#I want to sleep forever
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mmmmmMMMMMMM
#sigh#I wanted this break to be nice and relaxing#just allow myself to recharge maybe do some silly personal doodles#but we finally got the quote from the mechanic and it’s#it’s bad but it’s either get this repair or get an all new car we can’t afford#this whole month has been a terrible downward spiral and I’m#trying so hard#I’m not well#things aren’t letting up#I have no motivation to do anything enjoyable#nothing feels enjoyable#I just#I want to sleep forever#I don’t want to deal with this anymore#I still can’t seem to get a job#Q’s job is mentally destroying him because of the things he’s now being exposed to#but he’s been trying to get a new job since mid April#I#no longer feel any hope that things will get better#Christmas?#I feel no Christmas joy#I feel no joy#I picked a shit time to get off my meds but#I don’t know I’m tired of taking pills#there’s nothing wrong with needing them I get that but I just#I didn’t want that anymore#sorry I just needed to yell into the void before I lose my fucking mind#I’m fine things will be fine they’re always fine in the end they have to be
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Dear diary...
Every night I go to sleep hoping I don't wake up again...
And then I do.
#dear diary#tw#personal#worthless#empty#tired#useless#i want to die#i want to sleep forever#i hate myself#i'm sorry#pain#alone#anxiety#self harm#suicidal#sad#depression#heartbreak#hurt#hopeless#kill me#lost#lonely#broken#numb#not good enough
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I'm exhausted...
#i want to disappear#i hate my existence#tw depression#im not mentally stable#mentally fucked#su1c1dal#depressing quotes#aaaaaa#kill me#i want to sleep forever#im tired#mentally tired
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Why do I feel like I have a severe cold when it's the middle of the summer goddamnit
I know temperature doesn't have anything to do with it but having hot soup and lots of tea for my sore throat is bullshit when it's like 90 degrees outside
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What if the alarm clock said it was 10 am but I said snorkkk mimimimimi
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I'm Watching a Loneliness Just Arisen
#thoughts#grief#feelings#rough#rough night#change#changes#bts#i want to sleep forever#loneliness#lonely#alone
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being a medical student is fun.
youre constantly torn between being genuinely concerned if you might actually have narcolepsy or if your sleep schedule is just that messed up.
im tired.
#i want to sleep forever#this applies to other stuff too lol#the constant crisis of do i actually have the thing or is this another case of medical student syndrome?#i havent even reached my clinical years. how am i supposed to survive the horrors if i cant get my brain to stay awake now?#alhamdulilah always#i hope things will fall into place by then
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At this point my eyebags have eyebags
#i really need to sleep#i want to sleep forever#that sounds weird#but anyways#desiblr#desi teen#desi tumblr#desi academia#desi memes#shitpost#honestly#send help
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I hate hustle culture, I don't want a dozen side gigs, I don't want to work 18 hours a day, I don't want to spend what's supposed to be my free time working, I don't want to hustle.
I just want a regular job that pays the bills and that's it. Something to keep me from starving, something to buy a treat once in a while.
I don't need a tesla or a lamborghini, I don't need the newest iPhone, I don't need a mansion or a penthouse, I don't need designer clothes, I don't need millions in the bank, I don't get my nails done, I don't get my hair done, I don't get my eyelashes done, I don't feel the need for these things, it's okay if you do, to each their own, but I just don't.
I just want to make a decent living, pay the bills, buy some good coffee, feed the pets, buy some treats for myself sometimes and that's it. But I can't get a job, I am trying, I am applying, I am cold emailing, and yet I am still pathetic and unemployed, and I have been for so fucking long, my dignity is nonexistent at this point, there's nothing left. I can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.
#mine#i hate it here#depressing life#i am so tired#i want to scream#personal#job search#i’m unemployed#i hate being unemployed#fuck hustle culture#i want to cry#i want to sleep forever#i want to disappear#i want to kms
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Had a dream that Choso was also close to my 2 best friends and I had a crush on him forever so when he said "I love you" to me out of nowhere I was like 😳 what
And then I yelled at him bc I was so nervous lmaoooo we were going to kiss but I was like, suddenly too nervous n said he has to give me time to brush my teeth before he confesses something like that 😭
Also I was rly good at making Sukuna's fingers out of chocolate, I even made a whole hand, and I was going to offer it to him and I wasted the rest of the dream trying to cook for Choso 😒
Even though I noticed he was drawn differently it was so believable bc we had mutual friends, so waking up devastated me smh
#Jjk dreams#His shoulders were out and I'm sad nkw#It was similar to that fanart I reblogged recently where he's in that sleeveless shirt and has tattoos and there's a pastel background#Through the window and an oc is sitting down across the table from him#I think she's in a green dress#I want to sleep forever#This was so. So good and so mean#Ramble#I was going to ask my friends if he knew about this disorder bc I felt like he deserved to knkw#I wanted him to#Bht I was afraid of him leaving me
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Dear diary...
My real nightmares begin when I wake up.
#dear diary#personal#worthless#empty#tired#useless#i want to die#i want to sleep forever#i hate myself#i'm sorry#pain#alone#anxiety#self harm#suicidal#sad#depression#heartbreak#hurt#hopeless#kill me#lost#lonely#broken#numb#not good enough
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#I’m trying#I’m trying so fucking hard#but I haven’t felt this bad in such a long time#I want out#I want to sleep forever#I never want to wake up again#my body aches everyday#getting out of bed is so fucking hard#but I have no choice but to get up#even when my body feels heavy and I can barely move#I hate that I’m feeling like this again#I’m trying so fucking hard not to relapse#I don’t want anymore scars#but I keep thinking about it and it’s hard to keep my mind away from those thoughts#I’ve been shit with taking my meds recently too which obviously isnt helping#I just wish I didn’t exist
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he upgraded so fast but i will never have another chance with someone as beautiful as he is.
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I tried to kill myself today...
I walked to the middle of the road and waited for a car to hit me...
My girlfriend pulled me out right before a car came...
I'm tired... I can’t go on anymore
#mentally fucked#im not mentally stable#su1c1dal#tw depression#depressing life#tw self destruction#kinda depressing#sorry for being depressing#depressing shit#suicidal#i want to disappear#i hate me so much#i hate my existence#i want to cry#i want to sleep forever#i want to kms
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