#I want my body to get a relaxing moment where it’s not on high alert

[strawbabycowboy]

26th bday trip to az to see family !

[mikichko]

it’s gaz who gives you the nickname wisp. and it sticks. you’re not exactly sure where it came from or what it means but it could’ve been much worse.

but the 141 know exactly why.

gaz notices first, of course. how different versions of you rotate throughout the day depending on who you're talking to. there are moments where he notices pieces of the real you coming out. telltale sign is your shoulders dropping back, not in the rigid stance usually saved for attention but in relief. like someone's snapped the string that was holding you up. those moments don't last and it's not long before your shoulder's are rigid and pinched the way someone on high alert keeps them.

in his head ghost calls you cam. short for chameleon. just like gaz he notices how you shape and mold yourself to appeal to others. you're not blending in, he realizes, you're mirroring them. reading them and reacting just how they'd like. a quip here, a smile there, a joke about some one-off thing that you'd noticed made their eyes light up. he wonders what it's like to see the real you, what you'd be like if you were in front of your own mirror. he doesn't get to ponder too long, he can see you fading as you morph

you escape out of soap's grasp so many times he thinks his nickname should be yours instead. he thinks to himself one day that it must be natural for the two of you to miss each other. to be lucky enough some days to occupy some square footage of space before you disappear through a doorway, leaving him wanting. even when you're on the same base, hell same missions sometimes, you're never close enough to him. just out of his reach.

price happens to find you when you think you're alone. just like gaz he's privy to the relaxed state of your body, rigid lines becoming softer against the worn material of the couch. he watches the way your hand strokes the skin along your clavicle, thumb pressing down into the dip of your jugular notch. there's a cloudy look to your eyes as you continue to absentmindedly soothe yourself from whatever you're dissecting in your head. he watches for a while, trying to piece together what it is you're reliving. he knows it's time for him to take his leave when your shoulders straighten, even before your eyes blink away the clouds.

you're there for a moment, before you disappear, evading their grasp.

a/n: i got crazy writers block and was trying to force myself to write my wips but instead my brain cooked this up. everyone say thank you to @buttdumplin for making me brave enough to post <3

[talaok]

can i request a fic with joel miller? where he marks up readers neck with loads of hickeys and tommy and ellie ask about them?

idk whether joel would be embarrassed or proud lol, like ellie would be horrified or bully him depending on his attitude ig

love your blog!! 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

It was a beautiful sunny morning in Jackson, the sun was high up in the sky, the stove was working without any issues for once, and as you stood there, bare feet on the floor tiles, eggs frying in the pan... you took a moment to breathe, to enjoy the silence that spread around you... something so simple, and yet impossible to get as of lately.

And just like clockwork, as always, the moment you were starting to relax, the sound of fast-paced footsteps echoed from the hall, as Ellie came down the stairs at full force.

The day that kid didn't wake up with enough energy to power a whole city was gonna be the day the world came to an end.

You remained turned, as she sprinted through the door.

"Good morning" you smiled, turning your head to give her a brief smile, before getting back to the pan.

"Good morning!" She grinned, slightly out of breath as she sat at the kitchen table 

"did you sleep well?"

"I would have slept better if Joel had stopped snoring so loud the whole night"

You couldn't help but snort 

You loved that man with your whole heart... but she kinda had a point on that.

"Count your blessings" you laughed "At least you don't have to sleep next to him"

"Yeah I have no idea how you do that"

"me either" A soft chuckle left your throat

"so what's for breakfast?" 

"eggs" 

You could physically feel the disappointment take over her body.

"what a surprise" she grumbled "Never had those for breakfast before"

"hey!" you gasped, still inevitably smiling "Eggs are good for you, and you should be thankful I'm even cooking you breakfast, kid"

And although you could hear her sigh, the moment you turned, pan in hand to give her her breakfast, that shit-eating, fake grin she'd learned from Joel was plastered on her face, 

but that was only for a moment, because a second after, the smile, together with any type of joy, pretend or not, left her features.

"what happened to your neck?"

You frowned

"What?"

Her eyes were wide, worried, seemingly scared

"Y-your neck, what happened? Did You get hurt? Did someone hurt you? Does Joel kno-"

And only then, only when his name left her mouth did you realize what had happened, did you realize the mistake you'd made this morning.

"No Ellie" you shook your head, putting the pan down to place a gentle hand on her arm "It's... it's nothing, don't worry"

She shoved your hand away with a quick move as she argued

"What do you mean don't worry, your whole neck's red y/n! What happened?!"

"Nothing Ellie, I promise" A soft laugh threatened to spill from your lips as you tried to calm her down, but the girl resisted as she stood up suddenly, the chair screeching at the movement

"Why don't you wanna tell me what happened? I'm not a kid, I wanna know who did this to you!"

"Ellie, I-"

And just then, heavy footsteps entered the room.

"What's with all the screaming?"

Joel's disheveled self had joined the party, looking every bit of tired as he was.

He passed a hand through his messy hair, groaning lowly before his gaze settled on you and then on Ellie.

Ellie scoffed as her eyes widened even more

"Are you serious!?" she almost shouted, clearly done with the both of you "Are you blind? Something obviously happened to y/n e she doesn't wanna tell me what it is!"

You watched as every bit of sleep left his body, now tense and alert as he always was when danger was near

"What happened to you?"

But before Ellie could intervene and get even madder, you shut them both off as you rolled your eyes at Joel.

"My neck Joel" you explained, raising your brows "Ellie wants to know what happened to my neck, and since it's your doing... I'm gonna let you handle this"

And with one simple sentence, both their attitudes had changed 

You watched as the realization hit Joel, and then a moment later as the other realization hit

Your neck.

your neck was red and bruised,

and he knew why

Of course he knew why... he was why

"what do you mean it's his doing-"

Ellie's face was creased in puzzlement, but all you did was turn to Joel, waiting for him to dig himself out of the grave he'd dug.

"Ellie- I-" a heavy sigh fled his mouth as he shot you a -why do I have to do this- look, although he knew damn well why... mr "just one more".

"what, what happened?"

He cleared his throat, clearly struggling to hold the kid's gaze

"Well, Ellie" you didn't miss the way his voice cracked the tiniest bit in the middle "Y/n's neck is red because..." his expecting eyes traveled to you again

"Because?" Ellie asked, impatient.

"because well, Ellie when..." you watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed the sand in his mouth 

Funny how you'd seen this man do things that would make the average man piss his pants, without a hint of dread, and this was the most you'd seen him scared.

"Well, it's that... when-" he cleared his throat again, as his hand went to scratch the inexistent itch at the back of his neck "when- uhm- two adults love each other very much they... well they do-"

And thanks to some god somewhere Ellie stopped him before he could end the sentence

"Oh my god-stop!" she moaned, looking ready to throw up"I know what sex is Joel!"she gagged, looking between you two "So is-is that why your neck's..."

You only needed to give her a slight nod before another agonizing groan left her mouth "Oh my god-" her face contorted into a frown "that's - disgusting, you didn't have to tell me that!"

"You said you wanted to"

"yeah well I take it back!"

And even though you tried to stop her, calling for her, she had bolted out of the room before you could do anything, bumping into a figure as she did.

"woh" Tommy breathed, frowning as the kid flew past him, having let himself into your home once again

"what happened? Why is Ellie-" he asked, his brows pulled together in puzzlement, before they creased even more "Wait what happened to your neck?"

You couldn't help but chuckle softly 

"That's what happened to Ellie" you breathed, still smiling "Your brother got a little too carried away last night"

You watched Joel roll his eyes as Tommy laughed like that was the funniest thing he'd heard in days

"'s that right?" he joked, throwing his brother a smug grin "And you tried explaining her just now, didn't you?"

"yeah" Joel grunted, waiting before Tommy inevitably laughed again, this time even going as far as throwing his head back.

"it ain't that funny" he argued, sighing loudly as he walked to you

"No, no you're right, You explainin' to a little girl about sex ain't funny at all" he snorted, laughing even louder somehow.

The moment he finished his little scene, you were both looking at him annoyedly, although a spark of amusement still ignited your eyes.

"alright, alright, I'll go talk to her" he held his hands up in defeat, "just leave me some of those eggs, 'm hungry" 

And that's all he said, before he was out of the room, leaving you and Joel alone

"Just one more huh?" you smiled, looking up at him, "my whole neck's red"

"why didn't you cover it?" he asked, which, to be honest, was a legitimate question, you always did cover it whenever something like this happened... which were more times than you liked to admit.

"Ah so now's my fault?" you cocked an eyebrow

"c'mon now, sweetheart, you mark me too" he argued

"yeah but where no one can see, baby"

And at that a lascivious smirk appeared on his lips as he gripped your waist "mmmh what can I do?" he breathed, his mouth hovering over your lips just to get lower to the reddened skin of your neck "i just can't help myself when I see this pretty neck"

And then once again, he was kissing it, softly starting to focus more just underneath your left ear

"Joel..." you whimpered

"what?"

"are you serious?" you chuckled, clinging to his arms 

"one more can't hurt at this point darlin'..."

[selfishdoll]

NOW PLAYING… PUSSY FAIRY

I'ma fuck you real slow, need to hear you say my name

SOFT & SLEEPY! KASHIMO HAJIME

oneshot? drabble? idk it’s words. like stated before he’s a little ooc (def cause he’s soft in this one) so if that’s a problem for you i’m sorry.. also this is unedited & i was getting sleepy so please ignore typos or errors.

cw: fingering, praise, & slow sex.. kinda.

kashimo is an extremely light sleeper. the reason? he has someone to protect, you. anything; whether a curse or another person could attack and he needed to be on high alert just in case. it was a trait you both loved and hated.

you loved that he was always so concerned about keeping you safe.

but you hated you could never go to use the bathroom or get a drink of water without a quick tug on your waist and a demand on where you’re going.

tonight was no different, your back against hajime’s chest with his arm wrapped tightly around your waist— fingers twitching each time you stirred. the moon peeked into your bedroom casting a soft light across your sheets.

you couldn’t sleep. and your arm was getting a little numb from your position. you wanted to get up and maybe drink some warm milk or something, but you hated waking hajime. the reckless sorcerer needed the rest, no matter how much he denied it.

you breathed softly, pushing yourself deeper into your pillow at an attempt to sleep again; eyes pinched close and ignoring your racing thoughts. not even a minute passed before you got irritated, adjusting your body at an attempt to find a better position.

you knew you made a big mistake the moment hajime’s hand spread across your stomach, tugging your form flush against his front.

“what’s wrong?” he spoke, tone laced with sleep as you felt him attempt to get up. you moved quickly, reaching back to place a hand onto his arm.

“it’s nothing, haji. i just can’t sleep.” you mused, relieved when you felt his body ease back into the bed.

“should have woken me up.”

your eyebrows furrowed at his words, “what would you have done?..” your voice trailed off the moment you felt his lips press against the back of your neck, hand sliding away from your silk covered hip— down to your bare thigh.

“so i could fuck you to sleep.” hajime spoke in a matter of fact tone, hand pushing your nightgown up; wasting no time in pushing your panties to the side. your legs opened, moaning softly as you felt his thick fingers spread you open— middle finger rubbing tight circles into your clit. his other hand moved upwards to your face, two fingers gently tugging on your bottom lip.

you got the message quickly, lips parting as his fingers slid into your mouth. your tongue circled the thick digits, moaning around them as the ministrations between your legs got a bit harsher. once satisfied, hajime pulled his fingers from your mouth, hand moving towards your pussy. using his elbow to push open your thigh more, he moved to your hole; slowly pushing his fingers in.

the sorcerer hissed as he felt your sensitive walls clench around them, continuing to circle your clit with his middle finger. as the pleasure grew your moans did as well, attempting to close your legs— much to hajime’s dismay.

“be good.. keep your legs open for me.” he commanded, pushing your thigh more. you whined softly, hearing a husky chuckle escape him as a result. he continued to slowly scissor you open, watching as your hand lowered to his wrist. “gonna cum already?”

“mmh!—“ the pace of his fingers quickened, feeling how his forearm flexed with each thrust inside you. your stomach tightened, nails digging into his skin before he curled his fingers one last time; feeling you gush around them.

you panted, a soft whine escaping you as you felt him slowly withdraw his fingers. your eyes closed, a blissful smile covering your face. you felt much more relaxed then before, sure you could drift off in no time.

until, you felt him shift behind you, a hand grabbing your thigh— lifting it, and pushing his length close against you.

“haji—“ you gasped as his cockhead rubbed your wetness, slowly sinking in. you whined at the stretch, nails digging into his skin. “fu—fuck.. haji, ’m too sensitive.” you whined, feeling his hips stop the moment he was fully inside of you.

“relax..” hajime breathed into your hair, surprisingly patient with you. normally he was drilling you into the mattress at this point, ignoring your pretty pleas and requests to slow down. but now? he was pleasant, allowing you to get adjusted to his size all the while stroking your thigh. moments passed before he moved, slowly withdrawing his hips until only the crown of his cock remained inside.

and in one flick he was fully inside once again, listening to the sweet moan that escaped you. the pace wasn’t fast or harsh, not like he usually was. it was much deeper, slower; pleasure covering your body and making you melt further into the sheets. your eyes were closed tightly, mouth rested open as sickeningly sweet sputters of his name escaped your throat.

as he felt your body relax beside him the sorcerer smiled, adjusting his hips to hit deeper, grunting as your walls hugged him so tightly. “that’s it.. good girl..” hajime breathed into your skin, ignoring how your nails clung to his skin. his sweet ruts continued, applying even sweeter kisses where he could.

your cheek, neck, and shoulder; breath fanning across your skin as more praises fell from his lips.

it didn’t take long for the familiar band to form in your stomach, moans increasing in volume as you moved back against his thrusts. hajime enjoyed each messy movement, stuffing his face into your neck as his pace stuttered; signaling he was close too.

your eyes rolled back, releasing one last moan before creaming on his length. not even a minute later did you feel his hips slow to grinds, spilling into you.

the two of you breathed, pants covering the room and a whine following the moment he pulled out of you. hajime shifted to pull his sweats back onto his body, releasing you and lifting himself off your bed. he smiled a little at the shine that escaped you once again, walking around the bed to slowly lift you off the blankets.

he watched as your slumped into his large chest, grinning to himself a bit. “tired?” the sorcerer questioned in a soft, yet mocking tone, watching you struggle to keep your eyes open.

when you didn’t even respond the man let out a small laugh, walking over to your bathroom to clean you up.

[ziminy]

Beast and the beauty

There was a bounty on your head, and Toji was there to claim it. However, he didn't expect the beast to be you. Now he got other plans on what he's going to do with you.

Tags: smut, mdni, f!reader, beast!reader, hunter!Toji, enemies to lovers, threatening, lots of lies, Toji is messing with the reader, manipulation, fingering, orgasm denial, crying, slightly chocking, humping, making out in the hallway, doing it in the library, public s(e)x, creampie, the reader haves boobs, oral (both m and f receiving),

Author's note: i wrote this with a hand in my pants (jk)

Masterlist kinktobermasterlist

It was a cold night when he found himself in the middle of the woods. He been out haunting the whole day, but he won't give up just yet, the prize was too good to give up on it.

A ferocious beast is hiding somewhere in the forest, in a place that it was impossibly hard to find it. But the zeros on his paycheck won't make him turn around any time soon.

With a gun in his back pocket, some knifes and whatever weapons he might carry, he was determined to get this job done and live lavishly for a while. He's thinking about the most expensives hotels and the most renowned restaurants. Maybe even go on vacation, maybe.

He had nothing planned, he's just thinking of spending money as fast as possible.

All he could think about was the papers. So, he better find the beast's hideout soon.

And he did found it, a big abandoned castle. A place fit for a freak, he thought.

This place looked creepy, the vibes were off and if he wasn't so determined to get the money he would have passed the opportunity to someone else. He'll make this quick so he could go the fuck home.

He opened the front door, careful of his surroundings. With small steps, he got inside, looking left and right and being on high alert. His fateful gun in his right hand, finger on the trigger and waiting for something to appear.

The corridor he was on was full of candles, soft light illuminating the room. It was clear he wasn't alone, and the fact that he saw something moving with the corner of his eye confirmed his suspicions.

The shadow seemed to move quickly. It looked like it would get away if he doesn't do something quickly. So, he moved his body after it, for a moment getting too carried away and stepping on something that makes a loud sound.

"Is someone there?" a feminine voice could be heard from where he saw the shadow. Loud steps coming towards him, all in a hurry.

He won't be deceived. He won't let a sweet voice make him hesitate when all he was craving for was money.

He stood there in place, gun pointed towards the source of the sounds that is getting closer. He was ready to shoot, not a second waisted.

However.

He was taken by surprise when a creature smaller than him popped out the corner. Big round eyes, full lips and a perfect posture. White delicate clothes that didn't matched this scary castle in any way.

Who looked more surprised in that moment? Him or you?

"Oh!" you exclaimed, still not believing he was real.

"Are you alright?" you must be one of the beast's captures. He can't come with a better explanation.

"Are you alright?" you said, scanning him up and down. The gun he had in front of you a few seconds ago was now next to his body, still in his hand. "Come in, you must be tired." you said all exited to have your first guest in years.

"Miss, I'm here to save you." be didn't believe his own words.

"From what?" you said all confused.

"From the beast." you blinked a few times at his words. You sighed, somehow looking more relaxed now.

"Come in, I'll explain everything. But first, are you hungry?" some time later, he woke up in a big dining room, the table being longer and wider than his whole house combined.

Everything was moving on its own, the furniture, the silverware, the plates with food on them.

"You said you were looking for a beast, right?" you asked after some time, not wanting to disturb the meal.

"Do you know where is it." everyone froze. The furniture that was talking a few moments ago now dead silent. Everybody stopped breathing, too afraid to do a single wrong move.

"What do you plan to do with it?" your sweet voice now cold while asking questions.

"What I was hired to do." he too can match your attitude. Hide that creature as much as you want, he'll find it eventually.

"I can throw you in the prison at any time I want. No one will find your body here." your words didn't match your image. That white night dress made you look too innocent, and your eyes made you look inoffensive if he didn't look good enough at you.

"Is that a threat?" he asked, somehow excited to drag his gun out and put a bullet right into your head.

His smile disgusted you. Annoyed, you got up from the table, making every single of your servant look at you.

"Master, please." a clock said, but you didn't looked twice back.

"Show this gentleman his way out tomorrow." you said before closing the door after you.

"I'm sorry about this, our master haves a bit of a temper." the clock apologized.

He saw worse than this.

"Let me show you our humble abode." a candle said.

He will get those money no matter who appears before him.

It was so easy to fool these idiots. He walked behind them and slipped the moment he got the chance. Now wandering somewhere far away from where he was taken to.

This part of the castle looked worse than outside. Walls having big cracks in them, paintings thrown apart, and this bad feeling that is following him ever since he got into that hallway. He must be close to the beast, he knows it, he can feel it.

Nothing looked too out of the ordinary, however, at the end of the hallway there was a big door, claws mark on it, and it gave this off feeling more than any other rooms in that hallway.

He got closer to it, slowly open it, and stepping inside.

The state of the room was questionable. It looked like a fight happened in there, and it ended with somebody getting killed.

"I told you, I want to be left alone." he could recognize that voice. It came from the bed, from under the covers.

He got closer, his gun out his pocket and pressed against your head when he got mext to your bed.

You got your head out of the blanket, looking up at him who looked all relaxed, like this was a normal activity for him.

"What do you want." you looked tired. Was he the reason? But what a honor.

"I'm here because of a bounty. I'm not leaving empty handed." so he wasn't as idiotic as he looked like. "I wander how a bullet will look in that pretty head of yours. Try to move and we'll find out." that's why you didn't like people. Every single person that came to visit the castle had some kind of unsolved issues that couldn't be fixed by you.

"So. What do you want me to do?" you looked bored. His games didn't amused you at all.

"Just answer a simple question. Are you the beast or nah?" perhaps he was dumb indeed.

"Why are you asking when you know the answer?" a big grin on his face as you confirmed your identity. His gun pressed against your forehead even harder, his face getting closer to yours as he lowers his upper body to take a closer look at you. "Just do it already, everybody will be free if I'm not here." your cooperation didn't made him feel guilty at all.

"Goodnight, sweet thing." you closed your eyes, expecting to not feel a thing besides the after life. But instead, his gun got further away from you, and back into his pocket.

You opened your eyes, looking surprised at his actions. "Why didn't you do it?" were you disappointed? Oh, well. What can he do about that?

"What if you haunt me in my dreams?" he walked to the door. "Don't get too comfortable, I'll come back here tomorrow." he said and left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving you all alone in there.

You should kick him out, but at the same time you're afraid he might kill one of your servants. He can do whatever he wants with you, but you draw a line when it comes to your animated companions who were cursed because of you.

God, take all your suffering and give it to that trespasser.

That night, you fell asleep with your heart in your throat. Stressed and full of anxiety. You would wake up at the smallest sound or if you felt anything moving.

It wasn't enough that he was the one making your dreams become nightmares, but he even had the audacity to show his face when you went to eat the next day. All a smile and acting like he didn't terrorized you ever since he stepped a foot into your home.

"When are you leaving?" you asked when he kept looking a bit too insistently at the knife he had in his hand. Could he eat like a normal person? Why did he had to act up even now?

"B- but master!" you couldn't give a fuck about that damn curse anymore. Better die alone than a freak like him interfere with your life.

"You want me gone already?" he asked in a teased tone.

"Yes. Very much so." you said with full confidence, but you wished you could take your words back when he took his gun out and placed it on the table like it was normal.

"Here." he threw the gun at you, making you catch it in your hands. "Shoot me and you won't have to deal with me anymore." the terrified look on your face couldn't be more funnier.

You got up, your chair moving backwards as you throw the gun on the table, rushing out of the room.

"Master!" some furniture ran after you while calling your name.

"Our master is really trying her best." if that's what you call best then he doesn't know what to say. You need to do better.

"One of us haves to go if she wants to live a peaceful life." he said, looking over at the stuff on the table, wandering what he can use to stab you with.

"Don't say that. I bet my master took you in consideration when you arrived here." the candle said without thinking, making Toji to raise an eyebrow.

"Take me in consideration? For what?" did you wanted to eat him? Oho, but he won't give up without a good fight.

"To break the curse-" the candle finally realized what he was saying and rushed out the room.

Break the curse? So there's more that he doesn't know about. Well, won't it be fun to break a few of your fingers and make you spill everything out?

He waited until the nightfall and sneaked back into your room. You looked so peacefully asleep. Won't it be sad to wake you up?

He sat at the edge of the bed, a hand placed on the bed to hold himself up, as he looked down at your sleeping face.

How did you got cursed? And how did you become a beast? If this was your beast form, then how did you looked like a human? Was this a form you took to deceive people?

"Mm." you wanted to turn around in bed, but then you felt something. Now you were fully awake.

"Morning, sleepyhead." your heart skipped a few beats when you saw him. His low voice ringing right into your ears as he smiled.

You drag your blanket over your head, trying your best to ignore him. This was all a bad dream. It had to be.

"Don't ignore me." he dragged the blanket off your face, being welcomed with your mad face.

"Honestly, can you leave me alone." you looked at the way his hand went to his pocket and you instantly opened your mouth. "I- I apologize. I'm still half asleep and I didn't realized what I'm saying." did he really came here to play his dirty tricks on you? "With what can I help you."

"A little birdy told me about your curse." that was all? You could only sigh.

"It's nothing, really. Some old lady turned out to be a witch and cursed me. She transformed me into a beast and my servants into talking furniture." it wasn't a secret anyway. He didn't had to act so shady.

"And how do you break the curse?" you looked away, avoiding his gaze and his questions. "Or do you want to make you talk?" he was impossible.

You got up from the bed. "Follow me." you said and walked to another room. An empty space with nothing but a big window and a small table in the middle of it.

"What's that?" he said when he noticed what was on the table.

"The curse will end when the last petal of this rose will fall." you said and got closer to the table.

"I heard something different." his skepticism didn't affect you in any way.

"There is a way to break the curse. But I prefer to look for the end of it."

"What's the difference?" they're both bad ends for you.

"In one I'm suffering alone for eternity and in the other I suffer with someone next to me."

"Elaborate." you tried to explain in the best way you can, for this dumb ass to understand.

"When the last petal falls all my servants will become lifeless, and I'll be all alone to suffer until I die." and you wanted to go this route? Aren't you quite a masochist?

"And how do you break the curse?"

"Learn how to love somebody. And that somebody haves to love me too." you prefer to be all alone, people disgust you.

"What will happen if you break the curse?" isn't he asking too many questions?

"My servants will become human again, the castle will probably come to its original form and I'll be more miserable than I'm now."

"Aren't you a selfish one? You're putting all your sick fantasies above the people next to you?" he laughed.

"Whatever. You can leave whenever you want. I'm not holding you back." he's the one to decide that.

"What if I help you?" he got closer to you, trapping you in between the table and his big body. "What if I break this curse?" his face got closer to yours. "What are you going to give me, hm? I want a reward." you looked like you were dead inside, not a single emotion written on your face as all the life in your eyes left. "I want to see you more miserable, hit rock bottom. I want to see you at your worst." his eyes were scanning everything on your face, if your eyes betrays you and give you away, if you will get flustered. He wants to notice that right away. He wants to see you crumble under him and give up.

"I think you're tired." you really don't want to satisfy him. "You know your way back." you're so cold, kicking him out without even saying good night.

But he doesn't give up. Because the next morning he followed you everywhere, every single step you took he was right behind you.

"Why do you keep following me? Don't you have better stuff to do?" you asked him, annoyed.

"Hm? Not really. I came here for the head of the beast but now I have nothing to take back with me." all the servants around you look terrified at those words. He really had the audacity and he made sure to make it everyone's problem.

"Then do it. Right here, right now. What's stopping you?" you said, raising your head so your neck could be exposed to him. "Do it." your eyes never show fear and it made him so excited to play with you, tease you and go as further as he could just to see how you'll react.

"M- master!" the clock said, not believe what he just heard.

"But he could-" the candle stopped speaking, not wanting to spill something he's not supposed to.

"I could help you break the curse, can't I?" he said full of himself. "Come on, let me help." you turned around and started sprinting put of there.

Crazy fucker. Can you believe you welcomed him in without thinking twice.

You stopped to catch your breath a few hallways away, but you regret doing that when you felt someone behind you. "Stop running, I'm getting tired." you're not even going to question how he got there that fast. He looked like he didn't even break a sweat.

"Listen." you said out of breath. "I don't want to be helped. I'm alright with the punishment I got." he shook his head in disappointment at yout words. "I did something bad, and now I'm getting what I deserve. I don't see the problem with accepting my fate." he got closer to you, trapping you once again. Your back against the wall as he stand in front of you, a hand on the wall and lowering his face dangerously close to you.

"You said you need to love somebody to break the curse, no?" yeah, and? You raised an eyebrow, not understanding what he was trying to say besides volunteering himself as tribute.

"And I said that I don't want to." you quickly replied back. Not wanting to hear any of his bullshit anymore.

"Do you need to love somebody emotionally or physically?" how are you supposed to know that? His question didn't made any sense.

"I don't know." you were thinking of the meaning of love now. "Emotionally, I think?"

"So you're not sure." you wanted to poke his eyes out. That grin on his face drove you insane every time you saw it. "I can show you how I love. No feelings involved." you shook your head.

"My servants will finally be free once the curse ends. They won't have to serve someone like me and I can be alone for the rest of my life." you already made your mind, what makes him think you'll change it.

"But does your servants think the same?" you didn't thought of that. "Wouldn't they want to be human again? To experience the life they once had?" you hate to admit it but he was right in a way or another. You didn't thought of the people next to you because it would hurt even more acknowledging that you did that to them.

"Then.." you bite your lip, not wanting to admit defeat, but you had no better idea. "What will you do?" you were thinking of holding hands or maybe a few hugs here and there. But instead, you were taken by surprise when his lips touched yours.

He was amused at your expression. It was like you didn't even see this coming.

"You suck at this." he said after he got away from you, for a moment. His lips were back on yours, now biting your lower lip to have access to more of you. His tongue in your mouth, trying to find yours, fighting it when they made contact.

His hands wrapped around you, a hand of his going to the back of your head and pushing you closer to him. Now you were really trapped in his arms.

You slowly tapped his chest, trying to get away when you were running out of oxygen in your lungs.

He let you breathe for just a moment before he kissed you again, this time more hungrily.

Your expressions were so cute, it was like nothing he saw from you before. You looked flustered, brows slightly arched and eyes closed. You didn't dared to move or say a thing. It was so funny.

But after a while, he let you go, leaving you feel dizzy and confused on what just happened.

"Did-" you said catching your breath. "Did you break the curse?" he doesn't know what to say, you look exactly the same to him.

"I don't think this will be enough to break the curse." he replied. You knew that much, but you hope that it would do something. "There are a lot more things that we can try. It's not over yet, don't worry." that's what you were afraid of. His words doesn't reassure you at all.

The problem might be the lack on physical touch. A few kisses won't be enough. They aren't enough for him, since he craves for way more than that. He doesn't care about your curse, all he cares about is you. Your body if he's being more honest.

He would have never thought that you'd be stupid enough to really believe him. Listening to his untrustworthy requests and acting just the way he liked.

Like now, for example. He managed to catch you in the library. The moment you saw him you ran behind some bookshelves, hiding from him. He couldn't help but laugh. You always manage to wake something inside him every single time he sees you.

"What are we hiding from?" he whispered in your ear when he sneaked behind you, making you jump and look at him terrified.

"I-" you bite your tongue trying to come with an excuse. "I was looking for a book." you're in a library after all, so it would make sense.

"You're sure? Because it doesn't look that way to me." his grin pissed you off so bad.

"I was looking for something to step on because the book I'm looking for is on a high shelf." that was the best excuse you could come up with.

He looked up at whatever books were next to his head. "This one?" he pointed to the first book he saw.

"A little more up to the left." you had no idea what you were even saying.

"This one?"

"A little more up."

"This one?"

"The one right next to it." you had no idea what that book was even about.

"Hmm." he looked at the book's title. "You're sure it wasn't the other one?"

"I'm pretty sure it's that one."

"Alright then." he handed you the book and you dropped it right on the floor after reading the title.

101 ways to make love to your partner.

"It was the other one." your heart was beating so fast that it might as well jump out your chest.

"Here." this book was even worse.

How to set up the mood.

Just kill me already, you yelled in your mind.

"It's the wrong bookshelf!" you were about to turn around and run from there but he grabbed your arm and dragged you to him.

"I'm sure it is." his expression showed absolutely no mercy, he was laughing at you.

"I don't even know why we have these books here anyway." it was all a misunderstanding. He had to understand this, but he looked like he was intentionally taking it the wrong way.

"Let's read those books together." he said with a smile on his face.

You don't even know how it happened, but you woke up sitting on the floor in between his legs, your back pressed against his chest as you had one of those cursed books in your hands.

"Stop turning the page so fast. Are you even reading?" his chin was resting on your head, reading from the open book.

You weren't even paying attention to the words on the paper. All you could think of is how to run faster from there.

"Turn to the next page." he ordered and you did as he said.

A big drawing of two people in a very promiscuous position appeared when you turned the page. You dropped that book from your hands, too stunned to speak or process what's going on.

"Ahaha." his colorful laugh was like an echo, coming back to life in your head again and again even after his lips were shut. "Is that too much for you?" you didn't wanted to respond to his question.

"I'm leaving!" you really wanted to run from there, but his hands were wrapped around you the next moment you said that.

"How are you gonna learn something if you're not studying." he whispered in your ear. "Open that book again, I'll teach you how it's actually done." he was so annoying, but you did as he said. You opened that book again and looked for the page you were at last time. "They're wrong about this." he pointed at a sentence. "How old is this book?" if the slightly yellow pages weren't showing that it was old, he could have pointed some very incorrect words that gave it away.

"From what I know, they been collecting books since the first generation that lived in this castle." no wander this book was so dry.

"Open your legs." his hands started to travel around your body, one went under your chest while the other traveled to the waist band of your pants.

Confused, you raised your head to look at him. "For what?"

"Do as I say." his voice was so cold, it was nothing like a few moments ago when he was laughing.

You lower your gaze to his hand and the way he was getting under your pants. You finally understood what he was going to do and you couldn't help but shift in his lap. He slapped your clothed pussy slightly and then dragged his hand out. "Rise your hips." he commanded. "Relax, I'm only showing you the basics." you gulped and raised your hips, the next thing you know your pants are down your thighs, along with your panties. His hand traveled to his mouth, taking some spit in it and then going back to your pussy.

His fingers parted your folds apart, smearing his spit on your clit before he started to slowly move two of his fingers on it, doing small circles.

You sighed softly, your back slightly arching at the feeling.

Your eyes were closed, a hand wrapped around his arm and your head against his shoulder. If he's going to do something, you might as well enjoy it.

"Look how wet you are, and I didn't even do shit." he chuckled against your ear. His fingers doing long strokes between your folds, going down to your hot entrance. It was like it was calling his name, a sweet voice calling for him over and over again, longing for more of his touch.

A hand went under your shirt grabbing one of your boobs and started to play with it just the way he wanted. Intentionally moving his fingers against your hard nipple to see you squirm. A small moan leaving your mouth, making him to get his face closer to yours.

"Keep it quiet." one of your hands went to your mouth, now being to self conscious because of him.

He placed a kiss on your hair before his eyes traveled back to your pussy. One of his fingers got inside your warm core, moving it in and out slowly. Something dark in his eyes as he looked at the way you were sucking him in.

He bite his lip, trying to hold back whatever praise he was about to accidentally spill, or the sinful moan that was at the back of his throat. Your pussy looked so good, it was making him salivate.

Was this an effect of your curse? Was this a thing you did to mess with people's minds? Well, guess what, he won't give up just yet.

Now, another finger being added inside your delicious pussy, curling them up while his palm was against your clit, making you gasp and throw your head back.

He was going to kiss you, he was about to smash his lips against yours and leave you out of breath. He wanted his lips all over your body. He might as well devour you. But he didn't do anything out of spite. If you're going to run from him then he might as well punish you for your bad behavior.

"Come on, cover your mouth better. What if somebody hears you." he said when he noticed the little hiccups that leaves your mouth. He knows the wet sounds produced by his hand against your pussy are louder than you, but he couldn't help but tease you. You always took him so seriously. Look at the way you try to keep quiet. Eyes shut and a hand placed over your mouth like your life depended on it. "Look at me. Keep your eyes on me." he said, making you open your eyes slightly and look at him with big doe eyes.

He wanted to eat you up, pussy and all. Everything that was yours, he wants it.

You looked right into his eyes so lovingly, he couldn't help but gulp.

Fuck it, what does he haves to lose. He haves no dignity anyway.

So, he moved your hand away and pressed his mouth against yours, eating your lips the way he wished to eat your pussy.

His hand movement was so mean, calloused fingers moving in and out so fast, going deeper and deeper, curling them and rubbing his palm against your clit. His other hand back in your shirt and playing with your breasts.

One of your hands went to his arm, slapping it slightly to catch his attention, but that only made his hand move harder inside you. Curling his fingers again and again to see you break.

Tears seemed to form and ready to fall down your cheeks, but that only made him laugh. You're so easy to please, it was pathetic.

He let you do your thing, crying only made him want to push you over your limits.

He got his hand out your shirt, placing it under your jaw, keeping your chin up for a moment before his fingers were wrapped around your neck, chocking it slightly.

You were so close, he could feel your walls tightening, and your expression didn't helped with the fact that he wanted to shove his dick down your throat.

He wasn't feeling like letting you cum today. Especially not after playing with his feelings like that.

He got his fingers out your sweet pussy, letting you come back to your senses. But he never stopped kissing you, his lips never leaving yours, making a mess out of yourself, still so wet for him.

"See, it's nothing like in that dumb book." he said after he let you go, even if he didn't want to. You turned around, looking at him with big eyes, expecting him to show you more. "Don't look at me like that." he laughed. "I'm just showing you what you need to know." you bite your lip, your eyes traveling to his mouth, eyebrows furrowed as you keep thinking of his magical fingers and the wanders they're doing.

"I want more." he was taken aback by your words. You got closer to him, sitting on your knees as you tried to sit in his lap.

"Maybe another time." you couldn't understand him. Usually he wouldn't leave you alone and now he was trying to get away.

"Touch me, please." he tried to not look surprised, but man, his cock was jumping in his pants to get free and give you what you wanted.

"Aren't you a needy one?" his mocking usual self came back in an instant. His hands traveled to your hips, dragging you closer to him. "Let's take those pants off and then we're talking." he helped you take off your pants, now dragging you on his lap, your pussy right against his cock that was still in his pants. You looked down, your hands went to undo his belt, but he stopped you, placing your hands on his shoulders. "I love your enthusiasm, but not now." his hands traveled to your ass, grabbing it, dragging it forward for a moment to give you some friction.

Your mouth was slightly open as you sighed. This was feeling too good, why was he trying to stop you from feeling like this.

His hands remain on your ass, rocking you back and forth to give both of you some kind of relief. His head went back, resting it against the wall as he kept moving you.

"If you want it you gotta do it yourself." he doesn't have to say it twice. With a hand on his shoulder and one on his thigh, you started to move your hips on your own, grinding a little harder whenever you could feel his cock throbbing.

You keep moving, and moving , and man, did it felt good. It was a different type of feeling than before. It was better. But you wished you could feel more, to feel stuffed just the way it was when his fingers were inside you.

You bite your lip and looked at him. He had his eyes closed, and mouth slightly open, his back resting against the wall. He looked like he was enjoying this in his own way. "I want to feel more of you." your words made him open his eyes. "I want to feel you inside me." his dick was wide awake, it was so hard that it was going to jump out his pants.

He laughed. He liked your energy, your words were so tempting, however. "For now this is more than enough for you." if he was going to fuck you, at least let him do it properly the first time.

He wasn't usually a gentleman, the fact that he got himself in this situation prove his point. But it was something about you that made him want to tease you. Make you longer for him, crave for his body. He wanted to see you beg him.

You're already doing it, so eagerly to get a taste of his cock, but he didn't wanted to do it just yet.

"Keep moving your hips and I'll think about it." lies, he won't get his cock inside you any time soon. But you looked so excited to grind on him, doing your best to move your hips, your juices all over his pants.

Fuck, you were doing so good. Continue just like that and he might cum a lot sooner than he wants to.

His hands went back on your thighs, then up your body, traveling under your shirt and then back down to your hips, gripping then tightly and helping you move better on him.

"Fuck.." you said out of breath, your eyes closing for a moment.

You didn't want to admit it, but you wanted to kiss him so bad in that moment. You wanted to trail your hands all over him. To feel his skin against yours, the warmth of his body.

You could feel that thing deep inside you stomach again, it was forming, and forming. It was so close, you couldn't help but feel desperate for that release. You couldn't tell him, he'll stop the moment he knew what you were going through.

But he already noticed. Your expression, the way your trembling, how your hips moved in a broken motion, not sure what you wanted to do yourself.

He was also close, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't.

But all he did was to grab your hips and raise them off him, moving you in front of him before he got up, not even looking at you before he left you all alone in that library.

He did it again, can you believe him.

He'd rather overestimulate both of you, leaving you hanging than give you what you want.

Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him.

What an asshole. What even is his problem. Now you're not in the mood anymore.

You got yourself dressed and stormed out that library and straight to your room, not getting out of it for the rest of the day.

You didn't expect to see him again any time soon. And you didn't saw or heard him for the rest of the day. You even managed to go to sleep in peace.

It was around midnight when he got in your room.

You can't say that he woke you up when you weren't sleeping to begin with. The scenes from today replaying in your head as you cursed yourself for wanting someone like him.

"You're awake?" he said when he saw you turning around to face him, eyea wide open.

"What do you want." he got closer to your bed, sitting at the edge of it and looking at you.

"You live all alone in this part of the castle, don't you?" you nodded. He already knew that, so why was he even asking. "It's also the middle of the night." it was. "No one will disturb your beauty sleep." obviously.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Off with your clothes." he never fails to surprise you in the worst ways possible.

"I want to sleep." you wanted him far away from here.

"I can give your pussy the attention it needs and deserves." he said, dragging the blanket off you. "I'll give you all of me. For tonight at least." seriously, what do you even see in him.

You still ended up naked, sitting on your back at the edge of the bed as he slipped his cock inside your mouth, moving it back and forth.

You couldn't say a thing, your voice being muffled by his hard dick, moving deeper and deeper, trying to see where was your limit point.

"Do good and I'll give you a reward." he looked down at the way your breasts were moving when he moved. His eyes traveling down your body, to your pussy and the way your thighs were pressed together. You were needy, weren't you? You had to milk him dry before he gave you what you deserved. "Is my cock too big for you? Too bad you'll have to learn how to live with it." he was enjoying this.

He was going to lose his mind, the way your mouth was so wet and warm. He wanted to fuck your throat so bad, but this was for another time. He doubt you can take it.

He groan, his head falling backwards as he kept his movement at a steady pace. You'll be able to take more in the future if he trains you right.

With a few more thrusts he got his cock out your mouth, coming all over your chest and belly. You can't take his load yet. He can't push you over your limits yet when he doesn't know your limits to begin with.

"There are some tissue on that table." you said and point at a table somewhere on the other side of the room.

He handed them to you, helping you clean yourself before he pushed you in bed, jumping in between your legs and placing them on his shoulders. He waisted no time and started to eat you up. His tongue going all over the place, lick your clit, get inside your wet pussy, then lick your clit again. And when two of his fingers got inside of you it didn't helped at all. Sucking your clit while his fingers kept moving in and out of you, he never left you alone.

One of your hands went to his hair, griping it slightly and going with your nails through it, scratching it. That made his grip on you even tighter, it might even leave a bruise.

You could feel that feeling from today coming back again. And you're so afraid he'll leave you again. He didn't, this time at least. He kept his hands going, curling his fingers and never forgetting to give your clit the attention it needed. He kept going even after you creamed all over his fingers, cleaning your juices, but more seemed to come every time he got rid of them.

Out of nowhere, he flipped you around, ass in the air and all ready to take him.

A loud slap placed on your ass before you could feel the tip of his cock right at your entrance.

You saw him, you got to touch it and have his cock in your mouth. But you still couldn't help but feel scared.

No words of encouragement were said as he slowly got inside, stretching you out and making you tremble when you felt him touching some places that got you weak in the knees.

"Don't run now." he said, dragging your hips back to him. "I know you can take more." seriously, what did you even saw in him. He wasn't nice, he was mean, rude and pretty much a brute. But damn, his dick felt good.

He got out your wet pussy, just a little, getting back inside, touching that deep spot and make you almost lose balance and fall into the bed.

He kept moving his hips slowly building the pace, speeding up little by little, making you adjust to him before he shows you what he's actually capable of.

And when you seemed to get comfortable with him, that's when he started to move his hips faster, making the bed move at the same time with you. Another loud slap placed on your ass, moving his hips harder, hitting and touching most of the places that got you melting.

"Let me hear that voice. Tell me how much you like it." he said when he saw that you were covering your mouth with one hand, reminding him of today's events.

He grabbed the hand you were covering your mouth with and placed it on your back, holding it in place as he moved his pelvis harder into you.

Sounds of skin against skin, wet and hot coming from the two of you. Your soft sounds slowly escaping your mouth as he kept moving, not a single moment speared.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." he said, his pace becoming quicker than before.

Your walls were so welcoming, hugging him so tightly. And when you got closer to your release, the way you were squeezing him got him desperate to release his load inside you.

He kept moving, your hands mobilized behind you. And fuck, he couldn't keep it like this for much longer, not when you kept sucking him inside.

With a few more thrusts, he came inside of you. Painting your walls white, still continuing moving to make sure nothing gets out.

After some time, he got out of you, his load slowly dripping down your thighs. "Have the curse broke yet?" you asked, curious if you managed to make a change.

"Not yet." he said, flipping you on your back. "Guess we have to try harder." he said, already getting positioned back between your legs, ready to stuff you with his cock until you get bored of this.

Author's note: this was supposed to be a much smaller fic. If it happened it happened 🤷🏻‍♀️

[dawn-moths]

"Birthday Wishes"

Undertaker x Female Reader

word count: 3,700+

(@fanfictionsworld requested: spending your birthday with Undertaker from my Cause to Start a Vendetta AU.)

disclaimer/content warning: 18+ content! minors dni! fluff with some smut at the end, oral sex (reader receiving), use of the word “Daddy”, reader is called “princess, baby, sweetheart”.

*ao3 mirror*

***

You’d been counting down the days for weeks now, your birthday circled on the calendar with a big pink glitter gel pen heart several times over, every day crossed off that crawled closer to the day— your day— making you more and more excited.

Because, as you’d quickly grown accustomed to being spoiled by Undertaker— special occasion or otherwise— your birthday was no exception to being showered with all the love and luxury he had at his disposal.

“Morning, princess…” he cooed, gently smoothing down some of your sleep-tousled hair with a big, cool palm, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you blinked open beary eyes, wrapped in his arms and the many layers of blankets that twisted and tangled about your bodies sprawled across the bed.

“Morning, Daddy…” you replied, voice soft and delicate as the lingering dredges of slumber clung to your tone, an angelic little grin curving up on your sweet lips as you nuzzled closer into Undertaker’s chest, seeking out his elusive warmth.

For a moment, nearly forgetting what today was as you drifted in and out of consciousness, your figure filling with the heavy weight of sleep once more, your eyelids fluttered closed and your breathing began to turn slow and shallow. Undertaker rubbed a hand up and down your back, stirring you back to the waking world and smiling to himself as you let out a big yawn, nose scrunching adorably with the expression.

“If you want to go back to sleep,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to your nose and causing a fragile giggle to bubble up in your chest, “I won’t stop you. But that would certainly be a shame when we have so many fun things on our to-do list today.”

That was enough to entice you, your mind suddenly much more alert than before, and you snaked your arms up to gently rest over his shoulders. “Just a few more minutes…” you said, pressing yourself even closer to him, wishing you could bask in the safety of his touch forever. “Then I promise I’ll get up.”

A smooth, sonorous chuckle vibrated through his bones, the sound warming you from the inside out like hot milk and honey. “Alright, sweetheart,” he said, allowing himself to melt back to a more relaxed state as well. “Just a few more minutes…”

As the sun crept further through the cracks of the curtains, bright beams painting the ornate master bedroom with thin strokes of gold, stirring up the wispy clouds of dust motes swirling through the air, Undertaker coaxed you into finally rising, draping one of his big, fluffy black robes over your shoulders when you became burdened with a chill, the mansion’s usual temperature kept low upon his preference.

Once your feet were dressed in your favorite pair of fluffy socks and even fluffier slippers, you took Undertaker’s hand and let him guide you down the wide halls to the curving staircase, heading towards the kitchen where you could already smell your special birthday breakfast.

The long dining table was decorated to the nines with all kinds of balloon bouquets and bundles of black and white roses overflowing from crystal vases. Spelled out in gold glitter confetti at one end of the display was HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRINCESS punctuated by a big heart. At the other was a full selection of all your breakfast favorites— souffle pancakes piled high with bananas and melty chocolate chips, strawberry french toasts drizzled with sticky maple syrup and sprinkled with a frosty snowfall of powdered sugar, fluffy scrambled eggs and yogurt parfaits and fruit arranged by color.

You sucked in a gasp of delight, hands clasped before your chest as you eagerly surveyed the scene, looking up at your Daddy like he’d outdone himself.

“Happy birthday, baby,” he said, extending a hand towards the chair at the head of the table— his usual chair, the master’s chair, the dining room’s throne— and pulling it out for you to sit in, taking the seat adjacent to it to join you in the morning’s sugary culinary experience.

Over the meal— you choosing a bit of everything to pile onto your plate in an orderly array, because why should you have to choose just one when today you could have whatever your little heart desired— you and Undertaker began to discuss the day’s itinerary.

There was a packed schedule planned indeed— a shopping outing at all your most beloved designer stores, afternoon tea at the Ritz, exploring some of the artsy nooks and crannies of the city and dropping into your favorite bookstore all before hopping on the Aurora Society’s private jet and taking the hour and a half flight to your favorite five star restaurant in Paris, sure to end the evening by enjoying your usual penthouse suit of the expensive hotel that gave the best view among any of the establishments around.

“Oh, and there’s one more thing,” Undertaker slyly prompted just as you were about to head upstairs to get changed and ready for the events ahead, thoughts already spinning trying to decide what you wanted to wear. You stopped and considered him with an adorably cute expression for a moment until he pulled a big gift bag from under the table where he’d hidden it from you, the glossy black packaging stuffed with glittering silver tissue paper and two perfect satin ribbons serving as the handles. “You know,” he shrugged as he slid it towards you on the table, drinking in your awe, never growing tired of how easily you seemed to be innocently surprised sometimes, “just in case you felt like going out in something new.”

Carefully, as if the wrapping itself was just as valuable as the gift, you plucked the sparkling tissue paper away to uncover the pristinely wrapped box beneath, a marbling of glossy and matte black swirling over the decorative paper like ink dropped into water. The moment the first half of your favorite clothing brand’s name was visible to you, you shot him a glance, as if to say, “you shouldn’t have” despite believing down to your very core that you deserved every expensive, extravagant thing that Undertaker placed in your cute little lap.

Once you lifted the garment from where it had been perfectly folded within its box, holding it up to your body as if to sample how it would look before trying it on, you heard Undertaker sigh, a dreamy, lilting hum tailing off the end of it. “Exquisite…” he remarked, and you now held the dress out from your body, studying the intricate craftsmanship that had been hand stitched into the garment as you smiled to yourself, eyes sparkling.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “It really is.”

But then Undertaker was by your side, having moved soundlessly, his even stride gliding across the short distance to meet you. “I wasn’t talking about the dress,” he murmured, big hands settling on your hips. “Now, why don’t you head upstairs and start getting ready.”

You turned your face up to his, met his lips when he was close enough for a kiss, and muttered out a sweet little, “Thank you, Daddy,” before following his instruction and heading for the staircase.

He watched you go, saw the skip in your step as you ventured off, only returning to clearing the table once you disappeared down the long second story hallway and out of his view. He was going to look forward to taking that dress off of you later, unwrapping you like his own special gift by the time night draped itself over the sky.

***

The afternoon had been like a dream, you and your lover floating from one location to the next to try on extravagant clothing and sample imported teas, the two of you practically waltzing through the downtown streets where you longed to see what new installments the local London artists put up around the city before you’d lost track of time perusing your favorite bookstore, a good two hours going by without you even noticing as you strategically searched for the next story to get yourself hooked on.

But as the sky began to fade from blue to gold, it signaled that dinner was soon approaching, which meant you two had a plane to catch if you wanted to arrive to your reservation on time.

The hostess greeted you two with a friendly smile, addressing you both by name, the entire restaurant staff made familiar with London’s most notorious boss and the beautiful girl who was always on his arm, Undertaker making short, lighthearted conversation with the manager in French while they crossed paths on the walk to your usual table, the man chuckling at something your Daddy had said, forever able to charm anyone if he set his mind to it, it seemed.

As you both enjoyed the delicacies of the six course meal, you continued to talk and laugh, never running out of topics to converse about, though tonight you were most excited to tell him all about the book you’d recently finished and your expectations for the new one you’d chosen on your earlier excursion, having heard nothing but praise for the acclaimed tale.

Once the horizon had lost its lilac blush and sunk deep into the velvet navy of nightfall though, you knew you were just about to enter into yet another phase of your luxurious birthday festivities.

***

You could smell the roses from down the hall before the doors to your hotel suite in Paris even opened. The entirety of the three connected rooms were decked from floor to ceiling in at least one hundred thousand dollars worth of florals, vibrant reds and sultry blacks, flawless creams and even a dash of lovely soft pinks.

You could’ve cried at how gorgeous it all was, blinking the mist from your eyes as you spun in slow circles about the place, taking it all in. Undertaker’s hands found your shoulders to steady you, stopping your awestruck turns to face the beautiful birthday cake on the hotel room’s center table, the special dessert shaped like a heart and iced in a rainbow of your favorite colors, several candles placed strategically on the top and already lit, small flames glowing and beckoning you over to make a wish.

But what could you possibly wish for when you already had everything you’d ever want or need— a gorgeous man who loved you, showering you in every stunning thing life had to offer, as simple as the snap of his fingers or a wave of his hand— besides to continue living this blessed life that had found its way to you, through trial and tribulation?

Taking a few steps forward towards the cake, you choked out through a shaky breath, “Oh my god…” unable to hold back your tears any longer, a few sparkling drops running down your cheeks, glittering like gold as they caught the amber of the flickering firelight. You looked back at Undertaker, who was not far behind you, and wondered if you’d ever be able to convey how much this all meant to you. It almost seemed unfair. He’d always be able to do more for you than you would for him, though he never seemed to mind.

For him, just having you— his sweet, precious baby girl to dote on and adore as much as he pleased— was far more than enough. All you had to do was exist. All you had to do was be his.

“Well, go on,” he lightly urged, a calm smile playing at the corner of his lips as he gestured towards the center table. “The candles won’t blow themselves out, now will they?”

You smiled, big and bright, and let out a sound that could only be described as pure joy. Undertaker was addicted to that sound, the way it rang out like the delicate jingle of bells, the way it warmed him like the sun’s rays after so much rain. It made everything he’d ever done, good, bad, or somewhere in between, all worth it. Just to see you smile at him like that, just to hear you laugh. Just to know it was him who’d been the orchestrator of such emotions.

And as you let out a strong gust of a breath, turning each melting birthday candle from flame to smoke, you realized you did have one wish you wanted to make afterall.

Let things be like this forever, you thought to yourself, like a silent prayer. Let us stay as in love for the rest of our lives as we are right now, in this moment.

Undertaker cut the cake, a piece for you and a piece for him, and then the two of you sat by the counter outlooking the spotless floor to ceiling windows that gave way to the sprawling view of the City of Light, the night sky clear and sparkling with little bursts of silver stars overhead.

You talked and joked and laughed while you both enjoyed your dessert, your chair pressed right next to his, close enough that you could lean your head over to rest against the side of his shoulder while his arm slung across your back, hugging you closer to him, his most cherished treasure.

“You know…” you began, gazing dreamily out the window at the romantic scene the city offered. Then, casting him a glance from where you were nestled into his side, you said, “I think this might really be the best birthday ever.”

Something in his eyes softened a shade then, and in response Undertaker lightly took your chin between his lithe fingers, tilting your mouth just ever so slightly upwards so he could lean down to meet it. You hadn’t expected the kiss, languid and savoring at first as you parted your lips to let him in, both of you tasting like your favorite flavor of cake, soon turning more hungry, having you straddling his lap and blinded by the blissful haze that was slowly filling you from the inside out.

When he finally broke away, leaned back just far enough to look you in the eyes, gently wiping the cool pad of his thumb across the plush of your bottom lip, glossy from your mingled saliva, a weak attempt to clean you up a bit, he said, “I guess that means I’ll have to go above and beyond next year,” and you laughed and nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent as you felt yourself relax over him.

“No, but really…” you murmured. “Thank you, Daddy. For everything. Always.”

All you got as a warning for what happened next was a low, lilting chuckle humming in his chest before he was hoisting you up, big hands splayed against the backs of your thighs as he began to carry you elsewhere in the suite.

“Where are we going?” you playfully asked, though you already had a pretty good idea.

“There’s still a few hours until midnight,” he remarked, a new kind of vigor in his voice and stride. He set you down on the edge of the king-sized bed, beginning to shrug off his jacket and tug his belt buckle free of its loops as he added, “Which means your birthday’s not over yet, princess.”

The smirk that spread across his face then made that fluttering creature resting in your lower belly roll over inside of you, beginning to wake, soon asking to be satisfied like a dog scratching at the door begging for treats, relentless until it was given its desired reward. It wasn’t long before Undertaker was hooking his grip under your thighs again, pulling you further down the bed where he then knelt at the foot of it.

You gave him an uncertain and slightly suspicious look as he flicked his emerald gaze up to meet yours. Usually, he liked to undress you, strip you down piece by piece before ridding himself of his own clothing, admiring every inch of your bare body like it was the most masterful work of art. Then he’d pin you down, his prized butterfly, and get to work at soaking both your bodies with pleasure before wringing them dry, squeezing you for every last lustful drop he could.

But tonight— on your night— he figured he’d do things a little differently. Give you one last birthday surprise before the clock struck twelve.

“Just relax, sweetheart…” he cooed, carefully bunching your new dress up around your waist, exposing the expensive lace clinging to the most delicate parts of you and drinking in the sight like it rivaled even that of the one just beyond the windows. “Let Daddy make you feel good…”

Undertaker pressed gentle kisses to the soft raise of your lower belly, and you felt your tight little hole futter and your sensitive bud pulse as he slowly removed your panties, your already damp core causing them to cling to you a moment before the cool air sighed against your damp slit.

Undertaker ran a long finger through your dewy folds, making your next breath catch as he slipped it inside of you to gather more of your slick before rubbing it against your puffy clit, already swollen with arousal, pulling one of those adorable whines from your throat as you lay one arm over your eyes, the other sprawled out across the bed, little fingers twisting into the sheets, trying to grab hold of anything while you still had the chance.

“That’s it, baby…” he praised, helping to spread you wider for him, a leg thrown over one of his broad shoulders as he continued to tease you. His next words sent a puff of his warm breath against your cunt, and you squeezed your eyes shut in anticipation, exhaling a shuddering sigh. He whispered, “I’m gonna take good care of you, baby,” and when he licked a flat-tongued stripe up your pussy, you let out a soft, broken whine, back already beginning to arch a little at the sinfully sweet feel of him.

Undertaker was skilled at a lot of things— running a business, making money, getting away with murder— but the thing you thought he was best at, above all else, was pleasuring you.

It was effortless, the way he knew exactly what to do that made you body bend to his command, melting your mind until all you knew was the press of his hips or the wet warmth of his mouth, the indents of his teeth, his fingerprints, all of it branded into you so no matter where you looked on your own body there would be a reminder of him, like a promise, a gift.

You were clenching the silky sheets in your trembling fist as he speared his tongue into you, his sharp nose nudging against your clit every time and forcing moan after delicious, high-pitched moan out of you like that was the only sound you’d ever known how to make. If he thought your laugh was syrupy sweet, then your moans were something else entirely, something far more addicting or satisfying than sticky, sickly sweet sugar. More like a drug to him, making him addicted in a way that, once he got a taste, he couldn’t stop. Not until you had nothing left to give, his pursuit at seeing just how far or how long he could make you go merciless time and time again.

“P-please—” you sobbed, the new veil of tears that had welled in your eyes causing your lashes to clump and spike together with every fluttering roll of your eyes back into your head. His pace was voracious, wanting to devour you down to your very core. You could barely get half a broken plea out before it was interrupted by a surrendering mewl or a soundless gasp, mouth hung open in ecstasy before he prepared to shatter you. “Please— I’m gonna—”

But before you could even speak the last word of your sentence, let alone remember it, Undertaker had you coming undone, unraveling you like a frayed thread on a silk scarf, pulling you apart until there was nothing left but a tangle of string he could then rearrange into any shape he pleased.

Your chest rose and fell with short, shallow, panting breaths, rigid form relaxing back into the mattress, body gone all pliable and boneless once the remaining tension melted away. Meanwhile, Undertaker pressed gentle kisses to the sensitive insides of your stained thighs, palms gently petting you as you drifted down from the high and back into the garden of Eden he’d planted, nurtured, and grown just for you.

Normally, he’d barely give you enough time to recover before commencing round two, but, as he seemed to be a little more patient with you on this most special of days, he allowed your heart to slow to a steady rhythm and your breathing to smooth out into even inhales and exhales before shifting over you, darting out his tongue to lick at his own lips to catch one last obscene taste of you before wiping away your glistening arousal from the bottom half of his pale face with the back of his hand.

As he stared down at you through half-lidded eyes, the vibrant green of them almost glowing through the dim dark of the bedroom, he said, as if only to himself, “Just look at you… So gorgeous… My beautiful girl…” as he helped free you the rest of the way from your pretty birthday dress, mindfully folding it and placing it on the nearest bedside drawer so it didn’t get ruined.

Because he did intend to ruin you.

He intended to ruin you in all the right ways.

As he shed his own clothing like a black-skinned snake, all those silvery scars wrapped around alabaster flesh now on full display, you reached out for him, wanting, craving, needing to feel the press of his body back on yours before the ebbing pleasure made you drift off to dreamland. Though, with Undertaker, reality could often feel like a dream, so perfect your conscious mind almost struggled to comprehend it was real at times.

But, as he began to lean back over you, your fingers interlocked as he pressed your hands down into the comforter on either side of your head, both your legs thrown over his shoulders to have you splayed wide and vulnerable for him, just the way he liked you, one thing was for certain. Undertaker had been ahead of himself when he’d said he’d have to find a way to outdo your birthday next year. After tonight, you had no idea how things could get any better than this.

***

(Hello and thank you so much to @fanfictionsworld for your request! I hope I did it justice and thank you for being so patient with me while you waited for it. I know you’ve been following me for quite some time and I always recognize you when I see you pop up in my notifs, so it was truly a pleasure getting to write for you <3

Also want to give a big thank you to everyone else for reading as well! I hope you enjoyed and I hope you have a wonderful day!)

[storiesofsvu]

Devour

Joe Velasco x reader warnings: language, alcohol and drug consumption, smut, semi-public smut, dirty talk. A million years ago @thatesqcrush requested dirty spicy Joe smut, and this is what I finally came up with. Hope you enjoy it!

The club was dark, lights flashing across the dance floor, barely making their way into the booth you were nestled into in the corner, the bass from the music strumming through your veins. The alcohol and small amounts of cocaine and molly you’d done made you incredibly aware of Joe’s hands on your body, one wrapped sturdily around your waist to hold you to him, the other resting on your bare thigh, thumb rubbing against your skin. The heat from his body electrified you, invading all of your senses and you weren’t sure if you wanted more or if that was just the drugs talking. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was a little high too, the consequences of a long undercover case that was pushing the limits, one that the two of you needed to prove your loyalty before you’d be trusted. You were his little plaything, the princess he’d “rescued” from a sex ring one night, unable to let anyone else even lay a finger on you despite his career as a pimp. He owned you, a choker around your neck with a gem of his initial sparkling in the low light to alert any of the other men with wandering eyes that you were his property and not to be messed with.

They’d been talking shop all night, switching between English and Spanish depending who was around and how loud the music was. Three other men around the table, girls flitting in and out seeking approval and acceptance, some of them shooed away while others might stay for a while before disappearing out into the club to find a client for the night. Somone made a comment about your loyalty, how you seemed to only have eyes for Jose and he simply chuckled, squeezing at your thigh even tighter before nipping at your neck.

“My girl knows who she belongs to.” He replied, a dark look in his eyes that made your breath catch in your throat, your mouth suddenly running dry at the thought of being twisted in the sheets with him. Picking up your drink to distract yourself, you shifted slightly on his lap, doing your best to not grind down to heavily, not knowing what kind of reaction you would get. “Princesa, why don’t you go get us some fresh drinks?”

“Course.” You pecked his cheek, your hand brushing down his chest as you stood, your hips swaying a little extra for show, knowing his eyes were trained on your body. You heard him chuckle darkly, Spanish flowing from his lips as you sauntered away from the table.

Only a moment later and you returned, sliding the full glass over to him as you slipped back into the booth and he yanked you down onto his lap. You let out a small squeal, your cheeks heating as you attempted to adjust your skirt, pulling it down from where it had started to ride up. Jose’s left hand wound around you, resting on your right thigh, squeezing softly,

“Relax pretty girl.” He husked into your ear, breath hot on your skin, “I’m sure these boys won’t mind a little bit of lace peeking out.” His thumb disappeared under your dress, hand slowly sneaking up, “you could probably even spread your legs.”

Your eyes flicked up to your table companions, a shy grin on your lips as you let out a small laugh, thankful they were distracted in their own conversation. Their attention was on a girl across the room, their remarks over sexualized and in Spanish, lost in their own world as much as you and Joe were. You adjusted yourself on his lap again so you were sideways, your arm able to brace across the back of the booth over his shoulder and his hand slid further up your thigh as you leant into the crook of his neck.

“I can’t wear panties with this dress.” You admitted, “and do I need to remind you I speak Spanish? I heard what you said.” Feeling your cheeks heating, you were about to pick up your drink, distract yourself with a sip when he chuckled darkly, his free hand grasping at your jaw, pulling you back to him.

His gaze was full of lust, eyes boring into yours, his lips parted just enough that his breath was hot on your face and you could smell the tequila. “So you decided to come out being a little tease then, hmm?” He raised a brow at you, watching the way your pupils dilated, your lips falling open in an attempt to protest but you had no argument. His hand slid further up your dress, squeezing tighter before his thumb trailed through your pussy and he chuckled again, “heard what I said? You must’ve liked it to be this wet already.” His thumb continued to stroke you, smearing your wetness, “all distracted thinking about my cock buried nice and deep in this pretty pussy of yours?”

“Jose…” You tried to warn, your eyes fluttering shut as heat began to course through you.

“Mm-mmm.” The thumb of his other hand traced your lips and you couldn’t control the way your mouth fell open, “good girls don’t leave the house without panties. Only dirty ones who want to be fucked so good they can’t think pull stunts like this. Now, spread your legs.”

His thumb rubbed at your clit and you practically trembled in his lap, thankful that his lips finally met yours when he sunk two fingers into your pussy. He was able to swallow the moan that escaped you, his tongue sneaking into your mouth, dancing with yours as he took control of the kiss, complete control of you and you were simply putty in his hands. The hand from your chin sunk to your throat, squeezing softly and you whined into the kiss. His lips broke into a smirk, a fire in his eyes as he bit your lower lip, winking at you as his fingers stilled inside your cunt.

“Be good Chiquita, I’ve got business to finish.”

He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, patting your cheek before turning back to the table to catch up with the conversation. You gulped, pussy fluttering around his still fingers, earning your hip a soft squeeze as he grinned over the rim of his drink at the other men across the table who were completely unaware of what was actually going on.

You picked up your drink, taking a small sip to try and ignore the heat that was beginning to creep through your body but the liquor was really only making it worse. Between that and the drugs sinking deeper into your system you were fighting every urge to not squirm in Jose’s lap, to not arch your back slightly and begin to roll your hips. It would be barely noticeable in the darkness of the booth and maybe just enough to get you where you wanted in the meantime. His lips hit the side of your neck and you were jolted back to reality when he asked you a question and you had to squeak out an answer as his thumb brushed over your clit. He chuckled lightly, clinking his glass with the other men before continuing to basically ignore you, focusing on work talk.

Feeling his fingers still inside your pussy you took a deep breath, hiding yourself behind your drink as you busied yourself with anything but what was going on at the table. Jose continued his conversation, smirking at the way you were attempting to not squirm in his lap, his teeth scraping at the column of your neck between his words. Suddenly the fingers he had stuffed inside you curled and you let out a quiet gasp, your fingers digging into his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” You murmured and he laughed.

“Making my girl feel good.” He husked into your ear, “now keep quiet.”

His fingers flicked again and you tried to not to whimper, burying your face into his neck again as Jose laughed darkly, his free hand brushing over your hair. He let you curl into him, his fingers continuing to press into the extra sensitive spot inside your cunt as you whimpered into his ear softly. He lifted up his glass to cover his lips as he muttered into your ear, his words bringing even more heat to your cheeks.

“It’s a shame, I’m pretty sure if I was properly fingering you right now the whole table would hear this drenched little cunt, wouldn’t they?”

You whined, burying your face deeper into the crook of his neck, any inhibitions totally gone as your lips met his skin, kissing and nipping, occupying your mouth as he continued to curl his fingers inside your pussy. Your teeth sunk into his pulse point and he groaned before your tongue swiped over the spot, a soft sigh leaving your lips at the salty taste of his skin. His fingers sunk deeper into you, causing you to grind down onto his lap and you could feel his cock hardening.

There was a slight snicker from across the table, “Jose.” One of the men called a little louder in order to be heard over the music and Joe managed to look up across at him, watching as he slid a small baggie across the table, “take this, get outta here and have some fun with your girl before you get us all in trouble.”

A chorus of laughter broke free around the table, yourself included as you attempted to avoid any eye contact, watching as Jose pocketed the drugs, tossing down a wad of cash as he quickly said goodnight. A small whine left your lips when his fingers slipped out of you but his hands were hot on your waist, practically manhandling you out of the booth. He wasn’t going to waste any time getting you back to the apartment where he could do whatever he wanted to you.

Joe wasn’t even sure where he wanted to start once the apartment door was shut behind the two of you, he wanted to dive right in, pin you against the wall and drive his cock into your cunt. He also wanted to slowly strip you down, admiring every single inch of your body, watching you come undone as many times as humanly possible before finally fucking you. He wanted to taste you, run his tongue through your pussy until your fingers were yanking him off by the hair, wanted you on your knees in front of him, cock crammed down your throat.

His flying thoughts were somewhat settled at the feeling of you pulling him closer, backing into the wall as you tugged him into a kiss, your lips soft against his. His eyes fluttered shut, a hand cupping your cheek, the other gently wrapping around your throat as he savoured your taste, tongue sneaking into your mouth. Every moment of the kiss was fogging his brain even more, drowning in your essence, fire crackling under his skin wherever your fingertips traced across his skin. You let out a whine into the kiss, your body rocking toward his and his lips twitched up into a smirk.

You wanted him just as badly as he wanted you, pussy already fluttering, wishing his fingers were still buried in it, touching it where you absolutely ached for it. Your hands trailed down his body, fingers tickling at the skin just under his shirt before sneaking under it, tracing up along his torso. He broke the kiss only long enough to pull the fabric off his body, dropping it to the floor. The hand he had on your cheek sunk south, groping at your ass through your dress and your hips rocked into his. Practically panting, he broke the kiss, his lips messily tracing across your jaw, down the side of your neck, biting and sucking at your supple skin.

“Jose…”

A gasp left your lips when his hands cupped your chest, pinching at your nipples right as his teeth sunk int the crook of your neck. He practically growled against your skin, thrusting his hips against you and you moaned at the feel of his cock, thick and hard in his pants.

“Wanna fuckin’ devour you.” He groaned, his breath hot on your neck before he bit your earlobe, hands continuing to toy with your body. Your head dropped against the wall behind you, eyes fluttering shut as your chest began to heave, tingles shooting through your entire body.

“Then do it.” You managed to muster up, letting out a squeak when he gripped your waist hoisting you up so your legs wrapped around him and he could finally carry you into the bedroom.

Joe dropped you to the floor, whipping you around in his arms so you faced the bed while he fumbled with the zipper of your dress, yanking it down before you shoved the fabric away from your body. His hands were on you instantly, wrapping around you from behind, pinching at your nipples, rolling them between his thumbs and forefingers, his mouth finding home on your neck. Your head rolled back onto his shoulder, ass pressing back into his body, aching to feel his cock again. One of his hands traced down your body, feeling the way you practically shuddered under his touch before he softly began to play with your clit, rubbing at it gently.

“Fuck…” you groaned, “more, please. Need you….”

“Christ.” He felt his dick twitch in his pants, twirling you in his arms once again before his hand wrapped around your jaw, directing your lips to his for another deep kiss, this one messy, passionate, full of whimpers and moans, “get on the bed.”

With a gentle shove you were bouncing on the mattress, shifting backwards until your hands hit the pillows, watching with wide, greedy eyes as Jose made quick work of his belt buckle, never once losing eye contact with you. His cock springing free when he kicked his jeans and boxers to the floor, your mouth practically watering at the sight. His hand slid up your body, gently pressing you into the bed,

“Lie back.”

You instinctively spread your legs, letting him settle between you and he groaned, “such a fucking pretty pussy.” He spanked it first and you gasped, your hips jolting up off the bed before he spat onto it, rubbing his saliva into you, mixing it with the juices already leaking out of you, “and so fucking wet. You needy girl.”

“Just for you.” You mumbled out, moaning when he chuckled and two fingers easily sunk into your cunt again.

“Fuck…” Groaning, your head dropped into the pillows, your eyes scrunching shut as he began to finger you. This time at a more convenient angle, and neither of you had to hold back, moans and whimpers escaping your lips as he continually praised you, eyes full of lust as he watched his fingers disappear into your cunt.

“That’s my girl…” he murmured, “so fuckin’ good for me. Gonna stretch you out, get you nice and ready for my cock, alright querida?”

“Mm-hmm.” You frantically nodded, your hips rolling in time with his ministrations and he chuckled, lowering his head to your inner thigh, determined to leave a mark on your skin that was just for his eyes.

 With his teeth on your thigh, tongue laving across the building mark when a hiss left your lips, his fingers continued to curl and twist inside your pussy, squelching sounds echoing through the room. He picked up the speed of his hand, wrist flicking with every thrust and your moans got louder.

“Feels so good.”

“I know baby.” He murmured back. Jose could feel your wetness dripping down his hand, making a mess of his wrist and the sheets underneath you. Satisfied with the growing mark on your leg he shifted back up to his knees and with a twirl of his wrist he slid a third finger into you.

“Fuck!” You cried out, your hips jolting up off the mattress, “oh god don’t stop!”

“Look so fuckin’ beautiful like this.” He purred, his gaze locked on your body, trembling with pleasure, coated in a sheen of sweat, your chest heaving as your legs twitched. His free hand found your clit, rubbing at it in time with the fingers fucking into your pussy. “Just fucking gorgeous.”

It was only a second later he dropped over you, lips wrapping around your nipple, teeth scraping gently over the sensitive nub. Your pussy clenched down around his fingers, cries leaving your lips each time they curled, pressing on your g-spot, lingering for a millisecond longer each time. Your clit pulsed underneath his hand as your body began to shake.

“Fuck, fuck…gon’ come.”

“Come for me querida.” His breath was hot on your skin as he moved to the other side of your chest, tongue tracing patterns across your skin, “let me see how gorgeous you are.”

One more brush of his fingers and you were seeing stars, back arching up off the bed as you let out a loud moan, pleasure shooting through your body and Jose felt like he was in fucking heaven. Feeling your body shake underneath him, the way that it was his hands that brought you to that high was enough to drive him insane, his cock twitching, throbbing as he ached to be inside you.

“Christ…” You muttered, panting as you attempted to catch your breath. He slowed his movements, pulling his fingers out of you as he trailed kisses up your chest. You were about to protest his lack of contact when his lips found yours again, tongue plunging into your mouth and you groaned. He shifted on the bed, settling properly between your legs and you could feel his cock against your thigh, already leaking pre cum, smearing across your skin. “Need you to fuck me…” you managed to get out, mumbled and needy between kisses.

“So impatient.” He teased with a grin and you did your best to glare back at him, knowing he was aching for this just as badly as you were. Your hand slunk between your bodies, palming at his cock and that certainly got his attention, a groan leaving his lips as his eyes rolled back in his head. Your thumb ran over the tip, smearing the pre cum down his shaft, continuing to pump him, cock twitching in your hand. He let out a near growl, nipping at your neck, “fuck.”

A second later and he was lining up with your pussy, pushing in slowly to stretch you out until he was completely buried inside you.

“Oh god…” You moaned, hands wrapping around his shoulders.

“So tight…” He groaned, his hips finally meeting yours, “fuck, baby…”

You whimpered under him, your body rocking up towards him and that’s all it took for him to start moving, slow and deep at first, making sure that you could take it, that he wasn’t going to come right away.

“Harder.” You begged and his lips pulled up into a smirk.

One of his hands reached downward, pulling up one of your legs, spreading you wide for him, pinning your thigh to the bed before he picked up the pace. Each thrust of his hips his cock buried deep inside you, body snapping against yours with power you almost weren’t expecting.

“Fuck! Right there!”

Jose could feel you fluttering around him already, the slick of your pussy heavenly on his cock, with a roll and tilt of his hips you let out a loud gasp and he knew he’d found the perfect spot. Your hands grasped at his back, nails scratching at his skin as you urged him on, whines and whimpers leaving your lips, muffled by the way you were buried in the crook of his neck.

“Shit, you feel so fuckin’ good.” He growled, and you squeezed around him, pulling a groan from his lips.

With each thrust of his cock it felt like you could actually feel every ridge and vein, your entire body on fire like it had never been before. One of your hands tangled into his hair, pulling him impossibly close while he continued to fuck you like his life depended on it.

“S-so good.” You moaned, and thrusted even harder into you, picking up the pace once again as you attempted to keep up, meeting his hips with yours on each thrust.

Before you knew it there was no breath left for words, only moans, whimpers and pants leaving either of your lips between breathless kisses. The slick between your bodies building with each thrust of Joe’s hips as you clung to him, the only sounds in the room absolutely sinful and skin on skin. You could feel the heat coursing through your body all the way down to the tips of your toes, a coil building tighter and tighter within you as your pussy pulsed around Joe’s cock.

“F-fuuck!”

Joe could feel just how tight you were squeezing him and he knew you were close, managing to sneak a hand between your bodies to play with your clit and you let out an even louder moan, a few strangled swears coupled with his name leaving your lips and his cock was throbbing inside you. He pressed harder onto your clit and the dam broke, your orgasm tearing through you, your body trembling in his arms.

“Fuck!” He groaned at the sensation, your pussy clenching down even harder around him, wetness leaking out of you, drenching his cock more than he’d expected.

You nearly fell limp in his arms, little gasps leaving you as he chased his own orgasm, hips snapping into you with even more force before they started to falter and he grunted, stilling deep inside your cunt and you let out a breathy moan at the feeling of his cum painting your pussy.

“Holy shit…” you muttered after a few minutes, your fingers still tangled in his short locks, nails scratching at the back of his head gently and he groaned softly before pulling his head up and shifting on the bed, letting out a low breath as his cock slipped out of your pussy.

“Fuck…” His eyes drifted down to between your legs, watching the mixture of his cum and your juices dribble out of your cunt and a smirk broke out on his lips as his eyes darkened.

“What?” You asked, feeling yourself already fluttering around nothing again.

“You trust me?” He asked, raising a brow and you nodded, watching him with curious eyes as he crawled to the foot of the bed, scooping up his pants and digging through the back pocket. He pulled out the bag of molly, scooping out some for himself before tossing it to you, “take another bump. This’ll feel even better, and I still need to taste you.”

________________

@witches-unruly-heart @fandom-princess-forevermore @cycat4077 @xoxabs88xox @alwaysachorusgirl @plaidbooks @thatesqcrush @im-just-a-mississippi-girl irl @wandas-wife @katieslotherford @momlifebehard @dondivajade @misscharlielulu @alexxavicry @rosaliedepp @legit9thlunaticwarrior @daffodil-heart @onmykneesformarvel @kmc1989 @silversprings-mp3 @bullet-prooflove

[finalgilmoregirl]

thanks for all the love on my last two posts, here’s an idea i thought of the other day that i actually was able to fully flesh out

☆ a growing relationship between fnaf movie!mike x fem!mall worker!reader would include :

- pre fnaf movie events

a/n : i made this in head cannon form to save time but i might make a blurb series. ALSO IMPORTANT : i try to make the reader in my fics as physically non descriptive as possible which means i try to stay away from words like “tall, short, pale, thin” etc… if there is ever an explicit description, it’ll be in the title (like how i put “fem!” or “latina”) okay that being said, enjoy!

- movie takes place in 2000s so naturally reader would work in retail whilst in college (movie!mike is thought to be in his mid-20s so i’m also making reader around that age)

- i think the first interaction between the two would be at her place of work, on a particular slow morning

- he’s only had his security job at the mall for about a week, and his employers had him bouncing around different stores, trying to find his place in the building

- which is how he ended up standing at the front your store at 10am

- he’d spoken to the assistant manager for a moment right before opening but it wasn’t until almost an hour into his shift that he’d noticed you

- he’d just failed to stifle his tenth yawn in the last few minutes when he heard your voice, snapping his brain into high alert

- “excuse me?”

- he turned his head in your direction and widened his eyes a bit before trying to relax

- you were talking to him, and you were beautiful

- “uhm, yeah?” he replied, instantly cursing himself in his mind for not replying more politely

- you obviously didn’t mind his response as you smiled sweetly, reaching an arm out, which is what made mike take notice of the to-go cup in your hand

- “sorry, i just thought you could use this.”

- oh! this surprised the man, and you took notice of the look on his face.

- to be fair this was weird, at least a little bit. you’d never given the other security guards coffee. you were always polite to them of course, but you never went out of your way to try to make an impression ike this.

- but then again, none of the other security guards were this cute

- and you thought mike was very cute

- “i know, it’s a bit weird but i was over there stacking clothes and couldn’t help but notice how tired you seemed.” you pointed to where you were just a moment ago, before you’d gone to the back room to get mike his drink

- mike looked to the area you pointed out, taking notice of the pile of clothes you’d seemed to be in the process of organizing

- mike wanted to hit himself. he was so caught up in his own head and trying to force himself awake that he didn’t even notice that you had been a mere ten feet away this entire time.

- he then looked back at you and realized he hadn’t make a single coherent reply to anything you’d said so far

- he shook his head out of his thoughts and gave you a small smile

- “no no that’s not weird” he said, taking the coffee out of your hands and trying to ignore how soft they felt as his fingertips brushed against them, “that’s really nice of you, thank you.”

- you shrugged, playing with your now free hands while trying to ignore how your heartbeat had started to quicken

- “it’s no big deal, i just thought it’d be best if you were awake in case anyone tried to rob us” you joked, earning a chuckle from mike.

- “i’m y/n by the way” you held out your hand to him

- “i’m mike” he said as he took it, giving it a light shake and reluctantly letting go

- you looked into each others eyes for a moment, and warmth started to circulate your bodies

- unfortunately, the moment was gone too fast as one of your coworkers called you over, asking for your help in taking down some boxes

- you looked back at mike, who still held the smallest smile

- “i guess i’ll see you around.” you shrugged, walking away

- as the day went by and the store got increasingly busier, you and mike failed to have anymore interactions and soon, he had to leave, saddened by the fact that he couldn’t say goodbye but also hopeful at the thought that he might see you again

- it wasn’t until a week later that he did

- he unfortunately got stationed at a kiosk near the entrance of the mall, however that didn’t stop him from walking by your store on his breaks in hopes to catch another glimpse of you

- he did this for three days until this routine paid off.

- you were working the cash register, conversing with a young girl and her mother as you bagged their clothing

- “have a good one!” you smiled brightly at the pair as they walked out of store, which is when you saw mike approach the entrance

- he walked in shyly, hands in his pockets

- he’s wanted to see you… but what did he even plan to say?

- “hey mike!” you called out to the brunette as he walked in

- he responded with his own “hi” as he walked up to the counter

- “what are you doing here?”

- “you know, just…taking a walk”

- he looked down for a moment, nerves creeping up on him. well, he thought. i might as well take advantage of this moment. i mean, you’re right there.

- with a sudden surge of confidence (and despite the sweat now pooling down the back of his neck) he looked back up and said : “i actually just realized.”

- you looked back at him expectedly

- “i never got to repay you for that coffee.”

- when asked if you’d like to cash in that debt you replied a bit faster than you would like to admit, and a date was set for the same day

- where mike had four more hours to go after his break, you had three. which you thought was more than fine, just more time to prepare for this date

- you would meet at the coffee place across from the food court after both of your shifts

- and when you did, it was like something out of a movie

- mike of course, as guarded as he his, tried his best from dumping any trauma on you and steered clear from anything he thought was too personal in fear of scaring you away. however after picking up bits and piece from your life, he had a feeling you wouldn’t judge him

- despite you basically being a stranger, he felt more relaxed than he had in years, him learning about you was enough to distract him from whatever nightmares plagued him at all hours of the day, just for a little while

- as time went on and you both kept in touch after your first date, mike began to open up a bit more

- after the first few weeks he told you about abby, more so about their situation

- you sympathized with him a bit, offering advice if he needed it and a helping hand if any issues with their current babysitter came up

- your selflessness solidified his thought that this could be something good, which led to your first kiss after your fourth date

- you figured it would take a while, you sensed from the first date that he would be a tough book to crack open, but you really liked him and were more than happy to be patient.

- back to abby :

- as much as he was okay with talking to you about abby, he hadn’t planned to tell abby about you. not knowing how she would react to adding a random woman to possibly be a part of her life after their mother

- this of course became a small issue when she began to notice how much more time he spent on the phone

- phone bill be damned, he would still lean against the kitchen wall, twirling the phone cord around his finger for at least half an hour while he talked to you

- “who is it?” abby asked one late afternoon.

- where she was supposed to be in bed already, she came out to get a glass of water, catching her brother talking in a hushed voice.

- “don’t worry about it” mike would tell her.

- “what are they saying?”

- “abby can you please just go to your room”

- she would very soon find out about your existence when one evening mike put the phone down for a second to go look for a book he wanted to tell you about

- as soon as he walked out of the room, abby jumped from her place on the couch and snuck to the phone

- “hello?” she whispered, cupping her hand over the transmitter

- “hi” you smiled, picturing the young girl that mike had described to you before

- “who is this?” abby asked, almost aggressively, confused as to why her brother has been talking to a woman

- “i’m y/n” you told her, trying to suppress a laugh

- something clicked in the child then

- gasp “are you mikes girlfriend??”

- it was just then that mike had returned, and with a face of anger and horror her snatched the device from abby’s grasp and lightly shoved her away with a light scolding “abby what the hell did i say?”

- you laughed harder at his tone

- “i am so sorry about that. what did she say to you?”

- “oh nothing” you sighed, “she just asked me if i was your girlfriend.”

- he mouthed a god dammit as he looked to the ceiling

- he wasn’t embarrassed that abby had asked, he was embarrassed that he hadn’t asked you yet

- there’s no protocol to dating as an adult. “will you be my girlfriend?” sounds too childish and when that’s out of the question, where do you go from there?

- “well…” mike shut his eyes tightly as he asked, “what did you say?”

- “i didn’t get to answer. what do you think i should have said?” you said, lighthearted but pointedly.

- swallowing the bile he felt creeping up his throat at the nerves he rubbed his hand to his sweater clad chest

- “i mean…” you continued. “do you want me to be?”

- my god yes he desperately thought but tried his best to sound casual “yeah, i’d like that”

- “well then, i suppose i am your girlfriend. maybe i can actually tell her next time”

- he sensed the teasing in your voice and gave a mixed of a chuckle and a sigh at your answer, the weight the nerves left on his chest lifted.

- “next time” he said softly, “sounds good”

☆ might start planning a part two

[duckymcdoorknob]

Hi ducky may I place an order? I'd like a medium iced tea with light ice with caramel drizzle and cookie crumbles please :D

name on the order is finral <3

Hehe Finral 😍

I will need one tall order of this man and this man alone holy fuck

PLEASE GOD MAKE THIS MAN REAL

ILL PAY YOU BRO

IM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM

CW BELOW THE CUT: None

♫ -ᥕᥲі𝗍ᥱr, ᥕᥲі𝗍ᥱr, ⍴ᥱrᥴ᥆ᥣᥲ𝗍᥆r- ☕️

The nighttime was something that you had always found serene and comforting. Being a Black Bull meant that you could always fend for yourself if danger managed to find you. That doesn’t mean that you were always let off the hook, but you mainly stayed safe no matter where you went.

You were on high alert, having just fended off some petty thieves who tried to stick you up. Your senses were heightened, and you were honestly too on edge.

The sudden sound of your name being called and pattering footsteps caused you to summon your grimoire.

“S-Stay back! I don’t want to have to use my magic!”

“Woah! (N/N), it’s just me.”

You blinked to regain your composure, your eyes focusing onto the person with you.

“F-Finral?” You sputtered.

“Sorry to spook you.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “Are you alright?”

You exhaled in relief, body slumping to its usual relaxed posture. “Yeah.” You felt the tension leave your body as Finral placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, rubbing slowly. “Thanks, Fin.”

The brunette smiled warmly, “Anytime.”

“So” you began, continuing your slow walk, “What brings you to this part of town?”

“Ah.”

Well shit. You had caught him. He had to think of a lie, and fast.

“Well you know me, I’m Yami’s 5* errand boy.” Finral replied with an awkward chuckle.

Truth be told, the spatial magic user knew that you would be walking at this time of night. Every ounce of chivalry in his body told him that he should not be letting the person he loves walk alone during night time, it was too dangerous, even if you were a magic knight.

“But what’s got you out here so late? It’s not safe.”

You giggled leaning into his side, “I’m not a helpless person in distress. I’m a Bull, just like you.” You smiled warmly at him, failing to notice his growing awkwardness, “But I appreciate your concern for me. It’s sweet. Thank you, Finnie.”

Finral swore he could’ve melted on the spot at the nickname. His gentle grip on your shoulder fell lax for a split second as he tried to regain his composure.

A sudden bright light illuminated the sky, causing the two of you to look up. A shooting star crossed your lines of sight. “Make a wish, Fin!” You chirped, squeezing your eyes shut.

“What did you wish for?” You turned to him, eyes sparkling in under the silvery moonlight.

Oh how your eyes would be the death of him.

His hand came off your shoulder to hold a finger to his lips. “You know I can’t tell you. If I did, my wish wouldn’t come true, and it’s one that I greatly want to.”

Finral couldn’t help but smile at the subtle pout that fell over your features. “Come on, you. Let’s get you home safe. The others are probably waiting for us.”

You beamed at him, bounding up to his side.

“Here,” he chimed, holding out his outstretched fingers. “take my hand.”

Without hesitating, you interwound his fingers with yours, swinging your arms as you walked. The brunette chuckled sweetly at your adorable behavior.

As if to try and ruin the moment, the sky opened up and it began to pour. The two of you yelped as you sped up your pace. Soon you were running through the rain, laughing your asses off.

By the time the two of you returned, you were both cold from the rain, and warm from giggling the entire way home. Your hands were still intertwined when you walked through the doors, causing Magna to comment immediately.

“Oooh, look at them holding hands.” The flame magic user cooed.

You beamed at your teammate, squeezing Finral’s hand, “Yep! Fin walked home with me just to make sure I was okay. Isn’t he the greatest?”

The spatial magic user thought he would melt straight into the floor on the spot. Between your praises, Magna’s teasing, and the teasing eyebrows of his teammates, Finral couldn’t take much more flush on his face.

“Okay, okay. L-Let’s get you into the bath and into some warm clothes.” The brunette sputtered.

Vanessa couldn’t help but chuckle when she saw the brunette hug you goodnight. The gentle pink dust on his cheeks had proven her suspicions correct.

After Finral had disappeared down the hallway, the witch called out to you. “(Y/N).”

You turned to look at her.

“He totally has the hots for you, sweetie.”

You furrowed your brows, attempting to stutter out a response. “N-No! He just walked me home. I-I-It’s not a big deal. Any of the guys here would do the same! Right? Magna? Luck? Gord-“

“(N/N).” Magna interrupted, “Fin has spatial magic… Why didn’t he just portal the two of you home?”

Your breath caught in your throat.

—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————

[oxpogues4lifexo]

Full Kook - Part 2

A Protective/Sweet/Obsessive/Possessive!Rafe&JJ Fanfic

-'The Morning After' -

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, Alcohol, Language, SA, Abuse, Sex, Bad writing!! Word count: 1.9K Summary of Part 1: Small teaser of what life with Thomas Brooks is like. Including the advantages and disadvantages of living with the 3 most troubled boys on Kildare Island.

A/N: Please don’t rely on any timings for a release of any parts, I have little motivation and I’m purely writing this because I enjoy it. If it’s not for you please move on <3

Previous part

Bella’s Pov:

"Good morning!!!" I call, skipping into the living room after getting freshly washed and ready for the day.

JJ and Rafe both lay asleep on the couch and without me interfering I know full well they will never wake up.

Just the sound of my voice alone causes both boys to sit up, turning to me on high alert as if I was being murdered. I giggle at the sight, knowing both of them would go miles to protect me, causing a slight blush to colour my cheeks.

"Morning, sleepyheads!" I repeat, dragging my fingers through their hair, watching as their drowsy eyes follow my own with a sleepy smile spread across both their faces.

"G'morning gorgeous.." JJ reaches back to take my waist in his hand, squeezing softly as a yawn escapes his mouth.

He lifts himself off the couch, placing a kiss ontop my head; leaving me with Rafe as he excuses himself to the bathroom.

Rafe leans over to the table, helping himself to the last of his drag as he turns his body towards me; a smile taking his lips. "Sleep good, princess?" His fingers glaze mine that sat on the back of the couch beside him; a smile pulling at my cheeks as I struggle to keep eye contact.

The way they both speak to me sends me into a spiral, but admitting it would be like telling them the whole island wants them; they’re both true but saying it out loud would confirm them and I’m not gonna let myself deal with the outcome.

Rafe notices my blushed cheeks, causing a smirk to appear along his face, well aware of the effect he has on me. I nod, face brightening before the moment gets cut short by a slam of a door.

Me and Rafe never get time to be alone; I'm always with JJ or my dad, and Rafe and I aren't the most accepted friends by the island so hanging out alone seems almost a rarity. So those little moments when we do get a bit of silence together is quite peaceful and very cherished by the both of us. The need of more takes over sometimes; alone time with Rafe is the only time I can really let my hair down and relax, surprisingly, so who can blame me for wanting more from time to time?

Me and Rafe both look up past the living room as JJ comes back out, staring at his hand. "J? You okay?" I walk over, watching as his eyes darken, only growing my concern. Rafe's expression falls and his attention turns back to his joint, wishing to be able to talk to me even that little bit more, not caring at all for the unnecessary drama JJ is probably going to make over the smallest thing (yet again), most likely a tiny paper cut or something.. and me babying him like it’s the end of the world because my maternal instincts kick in whenever either of them have even the littlest issue.

"JJ, what's going on?" My eyebrows dip as I tilt my head to catch his expression. He lifts his own slowly as he gives me his fist. I watch his eyes as I raise my hands to open his palm. Catching a glimpse of a smirk on his face, my eyes widen knowing exactly where this is going.

He reaches down, quickly chucking me over his shoulder as he runs round to the couch; throwing me down beside Rafe, before pegging it towards my room. He only made it as far as the kitchen before I reached him, pulling myself onto his back and hooking my legs around his waist, securing myself onto him.

He laughs, grabbing my thighs to adjust me into a more comfortable position before accepting it and deciding to make some toast.

I giggle in his ear, watching the pure enjoyment take over his face as he mindlessly helps himself in my kitchen.

I turn back as best I could to see Rafe sat on the couch still, legs spread, scrolling on his phone. I frown, about to open my mouth before-

"Sunshine, 'm ho- get off him!!"

We all adjust ourselves: Me dropping off of JJ's back, JJ hiding the knife and toast behind him as he turns around to conform to whatever words come out of my Dad's mouth next, and Rafe sitting up, grabbing the ash tray and sliding it beneath the couch, unaware that there was absolutely no backing to it.

Me and JJ glare at each other before watching the now obvious joint sat at my dad's feet.

"Sh.. shit.." Rafe looks up at me expecting some sort of reaction or snarky comment but by the pure fear in my eyes he knew it was worse than a little joke.

I follow dad’s body as he leans down, picking up the tray, and guiding it to his face to take a sniff. Without hesitation, he storms over, the anger in his eyes seeping into my blood. I could feel a lump gathering in the back of my throat.

JJ’s hand found mine, squeezing tightly as he pulls me into his side safely and slowly enough that my dad wouldn’t pick up on it.

“What the hell is this?!” Dad shoves the weed-filled cigarette into my face, causing a flood of coughs to escape my mouth. “Hm?” He jerks his head to the side, pulling my attention back to him as I clear my throat once more.

My mouth falls open but no words manage to leave; my eyes glass over and JJ’s grip on my hand tightens letting me know how painfully obvious I was being.

“Going to explain, or are ya' just gonna stand there like a little lost sheep?” His voice was low, gravelly, like he’d just rolled out of bed. But I knew it wasn’t the truth. It cut straight through the tension building in the air like a knife, making JJ take a breath and straighten himself up. Acting from experience..

“Sir.” He coughs, grabbing my dad’s focus. “She had no part in it, sir. It’s mine, promise.” Rafe let's a light tug at his lips at the thought of JJ taking the full blame, when they both know JJ would get the worst of it anyways.

We watch as his face falls, eyebrows dipping so low his eyes were unnoticeable. “Bella.” He speaks but his eyes don’t leave JJ’s. “Tell me. I won’t ask again. What. Is. This?” His sentences were short and blunt. The obvious impatient tone in his voice making my blood run cold. The sheer nothingness behind his eyes, I was used to by now, but still struck a point of fear in me nothing else could.

I don’t get scared of much. I grew up watching R-rated movies, went ghost hunting with JJ and Rafe in abandoned buildings from the age of like 10, had JJ’s horror games on in the background of my room at 3 am every night because he couldn’t sleep. Yet something about my dad always got to me. It wasn’t even the fact he was a threat, it was just that look on his face, constantly, that always seemed to itch at my skin.

“Dad..” I manage to let out before swallowing the courage to stand up to him this early in the morning. I step closer, wrapping my arms lightly around his beer belly and resting my head against his chest. I forced my eyebrows from scrunching as I held myself together, “I’m sorry.. I promise, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even know it was there.. Just, please let it be, we had a good day yesterday..” The slight crack in my softened tone caused my dad’s arm to take my body into his own.

He places a soft kiss to my head, “Thank you.. 'm glad to hear you three are still gettin' along.”

I lift my head, tilting it slightly at his words, “We’ve always been okay?”

A calming smile takes his lips, steadying my nerves as I watch his face brighten from the sight of me, “Y'know, I’ll always worry 'bout my li'l girl.. Just makin' sure is all, Sunshine.” He kisses me again, this time on the bridge of my nose, before looking back at Rafe, his grip firmly settled on my hip. “You’re lucky I don’t speak to your father 'bout this. 'nd you?” His head shoots to JJ and I see him flinch, almost, at the motion; the feeling of guilt eating into me wondering why I threw the blame onto him in the first place. “I told ya' to keep that away from 'er. I know that you’re old enough to make your own decisions but if you’re living under my roof, you go by my rules. Understand?”

I grip onto the bit of fabric that sat under my hand, lightly tugging to let my dad know he’s being too rough. Usually the action would cause an outburst but with Rafe and JJ around he’s naturally much calmer anyways. I wish I was joking..

JJ nods almost instantly, his adam’s apple bobbing as he gulped down his fear.

Dad chuckles, a laugh that caused a shiver down anyone's spine. He pulls JJ into him, squeezing him hard as he pats his palm to his back. “Love you, kid..”

I didn’t hear what he said to him, but the smile that appeared across JJ’s cheeks melted my heart. Only dad can make him smile like that, and it genuinely heals that little part of me that ever thought he was a bad person. Seeing JJ smile is my world, and I’d watch it over and over if I could.

Dad pats his back once more before standing back up, “Right toilet, then work! Ready, Sunshine?”

I smile, giving him a nod, “Of course!” I exclaim, lightly running my fingers over my skirt to flatten out any creases.

He heads off to the bathroom and I hurry JJ and Rafe out whilst he’s still in a good mood.

“Will you be at the club today?” I rest a hand on Rafe’s chest as his lays against the small of my back, a soft smile pulling at his cheeks.

“Obviously, princess.. You’ll be alright?” He motions his head over to the bathroom door and I let out a small laugh.

“Rafe Cameron.. Worried about me..? Bella Brooks? He could never..” I giggle my words out softly, watching his expression harden before a smirk pulls through. A breath escaping the gap of his lips as he pulls my head into his neck, his arms engulfing me in his scent.

“GOD!! You two done? Gotta go before her dad decides we’re dead meat bro.” He smacks Rafe’s back, taking me from his arms and into his own.

Rafe lets out a deep sigh as he watches discontently. My head laying on JJ’s chest the same way it was on his, wondering what could be going through JJ’s head, only imagining the worst.

“See you tonight, alright..? Be careful, and call if you need anything..” He rests his forehead on mine, his lips landing a kiss on the tip of my nose as I return one back.

“Will do. Dad..” I smirk, watching his face drop and his hands shove me away.

“Fuck you too, asshole.” He grabs Rafe by his arm and pulls him out the door; both shouting ‘love you’ in unison as they raise their hands to wave me a goodbye. Avoiding any last sightings from my dad before they disappear.

Once dad was ready we set off to the Island Club for work; talking shit about anything and anyone we were just about to face 5 minutes from now.

Didn’t realise how little happened in such a chunk of words until I read through it lol. Long awaited second part which isn’t finished but thought it’d been too long since the first part so just split it instead 😭

Enjoy ❤️🌹 xx

Masterlist

[orphic-musings]

Welcome home! dear…fungus?

Characters: Dehya, Tighnari, Cyno, Alhaitham, Nilou x gn! reader (separately, established relationships)

Genre: Fluff, crack

Warnings: None I think? I kept switching between fungus and fungi bc idk what’s correct, (does cyno’s humour count as a warning?)

Summary: Sumeru characters react to you bringing home a new pet… fungus?

Notes: Got this idea after playing the fungus event and thought it would be a good chance to write some Sumeru characters! I’m sorry if it seems rushed I just wanted to get this out there since I haven’t been posting regularly. ㅠㅠ Inspired by my slime fics which you can find here: Part 1 — Part 2 (pls forgive me im so bad at naming slimes and fungi)

Dehya:

“Ah there you are!” Dehya sports a warm grin the moment she sees you. She stands at ease, not on high alert like she normally is. You are more interesting than anything in the background, and she prefers giving you her undivided attention. Of course, should any threat arrive she would be ready again before you could blink.

“I was looking for you everywhere- Is that fungi following you?” In an instant her tone drops into pure confusion. If the two of you were in any situation she would be springing into action, smiting the poor fungi before you even knew it was there. But this isn’t just any situation. The small capped creature is spinning around you, and your face is bright and content as you stand in the middle of Sumeru city.

“Yes! He’s my new companion. I called him Zest! There was an event down in Port Ormos where I trained him for a week, but the little guy didn’t want to leave my side at the end!”

“So… now we have to take care of a fungi.” Her expression is unimpressed, but her voice indicates that she’s intrigued, a little amused even.

“I can take care of it myself if you don’t want to-“

“No! I mean, you don’t have to do everything yourself. We do things together, yeah?” Her sudden interruption makes you giggle, and when she sees your face scrunched up in glee warmth rushes to her cheeks.

“At least it’s not a spectre.” She shakes her head, but your smile is contagious, and she can’t help the twitch of her lips. “Well we’d better go show lil’ Zesty his new home,” she says. With a delighted smile, you link your arm with hers and affectionately push into her side, while your fungi bounces along beside you. Dehya glances at the fungi one more time, before looking at your smiling face. She shakes her head again, but her smile only grows wider. The things love makes you do.

»»————-　♡　-————««

Tighnari:

Tighnari steps into his hut while rubbing his neck, his eyes almost drooping to the floor. He had an insanely busy day, and all he can think to do is have some well deserved quality time with you. He looks up expecting to see you all settled into bed, but instead he finds an electro fungi in his spot and you giving it cuddles. Subconsciously his tail flicks with irritation, but he’s more curious than upset.

“Am I in the right house?” He asks, and though it’s intended to be a joke, his stress seeps into his tone. So much so that it jolts you, and you sit up alert on the bed. The fungi also stops its wiggling, as if mimicking you. He notes that, somewhere in the back of his mind.

“Tighnari! I um… this is, well I found… no I mean I got her from Port Ormos. There was an event and they let me keep her.” Your body is stiff as you attempt to explain the situation. Your words get all tied together, as if you were caught red-handed and were reaching for an excuse.

“I’m sorry if I startled you. Just relax and, well, let’s find this little fungi somewhere else to sit other than my side of the bed.” His tone is no longer taut, only tired, but he still gives you a gentle smile. You get up from the bed and walk over to where he is, the fungi following you. The two of you sit together on the couch, while the fungi twirls merrily on the rug.

“I think I understand the situation, but I’m sure you’re aware of the danger it poses. While it seems very tame now, it’s still a wild creature and can be unpredictable.” He glances between your gentle face and the energetic fungi while talking.

“I know… you’re right. Maybe we can watch it for a few days, and if it seems too unsafe or it’s unhappy we can release it.” You give him a hopeful smile, and since your argument is fairly sound, and he’s too tired to discuss it further, he agrees.

“We can spend more time with it tomorrow but for now, let’s get to bed.” You take Tighnari’s hand and lead him to bed, but he stops and looks at the fungi. It wiggles expectantly and he sighs. “Alright Jitterbug, I suppose you can come too.” He turns to follow you, but you just stand there in shock. Now it’s you being pulled along to bed as you laugh at the nickname and sudden fondness for the fungi. He smiles to himself seeing your joyful face, and he already feels all his stress melt away.

»»————-　♡　-————««

Cyno:

“Cynooo! I’m hoooome!” You call into the empty entryway. Your voice is full of energy, but doubt creeps into your heart as your voice echos off the walls. It’s not unusual for you to arrive to an empty house, but you always call out just in case. You walk further in, a small dendro fungus hovering behind you. As you step into the living area you immediately freeze.

Cyno lays on his back, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm with an utterly peacful look on his face. Your heart dances at the adorable sight, but only for a moment as he seems to stir from your presence. He pushes himself up a bit and rubs a hand across his face. When he turns to you he smiles, and it fills you with warmth. With how early he gets up in the mornings, his sleepy face is a rare sight, but a beautiful one indeed.

“Oh hello dear, I guess I must have dozed off… and hello there fungus.” He sits himself fully upright on the couch, still waking up it seems. But he soon becomes fully alert.

“Wait… what am I saying?” His gaze drifts from your face to over your shoulder. “Wait! Behind you!” You just stand there and sigh.

“Are you awake now?” You giggle a bit when you see his baffled face.

“I- What?”

“This is our new pet! I got the little guy from an event in Port Ormos! If he behaves well we’ll keep him!” You beam at him while the fungus slowly emerges from behind your shoulder, curiously floating towards Cyno. He blinks at it.

“I’ve never given much thought to keeping pets, but if it’s with you I’m sure it will be fun.” You smile wider and do a little jump with joy, as if having won a prize. In all honesty, and it might only be because of his sleepy daze, you had expected him to deny the creature to even enter your home. When you refocus out of your thoughts you find him slightly poking the fungi, who doesn’t seem to mind, with a slight smile.

“We’re calling it Bud. Get it? Because it’s like a flower bud, but also a companion.” He grins and pats the fungus on the head. And while you’re glad they’re already getting along, you can’t help but sigh at your partner’s blunt humour.

»»————-　♡　-————««

Alhaitham:

The sun casts a peach glow over the city and you walk hand in hand with the Akademiya’s scribe. A cool breeze blows, a sign on the oncoming night. You had surprised Alhaitham at his office just as his work ended, ready to walk him home.

“I have a surprise for you when we get home!” You grin, nearly unable to contain your excitment. You remind him of a pot about to boil over, but he refrains from pointing that out. He merely raises an eyebrow at you, ever the cynic.

“If it’s that Kaveh has finally moved out I’ll be over the moon,” he jokes. You lightly hit him, a slight pout on your face, which quickly changes into a devious grin.

“I suppose it does have something to do with roomates.” To this he finds a slight concern wash over him, but also you lean into him playfully he decides to trust you.

The sun is about to disappear beyond the horizon when you arrive home, and Alhaitham nervously unlocks the door. He instantly notices the lack of signs of Kaveh, and relaxes a little. Until you stand in front of him and call out ‘surprise!’ He shuts the door behind him then looks up, and is met face to face with a floating hydro fungi.

“Is this fungus.. the surprise?” His voice is questioning, reasonably so he would argue. But your grin doesn’t falter.

“Yes! I got her from an event in Port Ormos, so I suppose you can consider her your new roomate!” He stands and watches the fungi float around him, like it was checking him out. It strangely makes him feel out of place in his own home. A part of him wants to lecture you on the nature of fungi, and how they wouldn’t be suitable for keeping as housepets. But truthfully, he can’t think of much evidence to support that, seeing as there hasn’t been much, if any, research done on the subject. He looks back at you.

“Well?” You pry. Alhaitham perceives the slight falter of your smile, the way you seem to be holding together your enthusiasm, and he can’t help but feel his heart swell at your passion for this creature, and your desire for him to accept it into his home.

“I suppose it’s much favourable to that nosy architect. Say, maybe we should train it to pester Kaveh.” Suddenly he finds the idea of keeping a fungi quite intriguing.

“Hey! You can’t just use it for nefarious purposes!” You pout at him again, and he has to raise his hands in defeat. As he does, the hydro fungus nuzzles into his cheek and you laugh at his suddenly flustered expression. He pats it awkwardly before it floats back over to you, and you welcome it with a nuzzle and a warm smile. Maybe it’s not such a terrible idea after all.

»»————-　♡　-————««

Nilou:

The lights at the Grand Bazaar just begin to turn on as the sky darkens. Their soft glow illuminates the stage, making it seem even more magical. Although evening has fallen, a crowd steadily forms, filling the Bazaar with chatter and life. Some people browse, while others just stand and chat, but your focus is solely on the graceful and lithe movements of Nilou’s dance.

It’s merely a practice, but since you finished your errands early you had to come see her. There was nowhere you’d rather be. The moment her dance ends time seems to stop, as she holds her elegant pose in the soft lights, looking ethereal. Then she relaxes, and her eyes find you. Her cheeks heat up and she appears ready to burst with both glee and fluster.

“You’re absolutely stunning, as always. I think I fell in love all over again! Craig loved it too!” You gush with rapture in your voice when she comes down to greet you. Her heart soars at your praises.

“Thank yo- who’s Craig? Did I miss something?” Her glee falters a little, replaced by puzzlement. You swallow, realizing your slip-up. Her gaze follows yours as you cast it to the ground, where a small geo fungus stands.

“Um, Nilou, meet Craig!” You smile sheepishly, finally bringing your eyes back to her. But she keeps staring at the lithic creature, watching curiously as it begins to roll around her feet before settling back beside you.

“A fungi?” She questions, and you begin to fear that this was a bad idea. With bated breath you wait as she intently observes it. Suddenly a smile spills across her face.

“He’s adorable! I didn’t know fungi could be so well behaved!” She giggles, and you feel your whole being relax at her enthusiasm. The creature begins to jump around too, excited by her positive tone.

“I was hoping we could look after him together, if you’d be alright with that.” She meets your gaze and beams brightly, her face nearly glowing.

“Of course! Ooh, maybe I can teach it to dance! It could join the theater!” She giggles again and latches onto your arm, settling herself into your embrace. The fungi leans itself into your leg too.

“It seems I might need to compete for your attention,” she says, noticing the fungi. You smile between the both of them, enjoying being surrounding by their affections. Nilou laughs as you struggle to give them exactly equal attention all the way home.

“Home sweet home,” you say once you finally arrive. The fungi and Nilou enter together, and it warms your heart seeing them already adjust to each other. But what warms it even more is how they both cuddle into you once you’ve settled into bed, and you can’t help but feel that this moment is the definition of contentment.

[thatonelonelydude]

Right Place, Wrong Time

A sterek fic, part 1

Derek's brain sluggishly drug him from unconsciousness. His body was telling him that he was in danger, that there was something in the room with him, but his bone deep exhaustion was tugging him back under and the ache that permeated throughout his entire being made him not want to wake. With what little alertness he had, he tried to sense what put his subconscious on high alert. He was still in the Stilinski household, in Stiles' bed where he had crashed earlier in the night, and nothing felt out of place. There were no foreign sounds or smells, and the only heartbeats in the house were his and the sheriff's. He rolled onto his side with a low groan and buried his face in the pillow beneath his head. He forced himself to relax back into the sheets and for his mind to quiet down. He had nearly drifted off again when a very important fact finally registered in his mind.

The sheriff was home.

The wolf's eyes flew open at the realization, and he frantically tried to located the man's heartbeat over the pounding of his own. If the sheriff found him in his son's bed he was for sure a deadman. Considering he used to be a fugitive, the man wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in his head and fill him full of lead. Why did Stiles have to pick this night of all nights to stay at Scott's? Why couldn't he be here to talk his dad down so Derek could leave the house alive and not in a body bag? This was going to be his last day on earth and he knew it.

Ba-bump, ba-bump.

There it was. He focused on the sound to see if the sheriff was far enough away that he could slip away undetected.

Ba-bump, ba-bump.

His heartbeat sounded eerily close. Almost like he was-

Ba-bump.

Oh boy. He was standing right behind him, wasn't he?

Derek slowly turned his head to peer over his shoulder and locked eyes with the barrel of a familiar gun. Shit. He had spent all day, from dawn till dusk, dodging the bullets and arrows of hunters, and now he was going to die at the hands of the sheriff. His eyes trailed upwards from the gun to the face of its owner and was met a hard glare.

"You better have one hell of a reason as to why you're in my house." John growled out, voice cold.

Derek looked back down at the gun pointed at his head. There was no way he could talk himself out of this predicament, he wasn't Stiles. Although, he sure wished he was right now. There was nothing he could say that would work as an excuse to explain why he was here, and he was probably going to get shot no matter what he said. He could feel a thin sheen of sweat forming as he started panicking internally. John shifted his stance, leering over the wolf in more intimidating manor while he waited for an answer.

"I uh... I stay here sometimes since I don't exactly have the most livable accommodations, as your son would put it." Derek eventually responded. He kept his voice low, afraid of being too loud, and winced as he forced each word out.

"And why would my son be speaking to you?" As the sheriff spoke, the gun steadily drew closer. Oh well, if he was going to die anyway, why not drop a few bombshells on the way out.

"Because I'm dating him."

He watched as an array of emotions flitted across John's face, shock, confusion, anger. As quickly as they came, they were gone, and the sheriff had his stony glare back on. He was silent for a beat and then adjusted his grip on the gun.

"Are you having sex with my son?" he asked calmly.

What?

Derek's eyes widened comically, and he shook his head vigorously.

"No! Nonono." If the sheriff thought he was banging his son, he was bound to get trigger happy. John stared down at the wolf, watching him for a moment, before lowering his gun. His face now a mask of indifference. Derek let out silent breath he didn't know he had been holding. That could have gone a lot worse than it did. The sheriff stood straight, turning away from the wolff, and moved out of the room. He paused in the doorway momentarily to look back at Derek.

"I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow."

Derek watched him leave warily. He was puzzled as to whether that was an invitation or demand, but from his tone it was most likely the latter. He waited long after he heard the sheriff's bedroom door shut before settling back down, and it was even longer before he was able to fall back asleep. Tomorrow he would see if would be in his best interest to stay or leave, but tonight he was going to rest while he still had the chance.

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Lucien’s Undercurrent ASMR translation

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for an ASMR that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

Don’t forget to turn on CC~

✧ 5th Anniversary Event | Prologue | Creative Workshop | King Fuk Street | Wonderland | Star Plaza | Heart Rain Lake | Roast! | Truth and Dare Pinball Machine | Random Event tidbits | ASMR (You’re here!)

Hold me tight

Let's get on the boat first

I'll help you take off the mask and the snorkel

Put the towel on

The wind is strong at the sea

Be careful to not catch a cold

How are you doing?

Are you feeling better now?

Do you still feel a little scared?

It's okay

It is easy to choke on the water when you try free diving for the first time

In terms of the performance just now

You've done a great job

Your ears,

feel uncomfortable?

Probably because the dive was relatively deep

Resulting in water pressure that’s too high

Let me rub them for you

Are you more comfortable now?

The look on your face already told me.

I'll tell you a secret

Actually

When I first learned to dive

I'm also a little afraid of the sea

It's true

I'm not lying to you

Although it may seem to you

that I'm already proficient

But I wasn't always this good at it

I can see the curiosity on MC’s face

You can listen to the story if you want

However

To relax your body completely

Let me give you a leg massage first

Perhaps it can relax your muscles a bit.

And more able to ease your current feeling

Is the force too strong?

Judging from MC's reaction of squinting her eyes in comfort

My massage technique

Seems to work pretty well?

Good

Tell a story?

Let's see

Where should I start?

I still remember

During my first dive

I thought I would see some strange underwater creatures

Or immerse myself in the beautiful underwater scenery

But that's not the case

As I went deeper and deeper

Before my eyes

Everything becomes cloudy

I can't see anything around me

Sounds

And everything in the outside world is so far away from me

I seem to be

Wrapped and submerged in a dull gray color

There is a tremendous sense of loneliness

Drowning me out

...I feel my own insignificance

And a

Unprecedented tranquility

So

I just imagined myself

as part of the bottom of the sea-

A single “swimming fish” that got lost and separated from its group

I close my eyes

To feel the sea around me

And with every current that I meet

Gradually

This sense of dread

Dissipated a lot

Wait a moment-

[fish noise+chuckle]

Looks like a little guy jumped on our boat

[Lucien throwing the fish back into the ocean]

It's a small fish.

I guess just like a certain curious little girl

It also wants to listen to the story

Continuing from where we left off

Then,

Can the Great Producer who has always had a rich imagination tell me

When we were at the bottom of the sea

Did you think of anything?

“A bulky sea turtle?”

[laughs]

I would say that

MC's posture is much more graceful than that of a sea turtle.

I’m not lying

When I was following you from behind just now

Watching your back

I was thinking

I wonder if you are the "mermaid"

who swam from the depths of the sea

You call that a beautiful word?

[kiss]

If my " beautiful words"

can make your face smile so happily all the time

Then it doesn't hurt if I say more

Want to try diving again?

Sure

But only if,

You say that you’re not afraid

Why do you look so sad?

Give me your hand

Before going into the water

You need to stretch a little more

[breathing noise]

Relax

Give me your body

Now put on the gear

Don't be nervous

Try to breathe deeply.

[breathing noise]

Like this

Do you remember?

The person next to you

In terms of diving,

he is also an experienced senior.

So, don't worry too much

No matter how deep you dive

I will always be with you.

[whalefelled]

urianger went alone to win the favour of the pixies and secure a place in il mheg. he was the best suited and the only one so enthusiastically inclined, but it does mean he was gone from lakeland and from thancred's protective watch for a handful of weeks. instead of returning he bids thancred join him instead, to become introduced to il mheg and the bookmans shelves, where urianger is settling easily.

he watches thancred relax as soon as he's shown this place, ensures him a place to sleep off all the wound-up stress of not knowing who or what to guard. urianger sits alongside him when thancred sleeps, watching his companion and trying to avoid thinking too much of existentialism.

when thancred awakens next, he doesn't shoo urianger away or comment it's odd that urianger's still sitting there. urianger leans forward, forehead butting against thancred's crown, eyes closed. "at times i worry for the day thou see my selfishness for thine attention as what it is," he says quietly. thancred could do better for company. but he's an intelligent person, and he doesn't deny urianger's attention. "if i asked to kiss thee, would thou indulge me there, too?"

The exhaustion that overtakes his body is… embarrassing to a degree. Like he was overcome with a sudden sickness and rest was really the only way to recover. He could hear Louisoix’s voice scolding him, reminding him the body can only ever go so long before it needed rest. It wasn’t healthy to be on high alert every waking moment.

Such cases of this had occurred though out the years, typically after long scouting missions abroad, though those were brought on more so by the incredible lack of sleep he got on those long stints away.

He’d been alone for several years on the first, doing the bidding as the Exarch demanded because if he stopped moving Thancred often got far too in his own head bout his fate. Then fortunately, but also sadly: Y’shtola and Urianger arrived. They bid news from home, and Thancred looked the other way when pity wove to their features as he explained the extended time he had been a new resident. For those few day that followed Thancred had escorted the two everywhere, not pleased with either being out of sight for too long.

Y’shtola grew tired of the antics and made it known, and even if in the way she scolded him he could hear the affection, he felt like a scolded child. No such complaints came from Urianger, and that was more than fine for Thancred.

“You don’t think the fae will take offense to me?” Thancred joked after Urianger’s suggestion that he should come along. Thancred let the Astrologian go into a long winded explanation of the natures of the fae as if Thancred wouldn’t follow if Urianger so much as gave him the briefest pout.

Thancred finally made good on the invitation a month after Urianger had settled himself within the Faefolk homeland, pleased that not even a single prank was pulled on him as he’d entered their domain. Within hours of being there every part of him on high alert slackened until he was an unhelpful and exhausted lump. Urianger ushers him to rest and Thancred is too exhausted to even attempt to fight the doting.

He wakes slow, that heat from the never ending light parched him and his first thought is to rise to get water… but Urianger is there with him. Maybe he was ill? Had he taken fever and that’s why? He opens his mouth to speak, but his companion is already and he quiets himself, blinking awake more fully.

Urianger who ever worries about propriety and about how he does things, what he says, and who he says what to. Thancred isn’t awake enough to give the other’s words the space they deserve in his own head, but he hardly gives Urianger enough time to finish the question before he is closing the space himself, dragging his dearest friend into a kiss. It’s not nearly as long as he wants to spend on it, but his brain is catching up finally and as they break Thancred resists the urge to deepen the kiss further until they might talk properly on it.

“Only if we get to do it more than once…” Thancred finally remembers to say.

@minarcana

[nightcall99]

Notes from 12.4.24

We won't be staying here for long. Every dream is telling me that we're done here.

As I sit here, the thought's appeared and it's settling now (as it's been trying to do for days). Like dust. I see the dust.

It's not even that it's what my heart is telling me. I mean, we could believe in that if we wanted, if that's how we've decided that we want to know things. But we are the energy. And I see the dust, collecting. I am that dust bunny.

The energy's different and I can feel it. It scares me, I try to shove it away. I didn't like what I instantly thought-spiralled into believing it meant, because I know my own power. I can create worlds and I don't want to fall in too deep and get lost. At this moment, we still lay in the wasteland of the last time we lost track of things. Where hundreds of years passed, objectives withered away, goals became twisted and everyone forgot themselves. Never again. I am here now. And I'm not going to let decades pass. It's not even 'let', the idea is just preposterous. We're living in make-shift tents sewn together like patch-work. The forlorn landscape might be ignored for a while, because there's food cooking in the small crockpot by the woodfire. But that's it...

Resist, for what? This body is trying to interject now, to say Oh it's just wishful thinking, Don't listen, Here I go again. There's nothing to listen to though. We are the energy. There's no such thing as being convinced, everything is just stuff you already know. If you read this and suddenly know it too, nobody did anything for that to happen.

Now that I've accepted that I won't be here for long, I can finally relax. God, it feels good. The dream where I was waiting for the train home, enjoying a bit of weed. The dream where I worked for a few more moments because the energy was interesting but I left soon after. Yesterday's dream, I realise, I realise the reason why I didn't stay on to work on the farm, was because there's no point. I didn't want to start anything new. I hear police sirens wailing now, just as I was thinking of the dream about the workers in that hospital room on high alert, waiting for an emergency (it could be at any moment). The other me in the chat is saying the same stuff over and over and I can feel her fatigue. We feel the flow of this energy, but it doesn't mean we don't know that things are finished for good. Funny, that other me's daughter wants to know the truth now through her dreams. Why would that be? I decided not to care about spending $5k in that dream. It wasn't about money, it's about energy. Coming here isn't as flash as it seemed at the time, but oh well, I'm here now. I have energy left, more than I should, when I should have been in deficit. Why not use it up?

Thing is, I still hate being alive and I don't want to do anything. If I was supposed to be running marathons and become more successful in society's eyes, I would. There's no judgement. But if all this is, is just me becoming more chill, then so be it. If it's just going to be me, being a bit more playful and saying what I really think a little more often and that's it. Then so be it. There's nothing to say, that that can't be enough. Something about some butterfly effect? Maybe little things like seeing a twinkle in someone's eye, finally hearing from your friend that she's back, or being called 'con' (affectionate way of saying 'child') by my mother today, is enough.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Healing but still in pain

As I have said in the past, I had very troubling and traumatizing teenage years. From 2009-2010 my life was so painful and traumatic. Life got much better thankfully because I gained independence, moved out, established myself and my own identity, and am a firm believer in healing and recovering and that there is always hope in the end. For the past 14-15 years I worked a lot on this healing and my life improved in so many ways. I moved to a lovely area, got a great education, am working in a respected and rewarding career path, have financial security and independence, have 2 dogs, got the chance to travel, went on a healing journey that significantly improved my physical and mental wellbeing, etc... My life has been filled with opportunities, privilege, and recovery since 2010 despite some difficult days.

I am reward driven unfortunately, and was moreso in the past than now because I established the value of psychological healing, which is a form of success and reward itself tbh.

Despite the success and healing, I still have some painful memories, moments, and flashbacks. Also I have some things that hurt me in the past that I am still working on healing. This ties in with:

(1) health anxiety and healing. I've had doctors scare and gaslight me in the past, to the point where I had a dentist damage my tooth when I was 14. This made me anxious of doctors and generally very distrusting of them (not all of course). I felt so inclined to take care of my own health so I don't have to rely on doctors who recommend unnecessary surgery and pharmaceuticals. I've healed a lot physically, I just need to work on my eczema and stop feeling so angry at doctors and dentists all the time because that also does nothing to help me.

(2) poor confidence/style and feeling shameful (due to how I was raised). I had perfectionist, image-focused parents. So I grew up with a lot of shame and I don't want that to control me anymore. I have poor confidence and style since I didn't really grow up with a good sense of this (this is a bit different from shame). I've struggled with my weight and had body dysmorphia and I still kind of do. But it's getting better and I'll eventually find the confidence to dress better. Also I was neglected by peers a lot and guys made fun of me when I was attracted to them, so this obviously poorly influenced my self-image.

(3) political trauma. As the granddaughter of a Palestinian, the war has always been a painful subject for me to talk about. It was painful 14-15 years ago and it is just as painful now. Sometimes it becomes so painful I get really mad (I have every right to because my family's history, culture, and community is being exterminated). Even when my coworker mentioned Gaza a few days ago, to my very pleasant surprise because sometimes it honestly feels like nobody gives a fuck, I felt hurt and choked up talking about it with them. Telling them this issue is deeply hurtful and traumatic to me because my family is personally affected by it and because I received a lot of shit and bullying when I spoke in defense of Palestine when I was a teenager in middle school. It's one of those things I need to talk about to feel better, but it feels painful to and sometimes I feel like the social climate at work and other public places won't tolerate it. I know the world is waking up to the Palestinian genocide and the awareness is very helpful, doesn't mean it isn't painful or traumatizing and it would not stop feeling this way even if Palestine is freed by tomorrow morning.

(4) general anxiety and stress. I've always been tense and on edge and I need to find ways to sit down and relax and take a breather. Maybe even meditate, and even take a break from social media because that puts me on high alert. Of course the news from the past 5 months has definitely made me stressed, and I can confidently say it made my eczema flareups worse, as well as my work performance (I'm doing great now and got a raise recently but October/November was so tough). I've always been tense and on edge, so the recently circumstances made things even worse.

(5) socializing and dating. I am someone who is very scared of developing feelings for someone. I am incapable of doing so, and I am scared of being emotionally open and vulnerable around people. Growing up it was hard to do so with my parents, and I've always been rejected when I wanted to join a social group or date someone. So I remain emotionally frigid and avoid catching feelings to avoid getting hurt, knowing that deep down I want emotional connections. I've filled that void with pretending I wanted only physical connections, but I know I want something deeper and more meaningful. I just don't have the emotional capacity to do so. Out of everything on this list, this will be the hardest to tackle.

I'll be 29 in a few months, so I'm almost 30. I would love to heal these as a part of my healing 20s before I turn 30, but even if I don't I am still on the right track. I feel more confident in general because I feel like my health is going in the right direction and I'm losing weight. I am doing great overall, I just have some small areas of improvement to work on, and at the end of the day, so does everyone else.