#I'm not going to try to summarize either of these because I think that would do them a grave injustice

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Punk? Academia

I'm making this as a separate post to @librarian-by-day's very good point on this thread about dark academia.

As funny as this vibe is, I think the original ‘darkness’ of dark academia has been lost. Donna Tartt’s The Secret History is a foundational text of dark academia. But this book is all about the trap of elitism in higher education. Which is legitimately a problem. As someone from the US, I think the ways higher education fails us, promotes elitism (and oppresses the working class), and ergo supports white supremacy culture SHOULD absolutely be critiqued. If anything, dark academia should be called punk academia…or something along those lines. I don’t want to hate on enjoying aethetics, because they are fun and creative. And its lovely to consider the way you present yourself as an artform. I just think there is so much power behind these kinds of critiques. But dark academia, so perfectly set up to challenge higher education in this way, doesn’t seem to go there. (Maybe I just haven’t found those critiques yet, though?)

Really, I think they said everything I might want to far better than I ever could. Thanks for calling attention to this very real problem that lies beneath the surface of the ivory tower. My humble addition is in the form of a few reading recommendations.

I had the privilege to teach a class about Indigenous research methodologies, taught by an Indigenous professor. As part of that class, we did a lot of reading about how to work within and against an inherently colonial, white supremacist organization like a university.

I would highly encourage everyone who works in/adjacent to academia to read these two books. Both of them offer important insights on the nature of academia, and how research can be a tool of or a vector for pushing back against structural and systemic inequality.

[starcchild]

((question: I realize I can make carterio canon for Carter's main verse as well as the ikau by saying she and Quentin were together while she was in college, but then they broke up pre-aou or just after. Do y'all think that could be something that'd work or just leave it as an alt-main during iw/eg?

[just-a-creep-babe]

What Makes You Tick - Prologue

(Ticci Toby x Reader)

Cheers to the new longer fic series starring Toby! Hope you enjoy this brief little intro to get a taste of what's to come~

Commissions are open!

Masterlist: x

Divider by @plum98

Work.

That’s what Toby’s life revolves around. Day in, day out. He doesn’t have hobbies, doesn’t have friends to hang out with—and he certainly doesn’t have a family to go back home to, either. He has work.

It consumes him.

He’s thankful for it, though. It’s pathetic to say, but at least he has something. At least he’s still good for one thing. At least he’s not completely fucking useless.

So it doesn’t bother him when Slender sends him out on a mission not even a full 24 hours after the last one. It's just another distraction, another way to kill some time and keep his darker thoughts at bay. It's another way to feel useful, to feel needed.

He notices, as he's preparing his things, that his partners in crime aren't the happiest about getting thrown into another job. But then again, when are they ever happy?

Toby sits on the couch in their dingy cabin when he finishes prepping. Hoodie joins him not too long after, leaning against the side of the couch with his arms folded over his chest, and both wait in silence for the following orders.

When Masky has most of his things ready, he stands in front of them and addresses them for a debrief. It's a fairly standard mission, as far as jobs go. Something about someone with the Sickness who's trying to find the cure and needs to be intercepted—same old, same old. There's a strange kind of comfort in the regularity of the work.

Ever since the incident, Toby's life stopped making sense. But at least there's still some semblance of routine within the insanity of it all. At least he could still cling to these fleeting threads of normalcy.

"Toby."

Snap.

Masky snaps his fingers in front of Toby's face.

"You're zoning out. I need you focused."

"I am focused," Toby retorts.

"No, you're not. You're not taking this seriously."

With a roll of his eyes, Toby looks up at the ceiling.

"That's because we've done this exact same job hundreds of-of times by now. I don't need to listen to the same fu-fucking debriefing every s-single time."

Masky pinches the bridge of his nose, furrows his brows, and exhales deeply through his tired frustration.

"It's not the same every time. I'm giving you important information that you need to know and you need to remember. I don't do this shit for fun, Toby; it's not a fucking game."

"I'm not saying it's a fucking game," Toby stands abruptly as a jolt of anger snaps through his body. It takes everything in his power to stop himself from grabbing Masky's collar and shaking him. "I'm saying I'm sick of hearing you spew out the same crap time and time again when you—when you could just s-summarize it or something!"

"I am summarizing it—you fucking dipshit. You'd know that if you fucking listened for once in your life."

Toby's about to lose whatever meager ounce of self-control he has, when Hoodie steps in between them and separates them.

"Alright, that's enough. No injuries before we're on site. I don't wanna have to work more to compensate for dead weight."

"Just—focus, alright?" Masky insists, and all Toby can think about is how satisfying it would be to throw his fist into his dumb fucking face.

"I am focused," the youngest of the three seethes the words out.

"Alright, can you repeat the plan to me, then?"

"We're finding our target, going in, seeing what edge we can find. They have some—some notebook or wh-whatever and Slender wants it back. We kill if we need to."

Masky groans, as if the recap isn't good enough, but Hoodie shakes his head, as if to dissuade his partner from arguing any further.

"It'll do," Hoodie states, "C'mon, it shouldn't be a long one. The sooner we're in, the sooner we're out."

And just like that, the three separate to start loading up the car and heading out.

Masky drives, as usual, and Hoodie takes shotgun, leaving Toby in the back, as usual. He doesn't mind it too much, though; anything is better than sitting next to Masky for an extended amount of time. Plus, not having to worry about the road gives him plenty of time to look out the window and daydream. It's one of the few times he can escape, and his mind won't take him anywhere unpleasant.

Well, most of the time it won't, anyway. Which is about as good as it can get.

They sleep at a hotel after driving non-stop for the rest of the day, and they're on the road for the following two days after that. It's only on the fourth day that they finally crash at a hotel that Masky announces will be their "home, sweet home" until the end of the job.

He recaps the mission, again, but Toby, admittedly, only really pays attention to their target's description. He hears Masky explain that they’ll start working at dusk, but Toby’s already too busy testing out the mattresses and pillows to bother listening.

Thankfully, Masky ignores him instead of bitching at him, and the two other proxies talk about more shit Toby doesn't care about.

At least this won't be a long one, Toby thinks, his eyes already growing heavy as the comfort of the cheap hotel bed encourages him to relax. The last coherent thought he has is the feeling of relief that at least this mission’s bound to be over before he knows it.

And then his thoughts are lost to his dreams.

[lovelybee666]

FLUFF ALPHABET DOGDAY

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I already published it in one of my first writings but so that they don't bother to see it, they both play hide and seek, tag, maybe truth or dare, etc.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He thinks everything about you is beautiful, from your eyes to your your toes (if you even have toes or feet).

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

If you are sad he tries to cheer you up either by giving you physical or verbal affection, drawing, talking, watching something, whatever cheers you up.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

It sounds strange but he would like to have a family (he knows he can't 😞) he would like to see you and him with his little children but since he can't, he use his stuffed version as one and depending on how you are, you will play along or try (don't even think about telling him that it's stupid of him or I swear I will come to your house with a gun 👹 /j)

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He's in the middle 👍 there's not much to say honestly

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Look, I don't know what happened but it was probably your fault😒(just joking) their arguments probably don't go beyond a few raised voices, the second the discussion ends there are two options, the first is that he run to you and apologize or that he is lecturing himself with his tail down.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He is VERY grateful and even thanks for things he shouldn't(I'm sorry this is short, I couldn't think of anything)

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Imagine there is a door, that door symbolizes honesty now look at Dogday's door that door is so open that the door flew away and the frame too.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I'm already doing a hc of him jealous so this will be more summarized and shorter, It's difficult for him to get jealous since he trusts you TOO much but if he is jealous he will try to get your attention hugging you and saying your name over and over again.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

The first kiss was okay although he had never kissed so at first it was a little awkward, as time went on his kissing skills improved(he definitely didn't ask Bubba, Cickin and Bobby for advice☺️ DEFINITELY)

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He was nervous, he asked Catnap if he could come and support him, he complied as a good friend and he was a little far away but behind you with a sign that said "YOU CAN DO IT, DOGDAY!" or said what Dogday was supposed to say because he probably forgot(I promise to make a more detailed version soon in the not too distant future).

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He wants to marry you but since you and him are toys you can't but still in some creative way you got married, they used a fabric that they found with the help of Crafty and they got married, it was actually something funny and adorable to see (YOU DEFINITELY WORE THE SUIT AND DOGDAY THE WEDDING DRESS‼️‼️) by the way, the ring was some donut-shaped gummies.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

I already made a post about it but I wanted to make a little update here by adding "angel" and "star"

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It's VERY obvious, just watch him for a few seconds and you'll see how when you're close he moves his tail and seems happier, he stops what he's doing and comes to greet you giving you a hug while his tail moves at a thousand miles an hour, he's not sure if he's in love, he confuses his feelings and thinks maybe he just loves you as a close friend (spoiler, it wasn't)

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He's a big fan of PDA and even once probably shouted from somewhere quite long how much he loved you(a worker or Miss Delight scolded him because the children were supposed to be sleeping at that time), He loves to hold your hand and kiss your nose, he probably emphasizes 24/7 that you're dating him, he is very proud to know that you are dating him, If you are not a fan of PDA, he respects it and when you are alone he gives you a lot of kisses on the cheeks and hugs you.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

There's not much to say but technically you're second in command for dating the guy who's the leader👍 IDK MAN

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He is cliche AND creative, He likes to do very cliché but very creative things at the same time, They are going to have a date with red petals and candles, yes, but instead of candles they will be candles with fun shapes, the petals will be daisies (clearly I don't get them from a destroyed Daisy) and the chairs are chairs of frogs, he likes to do the same things that are romantically cliché but at the same time add things that have nothing to do with it or make it chaotic.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

ABSOLUTELY YES, it will help you in anything, believe 100% that you can achieve any goal you have.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Every day he do something new with you, one day you are looking some ants working and the next you are creating a base to protect yourself from a non-existent deadly virus that he created with you.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Depending on who you are, he probably knows a lot about you and is quite empathetic (I couldn't think of anything here, I'm sorry)

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

For him you are the most important thing in his life, his top is probably

3. Humans

2. His friends

1. You

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When you give him the cold shoulder after an argument he goes to Catnap and Catnap has to deal with his best friend crying because you don't listen to him

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Y E S He is very affectionate although obviously there are days when he is less affectionate.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He will be looking for things that remind him of you and hugs them while waiting for you to appear.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He is willing to do almost anything for the relationship, his only limits are attacking or killing someone for obvious reasons.

I FINALLY FINISHED THIS, now I will have to do other pending things

[fummy-woomy]

wrong organ's other games in relation to mouthwashing

wrong organ has two other games: how fish is made & the last one and then another.

in short: for more mouthwashing and curly scraps, go play the last one and then another. here, i'm just summarizing, interpreting, and noting some interesting things about curly's perspective and the game.

--!major spoiler warning for mouthwashing & the last one and then another!--

the first game doesn't have too much relation to mouthwashing that i could tell, though it does have it's own interesting story/themes so check it out!, but is the prequel to the last one and then another, which had quite a bit to do with mouthwashing.

so, the last one and then another is basically a promo game for mouthwashing based on elements of how fish is made. in it we play as a fish trapped in a mass of foam trying to gain more mass (like the game katamari damacy, if you're familiar with it). the goal of this game is to grow large and consume even larger things, with the ultimate goal seeming to be absorbing the giant human-like figure wrapped in bandages and blood floating above you: curly, as we know him now.

(in the end, we didn't get that big, not big enough to absorb a human at least, so i think we just absorbed his eye, which is kinda funny lol)

there are four main things you absorb besides random debris: four fish.

you might see where this is going; four fish, four crew members besides curly...

the first fish you encounter tells you "look at me! look at you! we've done it!" it says that the both of you are special, and that you should absorb it because more is more is more is better. it tells you not to leave it, to consume it to fill the void. this seems like jimmy, with it's somewhat familiarity towards you and obsession with trying to get more mass paralleling his obsession with curly climbing the corporate ladder, so to speak. jimmy wanted that too.

you then run into a chubby fish eating cake in a den full of balloons, pretty happy with the cake. you ask it to come with you, and it hostilely rejects you, to which you absorb it anyways. this is swansea, who also has a temper, largest build of the crew, and a similar happy mood while drunk in comparison to the fish enjoying its cake.

next, you stand above a hole with a drop. if you listen closely, you can hear a baby crying, and when you jump into the hole, there's a fish hanging from a treble, unmoving, looking to be skinned on one of it's sides. attached to it by another line, is something small, dark and tiny; upon closer inspection, it is a faintly trembling baby fish. you absorb the baby fish. (do i even have to say that it's anya? seeing this fish made me seriously sad).

finally, you talk to a fish drunk off of and surrounded by giant bottles of dragonbreath mouthwash. it says it should have stayed in the "other place," and references the plot from how fish are made, which was about choosing between either going up or down-- the fish is confused about what direction it is even supposed to be going. in the end, it says it can help and asks you to take it back to "that place". this seems most similar to daisuke's moment of confession to jimmy while he was drunk, about not really having a direction in life.

overall, with mouthwashing being so big on show not tell, we could say that this is how curly sees his crew, in retrospect. curly also being in the bandaged state that he is, it seems like this game is focused on his reflections on everything that happened with the crew. mostly jimmy though. especially because of the title, which is a line curly says in this game.

"i tried. i really did. we're defined by our past, but not slaves to it. we said tomorrow will be different. today would be the last day. the last one. the last one and then another. and another, and another, and another..."

bam. title drop.

so, after knowing each other for a while, this implies that jimmy has done this type of shit before. whether its SA, other generally insane things, weird behavior, or what, we don't know-- all we know is that curly knew what a character jimmy was the whole time, and still vouched for him, empathized with him. multiple, multiple times.

it's one thing to give second chances, it's another thing entirely to give never ending third, fourth, fifth, sixth chances, and another, and another and another. which is exactly what curly seems to be regretful over, but only now, after another and another and another. c'mon curly. it took you becoming crippled for life to finally realize that maybe you shouldn't keep forgiving and enabling jimmy? i know you were biased as a friend, but that still doesn't really excuse it.

i think he probably let things slide so many times, because of this line...

"...you know. he joined because of me."

this line can be interpreted as curly feeling bad for the rest of the crew because he brought jimmy-- who curly knew was unwell-- on the trip... or, as curly feeling bad for bringing jimmy into the corporate slave cargo business. and based on the overall tone of the conversation and other words he says, his own dissatisfaction with his job, and the title of this game being about jimmy's actions... i don't think it's the former.

this can be a motive as to why curly let jimmy get away with so much-- he felt guilty about being the one to tie jimmy down to this career. it also reveals that this mf still feels bad for jimmy, after all the unhinged stuff the little rat has done; sure, he feels some guilt about letting jimmy do all the insane shit, but he also still somehow feels bad for jimmy. i get that they're friends, but at a certain point maybe you need to re-evaluate your friendships sir...

i know curly was the "reliable captain", and everyone always thought he was nice-- and i'm sure that's true. but in being too nice, in believing too much in the good of people and the power of second chances, and being too biased towards his friend, he failed anya. he failed jimmy too in a way, for covering for him too many times. i'm sure he absolutely didn't mean for things to turn out this way, but they did, partly because he was complacent, and now he gets to live with that, even if he wasn't a "bad guy", even if his fate is inhumanely cruel; i'm not trying to say i'm happy that curly ended up like this, it's truly a really shitty ending, but i can't say he didn't have a hand in it either, and i can't excuse him overlooking jimmy's weird vibes so much for so long.

---

on the rest of the game...

i don't think the fish you're playing as is really relevant, other than probably being the main character of the previous game. it's just an interesting way for the developers to tie mouthwashing in with how fish are made and to channel curly's introspective thoughts; someone in the comments of the youtube video i watched did theorize that this "absorbing mass" was an allegory for the corporate life and working your way up, which i think is actually really spot on though. the whole game mechanic of absorbing things can possibly be related to curly's own thoughts about his job, and how it just keeps consuming and consuming with no regard/care to anything else. how pony express probably couldn't care less about them as employees.

it's interesting to me how you can't even talk to anya. like they chose to make her already dead in curly's eyes, while the rest of the crew you can talk to as the fish. maybe these reflections of his are taking place directly after anya died? of maybes curly feels like he never gave her the chance to speak, and then it was already too late?

with him seeing daisuke as unsure about his position in life, was daisuke just that obviously adrift, or did he confide in curly at one point too? also, daisuke was the one to make the most references to how fish are made, so i wonder if he can tie into the themes of that (free will, how much your choices really matter) as well?

i'm not sure how much about the plot really changed between the release of mouthwashing and the last one and then another, so maybe some of the things in this promo/teaser game aren't so accurate?

--maybe this is all just a promo game, and i'm reading too much into it. but yeah. there you have it. curly, mouthwashing, and the last one and then another. sorry for the long ass yap, this game was just so genuinely good that i'm writing paragraphs about it and losing my mind over it. i should be doing my homework rn.

any thoughts? stuff i missed? critiques?

[bookaddictedrose]

You all know I'm a huge Halden-Tauri-is-Violet's-Ex theory fan, and I just found an amazing reddit post explaining exactly why I think so.

The purple are my additions!

To summarize:

Violet seems to be very familiar with dating nobility and being associated with them

It's mentioned Violet had exes in infantry, and where does royalty enroll? Infantry.

Assuming the two did have a past relationship, it never could've been serious as Halden was royalty and Violet wasn't, which could've added on to Violet's insecurities about Cat and Xaden, because they were both technically nobility, and she wasn't and considered herself inferior.

So what will happen in the book?

Halden comes looking for Cam/Aaric. Either he covered for him, or is trying to find out where the hell he went.

There, he meets guess who? Violet! His ex! Where she's now a badass dragonrider with two badass dragons, lots of daggers, and lightning.

And so he's like wow! because she isn't a soft book loving scribe anymore. So now he thinks she's "worthy" to be in a relationship with him, and that the kingdom would be much more likely to accept her. Possible betrothal?

Which I personally don't find really reasonable, because at that point Violet's already a known traitor to the country, sooo...

So then Violet's like, no, obviously, cause she already has Xaden, and he only wants her now that she's strong, etc.

Violet is understandably tired of Xaden lying and hiding shit from her, so she's really trying to Figure Shit Out with him. She's determined to make it work out.

Xaden will clearly be struggling with being a venin, and be very frustrated when he messes up.

This leads to him even (begrudgingly) encouraging Violet towards Halden, thinking he's the safer, "better" option.

Reminder that Xaden only broke off his betrothal with Catriona because she was a toxic asshole, not because he was against a political maritial alliance.

Prepare for very, very, VERY jealous Xaden. Overprotective, lose-his-shit, "he's better and you should pick him but I'm not letting you go" kinda Xaden. Which we will all love, obviously.

At one point Xaden will try to play the heroic noble sacrifice and leave, but Violet will chase after/find him and they have a long angsty talk.

Remember that scene when Violet's trying to make Xaden jealous and she's talking about him and one of her exes fighting on the mat, and Xaden's like, _not likely, they're all in infantry and I'm stronger"??

THAT SCENE PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH. Like, Violet was trying to get Xaden to understand her situation and feelings with Cat, and then he's just being so smug and self-assured and completely disregarding her feelings?

I'm just saying, I love Xaden but he REALLY needs humbling. And I would cheer the entire time. Loudly.

[lucysarah-c]

Sometimes I get kinda sad going rereading the manga and remembering how much of Levi’s substance they cut from from the anime in favor of his “knight in shining armor” image. I feel like that’s where a lot of the discourse always comes from. People interpret his character from so many different perspectives and if you haven’t read the manga it’s actually so hard to get get a clear look at his character because the anime is just not complete.

Like, especially the scene where Levi tells Historia to become Queen. I will forever be mad they cut it. That was such an important point to his character because if Historia had outright refused, everything Levi had done in the name of humanity, all the people he’s killed, tortured and everyone he’s lost, it would have all been for nothing. I just don’t think he would have been able to live with that.

I love the gritty parts of him. It’s what makes him so well written and probably why he’s been one of my favorite characters for 10 years.

Hi, love!

Oh, you might be referring to my post about how it's hard for me to write Levi perfectly and how I might portray him too harshly, right?

Honestly, I agree with you. I always say I write "manga Levi" and not "anime Levi." Anime Levi is like a simplified version of him, I believe. In Spanish, we would say they took all his "spice," to be honest.

Manga Levi is far from perfect as a hero, but he's hilarious. He's a sassy little man, and I adore him. In the English official translation, they didn't capture this, but in the Spanish one (or at least the one I read back in the day), when he meets Eren in jail, he says (I'm translating), "you have amnesia and your daddy goes missing, so convenient."

The idea of Levi standing next to Erwin, meeting Eren, who is his long-time fan, and saying "daddy," is hilarious to me. It was so funny that I had that panel as my phone wallpaper almost my entire high school years. Manga Levi is funnier, has way more facial expressions than just stoic ones, and he has a more pronounced personality. There are a bunch of panels of him either having great sassy moments or literally having a facial expression that shows he's thinking, "this bitch…"

Regarding the scene with Historia, I understand why some people don't like it, but I actually did. Levi is not perfect—I love him, don't get me wrong. He saw almost every single person he loves die, Erwin is about to be executed, their lives are hanging by a thread, he's fighting the only person he considered family, he tortured a man, etc. They are informing this girl, who is very young, that she will be queen, and she's like, "hell no." After everything he did, after everything he sacrificed, the only thing Historia has to do in Levi's eyes is sit her ass on a throne and live a peaceful life full of privileges… I would have gotten mad too.

This is why I say that the canon time is not our society. I try to write Levi as I believe he would truly be in the society inside the walls. He has issues that he probably won't be able to fix because it's not modern society. It's completely alright if someone likes and prefers another interpretation of Levi's character. I simply enjoy writing him the most when he's flawed and lovely at the same time.

Ugh, sorry for the ramble, I just have a very hard time summarizing ideas.

Love ya <3

[system-of-a-feather]

Alternative System Mind Mapping Method for Communication

[DISCLAIMER: This is not a professional or scientifically or anything really backed method, this is something coming solely from peer / personal experience.]

In regards to an anon ask earlier, I was thinking about it and one of the ways we've approached improving communication - particularly internal - in a way that is a lot less prone to flooding or dealing with trauma or anything too overwhelming - is by approaching it following the concept of Memory Webs

I haven't read up on them recently, but "Memory Webs" were a thing that our AP Psychology teacher in highschool made us do because the AP Psych test was term / jargon heavy. Memory in the human brain has been shown to be HEAVILY associative and the ability to remember and connect things tends to rely on following a "web" of connected topics, ideas, concepts etc from one idea to the next.

So in our AP Psych class, she gave us these GIANT books for Vocabulary Webs that we had to slowly work on, each of which required 6 other vocab words / related concepts, a summarized definition, and an image to represent it. By doing this, you added 6 cues to recall the word (increasing the chance you'd remember it), a visual cue, an episodic memory of working on it, and a definition - all in all improving how connected the word is to other concepts in your brain and making it easier to recall it.

I personally like to look at DID and our parts in a similar manner sometimes where the large issue is that a lot of the nodes in the web of associations are either disconnected or connected through a hard-to-find and/or small chain. In that sense, parts struggle to be held together because they are not associated concepts. It's hard to reach other parts because the dissociative walls (which in our unsubstantiated opinion is less a 'wall' and more so a lack of reinforced neural connections, so I would call them dissociative caverns) keep associations from forming

As a result, alternative to more traditional ways of mapping your system and parts, a method I've liked to internally visualize systems and navigating system dynamics is through a memory web manner. (I actually have never done it physically cause the Ray part of my brain - also the most prominent part writing this rn - rarely liked to front if he didn't have to and did a lot of stuff internally)

Here's a bit of a breakdown using six of our parts if any of you want to try it out.

We personally like it because it strips a lot of trauma and stress off of it and makes it a lot more of a positive and present engaging activity. For the purposes of this, I'll be using the free online app of Milanote cause we've used it before for OC associative webs and I think it'll do fine enough. (Honestly it actually might just be a good way to log alter information now that I'm looking at it if you are at a place in recovery where keeping track of that physically helpful)

So we can start by dropping down the parts we want to include in the form of boards

So from here, we have a bunch of disconnected parts. However, we find that a lot of these parts have things that mean a lot to them, that illicit a strong emotion or reaction from them.

Some parts may lack it more than others (often in our case trauma holders and/or trauma locked parts) and that's okay and to be expected. This is a visualization method and if there isn't much connecting a part that is 100% okay.

For demonstration sake, I will now add bubbles around each part of things that were pretty early apparent that each individual liked.

Also for the purposes of how I know our system works and how I plan to do this, I am actually moving Riku to the center and you will all see why Riku is such an S tier center point with this model

So you can see some connections forming.

Some key things you can take from this visual that also applied to earlier stags of how we connected

Lucille and Riku are and have always been pretty darn connected, they go back as one of the longest duos and were split almost as a pair to deal with academics

Chunn and Ray have a very shared interest of "I don't want to do anything leave me alone"

XIV literally was just a piece of shit early on and didn't have any immediate HARD connections with anyone largely because he never was interested in actually engaging in things he liked in a positive way as his "favorite emotion" at the time was "being pissed off"

Lin - an originally trauma stuck / loop - is very very poorly associated with anything that isn't overtly trauma related (and that is saying something cause Vocaloid is trauma related) and thus has very few connections to other parts

So looking at this though, there are a few things that have some similarities between parts. What you can do is make plans to try to foster the interests that you do have and try to generalize it a bit more to also encompass what interests other parts have. So lets engage in hobbies a little more - explore a few concepts that mean a lot to parts independently - and find some more generalized version of those hobbies

(forgot to add easy listening to Ray's and "only wearing monochrome*" to XIV's earlier) (*there are a lot of nuances and caveats)

Damn, look at that. It's messy and ugly to have in a 2D form. I absolutely hate it, this would be so impossible with our whole system. But HEY, it's very connected - and that's the goal.

Compared to the previous one, you can see how easily it can be for one part's interests to start to drift into another. Because they are largely and strongly associated features to each part, they are a lot more accessible when engaging in their shared / associated connections and interests which makes it easier for the them to stay together near the front, stay associated with one another, and work with and communicate with one another.

Of course anyone following this blog goes "Where tf is Birds" and that I left out because it would ruin the point of the web as it actually is one of our traditional "you are around the system a lot? okay pick a bird" which serves to 1) be a fun system culture thing 2) be a means of welcoming a part in and 3) helps establish a foundational connection; we do the same with music but with music its a lot more elaborate and I probably wont explain it for other reasons.

But overtime, by fostering interests that were already present and encouraging parts to broaden and generalize their specific interest a bit, you end up with a lot of overlapping associations that can greatly improve internal communication, co-fronting ability, and just general fluidity and easy of moving around the brain web.

It becomes a good way of trying to figure out what you can do to encourage and help build connections and associations between parts by seeing where things are similar / could have more overlap (combat and martial arts, different types of fashion, different types of music, different appreciation for arts, taking over the world, yada yada yada)

And you wanna know the coolest thing? When you step back from the whole web you can see certain things appear that stand out the most and have some of the most connections.

If you ever intend to go to Final Fusion, those are the things that will likely be the most prominent traits of your whole self

For us? [REDACTED BIRDS for the point of the demonstration], Music, Fashion, Taking over the World, Recovery and Healing, Buddhism, Martial Arts, Arts in general - they're all some of our largest traits that persist in almost all forms as individual parts, partially fused parts, and fully fused parts.

And the BEST part? Doing this didn't require us to touch trauma at all.

Of course in recovery that will come up cause PTSD doesn't ask permission, but its a very low stress way to help improve internal communication and engagement with one another.

[ineffablyruined]

A Game of Spy vs Spy

(Or is it more Mr. & Mrs. Smith?)

Buckle up, because this one's about to get a little.. out there? Maybe. You decide for yourselves. I had this thought at 3am and I couldn't get it out of my head.

This following is based on two assumptions:

1. Aziraphale has a Plan (capital letter included) - see my explanation of why I believe that's the case in this post.

2. Crowley has been working on his own Plan since he dawned there Tactical Turtleneck - see this brilliant post by @justhereforthemeta .

Putting the rest under a Read More because it's a little lengthy.

To summarize both in case you don't have time to read both posts:

1. I believe Aziraphale's scary smile in the elevator is a smile he learned from spending so much time around Crowley and that it's reflective of him coming up with a plan to avert the Second Coming that he thinks is so clever that Crowley would absolutely approve.

The fact that Crowley is seen wearing his Super Secret Spy Gear multiple times throughout the series means he's actively working on his heist. He's plotting, he's planning. He disappears on Aziraphale when the angel is remembering Job. Disappearing on Aziraphale? That's not like Crowley at all.

2. Crowley is so enamored with the spy life (bullet hole decals anyone?) that he begins plotting a heist as soon as he finds out the Book of Life is a threat to Aziraphale. And the turtleneck is his spywear.

Crowley saves Aziraphale. It's his thing. He's done it over and over, countless times throughout history.

But listen to what Aziraphale says. Rescuing me makes him so happy. Rescuing me.

And the times Crowley asked Aziraphale to run away with him? Well, those times, it wasn't Aziraphale's life that was threatened. It was Crowley's. Hell found out he screwed up the baby switch? They were coming for him, not Aziraphale. Armageddon't? Isn't it demons that burn in a fiery pit for eternity when the world ends, not angels?

My point is.. M' point is..

Crowley isn't asking Aziraphale to run away with him at the end of Episode 6 only to chance The Metatron erasing Aziraphale from the Book of Life when they get there.

Crowley already has the Book of Life.

My bet? He had a little side project up in Heaven with Muriel off-camera. He was wearing the beige turtleneck after all.

And when we leave Heaven?

Turtleneck gone. Mission accomplished.

But let's not stop there!

Because Aziraphale has a Plan of his own now that he's returned from Heaven. And I'm betting at least part of it involves the Book of Life. And when he goes to look for it? GONE! And when he checks the files? Sure enough, there's Crowley sneaking it into his pocket. (And if we get an "Oh Good Lord" repeat at seeing Crowley's Heaven outfit, I'm not going to complain).

Alternatively, Heaven is going to find it missing, and they're going to know it was Crowley who took it and Aziraphale has to get it back to try to save Crowley.

Either way, he's going to have to get it.

And I'm betting Mr. BackOnHisOwnSide Crowley isn't going to be too forthcoming when the Supreme Archangel asks for it back.

And let the Spy vs Spy hijinks commence.

..................

Below is one conversation I've dreamed up in my head about all this, if you're into that kind of thing. Enjoy:

Crowley: If only I had access to a place with a truly ridiculous number of old books where one new addition would go completely unnoticed.

Aziraphale: Well, it's a good thing I know this bookshop better than anyone then, isn't it?

Crowley (bearing his teeth): I've reorganized.

Aziraphale: *gasp*

[libraford]

An approximate conversation of what's going on in the comments section in the post about our city's pride event. Copy-pasted and summarized instead of screencapped because I don't feel like blocking out names today.

Guy: This is the second post I've seen about gay pride this month and NOTHING about Alzheimer's Month or Men's Mental Health Awareness month! Way to go- ignoring the REAL issues.

Me: If you would like to have more initiatives for those causes, there are some forms you can fill out on the City's website. The city made this post because the pride event is on their list of scheduled events, so it makes sense for them to post it.

Guy: So the city planned Pride? That's what I was asking but it seemed to have gone over your precious little head.

Me: As stated in the city's post, it was the efforts of a local nonprofit. You can advocate for your causes as well, but you do have to fill out the proper paperwork for it.

Guy: So the city isn't planning it, but they're promoting it?? Are you that thick in the head? If the city doesn't want to recognize real issues they aren't involved in why would they cherry pick another? Like I said my original comment flew right over your head

Me: have you proposed any events for either of those causes to know for certain that they've been denied involvement?

Guy: Funny you ask yes I've been part of a for non profit organization here that had booths and events even a banner hanging across state st like many others have but yet never a mention. wonder why?

Me: well, that's quite a lot of things! You should be very proud! It seems very important to you that you be recognized and I respect that. Have you asked them for social media posts? I'm trying think of ways to make your vision happen.

(Crosstalk with other people in the thread)

Guy: Nobody is phobic/ scared. love how you guys make up things. There always has been and always will be people that don't like what others do. Guess what? That's called life grow up get over yourself and stop searching for validation because nobody owes you anything.

Me: Well? You don't have to come to pride if you don't want to. I would just avoid that intersection for the afternoon on the 22nd. It's up to you, though.

Guy: I don't need to avoid anything. It's public property and nobody is scared. I'm sorry or has a phobia

Me: Okay then! I hope you enjoy all the community services that will be vending at the event!

[danieyells]

Also like if you're cool with it can you tell me to build the cards and stuff? I'm still confused with it :'(

UH! I don't really know how to build cards either lmao. I just push the buttons when they get red blips U: BUT I WILL TRY AND EXPLAIN WHAT I CAN

i was actually writing this on mobile and then i accidentally closed tumblr when it was like 87% done so MAYBE THIS WILL BE WORSE THAN INITIALLY INTENDED I DON'T KNOW. Initially I was explaining like. A bunch of unnecessary stuff about where you get certain upgrade materials so I think this'll be better and marginally more concise because I feel like there's not actually that much to explain. It's very much just "make number go up".

So from what I've been told it's better to focus your efforts on a single SSR if you have one than trying to even things out, but since you're not only going into battle with your singular SSR I try and keep other units at a minimum of level 50 and a Level 40 warding card(preferably the one it gets a link bonus with!) with 50 Potency Grade. THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE ADVISABLE but it's how I do things personally. And then I have my SSR(s) which I focus on--one SSR gets most everything and once I have to wait to limit break it, I start giving resources to the next one down(or the next SR down.)

Now since just about every stat relies on different items to boost it up(coins obviously notwithstanding but you can very easily gain more coins) you don't really have to ration anything--just focus on boosting your highest ranked unit.

Like I said I just hit the button when the red blip pops up, but you may have noticed that when it comes to equipment the game prioritizes higher levels to higher rankings. Which. . . .

not very helpful, as it turns out! Turns out higher ranked units(SSR-SR-R-A-B-C-D-E, from highest to lowest) are generally a little better even at slightly lower levels! Because some equipment doesn't boost attributes(multiple stats) at all!!!

Higher rank = higher attribute boost. Higher level = higher battle stat boost.

see how Alan's overall power is higher with the level 95 C perfume than the level 100 E perfume? The game automatically gave him the E. . .even though it was weaker and both were available. The game checks for rarity over their level, so you may want to manually choose cards based on their stats as opposed to choosing the auto-equip button!

Also of note, sometimes a fully awakened R is stronger than an unawakened SR of the same level. . .if you have to wait to limit break your SRs, check out how your Rs are doing! They can be pretty strong too! You can always take stronger equipment and gems and such away from them for the higher rarity unit when you're ready.

@tokyo-debunker-memes made a pretty good guide to gems here and you can refer to that for any of your gem questions since I think they did a good job explaining and summarizing things! (I will say, gems go past level 9, they just can only be purchased at a base level of 9.)

The best equipment(SSR, SR, and R) can be made at Mr. Mo's Goldmine using using gold, silver, and copper materials you get there. You only have a chance get gold if you do multiple pulls there over the course of a week(the milestone resets every 7 days or so. . .or every time there's a new gacha I've noticed), so I wouldn't think too hard about SSR equipment. That's for whales. It's literally designed so that you have to use gems to even get a chance at gold material to make SSR equipment. And you need so much of the stuff just to make one it's just not worth it monetarily unless you've got insane disposable income haha.

I would focus only on the level 100s of the Mr Mo equipment(the Red Queen set and the Lotus set. The Stardust set if you wanna whale real hard.) If you get lucky enough to get enough silver and copper material you can make them, and they're stronger than anything you'll find doing Investigations or that they'll find on campus after investigations--that I'm aware of, unless they start giving out SRs and SSRs at higher level investigations which I doubt.

R, SR, and SSR equipment can be trained and given gems, just like warding cards, and raising their Special Attributes will provide additional percentage boosts to the unit they're equipped to(Necklaces, Rings, and Earrings raise HP percentage; Perfumes raise Physical Attack and Physical Defense percentages; Brooches raise Special Attack and Special Defense percentages. Warding Cards raise Attack percentage.) Try and focus on raising the Special Attributes related to the unit's attack style(noted in the 'Skills' window on the unit page.) That is to say, raise the Special Attibutes for Perfumes for Physical attackers and Brooches for special attackers so that they'll have higher attack power and do more damage. Of course, both are also important for their defensive value, and HP is also very important!

R, SR, and SSR equipments also have 'badges' which detonate they're part of a set. The more of that set you have, along with a warding card with the same badge, the higher bonus(indicated in the upper left of the unit page) you get for the character it's equipped to! The only way to change a Warding Card's badge is by leveling it up so. . .don't worry too hard about it, because moonlight paint is a pain in the ass to get.

Guardian spirits similarly should be distributed based on the ideal stats that unit should have raised. I only use SSR guardian spirits and feed any lower ranking ones to them to raise their levels. If you get a guardian spirit of the same level with stars, it's better to use and level up that one! It gives a higher percentage boost!

Generally you legit just have to look at the numbers and percentages and choose whatever's higher overall I think. Higher percentages are usually better, I think, since those will scale up with any increasing stats' individual numbers. Not that equipment have percentages, but I mean in terms of figuring out what to upgrade in general. Again, it's very much 'make number go up' from what i can tell. I usually focus on level since it boosts all the unit's battle stats by a percentage, but since everything needs different materials to level up anyway it's fine to just use whatever you get wherever you can, or save up to be able to boost your strongest units.

I DUNNO IF THAT HELPED ANY. I CAN TRY AND EXPLAIN SOMETHING MORE SPECIFIC IF NEED BE?

[badaziraphaletakes]

Submitting this... it's a long one, sorry 🥲

*Shakes out very, very long scroll*

*In Bildad voice* "Shall I summarize?"

✅ Demanding that an ab*se victim have a plan for how to fix their ab*ser's Evil Scheme

✅ Saying you would handle the situation better than they did

✅ Acting like outsmarting an ab*ser would have been as simple as writing a sneaky lil note on a sneaky lil piece of paper, like I'm sorry but holy sh*t y'all that is just the most patronizing, trauma-invalidating BS I've ever heard

✅ Saying "idiotic"

✅ Using it to describe an Autistic-presenting character

✅ Who is also an ab*se victim

✅ Calling an ab*se victim "egocentric"

✅ Which is even more problematic given that that ab*se victim is also feminine

✅ Assuming Aziraphale actually wanted Crowley to come back with him, when we aren't yet in full possession of the facts

✅ Assuming Aziraphale meant literally anything he said in the entire Final Fifteen

✅ Assuming that, if Aziraphale really did actually want Crowley to come back with him, he didn't have a valid reason for it (maybe he actually thought it was the safest possible option for Crowley! We don't know!)

✅ Obliquely blaming Aziraphale for maybe being scared to go back alone? Or just not wanting to be lonely when he knows he might very well die up there?

✅ In short, eviscerating an ab*se survivor for having the audacity to respond to the horrendous situation their viewer has trapped them in, in anything short of an entirely morally irreproachable manner, and acting like their (supposed) moral failings gives us license to pronounce judgment on their situation

✅ Accusing Aziraphale of thinking he's always right and Crowley is always wrong, when we know Aziraphale says all that stuff like "You, I am sorry to say, are evil" in the knowledge that heaven and hell might be listening in at any moment

✅ Calling the things Aziraphale said under the ever-watchful eye of his ab*sers "starting a fight"

✅ Ignoring that, if Aziraphale is to blame for "starting a fight" , then just maybe Crowley might share some of the blame. (For the record, we don't think either of them are to blame here, considering Metatrash deliberately trapped both of them in a pressure cooker and turned up the flame, while simultaneously trying to manipulate each of them into thinking the situation was their husband's fault. A strategy which, incidentally, to have worked on a good portion of the fandom... << But we digress. :p )

✅ Saying Aziraphale "meant" the things he said while those ab*sers were possibly listening to him, and had literally just made an extremely explicit death threat

✅ Implying Crowley "doesn't have any spirit left"

✅ Accusing Aziraphale, rather than his and Crowley's ab*sers, of bearing the real responsibility for Crowley's distress

✅ Ignoring that Aziraphale was every bit as distraught as Crowley

✅ Saying Aziraphale "refuses to listen" because he cut Crowley off, even though he was stressed at the time and that's something all of us, especially the neurodivergent folk, do when we're stressed (AND even though he also probably stopped Crowley from saying something that would might have gotten them both roasted on a spit in the flaming cesspits of Abbadon)

✅ Saying that an ab*se victim has been "ignoring" their problem and needs to

✅ "confront"

✅ the "consequences" of

✅ "their" actions

✅ Acting like Aziraphale hasn't already (like any other ab*se victim/survivor) suffered more than enough for a million lifetimes

Did I miss anything lol?

(And okay, yes, the OP is responding to the "Aziraphale has a perfect plan to fix everything" take, which is an arguably slightly-problematic take in itself - but honestly, given that they responded to it by piling on a bunch of crap that was a thousand times more problematic, I'm not feeling disposed to make allowances.)

[i3utterflyeffect]

(´▽`ʃƪ) c ould you please summarize the main plot points of some of your recent aus? (for example, im really digging selkie and loc, but i missed what exactly ended up happening with cho and dark in the former (both when they came to be and recently), & the entire inciting idea/event of the latter (and probably other deets i have no idea i missed))

how many are covered and at what length is up to u

i love perusing the asks but i get easily lost <3 tysm

augh alright!! okay so!

Loss of Control AU

Basically, this is post-showdown, but Dark did survive! It takes place right around the same time that the episode The Box does in canon!!!

Chosen and SC are captured, but so is Dark! Victim drains Dark's powers to take them for themself but it goes very very wrong and Victim loses all control, basically going into a feral state where they are constantly in fight/flight, which is very bad when you have brand new powers you can't control :(

Victim immediately is in a lot of pain, and basically wrecks a ton of Rocket Corp. The mercs are kind of at a loss as to what to do since Victim destroyed a lot of their weapons in the initial panic, and end up going to Chosen, because how the fuck else are you supposed to stop a superpowered stick on a rampage? c!alan didn't have any better ideas and without their tools the mercs aren't really in a much better situation

Chosen ends up getting released alongside SC, and finds out what happened to Dark, so they end up kind of freaking out. They can't exactly leave Dark here, because they ABSOLUTELY don't trust the Mercs to not just turn around and hold Dark hostage to get the upper hand again, and if Dark found out they would absolutely try to pursue Victim and Chosen. so they very reluctantly go with their best idea-- keep Dark safe by trapping them on the desktop!

admittedly i like to imagine either stick!alan or normal cursor alan depending on whatever's more fun for the situation, so that's not really set in stone at all lol

but that's basically the whole deal what's going on with dark and chosen!

Selkie Sticks AU

basically i have no idea how Alan becomes a selkie but the summary of the most important stuff is here!!!!

Dark does survive in this AU and gets redeemed as I've recently decided. :]

selkie!SC basically starts out as a toddler just because i think it's fun! Alan adopts the rest of the CG when they're around 4! (not as in how long they've existed but their age lol)

selkie!chosen is very much protective of their younger siblings, and kind of ends up bonding with alan a lot because they help take care of SC and the tiny CG a lot!

the CG have 'coats' as well, but they aren't selkies! alan actually made the little 'coats' for them as a gift. they're not real coats, but Alan figured that they'd want something to match! he was very much correct and the CG love their false coats a lot

also i sometimes talk about an AU where selkie!alan is still stuck as a cursor while taking care of SC! that's not a part of the main AU i just think it's so so funny to imagine

i think that's about all the tidbits i have that aren't covered tho!!

Stick!Noogai

i'm just including this one bc it's a favorite of mine hehe.

basically, during AVA 1, Alan somehow gets stuck in the computer! i'll be referring to him as Noogai from here on bc that's his name in the au :]

anyway, when he gets stuck, Victim terrorizes him for a while, before Noogai makes Chosen! in this AU Chosen is actually the one with mission code, but it just sums up to 'please protect me i am SO SCARED'! this goes very badly while it's still in strong effect but Chosen does their best to deal with it bc Noogai isn't sure how to change it without potentially hurting them :(

Victim kind of ends up not wanting to torment him in the end because he's kind of. too pathetic?? he's sick from the shift from human to stick, he's terrified, and he doesn't know how to protect himself at all, and it's really no fun at all to scare him because he just has a panic attack. honestly Vic is kind of worried about him after a certain point because he responds so poorly to becoming a stick, both physically and mentally.

eventually the two end up in a sort of begrudging understanding, and Vic ends up (reluctantly) helping Chosen take care of him.

I'm kind of not sure where Dark shows up, but let's just say they show up here for simplicity! Noogai draws them as a friend for both him and Chosen! unfortunately Chosen's first reaction to seeing an unfamiliar stick on the PC is to punch them. after that initial road-bump though things are pretty much fine!

they eventually find their way into the outernet and end up moving there, partially because Noogai is so sick of the PC and also because it's very hard to take care of someone who's used to being a human on a computer. Noogai ofc brings the pencil and pen.

he ends up kind of having a semblance of normality after moving to the outernet, and things are pretty much fine up until the fair where Gold dies in canon!

Noogai actually ends up going in before Gold and getting caught in the crash, but Chosen saves him, leaving him with scarring and a crippling fear of minecraft, but him and Gold do end up becoming friends! They're both not exactly the most social people among most sticks, and they're both kind of nerds, so they end up getting along really well and doing a lot of stupid kid stuff together!

SC ends up being created after Noogai tries to show the pencil to Gold, for no reason other than he was dumb and the first thing he drew was....... a stick. because of course it was.

Noogai is basically the little sibling of most of the hollowheads though, and it's mostly just a silly au!! Victim does end up having a soft spot for him deep down eventually, but they'd never tell him that because he'd absolutely exploit it. and also the mortifying ordeal of being perceived. mostly the second one. they view him as their little brother though, even if they sometimes think he's a little brat :]

also i draw the noogai!sticks with faces because noogai drew faces onto them!! he thought it'd make Vic a little less scary and they were nice enough to tolerate it

anyway!! hope that helps :]

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of Both Worlds (Part 29)

Tw: mental breakdown and thoughts that made you go a little "wtf", mentions of non con touching, a bit of smut, chapters kinda short

okay here u go Evangeline enjoyers

Part 30

You decided to confront her. The suspense as to why she did what she did is killing you.

So you have to work, on composing a long-winded paragraph with a beginning, middle, and end. Your hands were shaky from the adrenaline coursing through your veins, you were never really assertive. So this is very new to you, yet exciting, yet frightening.

You tried not to be too accusatory and not too dismissive. It was hard because you either tend to paint her as a horrible person or paint yourself as an overreactive dramatic. However, you managed to find the right balance with the ultimate goal of extracting her reasoning behind her latest behavior towards everyone.

You held your breath as you tapped send.

You waited and waited while chewing on your nails. Imagining all the ways she would respond. Anger? Remorse? Revenge? Nonchalance? It could be anything, even no response at all.

Which you thought you might be getting. She hasn't replied to you yet and it's been 30 minutes since you sent it. You sighed, she's probably just busy and will take her time to read too, you should be patient and find a way to calm your nerves.

You were about to put your phone down and prepare yourself dinner; which is just following the instructions Yves plastered on its container- usually only involving the microwave or the saucepan. You jolted when your phone buzzed to life, your mouth was gaping wide when you saw the contact to be your dreaded friend: Evangeline.

You whimpered, pacing around the room as you let it vibrate. You feel unprepared, inexperienced, and upset. You regret doing this in the first place. You wish you could just disappear into a hole somewhere, or disappear into Yves's warm embrace.

It stopped ringing. A text message took its place after that.

"Pick up"

She didn't give you more than ten seconds to read before attempting to call you again.

So you decided to take a leap of faith and answer her call.

"(name)? I read your text, what are you talking about?" She sounded concerned and worried, and there were hints of something darker that you picked up in her voice.

She did not read your text. At least, she refused to understand it. You were clear in what you wanted from her; which was to stop doing what she was doing and reflect upon her actions, giving you her rationale behind her offenses at the same time.

You summarized it, telling her that she was confusing and weird. You didn't like how she tried to touch you without your consent. You cannot figure out for the life of you if she was on Montgomery's side, Yves's, or yours.

"I'm on your side, of course. I'm your friend! What? So I can't touch you now? I think you need to get out of your shell more, (name). That didn't mean anything, you can touch me the same way too if you want to get even--"

You cut her off and told her no. You don't think whatever she's doing is merely a friendly gesture. You felt dirty and violated even having Evangeline suggest that you do the same to her.

There was a beat of silence, followed by a sigh.

"...I'm sorry you felt that way, (name). I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to be a good friend."

You didn't know what to say next. Soon after, you heard sniffling and soft weeping.

"I'm so sorry. You're such a good friend to me, I don't want to lose you. Please don't be mad at me." Her voice cracked and wavers. You

You don't know how you feel about her reaction. But you do know that, unlike Yves, you have the power to walk away from her. He's coming back tomorrow anyway, so you won't be the 'friendless' on campus anymore. So you can afford to cut her off because she's acting strange and you think that being with her, will lead to more trouble.

You told her that you're not mad at her. But you don't feel comfortable hanging out with her anymore.

"What?! W-why? I apologized, what more do you want me to do?" She raised her voice and strained it painfully. You hear that she began to sob and wail.

You told her that there was nothing she could do except to move on. You wished her the best and said goodbye.

You hung up before she could get another word in. You immediately blocked her and flopped onto your bed. The breath you exhale felt like smoke evacuating your lungs, you felt you could breathe properly again without feeling too worked up. At least that chapter of your life is done, you most likely would either need to take the bus or Yves would drive you around. Fine by you, no Evangeline or Mr. Jones in sight.

You will let Yves handle Montgomery, he has a bigger, legal hammer to beat him with.

__

"Sweetie...?" Mr. Jones creaked the door to her room open, letting the lights from the hallway spill into her pitch-dark room.

She was crying, her breathing was choppy and her whimpers bounced off the walls. Evangeline was sobbing into her pillows, her blond hair was a mess around her, unlike her usual combed style. Her beautiful dress was wrinkled and her blue eyes were red and puffed.

Her father stared at her with heartbreak and pity. You must have told her already. However, he knows that this behavior of hers needs to be addressed. Evangeline's mother is cooking downstairs, she was never the type to be compassionate in her discipline methods. So Mr. Jones decided to be the one to break the news to her.

"Oh, Evangeline..." He switched the lights on and sat right next to her sniveling form.

She didn't acknowledge his presence, nor did she wish to talk to him. But he has to discuss with his daughter that some things aren't acceptable.

"Sir Yves... he called me earlier." Mr. Jones felt her entire body tense up to the mention of his client. "Mx. (Name) told him you were touching them inappropriately, is that true?" He was gentle with his words, careful not to provoke his already emotionally unstable daughter.

She neither confirms nor denies. Evangeline just stayed very still.

"...Please, Evangeline. You have to talk to me." He pleaded, rubbing a soothing hand on her shoulder. "What's going on?"

No response.

He shuffled himself on the bed uncomfortably. Mr. Jones cleared his throat.

"You can tell us anything. You know Mommy and Daddy love you no matter what." Evangeline moved a bit, but it was only to adjust her positioning. Her face remains buried in her pillow.

"I-I don't get it, I know you're a good girl but... these things that happened to you, these things you did... Why?" He asked, gently shaking her as Mr. Jones looked at her in desperation.

"Hitting your baby cousins suffering from illnesses, pushing your pregnant aunt Myrtle down the stairs, accusing your uncle Ben of infidelity, the rumors about some... ridiculous cheating scandals, and now this? Why?" Tears threatened to fall from his eyes as well, he bit back his lip to try and avoid it from rolling down his cheek.

He retracted his hand when he felt Evangeline trembling. It was soon made known to him that she was shaking in hysterics.

"You are all so ungrateful! I was trying to help everyone!" She snapped, her heart holding an ugly contempt for the world around her, which included her doting father.

"They weren't going to live long anyways, their mothers constantly complain of needing to take care of their children. I wanted to save Aunt Myrtle from that horrible, horrible fate, but I'm the villain? Uncle Ben hated his wife and kids, he wanted to escape. I gave him that escape, didn't I? He went ahead and married a woman much prettier and younger than his ex, didn't he? Why am I the villain?" She screamed as she hyperventilated, her father taking a step backward to avoid her erratic movements.

"Evangeline-"

"I didn't- I didn't steal her boyfriend! I was trying to get along with him, I wanted us to be a big happy group but they were fighting. I didn't want them to fight..." She sobbed loudly into her hands. Her nails dig into the delicate flesh on her face as she tries to quell her rage. "They were my friends! (Name) was my friend, I tried to help them, I tried..."

She crumbled to her knees and bawled. "I tried helping them get along with Sir Yves, but I was punished for it. I tried helping them get along with Monty, but I was... told I was 'weird'. I just wanted something back, I just wanted to touch them, they were so good to me... I wanted to touch them. Was that so wrong?"

"Yes, Evangeline! You can't just... touch them like that! You don't touch your friends in that manner, you don't touch anyone in that manner! What are you..." He was at a loss for words. Her father tried looking back at what was being taught to her, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but why couldn't she think normally? Her logic is distorted and her sense of entitlement is demented, it's much more serious considering that she began her unhinged quests for justice just a year ago.

She looked away and wept some more. Evangeline is alone again, a feeling so familiar to her. It's ironic, that her parents tried to expose her to as many people as they could to improve her loneliness as an only child. But in a room full of children and adults who she knew on a first-name basis, she was alone. So, so alone.

There is nobody in the world she could tell her thoughts to. She tried telling her mother, her so-called 'friends', her extended family... they all deemed her crazy. She was forbidden to have her truest opinion on life and Evangeline never understood why, it felt unfair, it felt like the world was against her. Not even the vastness of the internet allowed her to find like-minded companions, she was shunned out of communities she desperately yearned to be in for being true to herself.

"You're just like the rest..." She mumbled inaudibly under her breath. "It's useless..." She muttered, a bit more coherently now. Enough for her father to pick up on.

"What's useless, sweetie?" He wiped away his own tears of anguish, it was horrible to see his child suffer like this, but he did not have the skills or understanding to help her.

"Crying about it... it's useless." She sniffled and wiped away her tears. Mr. Jones watched her blink multiple times with a neutral expression.

Evangeline stared into the distance for a few minutes. She didn't blink nor did she speak, not a single twitch of her muscle could be seen or felt. Her father was worried that she wasn't even breathing because her sniffles stopped and the girl let her nose drip freely. Her blue eyes are dilated and blank.

"Evangeline...?" Her father hesitantly shook her by the shoulder. She blinked one last time, allowing a tear from each eye to roll down her already damp cheeks.

When she opened her eyes once more, her usual girlish sparkle was back. Evangeline blew her nose on a piece of napkin she pulled from her tissue box nearby. She crumpled the soiled sheet in her hands, a long strip of muscle on the inner side of her wrist was raised when she squeezed it in her fist. She let go and threw it into her trash can.

"All better." She smiled, patting the area under her eyes with her fingertips.

Baffled by her sudden, impossible change, Mr. Jones tried asking her all the questions in his head, but it came out as a pathetic stutter.

"I'm sorry for costing you a customer, Daddy." Her eyes were downcast. "I promise I won't do it again."

Mr. Jones's eyes darted around her. Confused and terrified at this strange switch of hers. "Sweetie, I-"

"If you'll excuse me, Daddy, I need to freshen up." She stood up and smoothed her hair. "Please leave my room, I will join you and Mommy downstairs for dinner, later. Okay?"

He has no words to give. So he nodded and as usual, became a pushover for his daughter.

She guided him out, waved goodbye with the sweetest smile, and closed the door. Her hand went to the knob to lock it shut.

She took a moment to stare into space as she listened for her father's footsteps. Once she's positive that he has gone downstairs, she lets out a sigh.

Evangeline switched her lights off and headed to her bed. She laid on it and picked her phone up.

The screen illuminates her face. She made a few taps on it and soon found herself scrolling through her picture gallery.

"Maybe it isn't so bad to be the Villain..." She mumbled to no one in particular, grinning to herself.

Her pupils dilated tremendously when her optics landed on a picture of you on the beach. You were bending over and collecting seashells, so focused on your activity that you didn't notice a pair of lenses capturing this moment.

Evangeline's breathing became more ragged as her eyes glimmered at the sight of your mildly saltwater-dampened rear. You're such a prude, how she wished you wore something a bit more accessible. That would have made her very happy. Maybe if it was a little warmer, you would have worn something a lot more revealing and easier to worm her depraved digits around.

Her soft hands slowly slid down to her panties, torturously tucking one finger at a time under the fabric.

The more the blonde stared at different pictures of you, the further her perverted hands and thoughts went.

She stifled a moan as she touched herself, she imagined doing all kinds of unspeakable things to you. She wanted to see you under her, she wanted to see you squirm and beg for her forgiveness. Evangeline wanted to ravage you like the beast she was under that heroine-like persona.

She quivered as she pumped her fingers into herself. But her eyes never strayed away from that photo of you. Evangeline wanted to take you so badly, she wanted to overpower you and have you pinned against the wall, the bed, the floor... She drooled at the thought of you so helpless and despaired.

Her baby blues shifted towards your clueless face. You looked like you never experienced the high of an orgasm before. She could fix that, she could make you cum over and over again until you fell unconscious in her fluffy pink handcuffs, eyes rolled back into your head, and all your orifices dripping with sexual fluids. What a sight, she thinks.

She had to push her face into her pillow as she let out a powerful moan.

Even then, she still went on. Furiously rubbing herself and imagining herself as this antihero in your story. But ultimately, you saw her as your savior in her mind.

[is-the-fire-real]

Hello! I've recently realized (through blogs like yours) that I've been casually absorbing a lot of antisemitism, and I've been trying to learn more so as to counteract it, at least in my own head. I've seen the horseshoe theory mentioned a few times, but never explained what it actually is. Would you be able to link me to some reading on the subject? Regardless of whether you answer, I'd like to say thank you for your time, and I'm glad you exist!

Hello there! Thank you for stopping by and for asking important questions like this. It's very difficult to admit to, and confront, the bad messages we've absorbed from society. The cool thing is that you'll have some difficult work at first, but it gets way easier with time. You are going to be fine so long as you persevere.

I will let you know that I'm not an expert in anything--I only ever graduated high school in the US! So I can tell you what horseshoe theory is thanks to a lot of auto-didactic reading on the subject, but I don't have sources in front of me. I invite anybody in Jumblr to tweak or correct anything I'm about to say.

"Horseshoe theory" isn't just about antisemitism, but about extremism--but we'll come back to antisemitism. It is summarized by the image of the horseshoe: the two ends of the horseshoe should, by all rights, be far away from each other--they're the opposite ends! But when you look at a horseshoe, the two end points are very close to each other. Closer to each other than either one, on its own, is to the middle.

When one maps out political or social beliefs, it is common to place them on an X/Y axis, or a straight line. One extremist position takes up the X, the opposite takes up the Y, and the moderate position marks the center. This gives the impression that both forms of extremism are naturally opposed to each other, and are farther from each other than they are the middle.

Horseshoe theory suggests that this X/Y axis is inadequate. What we see in actual human behavior is that extremists have more in common with other extremists than they do with moderates, even if their beliefs appear to contradict.

So, take an X/Y axis about leftism. One end is marked "anarchism", one end is marked "authoritarian communism", and the middle is marked "liberalism". One would think that anarchists would be the polar opposite of authoritarian communists, and that anarchists and ACs would fight to get liberals on their respective sides--since liberals are closer to them than they are to each other. But we don't see that. We see anarchists and ACs spatting online about who is the Real Leftist, but in real life, regarding real-world action, both groups agree that their real enemies are not each other, but liberals.

This is because, while both groups have very different ideas about how leftism should be implemented, they agree on the most immediate "problem" of overthrowing liberal democracy.

The meme on the left is that liberals will invariably ally with fascists, so don't trust liberals. The reality, over and over again, is that leftists ally with fascists and try to undermine liberals. They do this because they all agree that modern democracy, the greatest achievement of liberalism, must be destroyed in order for their preferred replacement utopia to arise.

I saw this, among many, many other examples, when leftists voted for Trump, or voted for Stein or Sanders knowing it would lead to Trump's election. Leftists joined right-wingers in going to liberal blogs and laughing at them on election night 2016; both groups openly salivating at the suffering they saw, both groups opining on the future collapse of democracy, both agreeing with each other. I saw it also during the 2004 election, when I ran a couple of LiveJournals that talked about politics--I had both leftists and right-wingers mocking my pain at that electoral loss, both blaming me for being gay and asking for rights at The Wrong Time, both agreeing with each other.

This is obvious in a variety of extremist belief systems, which is why I didn't even restrain it to politics. Flat Earthers largely do not agree with one another on a flat-earth map or model; they don't agree on whether or not they are Christians; they don't agree on what it would take to prove or disprove their ideas. They constantly infight over these details. But these are all window-dressing. It's tiny details they battle it out over, because the point of Flat Earth is to create a massive conspiracy among politicians, scientists, militaries, and religions to Suppress The Truth and Dupe The Masses. In that, all the extremists are closer to each other than they are to those who accept the globe earth as fact.

The phrase folks throw around on Jumblr, which I agree with, is that "the forge that bends the horseshoe is antisemitism". In less illustrative language, the thing on which all extremists agree is that the Jews are responsible for their pet conspiracy.

Leftists often misattribute a saying to Marx: "antisemitism is the socialism of fools". In this view, socialism teaches the exact structure of most baseline antisemitic beliefs. A semi-secret group of bloodsuckers hoarding all the wealth, puppeting and manipulating world events from behind the scenes, sneaking and sliming their way into Real Power--the power no one ever sees? Yeah, those are all antisemitic canards. But leftists thought they could avoid falling for antisemitism by simply putting words like "the wealthy" or "landlords" and "the bourgeois" in place of "the Jews", and that they'd be fine.

I would argue the last year (and many other years, but that's beside the point) has proven that they are not fine. It turns out that when you have an entire belief system based on Jew Hating Without Jews, it's extremely easy to start hating Jews! All you have to do is redefine your terms so that "the wealthy", "landlords", or "the bourgeois" are the Jews.

A specific example, and one I've discussed recently: the term "Zionist". Not what it means, but how it is used and what it is understood to mean.

Far-right extremist antisemites have used "Zionist" to mean "Jew" for decades. And they have tried, for decades, to make alliances. They have done this by saying things that sound good to leftists, but which give the right-wingers plausible deniability regarding their antisemitism (what we call "dogwhistling"). This bait did not work on liberals. It did work on leftists. And now, we see that liberals generally use "Jewish" to mean "Jewish" and "Zionist" to mean "Zionist", but that leftists use "Jewish" to mean "Jew I like" and "Zionist" to mean "Jew I want to kill".

Once again, leftists agree with Nazis and the extreme right. Once again, leftists make it clear by word and deed that they care more about the socialism of fools than they do about socialism. Once again, they validate that Hating Jews Without Jews only lasts until there's any reason whatsoever to plug Jews back into the system of hate, and then...

This is the hypothesis of horseshoe theory as I understand it. Again, if anyone has corrections or scholarly sources they'd like to share, please do so! I like to learn and I am often inside my own head, so I admit that I could be wrong in some details or missing nuance.

[starlight-bread-blog]

I Watched The First Two Episodes of Hazbin Hotel

Overall I wasn't bored. It's a fun show from the little I've seen. I have thoughts and notes I'd like to give so here's how this is gonna go:

🔵 Is for things I liked/would like to be expanded upon in the show's future.

🔴 Is for things I disliked ranging from nitpicks and just general critisisms.

Whenever something about Angel Dust's trauma I will come up, I'll mark "————" at the beginning & ending so you can avoid the topic if you'd like.

So let's dive right in!<3

🔴 I am so confused. This is narrarated by Charlie. And her goal is to redeem sinners so they can enter Heaven to save their lives. But she also knows that Heaven doesn't kill sinners to stop over-population, it's just plain evil. So, what are we doing here again?

🔴 This is the first time her relationship with her father is mentioned in the show. And it's done though a joke made by Alastor in a commercial he made. (Also, how would he know about Charlie's "daddy issues"? This isn't common knowledge as far as I know).

————

🔴 WHAT THE FUCK? I'M SORRY. WHAT THE FUCK? I hate being this negative in the beginning but WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I don't want to discuss this line any more than the shock I felt while hearing it. Next.

————

🔴 Everyone already talked about how the camera work is crap and I agree. But here's an idea: If they wanted to make something grandiose, why not make a classic musical number that's completely unrealistic, and then make the reality of Hell clash with it?

🔴 This scene could be cut off mostly entirely. The point here is to show how awful Adam is, and the second the talking's over, we get a better song that does just that.

🔵 At first I was gonna make this a critisism, but all it did was making me ask questions, which is good in a first episode. This has me wondering about the characterization of Heaven and how it came to be. I can accept them being a shitty bureaucracy who only appear good, but this is some Saturday Morning Cartoon villian stuff. I'm very curious about this.

🔵 Niffty couldn't say her lines and just stared at the camera and was completely unaware of the fact that she did a shitty job. How come? I wonder what they'll do with it.

🔴 This is edited. The scene didn't go like this. We cut from the hotel to the Vees before we see Alastor's counter-attack. They cut to a really long section of the episode, in the middle of something that could be dealt with in a second. I wasn't as invested as I could have been in the introduction of the Vees, because I kept waiting to come back to Alastor.

🔵 I'd like to know why Charlie is so naive. Optimistic? Yeah, makes sense. But naive? Now that's interesting to know. She clearly goes outside and sees how sinners aren't the safest people (ie Happy Day in Hell), so you think that spending eternity with them would get her acquainted with the culture and make her adjust her behaviors. But she's still looking at the guy who just tried to kill her and goes "Oh, hello again". I'm dying to know why she's like that.

————

🔵 I see where this is going<3 Despite it all, Angel Dust clearly still loves acting. So when he'll escape Val, he'll show his theatrical side by improvising and acting for Charlie<3

🔵 Despite Angel Dust not adoring the hotel, it's very much a safe place for him. A safe the Vees, from Valentino. Now, someone who worked for them just a second before getting discovered, is in. Can't wait to see more of this.

————

🔵 I liked the rivalry of Alastor and Vox. I liked how Vox is this perfect big shot, yet crumbles about Alastor when he's barely trying. Definitely a highlight.

To Summarize...

🔴 6 negatives 🔵 6 positives

I enjoyed myself a fair bit. Most of the negatives are either nitpicks or won't matter in five eps. It had some flaws but it's a start.