#look no offense i respect everyones taste.

[sunieepo]

"who's hotter? blonde anime stick man or lawn gnome?" i cant tell if this is an improvement over finding the cartoon skeletons attractive or not

[cimmanonrowl]

Boyfriend

Nothing in this world has ever baffled Aaron Hotchner more than your questionable taste in men. And after witnessing firsthand how shitty your boyfriend was, he made it his night’s mission to steal your mind from him and show you what you’ve been missing all along.

Pairing: aaron hotchner x bau!reader

Theme: smut heaven

Contents: unprotected rough sex, age gap, dom!aaron, breeding, filming, powerplay: boss/employee relationship, implied cheating.

You were the most sensible member of the BAU as far as Aaron is concerned.

In almost 5 years of working together, he’s never had a problem with you or your work ethic. You’re intelligent and logical, and you never made any rash decision that put yourself or anyone on the team in danger, nor did you ever compromise a case for any reckless, unaccounted reason. Years passed and all the doubts he initially had about you melted into a puddle of respect and adoration. And since then, you never heard him or anyone else contradict your arguments.

In your defense, being the youngest in the FBI gave you the unabating urge to follow orders and protocols as they were, to always play by the book exactly the way you were taught in the Academy. Or maybe because Morgan was right when he teasingly profiled you as someone with people-pleasing tendencies— especially to Hotch and Rossi, given they are higher-ups and had the longest experience in the Bureau.

Nothing was wrong with that, of course. You’re good at what you’re doing. You’re productive; and a valuable member of the team. Slowly over the past years, you’ve gained everyone’s trust and respect. And you’ve been made aware that everyone always has your back…

Unless the topic is your relationships.

“There’s a new Korean barbecue place down the block, do you want to join us?” You stopped midway through arranging your weekly reports as Spencer leaned against your table.

Glancing around the bullpen, you noticed Penelope and Derek standing by Emily’s desk, watching you and Spencer subtly from a distance. You almost snorted when Emily and Penelope scampered to look away, while Derek only crossed his arms and raised one of his eyebrows— like he always does when he’s pissed.

You leaned towards Spencer, whispering. “They know, don’t they?”

“Garcia knows,” He whispered back promptly. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t tell anyone.”

You stared at him suspiciously, eyes squinting a little. It’s just a joke. If there’s anyone in the team that you trust with your little secrets, that’s Spencer. But you’re curious if he knows how Penelope got wind of your secret date tonight. As far as you know, Spencer was the only person who knew about this.

“I don’t judge you...” He replied with a simple shrug. “You know, people who’ve grown attached to unhealthy relationships find it difficult to leave. Given your people-pleasing tendencies, I know you’re holding onto the chance of proving yourself to him. And you’re still waiting for him to realize your worth. It’s sad actually, now that I remember that.”

You gasped in offense and disbelief, making you slap your palm on his shoulder. While Spencer only grinned and chuckled at your reaction.

“Wait till you hear what Morgan has to say.”

You shivered at the thought. Derek has always been protective of you. Ever since you joined the team, he’s claimed that you’re his little sister. Not that it was a problem, of course, you absolutely love having an older brother. It’s just that… you don’t know how to act whenever he’s pissed because you never had a brother in the first place.

As you wandered your gaze to where your friends were standing, a worried frown lidded your expression. Derek hasn’t moved an inch and is pretty much still watching you, obviously seething in annoyance. On his side stood Emily and Penelope, both looking at you with guilty faces.

“He’s going to kill me,” you mumbled to yourself.

Spencer could only snort. “Yeah, right. I wonder why...”

You turned to him in resignation, heaving a deep sigh as you did so. You focused on arranging the folders on your desk before hitting him square on the chest with the documents.

“Enjoy the weekend, Dr. Reid,” You bid him goodnight before walking away.

“What about Korean barbecue?” He called out, raising both his arms in the middle of the office.

You whirled around to face them, still taking small steps backward.

“I’ve got a date!” You announced with a cheeky grin.

The door to Aaron’s office was left open as usual. From your desk earlier, you saw him working on some paperwork due for this week. There was a mountain of it on his table. And you saw him several times leaning on his chair and massaging his temple— not that you’re watching.

“Sir?” You knocked softly on the door surface to get his attention. He was focused on the document he was reading, his eyebrows tugged together in a scowl.

When he heard your voice, though, he glanced up and almost immediately caught your eyes.

“Hey…” He greeted shortly, smiling as he leaned on his swivel chair. “Come in.”

You mirrored his smile as you handed him the documents. “My reports, sir...”

He gave you a brief nod, thanking you promptly after accepting the pile of folders. You stood in front of him for a moment, taking in every bit of his features: his clean-cut hair, the dark circles under his eyes, the light stubble on his jaw— how can someone be that attractive while under stress? Good God.

“Everything okay?”

You blinked in confusion. “Sir?”

“You’re staring,” He pointed out, chuckling. “Are you visiting that Korean barbecue with Reid?”

Your eyes automatically darted to the glass window, seeing that everyone was still waiting for you at Emily’s table. Even JJ was there, listening to Morgan ranting in frustration.

“No, I have a date later…” You admitted shyly, feeling your cheeks heating up.

“Ah…” His eyebrows perked in surprise. “But I heard Garcia wanting you to come with them, do they know about this date?”

You pursed your lips before shaking your head… then nodding. 

“They didn’t know— well Reid knew— then Garcia— then now everyone else.”

Aaron nodded slowly, trying to understand your point. “And I assume you don’t want them to know?”

A deep sigh unknowingly escaped your lips.

As much as the team tries not to profile each other, it comes out instinctively. One time after discovering your ex-boyfriend was commenting publicly on other women’s bikini posts, you got so distracted that Emily had to pull you aside to make sure you were alright. Then another time when you came across the secret account he made to continue flirting with other women, you got questioned by Hotch for being so distracted.

They were so adamant in knowing what was bothering you. This is why you always try not to bring your personal issues to work.

“I’m going out with James...”

As soon as those words came out, Aaron looked stunned.

“Come again?”

“James…” You mumbled, your voice nearly cracking in embarrassment. “We’re seeing each other… again…”

It would’ve been better if the floor cracked open and swallowed you alive. The way Aaron was staring at you in disbelief was enough to shrink you in shame. You could even see the disappointment in his eyes, which is way worse than being judged in your opinion.

“The guy who dumped you after knowing you’re earning more than him and thinks women should quit their jobs after marriage?” He asked, scowling.

“Nope, that’s Benedict.”

Aaron heaved a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. The sight was so funny you almost laughed at his face.

“Is James the guy who comments on bikini pictures?”

“That’s Mark, sir…” You smiled awkwardly, scratching your ear. “He… he’s the one with the… video…”

“The one who cheated on you and filmed everything?” His scowl deepened even more. Is that even possible?

“Yes... sir... but he said he changed— okay— time to leave.”

You bolted out of his office. With how his eyes turned sharp as he heard your argument, you knew you just pushed his button.

Now it’s a funny memory, but Aaron Hotchner used to be your dream. Everyone in the BAU knew you spent your first year crushing hard on him. Until a random weekend bar hopping crushed your dream. Truth or Dare. When Morgan dared Aaron to make out with the young lady by the bar counter, you learned Aaron doesn’t like younger girls.

That made you step back. He’d obviously like career women; the mature ones, elegantly gorgeous, maybe with a good figure, curves in the right places, big boobs—

All men are the same. What do you expect, honestly? That’s what your ex-boyfriends like the most. Also their reason for cheating on you. You’re not their type, and you shouldn’t act too surprised because you knew that in the first place. Or that they have needs to fulfill. Apparently, you lack both.

“Hey, you okay?” The warmth of Aaron’s palm pulled you out of your reverie. You turned to him fast, blinking in confusion.

“Y-yes, sir. Were you saying something?”

He pursed his lips a little, nodding towards the view outside the car window.

“We’ve been here for five minutes.”

“Oh…” Heat crept on your cheeks after taking a peek, realizing you’ve already arrived in your apartment building. “Right. I’m sorry, sir. I was just thinking.”

“Of that dumbfuck asshole?”

You chuckled awkwardly, baffled by his sudden choice of words. He’s never the type who curses out of nowhere. “Sir?” 

“He made you wait for three fucking hours,” He retorted, his voice calm— dangerously so. “The one you call ‘boyfriend.’”

“He is my boyfriend…”

He stared at you, unamused. “After everything he did?”

“Well…”

At least you know everyone was right: Derek, Penelope, Emily… Aaron. Maybe you’re a hopeless case. For someone decently smart, you’re a complete idiot. You should’ve seen this coming; these men will never change. There’s no way a smart woman would allow this to happen again.

The worst part is that you couldn’t even call your friends to pick you up after getting ditched. You just missed the last train, you couldn’t book a cab, and they’re all hanging out in a Korean restaurant— except Aaron. Which led him to bring you home instead.

“What? You'd still defend him?”

After a few lingering moments of just staring at each other, you decided to offer him a small smile instead of answering. You thanked him for the ride, bid him a good night, and told him to spend his weekend resting. With a sweet yet polite smile, you stepped out of his car.

But Aaron got out before you could even walk away, following you inside the building.

“I swear, I’m fine. You should go home, Aaron,” you insisted, trying to keep your voice steady.

Aaron walked in, trailing behind you, his presence and smell immediately filling your small apartment. You closed the door behind him and turned to find him standing in the middle of your living room, his gaze sweeping over the space before settling back on you.

“I’ll rest when I know you’re okay,” He gave you a small, almost imperceptible smile. “Nice apartment.”

“Thanks…” You gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Can I get you...?”

Your words died in your throat as you found yourself staring into the concerned eyes of Aaron Hotchner. He stood there, hands tucked into his pockets, his expression stoic and something you couldn’t quite place.

“You know, I never understood your preference,” He began cautiously, his eyes directed at you. “You never made good decisions with guys, don’t you?”

“I know that, Aaron.”

“They’re all idiots. Does that turn you on?”

“W-what?” You squeaked, your heart racing as the words sank in.

“Does being treated like trash turns you on?”

A warm tear licked your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away, feeling embarrassed and hurt by his words. Aaron didn’t move an inch but the way his eyes traveled along your face melted his irritation a little. Silently, he reached out and pulled you into an embrace, his arms solid and warm around your figure.

“Fucking hell…” He mumbled against your hair. “I try so fucking hard to be good to you and you let those schoolboys make you cry?”

You buried your face in his chest. “You’re the one making me cry right now.”

“It’s because I’m right.”

“I don’t need your lecture, Aaron Hotchner.”

You pulled back slightly to look at him. Your gaze collided, and you saw something shift in his eyes. The worried frown was still there, but there was something else— something more intense, subtly primal.

“If you’re expecting an apology then you’re wrong.” The muscle on his jaw ticked before he leaned toward your ear. “You know I can treat you so much better. I’d never make you wait and let someone else take you home. I can spend the entire night proving that to you.”

Without thinking, you leaned in and pressed your lips to his. The kiss was soft at first, tentative, as if testing the waters and his reaction. But then you felt him respond, his hand moving to cup the back of your head, deepening the kiss.

You melted into him, the warmth of his body and the firmness of his touch causing intrinsic need to erupt at the pit of your stomach. The kiss grew messier, wetter, and uncoordinated. His hands found the crest of your breast, caressing you through your shirt with gentle yet possessive strokes. 

He broke the kiss, his breath ragged. “Do you want this?” he asked, his voice low and hoarse.

You nodded immediately, your own breath coming in short gasps. “I do, god, yes…”

You shivered at his touch, pressing your body closer to him. You found yourself unbuttoning your dress shirt, eagerly so, making Aaron smirk as his eyes followed your clumsy movements.

Once undone, you quickly threw your shirt on the ground. A satisfied glint flashed in Aaron’s eyes before he captured your lips again. This time, more urgent. You felt his arms snaking down your body.

“Should’ve known you’re a dirty slut...” A low chuckle rambled in his throat, his lips leaving soft kisses on your jaw. “Did you wear this red lingerie all day? Were you expecting that schoolboy to fuck you tonight, sweetheart?”

“Y-yes…” You moaned.

“Yes what, slut? You’re wearing this all day or that you wanted him to fuck you tonight?” He asked mockingly. “Tell me, baby, have you ever been fucked by a real man?”

“Aaron, please—” You let out a gasp, feeling your cunt getting wetter every second you spent untouched. “The left door– need you– please—”

“How greedy.”

Effortlessly, he perched you on his muscular arms, carrying you straight to the bedroom. All while you clung to him, your fingers tangling in his hair, your heart pounding with lust and anticipation.

He dropped you on the bed, his eyes dark with need. He took a moment to scan you, his gaze sweeping over your body with reverence.

“Take that pants off now. I want to see everything.”

The coldness of his voice sent tingles to your wet cunt. You quickly scrambled to your knees, your trembling hands stiffly finding their way to the button of your slacks. The thin fabric slid down your legs, exposing more of your body. You feel so exposed, all for his eyes.

“Fuck...” He breathed, palming his hard cock through his pants. “I always imagined how you’d look naked. You have no idea how much restraint it took me not to touch you every time we shared a room.”

A coil in your stomach tightened as he loosened his tie, carelessly tossing it on the ground. Now he’s left with his work shirt and pants, and the contrast of your nakedness alone excites you even more.

He stepped closer to the edge of the bed, his pointer finger tilting your chin upward. Just enough for you to meet his eyes.

“Didn’t you say you have a boyfriend, sweetheart?” His lips trailed from your lips to your cheek, slowly, teasingly down to your jaw.

You whimpered. “Hmm… yeah…”

“Care to remind me what that boy did to you?” He taunted, his voice menacingly low. 

The warmth of his big, calloused hands explored the softness of your bare skin. You moaned softly, feeling his thumb and pointer finger rubbing one of your nipples through the thin fabric of your bra.

“He-” You swallowed thickly, clamping your thighs shut. “H-he cheated on me…”

Aaron hummed mockingly, tutting. “And you still want him here right now?”

“No…” You said quickly, blinking dazedly at him. “Want you, Aaron.”

“Is that how you talk to your boss, sweetheart?” He leaned backward, withdrawing his hand from touching you, one of his thick eyebrows raised in question. “For a cheating slut, I’d say you’re quite demanding.”

“Y-you, sir. Want you, please... please, fuck me, sir.”

You ignored the wetness pooling in between your thighs. His eyes were dark and piercing as he took your nakedness in, while you stared back innocently. You reached for his pants, resting your palm on his clothed pelvis.

“I’m sorry, sir,” You said in a whisper, quietly unbuckling his belt as you did so. “I promise, I won’t tell anyone.”

“You better keep your promise, little girl.”

You gave him a sweet smile, Aaron’s chest rose and fell with every breath. His gaze was fixed on your fingers as they fumbled on his belt. The air hummed with anticipation, mirroring the pounding of your heart against your ribs.

As the belt slid free, Aaron’s hand gently cupped your cheek, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through you. Leaning in, he inserted two of his fingers into your mouth. And you suck diligently, wetting his fingers thoroughly, staring at him all while your hands blindly unzipped his pants. After a few tries, you finally tugged down his pants and underwear, making him hiss quietly.

“Aaron...”

“Yes, sweetheart?” He rasped, frowning at you in concern. “Do you want to stop?”

“Can we… can we film this?”

He glanced at the ceiling, chuckling in disbelief. You watched how his throat bobbed with every swallow, and you squeezed your thighs for some friction. God, you’re so wet.

“And who would you show that, baby?” He asked curiously, pumping his cock in slow motion as he waited for your answer. “Eyes up here, sweetheart. Do you want to show your boyfriend how much of slut you are for an older man’s cock? Is that what you want?”

“Y-yes, sir…”

And that’s how you found yourself on your knees, naked, with Aaron’s big cock deep in your throat, staring up at his phone. Aaron was sitting on the edge of the bed, filming everything.

“What a dirty slut, you like that?” He asked hoarsely, tugging you away from his cock. You gasped loudly, feeling Aaron’s precum and your saliva dripping at the corner of your mouth.

“Thank you, sir...” you smiled breathlessly, closing your eyes as he slapped his veiny cock on your cheek and lip, spreading the wetness across your face.

“Fuck, look at you. You’re so cockdrunk...” He mused, laughing to himself, making sure he was capturing everything on the video. “How does it feel to cheat with your boss, sweetheart?”

“G-good…” You gulped thickly. “Should’ve d-done this soon, sir…” You mumbled in a daze, opening your mouth to take him again but he firmly tapped your cheek to stop you from doing so.

“Lay down and open those pretty legs for me.”

The room smelled like sweat and sex, wrapping you both in the heat of the moment. Soft moans and whispers filled the air, bouncing at the four corners of the room.

You closed your eyes in embarrassment and lay quietly in the middle of the bed, following Aaron’s order. In your past relationships, nothing was ever like this. It was always quick, sometimes even one-sided. You’ve never felt confident with your body, and it’s not like you had too many experiences to learn and grow your confidence from.

“I said open your legs, slut. Are you dumb?” Aaron slapped your thigh using his free hand, the one not holding the phone. “Show me how wet that pussy is.”

You shut your legs even more, shaking your head lightly.

“Oh, sweetheart. Don’t tell me you’re shy...” He tutted, feining pity. “Open those legs right now or I’m leaving. Maybe you can call your little boyfriend to take care of you.”

You quickly shook your head, a whimper caught in your throat. You open your legs a little while your hands still covered your wet, glistening cunt. Aaron frowned at the sight, obviously displeased by your slow, unsure actions.

“Don’t test me, little girl.” 

With an impatient sigh, he separated your thighs using his vacant hand. A shiver ran down your spine as the cold air hit your wetness. You watched in silence as Aaron focused his phone on your dripping cunt, running the pad of his middle finger up your clit down to your wet slit.

“You’re so wet, sweetheart. Who’s this for, hm?” He taunted, waiting for your answer.

Your toes curled in anticipation, mumbling. “Yours, sir…”

“Louder, slut. I’m trying to fucking record, remember?”

The world around you melted away as he pressed his middle finger inside your wet cunt. You felt feverish, growing even more desperate as he slowly moved his finger. Your breathing became ragged and heavy as you slowly felt the rhythm.

“Aaron… oh god…” You rasped breathlessly, both your hands reaching for his wrist as he added another finger. “That feels so g-good, sir…”

“Yeah?” He mocked, his teeth sank on his bottom lip as he watched his fingers assault your pussy through the screen of his phone. “Good girl, baby, look at you taking my fingers well.”

“I’m c-close, sir—” Your voice trembled with the intensity of your upcoming orgasm. “Sir, ple—”

“Come for me, sweetheart.”

That’s all it took for your resolution to crumble. Your orgasm racked through you with so much force, your back arching, your lips opened to a silent scream. You never came that hard before. And good God, what have you been missing all along? Aaron watched you with half-lidded eyes, his chest warm with lust and adoration.

“You’re gorgeous, baby.”

You hummed mindlessly, still coming down from your high.

“Need you now, Aaron... Please…” You croaked, throat dry. “Need your cock inside.”

“Say that to the camera, slut.”

You propped yourself a little, immediately facing the phone he was holding. “Need your big cock inside me, sir. Please, fuck me…”

The raw desperation in your voice made him smile. “Ride me then, sweetheart.”

You wasted no time and scrambled to your knees. Aaron deftly took his position and laid on his back. You licked your lips as you stared at his huge cock resting on his stomach. You just know that he’d be big… you just never thought you would see it firsthand. He’s thick and long, with veins decorating it.

Heat crept on your cheeks as you climbed on his lap and sat on his thick cock, grinding your wet pussy and moaning as you felt him pulsate beneath you. You focused your eyes on the camera that was still focused on you, your hands moving to your breasts as you continued grinding on him.

Aaron leaned forward a little and groped one of your tits, slapping it lightly with a breathy sigh.

“Fuck, you’re so hot.”

Your blush deepened. “Condom, sir?”

“Up to you, sweetheart. I’m not active.”

“I’m on birth control…”

Smiling, you took his cock and ground the tip against your wet pussy, letting out a staggering breath as you sank in slow motion. The thickness of his big cock stretched you like never before. You’ve never taken something as big as this. You bit your lower lip as you felt the slight burn of the stretch, focusing on how Aaron’s chest rose in heavy breaths. 

“You’re so warm, baby…” Aaron moaned quietly. “Good girl. Fuck, you feel so good. Go on, sweetheart.”

It didn’t take long for your movement to become desperate. You started bouncing up and down with vigor, chasing both of your highs. Aaron’s big cock reached spots inside your body you never knew existed, his neatly trimmed pubes tickling your sensitive clit. Your moans grew louder and louder as he kept hitting the spongy spot inside you.

“Oh god, sir…” You moaned pathetically, bouncing on his cock in pure desperation. “Ruin me with your cock, Aaron… you feel so good.”

“You’re so tight and warm, sweetheart.” You frowned at him in confusion when he handed you his phone. “Continue filming while I fuck you.”

You accepted his phone and focused the camera on him. His rough hands found your hips. Without warning, he started pistoling his hips, ramming his big cock in and out of your trembling body. You felt the burn of every drag of his cock and you’re not even sure if you’re still capturing something on your video.

“I’m coming, baby…” He said breathlessly. “I’ll fill you with my cum, is that what you want?”

You helped him chase his orgasm by meeting his hard thrusts. “Yes, yes- sir, yes, fill me with your c-cum.”

“Can your boyfriend do this, sweetheart?”

“No, sir, no–” You shook your head frantically, tears stinging your eyes. “O-only you.”

“Damn right, slut. I’m the only one who can do this to you.”

You’re not sure of whatever response left your mouth. You’re a babbling, mindless mess. A cockslut who can only think of Aaron’s big dick ruining you in the nastiest way possible. You can feel your peak nearing, making you whimper in ferality.

“I’ll fill you over and over—” His thick fingers tightened around your waist, leaving red, angry marks on your wake. “Until that’s the only thing you can think about.”

A shrill scream escaped your lips on a particularly hard thrust, feeling Aaron’s big cock pulsate inside you. After a few seconds, warm ropes of cum filled your womb. You shuddered at the feeling, clamping your thighs as they trembled excruciatingly. You didn’t even notice that you already let go of Aaron’s phone, completely forgotten on the cushion.

“F-fuck… Aaron—” You moaned in relief, craning your neck to the ceiling. Flashing lights sparkled even on your closed eyes.

His wet lips trailed on your sweaty neck, his teeth sinking in, leaving fresh sets of marks. “I can be a better boyfriend than him, sweetheart. You know that, right?”

You hummed shakily but you didn’t say anything. The way you’ve gone nonverbal filled Aaron with so much pride.

His hands found your waist again, making you whine as his cock slid out of you. Effortless, he thew you back on the bed, now on all fours. The new position felt primal, and exposing. You quickly felt the tip of Aaron’s hard cock sliding in and out of your dripping cunt, fucking in the trail of cum leaking out of your used pussy.

“I can do this all night, sweetheart. You won’t even think about him.”

I’d love to interact with everybody! And I sure do appreciate any thoughts or reactions. Don’t forget to drink your water and keep slaying, babes!

[solar-wing]

⚣ Holidays with the Waynes 🦃

⚣🦃 A/N → This idea came randomly, conveniently after Thanksgiving. To everyone that celebrates, Happy Turkey Day (he said about two weeks late) and Indigenous People's Remembrance Day. Also, everyone congratulate me. I finally made a fic under 1000 words. I almost made it longer to but stopped myself. This is why it takes so long to get posts out of me. Just when I think I'm done, I add more. WARNINGS: none. just typical Wayne chaoticness

⚣🦃 Summary → His life is like a reality show and every day is a new episode, with the holidays being their own specials. So, when a classmate asks him how his Thanksgiving was, how does the youngest Wayne son even come up with a response?

⚣🦃 Words → 622

REBLOGS & replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛

⚣ ENJOY 🦃

“So, Y/N, how was your Thanksgiving?”

What a loaded question.

*cue the flashback ripples*

“Damian, why is the turkey in my bedroom?” The youngest Wayne asked after entering the kitchen and finding his half-brother sitting at the island.

“Master Y/N, if you’re going to be eating in your room, I do ask you put a cover over your sheets to avoid crumbs and stains, please,” Alfred said while seasoning one of the various dishes for their dinner.

“Oh, Alfred, it’s not like that. It’s–” Y/N tried to explain before stopping himself after Damian sent him a glare, warning him not to utter another word or else, “It’s just that I sometimes get after-dinner cravings and don’t feel like making the trip to the kitchen. Won’t happen again, though.”

Alfred gave him a suspicious look after glancing at Damian who was avoiding his gaze, before nodding his head and continuing his food preparations. The two brothers both looked at each other before the youngest nodded his head towards the door, making his way out of the kitchen while trying not to act even more suspicious knowing the butler was watching his every move.

Damian quickly moved in tow behind his brother, following him to one of the sitting rooms. A cautious measure to ensure they were out of earshot.

“Next time, scan the room before you start blabbing off as you usually do,” Damian said, his usual annoyed and slightly threatening squint in his eyebrows.

“I do not blab, thank you very much,” Y/N said, his hands on his hips and breath huffing out, showing his clear offense to his brother’s statement.

“History would beg to differ.”

Y/N scoffed with an eye roll, “Whatever. Why is the school’s Thanksgiving turkey mascot currently nesting in my room?”

“I overheard one of the faculty members talking about how good the animal was going to taste on their plates come Thanksgiving dinner, and I refused to let an innocent animal be subjected to such brutality.”

“Okay, but you can’t just kidnap the turkey, Damian! Let alone hide it in my room!”

“First, his name is Tiny. Please, give him the respect of using his name. Second, he’s happier and more relaxed in your room. I think he enjoys your color scheme.” Damian said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“I–... Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I were a Kardashian.”

“Less authentic and more plastic. Also, you know how Father feels about that family, especially the mother. And, how would you feel if someone tried to chop off your head and limbs so you could be put on a platter that serves 6-10?” The Boy Wonder questioned, mirroring his brother’s body language with his hands on his hips.

“Damian, you literally chased me around the house with your sword last Tuesday.”

“I thought we were playing tag.”

“Who plays tag with a sword?!”

“People who don’t want to get tagged.”

“I–... No words. None whatsoever.”

“Does this mean you’ll let Tiny room with you tonight?”

“Fine.”

For the rest of that Thanksgiving break, Y/N spent it with a roommate who would wake him up at the ass crack of dawn with a series of short, noisy clucks. The youngest Wayne had to explain to his father that he was listening to a new LO-FI relaxing tracks of bird sounds to help him relax.

He received many strange looks from his various family members.

“Oh, just the usual stuff. Holidays with my family are pretty lame. Anyway, what about your family?” Y/N answered, lying straight through his two front teeth.

Holidays with his family were never lame, but also never normal.

BONUS:

☀️ | Bat Family | ☀️

☀️| Masterlists | ☀️

[prettygrltatum]

Food For Thought!

T141 x Southern!reader

+ Simon "Ghost" Riley x Southern!reader

Tags: fem!reader! plantonic with the rest of the crew but you and Simon have a little something something yk?, canon typcial crusing, fluff, the boys just being silly, american and british bickering

a/n: so remember that little brain fart I had? so this is what happens when your bored with nothing to do <<33 I know that this won't do many southerns justice, we're all different from different cities to towns but I just wanted to share this with yall :)) also please tell me where yall from! I really want to know! Enjoy!

"What the hell is this (reader).." Price mumbled under his breath. He cranked his neck back as he looked at you with disgust. You rolled your eyes as you set the plate of fried chicken, string beans, and a nice, thick, creamy and chewy mac-n-cheese. "Okay, I'll go get the sweet tea. Do not and I mean do not touch anything!" You warned, leaving the dineing room to the kitchen. Soap came in as Ghost followed. "Aye. The hell is that?" Soap asked, sniffing the air to the unfamillar smell.

Price hunched his shoulder, and turned to the kitchen as you digged into the fridge trying to find the homemade sweet tea you made this morning. "I don't know, she made this mess. It looks greasy." He huffed. "I heard that! You haven't taste it yet!" You came back with a huge jug of sweet tea, the men looking at you with bewilderment. Gaz, running late had came into the dining room, his cheeky smile fading once the scent of southern food hit his nose.

"What's that?" He looked over to the abunces of food. He smiled as he turned to you and helped you with the jug of tea. "Thank you Gaz, anyways. I know you brits-"

"I'm not British." Soap shouted with offense. You all looked at him and then turning the attention back to you. "Anyways! This here? This here is the shit. Your taste buds will never feel the same after you eat these homemade classics of the south!" You squeaked. The men looked over at thefoood, the grease and butter glowing in the light. The men sruvnhed their noses as they groaned in disgusted.

Your feelings where slightly hurt, but as a proud (southern state) native, you must bring them the food from the home of the free. Eitehr way, any food you cook could explode their brains. "Think we should try it L.T?" Soap asked looking up at him. Simon had a bit of a soft spot for you. He loved your american accent, the way you had some much pride and respectful for yourself. He thought it was attractive. Might I say sexy? He was head over heels fpr you and wanted you to like him as much as possible. And if that means to eat your seemingly gross and fatty american food, then so be it.

"Wouldn't hurt to try." He simply said. "Really? Don't wanna be fat like them americans!" Soap joked. You reached over and punched his shoulder as he laughed. "Oh please! Half the people in this country needs a nice oral cleansing..”

Soap rolled his eyes and ignored your jab at him and moved on. “I think we should try it. Don’t seem so bad.” Ghost mumbled as he sat down next to you, his arm resting on your chair. “Really?” Gaz sighed.

“Yeah. Don’t seem so bad. Just Mac-n-Cheese.” He huffed at Gaz with a slight scorn to his tone. “Whateva you say I guess..” Soap sighed as he sat himself down at the food. “I want to try the tea first.” Simon said as he pointed to the tea jug. “Sure!” You stood up and pour each and everyone of you a cup of homemade natural born tea.

“Alright! Drink up!” You cheered. Price, oddity sniffed it and pushed the drink away. “No.” Ghost lifted his mask up, and took a sip before hacking and lammend the glass on the table. “AUGH! AUHN! WHAT THE FUCK?!” He screamed as you laughed at his intolerance to the sweetness of the tea.

Gaz just smacked his lips and pushed the cup away from him as well. “Too sweet, urgh!” He groaned as he smacked his lips and slapped his tongue to the roof of his mouth. Meanwhile Soap was still taking sip after sip of his drink, almost gone at this point. “Seems like you liked it Soap!” You giggled.

“I just like sweet stuff alright?” He chuffed as he sucked the life out of the cup. “I win!” Soap scoffed as he snatched Price’s cup of tea from him. Price didn’t seem to mind anyways. “You’re not gonna try Cap’?” He shook his head no, “I need to watch my blood sugar nowadays.” You chuckled at his words. Such an old man thing to say. Or someone who has diabetes. Either way it’s kinda funny. Not really.

“Okay try the Mac-n-Cheese now!!”

(Should I add onto this?)

[yanderambling]

OMG IM SO GLAD YOUR DOING THESSE!!!!! Can I please please get Aschanti (submissive royal) with F I M and S??❤️❤️Thank you so much for writing!!!

yandere alphabet ~ Aschanti

(submissive monarch!yan x pining knight!reader)

full alphabet here <3

Fight [How would they feel if their darling fought back?]:

Aschanti would immediately cave to any resistance you showed them, unless they felt they were at some risk of losing you completely. In the event that they were forced to keep you against your will, Aschanti would never raise a hand back to you in violence- they probably wouldn’t even try to defend themself. Even if you hit, kicked, and spat insults at them, Aschanti is certain that you’ll come to understand in time, and so they will meet all of your offenses with nothing but gentle placations and a patient smile. They would keep you away from any deadly weapons out of necessity, and if you proved persistent then they would reluctantly promote a temporary personal guard, just to keep them alive long enough for you to realize how you really feel for them. It would break their heart to see you so upset, but Aschanti would gladly let you take out your frustration on them as much as you needed.

Ideals [What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?]:

Aschanti rarely lets themself dream that far into the future, so certain are they that you could never return their affections the same way. But, when they allow their mind to wander, Aschanti fantasizes about leaving it all behind with you, just abandoning the courts and royal obligations and taking to the country with just your hand in theirs. They find guilty pleasure in the thought of becoming your housewife, taking care of you and your shared home by serving you, and letting you care for them in turn by telling them what to do, how to be. Maybe, one day, Aschanti could cook your meals (and pretend they’re your live-in servant), do you laundry (and get to sniff and taste your clothes whenever they want), and even help you wash your magnificent body (need they go on?)<3

Mask [Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?]:

Aschanti wears a couple of masks, even around you. In public, they are remarkably composed and confident, they are widely renowned for their poise and natural leadership. But, when it’s just them and you, they find it harder to keep their cool, they become notably more uncertain and deferential, more open about looking to you for direction- but they still try to maintain a regal air about them so as to not lose your respect. On their own, however, Aschanti is nearly unrecognizable from the esteemed ruler known throughout the land. They spend most of their alone time thinking about you, taking stock of their collection of your things, touching themself to the scent of you lingering on the clothes they practically smother themself with- they’re really just a needy mess when there’s nobody around to impress, and they feel no small amount of shame from their desire to show themself to you like this and let you do as you like with them…

Stigma [What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?]:

Aschanti has always felt they were forced to take positions of authority because of their royal status, but they’d always really wanted to just let go and leave the control to someone else; you’re the first person they ever felt safe enough to even entertain the idea with. Before you, they never let themself dream of giving up their control as they so deeply wished, but once they’d been in your capable hands it became impossible to stop. Really, you’re the reason they’re like this, so obsessed with retaining the stability and comfort you provide them. You just make them feel so safe and secure, so wholly taken care of- it’s a feeling they’ve always craved, and you’re the only thing in the world that has ever sated them~

thanks so much for reading! feel free to send a request <3

check my pinned post~

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Now, being eternally curious, I just have to ask: what DO other monsters think is under my hood? -The River Person

Undertale Sans - He tried all his teenage years to pull the hood to see what's under, but it's like River Person always knows what he's doing. Sans thinks they're just a random eye, seeing everything. Not the weirdest thing he has seen though.

Undertale Papyrus - If Papyrus insists so much on doing all his trips on foot, it's because Sans once said to his five-years-old self that a terrible carnivore monster was hiding under that hood and was eating children who don't do their homework when they're alone. He didn't believe it, of course! But just to be sure, he decided to not take the ferry anymore. Like never. He doesn't want to know.

Undertale Toriel - She assumed over time it's just a very shy monster and respects that. Sure, they are odd and their predictions creep her out, but that would be just rude to ask what's under the hood.

Undertale Asgore - He's pretty sure that monster has been there since the war, so maybe a hiding boss monster who ignores themselves? He tried to get them to live in a house like everyone, but it never worked? Asgore decided not to question it anymore as time passed.

Undertale Undyne - She thinks it's some elaborated robot honestly. No one would do their job 24 hours a day without complaining once or... You know, leaving their boat. She tried several times to see what was under, but like Sans, she never had any chance. She wants to know so bad.

Undertale Alphys - Obviously, some villain stuck in the boat by a spell to prevent him from ever hurting anyone. It's like their redemption arc or something. Or maybe she's just watching a little too much anime, who knows.

Undertale Frisk - They always assumed it was Gaster, but then Gaster showed up and ruined their theory. So then they assumed it was Papyrus hiding because they're the same height, but one day Papyrus showed up to stop them from going on the ferry, so it's not that either. Frisk is still investigating.

Undertale Chara - They're corporeal for sure because Chara punched their guts once after they said they were going to die and that hurt them. Well, they died shortly after so that river person guy was right, but still. Chara hates their guts and doesn't want to know what's hiding there.

Undertale Mettaton - Like Alphys, he always assumed it was a robot created to lead him where he has to go, before realizing everyone can use it. Well, that sucks. He wrote an offensive movie about the river person just because he was angry. In it, he said River Person is a very mysterious charismatic robot that somehow looks exactly like him. Then the robot turns out to be a master ninja in disguise for some reason. Not all movies can be good.

Undertale Gaster - He always assumed the hood was the monster and that there was nothing under it. I mean, there are rock monsters, blanket monsters, and even mouth monsters, why not hood monsters?

Undertale Grillby - He thinks that's an elemental monster of darkness. That would explain why they're here for so long and why they're looking invisible. It's just odd he doesn't feel it as he's supposed to being an elemental monster himself.

Undertale Muffet - Clearly not enough money for her own taste.

Undertale Burgerpants - He thinks the monster is the boat, since it seems alive, and that River Person is just some disguise because the boat monster thinks it's weird just being a boat for a living. He understands. Everyone calls him the burger guy :(

Undertale Flowey - He doesn't know but he never could kill the guy, so he assumed it's a ghost? Maybe the first River Person died and their spirit has been haunting the boat since? He wishes he could destroy them to dissect them.

Undertale Gerson - He thinks that's a random guy working the day and sleepwalking the night, and that's why they're in their boat all day and night. And somehow as old as Asgore for some reason. Maybe some exiled member of the royal family they punished this way.

[unlikelyjapan]

s2e5 rewatch notes

Ah, "Pop" - it's so weird to have one of the least-satisfying episodes of television you've ever watched be sandwiched in the middle of one of the most satisfying television series you've ever seen.

"But the viewer uneasiness, the juxtaposition, that's the point of the episode!" cry future Storer/Calo** in unison, tearing at their shirt collars and throwing themselves prostrate in the middle of their 7th podcast interview moderated entirely by men "in the spirit of John Hughes, we wanted to convey....."

** For the record, I respect/love them for creating my 2nd favorite TV show of all time, they just grind my gears with the offensive stance on these narrative choices that were, in fact, very bad.

It was an over-reach, an unenjoyable viewing experience for most people outside a specific segment of uncritical (mostly white) men and the women who placate them.

Alright, preamble over - let's dig in!

We open with Tina getting a crash-course in Syd's vision. I bet this woman has never been exposed to breaking food down in the abstract - "earth, air, fire, water" , nor the overwhelming prep of the daikon and the fennel - but her just being like "this is a lot for a tasting menu" and then reassuring her with "it's okay ma, I got you!" - she has my full heart.

Tina's intuition on the food is good, though - it is, in fact, too busy. Sydney is still learning how to be a mentor, and she negates that Tina's background isn't automatically going to make her know what a play on an XO sauce is, or even how to identify a panzanella.

Remember Carmy explaining Japanese plum wine to Marcus? That's how you do it. Sydney still has a learning curve to go through, but Tina will weather it gangbusters.

Sydney - "It's a lot, it's a lot...I'm seeing that its a lot"

I see that iterative recipe development between Carmy + Syd fell into oblivion three weeks earlier when he blew her off, and she's suffering greatly.

Carmy is trying to get the 7 seconds down to 5 between stations when Cicero comes in, and Cicero sees it as a fruitless exercise after Natalie points out that he's been at it for over an hour. I can almost see the flash in Carmy's eyes where we're back 5 years ago, his family seeing him and his work as weird and irrelevant. This was probably the first blow of the day that led him to flake out completely.

I'm including all of Cicero's dialogue here, because I didn't realize it was so weighted on my first pass through the show:

"I'm a little concerned that we're taking our eyes off the ball here, and I want to be hyper-clear - if I ain't seeing no progress, I don't want to keep pissing money away. I'm calling this out now, because we are - How far from open, Sug? - Six weeks! And I somehow anticipate that the coming six weeks, there will be more pissin'.

The thing is, I like to control the pissing to the best of my ability....your schedule is kinked. You're doing whatever the fuck you're doing here. Thundernuts is out there making sandwiches for his entire family? I mean, look, as much as I look forward to selling this place - and trust me, I do look forward to it - I think it's just in all of our best interests if we have a maximally efficient place of business. I really would like to tell you a story of complete and utter failure...."

Syd interrupts.

Holy shit - this is the second time he's tried to tell his Gonzalez/Bartman story. I can't believe I missed this, TWICE (s2e1).

Instead, he tells it to Carmy on opening night - and I think by then Cicero has seen the writing on the wall and knows that Carmy is the only person who really needs to hear it - this is a big CP.

The scenes that follow just reinforce Ciceros current narrative - it's too casual for essentially being a House of Usher - everyone is interrupting, Fak's pal/contractor wandering in eating a sandwich the electrician made him, the drywall falling, Timmy's "no worries, it's still billable hours" crack. Mobster uncle or not, the man has already spent $550k just to witness this.

Tina telling Ebra that it's weird she hasn't spoken to him in a few days, and can't recount the last time that happened - it's amazing that with all the talk of platonic relationships this season, no one is pulling this one out of their hats in comparison *smirks*

But again (like Sugar faux-charming Cicero moments earlier). women be managing men's emotions along with their own lengthy lists of challenges, as the men retreat wounded and overwhelmed.

Cut to Syd perfectly laying out dining wares for Carmy while Fak blathers about 'Can't Hardly Wait' being "the greatest High School Song ever written" while his contractor friend sits idle....

"That's $55 a plate for that silence" - "Okay, then we can use the shitty ones" - Carmy is being so frigging childish and dismissive, right after he called Sugar "fucking disgusting" for being cutesy with Cicero to de-escalate him, but both women are doing what needs to be done - not what they WANT to be doing.

This is when Carmy completely checks out to call Claire for the ridiculous errand run to Winnetka. In my memory, I felt like "oh, he wanted to see her and he took the first opening to bail", but watching this episode now, he feels defeated and infantalized, and so he runs to a guaranteed source of flattery/unchallenging comfort. I don't think it was initially his M.O for the workday, just "later".

He exits with "Um....chaos menu. I dunno? I'll get back to you?" after we already watched Syd suffer on it until the wee hours - he's off to provide himself with amusement and enjoyment, so he can take care of Syd others- he just wants to give the menu to her straight-up (as he thinks this will please her), and this is his way of apologizing for bailing.

The same goes for his non-thank-you to Natalie as he's leaving. "You're not doing this because I'm pregnant, are you?" - No, he's doing it to provide himself with amusement or enjoyment so he can be better for you - enjoy working the entire day at the restaurant pregnant, though! If it makes you feel better, he appreciates you.

"Total Control" by Motels is playing as Carmy and Claire drive to the suburbs - I included the link to the lyrics, because it was an....interesting choice.

I really tried to analyze their conversation during their first foray into the car, but my raw scribbled notes look like this:

"It's perfect timing, I had all this extra adrenaline after resetting this guys Tibia" - screaming

"Whoa" (but not really impressed/getting it) "Does that shit really fire you up?" - oh my god

"It really fucking fires me up. Plus, I love driving. I'm a horrible driver, but I love the risk." - oh my fucking god

I can't do it. I'm sorry.

I'll only note that the chemistry during the envelope drop is non-existent. I think it was supposed to be scripted as a funny/awkward scene, but it just came off as two actors standing in a mail room - before this moment, I never perceived JAW as a guy who's just acting in this show, and it's jarring.

Why the hell didn't FX exert more pressure to get the chemistry read they asked for?

Sydney and Natalie's sit-down is just them acknowledging that they're managing the feelings and work of all the men that orbit The Bear, on top of the extensive labor demands they already have. Richie's interjections due to lack of purpose, Fak's inexperience with managing contractors, Carmy being checked-out and incapable of participating in things that don't rely on his existing ADHD skill-set.

One of these women is a bit green and needs support, the other is pregnant and overwhelmed, and all the men are mad or threatened by them for one trite reason or another - if season 3 isn't an overt celebration of female competence and resilince, I'm out.

"The menu is fucked - and I need Carmy, but he is....being Carmy, somewhere."

"At least he's hanging out with Claire, that seems moderately healthy, right?" - Sugar delivers this as not good, not bad, just completely ambivalent - a far cry from the Fishes discourse.

And Sydney's eyes fire up with the intensity of hell behind a smile and the "who's Claire?" - Ayo is such an amazing actress, that was a nice palate cleanser after the letter drop.

OK, we're back in the car - again, I couldn't extract much from the vapor, but here are some rough-hewn observations:

Claire saying "We've hung out so much, but we've never actually talked" - add it to the list of "telling, not showing".

I wonder if Molly Gordon is truly a great actress and intended to look at Carmy like that while he was talking about drawing pants (intense psychoanalysis eyes) or if she was attempting to look dreamily at him and just failed the assignment.

It's becoming a bit more clear to me that there's a weird brother-oedipal thing going on with Claire when Carmy talks about how she had so many friends, as Mikey did.

"Speaking of dead brothers, do you want to go to a party?"

Ignoring the totallykookycoolgirl line, I don't believe Carmy wanted/needed the tension to break there, he actually wanted to talk. The 'hmmmm' he lets escape is discomfort on multiple levels.

The party scene - "Pretty in Pink" by the Psychedelic Furs plays as they enter a house filled with 35-year-old fraternity dudes.

For those who maybe missed this, John Hughes also wrote "The Breakfast Club", wherein Molly Ringwald's character was named Claire. They just beat us over the head with this regression repeatedly, and I resent it. I came here for a high-caliber show, and I feel like I'm watching Zach Braff disassociate in a Scrubs dream sequence or some shit.

At least KJ (a 38 years old man with meth face) says that Carmy was in wrestling with him back in high school - maybe this will tamp down the "why is a chef so ripped" debate.

Even when Claire is comforting her friend (which is played by Mitra Jouhari, Molly/Ayo's friend in real life), the delivery is so wooden and sterile and not how adult women console one another in crisis.

Maybe it was the fact that she was forced to maintain the whispery voice through it for consistency in Carmy's presence, but even that seems out of sorts - imagine Syd, Tina, Sugar, anyone consoling a friend in a similar situation - and she uses that consolation to further her agenda with Carmy by dropping that no one has ever made her dinner before (at age 30???)

"Am I stupid?" "No, no....he's the one who sucks".

Wait, these are the lines of a very adult woman who has friends who are doctors getting over a 5-year-breakup? This script is stupid.

Jeremy Allen White is such a serious actor, I'd kill to hear his earnest drunk take on this.

"He's so nice. Why don't I ever meet anyone who's nice?"

*sighs deeply* - Again, y'all are 30.

Tina taking a shot and then getting up to sing "Before the Next Teardrop Falls" by Freddy Fender. I'd love to know if this song has a massive place of significance in Tina's life, but I choose to see it as her being a ballast of support for whoever needs her. Her heart is completely open - no notes.

Hold the phone - they chose "Here Comes The Night" to play as Claire is staring back at Carmy and comforting her friend leading up to the fireworks scene?

Here are the lyrics - Van Morrison/Them is great, but I wonder why they picked this song? Feel free to slap the Syd goggles off me, but this literally just chased Tina's ballad about being there when someone breaks your heart.

KJ saying "busted for having fun, busted for having fun!" as the cops are hauling him away. Loga....I mean, Carmy, was looking for "fun" in his life - I feel like this scene summarizes that pretty succinctly. He's not a man searching for fun, he's a man searching for meaning....and now he's going to conflate the fact that he's completely touch-starved with this type of fun, because the man is emotionally illiterate.

The one lyric from Strange Currencies (when they're driving to the restaurant) that they chose to flare prominently is "where were you when I kissed you" - at least they're driving home the message that these two aren't on the same wavelength.

Carmy walking into the Richie-fight-shitshow and being more concerned about the optics Claire receives when it's obvious that his whole staff has just been through a hellfire of a day, ugh. At least his acting chops are back on display in this scene.

Ahhhh, Claire's sourpuss face as soon as Sydney blurts out "I'm sorry you're here" - it almost makes this episode worth it. Almost.

For the record, I side with everyone who's stated that her introduction to the crowd was exclusively to draw Syd's attention to her.

The same goes for Richie's "Interesting." - if we based everything on what Fishes was trying to sell us, he would have thrown Carmy an arm-punch or something. It's more bemusement, not pride, in Carmy for "bagging Claire". Compare that with the "ooooooooohhhh" when Syd and Carmy are fighting - there's way more tension/acknowledgement of their dynamic.

Ugh - even Richie is like "Cousin, who's going to watch the copper?" as Carmy kicks everyone out. Even if they're ham-fisted about it (as Richie definitely is), everyone is concerned about something to do with the restaurant/their labor except for Carmy, who curtly dismisses them all with fake gratitude.

I won't talk much about Syd's exit, because it's already been discussed to death - yes, he's confused she's leaving. Yes, the only time he can look her in the eye is while Claire is distracted. Yes, he see's she's pissed and it's making him die a little inside.

I will offer a trite story, though:

When I was a young pup, I had a co-worker who had a massive crush on my friend - and the affection was mutual, but unacknowledged due to lack of experience.

He (being a traumatized, ill-equipped man-child) immediately sought out a less challenging girlfriend who even looked like a close approximation of my friend and excitedly brought this new girlfriend to a party I was throwing because he REALLY hoped that my friend would love her. She obviously didn't love her, he came to me confused/upset, and after I explained things slowly and carefully, he dumped the girlfriend a few days later. He dated my friend weeks after (and for transparencies sake, it ended terribly).

Where I'm going with this is that I think somewhere in the recesses of Carmy's damaged mind, he REALLY needed Syd's approval of him being with Claire since he was caught red-handed. He imagined her staying, asking leading questions or chaperoning the situation, or giving him a knowing smile or a "thata boy" - whatever. Even though he told everyone to leave. It's bizarre.

The Fak thing is so cloying - someone mentioned today about the Berzatto clan of fools wanting to live vicariously through Carmy and Claire, and they are 100% correct.

Finally, 30-year-olds don't kiss like this.

This whole thing was as unsatisfying to write as it was to watch. Hopefully, I caught something of use - thanks for sticking with me through this!

[boyfridged]

Could I ask what makes you dislike zdarsky so much? Not disagreeing in the least lol, just curious for ur opinion

i was going to link my posts criticizing his work but tumblr is not cooperating, so let me just write up a couple of bullet points:

constant retcons of characters and their stories for much worse, including jason and talia. his retcon of jason's robin days in cheer is the most shameless and heartless interpretation of the character to date, and jason had already been a victim of plenty poor-taste flashbacks. his retcon of talia in the knight makes her a mindless seductress without her own will nor motivations. their respective relationships with bruce lose all depth, love and unique qualities. zdarsky managed to even retcon khoa within a year since he was first introduced as a character. and even when he does not rewrite the backstory per se, he just makes the characters act in ways that make no sense for what we already know of them (like with selina in gotham war) most of the time his ideas completely upset and discredit the already existing storylines and contradict what lies at their core. the audacity it's unbelievable.

classism & misogyny: this is a simple one. the previously mentioned retcons turned the characters into stereotypes of their background and gender, the most malicious ones even.

his personal biases and favouritism: here's a thing. zdarsky has perhaps three favourite characters: bruce, tim, and khoa. and you will know about it, because everyone else will be thrown under the bus to make them look good. bruce is a perfect man and all of his mistakes come only from his good intentions apparently. he is so perfect that he knows better about classism than jason. and tim is his favourite robin because (checks notes) jason hated being robin and dick just didn't care about cooperating enough apparently. this is a claim that literally appears in-text.

since i already mentioned classism twice: his politics are plainly atrocious. he sometimes loosely uses phrases and tropes that make some readers think that he is progressive, but somehow all of his storylines always get a "plot twist" that reverts them into something ugly and cynical. and somehow a lot of fans just don't notice. i think the fact that he loves a war on drugs moment should perhaps give people a hint but what do i know.

his writing is just bad? he can't write dialogue. his plotlines are all over the place. what even was failsafe. the concept of zur as the backup personality is so incredibly tacky and useless it doesn't belong even in the genre as camp as superhero comics. and on top of that, there is so much meaningless melodrama that doesn't say anything about the characters, their values nor their relationships at all- there's just a couple of panels that batfam fans will go crazy for because bruce hands kid a lollipop as batman or because tim calls bruce "dad." but neither of them convey anything of significance, especially not within their original context.

there are more reasons and i could talk of particular creative decisions that i just think are offensive to both the legacy and the intelligence of the readers, but it would take forever given zdarsky's prevalence in dc as of late.

[sleepingelvhen]

Red Wine [Pt. 1] SFW 🍷

Baldur's Gate III

Enver Gortash/Reader SFW

Triggers: None (yet)

Masterlist

NOTE: Apologies for disappearing. I've been very busy lately and so fanfictions will be rather slow for a while. Hopefully, this will simply be proof that I am working on projects and improving my writing as often as I can. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy. 🌹

‘Meet me in my room’ was the message he had sent you. Just a simple prod into your mind from the connection between your tadpoles, a short and straight-to-the-point request, yet one that left you more excited than you realized you could be towards him.

It isn’t like you don’t like him. He’s handsome and charming, despite the slight bit of derangement, but beyond all that he is crafty and talented. That’s what you like about Enver Gortash, his passion toward his crafts and his abilities.

You meet him in his quarters later that evening after freshening up, only donning some light clothes for sleeping. And as expected, he was waiting for you, sitting at his desk with a feathered quill in his hand writing whatever it was he wrote in the middle of the night. Probably some new concepts for more iron-kind, or maybe his own secret fanfiction about him being the ultimate ruler of Faerun with everyone bowing before him and kissing his feet.

 Now that would be something to discover about him. The big scary tyrant of Baldur’s Gate writing little stories about being a big scary tyrant of the world. Just the thought made a little chuckle rise up your throat, the sound being enough to make Gortash lift his head and turn to look at you over his shoulder.

“Ah, you’re here. Good.” He pushes his chair back, making certain to flip over his papers. Maybe he was writing something embarrassing to be so meticulous in hiding it.

“I couldn’t ignore an order from the Lord Gortash himself, could I?” You speak with a lilt to your voice, always enjoying the little back and forth of faux respect that the two of you have; titles and formalities used to mock rather than to give either an advantage in conversation and status.

“I suppose not if we are putting titles into consideration. But this was a personal request, meaning you were, indeed, free to ignore my invitation.”

“Truly? I guess I’ll be leaving then.”

“Go right ahead.” You can hear the offense in his voice, the way his words sound almost clipped, the way he punctuates them with a click of his tongue. 

“You want me to leave then?”

“No, I don’t.” 

You smiled at that, your own guard melting in his honest gaze. Perhaps now was not the right time for teasing.

“I don’t want to leave, either.” You admit, looking into his eyes for more signs that this was fine, that you weren’t making a glaring mistake in letting down your guard. His shoulders seem to relax, that easy smile of his stretching into something you swear is genuine.

“Here, I have some wine.” Gortash strides over to his wall of bookshelves; bookshelves that hold everything aside from books. There are vials of liquids and other substances, journals, multiple kinds of writing instruments, cups stained with what looks like paint, and multiple kinds of wines. The books lie on the floor, on his desk, and sit in stacks on his bedside table; everywhere but the bookshelves. 

He grasps for a fancy-looking bottle, and finds two clean wine glasses amongst the mess, pouring a deep red into each before handing one to you.

“Sourced from the Underdark, if you can imagine. It’s rare and quite expensive.”

The wine smells sweet and bitter at the same time – common for most reds – but with an undertone of something woodsy or maybe even salty. The taste is strong, the flavor a burst of fruit and mushroom; a bitter bite of cranberry and pepper. 

“That’s…different.” Is all you can manage to say, the flavor sitting upon your tongue for but a moment before vanishing as if it were never there.

“I never said it would be good.” 

“I never said it was bad.”

“Is it good, then?” He asks the question with a raise of his brow, taking a moment to sniff the wine’s deceptive aroma. You mimic his action, pretending to really think about the question before answering.

“I’m not sure, I can’t remember..”

“And that’s what makes this wine so exquisite,” he begins, taking a long sip and scowling a split second before his expression relaxes. “The flavor goes away so fast, you forget the taste, then drink again and again until you are so drunk you can’t remember if it was good or bad, only that it’s addicting and you absolutely need more.”

“Ah, so it’s more like a drug then?”

“I suppose you could say that, yes.”

You swirl the wine in the glass, noting the unique color of it, how it almost seems to reflect back a perfect image of yourself, before continuing.

“Is that your plan then? To get me drunk and have some fun with me?”

Gortash sputters into his glass, wine splashing over his face and clothes. He coughs a moment, setting down the drink while trying to pat the wine from his face and where it clung to the hairs on his chest.

“Why–why would you assume that?”

“Maybe because you invited me here and gave me a wine that supposedly gets you drunk super quickly? What else am I supposed to think?”

“My dear,” he laughs at the absurdity of your comment. “I don’t need to get you drunk to bed you. The wine was simply to relax the tensions between us.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You ask with a straight face, eyes intense in their gaze. Gortash falters a moment.

“What?”

“You said you didn’t need to get me drunk to bed me. You really think I’d just jump into bed with you?”

“My dear-”

“I’m not so easily swayed, Enver. I don’t just sleep with anyone who gives me wine.”

“That’s not–”

“You are a damned fool if you really think I’d just–”

“Would you let me speak before jumping to such obscene conclusions!?”

His shout echoes within the room, nearly rattling the glasses upon his shelves and causing you to shut your mouth. Gortash takes a deep breath, whispering something to himself before making his way back to his desk and picking up the paper from before.

“The comment wasn’t aimed as an insult.”

“Well, that’s how it sounded.”

He shoots an irritated glare your way before handing the paper to you with a frown.

“Read this.” He says, eyes flickering between your gaze and the wall.

Hesitantly, you take the thin paper into your hands, setting your drink to the side.

1492 DR – Entry 55 – Personal Note

Much has happened in this recent year. My command over Baldur’s Gate has, of course, gone as smoothly as ever, especially with the help of these little parasites within my brain. The others seem dedicated the this ‘Absolute’s’ will, but I am not so thoroughly convinced. The powers, of course, are nice and welcomed even, but following another is just accepting a chain around my throat for them to pull when I inevitably step out of line. 

The surprise as of recent has been the travelers who have recently arrived and have been causing trouble within the master plan. Specifically their leader. They seem kind but are reasonably cautious. Intelligent. Masterful. Skillful. Beautiful.

I have found myself unable to express disdain towards them and that concerns me. Normally a kindness as theirs would be seen as a weakness. But they show ruthlessness in their actions despite our opposing views. And all I seem to desire is them. I can’t think of anything else. It plagues me, haunts me – their face, their body, their voice….

Your eyes widen as you read the missive. What he had been writing before wasn’t plans or a story like you thought, but a diary entry. Funny thought, that Enver Gortash keeps a diary, but not unusual; most people do. But these words, this confession. Gortash’s face is red when you look back up at him.

“The comment was not meant to offend.” He says again.

“You were trying to flirt with me?” You ask and his nod is both pathetic and endearing. This man, someone who rules and controls Baldur’s Gate, was stumbling over himself trying to show affection to the one person he definitely shouldn’t be having these feelings for. 

And through the obscenity of it all, the reality of such strange times, you can’t help but start laughing. The laughter bubbles up all of a sudden, a surprise to your chest and your voice, your lips pulled taught into a smile impossible to contain. The paper falls from your hands as you cover your mouth and when Gortash’s brows knit together in offense and confusion, you stumble forward, grab the stained lapels of his fancy jacket, and pull him into a kiss full of fitful giggles.

[maxzinn]

Damn why is the HSR fandom becoming way worse than genshin? And whenever there is any controversy aventurine is always somehow involved like leave my boy alone 😭

I'm a cis straight woman okay and no matter which fandom i interact with they always look down on me and assume shit about me even though i try to be nothing but understanding I have had so many tell me that I can't like a certain male character romantically because he is only for the boys/gays. Even like when you tell them you like a certain game/franchise/anime/singer or band they're like 'you have to be queer for liking this' and for some reason they try to convince me that I'm queer even though I'm not and they think that me being cis and straight makes me 'basic' and 'boring' I love jjba, Nana, Castlevania, Final Fantasy, Hsr and genshin impact but literally every fandom I've been is filled with a bunch of judgemental pricks which is sad because I was so excited to talk about my interests :( at first i thought they were being like that because I'm asian but then i realised it's because of my 'basic and boring' sexual and gender identity

and for some reason when I tell them that I'm cis straight they immediately assume I'm a white privileged woman (like i said I'm literally Asian) and i haven't struggled a day in my life which isn't true at all it's so ignorant to assume all of this about me just based off my sexual and gender identity and when I try to speak up they tell me that they're just 'giving me the taste of my own medicine' like what??? What does that even mean?? I'm not even homophobic i come from a conservative country and family but I have done proper research and educated myself on this topic and i treat everyone with respect so why can't they also be decent human beings and respect me too? I still try to be understanding but I can't stand the air of superiority among these people and they're usually under the age of 25 too because other queer people I have interacted with who are older than me don't behave pathetically like these people

(sorry this was so long you can ignore it if you want and sorry if my english is bad it's not my first language 😭 anyways I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night)

(This post is also long sorry hehe)

No cuz for real, it’s getting way more annoying in the fandom (no offense) and it’s even worse on twitter and hoyolab.

In my opinion, I think the toxicity mainly starts with people forcing to everybody that every character in hsr is queer coded and all that stuff. I keep seeing all that posts and comments that this certain character is “implied” which is not true??? It makes me wonder if they even know what the word “implied” means, cuz it basically/indirectly means that it’s canon.

I’m so done with those posts that claims “robin is lesbian and girlkisser so gtfo men” like stfu?

If you have seen the replies on tuonto’s twitter post, there’s like a LOT of people saying that. Like, hc her as lesbian if you want but DONT act like it’s canon and stop forcing your hcs on other people pls.

And when others reply to them saying that it isn’t canon and that they shouldn’t force it, they just straight up say that those people are “homophobic and lesphobic”.

I have no problems with gay/lesbian ships cuz I support all ships equally (except the illegal and problematic ones), but these delulu people are ruining it for the fandom tbh.

It’s funny that being straight/cis is seen as basic and boring now. And that part where you’re being forced to be queer is funny af 😭 are they ill?

You can like all the male characters that you like, none of them have canon sexualities and they’re certainly not canonically gay. If some person says that you shouldn’t like a certain male character cuz they’re only for the boys… then they’re ill, don’t listen to those bs.

It’s so weird that people now argue and force a sexuality onto fictional characters and just assume a certain character’s sexuality based on stereotypes (like aventurine for example) then claims that they’re a queer representation when said “representation” is just based on stereotypes.

It’s weird that a character’s sexuality matters so much when it doesn’t even matter that much, just enjoy the game and the plot? Stop projecting yourself onto them, they’re their own person and they have their own personality. They have nothing to do with your sexuality. And most of all… they’re literally PIXELS

And pls, liking a certain franchise doesn’t reflect anything on your sexuality. You can be a straight woman and like drag shows, you can be a straight woman and like BL and GL. Men can be straight and love skincare, men can be straight and like fashion/makeup. ITS NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?? Just stop stereotyping people 💀

[floatingcatacombs]

GENSHIKEN POWER LEVELS

12 Days of Aniblogging 2023, Day 10

For no particular reason, all the members of the Genshiken have had their abilities translated into specific parameters. It’s pretty obvious that A would be the strongest, but you might be thinking to yourself, “What on earth is all this B+ and C+ nonsense!?” Well, don’t worry, because I’m not going to explain anything here. Just consult the Servant Parameter Rules.

Overall, the ratings represent ‘otaku power expressed as deviance, taking combat potential into account’.

Spotted Flower spoilers follow. (everyone is bisexual now).

Sasahara Kanji: C+, B

Condition: Green

An “average” otaku in nearly all respects, though he has good taste and the ability to distance himself and speak objectively, even when under attack by girls. Can appreciate yaoi in some situations. As a manga editor, of course, his power increases, and his devotion to his waifu is commendable. The Gunpla Quiz gave him the Ball as his favorite mobile suit, and he’s also a Patwaber fan!

Still… Ahhh! Men who get in the way of Yuri are unforgivable!

Kousaka Makoto A-

BAYOEN! BAYOEN! BAYOEN! BAYOEN! BAYOEN!

Extremely high base stats, a very scary offense and near-perfect defense, that pretty-boy face, perfect crossdressing, and the ability to make it all look effortless. Capable of going at it for half an hour while also watching anime! He can pull girls for threesomes whenever he wants! (not Saki though). He’s a master of the Great Tanaka Rensa technique! That kind of power is truly fearsome… However, a kiss on the cheek from Sasahara was super effective.

Harunobu Madarame. C++/--

Sou Uke

A lot of pros, a lot of cons. However, it all balances out to an average C. This guy is the very picture of a normal otaku… or at least, he tries to be. Low base stats, excellent coverage and decent utility, but he suffers from four moveslot syndrome. Capable of entering a gay relationship, and even bottoming, although the circumstances were not particularly praiseworthy. Easily punishable, due to his excessive recovery frames.

…I can’t decide if cheating on his wife on the night she gave birth to their child is something that raises or lowers his power level.

Mitsunori Kugayama C-

Level 27 Ranger

A pretty skilled artist, when he has to be. Usually he doesn’t have to be, so that’s fine. Manages to live a nice normal life without drama, and that counts for a lot – but he’s pretty conflict-averse.

Souichirou Tanaka. B

P-Bandai 1/100 MG Master Grade Ver. Ka

Capable of successfully synthesizing 2d and 3d by sewing cosplay, building gunpla, and even making custom figurines. Tanaka definitely understands the power of care and love. That’s not the kind of power you can take lightly.

The type to mostly just block attacks until he sees an opening.

Kasukabe Saki E

Blood Type: AB

An otaku-sounding name, but a low power level. Not actually very good at conflict, either. Still, she has been to Comiket Comifest! Don’t count her out.

Ohno Kanako D+, B

Wears a Three Star Uniform

Just wants to be a pretty cosplay mannequin with no internality – until Ogiue shows up, and then the gloves come off. You can really tell the devs put a lot of effort into that jiggling, huh. Don’t take her lightly though: she built seven Goufs.

Her victory line, “There’s no such thing as a girl who hates homos!!”, does feel really out of place after a round win against Hato though.

The Genshiken President ???

BLOOD TYPE: BLUE

A mystery to the last.

Angela Burton – C+

“Unlike your chest, mine gives people dreams and desires.”

You’d think that not being able to understand all those doujinshi she’s buying would make her a weak otaku – but in practice not speaking Japanese just makes her really good at dodging attacks. Extremely high attack power. Eventually becomes an enlightened being capable of appreciating both Yaoi and Yuri and, uh, demanding threesomes from her friends. Hm.

Suzanna Hopkins – B+

Pettan Pettan Tsurupettan

Today I’ll sneakily hide in the trees again and keep stalking Ogiue! I'll wait and steal the precious thing!  The little girl who speaks in nothing but references is actually really blushing?! She sticks out her arms when she runs; is she going for the cute look?

This fanservice joke girl (evil spirit begone!) /

born into the nation of America (probably plays puyo puyo)/

was actually, canonically, (Kadabra, Alakazam)/

bisexual??????? (Mada Mada Ra, Mada Mada Ra, Mada Mada Rame, yeah!)/

Manabu Kuchiki – E

Stand Parameter: Development Potential E

The other kind of joke character. Like Sue, he’s a grappler, but he just doesn’t have enough options or ability to adjust to matchups. Gets points for liking traps, but loses them for one-note misogyny; gets  points for kissing Madarame but loses them for being boring. Starts a lot of conflict but easy and uninteresting to deal with; he always goes for the super so you just have to bait it out and then smash attack him.

If that wasn’t enough, I personally hate this guy because if not for him Hato and Madarame totally would have done That!!!!!  

Ogiue Chika D+, A

Genshiken Brigade Chief and Ultra Fujoshi Director

Incredible otaku power – enough to draw doujinshi of people she knows in real life and easily grasp the truth of Kifujin Kaminaga’s “Hato x Brother” madness. She does constantly try to kill herself and deny her heart but once she stops doing that she’s capable of producing incredible amounts of manga. Ends up with a boyfriend and a girlfriend but complains that sexually satisfying them both takes away from her drawing time. She’s bad at dealing with conflict but her pure ‘level of ability as an otaku’ is close to the top of the rankings.

This ranking is curtain fire shooting game.

Girls do their best now and are preparing. Please watch warmly until it is ready.

The border land was wrapped in Scarlet Magic. Girls believe that you solve this Genshiken Nidaime.

Yoshitake Rika C+++

Nen Type: Manipulator (Pseudo-Coercive).

A demon of chaos. Her power as a fujoshi is fairly standard, but she devotes herself wholeheartedly to causing problems and drama – and in this capacity she’s powerful enough to approach Hato. All her moves have random components… in serious play nobody uses her but among casual players she’s often considered broken.

Yoshitake Risa D

Noble Phantasm Rank C

It’s all fictional anyway but girl. what is wrong with you. Fails to appreciate Hato, but does get Hato to wear fetish clothing, so that’s a bonus. The gap between her appearance and her personality is moe.

Mirei Yajima D+, A-

Self-Proclaimed Uncute Girl Doing Uncute Things

Toiling away in the shonen mines, convinced that someday Naruto and Sasuke will kiss for real no you just don’t understand the depths of their relationship. A terrible artist, and she knows it. Grouchy and grumbly and insecure about her gender presentation, especially with Hato around.

But she’s a good writer, and a good editor, and she knows what she wants (Hato) and how to get it. My second favorite character honestly; I really love the way her complexes towards and around Hato play out. “He needs to have sex with a guy so we can draw better manga, which is the only way to make sure he stays with me!” Yajimacchi are you okay? (no she is not. She has way too much internality).

Kenjirou Hato. A++

Super High School Level Homewrecker

What is Hato’s otaku level? Let’s review: Hato is a crossdresser with a foundational crush on his older brother’s EX-level fujoshi girlfriend, going so far as to dress up as her, copy her drawing style well enough to end up with a wall circle spot at Comifest, and blush when she tells him “Hey. I’m getting married to your brother soon. It’d be really hot if you dressed up as me and fucked my husband-to-be, your brother, as revenge on me for taking him away from you.”

Hato has a naked floating tulpa girl of his fujoshi self floating around behind him who does things like make him smell his senpai’s bedsheets and shower in his room, hoping Madarame will walk in on him. Once he's in deep enough with all of this, he gains a second naked floating tulpa girl of his fujoshi self who has the same eyes as his older brother's girlfriend and is Evil. Hato then integrates both of them and keeps crossdressing after a conversation with Ogiue about what he really wants to be and what he wants to draw.

Hato is out of his fucking mind. I love him.

Hato’s conflict potential is also extremely high. Not only was he a judoka (who spent time in the locker room looking at other boys’ bodies and thinking about yaoi) he expertly plays all kinds of “ohhhh you should just give up on me” women games with Madarame’s pure maidenly heart.

And then Spotted Flower happens. Spotted Flower is a moiling toxic sexual swamp of barely-holding-together relationships and threesomes where your good old favorite Genshiken buddies are now bi (Kousaka, Sasahara, Sue, Ogiue, Angela, and Yajima, in addition to original series bisexuals Madarame and Hato) and cheating on each other. Everybody hates Spotted Flower and they’re so wrong.

By the time of Spotted Flower, Hato is living as a woman full time, with silicone implants.

Regrettably, I have no choice but to stan.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Anyway, here's the spin the bottle CrozBrady on its own and NOT an unintentional paste of two ficlets.

[Althouh, the fact they were both CrozBrady is pretty funny]

Harry isn't sure how it happens, but it's very late, and he's just drinking directly from a pitcher of martinis at this point, and there's a big circle of them playing spin the bottle. 

He's leaning against Bubbles, who's drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey. On Harry's other side is Ken, who's got a full six pack of beer scattered in his coverall pockets. He could fit more, but the rest of the space is holding Cokes for Rosie. Who isn't sober, for once, and sipping from Ken's flask when he's not sipping his soda. Bucky and Buck are next to them. Buck sober as a judge as always, Bucky definitely into his cups but not wild about it. He's watching the bottle in the middle of the circle with rapt attention. It's his spin. 

It lands on Brady, and there's a holler as everyone drinks. It's one of the rules, though Harry doesn't know where it came from: Bucky and Brady will not be kissing, thank you, but everyone drinks if one of them lands on the other.

"It's your face," Hambone says to Brady. "It doesn't have character like mine. You're too pretty to kiss."

"No he's not," Harry says. No one hears him because Brady's currently threatening to give Hambone more gold teeth, and Douglass is threatening to stick him in the bomb drop if he tries. And now Blakely is speaking up from Brady's other side, promising he'll kick Douglass out of his fort without a chute if he tries. And everyone else is laughing, even Jack. Which tells Harry how hammered they all are, really. That Jack would join in at all. 

"You okay, Harry?" Bubbles murmurs as Brady takes the bottle and sends it spinning. He's the only one who knows about Harry's crush. Well, the only one Harry's told. He's seen some looks from Hambone and Bucky that tell him they're suspicious, but no one's made him confess.

"No one heard me, right?" Harry asks, just to be sure. He knows they're all good and drunk–well, not Buck, but he never brings up the fact that he remembers literally every stupid thing they've done, bless him–but it takes more than drinking straight from the pitcher to quiet his brain. 

"Nah, no one heard," Bubbles assures him, patting him on the back. He grins when the bottle lands on him. "Can I tag in Harry?" he asks. 

"BUBBLES!" Harry shouts. 

"Sure," Brady says. "Long as it's not Bucky."

"Fuck you, Brady."

"Cleven, control your dog," Brady replies. 

"Hey, Meatball considers that offensive!' Demarco hollers. He's laid out on the runway next to Jack, head resting on Meatball's side. He's supposed to be judge for any spins that land between guys, but he's mostly been dozing.

"Meatball eats sheep shit," Brady says, which makes Bucky shout, "Yeah!" and everyone is laughing again, Harry included. 

When he's done laughing, he realizes Brady as slipped across the circle and is nearly nose-to-nose with him. "You don't gotta–" Harry says. 

Brady grins and presses his mouth to Harry's. He tastes like whiskey and his pipe tobacco, and when he quivers with a laugh, Harry is certain he's made an embarrassing sound. Brady pulls away and takes the pitcher from Harry's hand. He keeps eye contact as he takes a drink. "Not bad," he says. 

"Uh-huh," Harry says dumbly. Did Brady. Was he. Was that a move?

Brady turns and grabs the empty bottle they're using. "Your turn," he says. He doesn't move away. 

Harry feels bold and drunk and silly. Everyone around them is still talking and joking. Harry taps the lip of the bottle against Brady's chest. "You," he says. 

Brady grins and takes the bottle, shoving it at Bubbles, then tumbling Harry flat on his back on the runway and kissing him hard. 

"Finally!" Hambone yells. 

"You owe me five bucks, Egan!" Jack shouts. 

"Aw, fuck, I really thought they'd chicken out again," Bucky says. 

Harry pulls away from Bardy's mouth to stare at Bucky. "All due respect, Sir. Fuck you." 

Bucky laughs and tumbles against Buck, who catches him and noses his temple. "Aww, Buck, look at our little navigator, all grown up and kissing boys." 

"Be nice," Buck says. He throws Harry a wink. "Some fellas aren't as easy as you."

"No one's as easy as Egan," Douglass says. 

"I'm real good at it!" Bucky crows, and there's a round of cheering that Harry doesn't take part in because he and Brady are still kissing. 

*

In the morning, they're all hungover, save Buck. Even Jack looks like shit. Harry flops into a chair and stares at his coffee, willing himself to reach out and drink it. 

Brady sits next to him, and for a moment, Harry is fearful he doesn't remember last night. Or, worse off, that he does but wants to pretend he doesn't. 

"I would love to make out with you in front of Jack to ruin his day," Brady says. Jack flips him the bird from where he's nursing his coffee. "But my mouth tastes like I liked the hardstand."

Harry feels himself smile when Brady lets out a small groan and sags against him. He pats his cheek softly and finally manages to reach for his coffee. "That's okay," he says. "I can wait."

Late in the afternoon, standing by the runway and watching the clouds, Harry turns towards Brady and pulls him close. He kisses him like he thinks a first kiss should be: Soft and gentle and sweet. Brady returns it, then beams and pulls him into the taller grass, tumbles him to the ground like he'd done the night before and kisses him that way again. 

Harry smiles into it and thinks it's even better sober.

[bwobgames]

Previous First

There's a knocking at the door

Beebo goes to open it

"Wait"

"Who's there?"

There's more knocking. This time in the rythm of the Mario Bros theme

"Nevermind its just Simon"

"What"

"Shh"

"Rude. Get in"

Beebo takes a look to the hallway, but he doesn't see anyone else

"Ángel?"

"So?"

"I saw Dad in the house"

"What?! Where?!"

"Elaborate"

"I was in the bathroom and was about to go outside when I saw him."

"He went to the corridor that leads to the patio"

"So I came here to tell the detectives"

"I found the one with the scarf by the stairs, and he told me to bunker down with you two here and keep quiet"

"Where is he now, then? With everyone else downstairs?"

"Um, I don't think so? He said he was gonna, uh... 'take care of him' and went down the stairs"

"What!? That idiot!! Just because I promised I won't die doesn't mean he can!"

"You two stay here, I'll go find him"

"I'll go too"

"Absolutely not"

"It will be a 3 versus 1, we'll be fine!"

"You are not going"

Beebo and Nadia say at the same time

"What the hell."

"Neither are you, Nadia"

"I have the right to get my father detained. You're depriving me of the small joys in life"

"What are you even going to do with him? The storm won't let you take him to the police"

"As awful as this might sound, that's currently not my priority right now, I need to see if Ángel's alright"

"We are professionals. We can handle it.

You two are not. Stay"

He leaves

He runs down the stairs, crosses the bar, and the lounge, reaching the corridor with the bathrooms

He looks through the window. He can barely differentiate anything

"Is Ángel out there? Is Mr. Coli? I doubt they could even see each other in there"

"Is he your boyfriend, by the way? Because if so, I'm judging your taste in men"

"Ugh. Teenagers"

"I believe we had an agreement"

"I didn't sign anything,

and I don't really respect you as an authority figure"

"Note to self, never have a breakdown in front of children. They are perceptive little gremlins"

"... My romantic life is none of your business, I'm taking you to your mother"

"Because I said he sucked?"

"Because there's a maniac running around god knows where and-!

Ugh, where's your brother."

"I told him to stay in the room"

"So he listens to her and not me?"

"Why did you follow me, what would you do if your father tries to kill us?"

"It's a 2 versus 1, odds are in our favor"

"Wha- you would fight your own dad?"

"There is nothing I want to do more. That man has been nothing but a curse to us. He's an asshole to Nina, he toys with Simon's feelings, he completely left Mom for dead, and I don't even think he sees me as a person, even with everyone always going on and on on how I am so much like him. It's offensive honestly.

He's a complete child who's playing with things out of his comprehension.

I understand that you are a man of the law, and this is for your principles or whatever. But even if that man hadn't committed numerous crimes, I would still fight him.

The thought of being anything like him sickens me.

Mom says that all girls my age go through that feeling"

"... I am not equipped for that conversation. We are going to your mother"

"Hey, is that your guy?"

She points to the window

"That's him! Oh, thank god he's okay"

"How can I call him over? If I scream, it might make Mr. Coli aware of our location.

Ugh, I'm asking for his phone number after this

Wait, phone!

I'll use my phone flashlight as a signal! Like a lighthouse!"

He takes out his phone and looks for the flashlight

Something about that feels... familiar.

The lights turn off

That definitely feels familiar

He has a weird feeling in his chest

"...I think we need to check on Simon"

Nadia runs towards the stairs

Oliver flashes his lantern against the window to alert Ángel and runs as well

[heartstringsduet]

WIP Wednesday

Anyone surprised I once again switched gears and worked on an old WIP? No? Weird. But hey, this one is about fathers and I guess we can all agree that it's a fitting topic Thanks for tagging me @chaotictarlos and @alrightbuckaroo <3

The second slice of the so-called ‘tumor-cake’ tastes like cement after TK so casually asked when he’d get to meet Carlos' parents. What was he supposed to say? “Sorry babe, I’m out but somehow telling them made it more impossible to bring home the person I love not less? Sorry babe, I’m nothing like my dad, no brave leader or explorer, just a coward? Sorry, babe, you wished for a big loving family your whole life and all I would teach you through mine is how loneliness multiplies when you’re surrounded by silence and pretense?

“Well, I’ve found the one person who seems to hate the tumor cake, huh?”

Carlos looks up from his fork that has demolished the cake into sticky chunks. At the familiar voice he stops slouching, unfolds into a respectable man. “Sir, no,” Carlos hurries to say. “The cake is delicious-”

“Oh, stop. My son raves about your cooking and baking. No way the Carlos he gushes about and makes everyone jealous over every time he unpacks his homemade lunch, would like a vegan, gluten-free cake. Not to mention how hideous the cake is.”

Immediately, the wet sponge soaking up all Carlos' miserable thoughts seems to ease inside him at the praise.

What does TK say exactly? What is his favorite dish of mine? He only says all of them are but that can’t be true. What else does he say? How often does he speak about me?

There’s a smile back on his lips when Carlos says, “I meant no offense. But I guess I’ve had better cake if I’m being honest.”

“There you go. Doesn’t honesty taste better?” Owen knocks into his shoulder, leaving the warmth of the gesture on skin and mind. “So? I have an inkling it’s not just the cake that’s got you down. Which is impressive. It is a tumor cake after all.”

“It’s a remission cake, actually,” Carlos corrects and instantly regrets backtalking. “True.” Owen, of course, laughs. “Even less of a reason to mope. Come on, I can be a good listener. I promise not to tell TK.”

I tag @carlos-in-glasses , @goodways , @wtfuckevenknows ,  @strandnreyes ; @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut ; @paperstorm ; @lightningboltreader , @liminalmemories21  and anyone else who wants to share <3

[the-girl-who-didnt-smile]

KING OF THE DEAD

Description (translation: disorganized rant) below cut

MAN I have a lot of different ideas I want to get out, but before getting into that, I want to preface this by explaining what my VISION here is. Because I am completely insane, I REALLY like imagining “what if my DeviantArt OCs were in the canon of Hazbin Hotel”, but I should clarify what I mean by that… I do not mean that I want them to appear in the main TV series. That would be pure madness, brother.

THEY ONLY HAVE EIGHT EPISODES IN A SEASON!!!

…What I was actually envisioning is that the Papa Legba characters appears in, I don’t know, Season 6 of this show, or later… He’s a flashback character and/or connected to Alastor’s mother, or even Alastor himself. Everyone else would just get relegated to a spin off after the end (or at least, outside) of the main series. The pirate crew / jazz band can flesh out the setting of Earth and possible realms that exist outside of Heaven and Hell… You could release, I dunno, comics or, some Hazbin Hotel light novels about them (I am open to ideas…) I feel like there is so much raw creativity in Hazbin Hotel, you could make tons of spin offs to develop various aspects of the setting and lore!

But here’s a fun thought… What Hazbin Hotel turns into this long running show with tons more episodes? Aside from Big Papa, I think the second coolest Voodoo-related thing that could be put into this show is either (1) characters inspired by the Erzulies (Ezili Dantor and Ezili Freda), or (2) characters inspired by Les Trois Esprits Du Cimetière:

That being, Baron Samedi, Maman Brigitte, and Gede Nibo.

(by which I mean, characters inspired by them. Like with the Papa Legba character, I think their names should be changed)

Since they are spirits of the Dead, they are actually the ones that fit the best into the setting of Hazbin Hotel, which takes place in the afterlife. Additionally, there are a number of sources that describe Gede Nibo as queer himself (this is something I plan to write about at a later time…). 

I was going to say that I think Baron Samedi might actually be a character Vivziepop is planning to put in this show, due to the number of characters wearing top hats, but I think the actual reason they wear top hats is because Lucifer wears a top hat… I think they’re Borrowin Lucifer, not Samedi… 

(this is really funny to me… I like the idea of Lucifer being a fashion icon in Hell)

In my VISION, the Papa Legba character would be more inspired by how he appears in 19th century New Orleans Vodou and folklore of the broader American South in the early 20th century; in contrast, “Les Trois Espirits” would be more inspired by their portrayals in Haitian Vodou, to honor Gede’s origins in Haiti. However, I would not design these characters as shown above, but use the alternative concept instead.

Having taken more than two seconds to think about this, I actually think the concept presented above (i.e., “The Baron of Death” and “Maman la Vie”) was conceived in poor taste, and that the alternative concept (i.e., “Baron of the Dead” and “Gran Maman”) is for sure the superior one. My brain cells were firing a little too fast back there… 

To put this in perspective, imagine if I came up with a character named “Mother Miriam”. She’s not Mother Mary, but she wears a hood to make herself look like Mother Mary, serves a similar role to Mother Mary, and is obviously inspired by Mother Mary. Not only is she transgender, but she’s a crazy sadomasochist too!

Atheists are probably laughing their asses off at this bizarre comparison, but come on guys… l-let’s be grown ups here…

The above is obviously offensive to Christians, so why is it any different with Vodou? Although I have written about New Orleans Vodou has been unfairly denigrated by American media, I have hypocritically treated Vodou without the same level of respect as Christianity and other major religions. We non believers still have to approach the lwa with the same level of respect as the Saints, etc…

It’s not just the Baron character who is problematic, but Maman. Previously I had claimed that Maman Brigitte was a Caucasian lwa with Celtic origins and that she is very promiscuous, but this is probably just misinformation. This and other comments I made regarding Baron Samedi were things I read from a source that turned out to be not reputable, I apologize for being so sloppy in my research. I think the confusion might arise from the fact that her name is spelled similarly to the Irish Saint. But if you look at traditional Haitian art, Gran Brijit is not portrayed as a Caucasian.

Here is how the lwa are portrayed by Andre Pierre:

A most exquisite painting! As you can see, Pierre employed a range of skin tones, where some of the lwa (e.g., Ezili Freda, Damballa Wedo) are portrayed as lighter skinned. Maman Brigitte is shown next to Baron Samedi in the bottom right corner.

Here is closer shot of Maman Brigitte, alongside Baron Samedi and Gede Nibo:

Maman Brigitte is not Caucasian, biracial, or light skinned. Actually, she is portrayed as dark skinned, where she, Baron Samedi, and Gede Nibo all have the same skin tone. Additionally, she is not promiscuous, but a dignified and reserved older woman. 

Andre Pierre is not the only Haitian artist to portray her in this manner. Here’s how she’s portrayed by Gerard Paul: 

And Roudy Azor: 

These match the description provided by Nwokocha, where she writes: “Gede, like all lwa, has many incarnations, including Bawon Samedi, a guardian of the cemetery; Gran Brijit, an old woman, keeper of the cemetery, and Gede’s partner; and Gede Nimbo, a male spirit who is often honored by queer ­people and who appears as an effeminate dandy.” (p. 37)

Elsewhere: “Gede’s delighted embrace of sexuality is an undeniable display of male desires. The spirit manifests in multiple genders, like his female counterpart Gran Brijit, but only the male version are so explicitly sexual. No female deity in the Vodou pantheon expresses sexual desires so emphatically or bluntly in a ceremony. There are female spirits who are coy, mysterious, vengeful, or wise, but not one proudly proclaims her sexual desires…” (p. 39-40)

The following paragraph provides important context to non Black readers: “During the centuries of enslavement in Hispaniola, enslaved Black women were subject to routine sexual abuse from White enslavers and others with the power to dominate them. To justify this commonplace brutality, Black women were constructed as hypersexual temptresses and prostitutes who were always available for sexual conquest...To combat the construction of Black women as hypersexual, their sexual desires were ignored entirely, characterized by reductive binaries that placed whores on one side and good, chaste Christian women on the other: there was no room for the actual desires of real women."

Source: Nwokocha, Eziaku Atuama. Vodou en vogue: fashioning Black divinities in Haiti and the United States. UNC Press Books, 2023.

Furthermore, I’ve noticed that Gran Brijit seems to have several things in common with the orisha Oya, to the point that I wonder if Gran Brijit and Oya have a shared origin… This is something I’ve been meaning to research… 

For the above reasons, I think it was tasteless of me to portray the Maman character as a younger promiscuous woman. I know she is sometimes portrayed by artist as a younger promiscuous woman, but I would rather portray her as she is traditionally portrayed as an older, sexually reserved woman. I don’t know, I just think this is the respectful approach to take since Americans get things wrong about the lwa all the time. This would also aid in adding body and age diversity to the cast - she contrasts with the other women by being a heavier set, older woman. 

Long story short, the alternative concept is the better one. Unfortunately, I basically just wrote myself into a corner here. I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS I just don’t foresee myself going back and retconning the shit I put into my stupid fanfiction. I REALLY regret not thinking of the alternate concept earlier!!!

… But like, bro… This fanfiction is SO FUCKING WEIRD!!!! Alastor is just, the wrong race and the wrong gender in this, and my DeviantArt OC owns his soul… Has anyone managed to one-up this in terms of sheer weirdness???

We are so far into wacky non canon land… WHERE ARE WE????!!!!

I don’t even care. Wacky non canon land can be so much fun.

Case in point: Alastoria.

She is so much hotter than Al’s canon hot ass girl form, it’s not even close!

You can just take this as this weird AU where Lavi and Lanmò became gods instead of demons. But yeah. It’s staying in my weird ass fanfiction, but this is expressly something I would NOT want to be put in the canon of this show. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! THAT WOULD BE CRINGE!!!!!!!

WHAT WAS I THINKING??????!!!!!!!!!!!

…Sorry, boys. I only got two brain cells and they are both very deranged. But this is what I love about fanfiction: It is allowed to be stupid and shitty and cringe!

So yeah. Leave this concept in cringe fanfiction, where it fucking belongs!

…With that out of the way, I should probably explain what is actually happening in these doodles.

THE UNDERWORLD

So originally I had planned to just completely off-screen the sexualities of these two characters, because they’re SO OUTRAGEOUS you can’t actually show what they’re doing…. It’s also really easy to just slip and make this guy cringe (exhibit A: my…my Deviantart account…) But queer sexuality is such a big part of Hazbin Hotel (also Helluva Boss) it really doesn’t make sense to off-screen their sexuality. This represents my attempt to depict their sexualities in a non-cringe manner (mission failure imminent…)

They rule over another realm called “The Underworld” that predates the existence of Heaven or Hell. They handpick humans to join them in the Underworld, where they become Gede instead of Demons or Angels. (nominally, Baron is the one who decides, but in terms of real power they are equal… Maman can veto his decision, she’s just never done this because she’s always agreed with his decisions…)

The Underworld has several zones to it:

THRONE ROOM: It’s just that. 

I was picturing it like, if a man wants to speak with them, Baron sits on the throne; if a woman wants to speak with them, Maman sits on the throne; if a nonbinary person wants to speak with them, either one or both of them might appear. They make their avatars huge so they completely dwarf whoever wants to talk to them.

If the “court” (the “court” has no real power) is assembled for some important decision / law, Baron sits on the throne while Maman sits on his lap. It’s a joint rulership and the two have equal amounts of real power.

Let’s just plagiarize Thanos while we’re here!

ZONE 1: It’s basically a big ballroom house. The reason it has this ball theme is because the leader of the Gede is a character called “Queen of the Damned” (see below) and she’s a drag queen. Baron hates the music that is played in this zone, but he still shows up because he really likes Queen of the Damned. 

The whole idea is it’s like a bunch of drag queens, and their ruler is a drag king… or really, an ex-drag king (he just fully transitioned to male…)

Large sections found in Queering Creole Spiritual Traditions summarize the association between AMAB and AFAB gender/sexual queerness and the Gede, in which the authors make the comparison to ballroom culture.

Source: Conner, Randy P. Lundschien, and David Sparks. Queering Creole spiritual traditions: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender participation in African-inspired traditions in the Americas. Routledge, 2014, p. 62 & p. 92

The chapter “"Look at Me!": Dressing Gede to the Nines” in Eziaku Atuama Nwokocha’s Vodou en vogue describes spiritual “female-to-male” transformation that occur when a mambo is “mounted” by Papa Gede; a connection to drag kings and the transmasculine spectrum is easily made. 

Source: Nwokocha, Eziaku Atuama. Vodou en vogue: fashioning Black divinities in Haiti and the United States. UNC Press Books, 2023. p. 35 https://www.google.com/books/edition/Vodou_en_Vogue/_2qLEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PA35 

In her travels to Haiti, Elizabeth McAlister observed the following:

“It is in these wee hours of the morning that the Gede spirits (pronounced GEDD-eh) will come to « monte » (ride) the dancers…Women, « ridden » by the lwa (spirit), will become men. Grasping walking sticks–some with penises carved at the top–they will begin the gouyad, a grinding, whining dance of the Banda, a stylized parody of sexual intercourse. Judging by the songs some of these women-turned-men are singing, you will guess they have become homosexual men. As the songs for the Gede continue, men will also seem like masisi, « faggots. » One man even seems to have become a women, who is busy gossiping primly to a group of her fans…Gede are living corpses, great healers, great workers, and the ultimate drama queens in a divine theater of power and gender. The Gede spirits display, mimic and caricature gender and sexuality in order to get at cultural knowledge and memory, the pain and truth of which only they can withstand. The Gede are almost always dark complected spirits of former colonial slaves and if you get to know them they will tell you how they were tortured, how they suffered and how they died. At the ceremony, after you have been ridiculed and forgotten, and as you rise to leave the next morning you can still hear the Gede inside, singing with nasal voices, « Miyo miyo miyo, faggots and dykes, Oh . . .  »”

Source: McAlister, Elizabeth A. "Love, sex, and gender embodied: The spirits of Haitian Vodou." Love, sex and gender in the world religions (2000): 129-146. https://africultures.com/love-sex-and-gender-embodied-the-spirits-of-haitian-vodou-5719/ 

Katherine Smith observed something similar, where she writes: “Gede mounts individuals as well as small marauding bands of vagabon who may pound on tombs and yell obscenities at the dead. In 2007, one such group of young men dressed in drag, fellated bones, and danced flamboyantly as the crowed cheered “Gede Masisi!” (Gay Gede!).”

Source: Smith, Katherine. "Dialoging with the urban dead in Haiti." Southern Quarterly 47.4 (2010): p. 83 

Hence, the decision to give this zone a drag queen (and king) theme.

ZONE 2: This is just a massive orgy. ALL KINDS of demonic debauchery take place here, but there are actually zones within this zone. On the outskirts, whatever’s going on is relatively normal/vanilla, but as you get closer to the center that’s when shit starts getting more and more wild. That’s because at the center is Baron and Maman are. They always have at least one (usually, a lot more than one!) of their avatars into the center of this massive sex pit… the CRAZIEST shit ever is happening there. But because they literally like every form of sex, you will sometimes spot one or some of their avatar(s) further away from the center, doing less crazy shit. You can tell where they are because they force you to listen to heavy metal. 

I was picturing it like they recruit the CRAZIEST, MOST MASOCHISTIC succubi and incubi from the Lust ring, and/or they make weird shadow projections that they have sex. They probably just turn people into zombies and have sex with those two… They’re SO crazy!!!

ZONE 3: This zone is in the very bottom, darkest pit of the Underworld. It is simply called THE DUNGEON. It is exactly what you think it is.

This is the other thing that these two like to do to people who disrespect them. You have to make up new vocabulary for the forms of mind fucking (literally!!!) forms of torture that take place here. Everyone who goes through this is broken in every imaginable sense of the word, and other ways that were not previously imaginable. It is inevitable that you will eventually die from whatever is being done to you. But they just go and fetch your soul and drag you back to THE DUNGEON. You have immortality now, but in the worst way possible… There is no fate worse than this. This too, is Real Hell.

…This is why these two are arguably extremely evil. Some of the people in THE DUNGEON were literally en route to Heaven, but they worked a REALLY long shift just before they died, so they rolled their eyes at these guys a little, and this was their final fate.

I don’t even care. To the contrary - I think these guys are extremely considerate! These two are just BROADCASTING how dangerous and insane they are. If you were dumb enough to disrespect them for any reason, that’s just Darwinism in action!

(it’s great because most of the people who suffer this weren’t the most evil people, but the ones who were both evil and stupid… I wish this is how real life worked!)

The reason they have this trait is because Croco D. Boy (One Piece) has this conference room but it’s actually just a torture dungeon that he uses to torture Buggy D. Clown for sport.

…It just dawned on me that there’s a decent chance Sir D. Crocoboy is a crazy sexual sadist, and that he got to clap Robin's cheeks back when she was still hot.

Now I’m feeling nothing but unbridled hate envy and rage!

Crocodile literally has the single worst Logia in all of One Piece, and he got bodied by PRE GEAR Luffy!!! He is so fucking cringe!

He’s so evil too. Why didn’t Luffy just kill this guy???

BANSHEES

Because I am literally the dumbest person in the entire Hazbin Hotel fandom, I really want to believe that Hazbin Hotel is gonna go full Marineford Arc and build up to this HUGE all-out war between Heaven and Hell.

ANNE FRANK VERSUS TE D. BUNDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…So the “banshees” are the native species to the Underworld. They are called “banshees” because in this weird fanfiction, the Maman is a transracial adoptee who (in her past human life) was adopted into an Irish family. (it’s supposed to be meta on the portrayal of Maman Brigitte’s race/ethnicity + a liminal identity since she’s a spirit of liminality between life and death)

Although they’re called “banshees”, they actually have more of a Haitian influence. They are very playful spirits, who have two forms. In their non-combat forms, they dress in purple and white dresses in the style of Fet Gede dancers. They are empowered by Baron and Maman, which grants them healing and killing abilities. In their combat forms, their bodies become completely encased in Baron’s killing magic. They wear masks inspired by the art of Frantz Zéphirin, and they wield scythes. Scythes are kind of stupid weapons, but they wield them because the Spirit of Death of New Orleans (quite possibly, Baron Samedi) was described as wielding "a scythe in one hand and a small wooden coffin in the other". (p. 127)

Source: Alvarado, Denise. Witch Queens, Voodoo Spirits, and Hoodoo Saints: A Guide to Magical New Orleans. Weiser Books, 2022.

The whole idea is that it’s an Underworld counterpart to the Exorcists. In the event of an all-out war, I like to believe that Heaven is WAY stronger than Hell… Sera just BODIES Lucifer and there’s a bunch of super-strong Archangels + Seraphim + Cherubim, etc… that have yet to be revealed. Charlie would be a SERIOUS underdog and would need to recruit forces from other realms to stand a chance. So she would have to try to win over Maman and get this army on her side. 

I specify Maman because I think it is really easy for the Maman character to get overshadowed by the Baron character, where she’s just his wife and doesn’t have an important role on her own. I think the way to avoid this is to make them “yin and yang” - masculine and feminine counterparts. Baron interacts with men, Maman interacts with women, and both interact with nonbinary people (someone further down the masculine spectrum interacts with Baron more frequently, while someone further down the feminine spectrum interacts with Maman more frequently). For this reason, I tried to design Maman’s personality in a way to make her interactions with Charlie fun. At first, you think this is another Emily archetype, but the more you learn about her it’s just like, wow… I didn’t know psychopaths could be this nice!

A comment on transgender representation: Previously, I commented on the invisibility of trans men in media (more broadly, the trans masculine spectrum). I’m a little worried that this might have come across as me saying that transfems have good representation in media. That is not at all the case - especially when race and class accounted for.

This is a really dense topic that I can’t do justice in a couple short paragraphs, but key point: The worst, most offensive portrayals of transgender people usually involve transfems. So while there are more positive examples of transfems in media, these are necessary to undo the damage done by gross negative portrayals.

Take ONE PIECE for example. 

In One Piece, there is a horrendous portrayal of trans women in the form of Kamabakka Kingdom. Literally, just a bunch of hideous men in dresses, and they’re all crazy sexual predators… it’s AWFUL!!! (although, not gonna lie… I was entertained by Sanji getting thrown here because I think pre-timeskip Sanji is really annoying, and it was funny seeing him cry in his own personal Hell…) This was later rectified with Kikunojo, who is one of the best non-stereotypical portrayals of a trans woman from a recent anime! In the middle of being stereotypical and non-stereotypical, there are the characters of Bon Clay and Ivankov (who I would describe as nonbinary; not binary trans women) (Emporio Ivankov is one of my favorite characters in all of One Piece…) However, there are no examples of trans men, or nonbinary trans mascs. (Yamato is NOT transgender… that was always just mistranslation + people having no understanding of Japanese culture/fictional tropes) This exemplifies the hypervisibility of transfems and invisibility of transmascs.

The invisibility of transmascs (more broadly, masculine of center AFABs) is reflected in the language of the Haitian “M Community”. An important detail: I have been using terms that originate in the Western bourgeoisie, such as “LGBTQ”, “transmasc”/”transfem” and “AFAB”/”AMAB”, but these are not words Haitians use to describe themselves - especially those from the Black proletariat. There are several words to describe those of the “masculine sex” (assigned male at birth / AMAB). These individuals experience extreme prejudice and violence - including the former president of KOURAJ, who was killed in 2019. There is one word used - usually, as an insult - to describe anyone of “the feminine sex who has homosexual relations, even episodically”, including “all heterosexual persons of the feminine sex having homosexual relations”. There are no words to describe masculine of center lesbians, or individuals on the transmasculine spectrum. This disparity is found in many world cultures, and is most pronounced among the lower classes. The reasons for this are so complex, I will spare you the dissertation.

Long story short, good and diverse representation of transgender and gender nonconforming (TGNC) people is lacking - especially at the intersection of race, class, and gender. As far as I can tell, the vast majority of good representation of transfems involves white people or the whitest POC imaginable (usually, white looking mixed race people, or white looking East Asians) or it’s non humans who are racially ambiguous. Whenever nonwhite transfems are shown, they are usually given Eurocentric features (e.g., pale skin, straight and/or blond hair, etc…) and not given narrative importance. Not to mention, the extreme sexualization and fetishization of these characters, where it’s often some nameless, vilified prostitute... It’s a terrible message to send to transfems of color!

Helluva Boss actually has a very positive portrayal of a trans woman in Sally Mae. She’s literally the most important relationship Millie has, outside of her husband Moxxie! Her design is up there with Kikunojo… actually, I think her design is better, since she’s voiced by a trans voice actress. But I think it would add something to include transfem characters who are not racially ambiguous - either, former humans who are unambiguously Black, or nonhuman characters who are racially coded to be Black. 

That’s why all of the Banshees are transfeminine; or, in Haitian terms, part of the “M community”. So is their commander, “Queen of the Damned” (described below). That’s why all the Banshees wear women’s clothes but have flat chests, which become visible in their combat forms. They should all be voiced Black transfems and/or drag queens.

In real life, there is a broader range of gender presentation in the “M community”; I chose to make the “Banshees” more feminine presenting so that they could serve as a visual counterpart to the Exorcists. 

Similar to the celebration of Halloween, Fet Gede is a big holiday for them, and the other members of the Underworld. I made up the “Banshees” because Hazbin Hotel has native species to Hell which contrast with the former humans (Sinners); hence, the Underworld has a native species (“Banshees”) and a species of former humans (“Gede”, described below)

GEDE

The second species is called “Gede”. They are former humans - not native to the Underworld. Unlike demons and angels, their appearances closely resemble how they appeared as humans, but it is a superficial resemblance. Their bodies are A LOT more durable than human bodies, to the point that the average Gede is a lot stronger than the average angel or demon; however, there are a lot fewer of them. Banshees outnumber Gede by a large margin. Both species are very strong because they are empowered by Baron and Maman’s magic. 

The “Gede” are supposed to be similar to how the Gede are described in real life, but if it is offensive to call them “Gede” I would be fine with renaming them to “Undead”. 

DEEPEST INSANE FANFICTION LORE, but as described here these are the conditions for joining the Gede:

You must have paid proper respect to Baron and Maman your entire human life. 

You never sinned once* OR withstood all of Baron’s attempts to scare you without ever once feeling afraid

*STRICTEST IMAGINABLE definition of the word “sin” is used, including “sinful” thoughts and dreams.

For you see, the reason Baron likes to terrorize people with nightmares is because, well… it’s totally just because he likes scaring people. But it’s also a test to see which humans are worthy of joining his army. He doesn’t think anyone who got scared of him makes the cut.

On top of these conditions, they might deny someone entry just because they didn’t like that person, for some reason… for these reasons, there are very few people who ever got to join. Most of the people who join were en route to Heaven, so a lot decline. This pertains to why most of the Gede are Black, dark skinned, and LGBTQ… specifically those who were rejected by their families and don’t have loved ones in Heaven.

Everyone who joins the Gede is immediately forced to agree to have their hands cut off. Unless you never sinned once, Baron does not explain why. He just orders you to do this as the initiation ritual. If you don’t agree to this, you’re denied entry. But if you agree, the process is very painful but extremely quick. He cuts off your hands, but immediately replaces them with his and Maman’s magic. Maman’s magic is the most potent healing magic in existence, so the pain is over in an instant. The reason this process is so quick isn’t because Baron actually cares about your wellbeing (unless you never sinned…) it’s so that there is no loss of dexterity. Joining the Gede does mean you are joining his army, but for the most there really aren’t any wars… For the most part, you kinda just get to party, become really powerful, and don’t have to deal with the corruption in Heaven or Hell… it’s a pretty good deal! But you are forced to wear a top hat, because these two are dictators…

They also force humans to crossdress and act like the other gender for their own amusement. (I don’t know if this is legit but Maya Deren and Zora Neale Hurston described the actual deities doing this shit… absolutely diabolical…!)

Unlike the Banshees, the Gede can be of any gender identity. I was picturing a wide range of underrepresented gender identities and sexualities being shown, like “Ezili’s children” and masculine of center lesbians. Together with the Banshees, they form an army that is commanded by “Queen of the Damned” (described below)

If anyone was curious, the man shown here is actually a minor character in my fanfiction. He’s actually not representative of the typical Gede, as he’s supposed to be a tribute to Doctor John Montenee, but for what it’s worth his sexual orientation isn’t defined and is open to interpretation. Here’s a description for him: https://the-girl-who-didnt-smile.tumblr.com/post/757897862098124800/the-fate-of-the-preacher 

QUEEN OF THE DAMNED

The commander of the Underworld army is called “Queen of the Damned”. She was loosely inspired by Gede Nibo, but she has been gender bent to be on the transfeminine spectrum. (at some point in the near future, I plan to write something about Gede Nibo and why I previously claimed that he is queer…) Actually, she was more inspired by the documentary Des hommes et Dieux / Of Men and Gods, where her appearance is loosely based on one of the interviewees (Innocente…I just liked her style). Although I’m using the pronoun “she” to refer to her, she’s nonbinary and uses any pronouns. I was picturing her being someone who has Haitian heritage but is part of the diaspora, since many of the characters in Hazbin Hotel are from various ethnic groups in America. For this reason, I think she would identify as both part of the M Community, and as transfeminine. Naturally, she is herself a houngan, and an extremely powerful one at that.

Aside from Alastor’s mother, this is the only other human who never sinned once. In her human life, she was rejected by her family, and died in a horrific act of violence. Because she was completely sinless, this is the second and final human in all of human history that Baron ever felt sorry for. He was keen on having her join him; she agreed, as she had no one waiting for her in Heaven, and felt comfortable around someone who is also transgender. 

This is the third reason Baron defaults to a transgender avatar: In the millennia he’s existed, he’s observed that a disproportionate number of the people who die in unfair acts of violence are Black and transgender. On some level, his heart is moved by innocent people who die violent and cruel deaths; hence, he chooses a transgender form to make trans people feel comfortable in his presence.

Hilariously, Maman does not have this trait. Well, she’s actually not completely heartless…. Otherwise, it would have been impossible for her to find love. But she’s in love with the embodiment of Ruthlessness itself. For this reason, she has literally never once felt sorry for any innocent person who has ever died. 

“Queen of the Damned” died in the most fucked up and unjust way ever, and yeah… Her heart was unmoved by this. She actually does care about “Queen of the Damned”, but she had to WARM UP to her after she died…!

Her boobs are awesome, and she’s the craziest person in all of existence…

This is basically my dream woman.

Baron and Maman are so OUTRAGEOUSLY overpowered, Baron can just one-shot this entire army in an instant, like it’s nothing…So can Maman, since her pink magic completely destroys their combat forms. I think they just made this army for their amusement, but it wound up becoming a gift for “Queen of the Damned”. 

Queen of the Damned likes these two so much that she didn’t just cut off her hands - she cut off her nose and ears, and tattooed markings onto her body to make herself look like Baron. Out of all the Gede, she styles herself most like him. The doodle shows her combat form; in her non-combat form (not shown) she wears a top hat and has a heavy metal theme. She likes to play around with gender presentation, where she often mixes masculine and feminine elements. Additionally, the sword she wields changes shape, where the pink handle extends and the black blade shrinks. It turns into a magic staff with potent healing powers. Hence, Queen of the Damned is a very powerful combatant and a very powerful healer. She only has a fraction of Baron and Maman’s powers, but uniquely she can kill and heal.

Her combat form and name are both inspired by Aaliyah as Akasha… IT”S AN ASS KICKING UNDEAD VALKYRIE!!!! (she is also inspired by Marvel Valkyrie… this is just a rough draft though…) Basically, the Banshee army is a counterpart to the Exorcists, so she’s a counterpart to Adam. Only, she is for sure stronger than Adam. Her raw attack power is at least as strong as Adam, and she’s WAY smarter and more ruthless in a fight. She is extremely ruthless in a fight because she was personally trained by Baron. She’s also a very smart battle commander. Charlie would have to win over Maman AND Queen of the Damned in order to form an alliance with this army. 

Because this is his favorite human ever, if she’s ever in mortal danger Baron appears out of nowhere and immediately kills her opponent. But it’s only if she’s in mortal danger (someone on the opposing force has to smart enough to capture her without attempting to kill her). Baron likes her so much that he would totally just kill anyone who inflicts any sort of harm on her, but she’s such a ruthless fighter she hates it whenever he gets involved. Hence, the compromise of him only intervening when she’s in mortal danger. He doesn’t give a shit about the rest of his army…everyone else can go fuck themselves

This is the other thing that can trigger Baron’s Berserk mode, other than Maman dying. In theory this should be impossible, but if Queen of the Damned somehow dies, he goes Berserk. This only happens if he isn’t fused with Maman; if he’s fused with her, her presence calms him down enough to halt the Berserk Mode (in other words, there are no conditions where you can BERSERK MODE DYAD… that would be the most broken thing ever!!)

(if you haven’t deduced this, all these ideas would get remixed and somehow reworked into the alternate concept. In the alternate concept, the Underworld has a Haitian gangster theme to it, but there’s still this zone that’s inspired by ballroom culture and they celebrate Fet Gede… I have an alternate concept for the Gede Nibo character called “Port au Prince”, which I plan to post soon…)

Also I forgot to mention this, but that’s not rum they’re drinking… it’s capsaicin extract. They just diluted it in ethanol (extracted from kleren, no substitutions) to make it look like rum.

They just do this to trick people into thinking it’s rum. This is a very weak drink for them.

[inverted-typo]

Raven is a “Classy , Elegant and Posed”. You do realize that… that is pretty much the exact description of a Pin-up Girl, right. Just because something is demure or classy doesn’t mean it isn’t sexy. Lots of guys think that’s hot. We have literally had centuries of women being slotted into the “Women must show less skin.” Outfit styles. It’s rare to see a society that showed more skin and the skin revealing styles haven’t been widely used until recently, but your right Raven was created during a different time.

I honestly think I’m just sick and tired of being subtly told though media that because I’m a girl I have to like dresses and skirts. That make up is totally a thing and of course I wear high heels. I can think of 3 female characters that don’t do all that “feminine stuff”.

You’ll read, the more comfortable/ tomboy types in Novels but 9/10 Females in Manga, Comics, TV series, and movies are very feminine or too “shy” to be that feminine (I’m allowed to not like wearing dresses people!). It’s honestly hilarious to me that the only media that gives the comfortable look as an option is video games. Guess we know where the amazing female writers and artists went to.😋

As for the “Emotional Control “ stuff… I think I missed phrase what I was trying say… though out media and comics there is this concept that women don’t have emotional control or if they do it usually leads to them being emotionally immature. That to me… is very rude and I would personally like them to stop with that line of thinking.

I love the rest and apologies if I offended anyone or sound offensive. I’m not very good at conveying certain subjects. Especially long winded ones.😅

Hey thanks for responding! You’re always allowed to voice your thoughts, and I don’t think you sound offensive. It’s hard to talk about some of these topics without getting a little heated and I never want to sound like I’m not willing to hear someone out.

Since this ask dives into a bit deeper of a topic, I’ll try focus to what you’re talking about.

I’ll start with saying that I completely understand where you’re coming from. I used to hate wearing dresses, I rejected the “girly” femininity because I felt I would lose respect and my individuality. Even more superficially, it wasn’t my taste. I saw all these feminine icons in media and I thought they were so pretty, but I didn’t want to do that. I was a tom-boy type for a very long time. It wasn’t until after high school that I felt more confident and comfortable expressing my more feminine likings. At this point, I’m still more of a pants person but I love wearing skirts and dresses. For my personal experience, it helped me become more confident knowing I didn’t need to wear this to impress people, both men and women. I wear it because I like it and I feel like myself!

But I understand not everyone feels that same way. And you are so valid!! Not everyone has to want to wear dresses and heels!

Pin-Up girls are an interesting thing these days. Traditionally, they were the actual male gaze. But I feel like now women have reclaimed that to represent more feminine self confidence and comfort rather than looking “pretty” and representing the “perfect fantasy girl” for an audience. I really like them haha.

I’m sorry the media we grew up consuming really force fed the gender norms down our throats… And it seems to me you’re tired of that still being the case. I think it’s less intense than it used to be, but it’s still present. A lot of characters we love are sadly rooted in those ideas, whether it’s blatant or subtle.

I think just generally the sexualization of things is at an all time high because our society are so sexually expressive and open. Which isn’t a bad thing!

But it’s also not a bad thing to not want to consume that all the time. You don’t have to be sexy, or elegant, or classy, to validate your femininity!!

I think I have a better understanding of your frustration. It isn’t objectively the aspects of Raven’s design and character, but more so how it contributes to how femininity is approached in media? Correct me if that’s a misunderstanding!

For the emotional control part, having your point rephrased—I 10000% agree. I could have a whole laundry list of examples both historically and fictionally that could illustrate that ideology. I have no disagreements and I also would like them to put that line of thinking to rest 😂

Luckily, I don’t really see Raven as falling victim to that ideology, she’s always been portrayed as mature from what I’ve seen.

I didn’t mean for this to get heated in any way! And I want you to know I heard you and genuinely see you for how frustrated and tired you are. I think a lot of people would agree with that.

Thanks again for always sharing your thoughts, I really do love hearing them.