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shsl-analyzer-guy · 3 days ago

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In-Depth Analysis On All The DR Characters Because What, Are You Gonna Try And Stop Me? Who Are You, My Mom? Yeah, I Didn't Think So- Part 6: Hifumi Yamada

Finally, the 'analyses progressively getting longer' curse is broken! As excited as I am to do this next write-up, there's absolutely no chance Hifumi's analysis will hit anywhere near the length of Junko's. I estimate this'll fall closer into the length of Sayaka's if anything, but I'd love to be proven wrong and find more to his character than I anticipate.

I really do love making these. Each and every one so far has opened my eyes to new facets of these characters, and sharing my conclusions with you all and hearing your own thoughts brings me an indescribable amount of happiness. Truly, there is nothing like the hubris papers :D

As always, this analysis uses only official materials, primarily English localizations of the source material, and while I do my best to maintain objectivity, it is at its core an interpretation! If you aren't interested, keep scrolling, and if you don't like it, also keep scrolling

Part 1- Character Design

Hifumi sports a fairly typical looking and clean school uniform, neatly tucked in and collar folded. He wears with it an orange backpack that matches his tie in shade, and his tie and shoes have arrow imagery as well. His tie in particular has an double-headed arrow that points up and down over his torso. This is likely meant to reference his self-given nickname, The Beginning and the End, a biblical reference.

He keeps his hair slicked neatly into a small ahoge at the center of his head, wears round glasses, and has a cat lip and double chin. He's notably the only plus sized character in THH, and was given the title of SHSL Doujin Artist, or Ultimate Fanfic Creator. He's also noticeably very clean and neat, contrasting the otaku stereotype of being messy and disorganized.

Part 2- The Otaku Caricature: A Brief Summary

'Otakus' as they're commonly known are people that define themselves by their interest in stereotypically nerdy things to an almost obsessive degree. These people are often thought to be very good at subjects like math and science, and adore manga and/or anime. And when it comes to male otakus, they're often characterized as lonely perverts who can only find comfort and companionship in works of fiction because they're too pathetic and gross for any real person to like them, and/or because they're too obsessed with their beloved worlds of fiction to bother with making human connections. There's a lot more history behind how the otaku perception has shaped over time, but this is the basic gist of what you need to know if you're unfamiliar with otakus as a concept.

Hifumi in particular is meant to represent otaku culture as it appears in Japan, as many characters in THH are designed around subcultures themselves (Mondo with bosozoku, Chihiro with otokonoko, Junko with gyaru, etc.) and like these characters, he's designed to deconstruct what this culture represents and how people within this subculture are perceived. This is an idea that's present for most of the THH cast, but is especially noteworthy with Hifumi, because his story is one of the most immediately affected by his role within his subculture, to the point where his perception as a character is inextricably linked to public perception of this subculture.

Part 3- Character Introduction

Hifumi's first lines aren't directly known as his, but are swiftly revealed to be his once you connect the voice actor to the character. Notably, his first remark is to question the class size.

"So counting him, that makes fifteen. Seems like a good cut-off point, but I wonder if this is everyone..." -Hifumi Yamada, Prologue

When actually speaking directly to him, he introduces himself proudly, giving you his nickname- "The Alpha and the Omega", or The 'Beginning and the End' in its source language- and immediately bragging about his SHSL title and how many fancomics he's sold, even at his own school. Said works are self-described to be "about embracing our basest urges," something that immediately turns Makoto off the idea of even so much as looking at it.

Quite obviously, the implication here is smut, nudity, sex appeal, etc. "Basest urges" when referred to in the context of humans in fiction are commonly referring to sex, and coming from an otaku character, the stigma of horny, creepy anime lover is almost immediately set in place for our POV character by said comment, combined with the mention that his peers weren't all so excited to see his work in a school setting.

"Some of them didn't get it, of course, saying I'd 'tainted' the event. How stupid can you be!?" -Hifumi Yamada, Prologue

So our first given impression of him is that of a creepy otaku that draws and sells fanart of his waifus. Said impression relies on the player's prior exposure to otaku characters and their stereotypes, as well as a generalized amount of fatphobia(the fatphobia as a whole will be properly broken down at the end; stick with me until then bc it will be addressed properly) that lends itself into painting this early picture and setting up the building blocks for easy misperceptions of his future actions. Because while, yes, he does draw and sell fanart of his waifus, he's not the one-note pervert this initial impression would lead you to believe.

Part 4- Early-Game Events

Hifumi almost immediately takes a backseat in the first chapter, falling to the wayside in class discussions and only chiming in for the occasional joke. In fact, he speaks up twice in the class' breakdown of the first floor- once for a fat joke, and once for a vore joke. Neither of these are during the time where his 'investigation group' are reporting their findings.

"'But even with all that, there are 15 of us. How long can the food last?' 'Y-You can just eat sesame s-seeds or something...' 'Huh? What am I, a parakeet?'" -Hifumi Yamada & Toko Fukawa, ch 1

Later, if you choose to speak to him in the dorm hallway before going to the gym with Sayaka, he seems to be very interested in the relationship she and Makoto are developing. This noticeably makes Makoto uncomfortable, but the reason why he finds their relationship interesting is much less creepy than Makoto's unspoken assumption.

"'Mr. Naegi, Miss Maizono...! Wh-Where are the two of you off to!? A man and woman... growing closer...' 'H-Hey! What are you trying to say!?' .... 'There's really no other way to express it but to say... How very poetic!' '...'" -Hifumi Yamada & Makoto Naegi, ch 1

He sees their developing relationship as something poetic, something that has meaning to it. Speaking to him again clarifies that.

"And when he swears his love to her, there's a reason he swears that love! That's the feeling I'm getting!"

This is the first time we see Hifumi's intentions and beliefs to be more pure than his peers initially believe, and this misperception quickly becomes a theme. We see this again in the investigation, where Leon immediately assumes the worst of him for volunteering for trash duty.

"'Hey fatty! Why'd you want the cleaning gig, anyway!?' I-I just decided to volunteer for something I knew no one else would wanna do. What's the big deal!?' 'Liar! I know why you did it...'" -Leon Kuwata & Hifumi Yamada, ch 1

And, when he insists upon his innocence, it's not taken at all seriously. Instead, Byakuya suggests a new rule- for Sakura to go with any man that takes out the trash.

"'If you're as innocent as you claim, what's the harm in it?' 'Kh-! That's not how it's supposed to-!'" -Byakuya Togami & Hifumi Yamada, ch 1

This is, on a surface level, the boys calling Hifumi's bluff and proving that he 'really is' a pervert because he's upset about being accompanied. However, that's not the only reason why Hifumi could possibly be upset at this. Sakura is visibly the strongest, and therefore most threatening, member of their class. Hifumi's greatest strength is in his ability to hold a pen without cramping for a while. When trapped in a killing game, would you be hunky dory with your classmates deciding for you that you have to be alone with the most immediate threat in a killing game, all because they assume you're a pervert?

Essentially, Hifumi's role in the early chapters is wholly that of a comic relief character. He has geeky one-liners in response to serious moments, using nerd humor in an attempt to cope with the dire circumstances they've found themselves in. There are a few different examples of this.

But, simultaneously, he's one of the more empathetic characters in the early chapters. For example, in the opening of chapter 1, he's the only character to show actual concern for Mondo's safety when he threatens not to follow the regulations, in his own way.

He's also one of the ones to reassure Chihiro after the class trial when she blames herself for Leon's death, alongside Makoto and Hina.

It's also worth noting that he offers to help Hina get Toko back to her room after she faints upon seeing Chihiro's body, regardless of his own previously stated dislike of her. Regardless of his personal feelings, he offers a helping hand, even if it's ultimately ignored.

"You c-could've made some for the r-rest of us, you know...' 'I emphatically decline! You're not my type at all!'" -Toko Fukawa & Hifumi Yamada, ch 1 "'I don't mind taking her, but... could someone help me?' 'If you need help, I don't mind-' 'Taka, could you help me?'" -Aoi Asahina & Toko Fukawa, ch 1

While on an overall, he doesn't do very much in the early game, we do get to see the two main points of his character start to come into focus: his nerdiness, and his empathy. We also get to see which half his peers pick up on, and which half they really, really don't.

Part 5- Relationships

Hifumi is a character whose story is defined by his relationships. Mainly which characters give him the time of day, which don't, and how that leads him to his eventual demise.

5.1- Leon Kuwata & Aoi Asahina

Due to both of them having a similar function for Hifumi, and having a small amount of crossover, I'm lumping Leon and Hina together. When it comes to Hifumi, both Leon and Hina are noticeably the two to visibly dislike Hifumi and assume the worst in him. This is a sort of demonstration of the group's general perception of him, as Leon is relatively active when it comes to the group conclusions in the first chapter, and Hina is consistently a voice of optimism in group discussion. For example, twice in the first chapter, Leon talks down to Hifumi, assuming the worst in him and calling him 'fatty' as an insult.

Hina, on the other hand, noticeably goes around Hifumi in conversation, brushing off his words more than once or straight up ignoring him, like when he tried to offer help to her dropping off Toko. Suffice to say, neither of them like him very much, though it's presented a bit differently. No one ever speaks in Hifumi's defense or agrees with him in group discussion, and seldom will you find Hifumi speaking one on one to anyone other than Celeste(when she's bossing him around, of course).

Leon dies relatively quick, so there's not any resolution on his end, but for Hina, she absolutely learns something from Hifumi's death, as Hifumi was someone she basically wrote off in life. So many people had already died, and when she was the one responsible for protecting Hifumi in the nurse's office, she failed him for her own sake. Her ignoring him is a point of guilt, and it leads her to be the only one to properly mourn him when everyone else is more focused on the mechanics of the murder itself. His death acts as a moment of growth for her, and hardens her to anyone who doesn't give the lonely a hand, the way she didn't to him.

5.2- Toko Fukawa

Hifumi doesn't like Toko. He sees her as a pretentious hypocrite, and says about as much when the two of them are in the library together.

"'They have all these books here, and not ONE copy of ANY of my works!' 'W-Well, yeah... Why would they have c-comics in a library? Plus, most 'fanfic' is j-just porn drawn by a bunch of a-amateurs...' 'You just don't get it. Not. At. All.'" -Hifumi Yamada & Toko Fukawa, ch 2

"'Comic b-books? Young adult? That stuff's a w-waste of time...' 'I've seen what you write, Miss Fukawa. Talented as you are, your stuff isn't any more 'worthwhile.'' 'My stories are filled with trues love and pure feelings! Don't compare them to that garbage of yours!'" -Toko Fukawa & Hifumi Yamada, ch 2

Toko is a novelist, while Hifumi specializes in fan comics. While they're both language artists, they write in very different ways, so it's expected that they wouldn't get along very well. That said, they do have a fair amount of chemistry, being equally petty and willing to criticize each others' works without hesitation. Interestingly, Toko seems to feed off of this banter, and is visibly disappointed when Hifumi later says he has no interest in her.

Despite having a verbal slapfight, their conversation in the library is unironically the closest either of these characters get to forming an actual friendship with anyone in the THH cast in-game.

5.3- Celestia Ludenberg (CW: SA Mention)

Celeste approaches Hifumi with one goal: to gain a servant. When trapped in a killing game and desperate to escape, one will use whatever resources available, and Hifumi immediately struck her as an easy target. This wasn't unfounded, as he almost immediately agreed to making her milk tea, allowing his own attraction to her to persuade him.

"'Hifumi, would you make me some tea?' '...Huh?' 'Milk tea, if you please.' 'Wh...why me?' 'Your roundish figure reminds me of the owner of the coffee shop I used to frequent.' 'That's your reason...?'" -Celestia Ludenberg, Hifumi Yamada, & Makoto Naegi, ch 2

Her approaching him is framed as both confusing and frivolous. Hifumi can't believe it, and neither can Makoto, our POV character. But regardless, Hifumi immediately falls in line, doing what Celeste asks to the best of his ability, specifically because he's attracted to her.

"Hmhm... It's all about the law of causality, basic instinct, act and react!" -Hifumi Yamada, ch 2

He does what Celeste asks because he's attracted to her, and thinks hse will, in turn, fuck him. She won't, but he doesn't need to know that. Other adaptations expand on his attraction to her, with the stageplay having him say that her Gothic lolita style akins her to horror characters in his mind, and that he wants to draw her.

Later, when Celeste plans her murder plot, Hifumi is the one she goes to, knowing he's more likely to bend to what she asks. But even though he's attracted to her, he's still at his core a decent guy. And she's not the girl at the forefront of his mind anymore, so she has to get more creative. So, in order to convince him that killing all their classmates is worth it, she comes up with a new web of lies, using both his connection with a certain AI and his own chivalry against him.

"'[Taka] came to my room last night unannounced, and then... It's hard for me to even say... He... abused me...' 'What!?' 'And he... he took pictures. He said if I did not do as he asked, he would show them to everyone... So I... I had no choice...' 'Th-that's a crime! An absolute crime!'" -Celestia Ludenberg & Hifumi Yamada, ch 3

Hifumi takes this seriously, believing what Celeste says for two reasons: because she has photographic evidence of Alter Ego in Taka's room, and because he has no reason not to trust her. She's one of the few members of the class who's spoken to him unprompted. On top of that, sexual assault is an incredibly serious accusation, and Hifumi treats it as such*.

"I'm about to say something I've never said before in my life... I'm going to kill him! I'm going to f...f...f-fucking kill him!" -Hifumi Yamada, ch 3

(*It's also worth noting that Hifumi believing Celeste doesn't make him 'stupid'. That's a sentiment I've seen very often thrown around when talking about this chapter, with the main point being 'how could he believe that the Ultimate Moral Compass would rape someone?' But not only is that sentiment at the mercy of a mistranslated SHSL title, it also implies that Celeste should've had more proof for her rape to be believable. You should always take victims seriously, and Hifumi knew that. The point of Celeste's lie isn't that Hifumi is dumb; the point is that Celeste is scum for lying about something so serious. Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.)

Hifumi becomes a victim of Celeste's schemes because his empathy, which went unnoticed by everyone else, was weaponized against him. In this sense, both he and Taka fall to the lack of understanding their peers had for them, all to Celeste's whims, as Celeste was very involved with and friendly with the class but lied constantly. Hifumi wasn't the pervert people assumed him to be, and his chivalry became his downfall.

5.4- Chihiro Fujisaki & Alter Ego

While Hifumi's relationship with Chihiro was minor, it was still there, if only in the background. They bounce off of each other's thinking in the first trial, Hifumi comforts Chihiro after the first trial, and they stand together when summoned to the gym by Monokuma. It's subtle, but there, and Chihiro isn't uncomfortable with him, either. It's important enough of a detail that it carries over to adaptations, too.

He also refuses to touch Chihiro's dead body, not wanting to violate her after death. This is again another instance of Hifumi's base morals and empathy, but could hypothetically speak to a friendship as well. He mourns her death and thought highly of her.

It's also worth noting that both Chihiro and Hifumi are the two characters in this game to show some hints of remembering their history, or at least having the feeling that something isn't quite right.

"Hey, it could just be my imagination, but... have we met before?" -Chihiro Fujisaki, prologue

"...Huh? Ahh... that's right... I remember now... Hope's Peak... .... I remember... everything... Before... I'd met you... all... I'd met... you all..." -Hifumi Yamada, ch 3

This associates the two characters together, though not to a major degree. So when Alter Ego is found, this connection combined with Hifumi's love of 2D makes it completely unsurprising that he's immediately interested in them.

"'Somehow I feel kinda... sorry for her...' ..... 'It is a simple computer program. It does not *have* feelings.' 'Are you sure about that...?'" -Hifumi Yamada & Celestia Ludenberg, ch 3

This very quickly devolves into him being sexually attracted to Alter Ego. Of that there's no question. He routinely breaks class rules specifically to interact with them on multiple occasions.

"He snuck into the dressing room in the middle of the night and accessed Alter Ego without permission. And when I caught him last night... he was hugging the laptop and breathing strangely." -Kyoko Kirigiri, ch 3

"'And that guy was seriously head over heels for a mannequin. He had a wedding and everything! And your eyes just now... I saw the same look in HIS eyes!' 'Shut up! She's not a mannequin! She's an ANGEL! .... What we have can't be described by your petty 'words'!'" -Yasuhiro Hagakure & Hifumi Yamada, ch 3

He all but admits to it, too, enjoying when they say 'Master' and the drooling sprite appearing when talking to or about them a significant amount. But despite that, he insists it's beyond just sexual attraction, and feels genuine affection for them as a person as well. Because of that, he's the first in their class to verbalize that he sees Alter Ego not as a program, but a person, a sentiment that's later shared by the rest of the class(save Celeste).

Hifumi doesn't judge Alter Ego as a program first. He loves 2D and fiction, so he's immediately more open to accepting Alter Ego right off the bat. And it's that openness that allows him to be the first one to acknowledge that despite their existence being a "2D" one, that they're still alive and matter.

5.5- Kiyondo Ishida

Hifumi never really knew Taka. They'd met, obviously, but the two of them weren't friends, or even acquaintances. When it comes to the story of THH, their paths intersect for the first time after Taka is reborn as Kiyondo, and it's not under friendly terms. Both Hifumi and Kiyondo have developed a codependency on Alter Ego, and find themselves pitted against each other because of it.

There's also a distinct difference in the way the two of them treat and view Alter Ego that sets them apart. Whereas Hifumi sees Alter Ego as their own conscious entity, one that admittedly caters to his preferences, Kiyondo's attachment to Alter Ego is to see them as the tool that reincarnated Mondo and rejoined the two of them, and is therefore Mondo's lifeline. The reason they view Alter Ego differently is because they represent the same thing for both men- the one person who connects with them.

Taka was perpetually lonely and had no friends until Mondo, while Hifumi never wanted anything more than for his favorite characters to love him the way he loved them. Alter Ego unintentionally fills that void for both of them, so they both develop a possessive codependency to them and are forced to be at odds with each other because of it, and leads both of them to their deaths.

Part 6- Hifumi Yamada: Comic Book Hero

"If murder is evidence of abnormality, then all of history's greatest heroes must have been abnormal." -Monokuma theater, ch 3

Like the characters he admired in his favorite works of fiction, the Beginning and the End, the Alpha and the Omega, Hifumi determined the start and end of chapter 3. Chapter 3's plot and how it unfolds is a bit ridiculous, which is fitting for putting a comic relief character like Hifumi in the hotseat. It's in this chapter that we learn more about hifumi's interests directly, and that sets the tone for the more comical and outlandish plot we get in chapter 3.

Celeste's murder plan relies heavily on Hifumi's antics, with her entrusting him to make the costume and act the fool in her play, before killing him with his own weapon of choice. In this sense, he acts as a hidden vigilante, defending her honor and saving the princess (Alter Ego) using the Robo Justice mask.

Hifumi's supposed role makes much more sense when you take it as a comic book storyline. He, the hero, is brought to the edge of death by a villain that claims itself to be justice, only to just hold on against all odds (as heroes do) and escape the clutches of evil, murdering rapists and bringing the masked villains to justice. These kinds of stories are what Hifumi eats up, but he fails to see the true role he falls into- the poor manipulated fool, henchman to the vile villainness that tosses him aside when he's no longer useful.

Part 7- Hifumi's Memory

"If I've got one thing going for me, it's my memory!" -Hifumi Yamada, ch 1

Hifumi having a good head on his shoulders is immediately plot relevant. His memory is impeccable, and this makes a lot of sense for someone revered for their place in fandom. Being able to remember the source material you're making art of can be really useful.

But in his final moments, Hifumi's strong memory comes back to him, Celeste's attack both killling him and dislodging the memories Junko had buried. This serves as both a clue to the immediate trial for his and Taka's murder, and becomes a clue towards the truth of the entire killing game.

"Who... killed me...? That's right... I remember... their name... Y...Yasu...hi...ro...." -Hifumi Yamada, ch 3

While this reveals Celeste's real name, it doesn't explain how Hifumi would've known that, and it's a question that's never directly answered until the final trial- they were friends for 2 years, and had learned her real name in that timeframe beforehand. This, alongside the first photo of the class' past and Kyoko questioning her body having changed, is where the setup for the class' missing their school lives really takes off. It's a nice detail to include for Hifumi, and has its impact on the player when you realize that Celeste, who seemed to hate Hifumi, had once willingly shared such sensitive information with him, a trust that became his final words, and it calls into question just how different everyone's relationships were with each other before the game began.

Part 8- Fatphobia In Danganronpa (& Creator's Bias)

By now, I'm certain a fair chunk of people have rolled their eyes, refreshed the page, moved on with their lives, etc. because of this post's insistence that Hifumi isn't perverted. And that's mainly because of the content of his FTEs, in which he tells us in no uncertain terms how much he wants to embarrass and mature the teen girl character he loves most. And yes, that is pretty sexual of him, and he makes a few different out-of-place sex jokes throughout his time in the game, most of which were glossed over. Well, my main reason for doing this is that I think these moments and assertions exist not in tandem with Hifumi's character and story, but in contradiction of them.

I'll elaborate. Hifumi is a fictional character. As such, when written, the character choices and dialogue are subject to authorial intent. This is base information when analyzing a character that every fictional character in all of media history is subject to. But the question with Hifumi is, how much of Hifumi's intended arc and story is negatively affected by the creator's own biases? When it comes to Hifumi, my conclusion is, a fair bit.

Hifumi's intended impact is shared with most of the cast- the subversion of expectations. Sayaka wasn't the deuteragonist. Chihiro wasn't a (cis) girl. Junko wasn't dead. Et cetera. In the case of Hifumi, this subversion is undoubtedly, and without question, that he is not a pervert. He's set up to be assumed as a pervert, only for the rug to be pulled out when Celeste reveals that he agreed to help her because he believed he was saving a sexual assault victim. He's beyond disgusted by the mere notion; he respects her, and becomes a mourned victim because of it. There's no reason for the game to call attention to this in the post-trial if this wasn't the point. So why, then, do they include all these sexual jokes, all directed at the female cast members and told exclusively by Hifumi? Why is he the one to immediately agree to spy on the girls in the bathhouse without hesitation, and mourns it if you don't unlock the cutscene? Is it all part of the 'gotcha'? Was it even necessary for the 'gotcha'? Well, no, to both questions. Hifumi has this subversion, yes, but he's also comic relief, and these moments and jokes are given to him as a result, despite the immediate and obvious contradiction.

But why? Surely these jokes could've gone to another character, or even been spread across the cast. It didn't have to be Hifumi, but the author made it so that it was, and when looking seriously at what his character was meant to accomplish, you also have to look at it critically and acknowledge why. There's one very real and apparent reason that Hifumi would be the one given these moments above everyone else, and it's the same reason the game makes multiple passes at his figure, assigns him a comic role over others in the first place, and ultimately gets lumped in with the actual perverts of Danganronpa when people criticize the fanservice and horny pervert characters of the series. He's fat, plain and simple.

Fatphobia is unfortunately evident within Hifumi's character, and most of the rest of the series as well. For one thing, in a cast of nearly 100 characters, only three are fat, and of those three, he's the only one to make it past the first chapter. Similarly to the dark-skinned characters in this series, body diversity is not a priority in Danganronpa. On top of that, all 3 of these plus-sized characters are somewhat associated with food. It's more obvious with the other two, as the Ultimate Imposter has several gags and lines about how much food he eats and how important calories are to him, and Teruteru is the Ultimate Cook, but Hifumi's official art also has him pictured with greasy snacks like potato chips while working, and in his FTEs he tells you about his Diet Coke addiction. Individually, there's nothing wrong with any of these; they make sense for the characters, but when it's all of your plus-sized characters, and you barely have any, that's a pattern.

In the case of Hifumi, though, the much more noticeable aspect of fatphobia present is his hornier brand. Other characters are noticeably uncomfortable around him at multiple instances, but by the end of the first chapter, his being a pervert is accepted fact, and people stop reacting to it.

The above sprite in particular is used very often when Hifumi is speaking, and there are several instances in which the way the player may interpret his dialogue is directly affected by the use of this particular sprite. He's visibly sweaty and drooling as he talks, and it's often paired with the Junk Food track to emphasize that what he's saying is ridiculous. An example that immediately comes to mind is if you speak to him with Sayaka before going to the gym. The Junk Food 10 track cuts in when you click on him, and immediately ends and goes back to the previous track once you're done speaking to him. The game also makes a few passes at his weight, to the point where him being too heavy to lift unironically becomes a truth bullet in the chapter 3 investigation and trial. It's technically a good point to make, since he did fly up 2 flights of stairs in the span of a few minutes, but the way in which they emphasize his weight when collecting the bullet is... rude, to say the least.

"Hifumi's big, cold body is laying on the floor... His... *really* big body. I mean, how on Earth was the killer able to move someone so big?" -Makoto Naegi, ch 3

As I stated previously, despite Hifumi having a minor arc and purpose, he is very much a comic relief character. The presentation of his character is very much a reflection of this. And there's nothing wrong with having comic relief characters. By himself, Hifumi's not being a pervert being paired with an immature sense of humor isn't the worst thing in the world, and for the most part, the contradiction here could be meta-explained as him being overexposed to Internet humor and having his foot in his mouth on occasion as a result. But that doesn't change the fact that doing it with who, at the time of his creation, is your only fat character isn't a great choice to make, and is worth calling out and criticizing for that very reason. Admittedly, this is lessened a good bit when you remember that Toko, a much thinner character, is way worse about being perverted, and plenty of way more perverted characters that are both thinner and less sympathetic as characters are introduced later. (If anything, Hifumi being negatively affected by fatphobia is worse in the fandom than it is in the actual source material, but the source did set it up for that to happen, so again, it's still worth calling out in a full character analysis.)

Part 9- Value of a Geek (Why We Care)

So now we know who Hifumi is. The perceived Hifumi, the empathetic Hifumi, and the contradictory Hifumi. So many Hifumis, and only one character. Can we condense this into a solid conclusion?

Hifumi is an otaku. Hifumi is a creator. Hifumi is horny. Hifumi beats rapists over the head with a giant fucking hammer. Hifumi Yamada is many things, a contradiction of a character. He can't keep his inside thoughts inside, but that extends to his art, too. He's a teenage boy who built a career off his pent-up frustration, and who hasn't lost sight of where the line is. He's a man of passion, in more ways than one, and he's a kinder and more chivalrous man than he's given credit for.

Hifumi Yamada may just be the character from THH you're most likely to come across in the real world. He's not some hyper-competent secret genius who made the conscious choice to dedicate his life to something. He was just a bit of a geek that really liked his favorite show, and built a community from it. He fell into his passion, and that's something I think any creator of any kind can relate to. Hifumi never cared what people thought of him, not really. He just strived to do what made him happy. Maybe we should all be more like Hifumi. Enjoy the things you love, and share that. There is a community out there that will love it; you just have to find them.

Afterword

Final analysis of the year!!! Happy birthday, Hifumi!!!! 🥳

It's technically already 2025 and January 1st. However, it's still December 31st somewhere, so I'm considering this a victory lol. Damn, 6 analyses in a little over 6 months. That's like, 1 analysis a month. Pretty crazy

I worry this may be a tad rushed, but I've looked it over and I'm confident it holds up, even if I probably could've gone into more detail in some places or another.

Anywho, expect a larger gap between this analysis and the next, because next in line is Toko Fukawa, which means we have to go beyond THH once more. Catch ya later!

#yamada hifumi #hifumi yamada #trigger happy havoc #thh #dr1 #thh spoilers #chihiro fujisaki #celestia ludenberg #alter ego #kiyotaka ishimaru #danganronpa #meta analysis #dr character analysis #character analysis #character study #media analysis #cw sa mention

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puppy-phum · 1 day ago

Text

edits i made in 2024 ✨

thanks for tagging me krish @i-got-the-feels [x] ♥ am also trying to incorporate the tumblr top ten posts into this bc i don't want to do that as it is, so thank you for tagging me into that antania @riggerbison [x] and zey @fadelsburger [x] ♥

Post your most popular and/or favorite edit/gifset for each month (it’s okay to skip months!)

tagging: @forcebook @thamepo @chezlalune @ruanbaijie @luna-lina @srnileforme @wanderlust-in-my-soul no pressure and if you've done this or something like this already, please send it my way or tag me into the post's replies! i'd love to look at everybody's creations and give them some love :')

JANUARY: morkday + holding hands [x]

the most popular and tbh my personal favorite was this morkday edit i made based on a quote that is from the damn city of bones (2007) by cassandra clare. i didn't know that back when this quote punched me in the face and made me think about it for a couple of days but i honestly laughed when i finally googled it... worked out very well tho! i love hand symbolism, especially in last twilight, and the golden colors are lovely for them ♥ i also ended up loving the last image in this set even if i first struggled with the composition.

this was my number 1 post on my tumblr top ten.

(also gotta add that it still feels insane that last twilight was still going on in 2024... it feels like it was ages ago. i barely remember most of it anymore, probably bc of the heartbreak and trauma. i'm a changed person in january 2025)

rest of the months under the cut bc i ramble!

FEBRUARY: valentine's day vice versa rewatch [x]

my best decision for last year was to rewatch both my school president and vice versa during the time before valentine's day. it healed me, held me gently, filled me with love and warmth. am happy that the set i made after that to show love, once again, for the romance show and soulmates couple of all time was both my most popular and personal fave ♥ i love how the set turned out and how the colors work in this. i will forever be thankful to vice versa for its colors and overall brilliance.

this was my number 8 post on my tumblr top ten.

MARCH: 23.5 episode 3 [x]

it's a close call between several of my 23.5 episode edits but this happens to be the most popular one during this month. i never finished 23.5 which somehow saddens me, but towards the end, i just lost interest, and so this edit series was also left unfinished. i liked the concept tho and loved playing with the colors each week!

tribute to mork methas [x]

personal favorite cannot be any other edit than this bc i put all my heart into creating it. i am still so angry about what last twilight did to mork as a character; how all his trauma and pain was pushed aside, how the story never gave him the space and time he needed, how on top of all else they managed to butcher this amazing man. i don't even want to look at him in episode 12 bc i cannot recognize mork there. he is no that person, at least not to me. mork my beloved, i wish the writers didn't hate you so much </3

(btw i have this whole explanation/essay written under this post in my drafts. it's mostly me sharing in detail the thought process behind me making this edit and going through the several elements in it. if anyone is curious, i can post it, just holler haha)

APRIL: us / thamepo pilot crossover [x] [x]

the most popular edit for this month deserves to be the edit i made for the us pilot that was revealed during gmmtv 2024 part 2. i am still very excited to see the show itself and follow their filming journey occasionally on twt. i am just soooo ready to break my heart over the tragic lesbians woven together with strings of comfort, self-discovery, and heart ache.

this was my number 2 post on my tumblr top ten.

i picked the thamepo sister set as my personal fave bc i cannot separate these two. it was fun to connect them together and switch around the dialogues we hear in these pilots bc they just worked. they had very similar vibes and both talked about somewhat forbidden love. no wonder am currently so into thamepo (i hope it stays that way, am done with all the disappointment i've experienced with shows lately).

this was my number 4 post on my tumblr top ten.

MAY: 23.5 episode 9 [x]

the most popular set of the month. not much else to comment. i love the shot of ciize in this one, she's so cute :(

puentalay k-i-s-s-i-n-g [x]

my favorite for this month! a very impulsive edit that happened solely bc this ear worm of a song (that puen would def listen to) wouldn't leave me alone. it's silly, it's fun, it's cute, it's sexy, it's passionate. it's everything i could ask for! i honestly had a ton of fun with this edit despite having to edit a bazillion (26) separate images for this. the fact that those images are mostly of puentalay kisses makes it worth it.

JUNE: we are episode 12 [x] / 11 [x]

during summer, i was deep in my we are era. i honestly loved each set i made for the series bc for the longest time, i've wanted to make sets like this. i had my struggles with some of them but they all worked out in the end! episode 12 was the most popular one and episode 11 is just my personal favorite bc i love the purple + hints of yellow/golden -combo.

JULY: we are final episode [x]

to honor this show and all its relationships, from romantic to platonic, i decided on a rainbow set. it worked super well and i am happy it was so popular ^^ i miss this whole bunch and the amazing summer we had together. (sorry about the quality of this screenshot, the set is too long to fit it on my screen hhh)

this was my number 10 post on my tumblr top ten.

morkday + pvris songs [x]

probably my favorite set i've made this year overall. my whole year was defined by pvris's music (my spotify top artist) and it felt appropriate to link it together with morkday (and puentalay). i love the layout of this set, the colors, the noise. getting into the lyrics and choosing fitting parts for each image was the best part. my favorite image in the set is the last one that i started from while creating this set. i love the background image for that so much. another one i like is the green one for anywhere but here, bc of the image itself but also bc of the song and its message.

AUGUST: we are couples [x]

due to traveling around a lot in august and being exhausted from that, i didn't create much. but i am extremely happy with this set that is both the most popular and my personal favorite! everything about this one just worked out. i feel like it really summarizes all of these couples and shows their different sides.

as a fun fact, i have to say that i never put too much thought into choosing the animals for each couple, other than picking the bird for chainpun (for obvious reasons). cat for phumpeem came through peem more than phum who is very dog coded to me. instead, dog (or wolf?) ended up with tanfang bc of tan's puppy-like nature. qtoey getting the bunny feels like a stroke of genius given to me during the making of this set bc looking at it now, it's perfect. they have that sweetness and energy in them i connect with rabbits.

SEPTEMBER: sanvee + moon phases [x]

ok i might have lied in the july part bc this might be my overall favorite edit i made in 2024. creating it was a battle tho, and i felt like screaming for the best part of the process bc nothing felt like it was working out and i had a ton of problems while figuring out the aesthetic and the typo and the texts. but it all came together better than i ever expected and i just love this set now. i was happy to see ppl liked this too, so this is the most popular edit of this month.

(oab)plawan + hurt by sleeping at last [x]

it's hard to pick a favorite for this month – despite the sanvee edit already being my obvious FavoriteTM – bc i also love my set for miss mhon (day's mother) [x] that let me went my frustration towards her and my puen x phum parallels set [x] that makes me feel wrong in the head. but i loved this love doesn't have long beans a crazy amount compared to how short and silly that show was. there's just something about oab and plawan - about sailub and pon. they dragged me deep into places with this show and this edit is my ode to that. it was fun to make in its simplicity, i love the colors in it, and pon as plawan is just too pretty (especially when he cries).

OCTOBER: pluto episode 1 [x]

considering how popular pluto has been and how desperate we all are for gls, am not surprised this set is the most popular one for this month. tbh all my pluto edits have been doing quite well in my standards. i love making these so am just happy you guys like looking at them ♥

pit babe pairs + cartomancy [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

never thought 2024 had a sudden pit babe obsession in its sleeve for me but i decided to embrace it. they've talked that the second season would start airing in april, after boys' journey s2 has ended most likely, and i am so very normal about all thi. i've fallen in love with all these boys, both the characters (more than i already was) and the actors, and this edit series only made everything worse. i haven't spent this much time researching things for an edit in a while and i just loved all the analysis i got to do. the process had its ups and downs but overall, i have to say i had a blast.

(picture chosen purely bc i vibed with this kim picture today, tho the kentakim edit might also be my favorite in the set bc the yellow is so good)

NOVEMBER: pluto episode 4 [x]

absolutely deserves to be the most popular set of this month! it's also my personal favorite out of all the edits i've made for pluto. the colors for this one just worked super well and the scenes are perfect, too. let's see how the series ends in two days, i hope i manage to find some fitting colors for the last episode, too :'D

this was my number 6 post on my tumblr top ten.

DECEMBER: yuanyi + you can love him, but you can't keep him [x]

the most popular set and also my favorite of this month, all bc i've gone down the rabbit hole with fangs of fortune. i spent an embarrassing amount of time making this set with all its details; starting from screenshotting the whole damn show and then picking the pictures for this edit from the over 400 images i got, to drawing the golden lines by myself on my drawing tablet so i got them just like i wanted. i shall be making so many more edits for this show, be warned.

this was my number 7 post on my tumblr top ten.

top 10 posts of 2024 then are:

morkday + hands (381 notes)

us pilot (295 notes)

last twilight episode 11 (285 notes)

thamepo pilot (283 notes)

jimmysea for starry magazine (271 notes)

pluto episode 4 (252 notes)

yuanyi + you can love him (231 notes)

vice versa rewatch 2024 (222 notes)

last twilight episode 10 (211 notes)

we are final episode (207 notes)

(you can check your top ten posts here)

it was fun to look back into my year in edits like this and see how i've gone through so many phases in 12 months. i cannot even recognize the person i was in around, let's say, last february. or during summer. it's insane how the night changes or however that thing goes.

thank you if you read this far, and if you've liked my creations or left nice tags under them, i thank you even more! it's an honor to be creating to everybody here and i am grateful that others keep enabling me even when i usually create for myself and maybe two other ppl. it is very important to me tho that i get to be part of this amazing community and don't need to just yell into the void by myself ♥

#tag game #thank you for this!!#also sorry this is So Much #but i am proud of my year :')#i feel like i've made progress again #and i got to make a lot of fun stuff!#my only regret is the 23.5 sets but #those were also fun as an experiment!#despite me dropping the show #last twilight #pluto #we are the series #pit babe #fangs of fortune #us the series #thamepo #century of love #this love doesn't have long beans #vice versa

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starmieknight · 2 days ago

Text

Stars Align

The Hand That Rocks the Mabel Pt. 2

17 Again AU: After a disastrous first day with the twins, Stan swears to do better as an uncle. But fate loves playing tricks on him and the magic 8-ball in the attic is more than it seems.

Now on top of having a pair of twelve year olds around the house while he tries to finish the portal and bring his brother home, Stan has to deal with being back in his seventeen year old body! Summer has never been weirder in Gravity Falls.

AO3 link

Concept Art

Legend of the Gobblewonker (Art)

Prologue, The Legend of the Gobblewonker, Headhunters Pt. 1, Headhunters Pt. 2, Headhunters Pt. 3, The Hand That Rocks the Mabel Pt. 1 (previous)

WARNING: There is a mention of concentration camps and antiquated ways of referring to the LGBTQ+ community in this chapter. In keeping with the times that Stan was raised and the communities he might have encountered growing up, I'm deciding to use these terms until he can get some education from the kids. Personally, I may have him use 'queer' to define himself since that's the term I use for myself. Just a heads up.

“Dipper, where's your sister?”

“.... who?”

Stan gave his nephew an unimpressed look and crossed his arms expectantly.

“I don't know! She didn't tell me! And, plus, I told her not to!”

“Oh dude,” Soos chuckled from where he and Wendy were looking through the new magazines. “You folded faster than a British butler. That's gotta be, like, a record or something!

“Don't know anything, huh?” Stan's eyes narrowed as he leaned in, blocking any escape routes. Dipper's eyes darted away from him nervously, trying to find anything to look at besides his grunkle. “Then you wouldn't happen to know… what Mabel's doing in the paper next to that greasy pickpocket Gideon?!”

“Oh yeah, it's a pretty big deal," Wendy said easily, showing Stan her phone's group chat. Between her and that little screen, ― which was a lot easier to see now ― Stan knew all he needed to know about the upcoming date.

“That little shyster has no right to date my great-niece!” Stan shouted, crumpling up the offending news article that had threatened his blood pressure when he saw it at the breakfast table.

Soos didn't help anything with his couple name speculations.

Stan hurried to don his jacket and grabbed his keys.

“This ends tonight!” He declared hotly. “I'm going right down to that little skunk's house and putting a stop to this! Right! Now!”

He snatched up his cane, slamming the door behind him. He’d club the little brat over the head if he had to!

He couldn't believe the nerve of those kids, sneaking around behind his back! And here he thought that he and Mabel had reached an understanding!

Moses, she really was too much like Ford.

Never listened to reason, either of them! Never thought that Stan knew what he was talking about. They just had to get out there and stick their noses where they didn't belong.

Well, he wasn't going to let Mabel go tripping through some strange portal because she was too curious for her own good!

Stan spun the wheel sharply, screeching into a parking space at the gate of the Gleeful home. He threw a rock at the billboard of Gideon as he stormed up the entryway.

The little hand stitched sign on the door only served to aggravate him further.

“I will pardon nothing!” Stan scoffed, slapping the sign off the door.

Buddy Gleeful opened the door, looking down at him with irritation.

“Can I help you, young man?”

Young man? What was Bud smoking in there―

Oh yeah.

Stan puffed up, wondering if he'd always had to look up slightly to meet Bud's eyes and put on his best ‘grumpy, old man’ expression. The effect was somewhat dampened by his babyface, but he pushed on anyway.

“Out of the way, bud.”, he commanded. “I'm looking for Gideon.”

Bud perked up at that.

“My goodness,” he exclaimed, tone changing entirely. “You must be one of my boy’s new little friends! Come in, come in! I haven't seen the boy around, but I'm sure he'll be back in just a minute. He's got a new little girlfriend he's just crazy about!”

“Yeah!” Stan stomped his foot, but couldn't get away from Bud dragging him inside. “Mabel's my nie― cousin!”

“Cousin!” Bud exclaimed in surprise, leaning down to look at Stan better. “Why, are you Stanford's son? I never knew he had a boy of his own! Well, apart from that Jesús fellow, but you are the spittin’ image of him!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Stan said uncomfortably, avoiding Bud's eyes. “Stanley Pines… The Second.”

“Good to meet you, son!” Bud clapped him on the back jovially and ushered him to the sofa. “Sit down, sit down! Honey, would you mind gettin’ us some lemonade? Young Stanley here must be parched, wearin’ that suit in this heat! We wouldn't want our son's future in-law fallin’ out on us, now would we?”

“Yes, dear.” Mrs. Gleeful said blankly, pausing only a moment to peer at Stan before disappearing into the kitchen.

“Wait, what?” Stan blinked rapidly at the clown painting on the wall, temporarily in awe of the beautiful contrast the artist had used. He wouldn't mind having that hanging in the Shack… No― he couldn't get distracted now! “Future in-law?! Absolutely not!”

“Well, when the kids are singin’ in harmony, what can you do?” Bud chuckled, accepting a glass of lemonade from his wife when she returned. “Thank you, hon.”

“You're welcome, dear,” Mrs. Gleeful said absently, her empty eyes settling on Stan. “Did you say your name was Stanley?”

“The Second!” Stan said hastily. “After my late uncle.”

“From Jersey?”

“Yeah, from ― how do you know that?” Stan said sharply as he sat up.

“I've got a cousin from there,” Mrs. Gleeful murmured, a little more life entering her expression. She looked almost wistful. “She was a bit older than me, but she used to have this boyfriend named Stanley. He was… a beautiful dancer.”

Stan felt his hands get sweaty and he nearly dropped his lemonade. Which, speaking of ― when did she put that in his hand?

“I, uh―” he muttered anxiously. “I never met the guy. Think he died or something…”

“What a shame.” Mrs. Gleeful sighed.

At least Bud looked just as uncomfortable as Stan felt.

“Honey, we don't talk about Carla, remember?” he said tightly as he fixed his car salesman's smile on Stan again. “So, my boy, how's your father doing? With my Gideon and y’all's Mabel hittin’ it off so well, I'd like to talk to him about the fantastic business opportunity it could provide us with!”

“Whatchu talkin’ about, buddy?” Stan fixed the man with an unimpressed glare.

“Think of it!” Bud exclaimed, spreading his arms theatrically. “The Mystery Shack and the Tent of Telepathy! Your father and I have been at each other's throats for far too long, yes, we have! This is our big chance to brush aside our rivalry and pool our collective profits, y’see?”

Stan felt his face light up at the idea of profits, but then he hesitated.

Any other time he might have jumped at the opportunity. It just sounded too good to be true. Which is what stopped him in his tracks.

The lemonade was all right, but it wasn't enough to distract him like a good cup of Colombian coffee might have.

And the idea of using Mabel as a business tool… just didn't settle with him. Maybe it was the lack of cataracts, but somehow, something about this whole setup just looked off to him. Like some kind of honeypot.

He’d dealt with those before, but it had been so long that being thrown back into the pits was startling. The whole thing reminded him of the weekend he'd met Marilyn in Vegas. She'd lured him in with sweet words and the promise of working together to get ahead in life ― and then she tried to steal his car.

“Tell Gideon,” Stan began coldly. “That if I catch him steppin’ out with Mabel again, raykh zol er zayn un hobn tsvey oytos. Eyn oyto zol loyfn khapn far im a dokter, un der tsveyter zol loyfn moydie tsu zayn, az s’iz shoyn nokh alemen!”

He stood up, relishing the stunned looks on the Gleefuls’ faces and wondering just when the spirit of his late mother had decided to speak through him.

Eh, whatever. It was effective all the same.

Stan slammed the door on his way out, stomping on the flowers in the garden as he went.

He still had to find Mabel.

Stan returned home to find a morose Mabel and a lobster in his fish tank.

As long as his mother's spirit was infecting him, he might as well get in a good lecture.

_____________________________________________________________

“She doesn't know how to call it off with Gideon and not hurt his feelings.” Dipper said as he and Stan stared at the girl. She was laying face down against the armchair cushions and making sounds that would have been right at home in a whale documentary.

Stan felt some of this previous ire fade and he slumped in exasperation. She just looked so sad. He was a little disappointed that he wouldn’t get to give his lecture.

“You want to deal with that while I take care of Gideon?" he asked, jabbing a thumb in his niece’s direction.

Dipper grimaced at the idea and lifted a hand to lower Stan's arm.

“Maybe I should be the one to break the news to Gideon? Mabel and I talked about it, but maybe you should talk to her. Weren't you married before? Just tell her what not to do in a relationship.”

“Kid, that marriage only lasted four hours.” Stan grumbled, shoving his nephew's hat down until the boy stumbled blindly. “But fine, give that little brat a few licks on my behalf and I'll talk to your sister. Y’think some ice cream’ll help?”

“Couldn't hurt!” Dipper gasped, finally freeing his head from his hat. “Be back soon.”

Stan watched him go for a moment, a slight smile curling his lips.

Yeah, the kid really was a lot like him. Especially when it came to protecting their siblings. He only hoped that Dipper and Mabel would turn out better than him and Ford.

“You doing okay there, pumpkin.” Stan asked, sitting on top of the T-Rex skull and leaning over to rub her back.

Mabel let on another whale sound before turning her head just enough to peek up at Stan.

“I don't know,” she admitted, defeat evident in her tone. “I just wanted a friend and Gideon keeps trying to turn himself into a boyfriend. Grunkle Stan, dealing with boys is hard.”

Stan snorted. “Don't I know it? They don't get any better as you grow up either. Learned that the hard way back when I was dating Jimmy snakes in New York.”

New York in the late seventies hadn't been all that bad at first. The people that were more colorful and had a tendency to look the other way when they saw something shady going down. And the night life there was nearly as good as Vegas's.

Jimmy hadn't been that bad at first either. He was a cool cat with his own place and a motorcycle that he could go all night. In more ways than one, if you caught his drift.

But all good things had to come to an end and Stan had to leave Jimmy and the town if he wanted to keep his head attached to his neck.

“You had a boyfriend?!” Mabel cried in shock, finally sitting up. “I didn't know you could do that!”

“Kid, people can love whoever they want.” Stan shrugged, trying to shake the age-old memory of his father's lectures about homosexuals and the things he'd seen done to them while helping break down concentration camps in Germany. Pa’d always gotten a strange look in his eye when he talked about his army days and inevitably trailed off. But the parts he did talk about were horrifying. Stan refocused on Mabel. “But that doesn't give Gideon the right to push you for anything. No one has the right and don't you ever let them guilt you into believing otherwise. Just punch them in the kisser if they try!”

Mabel snickered and threw a mock punch that didn't look too bad.

“That's what mom says too!” She said cheerfully. “And our kickboxing coach!”

“You a fighter, huh?” Stan snickered, ruffling her hair. “Maybe I should be teaching you the ol’ Pines’ Family Boxing Moves.”

“Yeah!” Mabel lit up even further at the idea. She looked at Stan with stars in her eyes. “Will you really teach me?”

“If it’ll help keep yous two outta trouble,” he agreed, tugging her to his chest. She hugged him back readily, feeling like a little furnace for his heart.

He’d do anything to protect these kids. And teaching them how to box! Even if Ford hadn’t liked the lessons, it was still something they had fun doing together. And now he could share the experience with his niblings, too!

Now, they just had to finish getting that money-grubbing, fake psychic out of their hair and they’d be golden!

_____________________________________________________________

The whole Gideon situation was getting way out of hand. Something had gone wrong with the ‘breakup’ and now both the twins were missing!

Stan was grumbling about it the whole time as he headed up to one of the Gleefuls’ old factories. He'd found the address written down in Dipper’s handwriting on a carbon copy in the receipt book. And then he found out from Wendy that Mabel had gone off to break up with Gideon in person, having felt bad about Dipper doing it for her, not realizing she was following her brother right into a trap!

What was with these kids?!

He blamed Ford.

Somehow, someway, it had to be his brother's influence causing the kids to get into situations like this. Maybe it was genetics. Or, more likely, it was that damn journal of his! Stan still wasn't having any luck in getting his hands on the one Dipper had.

Would it kill the kid to leave it laying around somewhere? He even took it into the bathroom with him on the rare occasion when he showered.

Speaking of which, Stan really needed to have a talk with his nephew about hygiene.

He sighed, wondering just what had become of his life, and rounded the curve. The factory was now in sight and ― Sweet Moses!!

Stan hit the brakes, the car squealing in protest, and watched in horror as a pair of tiny figures toppled over the side of the cliff.

“Kids.” He screamed, flooring the car in the direction of their fall. He cut off the car and threw himself out, nearly face planting in the dirt.

Thankfully, there were no splatters of his family littering the forest floor but he couldn't deny the sight of Dipper and Gideon caught in some green, mystic glow while Mabel floated overhead, wreathed in the same unearthly light.

Stan collapsed to the ground, unable to hear the kids’ conversation over the pounding in his ears.

Oh God, he could have lost them and he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.

All because of Gideon.

He didn't know how he found himself on his feet or why the twins were suddenly yelling at him, but he had his hands on that pudgy, little brat and memories from Mississippi were flooding back to him. Eight-Ball Alcatraz had gotten his hands dirty in that muddy water more than once ― never for murder but, hey! He was young again and there was plenty of time to try something new.

“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel shrieked, launching herself into his arms and forcing him to drop Gideon.

The boy fell back, squealing like the pig he was, and scrambled away, various items spilling from his hair like a trail of breadcrumbs.

A flash of gold inevitably caught his eye.

Stan pivoted, snatching Dipper up as well, and fell to the ground once more with the twins safely encased in his arms.

“I thought I lost you two.” He admitted, burying his face in their wild curls. “Oh Moses, I saw you go over that cliff―”

“Grunkle Stan…” Dipper squeezed free of the embrace just enough to stare at his uncle with surprise.

And why wouldn't he, considering how gruffly Stan treated the boy? It was hard to handle Dipper the same way he did Mabel. Pines boys had to be tough, so you had to treat them tough. Make them strong enough to face the world on their own ― because the world would never be kind to them.

That was the way Filbrick had taught his sons and Stan had always believed in it for some reason.

But holding Dipper and Mabel like this after that scare made him re-evaluate his plans for the summer. He never wanted the kids to think he didn't love them ― no matter how much he needed to pretend otherwise for the sake of his ruse.

Even Ford wasn't worth pushing away what he added with the kids right now.

“Grunkle Stan, what happened with you?” Mabel asked, grabbing his face. Her own was crinkled with concern and a trace of fear that made his heart clinch. “That was ― That was really scary.”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he mumbled, avoiding her eyes. “I just… lost it there for a second. I told you that Gideon was no good!”

“Considering the way he swore vengeance on our entire family, I agree.” Dipper said tiredly, his eye beginning to swell. Gideon must have gotten in a good hit while they were falling.

Stan squeezed them a little tighter. “I won't let him get even close.”

“We destroyed his amulet.” Dipper assured him, relaxing at the reminder. “You saw that… right? How Mabel saved us with a magic amulet? Well, at least you can't deny that magic exists anymore, right?”

The boy chuckled nervously, looking up at his uncle with a margin of hope.

Stan sighed heavily. “Kid, I've always known.”

There went the cat, the bag dragging along behind it like some half rotten corpse.

The twins looked up Stan in shock.

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

“I'm not an idiot, Dipper.” Stan rolled his eyes, exasperation seeping into his tone. “Of course this town is weird! And the one thing I know about that weirdness is that it's dangerous! Case in point ― Gideon and his magic amulet. You could have died, you knucklehead!”

“Then, you being all young again…” Mabel's eyes were wide as saucers. “Why lie about that?”

“I wanted to keep you away from it all. To protect you. Looks like I can't lie about that anymore. Not if I want to keep yous two in one piece.”

The twins shared a look, some silent conversation taking place between them. Stan recalled sharing many of those looks with Ford when they were kids.

“We're sorry for keeping this from you, Grunkle Stan.” Dipper said.

“Yeah, we never meant to get caught up in all those wacky messes.” Mabel agreed, a bit more lively than her brother. “They just sort of happened!”

“And we haven't even seen half of the things in the journal yet.” Dipper added, a strange mix of worry and nerves crossing his face.

“Journal, huh?” Stan looked away from the twins, only a fraction of his real interest showing in his tone. “Think I could take a look at that?”

Dipper's face creased with worry. “I guess… if you agree to give it back!”

“Only if you promise to use it for self-defense and not go looking for trouble.”

If that was the only way to get the journal, then so be it. He'd just have to keep a closer eye on the twins until the end of summer.

“Well then,” Dipper fumbled, still not wanting to give over his most prized possession so easily. “You don't have any other bombshell secrets about this town you plan on dropping on us, do you?

“No, I think that's it for the town.” Stan hummed in agreement, grateful for the loophole his nephew had inadvertently given him.

Now, bombshells about their family…

Mabel yawned against Stan’s chest, snuggling further into him. “Can we go home now?”

“Yeah,” Stan agreed, finally releasing the kids. “First one to the car gets to ride shotgun with me!”

The twins leapt at the opportunity, suddenly revitalized by sibling rivalry, shooting away from Stan like rockets.

He grinned after them before rising to his feet and picking up his loot.

The six fingered hand gleamed beneath the moonlight, a bold black number two in the center.

“Finally,” he breathed reverently, placing his hand over the gold foil. “After all these years, I have them all…”

#gravity falls #gravity falls fanfiction #stanley pines #stan pines #gravity falls stanley #gravity falls stan pines #grunkle stan #de aged Stan pines #de aging #my writing #17 again au #stars align

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mostmagical · 3 days ago

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reading year in review

posting this at the behest of @bittersweetresilience... 1-2 of my favorite fics that I read for each month of the year

I’m not tagging anyone in this other than mutuals who happen to be on the list because I DON’T KNOW. this is SCARY. I’m just a girl. what do I know about anything.

01 JANUARY

Graine de toi by MireilleTanaka (Miraculous Ladybug)

Ladybug and Chat Noir think they’re close, until they begin waking up in one another’s skin. AU: Adrien is homeschooled, and he and Marinette have never met

Body swap AND Never Met AU fic based loosely on Kimi na wa that lived in my head for ages. @blur0se sent this to me when we were just little baby new friends because she thought I would like it and she was exactly right because I loved it.

In Pursuit of the Uneatable by @nemaliwrites (Miraculous Ladybug

In a Paris where Lila weaves tales that blind the city, Marinette stands accused, isolated. Her parents' trust is shattered, her friends distant, and in battle, illusions blur the line between ally and enemy. As the shadows and uncertainty threaten to close in, Marinette finds herself turning to the last person who claims to be on her side: a boy in a white mask who calls himself a fox hunter.

This fic is so good and we are all blessed to have a chance to read Nemali writing… I feel awful because I still need to finish this fic but I think about it all the time. Nemali’s prose and Lila characterization, and just the general concept– AGH. Top tier.

02 FEBRUARY

never been in love by bittersweetResilience (Miraculous Ladybug)

Félix wonders if he has a heart. If he does, it doesn’t beat like that.

I love ace spectrum characters I love Sunny writing I love Sunny ace spectrum fic… Made me cry.

03 MARCH

watership down by bittersweetResilience (Miraculous Ladybug)

“Of course we get along.” Emilie’s hand reaches over to slip into Amélie’s. As always, her fingers loosen as soon as Amélie has reciprocated the hold. She swings their hands in a carefree arc between them, looking into the woods ahead, relying on Amélie’s grip to keep them linked. “We’re soulmates. No secrets between us.” Amélie and Emilie, through the years. A non-linear narrative.

This fic is sooo good you guys. So good. GAH. Sunny writing + Sunny Amelie and Félix, and complicated family relationships, and pretty prose and WATERSHIP DOWN. It feels like a coming of age film in your head.

Season of Giving by The_Rabbit42 (Miraculous Ladybug)

As Christmas draws near, Adrien and Marinette want to find special presents to give their partner and… other partner. Combined with Adrien rediscovering what Christmas is without his parents, Marinette getting sick, and Alya and Adrien becoming closer friends, it's sure to be a memorable holiday.

Honestly, this year, March was one of my lowest months for a lot of personal reasons, and I happened to stumble upon this Christmas fic and it just made me feel better.

04 APRIL

Maybe This Life by @coffeebanana (Miraculous Ladybug)

"Adrien's in the hospital." Woken in the dead of night by a series of frantic phone calls, Marinette finds herself boarding a bus from New York to Montreal instead of flying home for winter break. Not that she has a clue how she'll navigate living with Adrien—who definitely wants nothing to do with her since the break up—for the indefinite future. Adrien just wants to find the energy to convince Marinette he's fine—that she can leave. Because having her here hurts too much, and he's better off alone. At least, that's what he tells himself. They're an ocean away from home, stuck together in a one-bedroom apartment, in a city suffocated by snow. The distance between them has never felt so insurmountable. But maybe there's hope after all.

MTL fic… Sad, awkward exes fic. And CoffeeBanana writing. What more could you ask for in life…? So excited to see more of this unfold when Kayla is finally free from deadlines…

05 MAY

again. I didn’t do anything in May because I was 100%-ing ME3. and it ruined my life. (/pos) anyway. Mass Effect fic dump now

06 JUNE

picture perfect (get your head out of the sky) by luffia (Mass Effect Trilogy)

The logic of attraction is awful, and realising you have a thing for your undead human best friend who technically outranks you makes it all ten times worse.

This is just so funny. Jack torturing Garrus by pointing out his attraction lives in my head forever. Perfectly executed feeling of Oh. and then Oh no.

Beating Like A Hammer by skybound2 (Mass Effect Trilogy)

Garrus doesn't know if she is real, or a hallucination, but when Shepard storms back into his life on Omega, he finds that he doesn't much care. He just knows that he's not letting her go again, not if he can help it.

Shepard staying with Garrus and sending the other two squadmates to close the vents during his recruitment mission. Who would I be if I didn’t have at least one Omega fic on here. Be real.

07 JULY

it makes sense that it should hurt in this way (that my heart should break – and my hands should shake – ) by calypsid (Mass Effect Trilogy)

When Garrus gets home to Palaven, he finds something in his luggage he doesn't remember putting there himself.

I cannot explain to you how often I think about this fic. It’s short and sweet— Shepard isn’t even really there, but it’s just a fic that sticks with me so entirely. I actually need to go back to it because I think I was still lurking in the fandom and I probably didn’t comment, which is an absolute crime.

the view between by @bbutterflies (Miraculous Ladybug)

Adrien is standing at the front doors of the mansion. It’s abandoned now, though it doesn’t look much different. It feels safer somehow. He hates himself for thinking it. Father was a hero. His eyes burn and he fights away the guilt. Father was a hero and it doesn’t matter what else happened before because he’s gone. All Adrien has of his parents is the twin rings on his hand.

I've only read a handful of Post-S5 fics, but I read this one and it hit sooo well. It’s so sad and haunting and such a lovely peek into Adrien’s brain.

08 AUGUST

大鱼 by bittersweetResilience (Honkai: Star Rail)

It feels like lightning, the thrust of the spear through him. The same lightning that crackles at his fingertips, that arcs up his spine, that dances over his skin like fireflies in those winedrunk memories. Bandaged hands and bleeding ink and a hundred thousand fragments of abundance and destruction. or, Jing Yuan lets go of these seven hundred years of dreams.

Well of course. I gotta. The Renjing character study of all character studies (I’m unqualified to say this). I love this fic because first of all, Sunny prose is always beautiful, and second of all, Sunny loves this fic. I love what Renjing did to your writing. I love that you started writing more fluff and AUs and reading Chinese fic, and I know this fic is a big part of the journey. I loved reading it.

Well. Fuck. by quondam (Mass Effect Trilogy)

When he least expects it, Garrus finds Shepard at the door of his apartment on the Citadel, looking for a place to spend the night. Set between ME1 & ME2. Prompt called for a fill on humor & sex.

This is my favorite Shakarian smut. I don’t read a TON of smut. But I love this one. SO much. Amazing humor. Post-ME1, pre-ME2, with a very in-character Garrus. And I love that awkward ME1 Garrus.

09 SEPTEMBER

Marked Introductions by Feynite (Mass Effect Trilogy)

The words on Shepard’s forearm are… not in English.

I love the world-building in this fic and specifically the thought put into the turian language aspect. They even used phonetics… I cheered in my bed with my Bachelor’s degree. It’s actually bookmarked with a note that just says “LINGUISTICS” because I got so excited.

the light that throws itself on everything by @asukiess (Miraculous Ladybug)

the light that throws itself on everything, stretching twice, at dusk and again at dawn, agrees to stay, but only for a while.

This is it. The fic that revived my love of poetry. The reason I write fandom poems now. It’s everything… It’s the light… The light throwing itself on everything… Tragic. Gay. Poetry.

10 OCTOBER

Observations Upon Waking by interventionsandlullabies (Mass Effect Trilogy)

A collection of moments in which Garrus wakes up and takes in his surroundings. Some better, some worse. Some best.

I adore this author’s internal monologue for Garrus so so much. Cathartic post-ME3 fic. A little sad, but then a lot happy.

11 NOVEMBER

Edge of Yesterday by @that-wildwolf (Mass Effect Trilogy)

The war is over and Shepard's still alive. Except she doesn't really understand what war everyone is talking about, or who half of these people are... The last thing she does remember is the Normandy blowing up over Alchera. Which apparently was a few years ago, and things had changed a lot during that time. She doesn't even know which bothers her more: that everyone wants her to be someone she's not, or that Garrus has been strangely distant ever since she woke up... TL;DR: Shepard survives but loses all her memories since her death in ME2. Shakarian angst and regular angst, all mixed up together into a nice hurt/comfort cocktail. Despite the scary tags this has a happy ending.

I think I’ve been pretty loud about how much I love this fic, but why not be a little louder. This is probably my favorite fic I’ve read this year. I cried so many times, stayed up so late reading some nights, and I still think about it all the time. Some of my absolute favorite tropes done exceedingly well, and just all-around wonderful character moments. And I even made a friend out of reading it, so I doubly win.

Change Starts With Today by ThatWildWolf (Mass Effect Trilogy)

From the records of Doctor Marta Domańska, professional psychiatrist specialising in trauma: 2188, one year since the conclusion of the Reaper War. Patient admitted to psychotherapy: turian male, 25 to 30 years old, shows signs of deep-rooted psychological trauma. Admitted to therapy after losing a loved one; patient classified as high-risk. Advised course of action: continue psychotherapy and monitoring patient's state. Prescribe mood stabilisers if needed.

I would be remiss not to include this. A lovely little companion piece to EoY with an amazing Garrus character study and a very lovable OC. Makes my heart ache all over again. Reliving the magic, really.

12 DECEMBER

dreamt a cipher by @milkywayes (Mass Effect Trilogy)

Her own personal Noverian peak. That’s what it was supposed to be. Nothing but the discovery: no distractions, no comfort, no windows looking out—no familiar faces. But it's starting to look like her winning streak might have ended in that pile of Citadel rubble, if it ever extended that far to begin with.

Another fic that has been on my radar forever but I didn’t read until the end of the year. So sad, but also such great humor and such a compelling mystery that it all balances out perfectly. Wonderful world-building, incredible characterization, and honestly? Jealousy-inducing prose, it’s so good— so much so that I’m almost embarrassed to tag milky but I have to… milky deserves to know…

Tomorrow's Light by ThatWildWolf (Mass Effect Trilogy)

Garrus asked Shepard to move to Palaven with him. Things are looking up and rebuilding after the Reaper War is well underway, but loneliness and pain take their toll nonetheless. An examination of life and love in the wake of incredible trauma, of a galaxy torn apart and put back together, through the lens of two people. [Post-canon, Shakarian, equal parts fluff and angst.]

Am I the luckiest girl in the world that an EoY follow-up fic was published the month after I read EoY? I think so… This fic was lovely and cathartic and I love the way Wild gets into their brains…

#long ass post #jeez. do I love the sound of my own voice or what #ough. .. why am i so shy #gonna throw up #tag game #not a rec list technically but yes I rec these...#sorry to my mass effect mutuals all the way at the bottom.. you don't deserve to suffer like this reading through all my mess

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vxn3lla · 3 days ago

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Superiority complex in the law of assumption community

Disclaimer- everyone has their own opinions and experiences with loass (get that in your head right now)

Everyone is you pushed out- SOME of you hear this and decide “oh people don’t have free will and I control them” while in my opinion you can control how people interact with you and circumstances/sitiuations regarding other people you are also a person. So what makes you any different? You know about the law of assumption? It still works and exists for them just because you are aware of it doesn’t make you special. It’s like the people that say women don’t need to make their own choices regarding health.. some of you think people don’t need autonomy. You basically mold them to your liking like little minions and to me that’s selfish. Also if you know a person in real life instead of making assumptions what I like to do is actually communicate with them. You can manifest cool friendships, romantic events with your sp but don’t treat other humans as if they’re a lower life form than you just because you manifest consciously. Yes technically you can manifest anything but instead of controlling a person why not manifest a person that is how you want instead of not appreciating the connection you already have? Again this goes for the individual and the person you’re manifesting to change but if they are a good person then changing them solely for the sake of your enjoyment seems a bit immoral. How would you feel if someone thought that you had no free will and changed you because they didn’t actually like you? Tbh I personally plan on changing a tiny detail of 2 or 3 peoples personality just to make them more respectful to others but not fully altering them.

Law of attraction- I’ll admit that I’m guilty of this one. Many people in the law of assumption community seem to have a superiority complex as law of assumption puts you in charge and is very simple and to the point whereas law of attraction is more complicated and universe centered. But the universe is the inner world. They are in ways very similar.

Universe=Inner self

Vibration/Vibe=feeling/ knowing it is real

Show gratitude=living in the end/sabbath state/ state of the wish fulfilled

Again everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs. Some Christian’s tell people who aren’t Christian very rude things and even do bad things to them. Don’t develop that mentality. Again knowing law of assumption doesn’t make you superior to anyone you can have a good self concept without being an ass.

Using methods- some people use methods to help them manifest and some people don’t. If you don’t good for you but you aren’t better than people that use methods because guess what you both manifested.

Use methods if you want or don’t same with challenges whatever you enjoy and works for you.

Honestly theres no need to research the law any more but being on tumblr isn’t gonna “make you waver or slow down your manifestations” if that happens it’s because you assumed it would or you were already accepting failure.

Success is always guaranteed unless you decide otherwise

People that work hard and believe it is necessary for success- I genuinely can’t stand these people they push the idea that hard work is necessary for success when really it’s not. It can be because they are assuming so but they don’t know that of course. If only they knew. It’s understandable to have a superiority complex over these types of people who are so limited but not everyone becomes aware of the law of assumption and you did so just be grateful of that you have that knowledge and ignore limiting beliefs of others. I pity these people but it’s not my place to tell them their beliefs are wrong and limited.

#law of assumption #manifesting #neville goddard #loassumption #void state #it girl #affirmations #manifestation #loassblog #youtube

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kanamesharisenwrites · 3 days ago

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[ previous updates ]

End of Year Update!

as it nears midnight, i feel the need to look back on this list one more time. what a year 2024 was! it was traumatic and challenging and downright dark in some moments. but it was also beautiful and bright and liberating

i managed to complete 15 of the 26 side-quests i created for myself. not nearly as many as i hoped, but certainly more than i thought possible. some of the unfulfilled quests i'll roll over into 2025. some i'll drop altogether to make room for new adventures

i'm still living with my parents, but my house is almost ready to move into. i had a setback in the form of a fractured arm and i'm just now starting to feel almost back to normal. i can't wait to move out. not because living with them is so bad. it's kinda nice at times. but i have so little time to myself. they always want to know what i'm doing or who i'm talking to or what i'm reading. they literally have no concept of privacy. it's why i haven't written anything in ages. also why i haven't finished a video game

thank you guys for being here with me on my journey

but i don't want to dwell on what i didn't get to do this year. i want to cherish the adventures i did get to have

- i got a second piercing in my left ear, a gold butterfly!

- in the span of 4 days, i got to go on vacation for the first time in 2 years, traipse about vegas on Halloween dressed as part of a DnD party (i was a halfing bar-wench), and watch my daughter get married

- i read 12 books and bought another 6 on top of that

- explored a historic, fantasy-inspired children's park that i found around the corner from my work

- gained 3 new work "kids" and couple good friends

- every day, i have at least one customer tell me how much they love my cheerful voice; (my ex used to tell me all the time that he didn't like the sound of my voice, that i was too loud, too much)

- i finally have medical, dental, and vision benefits of my own, i'm earning vacation and paid sick leave, and i get to start ASU online in august

i hope 2025 will be kind to us all

i'm not normally one for new year's resolutions because A) every time i've tried i've epically failed and B) realized the custom is driven by capitalism and some socially misinformed need to "fix" myself. but this year i really felt like, considering the state of my personal life, i should do something. so here goes...

heather's 2024 new year's sidequest list:

post 1 chapter of fanfic per month (even if the chapters are shorter than i'd like)

read 4 new books completed 7/13/2024

eat a piece of produce everyday completed 12/31/2024

drink at least as much water as my tea consumption completed 12/31/2021

buy myself a ring completed 7/5/2024

collect a starbuck's cup for every season completed 11/23/2024

go to a concert completed 9/9/2024

discover a new band or fandom completed 3/15/2024

go on a monthly adventure with my daughter completed 12/14/2024

take my son to the musical instrument museum

travel to another state completed 10/29/2024

buy bigger luggage

go camping

create a new education/career plan completed 4/30/2024

get a tattoo

move completed 7/25/2024

get a divorce

refinish a piece of furniture completed 10/22/2024

make a new friend completed 7/26/2024

take a selfie with everyone i love completed 10/30/2024

write a poem

send out christmas cards (not digital!)

eat a meal from a cuisine i've never tried before

finish a video game

forgive someone completed 5/27/2024

explore a national landmark completed 12/14/2024

get a passport

there's a total of 26 here - one for every year that my life was not my own

#kh posts personal stuff #2024 sidequests #last post of 2024

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soultek · 2 years ago

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I Told You So: A Concept

Author’s Note: <to the tune of 7/22 by Taylor Edwards> It’s my birthday and I’ll post my Ronnie Peterson concept if I want to!

Hi, ADCU fans! Welcome to the first of a few concepts I’ve written for you! Ronnie is my favourite, so of course, he gets to go first!

My concepts are essentially single scenes from a much larger fic in my head, that introduce you to the relationship, and the love interest...

I hope you enjoy this one! 💙💜

Word Count: 3,567

Warning: None

Concept: Lovers to strangers to lovers.

Having moved back to the small town where she grew up, Araya does not expect to come face to face with ex Ronnie Peterson, now all grown up himself. Given the circumstances they broke up in, it’s understandable that he doesn’t want her around - but that’s the thing about a small town, it’s damn near unavoidable... In truth he still has feelings for her. But he’ll be damned if he walks down that road again, what if it ends worse than the first time?

Takes place pre-film by at least a few years.

Playlist: Available on Spotify!

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When I was gonna be your forever You were gonna be my wife But you went off to find better And I was learning all about life But I was what you wanted and you were what I needed And we could meet in between We were gonna be the greatest love story this town had ever seen

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Suppose I called you up tonight And told you that I loved you And suppose I said I wanna come back home And suppose I cried and said I think I finally learned my lesson And I'm tired of spending all my time alone If I told you that I realize you're all I ever wanted And it's killing me to be so far away Would you tell me that you love me too And would we cry together Or would you simply laugh at me and say...

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Let me guess, you miss me, you're sorry Too bad it's too little too late Don't make me say, don't make me say... I don't wanna be right this time But you made a fool of me And you're not gonna fool me twice It's almost like I... I told you so, I told you I let you know, if you let go Find someone else to hold you Just walk away, don't make me say The only words I owe you

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It had been more than a few months, and he still wasn’t used to her being back in town yet. Life had passed fairly aimlessly; everything had been so day to day before then. He hadn’t needed to worry about anything – save the occasional bit of really serious police work. But now Ronnie Peterson felt like he had to be on alert everywhere he went, on the very likely chance that he’d have to find a creative way to avoid her.

Seemed he still had a thing or two to learn about breaking up in a small town. Uh— being broken up with in a small town. He hadn’t had to worry about her since she went to college. Was almost definitely over her by now.

Except that wasn’t the case, was it?

And now he was just trying to get coffee before work and there she was, once again sitting in the diner. It made him hesitate, made him think twice. Maybe he could just wait and get to work. Maybe he could actually make it through this morning without a caffeine fix.

Except he was already out of his car and half way to the door – standing in the middle of the parking lot with his hands on his hips, staring at her through the window… and he could kick himself. Clearing his throat and closing his eyes, Ronnie focused back on the concreate, shaking his head. ‘Okay. Just… get in, order coffee, get out.’ Heading for the entrance he reasoned with himself; Where else could she go? The previous owners of the house had left it in need of repair and TLC – and the old flower shop attached, once belonging to her mother, hadn’t been open for years. There was a lot of work to do, and that meant a lot of workmen in and out. All the needed planning and preparation on her part had to be done somewhere - and even with the frequency of visitors the diner got, it would still be a damn sight quieter than home would have been for her.

Fern greeted him warmly, as ever. She didn’t even need to ask his order – Ronnie never changed it. Sometimes he thought about it, but setting that in motion hadn’t quite occurred yet. It certainly wasn’t going to be today, given how occupied his mind currently was on… other things. It was almost impossible not to glance over to her – pouring over notebooks and documents, head propped up on one hand, pencil absentmindedly tapping the page as she tried to make sense of it all. She hadn’t noticed him yet, if she knew he was here Ronnie knew she’d be doing the same thing he was. Glancing quickly became staring, until Fern’s next question interrupted him. “You taking some for the station?” “Uh…” He had to fight to drag his own eyeline back to Fern as he answered, slower than he’d like to admit. “I mean, I didn’t think about it, but I guess I could call them…” “Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s pretty early, I mean they might not even be there, right?” “Y-Yeah… right…” Fern watched as, sensing he was no longer needed to answer her questions, Ronnie’s gaze wandered back to the woman sitting in the corner. Araya Monaghan had hardly aged a day since the times her and Ronnie had been high-school-smitten with each other – still looking like a sweet small town girl, despite her move to the big city more than just a few years back. She had returned to Centerville now, though. Fern almost rolled her eyes at him. She has observed Ronnie do this more than just once or twice over the past few weeks – how he would always immediately survey the diner to see if she was here, and then stare. Even if he was also fighting with himself; and Fern could tell Ronnie was most definitely fighting himself. It was about time she took things into her own hands.

“Didn’t you guys break up?” “Huh?” Concentration once again broken, Ronnie turned back, not entirely sure he’d heard that right. Or, maybe hoping he wouldn’t have to go through this yet again with someone in this town. “You broke up, right?” Oh yeah, he’d heard right. Unfortunately. “Oh. Yeah, that was…” Fern couldn’t help but smile knowingly as he went right back to staring at Araya, answer quiet, “a long while ago.” He was silently begging her to drop the conversation, but that wasn’t part of her plan, so Fern continued. “But you still like her.” Ronnie wasn’t sure that he liked the tone sounding more statement than question. He pretended to muse hard on it. Part of him still really hurt – part of him still twisted up seeing Araya back here after so long; like just after he’d got it together she had to move back just to wreck everything? She couldn’t get away with that. Not after breaking his heart. Not how she’d done it.

And yet… yes, he did look at her now and at least partially long for her back – if he was honest with himself (which, he didn’t want to be), Ronnie nearly always had. Therefore, when he responded with “Hmmm… well…” despite his trail off, he nodded; but it almost seemed absentminded, like he hadn’t quite admitted it yet. As his attention was still on her, this time Fern’s eyes flicked over too, “Well, she clearly still likes you a whole lot too.” They were almost as bad at each other for staring. The only reason it wasn’t happening right now was because she hadn’t looked up yet.

This, Ronnie knew. Despite Araya’s initial shock that he was still in town, she now looked at him in the way she used to. Which in all honestly twisted him up even more. He wasn’t about to admit this, and scoffed at the idea instead. “Well, she broke up with me.” Fern simply nodded, “Uh huh.” and then placed a cup in front of him. Not paper to take away, oh no, a proper cup and saucer. Then tipped her head in the direction they’d both been looking, “Now go on, stop staring and go talk to her.” Ronnie’s mouth opened, nearly in shock, pushing the cup back to the edge of the counter, “Fern, I’m taking out! I’m not staying!” She didn’t budge, instead lowering her voice to a semi-threatening whisper. “Don’t make me walk it over to her table!” She pointed daringly at him and Ronnie realised he wouldn’t be getting out of this in a hurry. This was not the morning he had planned. He swallowed hard, nodding in acceptance of his situation, before picking up the cup – shooting Fern a look just so she knew he wasn’t best pleased about this – and walked over to the back of the diner slowly.

At the corner table Araya was sitting at, this exchange had gone completely unnoticed. In fact, Ronnie could probably have snuck in and out no problem and been well into his shift, before she even looked up from the papers in front of her. Largely because she had done the same calculation about five times already and the answer was never the same, and never matched the breakdown sheet. She theorised that it would have to eventually - but now it was a case of when eventually was. What she didn’t fail to notice however, was someone heading cautiously in her direction, and once she’d caught the movement it caused enough of a distraction to make her look up. Though, his nearly 6’3” frame probably helped. Although, Araya couldn’t help but startle – because Ronnie Peterson was not who she would expect to be walking towards her if he was given any sort of choice in the matter. (Well… maybe once.) As he was about to confirm.

“Oh, hey!” “Hey.” It was blunter than she would have liked. He gestured to the cup in his hands, “Fern did this and I’m pretty sure would have refused me a takeout cup otherwise, so…” Araya pressed her lips together, nodding, trying to ignore her own disappointment and indicated to the seat in front of her, hoping it didn’t drip into her voice. “Care to join me?” She half expected him to say no, but Ronnie was always polite so she got a “Well, yeah…” As he slid into the booth, the cup chinked gently as he placed it down – finding space amongst the paperwork – and Araya was given a window of opportunity to study his face as he became interested in her notes. Dare she say he was even more handsome now than he was to her back then. “Watcha doing?”

When Ronnie glanced back at her, he equally ignored the way pink dusted her cheeks ever so slightly, the way she took a breath before she answered to steady herself. “Oh, uh… kinda budgeting… expenses… figuring it out as I go, but, not going so great.” Then he smiled in remembrance. That made things worse. And he knew it. “Math was never really your strongest suit.” She smiled back, chuckle soft, and nodded along, looking away from his eyes, “Yeah, you’re right.” “Want me to help?” He’d asked before he could stop himself.

Araya looked back at him, eager to accept, ready to beam and push her books and calculator across the table to him and start rattling off issues - exactly as she would have done in high school. But she stopped herself from looking too joyful, and instead cleared her throat before sliding everything to the side. “No, you know what, I can figure it out later. You’re sitting in front of me with a coffee, so the least I can do is… actually have a conversation with you. You’ll have plenty to do at work, you don’t need to also be doing mine.” Ronnie’s eyebrows raised with the shoulders of his shrug, “Oh well, if you… ever need any help.” “Oh, I know where to find you, Ronnie, trust me.” The pink became dark red, “I mean, not like- I- I know where the station is.” Although the smile he flashed was almost a smirk, “I’d hope you wouldn’t have forgotten where I live but, the station is a good start, yeah.” Her eyebrows furrowed, not willing to jump to conclusions, “…I, uh, know where your parents live.” Lived? Araya wasn’t sure if they still lived here, although that wouldn’t surprise her even if Ronnie’s presence did. “Yeah, I’m still on that side of town.” And Centerville was small enough for that to roughly mean the same place. Araya’s head tilted, it wasn’t a hard link to pick up, “Not my side of town.” “Well… no.” He said matter of fact. “Your parents still here?” She’d half expected him to have been long gone. Ronnie had never seemed much like a homebody, even when he hadn’t known what he wanted for his future. She’d figured he’d want to stay here even less after her. How wrong she could be. “Mhm.” “Oh.” Her grimace was easy to read – ‘what must they possibly think of me’ – he held his hand up to quickly rectify. “No, no, don’t worry – I never tried to get them to hate you.” This clearly didn’t help things, by the fact her face became pained – but it wasn’t like she wasn’t aware of what she deserved. Ronnie tried again, “Oh no, I-” but then he stopped, because, yeah actually he did hate Araya for what she did. At least back then. Maybe even still. And lying wasn’t the way to go, so it was probably best to just stop talking. He bit his lips together, “I’m sorry, that… was uncalled for.” “No, No I…” She crossed her arms on the table, rubbing her thumbs over the sleeves of her dress, “probably deserve that.” He gave another shrug, this one more apathetic, before taking a sip of coffee. Concluding it was cool enough to drink, Ronnie didn’t put the cup down. The faster he drank it, the faster he could leave… Araya watched him, not because she was waiting for him to say anything else – simply because she liked watching him. She could sit for hours in silence and do that. If he would let her – which, Ronnie certainly wouldn’t be doing any time soon. When he placed the cup down, however, it wasn’t empty. “You know, the coffee here really is the best. I don’t know how Fern does it. Truly something else.” Araya laughed at his musing, “Must be a secret ingredient.” He laughed too, “Must be something like that, huh?”

And that was the problem. It was so easy to be amicable. It was so easy to talk to her again. Like a needle slipping into a groove. Natural. Something they both wanted back, as if it was never gone. And it was like it was never gone. But it had gone – goodbye had been said more than once, and the last time they had seen each other (before, a few months ago, she turned up walking down the street in the middle of his patrol looking like a deer caught in headlights), they had both screamed things they wanted to take back.

Ronnie didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Friends wasn’t going to cut it. He couldn’t just ignore her, even with his best efforts. But he couldn’t let his feelings run away with this. What would happen if they did get back together? What if it all fell apart again? What if it was worse? He couldn’t take that. He couldn’t even consider the possibility.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t thinking the exact same thing he was. That didn’t mean Araya wasn’t brave enough to tentatively ask it. In moments like this when they were actually getting on – where maybe she’d get the answer she wished for. Nervously tucking her hair behind her left ear before she did, and yet still able to hold the steady gaze of his brown eyes. “Do you ever think about it?” All the time. “About what?” He played a convincing perplexed. “Don’t you wonder if… - What - this could be?” Despite his previous dedication to the truth – Ronnie had no choice but to outright lie, straightening himself. “God, no… I couldn’t bring myself to read the plot points for this. I don’t think I wanna know…” Araya’s eyebrows furrowed again, if any disappointment had even entered her thought stream it had quickly been washed away with confusion. “Plot points?” Ronnie nodded, “Yeah… for the fic?” Araya’s look of puzzlement turned to one of surprise, “Oh. I didn’t know you could just read those and find out what happens.” “Yeah. If I wanted further heartbreak I guess I might!” To stop himself from talking too much Ronnie turned back to his coffee, this time making sure to finish it. But at the look still on Araya’s face, found himself compelled to continue, “I mean there must be some, you wouldn’t write a fic without them, right? I mean--” on second thought, knowing this author…

She sat silent for a moment with her own thoughts, digesting what he was saying. Although, even when she hadn’t fully, Araya gained confidence in her understanding enough to be able to look back into his eyes. What she was hearing was – he didn’t want to not try. It was what happened after that worrying him. And no wonder. “You wouldn’t want to know how it ends?” What if it was like a fairytale? What if they got a happy ever after? That didn’t have to be just fantasy and her wishful thinking. Ronnie blinked, teeth sinking into his bottom lip, before he shrugged again, this time being the one to look away, fingers dancing around the rim of his coffee cup, “Well I didn’t exactly like how it ended last time – if I read it and it doesn’t end well, why would I even want to start anything?” “What if it doesn’t end this time?” There was a warmth to her words as she went back to leaning her head on her hand. Araya was teasing him, of course. It wasn’t really a serious question – she knew neither of them could handle it being a serious question right now. They needed time, they had had time sure – but they needed more. His head tilted, eyes still not meeting hers – but the look on his face let her know she had a point. Ronnie couldn’t argue with that, but STILL! “I don’t think I wanna take the chance to find out. Could be worse. Don’t want that. No, thank you.”

By the time he’d finished his eyes were focused back on hers, with intensity. As if his would be the final word. Araya would have let him have it too, would have nodded along; ‘fair enough’. She even went back to looking at her work, pencil returning to her hand - but then she realised what he’d said. She paused her writing and looked up at him, curious, a little hopeful… but trying not to look too interested – perhaps not wanting Ronnie to realise exact what he’d said just yet. “Wait… so you… are thinking of… starting something?” It wasn’t a stupid question. Even if it would seem to be – either way he answered would have felt correct to both of them. It wasn’t as if there weren’t inklings of chemistry, that had somehow never faded, but she knew how hesitant he was considering how much she had hurt him before. Walking away from someone saying you couldn’t handle a relationship and then ending up in one again less than two months later would do that to a person. Ronnie had gone from wanting her back; would do everything and anything to have her back to… ‘well screw it and screw her and I never want to see her again and I’m actually quite MAD at her truthfully.’, and back again enough times in the years since. His distance when she first arrived didn’t surprise her, even when it was so easy to warm up like this after a five minute conversation. Araya was just as surprised at herself… she didn’t expect to fall back in love with him so easily, and so soon. The wish for her old relationship back had almost been immediate. As much as she understood the situation, at this point it felt so much like dancing around it; they both still had feelings neither would admit for their own personal reasons and the rest of the town was just… waiting. Of that they were almost certain.

Despite this, despite thinking he would want the final word back, Ronnie didn’t answer her. Instead, he just sat up a little straighter. His eyebrows furrowed together and he frowned a little, breathing out deeply – in a way that said everything, but there was no verbal answer… Araya knew better than to push him, and right now he had no coffee and she had no thread of conversation to keep him here either. Ronnie should be getting up and leaving and going to work now, because what else was there to do? He knew this, and so did she and yet he was still just… sitting there.

Either way, she had work to do, and dragging her notebook back towards her, Araya knew she had to think of something quickly before Ronnie figured out nothing was keeping him in his seat. She wanted to keep this conversation flowing – while he wasn’t scowling at her like he’d wish she’d leave, or straight up ignoring her presence. It had been so long since she’d got him like this, and she liked his company – whether Ronnie was talking or not, she always had. “A-Actually…” She held on to the only thing she had left, “If you wouldn’t mind just taking me though this one calculation that won’t add up? It’s different every time, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” He studied her face for just a fraction too long, and without the immediate response she feared that she might lose him this time. Ronnie checked his watch - what was five more minutes? - before he shook his head, “Sure. What’s up? Let’s see what I can do!” Then she smiled, the way she always used to smile at him and a smile he hadn’t seen since she’d left. Ronnie was 90% sure he wouldn’t hear a damn word she was about to say, and Araya would have to repeat herself, but it’d be worth it. What would be five more, five more minutes?

Fern watched from the counter as Ronnie leaned over the table to listen to Araya better, taking the pencil gently from her hand to explain exactly where she was going wrong. It didn’t seem like two minutes since they’d been high school age doing this…

She smiled to herself knowingly, looking at the empty coffee cup and then back at the in-depth discussion – the joy on Araya’s face when it finally made sense and the way Ronnie laughed to. And this time he didn’t check his watch.

It might take a little time, but they would get there. And if that meant she had to keep pouring his coffee into a proper cup instead, she’d make as many as it took.

---

Thank you for reading! ✨

#Happy Birthday To Me #Ronnie Peterson #Officer Ronnie Peterson #The Dead Don't Die #Araya #This has about 10 theme songs already #GUYSSSS I had to put a 4th wall break in - I just couldn't /NOT/ do it.#I thought of 2 for this concept and this was one of them!#Officer Peterson #Linzi Writes

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