#I’m going to miss it deeply
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I can’t believe Hilda is over now
#I’m tearing up#I love that show so much#but god was this beautiful#but#no more#Hilda#hilda netflix#hilda the series#I’m going to miss it deeply
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Remember when Anthony Bridgerton said:
And then it turns out that this is him with his wife:
#bridgerton season 3#anthony bridgerton#kate sharma#kate sharma x anthony bridgerton#kanthony#bridgerton season two#bridgerton#bridgerton memes#actually I got really sad making this#because I realised that if he hadn’t met Kate he was just going to let his immense capacity for love and devotion wither away#like we can see how deeply he’s capable of loving and how it’s almost become an intrinsic part of him#like that’s Anthony Bridgerton#9th Viscount Bridgerton afraid of bees and irrevocably in love with his wife#and that’s how the entire ton recognises him too#but if not for kate this capacity to love would just remain buried in his heart#and he’d go through life with this huge part of him missing#my heart aches so bad for him#I’m glad he found Kate and became who he was always meant to be#kate sharma’s husband
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Blood Hunt (Vol. 1/2024), #4.
Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Pepe Larraz; Colorist: Marte Garcia; Letterer: Cory Petit
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Blood Hunt#latest release#Moon Knight comics#Moon Knight#Marc Spector#Khonshu#*Andrew Garfield in The Social Network (2010 dir. Fincher) voice* M A R C?#screaming crying throwing up#Mr. MacKay please I need them back#I know it hasn’t been that long in the scheme of «dead superhero» things (believe me I’m still waiting for someone to go get Robbie Reyes#out of purgatory)#but I do deeply miss my main guys#anyway looking forward to seeing if this is just a tease or if this will lead back into him having a more permanent presence hahaha
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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#okay so now that I’m almost a year out from surgery and I kind of (?) reliably have energy/don’t get winded and nauseous going up the stairs#this upcoming year I realllllly need to focus on developing a workout routine in my apartment#and I fear that a laughably big obstacle to this is that I need my workout stuff visible#so now I should probably like. focus on making space for my stuff in the living room instead of the closet#(much like a baby I struggle with object permanence)#hmmmm okie I am going to do that now actually so I can do a workout tomorrow. I miss being able to move my body like I did in college#should I have been doing this more intentionally for months now? yes. but consider: I am a baby and it has been fatiguing just to exist#sighhhhhh I miss being able to use my brother’s home gym setup but I don’t live down the street from him anymore grrrr#my stuff#ignore me i’m just rambling#UPDATE:#I found places for most stuff (my lil stepper is just on its own next to the coffee table bc I don’t have anywhere to tuck it)#BUT! sadly I have no idea where my boxing gloves are. deeply upsetting but whatever I can shadow without them but I like the added weight#they’re probably in the attic at my parents’ house butttttt I would like them to be HERE please
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Restorative or Transformative?: Homoerotic Subtext, The Closet, and Ciphers in Pop Culture. The nature of commercial art is that it’s sometimes bad and inconsistent. Notably it’s also misogynistic. One way in which audiences try to reconcile massive plot holes or gaps in character motivation is by reading secrets or hidden information into a plot.
Commonly, male characters are interpreted as closeted gay or bisexual to reconcile the absence of women from commercial narratives with the generally stunted and poorly-written male characters that form the focus on said texts. This reading has become especially common among a non-heterosexual milieu. Rather than transforming the original text into some radically different new form, this closeted interpretation seeks to make the original text stand on its own as a story rather than a Swiss cheese of dumb writing decisions.
This interpretation only works for a specific type of pop, usually genre fiction. Any story in which tortured male leads eschew women in favour of male-male bonds (because female characters are constantly killed off, written sparsely, or written out, because the production team keeps casting their male buddies, because actors demand to keep having scenes with their bros, whatever) can become a sounder structure if you put one of them in a closet.
The gay interpretation is the natural consequence of shoddy misogynistic writing from ventures like Supernatural, Naruto, all the biggest hits. It’s also the natural consequence of more benignly misogynistic writing like The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes or The Lord of the Rings, where women aren’t necessarily rejected but are simply absent from the worlds of the protagonists. When the emotional crux of the story falls on male-male interactions, this reads as romantic because society at large priorities (definitively heterosexual) romance as the pinnacle of human connection. Two forces are in conflict, the primacy of heterosexuality (read as: romance) and the primacy of men.
Anyway. All that is to say that the typical gay or bisexual reading of male characters in pop fiction comes from a very real place. But, in some places, that’s the default interpretation. Angst, insecurity, secrets, double lives, fatigue, disappointment, restrained passion, stunted personal growth, anyone living in the closet can tell you that it impacts and defines your whole life to know that you live in a way fundamentally incompatible with The Proper Way that life is structured around down to tax law and superstore prices (which assume a heterosexual nuclear family unit). Characters in fiction also tend to have personal problems because that makes them interesting and tasty.
If you’ve grown up on stories with the specific type of misogyny that can be papered over with a closeted interpretation of the male leads, carrying this interpretation over to any male character will make sense more often than not. Even a bit of angst or insecurity? Well of course that makes sense if a character is closeted.
Except that’s hurt a normal part of fiction, and sometimes the closeted interpretation takes away from the point of a character. If a male character is on another axis of marginalization, the closeted interpretation imposed by the slash reading community downplays or trivializes the effects of that marginalization in the plot by overwriting it with another type of marginalization. Alternately, sometimes a character’s heterosexuality is a part of the story. There are some sorts of critiques or investigations of misogyny or masculinity that don’t work if the character has an ‘opt out’ of the cisheteropatriarchal perspective. Not that gay/bisexual men aren’t except from misogyny, but misogyny masculinity and heterosexuality are so tightly linked that it sort of defeats the point if you interpret that character outside of heterosexuality.
All that is to say—the closet interpretation is a quick and easy spice to apply to the weaker parts of action-adventure genre fiction to make it taste better. It draws from a large enough sample of art that it’s pretty widely applicable. Because of that, it’s part of some people’s [my] default interpretation package just because the semi-dull macho show at least gets less dull if you imagine there’s a reason for there to be no girls besides simple hatred. That then forms its own problem where the interpretation that works with your average genre work gets then blanket-applied to all genre works and obscures the places where the closet interpretation doesn’t fix the work, and actually makes it less interesting.
#kelsey rambles#I’m as guilty of it as anyone.#just thinking about Johnny Storm and like. bisexual ass character. deeply bi guy. but.#what IF he’s just heterosexual. what then. wouldn’t that almost be…more interesting#if he’s Like That and not closeted? what twisty gnarled psychological torments would a good comic have to explain him#and on the other hand. that one post I saw about how miles/hobie totally misses the point that their relationship is about solidarity#spider-punk and spider-byte’s alliance with miles are the same thing and to read it as romantic erases the important part#and on a third hand. when speaking of miles’ story. the stupid fucked Bendis running joke/subtext with Ganke#to have Miles be gay would possibly take away from the messy and interesting part of his character that is being a person with nothing#to hide. a totally honest genuine straightforward kid who is forced to start a double life by an outside actor#but at the same time it’s dumb and a cop-out to throw in that much bait and that much of a genuinely charged tense friendship#and then go ‘lol jk. nothing to see here’#the other thing is the semi joke in atsv about ‘coming out’ as spider-man#the most important thing about Miles having to hide is his relatively precarious position as a black kid. he’s not afforded the leniency#that Peter Parker would expect if he got unmasked. Miles is more cautious because he is in more danger because he’s Black#so to paint that struggle with the gay brush is to disregard the character’s raison d’être. while also#using that sort of language and structure deliberately puts a gay lens over that character and ignoring that or kicking it to the side#feels a bit cheap. to borrow the look and not the substance#way too many tags and it’s past my bedtime. thesis statement is:#miles morales is a character whose history is fraught with plenty of real gay subtext and whose character struggles are entirely divorced#from any sense of gender performance. he’s subtextually bi but that’s got so little to do with his story that it feels almost wrong to read#that into him because there is so much other interesting stuff going on with him
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#Every once in a while#I debate deleting my acount here#Nobody would care. Everyone has other friends. I’m easily replaced. At least. If my past’s shown me much#It’s that I’m expendable. I care too deeply for people. Only to end up hurt because nobody cares#Solution would be to get rid of me#Nip the problem at the root#Makes me wonder#If she could see what I’ve become#Would she still have mistreated me so. Only for her own gain#Probably. Because to her I was only a stepping stool#Meaning. I only have use to others. When I help them go what they want#So nobody would miss me just vanishing
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terrified of ending up alone but the more i go on everyday the more it seems glaringly obvious that i’m just not meant to be around others
#there’s something deeply wrong with me#something missing#i want it#i want to feel whole#i want to feel like a real person with a personality and not some shell#idk who i am outside of other ppl but i’m so alone#i feel like an outsider in my own family#they don’t even know who i am#and my friends are dwindling by the day#i’m so disconnected from others no matter how hard i try i’m just an outsider in everything#i feel like an outsider to myself aswell#i’m just going through the motions at this point idk what i feel or what i’m doing#i keep being told to take it a day at a time but i can’t#life doesn’t work that way#everything just feels so incredibly hopeless#idk how to keep going tbh#tw vent#autism#rsd#social anxiety#bpd#tw sui ideation#left behind#lonelly#anyways
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Wow, I can’t believe that Mamma Mia 2 was less gay than the original. What. What was that?
The first movie was made in 2008 so you kind of understand why Harry’s romance was so rushed. I assumed the sequel would’ve taken the opportunity to correct that error by giving him a proper romantic story arc, but he gets nothing? You wouldn’t even know he was gay if you didn’t watch the first movie. Literally everyone else in Mamma Mia 2 gets a romance, even Cher who only appears at the end.
#it’s an abba movie. they. they do know a big chunk of their audience is queer‚ right?#i’m. rather pissed#all he got was a blink and you miss it flirting line#mamma mia#anti mamma mia 2#just in case‚ I’m going to tag this#anti mamma mia#but please know that i love the first movie deeply#rant#original post
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christ almighty i miss being happy.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[i got Taco Bell. and now it’s…. making myself want to consume it because i feel like a hollow void. this sucks. when does this end??? i#literally haven’t done anything for myself in like a month and it’s slowly driving my ass insane. i literally cannot remember the last time#i actually went to visit someone or like. really hung out with somebody. and I don’t have the money and I don’t have the time and I just..#feel very sad about it. I can’t remember the last time I went on any kind of vacation but it was before my mom died. and let me tell you.#feeling like you’re trapped in a never ending loop with nothing to look forward to is… difficult. don’t mind me I’m rambling. I’m gonna go#write I just… I’m having a moment where I hate everything and I deeply miss happiness. looking forward to things. feeling loved.]#venting /#parental death /#negativity /#[I don’t know why I miss my mom so bad suddenly but I do.]
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I just tried to use wattpad and I don’t know how you fear wattpad users do it. Every single fic I found was either smut, Y/N (nothing against yn but i just personally don’t like readinf it) or ships I’m not that fond of. No heart wrenching stories and definetly not as easy to use as my darling ao3 (may she soon recover) so all in all, I respect the hell out of wattpad users that actually find good fics in a sea of yn and oneshots. Maybe I just don’t know how to use it but still.. I miss ao3 and how easy it is to find good writing
#ao3#ao3 down#it’s still down for me and I’m suffering#I won’t be able to sleep without my bedtime stories#wattpad#wattpad users are a different breed tbh#my friend refuses to use ao3 in favor of wattpad and she scares me deeply#got too used to simplicity and knowing exactly what tags give me what I like#makinf me use ao3 is like making a freshwater fish swim in saltwater#it’s just not gonna happen without pain and suffering#ok I’m ranting#Textpost#ao3 my beloved#I miss em so bad#come back to me#anyways imma go to bed now#or at least try
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sarcasm aside, this (blocking/being blocked by people who disagree with my interpretation of the book) is actually a source of frustration and sadness for me, like
i want to see that discourse because i want to understand the arguments that the antis are making, not only because i want to be able to tailor my counter-arguments to specific assertions, but also because a broken clock can be right twice a day. i’m not so entrenched in my jgy stanning that i can’t respect a good argument about another part of the book, another character dynamic, just because it comes from someone whose takes on jgy specifically are superficial at best, or rancid at worst.
like. we’re not gonna be buddies if you hate jgy and think he’s a monster, but if you say something insightful about wwx or wen ning or wen qing or nie huaisang (especially huaisang!!), i do actually want to see that?? if you say something that makes sense or piques my interest, i might still be galled that the interesting thing came from a jgy anti (because really, the nerve), but i will still end up sitting with that interesting thought. but now i can’t. because you blocked me! or i blocked you at your request.
i guess this is why i so rarely block anyone even when their jgy takes make me see red, because even if they are guaranteed to also see red nine times out of ten when i post something, there’s always the chance that i’ll write something about another part of the book that resonates with them, and vice versa. and it bums me out that those opportunities for lightbulb moments from unlikely sources are becoming fewer and fewer.
#salty peak sect 🧂#this is not intended as a dig at anyone who blocks to curate their space#i objectively enjoy arguments about my special interests more than like 95% of other people in my orbit#and this is partly why i was drawn to fandom when i was a teenager because look! a space where other people will get into it about#their special interests too!#i’m definitely not going to claim that these arguments were all in good faith or resolved themselves neatly because lmaoooo we were teens#but there was so much back and forth and back and forth that understanding the source material very deeply#from many different perspectives was unavoidable#i miss that
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life is overall good but ngl a single straw could break my back any minute now 😭
#I am going to kill my parents like fr#if this move doesn’t kill me first#im at my wits end I miss my friends I miss having the mental capacity to answer messages I just feel so deeply overwhelmed#tfw other people are ALSO bringing up your parents in therapy LMAOOOO god. end me#I can’t wait to be free#I feel like I’ll need like a month to settle my nervous system and get the cats settled#but after the move I just want to. rly prioritize taking care of myself and reaching out to friends again#ugh#thank u lief for just like. being around and being a huge support during all this 😭 even when the house is disgusting and I’m just sleeping
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being the only person you know who is struggling is so fucking humiliating.
we’re talking about getting me a job at a gas station. my friends all make $60K plus.
i have to work in a gas station.
#man so glad i almost died to finish my fucking degree#so glad i worked my ass off for five fucking years so i can watch everyone else succeed and i can be a 36 year old gas station employee#again#when all my friends were going off to college#i was working in a fucking gas station#my friends got to be people and i got to be a fucking gas station employee#my friends all get to be treated with respect at work#i get to work in retail#yep going into debt so deeply i’ll probably never be able to pay it off was worth it#all so i can do fucking minimum wage menial labor.#great.#fantastic.#love that for me.#didn’t make me radically suicidal the first time around nah#everyone else gets to succeed#while i only ever get to fail in the shittiest and most humiliating way possible#cool cool cool#i’m going to bite my fucking wrists open all over the first customer who talks to me#i would legitimately rather be dead than have to work in customer service#it’s so fucking degrading. no one thinks you’re a person. no one cares.#minimum wage 36 year old fuck up loser#that’s me#awesome great cool awesome#everyone else gets a normal happy life & i get nothing#because i don’t know#something is missing in me#i am woefully inadequate to the task#hey what’s a good job for stupid idiot fuck up morons who can’t do anything & wasted 5 years & 70 thousand fucking dollars#on a fucking sheet of paper#that doesn’t even list my fucking degree
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the idea of having to watch a whole season of rina + a bunch of theater kid seniors graduate high school + ej caswell is apparently a guy who peaked in high school + did i already say rina …….. like i’m already tired
#but also like i have to watch it#like i cant not watch it u know#also i haven’t even watched the teaser trailer or whatever but these r the vibes i’m getting from textposts#so ummmm …… Yeahhhh#the problem with hsmtmts is i love the characters deeply but the show is just like ……… frustrating#so it’s a love hate relationship for sure#like they gave me ej caswell so how bad can they be right ���😹😹😹😹😹#oh and also they’re releasing it all in one day?#that’s ….. crazy#and sad#bc instead of speculating on future caswen scenes every week we’re going to be immediately disappointed#also sorry to the r*na lovers they’re just not for me#like they’re just really not for me#i even prefer gina and ej like#that’s just me tho yall stay safe 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#okay i’m done now . . .#i should go read caswen fics lowkey tho#i miss them . . . .#ok fr bye#hsmtmts#hsmtmts s4
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idr if i already posted abt this but i have been in a little phase of feeling sad abt being aro bc i’ll be reading things abt happy couples and go oh that sounds nice :’) but i am literally currently in a stable and good relationship and i fucking hate it so like. no it doesn’t ur deluding yourself :(
#i just don’t feel that ! and i’m bad in a romantic relationship ! it feels Wrong#but i still read like. idk fanfic and go oh man i wish i had that and its like no you don’t you wish you had something else that felt the#- same way. you wish you felt that not that you had it#idk. i don’t really feel like i’m missing out i love being aro but also i think it’s so much harder to communicate your desires & have them#- taken seriously. for so many people i think the idea of holding a romantic relationship is seen as a maturity thing#& so i feel like i will always be seen as less than in one way or another#even tho i have friends who love me deeply and i feel so lucky for that#but like. i hope that they don’t let me go once they find a partner. bc i get that’s wonderful but. in many ways they’re mine#this is SO all over the place i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say in the tags tbh#i’ve just been feeling a bit bad abt it but also sure of myself#ted talks
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