#I wasnt in a good place
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My kind friends... my kissing encounter with another trans woman... my general content feeling and happiness from HRT... things are good. They were so bad for so long but they are good right now.
#transgender#gender euphoria#trans joy#I didnt have good friends#I wasnt in a good place#I didn't have agency#I was abandoned for so long#ultimately it was Queer people who gave me a hand#and that was all it took for everything to get better#for one person to help me#and then one person again the first person found for me#and now I'm dashing around meeting good friends and genuinely breathing deep the feeling of being alive and enjoying it#looking in the mirror and telling myself that these good times are because I survived#I don't think I can ever take this joy for granted#I'm afraid to lose it but I am not anxious the way I used to be anxious about everything constantly all the time#I am still anxious about a few things but the difference I feel remembering what it used to be like to have constant anxiety all the time#I am in bliss now it's worlds apart I can't describe it#I love my friends so much and they are telling me about their happiness too
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girls when their issues get dismissed as anxiety for the millionth time
#futaba sakura#persona 5#p5r#p5#fanart#futabadoodles#chat i am SO losing it#went to get diagnosed w adhd wasnt diagnosed because and i quote “it could be anxiety” omfg#neurotypical psychiatrists especially white ones die in a hole 🥰#also because i “wasnt struggling enough”#like hi so i have this thing called emotional intelligence a good support system and access to coping skills hope that helps!#god forbid a neurodivergent person has tools to manage their condition and isnt in hell everyday i guess!#hate her ass!!!!!!!#i wasnt looking to get diagnosed for medication or support bc i already use a lot of like adhd specific supports and shit#and w accommodations my anxiety diagnosis can cover what i need for the most part so it was rlly just a validation/confirmation thing#like idk yeah. i am managing. im not particularly struggling. because ive been selfdx for a while and have implemented changes in my life#and i happen to be in a very very good place rn and im very lucky. so like. ???#rlly felt like “you have all the symptoms but youre not struggling enough with anything to be able to diagnose ypu” ok thanks fuck you#cuz ppl w adhd can manage being unmedicated by choice i js wasnt officially diagnosed before i guess its deemed “okay” to not live in hell!#dunno im frustrated. i have difficulties but i manage them well and i am very lucky to live an easy life for now so like 😭??
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i think the games have established quite clearly by now that law is phoenixs thing. honestly i really dont get the people who are like if it hadnt been for dl6 hed have been an actor or whatever, im positive hed have ended up as a lawyer somehow. especially if as a consequence of no dl6 he stayed friends with edgeworth, surely your best friend who you look up to and make a big deal about standing up for you becoming a lawyer would be a bit of a motivation. not to mention he still wouldve met mia and been defended by her. but even if you remove both of them from his life im still convinced hed end up doing law somehow. larry gets arrested for murdering his ex and phoenix decides to represent him, no experience he studies overnight to take the bar and passes, it legitimately wouldnt be out of character or unrealistic to the internal logic of the ace attorney universe
#no i mean i think this series does place quite a lot of emphasis on choices and circumstances shaping who you are#and phoenix being a lwayer is shown as a result of edgeworth and mia defending him like if it wasnt for those experiences#but also his choices whoch reflect who he is as a person and his wish to save people#yes edgeworth initially but not just edgeworth just because that was what made him start#and like in general his circumstances shaped who he is shaped his choices yadayada#still think that the point is that who he is is a defence lawyer#and i dunno actually like according to the game if edgeworth had been a defence lawyer for example would he have been#any good at it like that isnt his character is it#like it could have been though the idea is that its the circumstances#but also its a video game not that deep#ace attorney#phoenix wright#gyakuten saiban
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The original in the bottom
Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES”#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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wizard of both ways
#pokemon#swsh#champion leon#wizard leon! Ive messed arounf with this piece for literal months#and like yesterday my brain was like okay either you finish this or you explode and die#so. been finishing this up#now I can return to work in peace....#this is! also a revision of an old design#which was kinda made up as I was goin so it wasnt the most coherent thing. but I was like well. its a wizard design#cowboy wizard... sword and pen..... being in two places at the same time..... this is what this wizard is about now#the number of wizard leons Ive got is still at a round ten rn I think. into this new year I'd like to shore up and make a zine for em#got a big to do list this year... hope I get to everything#but for now. we return to the good work. we live n we see#have a good day guys! I get a snack now. a botato jacket. I wish u the opportunity for the same
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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just got a very unsavory follower so obligatory post about this
#talkys#not art#i used to be one of these people unfortunately. i know you feel like you're doing good but the world is so much bigger and so much more-#complicated than a set of words can fully encompass#and yes while there are more specific labels that could be out there and accurately describe my attraction that i could use#or even if there wasnt i could coin one#some of us dont want to do that. some of us don't want hyperspecific labels nobody will know about or recognize#some of us havent even figured out what exactly we are in the first place#what about that is destroying the community?#labels arent these sacred things that have set rigid definitions. they're not holy. you don't need to turn on your fellow queers to defend-#them. the community will not fall apart because someone used two 'conflicting' labels at once#sorry i have a lot of feelings on this ive yet to unpack ill stop rambling. Be my friend *frolic
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Assassin's Creed Revelations be like
#remember this meme?#assassins creed#ezio auditore da firenze#altair ibn la'ahad#desmond miles#I’m just joking of course theyre all in misery#sigh#i wish revelations didnt completely retcon altaïr's story and personality so that i could actually enjoy the game#every time he opens his mouth i’m just like… who are you?#it just makes me feel gaslit afjhdhs#it doesn't help that he has a completely different voice as well lol#also WHERE IS MALIK????#and maria suddenly gets fridged just like that???#at least ezio gets his eat pray love arc and finally decides to get ass-ass-out of the ass-ass-ins to enjoy family life#good for him#and desmonds just hangin out#no thoughts head empty#literally not allowed to actually do anything or change at all and put in a coma bc this game wasnt supposed to exist in the first place#dont you just love corporate greed?#sorry this got negative lmao#ac revelations spoilers#i guess???#its been like 15 years
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co-high kings galadriel & celeborn
since elrond doesn't want the kingship, galadriel & celeborn are the eldest in middle-earth of the lines of Olwe and Elmo respectively. olwe is older but hes the king of the teleri not specifically doriath sindar so there might be some dispute between which line the sindarin high kingship jumps to, but they very conveniently happen to already be married and so can skip all that and just be twice the headache for sauron
#silm#silmarillion#galadriel#celeborn#doriath#they picked yellow (like the mallorn leaves) as their accent color in place of melians pink#imagine if this was their backup plan if the aragorn distraction failed#oops the first long-lost heir claiming an ancient kingship wasnt enough to draw saurons attention away from mordor?#how about TWO not-so-long-lost heirs claiming one and a half ancient HIGH KINGSHIPS#now i wonder what would be the plan c after that#elrond agrees to claim the kingship for the good of middle earth and then promptly throws the crown away finrod-style the moment they win?#give arwen the noldorin high king/queenship and a really big dog?#let the twins share?#wait what would be the line of succession for the sindarin kingship if elrond doesnt want it#of the line of olwe galadriels the only one of the grandchildren left in middle earth#celebrian would be next or possibly gildor if hes actually finrods son#of the line of elmo celeborn and possibly thranduil (if oropher is celeborns brother) are still around#celebrian also goes next on this line and legolas on thranduil's side#and cirdan is floating around somewhere in the vague realm of 'kin of thingol'
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Baritone Darry you are always in my thoughts
#brent and jpc and dan ily all youre all amazing amazing singers#but i hope one day we get baritone darry#thats a pet peeve i have with modern musical theater in general its all belty mezzo sopranos and tenors#and they sound great!!! theyre all very talented!!!!#but oh my GOD wheres the baritone and alto love. hitting high notes is not the only way to be a talented singer#yes well hit high notes are beautiful and impressive but have you ever heard a bass hit a note lower than the seventh circle of hell?#ITS SO GOOD#stop making everyone a mezzo soprano and tenor PLEASE im on my knees begging#they have their perfect places but PLEASE give me BARITONES give me BASSES give me ALTOS give me SOFT SOPRANOS#PLEASEEEEE#i wanted to do theater professionally for a hot second in middle and high school#and one of the main reasons why i gave up on that was because i was an alto (and knew if i started testosterone id be a baritone/bass)#and i know i wouldnt be able to book SHIT#and if i did go on testosterone (which i did eventually) i would basically only have a CHANCE at booking something if it was a revival#of a show from pre 2000#cuz i cant dance for shit so i couldnt be ensemble with a baritone track#that wasnt the only reason i chose a different career but godamn was it a big one#two-bit talks#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#darrel curtis#darry curtis
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I think my issue with a lot of modern takes on video game creepypastas, particularly the concept of "fixing" video game creepypastas, is that a lot of them seem to believe video game horror revolves around making things visually scary and not like. Considering what would actually make something like Super Mario scary
I've been on kind of a Mario kick recently so I've been interested in recent creepypasta fangame projects revolving around it and they all have the same energy of like. Distorted faces and bitcrushed noises and running from a demon and all that. Analog horror stuff. In an abstracted way it seems more like they're trying to fix Sonic.EXE than anything, but what was wrong with Sonic.EXE wasn't that it's designs weren't scary enough. It fundamentally didn't understand how to take Sonic and twist its concepts in a way to make it scary
Like, take Mario 64 horror and compare it Super Mario horror. 64 has a legacy as a kind of lonely, vaguely uncanny game in the minds of many people. Lots of Mario 64 horror banks on this with surreal imagery and emphasis on extreme feelings of isolation. The early Super Mario games don't have a history with this sort of innate unease, so what do they have to distort and corrupt?
I think the best example of Super Mario horror is Coronation Day. It understands the assignment, that being - Mario games are whimsical, they tell a story without giving much information, and they rely on graphics to immerse the player in the fantastical world. Coronation Day twists these; the story is whimsical in a very dark way, it uses corrupted, vague messages to convey its plot, and it's backgrounds and assets immerse the player in the feeling that something is deeply deeply wrong. Coronation Day absolutely does rely on scary designs and gore and stuff, but I think it would still be impactful without it.
Idk I'm not sure I'm communicating a coherent point here, I just wish these modern "fix-it" takes on Creepypastas would apply more depth than "good horror art = inherently good horror game/story"
#thoughts are kind of all over the place on this topic hopefully i'm making some sense#txt#i feel like some of these people read like. godzilla nes. and were like oh you make a good creepypasta by making really good art#and like the art absolutely helped that story that story has AMAZING art but. it wasnt the only reason it was good#it had a good story too. you need a good story you cant rely on art alone djshdjsj
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realized i painted half the environments on the first pages of chapter two in the wrong color and it kinda deflated the determination i had to push myself to get the first comic update out asap :/
#ganondoodles talks#i am so good at digging my own graves of creative failure#i can probably play with color correction but its not gonna look organic#idk i can always see that a thing wasnt painting that way in the first place bc it just doesnt fit right#(havent been able to work on anything for the past few days bc my lil brother was here and i just wanted to spend time with him)#(dont see him very often :( played the new mario party together until i couldnt stay awake anymore lol)#i am extremely caught between writing totk rant and concept art for the rewrite and ... comic stuff#i feel like the longer i dont get either done the less its gonna be worth it#and i keep flip flopping back and forth (and with depression artblock kicking my ass too) without getting anywhere#im guessing its gonna go on for so long it will either be far too little relevant anymore or my brain loses its fixation on it#i dont want it all to be yet another ambitious and forever unfinished project ...............#but i cant ever finish anything so i supposed my worry and struggle with all that is in vain anyway
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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything
#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable#but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start#ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍
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every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog
#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me#into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder#because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace#but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me#and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid#and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically#its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard#bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them#THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants#one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning#which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it#one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it#he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old#the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it#dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early#because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs#which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money#but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family 🥺#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them#or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know#and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week
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so often i see people try to downplay violet and minervas relationship like it wasnt Real enough or was some Inferior Romance that her relationship with clementine could Never compare to, and i find it so annoying and boring
she LOVED minerva!! and its okay that she did!! she was her first love!! childhood best friends turned girlfriends!! seeing her being so heartbroken and miserable about what happened to minnie, how deeply and desperately she missed her, hugging that bed frame so pathetically. but clementine makes her CARE again. makes her LOVE again. slowly violet becomes comfortable with the idea of opening her heart up to people again, after trying so hard not to because the pain of losing people she cared about was too much to bear (especially when she blamed herself for them being gone)
then she learns minnie didnt die. shes falling in love with clem while grappling with the fact that minnie might still be out there??
then she meets minnie in the woods. but minnie has changed just like she has. theyre both different people now. and slowly violet is forced to come to terms with the fact that the person she loved so deeply isnt that person anymore??
violet at the beginning mourning minerva and blaming herself, to shooting her to save clems life. she LOVED minerva once, but she doesnt like the person she is now. and shes not gonna let her hurt anyone else she cares about. shes done mourning her by the time they get to the bridge, only crying out for tenn
like idk i just find their relationship evolution to be so interesting and sad as shit. the fact that they once loved each other so much and it has now come to this?? but violet makes her choice and she Chooses clementine, because she admires and loves clementine, probably similar to the way she used to admire and love minerva if the way she talked about her is any indication
i just think "i never thought i would ever feel this way again" is way more interesting than "wow minnie Never made me feel like This"
#violet makes minnie a stronger character literally Just by being there#the way vi and minnie and clem all bounce off each other is so fucking good#CLEM SLEEPING IN MINNIES BED IS NOT AN ACCIDENT#clem has essentially replaced her. and minnie is seething about it. because she wanted them all to follow her to the delta#but instead theyre following clementine. who she sees as a threat to their lives. when in reality the real threat is her and the delta#now its minnie who is sad and lost and doesnt know how to grapple with it#instead doing what she can to save herself. even if it means hurting the people she cares about#and violet HATES THAT!! and shes willing to fight to save the people she loves#even if it means hurting someone she used to care about more than anything#she places that shot so perfectly. she doesnt WANT to hurt minnie. but she wasnt gonna let her hurt clementine either#she may have loved minnie once. partially blames herself for what happened to her. but theyre both different now. and she loves clementine#LIKE IDK that evolution is just so good and makes the clemvi romance even more strong??? violet knows Exactly what and who she wants#so by downplaying the vinerva romance it inherently makes her choice to choose clem weaker??#the more she loved minnie the harder that choice was. and she chose clementine#anyway this is why the clem vi minnie boat fight makes me bark like a wild beast#either i see people try to downplay her love for minerva OR they overhype it and act like she never got over her#when her getting over minnie is the whole point!! taken vi trusted her bc she LIED to her about sophie!! and clem broke her trust#god shes so heartbroken and confused in that cell get her out of there!!!!! vi i'll save you every time!!!!!!#thinking about clemviminnie instead of working what else is new#twdg#violentine#vinerva
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this was an idea i had last year that i found in my files and decided to revive. woe, angst be upon ye
#it was originally going to be that every panel was drawn#but i think trying to do all of that was why i gave up in the first place#cause man im not used to like... any of those angles#i need to be but im just not so#the white vignette is meant to indicate its what hes imagining/remembering#i know he wasnt there for the ineffable bureaucracy thing but like#hes just imagining it very accurately#hes thinking of them because they got their happy ending but he didnt lol#i remember last year when i first decided to draw this i tried to get a google earth angle of the bench :[ but there wasnt a good angle#so i just had to reference off the actual shot of them sitting on that bench lol#he also might be really tiny compared to it but shhh dont mind that#ineffable husbands#good omens#good omens fan art#anthony j crowley#aziraphale#beezlebub good omens#gabriel good omens#oh by the way the song is 'tomorrow never came' i think its by lana del ray but i only know the thomas sanders and miss benny cover#my post#my art#good omens angst#ineffable husbands angst#edit from hours and hours later but man i remembered the lyric 'every day felt like someday and i just wish we had stayed home'#and man i cant even think of an image or drawing that that would be attached to but i wish i could cause i like it too
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