#I want to sleep forever
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mmmmmMMMMMMM
#sigh#I wanted this break to be nice and relaxing#just allow myself to recharge maybe do some silly personal doodles#but we finally got the quote from the mechanic and it’s#it’s bad but it’s either get this repair or get an all new car we can’t afford#this whole month has been a terrible downward spiral and I’m#trying so hard#I’m not well#things aren’t letting up#I have no motivation to do anything enjoyable#nothing feels enjoyable#I just#I want to sleep forever#I don’t want to deal with this anymore#I still can’t seem to get a job#Q’s job is mentally destroying him because of the things he’s now being exposed to#but he’s been trying to get a new job since mid April#I#no longer feel any hope that things will get better#Christmas?#I feel no Christmas joy#I feel no joy#I picked a shit time to get off my meds but#I don’t know I’m tired of taking pills#there’s nothing wrong with needing them I get that but I just#I didn’t want that anymore#sorry I just needed to yell into the void before I lose my fucking mind#I’m fine things will be fine they’re always fine in the end they have to be
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I’m so tired. I’m anxious. I want to sleep, but I can’t. I really don’t want to work right now. I feel shit. Like I’m nothing. Worth nothing. Not good enough, ever, for anyone. I feel so vulnerable and small. A part of me wishes I’d continued on the path I started at the end of 2023, where I decided I was going to be strong and independent. But I knew it wasn’t who I am, so I let myself fall and embrace being a baby girl. On days like today I wish I was able to be a strong bad ass woman and not a fragile little girl.
#i want to sleep forever#i want this to go away#i’m not strong enough#why make any progress when it doesn’t really matter#i’m exhausted
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the weekend went by too fast.. take me back to friday </3
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What if the alarm clock said it was 10 am but I said snorkkk mimimimimi
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At this point my eyebags have eyebags
#i really need to sleep#i want to sleep forever#that sounds weird#but anyways#desiblr#desi teen#desi tumblr#desi academia#desi memes#shitpost#honestly#send help
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I hate hustle culture, I don't want a dozen side gigs, I don't want to work 18 hours a day, I don't want to spend what's supposed to be my free time working, I don't want to hustle.
I just want a regular job that pays the bills and that's it. Something to keep me from starving, something to buy a treat once in a while.
I don't need a tesla or a lamborghini, I don't need the newest iPhone, I don't need a mansion or a penthouse, I don't need designer clothes, I don't need millions in the bank, I don't get my nails done, I don't get my hair done, I don't get my eyelashes done, I don't feel the need for these things, it's okay if you do, to each their own, but I just don't.
I just want to make a decent living, pay the bills, buy some good coffee, feed the pets, buy some treats for myself sometimes and that's it. But I can't get a job, I am trying, I am applying, I am cold emailing, and yet I am still pathetic and unemployed, and I have been for so fucking long, my dignity is nonexistent at this point, there's nothing left. I can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.
#mine#i hate it here#depressing life#i am so tired#i want to scream#personal#job search#i’m unemployed#i hate being unemployed#fuck hustle culture#i want to cry#i want to sleep forever#i want to disappear#i want to kms
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Had a dream that Choso was also close to my 2 best friends and I had a crush on him forever so when he said "I love you" to me out of nowhere I was like 😳 what
And then I yelled at him bc I was so nervous lmaoooo we were going to kiss but I was like, suddenly too nervous n said he has to give me time to brush my teeth before he confesses something like that 😭
Also I was rly good at making Sukuna's fingers out of chocolate, I even made a whole hand, and I was going to offer it to him and I wasted the rest of the dream trying to cook for Choso 😒
Even though I noticed he was drawn differently it was so believable bc we had mutual friends, so waking up devastated me smh
#Jjk dreams#His shoulders were out and I'm sad nkw#It was similar to that fanart I reblogged recently where he's in that sleeveless shirt and has tattoos and there's a pastel background#Through the window and an oc is sitting down across the table from him#I think she's in a green dress#I want to sleep forever#This was so. So good and so mean#Ramble#I was going to ask my friends if he knew about this disorder bc I felt like he deserved to knkw#I wanted him to#Bht I was afraid of him leaving me
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he upgraded so fast but i will never have another chance with someone as beautiful as he is.
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i’ll never get better and it’s genuinely all my fault . i hope i rot
#bunny talks#:/#this is the only thing that helps me. how could i ever do anything different? how could anything else compare to this?#there’s no place in the world for someone like me#i take up too much space just by being alive#i want to sleep forever#i love girlblogging here like it’s a journal for all to see LMFAO
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I have the same mood as my little Raketa 😴😴
And also hungry as Harpyje 🍽️
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hehe having a menty b bc the universe has decided to grace me w the most debilitating nightmarish allergies i’ve ever had in my entire life when i should be prepping for a fucking cyclone that is coincidentally hitting my city at a time that will inevitably fuck up my plans to see one of my fav international artists perform live hahahaha
#i crave the sweet release of death#the flip of good luck to bad luck this week has been absolutely insane#i want to sleep forever
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I want to crash out
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I hate having to wake up in the mornings :p like wtf
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struggling with part 11 of the smau. I think im gonna go to sleep and come back to it tomorrow maybe post tomorrow night.
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