#I’m not sure how to get back to me
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I was at this grad party yesterday and I realized just how dull and weary I’ve become. Adult life and the traditional work week have destroyed me. Like where are my hobbies what are my passions what drives me to wake up in the morning. Times like these I miss being the most embarrassing 12 year old ever. I was cringe but I was free and full of hopes and dreams and love and ambition.
#god please#I’m not sure how to get back to me#maybe i should get back into writing fanfiction again#I never finished my NaLu fic#I don’t even remember my fanfiction.net account#do I move to ao3?#or wattpad#both? both is good
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Driftingstars and dreamcaptor fusion au thing! This takes place right after mabel falls through the portal ig dk what im doing lmaooo
(Dreamcaptor au belongs to @neonross )
#gravity falls#gravity falls au#stanford pines#mabel pines#dreamcaptor au#drifting stars au#also im gonna tag this au w#drifting dreams au#just for my own sanity#this took me over 20 hrs#TT-TT#i think it was a good learning experience though#i dont know what i learned but im sure it was something#my art#i tried to make ford look scary but he just looks silly#i’m very happy with how mabel turned out thought#inconsistebt artstyle be damned#i see so many mistakes now but fuck if you think i’m going back and fixing anything#i have so make ideas#frankly i think mabel should get to be a little fucked up and evil just a little as a treat#she deserves it <3#i’m so stupidly proud of the third panel you have no idea#i love mabel so much yap yap yap yap
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#this guy is soooo normal about a cute boy talking to his platonic best bro#THE WAY HE JUST SULKS WHENEVER MONTY SHOWS UP#FROM THE MOMENT NIKO SAYS ‘oh he can definitely see edwin ;)’ CHARLES IS LIKE I FUCKING HATE THIS KID#AND HE JUST STEPS IN FRONT OF EDWIN TO INTRODUCE HIMSELF AND THEN JUST SPENDS THE REST OF THE SCENE SO PISSY#HES SO MAAAAAAAAD#JUST FUCKING POUTING AND GIVING A STINK FACE#he is never ever pissy towards someone who isn’t posing imminent risk to ppl he loves like esther cat king david night nurse etc#but the immediate rage towards monty just UGH#jealous charles means so much to me bc it’s openly stated how jealous edwin is but like edwin gets to make charles jealous back it’s so goo#and no it’s not the same with the cat king ok the cat king is a fucking predator#that’s not jealously that’s protectiveness#and i’m sure some jealously bc someone flirting with edwin but it’s not the same it’s a grown ass man being a fucking creep to his person#i desperately want crystal to take charles aside & go#‘you know that behaviour when someone is flirting with your best friend isn’t normal platonic behaviour right’#i need season 2 and i will not give up on her#charles rowland#edwin payne#monty the crow#yeet my deet#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dbda#dbdshow#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#revive dead boy detectives#dbd4ratch#yeet my deebd#payneland
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The fact that One Piece has CONTINUOUSLY done character death fakeouts to the point where when someone dies you EXPECT them to turn around and say oh actually haha I survived jk lol not dead. But it’s all just a setup. They’re doing this to me on purpose so that when someone ACTUALLY dies for realsies and STAYS dead it is going to Hurt. And I am not Ready for that,
#I lost count of how many characters Oda has killed off and then they show up 10 episodes later alive and well#THE EXPECTATION IS BEING SET UP. I’m going to get too used to this.#When someone REALLY dies I will not be Okay#(And unfortunately I know exactly who it is 😔)#Anyway it’s a genius tactic and it makes me so angry. IT’S SO CLEVER.#’Oh yeah so and so died but it’s fine I’m sure they’ll be back in a couple episodes’#Oda: Haha yeah :))))))#One Piece#Shima speaks
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Good potato, my lord
Could you perhaps turn on the BOOps?
I love you all dearly but I am absolutely not doing that
#my notifications are a war zone as it is I do NOT want that sorry#ask#I’m pretty sure I’ve complained about how in the app#when you’re scrolling thru your notifications and you get a new one#it takes you back to the top of the notifications#it’s awful let me scroll#and the boops I fear woudl destroy my will
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@nowfallc PICTURE!! FOR YOU!! PLEASE TAKE IT!! <3
#agh I’m so so nervous but I’m big and strong and you all agree with me <3#plus it’s nearly 6 in the morning and I pulled an all nighter to finish this. which I’m sure is not helping my stress levels At All!#ALSO!#I’m gonna do another one!#you will NEVER know which picture so get fuckin ready HELLLLLLLLL yeah!!!#<- as for those of you who were Present when I said which picture I was gonna do. ummmmm. shut up! say nothing!!#ALSO…..2!!#wanted to share how I did the scuff marks cuz I felt like it. and also I said I was gonna do it. anyway!#what you wanna do is get a real textured brush. ideally something pencil adjacent#and a mid grey color#and with LIGHT pressure you follow the edges of whatever metal bit you’re rendering#you can go a little heavier on the corners if you desire#from the corners you take a smudge tool and gently blend in the opposite direction of the corner if that makes sense#and then take an eraser (IDEALLY one that’s the same as your rendering brush)#and gently erase back towards the corner. but with a much smaller brush size#add little scratches and pick marks as you please#and that’s it#you know maybe this would make more sense with an actual diagram I’m so so bad at explaining stuff agh#I’m gonna shut the hell up now 🙏#trigun#nicholas d. wolfwood#trigun stampede#trigun fanart
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Okay I’ll be honest I have NO idea how I’m 6 followers away from 1k and I have not received A SINGLE PIECE of anon hate.
#my anon box has been on this ENTIRE time c’mon people#step up your game smh#< guy who is really happy about not having received hate#please don’t just send me hate just because you want to now. i wanna see how long i can last like this#cable’s txts#oh yeah i’m rly close to 1k. if u wanna have me bake a acake then get to it people ig#this is just inevitable now isn’t it. maybe i should post something terrible so i go back to 100#so i surely won’t reach 1k before the end of the year i’m a genius /j /j /j
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People have been asking me how I could relate to Stolas when Blitzø is the one they are trying to make you relate to throughout the entire series.
It’s just… the need to be always perfect and fit in the image of you others painted, the uncertainty and impossibility of living of your own accord all not to let others down, not knowing if/and/when you are imposing and just questioning each of the people in your life because maybe they feel obligated to be; the incapability of understanding social clues and being always in the corners or in the shadow during parties and social events…
I just… how can you NOT relate to Stolas?!
#is it just me?!#please tell me it’s not just me!#stolas goetia#helluva boss#I was having a nice day with my friends then my friends had to momentarily leave#and told me to wait for them#so now I’m alone and I’ve been for like 10 minutes but the thoughts…#are getting a lot#also the moment I posted that my friend called me to make sure I knew they would have come back#which I know it’s something she wouldn’t have done if I can function as a normal human being#and how could she know I have no clue#but still
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hong kong miku,,,
#hopping on the trend jumpscare i’m from hong kong surprise#i haven’t seen that many hk mikus around#lowkey chat i think i kinda ate with this one#however i will say i am coloring in the dark so if any colors look off that’s why#and also i haven’t opened this program in literal months i jumped straight into this no warmup no nothing#miku is what pulls me out of art block apparently i was locked in for 5 hours STRAIGHT#someone needs to teach me how to paint properly holy#not sure how i feel about the bottom left one but that was a quick one anyways#i am from hk originally but i haven’t been back in years so i have no idea about the culture other than food and mirror#OKAY let me explain the context#street food is a big thing in hk and quick and easy things like fish balls egg waffles and like siu mai and wonton noodles are popular#back then people really would just squat down on the side of the road or right in front of the shop to eat it and go#but i don’t think anyone does that anymore city life and all that#ohh i should have done instant noodles breakfasts god i loved those#if anyones from hk if you go to the causeway bay mtr station exit that leads up to the big road near sogo. do they still sell siu mai there#that shit was BANGER i remember asking for them all the time#a good majority of parents in hk would get their daughters ears pierced as a baby something about them not feeling as much pain idk#that’s just what i was told#i used the neon for her friendly standard greeting cause i wanted to incorporate the neon signs somehow without actually drawing a whole bg#lots of neon signs in hk. i heard they had to take them down cause of light pollution which is sad but understandable#everyone got their shoes from dr kong. at least when i was younger they did#boy band is self explanatory. i heard they’re really popular my mom listens to them#oh i had her messing with her shoes cause hk people move FAST. you stop for one second and you get shoved#so like a fun little allusion#gave her black roots just for fun. she is violating every school uniform code possible#this is all based off of my memory by the way so like. anyone who knows this better than i do hit me up#hatsune miku#miku from my culture#jellos scribbles#i haven’t tag yapped in so long welcome back my love i missed you
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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When someone else’s art is so good you physically can’t look at it because of artistic jealousy
#Y’all do this to me on a daily basis I swear#I literally can’t follow some people because their stuff is so good it breaks my heart#I think the art world has a lot of envy and competitiveness that no one really talks about#Sure we’re all for self expression but so many of us are so used to being “the art kid” that anyone else taking or sharing that spot feels#like losing a peice of your identity.#I’ve had some artist friends who dealt with their jealousy by tearing others down or justifying their art by going#”Well you’re bad at ____ but I’m better at ____”#Or they would give unsolicited critique that was more like gently worded criticism than friendly advice to help someone reach their goals#And because of those experiences… I never want to become that person#I definitely get the surges of jealousy… But I very much try to remind myself that fellow artists are my friends-not my rivals#The people I feel the most envy for are often the people I hype up the most#And beyond that- nobody in the art community is trying to gatekeep information from you.#If you want to learn skills from other people- don’t hesitate to ask them. Most artists happily spill their brains for you in a conversatio#(Foolish artist… they don’t even know how many brain juices of theirs I’m absorbing-MWAHAHAHA)#(I’m gonna come come back stronger as an artist… And then I can learn and grow EVEN MORE BWAHAHAHA)#So anyway… Jealousy is a valid and very real thing… but what you choose to do about it can either hinder or help you.#That’s all folks#art meme#art
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I need advice.
I’m a white intern working in a mostly white southern(ish) high school. Students of Color number at under 2%, perhaps even lower. It’s a very white, rural community - I grew up in a fairly mixed, suburban northern community, and part of my family is Black.
Several of my white students say rude things to my Students of Color. I’ve told them to knock it off *as appropriately as I can* but I’m probably one of the few adults that actively discourage that behavior.
I don’t want to let this shit fly under the radar, but I also know that if an adult of authority *who will only be here for a couple more weeks* interferes, and then doesn’t stick around, it could make things worse. Additionally, I know these kids are probably very very very used to this ‘system’ and that making a short-term change could be more harmful than helpful.
I asked one of my senior students after a very racist incident *where she was laughing along with the perpetrator but I told him to stop anyway* that I can move him, or her, so she could be more comfortable (admin either does nothing or slaps wrists, especially for seniors). She said it was fine and that he was always like that.
I must emphasize, I think they were bantering (they talk so much I think they consider each other friends?), but it was also wayyy fucking out of line, especially in a school setting. And the guy says so much out of line shit I’m surprised he isn’t rocking a full set of dentures to replace the teeth he ought to have lost by now.
Another student took me up on my offer to move people, but I ended up moving him, which sucks because he was the victim in this situation. Unfortunately, I have to keep his aggressors in their spots, as they are highly rowdy in all the ways and require a lot more supervision than he did. And the class is really full. These were also all freshmen, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that affected the victim’s reaction.
So I’d really appreciate advice as to whether I should let it be, or continue as is, or step it up even more, from People of Color in largely white, especially rural, communities. Like any advice from current or previous educators, especially Educators of Color would be appreciated, but specifically southern/rural ones would be wonderful. I’m going to talk to my family members about it, but they’ve lived in more Northern settings their entire lives and they may have less … applicable (?) experience to the situation.
Again, I’m an intern, I’m going to only be there until winter break 2024, and I don’t want to fuck things up for these kids in the long run with my northern ally ‘sensibilities’. Thank you!
#education#help#advice#educators of color#students of color#academia#slightly more context: the senior was a Black girl. there are not a lot of Black students but there’s multiple of them from different#families (though I also tutor her little brother). so she may have community to fall back upon and that might feel like enough for her#the freshman boy is mixed Asian and as far as I can tell is the only Asian kid currently in this high school#since we’re in Appalachia of course a lot of people say shit like ‘my great grandmother was Cherokee’ (apologies to the Cherokee community#but I’m quoting these people) but some of my students are much more tan and experience a bit of colorism. again I try to shut that down but#idk how far to take it. the one girl who is definitely Indigenous (I’m not going to specify further because it’s a small community) doesn’t#seem to be treated negatively for it and seems quite proud so I’m glad for her#but she also passes as one of the tan students so idk if she’s just comfortable bringing it up around me and it doesn’t come up near#racist students or what.#more context I forgot to bring up: I’m pretty sure most if not all of the Black students are mixed or have mixed parents. so they may#have white family members that make this system of poor treatment seem okay? or white family members#who help compensate for the racist people in the community?#I really don’t fucking know and I really don’t want to make things worse for anyone#getting ‘aggressive’ protection from a student intern may NOT be helpful#idk#thank you for reading this far
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One day I’ll go through med school and then I’ll go through residency and then I’ll go through a fellowship and then I’ll be the most crybaby neurosurgeon you could think of. Bursting into tears if I so much as graze ur hypothalamus with my forceps
#Yesterday I shadowed a neurologist for the first time and basically we got done seeing a patient who’s also a heart surgeon#And I turned to the doctor and was like Ok what do we do#The thing is this patient has dementia and we don’t really have a cure for that yet so the study he’s enrolling in is largely observational#Still I expected her to follow up on him in much more frequent increments#Instead this woman goes “we’ll see him in 6-9 months but… not even sure if he’ll be here by then sooo”#Basically implying he might be dead in a year#AND I WAS LIKE. Blown away by how blase she was#And ever since then a fiendish sort of melancholy followed me everywhere I went .#Bc I haven’t stopped thinking about the heart surgeon#I don’t get how she can stop thinking about him#I don’t understand people who can stop thinking about something like that#I know neurologists like her have seen patients come and go many a time but I was disturbed#So I made a pact w myself never to lose my humanity. Half of why I’m so into medicine is bc of its humane aspects#And in 10 years I’ll look back at this and hopefully still be just as annoyingly sensitive as I am today#I think I’m just overall disillusioned w how little humanity some people seem to have but that doesn’t mean I have to be that way too#p
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got a tablet recently so now i can draw on the go >:-)
#rare instance where i draw dhes instead of kel…#(i did actually draw kel first but i didn’t really like it so…)#officially the tablet is for school but….#the added bonus is i can use it for drawing too so#yay :-)#still not entirely sure how to use procreate yet but i am figuring it out#i’m very much used to krita#mostly i’ve just been trying to find brushes i like#n e way. school is going ok.#the work load is not as bad & overwhelming as i was expecting tbh#the worst part is honestly having to go back & forth to campus everyday#i am not a guy who leaves his house much#this is very different for me#& the waking up early thing…. i get tired at like 9 pm now. ridiculous.#but yea! hopefully i’ll get to work on some edits soon. we’ll see#rainyrambles#artwip#kinda
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equine therapy starts again today for the first time since … october? nervous 🫠
#debating whether or not i want to continue because so far it’s only given me more anxiety#and i’m not sure the therapist and i … match#i need something softer and she’s not always very soft in her approach#+ she thinks i’m ‘too young’ to occasionally have debilitating back pain#and she also did not believe when i told her i was diagnosed with autism because i ‘don’t look like it’#🙃#many parts of the therapy Have been good but i’m not always sure if she even likes me that much? she gets frustrated when i get anxious#i’ll just see how i feel about it today although i’m shaking with anxiety lol#let’s just say it wasn’t entirely what i dreamed of when it began#and i’m still hoping for my old riding school to get back to me#i might need to resend that email..
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What a whimsical looking young man I wonder if he has received any job offers recently
Original photo
#my art#project sekai#rui kamishiro#if u saw this get posted before: no u didn’t#forgot to schedule the post for the morning incident 60 dead 600 injured.#i feel obligated 2 say I actually post abt pjsk on my main (apotelesmaa) frequently (I have brain worms)#& I only post on this blog once in a blue moon and it’s usually not serious art atp#so do not expect anything.#curtain call. what an event. love rui he’s such a good character. I hope he explodes.#he is so full of love and so bad at recognizing his emotions and problems.#‘I don’t have any emotional hang ups about anything’ says the guy who has so many emotional hang ups#rationalizing pulling back as safety measures instead of fearing abandonment/concern of hurting tsukasa (or others) again ->#rationalizing accepting asahi’s job offer because it’s the best for his future even if it’s not the best for himself#also tbh I think to some degree u could argue accepting the job offer was his way of getting ahead of being abandoned#not that it would happen and not that he’d recognize that to begin with#negative self awareness king! he is not processing his emotions at all!#would love for him to mention the job offer in a future event. even just offhandedly. shaking him by the shoulders. talk to ur friends moron#me when I’m in a not recognizing what I’m feeling and how it effects me competition and my opponent is rui kamishiro from hit game pjsk#etc etc. anyways.#once again falling into the ‘sure whatever this can go on the art blog’ category#in that I used simultaneously too much effort and very little in creating it#once again: [hope you’re hungry. for NOTHING] dot jpeg. as is typical here at hallowclave dot tumblr dot com.
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