#I totally am the type to do this too
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oh jason grace they could never make me hate you
#“but he's so bori-” blocked#semi random but i saw somebody today who legit said they hate bianca cuz she#and i quote#“abandoned nico the moment they were safe after basically raising him”#like where do i even BEGIN to unpack the issues with that load of bullshit#too angry to even put it into words ugh#(i typed a paragraph in reply and then blocked that person like the totally cool mature nonchalant person i am)#(realizing rn that this prolly means they won't be able to even see my reply loll)#listen u don't get it#bianca is my baby#i will defend that girl with my LIFE#she resides in a lil pocket in my heart and i do my best to keep her safe and comfortable and warm like she DESERVES#and all you assholes who hate this 12 year old for making a choice for herself can go fuck yourselves#it's these same ppl who LOOOOVE leo and never address that he was in fact a bit mean and a bit of an asshole at times#cuz uwu he uses humour to cope u dont get it#love that boy but are we allergic to complexity in this fandom or what#jason grace#mithi's own#slightly less beloveds#hoo#heroes of olympus#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson#pjo hoo toa tsats#pjo hoo#hoo fandom#hoo series
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no way in hell alphonse would pick out something as gaudy as Ed's coat. so it simply was not his choice. oUGHH EDIT I wrote a silly fic of this. teehee prances away
aha. yeagh
#spenxer lou art#lou is an artist#fma roleswap#fma au#fma#fmab#fma brotherhood#fullmetal alchemist#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#alphonse elric#edward elric#elric swap au#I'm coining this term. for these types of au bc I was CORRECT I AM NOT ORIGINAL. elric swap au. understand.#btwI totally used a panel of Laios as reference for Ed's face. heehoo#also I might start writing fics of this au.might be neat#I'm not much of a writer but I do decent enough so I don't think it'd be too bad#anyways. remind me to do an actual drawing of this au sometime instead of just bullshit
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Oh you think you were a fan of Maysilee Donner, Haymitch Abernathy, Haymitch’s family + girlfriend, Katniss’s parents, Plutarch Heavensbee, the Undersees, the second Quarter Quell, etc, BEFORE Sunrise on the Reaping was announced?
How many of you wrote FANFICTION about them???
No seriously I’m not doubting you I just want some fanfic recs-
#the hunger games#sunrise on the reaping#I don’t want to do that gatekeeping shit#I’ll make jokes about it but if you say you were a huge Maysilee Donner fan I’ll believe you#same with everything else#I am a big fan of second quarter quell stuff though#so if anyone has any recs…👀#I did lowkey write way too much stuff and I totally should’ve posted it for internet clout + documentation of my interest in the topic#but literally who cares#I did write the outline for a Maysilee and haymitch fanfiction like years ago I’d say#but then I remembered Haymitch had a girlfriend so I kinda scrapped it#but I guess you could say I’m something of a haysilee shipper myself#LMFAO I type more shit in the tags than I do in the actual post 😭#my online journal fr#haymitch abernathy#maysilee donner#quarter quell
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"who's hotter? blonde anime stick man or lawn gnome?" i cant tell if this is an improvement over finding the cartoon skeletons attractive or not
#look no offense i respect everyones taste.#but i am totally convinced ppls attraction to senshi is at least partially a bit of some sort.#or is based off that One singular image of him with his helmet off#with the nice collared shirt. you know the one. anyways#or maybe its his personality. idk im not the type of person who finds ppl physically attractive bec of their personality#to me physical attraction is just that. physical. but everyone brings up his personality traits and im like. Alright#lawn gnome lookin ass.#literally no hate at all but i do not get it. he just looks too cartoony for me. its the eyes i think.#i appreciate his panty shots but you will not get me to say that man is hot.#if i lose followers or receive hate for this opinion#im sorry for letting you down.
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aaghh I hate health anxiety ocd (or whatever you call it), it's literally doing nothing other than contributing to make my health worse
... wait actually, does anyone have like, tips/advice for that kind of thing? I really think I need some help with this one
#i (ai)#ocd#vent cw#I also have like severe decision paralysis + procrastination issues so that's great#like. being so scared that i have to choose for something to eat that is nutritious&healthy AND affordable AND eatable#that i delay my eating by many hours every other day (+ combined with many other reasons like general awful schedule)#is not in fact the amazing health plan my instincts apparently think it is for some baffling reason. fucking hell#I consistently have all sorts of digestive system issues and I'm plenty underweight. tbh my adhd meds prob also dont help with this part#....on that note I have severe anxiety with spending money (which I have very little of) too. lmao. just great#during the lockdown years my contamination ocd spiked very badly and it still hadn't fully recovered now#and it was/is really godawful harmful for my physical and mental health alike. like this was worse before but even now it really screws wit#my hydration habits. also its always my top consideration/anxiety to think about 'god would the toilet hygiene be bad'#whenever theres any option for me to go anywhere. so I avoided nearly every possible activity/event/social event I could avoid#that require leaving home for half a day or more. and I freak out badly whenever anyone comes to our home to visit for fear of contaminatio#some family friends used to send kids over to our place for dinner montly-ish & that was always my worst anxiety source for the month#I always dreaded the night terribly and it was awful experience. urgh.#gdi I wish I had less types of ocds like why am I cursed with so many annoying things at once lmao#...anyway ugh. i hate how my parents is about me getting sick/ill/any sort of pains etc. always jump to blame me at once#now I don't even want to tell them about it but I have to and they'll often force me to do chores as usual and/or never stop talking about#how it's so totally my fault for having awful schedules and bad habits etc that I'm sick & that I'm making excuses or whatever the fuck#that i'm an adult its my responsibility etc etc#anyway sorry and thank you if you've read this far lmao
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so there's this character. i always thought he looked kinda stupid and i never found him attractive. but, uh....
... has he always been this handsome?!
#ash rambles 💚#AM I COOKED?!#and so what if we have the same favorite flower? so what if he plays video games like i do?#and so fucking what if he loves superhero movies and comics like i do?!#please no please tell me this isn't happening rn... no no I'm not gonna develop a crush on him NO!!!#i already have so many f/os from y.akuza! i don't need another!!!!#he's totally not my type!!!!!#... his voice is nice..#i bet cuddling him would feel good...#...#ASH NO#it's 2am. i need to sleep. yup. surely this is just me being sleepy and stupid. I'm too embarrassed to say who it is but. stupid idiot guy-#I'll be fine when i wake up. surely.#... I've been saying that for the past two days...#i refuse to develop a crush!!!!!!!!!! i already have a thing for s.eonhee and n.anba. i don't need another y.akuza LAD character goddamnit#i don't want him i swear#i just... don't remember him being so easy on the eyes is all....#also earlier today i took a nap. it was such a good nap. but uh.........#hopefully it was just a coincidence that i slept so well only after i talked about him to my friend...#I'm gonna go to bed. please leave my mind you damn idiot! i just... he's just.... more handsome than i thought......... that's it!!!!!!!#i already have like 10+ y.akuza f/os! I'm done! no more!!!!#if you saw me rbing shit of him on my main a few days ago no you didn't!!!! this is just a phase surely!!!#and i mean come on i haven't played his games yet!#i do find his lookalike in y6 very hot but come on! shirtless guy who runs a sex club? is rich asf? plenty violent? of course I'm into that!#he's so fucking hot omg. UGH AND THE EPIC THEME SONG?? hehe i was giggling so much when he made that comment about how he knows damn well#that ladies love a man covered in blood and then started fighting... hehe.. i know what club I'm spending all my money at...#but this other guy that happens to look just like him? he's just a silly nice guy that likes his video games (ignore the crimes) I'm not#about that!!!! the other one is way hotter!!! and surely i wont fall for this guy!!! I'm gonna play y.akuza 7 and 8 and be normal about him#i just... he's... easy on the eyes! thats it! okay! goodnight!!!#like a flowing wind 🔳
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so i didn't finish the paper on time but on the plus side i Almost know how to play mahjong now
#im like 8 volumes into kaiji pt 3#which is 50 chapters deeper than i was the day before#anyway it's good but im definitely going to it as part of a sluggish avert mine eyes type dopamine struggle#i also havent slept well in a few days and ive become a total baby when it comes to that like i Cant function right anymore#when im a certain amount of tired#the like 12 hours in the car this weekend didn't help with the good restful sleep thing#i fought and fought and fought myself and in the end it's just gonna be a day late. mot that it had to be but it will be#and although i can't see the prof's late work policy i think that's gonna be okay. hopefully#but ughhtjhfhhghjghj im so tired still. ive been sleeping in like 20 min fragments trying to get this done#just woke up from a cool three hours and im (believe it or not) still tired#i havent done the 40 pg reading and i am NOT bullshitting my way through that class i am going. to bed#i know i shouldnt but i cant care rn i'll drag myself to japn and do late work all afternoon but i gotta sleep between those#anyway fukum.oto has a special way of making kaiji cringe that makes me extra fond#like watching kaiji scramble around on the floor trying to find his tiles absolutely freaking out and everyone laughing at him#was so good. he was being too confident this arc he needed to be reduced to smth horribly pitiful that he has to drag himself back together#from y'know? thats part of the fun#ANYWAY i couldn't do that shit kaiji and miyoshi are doing for many reasons but the attention span sure is one#also idk if it's the translation or what but the r slur keeps jumpscaring me in ways that are funny to me for the absurdity#thats a chapter title??? that Doesn't Belong in the chapter title??????!!! anyway#yk when you're so surprised and put off by smth you just. cackle about it? like laughing at a funeral or whatever#it's like that#buh. anyway god im so tired#ive been doing so well this semester but it looks like it's starting. the snowballing.#well hopefully i can dig myself out today after a 14 hr nap. get all that late work And my readings done yk#(<- pipe dream alert pipe dream alert)
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prev rb shana is def one of those people lmao.
#really enjoys video calling too. generally more tech savvy than you'd expect from a guy born in the 60s but#not a very like. online person though.#so he'll like. always prefer real life meet ups and only call if there's no possibility for the alternative at all#and calling over texting.#and only has a vague idea of the most popular sites while not knowing about the rest at all. he has his texting app something like skype or#zoom his website (not like a blog like a professional website for his work as a surgeon where you can make appointments and such)#and his email application and that's pretty much the extent of his online activity#he wants tangible/physical real life experiences and most online stuff simply doesn’t cut it for him.#so while it definitely influenced him he’d probably be still fairly similar to this if he didn’t grow up in a pre internet environment#but also#very much one of those kids these days need to get off their phones old people lmao#oc: shana#cherry is the total opposite here. way too online and hates calling and especially video calling not just because it’s shana#she hates it in general and he certainly doesn’t intend to help lmao. he likes that about her.#they have an arrangement that if they don’t see each other and she doesn’t want to talk to him over the phone she has to send him a picture#of whatever she’s doing in the moment he requests it.#she has to be in the picture#she’s not allowed to like. move locations or change her appearance and stuff like that.#shana again is a very real life experiences guy and really doesn’t care much for taking pictures and the like#but since it’s a like a snapshot of the current moment it’s different i’d say.#still he’s not the type of person to go back and look at one of those he particularly liked.#he wants the real thing he doesn’t get joy from that. if that makes sense.#but yeah it’s a nice substitute since cherry most often just fully refuses to talk to him on call. he still finds plenty of#situations to force her into it though. since a substitute may be nice but ultimately is not what he really wants.#this is also like. a situation that does not happen very often because they work in the same building and therefore see each other almost#every single day to cherry’s misery. like why am i even thinking about this.#his responses to those pictures range from mildly weird to majorly disturbing btw.#ranging from shit like ‘little angel’ to telling her that what would perfect this moment is her spitting red from her pretty lips. ew!#why am i rambling so much oh my god#help. hi 👋 if you’ve made it this far i’m sending you a virtual cookie enjoy
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i am of the opinion that yiga members should be allowed to sleep as long as they want. not even just yiga members. i wont limit us. even our enemies deserve sleep. i’ve gone far too long without it
go to bed guys <3
#i fear that i am too sleep deprived to remember making this post in the morning#i have stuff to do#a set time to wake up#yeah i fucking hate it <3#ranting in the tags about my actual life is pretty great#yeah no i’m totally a yiga member#also my adhd brain just thought of this while typing yiga why is y sometimes a vowel#like dude what#please pick a side#idk man#make me shut up
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here's my thing ok i really beliueve i am entitled to the diva's attitude. controversial as it may be. just because im masc just because im some guy im still a beautiful angel you should worship and put on a pedestal when i feel like being up there. thats not my fucking fault thats just how the cards play out sometimes
#am i the embodiment of roachification yes that is also true. doesnt matter. despotic boyking is still royalty#and do i also want to devote myself totally to a sweetheart prince type guy well yes.#but that shit is fake and wont happen. thats fanfiction tropes#its not my fault that i want soft power too and people associate that with the divine feminine and shit#so i guess i have to become a drag queen. whatever
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i’m working on something. i have no idea how to feel about it so far
#i’m conflicted#it looks like. half good half bad?#i think i’m worrying too much about the redesign aspect of the characters#i’m sorry but lot lot’s design does NOT convey her personality. i am trying to change this#she’s the type of kid who drew on vampire bite marks onto her neck#or would base her personality off wednesday addams#also i could NOT think of a way to change big nacho’s design. sorry his design is too perfect#some of the others are getting only minor changes#meanwhile some of them got total overhauls#hey can you tell i drew tere first?#i half like this and half hate this#whatever. i’m gonna finish it. THE GRIND NEVER STOPS#i’m just dreading doing the background….#(probably should’ve chosen a different screenshot tho—)#misia has a stupid thought#wip
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out
#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk#i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting#but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life#wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around#so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length#how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg#ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most#i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway#i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well#i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately#I DUNNO#i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out#i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems#n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me#i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want#while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts#i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there#i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl#i just dont know what yet#concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent#ok i think this ramble is ovr#im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!
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us when the weird woman who is weird and has said she is weird and has shown she is weird and literally wrote multiple entire shows and miniseries to show off how weird she is, is actually pretty fucking weird
#tldr; anyway all this below to say.#it's okay to like a weird cringefail show and not have to point out it and its creator are weird all the time#it's okay we all watched the channel we all know the layer of hell we're in together that aph puts us through#sorry its just something i noticed a lot here#like i dunno i guess im just confused on why everyone acts so surprised that this show is weird at points#when its written by a weird woman#and weird has good and bad things about it#at least she's not the type of weird that other mcyt of her time turned out to be#i dunno i dunno#im jus here sthinkin#eli rambles on#also this is not about the people who casually complain every once in a while abt what they dont like abt the weirdness#i mean i do it too. i did use 'us'#its more specifically abt those people who feel the need to bring it up constantly as if we didn't all watch the same show#and with everything they interact with they sprinkle in her not being the greatest person as if it's some secret#and since they acknowledge it all the time that makes them like. i dunno like they have to justify themselves liking this show#which i totally get im that way sometimes with the things i like that i find embarrassing#but when it's so constant it starts to feel like genuine guilt over enjoying something#and i haaaaate that#like bro why am i feeling guilty for enjoying something im not catholic
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You’d think that with all this bike riding and lifting children off the floor that I’d be even more hungry, but no; I have the appetite of a little tiny bird???? The fuck
I don’t like it
#Maybe the bike riding is jostling my stomach too much… if my stomach is jostled I don’t want to eat#Or it could be the ADHD meds#idfk at this point#like yeah technically I’m hungry and know I need food but I don’t feel like eating. I’d just rather not. It’s weird#because I used to be the opposite: I wasn’t really hungry but I’d just keep eating until I got sick#eating mention#appetite mention#Maybe I’ve just been eating too much all my life.#Because the only two times I’ve had serious nausea or gas pains was after I ate the amount of food I used to eat#And it’s not like I’ve lost any energy; if anything I’ve gained some energy#(not right now because I stayed up until 12:30 AM after riding and walking 9.3 miles total— on my feet all day long)#I used to eat a LOT; like a 6’5” 400 pound lumberjack or something#uh Paul Bunyan type portions… like a big BIG man#of course I’m 5’4” with kind of a slight build so that was always very weird to me that I was able to do that#How I am now makes more sense; but at the same time I don’t like being like this at all#Because I’ll inevitably go from “slight” to “sickly” and I would really like to continue fitting into my pants#because pants are expensive and it’s extremely hard to find ones that are of good quality and feel comfortable#food discussion#food tw#weight mention#Here I am telling the kids “You need to eat! Take a bite!” and then I get home and act like a total fucking hypocrite#Maybe it’s burnout
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eddie: [chris’s] mom isn’t in the picture.”
buck: *makes a mental note that eddie is single*
#literally so unreal how quickly buck becomes chris’s other dad#like !!!#‘does your boy crush on eddie mean you’re ready to move on from abby?’ maddie really said ‘baby bro you are a fag’ imaooo#i mean he is totally obsessed with eddie so she has a point on the boy crush thing imaooooo#i love them <3333#chris in the firehouse 🥺#he is my sweet baby angel and i love him so much!!#the drink girls with buck and eddie saying they aren’t his type likeeee what does that mean!!#‘mine either. anymore.’ like i know buck is talking about abby but like 🫢#questioning a few things buckley?#‘how long do i have to wait until i can be happy too?’ in the same ep as him and eddie being chris’s dads 😭#brb i am passing away#gwenposting#gwen rambles#gwen watches stuff
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