#family is fucking hard

[excelsior9173]

…

this is… a tough one. idk. it feels bad but i’m also at the point where it’s like, it is what it is, y’know?

my sister and i are very much the black sheep in the family as far as my dad’s side is concerned

and i think the worst part of that is that we didn’t do anything but be ourselves- dad’s family takes the fact that they never liked our mom out on us kids. we’re too much like her.

for me at least it’s always been subtle. i wasn’t always a problem, or undesirable. my sister had always had it harder, i gradually fell out of favour with them. i feel so distant when i visit, i’m close with my one cousin and that’s about it. everyone else sort of feel like strangers at this point. they’re getting bolder with their distaste too- try to veil it behind humour but it’s starting to get pretty blatant

i knew they’d poke fun at my colourful hair and facial piercing and i knew they’d hate it when i got tattoos (shocker- my grandma can barely bring herself to look at my ink) but the comments have gotten more blunt. convinced my cousin to get matching tattoos with me, she loves it and is planning more! my uncle has “jokingly” lectured me/confronted me about it three times now. like he’s trying to play it cool but is pissed that i have “corrupted” his precious daughter i think. he’s a control freak and i took that control away my grandma straight up flinched when i walked out of a camp bathroom in shorts and said “i’ll never get used to those tattoos”. like thanks, grandma, but i didn’t get them for you to enjoy them. all that shit is kind of water off a ducks back now, i expected those reactions, i was prepared for them. i don’t really care it’s honestly rather entertaining to me to see how much they’ll tie themselves in knots over choices i make for my own body.

the part that really made me realize i was falling out of favour as opposed to my cousin who can do no wrong in their eyes (i don’t hold it against her, i love her dearly and she was the closest thing i had to a sister growing up- until my sis transitioned) was my university convocation.

my cousin convocated last year, and i convocated in june. it was a whole big thing for my cousin! everyone came to see, we all took pictures with her, went out for a nice meal and had champagne to celebrate. my convocation? idk the family all came, we took a few pictures, went out and had lunch. they gave me their gifts and then everyone left- they had other plans to get to. i just- it felt like there was a lot less fanfare and celebration around it all. it was all “good job exie, but your cousin did it first and she has a grown up job related to her degree so 🤷‍♀️” they all ask my cousin how work is going, they ask her questions related to her degree, all that stuff. i get none of the same treatment. occasionally i’ll get asked something psych-related, but it always feels like they’re asking for the sake of being able to make a point. like i’m just a research engine and there’s no interest in my education. i genuinely wonder if any of them will even care once i get my next degree. it’s the same thing with holiday/birthday gifts. i feel like there’s thought and intent when they get gifts for my cousin, and for my sibling and i it’s just… random shit. the worst part is that my dad and aunt have asked for wishlists. my dad makes an attempt- his gifts are always thoughtful, last year he got me a heated sweater because i do dog walks in very cold weather. but the rest of his family? i got a mug and some froofy soaps and some kitschy novelty booze glasses (i have maybe a drink a month. except for new years and august long). even after they ask for a list :) i think i have become a stranger to them. my interests are so foreign and uncomfortable that they won’t even make an attempt at this point.

i kind of thought it would hurt more. realizing that i am not loved to the same extent as my cousin. that my sister, if they knew the truth, would be loved even less than i am now. but it doesn’t. i feel kind of numb to it. like i guess i knew this was inevitable. i would never be the perfect niece/grandkid. and i’m not saying it doesn’t hurt- it does, but it’s sort of like a long, old ache. it’s been hurting so gradually for so long that it’s sort of just a part of me. it doesn’t feel as bad as it is because i’m used to it. and that sucks to say. but it is what it is. i am not going to compromise any part of myself to earn the approval of people who can’t be bothered to even attempt to understand.

there’s more i wanted to say, or perhaps i wanted to say this all differently. idk. but that’s my rant tonight lol. family is great but it also fucking sucks.

[chthonic-kids]

IT'S ON SIGHT CHRONOS

[barawrah]

i want us both to eat well

[fairy-bard]

i’ve been loving watching critical role recently if for no other reason than because i get to watch a decent portion of viewers actively falling for cult tactics lmao

a forbes article describes cult tactics as when cult leaders “censor dissenting viewpoints, promote a distorted narrative and use relentless repetition and peer pressure”

ludinus needing to monologue at everyone he meets. cherry picking what information to let people know (ie the orb). showing popular world leaders (gods?) at their absolute worst as a means to win over the vulnerable. creating dissent between cult prospects and the people who they’re close to outside the cult. doesn’t take no for an answer. repeating his points over and over, in whatever context he thinks will be most persuasive. targeting people who’ve lost everything. convincing people that they’re special

matt is a genius.

[1alchemistart]

some melindas spawned by the new chapter and a piece from a little while ago :D

[kacievvbbbb]

it's interesting that despite all being the same age you can see a clear division of younger and older siblings within the Hargreeves siblings.

With five it's more obvious despite being mentally far older than all of them he looks like a child he looks like their much younger brother did when they lost him and so they treated him as such. But you can see that level out now to they still treat him like a younger brother but give him space to be an adult.

But for the other siblings that all remain the same age it's a nice little look into how parentification of the higher numbers and the wombification of the lowers ones by Hargreeves insane parenting methods created an artificial sibling age hierarchy amongst children of the same age.

Which is also why ben doesn't fit. He was number 6 to them but he was number 2 in his own family. They want to baby him but he is used to being looked to as an elder. it's also why him and Diego seem to clash the most can't be two number twos with complexes about being number two in the family it fucks the whole shit up

[htub]

I really like that they made Jor-El speak Kryptonian and Clark unable to understand him. The whole "aliens speak English" thing that happens in every goddamn media has bothered me all my life. Ik sometimes Clark just gets zapped in the brain for insta-second language but that always felt like a cheap shortcut.

Jor-El had a lot on his mind when he set up that magic spaceship okay. The world was ending and he was trying to do as much as he could before time ran out so he could be there for his son. He was rushing. He likely didn't consider Kal would be raised with a whole different language and not know any Kryptonian nor have anyone to teach him.

[peanutseagle]

this is what chapter 99 is gonna be btw

[introspectivememories]

im sorry but i choose to believe that tim drake is the most insufferable "my man, my man, my man" girl about bear. he does not shut up about him. steph is cooking smth in the kitchen? oh my man can do that. bear cooks really well. dick triaging some poor victim on an emergency site? oh my man is really good at that. mhmm, bear is on his way to becoming a paramedic. damian building something? oh my man is really good with power tools. have you ever seen him build ikea? it takes him less than an hour. for our anniversary, he built me a coffee table. mhmm isn't he amazing? yeah my man did that. yeah my man, mhmm that's my ma-

[ithinkdogshouldvote]

Ah, the Oak family tradition of having very complicated feelings towards your father(s).

[knockknockknockingonhootysdoor]

there are two different types of romantics in the world….

[laquilasse]

Thank goodness

[youngpettyqueen]

I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for

[mrkanman]

some things you can't rewrite.

[warpedpuppeteer]

Y'all ever cry when you think about how everyone in Eddie's life assumed he'll make a terrible parent without even offering him the help he needed to prove himself except for Buck?? He hears about Eddie's struggles with parenting and doesn't think 'you're a bad dad' he just thinks 'you need a bit of help' and then proceeds to make that happen for Eddie.

Calling Bobby to get permission to have Chris with them because Eddie doesn't get the time to, introducing Carla to go through the shitty red tapes he's been struggling to figure out, driving him to pick-up Chris after the earthquake, throwing a surprise Christmas party so that Eddie can be with Chris, and being the person Chris can turn to when he doesn't feel like talking to Eddie.

I don't think Buck realizes how much Eddie probably values all the things Buck has done for him to allow him to be the parent that he's always been capable of being. Buck downplays the things he does and probably thinks it's not much but for Eddie it's everything. It's everything Eddie didn't get from his partner or his parents. Buck just... does it for him, as easy as breathing.

This is why it was so, so easy for Eddie to choose Buck as the legal guardian for his Will but it was a shock for Buck. Buck doesn't know how integral he's been to Eddie being a good dad. For Eddie, it's easy because be knows Buck is already capable of stepping up. For Buck, it's surprising because doesn't think all the things he does matters.

[screechingfromthevoid]

nothing (besides everyone ignoring Orym's deal) has made me angrier than watching Dorian keep up this facade. Dorian Storm has always been a type of mask he's worn. At first he called himself a liar because of it. The happy go lucky bard was a way of escaping for him. He was escaping Brontë so he created Dorian. He didn't believe he was Dorian. Until the Crown Keepers made Dorian real. And for a while, he really believed he was Dorian. That he has this new family and new life and he could be who he truly wanted to be.

And then his brother came back and made his problems Dorian's problems. Until he had to put Brontë back on. Because even if the Crown Keepers + Cyrus called him Dorian, he was Brontë. He had to be who his brother thought he was.

When Cyrus dies, the thread to Brontë had snapped. He was going to see Orym, back to the Bells Hells, back to Dorian Storm. But the foundation of Dorian had shattered. Dorian was created in order to run from his place in life, family, Cyrus. Now he was gone. The Crown Keepers had fallen apart. His friends fell through his fingers and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He was once ready to side with a betrayer god for these people and now they're in the wind.

So Dorian shows back up to Bells Hella and he's completely broken. The foundation of both of his lives has been thoroughly rocked. No brother. No Crown Keepers. The two things that forged Dorian Storm. He wears that mask so fucking well. Because he still wants to believe in it. He said it live on stage that he should "believe his own backstory". The one he made up. The one where he was a bard.

He wants to be Dorian so bad. He spends all his money on Orym, he spins the bottle so he can kiss his friends, he flirts, he blushes and giggles at compliments. Exactly how Dorian would, should.

But he wears the gold of the heir. He has a festering animosity inside his chest. He doesn't sleep. He's thinner than he was. He doesn't sleep. He sicks abominations after their creators. He talks to God's without an ounce of self preservation, daring them to strike him down. He does not acknowledge them as they taunt him.

The god of beauty and magic calls him beautiful and he does not smile.