#I'm being mean to old man alfred

[brucewaynehater101]

Alfred Pennyworth Angst AU

Every single Wayne kid has made the joke that Alfred isn't human. Despite raising Bruce and all of his kids, the man hasn't aged a single day. He's as weathered as he's always looked with not a single wrinkle more. He completes endless tasks (cooks, cleans, chauffer, medical aid, comm assistance, coordinates for events, does laundry, gardening, and more) with perfection. He doesn't tire, besides a dry comment about aching bones, and he has never failed to have the house in order.

Batman can do the impossible and unthinkable, but Alfred is subtle. His unnatural abilities are only apparent when one takes the time to actually think about all the responsibilities he has.

If asked directly, he would deny his otherworldly tendencies with a sarcastic remark. Yet, he would humor questions about his past. The retired serviceman and retired actor would sometimes indicate just how he became so proficient at preparing a meal or tailoring. It's not obvious, but he did not acquire his skills over only a single lifetime.

This is why, when the Waynes die off one by one, Alfred is still there. He himself grieves, but he does his due diligence to those alive and passed. He cleans, he cooks, and he offers his presence to his loved ones.

When the very last Wayne dies, Alfred is still found within the Manor walls. His job is easier now with only himself to wash and feed, but it hurts more. Pain, unlike any he's felt before, constantly ravages his body and mind. He's in agony, but none who would see the old man could be able to tell. Those who knew better, who could see the slight squint of his eyes as the internal screaming it is, are long lost. To those around, the butler maintains his unflappable appearance. He merely toils away at the stubborn rose bushes or the unruly carpet. He keeps his charges' house in top shape despite knowing they will never come home again.

[solarplanet2]

The Little Eldritch Creature

DCxDP Drabbles/Scribbles

Part 1(? Still undecided)

Danny had a lot to say.

Especially to Clockwork.

How dare he send him to another dimension without him knowing?! Especially when all Clockwork had said to him before being thrown into a portal is;

"Good Luck, Daniel."

Good luck? GOOD LUCK TO WHAT!?

Oh, once Danny comes home he will give that old man a saying to. And bit him. Yes! he'll bite his clocks! Let's see how he likes it!!

It's bad enough that he was thrown into a natural portal, but being reduced to a small thing at the size of a squirrel!?!?

He can't even do anything in this form!

Sure, he can use his powers but only to an extent. The only thing Danny could do was being intangible, invisibility and flying/floating.

Disgrace! He was supposed to be a king! A powerful being! He can't be reduced to small adorable thing!

Danny punched the ground in distress, already feeling the tears coming up in his eyes in distress.

Another thing he had noticed. Not only he was in a form of little creature, it seemed his mind and body is of a baby, a child!

He is FOURTEEN! almost fifteen! He can't act this way!

Danny let out a wail, punching the concrete floor in pure distress and helplessness. He wants to bite Clockwork! He wants to be mad at him and get him home! Everything is so big! He doesn't want to be small! He feels helpless! And weak! No! He wants to go home!

He wants to go home and see Jazz!

He misses Jazz...

°•°•°•°•°•°•°

"WWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Red Hood pauses in his step once he hears a...very squeaky wail?

But it also made his pit rage react.

What the?

"Hood. Come in."

"Yeah. What is it, Oracle?" Red Hood signed in as he jumped over a rooftop, heading towards the wail.

"The satalites detected something in your area. Just about a few blocks ahead of you. It causes a static in the frequency."

Welp. There goes his answers.

"I'm already on it. There was some kind of Wail in my direction. Already checking it out."

"Hood, Wait for back up." Oh great.

"I'm already here." Hood scoffed at B as he landed down in front of the alley way.

"Hoo...?" Static came in the comms, making Hood furrowed his eyebrows. Whatever this is, it's effecting his comms.

Hood knew something was wrong once he stepped in the alleyway. The pits suddenly felt weird. Not the bad weird but weird notheless.

Worried. Go. Now!

Hood groaned. Alright. He had an urge to shoot someone.

The more Hood stepped in the alley way, the more he could hear something. A small sound, like a whine? A squeaky whine in the edge of this block.

Hood froze once he saw a familiar green by the end of the dumpster. Oh fuck.

So that's why the pit rage is reacting.

Fuck.

Grabbing his gun from the holster, he slowly walked towards the dumpster. He looked over and....

What is that?

It's small, smaller than Alfred the cat. White hair and ..is that a green tail?

Okay, whatever it was, it's glowing.

And shaking.

And crying.

Why is it crying?

The pits instantly reacted. Bubbling in his stomach like boiling. But Hood knew he wasn't angry.

It felt like it was concern?

But for what?

What is this thing-?

And it's looking at him.

Hood felt himself freeze at the Lazarus green eyes. Big and wide Lazarus green eyes. And fuck are those tears??

Hood doesn't know what to do.

Chirp!

It chirp.

Fuck that was adorable.

Focus, Hood! This is not the time to think such thoughts. He needs to comm the others. Comm B and--

Wait why is moving!?

HOLY SHIT--

CHIRP!!

•°•°•°•°•°

This guy reaks of ectoplasm.

No. This ecto is not good. This ecto is dangerous.

He needs help.

(I am thinking whether or not this needs a part 2 so don't be disappointed if there isn't that means no tagging)

(Edit: it has part 2)

[laxxarian]

Dani grew up and became a mother

Danny finally lifted the ecto-laws with the help of Jazz, Sam and Tucker a few years back just so Dani could live and explore freely without hiding. And the law that is being added now is about meta protecting thing and Dani is considered as one.

Now, Dani's life became peaceful, finds a man and ends up marrying and gave birth to a son named Bruce.

Last name? Wayne.

When Danny found out that Dani was killed, he mourned for her death and wanted to care for her child that was left alone in the world but couldn't because he was finally fully dead and also a king so all he could do was ask CW for a favor.

Clockwork knew that this would happen and that's why Alfred exists in the Wayne Manor.

Danny was planning a way to get to the living realm since there's no longer a portal that his family made.

So when he did manage to find one, a side effect got him de-aged and turned back to his 13 years old self when he should be around 30-40's already. He theorized that it may be because that's when he became a halfa.

But anyways, Danny tries to visit by knocking on the door. That's what he remembers.

Danny vividly remembers knocking on the door first only to be swiped fast by multiple hands of kids by the oldest to youngest.

Apparently, they all saw him walking up to the gate and saw his features, noting that he may be the next child of the manor.

Dick: Hey, B. You gonna adopt the guy?

Bruce: *stares at the oddly, eerily, familiar boy* do I know you from somewhere?

Danny: Baby B, it's me, your grandma's brother, Danny.

Tim: *Drinking his fifth coffee* Excuse me, what?

Danny: These must be my great-grandnephews/nieces! It's nice to know you're doing well then.

Bruce: You're alive?!?

Danny: No. But I came back to see if you're good. I'm sorry it took me long to get here.

Jason: Hold it. What do you mean by that?

[th3sungod]

i'm a firm believer in bruce wayne having a sort of transatlantic accent thanks to the fact alfred had been helping around the manor since he was four ( then was his full caretaker when he was eight ) and it definitely helps with his whole brucie wayne persona ( and hide the mask a tad more )

like, i can imagine him being asked to star in period films and/or getting random requests to voice for audio books and it all just adds to his whole public persona. Yeah, he's a billionaire, playboy, owner of Wayne Enterprises--but he's also curated this 'practical celebrity vibe where he's made a ton of cameos in stuff.

->furthering this, most of the robins ( especially dick and jason ) totally would've tried copying it to be 'cool like batman' and though it was conscious at first, they're now stuck with small transatlantic divots in their accents. ( and don't even get me started on how easily you can pick up an accent when english isn't your first language. which, in my mind, means both dick and damian have the strongest ones -- which only got farther after their time living in the manor with alfred )

half the public definitely think all the wayne kids couldn't possibly have the same accent as their adoptive father, while the other half offer them just as many movie, audio book, podcast invites, etc as they did bruce. the people don't know if it's faked or not, but no one seems to ask them about it.

so, brucie wayne -- heartthrob of anyone who even vaguely knows who he is, people's prince of gotham, sexiest man of the year as dubbed by CatCo Worldwide Media, and his silly little accent all because he he was raised by a british butler in good ol' gotham city. ( the old technicolor films alfred liked didn't seem to help the predicament ) who could never be batman, with a typical gotham accent ( standard us american with a jersey-esque twang, but not too much ).

even if the cowl was taken off right infront of live television, there's an interview with brucie trying to sound more 'american' and ends up just sounding like a valley girl. it couldn't possibly be him.

[lazycats-stuff]

What about male reader being Alfred's nephew who came to live with him because his parents died or were just unfit parents? Alfred isn't all too happy that he's here, but not because he hates him, no, but because Gotham isn't the safest place and the fact that he's bow living with the vigilante family isn't the greatest fact. I feel like Alfred would be very overprotective of his nephew, and just the family's reaction to Alfred's nephew, i feel like the family didn't really ask Alfred about his family and such .

Oh yeah, some Alfred for the soul. That man needs more love. Also, this will be under Batfamily since I'm too lazy to put a new masterlist for Alfred.

Summary: Alfred's nephew comes to live with Bruce and the rest of the fam.

Warnings: child abuse, mentions, mentions of what happened, everyone trying to make sure that (Y/N) is comfortable, Alfred being protective.

Alfred left the UK and London behind a long time ago. He had his training and career as a soldier and then as a spy. Soon enough, his path led him to the USA, where he got a job as a butler for the Wayne family, even before Bruce was even in the picture. It wasn't really easy to leave his life behind, but Alfred knew it was for the better.

He needed a new beginning after everything he has witness over the years. Especially since his sister cut contact with him. Alfred, while said, he knew he couldn't change her mind in the slightest. But that didn't matter today. What mattered was his new family and his four grandsons and son.

Yes, he did consider Bruce to be his son. After all, he did raise him from when he was 7. And as his four grandsons came along, he was happy.

As far as his old family? Around 13 years ago, his sister had a baby. A boy named (Y/N). Yes, Alfred kept some tabs on his family, just to make sure that everything was like okay back there. Years went by and when (Y/N) was 13, Alfred got a call.

It wasn't a pleasant one.

Alfred sighed as he ended the call, rubbing his temples, muttering a lot of unpleasant things underneath his breath. His nephew (Y/N) was taken out of his sister's custody because she was abusive in every since of the word. And in every shape too.

Starving, beatings... Neglect...

Alfred was really mortified and he could barley speak as he remembered the conversation... He sighed and quickly made his way down to the kitchen opening up the cabinet where he held the strongest drinks in the manor. He poured himself a glass of scotch, since it was the first thing he could see.

I downed the scotch in one sip before pouring himself another one. He sighed yet again, leaning on the kitchen counter, trying not to snap.

" Something happened? " Bruce asked from behind him and Alfred sighed for the third time.

" Well master Bruce... Something did happen. " Alfred said, taking the glass and turning around to face Bruce. Alfred knew that (Y/N) had to come live here... But this family is full of vigilantes... But this is also a safe space too.

" What happened Alfred? " Bruce asked, worried for the man. Alfred is often composed and sarcastic, but now, he was shaken and just... Sad?

" My nephew is in the custody of CPS, well, at least the British version. " Alfred started and Bruce crossed his arms as he leaned on the doorway.

" I didn't know you had a nephew... " Bruce admitted softly and Alfred chuckled, sipping his scotch slowly.

" Yeah... My sister cut contact with me a long time ago master Bruce... " Alfred acknowledged and Bruce nodded, not knowing what to say.

" Either way... I'm the only family he has master Bruce, which means he will have to come here. " Alfred whispered, downing his scotch again.

" That's not a problem Alfred. I'll make space for (Y/N), clear out one room for him and talk to the boys. " Bruce responded and Alfred shook his head, making Bruce frown and tilt his head in confusion.

" That's something I know you would do master Bruce. " Alfred explained and poured himself more scotch. " It's... You are Batman and the danger that comes with that name... I can't bring my nephew into more danger. " Alfred finished explaining and downed the scotch once more.

" It will be different. We will be honest with him. " Bruce said and Alfred did have to agree, they had to be honest with him.

" He will flying here tomorrow master Bruce, so we will need to pick him up. But before hand, we need to talk to the boys. And it will need to be serious. "

" Of course it will be serious Alfred. (Y/N) will feel safe here. And if any boys are out of line, send them to me Alfred. I'll call them down now so we can talk about this. " Bruce said before he went upstairs.

Alfred just finished a bottle in the meantime.

Bruce sat his sons down, telling them that this is very serious.

" Now, listen to Alfred intently. He is officially a lead on this. " Bruce said and sat down. The four boys looked at Alfred, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

" Well... My nephew is coming here to live with us. His parents, my sister and her husband were abusive to him... Physically, verbally... They starved him too... Either way, he is in a bad mental place. Which means that you four better be on your best behavior. No fights in front of him, both verbal and physical. Don't force him to talk about it and try to befriend him. " Alfred finished, looking at his grandsons with a pointed look.

" Is that all you had to say? " Dick asked and Alfred nodded.

" You have a nephew?! " Jason exclaimed and Alfred nodded.

" Okay, that... I thought you had no family. " Tim said and Alfred sighed and Bruce smiled sadly.

" I thought you were an agent for the MI6 and had no family... Like killed off. " Damian said and Alfred sighed yet again.

" Okay boys, that's enough commentary. " Bruce said and they all grumbled. " It's important that (Y/N) feels safe here. And Alfred has my full permission to put you all back in line. "

" As if he ever needed permission. " Jason mumbled quietly and Dick smacked the back of his head.

" Thank you master Dick. "

" Everyone, this is (Y/N). " Alfred said, introducing his nephew to his grandsons. " (Y/N), these are the infamous Wayne kids. I don't think anymore introduction is needed. " Alfred said, glancing at his shy nephew.

" Now (Y/N), let me lead you to your room. " Alfred said and gently lead (Y/N) to his room. It was one of the bigger ones, with a lot of room and a comfortable bed.

" Now (Y/N), are you hungry? Because it's lunchtime in America at the moment. " Alfred said as (Y/N) put a small suitcase on the bed.

" I could eat something. " (Y/N) said and Alfred nodded, smiling at the fact that (Y/N) would eat something.

" I was thinking about some burgers actually. I can make a good one, with my awesome recipe. Do you want to come down or do you want to stay in your room? " Alfred asked softly.

" I would like to go down... This is a nice place... " (Y/N) said, still nervous.

" I agree it is nice, now come on mate, lets go down. " Alfred said and let (Y/N) go down. Alfred gently led him down to the kitchen and (Y/N) sat down, the boys all around him, keeping some distance, trying to not make him feel overwhelmed.

" So... Is it true that the Queen is a lizard? " Jason asked out of the blue and (Y/N) rolled his eyes at that, but with a smile.

" She passed away. " (Y/N) said and Jason raised his brow.

" No. "

" Yes. "

Jason scoffed with a smile and Alfred listened as he started making the meat mixture for the patties.

" Is it true that people from London speak the best English? " Dick asked and (Y/N) rolled his eyes.

" It's not true. It's so far from the truth... " (Y/N) said and Dick chuckled.

" Well, the royals are there and they must be educated... So how come? " Dick joked and (Y/N) shrugged his shoulders.

" Is it true that gun control is tighter? " Jason asked curiously and (Y/N) nodded.

" Damn... Well, welcome to the land of freedom. " Jason joked and (Y/N) smiled, but it was tiny. Tiny as hell.

" If you hear a bald eagle screeching it means you have reached the peak of staying here. " Tim stated and (Y/N) rolled his eyes a bit.

(Y/N) turned his head when he saw Titus, the Great Dane walking in with his head high and tail wagging at the sight of a newcomer. Damian was ready to intervene if necessary, but Titus was calm with people.

Damian watched as Titus sniffed (Y/N)'s hands, licking them softly and then (Y/N) hesitantly petting him.

" What's his name? " (Y/N) asked, not sure who to ask directly.

" His name is Titus. " Damian answered as he kept watching, tilting his head in wonder.

" Is he yours? " (Y/N) asked as he scratched Titus' ears.

" Yes he is. " Damian answered and (Y/N) moved down his hand to Titus' cheek. " He is huge... " (Y/N) mumbled as he kept patting Titus, who was wagging his tail.

" He is a Great Dane so he is big. " Damian explained and (Y/N) stopped petting him, making Titus whine.

" He is a big baby. " Jason chimed in and Damian nodded.

Alfred put the things he needed aside and checked on (Y/N) and the way he was handling the situation was great. The boys didn't push him, joked about something with him... And (Y/N) was comfortable. That was the most important thing here.

Thankfully, Alfred and Bruce both have experience with sort of traumatized children so (Y/N) will be able to heal properly. And the truth about them being vigilantes... Well, that can wait until (Y/N) is more stable.

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

Jason with his time in the league of assassins

Talia walks into the small modest room where Jason is livening in while he gets back on his feet, having a bunch of brain functions recovered takes a while to get used to. he's been doing physical therapy and occupational therapy for the last couple months, his dexterity isn't exactly back yet.

Talia: Jason? what are you doing?

Jason: well there's this thing I always wanted to try called stop motion animation, and well you got some lego's for Dami but he's a bit too small for them so.. I took them and have been animating. I was bored in-between everything, you don't have any good books I haven't already read.

Talia: well that is an acceptable pass time, what are you making?

Jason: oh it's a weird comedy spoof for kids about batman and the joker being nemesis's, I wanted to make it for Dami since well he doesn't know much about him or the other ones and he's only 3 and well it doesn't seem like much but the time I'm done he'll be 5 and be able to enjoy it. i don't know talia I'm bored and want to make something for him.

Talia: very well, if you so wish. I can get some people in to help you make it if you wish.

Jason: really?

Talia: yes, I can. it does sound like a nice gift.

Jason: oh thank you!

Many months of therapy complete, he starts to retrain and regain all the fighting skills he lost and learn some new ones. in the meanwhile, Jason and 3 other people have been making a complete feature film for Damian who's just turned 4, they were about halfway done and it was looking good.

Talia: so how's it coming along?

Jason: it's been hard and hurts like a bitch, but I'm getting better at flips!

Talia: no. not that, I mean the movie?

Jason: oh it's halfway done! me and the one man and 2 women are doing great we reshot the opening, and we are more than 68% done! so it will be ready by Dami's birthday.

Talia: he will enjoy it I believe.

Jason: of course he would, it's his first ever kids movie!

Talia: why yes it is!

many many many more months pass and it becomes Dami's 5th birthday and Jason and his crew had wrapped up, the voice acting was done mostly by himself, and the crew but he asked some of the league for other voices. eventually after scoring and mixing they met the deadline. they set up the league theatre and put the movie on.

lego batman: [voice over] Black. All important movies start with a black screen... And music... Edgy, scary music that would make a parent or studio executive nervous... And logos... Really long and dramatic logos... Warner Bros. Why not "Warner Brothers"? I don't know... Hmm... Not sure what LOA does, but that logo is macho. I dig it... Okay. Get yourself ready for some... reading. "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. Hooo." No. I said that. Batman is very wise. I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack. Yeah, I've got an extra ab. Now, let's start the movie.

Dami: momma? what's the movie about?

talia: your father

lego Alfred Pennyworth: Were you looking at the old family pictures again?

lego Batman: At the what? The old family... Oh, yes! I see what you mean. Look at that! The old gang. Yeah. No, I wasn't.

lego Alfred Pennyworth: I see. Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I'm a little concerned. I've seen you go through similar phases in 2001 and 2006 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1999. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling right now?

lego Batman: I don't talks about feelings, Alfred. I don't have any, I've never seen one. I'm a night-stalking, crime-fighting vigilante, and a heavy metal rapping machine. I don't feel anything emotionally, except for rage. 24/7, 365, at a million percent. And if you think that there's something behind that, then you're crazy. Good night, Alfred.

lego Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, it's morning..

Talia: *laughs*

Dami: *chuckles*

Jason: *smiles with accomplishment*

lego Batman: [Batman's song] Who never skips leg day?

Chorus: Batman!

lego Batman: Who always pays their taxes?

lego Batman, Chorus: Not Batman!

Talia: *wails with laughter*

Dami: what are taxes?

Jason: you'll know when you get older don't worry about it

The lego Joker: Are you seriously saying there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship?

lego Batman: Whoa. Let me tell you something, J-bird. Batman doesn't do 'ships.

The lego Joker: [Confused] What?

lego Batman: As in "relationships." There is no "us." Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.

Talia: that is your father's arch-nemesis the joker

Dami: oh okay

Jason: please kill him for me

dami: okay Jason, i will avagange, e-venge, avenge your honour!

Jason: you have no idea what that means to me buddy *wipes away a tear*

Lego Robin: My name's Richard Grayson, but all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.

Lego Batman: Well, children can be cruel.

Jason: when I first heard dick's name I unironically thought everyone was just calling him a dickhead so much that the name dick stuck, but nope turns out it's short for Richard. he even changed his name to dick, I personally would never. but he pulls it off flawlessly. *chuckles*

talia: I did not know mr Grayson preferred to be called Dick.

Dami: who's dick then?

Jason: oh he's your older brother.

Lego Robin: What? [Sees Batcave]

Lego Robin: It's the Batcave! Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygooo-! [Bumps into Batman]

Lego Robin: Batman, woah!

Lego Batman: You're darn right, woah!

Lego Robin: Wait, does Batman live in Bruce Wayne's basement?

Lego Batman: No, Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.

Talia: *DIES OF LAUGHTER* oh Jason this is amazing.

Jason: I wish to impress!

Lego Robin: Hey, I was thinking. If I'm gonna be a superhero, and go on awesome superhero missions like this one, can we use code names? Mine can be Robin.

Lego Batman: I'm sorry, say that again?

Lego Robin: Robin.

Lego Batman: As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?

Lego Robin: Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase. Tweet, tweet, on the street.

Lego Batman: Hard pass.

Lego Robin: And a song. [singing]

Lego Robin: Fly, Robin, fly.

Lego Batman: Harder pass.

dami: *laughs so hard he coughs*

talia: habbibi careful, don't laugh so hard you will hurt yourself

Jason: honestly yeah you can hurt yourself badly.

LegoRobin: Wow! Look, it's the Bat-Sub!

Lego Batman: Wait, don't touch that!

Lego Robin: Over there! It's the Bat-Space Shuttle!

Lego Batman: Please keep your hands off that.

Lego Robin: Look, it's the Bat-Zeppelin!

Lego Batman: Don't touch that, either!

Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Train!

Lego Batman: No!

Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Kayak!

Lego Batman: No!

Lego Robin: It's the Bat-Dune Buggy!

Lego Batman: No!

Lego Robin: It's the Bat... Shark Repellent?

Lego Batman: [pause] Uh, actually, you can touch that. It's completely useless.

Talia: shark repelent is actually a quite useful invention why is bruce beloved not recognising it's full potential?

Jason: keep watching

Dami: does father have all those things?

Jason: sure does!

Lego Batman: We are gonna steal the Phantom Zone projector from Superman.

Lego Robin: [frowns] Steal?

Lego Batman: Yeah. We have to right a wrong. And sometimes, in order to right a wrong, you have to do a wrong-right. Gandhi said that.

Lego Robin: Are we sure Gandhi said that?

Lego Batman: I'm paraphrasing.

Talia: *laughs*

Dami: *laughs so hard he starts coughing AGAIN*

Jason: ghandi so said that btw.

lego Jim Gordon: [sees Robin for the first time] Who is that?

lego Robin: Hi, police man!

lego Jim Gordon: Is that your son?

Lego Robin: Yes, I am!

Lego Batman: [laughs nervously] Is that my son? No, that's just weird.

Lego Jim Gordon: It's weirder if it's not your son.

Jason: this interaction is based off an actual interaction between jimmy and Dick.

[batman and robin arrive at the fortress of solitude]

lego Batman: Hey, kid!

lego Robin: Yes, sir?

lego Batman: You're super nimble, right?

lego Robin: I sure am!

lego Batman: And small?

lego Robin: Very.

lego Batman: And quiet?

lego Robin: [whispering] When I desire to be.

lego Batman: And 110% expendable?

lego Robin: I don't know what that means, but okay!

Jason: bruce really did not know how to deal with a 11 year old child hellbent on murdering a mob boss, so he kept bringing him along on incredibly dangerous missions, it was always fine in the end but this sort of situation happened once.

Talia: really?

Jason: the expendable part was from a wayne tech family event, and they crushed it. but dick had to sacrifice himself to help bruce win, it was so funny. I was there.

Lego Batman: White. All important movies end with a white screen.

Talia, jason, the other 70 league of assassin members and Damien break out into applause for the movie.

Jason: THANK YOU ALL, but special thanks to Gerald, and lily and Rin!!!! I WOULD HAVE NEVNER FINISHED IT WITHOUT YOU THANK YOUUUUUUU

the audience bursts into a large uproar of applause.

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[bizbat]

When They're In Love - Jason Todd - 2

🕸️Spiderverse Masterlist🕸️

🐼JJK Masterlist🐼

~ Fem terms used for reader.

~ Mild smut.

~ You can find part one of these hcs here, and part three here.

~ You can find more of my works here.

~ Thank you to @the-best-of-the-myrmidona for requesting more When They're In Love Headcanons for Jason Todd!

~ SFW ~

He likes to sit with his head between your legs, in any context.

He likes when you massage his scalp with your legs dangling over his broad shoulders.

He loves it when you wear his clothes.

His heart always stops for a moment when he sees you come out of the shower, drying your hair with a towel, dressed in one of his shirts that just barely reaches down to your thighs, and rises as you reach up to take care of your wet hair.

Loves seeing your thighs.

He gives real "victorian man seeing an ankle" energy.

He loves feeling you against him.

He needs to feel your skin or your body pressing against his or he will have a bad day.

I feel like he always smells good, even if he doesn't smell good, yk?

Like even when he comes home smelling like blood, smoke, and gasoline, his natural musk probably still stands out.

Always catches him off guard when you wanna hug him before he showers.

He can't help but laugh when you bury your face into his chest to inhale more of his scent.

He likes it when you play with his hair, but also likes to play in yours.

Straight, wavy, curly, coiled, long, short, shaved.

He don't care.

Lay on his chest and let him play with your hair, now!

I think he can cook, but that he doesn't know a lot of recipes. He reads a lot of cookbooks though, so he always wants to try something new with you.

I think he always wants to impress you, but he wants to be lowkey abt it.

First time you come over his place, he scrubs every single square inch till it sparkles, but he'll throw a shirt over the couch, or leave out a plate, or something, so he can be all "Sorry about the mess, haha".

Like a loser smh.

I think he'd ask Alfred for a recipe that will be impressive, but not too hard or complicated.

I didn't include it in the last set of hcs, but im putting it here.

Jason would absolutely want to rescue a pet with you, I'm thinking either a massive black dog, or an old cat that has no teeth and has outlived three owners.

Something that needs love and hasn't been given it.

But, I also think he'd put it off bc he wants to be able to give it his full attention.

If he found the right ball of fur and teeth though, I think he might be compelled to take it home with him.

He loves to take naps. Especially with you.

I think it's his way of being vulnerable.

He'd let you touch his scars.

I don't think they'd be sensitive physically, but maybe they'd be sore reminders of his lack of a normal life.

That's why it's so special that he lets you of all people touch them.

~ NSFW ~

Loves loves loves kisses.

Let Me explain.

When he's got you on your back, your eyes glazed over and completely unfocused, his favorite thing to do is lean down, squeeze your cheeks until your lips pucker, and give you lots of sloppy kisses.

He doesn't mind all the drool, in fact, it kinda adds to it.

He'll wipe away the tears sliding down your cheeks with his thumb, before popping it into your mouth, letting you suck it off, before slipping his tongue between your lips so he can taste your sweat tears too.

He's so condensing too. :(

Mean, mean man.

Calls you names, likes to smack, spits.

I think he likes to display his strength, probably holds you up as he thrusts into you, no matter your weight.

I keep writing abt him and he's starting to grow on me smh.😒

Okay that's all for now! <3

[gffa]

It has been about eight months since I came back to BATFAMILY fic and this will be my ninth set of recs, which means I'm at about 500 or so for this one fandom, which is kind of blowing my mind a little, but also tracks pretty well, given how amazing the fic in the fandom can be. There's just so much that's scratching the itch of softer Batfam content or really digging into the angsty possibilities or exploring the characters in ways the source material won't/can't or just finding a dozen different ways to hit my id straight on and make it such a fun, exciting experience to be swimming through all this amazing fic. And, in that vein, yeah I may have a Dick Grayson Is The Most Important Guy In The World Problem, but I also have Dick Grayson Is The Most Important Guy In The World Solutions which is basically a metric truckload of fic by incredible authors and trying to lure more people into crying about these characters with me because I AM CRYING A LOT ABOUT THEM because fandom has PROVIDED ME WITH THE TOOLS TO DRAG YOU IN AND I AM GOING TO USE THEM. And, okay, I've got some good Jason, Tim, Damian, Babs, Steph, and Bruce stuff in there, too. Fandom is great at helping me get some really great variety in, too! Basically ALL THE BATS ARE MY LOVES AND I WANT TO DRAG OTHERS IN WITH ME.

BATFAM FIC RECS - BABY DICK IS THE CUTEST FERAL ROBIN I'M NOT HEARING ANY ARGUMENTS: ✦ Robin is Looking for a Sidekick by Writer_loves_tropes, dick & bruce, 4k     Eight year old Dick Grayson is already a crime fighting Robin and he needs a sidekick. Batman seems like he would be a good choice. Robin and Batman has a nice ring to it. Bruce has thoughts about that. aka, How could Bruce resist adopting this tiny child? ✦ The Pancake Predicament by Lightsider, dick & bruce & alfred, 2.1k     On his second Father's Day at Wayne Manor, Dick decides to make pancakes. -or- The reason Dick's not allowed unsupervised kitchen use, which isn't fair. The pancakes were delicious, and he was 10! ✦ Counting Elephants by PrincessMariana, bruce & dick & alfred, 3k     When kidnappers break into the manor, Dick runs straight to Alfred. Alfred will do anything to protect his family. Or, Dick gets scared, and Alfred is a badass. ✦ World's Finest: Christmas Morning by WingFeathers, dick & bruce/clark & ma kent & alfred & cast, 9k     Twelve hours of a Christmas morning in Gotham: Bruce foregoes sleep and grapples with change, Clark navigates Christmas at Wayne Manor and his boyfriend's emotional distance, and Dick gets the best presents. Also: Ma and Pa Kent and Alfred are the greatest. ✦ There is a Monster at the End of This Book by Trekkele, dick & bruce & cast, vampires, 2.6k     There was something deeply wrong with Bruce Wayne. This wasn’t exactly news, of course. Opening any one of the local Gotham tabloids would give you plenty of evidence to back his claims up, but Tyler liked to think his profession gave him an edge, an added insight into the strangeness that was Gotham’s ‘beloved billionaire’. ✦ Safe by Jinmukang, dick & bruce, 2.5k     Or, a baby Robin wakes up very lost and very alone in the middle of Gotham. ✦ Stars, Hide Your Fires by FidotheFinch, dick & bruce, 10.8k     Dick Grayson doesn't want to leave the circus he's called home his entire life. When he overhears Pop Haly talking to a strange man about sending Dick away for 'training,' he decides he'll do whatever he can to stop it. Even if he has to make a deal with a demon. ✦ It's who I am by Tiredteengaer, dick & bruce & wally & artemis & conner & kaldur & m'gann & cast, 44k     how each member of the team found out Robin's real identity. ✦ Drowning, Headaches, and being beaten by Penguin by PandasandDucks1, dick & bruce & wally & artemis, 1.7k     He couldn’t breathe. ✦ The Eldest Wayne's by Remarcely, dick & bruce & alfred & cast, 3k     ‘With all their talks about how to behave, Bruce had the upmost faith in Dick to talk to the other Gala-attenders with respect under his supervision. When Dick grew bored and wandered off, entirely unnoticed by a Bruce deep in conversation, he’d be lying if he pretended that faith didn’t waver’ Or Bruce and Dick throughout the years as they slowly learn how to be a family.

BATFAM FIC RECS - ADULT BATSON AND BATDAD ARE MY KRYPTONITE, I FOLD LIKE WET CARDBOARD FOR THEM: ✦ Rebalancing by SirenAlpha, dick & bruce & damian, 2.5k     Bruce was back from his trip through time. Dick expected to heal up from surgery, head back to Blüdhaven, and be Nightwing again. He did not expect Bruce to have a discussion on the nature of Batman, Nightwing, and if Robin really only needed one of them. ✦ Capitulate by Antiquity, dick & bruce, 5k     After Wally's death, Bruce tries to hold Dick together before he shakes himself apart. ✦ No Good Deed by I_Have_To_Get_Off_This_Planet, dick & bruce, 1.2k     While trying to stop a robber, Dick breaks two ribs. It's not a good time. ✦ Superficial Wounds by fleetfoot1, dick & bruce, ~1k     Bruce swore softly as he tilted Dick’s face to the side, his gaze flicking down the bruises covering his cheekbone. Dick swallowed, before opening his mouth. “I--” his voice cracked on the syllable. God, he was just so tired of arguing. ✦ fabric (frayed but holding) by Tevya, dick & bruce & cast, 5.1k     A few months after Dick returns to speaking terms with Bruce, he gets stuck in Gotham with the flu. ✦ aristocracy by brandywine421, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian & cass & steph & alfred, 2.4k     "I really wish it was for a different reason. I - need a favor." "There are no favors between us, Dick, you know that," Bruce said, moving around the desk to take the seat beside him. "Tell me." "God, it's so stupid, I - could handle it myself, but - I don't want to. I just want - I just want to forget it ever happened," Dick said. That didn't sound like Dick. "Tell me," he repeated. ✦ Memories Fade by Lady_of_Lorule, dick & bruce & cast, 2.2k     “Miss Gordon sent in her daily report and Master Tim called to inform you that he will be in San Francisco for a few days. Also, Master Dick is upstairs.” Bruce froze. “Dick is here?” “Yes, sir.” “I thought he was in Central City visiting Wally West.” Alfred raised an eyebrow, pale eyes piercing. “It seems that he is back, then. I believe he is waiting for you.” ✦ On-Call by motleyfam, dick & bruce & jason & oc & cast, 1.6k     Kiran Devabhaktuni, medical doctor and close family friend of the Waynes, agreed to join them for one more Thanksgiving at the Kent Farm. It's a good thing he did, too. ✦ a day before midnight by batofgoodintent (crownedcrusader), dick & bruce, 2.1k     After you lose pieces of yourself, they don't always fit back the same. - Post-Ric Grayson.

BATFAM FIC RECS - EVERYBODY LOVES DICK: ✦ the more i look inside (the more you're real to me) by starsonthewalls, dick & bruce & john/mary & tim, 2.8k     Dick tensed defensively. “It’s not like I can do anything about that, Dad,” he grumbled, accepting the glass to clear his throat. “You know how B is about patrols.” “And who is ‘B’ supposed to be?” his mom asked. “One of your video game friends?” Dick froze- what did mom mean, who is B? ✦ You Won't Wake Up Alone by DawnsEternalLight, dick & bruce & jason & tim & damian, 5.2k     Dick's captured and drugged and probably about to die. The last thing he wants to do is die in front of his family, especially not his baby brothers, all he wants is to be with Bruce and feel safe again. ✦ Jason's Gift by Neoinean, dick & bruce & jason & tim & barbara & cast, 17.3k     As Dick’s birthday goes from mediocre to bad to worse, he finds himself so wrapped up in the chain of events that he fails to correctly piece together the clues. Will he discover the truth before its too late? ✦ they don't know me and you by konan_konan, dick & bruce & jason & tim & barbara & zatanna & cast, de-aged!dick, 4.5k     "The cold helps neutralize him," says Bruce, talking about Dick like he's a threat. "It'll keep him from hurting himself," says Barbara, talking about Dick like he's a child. They're both correct right now, and Jason hates it. ✦ If You Don't Know by TylerM, dick & bruce & jason, 10.2k     An exploration of Sick!Dick Grayson from little and big Jason's point of view. Because I honestly don't believe in there ever being too many of the same damn fic.

BATFAM FIC RECS - JASON TODD IS AN ASSHOLE CAT, I'M GONNA THROW HIM AT THE OTHER BATS BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY: ✦ bury me softly by Nokomis, jason & steph, 4k     After a tunnel collapse, Stephanie and Jason bond while trapped together.

BATFAM FIC RECS - DICK AND DAMIAN WERE THE BEST BATMAN & ROBIN, I'M NOT HEARING ARGUMENTS ABOUT THAT EITHER: ✦ ties bind none by eryndew, dick & damian & bruce, 2k     Bruce discovers a son. Repercussions and choices follow. ✦ restless heart by emavee, dick & damian, 2.3k     It’s ridiculous to act like this one weekend really means anything in the grand scheme of things, but he can’t help it. It isn’t fair. He only gets these few days, and now Grayson is up in space fighting aliens or whatever and Damian is alone on the couch watching Jeopardy by himself. Or: Dick goes off world and Damian misses him ✦ Need To Know Basis by WordsAblaze, dick & damian, 1.1k     day sixteen, where damian has zero tolerance for dick hiding injuries from him… ✦ a killer time by konan_konan, dick & damian & alfred & bruce, 4.1k     The vent cover clatters to the floor, and Dick flings the knife at Croc, trusting that he's going to be a more of a threat than his goons. Croc roars in pain, or maybe just rage, and Dick scrambles toward the vent, Damian already inside, and - And Killer Croc grabs him by the ankle, slams him into the wood. He feels something break, and he gasps, hardly able to catch his breath. Some sort of metallic clang echoes from behind, and he thinks if Damian comes out of the vent and gets us both killed… ✦ as love carries its strength, but not its labels by AlterHarpia, dick & damian, 2.7k     Bruce is on a trip beyond Earth’s Solar System for longer than he intended, making Dick and Damian fall into an old pattern. “I'm not Batman.” A mere reminder, perhaps, but when said to Damian it always sounds like an apology.

BATFAM FIC RECS - BATKIDS ALL HAVE MANY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE ALL PETTY ASSHOLES AND/OR WONDERFUL BABIES AND I LOVE THEM WITH MY WHOLE BEING: ✦ a study by bernard dowd by cv_angels, tim/bernard & conner & cassie & bart, 4.8k     Bernard opens the laptop, spinning it to face Tim with a flourish. It’s a powerpoint with a truly hideous red background, and Tim feels a moment of relief that Bernard isn’t breaking up with him before he registers the words on the slide. REASONS WHY TIMOTHY DRAKE-WAYNE IS A SUPERHERO, A STUDY BY BERNARD DOWD. ✦ princess carry by CreamofTomatoSoup, tim/bernard & duke & tam & damian, 3.1k     Tim almost gets shot during a public speech, which is a pretty average Tuesday. Being rescued by his civilian boyfriend, however, is not. ✦ beep beep!! by CreamofTomatoSoup, tim/bernard & bruce & dick & jason & tim & cass & duke, 6.1k     Bernard learned to drive from his henchman uncle. The last place he expects to use this skill is at a dinner with his boyfriend's family. ✦ little menace by InkpotSprite, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & alfred, de-aged!tim, 16.2k wip     "Did a two year old just outrun you?" Jason asked, wanting to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Bruce clenched his jaw. "I didn't want to hurt him." He growled. "Liar!" Tim piped up from under the desk. Jason was starting to like this version of his successor. ✦ It Wasn't Supposed to Be Like This: I wouldn't Change a Thing by Grayson1996, bruce & dick & steph, 4.1k     She smiled tightly at him and stiffly beckoned him forward. If Bruce had to guess they weren’t close in the future, or perhaps she just didn’t know him. Regardless he stepped forward, though he didn’t turn to look at the figure on the bed just yet. For a moment the two simply stared at one another before Stephanie rolled her eyes at him. “Here’s where you apologize for pushing me against the wall.” Bruce felt guilt stir at the words despite the fact that she was clearly joking. ✦ in the lungs by hellsreluctantheir, tim & steph & cast, 2.8k     It went bad the way things always went bad. All at once. Steph had taken out two thugs (and maybe picked up a sprained wrist though she wasn’t counting her chickens before they hatched) and Tim was almost finished up with his third, when she saw him get launched backwards, head hitting the railing at the side with a resounding clang. She saw him slump to the deck, saw him struggle weakly as the thug pulled him up by his cape and looked at him for a moment, before tossing him directly into the Gotham River.

BATFAM FIC RECS - I SAY THIS IS A BATFAM REC LIST BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA SHOVE THOSE ASSHOLES OUT OF THE WAY AND READ SOME SUPERFIC: ✦ Troublemakers by Kannika, clark & lois & conner, ~1k     Introducing Conner and Lois is the worst mistake Clark has made in a long time. Because they're getting along. ✦ oh brother by corvidspectre, conner & lois & jon, 1.2k     “So what are you being for Halloween?” Kon had asked when he got to the Kent's place. “Superboy!” Jon smiled, making Lois chuckle under her breath. ✦ Gut Feeling by Ao3time, lois & conner, 18.7k wip     Lois Lane rescues a teenager who looks a lot like someone she knows...

BATFAM FIC RECS - TAKE THE ANGST DIAL, TURN IT UP TO ELEVEN, AND BREAK THE KNOB OFF, THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR: ✦ my threads are coming loose by dizarys, dick & talia & cast, ~1k     “Oh good, I see both you and Bruce are on the same page about unrealistic expectations for grieving,” muttered Dick. Talia sucked her teeth and turned back to the grave, long hair swinging. The sound was so much like Damian’s iconic tut that fresh tears welled in Dick’s eyes. ✦ Fatherhood; a Knife that Never Stops Cutting by minnow_doodle_doo, bruce & dick & alfred, no powers au, 2.1k     There always seemed to be a thread that tied all their histories, from Alfred to Bruce back to Dick. Repeated over and over. And now it seemed that Dick found that the thread had been longer than he first thought. ✦ Tap Out by withthekeyisking, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian, read the tags, 4.8k     Dick knows the importance of tapping out in training, so your partner doesn't accidentally hurt you. It becomes instinct, so heavily ingrained in him. He doesn't understand why his brothers don't do it, too. (Until they do, and it's too late.) ✦ A Death in the Family by PrincessMariana, bruce & dick & jason, yandere!bruce (?), read the tags, 12.4k     The Joker has killed Jason Todd. Bruce tells Dick immediately, and Dick returns to the manor. Bruce will do anything to keep his remaining son safe and close. Dick thinks it's the grief that's keeping him exhausted. ✦ Car Crashes and Hot Chocolate by PrincessMariana, bruce & dick, yandere!bruce (?), read the tags, 2.3k     Dick almost dies trying to escape Bruce. Neither of them are happy about the outcome, and so they talk about it. This is a follow-up oneshot for A Death in the Family and is set before Into the Gilded Cage. This can technically be read alone, though it does have spoilers for A Death in the Family. ✦ Into the Gilded Cage by PrincessMariana , bruce & dick & tim, yandere!bruce (?), read the tags, 17.5k     Tim investigates if Dick Grayson is being held against his will by Bruce Wayne. He somehow ends up spending the summer with the two at Wayne Manor. It might be a prison for Dick, but the more Tim stays, the less he wants to leave. This follows A Death in the Family, but you don't need to read that to read this. It might be useful, though. ✦ The Third Robin's Flight by PrincessMariana, bruce & dick & tim, yandere!bruce (?), read the tags, 13.7k wip     Tim accepts his place as Bruce' third - and most loyal - son. When his mother dies and his father returns to Gotham, Tim once again must pick a side, but Bruce never lets go of his children easily. Meanwhile, Dick struggles with the ramifications of finding the Joker, and Bruce remembers why Batman needs a Robin. This follows Into the Gilded Cage. ✦ Family Crisis by librarylexicon, bruce & dick & tim & cass & steph & leslie & barbara & selina & amy & cast, read the tags, 78.1k wip     At the close of the gang war, Batman uncovers an attempted deception concerning the life of his former protégé Stephanie Brown, and suddenly nothing is as important as his family. While Dick seeks absolution, Tim struggles with grief, Cassandra searches for belonging and Steph rebuilds her sense of self, Bruce faces the return of ghosts from his own past and psyche. (War Games AU) ✦ New Again by dustorange, dick & bruce & thomas wayne jr., 10.1k wip     “I’m not a good man,” says Thomas. “No," Dick hesitates, then comes closer, "but you're not an old man either." (a.k.a. Earth 3's Thomas Wayne Jr. "helps" Batman and Robin get back to their world, only for Bruce alone to be sent back, leaving Dick stranded in Earth 3—with Thomas.) ✦ not anything, anymore by emavee, dick & bruce, 2k     Bruce kicked him out four months ago. Apparently these particular kidnappers didn't get the memo.

✦ dreamer by day by justbeyondstars, dick & bruce & jason & tim, 5.3k     In the next room over, Jason and Tim are laughing, and it startles Dick back into his body to remember he’s not alone. He feels impossibly empty, unmovable, untouchable. He almost forgets he's still on the phone until a voice says, “Is there anything I can do for you, Dick? Anything you need to make this easier?” Or: Dick is a lot of things to a lot of people. After getting some bad news, he has to grapple with the fact it might not always be enough. ✦ watching the world go dark by daringyounggrayson, dick & bruce, 3.5k     It wasn’t that Dick was suicidal exactly, but if an opportunity came about where he would have to actively save himself from death, he might just let go. He might not be suicidal, but he's not self-preserving either, and it’s becoming a real problem. Luckily, Bruce is a worried parent with a few detective skills. ✦ hold me like water (or hold me like a knife) by dizarys, bruce & dick & tim, 2k     Dick's recovery after a amnesiac year as Ric Grayson is taking longer than expected. And has some difficult side effects.

BATFAM FIC RECS - SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO TAKE ALL THE SERIOUSNESS OUT OF THE ROOM AND STAY SOFT FOR AWHILE: ✦ And There Was Only One Bed: Family Edition by RandomReader13, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & cass, 1.7k     “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Dick stood on his toes to peek over Jason’s shoulder into the hotel room and grimaced. “Uh, Bruce…” “There was a mix-up with the reservation,” Bruce grunted. ✦ so everyone's just a fucking scalie huh by destiny919, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & cass, 1.1k     "Birds are animals, Jay." "What the fuck? No. Aren't they basically reptiles?" Jason demands. "First of all, no, you're thinking of dinosaurs, which is what they actually are in the Flintstones. Second of all, reptiles are animals." "Bullshit." "Okay, I..." Tim pinches his nose. "Okay. I think I see the problem here." "Yes, Todd sustained a traumatic brain injury the other night and didn't see fit to inform anyone before we left on this inane trip." ✦ The Batmobile (and other Bat things) by JeanjacketCarf, bruce & dick & clark & justice league, 2k     “Batmobile?!” Barry looked incredulous. It was clear he was missing the point of the story. “He called it the Batmobile? Out loud? In front of you?” Clark shrugged. “Yeah, twice. I’m sure I heard it right.” “Batmobile, my god,” Barry said shaking his head. “I can’t believe it.” Or Apparently, the Bat-Man is not a cryptid, he's a guy who gives his stuff silly names ✦ Vampire Bats by Sohotthateveryonedied, bruce & dick & jason & tim & damian & cass & steph & duke & cast, 4.1k     Despite the many, many obstacles, having his kids turn into vampires isn’t as tragic as Bruce anticipated it would be. Whenever one of them is grounded, all Bruce has to do is hang a cross on their door and they’re sufficiently contained. And the energy boost has been incredibly helpful on patrols. ✦ Adventures in Batsitting by raven_of_hydecastle, bruce & dick & clark & lois & justice league, 10k wip     "What, you're telling me the great Batman couldn't stop a nine-year-old from sneaking out?" Green Lantern scoffed. "At least come up with a believable excuse." It was Batman's turn to scoff. "Like anyone else could do better. If you can keep Robin off the streets for a week, I'll buy you a Porsche." *** AKA The JLA stages an intervention with Batman to get Robin off the streets. it goes downhill from there.

BATFAM FIC RECS - THROW BABY DICK AT BATTISON, C'MON DO IT, IT'LL BE HILARIOUS: ✦ though the sun and sky may fade (all shall be remade) by queenofthestarrrs, dick & bruce & alfred, 1.8k     Dick Grayson asks a lot of questions. ✦ My Little Robin by tyrianzzz, jim & dick & bruce, 1.6k     After being Partners with the Bat for so long Gordon tries not to question his life choices. Until Robin comes along. ✦ I Wish My Father Had More Sons by shipNslash, bruce & dick & jason & alfred, 9.4k     Jason Todd and Dick Grayson, from strangers to brothers to enemies and back again.

[lady0ctavia]

Hetalia Kiss Headcanons (Allies)

Headcanons on how the Hetalia characters would kiss their S/O, as well as who I think would initiate your first kiss as a couple~

America: Alfred is the kind of guy who gets all giddy and smiles whenever you kiss. You can feel his lips curling into a goofy grin upon yours. His kisses are a little more forceful and abrupt from being fueled by his impulsive "do or die" mentality, causing you to feel a little lightheaded, needing a moment to register what just happened/what is happening. Because of his mentality, your first kiss was 100% initiated by him. He probably kissed you when you were going about your day and the thought of kissing you just came to his mind. He's also not opposed to attacking you with kisses as soon as the two of you are alone.

England: Arthur is a gentleman, alright? As such, PDA is kept to a minimum, and this includes kissing. There's a difference between how he kisses you in public vs. in private. Kisses in public are restricted to kisses on the hand, typically as a form of greeting or just when the mood strikes him (the latter of which is rare). Kisses in private are far more casual but are still sweet and gentlemanly. His kisses take place at random moments throughout the day, such as a peck on the cheek when you're making breakfast. Depending on his mood, his kisses on your lips can range from tender and chaste to firey and intense. There's no in-between. I think he'd be the one to initiate your first kiss, but he'd respectfully ask to do so beforehand.

France: Do I really have to write anything here? Francis is the personification of one of the most romantic places on earth. You can bet your life his kisses are nothing less than the best. Romantic, emotional, passionate, and, depending on his mood, full of desire. Kisses from Francis always manage to leave you breathless and lightheaded. He'd hold you in his arms or hold your hands as he kisses you, doing so as if no one is watching. Shockingly enough, he'd wait for you to initiate your first kiss as a couple. Sure, he's flirted with the idea of surprising you with a passionate kiss for your first. But he wants to make sure you're comfortable.

Russia: Ivan's a great big teddy bear of a man, so of course his kisses are going to reflect that same level of warmth. His kisses are soft, almost barely there, as if afraid he'll accidentally hurt you. He'll kiss you on the top of your head or forehead more often than on the lips or cheek. And when he does kiss your lips, it's so gentle you swear he's barely touching you. Because of his size, he's afraid of accidentally hurting you, so you'd have to reassure him that everything's fine. Because of his shyness, you'll be the one to initiate the first kiss. However, you'll have to stand on your tiptoes to do so.

China: He may seem young on the outside, but internally he's an old man. Yao would resign him to mere kisses on the cheek to show affection. Kisses on the lips are reserved for when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed at night. His kisses are usually quick but never underestimate the meaning or emotion behind them. He's fairly reserved with affection, so these gestures, while small to others, mean a lot to him. These small kisses are full of affection and love. Despite being more reserved, the first kiss was initiated by him. Being around for so long has allowed him the ability to easily read other people, so he'd be able to figure out if you wanted to kiss him or not.

Canada: Matthieu is, as we all know, exceptionally shy and soft-spoken in public, and so his kisses reflect this. And, much like England, his kisses will differ depending on whether or not the two of you are out in public or not. In public, he'd be the kind of guy to give you a kiss on the cheek or side of your head. But in private... Let's be real here, this guy was raised by Francis. Now, I'm not saying his kisses in private are to the intensity of his father, but he will show an uncharacteristic display of passion and love, holding you tight as he ravishes your mouth (when he's more comfortable with you, anyway). But, regardless, you'll have to be the one to initiate. He's too afraid of messing something up.

Kiss HCs for the Axis can be found here!

[broomsick]

Oath-making and heathen practice

Jólablót and the winter solstice are around the corner! You might have already planned your celebration, but I'm here to give you a last minute idea! I realized I'd never really tackled the topic of ritual oath-making in my posts before, despite it being part of my personal practice. In what circumstances would oaths be sworn, historically? Where does the arm-ring come in? What sorts of oaths would be made? Let's dive into this topic.

While the importance of oath-making was somewhat exaggerated by heroic literature, keeping one's word was most certainly regarded by the germanic peoples as a crucial element in the social order. The Cleasby & Vigfusson Old Norse dictionary refers to a such a practice as heitstrengingar (heit-strengja), meaning "to take a vow".

This ceremonial event would generally occur at larger gatherings, in communities with an already established religious order. In other words, in a setting where there was a religious leader to preside over the practice. Understandably, this element can be foregone in the context of modern practice. According to the sources that history has left us with, this practice of ritualized vow-taking would more often than not be performed on Yule, at weddings, at funerals or at banquets. But where does the arm ring come in?

It's stated in the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle that when peace was established between king Alfred the Great and the danish army which had invaded Wareham, the latter party swore on a "sacred bracelet" to respect the newfound peace. This so-called bracelet was later regarded as the very same ring, generally made of either copper, silver, or gold, and worn around the arm, which was bestowed by chieftains onto successful warriors as a symbol of their prowess.

It's also said that some temples were equipped with a ritual ring, which would be worn by the goði in between ceremonies.

"Therewithin was there a great frith-place. But off the inmost house was there another house, of that fashion whereof now is the choir of a church, and there stood a stall in the midst of the floor in the fashion of an altar, and thereon lay a ring without a join that weighed twenty ounces, and on that must men swear all oaths; and that ring must the chief have on his arm at all man-motes." Eyrbyggja Saga - The Saga of the Ere-Dwellers, chapter 4.

It's interesting to note that oath-making was often followed by ritual toasting. In this sense, a neo-pagan can choose to prepare a drink to go along with their oath! This is especially relevant if you're somebody who has chosen, as I have, to respect the three Jólablót toasts (one to Óðinn for success, one to Freyr and Njörðr for peace and prosperity, and one for your ancestors, in the name of memory). The order in which one carries out their Jól celebrations is theirs to decide, but I've always found it practical to let the oath be directly followed by the toasts!

So, it seems you might need an arm ring on which to swear your oath, right? Don't be so sure! There have been attestations of oaths being sworn on the ritual drink itself, which bears comparison with the wider practice called symbel.

In the texts where the practice appears, a bragarfull ("promise-cup") is used as a vessel for the toast. So what's the point of adding a drink to the mix? You can regard it as adding further spiritual meaning to the practice of oath-making. After all, it's believed that the symbel must have been greatly significant in early germanic religious practice. See the following passage from the Fagrskinna which describes the ceremony during which inheritance is bestowed.

"And when memorial feasts were held according to ancient custom, it was required to hold them in the year of the death of the man in whose memory the feast was being held. And he who had the feast prepared must not sit in the high seat of the man whose memory he was honoring before men had drunk the memorial toast. The first evening, when people came to the feast, many toasts had to be offered up in the same way as memorial toasts are now, and they dedicated those toasts to their most important kinsmen, or to Þórr, or to other of their gods, in heathen times, and finally they had to drink the bragafull, and then he who was holding the feast had to make a vow on the bragafull, as did all those attending the memorial feast, and then he had to mount into the seat of the man who was being honoured, and he then entered fully into possession of the inheritance and honour of the dead man, but not before." Fagrskinna, a catalogue of the Kings of Norway.

According to the Fagrskinna, the vow is to be made after having drunk from the bragarfull. Interestingly enough, drinking from the bragarfull also seems tied to the celebration of Jól. A passage from the Helgakviða Hjörvarðssonar reads:

“Hedin was coming home alone from the forest one Yule-eve, and found a troll-woman; she rode on a wolf, and had snakes in place of a bridle. She asked Hedin for his company. ‘Nay,’ said he. She said, ‘Thou shalt pay for this at the bragarfull.’ That evening the great vows were taken; the sacred boar was brought in, the men laid their hands thereon, and took their vows at the bragarfull.” Helgakviða Hjörvarðssonar, part 4.

It's also said that apart from ritual drink and arm rings, an oath could also be taken on a stone. If you're someone who enjoys crafts at all, a fun way to incorporate this practice into a Jól celebration would be to paint or decorate or stone, or to carve meaningful runes carrying your intent onto it, and to make your vows upon it on the longest night.

So what sort of oath should you be making? In the context of neo-paganism, and especially for those of us interested in reconstructing historical practice, oath-making doesn't need to have a spiritual dimension at all. Historically, it served a rather down-to-earth, even political purpose. See this exerpt from the Landnámabók:

“A ring weighing two ounces or more should lie on the stall in every chief Temple, and this ring should every chief or godi have upon his arm at all public law-motes [...]. Every man who was there to transact any business, as by law provided by the Court, should first take an oath upon that ring and name for the purpose two or more witnesses and repeat the following words : ‘I call to witness in evidence, he was to say, that I take oath upon the ring, a lawful one (lögeid) so help me Frey and Niord and the Almighty God, [...] that I will deal lawfully with all such matters in law as I have to deal with while I am at this Thing.’” Landnámabók - The Book of the Settlement of Iceland, part 4, chapter 7.

You'll note here another fascinating tidbit of information regarding ritual oath-making: the presence of one or more witnesses! This element of the ritual is also attested in other such sources. If you're comfortable involving a loved one or more into your Yule celebrations, it's possible for you to do so, as they will bear witness to your vow.

If you regard oaths as sacred at all, I would advise not throwing them around lightheartedly, especially if they involve a deity in any way. Personally, I prefer to make oaths that: 1, I know I'll be able to keep for sure; and 2, I know I'll have control over. For example, changing a certain habit, working on an aspect of myself that I want to improve... Even from a historical standpoint, these ritualized oaths didn't have much to do with the Gods, but were rather centered around the human experience. In a way, this is reminiscent of new year resolutions. Since the time or year coincides, a lone practitioner who must stay discreet with their pagan practice can still take an oath in the guise of making such a resolution.

As usual, I feel the need to specify that not much is known about this practice at all, especially not when looking at it through the lens of history. This is a practice that you can take or leave, depending on your preference. What matters most in my opinion, meaning from a reconstructionist perspective, is to treat oath-making with due respect, regardless of the ceremonial elements or lack-thereof that one chooses to surround it with.

[biancabi]

Jason: *Walking around the living room with a book until tripping over something*

Tim: *Lying on the ground being the "something" Jason tripped over*

Jason: What the fuck, Replacement?

Tim: Sleep is overrated and I don't need it!!

Jason: Of course, that clarifies everything. What do you think if we make the consumption of peanuts illegal too?

Tim: Actually that would be pretty fantastic-

Jason: No, I was being sarcastic. Why the hell are you on the ground?

Tim: I'm trying to test a theory about how inertia acts on bodies-

Jason: *Raising an eyebrow* You fell and you're too tired to get up, right?

Tim: ...

Tim: ....yes.

-

Jason: *Yelling* Can someone tell me why the hell the kitchen is covered in waffle batter everywhere??

Steph: *With a stack of fifty waffles at her side* We're making waffes, obviously

Jason: And you had to dirty Alfie's entire kitchen for that??

Steph: It's just a little disaster, he won't even notice.

Jason: He doesn't notice the flour on the floor, eggs on the windows and dough on the ceiling??

Steph: You're making it sound more serious than it is.

Jason: Don't fuck, goldie.

-

Jason: *Entering dramatically* Alright little bitches, which one of you takes my copy of Pride and Prejudice??

Dick: I haven't seen your book, littlewing

Duke: Don't you have like a ten copies of that book?

Jason: First, I have fifteen copies of Pride and Prejudice. Second, they took my special anniversary copy. So which one of you has it??

Dick: Are you sure you didn't leave it somewhere?

Jason: No, I looked everywhere in this damn manor and it's NOT there.

Duke: Man, it's practically impossible for you to have covered the entire manor, I tried but I got tired after 5 hours. 5 HOURS!! AND I ONLY WENT THROUGH THE EAST WING.

Jason: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! WHO HAS MY BOOK?!

Dick: *Replying to Duke* I don't know, after getting lost in the hallways I never tried to navigate the manor again.

Jason: HEY! RESPOND BEFORE I START TAKING THE BULLETS OUT!

Duke: *Excited* What if there is some type of ghost or entity that is hidden in the hallways?

Dick: That wouldn't be so strange, I mean, this manor is very old.

Jason: IT DON'T CARE IF THERE ARE ANY DAMN GHOSTS. I WANT MY BOOK.

Duke: Just think about it, what if the ghost took your book??

Jason: *Taking out their guns* This is it, it's bullet time.

-

Bruce: Jason, could you explain to me why my living room is full of bullet holes?

Jason: Whoa, old man. If we think about it technically, everything is your fault.

Bruce: Pardon?

Jason: I think it's actually Alfred you should apologize to, but I guess I accept your apology.

Bruce: *Take a deep breath* Jason, how is this my fault?

Jason: *Moving his hands indifferently* I mean, if you hadn't adopted seven of us your living room wouldn't be covered in bullet holes. So technically it's your fault.

Bruce: ...

Jason: You know, you should have stopped at kid number two.

-

Jason: *Holding Damian by the neck like a kitten* Why the hell did you jump out of the batmobile? Were you even thinking???

Damian: *Squirming* I was trying to get out of the terrible experience of you driving alive. We almost crashed and died AGAIN.

Jason: Oi demon brat, Just so you know we almost collided because you jumped out the window suddenly.

Damian: This wouldn't have happened if I had been driving.

Jason: *Exasperated* Your feet can't even reach the brakes. How do you think-

*They both freeze when they hear police sirens, they look at each other and back at the crashed Batmobile.*

Jason: Did you know? Bruce doesn't need to know this.

Damian: This is the first time I agree with you Todd, we don't have to bother Father with little things.

Jason: *Escaping from the place* Yes yes yes, definitely

[how-very-superbat]

Lengthy Superbat Fics!

I'm not sure how to really define 'lengthy' so I'm going for 20k+ (and Superman x Batman of course)

I just looked at how many I have and oh my god this is going to be very long. I will put a *** next to my favourites

From This Day Forward by Mithen (29k) When Kal-El of the House of El must marry a wealthy Terran for diplomatic reasons, Krypton will never be the same.

Action and Re-Action by Mithen (24k) In the first issue of Justice League after the reboot, Batman told Green Lantern he had never met Superman before. This story takes that statement at face value--but what if Bruce Wayne had met him before?

Stranger in a Strange Land by Mithen (27k) (Literally how does Mithen have time for all this) Kal-El of Krypton arrives on Earth as an adult. To the Justice League's surprise, Batman volunteers to introduce him to human ways. There's an immediate bond between the two men, but cultural differences and miscommunication complicate their relationship.

"Did you all have to get sick at the same time?" by Writer_loves_tropes (25k) Alfred is away on a well deserved vacation and Bruce is left to take care of the three Bat boys by himself. He's pretty sure he can easily take care of an eight year old, an eleven year old, and a twelve year old without having to call Alfred for backup. He's Batman. Batman can handle anything, right?

An Honest Conversation by frozenpotions (60k)*** “So Bruce’s longtime best friend had suddenly decided to start eye-fucking him at random. So what? Bruce was used to being the object of this kind of attention. It didn’t bother him. It was—should have been fine. The issue was that it was Clark, and Bruce had enough trouble remaining rational about him at the best of times.” or Bruce and Clark go from friends to lovers the long, long, long way round. Featuring a number of revelations, a well-meaning but nosy son (Dick) and, most prominently, two adult men being completely and utterly useless.

as to which may be the true by susiecarter (53k) It isn't difficult to go on in the wake of Superman's death. His resurrection, though, poses a problem—especially when it turns out there's no such thing as the right moment to explain that Martha Kent's obnoxious billionaire friend? Is also the man who tried really hard to shove a kryptonite spear through Clark's face.

all each riddles, when unknown by susiecarter (52k) Clark, struggling to deal with the events of Black Zero Day, is assigned a straightforward human-interest piece—on Wayne Enterprises. Then Batman catches Superman's attention, Clark Kent starts investigating Batman, Bruce Wayne spends a lot of time arguing with hitting on Clark Kent, and Bruce's best efforts to find a way to hurt Superman start to bear fruit. And then things get complicated.

and if the sun comes by susiecarter (30k) Steppenwolf isn't interested in accepting defeat and walking away. Superman's proven that he's the key to conquering Earth, and Steppenwolf returns with a plan for how to deal with him. A plan that Bruce is able to throw a wrench into—but not without certain unintended consequences.

Only Human by saltedpin (23k) Clark temporarily loses his powers, and while it's initially jarring, he gradually adjusts and tries to go about on a somewhat normal routine after telling his inner circle (which can also include the League since they're building themselves up). Problem is that he is somehow an even bigger danger magnet than Lois in this state.

Loading and Aspect Ratio byJUBE154 (45k) It had started out as a simple design, black everything with black outlines and black hood. It got a little more intense as the world went on, got wind of his ghost on the streets, and became scared of The Bat. So Bruce got a little more creative with it, Alfred and him had a good laugh over the name, the scare. So now the suit had a visible bat-theme, an insignia to drape in the shadows and to paint across the streets of Gotham: “The Batman can fly, you know, I’ve seen his wings.” (A world where nobody has wings, but people think they do, and that changes everything.)

Whoever Falls First by liodain (34k) "There's more kryptonite out there. When the Superman returns, there's going to be an all-star battle royale in the criminal underworld. Every megalomaniacal freak will want a piece of it so they can get a piece of you. And some of them will manage. They'll weaponize it and won't hesitate to use it against you, and when that happens I will not have you flailing around like an idiot." aka: Bruce teaches Clark how to fight.

Repeat Your Favourite Mistakes And Love Them All Again by watchingthestars13 (160k)*** "Oh dear," came Alfred's surprised voice from the stairs, and all of them turned to look at him. His face was a little pale as he stared at all the boys, Jason's huge t-shirt, Tim's dress, Damian wrapped in a spare cape that was in the batmobile. At least Dick was able to fit into Tim's Red Robin pants, and Jason in Damian's Robin pants. Had Bruce been a lesser man, he would've said 'dear god, help'. All it took now was for their eyes to meet before Alfred composed himself.

Opposites Eventually Attract by Pandamomochan (34k) When an accident forces Clark and Bruce to be no more than ten feet apart from each other at all times, both heroes are forced to evaluate what their relationship really means to each other.

The Long Hangover by CoffioCake (55k)*** Clark knows he should take a break: His powers are on the fritz, he feels like shit, and Batman’s treating him like a liability. But Gotham's villains seem to have it in for Metropolis' Big Blue Boy Scout and Clark won't just wait around for answers. Batman might be the world’s greatest detective, but Clark Kent is one of the Daily Planet’s most tenacious reporters. This is definitely a job for Superman.

Conflated by PamiGami (31k) “Are you sure you’re feeling quite all right, sir? I was but fairly sure the head hadn't been impacted.” “No… no, please. Listen. I’m in his body, but I’m not him. I can prove it.” Ill at ease, Clark rubbed at the back of his head, not stopping to think about the weird sensation of feeling not his own curls, but somebody else’s hair. The man continued to stare at him with piercing and scolding eyes. “I believe you.” He nodded. “Mister Wayne doesn’t say please this early in the morning.”

the cost of being a good dad by Mawiiish (96k)*** Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian are all tired of watching Bruce struggle with the stress of trying to handle the newly formed Justice League. He needs an outlet, he needs to relax, he needs to get out of the house, he needs... he needs to start dating. And what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?

Get Over It by rotasha (32k) Bruce needs to get over his inconvenient feelings for Superman and he meets an attractive reporter who he thinks can help him do just that. Little does he know...

[bloomeng]

I feel like something a lot of people miss when discussing DC canon is context.

(Warning: Mentions of canon sexual assault scenes)

So today I saw a discussion about Alfred's fanon perception versus canon reality. I wouldn't say op was criticizing people for thinking of him as a sweet old man, merely just pointing out that he's canonly not so innocent and it goes unaddressed. He was the one who nudged Tim into the Robin mantle and he was the one who stripped it from him and gave it to Damian without asking. There's a whole plotline about how he had a daughter that he abandoned. He was the one who put up the "soldier" plaque memorial. All of these things are true, however, I don't think it was the writers' intentions to paint a lot (not all) of his actions as negative. In fact, the writing often goes out of its way to paint Alfred as a martyr. That doesn't make his actions right, nor does it mean that someone is wrong for being upset with him, but it also means that people aren't stupid or wrong for interpreting his character as this beacon of virtue. It's also notable that most people are probably more acquainted with his animated and film adaptations where he hasn't done any of the things I've listed.

Context is always important when analyzing media, but it is ESPECIALLY important when discussing DC because of the sheer volume of authors writing for a single character.

This is why there are so many arguements about whether or not Bruce is a bad father. When you have so many authors writing a character for close to a century, you're going to have inconsistencies and their takes on the character will contradict. We can go in circles bringing up issues that prove either side, but it's futile. Everyone is entitled to their feelings towards things that happen in canon, but I don't think it's fair to pass ultimate judgement based on something that was often written by one shitty writer.

Now disregarding DC canon is something the fandom is selectively good at, but the curtesy is not extended evenly. Going back to Alfred for a moment. A legit criticism of the writing is that he abandoned his daughter and that isn't really addressed outside of the issue that introduced it. And I think the reality is that DC often recognizes their mistakes after the fact and isn't equipped to handle the conversations they start so they quietly retcon. Which isn't great, but I also think it's a silent mercy. See not addressing something is bad, but putting out offensive media is more detrimental IN MY OPINION.

This is even more evident when it comes to DC's history with depicting sexual assault. They constantly back themselves into corners. I really appreciated that Gail Simone's Batgirl run retconned the Joker's sexual assault against Barbara. SA is something that is important to talk about but it's also something that needs to be treated with care. What happened to Barbara was not a productive conversation. There were so many gross undertones of the Joker specifically sexually assaulting her. Same with Talia sexually assaulting Bruce. There are very real racist undertones. There is a time and place to discuss male victims and the way male rape victims are written off, but the story is not concerned with having that conversation. So now we’re not only not having that conversation but we’re also stereotyping and villainizing POC women which also has real world consequences.

Now this next part might get me boos from the audience but to me this also extends to Dick and Tarantula. I know a lot of people want DC to acknowledge what happened, but to that I'm like why? Devin Grayson is a notably bad writer when it comes to Dick. There are racist undertones to having Tarantula sexually assault Dick. Devin is literally known for making Dick Roma for fetish reasons. Before this Dick Grayson was a white character, who was already written to be flirty and sexual. These are all important things to consider about the context of the writing. I think it would actually be best if DC did what Gail Simone did with Batgirl. I think it’s unfair to not give these WOC characters the same treatment of understanding when their actions are shitty because of shit authors.

Real world context is vital for understanding these fictional stories. Batman can't kill because that would mean they would have had to be constantly introducing new villains and it would be less child friendly. Robin was introduced to the story because they were trying to market to children. Batman continuing to recruit children is about marketing to kids. The hyper-focus on Dick's romantic life was in part an effort to fight gay allegations. These are all important factors to consider if you're discussing DC critically.

Like realistically yeah it sucks so bad that Alfred and Bruce allowed children to fight crime. But it's also notable to mention that Dick forced Bruce's hand, Bruce was really trying to stop this kid from murdering a man. It was a compromise. Alfred and Dick may have pushed Tim to become Robin but he was already one foot out the door. Damian and Cass were trained by assassins. None of these kids are realistic depictions of children, even if they are relatable. When you read a superhero comic you are suspending a certain level of disbelief and I don't think it's the hot take people think it is to criticize Batman for allowing kids to fight.

Like cool, then we don't have a story. Nothing about superheroes are realistic. Why is this the line we draw in the sand?

I didn't know when to bring this up, so I'm going to awkwardly tack it on at the end. So the "Nothing Butt Nightwing" webcomic... Yeah it looks not good, but a lot of people are calling it out for sexualizing Dick, which once again to me fails to understand the outside context. There is a difference between sexualizing and sexualization of an ethnicity. As I mentioned, for most of Dick's run he was a white character who was written to be flirty. Devin was fetishizing him, but allowing Dick to remain a flirty character is not an act of fetish based sexualization. Personally I think it’s more harmful to get rid of core aspects of his character now that he is canonly Romani. Not to mention that if we address the SA with his character we are now back in this place of stereotyping and bad undertones. So until DC is ready to tell a legitimate story about male SA victims I'd rather the Dick Grayson thing be left silently in the past. I'm so hyper aware that I'm in the minority though. I agree it could be really powerful to have one of those stories be told but consider how harmful it would be to continue to imply these things about WOC.

[ynbabe]

Male! Reader x Batfam- P.t 1

Just silly lil incorrect quotes based on a WIP

Y/N after being forced to babysit the Wayne's, to Dick: You're my husband.

Dick, smirking at the others: Yeah I am.

Y/N, to Damian: You're my child.

Damian, begrudgingly: Yes.

Y/N, to Jason: You're my bitch.

Jason: Yeah I am- wait, what?

Y/N, to Steph, Cass and Duke: My besties.

The trio: Naturally.

Y/N, to Tim: HA, GAY!

Tim 'totally doesn't have a crush' Drake: Fuck you.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Dick, thought he was the babysitter: What’s the point of all of this?

Bruce: I need to go off-planet and also revenge for the Batmobile.

Jason, who stole it for a joyride: The best revenge is FORGIVENESS.

Tim, pointing to Y/n sipping a margarita at 7 in the morning with sparkly pink sunglasses: Well, there’s no chance of that.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Dick with Y/n at a PTM with all his other siblings: That kid shouldn't be allowed to treat Tim that way.

Y/n: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Dick: Yeah, let’s give him a piece of our minds--

Y/n: Let’s stab him!!!!!

Dick:

Y/n: Damian, get a knife real quick.

Dick: NO-

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Bruce, at his old age of 52: You're a lying piece of shit!

Y/n, 29 but technically 2000 years old: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Y/n: I'm leaving and I'm taking Dick with me!

Y/N: AND THE KIDS

Alfred, used to Bruce and his Immortal friends bs, gathering cards: And that's quite enough Monopoly for today.

Dick, being tugged by both Bruce and Y/n: I DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE! ALFIE, HELP!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n, getting the tour to babysit: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Bruce, watching Dick screaming, Damian trying to set a sleeping Jason on fire, and Steph choking on air: I don't know either.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: The floor is lava!

Dick: *helps Y/N onto the counter*

Jason and Damian: *pushing each other off the sofa*

Tim: *lays on the floor*

Y/n: ...Are you okay?

Tim: No.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Goon 1, talking about Redhood: I heard he's horrible.

Goon 2: Yeah, dude probably has an iceberg for a heart.

*Meanwhile, in the Cave*

Y/N: Hold still!

Jason: I had an itch!

Y/N, putting stickers on Jason's mask: I don't care, you're going to mess me up.

Jason: *Rolls his eyes but lets Y/N continue while he's smiling behind his mask.*

Y/N, margarita in hand: *Puts a gold star on Jason's redhood helmet* there. Perfect, just like you.

Jason, tearing up: Thank you.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: BE A BETTER PERSON!

Dick: WHY?!

Y/n: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

*Dick and Y/n on a mission*

Dick, snickering to himself: Y/n needs help. Guess I have to get to the top myself

Y/n, without thinking: You’re incapable of topping anything you’re a fucking bottom

Dick: *immediately trips over nothing*

Tim, on comms support: … guys?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Steph: I love this new strawberry-flavoured shampoo I got!

Y/n: Flavored?

Steph: Scented! I mean scented.

Steph: But yeah, it tastes like strawberries too!

Y/n, calling poison control: No you did not! STEPH!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

[Jason, Tim, Steph, Cass, Duke and Damian doing something dangerous]

Y/n [judging while drinking a margarita] Look at those morons. Where are their parents?

Y/n: ...

Y/n: Oh shit! I'm their parent!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Tim, about his crush on Kon: I need life advice

Y/n, sipping a Margarita and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person

[rutlancecf]

YOU WHAT ...!!!

A few hours later, Bruce and his faithful butler, Alfred Pennyworth, returned to the mansion. First they went to see Grayson in the prison, first to find out his current situation and then to tell him about the state of health of his two younger brothers. After taking more than twenty minutes to calm him down, he promised him that he would do everything possible to get him out of there with his name cleared, and that he would keep him up to date on the health of his brothers.

Fortunately, both Jason and Tim Drake would only be under observation at Gotham General Hospital for one night. Jason only had a few scrapes and a mild concussion from jumping off the motorcycle he was riding to avoid being crushed. And Tim had been accidentally pushed off the stairs by a pair of students who were running, only managing to get a fracture in his right ankle. Which he could have avoided if he wasn't walking in his sleep.

So the only thing Bruce Wayne wanted at that moment was to have a comfortable dinner and sleep until the next morning, without any worries...

- Father.-

Oh no. He looked up surprised. He had forgotten about his youngest son. Damian.

- Damian.-

From the posture of his biological son, Bruce knew that a catastrophe was coming, which he did not want to deal with. He was tired, worried about the situation of the rest of his boys, he just wanted to eat and sleep.

*PAS*

A recently closed door made him realize that there was one more person.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Wayne! - The newcomer greeted very cheerfully.

- Jon.- He smiled very barely, while trying to remember if his son had mentioned anything about his visit.- Good afternoon.-

- Ahem, now that they've exchanged pleasantries.- Damian took out a folder and handed it to his father, while taking his best friend's hand.- Instead of getting into a useless conversation, I'll make it clear that approximately an hour and a half ago.- He looked at the watch on his wrist.- Jonathan and I have formalized and consummated our marriage through civil means.-

To say that his jaw dropped to the floor was an understatement. He looked at his 16-year-old son, whose stage of rebellion began since his childhood, then he reviewed the documents, finding them in order (and therefore, legal and legitimate), to finally look in disbelief at the friend of his headache, of barely 13 years old.

Who took a couple of steps back from that look, and got nervous to play with his index fingers.

- Dami told me that he would give me a box of instant noodle soup if I said yes.- The youngest Kent justified himself.- Am I in trouble? -

There was only one question running through the man's head.

Why?

- Father, given your insistent reminder about the limits of my actions in this your house, I have chosen to comply with one of the clauses that you imposed: be of legal age, or change my marital status from single to married.- The newlywed then responded, to the silent question.

- We brought you some cake! - Jonathan spoke out of nowhere, who didn't seem to be reading the mood of the room.- Dami wanted coconut, but the lemon one was delicious.- He let go of Damian's hand to head to the kitchen.- In fact, I'm going to eat a little more.-

Once they were alone, Bruce could only say one thing, which expressed everything he had inside.

- DAMIAAAAAAAAAAN!-

Moments later, an ambulance pulled away from Wayne Manor.

- Do you think your dad will be okay, Damian?- Kent asked, somewhat worried.

- Yes, don't worry, Habibi.- He took his hand and kissed it.- Now go back to your house and go to sleep. See you tomorrow.-

- Okay.- He took flight and waved goodbye.- See you tomorrow, Dami!-

- Don't forget to brush your teeth.-

~*~BONUS~*~

The next day both families met to discuss the current situation of their minor children. Of course, if that's what you can call the cat-and-dog fight between Bruce Wayne and Lois Lane.

- Lois, Bruce. Wouldn't it be better to calm down?-

- SHUT UP CLARK/SMALLVILLE!- The two yelled at him.

The aforementioned just shrunk in his seat, watching as they continued to yell at each other. While Alfred stood next to where Damian was sitting, with a tray of tea.

- Are you enjoying the show, young master Damian?-

- It's a family reunion, Pennyworth.- He responded while bringing a cup of tea to his lips.- The first of many more.-

Jonathan, who was devouring some cookies, turned around and whispered quietly to his husband.

- What show are you talking about?-

[thatwritterbeach]

one messed up bat .5

dc masterlist

batfam x reader x Jason todd

summary: the batboys keep messing up when trying to help y/n

Warnings: mentions of sa, self harm, self hate, suggestive language, angst, Bruce is a POS, talk of murdering the joker, vomit

A/N: I do not not own dc boohoo.

About ten hours later they all hissed at Alfred turning the lights on and rolled over to avoid being blinded. Dick and Tim had ended up on the floor snuggled under the same Queen sized blanket. Jason was curled into an impressive ball for his size in the recliner next to her and Damian was still snuggled in her lap his ear right over her heart.

"Ah, fuck I'm too old for this shit," Dick hissed trying to stretch out his stiff joints.

"You're tellin' me," Tim agreed, the lack of caffeine for so long making his head hurt.

"Tt, you should have slept on the couch or in your chairs," Damian chided not even opening his eyes.

"Ah fuck," Jason mimicked Dick when he tried to stand and every joint cracked loud enough they could have been under fire. "Damn being dead is bad for the joints."

"There's breakfast in the kitchen when you youngens can move," Alfred said with a small smile, his own joints perfect. (the old bastard)

"I may never move again," Dick said into the blanket.

"I thought you were limber, yoga boy," Y/n teased easing Damian off her lap and standing to her own joints cracking.

"how long do you think we'll live, I mean before our bodies can't hold themselves together anymore," Tim asked rolling over onto his hands and knees to try and stand up.

"You say such nice things," y/n said holding out a hand to help him up. He clasped her hand and braced to move but before she could register what he was doing he'd pulled her down onto the floor with him making sure she landed on him so she didn't get hurt then Dick was grabbing her and making her into a blanket burrito. In a very brotherly way so get your mind out of the gutter Dick wrapped his arms and legs around her and cuddled into her neck making loud fake snoring notices.

"Release me," she demanded with a wiggle but her arms were pinned to her side. "Damian help." He looked at 'Grayson' in disgust but shrugged at her and left the room.

"Traitor," she yelled after him. "Jason," she said hopefully, batting her eyelashes and pouting.

"Sorry I need at least another few hours, you're staying," Tim said clinging to her other side.

"You know if you guys had done this before-"

"I know, I'm sorry we didn't make you feel wanted."

She sighed but didn't say anything just absorbed the comfort they were providing. Jason sat on the floor at her feet and rubbed a hand over what he thought was her ankle under the blanket.

"Food's getting cold," he said.

"I have to pee," she wiggled again and they released her with matching sighs.

"Same."

And just like that they left her alone. Not even 24 hours. She smirked to herself as she walked down the hall. Pausing to stick her tongue out at a photo of Bruce's parents. There were no cameras where she was of course.

Your kid turned into a real pos. With stupid rules that ban me from killing Jason's killer, my rapist and the man who crippled Babs.

With a final eye roll she hurried to the bathroom, just in case anyone remembered they were supposed to be watching her. She did her business, cleaned and re-bandaged her cuts. The lighter she kept in her pocket at all times, that nobody had bothered to search, felt heavy and she stuck a hand in to run her thumb over the striker wheel.

Maybe just once more.

"Knock knock," Jason said though the hard wood.

Nope not right now.

"I'm coming, just a sec," she said back with ease. He pulled her to him the second she opened the door. The hug was bruising and if she hadn't been paying attention she wouldn't have noticed he was patting her down. His hand went into her pocket and she let him pull out the lighter.

"You're getting sloppy," she commented.

"Wasn't trying to be sneaky."

"Excuses excuses."

"Are we gonna talk about it?"

"Bout what?"

"You know what."

"Oh! My undying love of you. Yeah I was thinking we could talk....never?" He tightened his grip and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm not good for you," he whispered.

"I'm not good for me, you've seen my skin."

"Bruce is gonna kill me," he muttered before grabbing her face in both hands and tilting her head up to place the softest on her lips.

"I take it you return my feelings?"

"Nah, just felt like kissing my adopted sister cuz I'ma creep."

"Coulda' fooled me," she said pulling him back in for another kiss while one of her hands stole his lighter.

"You wanna tell people yet?"

"That we've kissed before our first date, nope." He placed a kiss on her nose and picked her up to toss her over his shoulder, waited a beat then tapped her lightly on the ass.

"I ain't inta' that bro." To which he smacked her as a bit harder, so she did the same and he froze.

"Maybe I am, sis." Her eyes widened in shock and mild horror but she couldn't dwell on it because he started moving again.

"She put up a fight," Dick asked when they entered the kitchen.

"Nope, she just walks too damn slow."

"Language," Bruce scolded over his coffee.

"Fuck off, you don't get to say jack shit about jack shit until we fix your mistakes-"

"Killing is wrong-"

"It's not wrong when the piece of shit had raped three of your adopted kids!" (in batman death in the family interactive movie and a few other medias it is hinted/or outright said that Jason and Babs were assaulted by joker)

"Jason," Y/n said small and sad from her spot still over his shoulder.

"It's fine, I'm fine. But Babs and you..." He couldn't finish, didn't wanna drag up anymore old than he already had but it was too late he'd opened that can of worms.

"I didn't know," Bruce said standing to move towards Jason.

"You didn't ask. I was with that psycho for a year and you didn't ask." (yes I know that is the Arkham version let me fill my story with angst.) Jason moved away before Bruce could reach him and set y/n down on the counter to wrap his arms around her.

"Little wing," Dick practically cooed in pity.

"I'm fine," he growled into her shoulder. She combed her fingers through his hair and gave everyone a back off look. But Dick took it literally, leaving the room with speed. What the batfam need not know is that he ran off to puke his guts out from guilt. His little wing had called and asked for help and Dick hadn't been there, he didn't know even a fraction of what Joker had done to him and he never asked. What kind of big brother didn't ask about what their baby bro went through. A shit one, Dick's mind supplied oh so helpfully.

"what do you need from us," Tim asked, trying to make a plan. He didn't know what to do with his damaged siblings and it was making him nervous. He downed half a mug of coffee while he waited on answer.

"I don't need nothin' just for everyone to be there for y/n."

"Jason," Damian said. All eyes turned to him, he hadn't said Todd, or any form of cruel nickname.

"Yeah, kid?"

"I'm glad you're alive. I'm sorry you were hurt." Damian looked like he might be moving in for at least a pat on the back so y/n shoved Jason off to meet him halfway. What ensued had everyone's jaws on the floor. Jason holding Damian in a bear hug, his little legs dangling off the ground, and Damian hugging his back. Nobody said anything out of fear they'd break the spell.

"Release me," Damian finally commanded. Jason instead set him down next to y/n on the counter who attacked him in side hug.

"Dick's gonna be pissed he missed the bro moment. The broment," Tim laughed practically running to steal his own hug from Jason while the guy was in the mood. Bruce stood to the side hoping but not expecting. He wasn't surprised when Jason ignored him in favor of hugging Alfred.

"What'd I miss," Dick complained from the doorway.

"Well, Jason and Damian hugged, then I got one, then Alfred."

"What about me?"

"Come here. Then nobodies gettin' anymore 'm done."

"Yay," Dick whisper shouted flinging himself at his younger but larger brother. They hugged for longer than Dick was expecting and he was enjoying hugging his family so when Jay started to move Dick held on tighter.

"We're gonna be livin' in the same house dude."

"You just said no more hugs, I'm savoring."

Finally Jason wiggled away and quickly moved back to y/n propping himself on the counter right next to her legs his arm resting over her knee and hand holding her calf to stroke his thumb over the skin.

"No,' Bruce said from back at the table where he'd moved during the hugging.

"No what father?"

"No that," he said pointing at Jason's hands on her.

"Too bad," y/n said raising a brow and begging him to fight her on it, she'd flash them her scars, after covering Damian's eyes of course.

"Are you guys a that," Dick asked disapprovingly making a mental note to pound Jason into the sparing mats later.

"I think it's great," Tim said, having been the one to push them together of course he had some bias.

"Tt, I think it's ridiculous."

"Noted. Don't you want me happy?"

"Of course, beloved, I just don't see how Todd can make that happen," he practically chuffed, back to his usual self, though there was less bite to his words.

Bruce watched his kids interact with envy, but he knew he'd made too many mistakes to expect open arms. Y/n was sneaking glances of him, the people pleaser in her aching to fix his frown, but he'd gone too far. Maybe at some point they would mend but she couldn't forgive him. Bringing up the mission when he found out about her self harming. Saying no to Killing after knowing what Joker's done to his children. She wanted to punch him, and with a sick satisfied feeling she realized everyone in this room would do just that if she asked. Bruce would punch himself, Alfred would take off his gloves and KO, Dick would break his nose without remorse, Jason...well we all know what he would do, Tim would kick him in the jewels, Damian would insult him while destroying his shins.

They all ate without much talk until Dick joined the trauma dumping.

"I was assaulted too. Twice," he said so casually they all just blinked at him for a moment.

"That's it, Tim, Damian, you aren't allowed out of the house. Nobody is leaving my direct sight ever again."

"Who," Jason asked, ignoring Bruce.

"It was a while ago, ones in jail the other doesn't matter. Just wanted to show I..relate, I'm here if you wanna talk. Not that what was done..I mean-it wasn't the Joker so-"

"Dick, don't..don't make what happened to you less than just because it wasn't a psycho," y/n said firmly.

"Anyone else," Jason said looking at Tim and Damian. they both shook their heads.

______

"You wanna go out for coffee," Jason asked around lunch time.

"Sure, as a date?"

"How about a pre-date."

"What's a pre-date?"

"well, I want our first date to be special, I need time to plan so this will be a teaser-"

"Oh my God," she cut him off her brain suddenly realizing something.

"What?"

The joker took both of their virginity, at least she assumes since Jay was 14 when he died. Joker was both of their first times.

"Yes, to the date but I gotta," she managed to get out before she took off at a sprint to the bathroom. He matched her speed and got there in time to hold her hair back.

"You hardly ate anything."

"Wasn't...wasn't thefoo," she said between gags.

"You were supposed to be watching her," Dick hissed from the other side of the door.

"M not doin' it on purpose." Dick opened the door with his eyes closed not a fan of puke. (not cannon just think after seeing so much crap it would be funny to have a fear of something normal)

"What happened?"

"I just," she paused to look at Jason," I don't wanna upset you..."

"You won't sweets, just tell me what's wrong so we can fix it."

"I mean, you died so young I always assumed, I mean I just figured," she interrupted herself by grabbing a new toothbrush that they kept in all the bathrooms, and brushed the taste out of her mouth.

"You wanna know if the joker. if I was a virgin before..."

She nodded before rinsing her mouth.

"My brain just decided it would be a great idea to tell me that if you were, then we both, I mean...he took-" she cut herself off again with a shake of her head. Dick who'd finally opened his eyes was near tears at the realization and he suddenly understood her illness.

"Oh, sweets," Jason cooed pulling her into a hug, like it wasn't his own trauma as well.

"I'm fine now, I-sorry, my brain just liked to torment me sometimes."

"Maybe you should tell your brain to fuck off," Dick said with a watery laugh joining in on the hug. He'd dealt with his assault, maybe not in a healthy way, but better than the way she had dealt. He wasn't fully back, or ok, more 70%, but he was functioning. No more nightmares, no more freaking out when someone got close to him, or touched him without warning.

"I think we need a vacation," she declared from her cocoon of heroes.

"I think you're right."

________

"This is not what I meant," y/n said with mild disgust at the giant blanket fort the boys had built in the theater room.

"Why not it'll be fun, we can stay up late and braid Dick's hair," Tim said gleefully, setting up a queue (or is it cue?) of easy to follow action movies.

"I agree with beloved," Damian said from inside the fort, though he made no move to leave.

"Alfred gonna make pizza and bring it in to watch a movie with us and Bruce is banished from this room until further notice," Jason said.

"When I said vacation I meant go kill Joker then hit the Alps for some skiing or something..."

"Oh, we're killing the joker tonight," Dick said.

"Without me!"

"Well-"

"If you don't take me I won't tell you where he is, it's that simple."

"It'll be dangerous-"

"Tough shit blue bird, either all go or I sneak out and do it alone," she said crossing her arms. They all sighed and Damian came out of the fort to glare at her.

"You might get hurt, beloved..."

"None of you are going to let that happen, and in case you forgot I'm a vigilante too."

"Yeah but..."Jason trailed off and shot Dick a helpless look.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"We already handled it," Tim said subtly moving to block her exit.

"You handled it? You killed him without me," she seethed. How dare they take her revenge and not even tell her.

"We did it while you were playing checkers with Alfred," Dick said.

"Like two hours ago? You took off and killed the enemy right after breakfast, lied to me and thought what? I would be ok because of a mid afternoon slumber party!" She was pissed. In a way they hadn't seen in a long time, everyone but Damian was watching her with unease, not because he didn't care, but he knew his favorite sibling didn't like feeling cornered.

"We made him suffer," Jason supplied scratching the back of his head. She scoffed and tried to shove Tim out of her way but even younger than her he was still taller and stronger. He didn't budge.

"I'll fight you," she glared at him.

"I have backup."

"I'll go help Alfred cook. I don't wanna be around you right now," she said with barely concealed anger. Bastards.

"I'll walk you."

"I can walk myself."

"And take a detour I think not."

"Tim, sincerely and with my whole heart, fuck off."

"Hey, don't talk to him like that," Dick scolded.

In a petty move she gently gently kneed Tim in his family jewels just enough to shock him so he moved out of the way and then she was gone, down the hall before any of them could move again. She was getting pretty tired of her family making her run. The footsteps were getting closer and she could sense more than hear a door in front of her was about to open so she quickly shifted to the other side of the hall but the others were slowed or stopped from Bruce just trying to get into the hall.

"Catch her," Dick yelled to him but she was already out of reach. With a sigh Bruce joined the chase and holy crap could he move fast for his age. She was so close to her room then she could put it in lock down, pumping her legs with all her might and leaning so far forward she would face plant if she stopped she made it. Skidding to a stop she tried to slam the door shut but a boot got in the way.

"Screw all of you, you wanna know what the letters said? 'Joker's slut' that's what is carved into my thighs, I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to kill him and you took that from me," she all but screamed still trying to close the door on Bruce's foot but with everyone else pushing against the door and only her on the one side the fight didn't last long.

"I'm sorry I took that from you," Jason said dropping to his knees in front of her and making grabby hands. She stepped into him with a muttered curse and he wrapped his arms around her middle and shoved his face into her stomach. Not a care for their audience he just needed her.

"It's not true, the words, my beloved, it's not."

"I'm sorry to keep trauma dumping on you Dami."

"Tt, nonsense, you are to tell me everything." The scene was interesting what with Jason blocking the rest from getting in by being on the floor, Damian had shoved his way through to the front of the pack.

"Do you want us to bring him back so you can kill him?"

"No, I want this family to stop acting like I'm a shadow. Always in the background, always there but never being asked how I'm doing. Never getting checked on after patrol. None of you have...I've stitched myself up time and time again with nobody knowing a thing. You don't get to decide now that you care," she said all this while running her hands through Jason's hair and she chose not to mention her shirt was growing a bit damp.

"I'm sorry I haven't seen you. I'm sorry you felt like a shadow," Bruce said.

"You let Tim slip through the cracks too, after everything he's done for this family, none of you pay him any mind."

"Surely that's not, I haven't been that shit of a brother," Dick asked Tim.

"Not the time big bird we got a sick girl here and everyone else with their trauma-"

"Tim if I have to heal you do too."

"No more overlooking anyone, all of you are giving me daily check ins from here on out," Bruce demanded in his batman voice.

_____

True to his word Bruce checked in every morning like clockwork, even with the little bats that didn't live at the manor. They all received a call or a text and were hounded until they replied. He was the worst with Tim and y/n practically glued himself to them. Dick was no better having felt like he failed as a brother. Jason had moved into the room next to hers, much to Bruce's protest.

"I was thinking...if you wanted that is...I'm supposed to be watching you anyhow, maybe we can have a sleepover?"

"You want to share a bed under the bat's roof."

"We're adults."

"And what about Dick's little wake up calls where he bursts in and practically jumps on the bed?"

"We''ll lock the door-"

"And have him think I'm in here trying to kill myself."

"Ok so we'll kick Damian out of the dining room and explain...explain we'll be sleeping in the same room," he trailed off when he realized how well that was gonna go over.

"You could sneak out early," she said with a light smirk.

"Or we could be caught as fully clothed adults sleeping and nothing more."

She rolled her eyes but nodded yes, and he punched the air with glee.

"We can't, I'm not ready-"

"I'm not trying to rush you."

"Jason what if...I'm never ready?"

"Then I'll need recommendations for only left arm workouts."

"Jason," she squealed smacking him on the shoulder and looking around the garden to make sure nobody heard.

"Relax there's no ears out here."

"I just wanna take things slow."

"Just call me molasses." 10-5-24 more angst to come so enjoy the bit of fluff

@stormz369