told me what your toast was during guys' night…so it makes sense that you would want this.” Frost admitted. 

Torbek looked up at Frost, biting his lip as he looked down at his hand. “Okay…” 

Frost smiled a bit. “Now let’s see how sensitive these paws really are.” Frost started to gently flutter his fingers against his paw pad. 

Torbek jumped and tittered. “Ah-haha- Thehey’re quite s-sensitihihive…” Torbek admitted. 

“But the true question is, what part is the ticklish spot?” Frost asked with an evil little smirk. “Is there a specific toe bean that’s more sensitive? Or is it just the whole paw?” Frost asked. 

“F-Frohost, Tohorbek dohoesn’t like the loohoohook ohon your fahahace…” Torbek admitted. 

“What’s wrong, Torbek?” Frost asked. “Can’t handle a little teasing?” He asked. 

“Thihihis ihis teheheasihing?” Torbek asked. 

“Well, the voice is. The look on my face is more ‘mischief’ than ‘teasy’.” Frost explained. 

“Ihihi feeheel your clahahaw movihihing!” Torbek’s tittering worsened as he watched Frost’s hand very carefully. “Yohohou’re teeheeasing meee!” Torbek whined. 

“That is correct, Torbek. I am indeed teasing you. How did you know?” Frost asked in his monotone voice. 

“Frohohohost!” Torbek reacted. 

“I can hear you perfectly fine. I’m right here.” Frost mentioned next. 

“Wahahait- Hehehehe! Why ihis the teheheasing mahaking the ticklihihihing wohohorse?!” Torbek asked him. 

“Is it?” Frost asked him. “Are you sure it’s not because of where I’m tickling?” 

Torbek giggled somewhat helplessly as he watched Frost’s finger draw circular motions against the bottom paw pad. Whatever Frost was doing, it was working wonders. And honestly…he didn’t mind. He was just shocked that such a small touch like that could make him laugh like this.

“You’re somewhat quiet.” Frost mentioned. “Well…besides the laughter. Something on your mind?” He asked him. 

Torbek closed his eyes and shook his head. “Nohoho, Tohorbek is gohohood.” Torbek replied. 

“Alright.” Frost smiled and went back to observing Torbek’s paw. He began to wonder once again, if there were other ticklish spots on his paw that were not known yet. Frost stopped his claw, and looked up at Torbek again. “Would I be allowed to keep exploring?” Frost asked him. 

Torbek’s giggles lessened in a matter of seconds. Due to the laughter being somewhat softer, Torbek wasn’t very tired. So, he shook his head. “Torbek doesn’t mind. This is really fun!” He admitted. 

Frost widened his eyes slightly, as a small smile grew on his face. “You’re enjoying this?” Frost asked. 

“Uh huh.” Torbek bit his lip and looked down slightly. “C-Can Torbek have some more?” Torbek asked next. 

Frost’s face grew more and more surprised. “More tickles?” He clarified. 

“Yes please!” Torbek replied rather excitedly. 

Frost’s smile seemed to widen from this response alone. So without another delay, Frost kept giving Torbek the tickles he so desperately needed. Though asking for tickles is fairly unusual, Frost would never let Torbek feel different…especially right now. He had enough moral ground to know what would hurt Torbek, versus what would make Torbek happy. And for right now…that information could easily make Torbek sad all over again. So, he kept it to himself and indulged in Torbek’s request. 

Frost soon figured out what spots make him squeak, versus giggle or laugh. The upper beans made him giggle in a growly-kind of way, while the lower paw made Torbek throw his head back with a long cackle. Though Torbek’s laughter was very strange, it was almost comforting to hear as well. And the giddy look on Torbek’s face was absolutely priceless. He looked like a little kid who was given a gigantic ice cream cone! Seeing such a depressed and grouchy bugbear laugh like this, let alone smile…it felt absolutely amazing. 

After their little bonding moment, Frost and Torbek headed back to the campsite. Frost had put his shoes on before heading back, while Torbek shook off his paw and caught up to him. When they arrived at the campsite, the others noticed their closeness right away. 

“What’s goin’ on there, fluffmeisters?” Gideon asked. 

“Nothing of importance.” Frost replied. 

“Torbek thinks the river is really nice to listen to.” Torbek admitted. 

“Yeah, I agree. I’ve never seen fish like that before. I think I’ll have to do some reading on the creatures of the feywild.” Frost admitted. 

“Can Torbek learn too?” Torbek asked him. “Torbek would like to see what the nibbling fishies are called.” Torbek told him. 

Frost shrugged his shoulders. “Sure. We can both look at it. I just need to find a book first.” 

Gideon smiled a bit. “Maybe Twig has a book.” He suggested. 

“I might just have something for you. But I’ll need to check.” Twig replied with a smile. 

“Yay! This is the best day ever!” Torbek cheered, clapping his hands together. 

Gricko laughed a little bit, while Gideon and Kremy grew confused, before looking to Frost for clarification. 

“Long story.” Frost told him, attempting to shrug it off. 

Kremy and Gideon looked at each other, before shrugging their shoulders and dropping it. Though they wanted a more specific explanation, they knew not to pry. Maybe they’ll get their answer when Frost and Torbek feel more comfortable. 

One more thing: I'm sorry for the lack of uploads. I've been focusing on school starting up again, as well as writing the tickletober fanfics. Writing for tickletober has been slower this year, but I'm still determined to go ahead with it. Thanks for the patience and support! <3