#I used to play it with my dad and sister
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I THINK ONE OF THE BABIES FOUND A MAKER AND DREW ALL OVER THEMSELVES ????
#THIS IS SO SILLY#I DONT THINK TEXTURE GLITCHES LIKE THAT ARE NORMAL#BUT ITS SO CUTE HELP#the baby maus is leaning to read!!! it’s writing words to memorize them!!!!!#I can’t tell what words are there but it’s trying it’s best!!!!!!!#also this maushold’s name is TINY BRAINS#did anybody else play tiny brains#very good game. very very cute#I used to play it with my dad and sister#the kiwi speaks#Pokémon#pokémon scarlet#pokémon violet#pokémon scarlet and violet#Pokémon scarvio#shiny Pokémon#shiny maushold#maushold#Pokémon glitches
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TBR Tag Game
I'm hopping on an open tag from @tc-doherty to share 9 books I read this year, and 9 books I'm hoping to read next year.
Read This Year:
Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson
Running Close to the Wind by Alexandra Rowland
The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickenson
A Desolation Called Peace by Arkady Martine (also read the first book)
The Spirit Well by R.K. Ashwick (@ashen-crest)
The Obsidian Tower by Melissa Caruso
Godkiller by Hannah Kaner
Snowblooded by Emma Sterner-Radley
Somewhere Beyond the Sea by T.J. Klune
The first 5 were my favorites of the year (in no particular order), and the rest were honorable mentions.
Hoping to Read Next Year:
The Tyrant Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson
The Monster Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson
A Captured Cauldron by R.K. Ashwick (@ashen-crest)
Voyage of the Damned by France White
Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn
Strictly No Heroics by B.L. Radley (@radley-writes)
The Quicksilver Court by Melissa Caruso
Thornhedge by T. Kingfisher
I don't have a 9th I'm super excited about, despite having more in my TBR, so 8 will have to do. I'm most eager to read the top row, but I'm excited about all of them!! I do really want to re-read the Gentleman Bastards series, though... I need to read about the original Idiot Bastard Man (affectionate).
Tagging @transmasc-wizard @space-writes @writeouswriter @cryptid-s-wips @emrowene @talesofsorrowandofruin
#morrigan.text#morrigan reads#not writing#this post has been done and waiting to be posted for like 2 hours now. I meant to go check something and then hit post#but instead I got distracted and now it's almost 1am.#I still have to shower tonight too.#gotta go get on a plane tomorrow to go to Florida and I don't really want to but I also do want to.#mostly I just don't want my dad's girlfriend to come along but alas. She is.#and I'm going to be away from my computer for a whole week. And I'm not going to be using my phone much either.#so other than my nightly ''scroll through my entire dash and see everything that's been posted in the past 24 hours'' before bed#I won't really be on tumblr much. :'(#but on the plus side my sister offered to let me install steam and one or two games on her laptop so I'll probably be playing a LOT of StS.
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also I think it’s time for a little Elly Lore Update because I feel like I mention so many people on here and y’all need to understand who I’m taking about when you attend the virtual sleepovers 😌
#SO. other main characters in this story:#♦️ my bestie (a.k.a. Best Friend Number One) — I’ve known her for basically ever and NO ONE annoys me like her but also we’re#too close and too important in each other’s lives to ever break up (Alexa play “Stuck With You” by Huey Lewis)#♦️ bestie number two — my Secret Keeper and probable future maid of honor. the only one of us with a boyfriend#♦️ my (honorary) little sister (a.k.a. the 13-year-old) — a girl wise beyond her years but also. yk. thirteen. I always have a blast with h#♦️ my mom and dad — self explanatory#supporting cast members:#♦️ bestie number two’s older sister — a dear friend of mine as well who is engaged to be married but is doing so in Colombia#meaning I can’t go and I’ve been inconsolable about it for weeks#♦️ bestie number two’s boyfriend — literally one of the chillest guys I know. he’s also the younger brother of her big sister’s fiancé#♦️ twinkling watermelon bestie: my other Secret Keeper and my kdrama buddy. we especially bonded over TWM#♦️ Coworker Elizabeth — the lady I work with who I used to think disliked me but now always feeds me when I’m there :)))#mmmm I think that’s it for recurring characters. then there’s the Love Interests:#♦️ The Ex Crush (a.k.a. donut boy) — my first crush who I didn’t see for years after first meeting him and then met again last year#and had dinner with his family but he didn’t really talk to me and then I saw him again earlier this week and he ignored me completely#♦️ Big Dramatic Crush — my last Big crush who I liked for two years and suffered over tremendously. he’s not really important anymore#but I do use him as a reference point often enough. there’s Before Him and there’s After Him#♦️ Three-Day Crush — what it says on the tin. a guy I liked for three days just a bit after moving on from Big Crush#and then it ended horrifically and gave me a deep fear of ever developing another crush EVER#♦️ flan boy — the boy who thawed my heart more than a year after the saga of Three-Day Crush by showing kindness and a smidge of interest#but then apparently didn’t have That kind of interest in me so I decided to move on#and lucky I did because now my bestie (who knew him first and used to ship me with him) has fallen for him herself#and yep! that’s the main cast here on whenthegoldrays.com#hope you enjoyed this lore update that no one asked for 🩷#elly's posts
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good morning can i show you guys the christmas card my little sister wrote me in french (she does not know any french)
joyeux Noël, j'espère que vous comprenez ce que je dis compte tenu de la fiabilité de Google Translate. Jespère qu'à l'avenir nous voir plus de deux fois par an. Je ne sais pas vraiment quoi dire d'autre, alors joyeux Noël et j'espère que papa t'a offert. Profitez également des autres choses que je mets sur la carte au lieu de vous ècrire un essai complet.
and then she wrote me a little crossword and a "connect the language to its way of saying 'merry christmas'" game 😭
#i really don't know what j'espère que papa t'a offert is supposed to be. seems to be missing a direct object#the previous sentence is also missing a couple words but i know what it is supposed to mean#french#sibling feels#anyway this was sweet#i am a little worried about her because a) one of the languages she put on the card for how to say merry christmas is hebrew#which is an odd choice if you're going to pick five languages to say merry christmas in lol#and i had just learned at dinner that b) she had never heard of chanukah. which is a bit concerning#also sidenote the hebrew version of merry christmas given is hag shmah which i'm guessing is the same as chag sameach?#which is used for any holiday not just christmas lol#i'm also a little worried because i think my brother gets more parental attention#or maybe my dad only pays attention to the sports that his kids play?#like my dad coaches my sister's team but didn't know what classes she has next semester#but seems to know all sorts of stuff about my brother's life#also she's 14 and i think wants to be much younger than that? or thinks 14 is very young (which it is but she is a teen. she called#herself a 'little girl' and was mad because she was home alone for the second time ever yesterday)#idk she's clearly just very sheltered. when they were driving me home we saw a homeless man on the side of the road holding#a sign and she said he was scary and i was like how come? he's just standing there#and she said one time she saw a guy like that and he was angry and now she thinks all of them (meaning homeless people ig)#are scary. so i had a conversation with her about that#like 14 is young she is a kid she has a lot of stuff to learn which is normal! but is she getting taught anything? is anyone paying#attention to her? i see her so rarely (as mentioned in the card) because i don't have a car and because i don't have#fond memories of that household and avoid my dad and stepmom but i should really try harder with her#my brother also wrote me a very nice card! he was pretty considerate yesterday which is also new#he did not discuss his opinion of the military or capitalism this time so i don't know how he is feeling about them these days lol#we talked a lot about sports lol
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vita shows me a stick :]
#my beautiful orange daughter.. looks like a cheeto in this photo /silly#also. her name is Vitality! :] Vita for short#my pups all have weird names like Durability and Joy and Fortune#idk i didn't want really cute names so i wouldn't get too attached bc this is supposed to be a saga save#but i got attached naturally anyway#yeah if anything happens to vita i'm reloading the save LOL#pretends like that didn't just happen . what i said nothing#you are NOT dying on my watch young lady /silly#ALSO can i just say. i love the pack dynamics in saga so bad#one of my yearlings called Peace stays with the pups 90% of the time she's the best big sister#and my yearling boy called Durability absolutely loves me he's a bit of a loner n bad at communicating#but that's why i love him#and my yearling girl called Love. omfg she gets injured all the time she's so bold#in the growing pups quest she used to come out during attacks it was so stressful#long story short they all have personalities and i love them so bad#the playtime music is playing on repeat rn i'm so happy#i love this game guys (/gn)#spinny plays#wolfquest#wolfquest saga#wolfquest: lifelong#at this rate i'm gonna need a tag for vita lol#* oh wait i meant its Fortune who loves my wolf (his dad)#Durability is the meanie who growls at his siblings and me /silly#and Strength my last yearling loves to join me on hunts sometimes its just me and him#they're all unique and i love em ok
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Giving a complicated tragic childhood backstory to your favorite character is all fun and games, until you realize you need to account for how old all the other adult characters would have been at the time and realize that scenes that would work perfectly if one character was twenty three and the other was fourteen stop working when you need other characters who are played by adult actors clearly younger than they are to be in college at the same time so your story beats line up thematically.
#Don't worry. I made an excel document for this over a year ago#Was that unhinged? Yeah. But this is harder than you think it is#In unrelated news it is now reasonable to have a child in your 20s 30s or 40s depending on when the plot needs the child#Also people in their early 20s can be in grad school have already established careers and adopt children now. I've declared it.#Also: Hollywood stop trying to trick me into believing women in their 30s are the same age as men in their 50s. It's never gonna work.#I'm fighting for my life to make these age gaps normal even on a platonic level#Don't worry I aged the girls up and the boys down#But still this is a bit ridiculous#If you use the actors' ages it doesn't work. Garrison's actress is 16 years younger than Curtain. Why?#I mean I like the casting. But SQ is a teenager. We know Curtain has had his evil plans at least since SQ was born and lost his bio dad#and if the Whisperer is Garrison's invention that means she and Curtain were working together when SQ was born#If SQ in the show is 16 (the actor was older I believe) and Garrison is 37 (that's how old the actress is now she was younger at time)#That means Garrison was only 21 and Curtain was well into his 30s. And that's after you age SQ down and Garrison up for the calculations#So Garrison was likely (according to the shows' casting) even younger than that which begs the question what was Curtain doing?#Was he spending his 30s lurking around college campuses and high schools looking for a kid whose inventions he could steal?#What in the Marcus Cutter is that about?#All these jokes about Garrison being SQ's uninvolved divorced stepmom but nah she's really his estranged big sister#also this is very frustrating because the irl age gap between the actress who plays Number Two and Tony Hale only 7 years#but they're the ones for whom a 16 year age gap would have actually made sense because he adopts her in the books!#but now since Garrison is clearly so much younger than Number Two Curtain and Benedict I have to deal with this#(Don't worry I figured it out and made the age gaps normal. You just now have to believe Number Two is only a year older than Garrison)#It was the stress of living with her family that aged her and Garrison just looks naturally super young that's what we're going with.#And don't get me wrong:#I do like the actresses and actors they casted they're great but sometimes I google the ages and I'm like oh you cannot be serious#But we've (more or less) figured it out#Rant over#writing#writing struggles#tmbs
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Steddie and auntie robin take their kid mini golfing.
At every single hole, Eddie and the kid are running after the ball, hitting it back and forth before it’s even stopped rolling, sword fighting with their putters and loudly proclaiming hole in one! no matter how many shots it takes.
Steve is standing back with Robin, holding a tiny pencil and a score sheet that has two mini “you rule | you suck” boards in lieu of actual scores.
“this is a mockery of the noble sport of mini golf,” he mutters as robin adds another tally to her “you rule” column after another (actual) hole in one, and a tally to his own “you suck” column as he continues to hit the ball in circles around the hole.
Eddie and their kid are already three holes ahead, on hands and knees, trying to blow the ball into the hole without touching it.
#would you look at that#i visit my nephew and suddenly im full of steddie dads content again#this is actually how we played mini golf#it was very cute and my mom and sister in law were watching us with fond exasperation#steddie#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie dads#robin buckley#cool aunt robin
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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is it morally correct when you and your younger sister, both filipino, were picking lemons to be angry at a white american man when he made a joke that you and your younger sisters were child slaves working away and should get lashed when we were resting when the Filipinos has a History With America (colonization)?
(addition: i have a darker complexion compared to my two siblings)
#crow talks#this is the same piece of shit from my church that left bc of personal reasons (cant disclose obviously)#i find it weird he SPECIFICALLY made these jokes w me and my younger sister. dude what the fuck#he keeps making jokes that my dad should beat us with a belt to be disciplined even tho my younger sister has told my parents in the past--#that her getting “punished” with those beatings made her feel terrible and act out. like???#he doesnt know that piece of info but my dad plays him up (i think to make what he says a little less harsh but idfk) which is fucked up#an example is me not knowing marvel stuff and i forget a villian's face and is disappointed w me even tho i DONT GIVE A SHIT ABT MARVEL--#ANYMORE. my dad comes up and he's says (paraphrased) “you aren't parenting them right if they dont know shit abt marvel” WHAT THE FUCK?#even if he's sarcastic abt all of the shit he says it's still FUCKED UP TO JOKE ABOUT BEATING CHILDREN YOU AREN'T CLOSE TO !!!!!!
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Sonic symphony was fun if I ignore the fact that my parents were with us and being absolute killjoys
Had a blast singing along to the songs, watching the video presentations for the orchestral movements (two new ones were added for our showing!!!) and just being there. Wish I could repeat the experience but change a couple of *ahem* details but alas, I think I should prioritize getting my own place instead
Bonuses:
Nobody was able to see my cool socks :(
Was getting the stare down while eating lunch
#personal#sonic symphony#it was good but it would have been a better experience for me and my sisters without my parents#they announced the last song and played i'm here revisited (my favorite version)#then when the applause was going on and the theater was still dark my parents told us it was time to leave#then they started playing can you feel the sunshine while we waited for my dad in the bathroom#there was coincidentally a pride event going on yesterday in Orlando and my parents kept making all these negative comments#my [homophobic] dad: why did you have to pick this day for the concert? me and my sister: we didn't KNOW#oh and my mom was reading a book during the show#but looked up when Mephiles showed up during all hail shadow#so she asked in the car ride home about that#I described 06 as a piece of work and that that guy wasn't Shadow but a being that took on his form#cuz she described it as Shadow fighting himself but he wasn't him and he went nuclear#I ain't gonna break down the complicated mess that is the plot of 06 or that that was a severed half of a deity to my parents#ESPECIALLY since I have drawn said deity#he is two notes away from 30 tho and there's a couple of reblog tags that I enjoyed :)
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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…
this is… a tough one. idk. it feels bad but i’m also at the point where it’s like, it is what it is, y’know?
my sister and i are very much the black sheep in the family as far as my dad’s side is concerned
and i think the worst part of that is that we didn’t do anything but be ourselves- dad’s family takes the fact that they never liked our mom out on us kids. we’re too much like her.
for me at least it’s always been subtle. i wasn’t always a problem, or undesirable. my sister had always had it harder, i gradually fell out of favour with them. i feel so distant when i visit, i’m close with my one cousin and that’s about it. everyone else sort of feel like strangers at this point. they’re getting bolder with their distaste too- try to veil it behind humour but it’s starting to get pretty blatant
i knew they’d poke fun at my colourful hair and facial piercing and i knew they’d hate it when i got tattoos (shocker- my grandma can barely bring herself to look at my ink) but the comments have gotten more blunt. convinced my cousin to get matching tattoos with me, she loves it and is planning more! my uncle has “jokingly” lectured me/confronted me about it three times now. like he’s trying to play it cool but is pissed that i have “corrupted” his precious daughter i think. he’s a control freak and i took that control away my grandma straight up flinched when i walked out of a camp bathroom in shorts and said “i’ll never get used to those tattoos”. like thanks, grandma, but i didn’t get them for you to enjoy them. all that shit is kind of water off a ducks back now, i expected those reactions, i was prepared for them. i don’t really care it’s honestly rather entertaining to me to see how much they’ll tie themselves in knots over choices i make for my own body.
the part that really made me realize i was falling out of favour as opposed to my cousin who can do no wrong in their eyes (i don’t hold it against her, i love her dearly and she was the closest thing i had to a sister growing up- until my sis transitioned) was my university convocation.
my cousin convocated last year, and i convocated in june. it was a whole big thing for my cousin! everyone came to see, we all took pictures with her, went out for a nice meal and had champagne to celebrate. my convocation? idk the family all came, we took a few pictures, went out and had lunch. they gave me their gifts and then everyone left- they had other plans to get to. i just- it felt like there was a lot less fanfare and celebration around it all. it was all “good job exie, but your cousin did it first and she has a grown up job related to her degree so 🤷♀️” they all ask my cousin how work is going, they ask her questions related to her degree, all that stuff. i get none of the same treatment. occasionally i’ll get asked something psych-related, but it always feels like they’re asking for the sake of being able to make a point. like i’m just a research engine and there’s no interest in my education. i genuinely wonder if any of them will even care once i get my next degree. it’s the same thing with holiday/birthday gifts. i feel like there’s thought and intent when they get gifts for my cousin, and for my sibling and i it’s just… random shit. the worst part is that my dad and aunt have asked for wishlists. my dad makes an attempt- his gifts are always thoughtful, last year he got me a heated sweater because i do dog walks in very cold weather. but the rest of his family? i got a mug and some froofy soaps and some kitschy novelty booze glasses (i have maybe a drink a month. except for new years and august long). even after they ask for a list :) i think i have become a stranger to them. my interests are so foreign and uncomfortable that they won’t even make an attempt at this point.
i kind of thought it would hurt more. realizing that i am not loved to the same extent as my cousin. that my sister, if they knew the truth, would be loved even less than i am now. but it doesn’t. i feel kind of numb to it. like i guess i knew this was inevitable. i would never be the perfect niece/grandkid. and i’m not saying it doesn’t hurt- it does, but it’s sort of like a long, old ache. it’s been hurting so gradually for so long that it’s sort of just a part of me. it doesn’t feel as bad as it is because i’m used to it. and that sucks to say. but it is what it is. i am not going to compromise any part of myself to earn the approval of people who can’t be bothered to even attempt to understand.
there’s more i wanted to say, or perhaps i wanted to say this all differently. idk. but that’s my rant tonight lol. family is great but it also fucking sucks.
#exie vents#family issues#family is fucking hard#i love them. i do. but it feels rather detached#why invest my love into people who will never fully appreciate who i am?#this vent is really really long wow. too much to say and very little substance i think#honestly at this point i’m happiest with my mom my dad and my sister. i don’t need much else for family#i’m done trying to contort myself to fit in the box they want me in.#our mom tried so hard to keep her conflict with them away from us kids#she played nice for our sake. but it never fucking mattered#we are still her kids. and that’s sin enough for them#how dare we be raised to believe in bodily autonomy and freedom of expression
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I've literally never understood parents who don't let their like... TODDLER age kids play with kids of the "opposite" gender. Like wtf do you think your 3 year old is gonna get up to????? News flash heteros people aren't literally born sexual beings and you don't need to protect your sweet baby girl from the boy from her preschool class.
Which also makes boy/girl friendships later on actually LESS TABOO meaning, if your kid grew up being friends with OTHER GENDERS, they will be less likely to see others solely as potential romantic/sexual objects and can actually have positive normal friendships with people of any sex or gender. Who fucking knew that if you don't treat something as FORBIDDEN then it stops being so appealing, especially if you have a rebellious streak
#its just fucking weird!!!!#like i know im a guy now but when i was little i was allowed to play with anyone of any gender. it wasnt a factor#my first ''friend'' (another baby about my age when i was like less than 1 year old) was a boy!!!#my parents are far from perfect vut at least they didnt treat gender as this all important thing that actually really matters#me and my siblings could do whatever we wanted with our hair and could dress how we wanted and i played with trucks and my brother played#with barbies!!! and guess what only one of us ended up trans and gay as far as i know !!!!!#also my dad took me fishing and taught me how to tie the line and bait the hooks and i sucked at it but he still taught me#he didnt assume i wouldnt want to just cus i was a 'girl' and if i ever showed any interest in mechanical stuff he would have taught me that#my mom taught my other brother how to sew just like she taught me and my sister. it wasnt cus of gender roles it was cus we were creative#our other brother might know too idk!! i havent asked. but my mom was basically a seamstress so she probably taught us all#tho i suck at it unfortunately#anyway point is stop making gender and inter-gender friendships such a big fucking deal and maybe your kid will actually grow up normal#''men and women cant be just friends'' only because you never let boys and girls be friends ☝️ 🤓
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me (diagnosed with ADHD): *talks about little funny/annoying things my brain does (because of the ADHD)* my mom (not diagnosed with anything): wow that's so funny, the exact same thing happens to me too! i've never heard anyone else describe that. so random that you get that too. genetics, huh? :))
#sure mom. funny. funny coincidence.#this happens every time i see her#it happened like 6 times today alone#meanwhile my dad and my sister are staring at us like 'your brains do WHAT now???'#she doesn't really know much about adhd#i only got diagnosed a few years ago and she wasn't part of that process at all because she was living in another country back then#and like. i've gently mentioned to her before that genetics seem to play a big role in adhd too#and that actually many people get a late diagnosis when their child gets diagnosed#and it's fine. i won't pressure her to look into it more because she's doing well!#i don't think she needs meds or therapy or whatever at this point#but i just feel like it might help with how she sees herself? because it's so deeply engrained into her that she is Not Smart???#because she flunked out of school as a teenager???#due to bad grades#and like. oh i wish i could talk to that girl#things turned out well for her and she's generally a happy person#but still. i know part of her think she's stupid. and i fucking hate that#anyway i mainly just think this is really funny when it happens#adhd#nd
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fascinating revelations out of my dad's professional coaching of the whole family today
my mom scored astonishingly high on empathy and caring for a woman who seemed to find it next to impossible to express that to me
my dad has done an insane amount of work to be so warm and personable considering that his natural inclination is towards strong reserve rooted in anxiety (just like me!!)
my sister shocked - SHOCKED 🙄 - to learn that she scores almost zero in empathy AND very high on manipulation
actually shocking reveal that my sister always knew she was my mom's favorite. like I kind of assumed she was mean to both of us but apparently most of the biting comments were for me
#in regard to number 3 I'm like bestie. you think you're the protagonist of the world. you tried to get me to come out to our parents#as a way to manipulate them into being happier for you for your engagement#you have a movie script in mind for your life and you try to get others to fit it#of COURSE you're low in empathy and high in manipulation#the mom's favorite thing was actually very surprising to me to hear bc i've never thought about it that way#mom's attitude towards me was so pervasive to my experience of childhood that i never considered that i had it worse than her#vis a vis getting chewed out and in trouble and snapped at and criticized constantly#the impression i got was that mom thought i was a crybaby and fragile and forgetful and dowdy and needy#my sister by contrast was the kind of girlboss my mom could like more easily#(i do wonder then that mom's bestie is a lot like me)#i know my sister got some Mom Comments and impatience and fighting too but it doesn't seem to have stuck with her so much#i dunno how i feel about it all#a lot and i mean A Lot to consider#also learned my sister doesn't really remember our grandma on mom's side and picked up a vibe that she's sad about it#i was a little dismissive in the moment of the idea that she was doting bc i remember her being very brisk and exacting#but i think like my mom she cared a lot but found it hard to express it in ways that weren't like. providing. keeping things shipshape#not very demonstrative and pretty intimidating to a kid#but i still do remember a few good things about her; note to self to tell T those stories#looking at cardinals on the deck. the roofing project. her painting my sister's nails. watching lion king and the old cinderella with us#good moments#it makes me think of the way mom used to really put care into giving us thoughtful gifts but she'd hardly ever play with them with us#i think it would have gone a long way with me at that age if she'd been willing to take the initiative rather than wait to be invited#i always thought that she knew so much and what she could do was so cool; i just never felt comfortable asking#bc she didn't seem like you could just ask her to come have fun#meanwhile my dad Knew a lot less stuff and had fewer cool hobbies but he was goofy and fun and willing to get on the floor#i think i understand why they were the way they were but still im frustrated#bc like t was saying today. now that mom's retired she's actually fun?? she's not stressed and angry all the time and she has time for us?#or at least for my sister anyway... but i will agree; she seems a lot happier#and i wish she'd been able to be happier when we were younger#neither me nor my sister came out of that with anything close to secure attachment
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yeah maybe you’re a great music fan but actually i think you should be jealous of the joy and whimsy that my audio processing issues bring into my life
#I’ve been listening to the same 108 songs in my car since high school#and to be fair 108 is a lot#but also it’s like kinda not??#oh actually it was pre-high school cause my dad used to play them when he drove me to school too#so like probably a decade of my car playing the same 108 songs not always but like a lot of the time#and i stg like recently and not infrequently ill be like ‘wow i swear ive never heard this one before’#which given that they’re CDs is just false#but like. it takes a special kind of person to listen to the same 108 songs for ten years#cause it’s not just that i like them (which i do) but it’s also that they often feel new to me#despite being distinctly not. like. categorically have not changed#idk if it’s just cause they’re in my car and I don’t tend to drive my car very far at a time?#but I genuinely don’t think so I think it’s just my audio processing#but disk six (my brother’s CD) is the best#like my sister’s country music is good but my brother’s trashy white rap? it’s built some nostalgia over the years#i think it also helps that nothing in the car is my preferred music genre#like my Spotify is indie and musicals but that is not what’s in my car lmao#i always warn people when they get in my car like I didn’t choose the music my teenaged siblings did#cause there’s like Justin beiber and shit#it’s comical truly
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