#I want to relax!!!! and do nothing!
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26th bday trip to az to see family !
#going through it in my childhood bedroom???#i be napping fr#feels nice to have next to no responsibility rn#however everyone bugging me abt my birthday and what i wanna do this week#I want to relax!!!! and do nothing!#and doing nothing means i want to go to the swimming hole and lay in the sun and that’s all#I don’t wanna go shopping or be near tons of ppl#I want my body to get a relaxing moment where it’s not on high alert#26 on Monday and gonna change my bios before so I don’t cry doing it day of 🤭#just girly things !#personal
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mmmmmMMMMMMM
#sigh#I wanted this break to be nice and relaxing#just allow myself to recharge maybe do some silly personal doodles#but we finally got the quote from the mechanic and it’s#it’s bad but it’s either get this repair or get an all new car we can’t afford#this whole month has been a terrible downward spiral and I’m#trying so hard#I’m not well#things aren’t letting up#I have no motivation to do anything enjoyable#nothing feels enjoyable#I just#I want to sleep forever#I don’t want to deal with this anymore#I still can’t seem to get a job#Q’s job is mentally destroying him because of the things he’s now being exposed to#but he’s been trying to get a new job since mid April#I#no longer feel any hope that things will get better#Christmas?#I feel no Christmas joy#I feel no joy#I picked a shit time to get off my meds but#I don’t know I’m tired of taking pills#there’s nothing wrong with needing them I get that but I just#I didn’t want that anymore#sorry I just needed to yell into the void before I lose my fucking mind#I’m fine things will be fine they’re always fine in the end they have to be
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Whitty And Bf Personality Swap? Lovely Art By The Way, Truly Inspiring. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ~ ♡
hm I guess k, not feeling the most creative but here lol
idk lol
mostly based on this bc idk thought the vibes looked fitting in theory lmao:
#bombeep#whittyxbf#not the shippiest but eh still endgame so still tagging lol#personality swap sort of#couldn't think of much so just general silly vibes I guess ha#based on a very early point in time relationship-wise pre-friendship and all#like right after whitty'd reluctantly accepted bf's offer to stay at his place off the street at least for a lil bit#but still wanting nothing to do with him in general#while bf'd just try his best to make him chill out and relax with his charm and positive vibes but not succeeding very well just yet lol#so ye just imagining that scenario but swapping their places more or less vibe wise while they still look the same as usual counts right?#am not very creative sorry hope it's still passable lmao#bg kinda dumb but felt empty without any I guess so general vague shapes it is#yes I know bf looks too small scale-wise for it and whitty's probably way off too but at this point it's too much work to go back sorry ha#so yea sorry for general wonkyness lol#take it or leave it#enjoy or don't#whatever floats your boat#fnf au#fnf shipping#boyfriend#whitty#bf#I draw what I want#thanks for the suggestion#sorry that it's like 4+ months late ah well here it is anyways lol#stay groovy friendo
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🌩️
For the ask game please :D
Thank you so much for the ask hehe!! I'm actually quite a bad measure of what's funny in my writing but most things involving Hermes tend to make me chuckle. Have something from my ongoing Hermapollo document!
"C'mon, you really tellin' me you never -" Apollo shakes his head once, the motion measured and elegant and so entirely not Artemis that Hermes is really thinking that whole twin thing is just a bit they feed the new kids for their own sick satisfaction. "But you love wide hips!"
Surprisingly, the young sun god doesn't freak out and struggle to cover Hermes' mouth with an embarrassed hand like he was expecting. He doesn’t darken with anger or flush with irritation. There’s not even a little trace of the burning beast of wrath that threatened to damn him to Tartarus for stealing a few cows. It’s kind of creepy, honestly. Hermes ought to take him mortal watching on his next day out, maybe he just acts different when he’s on the mountain.
Apollo's gaze is fixed on the delicate metalwork wrapped around the fountain's base. Hermes still feels as though he's looking at him with entirely too much intensity. It must be the crow nestled on his shoulder. "I also appreciate a wide back but you've never caught me pining after Ares."
Hermes shrugs easily, "Not yet at least."
Finally, Apollo's fingers stall, his brush blotting ink where it's still connected to the paper. "That's disgusting."
A bright laugh erupts from Hermes, genuine enough that Apollo doesn't notice his now ruined study aa he marvels at this novel variation of Hermes' usual mischievous snicker. When he turns his attention back to his painting, a caustic frown sours his once dignified expression and Hermes nods internally around another fit of laughter. There's the Apollo he knows.
Disappointingly, his hair doesn't even flare, he simply rips the page out of the weighty sketchbook and washes the brush clean. Dips it in the empty black ink and begins anew. His crow doesn’t even ruffle its feathers. "Besides, it would be rude to Lady Cyprus"
Hermes blinks. Stops for a fraction of a moment as he processes the information Apollo let slip with this new, blasé tone of his. A vicious smile bisects his face. "You're kiddin'."
Apollo doesn't grant him so much as a glance, "I wonder."
He immediately attaches himself to Apollo's side, mildly annoyed that the blond's stroke doesn't even waver - what a prick - but this bit of gossip takes hard precedence. "How'd you even find out?!"
Dispassionate gold eyes look down on him from behind too long and equally gold eyelashes. Actually, if Hermes really looks, there’s a sparkle in there, the same sort their father gets in his eyes before he issues a particularly troublesome task to some unfortunate servant. A soft wetness lands solidly on his forehead and when he catches himself, he realises its ink and Apollo's dumb lips are actually smiling now. He holds his brush out with elegant fingers and his crow hops atop it. "'Everything that happens beneath the sun', remember?"
#ginger answers asks#ginger writes#apollo has a paper sketchbook because I say so actually#also despite what's written here I don't have anything against apollo/ares#I'm one of those people that thinks anything could be good so long as it's executed properly#for my purposes though Apollo very much thinks of Ares as his brother and nothing more so insinuating he'd be attracted to him would be like#insinuating he could some day be attracted to Artemis which like - do you want to get shot?#Hermes has a very hard time adjusting to Olympian Apollo and relaxed Apollo it's a whole thing#also yeah there is a whole plot about Aphrodite and Ares' affair#I also have a wip that's just Ares-Aphrodite-Hephaestus couples therapy and Apollo is the therapist#I have SO many wips y'all don't even understand#apollo#hermes#writing
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Hot take: a holiday were you go away and do nothing is no different then sitting at home and doing nothing
#Parents have planned to go back to a holiday cottage we frequent for a week and like...I'm not looking forward to it#there is nothing to do in the local area#I'd much rather just stay at home rather than them wasting their money to pay for this#because as I said we've been there before and I already know their is nothing to do in the local area for entertainment#Maybe it's just me but I hate holidays where you do nothing#I don't find that relaxing#I want options to do stuff on a holiday#having nothing to do on a holiday if anything kinda just makes me restless and fidgety because I get bored very quickly#also holidays are about making memories so why would I want to go on a holiday where I do nothing with family?#Palette talks
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hello if you're a writer and you have adhd i am gripping you by the throat and begging on my hands and knees for the secret to being consistent with writing.........i get like random bursts of motivation where i write like 50-70k in a single week and then 2 days later the thought of jotting down even a single word fills me with Dread. how do you do it. sobbing
#it doesn't help that i also work full time at a big fancy adult career job or some BULLSHIT like that#and then gotta get off of a 8.5 hour shift and GO TO THE GYM??? AND COOK??? AND EAT??? AND SHOWER???? and then ALSO WRITE????? help me#not to mention....i still want to have things like friends! and hobbies! and things i do outside of writing about silly block men#and sometimes! i just wanna relax and do nothing and watch netflix or tiktok#but the adhd makes it SO hard to coordinate it all and have motivation to do any of it!!! even if it's something i really WANT to do!!!!#rah rah screaming and sobbing#plant yaps#plant writes#idk about that last one i ain't doing much writing at the moment
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Okay I might be in a bad mood today but I just got so mad because I saw someone on rym complain on the reviews of a particular recording that the rite of spring (of all pieces) is a little too intense to be good background music for studying. and they had to detract a point for this. now I don't mean to sound pretentious because there's nothing wrong with studying to classical music and you don't have to like every piece of music but complaining it's not a good piece of music because it's distracting to you while you're trying to study. You know I wonder if that's because this piece of music was.....I don't know and maybe this is a crazy idea. Meant to be fucking listened to. This might be insane but I wonder if stravinsky did in fact go into composing it with more than the sole intention of just providing a piece of studyblr background music. Just a thought
#i dont have the haters temperament except when i do#like omfg idk it drives me crazy people talk this way about jazz too like its just music made solely to be like chill background music and#its like. have you considered that might not be the point at all#or just the idea that this is one tangible and uniform thing. like this isnt a huge catchall term#if you want to listen to Classical Music while studying thats totally fine but if youre like mmm my relaxing stravinsky thats on YOU not hi#like again nothing wrong if you didnt like/get it but dont tear down your man for writing an incredibly exciting piece of music like thats a#FAILING...
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My roommate has not been to work in like two weeks atp……
#like. girl. you better still have a fucking job#two months from now idgaf what you do but you’re paying your share of the fucking bills#she talks so much about how she fucking hates her job and wants to quit#(which y’know I understand truly I do)#however she does strike me as the type of dumbass to just do that with no backup plan#because it just doesn’t make her ‘happy’ there#also it’s just fucking annoying like can I have a day. where you’re just not fucking here. to relax 😭#she always had weekends off and I always worked weekends#so I always got to look forward to having my days off to myself#but WHY the FUCK have you not been at work a single day I’ve been off in weeks now#okay. Christmas off. makes sense. WHAT ABOUT ANY OF THE FUCKING OTHERS#also she has not paid me for the electric bill of WiFi despite them being due in like. three days#I’m going to fucking kill her I swear to god if this bitch quit her job and doesn’t fucking pay me her share of the bills…..#oh it’s so fucking over#I would also like to stress that like. she’s not sick she has nothing else going on#no actual reason to not go to work#so why. THE FUCK. are you not there#and using all your free time trying to convince me to go to bars with you 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#oh this month cannot end fast enough I need out of here before I fucking go insane#kaz rambles
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he's so happy 🥰🧶
#mine#ts4#sims 4#the sims 4#simblr#sims#ofmd#ed#ofmd sims#man i usually rly limit myself to how much i post in one day#because i dont want to post too much of the same thing#dont want ppl to get bored or oversaturate the dash with sims#but i am rly trying to learn how to relax#because i am the type of person who is super all or nothing (which usually ends on nothing)#but when i AM doing something i go all in and make so much stuff and just......#i am too impatient to space it out i want to share it asap!!!#that is one thing that i like abt tumblr is that i can queue things#and i think other sites should take inspiration from taht tbh#that would make bluesky perfect for me.... gif support#the ability to make a thread as you're typing rather than having to send one post and then reply rinse and repeat#and i know those are probably in the works#i dont imagine a queue is tho but if it was that would be my dream site 😂
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idk which of you needs to hear this rn but today is a fantastic day to do absolutely nothing at all like today is great for napping and procrastinating and catching up on your interests and laying around and ordering in and slacking off etc etc
#here’s ur permission now go sleep or whatever else#ive had five busy days in a row and felt awful so i’ve spent all day today in bed doing NOTHING#and it’s SO nice like i want to cry about it#BUT even if you HAVENT been busy you still get to slack if you see this btw#stop living guiltily and feeling like you have to constantly be busy or productive#idc anymore take my hand and be lazy and relaxed and calm with me#im kissing ur forehead and telling you it’s okay#and if it’s really late in the day for you right now this extends to tomorrow or whenever you need it#😤😤#this post is an Official™️ slacking off free pass yours to cash in whenever#😴😴😴
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i do not like thanksgiving (week)
#1. late november? it’s Dark. all the time. pure darkness#also my dad is neurotic for no reason about the electricity bill despite how much money he spends on random other crap#and he will get really nasty with you if you leave a light on for one nanosecond longer than it needs to be on#so like only if you’re in the room which means the house is dark all the time and you’re expected to just walk around like that#even though having a light on at your destination if you’re moving back and forth helps#like sorry i don’t want to feel depressed and sleepy all the time#2. family over means i have to socialize even though i straight up have nothing to say#i think this one is self explanatory i think we all know the feeling of having to perform around relatives and to be friendly#i really do try my best i’m not like a hardcore introvert i’m just boring and easily bored#if i have nothing to say but i am expected by law to be present at the gathering#i will cope with looking awkward by constantly snacking on whatever food is present#so i just eat like a ton of crackers or whatever over several hours#and i feel like absolute crap#like blehhh wdym peanut m&ms will make your body annoyed at you#3. i can’t cook i’ll be so real so i can’t even feel like i’m being helpful#i would gladly help out i’ll just always need someone to hold my hand and i’ll be in the way#so it’s better for me to stay away#but then it looks like i’m just lazy#or again antisocial#and then that means i gotta do cleanup and dishes#4. going back to the Darkness and sleepiness. all of the above things are bad enough over say christmas#but at least then i can relax bc the semester is over it’s a real break#but thanksgiving? man i am still busy. i have to work from home. i am stressed#my instinct is to hibernate and relax bc of the darkness and holiday vibe#however i’m not allowed to#but it’s hard to be productive#harder still when you have to operate under someone else’s rules#peach rambles
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against my better judgment, i made another datv character (qunari this time & now all slots are occupied) and i'm going to add him 🥰
bonus preview of evren <3
#the amounts of hours in cc i spent for my qunari are longer than evren and sezer combined 🥹#and i will post the promised starters soon! i just had to get this out there first 🫡 every night i went to sleep#my inner demons told me to give up INSTEAD i won i defeated them 😈 now i can relax read a book touch grass#THE EYES the eyes took me so long to figure out i didn't want them with the whites neither did the all black sclera work for me and#in my sleep during the moments where you wake up for a second and gain some consciousness my first thought was i'm gonna make his eyes red#... slept like a baby right after that i knew it was the thing i needed to do to find peace ���#i'm not sure about his name yet nothing feels fitting ... AGAIN !!#° › OOC ‹ 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 * out of character ╲ MUN .
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Its so easy to assimilate into a cis male space and it's access to patriarchal power just by declaring yourself as one of them. They will instantly respect you and definitely not squint to see the ghostly spectre of your feminine mystique every time they look at you. this is famously known and no one has ever come across any problems to date (why would anyone keep your records, you don't exist)
#even when you do get 'in' its like. god maybe its just me. i cant relax#i cant relax and be one of The Boys when im scared that its for nothing#its like something that would make me insanely dysphoric tho its kind of funny is uhh -#people would make those videos about 'pick me' girls trying so hard to be one of the guys#and the implication seemed to be that this is such an impossible and pathetic thing to attempt#that it could never work and the only reason youd want that is to have str8 hookups i guess#ive been having a hard time w this shit lately beyond any online discourse lol just on a personal level#i wish my social dysphoria was not abysmal to the point it hindered me actually working toward like#doing affirming things like being able to be confident in my own masculinity
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the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.
I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....
every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....
#talkys#this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did#there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way#but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset...#i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish#i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above#in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good?#isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than...#i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish#and because im no better than anyone else#my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck#pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day#i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!!#and it is true....!#we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish#i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler.#*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim#i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....
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lol. i think ive reached my limit.
#i just cannot take this torture anymore#ive been at the mercy of this horrible disease for over half my life now#imagine living knowing that roughly every 3.5 weeks youre going to experience the most excruciating pain of your life#along with crushing. usually suicidal depression. and such extreme fatigue and exhaustion that you easily sleep for 14+ hours a DAY#AND ITS ALL FOR FUCKING *NOTHING*#there is literally ZERO benefit or reason for me to be experiencing this#it is 100% extraneous#and even if you go to a dr and try to get treatment their only recommendation is 1) pain killers and/or 2) birth control#which both come with their own fucking share of unpleasant side effects#not to mention theyre not even 100% effective at stopping the problem in the first FUCKING place#and imagine even tho you have this DEBILITATING DISORDER society at large has decided it straight up DOESNT EXIST#to the point where REAL ACTUAL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS will dismiss your symptoms#not to mention people in your life who dont understand or just straight up dont believe your disorder is real#good luck keeping a job or any other major commitments#considering you'll either be out of commission for like. 1 out of ever 4 weeks#or youll have to work/whatever WHILE experiencing said excruciating pain/crushing depression/debilitating exhaustion#not to mention the GI issues and the migraines and the brain fog and the fucking. full body aches#wanna go to a concert? or plan a vacation? or just. fucking. RELAX? you better hope its not during Hell Week or youre outta luck#and youve got roughly 30-40 YEARS of this to look forward to#maybe less IF YOURE LUCKY#im fucking over it#i cant take it anymore#im making an appt to see a dr and i WILL NOT LEAVE THEIR OFFICE until they have referred me to whoever i have to talk to to make this stop#my fucking fury at having to live like this has officially outweighed my fear of invasive procedures/recovery time/side effects#let along the torture that is navigating the medical care system as an AFAB#i just. i cant do this anymore.#i want to fucking LIVE#fuck
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if i think too long about the ending making lloyd leave the home he worked so hard to save behind along with the new found family he sacrificed his life for so he can move to a place he has no emotional connection to where he only knows two people (one of which is actually following him from the aforementioned home) in order to make him get a standard "have a wife and children" 'happy' ending i start wanting to bite people not gonna lie
#i talk a lot <3#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#it is. such a sucky ending i hate it i'm sorry i cannot stand it#i love charlotte with all my heart and i truly do like alicia#but jesus fuck that ending#the one thing lloyd wants is to have an easy relaxed life surrounded by the people he loves#and then the ending has him become the royal consort to someone we know likes to use people to their best potential#and living permanently away from his parents and all the people he came to care about#except for javier and alicia. and javier is only there because of lloyd anyway.#i just. i hate heteronormative endings so much man.#he didn't need to marry! he could've found his happy ending without having to be romantically involved with anyone!!#there's this whole thing about lloyd thinking to himself that his happy ending will be settling down with a wife and have kids#and then there is this one moment. where he talks about what he really wants. his one true wish.#and he talks about how he just wants a family. a normal family. a family that welcomes him after a day's work. a family that lives a normal#life without worrying about nothing much. he doesn't want big territories or power or an army. he just wants to have a family that loves hi#and enough to keep them safe.#AND FUCKING GUESS WHAT HE GAINS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE NOVEL#GUESS WHAT THE EMOTIONAL CORE OF THE ENTIRE THING WAS#A FAMILY. PARENTS AND A BROTHER AND A BEST FRIEND THAT CARE FOR HIM AND WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY AND HIM DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO KEEP#THEM SAFE. AND HE DOES. EVERYTHING HE DOES WAS TOO KEEP THEM SAFE AND SOUND AND HE GETS HIS WISH.#DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!!#HE DIDN'T NEED TO MARRY BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAD HIS WISH. HE ALREADY HAD HIS HAPPY ENDING. I'M SO MAD KASHDKA#tged
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