#I truly do love my little legacies that I have; this one is my favorite though.

[theredtours]

my parents accidentally found themselves on the red tour side of youtube recently. sadly they didn't get it but this means that you left a real big fucking legacy with your bootleg, which imo is something to be proud of 😊 (ok to post publicly)

Aww, this is so heartwarming. 💕

I am genuinely still so happy that one of my lasting impacts in the fandom was being able to provide us with some good quality content from the Japan show during the Red Tour, as we never actually got a movie. I'll always be sad about that. If I had known that would be the case, I definitely would have recorded my entire show and not just the secret song.

The real thanks go to whomever originally pressed and sold the audio via eBay though (still in shock that I won that bid, eleven years later), and to Drew (@itssodamnfunny) who helped me with the whole audio editing process. Without them, we may have never actually had the audio from the show, or at the very least, it'd be quite hard to come by.

[unconventional-lawnchair]

" But daddy, I love him "

Mattheo Riddle x Fem!Potter!Reader

Masterlist

Part 2

Summary: Harry finds out his sister is dating Mattheo Riddle Ft. James, Lily, Remus, Sirius - No war au }

Wc- 5178

Cw: Use of {Y/N}, a lot of people saying a lot of mean things, sexual themes cussing}

A/n: Possible part 2 later

Mattheo Riddle had a reputation for himself. Everyone knew him bloodied before they'd seen him presentable. A Hotwire, fizzling and popping, just waiting for the next person to cross him in a way he deemed punishable, ‘the muggle way.’

He never truly had a distaste for muggles or muggleborns, but they stayed clear of him regardless. Voldemort's son was like a cautionary tale told through the halls, of just how ruthless and unhinged death eaters could be. His mother, Beatrix Lestrange, in Azkaban for life for such cruelties, his father had a name no one dared to say. That left very little to the imagination, or maybe just too much? 

Another thing about Mattheo Riddle, he never said what he was thinking, he only acted. So no one knew the true boy outside of his blinding rage, insatiable flirting and the horrid legacy his parents so carefully wove for him. No one, aside from you.

It wasn't supposed to be this way, truly, it was just an assignment.

“I have a student, he is failing in my class, but I know he has so much potential to do better.” McGonagall began. “If you tutor him, I will give you credits towards one of your less favorable classes.”

Was it bribery? Yes, was it technically against school policy? Most definitely. Were you going to say no to free credits for the history of magic? Absolutely not.

You should have been clued in, when she didn't tell you who you were tutoring, but like your father and brother, your eye was on the prize. Instead of a snitch, however, yours were the new napping opportunities in your least favorite subject. 

You were told by the professor that the study sessions would take place during dinner, and you were allowed to request food from the house elves before or after the meetings. You had to wonder; why was this student getting all these special treatments? And what did you have to do with it?  Imagine your surprise when you walked into the library when dinner was taking place, only for your eyes to land on the candle lit silhouette of Mattheo Riddle himself.

You knew him, of course you did, his father had tried to kill your entire family, while you didn't endure the worst of it, Merlin, you were still in your mothers stomach at the time, your fathers horror stories of the DeathEaters and the recounting of the night was so etched into your brain you could likely recall it as if you stood in that room. The day your father saved the wizarding world, by simply, picking up his wand from the couch when he opened the door. 

Despite it all, you tried not to judge him by the actions of his father, so that the only thing you had left were the numerous bloodied fights he'd been a part of since he walked through the doors of Hogwarts. Not to mention the amount of broken hearted witches that clung to his heels.

Though, now, as you stared at him across the empty Library, he seemed so… peaceful. Calm and reserved, maybe it was the yellow light, or maybe it was the way he seemed to be genuinely enraptured by whatever he was reading. Sitting patiently, just waiting. Waiting for you. You quickly snapped out of your daze, walking forward to stand in front of him.

Mattheo lazily glanced up before his eyes widened slightly and his mouth opened a bit in slack shock. “Potter.”

“Riddle.” You acknowledged him. He didn't seem offended or bothered by your presence, more, confused. There was an easy silence between you two before you gestured to the seat beside him. “May I?”

“... be my guest.” 

That's where it all started. Mattheo was nothing like who you thought he'd be. He was respectful, kind, studious and incredibly clever. You had to admit, Minerva was right, he had incredible potential beyond what he seemed to think of himself. He just needed time to sit down and work, instead of his usual activities, and whatever impression he was trying to make for himself.

Your meetings were frequent, and his grades started to improve. As you got closer, the change in his behavior in class was the first thing you noticed. He began to actually work in potions, probably the only class you shared being a year younger and a Griffondor. You heard from Harry that he had actually scored higher than most of their shared class in Transfiguration. Though, it was a comment out of malice, you couldn't deny how it made you preen with pride.

In the halls you were strangers, but in your personal nook of the library, you were a deadly dynamic. He was a flirt, you knew that before, but he never said the raunchy things he'd say to the girls in the halls he'd flirt with, to you. The occasional comment on your eyes or your calligraphy, maybe some that toed the line of platonic study buddies. You figured that was how he showed affection, but you had no real reference point for it. 

If it was another thing that you knew about Mattheo that not many others knew, it was that he adored praise. All forms of it. He would get bashful and try to hide away from it, but you would see how much harder he tried to impress you everytime. You found it amusing, you would hear the teachers praise him and he'd simply shrug it off, trying to play it cool. But in those private moments between.. friends, when you were revising his essay, with mutters of, “That's a spectacular way to look at it, Riddle.”

And 

“That's brilliant. You're brilliant.”

He would turn as red as a tomato. It made you smile. This was the version of him no one else could or ever would have. It made you cocky, it made you want more of the secret Mattheo, the one he only showed to the closest people.

~~

You had gotten so used to Mattheo’s presence. He had stayed out of trouble, been doing wonderfully in his classes, and he still insisted on your study dates. Said they were the only thing keeping him interested in the classes he took. Ever the flirt.

You guessed being used to Mattheo Riddle of all people was the first part to an awful downward spiral. You had fallen for him. Hard. 

You first noticed when he had to cancel one of your meetings. He was passing you in the hall, two Prefects had him by his forearms, and Snape was rattling on about a proper punishment for him. He had a cut lip and a gnarly battered nose. You were on your way to the library to meet, but when you made eye contact with him you visibly deflated. He had that stupid cocky look on his face, teeth stained red as he winked at a few girls he passed, focusing on anything but Snape’s words.

When his eyes met yours, however, his lips twitched and his eyes lost their twinkle. Like a puppy being told no. Or properly, a boy ashamed. And he should feel ashamed.

You had forgotten who he was when you weren't buried in your books. So for the first time in weeks, you were at the Gryffindor dining table, across from Ginny and Seamus, poking at your food in disinterest. Surrounded by friends and family, and yet so incredibly lonely. Ginny eventually caved to your moping, looking over with a loud click of her tongue. 

“{Y/N}?” She called over and your eyes flicked up and an easy smile took over your face. “Ginny?”

“It's good to see you, you've been avoiding the dining hall for a while now.” She teased and leaned her legs forward to lock her ankles around one of yours to keep you in place. You couldn't help but give a cheeky grin at this.

“Well, I would argue anything is better than being forced to watch you make heart eyes at my brother.” You shot back and Harry looked up from his plate curious, met with the view of you being smacked in the face with a bun. 

“Hey!” You challenged and grabbed your own bun before you heard your head of house clear her throat behind you. Slowly, you set down the bread and looked back at her as she gave you a quizzing look. Clearly confused by you being there, asking with her eyes. Not even having noticed the gluten assault.

“Rain check.” You remarked and shrugged before she let out a simple ‘ah’ and walked off. This just set off Ginny’s and now Harry’s curiosity. 

“What was all that? Thought you were meeting a boy, if I'm honest, now I'm not sure.” Ron mumbled and Harry tilted his head at you. 

“Ew, don't say that, that's my baby sister.” Harry huffed and looked over at you. His expression said it all. “What have you been getting up to?”

You stared at him before slowly smirking, leaning your chin on your palm. “Huh, well, me and Ginny are the same age-”

Then, another bun, to your face, courtesy of your brother. “That's enough out of you.” He huffed.

~~

That's how you got here. Sitting in the forbidden woods, trying to demonstrate to Mattheo how to use a patronus, something your parents showed you when you were younger. Your study rendezvous has long since become time to study more than just your core classes. No one else was around, just you two, while everyone else was hidden away in the grand hall eating. 

“So, firstly, this is a spell that most wizards and witches cannot use. So don't be afraid if you never come to pass.” You explained and he rolled his eyes playfully.

“Right, if I'm not past the level you were at as a toddler, end my misery early.” He teased and you gave a playful scoff and crossed your arms. “Not a toddler, just 12.”

He rolled his eyes with his own smirk playing on his lips. You found yourself staring at the peak of his teeth, threw his lips, you felt your entire body respond in kind. “To be fair, you don't need to feel self conscious, I mean, I am leagues above you, even now.”

He gave an offended gasp and put his hand on his chest. His smirk turned wolfish as he walked up to your side. “Is that a challenge, Potter?”

“Define a challenge, I usually just call it confidence.” You quipped and he gave you a once over, you rolled your eyes fondly. 

“Okay, minx, I get three tries. If I summon my patronus, you have to go to Hogsmeade with me this Sunday.” He mused and leaned into your space. You smirked and stood taller, wetting your lips before you glanced from his eyes to his lips then back. “Let's hope you prove me wrong then, Riddle.”

He did not. Prove you wrong, that is. 

Once you told Riddle about the happy memory clause, he seemed less confident. He wasn't even able to produce sparks, and got increasingly agitated with each failure. Usually, he would pull out a smoke and take a break, and you were curious as to why he didn't.

Every other day before you grew close, you would spy him smoking with his friends in the courtyard, but when you mentioned you hated the smell in the library, he started to hold off until after to smoke.

At least, that's what he told you. He would not tell you the truth, that the moment you told him you hated the smell he chucked the last box he had into the black lake.

Mattheo went through his life without any real care. He only ever experienced fear, anger, and disappointment directed at him. He had his friends, Draco, Theodore, Pansy, even Blaise but none of them were particularly affectionate. Past his playful flirting with Pansy, that he now used as a reference for your friendship, he didn't truly have positive influences on his emotions.

Usually, that would result in him using a poor girl or two to get over whatever he was hung up on. Then, he met you. 

Out of everyone, he figured you had reason to hate him most. His father tried to kill your family, his mother killed your parents' friends, his current friends bullied your brother, and he was assumed a death eater before proven one. But that night, he was proven wrong for the first time, when you sat down next to him and smiled. He had never seen something so breathtaking, something that was meant for him.

He had felt for women before, physical and emotional, but never had he experienced you. In all honesty, he never truly looked at you before. You were Harry Potter’s sister, that was enough reason to stay away. Merlin, did he fuck up.

Being friends with you was hardly acceptable, but falling for you? It made him feel all the more pathetic. Knowing he was falling for someone who would never think of dating him. Here he was, making the worst mistakes of his life over and over again.

“Don't get in your head about it.” Your voice called him from his thoughts. He snapped out of it and looked at you. You tilted your head and smiled, hands on your hips in determination. You had taken off your robe, as if to say you meant business. Sleeves rolled up to your elbows and wand brandished. “Just think about something that makes you happy. Happy enough to smile at nothing.” 

“Smile at nothing?” He muttered in an amused tone. Breathing you in like fresh air.

“At. Nothing.” You insisted and waved your wand. “My memory is when my dad took me to visit my grandparents' graves.” You hummed and he gave a startled laugh. 

“Morbid, darling.”

“Oh, not like that.” You laughed. “I listened to my dad talk about them, like, all the time. Mum too.”

You gestured to the pond and his eyes followed yours. “My dad made it easy, it felt like I was really meeting them, ya know? He talked about me and Harry like we were the most important things in his life. I think I felt his love for them in me too, but towards him. I just felt so lucky.” 

Mattheo stared at your awe filled eyes and he gave a small sigh through his nose. It was out of fondness, of course, but he couldn't deny the bit of jealousy that perked up in his chest when she said that. “Yeah.. lucky.” He mumbled.

You looked back at him and your face fell a bit. You had just spent the last two minutes rubbing your fathers love in his face- Merlin. You slowly gave a cautious smile, considering he was still staring at you like you hung the stars. It maked your ears grow hot and your nerves light up.

You reached over to graze his hand, and he seemed to snap out of his trance, slowly, he wrapped his hand around yours, his calloused fingers covering your hand fully. You guys sat like that for a moment, before you raised your wand higher and stepped closer. Leaning your head against his chest and waving it. 

Your patronus whipped out of your wand, the fox wiggling its nose in greeting before she ran around you two in circles. You began to laugh at her enthusiasm, and Mattheo even gave a chuckle. Your eyes on your patronus, his eyes on you. How was he going to win anyway? He was making his happiest memories now.

“I think I can try again.” He whispered and you looked up at him, your patronus vanishing behind you as you lost your focus. He was giving you a look you had never seen before, it was almost dangerous, how easy it was for him to make a mess of you. 

“You think?” You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything above a whisper. He pulled you flush against him, taking the dazed look you were giving him as confirmation. You wanted him too. He could have fainted. 

“Want to help me?”

“How?” 

You got your answer, in the form of his lips pressing so gently against yours. It was electric, your entire face grew hot and you forgot how to breathe for a moment. His hands found a firmer grip on your waist and you slowly wrapped your arms around his neck. You lost yourself in the kiss, letting him lead as he clearly had more experience.

Mattheo couldn't help it, maybe this wouldn't be a mistake. Maybe it was only fair. Being with you made him feel human, like just another boy falling for just another girl. He wanted to feel like this forever. Normal, with you.

He did not try again that night, far too distracted.

~~ 

You met him like that several more times, dinner study bled into evenings, innocent touches became intimate, and bold teases became hushed whispers in his dorm room. The very dorm room you were coming back from now. Walking back just after curfew. 

When you made it back to the common room the first thing you noticed was your own reflection, your hair was frazzled and your uniform was creased. You found yourself wondering how all of that could happen from just a kiss. Followed by a few more. And then some more,, you could completely understand how it happened, actually. You’ll remember it forever.

Once you fixed your appearance, the second thing  you noticed was Harry sitting on the couch with a parchment on his lap, next to him was a nervous Ron and a shockingly ridgid Hermione. Harry’s eyes were on you, Ron’s was on his hands, and Hermione was faking reading a book. You pause before you made it to the stairs, slowly walking over to the three. “Hey you guys! What are we up to?”

“Nothing, just been waiting a few hours.” Harry snarked and you narrowed your eyes in confusion. Suddenly you remembered, you had agreed to meet the trio out for Quidditch practice, they had managed to just get enough people for two full teams, guilt filled your chest. 

“Shoot, Harry I am so-” Before you could even start to grovel he stood up and Hermione sighed, Ron quickly speaking up.

“Where were you?” Harry demanded.

“Come on, Harry.” Ron tried to interrupt. “At least not in the common room.”

“What?” You whispered and Harry shoved the parchment in your hands. It wasn't just any piece of paper, it was the map. Your fathers map. 

Your jaw went slack and you looked up at Harry, Your guilt was quickly overturned by anger. “Were you stalking me!?” You exclaimed and thanked Merlin the common room was empty this late.

“I thought something had happened! Don't deflect! Where were you?!”

“None of your business you slime!”

“You come out of the Slytherin dorms with Voldemort’s son and it's none of my business?” He whisper hissed, You scoffed. 

“Yes, none of your business!” You snapped back and threw the map on the ground. “I don't have to answer to you! And his name is Mattheo!” You hissed back and stepped on the charmed paper, dragging it under your heel. “You’d do best to remember that. I'm not a bloody kid, Harry!”

“You're my sister!” He challenged and you scoffed.

“He's a monster! A Slytherin, his parents are horrid, and our-”

“Do not say another word, Harry.” You threatened as you began to stomp off to your dorm and he huffed. Kneeling down to pick up the parchment and dust it off. 

“I’ll make it easy for you.” He called over and you turned to face him with a glare. “You break up with him, or I’ll tell father over the summer.”

Your face fell and your heart stopped. Harry had this look about him, like he didn't want to be doing this, but yet, he was. 

“You wouldn’t-” You spoke slowly and Harry sighed. 

“Two days.”

~~ 

Those two days were blissful hell. You weren't going to break up with Mattheo, there was no way in muggle hell you were going to willingly give him up.

You did try to talk to him about it, however, several times. At least to warn him why he may have a war hero Auror setting a bounty on his head soon. Your father was protective, far more than you thought was necessary, but he treated everyone as black or white. Usually, everyone was allowed his love and care, that being said, Voldemort was a sore subject.

You would say you were trying your best, but Mattheo was so… Mattheo. He was hard to talk to. A very… physical person? He would complain about how you would be leaving the school in mere days for summer, followed by you being drowned in kisses and wandering hands.

Merlin two days was not enough. Next thing you knew, you were home, in your room, counting the minutes until your mother called you down for dinner.

You began to bite your nails, scrunching up your face when you bit down too far. You sighed as you heard Lily call you and Harry down.

You walked into the hall to see Harry waiting at the top of the staircase for you. He looked regretful, but stern. “Harry-”

“I’ll give you the chance. To tell them yourself.” He mumbled before he walked down the stairs. You mentally prepared yourself and walked as slow as you could down the stairs. Not noticing as Harry glanced at your neck.  

When you walked into the dinning room, your heart dropped. Your mother, father, Uncle Moony, and Uncle Padfoot were all at the table. You cursed and clenched your jaw, Harry stared down at his plate and you sat beside him by Remus. You gave your mom a small thank you as she served you. Sirius and your father were making jokes about their Quidditch days after Harry bragged about their most recent win. You relished in the moment, before all hell broke loose.

You asked your father a question about the story, just trying to seem engaged. He lit up at your interest, turning to face you fully. “Well! When you're a beater, there is this unspoken rule that everyone follows and.. what the bloody hell is that?” 

You narrowed your eyes at his sudden tone change. “What?” You whispered as you looked around the table, all eyes were on you. You took a shaken breath and bit your cheek. “I-”

“That's a hickey, dad.” Harry muttered and took a bite of his food. Your face fell and all the blood left it.

“A what!?” He exclaimed and fixed his glasses on his face, you quickly covered your collarbone. Sirius gripped his silverware, hard, taking a steady breath. “How old are ya, hun?” He asked and you snapped your attention to him. Stuttering and stammering for a moment.

“I think the better question is, who did that? It's bloody horrific.” Remus muttered and you stared up at him with wide, horrified eyes. “U-uncle Moony!”

“Boys, calm down. She's 16, and James, we talked about this. Our kids will be dating soon, I mean, Harry has that Ginny girl and you never fuss at him.” Lily tried to defend and James scoffed. 

“This is hardly the same! I raised him! I don't know a thing about this boy!”

“Or girl.” Remus smirked and James felt his face fall in shock and you groaned, slowly covering your face.

“Remus.” Lily hissed out. “James.” She warned before Sirius spoke up. 

“Fine, fine, it's all fine. I mean, what harm could he do? We've taught her everything she needs to know about the world. Probably some Hufflepuff boy.” He tried to dismiss, and Remus, ever the instigator tonight, spoke up again.

“I'd be shocked if a Hufflepuff did that to my nieces neck.” He mumbled and James began to breathe quicker and heavier.

“Right, right, fine. You're being safe, right?” He asked bluntly and you groaned, melting into your seat. “Please, anything but this conversation right now.”

Lily gave a small fond smile and tutted at the boys. “Well honey, you should invite him over this summer break. I'd love to meet him.” She offered and then Harry gave a laugh. You shot him a look. “Don't you dare.”

“Dare. Very much dare, Harry.” Sirius quipped and Harry looked at you with a pursed lip before he sighed and spoke up. “Don't think you'd want him here is all.”

“Harry.” You warned, Lily sighing. “Harry, you stop that right now.” 

“What? I'm just being honest, dad and padfoot hate Slytherins.” He mused plainly, and James dropped his silverware. 

Sirius gave a laugh, throwing his head back before it slowly died out as he saw your red face. “No-”

“Why does his house matter?” You scoffed. “Not all Slytherins are the same.”

“Yeah, just so happens that he's just the type dad hates.” Harry muttered before he took a sip of water. “Happens to be one he particularly-”

“Harry James Potter!” Lily shouted at him and he had enough sense to seem guilty. He looked down as you tried to sink deeper into your seat. 

“I had a feeling.” Remus spoke up and you looked at him in shock. He gave you a side eyed glance. “You had a quidditch jersey in your bag. You don't play and certainly not for Slytherin.”

You looked down at your hands on your lap as your father shouted. “Why didn't you tell us, Remus!”

“This,” He gestured with his fork towards his husband and best friend. “You're terrifying the poor girl. I saw the name, I have to agree with Harry, you'd lose it.”

“What?” James snapped and Lily slammed her hands on the table. “Will you cut it out? All three of you! Do you want her to hide things from us forever? She'll tell us in her own time.”

Sirius groaned and began to pick at his food. “Whatever. As long as it isn't Malfoy.” He huffed and you shyly shook your head. Sirius gave an exaggerated groan of relief. “Thank Merlin.” 

“Who did that, sweetheart?” James prodded with a warning glare from Lily. “James.” She whispered and they locked eyes. They held that look before he clicked his tongue. 

“I asked you a question, niffler.” James prodded, and Lily slowly closed her eyes, covering her face.

“Dad, I really think-”

“Your dad asked you something.” Remus suddenly spoke up and you looked over at him to meet his eyes. Then it hit you. What he had said moments ago. He knew. 

“I-”

“Y/N.” Sirius prodded and Lily gave you a sympathetic look. She could command your father on a lot of things. But never about you and Harry.

“Mattheo. Mattheo Riddle.” Harry suddenly spoke up, and your blood ran cold. You sunk as deep as you could into your seat and Lily gave a squeak of surprise, before covering her mouth. Remus thinned his lips and clenched his jaw. 

“No you aren't.” James said simply and you covered your face.

“{Y/N}. No you aren't.”

“Dad, please.” You sniffed, overwhelmed. You sat up and straightened yourself. “He isn't some, bad guy-”

Remus scoffed and Sirius slammed his fist on the table. “His father-!”

“He isn't his father!” You challenged, shooting up from your seat and glaring at your uncle. “You of all people should understand that!”

“Watch your mouth.” James hissed and stood up as well. You scoffed and threw your hands up. “I don't understand! He's done nothing wrong! Nothing to any of us! I get that he's not this image you had in your head of what you wanted for me-”

“Dorcas.. Marlene.” Your mother whispered and your body stiffened. You looked over at your mother and your heart broke at her distress. You reached out and she sniffled, dismissing herself. Your shoulders fell and you looked back to your father. 

He was staring at you with a look you've never seen.

“Dad-”

“Your room. Now.”

“Dad! That's not fair in the slightest I-”

“Room!” He boomed and you sniffled before running off. Slamming the dining room door behind you as you walked upstairs. 

It would be a long summer.

~~~

Mattheo was missing you. He had been missing you for days now. You said you would write to him, but he didn't get a single letter. He figured it was likely you were busy, you did have a family to distract you after all. 

So, he wrote you a letter instead. He didn't want to think about how desperate it sounded, how desperate he was for you. He didn't look over it more than once before he sent it.

Little did he know, the second James heard an owl outside, he shot to his feet and hurried to intercept it. You were ever oblivious, in your parents room as you and Lily shared one of many heartfelt conversations over the brief summer. Your mother was doing her best to understand, but it was trouble, trying to believe he wasn't doing this for some master plan down the line. You both went quiet when you heard your father call you both.

When you walked into the parlor room, you sat down on the couch, You looked at the table in front of you and grimaced, You'd know that parchment anywhere. 

There was a long pause, before James spoke up. “The last time I saw this parchment, it was a letter Beatrix Lestrange sent us in our third safe house. Telling us she knew where we were, and that she was coming. Coming to kill your family, {Y/N}.” He leaned forward and picked up the letter and you refused to look him in the eyes.

“It’s nostalgic, really. But these words? ‘I yearn for you. I look at my textbooks from over the years and I wonder what it would be like to have you read them to me’.” He declared. “ ‘You made even the most complex of spells doable. You made things doable’.”

Your mother couldnt help but smile a bit at his words. You grimaced.

“Charming, isnt it? If only the rest of the letter wasnt riddled with innuendo of what this fuck wants to do to my daughter.”

You winced and sighed, the grimace not leaving your face. Mattheo that.. Idiot.

Then,, your mother began to laugh, and James looked at her from the corner of his eyes. “What? Is this funny?”

“Quite.” She smirked. “Sounds like the letters you would send me in school. I used to burn them.” 

He scoffed and leaned back in his seat. “That makes me feel fantastic. He’s a bastard like I was in school.”

“Well.” Lily spoke slowly. “Look at us now.” 

Lily looked over at you just in time for you to glance up and meet her eyes. She smiled sweetly before she continued. “I think its sweet.”

[fanfics-and-love]

Losing Sense of My Morality

Ghostface!Sam Carpenter x fem!reader

Not my gif

Warning(s): canon typical violence, ghostface!Sam, mentions of death, mentions of blood, mentions of drugs, sexy Sam with a knife

Word count: 4.5K words

Summary: Sam had always known something was wrong with her. When she met you, she knew there's was nothing she wouldn't do to keep you safe, even if it meant truly becoming her father's daughter

masterlist | series masterlist

Sam wasn’t sure when the darkness began to take over, or if it had just been always present and she had never fully noticed, terrified of what acknowledging it would mean.

When she had first read her mother’s diary and had learned about Billy Loomis, she had almost sighed in relief, because it finally explained her erratic thoughts that would sometimes choke her. But it petrified her as well, because she wasn’t sure what was really stopping her from becoming his legacy, if there was really something holding her back or she was just a ticking bomb waiting to explode and take everyone she cared for with her.

She started reading articles about him, and his mother as well— her own grandmother. Every letter, word and phrase would sink her further into her fear.

At first she tried to drown it all with alcohol, petrified of snapping at her little sister or scaring her mother even more. However, it seemed to have the opposite reaction; she began to hallucinate him, in the clothes he wore when he betrayed his friends and made Woodsboro a place of nightmares in years to come. She would see him when she was blinded by anxiety or taken by fear. She sometimes wondered if he was really there, or if she had truly gone crazy.

And one day she couldn’t take it anymore, and packed her bags and left her house and family behind. She moved to a different town, found a job and thought she had finally everything back in control. She almost felt like a little kid who had tricked her way out of being grounded after breaking a vase.

Sam stopped drinking, and doing drugs, and found a nice balanced life that she told herself she enjoyed, even if she went to sleep every night looking at the photo of her sister smiling at the camera, showing off her missing front tooth.

Everything was okay, until she met you and she realized nothing had been okay.

You were a senior in high school, who had gone to the bowling alley to celebrate one of your friend’s eighteenth birthday, and she had taken a look at you and her heart had stopped beating for a moment. Her mouth had opened and closed a few times when you had approached her, asking for bowling shoes your size.

You were beautiful, to put simply. Sam had to lower her head a little to look into your eyes, but she found it adorable. She found everything about you adorable, and after a few weeks of talking on the phone, she asked you out on a date, and you said yes.

You began dating, and you couldn’t be happier. Sam was the perfect girlfriend; attentive, sweet, and loyal. She would sometimes pick you up from school and spend the entire day doing your favorite things when she knew you were feeling stressed out. She would also help you with your homework, and was exceptional in Math, which you were thankful for since you sucked at it.

You didn’t care that she was older than you, or that she was very reluctant to tell you much about her past; you loved her, and she loved you, and that was all that mattered.

Until she got a text message and began to freak out.

“What is it?” You asked when you saw her run off from the bowling alley. You had decided to spend the afternoon with her as she worked, since your parents were out of town and your friends didn’t have any plans for the day, choosing to stay in and study for finals. When you caught up to her, her face was completely white.

“My sister,” she whispered. “She— she’s hurt. In the hospital.”

“Shit,” you said, kneeling down beside her. She gave you a soft smile when you grabbed her face in your hands to look into her eyes. “Is it, like, serious? Is she okay?”

“I’m not sure,” she murmured, grabbing your waist and putting you into her lap. You allowed, knowing she was seeking out comfort.

“Are you going to check on her?” you asked after a moment. Sam put her face out of your neck and sighed.

“I’m not sure.”

“I think you should,” you said, moving a piece of hair out of her face. Her eyes were red.

“She kinda hates me,” Sam said. She wasn’t sure, of course; she hadn’t seen or talked with Tara in years, but if she was anything as she remembered her, she would probably scream at her and give her the cold shoulder. Especially if she told her the reason why she ran away.

“Better not give her a reason to hate you more,” you murmured, trying to make her feel better. She chuckled, but didn’t say anything for a while.

“I’m not sure I’d be welcomed.”

“You won’t know ‘til you try,” you said, smiling softly. “How about this— tomorrow is Friday, and I don’t have classes on Monday; I can go with you this weekend, and we can have a small vacation before I start with finals.”

“You can’t just leave, sweetheart,” Sam said, though she was wishing you would say otherwise. If she was going to face her sister, it would be better with you by her side. Everything was better when she had you close to her. 

“I can,” you said. “Listen. I understand if you don’t wanna go, or if you want to do it alone, but if you want me to accompany you, all you have to do is ask.”

“Don’t you think it’d be weird?” Sam asked. “You leaving town with your much older girlfriend right before graduation?”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re like, three years older,” you said, hating how often she used that argument. You sometimes suspected she used it to push you away from her, as if she was trying to punish herself for something. “And I’m turning twenty in a few months. Stop acting like it’s weird.”

You had been held back a year back in middle school after you spent the entire first and second semester sick. Your parents had thought it was the best idea, but you hated that decision since you were basically older than everyone else in your class, which made it hard to really connect with anyone.

“It kinda is,” she said, moving her head to the side. 

“Shut up,” you said, punching her shoulder. She laughed, kissing your forehead.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I want you to come with me. But I think I should tell you about why I even ran away in the first place.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” you said. Sam smiled; she loved how you never pushed her into doing anything she wasn’t comfortable with. 

“I kinda do,” she admitted. “Do you know Woodsboro?”

You thought for a moment. “I don’t think so. Should I?”

Sam looked a little taken aback. “The town with all those serial killers?”

“Oh, shit. Yeah,” you nodded. “Those wanky ass movies. Yeah. It’s close, right? Because I remember my mom freaked out about it when I was young. Almost had us moving out and everything. You lived there?”

“Yes,” Sam said. “Born and raised. I ran away when I was eighteen, and moved around towns until I found a job here.”

“Well, no wonder you left,” you said. “They say that town is cursed.”

“I might be as well,” she said. You looked at her questioningly. “When I was young, I… I discovered something about my father, and… I fucked things up at home, and I started to drink and do other things…” you caressed her arm, where needle scars could be slightly seen. “It was too much, and I just decided to leave one day.”

“Damn,” you said. “That’s a lot. I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“It’s okay,” Sam said, and it was true. Ever since she met you, her mind was too busy thinking about you to allow passage to those thoughts that used to make her wish for a glass of her mother’s best whiskey. “My father, he…” she swallowed. “He was Billy Loomis.”

You stayed quiet for a moment. “I’m guessing with your dramatic pause that name should ring a bell, but I’m not into murder mysteries or scary movies.”

Sam nodded. When she had first discovered you weren’t into horror movies, she had sighed in relief. Of course you wouldn’t know about him; you were too pure to be tainted by his presence. “He was one of the original killers.”

“Shit,” you whispered. “Jesus, Sam… of course you’d want to escape that place. I’m sure your sister will understand.”

“I’m not so sure,” she whispered.

“There’s only one way to find out.”

━━━ • 𖥸 • ━━━ 

It shouldn’t have happened this way. It was the only thing in Sam’s mind as she sat in the waiting room, killing time as you were getting surgery.

“A punctured lung,” one of the doctors had said.  “She’s lucky to be alive. We’ll do everything we can.”

It shouldn’t be you in that cold bed, with sheets as white as your face. It should’ve been me instead.

When you had gotten into town, things had been good. You had met her sister and her friends, and you had stayed with her as she told Tara the truth, and even when she was attacked by ghostface at the hospital (god, you hated that name so much). You defended her when everyone had started to point fingers in her direction, and had held her at night when she finally broke down and had told you about her father, whom she was starting to see in every corner, just like she used to before she met you.

Richie had attacked you. Amber’s weird old nerdy boyfriend, who everyone suspected of. He had thrown you into the ground and stabbed you, laughing as he did so, screaming about how he was going to kill Sam’s little whore.

Sam hadn’t been able to stop nor control herself. When she had seen the blood coming out of your mouth, she had thrown herself against Richie and grabbed his knife, stabbing him over and over in every inch of body she could get. She didn’t even stop when Tara called out her name, petrified at the sight of her sister’s crazened stare, nor when Sidney had tried to take the knife from her hands. The only thing that had made her break out of her thirst for vengeance was your gasps for air, watery from all the blood gathering in your throat and drowning you.

“Baby,” Sam had whispered, moving towards you. She had held you in her arms, hands shaking when she saw all the blood. Richie’s and yours, mixed up in her skin. She hated it. It was all her fault.

Something had snapped inside of her afterwards. She had carried you towards the ambulance that Gale had called, not even bothering to wait until they fully stopped driving before screaming that you were hurt and needed help. Afterwards she had been driven to the hospital by Sidney, with Tara in the backseat staring at her.

Sam didn't care. She couldn’t think of anything but the warmth of your blood as it escaped your body. The mere thought brought tears to her eyes.

That had been a day ago, and Sam couldn’t move from the chair she had sat on when the doctor had told her the news. She had only done so to awkwardly wash herself in the hospital bathroom sink, rubbing at her skin until it was red and raw; she had changed into the clothes Tara had brought with her, and had simply moved back into the chair.

“Sam,” Tara called out, watching as her sister rejected the food she was offering her. “Sam. We need to talk.”

“I’m not in the mood,” Sam whispered, resting her head in her hands. She knew once she opened her eyes again, she would see Billy sitting in front of her, smiling.

You did good, kid. He would say. You protected your girl. Don’t let them tell you it was wrong.

But it was wrong, and Sam knew. Even if she didn’t feel like it, she knew— it was one thing to attack in self defense, another to stab a man’s body until he was unrecognizable. She knew it, because she was not stupid, but still her hand shook with the need to grab a knife and stab that man again, until Billy finally left and you woke up.

“I don’t fucking care,” Tara said. “Sam, what you did—”

“I did what I had to do to protect her,” she said. She wasn’t sure if her tone was too harsh, but given Tara’s flinch she guessed it was. “Just as I’d have done with you.”

“Fifty-eight times,” Tara said.

“I know,” Sam said. There was shame and regret in her voice, and it was not faked. She really felt bad, but not for what she did; she simply regretted making her sister see her in such a state. “I know. I know. God, I fucking know, Tara,” she looked into her sister’s eyes. After she had discovered her mother’s secret, Sam had spent hours looking at Tara’s face to find some similarities between herself and her. She loved that their eyes were the same. “I don’t know what happened.”

“I get it,” Tara said, softly. She was trying to help her, Sam knew, but she was doomed; no one but you could understand her. “But you need to know that’s not normal.”

“Gosh, Tara,” Sam said, looking away from her. “Of course I fucking know. But don’t tell me he didn’t have it coming.”

“He did,” Tara whispered. It almost looked like she was scared of Sam. “But… Sam, it looked like you weren’t there. Like… like you’ve disappeared for a moment. Your eyes…”

“My girlfriend was bleeding out on the floor and the man who harmed her was going to hurt her again. Was going to kiII her,” Sam said. She needed Tara to understand. “I would’ve done anything to make sure she was safe.”

“I know,” Tara said. “But… promise me when she’s okay, you’d consider therapy? Please?”

Sam looked into her eyes again, pleading and desperate. She nodded. “Of course,” She said, and then laughed. “I’m gonna need so much fucking therapy I might need another job.”

“Fuck. Me too,” Tara laughed with her, resting her head on Sam’s shoulder. The older woman had sighed in relief.

“One thing, though,” Sam said after a moment of comforting silence.

“What?”

“Don’t tell Y/N about this,” Sam whispered. “Please. I… I know what I did was wrong, but… It was the adrenaline. And I’m going to get help, alright? I— I just don’t want her to leave me over this.”

“Okay,” Tara nodded. “I won’t.”

“Thanks.”

━━━━ • 𖥸 • ━━━━

And so you woke up, and Tara kept her promise. 

You managed to finish your exams while you were still in the hospital, and decided to spend your summer vacation with Sam and her sister in Woodsboro, where you planned on moving into New York with them after the universities acceptance letters began to arrive.

Your parents weren’t too happy about it, but they were glad you were at least going to a good college and that moving in with people you knew instead of strangers, especially after what happened (your mother was honestly just glad you weren’t going to stay in Woodsboro, so when you told her you had gotten into Colombia, she clapped her hands and told you how happy she was through the phone)

And so New York it was. Sam found a nice apartment for the two of you and Tara; it had three bedrooms, so with time, Tara proposed a roommate.

That was when it all began again— that burning feeling in Sam’s chest that screamed at her to keep you safe, to take you away from everyone and ensure you were okay. Every time Tara interviewed someone for the room, Sam stayed in the shadows, looking at the person and imagining them in Richie’s place, stabbing you until you stopped breathing.

She couldn’t stand it. She wanted to— she wanted to kill them.

And then Quinn moved in. Tara liked her, and you as well. She was funny, kinda crazy, easy to talk to and an extrovert. The perfect roommate, Tara had said, since she was barely at home.

Yet Sam hated her. She hated when she would walk into the kitchen and see you laughing with her, close enough for your elbows to touch. Sam hated it, especially because she was being irrational— you loved her, and you would never cheat on her. If she were to talk with her therapist about it, he would tell her that she was feeling intrusive thoughts, and would prescribe her more pills to keep her mind at ease.

But she wasn’t crazy. She knew Quinn liked you. She could feel it in the way her eyes traveled down your body when you were going to the kitchen after dinner to grab a bottle of water, her intense stare on the skin your pyjama shorts didn’t cover.

“She’s trying to take your girl,” Billy would whisper in her ear once you two were in bed. “Are you gonna let her?”

No. No, she wouldn’t. She would die if she saw someone stealing you. She needed you like air, dependent on you like a fish relied on water.

And so in October, when the streets began to fill with Halloween decorations, she saw it. Ghostface’s mask.

With shaky hands, she pulled her wallet and bought it. She hid it in her backpack, and only took it out the next day, when you and Tara were in class. The silence of the house soon filled with Billy’s voice.

“That’s right,” he said, standing over the doorway. “Put it on, kid. Own who you are.”

Sam looked at the mask. It was cheat, made of thin plastic, nothing like the ones the other killers had worn, but once she put it on and looked at herself in the mirror, a thrill went down her back.

Excitement, a rush of adrenaline so addictive Sam almost felt lightheaded. She hadn’t felt like this since she had killed Richie.

“Now go kill that bitch,” Billy said, standing behind her. For the first time since he had irrumpted her sanity, his presence made her feel glad, happy, even.

She couldn’t just kill Quinn, of course. She wasn’t stupid. She had to wait for the perfect time, and once she had it, she would take it and make that woman rue the day she laid eyes on you.

She wasn’t going to be like her father, she was going to be so much worse.

━━━━ • 𖥸 • ━━━━

The time came a few days later. Quinn was going to a party with Tara, and you were going to stay in with Sam, as a small date.

She enjoyed the quiet night together. You made her dinner, and despite the lasagna being a little burnt because you two had been too busy making out on the couch to take it out, she loved it. You watched a movie together, cuddled on the sofa, and then, feeling adventurous, she carried you towards the bedroom as if you were a bride on your wedding day. She made love to you, and pretended to fall asleep beside you, but once she had made sure you were sleeping, she had gotten up and grabbed her backpack.

Sam had left the house then, as quietly as she could, and once she was outside in a place without cameras, she had gotten the mask out, alongside the black robe. She had put on the mask, and the robe, with the backpack underneath out of fear someone might find it and track the crime down to her. She had to be careful— she couldn’t be put into prison. She had to be with you to ensure you were safe.

“Do it, kid,” Billy said when she had grabbed a hunting knife she had stolen in a store. “Go kill her.”

“Shut the fuck up,” she said, turning around. “Leave me alone.”

Her breath was heavy as she blinked and the man left her. Sam shook her head; she couldn’t waste time on this. She needed to be quick; you usually woke up at midnight to go to the bathroom.

Gripping the knife, she made the small walk towards the house. Halloween was still a week away, but college students were already throwing Halloween parties. No one looked twice at the woman in disguise, thinking it was just another party-goer.

She waited on the front door of the apartment, and bid her time until Quinn appeared. The redhead smoke, so it wasn’t too long until she appeared, cigarette in her mouth, probably kicked out by the owner of the apartment. She was wearing a red dress and small wings, in what she had called a slutty demon. Sam hated the way she had particularly asked you if you liked it, even though you were too distracted with preparing dinner to really look at her.

With that memory alone, she was once again taken by anger. Not letting the woman time to light up her cigarette, she walked towards her and stabbed her in the back.

Quinn screamed in pain, her lighter falling to the ground as she tried to run. But Sam was fast, tripping her over and making her fall to the ground face first. Quinn screamed for help, but the few people around were too drunk to understand the girl was in actual danger.

It was almost too good to be true.

Feeling enlightened by her screams, Sam turned her over, slamming the knife into her abdomen over and over. Her arm seemed to have life on its own, swinging back and forth. Sam breathed hard against the mask, laughing when splashes of blood flew out of Quinn’s mouth and into the piece of plastic covering the brunette’s face.

“Please, please,” Quinn was begging. Her entire face was covered in the blood she was choking on, and Sam stopped the stabbing to admire the sight beneath her. It was beautiful, the red mixing in with the dress. Two shades of red coming together so perfectly it almost looked like nothing had happened to her.

But it had. Oh, it had. Sam cleaned the bloody knife in the robe and raised up from Quinn’s body. The girl sighed, thinking the stabbing was over. She was already reaching out for her phone, which she was keeping in the pocket of her dress. When Sam saw it, she slammed her boot against the hand. Quinn screamed again, and Sam stepped on the hand until she heard the bones cracking. Only then did she kneeled beside her.

“This is what happens when you try to take my girl,” she whispered, as close to her ear as the mask allowed it. Sam saw recognition flash over her face, and with a smile, she raised the knife and stabbed her in the face until the girl stopped moving.

The walk back home felt almost like a dream. Sam had to look at her bloody gloves a few times to make sure if she really had done it, or if it was all a fantasy. But the red against the black answered her question every time.

I did it, she thought. I killed that bitch.

She was chuckling when she took off the mask and stared at it, the white tainted with splashes of blood. She liked the sight of it.

Sam could barely remember going back home, or hiding the backpack with the mask, boots and knife underneath one of the loose floorboards of the living room. She wasn’t even aware of her erratic breathing until she got back into bed. She wrapped her arms around you and you turned around, cuddling into her neck. Only then did she finally take a deep breath, smelling the scent of your vanilla shampoo.

Safe, she thought with a sight, pressing you closer into her body. Safe and mine.

Tara woke the two of you up a few minutes later, running into the room and talking about ghostface. Sam rubbed her eyes and complained about being awake even though it wasn’t true, and allowed Bailey to take her into the police station to interrogate her. It was a perfect alibi, just as she had planned; you had told them everything that had happened the night before, recalling how Sam had fallen asleep before you. Tara had also told the blonde how she had been the one who had woken the two of you up after she had talked to the police.

Sam was innocent. They had nothing against her.

The routinary questioning stopped pretty soon, and you waited for her outside the police station as Tara called Mindy and Chad. She caught up with them, and they agreed to meet up in your apartment.

Sam walked away a few minutes later, hugging you tight. She pretended to freak out with Tara as they talked, aware detective Bailey was still watching. She even feigned getting scared when a police officer ran towards her, handing you your phone which you had forgotten in the station. She kept Tara and you close on the way home, pretending to be scared of getting attacked. She held you close to her on the sofa, putting you on her lap when Tara began to tell the others about the night before.

She almost wanted to tell you not to be afraid when you two went up to your room after Mindy and Chad left. She hated seeing you scared. She had done all of this to make sure you were safe.

“Hey,” she said, when you started to really freak out. “Hey, baby,” she grabbed your face, kissing your forehead. “Don’t worry, baby,” she whispered. When she saw tears forming in your eyes, her thumbs whipped them. “I’ll keep you safe, okay? I’ll always protect you.”

Sam hugged you, allowing you to cry into her shoulder. She whispered sweet nothings into your ear, promising nothing would happen to you.

You told her she couldn’t promise something like that when Ghostface had come back, but she just shook her head, kissing you. She knew, but she couldn’t tell you.

So she just held you close, basking in the warmth of your body close to hers. The warmth was sweeter and more innocent than the blood that had splashed from Quinn’s dying body, and she closed her eyes.

Sam didn’t regret it one bit. She would do it again if someone tried to take you away from her. She would do it over and over until it was only the two of you, alone in the world.

[kissami]

YOU’RE THE GOOD AND I’M THE BAD

part two

SUM: you always had a tough relationship with your family, favoritism was a big thing and we all know you were the last pick in the cherry field. Katsuki though…you were his favorite thing. Katsuki then has a moment of weakness crack through his strong exterior.

WARNINGS: family issues, thoughts of self doubt, cute katsuki, then shifts to depressed katsuki QUICCCKKK!

femreader! with she/her pronouns!

author’s note at the end of this :3

series masterlist

"I DONT THINK I've ever seen anything like this before.

Keeping her eyes still on the cereal box, Y/N ignored the way her parents were gawking at the flowers that stood all dried up and old in a water bottle near the windows of the kitchen.

"They seem pretty dead to me." She chewed her food throughly, swallowing down slowly as her parents ignored her, keeping their attention on her sister.

"How is it possible for a dead flower to create a new one in a plastic bottle...last night when I brought it out I didn't see anything strange with it but as soon as I was going to throw it out, I noticed the new stems."

Y/N couldn't help but feel a sense of annoyance when her sister spoke.

Her sister annoyed her to the core no matter what she did. Maybe it was because she grew up with her older sister getting everything handed to her or maybe just the way she spoke sort of ticked her off. Like an annoying bug you can’t get rid of because you can’t find it so it’s endless buzzing continues in your space, almost in a mocking way.

"It's like new beginnings can happen anywhere, you know? This little rose was so close to dying, but this little new flower will continue its legacy."

"Oh my gosh, how much more cliche can you get? It's a fucking flower, it's natural for it to grow. Stop getting into your little dramatic theories all the time with stuff like this."

Y/N spat, placing her spoon down as she watched the way her sister bit back her remark, because deep down she knew exactly how her parents would react.

Her mother gasped, obviously shocked that her quiet child would speak like that to her poor sweet daughter who said something so beautiful.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

The younger girl held back the urge to roll her eyes as she got up and walked back upstairs to her room.

Y/N was a smart and gentle girl, but the people she lived with made it impossible for her to be truly happy.

She was used to it at this point. She would get lectured over every little thing wether it be wrong or right. Hiding away in her room was what made her feel less insane but they still had something to say about that.

"You never talk with us anymore. You're shutting us out so much, do you not love us anymore? Am I a bad mother to you?"

Every time her mother said that, it resulted in her getting yelled at by her drunk father to stop being such a burden and a bitch to her mother while her sister was busy else where.

When can I finally be happy?

Flopping onto her bed, she snuggled deeper into her sheets as a few tears went down her plump cheeks.

This poor 17 year old girl was truly going through it. Her father was rarely home but when he was, he would always remind her how miserable their lives became ever since she was born.

They were always low on money and could barely afford some things, but while her sister was busy buying things for her own benefit, Y/N was busy trying to meet ends meet, yet she was still the burden of the family.

It wasn't fair how easily her sister gotten their love. They sacrificed so much money just for her sister to throw away the things they've gotten her the next day.

She just wanted to feel like she was appreciated or cared for. Wasn't it her parents' job to support her? Her father's job to protect her from any harm but here he is, hurting her the most before any man ever did.

Didn't her mother have to give her advice on her future and given compassion that she will make it far in life instead of being shamed for being a bit (bigger/smaller) than everyone else around her and that no man would ever love her?

And her sister, wasn't her sister supposed to be her best friend who would be there no matter what? But here she is, getting backstabbed by her own flesh and blood.

Y/N was getting so exhausted. Her life was barely starting, and she was already considering leaving so soon.

Am I too...much of a burden to be loved, even by my own family?

Y/N flinched from a rough knock on her window, making her sit up and fix herself up as she saw who it was.

"Katsuki what the hell are you doing here? If my parents find out you're here..."

"Babe, shut up and let me kiss you."

❁ ❁ ❁

Katsuki groaned as he felt something slam into his stomach which resulted in him staggering back.

"Oh my! I'm so sorry, Mr! Oh wait, mama look!!! It's Mr. Dynamight!"

Katsuki looked down and sighed a bit as he saw a young girl in her tweens looking up at him in awe.

"Can I get your autograph,sir?"

"Kassie what did I say about being disrespectful. I'm so sorry, Dynamight."

He shook his head at the mother and signed the girl's journal.

He felt his heart stop as he saw it was one of (Y/N)’s books, her signature being right next to where the girl wanted katsuki to write.

Katsuki blocked out the people’s voices completely as he felt his chest rise up and down, a single tear leaving his eye which he quickly wiped away.

"Here kid." He passed the beautiful book that he had millions of, hidden away in his office, back to the little girl and quickly fled the scene.

As he walked back to his agency, he continued to feel the heavy ache in his heart.

No matter how much time had passed and the years flew by since the incident, he still heavily mourned for his first love every single time someone mentioned her.

It was stupid he thought. She was famous, he was famous, people asking him about her was bound to happen, or situations like this where he catches a glimpse of her book that wasn’t one that he owned, having to relive that she was taken so soon. She had so much to live for, her story just began.

He found it unfair how she could finish so many incredible stories yet never could finish her own.

He felt so selfish right now. He still couldn't move forward even if he had someone important in his life now and even a child of his own.

He will and always will be hers.

author’s note: well well well…hi. LOL. Sorry I haven’t updated this series in almost a year!! Holy fuck. I’m really sorry you guys, I lost inspo and just felt so lazy to edit this, but she’s here! I swear on my skittles I will get my shit together and update this series. I never realized so many ppl remembered it from my wattpad days?? That’s insane?? Thank you my pookies,I’ll try to update every week but really it just depends on how I’m feeling :3 anyways, enjoy amor mío!

[thatoneidiotyoulovesomuch]

I think one of Ever After High's biggest problems is the lack of characters and/or the lack of commitment to the rebel and royals tension. (Also this is coming from someone who has only really watched what's on Netflix. I have seen everything but I have just watched the Netflix specials wayyyyy more)

But what I mean by that is there will be moments when our main characters will be really hostile towards each other. Like during Legacy Day when all the royals were booing at Raven for not signing the book. Or the cafeteria fight after Legacy Day. Which makes a ton of sense for the plot of EAH. However, there are also a lot of moments when the rebels and royals are friendly with each other. That doesn't make a ton of sense when compared with the two instances I mentioned earlier. An example of this would be in Briar's Study Party, where they are all studying and dancing together. I just think it's strange. Also I'm not really thinking about Apple in all of this. She feels like a special case. I'm more so thinking about Briar, Ashlynn, Dexter, Blondie, Daring.

So I think in order to remedy this there are two options. Maybe even three. I'm also going to be focus on the royals more in this because I think my problems really lie with them.

Option 1: add more side characters that are the hostile ones during scenes like Legacy Day and the cafeteria fight. (Specifically royals) That way, our main characters like Brair and Ashlynn don't seem fake when interacting with characters like Raven, Maddie or Cedar outside of the scenes.

Option 2: make the royal characters specifically be mean/rude/hostile whatever to the rebels all the time. Some ways I would incorporate it into scenes already present in the show would be: when Apple and Raven are going to find a new mirror (which they go to all royals) have the royals they go to be curt with Raven. Or the look on their faces turns into a frown whenever they see her. So we can keep up the rebel vs royal and make it seem more believable.

Option 3: make the royal vs rebel tension a complete facade. A facade they only keep up around teachers or their parents. I guess one could potentially make an argument that this is kinda what the show is doing already, but not really. Because you have characters like Blondie who does everything to be consider a royal or Apple's whole thing she's got going on. It's obvious that the tension is truly there, especially with scenes like the cafeteria fight who would they have been pretending for? There were no teachers or parents there. They genuinely were fighting. So in order to make if feel like a facade I would have a scene where characters admit that they don't feel any hostility towards the other side but feel as though they need to act like they do. That would explain scenes like the booing at Legacy Day. And if you put some teachers in the cafeteria when the fight happened, it would also make more sense. But just to make it a little more interesting I would have scenes with the rebels feelings being hurt. Like Raven feeling absolutely awful after Legacy Day and refusing to talk to Dexter afterward because he was booing too. Also this pretending would primarily fall with the royals because I feel like it benefits them the most but we can have some scenes were the rebels do it too.

But those are my thoughts on that. I've always thought the characters' relationship was weird. Ever since I was a little kid. Also this is not a complaint about the show. I love this show so so so so much. It's one of my favorites ever.

[sapphire-writes]

Yay lovely! I was wondering if you think you could write something with Aegon & Helaena where Aegon takes their younger sister!reader (or not a sister if you’re not comfortable with that) as a second wife, but it focuses on Helaena x Reader plzzzz 💞💞💞

The Queens ~ Aegon x fem!Reader x Helaena

warnings: 18+ smut below the cut (fingering, oral fem receiving, cuckholding, teasing, more dominant reader) word count: 2.0k note: okay I kind of made this filthy (reader is a lady in waiting) but I was in the mood for some smut and as a raging bisexual I thoroughly enjoyed writing my first Helaena smut! hope you enjoy 💖

You remembered when you first felt feelings of desire surge through you for the princess. 

You had hurried to Helaena’s chambers that morning, running late from breaking your fast. You were one of her favorite ladies in waiting, though Helaena only told you that as to not hurt the feelings of others. 

“There you are!” Helaena exclaimed, her pretty face breaking into a smile, “I hoped you could assist me, I cannot seem to get the rouge the way I would like.”

You smiled, walking toward her. 

“You spend so much time in the gardens, princess, you already have such a lovely glow,” you tell her, smoothing some hair from her shoulder, and taking the blush from her hand. 

Helaena blushed as you kindly scolded her, bit her lip at the smile that teased on your face as you uncapped the rouge and dipped your fingers into the pot. 

You’re so close you can count the silver lashes that frame her lavender eyes. 

“Here,” you said, leaning close, “perhaps just a bit, on the apples.”

Helaena’s violet eyes remain locked on your focused face as you begin. You spread the rouge onto the apples of her cheeks, smiling as you create a glow to her luminescent skin. 

“Perhaps the lips as well?” you asked, dipping your fingers toward the pout of her mouth. 

“Yes,” she breathed against your fingers, sending warmth pooling into your belly. 

“Let me get closer,” you murmur, scooching towards Helaena, eyes trained on her lips.

You left her chambers that morning with lips reddened by her sweet kisses.

It took little to no effort for Helaena and you to continue your meetings. Aegon was rarely present in the mornings and Helaena always called for you. 

Fear trickled into your relationship with the princess at talk from your father to marry you off to some lord in the Reach. Helaena was distraught at the idea of losing you, remaining sullen and closed off from her mother, other ladies, and the children. 

“You must get up, Hel,” Aegon had prompted, sitting at the edge of his wife’s bed.

Helaena said nothing.

“What would you have me do?” Aegon begged, disturbed at his wife’s state.

“The dragon must have three heads,” Helaena tells him, silently crying.

Aegon frowns at this.

“You would have me wed her?” Aegon asks, “This would not upset you?”

Helaena sat up in bed, clutching his hands in hers. 

“Would you?” Helaena asks, eyes wide and watery, shimmering pools of liquid amethyst. 

Aegon strokes her cheek.

“If it pleases you, of course, I shall,” Aegon tells her. 

So you were wed to Aegon, joining Helaena as one of his wives. Now Aegon had the namesake of the Conqueror and his legacy to match.

Though it was well-known who truly called the shots in your marriage. Helaena clung to you, like the sweet little dove she is, fingers always laced through your own as you paraded through the Red Keep. Aegon and you took longer to warm up to each other, though Helaena was desperate for you both to get along. 

It took some time, but you and Aegon found your rhythm. Where he was authoritative with Helaena, he surrendered himself to you, often enjoying the power you seemed to hold over him. In your chambers he was not the firstborn son of a king, he was simply a man, kneeling and begging for your affections. Which is how he wished to begin the night, tonight.

Aegon knew as soon as he got into a disagreement with Helaena, she would run to you for comfort. He could practically see the wheels turning in her head, see the words ready to spill from her soft lips before she turned to leave. He waited in blissful agony until finally being summoned to your chambers. 

As he enters the chambers he sees you with Helaena, laying on the bed. A disapproving look on your face as you run your hand through her soft silver curls. You click your tongue, eyes aglow with mischief. He’s hard already, straining embarrassingly through his breeches. 

“Take off your clothes,” you tell him.

There is no title attached, neither prince nor husband. Aegon does what he’s told when it comes to you, and he quickly rids himself off his clothes. 

“Sit down,” you tell him as he walks closer to the bed.

Aegon glances at the chair, before sitting down, legs spread, cock standing at attention.

“I like you like that,” you call to Aegon, “far away from her.”

You squeeze Helaena’s breast in your hand for emphasis before kissing the side of her neck. She is on full display for him, seated between your legs leaning against your back as one of your hands trails dangerously lower down the soft skin of her stomach. Brushing lower, past silver curls your fingers spread apart her silky folds, teasing the sensitive hidden pearl.

“You weren’t saying that last night,” Aegon insists, eyes darting between the hand that massages Helaena’s soft breast, and the one that dips into her entrance. 

Helaena releases a breathy moan as you curl a finger inside her walls, just one to keep her placid and wanting. Her lashes are fluttering shut as pleasure washes over her from a subtle crook of your finger.

“You were much more well-behaved then, if I recall,” you tell him, scraping your teeth against Helaena’s neck before kissing the sensitive spot beneath her ear. 

Aegon grins then, enjoying the game already.

“I think you enjoy punishing me,” he murmurs, violet eyes meeting yours.

“And why would that be?” you ask, further teasing him by adding a second finger into Helaena’s greedy cunt. 

Her hips buck against your hand, her head falling against your shoulder.

“I don’t know,” he answers, head tilting to get a better view, “it brings you pleasure.”

“This,” you curl your fingers expertly against Helaena’s spongy walls eliciting an elongated moan, “brings me pleasure.”

Aegon brings his hand to his cock, encouraged by Helaena’s pants.

“Ah ah,” you scold, “you’ll do nothing of the sort.”

Aegon squeezes his cock, releasing some precum that dribbles down his tip, before obeying your command. He can feel his jaw tighten as he watches your fingers quicken, your thumb tap that sensitive little pearl that makes Helaena tremble against you. 

“Oh, oh,” Helaena moans, clenching around your fingers as her release washes over her. 

“That’s it, my sweet girl,” you praise, slowly removing your fingers and peppering kisses anywhere your lips can reach.

Helaena has done nothing wrong, after all, and deserves nothing but affection. She smiles up at you, catching her lower lip between her teeth.

“Let me taste you,” she murmurs, “please, please my love.”

You hum softly, brushing the hair from her face and kissing her.

“Lay down my sweet,” you instruct and Helaena lies on her back.

You climb up her torso, kissing up her stomach and between her breasts, pausing to take her hardened peaks into your mouth, suckling at her nipples and nipping the soft skin of her breasts. As you make your way upwards, you straddle her face, lowering your dripping cunt to her awaiting mouth.

You sigh with satisfaction as Helaena begins to spread your folds with her tongue, dipping into your dripping center. Aegon is beginning to crack now, watching you lose yourself in the pleasure Helaena gives you. 

“Do not touch yourself,” you call to him, as his hand inches closer to his cock.

Aegon whines, thrashing in his seat as you roll your hips against Helaena’s eagerly lapping tongue. You drag your hands up your stomach to cup your breasts, squeezing them as Helaena buries her mouth between her silky folds. Her tongue has weaved its way so perfectly into you, thrusting against your tender walls. 

“You live to torture me,” Aegon says, hungry eyes locked on the nipple your fingers play with.

You smile coyly at him as Helaena’s hands squeeze your bottom before she moans against you. Helaena knows just how to please her lady wife, and knows just where to lip, nip, suckle, and kiss to have her shaking and trembling from pleasure. 

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it,” you tease, a moan escaping your lips, “fuck Hel just like that.”

Always eager to please, Helaena’s grip on your arsecheeks tightens, small fingers digging painfully into the tender flesh, sure to leave bruises. Her tongue abandons your clenching hole, dragging its way back to your throbbing clit. Helaena never tires of burying her face between your thighs, relishing the sweet sounds that spill from your lips, the sounds only she can truly bring forth. 

She knows what every sweet sound means, like reading music. The notes of your pleasured cries paint the back of her eyelids and she moans, knowing you’re close to your peak. 

“A wicked enchantress you are,” Aegon taunts, for it’s all he can do besides claw the armrests, “What sorcery have you cast on me to make me obey you?”

Your smile grows and you lean back, reaching your arm around and massaging Helaena’s neglected clit. She thrashes beneath you but never lets up her movements with her mouth.

“You enjoy being told what to do,” you tell Aegon, “that’s what makes you such a good boy.”

Aegon whimpers as you close your eyes, pleasure beginning to crest within you.

“Please,” Aegon begs, “please let me, and I’ll be good to you.”

“The reward is greater if you’re a patient, sweet boy,” you purr, “you know this much is true.”

Aegon bites his lip and digs his fingers into the armrest. His cock is hard and angry, the tip weeping precum down the sides of his thick shaft. It twitches in the cool air, desperate for relief. But he knows now if he’s not good, none of that will be awarded to him. His best bet is to wait, and hope desperately you’re in a giving mood. 

Your moans reach a new octave and you shudder around Helaena’s head, mouth falling open in ecstasy. You relish the feeling of your orgasm shuddering through you, sending warmth flooding through your limbs, before easing off of Helaena’s face. You kiss her then, tasting yourself on the slick that covers her mouth and chin, pressing your body against hers. You love how it feels to be on top of her, feel the smooth soft flesh of her breasts pressing against yours. 

You look up from kissing her, meeting Aegon’s eyes. 

“Are you done being cruel?” Aegon asks pouting. 

“You’re pushing your luck with that attitude,” you say, feeling Helaena wrap her arms around you, “We could go several more rounds and just leave you there.”

“All hard and wanting,” Helaena adds, giggling below you, “you’re so mean my love.”

“I suppose it would teach him a lesson,” you tell her, kissing her collarbone, “perhaps he’ll cum after all, we needn’t touch him.”

“I wonder,” Helaena giggles, fingers stroking your sides.

“Please,” Aegon begs, eyes wide, terrified at the thought of being unsatisfied. 

“What do you think Egg?” you tease.

“Please let me be good,” he whimpers, “I promise, I’ll be good to you.”

You hum against Helaena, bodies slick with sweat, moving against each other in a pleasurable rhythm. You moan as Helaena enters you with her fingers, eager to please you once more. 

“Perhaps in a while,” you tell him, a shiver of pleasure rolling through you, “if you stay nice and quiet.” 

Aegon whimpers once more, head hitting the back of his chair, but does not protest as you and Helaena tangle yourselves together once more.

note: I hope you liked it! As always, comments, likes & reblogs always appreciated and I hope you have a great day! 💖

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[mrsbrookemunson]

I have a Sebastian Sallow request for you!!! Reader and Sebastian are the top two duelers at Hogwarts, and they’re each others enemies. They always bicker and try to one up each other. Everyone is sure they hate each other. But then comes the last championship day of duels, and in the duel before she’s supposed to fight Sebastian, she gets really hurt and Sebastian panics and rushes her to the hospital wing. They realize they actually like each other and perhaps some love confessions??

You're a real one for this - aka one of my favorite writers 💕 I changed up the request a little to make it more angsty—I still hope you like it 🥹 Also - hey guys! I am new in the Hogwarts Legacy writing community, but I've been known for my James Potter and Remus Lupin fics - along with some other fan favorites.

Warnings: *Not Proofread*, Canon violence (blood, injury, fighting), insecurities, slight dark!seb in this, mentions of gameplay (slight spoiler warning), fem!reader, she/her pronouns, "MC' insert, heavy angst in the beginning and a bittersweet ending (can be left up to interpretation) This is like a complete alternative of what happened in the game. Be warned *insert evil smile*.

Word Count: 2343

Darkness.

That's all she saw in that moment. She could hear her own heartbeat, the blood rushing through her veins, her own slow, shaky, weak breaths as the pain of breathing soon subsided into numbness.

Where did it all go wrong?

The image of his eyes nearly black as the night sky, and that haunting smirk on his face that she grew so fond over.

Fond. Now that was one way to describe. No - she didn't hate him, but he hated her. Her feelings were quite the opposite, that soon behind each bicker and snicker grew a warmth in her chest - a fire that she learned to contain within herself, it would've only been a matter of time till she burnt herself.

Was it love?

It felt like life threw her warnings left, right, and center - that love only causes pain. She didn't think the pain would be so bad to the point where it led to her death. Though, as she slowly accepted the darkness behind her eyelids, she thought... maybe death wouldn't be so bad if it meant escaping the reality of heartbreak. Until she was drawn back out again.

Where did it all go so wrong?

They've been together through so much. He was the only person - besides Professor Fig - who she thought listened to her.

Oh how he listened to her...

"Let me see if I've got this straight. You have Ranrok and Rookwood after you because of something you found at Gringotts - where you ended up via a portkey. You can see traces of ancient magic that you think Ranrok is trying to harness. And now you've been witnessing memories left by 'keepers'? Oh! And this house belonged to a Hogwarts professor - who was one of these 'non-quidditch' keepers - hundreds of years ago." He shifted on his feet. "If I didn't know you - " His smile, it could send her over a million times. " - I'd think you were pulling my leg."

In that moment she couldn't believe her ears - had there really been someone in her life that truly listened to her?

"You're not listening to me!"

"Why would I listen to someone so ignorant?"

She cursed at herself, hearing the slight crack in her voice, and from her vision becoming blurry with tears. "Maybe your uncle was right... you don't know when to stop."

"Oh, I do know when to stop."

It felt like it only got worse after that. He was always disagreeing and trying to start arguments with her. Not thinking before acting. Who once always listened to her soon became a brick wall. Maybe she should've voiced her worries, maybe then she would've been able to salvage the already broken pieces of their friendship.

But, she didn't.

Instead, she chose to turn her back on him and walk away. She chose to avoid him - to ignore him. The number of letters that he sent increased every day when she simply tucked them away without reading them. Her stomach twisted and turned doing so - but it was better than the outcome that most-likely would've happened if she chose to stay.

And when the year ended, winning the battle against Ranrok, losing Professor Fig, she had the slightest sliver of hope that he would've spoken to her - grieved for her - oddly enough, she wanted him to yell at her for being stupid enough to go into such a war without his help. But, he didn't - and she felt foolish for thinking he would.

Would they ever speak again?

"MC, Mister Sallow - up onto the dueling platform," Professor Hecat instructed.

She swore she heard him grumble something under his breath. She noticed how Sebastian's physique changed over the summer after their fifth year. He became taller, his voice got deeper, his eyes became darker, and his skin got paler. Merlin, he looked sickly.

She glanced at him, cautiously before stepping up onto the platform.

She lost. He laughed. How cruel.

"She thinks just because she won a battle against Ranrok, she's the best dueler at the school."

It spread like wildfire.

Lucan was all over it. It seemed as though the two best duelers competing against each other was his way of keeping students engaged in his little 'unsanctioned' club.

It became much bigger than that.

Darkness.

"MC?" she heard a voice call out. "MC?! Wake up!"

"What have you done?"

Time slipped away from her. Seventh year came around, and no progress was made between her and the boy she desired in a way that was almost like a lucid dream. He was right there, she could touch him, feel him if she wanted to - but she knew, if she gave in - she'd wake up.

She didn't want to wake up.

Her own body didn't listen and her eyes cracked open. It was too bright to truly process her surroundings and the pain came back as if she was hit by a train. Her head hurt and it became hard to breathe again.

Why couldn't she breathe?!

Sobs escaped her when she felt something sticky on her hands. She looked down and saw blood soaking through her dueling clothes. She started to hyperventilate.

Hands came to grasp her face and she was met with brown eyes. Not the dark - nearly black - she found herself getting used to. No. Brown. Brown like honey, golden like the sun, melted chocolate she wanted to drown - merlin they were beautiful. Such eyes didn't deserve to hold tears nor look so broken, they deserved to be crinkled by smiling and closed by laughing too hard.

"S-Sebastian?" she called out in a rasp.

He shushed her and ran a hand down her head to soothe her wild, untamed hair. His eyes then widened when he pulled his hand away abruptly to glance down at his fingertips. That's when tears began to fall down his rosy, freckled cheeks. "It'll be okay, we're getting you help, okay?"

She couldn't quite understand him, like she was underwater. She felt dizzy and her eyes were getting heavy again.

"No - no - no, don't close your eyes." He patted her face. "Please, don't close your eyes. I need you to stay awake... help is on their way," he paused. "Stay awake from me."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Why would I do anything for you anymore?" she whispered.

His face contorted into one that expressed such hurt. "Wh - what?"

"After everything... why do you even care? You hate me."

His eyes widen. "H - Hate you? I never said - "

"Don't lie to me..." she cried. "You - you did this, didn't you?" She grew angry. "And to think I would've given you the world if you had just listened to me!" She struggled to raise her voice causing her to violently cough. "To think I loved you..." Her head rolled and he instinctively readjusted to keep her head steady.

"MC? MC?!" He shook her as he cried. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry - you're right - it's all my fault - "

"Step aside! Let us through!" Professor Sharp shouted over all the students panicked filled voices.

Professor Weasley, and Professor Hecat followed him.

Sebastian held onto her tight and attempted to wake her up once more. He pressed his fingers to her wrist, but couldn't find anything. Panic struck him like lightning, he leaned down to press his ear to her chest. Her heartbeat barely there. He watched as her skin was losing its color and he suddenly felt sick.

What had he done?

A couple days had passed and MC had not woken up, yet. But, she was alive... surrounded by gifts and 'get well soon' cards. Sebastian hadn't left her side and practically begged the professors to induce a punishment after she had woken. In this moment, he felt the need to be by her side.

The guilt was eating at him alive, already have gotten a lectured from the professors, Ominis, Natty, Poppy, Imelda - Hell, even Lucan was scolding him, adding the point that his club is ruined because of his actions. He couldn't stop thinking about what she said before she knocked out.

She loved him...

That thought sent butterflies throughout his whole body. And Merlin, he wishes she'd wake so he could say it back a million times over between apologies. Loved... Did she still love him? That dawned on him. He gripped her hand tightly in his as the fear crept in - this could be the last chance he has to ever act of feelings rather than insecurities.

When did it all go so wrong? he wondered.

"I love you too," he whispered to her in the dark infirmary. "I've loved you since you beat me in that duel to be honest." He chuckled, dryly. "My new charge." He smiled fondly over the memory. "That day we fought that troll, I must admit I was a little jealous. I wanted to prove to you that I could be your... 'knight in shining armor' as awful as that sounds..." He frowned. "But, you didn't need me. You never needed me." He shook his head. "You are stronger than you know." Tears began to flood his eyes. "I'm sorry I hurt you - I hurt you more times than I can count and - " He swallowed. "It will haunt me everyday pass death. Every time I close my eyes, it's a replay of what I did, a neverending nightmare where I see my reflection of who I've truly become. To the point i can't sleep or eat." He weeped. "Everyone was right. I don't know when to stop. And because of that I lose everyone around me... Maybe my uncle was right about me. Maybe I should just leave and never return." He raised her hand and gently kissed her knuckles. "As much as I'd miss Ominis, and Anne, and you - I'd probably be for the best... I'm just a disaster waiting to happen."

MC began to stir on the bed, her eyes fluttering open to meet his. "I did need you, you know," she whispered. "I needed you when it came to Ranrok, and when I lost Professor Fig - you were the only person I truly wanted to be there with me, but you weren't. And part of that is my fault... for so long - I just wanted you, it didn't matter what you had done, but I knew if I went to you my love for you would only grow and I knew that wasn't in the cards for us. You wanted so badly to save Anne, I knew I couldn't fit in there and it would've been selfish fo me to."

"I would've preferred you to be selfish rather than you shut me out."

"I never did such a thing! I tried talking to you but you'd never listen to me."

"Because i was angry - I was angry at where my life had become and who I was becoming and I knew if I opened my mouth I'd ruin everything between us."

"There was nothing between us!"

"I wanted there to be!"

"Well, I guess it didn't matter because look where we are now!"

He pulled his hand away to drag it over his face, using both hands to rub at his eyes. "What went so wrong between us?" he questioned, defeated.

They sat there in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable - but tensions were high. Thoughts coursing through both of their minds at a frantic, overwhelming pace.

MC closed her eyes to try and steady herself mentally. She sighed, "Sebastian I - "

"I want us to start over again, from the very beginning."

She looked rather surprised to hear him blurt out such a thought. "And what? Forget everything that's we've been through together?"

"No, but... we can at least try to move on." He sounded so hopeful. "At least give me a chance."

She laid back in her bed and observed him in silence. The way his eyes were practically pleading her to say yes, to give him relief of what she could tell had been weighing him down for the last two years.

"We'll get it right this time, I promise," he begged and reached out to grab her hand again. His dark circles became more prominent as they were glazed with tears. The moonlight seeping through the windows made him look like a crestfallen angel. "Please."

Her heart squeezed at the sound and sight. With hesitation she spoke, "My name is MC, I started in Hogwarts as a fifth year and crazily enough I can see traces of ancient magic and am known as the 'Hero of Hogwarts' because I defeated Ranrok and ultimately ended the Goblin War."

His smile left her breathless. Weak, yet so powerful. His shoulders lowered drastically with a shaky exhale. "That is a lot to take in... but I wouldn't mind listening to you talk for hours on hand if that's what if takes for you to tell me everything I missed."

"Quite the commitment you're willing to make..." she paused. "And your name is?"

He smiled a little wider. "Sebastian Sallow - and as a note - I am known for committing to something till the end. I don't easily give up."

She returned the smile. "Good to know."

"And to add onto that - I'd wait for you as long as the Earth spins until you are ready to accept me once again as who I once was."

She gave him a rather mocked look of suspicion. "You won't go changing on me, will you?"

He shook his head, hastily. "Never, this - what you see right here - this is what you're getting, nothing else."

She was crying along with him at this moment - but more in relief that she didn't have to carry the burden of her true feelings any long. And she knew - deep down - it would take time, step-by-step opening herself up to him as he would to her. But, she'll consider it yet another quest that she couldn't wait to finish, knowing it'll lead to the next part of their lives together. So, with a soft grin -

"How can I refuse?"

The end.

Should I make a part two - almost like an epilogue?

If you'd like to be part of my Sebastian Sallow taglist let me know!

| Requests Open |

[ewwww-what]

rank the bad kids in order of preference i dare you

You showed up and casually told me to do my favorite thing in the entire world ever as if I didn’t already have 23 google documents doing this exact thing.

I’m doing this seasonally, based on STORY preference and how often I think about each of their character arcs per season, to ask me to rank their personalities based on my honest love for them would be a cruel and impossible task. Also I’m hiding it so people don’t actually have to see this whole post because I refuse to be short about list making!!!

Freshman year:

1) Riz Gukgak

2) Gorgug Thistlespring

3) Kristen Applebees

4) Adaine Abernant

5) Fabian Seacaster

6) Fig Faeth

Riz gets to be the first on my FY list because I think about his entire battle with friend making and connection so much in that season it’s crazy, Fig is last cause I feel like the later seasons address her identity issues in so much more depth than season one gets the chance to, it doesn’t majorly resonate with me on its own so much as a doorway for future development.

-

Sophomore year

1) Kristen Applebees

2) Fabian Seacaster

3) Riz Gukgak

4) Adaine Abernant

5) Fig Faeth

6) Gorgug Thistlespring

This one is an immensely close call because SY is my favorite D20 season of all time. Kristen’s arc of Rejecting the god who created her to be his beacon? Fabian’s arc of learning himself outside of the shadow of his fathers legacy??? All devastating. The only reason Gorgug is at the bottom is because the moments where i resonated with him the most were mostly very short and sweet up until the final few episodes, whereas I was pretty much on the floor dying about everything else the whole time. Do not take this to mean I didn’t like them, “sometimes I’m not good at saying the right thing / and I’m just a little bit of a mess on top of that” kills me dead every time I think about it.

-

Junior year

1) Fabian Seacaster

2) Kristen Applebees

3) Gorgug Thistlespring

4) Fig Faeth

5) Riz Gukgak

6) Adaine Abernant

Another amazingly close call for this one, I’m super stuck between Fabian’s whole situation of becoming an adult and realizing how entirely lonely he feels despite being surrounded by people, and Kristen’s desperation to bring back the only god she truly believes in. Gorgug having just realized that he’s smarter than people give him credit for, and then immediately having that understanding unfairly challenged by an authority figure had me rolling every. Single. Episode. Adaine trying to grow up while also coming to terms with the fact that she never got to be a child in the first place???? Honestly I have never cried more. Devastatingly she is in last place only because I watched Riz go through his entire academic pressure arc while it was finals season for me and I was holding on by a thread, and also because she had a wider array of things happening rather than one single driving event.

This one was tough. I love this evil horrible (so so so good) show.

[ape-apocalypse]

Road To The Kingdom - My Planet Of The Apes Retrospective

With the hype for Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes on the rise, I decided to do a bit of a deep dive into the trilogy of reboot movies starring the incredible Andy Serkis and the various tie-in titles.

Why ramble on about a series that most people seem to overlook? Well, I think back to an interaction I had here on Tumblr in 2017, just one week before War For The Planet Of The Apes came out. While scrolling through the POTA tags, I found a post that wondered if anyone was actually excited for the new film or if the studio hadn't gotten the message and was making it for an audience that didn't exist. I responded that I was genuinely excited for the new film, that I loved the motion capture apes and the action scenes and the surprisingly engaging story, and would be seeing it opening weekend. The other person seemed surprised by my honest answer and apologized for their snarkiness (a truly shocking turn of events in the history of the Internet!).

I explained that I'd gone into these films thinking of them like Jurassic World series; I wasn't there for a great story and deep writing, I just wanted to see dinosaurs destroy things. So when I went into the POTA films, just expecting to see fun action movies with monkey chaos and apocalyptic results, I was surprised that I was swept up in the characters and their stories. I loved seeing the life of Caesar from tiny carefree baby to resilient revolutionary to fearsome leader, and the lives of all the humans and apes around him. The other poster said they hadn't actually seen the movies, just expected them to be shallow cash-grabs on reboot nostalgia, but they might have to reconsider giving them a shot after my enthusiastic response.

So if I can sway the minds of anyone who has written off these films, more movie tickets sold might mean more films and other media told in this ape apocalypse world!

And even if you already know and love the films, I also want to give some love to tie-in materials. Books, comics, YouTube shorts, video games; POTA has a surprisingly large catalog of bonus material for a series not considered mainstream like Marvel or Lord Of The Rings or Star Trek. I don't see them get many mentions in the fandom so hope a little spotlight on them can help them shine. They have delicious tidbits of world-building and character backstory, filling in gaps between the movies. I already have my fingers crossed there will be some tie-in material covering some of the huge time jump between War and Kingdom. With three hundred years passing between them, there is so much to learn about the ever growing and changing ape societies. I'm eager for any scrap of info they'll share!

But really, even if nothing I write changes anyone's mind about this franchise, it's still fun to gush about one of my favorite fictional universes.

My brief history with POTA was that I didn't know much about the original films before going into the new Andy Serkis trilogy. I'd heard enough about the original film to know the main beats of the first movie (quotes like 'damn dirty ape', the reveal of the planet being Earth with the Statue of Liberty). I saw the Tim Burton film which didn't leave any kind of impression other than the incredibly realistic costumes/make-up, so much so that I was apprehensive of the CG apes. Since getting into the new films, I've started watching the originals and may cover those just for fun.

So whether you're a long-time die hard fan or a fresh face to Caesar's legacy, I hope you'll enjoy my thoughts on the Planet of the Apes franchise!

Links to all my posts as they are released:

- Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Film

- Prelude and Contagion Comics

- Motherboard YouTube Shorts

- Firestorm Tie-In Novel

- Fall Of Man Comics

- Dawn Tie-In Comic

- Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes Film

- Revelations Tie-In Novel

- Last Frontier Video Game

- Crisis Video Game

- When Worlds Collide Comics

- War For The Planet Of The Apes Film

- War Tie-In Comic

- Caesar's Story Novel

[necrotic-nephilim]

this is an invitation to ramble about slade/batboy ships: sladick, sladejay, sladetim, sladedami, and other batfam member/villain ships, especially jayroman and ra'stim :)

AAAAAA this is so delightful oh my god thank you. adding a read more just because this one is going to get Long to cover all the ships and all my opinions. because my god do i love Slade.

firstly, the original Robin/villain ship, SlaDick. Slade Wilson, literally created to be a Teen Titans villains, with the original Robin he cannot be normal about ever. i'm so sad there's not much interest in Slade aside from making him a generic Evil Guy who canonically likes teenagers because i think to just boil down his complex with Dick to 'weird attraction' robs them of SUCH nuance. Slade *trusts* Dick, he trusts Dick enough to ask Dick to train his own daughter Rose. and initially Slade's complex over Dick isn't sexual, it's seeing Dick as a replacement for his dead son, Grant. that's messy as hell and i love them for it. i don't think there's a single villain that has the respect for Dick that Slade has. i'm always of the opinion Dick's attraction to Slade is rooted in daddy issues and Slade's attraction to Dick is rooted in dead son issues. do i think they could end up as an old married couple? yes but only in a world where Dick is completely broken and feels alone. my favorite SlaDick flavor is post-Jason's death. Dick and Bruce are arguably at their worst during that era to begin with so Dick is pretty isolated and emotionally unstable. and Slade would take such advantage of that, swooping in to offer Dick emotional stability and fucked up sex to get out pent up emotions. (i'm big a big fan of Dick fucking out his feelings tbh) and Slade is just. this sort of bad habit Dick will kick for a year or two then come crawling back to. you can directly track how well Bruce and Dick are getting along based on how many times Dick has slept with Slade recently. and that's the prize, for Slade. knowing Dick will come back to him, eventually. it's all about patience. and if something really extreme happened to Dick (like Bruce's fake death) i think they'd even date briefly. it's not entirely impossible for Dick to date someone he disagrees with morally (see: his flings with Helena) and i think Dick would keep trying to 'save' Slade, using the upper hand he has of filling in this role of Slade's dead son to try to domesticate him. would it work? who knows but if anyone is going to try over and over, it's going to be Dick. it's practically self-harm for Dick yet the only thing keeping him sane. i love them.

SladeJay is... an interesting one for me. because i like the *potential*. but they have no significant interactions pre-Flashpoint. and while usually i can forgive New-52 and Rebirth for their grievances if it has ship fodder i just... can't do that for Jason. Judd Winick's Jason is the only Jason that exists to me so even Slade and Jason's canon interactions matter little to me because it's not the version of Jason i care for. the upside of that though, is it's more of a sandbox to explore what they could be and there are no limitations. i can just run wild. which is fun bc. you're telling me Slade wouldn't be so drawn in by the idea of a dead Robin who's come back and is now the antithesis of Bruce's morality? i think at some point Slade would want to poke the bear, really see what Red Hood is made of. do i see them working long-term? no but i do think Jason would have zero qualms working with Slade if he got something out of it. and if he could fuck with Bruce or Dick by having a short, fucked up relationship with Slade? that's even better. i don't think Slade could ever truly respect Jason, at the end of the day the Dick Grayson standard is too high and Slade would sneer at the idea of a legacy who fucked it up so bad he got blown up. but, he'd see that as Bruce's failure more than Jason's. and for Jason to have someone look him in the eye and say that Bruce *failed* him? i think that'd just *do* something to Jason. and Slade has lost a son, he knows what that loss feels like, how you feel you failed as a father. would he have interest in being fatherly to Jason? no but i think he'd have fun momentarily manipulating Jason and seeing what reactions he gets out of what jeers. Jason's been calling himself a failure this whole time, so to have someone else say it is no real big deal, but to have someone else say it's Bruce's fault and voice Jason's feelings? they'd have the most fucked up sex with the most unhealthy dirty talk that's both gentle and degrading. i don't think Jason would ever let himself get too close, he's far too emotionally guarded. but for a second, i think he'd fantasize about having even *half* the amount of attention that Slade gives Dick. bc what has Jason always been, but in Dick's shadow.

SladeTim. my two blorbos. in one place. somewhere in my drafts i have a half-started longfic about SladeTim that's one half really fucked up porn and one half slowburn feelings. arguably Tim and Slade don't have many canon interactions, but it's fun to me that when they do, Slade always seems sort of startled by how well Tim fights back and Tim's willingness to fight dirty in a way even Dick doesn't. and to me, that's the crux of this ship. as far as Robins go, Tim should sort of slip under the radar for Slade. he's not the dead one turned villain, he's not the grandson of Ra's al Ghul, hell he's not even the child of a second-rate villain like Steph, he's not *the* Dick Grayson, he's just... the other one. grew up pretty rich and normal and fell for all of Bruce's wax poetic nonsense. so when Tim puts himself on the map as a hero, makes himself a worthy opponent against Slade that's interesting. even to Tim, Slade isn't a particularly remarkable villain since Slade cares to stay more on Dick's radar. so when they cross paths there's a lot of unexpected. neither of them have thought about the other too hard. so there's this interest and intrigue about it i love. i'm a big fan of the idea Tim is a massive masochist, both physically and emotionally and Slade is The Sadist Ever so. i like them falling into bed together and having the most fucked up sex. like Tim just being a Weird Little Freak so fucked up even Slade raises an eyebrow. because this isn't what you *expect* of a kid like Tim, who's had a pretty easy life before tangling with vigilantes. he should be like a fish out of water, but instead he's matching Slade's energy in ways even Dick doesn't. and of course, how smart he is, that's an asset. it takes a special kind of kid to have the audacity to poison Lady Shiva with hotel chocolates and pull it *off* no less. it earns a begrudging respect, and it's rare to get Slade to respect someone. i really like the idea of Tim seeking Slade out only for fucked up sex and somehow Slade falls for this weird little freak who's cold and clinical outside of sex and keeps him guessing.

i'll be honest i've only considered SladeDami in the context of seeing antis say 'omg Slade has been predatory toward Damian ewww' and going 'no the fuck he hasn't but if you want that so bad i'll ship it just to spite you all' but their canon interactions do fascinate me. a lot of how they interact is predicated on Slade as a father, even more so than SlaDick. like Slade will fight Damian and then be like 'hey be good to your old man fathers need their sons' and fucking dip. and then with the whole Respawn thing and Shadow War? that was extra crunchy. for a brief moment Slade had a son who was a brother to Damian and then he goes and *dies*? talk about the complex that would give him with Damian, the spitting image of Respawn. Make Slade Weird About Batkids That Remind Him of His Son 2024. Damian holds an utter contempt for Slade that is simply unmatched. so Slade not leaving that kid alone because of his weird issues, making sure that Bruce doesn't screw up with Damian the way he screwed up with Respawn is very fun. and Damian slowly building up a tolerance to Slade's annoying antics could be fun. Damian is, at his core, still just a kid who needs the approval of something father-shaped and he will Take What He Can Get. are they ever healthy or long lasting? no but i do think Damian would cling to Slade during his teen years for something incredibly fucked up and codependent until either Slade dumped him or he forced himself to get over it.

JayRoman. i will not lie love these two but i don't think i've read many Black Mask comics when he's not interacting with Jason. which is funny because my entire conception of Roman is him just getting humiliated by Jason and really what more is there to know about the man. Jason is so unserious in how he handles Roman and the best part is you can tell it's truly because he doesn't see Roman as a threat. Roman's just a pawn in the game of getting Bruce's attention and sure, Jason is aiming to kill Roman by the end of it, but he'll always have bigger fish to fry. and that's so *infuriating* for Roman. this new guy who's *clearly* a fucking teenager shows up, owns you so badly it shatters your empire, and then you only live bc he seems to have gotten bored of you. JayRoman is my particular favorite ship for the flavor of 'the sub in bed is in control of every other aspect of their relationship and their submission is a gift that can be revoked at any time' which we don't get enough. fucked up power dynamics always have the sub being the one lacking control. and whilst i enjoy when Roman is able to absolutely control and manipulate Jason through various means, i think in canon, it makes far more sense he's pathetic and begging Jason for even a *chance*. and Jason very specifically picking who he subs for based on someone who he could kill or destroy at the drop of the hat if he needed to is a very Jason thing to do. there will never be trust between these two. they will fuck nasty and Roman will be in love with Jason. but they are both carrying a gun during sex. the gun is probably involved during the sex.

Ra'sTim. my everything. Red Robin (2009) you will always be famous to me. what *don't* they have. forced proximity. enemies to lovers. forced partnership. one-sided obsession. ridiculously large age gap. deep unforgivable betrayal. i will never evacuate these two from my brain dear god. Ra's is another one of those villains who gets painted with one broad stroke of being cartoonishly evil with no exploration of his interesting nuance. making him nothing but a villain is boring. where is the Ra's who loves so deeply and fully and has to lose his loved ones over and over and will not let that happen to Tim. he wants to consume Tim in a 'cannibalism as a metaphor for love but also probably literal cannibalism' way. the amount of trust put in Ra's in order for Tim to be able to betray him as spectacularly as he did? that's glorious. Tim had full unfiltered access to Ra's' computers even when he was advised against trusting Tim so much. and then Tim wins against Ra's and willingly lets Ra's kill him. (obviously Dick saves him, but I'm of the opinion Tim was just committed to dying in that moment and he was Okay With That) 'i will betray you if it's the last thing i do' as an act of love. Tim is to Ra's what Dick is to Slade. you will never convince me Tim and Ra's didn't hatefuck at least once during RR (2009) with a questionable level of consent. i'm so serious i will never shut up about them. the way Tim talks about working with Ra's as if he's making a deal with the devil and Ra's talks about Tim like he's the precious, once in a life time thing, one of the only people worthy to produce an heir for Ra's. how's that not gay. what other ship involved one of them literally trying to have the other's baby to raise as an heir. Ra's would probably carry the baby himself if he could. memes aside they're just so. they're so it. i love when Tim is forced into a Situation where he has to work with Ra's and confronts the darker aspects of himself that Ra's wants to bring out but Tim wants to squash. it is The corruption kink. whether Ra's succeeds or not in corrupting Tim doesn't even matter because the real crux of this ship is the chase. it's the way the heart pounds when they reach out for each other and you don't know if it's for a kiss or a killing blow. it's very Hannigram to me, in that i don't even need or want them to kiss to know they're in love. love to them is not true love's kiss, it's the thoughtful place they decide to stab the other in. be the sheath to my dagger type ship. hold all this bloody violence i know you're capable of inside of you. let me cut the violence out of you ship. what more can you ask for from a ship. Ra's would tie Tim down and torture him both as foreplay and as a love language and Tim would be too fucked up and self-sacrificial to stop him. always playing the dangerous game of how far will the other let them go until someone tries to die or kill. listen i think i lost the plot here but my point is they're unwell about each other. Tim will make Ra's regret the day he met Tim Drake not just for the betrayal but because Ra's can never go back to a time Before Tim. before knowing what the chase felt like. they're so. them.

[thattimdrakeguy]

What Happens When You Only USED To Care

I find it extremely hard to take any person in the fandom that does that schtick where they make fun of Tim based on made up or overly exaggerated stuff seriously.

I can't even find it within myself to give them the power of my hate, because it's more like a fly near your ear. You swat em away and bye bye bye.

Maybe it's because I know so much about how DC ended up being, that I can tell when they're bullshitting and saying stuff others put in their ear.

I mean you take a kid's favorite toy, and add modifications and paint jobs that take away the whole point of the toy, the kid's aren't going to want to play with it anymore.

Am I expected to blame the toy itself?

Especially with how the fandom has bastardized these characters that they so clearly love, but they still constantly get cancelled.

And I won't make mention of who, because someone will get sensitive, and plus then say "WELL TIM DID TOO" showing they're completely missing my point and didn't read the whole post.

I'm not sure why the fandom thinks taking complex and fascinating characters that allowed readers to escape their potentially bleak lives to jump into something more joyful (at least in an entertainment kind of way) and turning them into sitcom tropes is a great idea that OH IS SO GREAT, and EVERYONE WILL PREFER.

'Cause when the comics start copying that trend, you're actually scaring most people away.

Sure it's different from the big bad edgy we had to deal with a while, but it's still not getting these things back to were the once were.

You're replacing the bad, with a different flavor of bad. This time coated in a superficial dusting of praise that doesn't help anything get anywhere.

See, the fandom isn't as big as it may seem. It functions as an echo chamber which gives the illusion of their being way more. These comics wouldn't constantly be cancelled if they were as good or as popular as people make them out to be.

So all those posts praising the nonsense are as functional as having that one friend who praises you no matter what while the rest of the world says otherwise. Might feel good at the time, but let's face it, it gets you nowhere.

And that's just how the internet works. A bunch of little weirdos sitting around making their chamber, and thinking what they say to someone else still matters.

But it don't.

It doesn't.

They're all just so confident they mean something, when they mean as much to the greater world as a weed so far out of view, you don't bother trying to pull it.

You can make up what ever you want, and try to be as abrasive and irritating about what you made up as much of you want, go out praising when some desperate writer that settles for brownie points over critical praise and legacy puts it into a comic to find validation also as much as you want.

But the lack of genuine interest from most people still leaves it as a dud.

So many characters people think are popular, when they're tragically not, no matter if they were formerly good, is saddening. Because a lot of these characters at one point were good, and interesting, and genuinely popular beyond the small pond filled with indignity.

At best they have fan bases that once cared but now no longer do. That don't bother paying attention, because why should they after being denied the simple thing they want--good writing and characterization. The whole reason most start reading in the first place.

I might point one finger at one of these dudes, because I can comfortably say I used to love them too.

No one bothers trying to help out, and bring them back up though.

They want the instant glorification from a bunch of nobodies, who don't care about them as a person, and are only a validation machine instead of anything with a beating heart in it that will truly be there for them when times gets rough besides thoughts and prayers alone.

And as many years as I've seen this stuff, it never stops.

If I haven't been in a better place since I've almost entirely left DC behind in the dust, I would consider that depressing.

These people are online doing this so much that it is what they dedicate their lives to.

It is their life.

They made themselves so unlikable though, that a lot can't be bothered to find pity.

If you have to rewrite reality in your brain, what's the point of living there? You're just convincing yourself you're the only one not wrong, with no hint of irony. What a weirdo thing to do.

Clinging on to things with no solid backing.

In the grand scheme of things they are that insignificant unless you're also stuck in the chamber.

Hell, the only reason I made this post as long as it is, is less out of care and passion, and more because I can't help myself from being overly wordy.

If only DC could be fucked to remember what it takes to write good stories instead of ripping fandom people off. Maybe something would click in and once again take off.

And giving the illusion they now care--

As we can see with the frequent cancelations--

That only works when you have the talent and know how, to tell good stories, with great characters once again. A retro paint job and partially putting the character where they should be can only do so much, when limited talent has to take the rest of the wheel.

Otherwise all you're gonna get is a month or two of decent sells...and it's back into the dumpster again. Where the higher ups might eventually decide to blame the toy and not the manufacturers.

Unless you're Batman or Superman or that level of iconic/popular.

Disappointingly and quite obviously, it's not hard to know if not assume most characters don't have that level of icon to have their back in the dark times. Meaning most go back into the void unless the ones upstairs think this time their new failed from the start scheme will win them all back.

The secret of success in comics is simple, now it may not go back to the way it was, but they can still come back a bit, and here's the secret--

Learn how to fucking tell good stories, with good characterization, with artists that are beyond simply having good talent, but actual passion that shows them how everything's supposed to be.

If I order a nerf gun, and comes not looking anything like what it did on the box.

You know damn well the person who bought it is going to be displeased and not order from them again.

You're testing customer loyalty, and the economy not doing as grand, and prices going up--

The amount of time you have to get them back is depleting.

So get your head out of your ass and actually do something.

[subzeroparade]

Vanitas has me in a chokehold. I am OBSSESSED!!!!! What do you suppose Godwyn's relationship was with his father and mother? I am desperate for headcanons 🥺 It's so interesting because, after the revelation of Messmer potentially being the unwanted child, I wonder what it's like being the queen's favorite, Marika's most beloved child, the demigod everyone in the lands truly loved (aside from Miquella, of course), like holy shit.

Thank you!  If you’ve read Vanitas, then I think you have them all lol. Almost all the headcanons I think are worth sharing tend to make it into my writing. 

Since Vanitas includes flashbacks to Godwyn’s youth, his relationship with his parents varies as he ages. But most of the fic deals with Godwyn coming into his “prime”, or almost - though not as self-assured as he is in Narrow Porcelain Plinth of Flesh - so there’s a period of realisation/maturation he goes through based largely on 1) the recognition of one’s parents’ mortality/fragility (in the case of Godfrey) and 2) separation from and rejection of the ideals/values/notions imposed by parents (in the case of Marika) and being willing to, quite literally, disappoint a parent, and their idea of a legacy, to become fully oneself. Making peace with the dragons is the one big, consequential rebellion among all of Godwyn’s more meaningless little ones in the face of the future laid out for him. 

But as a young god I headcanon him as a mama’s boy lmao.

(And in a similar vein to Miquella, I think - who in my writing/headcanon is very close to Godwyn - in the sense that Miquella is driven to do what pleases his father, take up his interests and his mantle, only to later find himself fundamentally let down by it all. I like to imagine the Greater Will’s influence having a sort of depersonalising effect on Marika/Radagon - stripping them of their more recognisably human qualities - and even in that utmost expression of godhood, both Godwyn and Miquella looked at their respective mother/father/god, and decided they didn’t want that to be their legacy.)

To your point about Messmer - I am inclined to try and piece things together with the DLC only while playing it, so I haven’t really speculated or given much thought to Messmer’s place in the whole thing - but I am excited to see how that adds another layer of complexity to the melodrama of this fucked up family •ᴗ•

Ty for the ask! Here’s a (WIP stage) panel from an age-old unfinished thing of Godwyn’s tomb effigy. 

[hansrilowz]

help us understand hanschen to the extent that you do

EEEEEEEEHEH THANK U FOR THIS… i absolutely love hanschen and he’s been my favorite character in any media since i was like 13 and now i’m about to turn 21 😅

when i was about 13-15 i was on spring awakening tumblr and that was very crucial to my understanding of him at that time… despite having a lot of wrong and weird opinions while i was younger, i’ve continued on interacting with spring awakening media and continued to watch the musical and read the play as i got older. as i got older i understood him more and more. (i do want to note that every actors interpretation of hanschen is different, but this is my general opinion on his character all together.)

so, hanschen at the time of the musical was about 14. that’s a confusing time to be a kid, especially a queer one! a lot of people don’t seem to like hanschen, calling him creepy or manipulative. i feel like, again, a big part of understanding these characters is understanding that they’re children in an incredibly oppressive society. in contrast to the other spring awakening kids, hanschen has seemed to mature a lot more quickly, along with his peer melchior.

hanschen and melchior are the only characters in the show who know about sex at the beginning. melchior is more sex-positive, open to talking about it with moritz and teaching him about it. hanschen, on the other hand, is more neutral about it. in frank wedekind’s play, during his desdemona scene, there’s a line that says: “Thuman’s Psyche — another legacy of the hatchet-faced Mademoiselle Angélique, that rattlesnake in the paradise of my childhood;”. there’s another scene earlier in the play, in act one scene two, where melchior says: “-George Zirschnitz wanted to tell Hansy Rilow, but Hansy Rilow had already learned it all from his governess when he was little.”

these lines tell us that when hanschen was just a child, his governess had told him all about sex, as well as showing/teaching him about Thuman’s Psyche. hanschen uses the term “rattlesnake” to describe his governess, a term that tell us she was someone who shook up and made his mostly peaceful childhood chaotic.

in the classroom scene early on in the musical, different actors and productions usually work with how hanschen acts while moritz messes up his recitation and while melchior is having his speech interpreting Virgil’s Aeneid on moritz’s behalf before “all that’s known”. this is regarding the teacher criticizing moritz and hitting melchior with the teaching stick. for example: jonathan b. wright in the original cast is a little bit more naïve while actively trying not to let his confident façade slip, laughing at what the teacher says to please him but getting scolded and scared afterwards; though you can still see he has a childlike nervousness and tenseness to him. when melchior is hit, he jumps with the rest of the boys from being startled.

in contrast, andy mientus in deaf west spring awakening, is slightly less naïve and keeps up the fake cockiness slightly better. using clips from the june 13, 2015 performance, his hanschen seems more focused on making sure he truly pleases the teacher and doesn’t let the façade slip. he laughs along with the teacher, and while the teachers back is turned and melchior starts signing, he tries to seem unbothered. though while melchior is hit with the stick, we do see him flinch, letting the act that he seems unbothered slip. after “all that’s known” and moritz and melchior start signing to each other, hanschen chooses to blatantly ignore them as to not get in trouble. (which, if i remember correctly, was changed in some performances to have him seem bothered by them signing and making it known he doesn’t agree with them rebelling against the teacher, which still fits to his character.)

i think both of these interpretations are very true to hanschen. he’s still a kid, but he doesn’t want to test his luck with authority. he wants to please them and he doesn’t want to get in trouble. despite all that, he’s 14 and he still gets nervous and scared and both their interpretations show that. at the core of hanschens character, he was never meant to seem truly cocky or rude. his demeanor on the outside is practically just a survival instinct, as he knows he’s queer and he’s matured and knows how the world and reality can be. some additional context for this argument in the musical lies in the vineyard scene, where not only is he more softer and comfortable around ernst, he says these particular lines: “Trust me, there are only three ways a man can go. He can let the status quo defeat him - like Moritz. He can rock the boat like Melchior and be expelled. Or, he can bide his time, and let the system work for him - like me.”

the overall analysis of these lines is saying that you can either let your present situations suffocate you, stir things up and try and combat them to change things, or you can wait things out and work with what you have, like hanschen does. this tells us that yes, he is giving into pleasing authority despite not agreeing with them so things work out for him and he leads a steady life. this doesn’t make him cocky or stuck-up, he’s just more matured and knows what’s best for him at that time.

another misconception of hanschen’s character is calling him manipulative and creepy towards ernst. i’ve always thought that, in both the play and musical, their relationship has always been transparent with no hidden, creepy undertones. my personal favorite version of hanschen and ernst’s relationship is in deaf west spring awakening. andy mientus here plays hanschen very confidently, but he’s also afraid of getting his feelings hurt. he’s too afraid to get too emotionally invested to protect his feelings. in deaf west’s vineyard scene, when hanschen kisses ernst at first and then says: “When we look back, thirty years from now, tonight will seem unbelievably beautiful”, he moves to leave. he’s scared and doesn’t think ernst will reciprocate his feelings. then, when ernst grabs him and says, “In the meantime?”, hanschen takes that as a green light to kiss him again. that possibly, those feelings were reciprocated. after that second kiss ernst says: “On my way here this afternoon I’d thought perhaps we’d only talk”, and hanschen took it as a rejection. that he felt ernst was suddenly regretting what had happened. hanschen then says “So are you sorry we-?”, making this more obvious. he turned and started pulling away to leave. ernst then grabs hanschen saying that he loves him, which hanschen obviously softens up to him and realizes that his feelings are reciprocated. so, he was going to run away due to, what he thought was, a rejection.

hanschen, even if he did come off very confident, just had a wall he had put up to seem basically, nonchalant. he told us, and ernst, that he wants to lead a steady life and he will adapt to the world around him in order to do that. at the end of the day, regardless of this, he’s still a 14 year old boy with a messed up childhood that led to him maturing far faster than his peers. he was scared, nervous, and afraid of his feelings and getting hurt in any way.

those are the reason why he’s always been my favorite character, not just in spring awakening, but generally. he’s a blatant reminder that these kids are just about 14 and that, both back then and now, we all have had different ways of growing up and going about our insecurities. he’s a complex character and largely misunderstood, but at the end of the day his character is a representation of being emotionally mature at a young age due to trauma. he is another reminder of the overall story of spring awakening it’s message: what happens to kids when authoritarian figures around them are negligent.

[jocia92]

Dan Stevens in an exclusive interview (Google translated)

Hollywood star Dan Stevens can currently be seen in the blockbuster “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” in cinemas. The film is currently topping the box office charts and is number one worldwide. We met the charismatic actor in Los Angeles and talked to him about his current film, his next two projects and his choice of roles.

April 5, 2024 by Grace Maier

Can you share with us your first reaction when you were offered a role in Godzilla x Kong: The new empire? It's always a pleasure to work with the same people several times, but this time it was extra special as Adam Wingard, the director, is an old friend. I was also invited to play with an even older friend, Rebecca Hall, as well as Brian Tyree Henry, who I have known and admired for years. It felt like I was being asked to play with friends.

What was it like entering the universe of these iconic monsters? Did you have any ideas or expectations? It's a fun task to be asked to stretch one's imagination to the size of such cinematic titans! I've worked with CGI on an epic scale before, so it wasn't too foreign, and I was surprised at how many practical locations we had.

How did you prepare for your role in this blockbuster? Were there any unique challenges or exciting moments during filming? It was really exciting to shoot in the Australian outback, in the Daintree rainforest - this incredible ancient jungle. That sense of adventure on the way to work every day, passing crocodiles along the river banks, waiting for pythons to be removed from the set, really fueled the mood for the Hollow Earth walk in the film.

“Godzilla x Kong: The new empire” promises to be an epic clash. Without giving too much away, can you give us a hint as to how your character fits into the plot? Trapper is initially brought in to help Kong with his toothache - he is a vet for all Titan creatures - and is then approached by Rebecca Hall's character, Dr. Andrews, invited to the mission. He's a kind of happy, carefree Han Solo type, good to have around, tirelessly optimistic and impressed by little.

The film contains a lot of CGI and visual effects. What was your experience like acting in such an environment and how did it differ from previous roles? I've worked with this type of thing before so it wasn't too scary. I actually really enjoy working with a VFX team and helping to create something using our entire collective imagination. It's truly incredible to see what they achieve long after you've left the process.

Were you a fan of the Godzilla or Kong films before joining this project? How does it feel to be part of their legacy? I feel like I've known these characters my whole life: they are such an integral part of cinema history. I've loved seeing them in all their different iterations over the years and of course being asked to perform alongside them - and even fix their teeth - is a huge honor!

The film will have some intense action scenes. Can you describe one of your most memorable moments while filming these scenes? While it's not the most intense scene, the way my character is introduced - rappelling from a floating vehicle into Kong's mouth to perform large-scale dental work - was one of the more exciting stunts I had to do!

How do you think fans of the franchise will react to Godzilla x Kong: The new empire? What can they look forward to most? I want them to enjoy the ride! You'll see things you've never seen before and meet some fantastic new creatures and characters, but also maybe some familiar fan favorites...

You also have the film "ABIGAIL" coming out in April. Can you tell us a little about filming and what audiences can expect? This is a completely different kind of thrill! Essentially, it's a vampire ballerina heist movie - you know the kind - directed by the Radio Silence guys, Tyler Gillett and Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, who specialize in a particularly wacky brand of horror-comedy that I love .

“CUCKOO” will also be released in the summer. What particularly interested you about this film? Tilman Singer, the director, is a truly exciting new voice in cinema - he has a very distinctive style that is so captivating and artfully disturbing. I was also very curious to work with Hunter Schafer, the lead actress of Cuckoo, who is such a bright and brilliant artistic soul.

Your career is so dynamic. How do you go about choosing a role? I crave variety, challenge and surprise, so I'm often guided by the search for those things, but it can also be a certain quality in the writing, a desire to work with certain directors or actors. It's different every time!

[iknowshocker]

What do you think Kai would be like as a boyfriend if he had a genuine/healthy bond with someone?

For being one of the funniest characters in tvdu, I don’t think we ever even saw someone laugh at one of his jokes, so I’ve always been curious what it would’ve looked like if just one person matched his energy or at least accepted him

oh my goodness, i love this queeeestiooon!

let me just quickly out myself by saying if you lined up all the TVD men and told me to pick, kai would be my one and only choice. 🙈 my love for him horrifies my husband but i stand behind my witchy woo man 🫡

first thank you !! for saying he's funny !! you're right no one really appreciates his humor in the show and its one of the silliest choices imo. like you can admit the scary man has jokes, guys, it's not going to kill you. (oof sidenote but him and Jo having the same humor/picking on each other is one of my fav things!)

if he was out and about making his lil comments and someone started giggling a few seats down at the bar i truly think he'd combust. also probably be like "....me? you - you're looking at me? you think i'm funny ??? 😳 AnD CUte ?? really????" and then try immediately to be cooler about it but like, he's screaming crying throwing up inside

canonically we also know he liked it when bonnie matched the more aggressive/argumentative side of his personality, so i don't think he'd be able to be with someone that didn't pick at him a little. you gotta be able to tease him back but also like .. not take it too far cause he 100% can't take as much as he can give lmao (one older sibling to another we're a lot more sensitive than we pretend to be)

basically i think kai needs:

somebody grounded to keep him from totally flipping out

but who is also willing to fight for what they believe in

spontaneous and playful - but also thoughtful and mindful of his mood swings

kind enough to love him completely despite his past

and supportive enough to help him rebuild the coven

so...yeah, bonnie, basically lol

i think s6 kai at minimum needs to be with a witch that is willing to share power, and s8 kai needs a vampire or heretic. s6 kai could make it work with a human but pre-merge you're risking a lot, and then if you put s8 kai with a witch/human, he's turning them no questions asked so we better hope they're okay with it. (let's just leave legacies kai out of this, okay? he is a different breed)

i picture him being touch starved like you wouldn't believe, so super super clingy and probably jealous at least in the beginning of a relationship. that would go for friendship, too, honestly.

i think it would be really hard for him to a. wrap his head around someone picking him and then b. allow them to also pick other people. i don't think he'd throw a klaus sized tantrum, he'd be more petty about it: "oh sorry i just assumed you liked damon now since you said you liked his hair today and yEaH i was listening from three tables over watching the whole thing don't lie i SAW HOW YOU SMILED AT HIM-,"

but like he'd mellow with that as time went on and he starts to believe he can trust being loved. on that note i think he'd need a lot of reassurance but simultaneously be embarrassed/unsure of how to ask for it. some fights would happen as he works through how to regulate himself, but i don't picture it being a delena level of toxic. kai is more self aware/honest about himself so even when he's making poor choices he's like "woah hold on, why am i doing this ?? ah yes, that's why" and i think he'd get to a point where he knows his triggers and can help a partner figure out how to avoid them/talk through them.

so think like "my boy only breaks his favorite toys" vibes. he's so sure things are going to be taken from him/stuff can't be trusted that he'll mess it up first to hopefully make it hurt less. but with time a partner could help him see that he can have nice things !! love is real !! id love to see him build up the coven/a friend group/family with a partner beside him and just !! enjoy life lmao

anon you said boyfriend not husband but i hc he'd actually be an amazing dad. i would want him to end up having a siphon !!! end the coven curse of abuse bb 👏🏼 i have a post detailing what i would have done with the parker's that talks about him being a good uncle too!! i don't know i just think he'd be weirdly good with kids. so even if we're talking heretic!kai he'd be bringing kids/teens into the coven to help them and he's gonna need a partner that is down with that

no matter the stage of relationship he's super tactile. (mans has no context or care over some PDA being inappropriate). you're always sitting in his lap, or he's draped over you requesting that you play with his hair, he keeps his hand in the back pocket of your jeans, he wants you to play with his rings, ect. just always always always touching in some way even if it's small. it was something he missed out on for so much of his life and i think having someone actively want to touch him would never get old.

(sad note i picture this being a bit of a PTSD thing for him too. so certain things would make him flinch or jump and he might not even really be aware of it all the time. like he'll be tense as hell and his partner is like "honey what's happening ?? where have you gone ??" and he'd have to take a second and body scan before realizing oh shit Yeah, something is Wrong)

he's possessive as hell so expect hickys left where everyone can see AND a smug annoucment that he knows where you got them :) if we're talking s8 kai i imagine he would leave bite scars intentionally. so like heal them with magic but leave the little fang marks so other vamps know you're spoken for and he'd probably also have them on his wrist

i think a common hc is that he's Always the dominate one, but we all saw him in those chains, boy's totally a switch. (i also personally hc that 1994 kai is virgin!kai, but that's a story for another day). still tho i do think control is a big thing for him so he's definitely more comfortable being the one in charge. with trust comes wanting to mix things up tho so that's nice all around.

hands down the best boy to date during the holiday season are we kidding ??? any little thing you can possibly think of he's down and probably already has it planned:

apple orchard

carnival !!

christmas tree decorating

horror movie marathon !!

baking sugar cookies

snow ball fight

you're hosting the holiday parties now i hope you like cooking for a whole coven !!

like sep-feb you are Booked and Busy (i hc he's not much of a summer boy but that's okay if yall went back to portland west coast summers are built different, pls don't keep him in the south from mid june-mid august i fear he will melt)

if there's a downside i think it's how protective he would be. i think the mix of possessive/protective/clingy could be too much for some people but again i don't think it would last at such a high level forever. it's just elements of his personality that show up especially in high stakes situations, so they shouldn't be ignored.

but yeah anon, basically give the boy a chance and he's tripping over himself to be the best partner he can be 🤷🏼‍♀️

[jeannefostergoriot]

Family Line by Conan Gray X Fitz Vacker

(How didn’t I think of it sooner?)

« My father never talked a lot »: Alden… isn’t really open. Like. I doubt any of his kids, and even Della, ever knew what was happening, what he was doing, even when they were on missions.

« He just took a walk around the block »: keuf. That’s the secret missions. For the Council and for himself. That a kid can’t understand.

« Till all his anger took a hold of him, and he’d hit »: so. As I said for Driver’s Seat analysis, I doubt the cracks and the emotions go out as anger in the Lost Cities. Though it could happen, adding to the guilt that broke his mind. Yeah. Alden probably screamed. Criticized harshly without realizing. That’s the blows.

« My mother never cried a lot »: Della always stayed in the shadows. She says it herself, she isn’t known as standing up.

« She took the punches but she never fought »: that is about how Della never corrected Alden’s favoritism. She just compensated by caring more for Alvar and Biana.

« Till she said “I’m leaving and I’ll take the kids”, so she did »: that’s book 4. That’s Della joining the Black Swan.

« I say “They’re just the ones who gave me life” »: Fitz all throughout Flashback. Standing against his parents. Protesting.

« But I truly am my parents’ child »: but he can never undo the pressure, the legacy. Even his name, Fitz, that means « son of ». He’s what the Vackers made him.

« Scattered cross my family line »: the way the Vacker family is exploded. The ancestors. Alvar by the Neverseen. Alden and Della never truly close to their kids. Biana and Fitz raised in competition.

« I’m so good at telling lies »: he’s good at dissimulation, at tricking the world to appear fine.

« That came from my mother’s side »: dunno if Della lies. Probably yes. And she always gives the impression to be pretty delicate beauty, when she’s clearly a fighter (cf her registry pages in Unlocked)

« Told a million to survive »: not to survive but to keep the appearances up. Everything’s fine. There is no reason to worry.

« God, I have my father’s eyes »: Fitz has always been perceived as perfect heir. Miniature Alden.

« But my sister’s when I cry »: the fact that, with everything collapsing, Fitz and Biana grew closer throughout the series.

« I can run, but I can’t hide, from my family line »: that is the feeling that whatever he does, he will always be a Vacker. Seen as royal perfection.

« It’s hard to put it into words, how the holidays will always hurt »: it’s hard to admit in Glitter City that it’s not really perfect, expressing that is something they’ve never been taught.

« I watch the fathers with their little girls, and wonder what I did to deserve this »: I think I remember Fitz voicing that. Voicing that he doesn’t know why he is there, treated with so much respect and admiration and feeling so out of place.

« How could you hurt a little kid »: how could you turn me into a simple puppet and forget I have an identity ?

« I can’t forget, I can’t forgive you »: that’s to the whole family tree. The old ones that passed down the pressure and perfection-expectations for centuries.

« Cause now I’m scared that everyone I love will leave me ». This line is about how Fitz doesn’t know how to love. How to be stable. How to live.

« All that I did, I tried to undo it »: that he tried. Being perfect representation of the system? He joined the rebellion. Hurting Sophie and mistrusting her? He went through the whole process of Inquisition and accepted Sokeefe. Making Biana feel invisible? He talked with her in Flashback.

« All of my pain and all your excuses, I was a kid but I wasn’t clueless »: how living in both worlds made him stranger to everything, how he felt something was wrong with the missions, how he just wanted to make Alden proud.

« Someone who loves you wouldn’t do this »: to the system. To all the girls flirting with him without knowing. To his parents not understanding his fears.

« All of my past, I tried to erase it »: killing Alvar as erasing the pain. Joining the Black Swan as erasing the pressure. He is a runaway boy too, but it shows less.

« But now I see, would I even change it? »: I think he can learn to think like this. To be satisfied.

« Might share a face and share a last name, but we are not the same »: now. By Stellarlune, he knows. He knows he can have an identity and not be a copy of his father. He can not make the same mistakes.