#I need her so very badly
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daughter of the moonmaiden
#hi gf hi girl hi baby#she is sooooooo#grrrrr#dame aylin#I need her so very badly#bg3#dame aylin bg3#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate iii#my screenshots#bg3 screenshots#otis’ camera tools#reshade
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svanhildr my beloved returns
#my art#oc#svanhildr#anthro#furry#goat#illustration#oc tober#(this is day 3......i'm doing it at my own pace. lol)#I gave her some funky white eyeliner as a quick experiment and loved it so now she's got white eyeliner i guess#congrats svanhildr you've been REDESIGNED. in the smallest way possible. and also with more horn texture (that i didn't reference)#i need to reference things more i am stagnating so hard at the moment. whatever#last night me and the girlies made the age-old mistake of putting on mud face masks together and taking a cute polaroid for memories#anyway needless to say the polaroid came out darker expected and now we have a photo of us that could be very badly misinterpreted#and has very very VERY unfortunate connotations that we did not foresee in our shortsighted naivety and did NOT intend#live and learn and never let the photo escape into the outside world I guess!
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If I don't make light of everything, I'm gonna explode.
#BNHA#Boku No Hero Academia#MHA#My Hero Academia#Shouto Todoroki#Touya Todoroki#Dabi#Natsuo Todoroki#Rei Todoroki#Fuyumi Todoroki#Todofam#Lady Nagant#Kaina Tsutsumi#Hawks#Keigo Takami#Spinner#Shuichi Iguchi#Bnha 426#mha 426#bnha spoilers#My Art#i have a lot of gripes with this chapter including touya's future and the minimal interactions between all the siblings#him and shouto had such a good moment though so im happy about it!! ive had this hc that touya likes soba too for so longgg#i screamed when i turned out right!!#and the apology...i hope this is another thing where the docs turn out to be wrong about him. he did awful things but this is not his endin#also the image of touya with his cute hair but the dabi scars and his coat... ahhh pain#i'll restrain myself from commenting too much because im kind of disappointed and very sad#gotta say i was mad excited about a kaina appearance bc unfortunately her chara has been handled SO badly start to finish; wasted potential#But at least we get her pretty face so I'll take the crumbs (< I need to be in lesbians with her)#and now this JAIL ENDING baby no get out of there and beat some sense into your kohai
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/“feminine” than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her “reassessments” tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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the reason netflix cancelled dead boy detectives is because they're working on a show called alive girl agents btw
#its a very different show from dbd because of Reasons#the first episode opens on niko in her igloo then after the title sequence we see that that was one of Crystal's visions#crystal leads a crusade to find her because those pink clouds around niko when they first met were actually sapphic Feelings#monty is there as well because id riot if he wasn't. eventually he learns how to shift between crow and human#it takes half the season for payneland to get their shit together. they act the exact same once they do#monty kisses a boy and this time the boy kisses him back#obviously this is Not Actually Happening because Netflix Fucking Sucks so I might as well write it myself#eventually#wraith wrambles#dead boy detectives#dbda#dead boy detective agency#crystal palace#niko sasaki#charles rowland#edwin payne#payneland#crystal x niko#edwin x charles#monty the crow#monty finch#the night nurse#<- she shows up Once to collect paperwork. it is one of the most intense scenes in the entire show#also crystal has a bit of a corruption arc bc of david in her mind tree + niko saves her though the magic of love#niko also has genuine magic now#god I need more of this show so badly#save dead boy detectives
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late thirties harringrove who meet back up in the early aughts is so fun because billy’s got a nokia that max got for him for his birthday because he, quote, ‘never picks up the damn phone’ (though he refuses to use that most of the time too) and steve’s got a company issued blackberry. and they are sexting
#they are also reminiscing#the two sort of merge i suppose#harringrove reunion can be something so personal#harringrove reluctant reunion because they ended badly my best friend my beloved#very fun to me#harringrove#ickyspeaks#billy hating technology is so real to me also i know steve asks him about facebook and billy’s like yeah haha sure and later calls max up#and tells her just she just has to make him an account now please god fuckin *please* max. no its not about steve i just#need it. whatever .. thanks
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I can’t believe we got an infodump on simple domains AGAIN over a Sukuna backstory.
More complaining under the cut.
Usually I am one to give Gege the benefit of the doubt and will read heavily into what little information we are given. But I can't defend this chapter themes or character wise.
Even if this turns out to be a fakeout, going in painstaking detail over a show-not-tell battle in a way that lacks characterization and heartfelt emotion sucks to read. Even if the new shadow style and simple domain debacle goes somewhere, having it the main focus after an extremely traumatic battle instead of characters processing their emotions sucks to read. Even if Gojo is alive and that's why they're this chipper, everyone ignoring his sacrifice and efforts along with Choso's sucks to read.
I'm happy Yuta and Higuruma are alive but why was their revival off-screened? Yuta was so defensive over Gojo and everyone treating him like an object just 8 chapters ago. What happened to that? Why is everyone treating this battle like it was no big deal? (Also why the fudge did Kusakabe tell Yuji, a 15 year old, to his face he should've been killed while disparaging Gojo for protecting the life of a child???)
After the Shibuya Incident, there was a whole segment dedicated to how this affected the average person. The Culling Games ended and there are still bloodthirsty freaks running around. What happened to them? Is Angel hunting them down and that's why Hana is missing? Infodumping on anything except the battle would've been better.
I doubt we'll get any more info on Sukuna, Kenjaku, and Tengen at this point. We'll be lucky if there's a funeral for even Geto's body. Shoko was absent this entire chapter which makes me thing she's still trying to save Gojo or she's preparing their bodies for a funeral.
Anyways. This is the worst JJK chapter for me hands down. My hopes for the final 2 are mostly dashed. Crunch and poor working conditions really do ruin art my goodness.
#cactus shut up#Light novels and anime save us…#I'm having more fun doing Guild Wars in Granblue which is insane.#I'd have called you a liar if you told me I would have more fun playing GWs than reading JJK.#Ah yes the manga about people not processing grief and going crazy over it don't process grief and are fine actually.#I usually love random infodumps but those are always theme relevant and fun to read. I miss Kenjaku's yapfests.#I'm like on the needle for wishing Sukuna won instead because at least that would be interesting.#Gege please make me eat my words I want to be wrong about this all so very badly.#Ui Ui claiming to be the MVP even though he was only able to operate because of Gojo... Kusakabe blaming Gojo...#Gojo really was just an object to these people wtf. Sukuna continues to remain his top tier supporter even though he killed him.#They're not even checking in with each other. No one is asking if anyone is ok with this. Which Yuji and Yuta would usually do.#No Nobara talking to Maki about her transformation? Megumi just apologizing? What? Where are my actual character interactions.#Everything feels so OOC and unsatisfying. I need to huff some copium.#jujutsu kaisen#jjk spoilers#jjk 269
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higuchi thoughts of the day: as much as i love the idea of her having some devastatingly destructive ability… her having a healing/support ability would explain so much of her character. like. her high ranking in the mafia despite (as far as we know) not being extraordinarily strong. her assignment to akutagawa + his resentment of her + her being so overprotective of him. the irl author’s connection to mori and yosano. dw about it
#what if it’s something like alleviating pain or slowing disease progression. a palliative care thing#if that’s the case then it would explain why it’s been a mystery for so long. asgr would've had to reveal akutagawa’s illness first#which only just happened timeline-wise#ik aku said he hasn’t told anyone about it but. i find it very hard to believe he could hide it from mori of all people. the literal doctor#but GOD it would just make so much sense.#i always thought it was weird that he has these ultra specific plot reasons for why he treats/treated atsushi and kyouka so badly#but for higuchi it’s just. unprovoked malice??? idk. i don’t buy it#and why does he even need an assistant. there are other mafiosi weaker/less loyal/more of a loose cannon than he is that don’t have one#but if she was assigned to him bc of his illness… him not being able to stand her bc her presence is indicative of his own weakness#her being overbearing bc she knows it’s entirely her responsibility to stop him from succumbing to his poor health#much more satisfying than the ‘he’s just an asshole’/‘she’s just a obsessed stalker’ idea that a lot of people believe#and it would add a whole new layer of context to that chapter of her saving his life and saying it’s her job to do so. hrmmmm.#i can invent an akutagawa and higuchi lore that’s sooooo copium#bsd#higuchi
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The other thing that I think I would want in an Annabeth Wayne AU that I don't think I've seen so far is Bruce being absolutely pissed at Athena.
It was bad enough with Talia and Damian, but Athena is a literal god of wisdom who should know better AND he doesn't even have the "culpability" of having slept with her.
She one hundred percent saw Batman, tactician of the Justice League, was drawn in by her aspect of the Goddess of Strategy, and proceeded to create a child without his consent, a daughter who she didn't even raise before the child became a weapon.
And like whatever else, however fucked up Damian was by his own training to become a child-weapon, at least Talia loved Damian.
Whereas Athena loves Annabeth in the way a Goddess loves, not the way a Person loves, and I don't think Bruce, whose entire identity is so fixated on his relationship with his own parents, would recognize that as love at all.
And, like, Talia put Damian through a lot of shit. I think Bruce would be angry there too. But when push came to shove, she at least at some point brought him to Bruce because she thought it was in her son's best interests.
Athena actively lead Annabeth away from Bruce and into the streets at the age of seven, which Bruce would never see as in her best interest, whatever Athena's godly perspective is, however badly he reacted after Jason's death, even though he couldn't see (and dismissed the idea of) the spiders and the monsters. She was seven. In the streets of Gotham.
Athena let Annabeth fight a major role in two wars back to back without being there to train her or protect her or love her or even advise her. Athena advocated for the cold blooded murder of the other children who had actually tried to keep his daughter safe. Athena sent Annabeth against Arachne when Athena's children have universally died on that quest for a thousand years.
Athena let Bruce think he had gotten Annabeth killed because of his own inability to handle his grief. Let him think his daughter was dead or worse for years. Would have let him keep thinking that if the Fates didn't have other plans.
And just, in true fashion for all of my ideas on a PJO x DC crossover, everyone really comes out more traumatized than before. This includes Bruce.
Because now he wasn't just used unknowingly for a child just once, but twice. And in both cases he's going to have to live forever with the guilt of not having been able to protect his kids from what their other parent wanted to make of them
(On top of all the ways he has directly failed them and made any complexes worse, of course )
#bruce wayne#annabeth chase#annabeth wayne#athena#pjo x dcu#dcu x pjo#again I have to reiterate that I actually do think Athena loves her daughter#I just think that to a human a god's love is inevitably going to look cruel#because they don't and can't love in the same way#giving your child opportunity for Kleos and sending them to a teacher is a love to a goddess#whereas a human parent might never want their child to fight or suffer at all#and even with Bruce's whole Batman and Robin situation#he a) still felt guilt and went back and forth over it multiple times#and b) he was at least trying to guide them and accompanied them into the field and deliberately tried to give them whatever tools they#needed to be both moral and safe#Athena doesn't see a difference between what she did and Bruce's crusade but he absolutely doe#this post is obviously very much more Bruce's POV of course#Athena would have her own but I am biased#'love the way a goddess loves not the way a person loves' - but Rev aren't the gods people#Not fully#I don't think they can be; they're too vast#Behind their personalities they're all personification#so yes and no but not enough#as for bruce reacting badly after Jason's death#I generally don't think he *hurt* her which I've seen some choose to write based on him hitting Dick#but someone in fic wrote a HC that he blamed her at first bc she knew Jason was sneaking out and didn't say and I took that and ran with it#& after his initial outburst he freezes her out bc his anger scares him & he thinks keeping her at a distance will protect her from that#not knowing that she's already internalized that guilt AND already felt prior to this that Bruce was abandoning her in favor of being Batma
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do you also think about how hesistant swaggy benny and monty were to name ekky as the worst seatmate on the teamplane do you think they love their buddy so much and know how whiny and insufferable he is gonna be about this they didnt want to say but they have to do you think ekky was a little drama queen about it do you-
#txt#persecuted for crimes he did commit#consistently chosen for worst superlatives#messiest roommate because he leaves all his shit over the bathroom counters after taking 2 hours to do his hair#has wires all over the floors from gaming#3 people from the poker table unanimously going oh ekkys the worst to sit next to.#shes a nightmare wrapped up in a wet dream#very obsessed how hes just a messy hot girl like yeah#god i need her so badly
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So I watched A Silent Voice with some but minor knowledge of the story going in. And right at the beginning when Shoko's bullying started I had the nagging worry that while Ishida would be redeemed they'd leave Ueno and Kawai as one-dimensional bullies. Painting the girls as the "real villains" while the male protagonist got to have depth. Anyway I just finished the movie and I would like to formally apologize to Oima Yoshitoki and Yoshida Reiko I should never have doubted you.
#i was unfamiliar with your game madams. i hope you can forgive me#never seen a film with a male mc become SO dedicated to complex relationships between its flawed female side characters#a silent voice#Ishida shoya#ueno naoka#kawai miki#the scene where yaeko slapped naoka was the peak of the movie to me#seems like she needed it too she'd spent the whole film up to this point basically BEGGING shoko to punch her#but shoko's too nice and it bothers her sooooo much. she's like HATE ME. and shoko's like 'i don't' and she's like WHY NOT???? FIX THAT#naola and miki are very interesting parallels because miki NEEDS to be liked by everyone and naoka wants so badly to be disliked instead.#which leads to both of them being pretty shitty but in essentially opposite ways IT'S GREAT#koe no katachi#i have no doubt that the fandom is still going to be INCREDIBLY weird about both of these girls but what's new#oh a flawed woman exists in a media property? yeah it's a real mystery what the internet's gonna say about that lmao
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Kunning life 1 be like:
Xie Wei: conceal, don't feel Jiang Xuening: goodbye, life Xie Wei: ???!!! wtf???? that wasn't in my plan????!!!!
#Story of Kunning Palace#Ning An Ru Meng#C drama#Xie Wei#Jiang Xuening#his strategy in life 1 backfired so badly#Xie Wei: it's very sad that she comes to me because she's forced to#Xie Wei: maybe if I give her a weapon she will realise I am not that bad#Jiang Xuening: *offs herself*#Xie Wei: ...#this is why you need to use actual words with your love interest kids#original posts
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lemongrab (Starts vibrating so hard i explode)
i do think pb is calm now but i dont think she likes wizards. i dont know. i dont know. and i saw how she treated lemongrab, she didn't really like him either. like. you all saw that. peps didnt want to see that he didnt want to think about it at the time, how they were treating the actual literal heir to the throne and also just how they were treating this man, he didn't realize. he didn't. and now. and . dont .get me talking about lemongrab. or i will talk. for ever
pep: you ate your brother lg: lg: you won't have that problem pep: i could eat you lg: try it
#says shes better but you know. pep can tell theres something going on. theres something Wrong#she insists hes not doing anything wrong and she supports him!! but he can TASTE it. in there. in her words.#lemongrab is not a very gentle person but he is kind. and he is a father. and he wants so badly to be a good sibling.#adventure time#distant lands#lemongrab#peppermint#digital#lemon kids#well one of them. im sorry he looks so much like larry in some ways.#this is the first time lg has called pep his sibling hes like (mid meltdown) IM YOURWHAT..... <3#long post#its so tall.#i need to stop drawing ppl on benches. until i learn to draw benches.#she always knew peps was a magic user but it was more of a background Hes An Adult He Does What He Wants thing#and now he needs money for schoolbooks. so he has to see that Look in her eyes. im making it weird arent i#sorry pb fans im really mad at her about lemongrab and it poisons every interaction i have with her character#she really is trying. i promise. you just wouldnt know it from talking to lemognrab or pep.
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i was gonna make a whole seperate post about how context and art seems to imply that the ex boyfriend that got stephanie pregnant was at least 18, if not older, when she was 16/15, which is kinda squicky (i mean not if she's 16 really, but 15 yes) but in my journeys on the Stephanie Brown wiki (real and delightful thing that exists) i discovered the batman chronicles #22 where her UNCLE HITS ON HER???? i think that's what we're meant to get from it anyway the dialogue is subtle (the art is not imo). AND I. WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT. STEPHANIE YOU CAN START AS MANY GANG WARS AS YOU WANT WITH YOUR LIFE THE WAY IT IS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#stephanie brown#SORRY AND COUPLED WITH ROBIN 1993 ISSUE 111 WHERE IT'S REVEALED HER DAD'S FRIEND TRIED TO ASSAULT HER WHEN SHE WAS A KID#STEPHANIE BABY IM SO SORRY YOUR LIFE IS LIKE THIS#god no wonder she was so insane about tim. simultaneously loving him and being paranoid he was gonna cheat or something#i mean a) he skirted close to it at times very early on in his robin run which is. weird to say the least. rip tim sorry they did that to u#but also b) every man in her life treats her like THIS (guy who got her pregnant also abandoned her) so yeah#no wonder she expects the worst from tim but also clings to him like glue. bc he hasnt done any of those things (yet. to stephs knowledge)#it's super unfair on tim but also ohhhhh my god. oh my god her life is awful her life is so awful#i know a lot of ppl resent bg 2009 for not going into how awful her life is and there's merit to that criticism#but also the book was explicitly trying to give her a fucking break from the hardship#and after reading this. i can get behind it. i could before too but doubly now#i need. so many hurt/comfort fics about stephs history with shitty guys. so badly
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as usual with me, we have to take it slow the first time that i peg her.
despite her usual docility, she guides my strap to her hole. i'm sure she'd prefer if i did it, but i need help for the first time.
so she positions herself, then slowly lowers herself onto my strap. and she moans so loud, undoing herself before me, fucking herself on my dick. i will just watch with fascination, figuring out how to replicate what she likes. if she sounds so pretty now, i wonder what she'll sound like when i do it.
after a few moments, i will stop her. i'll grab her neck, or her hair, or even her waist, and tell her to stop. i'll remove myself from her hole, and flip us around, and pin her to the bed. i'll kiss her pretty lips and wait her her to beg for more. she's so desperate at this point, i doubt it'll take long, but i won't rush. i will touch her softly and bite her hard until i hear her ask for me to fuck her. if she rushes, i'll curl my lips into a smile, and whisper "be patient," until i'm ready.
this time, i'll fuck her myself. i will position myself over her aching hole and listen. when she begs, having tasted my strap but not truly been fucked by me, i will give her more than a taste. she said she likes it rough, so rough i will be. i'll slam into her with brute, unpracticed thrusts. i don't know how to be gentle, and would i even want to be? seeing her, i always want to take. this time, seeing her pleading beneath me, i want to fuck her at my will. i watched her do it, i know how she likes it, so this time, i'm letting her lie back and i am fucking her.
i'll watch her squirm beneath me, those huge eyes rolled back, helpless and consumed with pleasure. i'll listen to her pathetic noises moaned in sync with my rhythm, watching her hands go above her head without my action. i'll watch her become overwhelmed, crying, and incoherent. and then i'll watch her cum harder than she has in a long time.
and after she finishes, i want to hold her tight. i want to take her in my arms, and kiss her forehead, and make sure it wasn't too hard. i'll take off the strap and trace patterns into her skin while she comes down. i want to keep her there until the after tremors have faded and she's able to say more than "wow."
all this say, i want to fuck her, but we'll have to take it slow the first time. at least, slow at first. i'm sure i'll get used to it, but it'll take me a moment.
#insane just how badly i want to see her cry. this isnt even a “she cries during sex and i wanna see it” no i just want to make her cry#i don't even know how i'd accomplish that. is this it? she mentioned impact play for that previously. guess im learning how to hit#anyways. y'all. im so fucking obsessed. help.#i didnt even like pegging until like two months ago. when she asked me very nicely and i went ohhhh shit#i actually NEED to peg you#i thought about this for like two days before i could get it out and it's the most i've ever written for this blog#probably in the top 3 longest smutty things ive written ever. and stars it's only getting worse#she has me in a chokehold but HEY at least its mutual#unrelated but the fucking tenses in this post is a fucking mess. future? present? who knows#ok tags:#autistic nsft#nonbinary nsft#queer nsft#trans nsft#t4t nsft#t4t ns/fw#nsft concept#nsft imagine#nsft text#nsft#circus deer#nsft t4t#nsft trans#nsft txt#hornyposting#queer smut#queer ns/fw#PLEASE I SPEND SO LONG ON THIS GIVE ME ATTENTION
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VERY RAMBLY BUT I think rose and martha are like the inverse of one another in terms of narrative, in that they both meet a doctor who is deeply deeply hurt, but the doctor interacts with them about it so differently, because of where they're at with that hurt, and the doctor is like "hey, I'm suave and vulnerable beneath the surface, which is quite attractive, want to travel in space and time in my whimsical timeship?" and they both go "oh heck yes!" and then it's like splintered glass from that point on, like martha lives in a funhouse mirror of rose's story -- up until she makes it her own of course and she does call the doctor out on it relatively early on, although rose continues to have that haunting effect
so rose has this bubble created around her that is perfect and unchangeable almost, in which nothing bad can ever happen (except for all the times it does but huuush, we'll be together forever forrealsies don't look at that big ol hurricane hurtling our way), which then inevitably bursts, but is always there-as-memory, because rose becomes something of an impossible ideal to some extent
and martha isn't protected at all, and has all the badness spilling out on her because the doctor is unable to contain any of it (and maybe is relieved to finally give up on being strong), and subsequently all of the promise of wonder has an air of sourness to it, and the doctor will always feel incredibly guilty about how it all ended
but crucially there's a lot they have in common, that is quite different to, say, donna (who is woven in in her own, interesting, way) -- they both become attracted to this powerful, interesting, and suuuper traumatised being, they're both taken along on a journey of promised wonders, they're both incredibly reliable to the point that the narrative is retroactively fitted around how much the doctor's belief-systems revolve around belief in their companions, with many others from the past given their dues (starting with sarah-jane), and they both do see wonders beyond their comprehension (and so does donna, but again, there's something a bit different there to poke at in another post...),
except where for rose this wonder helps her break out of the path that was set down for her and become who she always had the potential to be in a way that is mostly framed as a positive (although with some -- I think -- under-analysed caveats...) and she will be forever thankful for the doctor arriving in her life, martha's is more like an awe that the universe is so hostile and so lonely and so heartbreaking, and so she needs to become more resilient and more ready to make choices that are terrible (from travelling the broken world for a year to the osterhagen key....), and so there's another story about someone who becomes strong and tough (just like rose) but it's because the doctor wasn't really able to be there for her, and while I don't think the show (from memory) ever has her totally regretting the doctor dropping into her life, there for sure is some solemnity to how her story ends, a bit of a dampener in comparison (even tbh in comparison to donna, who yeah, gets her memory taken, but is suggested -- now confirmed perhaps? -- to get more of her life in order/feel more self-confident, also partially because of that subliminal influence of her time with the doctor)
and this isn't to say that it's all-bad for martha! her working for UNIT and Torchwood has a lot of very interesting facets to it, and she is fulfilling her potential to be this impressive, capable person, but the ways all of this was built up to is so heartrending
rose coming in and "saving" the doctor, except it was a bit of a lie, because the second she wasn't there they crashed even harder than before, and martha coming in with the idea that she could save the doctor and walking away when realising what it was doing to her life, and both rose and martha irrevocably changed to the point that the person pre-doctor is barely recognisable in them anymore, both take on the doctor's self-sacrificial traits...
and also the idea that rose gets the fantasy, but it's the fantasy a-bit-to-the-left (funhouse again) because there's always something a bit disconcerting about the lengths the doctor goes to to maintain the bubble, to the point of offering up the alternate-him/tentoo so that she can still have it, even though the actual physical doctor that shared it with her isn't actually there! and martha gets the glimpse of the fantasy, and then has to come to terms with the fact that she's not the person it's "for" and reassess her relationship to the idea of a fantasy in the first place (it helps that martha is an incredibly practical, pragmatic person, but it's still so... ouch)
I don't think it was intentional, but this also fascinating from the perspective of rose as a white woman and martha as a black woman -- who is the fantasy for, to the extent that strange and universe-breaking events go into maintaining it, and who has to be practical and pragmatic and self-reliant?
and also, it's got more tragedy in both cases -- rose as a spectre/haunter of the narrative is always a little bit intangible when she's looked back on (even though in the story she's in she's incredibly real and well-rounded, every time I go back to s1 I am struck by how grounded she is in reality), and I think that's something interesting in terms of her mother's warning in s2, how if she travels with the doctor "forever" she'll become something else, something not her
and martha's mother warns her as well, although she's not completely sure of what, and in contrast to rose this warning comes into very painful fruition, harming her entire family (except, maybe her brother? I wonder if there's anything written about that), but where rose is so omnipresent, martha tries several times to take herself out
(also something about both of their mothers being their anchor-points)
there's something there that's at the centre of both rose's and martha's arcs:
is the change they're going through because of the doctor... good? good for them? good for their families? good as in they're becoming better people than before? good for the world they inhabit? is it good for the person they used to be? did they become better than that person? can they ever truly deal with or even begin to comprehend how these events made them who they are? can they even connect who they are now to who they were then? was this good?
they both become these larger-than-life people, somewhat without noticing on both parts (but the narrative does notice), one of them a ghost, and the other a soldier -- one of them an increasingly intangible, ever-present idea, and the other someone who has to fight every step of the way
it's just a bunch of things I've had going through my head that I can't quite formulate in coherent essay-like sentences, but for sure it's there
opposite sides of the coin, rose tyler and martha jones
I do wish they'd had space in the story for them to talk
#martha jones#rose tyler#doctor who#dw#i also wish they'd had space in the narrative for them to make out but youknow#i know that rose and tentoo is generally interpreted as a net-positive -- including in a subsequent comic#but it was always very eerie to me#this also to deal with the fact that while i looove martha's arc in s4#hers was the weakest goodbye scene in the final episode imo#because the pair the spares makes it seem like there wasn't a lot of thought put into it/where she is now#and like sure they're both hanging out with jack at torchwood but it's so out of the blue#and then she finishes up with a gun in her hand -- far cry from where we met her even in poison sky#working for UNIT but! --- but does fit somewhat from where we saw her end s4 when she was ready to destroy the world#but it's still sort of disconnected from the story? why is she there? why is there a sontaran there? why gun and not medicine? questions#questions for which the answer presumably was: because she looks badass but i need More than that! I need Answers!#argh martha i want so badly for them to at least mention you in the specials. where are you 🥺🥺🥺#gun to your head rtd do it!#doctor who meta
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