#I understand him on a metaphysical level

[hannigramislife]

JUST IN CASE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DIDN'T BELIEVE ME ABOUT CALLING THIS!!

*pats mic*

*clears throat*

Me: Absolutely never, ever doubt me. Like ever. I am absolute, I am the chosen prophet, I am the bearer of truth. Heavy burden it may be, but somebody's gotta be right every single time. It's exhausting, really, to be burdened with such divine sight, but alas, I prevail...

I'm such a genius, wow.

[grungothe2st]

Me 🤝 Jimmy McGill

[orcelito]

ok not really an analysis post but i cant get over these pages (from trigun chapter 10)

vash just looks so happy & peaceful basking in the atmosphere of the geo-plant. & considering this happens after we see him call the plant on the sand steamer "sister" & we get that shot of him with the wings, we as readers are supposed to know that this is more than just a normal dude enjoying nature

he reaches down, touches the grass, and says with complete certainty that this is a geo-plant, just like from his memories on the ship. it makes me wonder whether he can sense the plant in the vicinity & that's the source of his certainty here.

either way, he's so happy just being here, experiencing the atmosphere of the geo-plant. probably feels like home to him.

[neversetyoufree]

I've been thinking lately about Vanitas and Noé's first "what is salvation" fight at the bal masqué and what it means about their individual definitions of the concept, and I've realized something about Vanitas.

Noé's definition of salvation is the obvious one. It feels natural. To save someone is to keep them from dying. But in a way, his understanding of salvation is also almost selfish. Noé's foundational trauma is the constant loss of his loved ones. He is the eternal sole survivor. So of course he wants to keep people alive—he wants to "save" the people he cares about in the way that keeps them by his side this time.

It's not wrong to want that, of course. I don't mean "selfish" as a condemnation. It's just that the definition of salvation that Noé starts the series with is inarguably the one that best serves his own happiness.

And it's the same with Vanitas.

When Vanitas kills the little girl Catherine by restoring her true name, he tells Noé he doesn't know what salvation is. He might be lying there, or he might be telling the truth in that he's never put his definition of salvation into words or acknowledged it on a conscious level. Either way, though, I do think he has a definition of salvation somewhere in his mind, and it's a very personal one.

Vanitas sees salvation as the preservation or restoration of one's true self. You're saved so long as you can preserve your essential self, uncorrupted by outside forces. Even if the price of that selfness is death.

While Noé's foundational trauma that informs his worldview is the loss of his loved ones, one of Vanitas's foundational traumas is the loss of his bodily autonomy. Through Moreau's experiments and Luna's mark/bite, he has been transformed into something no longer fully human, and he hates it. From the moment Luna told him he was dying, he said he wanted to die as himself rather than live as their kin, and he has been denied that opportunity.

Nothing is more important for Vanitas than being able to dictate the destiny of his own body, and malnomen are the ultimate corruption of bodily autonomy and selfness. Altering one's true name warps not only their physical body, but their very being on a metaphysical level. The curse takes everything a vampire is and changes it, and doing that to an unwilling victim is the ultimate horror for Vanitas.

Given that context, of course Vanitas thinks that killing a child to restore her true name counts as saving her. He's restoring her essential self and un-corrupting her body and being, and even if her self is only returned for an instant before she dies, it's preferable to living on as something warped by an outside force.

Vanitas absolutely starts the series with a definition of salvation, and like Noé, it's the one that best serves his own happiness. He wants to be saved. He wants to be returned to his human self, and failing that (since he knows it's impossible), he wants to wipe out all traces of the force that changed him and then die without going any further down the path of inhumanity.

Vanitas might not be able to admit that definition out loud (or even to himself directly), but it's there, and it guides him early in the series as much as Noé's own definition of salvation guides him in turn.

[sugar-grigri]

How can war love ?

*public apology, gun to my head* I won't trust Fujimoto so much anymore I get it *keeps gun to her head* this is surely the worst chapter but I can't afford to shirk my duty to analyze in the face of adversity so here I am

At least let the analysis be more succinct than usual

I had to find a meaning to this chapter, I had to, because even if I, like 90% of fans, put my phone down after holding my head in my hands, I can't have analyzed Fujimoto up to this point to decide now that he should go fuck himself

So I'm here to interpret a masturbation scene, Fujimoto must be as weird and desperate an audience as he is.

So what is the meaning that I perceived in it, we'll proceed by list so as not to enumerate

1. This chapter confirms a cycle of violence and I hope Fujimoto wrote it as a depressing chapter and not just a subversive one just to titillate JUMP's limits. Cycle of violence in which Denji is trapped. Sex is something he puts a lot of hope into. It's the last need he hasn't yet fulfilled, so he throws himself through it. Not only does Denji suffer even when he wants to escape it. But above all, done in these horrible conditions, the thing having been accomplished, Denji will remain unsatisfied and will understand that unhappiness is in his bones and cannot be solved by sleeping with someone. It's the worst tragedy that could happen to him.

2. It's the worst tragedy for Asa too. She finds sex repulsive and experiences it under the worst conditions, which has the effect of deepening her fears. Asa may also be seeking intimacy with someone, but just as this moment convinces the teenager to stay away from others, this ordeal reinforces Denji's depression.

But I think everyone understands that, because everyone's depressed. What's interesting (sighs) is that this chapter shows how Yoru bound with someone. Just as war would.

There are no winners in a war, both sides suffer losses. And that's exactly what Yoru did twice. A first kiss, Asa had lost her memory to Nayuta and Denji had promised never to see her again. This chapter is yet another ordeal for Asa and Denji.

This leads to a more demanding conclusion, which also has an impact on Nayuta.

The Knights of the Apocalypse cannot physiologically, metaphysically love.

The only relationship they can establish is through each other's suffering.

It's a tragedy for them too.

A tragedy on every level.

[fadelbison]

i don't really follow gmm couples closely but i thought firstkhao was one of gmm's biggest, what do you mean they're not that popular in thailand 😭😭

asdfghjkjhgf okay??? soo all this started because I was at my LAST straw when I saw a fan complaining that gmm prejudiced against first and he needs more work on twt (he already works *SO* much) and after having to see a series of gmm crits that were basically [insert false causalities/ metaphysically impossible demands] I lost my mind a little. [but actually its because im already pretty cuckoo bananas but I digress]

Then @fromthedepthsandbeyond brought to my attention this estimate (are you the op?) of events and brand sponsorships from last year where it shows that FirstKhao as a CP are in fact extremely popular but not at all popular as solo artists. And unfortunately I think this is just reality - they work really well together but I was actually both their 'solo' fans before they paired up. More khaotung than First and they are unfortunately just a little too kooky for mainstream popularity. I genuinely think Joong is trying to help Khaotung with roping him into TikTok dances and constantly promoting him on his own channel and IG broadcast because boy do First and Khaotung do nothing mainstream on IG. its only happy birthdays, promo work, promo cp, promo each other and khaotung's blurry artsy fuckboi photos. What can I say, that's what I like, that's what the people who like them like. I hope they don't change (but I know they're trying to). I would say, that actually they are quite popular given how far they veer from traditional masculinity...like they're pretty queer? Gun's numbers are exactly the same as them. Like I don't think GMM can do anything about that. I genuinely don't think GMM can do anything about the next bit either (at least in regards to FK they are very much fucking up other things)

What I was a little surprised by perhaps was this report by another fan who went to their building this summer (2024) and FK just had a mural on the second floor basement. I know that at some point they had some type of pillar on the ground level. Now, the events numbers are outdated and I follow them on socmed fairly close - they might not be getting sponsorships but they're not jobless. even at the times they're quiet or disappear when they resurface it turns out that they were series prepping or in workshops.

I don't know what to say, they're very queer coded, they take challenging jobs and are involved in projects and with creators that are invested in making some unique art which is rare at gmmtv something that everyone here loves to incessantly yell about (for good reason at times).

I don't know how to say this so that it doesn't sound totally insane but to be more popular they have to act straighter???? They actually have to look like they want to fuck a woman, like at least that they think about it instead of just each other. Like they tried so hard to make First's character straight in blacklist -A VALIANT attempt one would say and he still ended up having more chemistry with Drake and the 4 seconds he spent with khaotung on screen 😭 JoongDunk and PondPhuwin are just not like that??? I follow Joong and Pond on IG too and they are in fact able to breathe without their respective pair present. They are so so so so in love when together, bring each other up quite a bit when they're solo but they're not living inside the other's pocket if that makes sense? Sorry I ranted so long??? and for what?? but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want Firstkhao to be popular but I also don't want them to change at the cost of mainstream popularity (though I understand why they're trying) - they are so worryingly codependent and wonderfully weird 🤧🤧🤧🤧

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

The first time I saw Stede held at gunpoint by Chauncey, I believed it might be a night terror. They’re repeating the Nigel guilt-ghost motif, I thought. Or even his fever-induced nightmares. This is what Stede does. Big emotions writ large shouting the worst parts of his self-loathing. The words Chauncey says is probably the exact noise playing in Stede’s head. In fact he ‘completely agree[s]’. The repeated death-injury to the eye, and Stede’s subsequent amnesic journey home, barefoot in underclothes, just seemed to play out perfectly as a full-blown, hallucinatory panic-attack.

And then I realised the consensus was this event likely occurs, it truly happens within the narrative. Stede also remembers both Badminton brothers alongside the line ‘I’ve been the cause of death.’

Fast forward to 204, and Stede doesn’t mention the event to Ed during the couch scene. I’ve said before it wasn’t the right time to say ‘…but, Chauncey’. However, it did happen, didn’t it? And Stede does need to tell Ed eventually. Because then it might mitigate some of Stede’s responsibility… right?

Well, I’m not sure we’re looking at it from the best angle.

Chauncey arriving at the barracks to kill Stede is likely meant to be understood as real within the fictional setting of the show. But this is a magical realist world, and Chauncey’s turning up did not occur in the same way as it would in our reality. There is a different significance and meaning.

I think two seemingly-contrary things can exist here: Chauncey really did show up of his own choice, and Stede is somewhat responsible for his showing up, because this could be read as a metaphysical event. Stede partly manifests Chauncey. The show often uses mirrors as a way of exploring identity, and Stede is right in the middle of an identity crisis. Chauncey is an accurate reflection of Stede’s internal chaos, a judgmental dark angel on his shoulder. And until Stede is able to go back to Bridgetown, and deal with the guilt and mess of leaving his family, Badminton brothers, cousins, and half-uncles are going to keep showing up, insulting Stede at the deepest level, then Darwining themselves in front of him.

The lesson here, I think, is we help create our own reality: if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got. Stede needs to change his internal narrative to free himself from this twisted pattern.

It’s not that Stede deserves the bullying of the Badminton brothers; he absolutely doesn’t. But his state of mind lays the groundwork for the external manifestation of his thoughts within this universe. Chauncey is the personification of Stede’s self-loathing, and Stede co-creates the situation, somehow drawing Chauncey (and Nigel) towards him. As a character within a fictional world we are being asked to watch Stede’s transformation after this event, and one of those changes is his breaking this particular cycle.

That is why I’m not too bothered if Stede ever tells Ed about Chauncey. Like someone once said similarly of god, if Chauncey didn’t exist, it might be necessary for Stede to invent him. Chauncey’s intervention gives Stede a sort of permission to act as he does. There is no mitigation for Stede here. He has to own it, no matter how distorted his thinking at the time; and he does just that to Ed later without resorting to sackcloth and ashes.

The complexity of what happens that night might well be outside of physical reality. It’s Ed returning from the gravy basket largely unscathed. Or Buttons becoming a bird. It isn’t easy to understand fully because the laws that govern our reality are suspended here. But our role as viewers isn’t to reach a definitive conclusion or worry ourselves in circles over narrative gaps. It’s to consider what the Chauncey event triggers and then leads to.

This is Stede’s rock-bottom. From here on in, we see character growth in which Stede overcomes a good portion of the self-loathing lurking within his soul, replacing it with a kinder internal narrative, and helping him in turn to love and be loved. And Stede has also hopefully exorcised the possibility of any future Badminton visitations.

Stede returns, and he returns a better man than he left because he did much of the internal work he needed to do.

He changes his stars - and Ed’s. That’s all that matters.

[masteraqua]

okay i need to take a break from thinking about it but i still want to share what i've been working on for my kh3 reimagining—now officially named KH3 Retry! get it? re-tri? you get it

so i've been thinking a lot about the kh3 prologue. if you saw my recent complaints about it, then you'll know i find the original sequence to be sloppy and forgettable, resulting in an incredibly weak start to the story. and so in light of that, i'm throwing the whole thing out and starting from scratch.

keep reading to see what i have in mind! 👀

i'm still working out some details, but here's what i know so far:

a teenage xehanort is the central character of the prologue rather than sora. i always found it bizarre that the main antagonist barely appears in kh3 until the finale, and i intend to correct that by starting the game with him, allowing us to get a glimpse inside his head to better understand his motivations and perspective.

as a direct parallel to kh1, we begin with a dream sequence. however, instead of a station of awakening, xehanort finds himself atop a gigantic alba & ater game board floating in a void.

i love the way the board is used throughout the kh3 opening as both a physical stage and a framing device. i'm incorporating both of those angles, but i'm also taking it a step further by making it playable. the tiered structure of the tiles would lend themselves well to teaching physics controls, don't you think?

the height of the tiles will change as the tutorial progresses, depending on what's being taught; walking/running, jumping, climbing, dodging, etc. maybe they'll form stairs or a labyrinth or even a pit if the situation calls for it.

here's some concept art! no i did not draw the board accurately, but you get the idea. baby nort for scale

after completing the mobility tutorials, the ground will begin to shake and towering chess pieces will fall from the sky to fill the board, nearly crushing xehanort in the process. this will lead into the questionnaire that influences the level progression system.

as this is xehanort's dream, the dream weapons this time around will be represented by chess pieces. i need to flesh this part out more, but the basic idea behind it is that everything in life is a strategy game to xehanort; move the right pieces to the right places and you'll win. so you choose which piece to play

here's a low-effort mockup of the pieces that can definitely be improved later

as xehanort traverses the board, setting up his strategy, he will see visions playing out around him of events that have yet to pass—events he will one day be responsible for. this ties in to all the pieces that are now on the board, since they represent different characters. this also has the added function of reminding the player of the story up to this point.

there are several cool shots from the kh3 opening to use as reference here. it's a shame they go by so quickly

after the questionnaire, there will be combat tutorials and probably a boss fight at the end, à la darkside and twilight thorn. i haven't thought it through yet, but i wouldn't dream of leaving out a big monster set piece battle. maybe he's fighting a representation of his own darkness? or somebody else's...

it might be interesting if he's using the gazing eye keyblade during this part, because he doesn't actually have it at this point in his life. i think that'd be very ominous from his perspective.

after taking down whatever metaphysical monster has been conjured by his psyche, the dream will end on a triumphant but foreboding note. altogether i think this sequence would take about 15-20 minutes.

but we're not done yet! continuing the parallel to kh1, xehanort awakes in scala ad caelum. he's sitting by the window in the classroom, game board by his side. he gives it an inquisitive look, still thinking about his dream.

i'm still contemplating what happens next, but the gist is this: playable scala. we should get a proper introduction to the world and be able to interact with the environment in order to learn more about what xehanort's life is like here. i think this is important in the pursuit of humanizing him.

there will probably be some minor objectives to complete, something small, maybe a fetch quest. would it be too on the nose to have a mock fight against eraqus with a score counter?

i have some ideas for how to incorporate story elements from dark road, but i need to think about them more.

this section doesn't need to take longer than 20-25 minutes, i think; it just needs to be enough to get a sense for the world. it's very important to me that it isn't as time-consuming as the kh2 prologue.

the last shot will have the camera follow xehanort's gaze up to the sky, followed by the title card.

speaking of which!!! i made a logo :)

[lesbianmothman3000]

Are you kidding me. This is the most autistic man I have ever heard of. I understand him on a spiritual and metaphysical level. God

[margareth-lv]

🫥 What does it mean to be 'shy'? 🫥

I've always thought of shyness as an emotion that makes people feel uncomfortable or anxious in a social setting. A shy person is a person who feels nervous or timid in the company of others. A shy person feels hesitant or reluctant in social situations. Someone who is extremely shy might blush or fumble for words when speaking in front of a group of people.

However, Caitríona, under the control of a vengeful King of Puppets, took the concept of shyness to a whole new level.

*** *** *** The interview was conducted in mid-February 2018, when Caitriona had just won the Irish Film & Academy's Film & Drama Awards in the category of 'Actress in a Leading Role - Drama' for her work on Outlander. In her private life, according to much publicised PR, she has just become 'engaged'. I am uploading a longer extract from the interview here because the change in Caitriona's speech, facial expression and intonation is striking. Note: Tumblr doesn't like large files, so I had to edit and shorten the original video anyway.

Caitriona is relaxed and smiles warmly when discussing the metaphysics of Outlander. She even stutters like a teenage girl when she talks about the "dashing Highlander" with whom her character (😜😜😜) falls head over heels in love. On the other hand, when asked about her fake fiancé, she has a strange expression on her face. The muscles around her mouth are tense and she has a blank look in her eyes.

He's shy, says Caitríona, he doesn't like much talking about him.

*** *** ***

Let's stop there.

Let's assume that our prima ballerina's fiancé is not a fake, but a real one.

Let's suppose that a month and a half earlier, a real, loving man had proposed marriage to a woman who loved him.

A real man has proposed to the first Irish supermodel who has walked the catwalks for Dolce&Gabbana and Chanel, a talented actress who has been nominated for three Golden Globes and has just been the winner of the IFTA.

And let's imagine that this supposedly real man, a total "civilian" and an absolute nobody, is not proud of his fiancée, is not proud of having won her heart. Instead, he's too shy to put his name next to hers.

Is he ashamed of her?

🤦🏻‍♀️

This is not shyness. This guy is psycho.

My advice?

Caitríona, run! Run, run, Caitríona! Don't get involved with a jerk like that!

As you can see: Caitríona's "love story" with her PA has no credibility whatsoever.

The Narrative was written by an emotionally brainwashed idiot who has no understanding of life and human reaction.

*** *** ***

Finally, an interesting point in this interview is the one where Caitríona says that she met her fake fiancé through one of her (gay) best friends.

And we all know that it was through Outlander that she met the love of her life.

So they're two different people, aren't they, her faux fiancé and the love of her life?

💁🏻‍♀️

[January 15, 2024]

[voidpacifist]

potter-verse headcanons that I choose to view as canon bc fuck jkr <3

*I redid these bc james' lineage was pointed out to me in a previous comment and I don't wanna disregard it so I tweaked a few things to keep it true to the lore while also spiting the terf

this will be very long btw

starting with the marauders era (sorry this is basically an essay now)

adding onto that, I just would love to see his inner conflicts and hopes and ambitions and dialogue more flushed out, because I really don't think him being rejected by an old flame is at all cause enough for him to suddenly just hate children. even his rivalry and bullying with/from james doesn't feel like the push that comes to shove idk

severus snape is not an abusive man. in my opinion, the way that he's written makes him seem like a very cause to effect character without much complexity to him other than that he was in love with lily evans. in my mind, he's lily's closest friend and defender for most of their growing up together at hogwarts, especially after he begins unlearning blood purist ideologies. he tries to protect her from james potter, who's antagonistic of blood purists by nature, and also a massive troublemaker. thinking it will get lily hurt is what ultimately fuels his hatred of james (that and the fact that james is just kind of a dick to him the whole time they're at school together)

an earlier commenter pointed out to me that james' grandfather invented fleamont's hair potion, so the inheritance of that success would make james' family quite well off. and while he grows up with a very good home life and very loving parents, I imagine james also feels quite stifled sometimes, being that he's an only child with a lot of room in his house and a lot of legacy to carry. it's not like he has a complex about it, but he's sort of a steve harrington-esque kind of character. he's not a complete asshat, but he does experience a lot of growing pains and contentions to his worldview on multiple levels when he first becomes acquainted with lily and severus, and even when he first meets the other marauders. it adds a lot more interest than just making him the charming class clown, and james being desi adds another layer of complexity to him too. (I'm quite curious about how desi metaphysics are practiced, and how that would be a shift for him going from eleven years of his own household magic to hogwarts magic)

adding onto that, it's why he and sirius become such fast friends - sirius feels estranged from his own family, and james' only family are his parents and grandparents. they're closer than sirius and his own brother are. this does certainly make things strange and angsty when regulus takes an admiration to james that sirius notices, when sirius himself is constantly being compared to his more "ideal wizard archetype" younger brother his entire life

in fact, regulus' admiration of james starts as more of a scientific sort of reverence - he wants to understand how a pure blood can be so defiant of the ideas that suggest he's more worthy of practicing wizardry, let alone a pure blood who has come from so much. he learns quite a lot about james through sirius, and when he actually meets him for the first time, he's nothing like the troublemaker prince charming that everyone expects him to be. it's the first time reg experiences real endearment to someone who isn't in his own family, and even that kind of love is conditional at best (shout-out to walburga and orion black for their a-plus parenting)

it makes it that much more painful when he sees that james, while kinder and more considerate than he seemed at first, only thinks of him as sirius'-younger-brother-who-isn't-actually-that-terrible-perhaps; when he sees that james only has room in his heart for lily evans, who by black family standards isn't worthy to have any knowledge of the magical world, let alone belong in it. and he's trying to be better and to understand, but even the kindest blood purists are still blood purists, and it will take him years after this heartbreak to rectify that mindset - even as he's defying voldemort himself

lily grows up in scotland, and while her parents love her and petunia very much, they're constantly fighting. she and tuney often spend time together, and when lily's magical talents start to emerge, she at first asks her big sister, her protector, her closest friend, to keep this secret from their parents. so imagine the heartbreak when lily's owl comes in the mail, and instead of the magical announcement being a complication for their parents, the evans' are overjoyed. imagine the betrayal that petunia feels when, after years of borderline neglect to the both of them, lily leans into the praise and attention she's now receiving. and she tries to make it up to tuney - she even grows a flower in her own hand hoping to make peace with her only real role model in life, only to have it shut down by being called a freak. things only get worse as tuney is left at home with quarreling parents while lily gets the privilege of being away from all of it. the number of letters she sends to dumbledore begging to learn magic, then simply begging to see her little sister more than just during christmas, should be enough to convince the old man to have some leniency, but dumbledore doesn't

now let's talk about peter pettigrew. we all blame him for the downfall of james and lily that kicks off the tragedy of harry's childhood, which we should. but the why of it feels important to me, so personally, this is how I see his psyche playing a role: what if he grows up in a religious household? now I know how that sounds, but hear me out. peter grows up in a religious family because his parents carry some sort of shame surrounding their magical lineage. maybe it's because their squibs, maybe it's because of other trauma from being discovered by muggles, etc. regardless, he grows up discouraged from using his magic, but instead of suppressing it and developing an obscurus, he learns how to hide it. he practices his abilities in secret, until he's a very good liar with the worst case of people pleasing. so when his owl comes with his hogwarts letter, his parents are less than happy about it. he's sent to live with his aunt when he's not at school. in the meantime, he hides as much as he can about his family from the marauders. remus has his lycanthropy to worry about, and sirius already has an even rockier home life to begin with. so it's no wonder that peter latches onto james - ironically, james becomes a secret keeper of sorts for him. but peter is never close to him the way sirius is, or even remus. he's forgotten by his friends, disregarded by his parents, and written off as soft and submissive by his other peers and even the teachers. it makes him all the more suggestible when he's sought out by voldemort, who promises him a place of belonging, which is all that he's ever wanted since he was a child. he's hidden things from the people closest to him once before, so he can do it again, right?

until of course, voldemort actually physically manipulates him with an imperius curse. and all it takes is one curse for the dark lord to convince peter that his friends can never take him back, not when he's killed and maimed and cursed and destroyed lives as much as he has. "not when you're my most trusted servant, wormtail." in short, peter pettigrew is and always will be remembered as a coward. but before he was a coward, he was in pain. and voldemort used that pain to turn him against his only friends before his only friends could turn on him

speaking of other death eaters, let's talk about regulus again for a moment. in an audience-sparing plot, regulus lives. in an angst driven plot, regulus drowns. so for the sake of compromising realism for emotional lenience, let's say nobody actually knows what happens to him. there's all kinds of rumors about the missing black brother, but the truth is that regulus doesn't drown. he's badly hurt in his attempt to destroy the locket, because not only is that thing messing with him psychologically, it's also a pain in the ass to try and get rid of. brutally injured and looking for a place to hide, he enchants a supply cabinet in a muggle cafe to expand into his own flat, which looks to non-magic users like any old closet, even if they try to open it. kreacher is left the locket along with regulus' note, because he doesn't want to be found (great opportunity for him to make a sneaky little appearance in the first half of the deathly hallows though, when the golden trio are debriefing in a muggle cafe...)

remus grows up in a really good home, but like james, he feels a sort of isolation. not because of his class status but because of his condition. as his body begins to mature in his teenage years, his lycanthropy also "matures," taking a bigger and bigger toll on his body until by the time his third year starts at hogwarts (between growth spurts and growing pains and the intensity of his transitions), he can't walk without using a cane. he's pretty sickly as a child anyway to begin with, so more often than not, he spends a lot of time in his bed in the gryffindor common room. this means when a lot of the pranking and troublemaking is happening, he's either in the background unable to do much more than try and dissuade his friends, or he isn't there at all. it isn't until a little way into his fourth year that he begins actively participating in marauders shenanigans, including helping with the construction of the map. I imagine he and sirius both have feelings for one another during this time, but these feelings cannot or do not go acknowledged until the later years (like, year six or seven)

when it comes time to meet sirius' family, sirius has already been disowned by his birth parents and is extremely distant from his brother and cousins. all of course, except for his cousin andromeda, who reaches out to him after the news of his erasure from the family tree makes it to her. this is actually how remus meets tonks in my mind - because during the whole "meet the parents" thing, he meets ted, his wife, and their daughter nymphadora

that's all I've got for now from the marauders era but the golden trio era is a whole different ballgame (and probably way longer sorry in advance)

let's start with harry. petunia is not near as strict with him as vernon is, but they're both abusive to him in ways that are physical and psychological. dudley, of course, is given everything by his parents to the point of spoiling, while harry is forced to feed off of the leftovers. and while he definitely inherits his father's "fuck around and find out" personality, he's a lot less likely to fuck around with the dursleys. in fact, he's much more quiet until he gets to hogwarts and blossoms. I also think his scar is much more noticeable and does much more alteration to his face. because it's the aftermath of the killing curse, it makes him much more likely to die just from a physical standpoint than from simply a plot device standpoint. voldemort is obsessed with killing him, and incidentally, he's a very easy person to kill

however, this doesn't make harry a weak wizard by any means. his magic is incredibly powerful and he's incredibly cunning with it. it's why the hat finds it equally appropriate to sort him into slytherin, other than the obvious connection that he and voldemort share. but this does mean that other people's perceptions of him are that he is weaker. draco thinks he can easily manipulate him. ron underestimates his understanding of the wizarding world and how to defend himself. hermione even has her moments, though hers are more a concern for his well-being as a target of all sorts of evil wizardry. even still, it's a shock and a half to go from being consistently neglected and abused to being coddled and handled with kid gloves all the time. it's no wonder his "fuck around and find out" attitude we see in the books and films also comes to life due to the way he's being mistreated - whether that's with good or ill intent

ron is not only his first friend, but also the first person harry is formally introduced to. he's harry's gateway to what the wizarding world looks like outside of school. of course, molly weasley immediately decides this makes harry her son as well as ron, and it's nice for ron to have a brother his own age. but as the youngest son in a family of seven kids, with one of the honorary offspring being famous in the wizarding world, it's easy for him to get swept up in the idea that he's the afterthought of his friends and family. as a result, he tries emulating harry's attitude towards the world, but whereas harry's is built up by his upbringing and those around him, ron's is built up out of spite. it creates resentment when they're horcrux hunting together, because ron not only hates that harry is refusing to be taken care of - he also hates that nobody's taking care of him

it's why I think he and luna lovegood make an excellent pair. luna is an uncommonly kind person by nature, and we already know in the books that she takes a shine to ron. I wish we'd seen more of them in canon, so it's my personal philosophy that they should have been together instead of ron and hermione. luna really softens the resentment in ron, because she takes so much in stride that it sort of rubs off on him. and ron brings out something very protective and fiery in her. if she weren't a ravenclaw, she'd make an excellent gryffindor, though honestly she's such a multitudinous character already that she'd do swimmingly in almost any house, in my opinion

more on luna: she and hermione were actually quite close as first years, but grew apart because while luna was accepted for her neurodivergence, hermione was singled out. there's not much difference between the two of them other than the two factors that luna doesn't mask her traits, and is a pureblood. at the time that they're both eleven, I imagine eleven-year-old blood purist logic would muddy a friendship rather quickly, especially when you're trying to seek acceptance from your peers. this isn't to say that luna is a cruel person by any means - it's just that hermione has to work harder for her fitting-in-ness. naturally, being in different houses and different circles of peers along with all the other factors, they grow apart. four years after they've met, luna is simply "looney lovegood" to hermione

hermione's parents are very eager muggles to integrate hermione into the wizarding world. the two of them meet in college, when both take an interest in metaphysical studies and the history of witches and witchcraft. though it starts as a scientific fascination, hermione's father turns out to be a rather superstitious man in the first place. when their daughter receives her owl, both of them are overjoyed at the possibility of there being a world where their fascination with magic and the occult is real. the only reason they both go into dentistry (and together at the same office, no less) is because they're ridiculously in love with one another and want hermione to have a stable childhood

snape ends up being a very protective teacher over harry. the reason he hides it is because he knows dumbledore is on the hunt for power and control, however much the man tries to disguise it as working for the greater good. the headmaster simply believes harry is the perfect conduit to attain those things, and rather than view him as a threat, dumbledore views him as a tool. snape is desperate not to see harry become a pawn, the way he did, but he also sees so much of james in him that it's hard for him to reconcile any outward respect for him. this makes snape a very cold man for harry to cross (and he's already cold enough for several other reasons), but in my personal opinion, it does his character a disservice to make him outright abusive. he's dismissive and intense and extremely aloof, but never does he use it to punish harry himself. snape's only seen as a shifty, mean person by harry because of how similar he is to petunia and her dismissal of harry at home so by god do those trust issues jump out between these two. it's by no means a father + son dynamic, but it's certainly a begrudging guardian + clueless guardee dynamic, if that makes sense

in fact, when snape realizes draco is also dealing with abuse in the home, he makes it a goal of his to do what he can to make sure their time in his class is as easy as possible. of course, true to severus snape fashion, he does this in such a way that it seems like he's going to single them out when in reality, he's only breeding an environment where draco and harry start having a tentative, mutual respect for one another. this is at first very confusing for hermione and ron, as well as draco's circle of friends. but these two are nothing if not stubborn, which means cycle breaking is what they're destined for

this paves the way for draco and hermione to be in each other's circles. mutually indifferent to one another at best. detestable to one another at worst. very much enemies to lovers, until hermione bests draco in a dueling practice and draco gains some respect for her. he learns that she is a very well schooled person when it comes to traditional witch traditions and rituals; that she recognizes the holidays that christmas and halloween are bastardizations of; that she does in fact "respect her betters," because she respects her magic as the sacred gift that it is. at that point, does it become allies to lovers. and when the second wizarding war rolls around, he does everything he can within his power to play the roll of double agent. snape becomes his mentor in that regard in more ways than one (he has to kill dumbledore and he has to outsmart voldemort, homeboy is stressing)

hey speaking of pairings, the only original pairing that I tend to keep the same within the golden trio is ginny and harry. it is the sole good pairing that jkr brought to the table. I still have a few notes on it — I just wish there was more development with them. I wish there was more canonical tension than "brother's famous best friend," because while ginny is a wonderful character on her own, she doesn't seem the type to be besotted by someone because of their fame. in fact, an enemies to lovers hinny would almost make more sense to me. they're both incredibly stubborn, it's a wonder they don't butt heads more during canon events, with the fact in mind that ginny is quite soft spoken around him. she's very do-no-harm-take-no-shit, and I wish we saw more of that in their interactions. in my head, their pipeline is as follows: younger sister figure -> academic rival/enemy -> allies during the order era -> confidants -> lovers. if this makes sense. I know it's similar to the canon pipeline for them but please I need tension I need depth I need conflict

I also have got to talk about cho because first of all, what the fuck kind of name is "cho chang" for the only visibly asian character in a franchise? said it once and I'll say it again: fuck jkr. she didn't put thought or depth into this character even one bit other than making her ditsy and boy-obsessed and I hate that shit! with all my heart! in fact, all of the POC women in this series she writes specifically to be obsessed with harry, and that makes my blood absolutely evaporate because they could be so much more than one dimensional figures. I digress

as I see it, "cho chang" isn't her real name at all. it's chao-xing zhang, and the first name means morning star. she hails from a family where her father is chinese and her mother is irish. if I had to give her a middle name, it would be siobhan. she grows up with strong roots in both her irish and chinese heritage, and she's the pride of her family, since she's the only child her parents are able to have. when she arrives at hogwarts, she is quite shy and reserved. but she's brilliant, so of course she's in ravenclaw. but it's in an atypical sense that she is brilliant, not in the I-come-fom-an-asian-family-so-I'm-clever kind of way (I think giving her the gift of clairvoyance would add a really good layer to her arc). she tries to fight off visions of harry potter dying, but she cannot shake them, so instead she vows to fight with him, especially after voldemort kills the first person to show her love and affection for who she is, not for the "cho chang" that her peers think she is. it's only natural for her to take a shine to harry when he's the one who saw cedric diggory murdered

while we're on the topic of horseshit naming, parvati and padma aren't called parvati and padma in my personal mindscape of the potter-verse. they're instead named drisana and salena, meaning "daughter of the sun" and "moon" respectively. not only are they fraternal twins, they also have entirely separate personalities and magical gifts. they're as different as the sun and moon are different, but they also both reflect each other's gifts quite well, just like how the full moon is an expression of both itself and the light of the sun. of course they're both enamored by the boy who lived and his best mate, and of course they say yes to them when they need dates for the yule ball. but to say either of them are actually in love with or interested in either of the boys isn't true by a long shot - salena much prefers her own company and drisana has been eyeing the pretty ravenclaw, chao-xing, for as long as she can remember (I also think they would take harry under their wing and help him reconnect with his desi culture because I can't imagine being raised by the dursleys gave him too much opportunity for that tbh)

now onto more world-buildy types of things

in fact, I'd say the only stereotypical twins at hogwarts are fred and george, and even then they only play into it for the bit. they think it's wildly funny to confuse anyone who doesn't know them well enough to tell them apart, which is a very small number of people (I mean come on, even their own mother doesn't always manage to tell them apart). one of them is probably just a little bit fruity, and the other one is either none the wiser or not the least bit surprised. they pretend like they're carefree people, but they both feel the pull of the war on their morale, even before the war truly sets in motion with the death of dumbledore. they don't have any older sibling figures present as far as we read until bill becomes part of the plot, but I like to think he and charlie are the ones they go to when they're needing someone to talk to about the state of the world. even then, they have to be careful about it in their correspondences.

and while I like to think that molly and arthur are all very present in the lives of their children, I also believe that arthur's work in the ministry keeps him quite busy, and molly can't always be there for each individual child without totally burning herself out. long story short, the weasleys are there for one another as much as they can be, but mainly as a whole. and of course, every weasley brother would level london for ginny if the need arose for it, since she gets little sister treatment (as she should, we love her for it)

it is in my humble opinion that each house has some elemental magic attached to it. some of these are more obvious, for instance, gryffindor would likely have many ties to fire magic, whereas with hufflepuff's patron being the badger, they'd have many ties to earth magic. ravenclaw and slytherin were a little bit harder for me to parse out, but a raven for me would signify air/weather magic while a reptilian, cold blooded patron would be symbolic to water. and while of course, any magical student can have a proclivity for any element of the four, many gryffindors will have a higher aptitude for fire magic. it's why (in my opinion) seamus finnegan is so talented with pyrotechnics in the first place - it's no accident that gryffindor is where he was sorted with that level of fire magic

so then, liv, how does that explain dumbledore's weird water orb and voldemort's fire serpent featured in the order of the phoenix film? actually that's a quite easy answer - remember how I said not every gryffindor has fire magic tendencies? this is actually referenced with neville longbottom's talent for herbology. if anything, he's more inclined to work with earth magic. we don't see a lot of deviating from house elements at all in canon, but aside from the main main characters, jkr also doesn't divulge much on it to begin with. even then, neville still has the inner fire of a gryffindor. and even though voldemort's raw magic takes the form of a serpent on fire, we see his former self most comfortable with the basilisk, who lives in the dank underbelly of the hogwarts plumbing. water snakes, anybody? dumbledore's is a little trickier to explain, but I do think in his conquest to be more powerful than voldemort, he also ended up mastering all four elements. he does certainly favor fire though, considering his animal companion is a phoenix, and his raw magic is displayed with fire in the half blood prince film during the sea cave scene

beyond the elements and patrons of each house, there's also astrology, runes, divination, etc. basically magic that isn't necessarily assigned to an element, but the elements can be present in each practice. for instance, astrology is a very planetary practice, and it relies on the position of the earth itself in relation to the stars and other celestial bodies (or vice versa). the moon oversees the tides (water), the sun provides warmth (fire) as well as nurtures greenery and living things (earth). all three interacting in different manners affects the weather (air). runes can be written or carved anywhere, but are best written either with something fluid like water and inked, or etched into a solid surface such as wood or stone. divination, particularly scrying, is best done with a reflective surface, however tea reading involves some herbology when it comes to making the tea itself. I digress, the point is, different aptitudes mean some students will have a higher proclivity for one practice than another outside of their "inner element" or which element works best with them (also jkr why didn't you include something for the crystal girlies?? for the fellas who love the pretty rocks???)

onto the topic we all love (said sarcastically) the most: wizard racism. rowling really thought she could paint a complex narrative about blood purity and the differences thereof when her own writing is inherently racist? miss me with that horseshit, anyway here's my personal take on the whole blood purity smorgasbord:

the only difference between muggleborns and regular old muggles is that some have the aptitude and skill for harnessing magic, and some don't. I don't actually know the science behind it. maybe the stars aligned just right. maybe it's a distant genetic thing. regardless, muggles have a very whimsical view of magic itself. we have our holidays like christmas and halloween and easter, and our cutesy packagings of the aesthetic for each holiday. but the holidays that they originate from, such as yule and samhain, have been celebrated by pagans and witches long before this christ-ifying of them, and even longer before making them palatable to a consumer culture. meaning it is real culture that has been taken and warped and accepted by society as normal, when it doesn't credit the original practicers in the first place

and considering the salem witch trials and other witch hunts (some of which are still happening in places around the globe, mind you), it's no wonder that, taking the canon of harry potter into consideration, purebloods (in this case, those from pagan families who have kept the practices for hundreds of generations and have only married within magical bloodlines) are at least mistrusting of muggleborns. does it excuse the blatant mistreatment and alienation of muggleborn witches and wizards? absolutely not. does it at least explain the disparity? yes it does

it gives salazar slytherins perspective of only allowing purebloods into his house an entirely new layer as to why. if only he didn't go about hatching an ancient bloodthirsty beast to hunt down the muggleborn students!

it does also add a very archaic level to slytherin house culture, though - they're not only the most cunning house (and most misunderstood), they're also the most observant of traditional paganism. dumbledore is so dead set on the belief that slytherin breeds evil wizards and witches, however, that his favoritism to his patron house (which happens to have the opposite mascot and element, mind you) creates an environment where slytherins are either feared or outright disrespected by the other houses. here's a hot take: dark and light magic can exist within the same space and still not have any moral attachment to them. crazy, innit

which means that not only is dumbledore a more "accepting" headmaster of muggleborns - they too, are a means to an end in this vendetta he has against tom riddle; a vendetta he's had against a child since he realized this child (who mind you, was already isolated as an orphan and a wizard growing up surrounded by muggles) was the heir of slytherin. and while yes, this made him a threat to the safety of muggleborn students, dumbledore also ensured the creation of the thing that which he vowed to overthrow. his mission in life as a wizard with great power and responsibility was a self fulfilling prophecy

(enough said about albus dumbledore. I hate that man. no wonder jkr paints him as such a hero figure in the series though like damn)

more world building! I think it should be canon that a modified obliviate spell exists so that trans witches and wizards can erase the memory of a dead name from the minds of anyone who isn't them. use this headcanon how you must, it may be the biggest fuck you to the author I could come up with <3

phew! that was a mouthful, but on that note, those are all my thoughts/headcanons/other things that I've conjured so far. some of them may be based off of headcanons I've already seen (like, we've all basically confirmed james is desi at this point), but I did wanna drive a little deeper into those existing ones as well as add thoughts of my own. I am planning on using most if not all of these to write my own rendition of the potter-verse canon, but feel free to use any of them you see in here! I'd love to invite more dialogue, particularly about more thoughtful name changes (like seriously if y'all have anymore suggestions on that front please send them to me, I don't want to be totally ignorant or off base so any feedback is super appreciated)

[shutupineedtothink]

I need people to know that Rio's behavior in ep 8 was NOT out of character.

That was her finally hitting her breaking point.

Agatha hurt her So Bad with their deal on the Road. She looked at Rio with nothing but hate and venom and said I never want to see you again. When you ferry my soul to the afterlife, I don't even want to see your face. You gave me nothing.

Except she HAS. (hence her reaction in that moment) She's given Agatha so much. She gave Agatha six years with Nicky that he never should have had. She gave Nicky six years with Agatha. She took him peacefully in his sleep and depending on your interpretation, told him ahead of time so that he could have a peaceful night with his mama instead of killing witches.

Then when she tried to kill Billy the first time (throwing him through the glass window), she let him live when Agatha begged her to stop. Billy's soul is within her rights to claim, just like Nicky's was. And she stayed her hand, for Agatha, AGAIN. No one in history has had special treatment like you.

Even besides that, she's given Agatha so many chances to let go of her anger. She helped her break out of Wanda's spell. She's tried to come clean with her, to reason with her, to be there for her on the Road. She defends her against her evil ghost mom. She defends her to the coven. And except for one hug and almost kiss, one slip into old habits, Agatha gives her nothing but her rage.

Sad is better than angry and Agatha has never moved past angry when it comes to Rio, nevermind understanding or acceptance. Because Agatha sucks at feelings and refuses to look at them.

So when Agatha steps off the Road, Rio's finally decided to be pissed about it. Rightfully so, imo.

She said ok baby, you wanna fight? Let's fight. You wanna make me the villain? (When we both know you're the villain, you hypocrite. That's usually your move right.) I'll be the villain. Let's go. Now you're gonna know MY pain. We'll do it your way.

Death by a thousand cuts is what Agatha's been doing to her for centuries so she finally turned it back on her.

And yet even as she's attacking Agatha, she's trying to break through to her. I'm the natural order of all things baby. And you love me. Why don't you want me? There's an awful lot of hurt mixed into this backlash.

Which begs the question, if Billy hadn't interrupted, what would she have really done to Agatha? At the end of the day, probably nothing. She can't outright kill her, it's not allowed. She had Agatha tied up, maybe she would have finally made her fucking talk about what happened to them. Maybe not. But all in all, she wouldn't have killed her. She couldn't. On a metaphysical level or an emotional level. It's the same in episode 1. She makes a big show of fighting Agatha, and then she backs off. She can't do shit.

That's what makes Agatha's death all the more tragic. Rio couldn't and wouldn't have killed her. Agatha could have called her bluff, but she's too blinded by her anger still to see that Rio loves her too much to kill her. Agatha seals her own fate by stealing Rio's power. With the kiss, Rio doesn't even know what's happening until Agatha pulls away. (Some A++ microexpression work from Aubrey there if you look closely). Agatha dies, and she never meant for that to happen. Not really.

She just wanted to fuck her up a little bit. Give her a little taste of her own medicine. Would that fly in any normal relationship? No. In this relationship? I think it was totally justified.

[koipalm]

I know the attendant!sy is a liushen fic but... I'm sorry, but my brain literally can't stop turning SQQ's and SY's relationship over a fire like a very juicy roast. Not even in a slash way just... Like, a god tried to stuff Some Guy in his body, failed, made him a new one and SQQ's brilliant idea was to adopt him as an overworked TA/stray cat. The guy is from a different world entirely, knows just about everything about this world and hates his guts. He has a very good reason to hate his guts. That's fine tho, SQQ believes this is a perfectly normal reaction to him because he literally can't concieve someone NOT hating him. SY being grudgingly grateful is the highest level of regard SQQ is capable of tolerating/understanding. He hates his guts back and yet still takes care of him. He overworks him to the point everybody thinks SY is gonna drop dead any minute and thinks this is perfectly normal, that was how SQQ lived 90% of his life. This man should not be within hearing distance of a child and pounced on the opportunity to put a socially acceptable buffer between himself and his disciples. Tearing his limbs off wouldn't be enough to admit he cares one iota about SY and yet he's probably planning ten different ways to discreetly poison LQG if he so much as looks at SY. This is probably the best relationship (non-romantic or otherwise) SQQ has in his life rn and if that doesn't terrify everyone who hears about it then I don't know what does.

Just. Slowly turning all this over a firepit in my brain.

ive tried to write like 5 different replies to this and theyre all incoherent AUGHHH anyway lets just get into it

one of the most interesting things that i wanted to explore in this au was if sqq and sy had to exist in somewhat close proximity to each other. the truth of the situation is that sqq is actually a lot more lax about watching sy than shen yuan makes it out to be. in reality a lot of sqq's outward expression towards shen yuan is very blank or dismissive. sqq will only really step in if he thinks that someone is trying to take shen yuan away from him. but if shen yuan was in actual physical danger like a demonic beast or a roof caving in, sqq would not move to help him. AHHHH its hard to explain super clearly.

shen qingqiu sees shen yuan as something that is "his" in a more metaphysical sense. although the system could have torn his life apart and shen yuan could have ruined his image and stolen his place, that didnt happen, and instead, shen qingqiu was given essentially an ace-in-the-hole. shen yuan, to him, was almost divinely given, even if it was by divine fuck-up.

shen qingqiu would see shen yuan being in danger as basically natural selection though. he wouldnt keep someone around that couldnt handle themselves, so shen yuan has to get out of conflicts himself. if someones tries to take shen yuan from him though, thats pretty much interfering with the will of the gods, and trying to take someone from qing jing peak (his assistant specifically), so in that instance, shen qingqiu would step in

its interesting tho, shen qingqiu really does just see shen yuan as an assistant. a divinely ordained assistant, but still

[bestworstcase]

i’m the guy that sent that anon like a month ago about summer wearing a mask like maria and actually i have more i want to say about it because. summer is placed on this pedestal, right. pyrrha mentions (i don’t remember the exact quote but) that it’s quite dehumanizing to be put on a pedestal the way she is. and the white fang donned the faces of monsters because humanity viewed them as such. and raven wears a grimm mask with the bandits kinda hiding her humanity (and maidenhood. lol)

so from where i’m standing. summer with a grimm mask

(prev ask)

what pyrrha says ->

I’ve been blessed with incredible talents and opportunities; I’m constantly surrounded by love and praise, but when you’re placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. Everyone assumes I’m too good for them! That I’m on a level they simply can’t attain. It’s become impossible to form any sort of meaningful relationship with people!

and what blake says ->

SUN: I don’t get it! If you believe what you're doing is right, why hide who you are? BLAKE: The masks are a symbol: humanity wanted to make monsters out of us, so we chose to don the faces of monsters.

and for good measure, what adam says ->

We may not want them to know who we are, but we should make sure they never forget what we looked like.

which has a particular subtext coming from him because of his branded eye; for adam the mask is not just a way to protect himself whilst engaging in (illegal) direct action, it also takes back control over what he looks like from the humans who abused him and ensures that his appearance will be remembered in the way he chooses. blake’s explanation is a more poetic phrasing but the essential logic here is the same.

anyway, i will add pyrrha’s description of what a grimm actually is and what aura is ->

PYRRHA: Aura is the manifestation of our soul. It bears our burdens and shields our hearts. […] With practice, our Aura can be our shield. Everyone has it, even animals. JAUNE: What about monsters? PYRRHA: No. The monsters we fight lack a soul. They are creatures of Grimm, the manifestation of anonymity. They are the darkness, and we are the light. JAUNE: Right. That’s why we fight them. PYRRHA: It's not about why; it's about knowing. Understanding dark and light helps us manifest our Aura. Everyone has some of both! By bearing your soul outward as a force, you can deflect harm.

hokay

the purpose of a mask is to conceal identity—to anonymize. grimm are manifestations of anonymity (they are the darkness, we are the light). if you believe what you’re doing is right, asks sun, why hide who you are?—maria tried to keep her powers secret, but it wasn’t enough. and silver eyes:

He'd never been able to find much information about our abilities. Just legends of warriors whose eyes shone like mirrors, reflecting the light of the world onto darkness. 

understanding both dark and light helps us manifest our aura, everyone has some of both. but the grimm are pure darkness (manifestations of anonymity) and silver eyes are pure light (mirrors reflecting the light of the world into darkness).

feverish muttering light reveals, light blinds.

a mirror has no light of its own. on its own, it is lightless—dark. when you look into a mirror you don’t really see the mirror, you see your own reflection. if grimm are anonymity manifest, i submit that silver-eyes are too. nothing can be seen without light, and nothing discerned without shadow. obsidian mirror, silver mirror. (this is why salem is interested in their combination.)

drifting in a more metaphysical direction but the point is: every time we’ve seen summer rose so far has been in ruby’s reflection, either imaginary (ruby visualizes her own emotions manifest in summer) or literal (summer appears as ruby’s reflection in her axe, inside the ponderstorm, and the 9.10 flashback is something ruby witnesses in the reflection of the glass case which she then knocks over, shattering it to see her own reflection in the broken pieces).

GMW gets in on this too: "otherside/did you mean to leave me half or whole?" & "i know it’s you and i when i look inside/i’ll be who you were and i’ll be even more" & "i am the reflection of who prevails/i’m what inspired the fairytale"—as does sacrifice, with "truth will rise/revealed by mirrored eyes."

if summer is wearing a mask the first time we see her in the present, i would bet on it being a mirror. or if it’s grimm-shaped, mirror-bright silver.

[neversetyoufree]

Since writing my last post about how Vanitas understands "salvation" as the preservation of one's self, even at the price of death, I've been thinking about how that plays into Vanitas's thoughts on resurrection. It's only two short lines, but I find the view he expresses in this scene absolutely fascinating.

Vanitas tells Misha that the dead "don't come back," and the fact that he phrases it that way stands out to me. He doesn't say that resurrection is impossible on a physical level; he implicitly concedes that maybe Misha could "bring back" something that looks and acts like Luna. He doesn't quibble about the practicalities of reanimating someone whose body turned to ashes or bring up whatever concept of the afterlife he may have.

Instead, Vanitas says that a resurrected Luna would simply be "something else that looked like her." A resurrected Luna would lack some fundamental part of whatever it was that made Luna who they were in their first life.

But what would they lack? I don't think he's implying that a resurrected Luna would lack their soul—not really. Setting aside the absence of souls as a conceptual presence in VnC, I think that would be too concrete and specific for what Vanitas is gesturing toward. Rather, he's conceiving of the Self in a somewhat ineffable way. On a metaphysical level, a version of Luna brought back from the dead simply Wouldn't Be Her, and he can't put it in more concrete terms than that.

So why does he think this way?

I think the concept of resurrection is awful enough to Vanitas that he has to reject it outright for his own stability. He cannot even slightly entertain the notion that resurrection might be possible, because that would destroy one of his main coping mechanisms.

Resurrection is nightmarish to a man that relies on death as an escape. Vanitas is suicidal, but beyond his self-hatred, his relationship to death is very particular. He's someone whose body and being has been corrupted and violated several times—through violence, through experiments, and through Luna's bite, and he's desperate to retain control of himself in the aftermath. He's desperate for control in regards to everything in his life, but especially his body and his death.

Vanitas is being slowly transformed into something inhuman, and he plans to die someday to escape that fate. The idea that after he's gone, someone could override that decision and force him back into living a life he doesn't want must be unacceptably horrific to him. He dismisses it out of hand because he has to.

Vanitas says a resurrected Luna would, on some level, not really be Luna. Whatever comes back might look like them, but it would lack some fundamental self that makes Luna "Luna." Thus, if Vanitas himself were ever "resurrected" after his death, it would be the same. Death remains an absolute escape for him, and even if someone contrives to bring back something that looks like him after he's gone, it won't be him. That life won't be his problem.

In addition to whatever beliefs Vanitas might have about death and afterlives the feasibility of resurrection, I think this is a key part of his relationship to the concept. He lives his life knowing that death waits for him as an escape valve. He needs that looming death as his salvation. Thus, faced with the concept of resurrection, his argument basically boils down to "nuh-uh." He shoots down the concept and declares that a resurrected person wouldn't be themselves in some nonspecific way, because the possibility of anything otherwise isn't something safe for him to consider.

[the-meat-machine]

The thing about postcanon Dirk/Rose is that Ult Dirk needs Rose way, way more than Rose needs him. Dirk is trying desperately to convince himself, and us, and Rose, that Rose is in the same position he is. But she isn't, and I think on some level Dirk knows it.

This line really struck me in my Epilogues reread:

Kanaya loves Rose, but sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sometimes what you need is understanding.

Because, the thing is, this line isn't really about Kanaya and Rose. It's about Jake and Dirk. And it becomes obvious when compared with another line from later on where Dirk talks about his relationship with Rose:

We’re family. We belong together. And after years of micromanaging the inconsistent and confused desires of total imbeciles, wouldn’t it be a relief to have someone by my side who understood me?

So here's what I think is going on. Dirk feels desperately, desperately alone. His ascension to Ultimate Self-hood is making him aware of all sorts of dire shit. He's becoming aware of his status as a fictional character and the tenuous position of the "canon" he's from. He's "drowning in his own dismal persona", as he once put it in canon. And no one fucking gets it, least of all the man he loves.

Because it's clear that Jake could never, ever understand what Dirk is going through. He does not understand Dirk. Will not understand Dirk. Willfully chooses to avoid understanding Dirk at every turn. And Dirk is so, so tired of it.

And then Dirk starts to get to know Rose better, and… they just click. They truly are kindred spirits in many ways. They have similar senses of humor, similar interests, similar ways of viewing the world. And most importantly, Rose is ascending too. She will soon be in a position to understand what's going on at the same level Dirk does. She'll be able to understand him. And Dirk needs understanding so desperately.

But there's a problem, and that problem is that, while Dirk feels that he doesn't have anyone else who can understand him, the same isn't true for Rose. Because Kanaya does understand her. Maybe not completely. Maybe she'll never fully be able to grasp the metaphysical implications of Rose's ascension. But, importantly, she tries to understand, in a way Jake would never do for Dirk.

And so Dirk knows that, in order for his plan to work, in order to convince Rose to come with him, he has to prevent Kanaya from getting to her at all costs. Because no matter how much he tries to tell himself that Rose would feel the same way he does even without his influence, he knows that if Rose had to choose between him and Kanaya, she would choose Kanaya in a heartbeat.

So he prevents Kanaya from reaching Rose, manipulates Kanaya into telling Rose that she should leave her and go with Dirk. And he suborns Rose's will into his own. He does everything he can to make her part of him. Because in the end, the only way Dirk Strider can understand to not be alone is to gaze at himself in the mirror.

I'll leave you with a quote from Candy:

ROSE: There’s no one who understands me like you, Kanaya. No one who looks at me the way you do. No one who brings me back down to earth with ceaseless, brutal honestly like you. ROSE: I have no idea what’d I’d do without you. KANAYA: You Would Probably Do Just Fine ROSE: Yes, but I’d be very unhappy.