#I will confess that I choked down on my own snort when I made the Mace Windu one—

[magnusbae]

Prequels: Incorrect Quotes

[avydabby]

Three Doesn't Have To Be A Crowd

ethan landry x fem!reader x chad meeks-martin

words: 3.3k

summary: ethan and reader being caught encourages a new bucket list item being checked off

warnings: smut!, fmm!threesome, dirty talking, t!tplay, fingering, exhibition?, oral (f receiving), oral (m receiving), double penetration, overstimulation, a second of mxm, anal, handjob, squirting

MDNI!!!

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Studying with Ethan was quite useless when it came to Econ. He was a smart guy, but there was not a thing that he could comprehend in that class. That's why Ethan was lucky he had you in that class also. These two factors led to the two of you hanging out often, becoming more comfortable with each other, and more familiar with each other.

The familiarity between you two didn't just end as classmates and friends, but it led to a few more than a few hookups. No one knew of these hookups and you both wanted to keep it that way. It was just easier to not tell your friends.

However, keeping it from your friends also made it harder to hook up without being caught or having your friends question why you two disappeared randomly. That's why you and Ethan were so quick to skip Econ today, knowing that Chad would be out of Ethan's dorm.

It had been at least two weeks since you and Ethan had hooked up last, and you were feeling it. Maybe that's why both of your kisses were so sloppy and desperate. Ethan's mouth was working hard against yours as you both sat on his dorm bed. His hands were gripping your hips, pulling you closer and closer onto his lap.

Ethan lets out a low noise as you bite his bottom lip gently. His breath hitches as your fingers pull at his hair, sending tingles down his spine. You were both too enraptured in each other's mouths to notice the door knob into the dorm jiggle and open.

"What the fuck?" Chad's voice sends you and Ethan far apart from each other. Ethan flew so far that he fell off his bed and plopped onto the floor. Chad's eyes follow his roommate before trailing onto you. "What the fuck is this, and how desperate are you to go for Ethan?"

Ethan scoffs from the floor, "She actually made the first move, dick."

Chad's eyebrows raise as he looks to you for confirmation, which you nod to quickly.

While Chad and Ethan squabble about your hookups, you find yourself rubbing your thighs together to suppress your wetness. The two guys' argument trails off and you look at both of them expectantly. What you find is both Ethan and Chad staring at your thighs...which are bare. You forgot how you had eagerly discarded your pants in hopes of being put to work on top of Ethan.

"Were you guys going to fuck?" Chad asks, his finger pointed between the two of you. "I don't like this."

His confession threw you and Ethan for a loop. Ethan frowns, his brow raising at Chad's boldness. "Don't like what?"

Chad groans, rubbing a hand down his face, "I don't like how quickly you were ready to throw your virginity at her."

You giggle softly, bringing Chad's attention back to you. "That happened a long time ago, Chad."

"Oh my god, her voodoo seduction powers got you already? Jesus fuck," Chad groans out.

Ethan snorts and teases Chad, "Voodoo seduction powers? She's just hot, dude. You're just jealous, buddy."

Chad rolls his eyes at Ethan's accusation. Your eyes dart between the two of them, wondering how long this will last until you get what you want from Ethan.

You were getting impatient, "Okay, can we figure this out quickly? I would like to be fucked soon and I don't care how at this point."

Chad chokes on his own air and his eyes bulge. "Are you talking about a threesome?"

The room goes quiet.

You hadn't initially intended for this to become a threesome, but the way that Ethan's eyes fluttered as he thought about having a threesome helped you decide on it.

"I mean, it is on my bucket list," You shrug, looking between the two of them. Your tongue flicks out to wet your lips and you see both of their eyes dart their gaze to them. "And I don't hate the idea of being filled."

Chad's eyes widen, he looks at you with hungry eyes but a blank face. His roommate launches forward at you, his mouth attaching to your neck. A surprised moan escapes your mouth and your eyes connect to Chad's.

"Join us, Chad," you moan as Ethan sucks a sweet spot on your neck. His teeth scraped against the column of your throat. "Please..."

Your begging was all it took for Chad to move forward and kiss your lips as Ethan worked further down your neck. The two worked their lips on you, their hands following soon. Ethan's hands moved upwards to grope your chest above your shirt, squeezing and kneading the soft tissue.

"Such pretty tits," Ethan says softly, his lips kissing over your shirt. You arch your back so he has more space to do as he pleases. "God, I dream about your tits. Have you dreamt about this, Chad?"

Chad's hands wrap around your throat while he retreats from your mouth, "I've definitely thought about you more than a few times while jerking off. Had to get one off at Halloween with that fucking costume you wore."

You remember that night...it was actually the night that you and Ethan first hooked up. Your Halloween costume set Ethan off in a way that made him confess his sexual desires towards you. Who knew it would lead to this?

Ethan groans at Chad's comment, "I regret tearing that off you, baby. Wish you could wear it more."

Their hands continue to explore your body, gripping your body and smoothing across your skin. Your moans echo through the dorm room and encourage the boys to go further.

Ethan's hands pull at the bottom of your shirt until it's over your head. His eyes narrow in on your chest, Chad's doing the same. The former's hands attach to your boob and knead it carefully. It was as if he was waiting for it to explode.

"You should stop wearing shirts, baby," Chad groans, his lips going back to yours in a deep, lustful kiss. Ethan's mouth joins his mission with his hand at playing with your tits. "It would make the world a better place."

"But only we can touch," Ethan butts in before his teeth latch onto the fleshy part of your chest. Your back arches into his movements again, making Chad's mouth retreat from yours.

Chad moves his hand down your body, hovering over your hot core. He waits for a nod from you to place his fingertips against your clothed clit. Your body jolts from the contact and a desperate moan escapes your mouth. His fingers massage your clit in soft circles, giving you enough pleasure to almost cry.

Ethan unclasps your bra, taking away another layer hiding your intimate parts. His fingers roll one of your nipples tightly and his tongue licks a stripe up your neck.

The mixture of the two men stimulating you causes an orgasm to come embarrassingly quick. Your moans grow louder and your body jerks to their movements.

"You gonna cum, baby?" Ethan teases you, his fingers leaving your nipples. His fingers move your panties to the side and play with your hole. "Cum on my fingers. Show us how much you like it when we play with you."

Ethan's fingers penetrate your tight hole, pushing his fingers so deep that you can feel the single silver ring on his hand enter you. The amount of attention that Chad and Ethan are giving your cunt sends you over the edge. Your hands grasp Chad's wrist to stop his massage of your clit, but he doesn't stop.

"Chad, please!" You cry out, writhing from the stimulation. Ethan laughs at your overstimulation and quickens the pace at which he fingers you. "Fuck...Ethan, oh my god!"

If anyone were to listen to their door right now, they would be able to figure out pretty quickly what was going on. However, you weren't totally against the idea of it.

Chad's fingers leave your clit and move upwards towards your nipples. His one hand plays with your bud while his mouth tongues at the other.

Ethan watches your face contort with moans and pleasure as his fingers reach your G-spot. You hold his gaze over Chad's head and watch as his lust-filled eyes don't stray from yours as he moves his face to your cunt. His tongue darts out and flattens against your used clit.

Your hips jolt towards Ethan's face eagerly. He chuckles darkly at your reaction and continues to devour you all of you. His fingers continue working in and out of your cunt, pulling you to another orgasm that builds up.

"Eth, baby..." Your moan is loud as he hits a particularly deep part of you. Your hand reaches for his curly hair and tugs on some strands. "Baby, I'm gonna cum."

Your whines drive both men crazy.

"Cum on his fingers again, come on," Chad eggs you on, removing himself from your chest and reaching down to remove his own shirt. Your fingernails scratch against Ethan's scalp and your other hand moves to drag across Chad's obvious bulge.

You see the hunger in Ethan's eyes as he sucks on your clit, and he sees yours roll to the back of your head as he makes you orgasm for a second time. He whimpers loudly as you pull him off your cunt and up to your lips.

"Chad," you draw out, pulling from Ethan's lips. You look at the expectant man and reach for his hand. "Don't you deserve to taste me from Ethan's mouth?"

The two men hesitate until Chad makes the first move forward to meet Ethan's lips in a kiss. Ethan's tongue enters Chad's mouth and shares the taste of your cunt onto his friend's tongue. They pull apart and Chad leans to you for a kiss as well.

"You taste so good, ma," Chad groans out as he reaches down to unzip his jeans. He stands and drops them to the floor and removes his boxers. His cock springs out and slaps his stomach from how hard it is. "Wanna feel your lips on my cock."

You bit your lip and smiled at Chad with heavy eyes. Tucking your legs under you, your hand grasps Chad's girthy cock and you bring your tongue to lick up his cock to the tip. He shudders above you from the sensation and slides your hair to the side in a makeshift ponytail.

From behind, Ethan grasps your tits in both hands. You can feel his erection pressing to your back. You let your free hand maneuver behind you to rub against Ethan's boner. He takes his hands off you and he works to remove his sweatpants and briefs. You hear Ethan spit into his hand and stroke himself before guiding your hand to his member.

Ethan's hands continue to manhandle your tits as you work his cock in your hand and Chad's cock in your mouth. The three of you are a mess of moans, groans, and grunts as you bring the two to the brink of cumming all over you.

You can feel Ethan's hot breaths on your neck as he whispers the dirtiest things to you. "You just love all this attention, don't you, baby." "You gonna let Chad cum all over your face? Gonna let him paint you like I do?" "Should keep you busy like this more often."

Chad starts to groan from above you, and you can feel his dick pulsing in your mouth as your tongue works on his tip, flicking back and forth. His hands begin to pull your head further down onto his cock. He pulls you so far that you begin to gag on the girth taking up your airway.

Ethan gently pushes his friend's hips away from you and shakes his head, "Don't force that, man."

Your breathing is more of a pant with saliva dripping from your chin. Everything about you right now made you feel like a slut...but that wasn't exactly a bad thing in this matter.

You stop stroking Ethan and turn to face him. Your seductive gaze explores his face as you lay on your back and look up at the two of them. Your tits were on full display, and you slowly slide your ruined panties off your body.

You massage your own breasts as Chad and Ethan stroke themselves. A smirk graces your face as you instruct the two men, "Ethan, I want you to fuck me. Let me suck your cock some more, Chad."

"Condom or no condom?" Ethan asks, moving to reach for a box under his bed. You shake your head, "I'm clean, I know you're clean. Chad?"

"I'll wear one if I fuck you," Chad shrugs, bringing his cock closer to your mouth. "Now, tongue out baby. I'm not gonna last long."

You giggle at his words, "Last long enough to finish inside me."

Chad groans loudly and slides his cock into your mouth again. Your glossy eyes watch him and his hips move faster as he sees tears swell in your eyes.

Ethan uses the tip of his cock to spread your wetness around as lube for him to enter you. He places a hand on your bare hip to prepare you for him, and you tap on Chad's thigh to remove himself from your mouth.

You sit up partially to watch Ethan slide into you slowly, his long cock only halfway in when you feel like it can't go any further. Your mouth opens with an 'o' shape and you squeeze your eyes shut from the tightness of his cock inside your hole.

"Eth...Ethan, fuck," You gasp out, one hand gripping the back of Chad's thigh to anchor you. The man entering your pussy leans forward to capture your mouth in a searing kiss and then smirks as he quickly bottoms out in you. You scream at the quick feeling of being filled, "Oh my god! Uhn, Eth, so...so fucking big."

You can feel his cock twitch inside of you at your words as they stroke his ego. Chad watches the two of you intently, Ethan notices and inquires with his friend, "Come on, Chad. I'll flip her and you can take her from behind."

You nod your head, urging Chad to grab a condom and slip it on. Ethan peppers kisses over your body while you adjust to his length. He rolls you two over so he is on the bottom and you're on him from the top.

"Ride me for a little," Ethan instructs you. His hands hold your hips as he helps you bounce on his long cock. His eyes remain trained on your face as it changes with the pleasure you receive from riding him. Ethan softly whispers words of encouragement as you do your best to ride him better than ever before. "Doing so good, baby. Keep riding my cock. Yeah...just like that. Such a good girl."

His words only fuel your wetness and make your walls constrict around his cock. When you are oh so close to cumming, you feel Chad press on your lower back to lean forward. You whine softly at the loss of movement but do as he wishes. Ethan's cock is pulled out of your pussy so that Chad can use some of your wetness as lube for anal.

"Ok, ma, I'll go slow," Chad whispers, leaning to your ear. You feel his tip protrude into your even tighter hole and gasp as you feel him start to enter further in. "Come on, relax for me, ma."

Ethan's fingers trace along your bare back as he stares admiringly at your face. His brown eyes look emotionless but hold so much desire that you can't do anything but relax.

As his cock enters you further and further, you can hear Chad start to grunt at the feeling of your ass. His fingers dig harshly into the fleshy part and he slowly begins to thrust in and out of it.

The man on bottom guides his cock back into your pussy, and the two men slowly thrust in and out of you. None of you have felt a pleasure like this before. Everything was tight, hot, and wet.

"We aren't gonna last long, are we?" Chad strains out, his breathing coming out as pants.

Ethan chuckles airlessly and shakes his head. "I'm so fucking close."

Whines and soft cries emit your mouth as the feeling of two cocks fucking you hits. You're so full. Everything feels so much more sensitive and you have no idea if you'll be able to last a minute longer.

Ethan's lips kiss at your neck, and his fingers travel down to your clit. His wet lips trail to your ear as he whispers, "You're doing so fucking well, baby. Gonna make us cum so hard."

The mixture of it all Ethan's hands, cock, words, and Chad's cock -encourages your third orgasm of the night to hit you like a bullet train. Your scream of pleasure can definitely be heard by neighbors, but you can't even think of it being humiliating at this moment. Hell, you can't even think about anything other than the two men inside of you and Ethan's hand still working you through your orgasm.

Tears slide down your cheek as it all begins to feel like too much as the two continue fucking into your holes. Chad's cock slamming into you makes the sound of ass against his hips echo loudly, and Ethan's wet dick claps against your cunt.

"Come on, ma, just a little longer," Chad grunts out, slamming harder and harder into you. His thrusts become messy and soon still as he fills the condom with his cum. "Just like that."

Chad pulls out of you, but Ethan continues fucking your cunt. His thrusts are becoming faster, and his whimpers becoming louder. Ethan's thick fingers continue toying with your clit, even as you whine about how there's too much pressure.

"I want you to milk my cock, baby," Ethan's words were dominant, but his whiney voice made it sound more like a plea. "Not gonna stop until you're full of my fucking cum."

"Eth, it's so much-" Your words are cut off by a strong fluid coming from your cunt. Your squirt makes Ethan's eyes roll to the back of his head in ecstasy.

His thrusts become impossibly harder until you can feel his cum being spread against your walls. The mixture of his cum, your cum, and your squirt sits between the two of you. His thrusts come to a stop, and you can't do anything but slump against his chest.

Ethan's chest heaves with heavy breathing and his hands play with the strands of your hair. He presses sweet kisses against your forehead, and wipes smudged mascara from under your eye. "You did so good, sweetheart. So good."

A weak thank you slips from your mouth and Ethan chuckles. You can hear Chad come from the bathroom with what you're assuming is a towel. He wipes the sweat off your forehead and then helps ease you off of Ethan. The two men wipe the mixture of cum off of you and off of Ethan.

"You want some water?" Chad asks you, moving a strand of hair from your face. You nod softly and watch as the other boy goes to the hallway to fill up a water bottle.

Ethan pulls you back onto his chest and you snuggle closer to him. You two always laid together after fucking, it was a ritual at this point. His chest inflates with a heavy sigh before asking you quietly, "What did you think of your first threesome? Excited to cross it off that list of yours?"

You chuckle softly, almost dazingly. "It was good..."

"Just good?" Ethan asks, running his fingers up and down the side of your torso.

You nod, "Don't tell Chad, but I like one-on-one hookups a little more."

"Hate to break it to you," Ethan whispers back to you. "But this was me trying to share, and I didn't like it. Think we're gonna have to stick with each other."

"I can get behind that."

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first post on here! might as well make it spicy 💥💥💥

[reminiscingtonight]

Gay 4 Me

Alessia Russo x Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: A little spiciness, talks about solo-action if you get my drift. Based on the G Flip and Lauren Sanderson song

[WOSO Masterlist]

You find out by accident. 

Katie, shit-stirrer she is, is in the midst of ribbing the fuck out of Alessia. The striker had missed one too many goals, one too many passes, one too many everythings at practice and the Irish woman’s taking too much joy in rubbing it in her face. 

“Mate, you’re too stressed. Gotta find yourself a lovely lad or someone to work out the tension.”

“There’s no tension, Katie!”

“Tell that to your shoulders,” the brunette snorts, fingers flicking at Alessia’s shoulder. 

The blonde bats her hands away, a frown on her face. “There’s no tension,” Alessia repeats, annoyance leaking into her voice.

“There’s no shame in getting a bit of help, Lessi.” Katie shrugs. “I might judge your taste in… partners, but that’s exactly what they’re for. To help us relax a bit.”

“I don’t need help relaxing,” Alessia huffs.

It takes a second, but Katie eventually gets what the blonde’s telling her. Katie’s mouth splits into a devilish grin. The Irish woman’s always more than happy to get too close and personal, invading everyone’s private lives. 

“What, your fantasies that good?”

Alessia rolls her eyes. “I never said they’re fantasies, McCabe.”

“Oh come on, you can’t say straight sex is that good to be reminiscing about.”

“Well I never said it was straight sex now did I?”

Katie’s mouth drops open and Alessia uses the moment of reprieve to push past the Irish woman. 

You tuned into the conversation the second the two of them made it into the locker room. You’re not sure what it is but something about Alessia is just so magnetic, always drawing you in no matter what you’re doing.

So yeah, you’re already listening to Alessia and Katie’s bickering when you find out that Alessia apparently has no qualms getting some solo action. But those words paired with blue eyes flashing towards you has you struggling to swallow.

Good lord. 

Alessia Russo touches herself to the memories of the two of you having sex. And she just admitted it to the whole locker room. 

(Not that the girls know which memories she’s getting off to, of course)

A bolt of arousal shoots right through you as you drop your head, face flaming red. 

You can still remember the night it happened. The taste of tequila sharp on your tongue after a night out with the team. You’ll argue that the alcohol lowered your inhibitions but truthfully nothing but pure lust made you trail after your blonde teammate out of the bar. Alessia felt soft under you, the noises she made sounding like music to your ears. What she lacked in experience she clearly made up for in skill, easily bringing you to the precipice multiple times just as you did her.

Just the thought of sweet little innocent Lessi, hand shoved between her legs, nothing on her mind but your hot night together as she brings herself to release makes you want to take her apart right here right now. 

The feel of a hand trailing down your back has you hurtling back into the present, breath caught in your throat in surprise. Alessia seems amused when you start hacking away. Her hand stays in place as she hands you your water bottle.

“All good?” Her face is the picture perfect example of innocence but you can see right through her.

“All good?” you mock, shoving at her lightly. Alessia laughs, discreetly running her hand down your arm, pausing to give your bicep an appreciative squeeze before taking it back.

“Of course.” Her words are paired with teeth biting her bottom lip and you have to fight the urge to sink your own teeth into the rosy skin.

“You’re killing me, Less,” you groan under your breath.

“You can’t seriously be blaming me, can you? Was quite rude how you left me with an ache if I’m being honest.”

Eyes bulging at Alessia’s confession, you find yourself choking on yet another breath.

It’s the way she says it without any embarrassment, eyes glimmering with a slight challenge, that takes you off guard.

Deep in your head you can still hear your cousin’s warning when Alessia first signed for Arsenal. Ella had backed you into a corner at a family gathering, finger digging into your sternum the second you walked through the doors.

“Alessia’s my best mate and she’s the sweetest and most innocent girl ever. You better take care of her when she joins your stupid little club or so help me I will make your life a living hell the next time we see each other.”

You couldn’t find it in yourself to tell Ella that she seemed as threatening as a scraggly chihuahua. But you promised her that you would watch out for the blonde.

If only Ella could see her best friend now. Not so innocent and pure as she thought.

Though you really have no one to blame for that but yourself.

You know your cheeks are burning right now and you pray that none of your teammates are paying close attention to you and Alessia. If anyone was, they’d instantly know you guys are talking about things less than PG friendly.

Nervously chuckling, you keep your eyes trained to your bag, trying to ignore the way you can feel Alessia staring at the side of your face. “That great, huh?”

Alessia clicks her tongue, an action that has your head instantly going to the gutter, remembering exactly what she could do with the muscle. “If I’d have known how good you were in bed I would have asked Ella to hook us up eons ago.”

She’s grinning when you look up at her with an incredulous expression. “Alessia!”

“What?” she laughs, easily intertwining your fingers and leading you towards the door when she realizes you’re done packing. She leads you past a still dumbfounded Katie by the door, pausing long enough to wink at the Irish defender before you’re slipping away to the parking lot.

You have a feeling you’re going to have to endure an interrogation from the brunette in the days to follow, but right here right now, hand still caught in Alessia’s as you walk her to her car, you can’t find it in yourself to care all that much. 

Especially when Alessia suddenly hooks her fingers into your belt loops and yanks, sending you crashing into her body. You tilt your head back and laugh, arms resting around her shoulder so you don’t completely barrel her over.

“Well hello there,” she winks, as if she’s not the reason you’re currently pressing her against her own car.

“Alessia,” you return evenly, raising an eyebrow in question.

“I have a bottle of tequila and microwaveable chicken nuggets at my place. Wanna recreate some memories?”

You narrow your eyes at the striker. Her smile turns a little more teasing.

“Would you rather I straight up ask for you to put your fingers--”

“Shut up and get in the car, Less.”

[pumpkinbxtch]

hey, ik requests are closed but if you could do this one, i'll be very grateful. just remember, if you don't want to, you don't have to.

i was thinking if post-trial apollo, meets the reader, after the trial (can the reader be a child of Hades? like a child of Hades would be so iconic), love at first sight (fuck, why is this so cliche 😭😭) and tries to spend more time with the reader. the reader is new to the entire camp thing, and is getting more used to it, and grows closer to Apollo. but he's like scared to admit he's in love bc he thinks, that just like all his past lovers, the reader would run away, or kill herself, or fall into deep trouble, but after some really had event in which he almost loses y/n, he goes all haywire, confessing everything and it becomes a cute, fluffy scene together

AGAIN ik you aren't taking in requests, so if you don't want to do it, it's totally fine. love so many of your fics btw ♥️♥️

i love you, isn't that the worst thing you've ever heard?

— apollo/lester x child of hades!reader

warnings: none a/n: Hello beautiful person. You're seeing this, now you know that I take your request and I want to say why and it's because you asked me so nice that I couldn't resist. I have corazón de pollo which is something like being very sensitive or being warm-hearted. Anyway, let me know if you liked it. I hope it was like that and thank you for reading me, for your support. ❤️ Kisses from Pluto! ha ha

Your legs settled back over Apollo’s knees, and he kept them in place with his hands, letting out a snort.

— You’re pretty comfortable with a god, aren’t you? — His pretentious tone just made you smile and shrug.

— You didn’t move my feet, did you? — you replied in the same tone, and he leaned against the cabin wall. It was true, and if it were up to him, he never would.

— Whatever…— he muttered, watching you lie back down, putting your attention back on a comic book Will Solace had lent you, saying it was based on one of his favorite movies, which made you interested in reading it. You thought you and Will weren’t that different, and you liked him but not in ‘that’ way, just as a friend. After all, Will was becoming part of the family with your brother Nico because they seemed to have something slowly brewing.

— How many times have you said I love you?— you asked out of the blue, still not taking your eyes off the comic. Apollo almost choked on his own saliva.

— What’s that about? — he said evasively. He didn’t want to talk about it because if he remembered correctly, all those times had ended badly. He tried to catch your eyes but found the glossy cover of the comic in the way.

You shrugged and turned the page, continuing with the same topic.

— I heard Nico say that to Will once when they thought I was out of our cabin, but I was just in the bathroom.

— Hmmm. And?

— Nothing, just that Nico doesn’t say it often. I’ve only heard him say it to his sister Bianca, his real sister. Also to Hazel, to me, and to Will.

Now Apollo understood but played dumb.

— I don’t know.

You tapped his thigh with your foot.

— Of course you do.

And obviously, he did, but stayed silent, hoping the comic would distract you enough.

— I think they’re falling in love — you stated, laughing at something you read. Apollo could never understand how demigods managed with ADHD; now, it just seemed like a curse.

— Well, I suppose.

His half-hearted responses annoyed you, and you put the comic down with a frown, and he apologized with his eyes.

— Have you fallen in love recently?

That question threw him off. Apollo gently moved your legs aside to sit on the edge of the bed with his heart racing and a pout on his face.

— Where are you going? — you asked, concerned, setting the comic aside and sitting next to him. Apollo smiled sheepishly. He didn’t like lying to you, but whenever you started guiding the conversation that way, he had to find a way to escape.

— I need to do something in olympus, they just told me.

You made a face and nodded. You never got involved in that; after all, he was a god.

In the end, Apollo sat moodily on his throne, watching time pass at Camp Half-Blood. Since his return as the sun god, things had changed in his heart, so he found himself more in that place despite what the gods said, which reminded him of when he met you.

You had recently arrived and caught attention for reaching an age where any demigod would have died, but shortly after, if not the same day, everyone knew you weren’t just any demigod. You were a child of Hades. Of course, the most delighted with this was Nico, who welcomed you and made sure you were never alone.

Things were fresh, so Apollo ended up in your close circle until it became very close. If Apollo was at Camp Half-Blood, you were with him, and it didn’t take long for him to fall in love with you, though you hadn’t realized it yet.

You felt safe growing up by his side; no one would mess with you since you were a child of the big three and a close friend of a god. Some fools judged you for your company, but they were afraid to approach when you were – according to Apollo – an adorable person.

The god watched through the fire as you thrived in camp after his unexpected departure, and to him, you were doing too well, though some things were too good for his liking, and he couldn’t deny it; you were charming in more than one way, which obviously attracted campers like Harley, that son of Hephaestus who sometimes gave you cute things like that pomegranate made of metal leaves. A gift that seemed very familiar when he saw Leo flirting with Calypso.

Leo flirting with Calypso.

Leo flirting.

The god stood up and admired the scene closely. Harley had blushed cheeks while giving you the gift, and you smiled gratefully. No way, he knew the sons of Hephaestus were bold, but he never imagined someone would be so obvious with you due to your lack of understanding of indirect hints. They approached but never that close, and he should have guessed, but also, he wasn’t one to get angry.

You received the gift and admired it closely, but only thanked him briefly, which seemed enough proof of your affection to the son of Hephaestus, something Apollo obviously loathed as well as keeping him awake the rest of the night.

He didn't know why (well he did) but the god ended sitting at the dining pavilion, his nails digging into the table.

— Everything okay? — Your voice snapped him out of his trance, and he smiled. You always seemed to have a radar for when he was near.

— Will fell in love with Nico, and Nico with him. Do you think they both realized it or just one?— His question took you by surprise, and more than making you think twice, it excited you that he finally answered that kind of question since he always seemed to have a repulsion to them.

You sat beside him, and Apollo gave you a sweet look, waiting for your answer.

— Maybe Nico and Will know, but Will could be waiting for Nico to give clear signals about it.

— Maybe Nico is scared.

— Does he think Will isn’t?

You both fell silent. It was clear; it was in the air, you weren’t really talking about your brother and Will.

— What’s the worst thing he could say to Will? — you asked, your hand reaching for Apollo’s to intertwine your fingers. The blonde swallowed and suddenly felt breathless.

— I don’t know, but I can think of something.

Apollo made a face and turned a little more towards you, his cheeks red and his eyes shiny. He was afraid of hurting you, of things not working out as they did with his previous lovers; he could never afford to make you suffer when he already knew the degree of consequence it would have in his life, but beyond his good or bad karma, he cared about you. He loved you enough never to try to have you.

Your patience was reaching its limit, and although the son of Hephaestus was cute, sweet, a good match… your heart belonged to someone since the first moment you saw him.

—Apollo… —your voice called him with a bit of seriousness, a peculiar tone that made the god realize his time for redundancies was over.

— I love you, isn’t that the worst I could say?

Your eyes widened with hope, and you moved a little closer to him, bumping knees.

— From Nico to Will? — you asked, not wanting to humiliate yourself.

Apollo’s blue eyes examined you suspiciously. The responsibility would fall on him; he was never the best at hiding his feelings, but if your happiness depended on it, the first moment he saw your life in danger, he wouldn’t hesitate to disappear from it. For now, a confession was something very innocent.

The sun god turned to you with a bit more evident confidence and didn’t let go of your hand; instead, he kissed it.

— No. From me to you…

[ellaak]

ENHYPEN RECOMMENDATION LIST

✉~Smau ✏~Written Series 🃁~Oneshot ☆~Headcanon ♡~Fluff ☔︎︎~Angst ☊~Crack ⌧~MDNI

Last Updated : July 24th 2024

LEE HEESEUNG Mistletoe Mayhaps 🃁 ~ ☊ ~ ♡ @/bluriki This fic made me giggle sm the mistletoe was the op fr NEW BEGINNINGS 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/ikeuverse Crying. Belong To You 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/jaeyunluvr ANGST TO FLUFF ARE SO GOOD ## Buy One, Take me ✉ ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/heeracha If they didn't have their happy ending I would've molded one with my own BARE hands. Falling In Love With Heeseung 🃁 ~ ♡ @/wondipity THIS SHORT FIC OMLLL WIN ONE WIN ME 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/jaylver THIS FIC HAS ME ON A CHOKE HOLD, also FUCK MATTHEW. A Stoner's Guide To Starbucks ✉ ~ ☊ @/jayflrt I actually needed CPR from the lack of oxygen due to reading this fic

PARK JAY What do you mean dad went to get the milk!? 🃁 ~ ☊ @/orangflowalober Why do the children know what the milk joke means..... 21st CENTURY GIRL ✉ ~ ☊ @/hoonvrs This was acc so funny the way they refused to believe jay You Again? 🃁 ~ ♡ @/songbirdseung AIRPORT CRUSH ON ANOTHER LEVEL

SIM JAKE LIKE HOT SUMMER 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/jaystardust Good thing Sungchan was a hoe, so Jake could come in and save us :p Hello Kitty Meets Batman (Not Clickbait!) 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/star-sim Jake was so downbad, but the way their privacy got invaded made me sad :( WEBS OF HURT 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/jaylver I HAD TO SCREAM INTO MY PILLOW. THIS FIC, OH THIS FIC, I LOVE IT SM

PARK SUNGHOON Always Forever 🃁 ~ ♡ @/kairoot MY BB HOON 12 Days Of Christmas ✉ ~ ☊ @/jebi-won SUNGHOON IS SO ME but my wishlist never came Return To Sender ✏ ~ ☔︎︎ @/jjunberry I would've never speak to my sibling ever again.... Look At Me Now ✉ ~ ☊ @/facechasers SECRET RELATIONSHIP TROUP >>>>> The Perfect Love Scheme 🃁 ~ ♡ @/lovepookie I LOVE THE LOSER SUNGHOON AGENDA NOW WE DATE! ✉ ~ ☊ @/boyfhee Sunghoon will always be so bbg Back Off! 🃁 ~ ♡ @/delcakoo Hand bumping while I'm getting snacks is not romantic so MOVE Mirrorball 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/rosenhypen HOLDING MY TEARS THE WHOLE FIC With Love, Sunghoon 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/dazed-hee I WENT THROUGH SM EMOTIONS HOON WAS AN ASS Take a Chance With Me 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/snghnlvr I FACEPALMED WHEN SUNGHOON SAID THAT Homesick 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/aakomii The line 'take me home' did me IN Introducing You To His Fans On Vlive 🃁 ~ ♡ @/nokacchan Sunghoon just being smitten The 24-Hour Dating Challenge 🃁 ~ ♡ @/jaeyunverse Someone better confess to me in asters NOONA ✉ ~ ☊ @/hoonvrs Play WOW by stray kids HOW TO NOT SURVIVE HIGHSCHOOL 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/srjlvr I too would've ignored his ass after 8th grade, BUT BEAUTIFUL PLOT! Red Light, Green Light 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/restlessmaknae THE GREENEST FLAG EVER IN THIS FIC

KIM SUNOO Guess who ✉ ~ ☊ @/soobnny THE WAY THEY KEPT REFERENCING SUNWOO FROM THEBOYZ Let My Love Run Wild ✉ ~ ♡ @/jaeminvore This was so sweet i’ll be putting on a suit, be tip toeing to you if you’re down for it 🃁 ~ ♡ @/yenqa GET URSELF A MAN WHO'LL UP ON VALETINES IN A TUEXEDO AND GET IT DIRTY FOR YOU !!

YANG JUNGWON Did I, A Side Character Became The Male Leads Wife!? ✏ ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/ateliertale JUNGWON COULD NOT LEAVE US ALONE Idol Crush! ✉ ~ ☊ ~ ☔︎︎ @/enhas-bestie Wonyoung carried the last few chapters. Best Wingwomen FIRST & SECOND 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/nkplanet I'LL FIGHT HER PARENTS. IT'S ON SIGHT

NISHIMURA RIKI Love Dive ✉ ~ ☊ ~ ♡ @/tzyuki KEEYNKI SOLOS. Shoot! ✉ ~ ☊ ~ ♡ @/amakumos GENSHIN DATING APP REAL. CAN I BE YOURS? 🃁 ~ ♡ @/mintsvnoo SMALL NIKI AND HIS INNOCENT ACTIONS YOUR HIGHNESS 🃁 ~ ♡ @/nkplanet and people ask me why I have high standards Weird Cat Guy 🃁 ~ ♡ @/boydepartment He didn't catch a cat..... THAT'S HER!! ✉ ~ ☊ ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @/jakesgalxy I prayed for the previous CEO's downfall. His Muse 🃁 ~ ♡ @/pnghoon To be someone's muse is just so soft :3 Just Us, And Your Brother... 🃁 ~ ☊ ~ ♡ @/tyunni Heeseung was so foul for those last texts LMAO NI-KI Boyfie Hcs ☆ ~ ☊ ~ ♡ @/icysab I snorted so hard reading this TuT Behind The Net! 🃁 ~ ☊ ~ ♡ @/delcakoo In the end, it was a reward disguised as a punishment

OT7 She's Taken PT.2 ☆ ~ ☊ @/star-sim THE FANS ARE SO SILLY Is Your Girlfriend Single? PT.2 ☆ ~ ☊ @/star-sim DYING OF LAUGHTER QUITE LITERALLY Being Asked Out PT.2 ☆ ~ ♡ @/wwonwonism Made me giggle Lipgloss & Kisses ☆ ~ ♡ @/maeumi-jng WHEN IS IT MY TURN ooo You Want Me So Bad ☆ ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @/sharkorok THE NICE TO YOU BUT RUDE TO EVERYONE ELSE TROUP IS GONNA BE THE END OF ME SELLING MY BOYFRIEND ☆ ~ ✉ ~ ☊ @/luvyeni Something silly for valentines Enha reaction to their s/o crying after a member scares them ☆ ~ ♡ @/yeeunjia This is me and my sensitive heart Enha getting you a snack you're craving at 3am ☆ ~ ☊ @/n1k1tty Get urself a s/o who gets you what you're craving at unholy hours When You Can't Sleep Without Them ☆ ~ ♡ @/angel1kisses Very Comforting You Get Shipped With Another Idol ☆ ~ ✉ ~ ☊ @/leaderwon JAYS WAS SO DIRTY LMAO

[theemporium]

Hi!

🐈‍⬛ Reader hearing scary noises while being home alone on Halloween and calls Jack to come over and take care of her🥲

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

.

You loved Halloween.

You loved the festivities in the month leading up to the holiday. You loved the spooky movies that made you laugh and the horror movies that made you jump. You loved the ghost stories and the old wives’ tales people whispered and shared during the month of October. There truly wasn’t an aspect you didn’t like.

But maybe your obsession meant you got in your own head a lot.

A coincidence was no longer just a coincidence. Things didn’t just happen by chance. And weird noises weren’t just random, one-time situations.

It sucked that you had gotten sick during one of your favourite holidays of the year. You hated the fact you had been confined to the couch, a blanket thrown over your lap and a marathon of movies playing on the tv since you had woken up this morning.

You had felt like shit. Your social media pages were flooded with everyone celebrating the holiday, dressing up and posting funny little stories and clips to their pages. It just made you resent the stuffy nose, sore throat and headache you had been sporting the last few days.

And Jack knew you were sick. He wanted to come over and spend the holiday with you. But you had been stubborn and firm that you didn’t want to get him sick, nor did you want him to miss out celebrating with his teammates.

You could survive a night alone.

However, thirty minutes into some creepy horror movie that left you more disturbed than scared, everything changed.

You didn’t hear the first noise, just passing it off as a noise in the movie. The second time, you became painfully aware that you were alone in an apartment that was in a building probably just as empty with everyone out and about. By the third noise, your chest was tightening with uneasiness and your finger was pressing Jack’s name before you could stop yourself.

“My favourite girl! How are you feeling, babe?”

You swallowed back the lump in your throat, feeling guilty at how excited and happy he sounded on the phone. You didn’t want to ruin his night.

“Babe, you there?”

“Jack—” you started but a small, choked out whimper cut you off.

“Hey, no, it’s okay. I’m on my way right now. Just stay on the line with me, baby? Tell me what’s happened.”

“It’s stupid,” you confessed to your boyfriend in a hushed whisper, glancing around the house like you expected someone to pop out.

“Nothing is stupid when it comes to you, sweetheart. I can promise you that.”

Just as he promised, Jack stayed on the phone with you until he made it to your apartment. After seeing how shaken up you were, he made a point of doing a full swoop of the apartment before he joined you in the living room.

“All clear, baby,” he murmured as he tucked himself under the blanket, pulling you until you were practically draped on his lap. He knew he was taking advantage of the fact you were scared to finally be able to hold you after a few days since you had banned him. Then again, he didn’t care what reason he had to hold you, he just loved doing it. “Not gonna let anything happen to my girl.”

“Can you stay here tonight?” You asked in whispered voice, nuzzling your face into his chest as you pressed your ear against his chest, against his beating heart.

“Of course, baby,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss the top of your head. “Gonna stay as long as you want me.”

“Good,” you said. “You can be the ones the ghosts attack first so I can escape.”

Jack snorted. “Oh wow.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, I’m really feeling the love here.”

.

[bldhrry]

The Brute and The Scholar

Chapter Eight | You Are In Love Cassian x Fem!Reader Previous Chapter | Next Chapter Series Masterlist | General Masterlist

word count: 11.6k

warnings: cursing, mention of sex toys

author's note: lmk what you think <3

“It’s here somewhere.”  You muttered, fingers tracing the spines of the many books on your bookshelf.

There was no new news from any of the courts, so you and Cassian were going to look through the Night Court’s territory to find the best caves to extract materials for the Summer Court’s effort to rebuild.

It had been weeks since Nyx’s birthday and you and Cassian had avoided each other as much as possible.  Today was the first day where it seemed like what had happened was finally past you and it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

He had seemed down, disappointed even, but you pretended not to notice and went about your business as usual.  It was your problem but you categorized it as not and pushed it to the back of your mind.  You reserved the memories of him for when you were alone.  It was easier that way.

You heard rummaging behind you and you looked and Cassian was going through your drawers and looking at the pictures and lights that you had strung around your room.

“Stop going through my stuff.”

He laughed and looked at you but you had already turned back around to look at your bookshelf.

It was overflowing with books with some standing up straight on the shelves and some on their side and even piled on the floor.  Most of them were political and philosophy books and a handful of romance novels which surprised him because he did not think you would be into that at all.

“Scared I’m gonna find something you don’t want me to see?  A vibrator perhaps?”  He opened another drawer filled with papers and pens and a few random hair clips.  

You laughed loudly.  He was so ridiculous.  But you gave him your own retort.  “I prefer dildos, actually.”

Cassian made a noise of surprise that sounded like a choke and you laughed again, feeling his eyes burning into your back.  “I’m joking.”

Cassian felt faint and kept quiet for a few minutes, continuing to look around.  He was not going to open another drawer.  But he did find himself wondering if and how you pleasured yourself.  There was a big if because of your personality.  You didn’t seem to feel much that you outwardly expressed besides anxiety and fear and the occasional look of want when he had you in his arms.  But besides that you were an anomaly.

“Your room is a mess, you know.”  He mused, putting his hands in his pockets and walking around.

You made a face to yourself.  “Yeah, like yours is any better.”

He snorted.  “It’s better than this.”

You turned and shot him a look.  “You’re fucking annoying.  Shut up and help me look.”

Cassian walked over and peered over your shoulder, scanning the spines of the books and their titles.  Really, he wasn’t sure what you were looking for.  He knew what you were doing but not what book you needed.

“What am I looking for again?”  He asked timidly.  And just as he expected you whirled around.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No.”

“The geography of the Night Court’s territory and their natural resources.  Did you even pay attention earlier?”

Cassian had not.  You were wearing shorts today and he had stared at your legs while you spoke, only seeing your hands move as he looked at you up and down.  You were wearing a long sleeve shirt that was oversized so it covered your shorts, so it looked like you had nothing else on and he kept imagining the beach day at the Summer Court when you were wearing his shirt and then his mind kept wandering until he was following you somewhere for some reason.

He had finally moved on from your rejection and complete denial.  The only thing keeping him together was the ever lasting hope that you would accept him.

“Not really.”  He confessed and you looked at him with wide eyes and an exasperated expression.

“You,” you pinched the bridge of your nose and took a deep breath.  “You can be so useless to me sometimes.  Did you know that?”

You were more aggravated with Cassian than normal.  You hadn’t slept the previous night, you were late to work, and he was more hyper than usual and it all became too much when he stood before you, nonchalant and unhelpful in every sense of the word.

“That is a very hurtful thing to say.”  He said matter of factly but his eyes lit up with amusement.

You huffed and squatted and kept looking and eventually found what you were looking for and you turned to tell Cassian you had the book when you saw him peering at the photos you had on your cork board.

“Your friends?”  He pointed at the photo and looked at you.

You got up, discarding the book on the floor and padded over.  You nodded and put your hands behind you.  

“That was the volleyball championship.  The last game before we graduated high school.”  You had a somber tone to your voice and Cassian looked at you more closely.

He figured it was from your volleyball years from the uniform and the court in the background.  You looked happy, incredibly happy at that with a carefree smile so wide your eyes were almost closed and it looked like you were laughing when the photo was taken.  Your friends all had their arms around each other, the group curved to form a semicircle of joy.

“Where are they?”  He whispered and you sucked in a breath.

“Got married and went to other courts.  Got jobs and went to different schools.”  You bit your cheek.  “They wanted to get out and experience life elsewhere, you know?”

“You didn’t?”

You sniffed.  “No.”  Your father had died. You couldn't walk after the attack and it took a year before you could take care of yourself without the help of your mother and healers.  Where would you have gone?

You turned back to get the book, fighting back tears.  You always had felt behind and when they all left, never looking back, you felt alone.  You had nobody else; you never made any other friends and you struggled to do so.  You were lucky you had your group for the time that you did.  But you missed them.

“I found the book by the way.”  You said over your shoulder and sat on the floor, folding your legs underneath you.

Cassian nodded absentmindedly, taking one last look at the photo.  Where was that female?  The one that seemed like she never worried and laughed?  You laughed now, but it wasn’t big, it wasn’t like you were genuinely happy.  You laughed at the joke because it was funny, but not because it brought you joy.

He turned and sat behind you, sprawling his legs out and placed his head on your shoulder.  You rolled your shoulder to shake him off but he just planted his head back on it and wrapped his wing around your other arm.

“Get off.”  You grumbled, flipping through the pages.

“I’m looking.”

“You can look from farther away.”

He moved his chin forward to hook on your shoulder and pulled you back so your back was pressing against his chest.  “Don’t wanna,” he whispered against your neck and you fought the urge to shudder at his closeness.  He smelled so good and he was so warm.

Instead you clicked your tongue and sighed.

“The best deposits of stone are outside Illyria near Ramiel.”

“They close that area off so nobody drops off weapons for the Rite.”

You nodded slowly and traced the raised lines in the book.  “Do you think they’ll let us after the Blood Rite?”

You felt Cassian shrug behind you.  “Maybe.  After is better than before.”

You pulled your knees up and placed the book on your thighs.  “If we take some of the camp lords with us and villagers and pay them enough, it should be fine.”

He hummed and pressed into you some more, his nose grazing your neck.  He looked down at the map, studying it and thought about all the caves he, Rhysand, and Azriel hid in during their Rite.  He was sure that some of these caves that you were referring to he had seen and lived in during that week of absolute hell.

LIke you were reading his mind, you shifted to look at him and tilted your head.  “Were you in that area for your Rite?”

He looked down at the map and the caves were indeed by the path to Enalius Pass and he nodded.  He trailed his finger up and you followed the movement.  

“I started here, met with Rhysand here, and then Azriel here, and then,” he took a deep breath.  “We went here.  It’s harder, so not a lot of people go there.”

You nodded, looking at the terrain.  It was incredibly uneven and Enalius Pass was isolated with drastic drop offs at random places.  You could only imagine what it was like to scale the mountain in the snow and night and not know what was up ahead.

Cassian sighed as you flipped through the book, showing him the various stones and quartz that the Court had in different regions.  He was getting bored and tired but he maintained his engagement because oddly enough you were excited to talk about rocks.

He pulled you close to him so you were fully leaned back and he could see the book more clearly from its position on your drawn up legs.  You were pointing at a black quartz and while he knew you were talking, he didn’t hear a word as he wrapped his arms around your stomach and played with the hem of your shirt.

He brushed his nose up your neck and settled into the spot behind your ear.  He really didn’t notice he was doing this.  He was too entranced by your presence and scent.  He loved how you smelled and lately you didn’t reek of fear, but rather just lavender and coconut.  He desperately wanted to know what it was that you used that made you smell this good because it was intoxicating.

He couldn’t get enough of you which he was okay with and actually he was thrilled about it.  He wanted to be consumed by everything that was you from your quirky personality, to your various expressions, and simple but direct words.

You stiffened under his tender touches and this he noticed and he smirked and you felt it against your neck.

“You’re being weird, Cassian.”  Your words came out strangled and forced.

“Am I?”  He let his bottom lip drag up your neck and he circled the spot below your ear with his tongue.

This can’t happen again, you thought.  But yet, you heard yourself gasp at the sensation and you rolled your head to the side, giving him more access to you.

Cassian just needed a few minutes.  A few minutes until you saw stars and your blood roared in your ears and he could hear your quiet whimpers and moans from the other night.  It didn’t need to be anything more than that, just a couple of strokes on your clit and the pumping of his fingers inside of you and he’d feel your climax all over his hands.  And he knew if that happened, then he would be bound to you forever because he’d known since the moment he met you, your eyes locking and the power of your essence wrapping around him that nobody else could compare to you.

He pressed an open kiss on your neck and you let out a quiet curse and he let his hand move down your stomach and then his fingertips felt the waistband of your shorts and he toyed with it until he felt your hips buck and he bit your neck, eliciting a groan from you and he unbuttoned your shorts.

This caught your attention.  You had been so wrapped up in the moment with Cassian’s hands, lips, tongue, and teeth on you that you didn’t notice the gravity of the situation.  Fear rang through you like a bell, sounding the alarm that you were entering a situation you’d never been in before.

Unlike your friends, you’d never had any romantic relationships much less a sexual one either.  You had always been too nervous, too wrapped up in your school work, and really you’d never liked anyone before.  It seemed that most of the males at your school were unintelligent and incredibly shallow so you never found any interest in any of them.

But you liked Cassian, who like them, was unintelligent.  He was not as shallow, but he definitely focused on his appearance to hide the fact that he was insecure.  Which was fine because everybody had their faults and flaws.  He was your singular exception; an exception that you gladly let past your walls even if he hadn’t seen them all, yet.

“We should go,”  you whispered and he stopped, his hand lingering over the second button.

“You sure?”  He matched your tone, his words muffled in your neck.

You nodded, closing your eyes.  You tried to gather yourself and return to a respectable version of yourself but it was hard when you kept thinking of seeing his hand in your pants and hearing his encouraging words as you came.

“Okay.”  You felt him smile.

He was quick to button your pants for you and you stood up, swaying slightly.  That had been a lot, too much almost.  Your skin burned so bad, like he was made of fire and had engulfed you in it.  Your hands were shaking, screaming at you to touch him in return.  But you stayed where you were and accepted the book Cassian handed you without looking at him.  You would cave if you did.

Cassian noticed your embarrassment and he kept the disappointment to himself.  Everyday his need for you grew and it was agonizing and sometimes physically painful but he pushed it away and followed you out of the house back to your shared office.  He’d deal with it later.

“How much do you think they would want to let us mine there?”  You asked Rhysand.

You, Cassian, Feyre, Rhysand, and Azriel were having lunch on the back patio of a cafe and you had your head leaned back, taking in the warmth of the sun.

“Great question,” he let out a dry laugh.  “They hate being bothered, especially by me.”

You shrugged.  “Their problem, not yours.”

Azriel snorted.  Like it was that easy.  Most, if not all, Illyrians were not happy with Rhysand as High Lord.  He was progressive, always trying to interrupt and change their well established culture.  He was also not fully Illyrian which made their disdain for him worse.  

But at the end of the day, like you said, it wasn’t his problem.  He was in charge and you needed this to happen to maintain your end of the treaty with Tarquin.

Cassian watched you.  You were relaxed, like he didn’t almost have his hand in your shorts less than an hour ago.  But you were good at that: pretending things didn’t happen and pretending like you didn’t have any feelings at all.  He didn’t know how you could do it, not ruminate and express.  His feelings always bubbled over; he couldn’t contain them to save his life even after all these centuries.  

But you did think about it.  In fact it was all you could think about it and it kept a consistent pool of warmth between your thighs.  But at the same time you did ignore it.  Letting it be so you could go on about your day and not look like a fool who was getting lovesick over a male.

The term lovesick struck you a little bit.  It didn’t mean love, but the word love did make you think for a moment.  Did you love Cassian?  No, probably not.  You’d never loved anyone before, not romantically at least so you didn’t know what it was like. But from the books you’d read it was powerful and consumed your entire body and mind.  He did consume your thoughts but you were still able to think and act independently of him so no, you didn’t love him but you definitely liked him.  And maybe you were close to that changing.

“Your commentary and solutions are always a pleasure.”  Rhysand took a bite of his sandwich and Feyre laughed beside him.  

Rhysand liked you and he was liking you more that you were growing more comfortable with everybody.  You had a dry, but enjoyable, sense of humor that kept everyone on their toes, especially Cassian.  But he liked you most because of how, unbeknownst to you, grounded Cassian had become around you.  He was more focused, more serious, and so enamored by you.  You seemed to bring him a sense of peace that could only be found in a few, random lifetimes. 

“I do believe that’s why you pay me, my Lord.”  You sat up and scooted to the table, pouring your dressing over your salad.

The entire table laughed loudly and you just grinned to yourself.

“You’re quiet, Cass.”  Feyre spoke up after a couple of minutes.

He just shrugged.  “I’m just tired.”  That was a lie.  

Cassian was too horny to think straight so he kept to himself, hoping the day would end soon so he could leave.  Azriel gave him a look and Cassian shook his head slightly.

He didn’t want to talk about it.  He knew how private you were.  But the tension was getting to him and it was growing more difficult to keep it to himself.  Maybe advice on how to move on with you would help, but you were clearly dancing around him on purpose, like you weren’t sure what to do exactly so you constantly took two steps forward and then retreated back three steps.

“Y/N?”  A voice called out behind the table and every turned to see a female approaching the group.

You looked up and gasped, immediately letting out a scream.  Your knees hit the table but you didn’t notice as you ran towards her, wrapping your arms around her neck and hugging her tightly.

“Raquel!”  You screamed.  Out of your group of friends she was the one that you were closest to.  After graduation she moved to the Dawn Court, pursuing a career in healing.  You hadn’t seen her in years, her mother always saying just how busy she was with her studies.

She hugged you back, even tighter than you had and grinned against your cheek.  “My gods, it’s so good to see you.”

You pulled back and held her hands.  “What are you doing here?”

“Just visiting.  I’m finally done with school.”

“Oh, that’s awesome!  Congratulations.”  You went in for another hug that Raquel gladly accepted.

“Who’s that?”  She whispered, swaying you slightly.

“I work for the Night Court.”  You whispered back, grinning.

“Shut the fuck up.”  She pushed you off and peered around your head, eyeing the group.  But you were right.  There sat the High Lord and High Lady.  The other two she knew but couldn’t name and she looked back at you and laughed.

“How’d you manage that?”

You scoffed.  “I’m smart, you know.  And I asked.”

“You asked?”  She gave you a skeptical look.

“My mom made me ask.”

“Sounds about right.”

You laughed and shrugged.  “It’s cool.  I’ve been to the Summer and Autumn Court so far.”

Raquel mused over your comment and glanced back at the table, catching the eye of the big burly Illyrian who was the only one still monitoring your interaction.

“Who’s that?”  Raquel’s voice dropped as she nodded towards him.

You turned your head and Cassian gave you a look and you waved your hand at him from behind your back signaling you were fine.

“Cassian.  We work together.”

Raquel hummed and raised an eyebrow.  She had been the fiercest of the group.  Loud and temperamental and incredibly protective of her loved ones.

“He’s watching.”

You shrugged, shifting your weight from side to side.  “It’s fine.  He’s cool.”  You waved her comment off, hoping to clear her attitude.

Raquel had her arms crossed as she surveyed Cassian who did the exact same when she suddenly dropped her arms and held your hands again.  “We should get dinner sometime.”

You agreed with no hesitation and agreed to meet the following night after you had gotten off from work.  With a final hug, you two departed and you made your way back to the table.

“Sorry,” you apologized sheepishly as you took your seat, mixing your salad.

“Who was that?”  Feyre asked.

“My best friend.”  You beamed.  “She’s been away for school and just graduated.”

“Didn’t know you had friends.”  Azriel mused and you kicked him, sucking your teeth.

“More than you.”

“Are you really having a sleepover with Nesta, Emorie, and Gwyn?”  Cassian asked you in disbelief.

It wasn’t that it was weird per say, but he thought sleepovers were reserved for children, not adults.

“Yeah?  What’s the problem?” You went through your overnight bag once more, making sure you had everything.

Cassian leaned against the doorframe to the living room, arms crossed and one ankle crossed over another.  His signature stance when he was with you.

“Nothing,” he said rather quickly and you looked at him with a slight scowl.

He smirked.  “There she is.”  He sauntered over to you and grabbed your bag for you after you zipped it up and you deepened your scowl.

He was so obnoxious and you were sure he did it on purpose to mess with you.  You were sure he liked to see you aggravated and borderline miserable around him just so he could say those three words.  Three words that you didn’t truly understand and had given up trying to decipher.

“Have fun.”  Your mother gave you a kiss and you did the same, giving her a hug.

She gave Cassian a warm smile, a knowing look in her eyes as she glanced between you and Cassian.  She knew, even if you didn’t.  This was not just a mutual connection, this was so much more and she knew that because she’d been there.  Cassian noticed the look and blushed and nodded his head.

“You might as well move in; you’re always here.”  She joked and his face turned an even deeper shade of red and let out a nervous laugh.

You let out a snort and opened the front door.  “As if.”

“It’s good to see you, though, Cassian.”  She squeezed his arm gently and he nodded again.

“You too.”

“Why do you bring so much stuff?”  Cassian asked, slinging the bag over his shoulder.

You shrugged.  “Why does Nesta live in the House of Wind?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“It was a stupid question.”

He rolled his eyes.  “She lives there because she likes it.”

“Ah,” you nodded and looked at the big house that was nestled in the mountains.  At the least the flight would be short.

“Nervous?”  He gave you a grin and you clicked your tongue.

“Nope.”

“Liar.”  He laughed and you gave him a look.

“Leave me alone.”  You grumbled, walking ahead of him.

He caught up to you quickly and put an arm around your shoulders.  “I think it’s funny and kinda cute.”

You squared your shoulders and tried to even your breathing.  You were getting more aggravated.  You don’t know what I’ve been through, you wanted to say.  He didn’t know the way those creatures swooped down and tore everybody apart and tore into you like it was nothing and how it shredded your father’s body.  He was there, this you knew, but he was trained to fight in battle so it was nothing to him, but you were not.  Had he even lost anyone like you had?  

He didn’t know this so you couldn’t fault him for finding it funny. You were so scared to be in the air because it was a normal reaction to be scared as someone who did not have wings and had never done it before.  But the heights didn’t bother you, it was the wings.  You had been tossed in the air that day and every time you flew you saw it clear as day like it was happening all over again.

You let out a breath and Cassian pulled you closer to him.  “You okay?”

You felt his eyes on you and you balled your hands into fists.  You nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Did I upset you?”  He stopped and turned you so you were facing him.

“No.”  You said firmly but he saw your red cheeks and the tears forming in your eyes.  You knew he saw it but you knew he wouldn’t push.  He knew better; you wouldn’t say a word.  You were like that always, dodging difficult conversations and feelings and he had tried many times to elicit your history and figure you out, but you were good at seeing his attempts and changing the topic so seamlessly that he got lost trying to go back and revisit the conversation.

“Okay.”  he squeezed your shoulder and gave you a soft smile, but you saw the sadness behind it.

That wasn’t your problem.

You had so much fun with the girls that night.  You don’t think you have laughed and smiled so much more than you did that night.  It must’ve been years since you felt this much joy.

Gwyn and Emorie were so easy to be around, like you had known them for years.

“Oh!”  You squealed when Nesta conjured a pegasus from the House’s magic.  

You reached you for it and Nesta floated it towards you and you held it in your hands.  It flared its wings and bounced its head like it was greeting you.

“Wow.”  Gwyn breathed you and you handed it to her.

Azriel and Cassian could hear you four screaming and laughing from the other side of the House and Azriel was getting fed up, muttering curses and pleas for them to be quiet.  But Cassian didn’t mind.  Your laugh rang out the loudest and it was an incredible sound.  He wondered if that was the same laugh that you had in the picture in your room.  He wondered if that’s how you normally laughed and just didn’t do it around him or anyone else.  He had a sinking feeling that you haven’t laughed like that in a while.

He heard a door open and saw you all spill out of the room and Nesta led you to the kitchen and you all were discussing what to eat for dinner.  Nesta mentioned the House’s chocolate cake and he knew you’d scrunch your nose and shake your head and you did just that; you weren’t a fan of sweet foods, preferring foods that had fresh in your mouth and on occasion something savory.

“I never thought I’d see you so disgustingly in love with somebody.”  Azriel muttered, shuffling through a stack of papers.

Cassian’s head snapped to look at his brother and Azriel wasn’t even looking at him.  

“I don’t love her.”

Azriel let out a cackle.  “Yeah right, brother.”

He didn’t love you.  He hadn’t even thought about that.  He was incredibly infatuated with you, but it wasn’t love.  Love was a completely different feeling and it was not what he was feeling.  But at the same time he’d never been in love.  Was loving someone and being in love with them different?  Now Cassian’s hands were sweating and his head was spinning.  Did he?  How would he know?  

He could see you in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and your arms crossed while talking with Emorie.  Your eyes shifted and they landed on him and you gave him a smile, your eyes lighting up.  You greeted him from across the hallway with a wave and he gave you the same smile and nodded his head in return.

Azriel saw the interaction and his shadows swirled around him, excited about this new development.  They were just as amused as Azriel.

“And you don’t love her.”  He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Cassian found it difficult to sleep that night.  Dreams and nightmares kept pulling him out of sleep and it was now three in the morning and he was lying face up in bed staring at the moon.

You and the rest of the group had gone to bed hours prior after doing gods knows what, but all he and Azriel knew was that you were loud and annoying.  But they both knew better than to say anything.  It was their space too but deep down they were both scared of Nesta and any time she was interrupted they didn’t stop hearing about it for days, so to keep the peace they stayed in the common area and in their rooms, trying to block out the laughter and discussions that traveled down the halls and through the walls.

Cassian was getting drowsy again, his eyelids becoming heavy and his muscles twitching every now and then when he heard a bang and a curse.  He immediately got up, grabbed a dagger from his bedside table and slowly made his way to the door, keeping his footsteps silent.

“Fucking hell,” the voice said and he heard shuffling and a thud.

Cracking the door open, he peeked his head out and he saw a small figure bent over picking something up.  The figure stood up and turned around and screamed.

“Oh my gods!”  He hadn’t recognized the voice through the door, but now he knew it was you.

Azriel barged through his door, sword in hand and you screamed again.

“What the fuck are you doing?”  Cassian hissed and you backed up, hitting the table again.

“I’m looking for the library.”  You whispered, looking between the two.  It was now you realized just how dangerous they were with their stances slightly hunched, feet apart, and holding weapons like it was second nature.

Azriel lowered his sword and Cassian rubbed his face.  

“You’re going the wrong way.”  He said.

“Oh.”  You looked around.  “Okay,” you said as you walked past them both.  “I didn’t mean to wake you.  I’m sorry.”  And as you rounded the corner you called out over your shoulder a “goodnight.”

“She’s still going the wrong way, you know.”  Azriel said with a chuckle and Cassian let out a breath of annoyance.

“Yeah, I got it.”  He went back in his room, tossed the dagger on his bed, and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a shirt and headed back out after you.

He found you quickly, opening and closing doors and trying your best to be quiet and for a moment he watched you.  It was comical to see you stumbling in the near dark completely lost.

“You’re still going the wrong way.”  He finally said and you jumped and turned around.

“Fuck, you scared me.”  You had your hand over your heart and you sighed.  “Where is it?”

“Why do you need to go?”  He walked towards you, his arms crossed and you looked him up and down.

“I can’t sleep.”  

“Ah,” he nodded.  He looked around the room before speaking, admiring the paintings and various knick knacks that Nesta and Feyre had set up.  “I couldn’t sleep either.”

“Why?”  Your voice was quiet and your eyes wide in the moonlight as you looked up at him.

He shrugged.  “Dreams.”

“About?”

He chuckled and put an arm around you, taking you in the direction of the library.  “You are very inquisitive tonight, professor.”

You grinned.  “I’m surprised you know that word.”

He made a noise of mocked shock.  “I know words.”

“Yeah, right.  You asked me the other day what ‘expeditiously’ meant.”

Cassian blushed and bit his lip.  “I just hadn’t seen that word before.”

“Because you don’t read.”

“I read books.”

“Picture books.”

“You’re fucking annoying.”  He stretched his arm to cup the side of your face and pressed you into his side and to his surprise not only did you let him, but you let out a small, quiet giggle.

“This place is huge.”  You whispered, marveling at the space around you.

Your ears popped from how below ground you were, but it wasn’t frightening.  Despite it being dark with only a few faelights every couple of feet, it was cozy and surprisingly warm.

You let your hand run along the top of the stone railing as you casually stepped down the stairs to the first level.  Cassian trailed behind you, hugging the wall and letting his shoulder slide against the it.

He didn’t respond.  Instead he just watched you walk, making sure you didn’t trip as well as making sure that nothing came from the bottom.  Bryaxis hadn’t been seen since the final battle with Hybern but Cassian wouldn’t put it past him to show up and taunt him.

“You okay?”  You turned and looked at Cassian.

He looked tired.  His hair was a mess of frizz and curls and strewn across his face and his lazy attempts to brush it out of his face did absolutely nothing to make him look more presentable.  He was barefoot with sweatpants that seemed too big on him and a black shirt that he was wearing definitely seemed too tight on him.

He was also much more quiet than he was when you initially crossed paths with him.

“Just tired.”  He leaned against a bookshelf while you ran your fingers over the spines, reading the titles.

“You can go back to bed.  I’m fine.”  You said without looking at him.

He snorted and crossed his arms.  “And when you get lost and we lose you forever?”

You let out a breathy laugh.  “You’ll find me.”

You saw him smirk out of the corner of your eye.  “Always.”

You smiled to yourself and eyed him.  He looked more relaxed now with his head leaning against the books, his hair scrunching up slightly and he was looking down at you with an expression that you couldn’t name but it looked something like admiration.

You ended up grabbing four books and left a note that you would return them by the end of the week and followed Cassian to the living room.  As you walked faelights lit up and you frowned slightly.

Why couldn’t they come on earlier?

Cassian fell back on the couch with a big sigh and you nestled on the opposite end, flipping through the romance book you found.  It was a big volume with almost six hundred pages and you had spotted the second book in the series but figured to hold off on it until you finished this one first.  The other three books were just political and geography riddled books with pages on history and landscapes; you figured they would be helpful with finding other stone deposits within the Night Court.

Cassian snaked his arm towards you and rubbed his fingers on your exposed ankle.

You gave him a questioning look but he wasn’t even looking at you, his eyes closed.

“You’re very handsy you know that right?”  It used to bother you but not anymore.  You had gotten so used with his simple, soft touches that part of you now even expected it.  Deep down you cringed slightly, always afraid he’d find a part of you that you didn’t want him to see, but that was always pushed aside.

He smirked.  “Just with you.”

“Why?”  Your tone was genuine.  You always wanted to know what his deal was with you.  He was friendly and kind with everyone but with you, it was on a different level.  Like there was another layer to it all.  Like he couldn’t help himself, like he had to do it.  It was always so absentminded, too.  A natural pull to you that kept him close and touching you at all times.

He let out a soft sigh, his fingers trailing up the backside of your calf.  “I don’t know.”

You opened your mouth and then closed it, not able to find the right words.

He looked at you and his eyes were thoughtful, like he was taking his time to digest your question and his answer and his next words.

Maybe it was the dim room and the fact that you looked so relaxed with the book on the armrest and his fingers tracing circles and stars on your skin but Cassian felt himself open more than usual.  His chest cracking open and the emotions he held solely for you coming out in golden tendrils.

“I don’t know what it is about you.”  He took his lip in between his teeth.  “But I need you, I think.  I need to be with you.  It hurts when I’m not.”  He rolled his head back to its previous position and looked up at the ceiling.

It was true.  All of it.  He needed you in a way that was so difficult to control.  Time spent away from you was hell if he ever knew it.  He thought about you constantly.  At first it was because you were so interesting to him.  He would think of the way your eyes were always so calculating and the way you couldn’t stand to be around him.  But now that he knew your eyes and their many phases and you weren’t so scared of him, he still thought of you.  You were becoming his world and his chest hurt so bad when he thought about it.  He had no more space in his body for all the pride he felt.  Pride to know you, pride to be with you, and pride to love you.

Love.  

His fingers halted and he saw you look down and he resumed their movement.  He took deep, even breaths to calm his body from the realization.  

He loved you.  Of course he did.  There was no other explanation for how intensely he felt about you.  No other explanation for how much he wanted you.  But more than want, he did need you.  He was so attracted to you.  He was attracted to your intellect, your humor, your features and body.  He could look at you all day if you let him and sometimes you didn’t so he would just see you in his head.  It helped that he had memorized you.

He wanted to cry.  Cassian’s chest felt like it was expanding, his rib cage sparking until it caught fire and spread throughout his body until he was warm and glowing.  Tears pricked at his eyes when he looked at you from the hair that cascaded over your shoulder, your intense stare, the slope of your nose and curve of your lips.  He loved it all.  How could he not?  You were so incredible, so perfect.

He looked back over to you and you had already begun to read, your head on your fist and your other hand holding the book on your lap.  You had pushed your leg out so he could grab your ankle properly and he gave it a squeeze and he saw you frown slightly while you side eyed him.

There she is.

You heard his confession.  But what were you to say?  What words could you conjure up that dismissed it?  Or validated it?  Or even switched the subject?

You felt something.  A pull, an attraction that was undeniable but you didn’t know what to do about it.  You didn’t know whether to act on it or flee from it.  You were scared of it; you’d never felt this before with anybody.  Your friends had always found it odd that you never had a crush or a boyfriend or even a girlfriend, but it never appealed to you.  Nobody ever caught your eye or made your breath hitch in your throat or made your heart flutter slightly.

But he did.  Every time you saw him it was like you were looking at him for the first time.  Even when you saw him for the first time.  Through the fear, there was a need to study him so you looked at him beneath your lashes and through your peripheral with the excuse that you were making sure his wings kept their distance.  But really it was to know who he was.  You hadn’t done that with Azriel despite having the same issue.  You didn’t need to know him.  You needed to know Cassian, the one who made the first move, whose eyes struck you to your core with every glance.

“Nothing to say, professor?”  His tone was lighthearted, but deep down he wanted you to say you felt it too.  That you wanted him as much as he wanted you and he was sure it was true because there was no other explanation for what existed between you two at all times.

You normally did have something to say, in fact you always had something to say but you found yourself at a loss for words.  You didn’t know what to say to that.  Did you feel the same?  Maybe.  You thought you did, but you had spent so long denying yourself the reality of your situation that you felt confused for a brief moment.

You turned the page of your book, looking at the words but not registering them.

“I think,” you clicked your tongue and looked at him, your brows coming together.  “I think so do I.”  

Your eyes were a bit lost and your face was contorted in confusion but at the same time thoughtfulness.  You were pretty sure you felt the same.  You gravitated towards him because you knew him and it was easy, but did you need him?  You wanted him, sure.  But need was a reach, perhaps.  

You looked at each other for a moment and then another, like you were reaching a silent understanding of each other and the situation.

It was there, you both acknowledged it, you both accepted it, and you both felt it even if it was on different levels.  And that was enough for Cassian.

You went your separate ways shortly after, sleeping threatening to take you down.  He walked you to the room you were sharing with Nesta, Gwyn, and Emorie and gave you a long kiss on your cheek.  Long enough that you lost your breath and turned your head slightly to catch his lips but pulled away and whispered a farewell against your lips and you did the same.

When you woke up the next morning, Gwyn had her head on your chest and her arms wrapped around your waist and it made you laugh and you accidentally woke her up.

“Sorry,” she laughed with you.  “I’m a cuddler when I sleep.”

“No shit,” you giggled and wiped the drool off your shoulder with your shirt.

You got dressed and waited for everybody else outside in the kitchen, sipping on coffee.  They all were going to the training ring for their morning exercises; they had invited you to join, but you declined.  You had sworn off fighting after your father had died.  He was the only one you scrimmaged with and when you killed him, you put your sword down indefinitely.  You were capable of horrible things and never wanted to do it again.

You watched them all, Gwyn, Emorie, Nesta, Cassian, Azriel, and the other Priestesses as they went through the training session moving from swordplay to hand to hand combat and stamina.

Cassian watched you as you sat on the lawn chairs at the edge of the ring.  You were watching intently, more intently than he would have thought.  And he had a feeling that you knew this, that you had done it before from the way you tilted your head while watching the group and nodded when he or Azriel corrected one of the females.

“You know about this don’t you?”  He asked you during the water break and you looked up from your seated position.

You decided to be truthful.  “My father served in the first Hybern war and taught me how to fight.”

“So you know how to handle a sword?”  He was shocked.  He knew your father had been in the war, but he never would have thought you knew how to engage in battle.

“Yes.”  You said it so matter of factly like he should have known this and shouldn’t be so surprised.

“Then you should show me what you can do.”  He gave you a smirk and he noticed the way your face fell slightly and you looked down, playing with a loose string on your shorts.

“I don’t do that anymore.”

He sat next to you and leaned his shoulder against yours.  “Why?”

You shrugged.  “Just don’t.”

He didn’t press the issue.  He drank the rest of his water and when nobody was looking he kissed your temple and walked to the group like nothing had happened and you couldn’t help but smile, your face hot.

Starfall was that night which was why you stayed the night.  You figured it would be easier on your outfit if Cassian didn’t have to bring you later that night.

Gwyn left after training and so did Emorie, leaving you and Nesta alone in the House.  Cassian and Azriel left for whatever reasons but not before Cassian ran his fingers up your side and told you that he would be back and you just shrugged, giving him a deadpan look and a simple ‘okay’ which made him chuckle and his eyes lit up with amusement.

Nesta showed you around the House and it was bigger than you had thought with spacious rooms and balconies and incredibly long hallways.  You were intimated by its size and Nesta just laughed at the look on your face which was pure awe.

“Do you like it here?”  You asked her as you both descended to the library.

“I like the House and it likes me.”  She shrugged.  “Cassian and Azriel aren’t horrible roommates either.”

This made you laugh and then you gave her a quizzical look.  “The House likes you?”

“Mhm,” she held the door open for you and slipped into the library.  “Its enchanted with magic.  You saw it earlier when we asked it for something and it gave it to us.  But it’s more than that.  It listens and has moods and its own wants.”

“Oh.”  You looked around and took in the information.  Magic was part of your life, you knew it existed but for a place like this to be sentient, it blew your mind and you were impressed.  “That’s incredible,” you finally said at last and gave Nesta a smile.

“It helped me a lot when I first came here, you know.”  She had a sad, but soft smile on her lips and she looked at you and her eyes were glistening with tears.  “It saved my life.”

You returned her smile.  “I'm glad.”

You spent the rest of the day like that.  Going from room to room, level to level, killing time until Starfall began and when it did you were unable to contain your excitement.

You loved Starfall and every year since you could remember you would sit outside and watch the spirits shoot across the sky.  They were so bright and colorful and they lit up the sky, almost as bright as the sun.  It was your favorite day of the year and this year you would be at the House of Wind, much higher than the garden at your house so you would be able to see them much closer than before and you even hoped you would be able to touch one.

Your gown was new, courtesy from your mother who surprised you with it the previous week.  It had two necklines: one neckline was an A-line and below it the dress was a solid silver that shimmered in the light and barely touched the floor.  From your breast up, the fabric was sheer and see through and circled your neck.  The sleeves matched the sheer fabric from the top of the dress and it was adorned with small, silver rhinestones and was well fitted and stopped a little below your elbow.  The skirt flowed out, not a lot, but enough that it swayed when you walked.  Nesta braided your hair in her signature wrap around and you pulled a few strands loose so they framed your face.  You loved the dress, your hair, and your jewelry and you were giddy when you walked out of your shared room with Nesta and headed towards the living room where everyone else was sitting, waiting for the spectacle to begin.

When Cassian saw you walk into the room, your hands placed in front of you, he nearly fell over and was grateful when Rhysand caught his elbow, giving him a grin.

“Holy fuck,” he whispered and leaned back against the wall and he heard Rhysand and Feyre chuckle.

You looked stunning and you blushed when everyone complimented you and he would’ve too but he was simply too stunned to speak.  He should’ve complimented you, he should’ve strolled across the room and took you in his arms and declared his love for you, but he was glued to his spot against the wall.

He looked you up and down.  The dress was well fitted on you, hugging your body and accentuating every curve and dip.  You held your head high, clearly proud of how you look and it was also clear that you felt good.  You were relaxed as you stood in the doorway but he saw the apprehension in your stance as you glanced about the room for a spot to sit.

Your eyes caught Cassian’s form and your eyes trailed up his body slowly.  He wore black dress pants and black shoes with a tucked in dark blue shirt.  His jacket was slung across the armrest of the couch he was leaning on and he wore a silver watch that gleamed in the light.  His sleeves were rolled up, muscles and tattoos stark against his dark skin.  His hair was a mess per usual.  It was down and loose and grazed his broad shoulders and you saw him lift a hand and tuck some of it behind his ear.  

Your eyes met and he sucked in a breath and you noticed his wild, wide eyes.  He looked bewildered like he had seen a ghost and in reality he had.  You were the ghost he saw, a holy ghost that never left him alone and haunted him at all hours of the day and night.

You offered him a soft, timid smile and he relaxed, finding the confidence to grin at you and dip his head down in greeting.  He gently jerked his head towards the chair that was to his right and you breathed in deeply and square your shoulders and cautiously maneuvered around the various furniture and standing people to sit at his side.

You sat down and crossed your legs and leaned back and Cassian’s hand gravitated towards you and his fingers grazed your shoulder, feeling the fabric beneath his fingers.  You looked up at him and he was already looking down at you, a smile tugging at his full lips and his eyes had relaxed, the hazel now turning into a brown the longer he looked at you.

He leaned down and you tilted your head to the side and why you did this, you weren’t entirely sure but it made him repress the urge to run his nose up your neck.  Instead he stopped at your ear, his lips tickling it slightly.

“You look,” he took a breath and you tightened the grip you had on your hands.  “You look absolutely ravishing tonight, professor.”

The moment was so quiet, so intimate that you two forgot you were in a room that was filled with your friends.  Your eyes shifted to look at him and your lips parted as your eyes locked.

“Thank you.”  You whispered and then you smirked.  “You look fine. You should do something about your hair, though.”

He smirked.  “Asshole.”

Your laugh rang across the room at the story Rhysand was telling.  The story always made everyone laugh when they imagined teenage Rhysand, Azriel, and Cassian drunk and trying to hide the mess they had made on Rhysand mother’s favorite couch.

“I really think if Azriel had just shut the fuck up, she wouldn’t of known.”  Cassian laughed beside you.  His hand had found its home on the side of your neck as he sat on the armrest of the chair you were sitting in.  

You wanted to lean into him and take in his cologne and the faint smell of alcohol that circled around him.  You had your own glass in your hand that was now half empty, allowing you to enjoy the moment with your friends and not worry about a single thing.

You were having fun for the first time in a long time and for a brief moment you had an intense feeling of gratitude for your new life.  You always thought that after the death of your father and all of your friends leaving Velaris that you would never have a life again but now you did.  Your life was now filled with work and laughter that made you excited to get up and go out every morning.  

Cassian helped with it all, too.  He was a strong figure beside you.  He always reassured you with his presence and touches and words, reminding you that you had nothing to worry about and you were safe.  And you were safe.  Safer than you were before.  You were still plagued by your past and your worries and anxieties but you found yourself drifting away from it ever so slowly.

You still thought about it though.  Your father’s bloody body in your arms, the fear in his eyes as his heart stopped beating and the everlasting guilt you felt in your heart.  

Your father loved Starfall.  When you were a child you would sit on his shoulders and watch the spirits fly by, going to wherever they called home.  Sometimes you’d even try to reach one, hoping to feel its glow on your skin.  Your father would laugh but then become mesmerized at the colors filling the sky.  

Starfall used to remind him of the first war, of the magic filling the skies as Illyrian siphons lit up the sky.  He’d fought with the Darkbringers in Hewn City where he and your mother were from originally, a fact that you all kept quiet.  Once the war was over and his service was commemorated by the previous High Lord, he’d been offered a spot in the Inner Court but he’d refused, opting for a secluded life with his mate so he was granted refuge in Velaris where they’d lived for the past five hundred years.

He’d stop fearing Starfall and left the memories of the war behind when you were born. He worried that if he did not appreciate the spirits and their journey that he would not be one of them when he died and he’d miss the opportunity of being with you and his mate when the time came. So, he sucked it up and every year he sat with you in the garden and soon enough it became his favorite holiday.

Cassian tugged at one of the loose strands of hair and you jerked slightly, turning to look at him and narrowing your eyes. You raised an eyebrow in question and he suppressed a laugh instead opting to run his tongue over his bottom lip.

“What?” You asked simply.

“You’re quiet.”

“I have nothing to say.”

He hummed, mulling over your simple, and quite frankly, sharp response.

He shrugged.  “Fine.”

You scoffed and turned back around, angling yourself so your back was to him and he wanted to laugh at your petty attempt at an attitude.  But he let you be and placed his hand in between your shoulder blades and jumped back into the conversation.

Starfall began shortly after and you found yourself drifting from the group to find a secluded balcony.  It’s not that anything was wrong with the rest of the group but you much rather preferred to experience it by yourself.  Your father and you had always watched it in silence, commenting every now and then about the color and shape of some of the spirits.  But for the most part, you both were present in the moment, enjoying each other’s company.  

Cassian was too immersed with everyone, playing drinking games and poking fun at Nesta for the dirty dishes she’d left in the kitchen, to notice that you had vanished and he wondered for how long you’d been gone.

After minutes of searching he found you on one of the many balconies.  You were leaning forward against the railing with your elbows on top of it, your head moving slowly from side to side as you watched the spirits fly back.  You were so focused you didn’t hear or feel him walk up and stand beside you.

“Incredible isn’t it?”

You jumped and whirled to look at him.  “Scared me.”  You muttered and resumed your position, making a point to create distance between you two.

“Sorry.”  Cassian let out a breathy laugh and put his hands in his pockets.

Moments of silence followed and you placed your cheek on your hand.  It would be hours of this.  The sky illuminated with spirits going to wherever their destination was and even though it was the same thing every time one passed by, it never got boring.  Each spirit was unique and you wondered about the life it once had lived.  If you pondered long enough you wondered if your father was amongst them and you subconsciously looked for him in the sky.

“Oh!”  You let out a surprised cry as a spirit passed by above your head, barely grazing your hair.  You whipped around to follow its flight path until you couldn’t see it anymore.  “You saw that?”  You breathlessly asked Cassian and when you turned around he had an amazed grin on his face, his eyes on the spot in the sky where the spirit had disappeared.

“Yeah.”  He chuckled and mimicked your previous position against the railing, forearms braced against the top.

You didn’t settle against the railing, though.  You noticed that the spirits were flying lower and some were within reach.  You wanted to touch one.  You always had and with how high in the sky the House of Wind was you just might be able to.

One particular spirit was moving lazily, dropping in altitude every now and then and it seemed to bounce in the sky rather than fly.  You leaned over the railing, standing on your toes and reached out as it floated past and your fingers grazed its side, its essence covering your fingers.  It didn’t seem phased as it kept moving, going in the same direction as the other spirits.

You let out a shriek that turned into a laugh and brought your hand close to you and smiled.  You’d finally touched one and you were ecstatic.  Its essence was smooth and jelly light and incredibly bright.  You didn’t think there was a paint that existed that could match the yellow that adorned your hands as it trickled down your fingers.

Suddenly you were struck by grief.  You cradled your hand, moving it around to admire the moonlight that reflected off of it.  You started to cry.  Your sobs were loud and interrupted by hiccups as you tried to stop.  Your father should be here.  He should’ve touched the spirit too like he’d always wanted to.  But he wasn’t because you were dumb and did a dumb thing and he was dead because of it.  He was dead because of you.  You did not deserve any of the happiness you’d felt as of late, especially now.

Cassian didn’t move for a moment, unsure of what to do.  You seemed to be in a different world, in a different moment in time as he watched you bite your lip in attempts to muffle your crying.  Finally he moved, grabbing your elbow and pulling you into your chest.  You let him, moving your hand away from it so you didn’t mess up his clothes.

“It’s fine.”  He mumbled into your hair and you let out another cry, your knees buckling.

“He should be here.”  You cried and you felt his shirt become damp with your tears.

Cassian didn’t need to ask who you were talking about.  He knew.  He could sense the grief that followed you even when you smiled and laughed.

“I know, sweetheart.”  He held you tighter, swaying you slightly.  His hand was firm against your back and he pulled away slightly to wipe your face.

Your bottom lip was trembling and your eyes were brighter than normal with the glistening of your tears as you looked up at him.  You looked utterly defeated and he got the sense that you felt like you had done something wrong and needed to confess.  Something inside of him stirred and he cupped your face.

“Take a breath.”

You tried and it turned into hyperventilation.  You squeezed your eyes shut and buried your face into Cassian’s chest.  “I’m sorry.” 

Cassian shushed you quietly and kissed the top of your head.  “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

But you did.  You had so much to be sorry for.  You had ruined so much and made so many mistakes that cost you everything and you couldn’t fix any of it.

For a long moment you remained like this until you were finally quiet, the only sound filling the space was your ragged breathing.

“Tell me about him.”  Cassian suddenly requested and you peered up at him.

Your eyes were bloodshot and puffy and your lips even more so from how much you’d bitten them.

Cassian led you back to the balcony’s railing and you both leaned your sides against it.  He held at arm's length, his hands loose on your elbows.

You avoided his intense gaze and looked at the evidence of a long awaited wish on your hands.  It stuck to your skin, traveling down towards your wrist.

“He was larger than life,” you started.  Your voice was low.

Cassian tilted his head slightly, looking down at you and squeezed your elbow in encouragement.

“He was like,” you sighed and lifted your head and looked around, searching for words.  “He was strong and big with a commanding presence even though he was really quiet and actually kinda small.”  You laughed and sniffed.  “He was really simple.  He just wanted to be in the garden with his vegetables.  Every day he’d measured how much they’d grown so he could know if he was doing something right and then he’d present his findings at dinner like some mad scientist with theories of why the tomato vines aren’t as thick as previous years.” 

You laughed louder this time, remembering how one night he spent almost two hours ranting about it because he knew he was using the right soil and fertilizer but they weren’t growing like before.  Your mother had to let out an exasperated groan and place her hand over his for him to stop.

“Pyter, please.  It hasn’t rained as much.  Did you consider that?”

Your father had stilled for a moment, eyebrows coming together and looking up at the ceiling.  “Interesting theory, Marta.”  He had mused and opened his journal and began to scribble gods knows what.

Cassian grinned and let his hands rest on your waist.  “I thought he was a warrior?”

“Oh,” you smiled and wiped your face with your free hand.  “He was.  The best, even.  But that wasn’t who he was.  It was just something he did.  He was timid, really.  He hated making a fuss.  He left that to my mom.”

It felt good to talk about him.  To remember him as he was.

You were quiet for a moment and then you spoke, looking at Cassian.  “You remind me of him, you know.”

Surprise flitted across Cassian’s face.  “How so?”

You shrugged.  “I don’t know.”  You moved away from him and looked out towards the city.  “You just do.  You’re big like him, like, you’re just there.  Hard to not notice you.”  Cassian began to chuckle but then you spoke again.  “Not in a bad way.  You both are just those types of people. Loyal and important and kind.  He was so kind.”  Your voice broke and you choked on a sob.

Cassian was quiet, letting you compose yourself and you did rather quickly by clearing your throat and straightening your back.  You looked back down at your spirit riddled hand.  Despite it being there for so long it was still glowing brightly.

“You remind me of him.”  You repeated your previous statement with a sigh and looked at Cassian.

His eyes in the night were more green and gold than brown and they were considerate tonight, soft with concern but thoughtful as he listened to you.  This was the first time he had seen you so vulnerable.

“He sounds incredible.”  Cassian said at last and you nodded in agreement.

“You would’ve liked him.  He was really knowledgeable about fighting techniques.  Could’ve talked about it all day if you let him.  He practiced every day too.”  You sucked in a breath, regulating yourself.  “He would’ve liked you too.”

“What’s not to like?”  Cassian broke the bubble of seriousness with a smirk and you scoffed and rolled your eyes.

“He would have taught you so much about humility.”  You joked back.

You two gazed at each other for a moment and Cassian crossed one ankle over the other.  Despite the tears that streaked your cheeks and the red that covered the whites of your eyes he still found you beautiful especially in the moonlight and the way it illuminated your face.

“You ever touched one before?”  You asked quietly and lifted your hand.

Cassian looked at it and shook his head.

“Here.”  You reached for his hand and he gave it to you.  You flipped his hand over, exposing his palm and you pressed your hands together, imprinting the shape of yours on to his.

You giggled and pulled your hand away.  “Now you have.”

But Cassian didn’t look.  In fact he hadn’t stopped looking at you.  He loved you so much.  He’d give you every part of him if you asked.  No, he’d do it even if you demanded it.  It didn’t matter because he was yours.  Entirely yours, irrevocably yours.

You matched his gaze and for once you didn’t shy away.  You weren’t nervous or scared or wished with every part of you for the moment to pass.  It was comfortable.  You were comfortable.  With him, in this moment.  There were no regrets for the tidbits of information that you shared or for the way you felt so comforted by his embrace.

“What?”  You finally asked with a small smile and a tilt of your head and Cassia watched as you did this and the way the moonlight seemed to make your skin glow.

He wanted to tell you he loved you.  The declaration was at the tip of his tongue but it wouldn’t come out.  So instead he shook his head and he gave you a smile.  “I just think you are absolutely stunning.”

“Oh.”  Your eyes widened slightly and you ducked your head.  You studied your hand again and looked at his that was laying at his side and then at his other hand that was gripping the railing so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.  He was barely holding himself together.

With thinking and for no reason at all you approached Cassian and he braced himself as your scent floated around him, enticing him.  You grabbed his hand and pressed yours against it again, letting more of the spirit pass from you to him.

“I’ve always wanted to touch it,” you muttered, looking at how his hand glowed.  It looked more gold now and when your eyes met Cassian’s you realized that they matched the gold in his eyes perfectly.

“Really?”  Cassian’s voice was low, rough even, and licked his lips as he watched you sway while holding his hand.

“Yes.  For as long as I can remember.”  Your confession hung heavy in the air and part of him wanted to ask what exactly you were talking about but there was a look in your eyes that told him.

“And now that you have?”

You were standing so close to him that your chest was grazing his, the only space between you was occupied by your interlaced fingers.  The spirit’s essence glued your hands together, like it was binding you to one another.

You tilted your head up, eyes pleading and desperate.  “I think I need to touch it again.”

Cassian’s body shuddered and his eyes fluttered closed for a second and when he opened them again you were closer than before.  You hadn't let your hands get in the way of getting closer to him. Now they was pressed between both of your bodies and he could feel your heart beating.  It was hard and fast and it matched his perfectly.

“Okay.”  Cassian nodded and your eyes shifted with what he could only describe as relief.

There was no hesitation this time.  No waiting to see who would move first.  This time you both moved at the same time.

taglist: @thecraziestcrayon | @rcarbo1 | @azrielsshadows42 | @faridathefairy

[erbodd]

What if? - Happy New Year

This is a very short story that was inspired to me by @plusvanity 's latest fanfiction Clarity in Kerosene. I strongly recommend reading it, and especially if you want to better understand this short drabble.

The first part is @plusvanity 's part, the second is my view of what comes next.

Grabbing the bottle of wine he went out in the cold, behind the house to have a small break. He lit up a cigarette and took a long drag out of it, almost wishing he could choke on the vaporous poison again. Hit after hit, a gulp of red wine followed to drown the bitterness in his soul and take away the visceral truth that he held the title for the biggest idiot in the human species.

He couldn't even chuckle at the irony of it all. One time wanting to be there for his mother to repair their broken relationship and she couldn't fucking care less.

He could imagine Olve choking on his own spit from guffawing at the hopeless pit he dug for himself in unawareness. Only if the bassist knew the tragic comedy that Kristian won with his final denial. He could almost hear his good friend calling him an underdog for choosing motherly love instead of drugs and alcohol.

But when did Olve become a good friend? 

Kristian must've been out of sync with his own personal chronicles because he couldn't find the exact moment in which he allowed the bassist to climb up in rank. What a strange anomaly . He couldn't be thinking at that clown in his most crooked and vulnerable shape.

His mind shifted focus, eventually wondering what were the others doing while he was loathing his existence, hiding from plain sight in the darkness.

They must be living the time of their lives.

The sound of footsteps muffled by snow pulled him from his thoughts. In the darkness, he couldn’t quite make out who was walking but he was certain they were getting closer to his location. Holding the neck of the wine bottle firmly, he got ready to defend himself if needed but relaxed when he recognized him.

“What in the living Hell are you doing here?” “I felt something was off with your story, so I came to check if my hunch was correct.” Olve explained, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Why did you lie to me?”

Varg noted the use of “me” instead of “us”, showing how he was the only one who counted. He still replied, not in the mood for an argument.

“It was supposed to be just my mother and I tonight. I wanted to mend our relationship but she had organized this stupid party I knew nothing about and-” “And now you’re the idiot.” “Right.” he conceded before adding : “Asshole.” “Righteous.” he snorted. “Don’t you want to escape from this?” “I do, but then I’d only be digging my grave more.” “You really think it can get worse than her ignoring you like that, and I bet, treating you like a servant?”

Olve was shooting in the dark there, but Varg couldn’t keep a straight face, meaning he hit right.

“Come on! We’re having fun and I want you to be part of it. It’s not the same without you.”

What kind of confession was that, Varg wondered. Yet somehow, it echoed the one he made to himself mere minutes ago. Maybe Olve as well had grown into considering Varg a good friend and he wouldn’t be surprised about it. Giving one last look inside the house where he clearly wasn’t missed, he agreed. Olve’s face lit up and they went back to the party together.

Varg’s arrival was celebrated and soon, Varg had a beer in his hand and Olve’s arm on his shoulders. Plenty of drinks and weed later, it was getting close to midnight. Everyone moved naturally closer to their partner, and Varg noticed Olve came closer to him, somehow as expected. They were standing by the corner of the room, where Varg had more or less retreated.

“Ready to start the new year with a blast? I feel this one is going to be really good!”

Varg simply nodded. They all counted the seconds down together and come midnight, kisses were being exchanged. Varg felt his friend leaning closer and laying his chin on his shoulder.

“I’m not drunk enough to kiss you.” Varg flatly stated. “But I am.”

Those were his last words before he clumsily grabbed Varg’s chin and connected their lips. He was smiling as they parted.

“Happy new year.” “Fuck off!”

Varg pushed him away and looked at their friends with a slight panic, but no one seemed to have noticed them thankfully.

[divider created by @sisterlucifergraphics]

[wrathofrats]

Day 19: confessions - mist and aether talking about dews transition. Aether thinks she hates him, she doesn’t, and they talk about their feelings

It helps to read this piece and some of the stuff in #wrath’s ghost lore before hand, but it’s not necessary. Just know aether did dews transition.

Thank you to @forlorn-crows as always for this month <3

Warnings for small talks of mortality, it’s kinda angsty but I made it better so.

“How did you-“

“Dewdrop” aether interrupted.

Mist sat under one of the old concrete arches that decorated the back of an abandoned chapel. One of the little ones that primo had used before the clergy grew out of it. Let sit to gather vines and moss. Leaves decorated the pillars, the walkway was full of cracks and so overgrown that it was almost hard to follow.

There was a sense of tranquility in the chaos. The fresh smell of plants and old water that had seeped into the grooves of the concrete made mist feel at ease, nothing to order her around, nothing to remind her of the strict order she was to follow when in front of the other siblings.

“He’s such a snitch” mist snorted. She patted the ground next to her, motioning for aether to join her.

“He told me what happened” aether sighed, leaning back against the structure. He jumped slightly at the cool feeling on his back, before settling in completely.

“How much?”

“Said you went off on him. That you were upset he actually changed his element”

Mist cringed. She brought her knees tight to her chest as dewdrops jacket now felt shameful around her shoulders. Part of her almost wanted to just get up and walk away to avoid the confrontation. She knew dew probably told aether what she said about him, that she had partially blamed him. Words spat in the heat of the moment begging dew just to look at her.

“He told me what you said”

“I’m sure aethers real pleased with his work this time” mist bit

“If omega of all ghouls can fuck up did you really expect me to trust aether?”

“Aether I-“ mist choked. She cringed remembering her own words, bitter tasting in her mouth now that the target of her anger sat next to her.

“Don’t, I understand why you’re upset,” he sighed. The air felt thick around them, a heavy cold that encapsulated them both as the sun went down.

“Yeah but I’m not upset with you”

Mist doesn’t know who she’s upset with if she’s being honest. Maybe herself for feeling betrayed even if dew didn’t pick pride over an animalistic fate like she did. Maybe papa for letting her choose her own reality of not transitioning. Maybe whatever sick divine being cursed them to be like this. None of her feelings seem correct. She couldn’t pick an answer on what’s appropriate to feel about this even if she tried.

“No one seems to be. I kinda hoped you were the one to actually see through this bullshit " Aether threw his head back to rest against the wall, staring up at the dark patches of algae on the top of the arch.

“What do you mean? No one should be mad at you aeth”

“I did that to him, I ruined him”

“You saved him.” Mist turned to face him, a concerned look on her face. A gust of wind cut against the tears in her eyes, making her realize that she had once again started crying.

“He’s not himself anymore mist, so does it even matter?”

Aether sighed, chewing his lip in frustration. The lingering light of the sunset cast a cold shadow on him making him shiver as he moved to stand up.

“He’s more himself than he ever was” mist practically whispered. She gave him a pleading look, motioning him to continue to sit with her.

“He won’t even look at you mist”

“But that’s always been dew. He’s had a fiery personality since he was summoned. I could’ve used his favorite cup and he would’ve ignored me for hours over it”

Aether stopped to stare at her, a puzzled look in his eye.

“I would give anything for him to just talk to me, but that’s my fault anyways. He’s always been a volatile bundle of emotions, it’s just fitting he now has the element to match” she laughed.

There was a rare crack in her pride that made her feel solemn. Asking if she herself made the right decision to stay a water ghoul. The choice between staying true to herself and succumbing to a natural fate or potentially becoming a botched version of herself that was barely mist anymore.

Dew was thriving. He had his scars and sudden outbursts that weren’t exactly there before, but he was happy, and that’s all mist needed to care about.

“I just don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself” aether mumbled, sitting closer to mist while she wrapped the small jacket around his shoulders.

“You will. One day you’ll see how bright his smile has gotten and you’ll realize it was worth it.”

[thepilotanon]

Hello 👋 can give Draco malfoy cersh for fem reade headcanons please 🙏 😌😊

All requested hcs are gender neutral to the best of my ability, so everyone can be included. I hope you like these!

Draco doesn't do very well with crushes. And I mean this as the way for him to suddenly clam up and amp up his attitude tenfold around you - the sassiness knows no bounds and it's surprising that you just take it with a grain of salt and snort at him. He gets easily embarrassed with himself and constantly has to rub his hand down his face to fight back his blush whenever you make eye contact with him. When you smile, he chokes and tries to throw an insult to you that only makes you laugh.

Once Malfoy's childish behavior breaks, and your mutual interest in him is known, he starts with fairly tiny anonymous gifts given by the school's owned owls: little bunches of flowers and wrapped gifts with ribbons in his favorite color, your favorite breakfast is always available to you before you're supposed to take an important exam, and a delivery of high quality tea/coffee/hot drink blend from a First Year bringing it to your common room. He still doesn't openly admit to anything, but I think, once you eventually know it's him, you return the favor by giving the owl a return letter of appreciation, or your own ribbons of your favorite color.

I personally think he would keep it up until his fifth or sixth year, even going back and forth between you two becoming better friends and casually flirting with each other, when he confesses his crush for you. He would be nervous about it (not that he would tell you that), but the silence until your answer that you fancy him too made him feel like he was going to die.

[acourtofthought]

Buildup Means Little

Honestly, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what how much buildup anyone thinks two characters have. It doesn't matter how many moments from two books back you think support your endgame ship.

There is buildup for every single pairing around. Tamlin is STILL in love with Feyre as of SF, that's buildup over the entirety of the series and his only goal has ever been to protect Feyre (leading him to make really shitty decisions) but I don't see anyone shouting that they're going to be endgame.

Hell, Feyre was so inappropriate with Lucien in ACOWAR that for half a second I thought SJM was changing her love interest yet again

SJM has proven that characters can be engaged yet end up with someone else. She has proven that the FMC can call the MMC her "home" yet still end up with someone else. She can have one all but confess her love for the MMC only to turn around and give up her virginity to someone else, sleep with many after that then turn around and end up back with the confession of love guy.

So the events of the past, to a pretty major degree, are not all that matters. All that matters is where we're at now.

And as of SF, SJM went out of her way to show us how extremely similar two female characters are only to then demonstrate how only one is going to be the right one for Az.

"I don't need to be coddled. Only spoken to like a person"

"You do not decide what I can and cannot do, Nesta." / "You can't have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to do let me do anything greater." / "I am not a child to be fought over."

Gwyn snorted. "Try me"

Nesta looked at her from under lowered brows again. "Get out of my sight."

Gwyn grinned, a broad, bright thing that showed most of her teeth and made her eyes sparkle in a way Nesta knew her own never had. "Oh you're good." Gwyn turned back to the stacks. "Really good."

"Oh, fuck you," Nesta snapped, and then choked.

Elain blinked. Nesta blinked back, horror lurching through her.

And then Elain burst out laughing.

Howling, half-sobbing laughs that sent her bending over at the waist, gasping for breath. Nesta just stared, torn between questions and wanting to throw herself into the icy Sidra. "I - I'm so sorry-"

Elain held up a hand, wiping her eyes with the other. "You've never said such a thing to me!" She laughed again, "I think that's a good sign, isn't it?

Gwyn was probably good at this. Gwyn was good at everything, actually. It didn't irk her, though. For whatever reason, Nesta wanted to crow about her friend to anyone who'd listen.

- She had purpose, and joy, and friends: those two half-wraiths who worked in Rhysand's household. But those things had always come easily to her sister. Had always made Elain special. Had made Nesta fight like hell to keep Elain safe at all costs.

The priestess had been pretty in the library, but with that joy, that confidence as she aimed for the three priestesses, she had emerged into a beauty to rival Merrill or Mor.

Elain had easily been the prettiest of the three of them, and when she'd been turned High Fae, that beauty had been amplified. Nesta couldn't put her finger on what changes had been wrought beyond the pointed ears, but Elain had gone from lovely to devastatingly beautiful. Elain never seemed to realize it.

"Promise me we'll face it together."

Nesta couldn't stop her tears then. The chill wind froze them on her cheeks. "I promise," she breathed, stroking Gwyn's matted hair. "I promise."

Gwyn sobbed, and Nesta let herself sob with her, squeezing her tightly. Letting her stroking hand come to rest of Gwyn's neck.

A pinch in the right spot, exactly on the pressure point Cassian had shown her, and it was done.

Gwyn went down. Unconscious.

forged over common goals: protect Elain

"The first five months I was at the library, I barely spoke. I didn't sing. I went to the priestess who counsels all of us, and sometimes I just sat there and cried, or screamed, or said nothing.

"Weeks, while you wasted away, refusing food and drink. While you appeared to hope you'd just wither and die."

And when Nesta finished, she braced herself for the disappointment in their faces, the disgust.

Gwyn's hand slid into hers, though.

Nesta was wrong, Cassian realized, to think Elain as loyal and loving as a dog. Elain saw every single thing Nesta had done, and understood why.

"Because I don't ever want to feel powerless again," Gwyn said softly.

Elain spoke from the doorway, having appeared so silently that they all twisted toward her, "Using me." / "Find me when you wish to begin". / When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was part of this court

"I blame Cassian for this. He's too busy making eyes at Nesta to notice such mistakes these days."

Azriel laughed. "I'll give you that."

"You put them in your ears, and they block any sound. With Nesta and Cassian living there with you..."

He chuckled, unable to suppress the impulse. "No wonder you didn't want me to open it in front of everyone."

Elain's mouth twitched into a smile. "Nesta wouldn't appreciate the joke."

Silver Flames Gwyn and Silver Flames Elain are basically one in the same, they even have innocent hobbies (bracelet making and baking / gardening). . So why then, is there such difference in how SJM wrote Az responding to each?

Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music. / Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer.

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around.

Azriel dipped his head in sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch.

Wrong - it was so wrong / Until he felt nothing. Was again nothing at all.

He wouldn't go so far as to call Gwyn a friend, but....(statement made after knowing Gwyn for a few months and ONLY through training)

He knew she had no idea that he had done unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond their scars.....(statement made after knowing Elain for 2 years and being able to chat with her whenever he wanted).

Something sparked in Azriel's chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it though, as he ascended the stairs back to the House proper. How Gwyn's teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason...he could see it.

But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly.

Still waiting on a scene where Az thinks anything about Elain's happiness.........

And this would be the time where the other side loves to throw in the super classy argument of "well Az hasn't wanted to get down on his knees and taste Gwyn" but people.....it's called RESPECT. He knows her past, he's not treating her like a sexual object (really, the only way he looks at Elain considering he said he hasn't planned anything with her beyond his sexual fantasies). Az looked at Mor with hunger and yearning. Tamlin wanted to have sex with Feyre rather than try to help her escape. He also wanted to sleep with her rather than talking through his problems. Focusing on Az lusting over Elain is really not supporting your defense.

"You'd know if she'd died," Azriel said, pausing hsi work and looking up at Cassian. He tapped his brother's chest with a scarred hand. "Right here - you'd know, Cass." / The shadows deepened around Azriel, his Siphons gleaming like cobalt fire. "You - we - trained them well, Cassian. Trust in that. It's all we can do.

"There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to"

People will say that Az responds differently because he loves Elain but if the way Az treats Elain is true love, then I don't want it and I don't think SJM wants it either because his behavior towards Elain reads exactly like Tamlin's towards Feyre. It's way too clear that SJM wrote Az having healthy responses to Gwyn because she is the right person for him. The one he thinks is strong all on her own. The one he believes doesn't need his protection. The one he likes for who she is rather than fixating on her as a sexual object.

Also, if Az loves Elain then why did he sulk for 3 days after Solstice and that was the end of it? Why were there no more glances towards Elain? No longing? Why instead was there admiration and amusement for Gwyn? It's been over two years that Lucien hasn't gotten a fulfilled bond with Elain yet he's still struggling and looking at her with longing.

Az was over it in less than a week!

And not only that (and this is what I mentioned above), for all their similarities, SJM really hammered home the important differences, keeping in mind that Az works from the shadows, talks to the shadows, has an icy rage, can torture using a symphony of pain, likes his space and has his found family in the IC.

Gwyn donned the leathers without thought versus Elain refusing them in ACOWAR. She embraced dagger handling and asked for lessons while Elain "walked away and did not look back". SJM made it known that Gwyn is one of Nesta's people while Nesta calls Elain a dog and Feyre calls her only a pleasant companion. And despite Elain claiming that she's part of the NC, it means something that through Cassian, a completely neutral party when it comes to Elain, thinks how the color black (symbolic for the NC) sucks the life out of her while Gwyn came alive while training to become a Valkyrie. Gwyn embraces the night, choosing to stay up late to train, while we know Elain wants sunshine. Gwyn feels most comfortable in the safety of the library, a place full of shadows and away from the bustle of crowds whereas Elain is happiest by sunny windows, watching the liveliness of the city and at balls and parties. Gwyn witnessed Az slaughter an entire group in front of her and plotted / led the beasts to attack the Illyrians while cruelty bothers Elain.

How can buildup (which doesn't actually exist to the level some believe it does) possibly compare to all the new information we've been presented in the most recent book of the series?

[alienaiver]

formally starting chapter three of amethyst haze, so here's a sneak peek thats been in my draft document since the beginning !!! :3

Shinsou tells them how he’s going to meet up with you again this Sunday. Aizawa’s back stiffens but shows no other reactions. Yamada beams, “isn’t that adorable! It’s so rare to hear you talking about dates!”

Shinsou chokes on the piece of potato he was about to swallow at Yamada’s choice of words. Eri hands him his glass of water with an innocent smile but when he looks at her to thank her, she smiles mischievously, gleeful that her brother’s now the child whose love life their dads are obsessing over. He sighs and rubs the space between his eyebrows, “I’m not sure what it is yet, but calling it a date might be far-fetched.”

Aizawa grunts and takes his glass of water to his lips, “that may also be for the better.”

Now everyone’s looking at him. There’re different stages of confusion to be read in every family member’s face; Yamada’s being the most prominent one. Shinsou almost looks disgusted at the uncalled for comment.

“Why?” Yamada inquires, confused and unsure about what could’ve warranted such a response from his husband. Aizawa remains unfazed as he puts the glass back down, “it can be tricky to date such a big and devoted fan.”

“Aaah.” Eri lets out, performatively giving her father the feeling of being understood, though she hardly sees the issue either. From her point of view, the fact that her anti-social big brother is going out to do stuff besides a few beers occasionally, is a pretty amazing development.

“Huh?” Yamada says, nose scrunching up. Shinsou holds back a snort before he calmly replies, “I never thought you’d be the type of person to oppose that kind of thing.” Aizawa lifts his eyes only to look at his son sitting across from of him at the table, “and why is that?”

“Because you adopted one.”

This makes poor Eri, who was on her way to take a sip of water, spit the water back down the glass. Yamada howls out a laugh with his head thrown back. Aizawa’s eyes widens for a moment, surprised by the answer before he looks back down to his plate.

“There’s a big difference. I was an adult when I took in you two.”

Shinsou’s argument is not wrong and Aizawa knows it. Shinsou had, before even meeting his soon-to-be mentor, owned more Eraser Head merchandise than anyone else and even owned things Aizawa didn’t even know had been produced in his hero name. Shinsou had later confessed to having made it himself.

“Which is arguably a much bigger deal, isn’t it? Also you were about the same age as I am now.”

This actually seems to stump Aizawa, the comment about age. Shinsou hadn’t foreseen that to become a winning argument. Yamada wipes a stray tear from laughing before he squeezes Aizawa’s shoulder affectionately, “dear, you and I both know that Hitoshi’s a great judge of character so I hardly believe that we need to”-he stops to let out another laugh and looks at Shinsou-“God I’ve missed listening to you two bicker, I swear. You got that humor from me!”

Shinsou shakes his head and laughs, before scraping up the last of the curry from his plate, avoiding the carrots purposely. He clears his throat, “a-anyway. It’s not like we’re dating… I’m sure most of their interest in me is in my work and my persona, y’know? So there’s hardly any need for concern.”

[ravennaortiz]

Oblivious

Chapter 17 of Countdown

As always this is an 18+ only story. This story is AU based and not your typical Sons of Anarchy story. Some readers may find some plot lines and changes to some characters to be problematic please read at your discretion. This story also time jumps heavily so keep this in mind as you read!

Warnings: General themes of the show such as violence, drugs, swearing etc, minor age gap, minor smut in later chapters.

Jax sat smoking a cigarette as he watched Rocky and Coco spar in the Mayans ring. He had to admit as much as he was still frustrated about what she had done he was also hella impressed with the growth of his little sister. His thoughts were interrupted by Chibs as he sat down next to him. "I have something to tell you but its important that you not overreact" stated Chibs sternly as he eyed the younger man.

Jax sighed heavily before turning his gaze to Chibs. "I swear if you tell me either or both of them has or is having sex with my baby sister I will blow this whole place up. That will not be me over reacting either" snapped Jax through gritted teeth. It had taken all he had in him not to rip Juice and Half apart after the meeting a couple weeks ago when they had confessed to plotting to kidnap Rocky.

Chibs chuckled making Jax frown slightly. "No sex is being had I promise ye. They are not that stupid. Though i agree with Coco I don't think either of them realizes Rocky has a crush on them" replied Chibs. "Though Rocky wants them both. She doesn't feel she should have to choose and she thinks your rule of her being off limits is archaic and shows your age." he added with a small laugh. "She is going to turn me gray Chibs" muttered Jax as he snuffed out his cigarette and rubbed at his face as he shook his head.

"First the lying, plotting her own kidnapping while she briefly kidnapped another girl. Now she is telling you she has crushes on two of my men and wants to date them. What's next a lengthy prison stint up in Chino?" chuckled Jax as he looked up at Chibs who was laughing as well. "Careful what you speak out to the universe Laddie. Also the crush thing is your fault you put them both right in her sights and made them her protective detail more often than not." replied Chibs. "Also nothing wrong with going gray" huffed Chibs as he smoothed his own locks back making Jax laugh and shake his head.

"Thanks for the support and sympathy brother" replied Jax as he rolled his eyes. "I guess it could be worse. She could have fallen for Tig" he mumbled making Chibs choke on his drink of water. "Lassie at least has some taste and class I suppose" replied Chibs after he recovered. "So what are you going to do?" inquired Chibs after a few moments of silence as they watched some more spars. Jax shrugged before speaking. "Guess I gotta let her grow up sometime. Shes almost eighteen now anyway".

***

"Thought you were suppose to be sparring with Rockstar?" inquired Halfsack as Juice made his way over to where he sat with Angel and Gilly. "She asked for Coco to take over. Said she wasn't taking me seriously enough after I pinned her" laughed Juice as he sat down shaking his head. "Huh she said same thing about me to Chibs" replied Halfsack. "Guess it makes sense, she just knows us to well" he added with a shrug.

"Yeah, women don't take me seriously either when I pin them" dead panned Angel as he shook his head and continued playing a game on his phone. Gilly couldn't help the snort that came out as he tried not to laugh. Coco was not kidding when he said these two were oblivious to Rockys feelings.

***

"You should tell them how you feel." stated Coco as he and Rocky made their way back to the clubhouse. "I don't know. I don't want to distract and I doubt they feel the same." murmured Rocky as she glanced at Juice and Half-Sack who were playing pool with Gilly and Angel. "The way things are going you don't want to have regrets Princesa" encouraged Coco as he turned her to face him. "They deserve to know and if they don't like you Ill kick their asses" he added before giving her a punch to the shoulder. Rocky snorted as she shook her head. "You really have to work on the advice giving Coco".

***

"What do you want us to do?" asked EZ quietly as he helped an injured Coco lean against a wall. Coco grimaced as pain shot through him. "You are going to get Half out of here and leave me behind. I'll distract them" stated Coco firmly as he thought back to the last few weeks and how devastated Rocky had been when neither Juice or Half had made it home. "But" started EZ before Coco shook his head. "No buts boy scout. I'm giving you an order." stated Coco as he pushed off the wall and made his way back the way they had come.

Mayan Clubhouse Later

"Where's Coco?" inquired Rocky as she peeled herself off Half-Sack as she looked past him, EZ, Guero and Chibs. "He told us to leave him behind" stated EZ quietly unable to meet Angel or Gillys gaze as they bolted up. "Why?" demanded Rocky as she shoved her way in front of him. EZ swallowed hard as he considered his response. "You know why he did it" stated EZ as he met her gaze before moving to leave back out the door.

Next Morning

"Has anyone seen Rocky?" demanded Jax as he bolted into the clubhouse with Gilly on his heels.

Return to Chapter List

[in-the-pocket]

my parents never talked to me about sex, ever! (scott)

Pippa’s fingers froze from their tapping on her stomach. She was lying down on the floor by Scott and his roommate’s bed and staring up at the ceiling when he decided to make this… confession? Statement?

It took her a few moments to think about her own parents. Pops was pretty into the whole ‘make my daughter an even better musician than me’ thing so he never brought it up. In this moment, she was glad, considering the thought of talking about sex with Pops made her want to scream. Pippa blinked, trying to think of Mama.

“My ‘ma just came into my room one night and left a small sleeve of condoms on my dresser,” she said thoughtfully. “That’s probably the closest thing to a sex ed talk we ever had.”

It dawned on her that she’d shared something about her family with Scott for the first time. Their conversations were never particularly about anything past surface level information. Sex certainly wasn’t something they talked about usually. It was a welcome development, though.

Pippa choked back a snort at her own perceived absurdity of this conversation and closed her eyes.

“I figured it out, eventually.” She shrugged before opening her eyes to peer up at him. A wide grin pulled at her lips. “I’m assuming you did too.”

[kharti]

[ Good Sir, Mad Lad #20 ]

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As soon as they were in the narrow space behind the pub, Leon pushed Stede up against the wall and kissed his neck, sucking hard to leave a mark on his flushed skin.

      ( Continue reading on AO3 or... )

As soon as they were in the narrow space behind the pub, Leon pushed Stede up against the wall and kissed his neck, sucking hard to leave a mark on his flushed skin.

“Oh!” Stede’s hands gripped the back of Leon’s shirt, digging his nails in as his strength to hold himself up started to melt away. “I didn’t realize—that you'd—”

Leon pulled back to look him in the eyes, grinning. “That I’d what?”

Stede swallowed hard. “I thought this would be a… direct encounter, straight to the point.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Leon pushed his knee between Stede’s legs, pressing up into his groin, and he chuckled when Stede shuddered against him. “Be honest, are you a virgin? ‘Cause you sure act like one.”

Stede tried to huff with indignation. “I’m very well versed, I’ll have you know. I just… I didn’t know random encounters would be more than just a quick race.”

Leon shrugged one shoulder. “Everyone’s different. I like a little foreplay. Gets me…” He pushed his hips forward, and Stede could feel his hardness pressing into his hip. “Excited.”

“I see. Well.” He dipped his chin in toward his chest and dared to move, to grind himself onto Leon’s thigh. “I certainly don’t mind.”

Leon chuckled, and someone—someone who wasn’t either of them—groaned.

Stede jolted, trapped between the wall and Leon, and turned his head to see someone sprawled on the ground nearby.

Someone he recognized.

“Jack?” He pushed on Leon’s chest, and the man took a reluctant step back so Stede could hurry over to crouch down next to Jack’s prone form and take in the glassy eyes, the bruises on his face. “Oh Jack...What happened to you?”

“You know him?” Leon stood there with his arms crossed. “He’s a local menace, getting too drunk and starting fights he shouldn’t. Gotten himself banned from most places.”

Jack’s head lolled to the side and he looked up at Stede without recognition. “Yahhc’n fuck off,” he growled. “I was here first.”

“Jack.” Stede took one of the man’s hands in his own, noting the fresh blood on his knuckles. “Jack, it’s me, Stede.”

Jack blinked slowly and his eyes stared past Stede’s head. “Nahh, man. Stede’s gone.”

Leon put a hand on Stede’s shoulder. “He a friend of yours, then?”

Stede hesitated. What was Jack to him, now? An ex? Had they been anything to be exes of? “It’s…” He shook his head. “Complicated.” He sighed and put a hand over his face, tried just to breathe through his racing thoughts.

Jack had been drunk when they met, but he hadn’t been so—so fucked up, to put it mildly. This seemed like more than just a few too many drinks.

This seemed like someone in a crisis, and Stede just couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“Th’fuck do ya want?” Jack tried to push himself up, but his arms were too unsteady and he fell back down. “I can take yuh both on, just—just gimme a sec.”

Stede took one of Jack’s shaking arms and hoisted the man up, draping the arm over his shoulders to steady him, then looked over at Leon. “I promise to fully satisfy you if you’ll just help me get him to my ship first.”

Leon blinked, glancing between the two faces in front of him, taking in Jack’s weak attempt at struggling. “Yeah, sure,” he finally said, taking Jack’s other arm over his shoulders. “But it’ll cost you more than one blowjob.”

Stede tittered a dry laugh. “Whatever you want.” They walked together, Jack’s feet dragging while he slurred his protestations. “I do appreciate this, though. Genuinely.”

“Hey, it’s just nice to know someone cares about this guy. He’s been a real dick the past couple weeks.”

Stede didn’t respond beyond a non-committal hum while they made their way out of the alley and down the street. “I should confess that he and I were… involved.”

Leon choked on a snort. “You and him?”

Stede sighed. “He wasn’t like this when I met him.”

“Ah. Well.” Leon brushed his fingers along the back of Stede’s neck while Jack muttered incoherently between them. “You can do better.”

Stede shivered at the touch and tried to smile. “So can he. He was—different. Full of life and vigor. We had immeasurable fun, him and I.” His vision blurred and he blinked rapidly to try to clear it. “I actually… This may be too much information, but I was quite in love with him.”

“Oh,” Leon said, quietly. They walked in silence for a bit before he piped up again. “I can just fuck off, you know, after we get him to your ship.”

“No, no, no.” Stede leaned forward to look past Jack at him. “I very much want to make good on my promise to you, with you. I just also want to get him off the street and into a bed.”

As they approached the ship, Buttons was near the railing and spotted them straightaway. “Nay, cap'n—”

“Captain?” Leon repeated in a soft tone of surprise.

“—the terms were made clear!” Buttons paused, then squinted. “That Jack Rackham with ye?”

Stede swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Yes, he appears to be… unwell, so I’d like to drop him off for care.”

Buttons’s expression remained unchanged. “The hex took, then.”

Stede didn’t know whether to be flattered that Buttons would hex someone for him, or guilty that Jack was hexed because of him. “Please, Mr. Buttons. I won’t even step foot on the ship myself. Just lower the gangplank and retrieve him, please?”

Buttons snorted. “Nay can do, cap’n. That man ‘tis the truest of evils.”

Leon chuckled quietly. “Quite the character.”

“Oh, there’s no one like Mr. Buttons,” Stede replied, then cleared his throat. “Could you fetch Lucius for me, then?”

“He’ll tell ye the same thing,” Buttons said before he disappeared.

“So, Captain,” Leon said in a playfully casual tone. “That’s a surprise.”

“Whass’t to ya?” Jack murmured, his head bowed forward and eyes closed.

“We’re both captains, actually.” Stede lifted his shoulder that supported Jack’s arm. “Him and I.”

“This lout’s a captain, too?” Leon gave a light shake of his head. “Fuck me, is everyone a captain these days?”

Stede smiled. “All you need is a ship and a crew to steer her. Though I’m imagining, given your description of his behavior as of late, that Jack is without a crew at the moment.”

“Fuckers,” Jack spat.

Leon hummed thoughtfully, glancing up at the empty railing, then looked back at Stede. “What is your plan, by the by? Drunks like him get ugly fast without the booze.”

“Oh, I know that too well.” Stede winced, his mind flooding with memories of—“My father turned to alcohol when he was old. He had a… temper without it, but with—” He sighed. “I’m aware of what I’m getting into.”

“So you’re just…”

“Going to nurse him back to health, if I can.”

Leon’s brow raised toward his hairline. “And you’re sure you still want to fool around with me?”

Stede pursed his lips in thought before he replied carefully, “If I haven’t ruined the mood, I am still quite eager to fool around with you.”

“Just… making sure. Seems pretty serious between you two.”

“It better fucking not be!” Lucius’s voice cut in from above. “That better not be Jack! Stede Bonnet, you put him back where you found him right now, I swear—”

“Please, Lucius.” Stede gestured with his free hand at Jack. “He’s in an awful way. I just want him in a bed and not in an alley.”

Lucius’s upper lip raised in a sneer.

“If it pleases you to know, as soon as you let me drop him off in my quarters, I plan to fellate and please this gentleman here with me.”

Leon choked on a laugh while Lucius eyed him, sized him up, then groaned and threw his hands in the air. “This is a fucking mistake,” he said, then waved a hand. “Fine. I’ll put him in a bed, but it won’t be yours.”

“Agreeable.” Stede smiled and watched as Wee John started to put the gangplank into place. “Thank you, Lucius.”

“Don’t thank me, because tomorrow I am giving you such a lecture about this.”

Leon whispered over Jack’s drooping head, “You sure you’re the captain, kitten?”

Jack’s head snapped up and he stared at Leon with unseeing eyes. “Donn’call me that.”

“I wasn’t talking to you, drunkie,” Leon said in the tone one used with children. “Settle down.”

Wee John came down the gangplank and hoisted Jack up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Have a good night, captain,” he said with an overly exaggerated wink at the both of them.

Stede watched Jack be carried away, tried to ignore the pain in his chest that was gnawing away at his ribs, and turned to look at Leon with his best smile.

“Now, then, where were we?”

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[burningupp]

twenty-five: you’re just... you

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Han Jisung was apparently very good at coming up with confession plans. This had surprised even his girlfriend, as he had apparently butchered his own confession, but this story is not about that.

“Listen, since both you and hyung are emotionally constipated-”

“Excuse me?”

“Shush,” Jisung held up a hand before continuing. “Since you’re both emotionally constipated, I think your best bet would be to just invite him to the studio and be straight with him. Sit him down on your ugly couch, play him the song you spent fifty million years on, and explain your feelings.”

Y/n choked on the noodles she was in the midst of inhaling, alerting half of the cafeteria of her inability to eat like a normal human being. Of course, Jisung did nothing but laugh at her misfortune. Prick.

“First of fucking all, my couch is delightful - I picked it myself,” she started, choosing to ignore the squirrel-cheeked man’s doubtful head-tilt. “Secondly, never in a million years am I playing that song for him. It’s embarrassing.”

Her friend rolled his eyes, stealing a mandu from her plate before answering. “And? You’re both embarrassing as it is. Perfect.”

Truth is, the plan wasn’t all that bad - she was just a coward. How in fresh hell was she supposed to sit in the same room as Changbin while he listened to her innermost thoughts and feelings? What if he found it creepy? It probably was, honestly. It was a work assignment, and yet she had picked him as her muse. Was she that desperate for ideas?

Apparently yes.

Y/n sighed, glaring at Jisung as he chewed the stolen mandu right in front of her as if she didn’t have the urge to throttle him. Maybe he was used to it. She rubbed her face a little too aggressively, and her friend snorted.

“It’s a good plan! Admit it.”

“Fuck you, Han.”

~*~

Even though she was going through with his plan, Y/n refused to tell Jisung as much. He would get way too smug about it, and she didn’t make it her business to boost the ego of a man - especially not one as ridiculous as Han Jisung.

Changbin was bound for a visit to her studio within the next 15 minutes and, not to be dramatic, but she was pretty sure she was dying. The thought of sitting in that room while the man she liked listened to her feelings for him was absolutely horrifying. Dating in general was horrifying. Why was she even doing this? Fucking Han Jisung and Kim Eunseo putting dumb ideas into her head-

There was a knock on the door, interrupting the panic that was rising steadily in her chest. Actually, maybe it was making it worse - she wasn’t sure. She crouched on the floor for a second or two, expelling all the air from her lungs. Not that it felt like there was any left in there.

When she realized that she didn’t have a choice, that she would have to face him at some point, she got up, took a deep breath and brushed her hair behind her ears. Another deep breath, and she was opening the door. And there he was.

He was wearing one of those dumb smiles that made her entire body melt. The effect this man had on her was absolutely terrifying, and yet she wouldn’t trade it for the world. Suddenly the expression “love-sick fool” made a whole lot more sense. She gave him a nervous twitch of a smile, and his own fell. Fuck.

“Are you okay?”

Why did he have to be so sweet? Her heart was thundering so loud in her ears she was sure that he could hear it too, and there was nothing she could do about it. She both wanted to run away and run straight into his arms, feel those big, muscly arms around her body and- She swallowed dryly, forcing an at least somewhat convincing smile onto her face.

“I’m good. A bit tired, but you know - what else is new?”

Her voice sounded frail, shaky. Almost like it would break at any given moment. She hated it. Surely he would hear it and realize what a wreck she was. Surely, this would mean that her confession was doomed before even trying. Her smile shook as she stepped aside, gesturing for the well-built man to come inside.

He sat on the sofa - the beautiful sofa only people with taste could appreciate (fuck you Jisung) - and she sat in the chair by her desk. Trying to find something to do, she started clicking around her desktop in search of the file that would either doom her to a few weeks of heartbreak or bring her large amounts of happiness for what would hopefully be a long time. Did she know exactly where the file she was going to play was located? Yes. Did she pretend that she didn’t, solely so she could avoid the situation for a bit longer? Absolutely.

“So, this song,” Changbin started, and his voice made Y/n tense up and stop her aimless clicking for a second. Hopefully he didn’t notice. “It was for a company project, you said?”

“Uh, yeah,” the nervous woman replied distractedly, half her face covered by her sweater paw where she was resting her chin in her hand. “They wanted to do some kind of exhibition thing in the future, I think - kind of like Hybe did, you know? So they wanted different producers to attempt making songs with the same premise and concept, see what different people would come up with when they had the exact same instructions and company environment. I mean it’s definitely interesting, a very unbiased way to try to see the difference in mentality regarding music and - and I’m rambling. Sorry.”

Not once during her monologue had she looked at Changbin, which, in his opinion, was a good thing. He feared that she would have seen the fond look that overtook his features without his consent, and that maybe it would have exposed his feelings before he was ready for it.

“I like it when you ramble,” he mumbled, and she finally looked back at him.

Y/n wanted to believe him, wanted to construe his words as meaning something more than they perhaps did - but she didn’t dare to. If she got her hopes up now, she was sure she would be crushed. No, remaining in the nervous, sweaty place where she was sure her confession would be rejected was the best way to protect herself and her emotions.

“Shut up,” was all she could muster as a reply, finally deciding that waiting in limbo was hell and pulling up the track she had produced and sung on. “This is the song. The theme was love, so I struggled for a hot second.”

“Makes sense. What ended up being the inspiration?”

She knew there was no way for Changbin to know this. Unless, of course, Han Jisung had opened his big fat mouth; which was more than likely, now that she thought about it. Either way, it didn’t matter. It was time for her to play the damn song and end the absolute torture that being in her studio turned out to be.

“You’ll see… I hope,” she whispered and pressed play.

The song was beautiful, Changbin thought. So was Y/n’s voice, but truth be told, he was biased. He liked her so much it hurt, he longed for her and her company, and oh did he want to be hers. And really, he was even more in his own feelings because he had recorded the song he made (with the help of Chan) to confess the day before. Something about not only describing what he was feeling out loud but also having a melody describe the feelings he had made things so much more real, and his feelings so much more deep.

He was distracted from his own thoughts by the realization that the words he was hearing had meaning. They felt familiar, like something he had experienced before but not really. They detailed an awkward meeting, they detailed friendship, and then they blossomed into something else. The song told the story of a grudging friendship turning into longing, into interactions that felt short even if they lasted for hours, into attempting to hide blushing cheeks and shaking hands.

More specifically, the song mentioned late nights, chaotic friends, and one person feeling unattainable because of who they were in the world. And somehow, even though the details were obscure and vague, he knew. His face heated up uncontrollably, his hands started shaking, and his vision turned blurry from tears.

She had written him a song. About love. And it was for him and about their relationship so far and- Fuck, he loved her.

As the notes started fading out, he had to wipe a tear that had managed to escape him despite his best efforts to hold it back. And then he found himself having to hold back laughter as he saw Y/n, cute, sweet Y/n, resting her face on her desk and covering all she could with her arms. Absolutely adorable.

“Noona, can you please look at me?” Changbin asked tentatively, voice just as shaky as hers had been when she let him into the room.

“I’m scared to,” came her reply, muffled by the desk and her arms that hadn’t moved an inch away from her face.

“Why?”

She sat up, turned her face towards him, but she didn’t open her eyes. She couldn’t, because if she looked at him then she might see pity or sorrow and she was completely unable to handle that.

“What if you hate me now?” she whispered, and even though his heart was soaring from the realization that his feelings were returned, it still broke for her.

He couldn’t help but think how brave she was for doing this. For sitting in that room while he listened to her innermost feelings for him, while her very soul was being spoken into existence through a song he knew for a fact she spent weeks working on. He couldn’t have done that - if he had been the first to confess, he most definitely would have left the room. Maybe he would have just emailed her the file without context, actually.

“How could I ever hate you?”

His voice wasn’t much louder than her own had been, but the pure emotion in it still startled Y/n into finally meeting his gaze. The moment their eyes met, she felt a sense of calm and relief wash over her. How could she ever have been nervous? It was just Changbin. The reason she had decided to confess at all was that she was comfortable with him. She knew and trusted that he wouldn’t say or do anything to hurt her, whether he returned her feelings or not. The reason she liked him in the first place was how rational he was (if you disregard the way they first met, that is).

Changbin smiled softly when he saw her relax. Then he decided that it was his turn to be brave, his turn to stare down his insecurities and put his own damn happiness first. He was about 80% sure that he had just been confessed to, and yet he felt as if he stood on the edge of a cliff. There was a black hole in his stomach, and his heart was beating so frantically he felt light-headed. But all of that was irrelevant, because his favorite person in the entire world had just faced her fears head on, and he was not about to leave her in that uncomfortable situation.

“Did I interpret the lyrics right?” he asked. When she paused for a few seconds, the black hole in his stomach got bigger. “Please tell me I did.”

His words gave Y/n pause. She decided that, fuck it, she had gotten this far and she was going to go further. She let herself fill with hope that maybe, just maybe he felt the same. That maybe this would be a happy moment rather than the awkward one she had been envisioning since inviting Changbin in the first place. She was hopeful that her feelings would be returned after all.

“I don’t really know what you interpreted it as,” she started slowly, pausing to take a deep breath, “but this song was inspired by you and what I feel for you. I know our friendship started out in a less than pleasant way, but it has evolved so much from that. I… I’m bad with words, honestly, at least when I don’t get to process them and change them around the way I please, but-” she sighed deeply, frustrated at her inability to get her feelings out in a way that made sense. “We started getting along after our disaster of a first meeting, and you’re such a caring person, Changbin. You’re so kind, and smart, and incredibly sensible in general and all of those things are insanely attractive to me. Somewhere along the line, my feelings became more than what I thought they ever would be. More than I might be comfortable with, if I’m honest, but that doesn’t matter because it’s you and I’m so-”

Her words were abruptly stifled by Changbin’s lips pressing against hers. They were so soft against hers, yet firm. Although he was nervous (not that Y/n could tell, she was far too wrapped up in her own buzzing nerves to notice) he refused to let it stop him from finally, finally, kissing the woman he had liked for so incredibly long.

It sounded stupid, but the contact between his lips and hers put everything in his mind on pause. Not a single thought, not even his stupid nerves to tell him that he fucked up by kissing her without consent. Just… serenity. Calm.

His body, on the other hand, was losing its shit. His palms were sweating and shaking, his heart was thumping so hard he could feel it in his throat, and his lungs were screaming for oxygen - though that might be more due to the solid minute they had been kissing than nerves.

When he couldn’t take it anymore, he pulled back to look at Y/n. As soon as his lips left hers, his mind filled with worries, thoughts that were so incessant they felt like a slap to the face, and he had to stop himself from shaking his head to get them out. All of that left him, however, as soon as he looked at her properly. Her eyes were half-lidded, but he could still see how they sparkled when she looked at him. Her lips were pulled into a dopey smile, so small it was barely noticeable, but he knew her and he knew her expressions. She was happy.

“What was that for?” she panted after a few seconds of silence.

“You’re just… you. You’re you, and I felt a need to let you know how I feel before you imploded because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to hear me tell you how deeply I care for you too, and I think that would kill me.”

His declaration was borderline poetic, and while it was beautiful, it wasn’t them. So, of course, they both burst into giggles at the disgustingly cheesy declaration. Normally, Changbin would have been upset at being laughed at, but he couldn’t blame her.

That, and he didn’t have it in him to be upset in such a happy moment.