#I'm never going to be enough
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#i might as well die#I'm never going to get my tuition paid#I'm never going to get out of debt (with student loans the one card i had and how much my father piles on)#I'm never going to be able to pay rent#I'm never going to get enough steps#I'm never going to lose weight#I'm never going to finish school#I'm never going to get a good job let alone work in the field i want#I'm never going to actually be attractive#I'm never going to be enough#I'm never going to get out of this damn house#I'm never going to get top surgery or a hysterectomy#I'm never going to be good enough#I'm never going to be loved#I'm never going to have a place of my own#I'm never going to get to travel#I'm never going to escape my father#I'm never going to have anything good#I'm never going to be able to afford anything i want#I'm never going to alive#I'm never going to be anything to anyone#I'm never going to be believed#I'm never going to have a chance to get a tattoo#i might as well be dead#i can't keep a job#i can't pick classes correctly#i can't drive without crashing#i can't budget#i can't do anything right#i can't even die properly
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There is no worse feeling than thinking you were doing better and then finding old therapy stuff and realizing you never made it anywhere and your life is one circle that just repeats without break
#right back where i started#broken af#personal#going nowhere#history repeats itself#disappointed#hella depressed#life aint worth living#i'm never going to be enough#i'm never going to recover from this#heartbroken#if i had a heart#if only things were different#late night thoughts#dark thoughts#I am cursed#alone#real fucking sad#in my feels#hopeless
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I hate men
I ABHOR having feelings towards men
#men are trash#I'm so dumb i really thought it was gonna be different this time#OBVIOUSLY IT WASN'T GOING TO BE DIFFERENT#and the worst part is that i always end up feeling like the ugly duckling#I'm never going to be enough#WHY CANT YOU LOVE ME#*screams*#tw rant
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#I'm never going to be enough#never going to make you happy#i just want to cry#but i can't do that#and now im being sad on main#ignore me
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:) hello! :D hope you have a nice day and absolutely do not think of the possibility of one of the last story cards being of silver! and that his groovy will very probably be crying!!! THERE'S SO MANY CRYING PEOPLE IN STORY CARDS LATELY!!! SPECIALLY LIGHT USERS!! I AM!!! SCARED!!!! bc so far we got Lilia and Sebek in the beginning book 7.... so at the end.... so we're missing story Silver... and Malleus is the one with less cards, so they might add one for him... but... the tears... ego.... THE TEARS!!!! EGOOOO!! (LOVE YOUR ART BTW EVERYTIME I GET A NOTIF FROM YOUR BLOG I RUN HERE TO SEE!)
(thank you! 💚💜💚)
YES I am ALSO like...90-95% convinced that we're going to be getting a story card for Silver once we wrap around back to diasomnia. 👀 especially because the way things are going, Silver will be the only character whose dream we haven't seen -- yet???? -- and that just. y'know. makes me wonder!
although I do think it would be VERY funny if he got a story card and the groovy was just "regular Silver except with one beautiful single crystal tear". this is actually a lot coming from him.
(he used up all his emotion yelling at a baby that one time, there's none left for a proper groovy-level cry.)
#art#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 10 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 10 spoilers#maybe not quite that far but just in case we'll go with the latest out as of now#i would absolutely love some more expressions for silver though#i saw someone point out once that he only has one smiling/happy animation and now i can't unsee it#LET HIM SMILE MORE#anyway my personal dipping-deep-into-speculation theory is that if we do get his dream and a story card from it#i'm leaning towards thinking it might be some kind of au where lilia never adopted him (and/or mel was never killed?)#because of how absolutely and intensely he was convinced that lilia MUST hate him and blame him for everything that happened#and while sebek punched some sense into him at the time i could see silver's wish being some kind of 'they'd be better off without me' thin#(plus blonde silver would be different enough to justify the card probably)#idk they might go in a TOTALLY different direction but that's where my thoughts are at the moment!#there's gotta be some kind of resolution between lilia and silver at some point at least#i'm just still holding out for someone to actually say the words 'silver vanrouge' please it is all i want
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they licensed his ass
my finished piece of the FWMS (official name definitely 100%) thing we started a few days ago! I had fun I hope folks had and/or continue to have fun with the sketch as well.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhsy#riz gukgak#Fuck With My Sketch#I mean it I'm gonna use that. gotta stop me if u dont wanna#doing things like this is bittersweet bc this slaps and I look at this and Im like well. I will never be able to nail this look again#I guess that's the plight of self taught art. but also it means you have to learn to let go and go look for different delights#you can't get too attached to one way of doing things. you will find many new things on ur way to make more funny bictures n such#this slaps tho Im so happy with how this came out lol. its be a long while since I last drew something in this vein#appropriate that its for riz lol he deserves it. he deserves the photoshoot pieces#funny enough this also kind of was prompted by drawfee? in one of the episodes I was binging (I thiiiink the one bg a day ep)#jacob brought up one of the artists I follow on twitter (havent been there in a decent while lol) who uses a pretty distinct#blue-on-red palette that got me to think abt teal-on-red and then this happened#funny enough I did start the piece with teal-on-red but then I shifted to blue after and was like wait I love this suddenly#and then committed lol. I should work with teal-on-red properly more but for now! we have fun! we enjoy#thats my journey thank u for listening. thank u for drawing with me if u have and come hang next time if u havent
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2.12 Chimney Begins - 2.09 Hen Begins - 2.16 Bobby Begins Again - 7.04 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered
Tommy's family arc
#911#911edit#911 abc#911 show#911 spoilers#911 season 7#tommy kinard#evan buckley#evan 'buck' buckley#kinley#bucktommy#kinkley#tevan#pick a ship name you guys and thanks for picking tevan the most correct name#anyway analysis time!#looking back with Modern Knowledge tm about why tommy acts the way he does in the past... babygirl you were so closeted I'm so proud#babygirl was back there getting into narnia#he was so resistant to letting go of the pseudo-family he'd found at the 118 in chimney begins#even tho it was a good old boys club that he knew he really didn't fit into he was making himself fit because at least it was something#but then he let chimney in and then hen came around and he saw a very queer person being openly queer and not giving a fuck what they think#and I think his behavior in that episode was trying to support hen as much as he could without outing himself#because like. how do you give up years of relative safety with people who do care about you they just won't like you anymore if you're *you#then he meets buck in s7 which is like 10-20 years later timeline is fake and he's like oh. this is what unconditional family is#and he's like oh. maybe I can come back. maybe I can be part of this again somehow. maybe we've both grown enough#or at the very least he'll be close to something he never believed would really happen for him#rant over tevan my beloved tim minear pillow cold both sides god bless#my edits
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I wanted to be a part of that. You were.
#tommy kinard#evan buckley#bucktommy#bucktommyedit#911#911edit#911 on abc#lou ferrigno jr#oliver stark#buck has the 118... he has eddie#who tf does tommy have#who did he go to after this#god this hurts#this show not allowing the side characters to exist outside of the main characters' stories#but fleshing them out just enough to make you wonder what they're going through#and then never telling you#because they truly don't matter in the end... they don't exist off screen#WHAT HAPPENS TO TOMMY NOW??? PLEASE#I'M IN HELL#my stuff
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Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.
"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."
translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"
It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!
very this
#red said#it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong#this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT#because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION#i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered#but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances#then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING#i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened#because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman#b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening#c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much#it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'
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Hen in 8x07
#911#911edit#911 spoilers#hen wilson#not enough hen on my dash so here we go#there's never enough hen tbh#i'm gonna have to start making more hen gifsets#be the change you want to see in the world etc etc
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All cards on the table.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen qing#Wei Wuxian has been such a menacing figure this whole episode.#Honestly if he never did anything else spooky after this point I would fully accept all the rumours stemmed from his hunt for Wen Ning.#Man walks into the room like 'what up I've got a flute that can toot and scare you to your root'#and all of the Jin sect started shaking and sweating. Someone from the Nie sect started to clap.#A JGY moment that I don't see talked about enough: He absolutely wishes he could go candidly apeshit in court like WWX did.#He's too concerned with his reputation to risk it though. The weightiness of 'I agree with his point but I choose inaction' is heavy.#Not for his character in particular but as part of the rhetoric MDZS sets out to routinely critique.#It's a bit too much to unpack in the tags of a silly comic in which someone plays her 'hysterical woman card' literally.#Next comic is a really special one. I'm so excited for you all to see it B*)
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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When you feel like you're just a job to people and they don't actually like you or like being around you cause you're brain damaged and constant work
#my bad thoughts are winning today#i was doing so well too#trying to focus on all the good#but I'm stuck#thinking about everything#i know it's not true with my friends#but my family lose their light when i walk in#shit sucks#i missed out on so much#I'm never going feel like a real person#trapped in my head#i want to feel like i matter#but the small stuff just never cuts it#I'm never going to be enough#i feel so hopeless#unlovable#lonely#dark thoughts#disappointment#what's the point#i don't know if it's worth staying#everyone's better off without me#I'm so sad#only 3 people get excited to see me#and i wish i could say it used to be different but it never was#i did have confidence though a few years ago#thats completely gone now#when the one person you wanted approval and care from throws you away it kinda takes who you used to be with it#but things are different now#right?
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Captain Francis Crozier, at Furthest North.
#the terror amc#francis crozier#my art#can't believe it took me 2 rewatches AND getting refs for this to realize it's the hungarian state opera house. girl i was there last month#anyway yeah i was looking at gifsets of the last shot of the show and feeling nauseous with emptiness etc etc when#the thought struck me that it looks an awful lot like the tableau vivants from the ep1 flashbacks in its stillness#i have no idea whether that was an intentional reference (a sort of twisted mockery of how that scrubbed and polished portrayal of history#contrasted with the deeply sad and inglorious reality#or some sort of meta about storytelling itself. i'm not really smart enough to say lol) but i made this anyways. enjoy#pattern recognition go brrrrrrrrrrrrrr#i bent over backwards trying to make this symmetric and harmonious. it isn't but if i don't post it now i never will
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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.
one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.
i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.
the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.
my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.
i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.
#writeblr#i was doing a lot with high school students. over and over again#other teachers kept asking me what i was doing differently - why the kids listened to me. i am not particularly foreboding#and i have a pretty firm personal policy of never reacting in anger#godhelpme.#i was always kind of taken aback#because in general the kids were pretty easy. i explained i needed to keep everything “PG-13” because this was my workplace#and it was kind of their workplace#too. besides#i love swearing#and since i couldn't swear#neither could they - so if they were going to say “fuck” or become violent#they needed to choose a really specific time#because we only get “the one”.. sure enough - nobody wanted to waste the one very specific “fuck” utterance. kids listened.#i think just because - that rule makes sense. the kids understand that i don't want to be unfair to them#that censorship is stupid#but that i'm under these rules too so like let's ride it out together#also i look young and tbh between me and u nobody wants to make the nice english teacher cry#the way these kids defended me to their friends was really genuinely so heartwarming bc the Grouchy Frat Boy#would be like MISS RAQUEL DOESN'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF AN ATTITUDE BRO DON'T TALK BACK TO HER
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I DID IT I GOT MY PINK HAYATE now I am never doing that again!
(at least until they give me, like, a frilly unicorn Kamui or something)
#art#ride kamens#last note#i did this SO fast i'm sorry#i was just so excited i actually managed it!#look as a super casual f2p player who has never made a chaostone higher than a+#350k points is a frikkin ACHIEVEMENT#but how could i say no when i got lucky enough to pull the fancy ribbons-and-lace birdboy#and then they tell me i can turn him pink on top of that?#(i'm definitely not still bitter about missing out on a certain other card in another game NOPE)#plus. i mean. i also just kinda wanted to see if i could.#but now i have pretty pink perfume hayate on my home screen and i am Fulfilled#i haven't even read the story yet because i've been so focused on grinding out tickets i have NO context for why he is so fancy#now i have literally thousands of event seals i have to figure out what to do with in the next few hours. hm.#i also have to keep telling myself to save my diamonds and not do just oooone more pull to see if i can get a shion to turn blue...#it's not going to happen and it's not worth it#but whaaaat iiiif...
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