#also my dad took me fishing and taught me how to tie the line and bait the hooks and i sucked at it but he still taught me

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

I've literally never understood parents who don't let their like... TODDLER age kids play with kids of the "opposite" gender. Like wtf do you think your 3 year old is gonna get up to????? News flash heteros people aren't literally born sexual beings and you don't need to protect your sweet baby girl from the boy from her preschool class.

Which also makes boy/girl friendships later on actually LESS TABOO meaning, if your kid grew up being friends with OTHER GENDERS, they will be less likely to see others solely as potential romantic/sexual objects and can actually have positive normal friendships with people of any sex or gender. Who fucking knew that if you don't treat something as FORBIDDEN then it stops being so appealing, especially if you have a rebellious streak

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Can you make a list on who you think is the most to least reliable of the RFA (+ Minor Trio if you want!) when it comes to pets 👀

gasp you know what yes (I've been wanting to make some lists for a while -maybe least to most bottom of each of the RFA characters LMAO-)

MysMe characters least to most reliable with a pet and what pet would they have:

11. Rika

LMFAO bet ya didn't expect that did ya!? Nah you probably did, anyway the reason why she's the least reliable for a pet it's kinda obvious, first of all, she would refuse to get her pet treatment when it almost turns blind and ma'am? Please help your dog???

Also if at any time the pet dies she would start another cult so let's not risk it with her. Instead of an animal maybe give her a rock instead pfttt (actually wait-no she'd probably throw it at our poor mint coloured hair boy just give her a dog plushy it smth she can't be trusted with alive things)

10. Saeyoung

You may be asking me, Amanda, why, Saeyoung absolutely loves cats he'd be a cool cat dad, and yes, you're right. But you also don't understand that this man's love for cats goes SO far that he will actually cause chaos all around him. He'd give the cat SO many treats, not only that, but he'd also cuddle them, and that's nice tight? Wrong. This man will try to stretch the cat, grab it and twirl it around, reenact the lion king and do the 'Simba' bit and everything. Not only that he'd completely use it to prank Zen and everyone else, overall, he'd be a great pet owner but it'd be too much chaos so let's just stick with loving cats from afar.

Also I feel like he'd get a snake for some reason, and he'd dress them up in like a fancy bowtie a hat, or an iguana or chameleon y'know? He'd go for the amphibian type :o

9. Ray

I love our boy, I really do, but honestly how do you expect him to take care of a dog if he can't take care of himself. 😢

Actually scratch that, if he had a dog he would definitely love it and spoil it, and we live for that but also:

honey focus on yourself too we don't want you to D I E

Maybe give him a hamster or smth, while he's hacking away and watching MC in their room the hamster will be spinning on it's wheel super happy

Or he can have some cute fishes 🐟🐠

And like his brother, because great minds think alike, maybe a chameleon. He'd be pretty scared of them at first but he found one under some flowers and decided to rescue it, and now he sort of ended up adopting it :D

Although I find it pretty unlikely that he'll get a pet, he's more into flowers anyway

(OH WAIT WHAT ABOUT BEES? YA LIKE JAZZ -im sorry pft but now I need to see Ray in like those bee farmer dress things lmao)

8. Zen

I could see him as the pet owner that takes their dogs on walks and such, but honestly, if he's allergic to cats he's probably allergic to other animals too, at least some with a lot of hair! Although I feel like he'd get one of those big dogs and he'd go on runs with it all the time. The dog would be like the ones that are mostly thought of as super dangerous or aggressive but it turns out they're a sweetheart. Either that or a poodle 🐩💀 (but like I said, he's probably allergic to animals with lots of hair.)

HOW ABOUT A PARROT? ZEN COULD TOTALLY PRACTICE HIS LINES AND SONGS WITH THE PARROT AJDNFBFB

7. Jihyun

Jihyun would be pretty good as a pet owner but honestly he'd be super nervous at everything at first. Welcome to the Jihyun apologizing to his pet show akdjdn. But would we trust him with a pet? He wasn't really able to take care of two teenage boys -although it was mostly because he was in a toxic relationship 💀

When he has his sight problems he could totally get those helper dogs? (Forgot what they're called I'm sorry T_T)

He'd probably get a more chill pet tho, maybe a cat (he probably likes them a lot too! Also they're pretty calming.) So he could have like the guide dog and a small kitty too!

6. Jaehee

She'd be an awesome pet mom lol. I don't think she'd get a cat after being traumatized from pet-sitting Elizabeth. Maybe she could get like a turtle 🐢

Or maybe a rat to reenact Ratatouille lmaoo

She wouldn't get big pets unless the MC wanted to adopt something (and if they're a couple, we all know what people who want kids but can't or just aren't able to adopt at the moment, do, they get DOGS AND CATS!!!)

So honestly she'd start understanding why Jumin pampers Elly so much, since your dogs basically your child now PFTTT

Maybe a bunny too? I could see her working with the bunny on her head lmao and that's adorable

Omg imagine her with a SNAKE, HOW BADASS WOULD THAT BE???

5. Suit Saeran

You may be wondering once again, WHAT AND WHY

Let me explain.

Suit would dffinetly get those scary and big dogs that have spiky collars and everything, and he'd probably call him something like Killer or Skull Destroyer, or maybe Blade lmao

And we all know he'd die for his dog. It's the only one he can trust ajdhdbdbd

He'd be like the bad boys that walk around with their dog everywhere growling at people (not just the dog, the two of them)

And "Spike" would be so well taken care of. Believers have to start doing draws to see who feeds the monster dog that always bites them PFTTT

The dog would also dffinetly know how to fight. It'd be cute if the only person he likes appart from Saeran tho is MC hehe

AND you cannot change my mind in this, ever since Saeran got "Dark Knight" (I'm experimenting with the dog names pfft) he's shown him a picture of Saeyoung and taught him to absolutely hate his guts, so Seven, buddy, maybe don't get to close to them lol

AND the backstory for this dog is that Saeran found him under some bushes, hurt, and the dog reminded him of when he was younger, so he took him in and that's how the doggie came to be :3

3. GE Saeran

Idk, he'd also get the normal-ish animals, like a bunny or a cat (he'd like how calming they are.)

He'd be awesome with animals too!

Also uhm, someone please draw him as a farmer AJDHDHD lmaoo that's the first thing that came to mind 😂

He'd be the person that likes animals but like....other people's animals? He'd love to see Elizabeth and such, but he wouldn't really want to have one (unless MC wanted to of course.) It's not that he doesn't like them, it's mostly because he feels more comfortable with other people's pets ajdjdbd

Also he doesn't want them to ruin the garden oop

3. In a tie with Saeran, Yoosung

I forgot about him and didn't want to change the numbers lmao

Yoosung is a vet, c'mon he knows how to deal with animals!

At first he'd be so freaking nervous and would be just like a helicopter parent, making sure the doggie is alright and such, but then he gets the hang of it and he's perfect.

We all know we got a bunny with him too in his GE :D so maybe a dog and a bunny! He'd have more than one pet I'll tell ya that.

2. Jumin

Listen he's the king alright? He pampers his cat SO much, and you can just TELL how much he loves Elly. We all stan a man that loves animals.

He'd probably get some exotic pets too, maybe a few horses and birds that are really exotic or something

But can you imagine him with like....a tiger PFT

He'd be like: omg this is a cat but bigger let me have one

It'd be like Sebastian from Black Butler lol

He'd also be up to a dog, it'd take a bit of convincing but if MC wants one then he'd snap his fingers and get them one immediately (I love this man he's so ADORABLE) and then they'd have two children and Zen wouldn't have to worry about just Elizabeth

1. Vanderwood

Yes! The one! The only!

He's the only one appart from Jaehee that has more than one braincell PFTTTTT

He'd have a pretty big and scary dog that would've an absolute sweetheart when you get to know them. Everyone at first is scared but the dog just wants to sleep and eat, that's all.

Vanderwood is super responsible, I mean after Saeyoung I'm sure a dog would be nothing. He'd also compare Seven to his dog lol "Not even Capitan America is that dirty!"

"you named your dog Capitan America...?"

"shut the hell up or I'm tasing you."

His dog would spend all day sleeping. Sometimes Vanderwood will take him on walks, and they really enjoy that time together.

Vanderwood romance route? Uh, no he's far too in love with his dog to be doing anything else PFT

And you cannot once again change my mind on this:

He talks to his dog when he's alone.

He will tell him about his day as he cooks or does the laundry. He'd be in an apron making some dinner and be all like:

"Ugh, today I had to take care of that no-good for nothing guy again. It's incredible how messy his house can get in just a matter of hours! Not only that, he wasn't eating properly again, that idiot. I had to practically drag him out of his chair and make him eat some food. Not that I'm worried. It'd just be a hassle to have to find another hacker as good as him. Seriously that guy...."

And the dog would be like excuse me do I look like your therapist please just give me food lolol

[pandoraimperatrix]

brvceselina replied to your post “I’m in a bad mood and I want to write fluff people Please send me...”

gotham!verse batcat where bruce tries to teach selina how to cook would be super cute :´) (maybe around s3??)

Baby BatCat | 2k | Fluff | Same universe as Four Names for Love | Read on AO3

Bruce looked over his table when he heard Selina stir, she had climbed over his window around eleven and basically ignored him, walking straight to the sofa and falling asleep face down almost immediately.

Two years ago, maybe less than that, Selina ignoring him like he was a piece of furniture would have hurt, but after living with her he learnt a lot, and that sometimes ignoring him would be her way to show intimacy. In her world Selina had to be always hyper-aware of her surroundings, ignoring something or someone meant carelessness, meant danger, meant harm or even death. He knew she could have crashed anywhere else, his house was far from being the more convenient place for her to take a catnap, far away from the dark alleys where she pranced. He always wondered how she managed to get to the mansion by feet. No wonder she was so tired.

She hummed softly, eyes still closed, he rested his chin on his hand, looking at her, the research all over his desk forgotten.

Selina sighed, one hand pushing her curls from her eyes.

“Stop staring, you weirdo.”

Bruce’s chair squeaked when he jumped surprised, he turned his gaze away and tried to mask his reaction with a fit of coughs.

“What?”

“Geeez.” She made in a judgemental tone, her eyes were open when he dared to look at her again, her face had a red mark made by the sofa, he felt a jolt of fondness. “I’m hungry.”

“I think there is still bouillabaisse in the fridge.”

“What?”

“Bouillabaisse.”

“Bless you.”

Bruce had to bite the insides of his cheeks to not laugh at the face she was doing.

“It’s soup. Fish soup.”

It might have been the light but she looked slightly green.

“Why do you choose to live like that, kid?”

“I thought cats liked fish.” He mumbled.

“What did you say?”

“Me? Nothing. What do you want to eat? I could make you a PBJ sandwich.”

“No thanks. Last time you gave me something made with a green bread and it tasted like dirt.” And yet she ate the entire matcha bread sandwich that he actually had made for himself before she invaded his house uninvited again. “Don’t you have any pizza?”

“They don’t deliver here and it’s” he looked at his watch “three a.m.”

She looked so sad he actually felt his heart break.

“We could make it.” He blurted.

She straightened her back, attention grabbed, but she still didn’t look convinced.

“Do you know how to make pizza?”

“You’ve eaten more complicated dishes cooked by me.” He retorted slightly offended.

“Yeah, but you had help from your butler before.”

“I did not!” Now he was far from being slightly to be full offended.

She stood up from the sofa and walked in his direction until she was leaning over his desk.

“Prove it, then.”

Bruce swallowed hard, Selina noticed that his Adam’s apple was beginning to show.

“Alright.” He stood up too and she drew back a step, he was a couple inches taller than her now, how the hell did that happen?

He had such a decided look on his face as he pushed his sleeves to his elbows and marched to the kitchen that she had to press her lips hard to stop the smile trying to colonize her face like he had done with her heart.

 She jumped on the counter and watched as he separated the various ingredients from the cupboards.

“Regular pizza dough will take forever because you have to let it rise for at least an hour, so we’ll have to make a different version. It doesn’t taste as good.”

“As long it’s eatable… What will be the toppings? Do you have any cheese?”

“Let me see…” She averted her eyes blushing softly when he bended over to look farther inside the fridge and a silver of his lower back appeared beneath his ever-present black turtleneck jumper. “I think we only have feta… I think we could pair it with some cherry tomatoes, olives and spinach.”

“You are not putting spinach on my pizza.”

He sighed.

“I’ll put on my half of it.”

“As long as I don’t have to eat it.” She answered and then added in a lower tone “spinach on pizza… Ridiculous.”

Bruce pretended he didn’t listen, hiding his smile to not show how he actually enjoyed their banter.

“Right, I have everything but the tomato sauce, I think that’s on the pantry. I’ll be right back.”

Selina’s belly made a hungry sound. She took a piece of the cheese Bruce left on the counter. It was white and smelt more milky than greasy. She put in her mouth. It didn’t taste bad, but she still preferred good old yellow American cheese.

She was on her third piece when Bruce was back with a mason jar.

“It’s homemade by Alfred.”

Selina shrugged. It was all the same to her. She didn’t even was sure about the difference between tomato sauce, tomato soup and ketchup.

“Let’s get it started.”

“Are you sure you know you’re doing?”

“Yes. Do you want to learn?”

“I’m not really the cooking type…”

“Come on, Selina. It’s fun. I promise you.”

She still looked unsure but jumped off the counter and took off her jacket, hanging it behind a chair as she went to wash her hands on the sink. Selina’s body shocked against Bruce’s when she gave a little jump of surprise when she felt him tie an apron behind her.

“So you won’t get flour stains.” He said, so close and the goosebumps had nothing to do with her jumpy reactions.

Selina just hummed in agreement and Bruce walked away, she supressed the urge to sigh. Despite Bruce’s insistence that they were boyfriend and girlfriend now they haven’t kissed or done anything like that since the day on the roof, and it wasn’t like she wanted to. She wasn’t weird! But sometimes he would look at her and she felt heat brewing inside, or he would touch her hair softly or caress her hand and she would let him.

“Don’t you need to read from a recipe book or something?”

“Uh uh” he made absently organizing the ingredients before them in a line “I have the recipe here” he taped his temple “my mom taught me.”

“Oh…”

“She wasn’t the greatest cook, couldn’t make anything complicated or fancy, but she did a lot of voluntary work abroad before she married my dad. She joked that she was a chef in all kinds of college kid’s cuisine.”

He almost never talked about his parents, and she could only imagine how painful it could be.

“Bruce… You don’t need to do this. I can have the fish soup.”

“What? No. Let’s do it! It will be fun.”

Selina looked at him for a while, searching any signs of deceit, then she gave him a small smile.

“Show me.”

“First you have to mix the water, the flour and the baking powder for the crust.” He poured the water slowly in the bowl with the four and the baking powder “we start mixing with a spatula and then we can use our hands.”

“Urgh, it’s sticking on my hands!” She complained.

Bruce grinned.

“Needs more flour.” He poured a little more on her hands. “Be gentle. If you work the dough too much it will be too heavy.”

“Alright, geez.” Kneading the dough made her thing about her cats, how somehow they would offer her their bellies to trick her into petting them only to get a bite or a scratch.

“Now we use a rolling pin to stretch the dough.”

“Can you do that spinning thing with you finger like a cartoon?” She teased.

“I can try… But we might ending have to explain why there in dough on the celling to Alfred.”  

“You mean you might have too.”

“Would you betray me like that, Selina?”

“You’re so naïve…” She said in a mocking baby voice. “it’s cute. But also dumb.”

He gave her a large smile.

“So you think I’m cute?”

She scoffed, but her face was bright red.

“That is what you get from what I said?”

“Well, you did say I’m cute.”

“I said that you ignorance was cute and also that you are dumb.”

“You say mean thing about me all the time, Selina, I filter most of it.”

She really looked amused by that.

“Where is this sass coming from?”

“I learnt from the best. Now, let’s put the dough on the pan.”

They giggled as they moulded the dough into a round shape, their fingers competing to press the loft material to the tin pan.

“What now?”

“Alfred’s red sauce.” He said struggling to open the lid. “This stuff is really good.”

Selina rolled her eyes and took the mason jar from him, opening effortlessly.

“It’s just tomatoes.”

“Nothing is only just, Selina. And Alfred this sauce from scratch, he even grows the tomatoes himself.”

“You can get ketchup for like tree bucks.”

“You will get it later.”

“Whatever. How do I put it on the pizza? Just pouring?”

“No, use a spoon.” He handed her on. “And spread it evenly.”

He watched transfixed as she worked. Her brows furred, the sliver of the tip of her tongue out in concentration.

“Done.”

“Now the cheese. I think we can just crumb it with our hands.”

They did the work and Selina stole a few more pieces. She was licking her fingers when he finished their task with the cherry tomatoes and olives, the spinach on his side of the pizza and sprinkled oregano.

“Now all we have to do it put it inside the oven and wait.”

“It wasn’t hard.” She admitted. “But I still think buying one ready is better. I don’t even have an oven.”

“But making it is more fun, isn’t it? And if you like it we can make more often when you visit.”

Maybe it was the way he looked at her, so hopeful, or how he went out of his way to make her happy, but Selina felt warmth pooling inside her. She welcomed herself into Bruce’s personal space and raised a hand to his chin

“You got a bit of flour…”

Bruce first looked at her with eyes opened wide, his eyebrows almost touching the roots of his hair, but as her hand lingered, he relaxed, and cupped her hand against his face, his lid trembling shut.

“Selina…” He sighed her name.

“Yes?” She answered softly.

He opened his eyes, still holding her hand.

“Can I?”

She swallowed hard and nodded wordlessly.

Bruce dipped to meet her in the middle, her lips were soft and warm as he pressed his against them gently. The kitchen was filled with the comforting smell of baking pizza. They parted and Bruce opened his eyes to find her, huge, green so dark. She threw her hands around his neck and kissed him again, it was different from the other times, she was tentatively moving her lips over his now. His hands went to her waist as he tried to keep up, but he was scared he would do something wrong and she would never kiss him again. When he noticed that he had been frozen she already broken the kiss again. Her brows furred in confusion, she was detaching herself from him when he leaned into her in a desperate move tried to capture her lips again, but his miscalculated move made their teeth clink painfully.

“Ouch.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed horrified.

But when he looked at her she didn’t seen annoyed, and one hand even remained on his neck playing with his hair as she rubbed her mouth with the other before they exchanged a look and fell in a fit of giggles.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, you dum dum. I’m fine.”

“I just… I have never…”

“I know. Me neither.”

“You know what would help?”

“What?”

“Practice.”

Selina playfully rolled her eyes and walked out from their embrace.

“Isn’t that pizza ready already?”

Bruce sighed.

“Yeah, I think so. Let’s eat!”

 Selina smiled at her seven years old daughter as she devoured a slice of homemade pizza. Then rubbed off the flour stain on her chin.

“What is it, mommy?” Asked Helena noticing her mother’s eyes become distant and watery.

“Nothing, honey. I just remembered something.”

“Something sad?”

“No. It was something fun.”

“So why are you sad?”

“I’m not.”

“Mommy…”

Selina sighed.

“Alright. You will get it when you grow up but, sometimes, the nice memories are the ones that hurt the most.”

“Oh… Because you miss those times?”

“Exactly, you are very smart. Now, you can have just one more slice, you already had plenty and Holly will be hungry later when she comes back.”

“Can I call Babs?”

“Didn’t you see each other earlier at school?”

 “Oh my god, Dick! No! Dad! Tell Dick he can’t put chocolate on the pizza!”

“It’s my pizza, Lena! You don’t have to eat it.”

“But you are desecrating the sanctity of pizza!”

Dick and Selina groaned.

Alfred who was sitting with his cuppa, watching and forbidden from helping snorted.

“Goodness, Miss Helena!”

“Ignore her, Alfred. She got her flair for dramatics from her father.”

“How come I am the one getting insults?” Mumbled Bruce “Dick is the one putting candy on pizza.”

“Thank you for defending me, B.” Said Dick in a mocking offended tone.

“See! Dad gets it!”

Selina smiled at Dick.

“I think Dick’s pizza will taste good.”

He hugged her by the waist grinning.

“So you’re both weird.” Said Helena failing in hiding her jealousy.

“Said the girl with spinach on her pizza.” Retorted Dick.

Alfred sighed loudly.

“Can you stop judging each other tastes and just finish this? You said you would make dinner tonight and I said yes as long as everything was clean afterwards, but I’m starting to think you will find a stupid reason to fight and leave my kitchen in chaos.”

“Geez, Alfie!”

“Yeah, you have such little faith in us, Al.”

“I just happen know each and every one of you very well.”

A little ball of dough hit Alfred on his forehead.

“Oops.” But Bruce didn’t look sorry at all.

“That’s it!” Said the butler getting up.

They all screamed and laughed as Bruce tried to run away from Alfred. Selina coming to Bruce’s aid and the kids taking Alfred’s side as pizza night turned into food fight night.

[galadrieljones]

Fic Writer’s Week, Day 5: Verbatim

Here are some of my favorite quotes, from my Solavellan long fic The Dead Season (I’m also going to tag some people to do this at the end, since it was sort of fun!!). Very light spoilers under the cut.

Most of my favorite lines from TDS, which I still remember fondly and still reread from time to time to get into the groove of my characters, are actually found in dialogue, so I thought I would just go ahead and quote my characters:

From Chapter 15: Stand-off in the Arbor Wilds (Bull talking to Solas after a fight with Sene, completely disarming, and basically nailing Solas’s entire persona to a T):

“Look, don’t ask me how I know," said Bull. "Maybe it’s the apostate thing. Makes you seem like sort of a...bad boy. And the serving girls, you’ve got a way with them. Especially the elves. You can tell a lot about a man based on how he treats the serving girls. You get them fawning, let them win a little bit, while still maintaining a certain…authority. You’ve got an ease about you, Solas. You deal with women as if you’ve been there plenty of times before. Not all men have that. Take the Commander, for example. Sexy, smart, but any time he tries talking to a woman, he’s so terrified he ends up tripping over his own dick.”

Solas found himself just staring at the Iron Bull. He wasn’t sure how they’d gotten on this topic, but for whatever reason it was working. His anger released. Now, he just felt sort of pleasantly numb around the edges. It was almost transcendent.

“You, though,” Bull went on, “you know the exact position of your dick at any given moment. How low it hangs, how it swings. You don't trip, Solas. You’re…smooth.”

From Chapter 56: Revasan (I loved writing this whole massive conversation, as Sene’s dad completely takes Solas for a ride. Off-balance Solas is very fun. This is just one of my favorite exchanges):

“You speak ancient elven?” [said Solas.]

“A great deal,” said Revasan. “Don't you?”

“Of course. But it is a rare talent.”

“Morrigan speaks it as well. Perhaps it is not as rare a talent as you thought." Rev was squeezing his eyes shut.

"No, I'm rather certain it's rare," said Solas. "Just more likely that we keep rare company."

“Anyway," said Revasan, shaking his head. He had completely shredded that matchbook by now. The matches laid out on the table one by one. "As I was saying."

"Right."

From Chapter 5: The Eye of Friendship (In which Sera asks Sene some questions about Solas’s manhood. Sera being Sera.):

“Bet he’s hiding a big one in those jammies, right? Solas’s great big staff.”

“Sera!”

“All right. Come off it. But be real. You ever notice how like, when we’re out, hunting Templars or whatever, how he'll conjure that great big fist thingy and punch them right in the tits? Or when he drops all those like, boulders from the sky? Or wherever. Makes the whole battlefield glow. Is that sort of like his prick?”

“A giant fist thingy punching people in the tits? Not entirely.”

From Chapter 28: The Art of Escape (After Sene runs off, and Cullen deftly explains to Solas why he cannot go after her by himself. The Cullen/Solas dynamic is one of my favorites to write, because Cullen knows exactly who he is, and he always manages to hold his own with him, even if in a very self-deprecating manner.):

“After our success in Val Royeaux, you have become celebrity,” said Cullen, “a high profile target just like Sene. This is not to mention the fact that you are a friend to many here and an indispensable asset to the Inquisition. You invite me to try and stop you, that is your right, but I must ask you now to withdraw said invitation from the table, because believe me when I say that I will have no choice but to accept, even if it’s just to cover my own ass. Because if I let you go alone, and something should happen to you, Sene might literally kill me. So, you see, Solas, I cannot and will not let you do this.”

Solas sighed, staring at the Commander, his resolve shifting, weakening. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “That is—I will be fine, Commander,” he said, shaking his head. “Please, trust me.”

“I do trust you, Solas. But it is my job to protect you. Let me do my job.”

Solas squeezed his eyes shut, resigned. “Fair enough.”

From Chapter 60: Pioneers (In which Solas’s mother is teaching Mythal how to fish, because Lea is just very...funny? Humor is her armor and also her sword.):

“Night fishing,” said Lea. She wore a hat, even still, and she was crunching on a raw carrot. She had taught Mythal how to tie the fish hooks to the end of the line, and how to pick the right bait. “This is the best kind of fishing. All the weird, old bottom feeders come up when the moon is hot. They look for the big lake lightning bugs, and the idiot birds have all washed into their nests till dawn, so there’s no competition. It is a long-kept secret in the fishing world. Or, at least it was nine thousand years ago.” She laughed.

From Chapter 39: There Goes the Redhead (When Morrigan asks Mythal how she died, because Mythal is so dramatic, and I love Morrigan’s voice. She manages to find the comedic irony in even the most morbid circumstances.):

“[...]This story is full of wolves, Morrigan, just not the one you think. Can’t you see? If I tell you, it's going to ruin your evening.”

“We’re trapped in a dungeon,” said Morrigan. “I am separated from my child by stone legions of walls and possibly axe murderers. My evening is already ruined.”

“Yes, your child,” said Mythal, becoming dreamy. “I never got one of those."

From Chapter 49: The Treehouse (Solas’s last negotiation with the Viddasala, because this is just very Solas--the gloves, the offering of a choice, collected as hell, yet scary? Also Thom, having seen it all before, is just laughing at this point):

The Viddasala, in any case, turned her attention to Fenris. “This is your doing, elf.”

He stood, lean, blood-spattered, hands behind his back. “You’re incredibly daft, given your mantle.”

“I should have killed you.”

“Yes, you should have.”

“This situation is very simple,” said Solas, dropping his gloves to the floor. He unraveled the linen strips from his knuckles, flexed his fingers. “We have taken out your reinforcements. You are all but alone. I am here now, on behalf of the Inquisition, to offer you a choice.”

Thom chuckled. He removed his helmet. He tossed it to the stone with a huge clang. “Here we go.”

Mythal, in general (ie: my dear drama queen who speaks deep truths):

“Youth is an imposter.”

And last but not least, from Chapter 45: Lavellan Family Values (In which Sene’s father is grilling her about Solas, and Sene proceeds to taunt him in a rather unsavory fashion--because, the Lavellans.):

“So," said Revasan, straightening up in his chair. "He is a tall rift mage who punches red lyrium abominations in the face and walks in dreams." He looked to Sene. "What else is there?”

“What else would you like to know?” said Sene, sticking her fork into the piece of fish on her plate, mashing it into a paste. She was not very good at diplomacy. "That he is a thirty-something apostate who took my virginity? Or shall we continue to discuss the matter of his height and physical aggression? Either one is fine with me.”

Ellas laughed so hard at this, he spit a bit of wine on the tablecloth. Terys’s jaw nearly fell out of his head.

“Oh, Isene,” said Rasha. She put her head in her hands.

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The Sharpshooting NBA Player with Pet Snakes

The Milwaukee crowd could sense it was their moment. Their superman, Giannis Antetokounmpo, had given the Bucks their first lead since halftime by nailing a rare 3-pointer. Cries of "Defense!" echoed through the Fiserv Forum but the subliminal message was clear, "Fear. The. Deer! Fear. The. Deer!"

Danny Green was having none of it.

As the Raptors came down the floor, the Bucks took away the Kawhi Leonard-Serge Ibaka pick-and-roll, which put the ball in Pascal Siakam's hands. The paint was protected on his drive so he had no choice but to kick it out to the corner and into the hands of a scoreless and well-defended Delon Wright. With the shot clock winding down, though, the Bucks forgot about Green.

One more swing was all it took, and Green was ready. The net didn't move, but you could feel the reverberations across the Forum, possibly the Eastern Conference, and the league. Dead silence, a critical tie-breaker kept alive as these two teams cajole for the top spot in the Eastern Conference.

Green's had several of these big moments in his first year with the Raptors, the three and double-block with Leonard early in the season against the Celtics to go along with the game-winner against Orlando serve as reminders of what made him so valued in San Antonio. It's a fascination he has, really. Embracing the ability to strike down on an unassuming prey all started with his grandmother, Golden Grams, and his uncle, Steve Berry.

Back when Green was filled with the curiosity of a child, he and his two brothers were over at his grandmother's Long Island home all the time, while their dad, Daniel Green Sr., a young single parent, was out working three jobs to try and make ends meet. It was a different kind of outlet for the Green brothers. Surrounded by sports in a family full of athletes, a house that could moonlight as a zoo tickled the senses the way Instagram cranks out dopamine hits today.

"My grandma's house was a damn zoo," Green told VICE Sports. There were all kinds of dogs and cats, litters all around the house, all kinds of birds and fish, too. He's quick to point out there were no ferrets, though.

If Golden Grams was just the tip of the iceberg, Uncle Steve unearthed Danny's full-on obsession. When visiting Berry, his dad's brother, Green was introduced to the world of reptiles. There was a 13-foot Burmese python and, over time, a bunch of different boa constrictors. While there are over 40 different species of boas, whether they were red-tailed, rubber, rosy or rainbow made no difference to Danny at the time, except the python. A reptile that large is hard to forget, especially when it came to feeding time. There was no Netflix then, but if there's one thing Danny wishes he could have binged at the time, it was watching those snakes get fed.

"As a kid, it was the most amazing thing, the coolest thing ever—'Oh, he's eating a rabbit!'" Green says as his eyes light up. You'd think he was watching it all over again, not standing in the corner of the Raptors' practice facility after the grind of a morning workout.

With each passing visit to his uncle's, the itch grew, and it would only be a matter of time before he scratched it. That time came when attending the University of North Carolina, after his roommates pushed him over the brink. One got a dog, another got a hamster.

"Someone said, 'You should get a snake,' so I said fuck it, got me a snake," he recalls. "Went to Petco and got her."

Getting her wasn’t by design. Green wanted a male, and after his first pet snake died on the very first day after a seizure, he went right back to the store and came home with Jake. But soon he had to take his newest pet to the vet for throwing up after feeding. That's when he found out the Colombian red-tailed boa was actually female and so Jake became Jade. Clearly, Green had a lot more to learn than feeding. He googled, read, asked around, did everything he could to make sure he understood what he signed up for.

Feeding came a bit easier, and the low maintenance of a snake is one of the main reasons he chose the reptile over other pets. Jade needed rats or mice once a week to scarf down as a baby, and although the feeding size changes as they grow, they need to be fed as infrequently as once a month as they age.

Green learned the hard way, too. Boas can get defensive and sometimes just want their own space. There's a process in understanding when they want to be handled, when they want to be alone, when they're "being active" and when they're about to shed. So, when Green was still figuring things out, he got bit.

Photo by Tannen Maury/EPA

He was taught that an important part of maintaining a snake as a pet is getting them accustomed to the human touch as much as possible from a young age, and that's all he thought he was doing. Their vision isn't the greatest, and so when they're young and afraid, handled in a way that doesn't feel ideal, they'll let you know.

"The bites happen when they're small and it happens so fast it scares you," Green recalls. "But, you don't even know where it's at, it's usually so small. It's like a paper cut that won't stop bleeding, but it's small, they have little teeth and they just snap at you to get you off when they're defensive.

"People think [boas are] poisonous and you're going to die, but it's just a paper cut," Green reassured. "[A] snake bite is not gonna stop you from playing unless they get you right on the part of the hand (he shows the webbing from thumb to index finger perfectly intact) where you need stitches."

Once Green and Jade got past the growing pains and he figured how to read her habits and lifestyle, the challenges kept coming. But in another way. After winning a national championship with North Carolina, getting selected 46th overall by the Cleveland Cavaliers in the 2009 NBA Draft and playing 20 games as a rookie, Green was dealt a much deeper cut, one that left him off an NBA roster early into his second season.

He received the momentary solace of getting picked up by the San Antonio Spurs, but was released by them soon after as well. His NBA dream no longer on life support, Green had to start from scratch. He had to figure out where to pick his spots and identify skill sets that fit in with what NBA teams desired.

That's where the NBA Developmental League came in, providing him ample opportunity first with the Reno Bighorns in January 2011, before the Spurs were tempted again and added him to their D-League affiliate, the Austin Toros. A lockout delayed the start of the 2011-12 NBA season and Green suddenly found himself in Slovenia, with an opt-out clause to return. He had figured out his niche, though, and that was to play lockdown defence on one end while making opponents pay with lethal shooting on the other.

Identifying and understanding a role helped him become an integral member of the Spurs, punishing teams whenever they paid too much attention to Tim Duncan, Tony Parker or Manu Ginobili. The Miami Heat bore the full brunt of it in the 2010 NBA Finals, understandably choosing to restrict the future Hall of Famers any way they could and take their chances with everyone else.

Over the first five games of that championship series, Green shed his role player skin for stardom, averaging 18 points, four rebounds, and 1.6 blocks while making 25 of his 38 three-point attempts on his way to a then Finals record for most threes. Throw in spending virtually all of his time on the court defending either Dwyane Wade or LeBron James, and it was Green receiving Finals MVP talk.

The magical run came to an abrupt halt over the final two games. Green shot just 2-for-19 from the field and the Spurs lost the penultimate game in excruciating fashion before Miami pulled away late in the fourth quarter of Game 7.

San Antonio left no stone unturned the next season, ruthlessly disposing of the Heat in five games in a Finals rematch which made Green only the third Tar Heel since James Worthy and Michael Jordan to win the top prize at both the NCAA and pro ranks.

A key component of being a premier role player is knowing your limits and not stepping out of line, too. Draymond Green has redefined what a role player is and shown that he can be an All-Star and defensive player of the year, but he's walked the tightrope along the way and his suspension for Game 5 of the 2016 NBA Finals played a pivotal role in the Cleveland Cavaliers becoming the first team to overcome a 3-1 Finals deficit.

Carmelo Anthony has been an All-Star for years and will likely be in the Hall of Fame one day, but his inability to adjust to smaller roles in the latter stages of his career with either Oklahoma City or Houston show that the role of magician's assistant is not an easy one.

Green, on the other hand, excels between the lines in much the same way the Derek Fishers and Robert Horrys of the world did. Both have multiple rings, an extensive résumé of big shots, and the ability to be both anonymous yet right where they need to be on cue.

That's why when Green was traded from the Spurs to Toronto, he was never going to be just a "throw-in" in the Kawhi Leonard-DeMar DeRozan swap. Salaries needed to be matched, but so did goals. The Spurs were trending away from championship contention while the Raptors were headed in the opposite direction. This is someone who has figured out the it that Toronto has been so desperate to find.

"I think it's pretty amazing that a guy like him figures out that if he can stand out there and make open shots, he's pretty useful on the team," Raptors head coach Nick Nurse said after a practice earlier in the season. "Understands that there's a process and a work ethic and a time commitment and a mental work ethic that you gotta have the confidence to do what he does. And then he also says then well I better be able to guard a little bit, too, if I want to stay out there. He's really good, he's smart defensively, he's a great team defender, and then he'll go to work on somebody when he needs to. He'll chase a [J.J.] Redick or somebody [like that] around all night long and make their night difficult which is again a tremendous sacrifice.

"Biggest thing, though, is he will take them and make them in big games and he's already proven that."

Bringing his talents north of the border also meant bringing his pets. Yes, Jade wasn't alone anymore. With the help of a girlfriend to manage the upkeep, Green added two pomskies—Gizmo and Nuke (mix of Pomeranian and Siberian husky)—and Jon Snow, a snow glow boa constrictor to join Jade (and replace Lightning, an albino boa that Green had to let go of because he was "too defensive") over the past couple of years. Jon Snow unfortunately died recently, at under a year old, after struggling to develop immunity and repeatedly vomiting food.

As for the logistical aspects of bringing the pets to another country, the dogs were straightforward, while the Government of Canada's Health of Animals Regulations would allow Jade and Jon to be imported from an area considered an "equivalent risk area for an animal of that species." That meant sending Jade and Jon by plane from San Antonio to Buffalo. A certificate from an official veterinarian from the place of export would also be required identifying both Jade and Jon for the reptiles they are and the area of origin. To complete the process, a veterinary inspection within five days of export in which the animals are deemed medically healthy and "fit to travel." Then, just drive them across the border to his home in west Toronto.

Green had people he could depend on to get everything done, but he insists "it wasn't a big deal." The bigger challenge was when he first brought together the dogs and the snakes.

"Gizmo doesn't make a lot of noise, but when I would take [Jade] out at first, he would growl or bark because he was scared not knowing what it was," Green says. "Him and Nuke are both very interested in what they are, try to sniff and lick 'em and see what they are, try to play with them.

"Usually I'm holding Jade, they're too big for her to eat. She usually just backs away, usually she's in the tank. I'm monitoring what's going on," he says somewhat reassuringly.

Playing with a younger group and as one of the veterans of the Raptors, the monitoring continues on the court as well. Green's trying to help get everyone on the same championship page. With his wealth of experience, it's a challenge he embraces. After all, if he can bring together a dog and a snake, how hard can some humans be?

"Obviously, it's a younger group, but [we have] a lot of depth, athleticism. Try to [help] develop IQ a little bit, maturity, but for the most part these guys were here ready to work since the summertime," Green says. "Get the job done and try to be an important piece of the puzzle we're trying to make something special out of."

It takes time to build a champion team, something the Raptors did mostly without Leonard and Green. It puts the importance of the young players understanding what it takes at a premium, something Green believes is fortunately not that far away. As he discusses the very subject, Green suddenly yells out to Anunoby, "Lower base, OG!" as the second-year player works on his post moves. Every detail is crucial, no stone can be left unturned. Even during an interview off to the side, he's zoned in on making his teammates better. These are the lessons he's learned and now passes along.

From a kid who didn't really know what he was getting into when buying a snake from a pet store and who lost an NBA job inside his first two seasons, he's now a 31-years-wise NBA champion with over a 1,000 made 3-pointers to his name.

People will look to Leonard and Lowry when there are big shots to hit and bigger stops to make, but just like those baby boa bites, it's Green who strikes when no one's looking, and that's when you can't stop the bleeding.

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports CA.

The Sharpshooting NBA Player with Pet Snakes published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/