#I'M LAUGHING WHY AM I SCARED
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I just watched the smile movies and tonight I went to take out the trash and I felt like I saw something I'm so scared GUYS IF I'M GONE IN 7 DAYS YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED-
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I made a side blog! @luna-love-reboops is the current url. It's for reblogging stuff. Mainly Loz and Lu content :)
#luna-love-reboops#personal#hiii#so basically. reblogging stuff gives me a lot of anxiety so I have never done it much.#but I wanna try- I think artist deserve that much when I love their work#social stuff I was tagged in and reblogging my stuff/content stuff will stay here I think#I will probably continue to reblog official lu content updates here and stuff#I'm going solely based on vibes I have no idea what I'm doing lol TT#I might try to start participating in the tag games I am tagged in on the other blog#we'll see! I have some random fandoms I like but don't post about so I'll maybe try to reblog that stuff there too#stuff that's not what I like or post about the most I'll tag as random fandom jumpscare#because that makes me laugh#like I said I have no idea what I'm doing just vibes#I mainly like. I love Loz and Lu art SO MUCH#but I never reblog because reblogging gives me anxiety- I'm really scared to do it and I don't know why#but I want to try#I also want this blog to be like. collection of art and fics I like :))#I'm like a crow who like shiny things but has anxiety#I wanna reblog the stuff I like! so I'll try :)#so yeah I'm just gonna. reblog a bunch of lu and Loz stuff I like there. follow it if you want but I don't care too much about that :)#social and content stuff will stay here#also I'm not set on the url I might change the punctuation and stuff *shrugs*#ok byeeeee. you are loved and I love you. don't forget :))#:)
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the way that i am now downloading stock market news apps......... and squinting at these crazy ass news articles and learning finance terms n shit.... trying to read these number and graphs........
i am morphing into a middle aged dad of 3 kids. 🧍♂️
#mine#its so joever for me guys.#it started with the boomer ellipses and now here we are#save yourselves gang.... SAVE YOURSELVES#to be clear yes i am still Anarchist and anticapitalist#but man. sometimes you get sick and tired of being sick and tired and if pretending to day trade along with finance bros#and laughing at their misfortunes when stock values plummet helps out my mental health? then babey. lemme get my trading apps open#to be clear also: i'm not trading stocks either. well not actively anyways#ive just become irrationally obsessed with this shit out of nowhere. but rn my broke ass cannot afford to gamble money#on the current volatile ass market#so i'm safely sticking to my bonds and my etfs for now#and watching the circus that the NYSE turns into every 3rd quarter or so#oh ye btw finance news: warren buffet sold half of his tech shares recently including apple stocks#so its looking like it is So Joever for ai and tech which is absolutely hilarious considering all these phone companies#are pushing ai SO HARD rn. but even investors arent buying it anymore#news articles are saying lots of investors are pulling out of risky investments rn. selling stocks. piling their money into bonds for now#but last 2 quarters of every finance year are like that so i'm not too concerned#the October Scare is real with these guys lol#more reasons why october is my absolute fave month LMAO
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#Howwwww is it 5am already I want to go home#I begged my parents and sibling to let me go home to my own bed and they wouldn't let me#I don't want to be the solution to our family problems I want to go be alone and not here#I understand me being around more would make our parents nicer and give my siblings someome sane to talk to#But I want to die and I don't want to be here and I don't care about any of these people#Once again them forcing me to go to their house made me miss an assignment. So that class is genuinely failed now.#It makes me so frustrated I could cry. Every time I say I'm doing school work#Or say I can't drop everything and drive forty minutes to their house. they laugh at me#They genuinely laugh and say I'm such a liar and I'm faking and there's no way I ever do any school work#I'm actually shaking I'm so frustrated they don't understand. That's how long it takes me.#Why can't they just realize I'm a dumbass fucking idiot. I'm so fucking stupid#I'm literally so stupid. Intellectually I'm a fucking idiot and I am so useless and slow.#Stop trying to believe I have potential to fucking waste#The fact is there is no potential but I'm fucking wasting anyway#I'm so. Dumb. When I say I'm doing school work I mean I looked at the tab and got nervous about how overdue#everything is and how I'm failing and everyone wants me to leave my safety for their own inane bullshit#I wouldn't be failing this class at all if I had been able to complete the first week on time#instead of like. sitting outside a convention center alone and in agony for Five (5) hours.#Kudos to the devil for creating the exact perfect circumstances to kill me in particular#I should reach out and go to a friend's house and it would be good for me. But.#There's no way I'm going to see or speak to anyone in this state of everything#Everyone else around me seems to have improved in mental health I'm not going to ruin that by making them let me come over#No one really believes any of the problems I have like even I don't. how are you that stupid. just stop having these problems.#I can't go to a friend's house when I have problems like this. Last time I had a breakdown and scared the fucking host and#their partner had to be the one to comfort me because I was crying too loud for autistic ears :(#I can't do that to anyone again#I'm not kidding when I say I'm a huge burden genuinely I exist to be upsetting and inconvenient and frustrating#I am literally the most selfish person to ever have existed. Just objectively. I don't care about anyone or anything at all.#I don't love my friends or my family and I don't care about what they want or need. truthfully.#I just want to sit in my tiny room where nothing changes and no one expects me to drive anywhere holy fucking shit it's 6am
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uh oh found a trauma under the floor boards in my brain uuuuuuuuuuu
#text#i was thinking abt how i never post on here out of fear of saying something incorrect or being misunderstood#and then i was like why do i fear being misunderstood so much or being incorrect about something why am i scared of being wrong#and just as i was ready to explain it away on like how its normal to not enjoy being wrong and being misunderstood but my brain was like#hey yeah do u remember when u were 12 and all of your friends ditched you and bullied u because someone said u said something u didnt#or when ur parents used to scream at you until u cried because you didn't understand ur homework and they were tired of repeating it#and its like OH GOD YEAH I remember that NOW#i'm not even laughing im so sad now ugh
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#I'm sorry I'm just going to gush about how good my friends are to me like. I dont deserve this I'm a fucking walking disaster yet they stay#By me even when I get violent and scared for petty much no reason#I can talk to my friends about far more than I can talk to my parents and they can make me laugh as I'm describing some rather disheartenin#Things that I've gone through. And I haven't really been through all that much comparatively. But I've still Gone Through It quite a few#Times and they fucking help me unpack things and deal with things they dont mind when I get scared and violent or anxious and overly clingy#And half the time they're better at understanding why I'm the way that I am at that moment then I am#they manage to understand my broken explanations and gestures. They dont mind when I ask for hugs and prolong them just because I can#I am many things. Deserving isnt one of them. Yet they stay and help me. I'm a burden sometimes. Really oftentimes. Yet they stay#I'm sorry I'm just feeling emotional as all fuck I'm sorry🥺#I would be so worse off without them. They'd probably be better off without me. Yet they say their lives wouldn't be the same without me#And just aaaaaa I love them so much#The heam speaks#Using tumblr as a diary I see
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I'm very uninterested in foreign colleges but apparently a couple of indian colleges accept the sat for some reason and i went to check it out? and damn when my dad said "don't practice sat math for too long your math skills will deteriorate and you will lose all your brain cells" he really wasn't kidding. americans y'all wouldn't survive a week in the indian education system fr:')
#sometimes it astounds me how much easier those people have it in EVERYTHING and they don't even realise#if international fees werent so damn high your ivy leagues would just be international kids i swear#now i get why they're so scared of immigrants stealing their jobs it's cause so many people are genuinely overqualified for them#why do those countries have all the resources ew#why are they the most reputed suck my dick#x am rambles#whatever I'm just going to go back to pretending they're a fantasy world the west is so disconnected from everywhere else#and there's no point bitching about it#but every so often I'm reminded of their existence and i just need to laugh#liveblogging.pdf
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you know what having anxiety and having intrusive thoughts AND having a vivid imagination really does just cause me to torture myself with dumb shit
#j talks#i imagine the worst things for no reason#i have disturbing imagery just linger in my head#and i convince myself to be scared of silly little video games i don't even play :D#i am going to scream forever#anyways...no wonder my sleep has been so shit recently#part of me wants to completely cut out any sort of horror things and another part of me is like. nah keep em#maybe i can learn to live with them better#i think it's funny tho bc i find shit like dead by daylight not scary at all and even like. idk.#like real life scenarios of terrible things happening do haunt me but NO#the image of a character i made up or some fucking. made up character someone else made. no. that's what's gonna keep me up at night right#a drawing of a creepy looking anime girl right that's what's gonna keep me up right???????#i'm so tired of this shit LMFAO#half laughing at myself half like. why are you like this#anyways. thanks for reading my suffering i guess.#i really want to go downstairs and get water i just need to get the courage to do so ahhhhhhh
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#maddie.txt#my dad just realized that bts wears makeup and he literally asked 'that's a lot of makeup for a dude like they still like girls right' ???#just because a dude wears makeup doesn't mean they're gay like where do you get this shit from bro#i don't get it i really don't i mean i'm not really venting but i am laughing in a disappointed way lmao#he was looking at my proof album poster and he said they're kind of gothy but i didn't have the energy to explain to him the concept#'i'm just looking out for my kids sorry' from who???? dudes who wear mascara??? tf#conservative christians will forever confuse me because he was subtly hinting to me that men wearing makeup is a sin#and because of that- that they're slipping in shit in their music that comes from the devil like#why is he so scared of anything that goes SLIGHTLY of any gender norm like please chill#if joseph from the bible can wear the clothing of virgin daughters of a king then hoseok can look sexy as hell with eyeliner
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I started this as a tag essay but I don't think I can leave it in there
"horror causes no feeling of fear or anxiety" is… vastly missing the point, imo. Maybe that's your experience of horror, but the thing is, the point of horror is causing feelings of fear or anxiety or disgust or similar. It wants you to feel that way. Feeling fear or anxiety while watching a movie (or show, etc) is not antithetical to enjoyment. Does the movie bring a sense of catharsis and release that is only possible because you first felt fear? Do you get to the end of it and feel the resolution or lack thereof to your anxiety was emotionally impactful? Do you want to go sit and rotate that story and all the ugly feelings it summoned in your mind? Successful horror!
Horror is not my genre of expertise so I don't want to talk out of my ass too much, but if you're trying to approach it with the dichotomy of "does this or does this not make me jump/feel fear/recoil" as equal to how much you do or don't want to watch it, then you're missing the whole goal of the genre. Now, does it make you feel so much fear and anxiety that you can't sleep that night or it negatively impacts your long term emotional state? That's not the goal, that's a sign that this is either not the genre for you or that you can only enjoy it under curated circumstances (certain subgenres, watching during the day with friends, planning a palate cleanser like putting on goofy music or going out somewhere afterward to shake off the negative feelings). If you don't like fiction that evokes negative feelings, you should avoid it. But that's not universally true of everyone.
I scream on rollercoasters. I jump at jumpscares. I keep going back for more of both. The fear is the fun.
okay so this is not an ‘official’ metric by any scale but i am curious so i just bullshitted my own (explanation on levels under the poll)
level 1 - can’t tolerate horror at all, actively avoids it at all costs
level 2 - will watch a horror movie with friends/family if convinced but will definitely not enjoy it. screams at jumpscares and covers eyes at tense moments
level 3 - can occasionally consume horror media. very easily startles at jumpscares. usually feels anxious/paranoid afterward
level 4 - startles at jumpscares and generally feels uneasy after consuming horror media. avoids anything horror-related at night time
level 5 - jumpscares are less effective, but can still startle. feels anxious during tense moments. horror mostly causes unease only at night time
level 6 - has no problem consuming any kind of horror media alone at night. is largely unaffected by jumpscares. horror causes no feeling of fear or anxiety
#again very much not my area of expertise#chrissy if you see this feel free to tell me all the things i'm wrong about XD#but like… i was trying to parse why i very much did not vibe with this poll#bc there's very little horror media i straight up WOULDN'T watch#and the ones i wouldn't are entirely connected to personal dislikes or squicks#not How Scary it is#but i was also watching the entire last quarter of burnt offerings curled into my hoodie in distress#because it's a tense and scary movie!!!! and it was incredible#(now to be fair: i also do not scare super easy#there's a lot of horror that just makes me laugh instead. but still)#so the idea that my tolerance in terms of what i will watch and when#is directly related to How Scared i am#is just... wrong
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Ennies Lobby 3.0. yes that's happening I have too much to yap about
Omg look at these freaks
Franky is so real.... look at him....
Omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I have teared up so many times just bc luffy smiles with meaning at some point. insane btw.
MY GOOOOOOOD!!!!!! AAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHH
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
The neutrality of it all....
I forgor about aokiji revealing that he was friends with Saul and that he was protecting her because of it... the "live life and prove to me that ohara is still alive"... damn reminds me of garp saying to ace that he would find out if it was wrong for him to be born. "I don't know if it was right or wrong for saul to let you live" yeah that's it. But anyways all this happened because aokiji was loyal to his friend and now we know that he didn't even kill him!! So why is he with blackbeard?? I can't shake it!!!
I can't do it.... I can't.....
Luffy and franky talking about how mich they like the ship while he's chasing his speedos bottomless through the city 😭😭 it's so sweet actually... Franky only has one pair of speedos... thats why he ran thru the city to get them I get it now
"If you don't mind being a little rough I'm wiling to help" robin you freaky girl. But truly that is one of many robin and luffy's autistic communication moments they just know. Also if robin stopped crushing his balls but everyone could see the hands being there that means that she was just holding them for a while while he wept. Normal things here.
Franky blaming himself all this time... 🥺🥺
And he just takes his trunks and walks to the ship without putting them on akdjaosnso alpha moment while saying a melancholic goodbye to your family... crazy
What.... what is he doing
Luffy's fake ass laughing and saying how usopp will do great on his own.... I am seeing you cold sweat
This shit has always been so funny to me.... luffy definitely suffers from nepotism
Usopp asking if they don't know he's sniper king skdbjs no, they (luffy) don't know akdjaons
Look at these wet little beasts omg. Matching icons akdhaksjks
DADAN MENTION????? IN THE ACE VS BLACKBEARD CHAPTER????? AAAAAAAAHHHHH
Face card and pose unmatched as of yet. Look at the evidence.
I am killing myself now. Goodbye.
But I'm already dead!! Yohohoho... Anyways water seven and enies lobby is done.... I am scared (thriller bark) of what is coming you have no idea. Also!! Luffy nearly dying after hia battle with lucci starts the domino effect of luffy being barely strong enough to save everyone until it climaxes in sabaody and then culminates in marineford which is crazy to me btw. Luffy's evolution until then is about how no matter how strong he is it would never be enough. Insane. I don't know what else to say. I love you robin and franky. ACE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP. nvm it's too late already. AAAAAHHHHHH
#kokoro teling robin how he didnt believe luffy at first but now he does and robon just laughing... thats a luffy believer now#zoro just saying to luffy to beat lucci and then fucking off with his head down is so good HE IS SO REPRESSED he is so scared deep down IK#why is the guy who rots swords so sultry... with that mouth covering.... so mysterious.... this is a metaphor for zoros swords as homosexua#usopp unmasked and i am crying again... reading the manga has made me cry more than the anime I AM SURE!! it is witchcraft#usopp just telling luffy to stop lying there like a dead man bc its not like him...THE FACT THAT IT IS TRUE AND THAT IF HE DOESNT GET UP#HE WILL LOSE EVERYTHING AND NOT JUST HIS LIFE. BECAUSE IF LUFFY IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH HE LOSES EVERYTHING. SICK AND TWISTED#franky and zoro are so inch resting bc they are both so masculine but zoro represses his feelings a lot and franky does the opposite...#luffy being so scared about not being able to move... when i first saw this i was SO WORRIED like wdym you cant move were all dying (me too#i knew what was going to happen woth the merry but damn didnt that first time hit... after all the anguish with luffy being immobilized#usopp not getting a reaction panel when luffy begs iceburg to fix the merry.... criminal#the volume starts with garp saying who luffys father is and ends with ace fighting blackbeard.... christ#garp knowing luffy met his father means dragon told him?? or did smoker know who luffy and dragon were??? also luffy looks so cute this ep#luffy apologising to merry... i thought i could resist.... luffy crying got to me but omg the volume 45 cover.... ACEEEEE!!! ACE GO BAAACK!#luffy asking robin what is going on with his father because she knows about current affairs :))) the first of many#nami wiretapping luffys conversation with koby is so smart she knew luffy would find out something but would say fuck all bc he doesn't car#WHITEBEARD GOT HIS SCARS FROM THE SAME GUY WHO SCARRED SHANKS??? ✍️✍️#There is so much omg. The buggy past mention. Shanks coming from the west blue and his duel with mihawk...#Whitebeard saying “If you don't have any regrets then that's fine” you know who didn't want to die having any regrets? 🥺🥺🥺#OH IT WAS BLACKBEARD??? WHY DID HE FIGHT HIM??? THE THREE LINES!!!#Whitebeard saying vengeance is what he wants when he tried to stop ace....#not even defending him just proclaiming ace's wishes as his own... I can't....#Ace saying blackbeard's sniper has no manners.... the lore. Also ace just looks so good all the time...#I'm scrolling up and down just seeing him over again afjakdhsk (<- the madness begins)#Luffy having a zoan fruit that looks like a paramecia now scares me because balckbeards logia functions like a paramecia.#Is something weird going on with his one too??? Is his a zoan too??#anyways water 7 enies lobby over. i survived. i cried i wept i feared for ace's life. truly has it all#now to have some fun adventures until Zoro gets consumed by luffy's pain and nearly dies and luffy learns ace's life is in danger!!!! CHRIS#AND THEN ANOTHER FUN SLAVERY STORY!!! WITH MERMAIDS!!! AND KUMA AGAIN!!! GOD!!!! IT IS SO BAD FOR ME NOW#reading one piece#enies lobby
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holy shit my worst fear just came true
#i accidentally plagarisrd. plagarzied. plagiarism idk- someone's thing#storytime#since i was a kid i've been terrified of like#doing something and then finding out someone else already did it#I've always been kinda a weird kid#i mean i've always been scared of someone being able to read my mind#so i did not allow myself to have thoughs I'd be embarrassed to say out loud#and bc i ofc know that's literally bullshit i went “yeah the plagiarism thing won't happrn”#then my own “i take advantage of the fact that i dream about whatever thing i'm interested in” thingy betrayed me#I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN this is why i have to stop using my phone when half asleep#i always end up internalizing whatever i see there#if u're seeing this (i saw the post u made about it and. sorry i laughed) then i am so so so sorry!!!#i mean i already apologized. but still. sorry!
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𝒶 𝑔𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝓂𝒶𝓃.
╰┈➤ sukuna! x reader! ೃ⁀➷
synopsis; you ask sukuna for a hug. fortunately, he tolerates you enough to grant the wish.
ೄྀ ࿐ fluff, sukuna being absolutely whipped for you! ˊˎ
His palace was huge - but there was one room that made you feel most at home. His chambers were more secluded than one would expect - the dark room had a balcony overlooking the plentiful garden outside, and the walls were hues of dark colors swirling together like a paint brush put in water. It was one of your favorite places to be.
He sat at the edge of the bed, eyes furrowed together in annoyance as he read over the latest list of complaints for him. His role as a king could be stressful at times - and you always know when he's had a particularly bad day by the fierce gleam in his eyes.
"Suk's, your bed is too small." You sigh, flopping down onto the massive mattress as he merely scoffed at your words
The bed in question was actually the biggest bed you'd every slept it. Large blankets were splayed over a few throw pillows (the pink one's were yours - Sukuna would always throw them across the room due to his distaste for the bright color)
"I should be surprised. But I've heard you say things even more absurd than that, pet." He grumbled, the paper that once rested in his hands ignited into flames as he tossed it away.
His back was facing you from where you sat - you could see how tense the muscles were through his robes and you sighed, pressing your cheek against the heart pillow
"I got a question for you, Suk's!" You singsonged, crawling towards him as he turned around with a scowl, obviously still very ticked off and tired
"What? If you ask me for a kiss I will bite your head off." He grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest whilst his eyes practically dared you to say the request
Rolling your eyes, you settle beside him with a cheeky smile as you lean towards him
"I want a hug."
You watched his frown falter as he mumbled something about you being too needy
"Can't believe what I'm forced to put up with." He muttered. You know he was trying to scare you with the way he narrowed his eyes at you, but you saw the tiniest bit of softness in his red hues
"Is that a no?" You huffed as he groaned, pulling you into him and wrapping his arms around you. He did not verbalize his feelings often - but by the way he held you against him, you could tell he needed to be held by your tender hands
He loved the way your delicate fingers would always find the nape of his neck, gliding over his skin before they reached his pink hair, your fingers giving him a gentle massage that had him dropping his head onto your shoulder with a sigh
He held you for a while, his hands on your waist as he mindlessly traced his fingers on the small of your back. He let his mind go blank for just a while - allowing himself to be vulnerable in your presence as you soothed him
He hated admitting how much he'd miss you throughout the day. He'd pretend to be disgusted whenever you proclaimed your undying love for him, but he'd always be turning his face away from your cheerful laugh so you wouldn't be able to see his tinted cheeks
"I have duties to do, and I'm forced to sit here and deal with your needs. Pathetic." He mumbled into your skin as you gently smacked his arm, earning a look of absolute disbelief from him. If anyone else had touched him like that - they would've been sliced in half before they could even blink. But he remained quiet as you began talking
"If I am so pathetic, than why do you indulge in my needs? Unless you truly want to?" You question as he looks at you silently, taking in your appearance. You wore your hair pulled back today - your heart shaped face and plump lips catching his eyes as he sends you a look of disinterest
"Your mind is something else entirely. Though no where near the audacity you hold." He snapped, shutting you up quickly as he presses a quick kiss onto your lips - his mouth catching onto yours as he gently pinched your cheek - earning a yelp from you as you pulled yourself off of him
"Get away!" You laugh as he easily grabs onto your legs, pulling you back with a crazed grin
"Can't escape me that easily." He said, gently rubbing his finger over your cheek - the area under your eye a shade of light pink from where he gently held the skin
"I love you Suk." You confess, a cheerful smile on your face as he scoffs
"You are out of your mind if you think you can love me." He says, watching your lips form a pout
"But I do. So much." You coo, and he can't even stop his hands from moving to cradle your face
"Insane. You're an idiot." He mumbled, his thumb brushing over your face as smile
"I am your idiot." You reply with a lovesick smile
"Yes, you are." He says, his once cold heart fluttering at the sight of your innocent smile as he sends you a wicked grin.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk x reader#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna ryomen x reader#sukuna fluff#yuji itadori#jjk yuji#itadori#yuuji itadori#ryomen sukuna#jjk smau#jjk itadori#gege akutami#jjk fluff#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#・❥ beena writes・#jjk drabbles#jjk oneshot#satoru gojo#jjk ryomen#jjk sukuna#jujustsu kaisen x reader#sukuna x y/n
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@sharkapologists ah. I see the tism bit me in the ass again. Carry on!
i swear some of the polls on this site look like
#lmao! XD#i did in fact read the first line#i also took the reply they gave LITERALLY#I also just found out the other day that “Takes everything literally” DOESN'T LITERALLY MEAN EVERYTHING and just means more than normal#i have become one with the autism#please save me#the tags went on an on and on! XD#at least I'm immune to feeling embarrassed about this shit anymore#this is just a tuesday for me#Oh yall say I missed the point? Round two electric boogaloo mother fucker let's go!#I'm not entirely sure how I never was confused screaming over Goncharov because I am the PERFECT target for that shit XD#Lesson of the day: It's okay to misinterpret stuff. It's okay to make mistakes at any age. It's okay to laugh at yourself (/pos).#That's literally how we learn and grow folks!#The minute you start being scared of looking like a dumbass is the minute you stop learning#Yall know how many people my age are so against being the dumb one in the room that it feels like working with ten year old old software!?#you can have a CD drive AND updated OS#you can suck at new tech and need to look up words to understand the context#you can be neurodivergant and... ya know... diverge from the norm? because you are literally built different and shit happens#I'm laughing my ass off at this and how SINCERE my tag addition was because... why wouldn't I?#what i said was genuine and i wasn't a dick about anything#so omg PLEASE point out when I try to eat my own foot again (which will happen eventually)#i find it endearing and sweet ^_^#autism#actually autistic#bluewind talks
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Forbidden Fruit
summary | Jace didn't want her, but Aemond did.
pairing | Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader
tags | 18+ MDNI, Jealously, Aemond yearning, explicit sexual content, mentions of bastards, loss of virginity, unprotected sex, size kink (?), oral f!receiving, Angst if you squint. "Technical" infidelity but is it really if Jace started it? (yes). ooc!Aemond (probably). NOT PROOF READ (its one am, leave me alone).
w.c | 3.8k
note(s) | My first smut fic!! Ah I'm scared...I also think I have a problem with making Aemond want fem!reader when he rightfully can't have her. Also I swear I'm not a Jace hater!! I love Jace, but in this fic specifically I made him long and wish for Baela.
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“Why don’t you marry her then?”
Aegon’s voice was taunting, as if pushing Aemond to say something. Aemond stared down at the cup in front of him; even with a stoic expression, his mannerisms betrayed him. He tapped his finger against the edge of the cup, he picked at the skin around his nails on the opposite hand-all the tell tale signs of thinking, a mind that cannot be stopped.
“Because she is betrothed to Rhaenyra’s bastard.” His voice dripped with malice as he spoke. Aemond hated that Jacerys would inherit the throne enough; What his bastard nephew didn’t need was the girl Aemond had wished for his entire life. Ever since the two of them were children Aemond had a…weird infatuation with her. When he was a boy, he would pick flowers from the garden and he would purposely do good deeds for her, just to have her hug him or smile graciously at him.
But now, everything was different. She was a woman grown, and him a man grown. She was to be engaged to his bastard nephew, and he would have to sit and watch as they shared a kiss, held hands, smiled and danced as newlyweds. He��d have to hold a straight face as the two of them left to Jacerys’ bed chamber, only knowing the connotations that came with what would happen on their wedding night.
Ignoring his brother's tedious rants about hells knows what, Aemond stood from his chair, opting for a walk in the gardens.
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Aemond walked, hands clasped behind his back, and his gaze drifted into nothingness as he walked with just his thoughts, and the cool breeze that accompanied the summer evenings. He tried to distract himself from the thoughts of her, for they were all almost too painful to ever truly think about.
But he couldn’t help himself. He thought of her as a sickness, one that lingered and grew stronger by the day until it fully consumed your every waking moment. He thought of her laugh just as contagious as the plague, her eyes as intoxicating as the finest of wines. He thought her to be a type of sickness, and he so desperately wanted to be affected.
Aemond was never one to smile-one to truly-smile, his half smirks or half smiles were only ever in a sarcastic sense, but for some reason his smiles were real with her. With her he laughed a little more, with her he walked a little faster. He knew it was stupid, perhaps perpetually idiotic-to ever think, let alone long for such a pure and innocent creature.
As Aemond walked, he noticed her sitting by one of the fountains in the garden. She looked breathtaking, he thought to himself. Her hair was down and cascaded down her shoulders, her face was just the perfect amount of shaded with the moon's light. And above all, she held that intoxicating smile that she always held. He never knew why she was always smiling, nor did he wish to find out.
She turned her head, her smile widening at the sight of Aemond.
“Aemond!” Her voice was cheerful, slowly standing as he walked towards her.
“Princess,” Aemond smiled-a half smile-at her as he looked around, then slowly back at her. “It’s quite late. Should you not be in your chambers?”
She always thought the way he cared for her, even if he didn’t show it outright, was extremely enticing. She knew how he was with others, but she knew the differences he had with almost everyone in court-so what made her so different? Why her, the object of the second son's affection.
“Perhaps I do not wish to sleep. Perhaps…I quite like the quietness of the garden.” She smiled innocently, looking back towards the fountain as she started to walk. Aemond knew her well enough to see that this was a quiet plea for him to join her; Because no matter how much she enjoyed the quietness of the garden, she enjoyed it much more when he was with her.
Aemond stared at her, as he often did, but this time, it was different. The stare he held was nothing short of primal. He watched the light in her eyes as she smiled up at him and for some reason, now, he wished to watch as the innocent light in her eyes slowly dwindled as he claimed her.
“Aemond? Is something wrong?” Her voice snapped his thoughts back, if only for a moment. She stopped walking to look up at him and she crossed her arms underneath her chest. His eye trailed down slowly, fixating on the way that her cleavage just slightly out of her dress. He was like a man starved; Clinging to the littlest of details that would make his imagination run wild.
She seemed to notice the way that his eye raked over her chest like a starving man, and her face flushed with embarrassment. She-though subconsciously-reached up to place her arm over her chest, but to her surprise, Aemond gently took her hand, and when she looked up, his one sapphire eye was locked with hers.
“You needn’t cover up. Not around me.” He spoke calmly, though his heart was racing and his head spinning. He let out a shaky breath as he lowered her hand and looked into her eyes.
She watched him carefully, searching his gaze for anything that would betray him. In truth she didn’t know what she was searching for, but she felt as if she should be searching for something.
Aemond lifted a hand, placing the back of his knuckles against her hot cheek. The gesture was gentle, and slow, something he was not known for. His eye slowly trailed down her face, and his eye caught on her lips, his breath heavy as he reached his hand up and gently placed his thumb over her plush bottom lip.
Her eyes followed his, big, and full of longing. She stared at him as his thumb pushed against her lip. She didn’t know exactly what to do; She knew that this moment was intimate, far too intimate to be happening between a betrothed woman and a bachelor. But, the way he gazed at her made her feel hot, and the way he trailed his hand over her face and body made her want to see where this could lead.
His free hand shakily went up to her waist, cupping it firmly as he brought her closer. He leaned forward, just slightly, till his nose was pressed against hers. Her breath hitched, and her eyes instinctively closed. She waited for him to press his lips against hers, to feel his mouth on hers like she had (shamefully) always wished for. But, it never came.
When she opened her eyes again, she saw Aemond breathing heavily, desperately trying to restrain himself. He pulled away slightly, and he shook his head,
“I shouldn’t take advantage of you…not like this.” Though his words held conviction, it seemed his body betrayed him. His hand stayed on her waist, slowly trailing up and cupping her breast in his hand. She gasped softly at the feeling, and his thumb went to her lip again before he connected his lips to hers. She responded immediately, putting her hands on his arms.
He kissed her like he was dying, his body subconsciously reacting more to the kiss then he’d wish it to. He pulled her flush against him, his strong hands coming to cup her face, his shoulders shrugging in a futile attempt to have her closer. He opened his mouth, causing her to gasp at the feeling of his tongue against hers. Her mouth moved with his as if it was known to her; As if this was a dance she had practiced for years to perfect, as if the dance of her lips was a song that Aemond had mastered just for her.
She practically melted in his arms. She had been kissed before; Jace was a good kisser but he was soft, and the kisses were never not chaste. But, kissing Aemond was like walking through fire. Her entire body reacted to the way he clung to her body, how he pulled her impossibly closer. It was like a fire had escaped through his lips and was now coursing through her veins and settling in her abdomen.
Even though she didn’t know exactly what to do, it seemed her body did. Her hands slid down his arms and slowly made their way to his chest as she moaned softly.
The moan grounded him, like he had been falling from the heavens and down to earth. He suddenly pulled away, breathless as he stared down at her. Her eyes opened steadily, and she looked up at him with confusion while a frown graced her kiss swollen lips.
“We shouldn’t have done that.” He spoke breathlessly, his hand still gently stroking her side.
“Maybe not..but it felt good.” Gods, the way she spoke held him in a chokehold. He wished desperately to dive back into her; To drown in her lips and never come up for air, but..
“Not again. You are to be married.” He suddenly pulled away and at the feeling of his hands leaving her body, she frowned deeper.
“Aemond-” “Goodnight, Princess.”
And with that, the prince turned and rushed back into the keep.
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Aemond couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned in bed, picking at his nails, biting his lip-genuinely anything to help stop the incessant thoughts of her lips.
The thoughts started off sweet and innocent. The way she looked up at him as he trailed his thumb over her lip, the way her lips pursed just slightly when he leaned forward.
But then the thoughts got venereal fast. He thought about how he felt to finally kiss her. The way his lips practically burned when they pulled away. He knew that as he gazed at her kiss swollen lips his night would be harbored with thoughts of what they’d look like doing gods knows what else.
His hand slid down underneath the sheets, firmly grasping at his length as he let out a shuddering breath. He hated doing this; Feeling so pent up and so desperate that he had to resort to using himself. But as of right now he couldn’t care less.
He imagined her lips around his cock, her innocent eyes gazing up into his. He’d imagine the way she’d gag around him, how her lips would look kissing the head of his cock.
He groaned at the thought, his head tipping back as he closed his eye and let his thoughts wander more. He’d think about how she’d look with his seed covering her lips and her chin, how she’d moan his name as he devoured her between her legs-
He peaked with a gasp, and a low moan of her name. The minute his orgasm washed over him, and he started to slowly come down, he felt an intense feeling of guilt, shame, but most of all pain.
Guilt and shame because he hated himself for touching himself to someone who couldn’t be his.
Pain because she’d never be his. Pain because he knew that no matter what he did, she’d still be betrothed to Jacerys.
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The next morning, she sat alone at breakfast, supposedly liking it more that way. With her fiance practically ignoring her, and her father too entranced with kissing the king's ass, she learned to enjoy the solitude of just…nothing.
Plus, she always had her thoughts. Even if they were only occupied with Aemond.
She played around with the food on her plate as her mind trailed. She remembered the way he kissed her, how he held her. She felt happy, something she so rarely felt with Jacerys.
She knew how he felt, how he longed for and wished for Baela. She did not blame him, she was beautiful, but she also didn’t feel sad, which, at a point did bother her but, not so much.
At least, not after last night.
She smiled to herself as she thought about the kiss, wishing that he would do it again, longing for the way the heat escalated through her body.
She didn’t register the voice next to her until it spoke her name.
She looked up, surprised. But, when her eyes met with Aemond’s, her heartbeat quickened, and she smiled.
“Aemond.”
“You’re not hungry?”
“What?” “You’re not eating.” “Oh,” Her cheeks flushed red for a reason unbeknownst to her, and with a soft huff, she pushed the plate away, “It seems as though I have lost my appetite.”
Aemond looked concerned at that, and he looked down at her. Despite himself, he found himself worrying yet again for her comfort, her needs.
“Is something the matter?” She shakes her head, but for some reason, Aemond was persistent. “If this is about what happened last night, then I should apologize-”
“Apologize?” She interrupted, sitting up straighter at the mention of the word. “Why?”
“Yes…apologize. Because we should not have done that-”
“But I wanted it to happen.”
Aemomd stopped and he slowly looked towards her. His eye pierced into hers as if to read every thought and emotion that crossed her brain. He just simply couldn’t believe her.
“You shouldn’t say things you do not mean, Princess.”
“You don’t know that I don’t mean it.”
“Princess-”
“Aemond.” She said his name as if to challenge him, and he knew that he truly could never challenge her. He saw it in her eyes, he saw by the way she looked at him and smiled that she wished for him just as he wished for her. But these feelings-these blockages-would only cause unnecessary trouble.
“Please, do not give me a hope that cannot be upheld.” Her heart broke a little at that, and, as he stood to leave, she instinctively stood with him, taking his wrist in her hand as she pulled on his arm. As if the small gesture would stop him from walking, (it did).
“Aemond please..You do not know what I wish for.”
His lip curled down into a small frown as he looked at her. He knew what she felt-at least he thought he did-but even if his suspicions were right, even if she did wish for him like how he longed for her, he couldn’t. He may dislike, perhaps even hate his nephew, but he was better than stealing his fiance.
Right?
“We cannot. To be with you would disgrace your family and the alliance-”
“Fuck the alliance!” She swore, her eyes boring into his as she studied his face. “Fuck the alliances Aemond, I wish for you. Desperately, I wish for you. Jace does not see me like how you do. Jace does not make me feel the way that you do-”
“It does not matter if Jace makes you happy or if he makes you feel desired-” “He does not wish for me as you do!”
“Princess-” “You do not understand! We are speaking of breaking it off. Neither of us wish for this.” Aemond went quiet at this and he sighed heavily, turning his full body towards her. He pried his arm away from her, staring at her incredulously, his body language giving no open window to how he was truly feeling. With no words coming from him, she continued.
“I love you.” At those words Aemond showed his shock. He took a step back from her and he raised an eyebrow.
“You do not mean-”
“Oh for the love of-Yes! I mean it! I love you, Aemond! I love you as if it is breathing! Instinctively, not thinking about it….I love you.”
Aemond couldn’t hold it anymore, he walked to her and gripped her face tightly, her cheeks squishing slightly in his grasp as he smashed his lips against hers. She initially was shocked at the sudden kiss, but she kissed him back fiercely, holding his wrists as she leaned up to kiss him deeper.
He led her back until he pressed her back against the table, holding her thighs as he pushed her onto the table. His body fit perfectly in between her thighs, just like he imagined it would. His hands gripped her thighs, one of his hands traveling up, feeling and savoring the soft skin as he groaned.
She pulled away from the kiss to leave small kisses along his jaw. He bit his lip at the feeling, the action presumably so innocent and so sweet it almost made him chuckle.
He pulled back slightly, his gaze intense and lust filled as his hand trailed underneath her breasts.
“Tell me to stop.” He demanded. His head was spinning with the lust that clouded it. He waited for her to push him away, or to whimper a soft “I do not think myself ready”- But she shook her head, bringing his head back to hers swiftly to connect their lips in another passionate kiss.
He pulled away from the kiss, groaning to himself as he left hot, open mouthed kisses against her jaw and neck. He looked down, his breath heavy as he stared down into her cleavage. He wished for nothing more than to rip her dress open and kiss every inch of her body, but being in the dining room came with its disadvantages. So, he settled for kissing her cleavage, before trailing his lips down the fabric of her dress till he came to her thighs.
Aemond pushed her dress up as far as he could, staring at her the whole time. He slowly pushed her thighs about, giving her time to stop him but she never did. Gently kissing the inner side of her thigh, he tried to reassure her. He could see the uncertainty in her eyes; The way she looked at him with both anxiety and lust. He stared up at her searching for any sign or signal that would make him stop.
“Is this okay?” Once he saw the light nod of her head, he disappeared underneath her dress.
She had never been intimate with a man-courtesy of her father, enforcing the “Women should be pure” melodramatic speech into her head ever since she could stand. She always thought it to be a chore, only having heard stories from unhappy married women who hated their husbands, and much less disliked their children a little less, but this? This was exciting, this felt good.
She placed a hand on his head, moaning his name under her breath as he ate her like a beast. His hands gripped her thighs as if to ground himself-He had tasted women before but for some reason she was so much sweeter, so much more divine. His eyes practically rolled back just from pushing his tongue into her heat, sucking gently on her flit before he pulled away slightly, focusing his attention on her clit as he dipped a finger inside of her.
The sudden stretch made her jump, and gasp loudly. She may have pleasured herself before but it really never felt like what Aemond was doing to her. He eased his finger in slowly, dragging it back out, and then slowly pushing it back in. Hearing the moans that graced her lips, he continued the slow thrust of his finger for a moment before he added another one.
She let out a loud moan, a hand on the back of his head as she pushed his head closer to her heat. She felt him chuckle against her, the vibrations only adding to the pleasure. She moaned loudly, perhaps too loudly for comfort, but Aemond only seemed to want more of those noises to come from her.
He slowly curled his fingers, his mouth praising her clit. The added pressure with the curl of his fingers, and the sucking of her clit made her eyes squeeze shut.
“Oh gods Aemond, I’m going to-” Just as her orgasm was going to consume her, it stopped. With her heavy breathing, and slightly shaky legs, she slowly sat up. Aemond smirked up at her, holding her gaze as he nipped at her inner thighs. “You stopped..”
“Yes. Because if you are going to peak it should be on my cock.”
Her face flushed at the words, and she stared at him with wide eyes as he pulled his trousers down slightly to free his throbbing cock. As their eyes met, he seemed to notice the slight anxiety in her eyes, because he pressed his forehead against hers and lined himself up with her entrance.
“Tell me to stop if it hurts too much.” She nodded in response, and she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders as he pushed into her. She let out a gasp; The feeling was new, discomfiting but..new. Her face scrunched up at the stretch, and Aemond shushed her quietly as he started to move. After a few thrusts, her body relaxed, and she started to moan his name.
Hearing his name fall from her lips was like a prayer answered, like a lifelong dream he had been waiting for. He grunted as he started to rock his hips back and forth into her slowly. It took everything inside of him to not pound into her, to fuck her like he had fantized about. He wished that her father could see her now, her maidenhood gone and her body fully submitting to the pleasure he so gracefully gave her.
“Aemond..Aemond oh gods-” Her voice broke as he went faster, her moans only getting louder. She tried to wrap her mind around the pleasure he was giving her, the way his hips moved slowly yet deeply, the way the tip of his thick cock rubbed against the spot so deliciously. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she held him close to her.
One of his hands was on her thigh, the other on the table as he thrusted into her, as if holding the edge of the table would stop the creaking sounds, or the way she moaned his name, or how his groans got louder as his climax approached.
White splattered her vision as her orgasm washed over. She cried out his name in pleasure, holding him close as his legs trapped him inside of her. The feeling of her core pulsating and tightening made Aemond’s head spin, and he grunted out a moan of her name as he came himself, spilling his seed inside of her.
As the two sat there, basking in the afterglow of being intimate, neither of them would move for what felt like hours. Even though the position that they were in was compromising, they smiled, and laughed softly at the situation itself.
Once they both got cleaned up-the best they could get cleaned up for just having sex on the dining room table-Aemond took her hand. She smiled softly at Aemond, her heart racing in a new, and exciting way. The two stared at each other for a while, trying to wrap their minds around the fact that now, they could truly be together, or at least, now, they had a hope that they could be together.
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bcs s6 thread pt 2
#they way they're turned on when they're scheming oh m ygodjdbf no i'm watching that again my bloodstream is on fire#sept 20 2023#and they hand holding ohhhhh it's so close and intimate and lovey dovey oh my god no liek r theyre the best ppl ever#i'm cryinggggg theyre so perfect i can't get over it#oh my god i'm so scared bc there's still that gif of them making out on the couch and the i love you so what aLie I AM SO SCARED#AND THE BLACK AND WHITE GIFS OF KIM AND JIMMY?#speed running this show was probably not my best decision..#what#her little ringlet ponytail is the best thing that's ever happened to me#cons are so stressful why do i keep watching shows about them#kim?#guys i love them soooo much#her laugh!!?!! and how he is the only one that makes her laugh#oh moooooo oh no oh no no no no oh no kim no no nooooonooo this is the beginning of the end i fear i am so scared#ohhhh.......................my god oh#oh my gawd i can't believe this is the first time kim is meeting mike#when she sits cross legged or with her knees pulled up 🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲#s6 mcwexler is just so! comfortable in their physical affection im so !! cnd bc v ndndnfjdnfn god#rhea looks like she just gives the best hugs so does janel tbh#naur what😭#howard this is sooo goofy#they way kim is untraceable she's soooo smart and getting howard back she's it's so#NAUR IS THIS FR?#WHAT ARE THESE OLD MEN DOING😭#KIM FLASHBACK OHHHH THIS IS OHHHHHHHH little kim caught stealing omgggg omggomgomg#UR JOKING OG MY GOD THE EARRINGS ARE THE ONES HE STOLEEE EHYEYSYEHEJSHFJDJ TAHTS SO OF RAZYYYGUHDNSNFJDNFJDJFJKSJFNFNSNFKJEJSJSKFUSUHRJCJS f#exec producer bob odenkirk is so sexy btw#kim💕💕💕 idk i am just so obsessed with her every move it's so#i wouldn't have met my husband guys i'm gagged the way they openly refer to each other as husband and wife it's sooooooo.#not even kidding every time she smiles i'm giggling kicking my heels twirling my hair
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