#pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day

[skunkes]

the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.

I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....

every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....

[doraminatook]

We're About To Get Playfully Blasphemous Here (or...The Metaphorical Death and Resurrection of Me)

2023 was the year I turned 33, and in case you didn’t know, many religious scholars cite that as the age Jesus was crucified and rose from the dead.  Now, within literature there’s a trope called the Christ-like figure in which a character sacrifices themself and from that death, something happens in order to advance the plot.  Usually that something is either the “dead” character rising from the ashes and obtaining new powers (think Gandalf the Grey battling the Balrog and then coming back as Gandalf the White) or the protagonist being so moved by the death of this secondary character that they are reborn in some way (think Red Badge of Courage’s Jim Conklin (JC…get it?) whose death changes Henry’s opinion on war.)

Because I’m a storyteller and have a dark sense of humor, I began to wonder if I would somehow have a Christ-like-figure-moment within my thirty-third year of life.  (Not long after my birthday, I told my mom that I just had to make it to 34 and then I would have “beaten” Jesus; being a good Lutheran woman, she did not appreciate this joke.)

Now, I may be reaching or forcing figurative imagery into the literal world (isn’t that what artists do?), but I think I did have a “death” and consequential “resurrection”.  

I’m at a strange place in my writing career in that I am not famous (by any means) but I’m also not considered emerging.  Recently, I was told by a theater that I should “sit this contest out” and give someone else a chance but at the same time my work has not been produced enough to catch an agent’s eye.  (It doesn’t help that theatre companies have an intense fixation on world premieres.  They want to be the first one to do the show, apparently assuming that as soon as a piece gets produced once, that means it’s finished.  But that’s a rant for another day.) 

Currently I live in Milwaukee and for a long time I thought (or at least hoped) that I could maybe just make it work here; it is technically a theater town.  Add to that the fact that my whole family lives in Wisconsin, my financial situation was not ideal, and my best friend (platonic soulmate) had made it fairly clear to me that she did not wish to move away from Milwaukee.  When I was honest with myself, I knew that I wanted to get out, but there were so many things holding me back from making the jump.  

As soon as the thought of moving away entered my head, Anxiety would perk up.  Always eager to be the backseat driver, it would shout things like, “Isn’t life here good enough for you?  You’ve got a roof over your head, a job that allows you to pursue your passion, and you’re perfectly healthy.  Be grateful for what you have and stop expecting something more!” 

I attended a workshop for other playwrights from the area and, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I didn’t have a lot in common with many of them.  Discussions and questions whirled around about how we find time to write, where we get inspiration, and how we format a script properly.  Some of the writers present had never even finished a full script.  I certainly am not bringing this up in order to shame anyone, but it was an eye-opening experience for me.  Was I a proverbial big fish in a little pond?

My anxiety had an opinion for that, too.  

“Wow!  Way to be egotistical, D!  You think you’re so much better than everyone here?  Get over yourself!  You’re not special.  You’re just another ‘artist’ who thinks they’ve got something special to say!”

A few weeks later I was at my cousin’s wedding and after the ceremony, he approached me to offer congratulations for all the success I’ve had…only to then immediately cut me off guard with the question, “So when are you moving to New York?”  As the groom, he was quickly called away for photographs and I never really got to answer his question.  

If this moment had been in a play, the spotlight would have hit me right then and there and I would have begun some contemplative soliloquy where I openly pondered, “New York, eh?  Maybe I should go to New York!”

Obviously, as a theatre person, the idea of moving to New York had crossed my mind; it’s the theatre capital of the US for obvious reasons.  But, at the same time, New York just didn’t feel like me.  (I have a lot of opinions on NYC, especially when it comes to the outrageous ticket prices.  When it costs a small fortune to see a Broadway show, art becomes a luxury rather than a necessity.  But that’s a rant for another day.)  It certainly seemed daunting, and every good dream should be at least a little daunting.  But New York was daunting without being exciting.  It felt like something I should do…something that was expected of me.

LA didn’t do it for me, either.  Nor Seattle.  I considered many locations, but nothing really made me sit up and take notice.  I wasn’t about to dive headfirst into debt and throw away a good thing unless it was something that truly excited me…something that was enticing enough to spark a change.  

Again, Anxiety spoke up, “Calm the fuck down, D!  New York?  Even if that is what you wanted, they’d eat you alive there!  You’re a soft midwestern girl who can’t take criticism and cries at the drop of a hat!  You really think you could handle New York or LA?  Also, the cost of living in any of those places is way more than you will ever hope to make!  Stick with Submission Helper.  Stick with the contests and the festivals.  Go back to dreaming only as big as The Milwaukee Repertory Theatre.  Sit down and shut up!”

It may have gone on like this…if not for the summer of 2023.

Close your eyes and picture it: WGA strike, Barbenheimer, The Eras Tour, OceanGate, the Grimace Birthday shake…and in the midst of it all, I was having an epiphany.  

A favorite television show of mine dropped its latest season and I eagerly pulled out the Chardonnay and the popcorn to binge it all.  The vast majority of the show takes place in London and features several actors whom I admire greatly.  Between the giggles, sobs, and various twists and turns of the emotional rollercoaster that was Season 2, something all at once occurred to me.

This is what I want.  

That’s where I want to be.  

I want to move to the United Kingdom.

Was it daunting?  Hell yeah, it was daunting.  

And it was exciting.  

It was a dream that excited me.  

It burned inside me.  

It raged.

It burned so hot that I didn’t know what to do with it.  I paced around my tiny apartment, simply stunned by the prospect of it all.  

Anxiety was in the process of drinking a quad shot espresso con panna and promptly did a spit take upon hearing this new idea.  In a frenzied panic, it bellowed, “Are you nuts?  What the hell do you think you’re doing?  YOU can’t move to the UK!  It would be so difficult!  You’d need to apply for a Visa…or something like that!  Do you even know how to apply for a Visa!”  

“No,” I metaphorically replied, “but I could learn.”

“I bet it’s super difficult!” Anxiety shot back, trembling in fear, “I bet it’s expensive and complicated and you’ll never figure it out!  I bet your sense of humor wouldn’t translate!  I bet you’d end up broke and living under a bridge and crying because you threw away this good thing you had!”

For a split second, Anxiety almost won…but somehow, prompted by the promise of this new dream, I dared to ask, “But what if it worked out?  What if I could figure it out?  What if I somehow scraped up the money and did the research and filed the paperwork and just made it work?”

If it were a play, I would have been standing center stage, staring out into the audience like some kind of dramatic hero and whispering hopefully, “Yes…what if…?”  

It has been a long road to get here, but, despite what Anxiety likes to tell me, I did figure it out.  The process has been stressful enough to induce atypical Shingles and a few anxiety attacks, but it’s happening.  It’s actually happening!

This October I’m going to grad school at the University of Essex where I’ll pursue my masters degree in Scriptwriting.  I’ll hone my skills as a playwright while learning the ins and out of writing for film, television, and radio.  I’ll take the train into London on the weekends and see every show I can at the National Theatre.  I’ll get new life experiences.  I’ll do my best to explore every inch of that beautiful island.  I’m going to do something new because it’s scary and, most importantly, it’s exciting.  

(To add to the awesomeness of this new adventure, my best friend (platonic soul mate) is moving with me and pursuing her own dreams of studying acting…also at the University of Essex.)

My “death” was not as dramatic or world-changing as Jesus’s, but it gave way to a new life for me.  The power of storytelling combined with a newfound confidence was enough to catapult me into something new, something different.    

And I know you’re wondering what show I was watching that prompted this sudden change; if you know anything about me, you’ve probably guessed it already.  

Along with seeing as much theatre as I can on my visits to London, I also plan to have surreptitious meetings at The Bandstand, feed ducks some frozen peas at St. James’s Park, and maybe help avert an apocalypse (or two).  My birthday is in January and it just so happens that Season 3 is scheduled to begin filming around that time; perhaps on my winter holiday, I’ll put myself onto a train and take myself up to Edinburgh.  I have so many thoughts on what could possibly happen next to my favorite angel and demon…but that’s a rant for another day.

(Fun fact: I say this line at least once a week...if only to myself.)

[fadelbison]

i don't really follow gmm couples closely but i thought firstkhao was one of gmm's biggest, what do you mean they're not that popular in thailand 😭😭

asdfghjkjhgf okay??? soo all this started because I was at my LAST straw when I saw a fan complaining that gmm prejudiced against first and he needs more work on twt (he already works *SO* much) and after having to see a series of gmm crits that were basically [insert false causalities/ metaphysically impossible demands] I lost my mind a little. [but actually its because im already pretty cuckoo bananas but I digress]

Then @fromthedepthsandbeyond brought to my attention this estimate (are you the op?) of events and brand sponsorships from last year where it shows that FirstKhao as a CP are in fact extremely popular but not at all popular as solo artists. And unfortunately I think this is just reality - they work really well together but I was actually both their 'solo' fans before they paired up. More khaotung than First and they are unfortunately just a little too kooky for mainstream popularity. I genuinely think Joong is trying to help Khaotung with roping him into TikTok dances and constantly promoting him on his own channel and IG broadcast because boy do First and Khaotung do nothing mainstream on IG. its only happy birthdays, promo work, promo cp, promo each other and khaotung's blurry artsy fuckboi photos. What can I say, that's what I like, that's what the people who like them like. I hope they don't change (but I know they're trying to). I would say, that actually they are quite popular given how far they veer from traditional masculinity...like they're pretty queer? Gun's numbers are exactly the same as them. Like I don't think GMM can do anything about that. I genuinely don't think GMM can do anything about the next bit either (at least in regards to FK they are very much fucking up other things)

What I was a little surprised by perhaps was this report by another fan who went to their building this summer (2024) and FK just had a mural on the second floor basement. I know that at some point they had some type of pillar on the ground level. Now, the events numbers are outdated and I follow them on socmed fairly close - they might not be getting sponsorships but they're not jobless. even at the times they're quiet or disappear when they resurface it turns out that they were series prepping or in workshops.

I don't know what to say, they're very queer coded, they take challenging jobs and are involved in projects and with creators that are invested in making some unique art which is rare at gmmtv something that everyone here loves to incessantly yell about (for good reason at times).

I don't know how to say this so that it doesn't sound totally insane but to be more popular they have to act straighter???? They actually have to look like they want to fuck a woman, like at least that they think about it instead of just each other. Like they tried so hard to make First's character straight in blacklist -A VALIANT attempt one would say and he still ended up having more chemistry with Drake and the 4 seconds he spent with khaotung on screen 😭 JoongDunk and PondPhuwin are just not like that??? I follow Joong and Pond on IG too and they are in fact able to breathe without their respective pair present. They are so so so so in love when together, bring each other up quite a bit when they're solo but they're not living inside the other's pocket if that makes sense? Sorry I ranted so long??? and for what?? but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want Firstkhao to be popular but I also don't want them to change at the cost of mainstream popularity (though I understand why they're trying) - they are so worryingly codependent and wonderfully weird 🤧🤧🤧🤧

[rickktish]

A list of mutable batfam headcanons that live inside my brain:

Steph deserves to be 6’ minimum, preferably 6’1” or 2”

Bruce is constantly trying to balance his need to be at the same eye level or above the people he’s intimidating vs his need to do his funky little gargoyle crouch. His favorite thing about the GCPD roof is that it has lots of surfaces he can crouch on and still meet or look down at Gordon’s eye level

Tim and Damian suffer from “too similar to get along” disease and must either become best friends or despise each other until the end of time

Babs prefers light, natural toned makeup. Steph prefers pops of color and decent amounts of jewelry when she can get away with it. Cass prefers jewelry and no makeup at all

Jason’s comfort meals are all variations on soup served with bread for dipping

Jason is of the opinion that Fitzwilliam Darcy is an ass at the beginning of the book and it’s a good thing he decided to change himself so he could take his place as Best Fictional Man Ever. Dick, who read the book in order to be able to connect with Jason better, is of the opinion that Fitzwilliam Darcy has done nothing wrong ever and only needed to work on his social skills, meaning that it’s his improved ability to communicate that makes him worthy of Elizabeth Bennet at the end. Neither of them wants to listen to Tim’s analysis of what this says about their relationships with Bruce

Duke has never engaged in non-Alfred approved chaos. This is not because Duke seeks Alfred’s approval, but rather because their senses of humor are in perfect alignment and Alfred is always pleased to discover that he approves of Duke’s particular instances of chaos even after the fact

Damian never had stuffed animals growing up, but after being corrupted by Dick’s influence he can no longer sleep without a minimum of one in his bed

Damian collects posters and articulable action figures. His favorite ones are the ones that can stand on their own, which he uses for posing practice in his drawings. His favorite figure is of one of the characters in Cheese Vikings who has a zuko-esque backstory and a secret propensity for gardening

Dick always buys the most beat up box of cereal at the grocery store because he feels bad for them

Cass loves not only ballet, but other works by classical composers as well. She will unironically listen to the local classical station, and can identify the Borodin String Quartet by the sound of their instruments alone

Tim and Bruce watch and read Gray Ghost media in all its various forms and discuss it together as a bonding activity

Alfred and Jason’s shared birthday is usually celebrated with them making each other cakes, meaning that everyone gets to enjoy not one but two cakes for the day

Jason specializes in cheesecake above all other cakes, though he did make Damian a black forest cake for his birthday once right after he’d finished playing Portal

Literally everyone is surprised when they learn that Damian plays video games. No one has ever once looked at him and thought “yeah, i bet that kid plays console games” and he’s actually really insecure about it, but he also refuses to wear any kind of merch outside the house. He owns dozens of gaming and anime T-shirts but refuses to be seen as anything but completely neutral outside his own territory

Most of the bats wear drug-detecting nail polish at all times, though the base and reactive colors vary by the bat in question

Bruce and Dick have both had therapists straightup quit on them and are therefore reluctant to go back to therapy ever again

Duke’s favorite book is Walden Pond

Alfred read Lord of the Rings aloud to Bruce when he was a kid

[mykingdomforapen]

chapter 10 of "courage of stars" will be coming next week and guys, I'm so nervous. I am so excited and I'm so nervous. This chapter is many things. It's where I got to do some things I've been really wanting to do. It's where I cross a point of no return in the story. I got to try a different style. It's where the line blurs between fanfic and a genre that I respect and fear.

It's also a huge factor in why this fic is rated M. Hoo boy.

So! In lieu of updating today, so that you won't have to face a three week wait afterwards, here's a fun little drabble/filler episode:

-

When Lu Guang was four years old, he lovingly killed three tadpoles. He had scooped them from the pond in a plastic cup and brought them home happily, convinced he would raise them into froghood. By Thursday, all three of them floated lifelessly in the surface of the bright blue tub in which he housed them. His mother poked them curiously with a chopstick while he sobbed into his grandmother's lap.

"Don't be so sad, Guangguang," Maamaa crooned as she patted Lu Guang's head. "You tried very, very hard. We all know that you did your best." 

"I killed them!" Lu Guang wailed into her skirt. "I just want them to be frogs and now they died!"

"Oh, A Guang," his mother said as she furtively plucked the dead tadpoles into a bundled newspaper for a more discreet funeral. "This is a good learning experience, right? Now you know what not to do with a frog. See, it's good to learn with the wild tadpoles, before you spend money on a pet. You know better for next time not to use tap water."

Lu Guang sobbed louder ("I meant it to be comforting!") until Yeye came home. Maamaa intercepted Yeye before he walked through the door and sent him on a mission to bring home steamed bai tang gao as a consolation, and Yeye beelined to the nearest vendor to bring home a steaming, buoyant cake of tangy sweet rice. Lu Guang chewed on it sullenly on the living room sofa after bidding the dead tadpoles goodbye into the storm drain.

Yeye sighed as he sat next to Lu Guang, stroking his grandson's little head.

"You know," he said, "when I was little, my father raised bees."

Lu Guang blinked up at Yeye with teary eyes.

"Honeybees?" he asked.

Yeye nodded. "My father was a very adventurous man, you know. A scholar, but always enjoyed the outdoors. He got it in his head that he would like to try raising a colony of honeybees. I was so excited to help him. I thought we would have hives and hives of bees, but what do you know! Only a month or so of having the bees, one day they all flew away. The queen said, no more! I was so disappointed."

Lu Guang sniffled. Yeye scratched the back of Lu Guang's head.

"After that, we stuck with chickens," Yeye said lightly. "What do you think of chickens, A Guang?"

Lu Guang shook his head.

"I like frogs," he whispered.

"You want to try raising frogs again?"

Lu Guang nodded. Yeye smiled crookedly.

"Ah, well," he said. "Chickens are smelly, anyway."

-

For Lu Guang's seventh birthday, his parents took him to the pet store.

His mother had promised him a pet frog for when he turned seven, partly because she had assumed he would grow out of frogs in three years' time. She was a woman of her word, though, when she noticed him checking out library books about frog care and frog types when he hit age six. When asked if he wanted to invite friends over to play, he shook his head and asked to go to the pet shop.

So on Sunday when Ba and Ma were off work, they took Lu Guang to the best-rated pet shop in the city, four subway stops away from Peidi University. Lu Guang was shaking with anticipation as he counted down the stops, donning his frog bucket hat in celebration and looking away solemnly when teenage girls cooed at him. All he could think about was his dream coming true.

“Now, A Guang,” his mother said breezily as she took Lu Guang’s hand to wade through foot traffic. “When you pick a frog, you have to make sure it isn’t poisonous, okay? Mommy is afraid of poisonous animals.”

“I don’t want a poison dart frog,” said Lu Guang, albeit with reservation. “They won’t have them in a pet store.” 

He did not know what sort of frogs were available in the pet store that Ma and Ba were taking him. Ba, in all his practicality, had assumed that they would go to one of the street markets and pick up a frog that was meant for the dinnerplate. He expressed mild surprise when they turned left to the subway station, so Lu Guang knew Ba wasn’t going to be any help in asking for clues. 

“All right, Guangguang,” said Ma as she ushered Lu Guang into the pet store. It was a corner shop with clean glass windows, full of tanks and cages and colorful habitat accessories. Colorful parakeets squawked and glittering snakes coiled under sunlamps, and Lu Guang’s little heart began to race with anticipation. “Only one frog, do you understand?” 

Lu Guang nodded, his eyes as wide as coins as he stared up at the tall towers of tanks. There were saltwater coral fish dancing among anemones, drowsy tarantulas (Ma squeaked at the sight of them), sunbathing turtles, bearded lizards, and–

Lu Guang felt his jaw drop. 

An Amazon milk frog. 

It was just at eye level with Lu Guang, so that when he pressed his nose to the glass he was eye to eye with the docile pale blue frog. It perched on a rock under the sunlamp, milky blue and content to stare back at Lu Guang. It was perfectly patterned, gummy blue webbed feet, and a lipless mouth that promised simplicity. 

It was, in short, the most wonderful creature that Lu Guang had ever seen. 

He stood up on his tiptoes to get a closer look at the frog. Its tiny breaths puffed in its throat in a fascinating rhythm. It was like seeing a real-life Doraemon in Lu Guang’s eyes, or Sun Wukong–a fairy-tale celebrity come to life, except instead of comic books it was Lu Guang’s frog encyclopedia. Lu Guang knew its habitat, its life cycle, its favorite foods, and now he could behold one with his own eyes. 

Seven minutes passed, and his mother touched him on the head.

“A Guang, there are other frogs you should look at too,” she said.

Lu Guang shook his head. He pressed his hands against the glass. 

“Aiyah, A Guang, not too close.” 

Lu Guang moved his nose a millimeter away from the glass, leaving a smudge. His mother looked down at him with a crooked smile. 

“Is this the one you want, then?” she said. 

He looked up to his mother and nodded. Ma turned to Ba and tapped the price tag. Ba nodded solemnly and undertook the task of haggling (unsuccessfully) with the store owner. 

“Let’s pick out a tank for him,” said Ma. 

She took Lu Guang’s hand and tugged him towards the habitat shelves, but Lu Guang refused to budge. He glued himself to the spot, maintaining unbreakable eye contact with the milk frog. 

“A Guang, come on, now,” she said. “We have to give him a home, don’t we?” 

Lu Guang huddled closer to the tanks. He was convinced that if he were to let the frog out of his sight, some other seven-year-old boy would swoop down and claim the frog as his own. 

“Ba is buying the frog right now, see?” Ma said, pointing to Ba who was conceding to the original price of the pet store while he pulled out his wallet. “There. Let’s choose a tank.” 

After another minute of convincing, Lu Guang finally followed his mother to pick out a proper tank for his frog. He picked out the soil, cleaned rocks, plants, and water source that would all go into his terrarium, but it wasn’t until Ba handed to Lu Guang a plastic covered cup with his milk frog sitting politely inside did Lu Guang feel the surge of joie de vivre. He hugged the cup to his chest, whispered his thanks to his father, and then burst into tears, precisely in that order.

-

Thanks for indulging me with this little drabble, gang. Who knows, since I'm kind of keeping up this 2 week streak for the rest of the update schedule, you might see the return of Frog Guang's adventures again...after all, if you've been on my tumblr for some time, you may recall that I have a headcanon that Lu Guang has beef with one of his cousins.

Until next week!

[stemmmm]

Stem's thoughts on Harvest Moon GBC2

AKA how I ruined a perfectly good game for myself

The first Harvest Moon on the GameBoy was a port of a pretty simple game onto an even simpler console. The limitations involved meant that only the most basic mechanics could reasonably be left in. The farming gameplay loop still existed, but without any superfluous aspects like wandering the forest for forage or speaking to any of the NPCs. The town still existed of course, as you needed to have a place where you could buy more things for your farm. The compromise they made was to turn the whole thing into a menu where you could choose a business and go inside to buy things, but nothing else, which is disappointing but understandable for such a simple game.

The first thing that Harvest Moon GBC 2 does is put you in a conversation with an NPC, and then makes you run around the town– a place that you can actually walk around in, with buildings and people outside –to talk to and meet everyone as you tell them that you’re going to take over the old farm.

To say this game was a relief to play is an understatement. I actually played this one immediately after GB1 because I decided to skip 64, so when I turned on the game and experienced its opening, I was still extremely raw from how awful GB1 felt. The first time I played it, I actually had to stop after day one, I didn’t even get to do any farming yet, because I was reeling so hard from how absurdly different this one was– and how COMPLETE! The excuses I made in my mind for GB1 were a complete and total sham!

The first thing that you see when starting a new file is something of a character creator. It’s a simple menu where you choose your name, your gender, pick a birthday out of any day in one of the four seasons (64 only let you choose a season), and then choose between a cat or dog for a pet. You aren’t told this in the selection, but a cat will bring home random seeds you can plant, and a dog will scare away wild animals, meaning that you can only leave your livestock outside overnight if you have a dog. I like free stuff though, so I chose the cat.

The next thing you’re exposed to is the town and what story there is, but I’ll get into that later. What I’ll instead explain next is your farm, which is a little weird compared to earlier games. In the first area, you have your house, a big open space, and then the usual barn, coop, silo, wood bin, with extra space on the left and bottom of the farm for a sheep pen and hothouse/greenhouse that you can buy in the future. You cannot grow crops in this area. Instead, there’s a different area to the south that hosts a huge, empty field where you’re expected to grow everything. This is also the only place where there’s an outdoor shipping bin, so you have to go all the way down there rather than just to the entrance of your farm if you have forage to ship. To the east of the farming area is a lake where you can catch fish, and a pond where you can save fish you’ve previously caught. The only thing to do with fish is sell them though, so the only reason I can really see for using the pond is if you caught something past 5PM, when anything put in storage will rot before it can be picked up. The lake is connected to a river that runs through the crop fields, and there’s actually a space to put a bridge so you can access the other half of the space for double the planting capacity. 

You won’t use any of that space to plant grass though, as all of that is meant to go behind the animal houses. Each one has its own individual field behind it for planting grass, and the game won’t let you buy any animals to go in the corresponding buildings unless a certain amount of grass is growing in the field behind it. It’s pretty awkward to make sure the grass is actually cut, as a player who doesn’t go back there every day, but I see the logic behind it.  They want to make people plant grass as an extra way to gatekeep animals beyond just money. It also works pretty tidily with the mechanics they have for putting animals in and out, which is that you get special tools for each of them that automatically sends them in or outside. I didn’t use these things because I didn’t have a dog, so putting my animals outside was equivalent to throwing them to the wolves… literally. And as you may have already theorized, individual items for three different types of animals turns into an inventory disaster because of the way tools work.

In your house is a tool chest that opens a menu when you interact with it. The chest holds up to 20 tools, each with a designated slot, and it has an additional page for all the different types of seeds you can buy. You’re able to carry four different tools or types of seeds on your person at any given time, with the ability to swap between which one is equipped quickly via the START button, or more precisely by opening up the inventory menu via the SELECT button, which is pretty nice in my opinion! It works quickly, and four tools is more than any other game has let you carry so far, but that only means so much when the game has such an excess of tools, while most others only have about six– not including seeds. Navigating the tool chest also becomes something of a pain because there are so many items, so it’s desirable to only keep the absolute necessities on your person.

Included in the excessive amount of tools is an exciting new item: the bug net. See, this game has reincorporated the forest as a foraging area, but it’s a little more than that. While it has the usual seasonal wild plants, a daily-replenishing supply of lumber, and a hot spring, it also has a myriad of insects that wander or fly around in short, predictable loops. It’s no Animal Crossing– the bugs always spawn in the same place and do the same thing for a whole season until the next one, where they’re replaced by a different kind of insect doing the same amount of nothing, but I think that’s appropriate for a game on such a short schedule. Bug catching is less about skill and more about remembering to bring your net with you on days and times that you haven’t gone bug-catching before. The fishing mechanic is similarly simple– it’s less about waiting and more about timing, as the rod will bob in the same pattern every time you cast it, you just have to catch it at the right time. As a result, if you get the timing down, you can always reel it in at the first bob and catch fish extremely quickly. This strategy ended up being my favorite during the time while I was getting started and didn’t have a lot of cash for seeds or animals yet.

But what do you do with these things you catch? You can sell fish but you can’t sell bugs. Instead, both are recorded in collections that you can access at the library in town! The function of the library is to let you access your collections of bugs and fish, view photos that you collected through experiencing events (kind of like what was in 64), and connect to the save files of your friends who have the game to share information and trade items. See, this game took a little inspiration from Pokemon in that while there aren’t separate versions, you only get access to certain things if you’re playing as either a boy or a girl. You get different crops, different bug and fish spawns, and there’s a certain quest that requires making a connection. It’s very cute! But inaccessible if you aren’t playing a physical copy of the game on original hardware, unfortunately.

Other than the library, the town has a carpenter, clinic, church, restaurant, ranch, tool shop, and flower shop. My making a big deal about how the town isn’t a menu this time feels a little disingenuous getting more into it, because while it is a space you can navigate and where people walk around, once you go in a building it’s almost exactly the same– no interior, just a portrait of the shop owner and their wares, but all of this is preceded by an option to talk to them this time around! Not that they have much to say, but it’s still a difference. You get another chance to talk to the shopkeepers and give them gifts (because you can carry items between rooms this time) on Sundays when all the shops are closed, which is another unique feature compared to GB1 where every day was exactly the same.

To the north of the town is a little square with a fountain and bulletin board where everyone who isn’t employed usually wanders about during the business week. At the start of the game, the bulletin board is loaded up with handy tutorials on how to play the game (yet another thing GB1 severely lacked). Later on, it fills up with dates for town festivals like the cherry blossom festival and horse races. The festivals usually aren’t much, shops don't even close for the majority of them, but they give the world a little more life and variety and the horse race gives you the ability to purchase a minigame from the tool shop that you can play anytime you want! There are several minigames which are all unlocked to replay by doing things like going to events or completing certain objectives.

The last new thing in this game is that if you press SELECT twice, instead of giving you the option to turn on Harvest Sprite helpers (no sprites to be found here), you get a more detailed menu with information about your animals, possessions, and then a long FAQ list with information like “weeds are back!” and explanations on how to get sheep or grow flowers inside the hothouse.

The Story

The premise of the story is that there’s an old farm in town that’s going to be replaced by an amusement park. It opens with your character trying to talk the mayor out of agreeing to any deals, saying that you’ll take over the farm to save it. He agrees to give you three years to do the best work you can and then you’re sent on your way. The first thing you have to do is announce the deal to everyone in town, who all happen to already know you… and apparently very well! The town doctor confirms that you grew up in this town, and everyone around is your childhood friend. I’ve never personally seen any farming sim take this angle, and I think it’s pretty fun! The game doesn’t do a ton with it, but it at least has a different vibe. It works well for a game where you do have relationships with these people, but they’re not in a ton of depth and they don’t go anywhere in the end because marriage doesn’t exist here.

This entry is also the first in the series that we see a wholly unique cast (almost). You could argue that 64 does it since technically the folks in town aren’t the same, but they’re awfully damn similar. Everyone here is a new character design unrelated to anyone we’ve seen before. Aside from Mary (librarian) and Ken (carpenter) anyways, who are both the same exact design as their counterparts in 64. While their personalities are similar, there’s nothing to indicate that these are the same characters in any way.

The stories to do with all of these characters mostly aren’t anything too special. There’s twin boys who run the tool shop and their narrative is tied to how you get tool upgrades. Whether you play as a boy or a girl, there are a couple events that indicate certain characters have a crush on your farmer. There’s also a marriage that happens once you make it into year three that puts a tiny change in the town where Rosie, who runs the restaurant is replaced by her sister. Some of these events have to do with little quests where just about all you have to do is go to a certain location when asked, others just occur. As I said before, the story’s all very simple, but it’s just fine like that. 

For the most part, necessary events will trigger when the time is right, but other things only happen if you’ve made good friends with everyone by talking on a regular basis and occasionally giving gifts. You’ll know if you’re on the right track when peoples’ dialogue changes, which happens a few times as you become closer. There’s apparently all kinds of little events in the game, but I failed to see a good number of them.

As usual, the easiest way to get on everyone's good sides and progress the story further is by doing well on your farm and either giving people the appropriate harvests as gifts or just upgrading things further. Despite all the changes to your farm layout, the actual things you have to do to work the land and care for animals are the same as ever. It’s pretty simple and quick to get good farming work done, and a decent amount of options afforded to you in terms of how you want to focus your energy– be it crops, animals, fishing, forage, or friendship, so it’s up to you how you want to get to the finish line. While you’re not told the requirements very clearly, the game is pretty low-stakes and just wants you to take your time and enjoy the three whole years it expects you to play.

How I ruined the game for myself

So of course, without a clear goal given to me, I had to look up the endings as soon as possible. Which brings me to my problem with this game: the requirements it has for the best ending are completely absurd. Well, to be accurate, one of the requirements is completely absurd. The best ending in the game requires 70 or more Happiness Points, having 10,000 G or more, have at least 3 of each animal (cow, sheep, and chicken), find 10 Power Berries, and have the third home expansion built, which are all extremely reasonable to do. So reasonable in fact that I handily managed all of those things before the end of year two out of three. The final, problematic requirement is to ship 10,000 or more items. This is a ridiculous amount of items. This is a “fill your entire field to the brim and never let it run empty” amount of items. I knew this from the second I saw it, but… well, it’s three years of gameplay right? And you aren’t told this is what you need anywhere within the game that I saw, so surely the developers thought this would be a reasonable goal for people, right? I had to give it a try, right?

Saying this from the future where I succeeded, I wish I didn’t try at all. I spent the full three years of this game constantly on the grind, filling my fields as completely as I could, and panicking to rush everything to the shipping bin before 5PM hit so I would have more empty land to plant more crops that I would water in the dark of night before going to bed and doing it again. Fun fact, this game doesn’t make you reset until 6AM the next morning and without any real repercussions. I only found this out because I’d stay out all night weeding and watering. There was very little time left to talk to the people in town after that. I did manage to get them all up to their maximum friendships pretty early on, before I had the means to constantly be churning out veggies, so I had every opportunity to catch their events, I just missed them because every day, no matter the season, I was farming.

The funny thing is, I’ve mentioned before that I enjoy playing the games this way. That is still true, and I very well could have enjoyed my time much more if it weren’t for the damned horse and its awful AI. See, there may be four inventory slots for tools, but there are none for items. Every individual one has to be plucked and carried to the shipping bin, same as SNES, same as GB1. The saving grace in those two games, and technically this one as well, is that around winter-ish of your first year, a horse will appear on your farm, and when it grows up in a couple seasons, it either already has or you can buy for it a saddle bag which functions as a mobile shipping bin. All you have to do is ride your horse out to where you’re harvesting and while it wanders a bit, it stays put well enough for you to load it up with veggies as you run back and forth to harvest, which speeds up the process dramatically in the vast fields you have to work in these games.

This horse is not like those other horses. This horse will take off in a dead sprint with no warning in any direction it pleases. In my experience, this was usually in the worst possible direction that would put it the farthest away from me. And the timing of it was typically whenever I was about to throw something into the saddlebag. This aggravated the hell out of me not only because it was a huge waste of my limited time, not only because it wasted a ton of crops, but also because it was constant. Nothing I did, no positioning I tried was able to help keep the horse where I needed it, and this was how I was spending 80% of my time in this game, dealing with this horse. I could have been seeing fun events, I could have been peacefully farming at my own pace and leisure, even better this technique easily could have just worked out if the horse didn’t behave so erratically. 

But I can’t judge the game on the merit of all the time I spent with the horse alone because that was my own choice to do. The best ending may require 10,000 shipped items, but all it takes to avoid the worst ending is to have more than 10 Happiness Points, more than 2,000G, more than four Power Berries, expand my house, and ship 100 items. With three entire years of game, the only way you fail to achieve that is by basically not playing the game. The vast space between the requirements for the best ending and the worst ending is to get a normal ending that accomplishes exactly the same thing as the best ending does, only the cutscene is different and you get a trophy for the best one. The cutscene barely stands out as anything special, which led to me having no idea what ending I got until I discovered the trophy was a thing I had to search for in my house. That’s it, you still get to keep playing the game either way, not that there’s terribly much else to do regardless of which ending you get, since there’s no special post-ending content.

I’ll still judge it a little bit though

While it makes sense to use your workable area to its fullest extent, having it be a requirement for the good ending to use all of it to the best of your ability for the whole extent of the game is excessive to me, especially since by year 3 it becomes completely unnecessary to try to earn money. I already had everything I was working for, and the requirement being to ship more things rather than better things meant there was no reason to get anything other than what was cheap and quick. No reason to make my animals like me so they’d produce better stuff, no reason to use the maker machines even though they weren’t obtainable until it got to the point where money had no meaning. I hardly bothered with the hothouses because they were both so confusing about what I could plant in each, and so tedious both to unlock and to harvest things since I needed a special tool that would take up a precious inventory space, lest I have to run back and forth between the tool chest. The hothouse might have been more useful if there weren’t winter crops, but there were.

What’s wild about my criticisms is that the game itself has something built in to mitigate everything that I struggled with. There is a tool called the miracle glove that automatically ships your crops the moment that they are harvested. But the only way to get it is via a link connection to a friend’s copy of the game– something near impossible in this day and age because you’d need to somehow find two working copies of this game with two functional GameBoys, and completely impossible if you’re using the magic of the 3DS eShop which doesn’t exist anymore and didn’t have functional multiplayer for most games anyways. That item alone would have solved the biggest problem I had in playing this game, and it was functionally DLC.

Closing thoughts

It took me a really long time to try and get to this review, and I’ve beaten two more games since, which has given me a new perspective. My original nugget for this one was going to focus on how much I hated the horse the whole way through and on how disappointed I was that the game was so hard for such little reward, but I’ve since realized that playing in a way that was no fun for me was my own choice. At any point I could have scaled things down and reprioritized to focus on the details of the game that are more fun like seeing events, but I just clung to that damn horse for 50 hours instead– which by the way, is longer than it’s taken me to beat any other game in this series so far that I’ve recorded my playtime for. The average sits around 25 hours.

If you don’t play like I did, it’s actually a really neat game!It’s not dissimilar to a scaled-down version of 64, with the way it focuses a little more on events and adds features to make the world feel just a touch more alive like the bug and fish collections. It’s not as deep or detailed as 64, but you still get to experience something of a sweet little story with a small set of characters in a game that feels very smooth and fun to play.On the bright side, even with the struggle I went through trying to get the perfect score, it was still a better game than GB1. It says a lot that I’ve found it more appropriate to compare it to  64, a fantastic game, rather than its actual predecessor.

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Fifteen (Part 2)

“I can’t stay long.” I remind him as we settle into a bench facing the pond where normally a hundred ducks and swans strut and swim about but today is frozen and still like glass. The frost on the bench instantly melts and soaks into the seat of my jeans, sending a shiver through me. 

“I get it.” He says. “I just feel like I need to explain myself, like, what was going on with me on Saturday.”

“I’m all ears.” 

“It’s complicated. Stuff is just a mess at the moment I…”

“Family stuff, like?”

“Yeah. It’s been a bit all over the place with my dad’s… estate, I suppose, if you can even call it that.” He takes a steadying breath. “It’s like, not even a huge deal it’s just, like…”

I feel a mini surge of sympathy for him, it really must be so difficult to lose a parent, even if he wasn’t close with his father, it must be a lot to have to handle. “What’s all over the place?” I ask him. “Money stuff?”

“Well like, he didn’t have any actual money. I think he had probably a hundred and ten euros in his account, so split three ways between his kids we’re getting a cool thirty seven euros off of him.”

“Oh.”

“Everyone is just going mental, fighting over his stuff, not that he had much of that either but his car is worth something, his TV, and like, the things that don’t matter to me but matter to my sister, like photos… ”

“You can’t have any photos?”

“No. He was living with our aunt when he died, and she’s completely nuts. She won’t let us have anything. She won’t even let us come into the house to look through his things, as if it’s worth shit to her. She called the guards on my brother Darren for going over to try and talk to her about it, says my dad would have wanted nothing to do with us, which I suppose is fair enough on Darren’s part, he’s been a bit unpredictable over the years, but my sister Millie was only two when he left us. She never did nothing to him, she just wants something of his to have.”

“It sounds really messy.”

He shoves his hand into the front of his hair and pulls it, revealing more of that dark brown regrowth at the roots. “So it’s just this, and my ma is crying down the phone to me all the time because when Darren gets into trouble she just loses the plot, and when she starts crying so does Millie, and I never have time to do anything ‘cause I just deal with them and work and go to college and then try and do all my assignments and it’s way too much.”

I put my hand on his shoulder, sensing that he’s about to spiral. “It’s alright.” I say. “You’re just doing what you can.”

“And the only way I can get through my shift is to do a bump of coke, otherwise I feel like I’d collapse” He barrels on. “And then I kind of lose control of that sometimes too, and on Saturday, like, me and one of the other lads got ketamine…”

“It’s alright.” I interject. I don’t really want to know the details of exactly what he did, preferring for that particular part of his life to remain a mystery to me.

“I shouldn’t have come to your birthday when I was like that, I’m ashamed of myself. I shouldn’t even be doing things like that to myself so that I can run away from my life.”

“It’s fine, Dean.”

“It’s not really fine. I can’t deal with the feeling like I’ve messed something up here.” He points to me and then himself. ‘Like you’re not gonna want to hang out with me anymore.”

I sigh. “It’s not… It’s not only you, Dean, and the way that you were, I think it’s all of it. I’ve been having realisations in this last week, like, that I feel unhappy about myself lately, and that I don’t like who I am when I hang around with Marnie and Fiona. It’s been so nice to be home with just Claire and remember what it’s like to have an actual friend who… enjoys having me around.”

“Marnie and Fiona are rotten, I don’t like hanging out with them either, they’re just posh girls who don’t get anything about what it’s like to have to work for things.” 

“Yeah, well, maybe, but I’m tired of all of the bitching, of them talking behind each other’s backs all the time. I don’t want to be a person like that anymore, it makes me feel hollow.”

“Yeah but you aren’t like them. You’re different.”

“Lately I don’t feel like I am.”

“You’re a nice person, Evie, anyone can see that. You put up with a lot of bullshit. You can stop hanging out with them, in fact, I’d actually love it if you stopped, because that way I wouldn’t have to hang out with them either.”

I eye him distrustfully. “Why did you start coming out with us in the first place?”

The corner of his mouth twitches up. “To get to you, obviously.” 

“Seriously?”

“Yeah seriously.”

“You put up with people you didn’t like just to be around me?”

“Of course.”

I watch his face for any signs of dishonesty but if there are any I don’t spot them, and that’s when I feel my defences start to fall away. The tension in my spine softens and I lean back into the bench. “So you like me.”

“Yeah.”

“You still like me?”

“I do.”

I look at him, and he looks at me, and I begin to realise that I have no idea what to do. Never in my life have I experienced a situation where someone has openly admitted to liking me, to my face, and I haven’t wanted to run away and hide from them. 

“So…” I venture. “Where do we go from here?”

He lifts his ankle to rest on his knee and gazes out over the frozen pond contemplatively. “We can just keep doing what we’re doing, I’m not really in the headspace to take on anybody else’s baggage right now. No offence.”

“Okay.” I say with hesitation, but he guides me through the murkiness with him, because I am flailing. “We can hang out, but like, I don’t think I want to be your boyfriend or anything like that, if that’s alright with you.”

“I get it.” I feel a slight thrill at the suggestion of being involved in something casual. I am never casual, I don’t simply go with the flow, everything always must be agonised over, but how exciting will this venture be for me? Evie Kilbride: in a casual relationship. “What does that mean though, exactly?” I find myself asking, because despite my best intentions I can’t quite let go. 

“What do you mean? We’ll be casual.” He says it like it’s somehow obvious, and I shake my head. “Like, no, what are the terms?”

He laughs awkwardly, clearly not thrilled about having to explain something so rudimentary to me. “We can hang out and hook up, but I am not your boyfriend.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “What do you think it means?”

“Will you be seeing other people?”

“Do you think I’ll have the time to?”

I smile.  “Okay so what now, should we shake on it?” I hope he’ll pick up on the humour in my tone, even though he never does seem to be able to tell when I’m trying to be funny. 

“Why would we shake on it?”

“Never mind.”

We kiss instead.

An hour later when I arrive back at the apartment Claire and Shane are right where I left them, sprawled out on the couch watching a film. They look cosy together, curled up with their arms linked and her head resting on his shoulder. She looks around and smiles sleepily when I come in the door. “Hey babe, how was your walk?”

“Good! I did a long loop of the town, so now I’m pretty tired.” I quickly hide the Mulan book behind a backpack by the coat rack.

“Come watch this movie, we’re just starting it.”

“What is it?”

“Miss Congeniality.”

“Claire’s choice.” Shane hastens to explain as I come over to perch on the floor in front of them. Claire’s hand reaches down almost instinctively and starts massaging my scalp with her fingers. The gesture is so comforting and sends lovely shivers down through me and I instantly unwind and let all my muscles soften. I peel off my socks and hold my cold feet, hoping to bring some warmth back into them after being sunk into the snow for hours.

“You’ll never guess who came by earlier.” She tells me. 

“Hm?”

“Dean.”

“Oh no, really?” I murmur. “What did you do?”

“We told him you weren’t home and then we got him to leave. I’m so glad you weren’t here.”

“Me too.”

“Hopefully he won’t show up here again, it was just so weird.”

“Mm” I say. “Well I’m glad you got rid of him.”

Prev // Next

[youuuimeanmee]

My ILY 219 Thoughts

When I first read this chapter on fastpass, my head was in mush the whole day, it feels like I've fallen in love. Even after today, 4 weeks later, I still can't put this chapter down. Everything was so intimate, it might be more intense than any romance media I've read so far. (I swear romance in slice-of-life genre is the best). With all that mush, there's also a silent dread in the back of my head, like, if tonight is the peak of Nolan's happiness since forever, what kind of pain and torture that awaits him in the future? Hhhahah let's stop thinking there.

1. I was pleasantly surprised when Nol was about to apologize to Shinae about the whole awkward-morphine-thing! I thought he's gonna use this opportunity to let her stay away from him, but nope. I forgot this is The Nolan Who-didn't-shy-away-from-Shinae-because-she's special Lochlainn. I should've known, despite the dread of loving (and losing) someone again, he also couldn't let her go easily.

2. The trio! YESS!! I was hoping they'd come! "How are you doing, stranger?" Damn right Shoushi, Nol hasn't introduce himself with his real name yet. "Oh shut up, let us have this!" Damn right Shinae. Just let them love you for God sake.

3. Awww that red blush! That crooked smile! It's the similar crooked smile Yeong-Gi had when Shinae gave him ointment for his scratch!

Nol really is touched by Shinae who doesn't give up on showing her care, despite him pushing her away many times 😭And Daww look at Lil Buddy on Nol's side ready to protect him!

4. Nol:

Also Shinae on ep 2, the first time she met Nol:

😏 Nice throwback Quim 😏

5. Soushi. "It's not like anyone's stealing my lunch money anymore." Is it because Soushi's high school is better than his junior high? Because he has friends who can kick ass now? Or because he kept receiving benefits for being Kousuke's spy? Kinda sus there. BUT! Since he finally realized just how severe Kousuke's relationship with Nol, I should trust him. Plus, Lil Buddy didn't attack him tonight! I trust Lil Buddy who trust Soushi.

6. DUCKIESS!!

If he wasn't impressed before because Dieter only described "Yeong-Gi," not "him," he definitely is now 😭 'Cause the boy who wondered where the duck is in the pond? Now that's Nolan. No wonder Nol is so touched 🥺

7. SoachRoach? Daww Soushi nooo :( I don't want you to consider yourself as a pest! Well, if being a pest means he won't leave Nol alone and continue to be his friend then I don't mind, but still-

8. The "I love you guys!" that Nol exclaimed at Dieter and Soushi, and the silent "I love you so much" that gaze straight into Shinae's eyes is *chef's kiss* 🤌🤌

9. "Shinae! Why are you standing so far away? You're a part of this group too!"

No Dieter, Shinae is a league on her own 😏

10. Haha, the "It's a Girl!" balloon that were changed into "It's a Gift!"? Nice save Shinae, real smooth. And oh, almost forgot. Fun fact, Quimchee said on her cc that if Nol were gonna have a child, he'd definitely want a daughter. Surprise surprise, the balloon Shinae brought on this ep is a gender reveal balloon, with "It's a Girl!" written on it. Quim, are you teasing us? Or is it a foreshadowing 🤣🤣

11. Ngl the panel where Nol is staring at his friends with red/pink sunrise and snowfall is soo pretty it's like shoujo manga. I'm soo sooftt 😭

12. Oh boy. That burger analogy he made is definitely dark. So his birthday is definitely:

1) getting stepped on by Hirahara; and

2) he found his birth/birthday leads to his mom's death/disappereance.

I really hope #2 is just some bs nonsense Yui has told him, but idk. Yui is the master of manipulation, some of what she said might contain some ugly truths, which, could be hard to counter :((

13. "Luck? Maybe bad luck..." Oi Nol, Shinae wouldn't know it was your birthday if it's not for the bible. You won't be able to celebrate your birthday in a good mood if it it's not for the bible. And you definitely wouldn't chase after Shinae in the first place if it's not for Nessa's letter in the bible. So it IS a good luck. How could you forget that?

14. Haha I knew she'd pick the orange! 🤣 But that doodle! I didn't expect her to do that but it's genius 🤣 And that message!

Not only it's a nod to Shinae's line when they first met (Humans suck), it's also the answer of his question earlier!

And it must mean so much to Nol cause, ugh, how do I explain it. For Nol who hate himself so much, hearing "you're a good person" might be a bit too much since it's hard to believe. But "you don't suck that much"? To me, at least, it's easier to take because it means Shinae acknowledged his downsides, but she accepts it anyway. Because she sees some good in him. Because he's special to her. For someone who were used to be told he's nothing? For someone who were told to disappear just a few hours ago by certain someone? That, UGHHH 😭😭

15. Oohh that tapping hand! I remember Nol said he knows how to do scales, so maybe he's playing imaginary piano in his head? Maybe he's reminiscing how his mom used to teach him christmas songs? Don't know if that's really the case but I thought it'll be a nice headcanon :) Shinae must've noticed how lost he is in his own world, so the way she brought him back using a finger dance, it's like she's saying "Don't go. Just look at me." 😭

16. The whole finger dance is so cute, but Nol's darken facee. It's like he's thinking, "Why do you think we can't dance? I don't care how much pain I'm in, I can dance with you. I want to." I swear, Nol's "take your shoes off" is much hotter than any "take off your clothes" from any ML in romance manga.

17. I see Yeong-Gi when I see one. With that smile, that happy remark, and that peek-a-boo? Definitely Yeong-Gi, alright. After he decided to live his life as Nolan, just this once, he wears his mask again to ease Shinae's worry, because he won't let her know alll the pain he felt (maybe I should write an analysis/theories about his motive in the future). He doesn't want to scare her, he wants to see her smile for as long as he could because By Gods he needs it. Their dance is like a sweet, silent goodbye, and they both know it.

18. Lastly, I wanna mention how good Quim is with gestures? Nol is holding only 2 fingers, like he still has a wall that says "I'm only asking you this as a friend. Not that I try to hit on you or anything." Almost like he's scared to invite her, afraid she might be scared of him.

But she's not. She accepted him with her full hand. Yet, he doesn't fully hold her hand because he's not ready to completely accept it, he's not ready to open up yet.

Despite all that, he holds what he can (Shinae's fingers) with all his might, because he's unable to let her go?

QUIMCHEEE 😭😭😭

I wanna write more but it's getting long and there's a pic limit, so I'll continue in another post! I'm gonna dump all my thoughts about what Nol might be thinking the moment he's alone with Shinae. Thank you for reading this far! 😆

[quillofspirit]

Welcome to week 3!

We've had a big week, but we got to see so many beautiful things and I got to celebrate my 25th in a different country 🎉🎉 (more on that at the end!)

Here are some highlights

We walked through a lot of beautiful forests. Half the time, I expected to see a nymph lounging on a tree branch, and the other we were trying to find the birds amongst the trees. It was an incredible experience to walk through these, and we're heading to much (much) bigger trees!

Unfortunately, the bridge that brings you to the trout pools was closed, but honestly, for me the forest and river make the place.

The Hokitika gorge is as whimsy as foretold. It's such a impossible colour, accentuated by the white rocks hugging it and the lush green foliage surrounding it. It's an incredible sight, and so full of life I wanted to stay indefinetly.

Te Waikoropupu springs is another magical setting. There's no real way to accurately describe the feeling you get when you see water bubbling up from within what looks like a large pond. It's insane and there's too much science behind it for me to accurately describe just how insane it truly is.

The bubbles disturb the surface and create these swirls that travel in a line, and make it hard to see into the water. Even with that and the wind, the water is some of the clearest on earth. In some spots -not pictured here unfortunately because of the wind- you can distinctly see the turquoise bottom and the fish.

Ah-- Kaikoura. It was some of the most peaceful decor I would say, expect for the very loud gulls and gannets. However, there were also lots of fur seal lazing around, and pretty cows lounging in the sun. If you didn't know, I have a thing for cows - it was the first ever gift I asked my parents as a child and I maintain it each year.

I'm not much of a beach girl myself, but even I have to recognize that seeing the waves violently crash against rocks against the backdrop of mountain ranges is pretty cool.

Thanks for keeping up with me on this wild discovery of the world 💚

-----------------

The promised birthday stuff

I had no plans to ever celebrate my birthday outside of my country, and especially without family. They're the only ones, really, who manage to get me feeling celebrated.

Yet, I spent the evening drinking (very responsibly, we were home by 10.30 pm) which I never do, with a stranger, a friend of a friend, and said friend. And the weirdest part is I enjoyed it.

So, to this new and fresh year, may it continue as well as it's going 🥂

[iceeericeee]

A Birthday? In This Economy?

This oneshot is for @matxhstixkers. Happy birthday bestie!!!

(Also, so sorry if this is ooc, I haven’t seen Good Omens in a hot sec lololol) (also, I made up a random last name cos I don’t know what urs actually is fjdjdjs)

It was quiet in the bookshop, until Aziraphale burst through the door and started frantically scanning his mini calendar he kept on his desk. Apparently, he hadn't noticed Crowley lounging on his armchair, and who was now lying on the floor because he had fallen out from Aziraphale’s loud entrance.

"Angel, what's going on? Does it have something to do with heaven?"

His eyes finally landing on a specific date, he replied to Crowley, "Oh no, nothing that terrible. It's just... it's someone's birthday today, someone special, and I had forgotten."

“Well, what do you propose we do about it, then?”

“Oh, I don’t know… I had been thinking maybe we could pop over, and wish him a happy birthday!”

“Right, yeah. We should just waltz on over, unannounced, to tell some random human that they’re getting older. Fantastic, Angel.”

“But it’s not just someone random, Crowley! His great-grandmother was a dear friend of mine, back when heaven had an assignment for me across the pond. The Smith family is very important to me.”

“Oh, well now, that’s different.”

“Don’t be so sarcastic, dear.”

He raised his hands in defense.

“Anyway, I need to get him a gift, something special. Something he’d really like.”

“How about we get him a book, eh? If you somehow know him, then there’s a pretty darn good chance he’s likes books.” Crowley suggested.

Aziraphale bristled a bit at the idea. “You aren’t suggesting giving him one of my books, are you?”

“No, Angel. I’m saying we get him a brand new book.”

He settled a bit at that. “Oh, well, that’s a good idea then. What do you think he’d like? Should we get him something nonfiction? Or maybe something more fantastical?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one who knows him, not me!”

They scratched the idea, and thought some more.

———

Aziraphale’s head popped up. “What if we got him a video game? All the kids nowadays love that sort of thing, don’t they?”

Crowley shrugged. “Yeah, sure. But what game would he want?”

He thought for a moment. “Oh! What about that newer one! ‘Fourteen days’, I think?”

“You mean ‘Fortnite’?”

Aziraphale nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, that’s the one!”

“No. It’s… how do I say this. It’s not exactly, new, anymore.”

“What do you mean? It came out only 7 years ago.”

Crowey sighed. “Look, Angel. These humans move fast. Like, ridiculously fast. Seven years ago to them might as well be a hundred years ago.”

———

“Aziraphale, we’re not getting anywhere. Why don’t we compromise.”

He paused at that. “Well, alright. What did you have in mind?”

“How about, we send a card, yeah? A nice, simple, card. We’ll sign it, maybe put a bit of cash inside.”

He slowly nodded. “I guess.”

“Then we’ve come to an agreement.” With a small wave of his hand, a small, cheesy, happy birthday card and envelope appeared. With a flourish, Crowley wrote out a short happy birthday wish, and handed the card to Aziraphale. He, instead of something small, wrote out a long note, with more thoughtful undertones.

Aziraphale snapped his fingers, and there appeared a large sum of money — in pounds, of course.

“Nono, Angel. He’s American, remember?”

“Ohh yes. Thank you, dear boy.” And with another snap, it turned into American dollars.

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s a sunny Tuesday morning when Charlie’s mother has a strange feeling, the need to check the mail, even though it wasn’t due to come until midday. And when she opened the mailbox, there, sitting neatly in the very middle, was a letter addressed to the birthday boy. But, strangely, it had no return address. There weren’t even any stamps.

You can imagine, then, the surprise on Charlie’s face when he not only saw it, but also the excitement when he opened the wonderful card. The card in which he promptly hung up on his wall, displayed for him to see every morning.

[starry-snippets]

Hi! I was interested in getting a matchup!

My name is Beau and my pronouns are they/them, I’m also only halfway through part three in JJBA (just finished the episode where polnareff meets the judgment stand and reincarnates his sister) so im only familiar with characters from the first three parts lmaooo Im an ENFP and I also like to crochet, roller skate, draw, play videogames and dance Im also have ADHD so Im very hyper and love hanging out with people. I do befriend all kinds of people though, like my best friend of 6 years is super introverted and like super call meanwhile im like “AYO WHATS POPPIN” Im also only 5’1, the first thing people comment on when they first meet me is always how short I am and im like COME ON BRO PLEASE ST O P I do enjoy quiet moments with my friends and on my own as well, I always appreciate a little quiet crochet session every now and again lol my favorite kind of music is 60’-80’s since its what I was raised on, and I also love the fashion from that time period. I also have curly hair which ngl sometimes I’m like why you gotta be so difficult like goddamn but ANYWAY I hope you don’t mind me sending a request in!!

ofc i don't mind! my first matchup yay! these are very fun, thank you for requesting! hope you enjoy!! also sorry for the delay, but here you go!! @deercryptid

side note i love matchups so you guys should request more jk unless

first thought was immediately kakyoin!

☆ kakyoin loves that you play video games and he'll look forward to playing any and all of them with you! ☆ he'll find it really cool that you crochet, especially if you make stuffed animals. for his birthday or a holiday if you make him a little hierophant green he'll keep it on his bed for forever. the best gift he's ever gotten ☆ one of his favorite dates to go on with you would just drawing! maybe you'd go on a walk in the park and draw whatever peaks your interest. a child who's playing by the pond, a dog laying on the trail, or a grasshopper perched on strands of tall grass. at the end you'll give each other what you drew and it'll go in a scrapbook since you're both artistic people! ☆ kakyoin would be pretty good at handling how hyper you are usually, except when he's really tired. he's a good listener so even if he's a bit drained due to being an introvert he'd love to listen to you talk about your interests ☆ he LOVES your curly hair! if you have special secrets to keep it looking lush and healthy he'll want to know them. he's not a vain person but he does like looking nice. he'll love to help you style your hair if you let him! kakyoin will research to make sure he doesn't damage it, as hair care for curly hair is very different from straight hair

☆ kakyoin really appreciates that you're open minded and able to connect with those who are different from you. he's different than you in many regards but you still took the time to befriend him, and that's a big part of why he's fallen in love with you ☆ would love to go roller skating with you, but is a bit nervous. hold his hand and take things slow! he'll get the hang of it and it'll become another date he absolutely loves ☆ i feel like he'd like your music taste too! i imagine kakyoin likes indie pop, folk, and 80's! i like to think kakyoin likes culture club, toto, and madonna from that period of music! ☆ if you dress in that style he'll love it too! the eccentric patterns of the 60's, the denim jackets and flared pants of the 70's, and the crazy colors of the 80's. he would dress up with you to go to roller skating, to go on a diner date, or even to concerts if you enjoy going to those! ☆ kakyoin really appreciates how well you compliment him. you consider how introverted he can be and give him space, and he'll do the same whenever you need it. kakyoin is charming and a little awkward at times, but he'll learn about your interests to get to know you more and to get closer to you. he'll even learn to dance a smidge and surprise you on your birthday by taking you out to dinner and then taking your hand, showing you he's done his homework ☆ yeah so in conclusion kakyoin would appreciate you a lot <;3 also forgot to mention, but kakyoin likes that you're shorter because he can rest his chin on your head very comfortably when you hug, and he also feels taller because of the height difference. doesn't tease you extensively though

second thought is avdol!

☆ sorry to double dip in the same part but I think avdol would love all your hobbies and how compatible you are with other people. you get along with even jotaro despite him being heavily guarded and polnareff despite him being really irritating sometimes. he's very impressed with that ☆ he loves watching you draw and crochet. you can be silently doing a pattern or just doodling and he'll love observing your craft. he'll compliment you with all the jargon because he's researched into your craft so he sounds more sincere cause he's entirely genuine in his compliments and he wants the vocabulary to prove that ☆ avdol likes that you're short! he finds it really fun that he's taller because it's a little fun to him whenever you need help opening a cupboard or reaching something. he won't be evil about it, he'll just chuckle and help out. just finds it enough cute aspect of you ☆ deals with how hyper you can be really well! he's pretty chill but can let loose, and he'll do a good job deciding when he should do one or the other. sometimes he'll actively be hyper with you and you'll do more kinetic dates like roller skate when that's the case. other times he'll listen to you ramble and just listen with a smile ☆ loves to dance with you! he'll wear the most gorgeous shade of red satin dress shirt and black flared pants, so whenever he moves the light shines on his shirt and his pants move as elegantly as he does. avdol is a good dancer you cannot convince me otherwise. he'll get even better so he can impress you, and he'll be marveled at how well you can dance! ☆ it's super interested in video games but likes to watch you play. he's sometimes convinced depending on the game, but he has the right idea. you'll be sitting on his lap or besides him (whichever is more comfortable to you) while he watches over your shoulder or on the bigger screen of your computer or tv ☆ avdol loves the bohemian style mixed with the hippie style. so he's so down with your music and aesthetic! he dresses that way too when he's more casual i headcanon, so you two match very well. you're like a walking pinterest board when you're heading on dates in public ☆ avdol gets the natural hair struggle! he is always here to help though, and he knows how to take care of various hair textures. if you don't want his help he's entirely okay with that too! ☆ if you need any accommodations because of your adhd he's already on it. written reminders, little notes, a text, whatever it is he's willing to do it. he's very considerate! ☆ like kakyoin, if you crochet him things he'll keep it forever. if you make him a tiny version of his stand he'll be so joyous. red will also love it, stealing it off of avdol's shelf and putting it into his own nest ☆ in conclusion, avdol's favorite thing to do with you by far though is to just cuddling with you, listening to your favorite bands, while enjoying your company. he loves your bubbly personality and is very accepting of your interests and hobbies

[terrainofheartfelt]

FOR THE BIG MUSIC ASK GAME LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO 🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

Artists: Joni Mitchell, Taylor Swift, Queen, Frank Turner

Albums: Pretty. Odd, evermore, Nebraska, Blonde on Blonde

this ask feels like a homework essay question but like, in a subject I'm passionate about. so it's okay. daunting, but.

Joni:

Do I know them already?: yes | no

Favourite Song: A Case of You, it has to be!!!!

(okay but also there's a recording of her playing Chelsea Morning live at Carnegie Hall and it is ~magical~)

Least Favourite Song: I mean there isn't a song by her that I dislike, but maybe one I know that I listen to the least....Big Yellow Taxi. because it makes me sad. she warned us about paving paradise and we didn't listen!!!!!!

Favourite Album: Blue 💙💙💙💙💙

Least Favourite Album: idk a lot of her discography (Blue the album of my heart) but uhhhhh the orchestral funky Both Sides Now (I just like her better when it's just her and her dulcimer <3)

Song that got me into them: oh geez my mother's always loved her. so maybe...my mom singing Both Sides Now in the car?

Seen Live?: i WISH (gimme a time machine and I will just take it to the '70s to see bands & artists play in their prime)

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Taylor:

Do I know them already?: yes | no 

Favourite Song: legally I am required to say "ivy"

Least Favourite Song: Dancing with Our Hands Tied (because it was popular when I worked retail so I heard it wayyyyyyyyy too much and now I can't stand it. is it a good song? idk. because I have too much retail trauma to determine that.)

Favourite Album: right now, it's Reputation

Least Favourite Album: Speak Now, probably? It missed me, and I haven't sought it out on streaming bc Girl's pre-1989 singing voice just...doesn't do it for me.

Song that got me into them: pfffft probably "Our Song" in the year of our lord 2006. I remember logging onto the Yahoo music website in Internet Explorer to look up her music videos, because that's the only way I could listen to her music (without buying the cds, my allowance was designated to higher musical priorities back then.) but I didn't really consider myself a Fan until the Bad Blood music video.

Seen Live?: nope. I don't really want to either. I like her best in studio. or, ideal scenario, hearing her live in Long Pond Studio, but that seems a bit of a long shot

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 her songwriting is a ten her vocals are a 5

Queen:

Do I know them already?: yes | no 

Favourite Song: Somebody to Love!

Least Favourite Song: thee ummm. the bicycle one. ah damn, now it's in my head.

Favourite Album: okay so the thing about many of these bands that I grew up listening to is that I have like, a very limited concept of which albums are which, because I just absorbed them riding in the car with my dad or my mom. I'll say A Night at the Opera bc it's a great title :)

Least Favourite Album: uhhhhh anything they released after Freddie?

Song that got me into them: probably The Muppets music video of Bohemian Rhapsody?

Seen Live?: no, alas, but I have seen P!ATD cover Bohemian Rhapsody live

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 

Frank Turner:

Do I know them already?: yes | no 

Favourite Song: not a fair question. uhm mmmmmm...The Way I Tend to Be, Broken Piano, Isabel, Poetry of the Deed, To Take You Home, Josephine....I could go on

Least Favourite Song: motherfucker truly has soooo many songs and I know a lot of them but there are many I've haven't heard. maybe Common Ground. or Little Changes.

Favourite Album: England Keep My Bones

Least Favourite Album: Be More Kind

Song that got me into them: my big brother put Nashville Tennessee on a mix cd he made for my birthday when I was...13? and I've only become more and more obsessed.

Seen Live?: HELL YES. in college my brother and my x-tian sorority big (we're both atheists now lmao) and me roadtripped 3 hours to Dallas to see him on his tour for Tape Deck Heart. One of the best live shows I've seen. He just...comes ALIVE onstage. and we met him at stage door and I took a picture with him <3 I think (hope) I still have it somewhere. I was a music major and wanted to tell him how much his music meant to me but I think I was too starstruck to say anything other than "hiiiii" and "thank you!" also thee zaniest opening act I have ever seen I'll never forget it

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 

Pretty. Odd. it isn't my favorite album of theirs, but it is a masterpiece.

Opinion on cover design: LOVE. I really enjoy the old-timey circus van vibe, evocative of Magical Mystery Tour, which seems a heavy inspiration.

Favourite song: That Green Gentleman

Least favourite song: narrowwww question because I have a pretty equal fondness for all the songs. maybe, The Piano Knows Something I Don't

Underrated track: When the Day Met the Night & Folkin' Around

Overrated track: Nine in the Afternoon (even though I adore it but it gets much more hype than any other track)

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 

evermore undoubtedly her magnum opus. the best music she's ever written

Opinion on cover design: simple, effective, lovely, sets the mood and the tone of the album. and she has such a habit of...overdoing visuals? her last half dozen music videos or so have been like, baroque in how over the top their visual design. like, willow the video does not match how the song or the rest of the album feels. idk. the simplicity here works for me, but I think sometimes she can't let something Be.

Favourite song: I already said ivy above so....no body no crime

Least favourite song: cowboy like me (it's otherwise a great song, but i so dislike the opening stanza 'dancing is a dangerous game' mam. you can do better than that. you've a whole album of evidence.)

Underrated track: closure (a Banger)

Overrated track: champagne problems (not that it's not a good song but the way it's gotten so much love as the best song on the album when happiness is like literally right there) (happiness.mp3 & peace.mp3 supremacy)

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

Nebraska

Opinion on cover design: as someone who's driven through nebraska, it's very accurate. it looks how nebraska feels. like, you're only there when you're on your way to someplace else. if liminal space was a US state it'd be Nebraska

Favourite song: oh fuck Reason to Believe

Least favourite song: Highway Patrolman

Underrated track: I mean the whole thing is underrated tbh.

Overrated track: see above. <3

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 

Blonde on Blonde

Opinion on cover design: those pursed lips....so Serious. I love a scarf moment. that look really is my aesthetic

Favourite song: RAINY DAY WOMEN but I also have a soft spot for OH. MAMA. can this really be the end? to be Stuck? inside? a Mobile? with the MEMPHIS BLUES again??? and Leopard Skin Pill Box Hat <3

Least favourite song: Visions of johanna. he can go ON about a bitch. I love him tho

Underrated track: I Want You, & You Go Your Way I Go Mine

Overrated track: is it possible to overrated a track on this album???

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 

[b-blushes]

MY QUESTS!!! pond??? check! here's what it looks like today (: and when we put the first rainwater in it!

see the wetlands before spring? check! in fact we went twice (: the second time i'd hoped we'd see tadpoles but alas it was flooded and also perhaps it's not tadpole habitat?

tripod for bird photos? check! and identified a new garden visitor :3 (the coal tit)

completed a year of monthly garden videos (from february 2023 to january 2024). when I was out filming clips i discovered this lichen and moss spot on one of our fences (:

incremental flower bed progress? check! everything weeded and planted by mid-october, now just to wait for the first spring to see things in bloom! next year I'll just need to weed/prune, put the bark around the rose, and build a log pile :3 plus if i want to fill in any gaps with seasonal bedding plants! (everything I put in should come back year after year, if it's not evergreen!)

i have 'visit a new place' ticked off but i can't remember where it was 😅 Maybe i combined that one with 'visit + linger @ a new or unfamiliar river or stream' sooo here's that one

did see the cherry blossom at the botanic gardens!

visited a beach for my birthday but there were no rockpools! we did experience a weather front though which was very cool (we got rained on but only for a few minutes)

and took a photo out of the same window pretty much every day! discovered that i live in cloud world

did not see tadpoles BUT i have had three simultaneous frogs in my pond so i am HOPINGGGGGGGG!!!!! for next year :3

this was a really nice thing to do, both actually doing the things and looking through to see the highlights of the year. it has been a Pretty Rough Year health-wise and i've spent an extreme amount of time at home not able to go out due to this, but i have really been finding good things at home and in the garden during these times which definitely helps (: yay!

2024 goals collage! inspired by @mildmayfoxe , although my text was pre-written and printed rather than collaged >:)

[gloriouswhispers]

Name: Shani 'Ani' Feldman

Age & Birthday: 40 years old, April 4th 1983

Gender/Pronouns: cis woman she/her

Birthplace: Prescott, Arizona

Time in Atlanta: 5 years

Neighborhood: Center Hill

Association: Reapers

Occupation: Mortician, Celebrant, Marriage Officiant, Beauty Therapist, Yoga Instructor, Riding Instructor... See: Con-Artist / Affiliate

Positive personality traits: Talkative, Nurturing, Witty

Negative personality traits: Devious, Stubborn, Blunt

Faceclaim: Natasha Lyonne

ABOUT:

Shani arrived in Center Hill five years ago, during particularly stormy weather, and knocked the door of the first house she could make out in the crashing rain and winds. She'd done this plenty of times throughout the country- This isn't my little rental for the weekend? oh no! The man who let her stay for the night seemed reluctant but this never deterred Shani. What she wasn't expecting, however, was being met with a brutal scene the next morning. She was only trying to make coffee and then there she was, helping to clean up blood with a cigarette in her mouth and using plastic bags as gloves because Dex's house had next to nothing practical in it. It's a strange way to start a friendship and luckily for Dex, Shani was never going to utter a word to the cops as she was a wanted woman herself.

Her story began in Prescott, Arizona born to a family that never really had the time to notice her. Her younger brother was diagnosed with severe mental health issues, a whole flurry of them. Split personality disorder, manic depression to anxiety and the Feldman house became his care facility. Shani's life was enveloped by Jeremiah's needs and she didn't mind one bit, she adored her brother even if the medication had him like a zombie more often than not. She was simply bored, left to entertain herself or with friends and family when her brother had another episode that saw him lashing out or running away.

Shani always had a flare for the dramatics, especially when it came to self-preservation. Oh no, I didn't do that homework. Someone cut our cat's head off and left it in the bed as a warning. Her imagination ran wild when she was younger, and then it became a problem. No officer, that wasn't me in that security footage. Someone must think it's funny to wear Spirit Halloween wigs while pickpocketing, shoplifting, trying to fraud prescription medications. It was never ending and without realizing Shani became more of a handful than her brother. By the time she graduated high school, her parents couldn't wait to see the back of her and Shani hit the road with several friends quite willingly.

Freedom was what she needed and Shani, equipped with the gift of the gab, learned how to hustle in the most peculiar of ways. She didn't hurt anybody but she often found herself in the right place at the right time, like the universe was calling her to be there she'd always say. She'd meet colorful characters during her journeys, who'd end up showing her the ropes of their own talents and causing Shani to end up with a pretty impressive resume.

However, there was an occasion where she wasn't in the right place at the right time. Her brother, over the years, made a habit to reach out to Shani whenever he was manic or riding a low - and she'd always tell him where she was. He'd show up, fuck things up and leave again and she never learned. It was meant to be just a quick visit to the bank, talk about these overdraft charges that were driving him crazy and next thing Shani knew, he shoved a gun in her hand while in line and fired his own into the air. Suddenly, Shani wasn't a little fish in a big pond and was wanted for armed robbery. She's been on the run ever since, which is how she ended up in Atlanta. So yeah, Dex, I'm not going to the cops.

In the five years since, Shani began working with the reapers and Dex showed her how to sharpen her skills of a con. She still lives with him, and all the other vagrants that waft in and out of his home. They've developed a close friendship, one that sees them holding one another accountable but after all - you have to respect the person who's not snitching on you for murder or for not handing you over on a platter to the pigs.

[itskatepaddington]

Analogue

I wrote a short film about this, which the world hasn’t seen as of 2023. But there’s only so much you can say in 10 minutes, so here I am, explaining myself again.

My godfather gifted me a point-and-shoot Kodak camera when I was a baby, or so I am told. It was with our family ever since. Developing film today is expensive; it would be cheaper back then, and yet it was pricey for someone on a lower income, with different financial priorities. And so taking these snaps limited us to only the events of importance. 

When the roll reached 36 exposures, and they were passed onto the photo shop to be developed, you anticipated them nervously. Then, all of them were locked away behind the pages of the huge volume with a thick, red cover. I don’t think we’ve filled it all, to this very day.

If you flip a couple of pages through the album, you will quickly understand the meaning of what “an event of importance” was. It means weddings, christenings, big birthdays, Christmas sometimes, the end of the school year when yours truly got to show off her excellent grades (I won’t stop mentioning this, my Reader, for I have peaked at school), or the first communion for my sister and I, as we were both raised Catholic. We never went on holidays, but what I count as holiday snaps are the summer pictures: playing with our cats and dogs, burnt by the sunshine, with strands of hair highlighted by the summer rays, in clothes dirtied by mud and grass, hugging dolls or playing sports with our cousins or neighbours. 

We turned the camera to these slivers of lives. Only the events of grander importance were captured, and I developed muscle memory - it’s that important event that I personally turn the camera to. While maintaining that rule helped us to remember those special occasions, a lot of everyday moments that burned into my memory would remain somehow unacknowledged, lacking any proof that they ever existed. I remembered them, and so did those that were there - even if they may have remembered them differently - but no physical evidence remained.

When my sister suggested we look through the album, I knew I would’ve remembered some of those photos. When I got my first PC, I was reading a lot of computer magazines (interested in a lot of things! Don’t ask!) One of them would give me the idea of digitising the old pictures. I scanned them all, or at least quite a few of them, so I remembered a lot of those. My sister and I laughed, we asked Mum to sit with us, and we reminisced. But there were a couple of them I haven’t seen before.

I really wanted to look for photos of Dad. He didn’t like being in the photos, but he complied when we asked, and I was still hoping I could possibly find some pictures he was in. There were going to be some from what I remembered, but when you lose someone, none of this is ever enough, and you're always hoping for a surprise. And even if you do remember some of the preserved moments, like these family Christmas snaps, you start to wonder how much of their feelings you truly understood at such a young age. 

Eventually, we found some pictures, the stories of which I would never know. One of these was a black and white photo with people I assumed were Dad’s coworkers from his railway days. These were the times that I didn’t remember, but he would tell us about them, as opposed to that photo in which he was going through his bag, near a pond. A long-haired, young man, in his railway uniform, different from how I remembered him. I would never know the context of that photo. 

In a moment like that, you realise how unknowable to one another you really were. There was a whole chunk of life your parent had before you came around. Now, it was on a page in front of you, a split second frozen in time, a memory that is not yours, for which you have absolutely zero context. 

So many of the moments which shaped them were probably never captured. You know you would never see them. Some of them were; you may even have some context for those. I even jotted down some of his memories that he told me about since I was a graphomaniac for as long I could remember, and this time around it came in handy. They’re in a file on my hard drive, written quickly from memory, in a pained attempt not to lose those memories forever. My dad’s first car, for example, which he had when he was young and was very proud of, or what I remembered him saying about it. Or his shenanigans from the times he worked as a railway electrician. 

Many of these captured moments will remain there for you without any explanation. Or you may try to find one. There’s the Internet, after all, with all the knowledge available to humanity - but then what if your parent never used it? You quickly counter that fact in your head. Others might have. They might have posted, and you can figure out the context, you think. You type a name into a search engine anyway. But you’re met only with some noise, followed by digital silence. No relevant search results, it says. Do you want to try something else? 

You end up thinking that you took the ability to capture every day for granted. You take photos, and so many of them - then you post them online for the world to see. You share them with friends, you make it a brand or a meme, you name it. You wish you did that more often before. 

I didn’t have a good digital camera before I left home. I had some snaps from rather bad phone cameras, but nothing much beyond that. Anyway, you end up wishing you had used the bad camera you owned. 

But this learned habit stretches further, into the times when the technology was already at my fingertips. But the routine was an excuse. Even during the lockdowns of the curséd year of 2020, I discovered how much I appreciated returning to the moments I had previously kept for myself. But I did notice one thing: I still tend to turn the camera to the event of importance, whatever it may be. Yet, these pics of my family and friends around me let me escape out of the temporary confinement and into the life I used to live, brought to a halt by an unprecedented historical event. I promised myself to capture more of these moments back then.

Now that the world is open and I can do just that, I do take photos in multiples, yet many of them never see the light of day. I go crazy with the number of snaps I take, too. It’s so common that it probably lost some of its charm if not its value. This was when I first started considering that maybe I would like to have them in a physical form, too. And maybe I would want to think before I make the shutter click.

An article containing a lot of fascinating statistics about photos we take was recently making rounds on my timeline. An average citizen of the US takes 20 photos a day, it said. Even if professional photos represent a small percentage of those - what we take pictures of can be anything, from local posters and info we want to keep, to food to selfies and snaps at parties - and only about seven per cent of photos are taken with cameras, this is an incredibly big number when you think that a smaller film roll, commonly used about two or three decades ago, has the capacity for just 24 or 36 photos. More photos are taken every day than in the nineteenth century when the cameras were first invented, and we’ve surpassed the number of photos that were taken in the twentieth century already. It’s estimated that by 2030, 2.3 trillion photos will be taken every year. 

It’s hard not to think about the environmental impact of something that we use so freely. A lot of these photos are stored in the cloud, and at some point, that will be a challenge. Every photo that we take is eventually turned into a little signature of the times that once were; a little acknowledgement that we existed. If climate change starts impacting technology in the end, what will happen? Will my family, in some distant future, know about any of these moments that I so painstakingly capture?

I have just received an email that one of my old service providers will remove the accounts that were inactive for more than two years - to save resources and all that. Maybe the huge chunk of it will be wiped out anyway, and unless I become Someone Important For History, someone will search for my name and find absolutely nothing one day. Maybe. Or maybe my brain is writing science fiction again. 

My sister kept the habit of printing photos out, regardless of the digital copies she keeps. She selects some of the photos we take digitally and takes them to a print shop - as my kindest superfan, she even saved some of mine and put them in her album - but I store them all on hard drives only. And in the meantime, having taken up photography, I’ve developed a habit of taking multiple photos at a time. 

There are obvious benefits to this. A lot of what I do now is in a professional capacity. When I do edit them, I have all the coverage I may potentially need. But it’s also chaotic. I end up with a lot of outtakes - some gems, some won’t see the light of day. And they take up a lot of storage. This is when I first started toying with the idea of returning to shooting film. I saw people taking film photographs, I thought it was cool for a while. I could potentially come back to it, too. And of course, there were film directors I loved, obsessing over the colour and the grain in a different context. The usual camera for everyday photos, special treatment - wouldn’t that be nice? I asked my sister to ship the Kodak camera to London, but she’s a busy gal, so it didn’t quite make it to me, yet.

Months later, I ran into a neighbour while taking photos at a local park. He saw my camera, asked about its make, and that’s how we started talking. We spoke about the photography business his son owns, his Sony camera, and the old film cameras he used to have back in Turkey when he was young. 

“You kids, you’ve got it easy,” he said. “You take as many pictures as you want now, but back in the day, you needed to know your camera inside out to take good photos,” he said. 

As we spoke about it more, his words started to make more sense. Getting a film camera could possibly get me into the habit of practising more thoughtful composition. Slowing down and giving it more thought could make my photography better, too. And both negatives and printed photos are tangible, and if kept well, boast rather good longevity - and that was just what I wanted.

So I went home, looked at some classic cameras, and found a physical vintage shop, but my expedition into the rabbit holes of internet reviews extended well into the night and it was unlikely a shop would be open at 2am. When I woke up the next morning, there were more pressing matters to attend to, but the whole film camera business came through my head and went a few times more. 

A few months after, I ventured into the French sunshine for my first experience of a film festival abroad. Packing films into my schedule, I saw Aftersun. I will do the film a disservice if I try to summarise it; to start with, it’s a film about a depressed father and his daughter, now several years older, desperately searching for the meaning of his behaviour during a memorable holiday. 

The protagonist was a child - she wouldn’t have understood everything back then - but she picked up on some of his behaviour, and now, an adult herself, she’s grasping for something that would help her understand his pain and dissatisfaction with life from the perspective of all that time. The final scene of it all leaves it open to discussion - was that her last holiday with her dad? Did he pass away? It’s all open to interpretation, and you can essentially project any story about nostalgia and memories onto the canvas of this confidently defined story that regardless leaves a lot of space for us all to empathise. It’s a phenomenal film - not just this slice of life story, but also the warmly coloured visuals of it all. They feel analogue. 

As soon as I watched it, I walked into the Mediterranean breeze with tears in my eyes, a need to call my mum as soon as possible, and a want to get a camera that produces tangible memories. But that wouldn’t happen for a little longer.

When I did decide to pick up my first camera, it was totally an impulse purchase. I was heading for a Circa Waves gig at the Roundhouse, and I have just left work. The weekend has just started, and I had plenty of time until the support was on stage, so I went into the Camden Market. I passed by that camera shop with my friends once before, and I almost bought the camera then. I had talked myself out of it commiserating the state of my finances, but this time around, I was two beers in and about to have a good time… so of course I walked in again, asking the shop assistant about my different options. 

The kind gentleman showed me a couple of cameras, explaining that point-and-shoot cameras are what most people go for, whereas the more expensive cameras are better for those who understand basic photography concepts. 

I mentioned that I didn’t want to spend too much just yet - after all, my sister did have a camera waiting for me - so I picked a really old Halina camera from the 1950s. I eagerly jumped right into taking photos as soon as I walked into the Camden sunshine of the early summer.

A selection of photos I took with it was a light-leak-embroiled disaster, but it was fun. I found myself thinking more, and deciding to hold my horses and not press that button a lot of the time. After all, there were just 36 exposures on that film roll. Even if it was a test, you kind of want that test to go well. Shortly after, my second film camera from an online friend found its way to me, too, allowing me to take some more excellent photos.

Trying to get film for my new camera brought me to a realisation that film was becoming a huge trend - particularly amongst young people. Obviously, I saw some of my friends and plenty of strangers with film cameras. But I hadn’t realised how much of a demand there was until I found myself struggling to get a roll of Kodak Gold. I liked the warmth of it, so I was desperate to replicate it. I walked around the city pleading, I traversed the depths of Online, but both physical and online stores mentioned supply and demand issues, with others racking up the price by half. 

And that’s definitely not the first time. Back in 2017, Kodak brought back their Ektachrome roll, which they phased out due to low demand just a few years before, and the company had to rapidly hire to keep up with the surprising growing demand. So much for that Kodak company that failed to keep up with innovation, eh? Take that, business people. There’s a market for everything, some say, and as the great ad man of scripted TV once said about a Kodak product, it’s all about nostalgia: “a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone.” 

Many have picked a camera as a hobby during the pandemic. Undoubtedly, with the aesthetic of the nineties and noughties returning with full force, many young people also did it for the nostalgic value. Like the annoying hipster I am, I’m a sucker for vinyl, too, and it’s hard not to see the similarity here. After all, at some point a few years ago, the demand was so big that more records were sold than CDs, and the demand for Adele’s latest album in that form actually caused a shortage at the presses for other artists releasing music around the same time. As much as we value our instant gratification, a huge part of us is yearning for an escape from it all. And we’re finding it in returning to familiarity with something that isn’t digital at all.

When the information that surrounds us daily is so unstructured, chaotic, tailored to us, and often agreeing with our bullshit, you can keep up without being tired or switching off your attention for only so long. Something that you can’t skip through, curated by a human, or simply bringing an experience that lets you breathe can release the tension your body and mind are unknowingly under all the time. It’s a bit therapeutic. It’s fun to do it blindly - you never really know how it’s going to turn out. It’s just a wonderful test of expanding your patience, likely severely impacted by the way we’re all filtering information now. 

These negatives are something so tangible, along with the pictures you choose to keep for yourself. Taking these photos is a signature of our existence. We snap, we keep the moment, and we hope to preserve it with the evidence that can be held in our hands and hung up on the walls. You don’t have to filter multiple lines of bullshit at a time, you don’t have to switch off your attention to cope with the flood of irrelevant information. You focus and you stay in the moment for a little longer - you do it just before you decide to press the button. You hear the shutter click. 

That signature of your existence will now remain with you for that much longer, signalling that once upon a time, you and perhaps people you cared about shared this moment, no matter how they want to remember it.

[knockyasocksoff2022]

Naomi

473 Words

My sister, Naomi is a year younger than me, but we do everything together. I was diagnosed shortly after my first birthday when my parents really started taking me out into the world and I got very sick. They realised that having Naomi go to a school full of other germy kids would be a huge problem, so she stayed home with me too.

I feel guilty for keeping her here, but she always says she doesn't mind. I asked her why she wanted to do uni virtually when she starts instead of going even though she could but she just laughed and said, "Because I want to be with you, Onii-chan!"

I had to take that answer, but I still worry.

I put it out of my mind by staring at the shishi-odoshi we made with Dad when I was 8. He was home more then, but now he's always travelling for work. I wish he was home more, but he always tells me about the Outside when he comes back, loads of interesting things.

I squat, with my bare feet on the sandy white gravel, and look at my reflection in the pond. There are no fish in the pond, and too big a risk to have any "unpredictable biological factors" Mum says. But I like to pretend there are. I can see them so clearly swimming around, I swear I can feel their scales when I dip my fingers in the water. So real. Maybe I am going a bit crazy. Still, I love it out here. 

Another reflection appears next to mine. Naomi. She's known for her quiet, sneaking up behind everyone, so quiet, seeming almost to appear out of thin air, 

"Junichi! Hiya!"

"Hey, Naomi."

"Mum wants us for dinner."

"Kay."

Naomi takes my hand, pulling me up and along with her as she skips to the table. Dinner is plain as always, but I never mind it.

Fridays are special though, Mum stays home with Naomi and me all day, giving my nurse, Kouyou-san the day off.

When everyone has finished we all clear the table and part ways. Mum to work on whatever she does after her hours at the hospital are over. (It's incredible luck that my mum is a doctor) and Naomi and I to watch a movie like we do every Friday.

-

Naomi falls asleep against my shoulder which is annoying because she's heavier than she looks to lift (I'm just weak) and I don't want to risk her wrath by waking her. After getting Mum's assistance to remove my sister, I fall asleep staring out the window. From my room, I can see over the wall and trees to the house next door. It's for sale, or it was, but the sign was taken down two weeks ago, which can only mean one thing: New Neighbours.

I wonder what kind of people they'll be.

EVERYTHING EVERY THING ~ tachizaki

Jun's mother hides him and his sister away from the world. When a new neighbour arrives his life starts to unravel and he starts to question why things are how they are in the first place. (Abilities exist in this AU)