#I mean I don’t make to rules this seems pretty queer

[queeringdiedreiausrufezeichen]

Manifesting the Jülich parents being in a triad in the TV show. 🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯

Cause why have two different actors listed as Kims dad if not cause she is gonna have two dads. 🤔🤷

The Jülich Parents Triad:

[piratefishmama]

Fake it till you make it | Part 4

‘Boundaries’ were harder to settle on than they'd expected them to be. Eddie didn’t seem to want to put anything on the “strictly no” list. Even when Steve suggested sex should be on there Eddie just wiggled his brows and claimed a week in a cabin with him might change things.

Steve found that hilarious enough to laugh at (much to Eddie's adorable pout) but also too fair to disagree with.

They were two healthy, queer, adult men! What was a little consensual nookie between fake boyfriends?

Plus he couldn’t tell if Eddie was joking or not so he put that on the mental ‘maybe a boundary’ list that may or may not be tested.

Steve wasn’t about to completely rule it out either! He had a healthy libido and Eddie wasn’t unattractive. He… actually was pretty damn attractive.

Nice eyes, nice hair, nice lips, nice voice, nice han— anyway, they had a whole week together in a romantic chalet, pretending to date.

Anything could happen. Especially if they didn’t rule anything out. And ruling it out only made it seem more exciting, like it was dangerous. Best to just not rule it out.

“What about kissing?” Steve pondered aloud, a small frown on his brow

“If I’m not ruling out sex, Harrington, I think kissing should be fi—"

“No, dumbass, not ruling it out, I mean… it’s gotta seem like a thing we normally do right? An you gotta stop calling me Harrington, it’s Steve. Boyfriends don’t call each other by their last names.”

“I’ll have a mental list of pet names prepared before the day ends, don’t you worry, Stevie, but what do you suggest? Are you thinking we should practice?” Eddie leaned forward a grin stretching on his lips that almost seemed predatory, like he was expecting Steve to stumble through a rebuttal, expecting him to back down or to apologise, but no, Steve wasn’t some simpering maiden who’d bashfully turn him down.

Steve was an experienced ladies man with a reputation for being… for lack of a better term, a bit of a hometown slut.

Even if he had no practical experience with men, that didn’t stop him from exuding confidence as he moved onto his haunches and crossed the very short distance between them, forcing that mischievous little shit right back into his spot as Steve basically climbed from his hands and knees into Eddie’s lap, watching in satisfaction as all that mischief just kind of…

Drained from his face.

Drained and replaced with wide-eyed rosy cheeked surprise, his hands extended out either side of himself to avoid touching Steve’s body. Adorable.

“Maybe we should.”

“Ah—uhm—heh—y-yeah I mean—m-maybe not here though, yeah?” He talked a good game, he put on a damn fine front, but Eddie Munson wasn’t exactly swimming in cock. Wasn’t even paddling. Or wading the cock waters.

No he was mainly just suffering in queer silence on dry land with just good ol leftie and a few skin mags to make himself feel better. Although the image of Steve Harrington in his lap? Oh yeah that’d do him for a few months.

Sad that it ended so fast though, with Steve backing his perfectly plush ass right back into his seat quickly after, holding his hands up in mock surrender, accepting the stuttered rejection like a champ.

“Wherever you feel comfiest, man, but I suggest we figure that shit out fast, we don’t have long before this trip an you’ll have to meet them before we go so we’re going to have to be comfortable with each other, especially if it’s an environment where we have no excuse to not be comfortable.” If they were in public? Absolutely they’d have many excuses readily available.

The chalet? Not public. In fact it was quite big, the only reason he was so sure his parents would bring someone for him was because it was big enough that they could do their own thing for hours without crossing paths. Sure the bedrooms were close to each other but there were other rooms to fuck around in.

Damn thing had two Jacuzzi’s and a sauna. Not to mention a home cinema to fool around in.

They’d be hoping that he’d spend some easily obtained alone time with this mystery person. God he’d be being pimped out by his parents. How had his life come to this?

“You want me to meet them before we go?” He was just expecting to turn up on the day and be ‘Steve’s new boyfriend’ that they’d never met and would just have to accept would be in attendance. In that scenario he assumed Steve would just get the okay from them to have him come and that be that but—

Clearly his imagination was not even remotely true to real life. “Uhh… yeah, they’ll wanna know who they’re spending a week with, Eddie, c’mon, fake dating starts like… now…”

“So can I charge you from now?”

“Dude that’d be double—”

“Aren’t you rich?”

“I work minimum wage at Family Video for crying out loud, no I’m not rich. My parents are rich, I make enough to keep the lights on and keep my fridge stocked while they’re away. C’mon man… I can do a week, I have savings that’ll cover a week but two weeks? That’s fourteen-hundred, dude, I can’t—” Two weeks was stretching things uncomfortably far. Like… going into debt kind of far. He couldn’t ask his parents for money because they’d wanna know what it was for and for him to get a receipt and Eddie didn’t do receipts. Or refunds. “I might actually starve.”

“… Fine.” He almost argued, you live in a McMansion Steve, I live in a trailer park, but then… Steve did actually work at Family Video, wouldn’t just do that if he didn’t have to, who’s to say his parents paid for anything for him? Who’s to say they didn’t pull the ‘you’re an adult now, son, we’ll let you live here but you have to pull your own weight’ shtick parents were apparently so fond of? God what if they made him pay rent?

Eddie really didn’t know anything about the Harringtons.

Steve clearly didn’t go to college, so… maybe his dad wouldn’t hire him for a role he wasn’t qualified for? Unlikely but not impossible if recent discoveries concerning Steve Harrington were to be used as a reference point. Couldn't assume anything about him. “Fine?”

“Yeah, fine. How about, instead… we stick with my original rate an call it a flat seven hundred, fifty per day, an we start now? We can head to the trailer park an figure shit out there, deduct today so it’s only six fifty cause we’re brainstorming. My uncle may be home, but he should be asleep now. He works nights. We should be fine… unless you wanna head to yours and go in blind, take a ‘we’re figuring things out together awkwardly’ approach to it?” That’d track, he could do awkward, he could probab—

“Nah, they’d never think I was awkward at dating, even though you are a guy.” Of course they wouldn’t. Their lady killer son would never be awkward about dating… he wasn’t either, that was the kicker. He’d got all the way up in Eddie’s business not five minutes ago and looked comfortable doing it, like he actually would have practiced kissing in the back of Eddie’s beat up old van.

Holy shit he could have been making out with Steve Harrington in the back of his van.

He said not here, yeah?

What the shit was his problem?!

Was he actually completely insane?

He was going to be a virgin forever.

“You good there, Ed?”

“Huh?” He squeaked. Eddie Munson did not squeak, but yet, there he was. Squeakin away. “Oh! Y-yeah yeah, just coming to an abrupt unfortunate conclusion, yep, I am a-ok completely and totally oooone-hundreeeeeee— okay I came to a very real realisation that I could have been basically making out with you for ‘practice’ in the back of my van in the bushes where nobody could interrupt us and that could have gone anywhere cause it’s comfy back here yet i decided to tell you ‘not here, yeah?’ like a perma-virgin so— yeah.”

“Jeez… maybe you could pull off the awkward boyfriend thing.”

“…So about that fourteen hundred.”

Part 6

[tarotphlow]

Astro Observations 2

✨cancer in mercury natives threaten to leave the friend group their with in a joking sense, which isn’t bad but gets tiring at points 😭

✨having Sun in the 9th house can often indicate your father left you in a certain way, I have this placement and my father gained a condition that doesn’t make him the same anymore mentally while a friend of mine does not have their father in their life period 😢

✨people that have a libra midheaven are often pretty, I think it’s because of Libra’s desire to beautify things so having a pretty face in the workplace makes sense

✨Mars in the 1H can mean exceptional strength, but bad acne and or scarring of the face in some way shape or form

✨surprisingly enough, most millionaires or people with a lot of money have Uranus in 2H, I’d assume it’s because when in this placement it’s more or less of a high highs to low lows kinda vibe, if anyone does get windfall with this placement be sure to Manage your Money Wisely 🚨⚠️

✨people that are queer can usually have the following aspects in their chart:

moon trine Mercury Δ

Uranus trine Mercury Δ

Uranus trine moon Δ

HM: Venus in one of the mutable signs (Sag, Pisces, Virgo, Gemini)

✨Sag rising= Thick thighs save lives (loll)

✨Lilith in the 2nd house can mean you have self confidence issues 🥺

✨Fire signs seem to be very emotional, like sometimes a LOT more than water signs ig it’s because fire can be really destructive sometimes and they can’t contain so it just erupts, kinda cool to think about 🔥🔥

✨Pisces in Venus cannot see those red flags oml😭, if y’all have some good friends pls pls plsssss ask them to help you identify them if any, on the flip side tho, they can be single for a while and be quite content with it since Pisces rules isolation.

✨ Capricorn placements cannot see to save their lives😂

✨ I noticed air signs always have the habit of attracting friends that are really really intimidated by us🥴, i still don’t know why, but its like a thing, can anyone explain this???

End of thread, hope y’all enjoyed the observations

(Likes and reposts are appreciated! 💙)

[9w1ft]

Being a gaylor/kaylor is hard. You speak the closest to truth and then Taylor proves you wrong by doing something opposite to please the hetties. Then you are called losers and liars. One thing for sure that Taylor doesn't care about Gaylors/Kaylors at all. She CONDONES the homophobia and bully towards us. Always has been. After the 1989 prologue, Travlor stunt, always in the past. And will do in future. Sometimes I feel like she hates us so bad and always throws us under the bus. I wonder why we are still here. There is nothing positive about being a gaylor. If she wants to stay extremely closeted and parade her bf as the straightest women alive, then what is the purpose of flagging just to prove us fool on a larger scale. Does our existence bother her?? It doesn't seem that she like us. I just wanted to know from someone experienced.

hm, i dunno. i’ve felt very loved by taylor and karlie!

i think so much of how one might feel is based upon self-imposed rules. if you change the way you expect taylor to act, or how you vocalize how you expect her to act, maybe 75% of the frustration one might have is resolved.

i think condone is a pretty strong word to impress upon taylor. i think people have all gone through enough cycles to see what taylor does and doesn’t do in reaction to fandom behavior but i think a lot of people refuse to ask themselves why she always acts the way that she does, and people also refuse to change the way they comport themselves, but still act the same way while expecting a change to come from taylor.

even in the way you wrote your anon, you’re making a lot of assumptions about why taylor does things, and i don’t mean it as a criticism of you personally. i understand why you write it out like that because i think it’s a popular way of thinking. but i think you’re setting yourself up here. for example, you describe a dynamic of taylor flagging and then taylor bearding. maybe she’s not queer flagging for us, maybe she’s just being herself! and bearding to compensate for that, because for some reason she doesn’t want to be out right now. i think a lot of people say taylor doing gay things is flagging because they’re trying to prove that she’s gay (umbrella term) or that she’s trying to tell everyone that she’s gay. that’s voluntarily setting a test up for people who have hate in their hearts to knock down.

i’m not talking in ideals here. in a vacuum, in an ideal scenario, there are things that would be more “right” or “just” or “fair” for taylor to do — i am just not so sure if it’s wise for people to keep trying the same things and expect different results. especially after songs like anti hero and dear reader were put out in the world. so i dunno, maybe try different things, or change the conditions of your own environment, etc. you have the power to tinker with your own experience of what is going on.

i don’t think this is kind advice for a perfect world and im sorry if i sound cold or heartless. sometimes it pains me to see people set themselves up to be angry so i’m just trying to be a little more practical with my response. i still think there are ways to make this all work for you or anyone personally, but i think it requires you the individual and not taylor to make changes. that’s a choice that’s ultimately up to you the individual to make.

i hope everyone can find a balance that works for them, or a pastime that is a better net positive for their life!

[princess-of-the-corner]

Princess Bee

K, couple thoughts, my devices are being weird, so even though I sent an ask, I’m going to compile a few things here, just in case

1) On Artemis being the Fox, possible lore for a name - the Teumessian fox was an uncatchable fox from Greek Myth, sent to hassle the city of Thebes as a punishment. Eventually, when the gods felt the city had suffered enough, they ran into the problem that they had created a LITERALLY UNCATCHABLE CREATURE, so they couldn’t really get the fox to stop. So, they sent in a dog, called Laelaps, who was enchanted to be able to always catch her prey, to catch the fox. The two were basically a paradox, and eventually got put into the sky as constellations (Canis Major [the dog] and Canis Minor [the fox]).

2) I headcanon that the reason the SentiKids are Sapient is in part due to the fact they are “hybrids”. They aren’t “pure” Sentimonsters, the Parents used the Peacock to basically “fertilize” an egg and make a fetus. So while TECHNICALLY a Sentimonster, it’s a little closer to, say, how Steven Universe is technically a gem. And similarly, if Steven’s Gen is damaged, he gets hurt. Like, if the Amoks got broken before … whatever they do to severe the connection, the SentiKids would be hurt pretty badly. They MIGHT be able to do something to manage survival, but the Amoks are still connected to their life force. (I hope this is making sense?) Does any of this sound … like it fits, I guess?

3) OC Chester description, so you hopefully don’t have to go hunting for it. Originally conceived as Lila’s hench person, but he doesn’t HAVE to be, I just thought it would be a little boring if Lila doesn’t have another person to talk to. You can take or leave any part of him.

Chester Fester.

Age: close to Lila and the Miracuclass parents, so … What are we going with here, late thirties, early forties?

Looks: Only thing I ever got was brown hair, face looks … ratty.

General Notes: Rats are his favourite animal. He has two pet rats, Mister Whiskers, and Morning Glory. Likes fermented and/or cured foods. He hates food waste, and sees rats as performing a vital service by eating the food people throw out. Thinks rats are given unfair press as “plague spreaders”. Hates cats, dogs, anything that could pose a threat to a rat. Was nominally trained as a chef, but has been fired repeatedly for allowing “pests” into kitchens. Always seems to be between jobs as a result. Will cheerfully allow himself to be Akumatized into a “Rat King” style Akuma (original name was Ratatouille, but I’m kind of ‘eh’ on it, especially cause at that point, he’s basically Evil Linguini). Favourite movie, the Rats of N.I.M.H..

The man is a bit … morally vague. I mean, he isn’t the kind of guy to think murder is a viable solution to most problems, but he sees a lot of Laws as more guidelines than anything else. Like, “We’d rather you didn’t do this, but if you don’t get caught, we don’t care” is sort of how he sees it. He sees breaking and entering as more of a challenge. I think the only laws he would follow fastidiously would be traffic laws. He sees why those are there, people operating several tons of metal powered by explosions should follow the rules.

Lila specific: The two met sometime when Lila was pulling a con on a restaurant. Chester was really impressed with her skills, and offered to help her, because the restaurant in question had been putting out rat poison. They’ve been friends ever since.

Chester and Lila did have a brief period of dating, before Lila figured out she was AroAce. She was sure this meant Chester would be ditching her, but Chester surprised her by sticking around. In his words “We were friends first”, and he didn’t really see why whether the two of them slept together should mean anything. People do often assume Chester and Lila are a couple, especially as the pair live together, but the two are simply chaotic besties. The best term is probably “Queer Platonic”, but the two don’t really want to label it. They’re friends. Who else cares? They do have a pact that, if they ever need to, they’ll get married, but only as a last resort kind of thing.

-

1.) Did get this one! Rip to your tech though because while tumblr makes asks disappear it’s happening to you A LOT so idk what it is or how to fix it.

2.) Hm! Maybe it’s a combination? Like like like. Okay I made the post about the lore of what went down with the Sentikids and Kagami actually having a dad. So how about Mr. Tsurugi managed to make Kagami entirely from scratch, which is why he died real quick. Essentially giving his Life Energy to make her. But it broke the Peacock so everyone after still got fucked up. 

Emilie tried to mitigate the effects by doing the Senti-Human hybrid trick, so she’s only dealing with ‘broken Peacock’ not ‘took too much Life Energy at once’. Same with Colt. So they’re still dying, but not as quickly as Mr. Tsurugi did.

Adjust the fuckery in age differences by having like. It’s a Senti-baby she can just make it magic so it speeds up and she’s only actually pregnant for like a month. Colt can do the same with Amelie and then just gaslight her of ‘oh we must��ve been so convinced we were infertile that we didn’t notice you actually got pregnant!’.

3.) I love everything about Chester

[my-castles-crumbling]

Soooo, i’ve been following u for a while (adore ur microfics btw ❤️) and now I require advice… thankfully you’re good at that. 

So i’m straight. And i’ve fallen in love with this guy. He’s adorable and sweet and brave and honestly the best person I know. I met him about a month and a half ago at a work thing (he doesn’t work where I work tho, not that it matters) and we’ve been dating ever since. 

We haven’t done anything sex related yet (don’t worry this isn’t abt that). But the other day I decided we should talk about it, because he seemed super bothered by the idea (i had a hunch he might’ve been ace, which I was fine with) but it turns out it’s not that, he’s trans. 

He told me he transitioned pretty young, and that he’s had top surgery but not bottom. I reassured him this doesn’t change anything, cause it doesn’t, but to be honest, i’ve never really been around trans people? I know queer people but i’ve never had a trans friend or anything. So i’m worried about how to do this right. 

I assume it’s best to just be normal? Sex has never really mattered to me that much, so I guess in that regard i’ll just go with the flow of whatever. But I just thought, is there anything I should know or think about? 

I think this could be a really great relationship, we want the same things and get on so well. 

Maybe i’m being panicky, trying to make sure I don’t do anything that could hurt him. He asked me if it was okay that he’s trans because i’m straight. I told him that I love him and I don’t doubt that. And that I still feel straight. I still love a man. I wouldn’t really aline my sexuality with genitals anyway? 

I don’t know. I’m nervous I guess. I’ve been in plenty of different types of relationships. Good and bad. And I just don’t want to mess up or make him uncomfortable or not notice a hint he’s trying to give me? 

Look tbh I don’t totally know what i’m asking but like- advice? Please? Thanks Cas ❤️

AHHHH I think this is so cute. The fact that you're being thoughtful enough to ask is UGH. SO sweet.

So, you're ABSOLUTELY right. Sexuality has to do with gender, not body parts. So you're a girl (I'm assuming) and you're straight. Meaning you're attracted to boys. And this person, trans or not, is a boy. Simple! The fact that he is worried about your reaction is probably because he's experienced transphobia in the past. For this, just remind him that you see him as a boy, regardless of his body parts.

Trans people can deal with something called 'dysphoria' meaning they are uncomfortable (physically or mentally) because they feel like their expression or body doesn't match the gender they identify as. Dysphoria can be caused by anything - looking in the mirror and seeing something they don't like, a comment from someone else (even unintentional), or intimacy (amongst other things).

As far as sex, I'm going to break my rules here and give you some advice because I think it's important.

Sex could cause dysphoria. It's super important to note that every trans person is different. Some experience extreme dysphoria, others just a bit, others none at all! The same thing is true with intimacy- every trans person (just like cis people) has different preferences with intimacy. But this is especially true because for some trans people, intimacy could cause dysphoria because you're interacting with body parts that are normally not as...interacted with, lol.

Because of this, its super important to communicate. Ask him what he's comfortable with. What does he/doesn't he want you to touch? If you're going to use dirty talk, does he prefer certain terms for his body parts?

But here's the thing- communication is important for good, healthy sex anyways. And for a healthy relationship. And it's much better to just ask. Asking questions isn't wrong, and it shows that you don't want to make him uncomfortable. It could also be a great idea to make it clear what you've said to me- you see him as a boy, you don’t want to mess up or make him uncomfortable or not notice a hint he’s trying to give you.

Keep the communication open and everything will be fine <3

I'm going to name you adoring anon in case you write again!

[pjoxreader]

Hey, could you write something for Reyna? There's so little content and you're an amazing writer.

Maybe about how on the Argo II Reyna and the reader have had a secret relationship, and the crew finds out. Except they haven't even been hiding it this whole time. Like when they thought Reyna liked Jason and Percy, she really didn't.

And if you feel like it, something about Nico learning to accept himself after seeing queer relationships. Please and thank you :)) 🙏

((Thank you for the request! I'm only on the House of Hades so I don't know Reyna that well yet but I hope this is ok! I was already spoiled on Nico and Piper's sexuality but please be careful and check what book I'm on in the masterlist in the future! I hope you enjoy! 💕))

Reyna Secret Dating + Nico Accepting Himself

Reyna Ramírez-Arellano

-You two weren’t one to flaunt your relationship. You never saw the need too. You both knew that you cared for each other and that wasn’t something the world needed to know.

-Maybe because both monsters, demi-gods and gods alike could find out and use it against you. But it was better to be safe than sorry. That didn’t mean you didn’t enjoy the moments of peace with her.

-The two of you stayed in the Argo ll falling asleep in each other's arms after a rough battle. You didn’t expect Leo to come knocking loudly on the door and burst in. “Hey! The meeting is- wait what?” he looks between you two for an explanation 

-Reyna was not having it this early in the morning glaring daggers at Leo. “If you don’t get out I’ll shove you out myself.” she says sternly. Leo puts his hands up in surrender and backs out as if staring down a bear, closing the door with that.

-You were all gathered up for the morning meeting while Leo kept looking at the two of you. “So… When were you going to tell us?” Annabeth asks from the head of the table. You raise a brow at that in confusion “We never hid it?”

-”What? But you guys don’t like… Hold hands or even kiss!” Piper asks in confusion. You raise a brow and look over at Reyna who just shrugs. “We’ve held hands and kissed before. We just don’t make a habit of doing it in front of people.” 

-Needless to say everyone was pretty shocked by the news but they were at least happy for you both. 

Nico Di Angelo

-Being out wasn’t easy. Even though his friends supported him he still struggled with his own thoughts and memories. He was from the 1930’s after all where being gay was well… Unheard of to put it lightly.

-He was torn from his thoughts when Piper put a gentle hand on his shoulder with a sheepish smile. “Are you doing alright?” Nico normally hid his emotions but… Piper was like him, she had a girlfriend. If anyone could relate it’d be her.

-”I… It’s been hard.” Nico admits softly. He wasn’t used to opening up but Piper sits down beside him, watching the sunset over Camp Half-Blood. She seems to take a moment to form her thoughts and words.

-”I’m sure. I couldn’t imagine how you’re feeling knowing how things were in the past but… Things arent’ the same anymore.” Piper says looking over at Nico now with a kind smile on her face.

-”We have a community, even a celebration. I think you’d love going to a pride festival.” That does get Nico’s attention as he perks up in curiosity at that. “A pride festival?” he asks softly. 

-Piper nods happily “An entire festival for people like us, where we can all group up and just be ourselves without worrying what people think. Where we can form up as a community and celebrate being ourselves.” Nico looks at Piper mostly to see if she was joking, but seeing she was serious he hesitantly nods. “I… I want to go.” Piper grins happily at that and ruffles his hair, much to Nico’s annoyance “Perfect! We’ll go to the next one together!” 

-He may never be able to get over the hesitance he felt but he was glad he had friends and a community to be there for him. He hoped his sister was proud. 

~Masterlist & Rules~

Like my writing? Please consider sending me a Ko-fi! ☕

[qwilanikan]

Some thoughts on my current relationship politics

I am a relationship anarchist! Sometimes people mean different things when they say this, so I’m going to explain a bit about what it means to me, share some details about my relationship politics in general, and share some links to articles and resources!

"Relationship Anarchy is the idea that love does not need a specific set of rules, but rather that all of our relationships can be construed as valuable, that all can be constructed and shaped by people who want to engage in them, based on free will, and a radical wish to avoid defining relationships by attempts to exercise power over each other." - from The Road to Relationship Anarchy

I don’t date people or distinguish between my friends (in terms of labels or how I prioritize them) based on what I do with them (including whether I have sex with them).  This doesn’t mean I don’t have friends that I prioritize more at various times. What it means is that there isn’t an implicit hierarchy.  I think people use dating or partner language as a way to tell people who has the most priority in their life.

I am antimonigomist (I think that the institution of monogamism is hurtful to everyone.)  Checkout this article to learn more about this. I absolutely love this article and I think that it’s pretty approachable.

I believe that physical and emotional intimacy are abundant resources and that artificial scarcity is created by folks hoarding these resources by only sharing them in certain relationships.  This is not to say that people are obligated to share intimacy with anyone, but that I don’t like creating rules around who people are allowed to share it with.

“if two people only desired to have sexual relations with each other then there would not need to be rules made to govern this.” 

And 

“monogamy is a contract precisely because we do not expect literal monogamy, because we expect our lover to desire sex with others who are not us. maybe not now, but certainly in the future. we also expect our lover to make rules to govern our desire because we have no trust in the singleness of our sexual desire either. it is ridiculous then, for monogamists to claim they have forbidden each other to have sex with others because they only desire sex with each other.” 

-From this article.

I often say that I think that the only way monogamy should happen is by accident.  If two people really only desire to have sex with each other, then that should just happen without them having to set rules for each other.

I am also anti-marriage.  I think the institution of marriage is harmful.  In our society marriage is romanticized and idealized, and people who are in marriages or marriage-like relationships experience couple privilege and many governmental, financial and societal benefits. We are pressured and incentivized to be married because without being married we don't get these things. I would rather we abolish marriage for everyone than bring more people into this normative and coercive institution.  Especially for queer folks, It doesn’t make sense to me to idealize joining into this piece of straight, normative culture.  

Here are a couple resources about marriage:

A TED talk about the origins of marriage and how it plays out

an article, Marriage Will Never Set Us Free, specifically about marriage in the context of its overall unhelpfulness towards queer liberation

A spicy quote from that article: “It is absurd for married people or people who want to marry to paint themselves as victims of judgment when someone critiques the institution of marriage while the entire society is organized to support them for marrying.”

I totally get why people would choose to date.*  People want to get their needs met and dating seems like the way to ensure that they do.  I don’t actually think dating will ensure that you get your needs met.  You can’t rely on one person to meet all your needs.  And I don’t want any one person to feel obligated to fulfill my needs at any given time.  

Instead I try to focus on building community so that I have many connections and sources of support and intimacy.  Hopefully I will be able to get my needs met at any given time, from one or more of the people in my life, who have the capacity and are excited to do it. And I will be able to do the same for the many people in my life that I care about.

Checkout the Aromantic Manifesto @aromanticmanifesto for some thoughts on queerer, more expansive ways of relating to each other. 

For a bunch of zines and other resources related to RA stuff, checkout the RAD community library!

There are definitely some spicy takes in some of those articles ;P I love it, but if you have pretty normative relationship politics at present, they might be a bit scary.

*I also want to mention that I’m not trying to judge people who are married or in rule-based relationships.  Those are the norm and they are highly incentivized by society. Even if you agree with me that these systems are problematic, It’s hard to do something outside of the norm, especially when you don’t have a significant amount of support and like-minded community. I’m critiquing what I believe is a coercive system, not judging individuals.

[atrustfulplace]

KOSA Info

(this post is long as fuck sorry)

Recently i’ve been seeing a lot of stuff about KOSA (Kids Online Safety Act) on tumblr. And a lot of it seemed pretty extreme. and so i read the bill! turns out that most posts (i’ve seen) were both right and wrong so i’m gonna try and explain what is up with KOSA To make it clear this bill still sucks ass and you should talk to your reps about it.

(disclaimer: there is a reason i am a history major and not pre-law. i may have missed something or not understood some of the greater meanings of the bill. take what i say with a grain of salt)

The two biggest things i’ve seen is that 1)the bill will ban all queer content for everyone in the US. and 2) websites will be shut down immediately for having content that is considered unsafe for children

The bill will not ban all queer content because the bill is not proposing to completely sanitize the internet. here’s the target of the bill in its own words:

“The term “covered platform” means a social media service, social network, video game, messaging application, video streaming service, educational service, or an online platform that connects to the internet and that is used, or is reasonably likely to be used, by a minor.”

which yeah is like a massive chunk of the internet. It’s also where almost all lgbt+ content is. what people are seem to be thinking is that this type of content will be forcibly taken down. it won’t, but it will be censored for anyone under the age of 16. this is because the bill proposes that online platforms have to put on default settings and parental controls for users they suspect or know are 16 or under. These settings would censor pretty much everything. it is then up to users to turn these settings off. the problem with that is the age verification. the bill proposes no way to actually do this. it just says that self reporting doesn’t count and that the cite has to look at someones data and try to see if they’re a minor or not based on what is essentially vibes. But the bill says there needs to be other ways besides the vibes thing. what that looks like i don’t know but it probably won’t be great. once those settings are off though all the gay porn is at your fingertips.

to address the second misconception websites like ao3, tumblr or whatever else won’t immediately shut down. they can be taken to court if they don’t comply with the extremely strict new rules though.

now to address the things that i saw in the bill that has me worried.

the first is the sexual exploitation ban. most of it is pretty good but there is one word that immediately set of red flags: grooming. as most of us probably know recently conservatives have constantly been using the term grooming in relation to lgbt+ people. this means that in certain states all mention of queer people might be censored for 16 under. The other issue with this i’ve seen no one talk about is proper sex education. for example is an informational channel or blog that teaches sex ed banned from its target audience for “grooming” them into having sex? i don’t know but i think it’s a very real possibility people haven’t been talking about.

The second is the new restrictions effect on smaller websites. facebook instagram and other extremely popular for profit sites will probably have no problem putting in these default settings and parental controls but other sites that don’t have the money to completely rework the site may be put out of business or taken to court. (there is an exception with sites that have less than 10,000,000 users but it’s for a data research thing not the censorship)

the third concern i have is data. on one hand the bill would make it so minors data can’t be sold, which is awesome. the problem is is that there will be extremely intense monitoring of data for everyone. (to be honest i know next to nothing about data but it sounded invasive from what i read)

my fourth concern is that i think this will without a doubt decrease the quality of life for lgbt+ teens. there won’t be spaces anymore for kids to discover their own identity and no place to talk about it with others.

the last one i caught was video games. i have no idea how you censor games on the internet that surround violence. like it’s impossible, 12 year olds will be stuck in their Fortnite lobby and can never play the game. i have no idea how they plan to do this one.

To sum up this bill sucks but it’s doesn’t suck in all the ways you think and also sucks in new and exciting ways! talk to your rep, this bill is bad.

[hawkshadowwrites]

✨ stolen kisses, pretty lies ✨

📍 “wedding plan”

🖇️ 1.2k ; Lom/Nuea

🗓️ first fic in the show tag

🏷️ they make out in the locker room

✅ ep 1 missing scene

(Also on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49025569)

The last thing that Nuea needed in his already complicated life, was to fall for one of his clients. Unfortunately, that is exactly what he somehow managed to do.

Seeing Sailom in the McDonald's felt like fate — that perhaps the gods were finally shining their favor down on him after all — that is, until the most gorgeous woman walked in and sat down across from him.

Nuea has always known he is queer as they come, but he can still appreciate the beauty of someone like her. Someone who clearly was of the caliber and worth to date this mysterious hot guy who is exactly Nuea’s cup of tea. He is grateful for the happenstance that he won’t have to see this guy again, that he can sulk and nurse his wounds long enough to forget about him.

This works for him and is all well and good, until the very big important client just happens to be Mr. Perfect.

It’s always been a very poor decision to get involved with clients at any job — or any coworkers for that matter — but getting involved with a client in his line of work is catastrophic. Career ending, really. Because not a single person will hire a wedding planner who would actively break up a wedding.

Nuea has never had a problem with this; he keeps his eyes on the prize and blocking out the rest, but he also has never had a client that have zero desires or wishes for their own wedding. It’s almost as if they don’t even want to get married, as if this is some type of forced match, but they seem to genuinely care about each other which makes Nuea even more confused.

Even pressing Yiwa further gets him nowhere, and Lom is dodging his calls all the time unless he is being actively annoying, in which Nuea wants to dodge his calls. He can’t run from Lom forever, though, so unfortunately it means he is once again back at the gym, once again questioning all of his life choices that led him here, of all places.

It doesn’t help that Lom is just as evasive as always, but this time it’s compounded with the fact that he is glistening with sweat in a tank top that displays his arms like a crime. And it’s not until one of the trainers starts making pointed comments about his weight that Lom stands and abandons his pretense of working out, grabbing Nuea by the hand and dragging him off into the corner.

He tries to keep it on topic by pressing Lom about the hotel choices, but Lom just grins and tightens his fingers around Nuea’s wrist.

“What do you want?” Lom asks, sounding for all of the world genuinely hung up on the concept.

What does he want? All Nuea wants is for Lom to make one goddamn decision on his own, he wants Lom to take this seriously, he wants Lom to push him up against the wall and—

“Why does it matter what I want?” Nuea says instead, feeling the flush grow as he tries to push that thought back down.

Lom raises an eyebrow, almost looking offended that Nuea would ask. “Because you are the one planning it, we hired you because you are good at what you do. Were we wrong?”

“No!” Nuea shakes his head vigorously and tries to tug his wrist out of Lom’s grasp. Lom doesn’t let go.

“Then help me plan this wedding,” Lom murmurs, taking a step forward. He is now close, much much too close.

“It’s not my wedding,” Nuea protests. “It’s yours, and—”

“What if it was?”

“—what?”

“What would you pick if it was your wedding?” Lom takes another step closer and this time Nuea tries to take a step back. He doesn’t get very far and Lom doesn’t release his grip on his wrist.

Nuea has a rule about distance and boundaries, it’s important to keep a line between personal and professional, it’s important not to give too much away when working for someone you probably won’t see again. So it surprises him at the unprompted honestly that tumbles from his mouth.

“People like me don’t get married. Or happily ever after.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Lom says. He looks Nuea up and down and if he wasn’t absolutely sure that Lom is marrying someone else, he would be convinced Lom is checking him out. But that is preposterous.

Because—

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Nuea freezes, looking up into Lom’s overly earnest eyes. “Only if it will help me plan this wedding.”

Lom hesitates and looks around the gym and even though they are alone in this particular hallway, Nuea has a feeling that this is something he doesn’t want anyone to overhear. He sighs and pulls Nuea down the hallway into the locker room, closing the door behind him.

“Yiwa doesn’t love me.”

Out of all of the things Nuea expects Lom to say it is not this. He has a gut feeling that Lom might be fucking with him, but he looks completely serious. “It’s a fake wedding. It’s why she doesn’t care about any of the details.”

Oh. Oh. “Then—”

“She’s got a girlfriend.” Lom pushes Nuea backwards and he stumbles, his back hitting the locker with a bit more inelegance than he would like. Lom places both of his hands on either side of Nuea’s face and leans in. “Which means, I’m not actually in love with her.”

“Oh,” Nuea repeats, this time out loud.

This changes everything. Well. Not everything, but it changes enough that Nuea no longer feels guilty about wanting Lom to fuck him right here right now. And you know what? Maybe it’s time he actually takes what he wants.

He isn’t quite sure who moves first but one moment Lom has him boxed in against the lockers and the next they are kissing, wild and hungry and desperate. Lom’s skin is warm under his fingers and the sweat has not quite dried, enough that Nuea feels slightly unhinged as he claws Lom’s shirt up over his head.

Lom reaches down and picks Nuea up and Nuea gasps, rocking his hips forward against the hard bulge in Lom’s gym shorts. Nuea wants Lom inside of him, wants to fucked against this locker until he cries, but he knows they can’t. Not in a public locker.

That doesn’t stop Lom from rutting into him, lips trailing down Nuea’s jaw and neck, teeth nipping at a sensitive spot near his collarbone. Nuea knows it’s not going to take much for him to fall apart, and he doesn’t doubt that he would let Lom fuck him right here in the open.

Luckily — or unluckily — he is saved from making that decision by the sounds of the locker room door opening and Lom breaking off the kiss, pulling back looking flushed and much worse for the wear. He reaches forward and pulls out a packet and hands it to Nuea, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“Here. You might find some of this helpful.”

And then that’s when reality comes crashing back down on Nuea; that even with all of this, Lom is still his client and still getting married.

“Right,” he mumbles, looking away. “Well, if that’s all.”

“Nuea—” Lom says, “hey—”

Nuea shakes his head. “Thank you for meeting with me, I’ll look these files over and get back to you.”

And then Nuea flees, with the ghost of Lom’s lips on his.

[accessible-art]

other than when the artist lists it, how do you choose your pronouns for the subject in the art?

(Mod Drake) GREAT question, and as a nonbinary person, an important one to me.

The “Gender” section in this article is like… 90% decent IMO, although I think the line about when gender is “clearly performed” and “important to context” is pretty, you know, hard to pin down. I tend to err on the side of “I don’t know this person’s gender by sight, even if they seem to be clearly performing it”. I’ll generally dig around a bit, maybe see if the artist’s blog has an OC tag with more information, but if I can’t turn anything up, I’ll use “they/them”.

Though in the case of the “classics but make it gay” pieces that I’ve IDed a couple of, I made the simplistic choice to use “she/her” to emphasize the gay. Not sure how I feel about that choice though, as the lesbian experience is a lot more complex than just “two people who use she/her pronouns”. I mean, how far would you have to look in a queer community to find lesbians who use they/them or he/him or neopronouns? Not very far. So I’m not sure I will keep doing that.

Mod Elya also notes they are more prone to use “he/his” or “she/her” on older/classical art, less so with more recent art or something that was posted by the artist themself. And they point out, “Making a mistake isn't usually the end of the world, if the artist corrects you or you realize you made a mistake (using they/them for a character who uses something else or vice versa) you can always update it.”

Tl;dr gender is complex, I don’t have a set of hard rules for this, I just do my best!

[vlovers19]

I have a theory that might seem a little controversial & wondering your opinion.

So This is interesting to me. Right after Taennie goes viral in Paris JM drops a tiktok of him dancing to a song called "Masquerade" wearing a 123 shirt (Tae's bday is 1230) and he literally starts the tiktok coming out of a closet. Look at the lyrics. "So go on and leave me 'cause I don’t think I need ya. Everything's an illusion, Won't look back and I mean it. Yeah, we can keep up the role play, I don’t care what the rules say, making up things that push me away" and this lyric "Masquerade, danger in what we're doin' It's all over and done, I don't know who we're foolin". This tiktok was also JM's idea.

So I might be losing it right now, but I'm pretty certain Tae had feelings for JM and Sweet Night echos that, about falling in love with his best friend which is JM & pretty much confirmed he had queer & real feelings for JM. Since the Taennie rumors, Vmin seem to have a bit a tension. I don't think they are divorced. I call it adjustment period. Maybe the closet got too hard on them, maybe they even broke up and Tae started dating someone new & JM is adjusting to it. If we think Tae is in fact queer (which he could be bi) and was in love with Jimin, but now dating Jennie and they were walking hand in hand in Paris. Yeah, I think that's gonna hurt Jimin and maybe even cause him to throw some shade Tae's way, esp if he thinks Tae is Masquerading in public with Jennie, while he had a closeted relationship with Jimin. Isn't it funny too that JM released a song Face Off, which mentions a Masquerade party and someone breaking his heart.

Yes...you might have a very good point there but then again, we don't know. He just might be trying to support his friend or it just might be a statement. Besides, he ended up dancing with two seventeen members as well. Maybe as a cover up? I don't know but definitely, Jimin likes to be seen on our screens. Anyway, It's too early to make a conclusion so let's simply wait and see.

Oh my goodness! This whole situation is interesting to me. You have no idea. Just some days ago and for months now, Taekook shippers wouldn't let the rest of the fandom breathe but now look at what's happening. In my last post, Didn't I tell you something will happen and everyone would change their tune? Because I have noticed something is always happening with these idols but it has never been on this scale especially in the kpop world. All these started when Big hit became Hybe. Now two extremely popular idols are publicly walking the streets holding hands to declare to the world that they are a couple, like these Hollywood celebrities do. Just on that one day not on any other day. We should have seen more of them publicly out and about if they were so brave as some people say they are. How very interesting. Yet these same people won't confirm if they're really together despite all the 'evidences' so that if you see them with someone else tomorrow or the next day, they would simply go; but we never confirmed we are a couple. If they really are in a relationship, then they are not that serious about it and feel no reason to clarify anything.

In the end, Taehyung would still return from paris and continue where he left off and People would forget what happened and continue to talk again. One thing I can tell you is that there is more to come. Until they are all in the military, you'll continue to hear plenty of things from them so sit tight, fold your arms and watch.

[msfbgraves]

hi i was wondering why people are saying terry is jewish? D:

i always thought he was roman catholic like his actor lol. i know the scene where the jewish sensei says he made the deal when terry attended shabbat services...but like, this is terry! i was under the impression he attended only to make said deal, not because hes actually jewish. he’s a businessman of course he knows the art of the deal and how to get people to be team terry. 

and i know some people think silver is a jewish name. i dont know anything about that because the only silver i knew growing up was a pasty white lutheran of english descent and wasnt remotely jewish whatsoever lol. 

not that i have anything against jewish faith/people/characters!! :D

...i just never thought that about terry, and i still don’t. unless proven!

he just seems like the classic “wasp” poster child especially in comparison to someone like danny boy who is obviously more “ethnic” (probably an underlying reason why ali’s parents didnt like him in kk1 as they were a wasp family too probably and he didnt fit in at the country club (traditionally a wasp place and anti italian and jewish, black, etc) 

anyway whats your take on this? :D

My take on this, Nonny, well, I have Thoughts, indeed.

Had I been in the writers' room, I would have cautioned them against subtly Jewish-coding Terry in S5. Because you're right, a surname alone means nothing. But put everything you see together and it paints a picture, alright, and in my personal opinion, a rather anti-semitic one.

Before I go any further, I am neither American nor Jewish; the only thing I do have is a history degree in social history so I was taught about European anti-semitism in the context of religious persecution on the Continent, mostly. Which is to say I am no expert and I'd not volunteer myself as a source; if you're interested, please, Wikipedia knows a lot more than I do. But for someone with a passing familiarity with the topic:

Yikes.

Another last caveat: I love Terry, he is my poor little meow meow, and I think Jewish coding him is actually interesting to play. But this man was conceptualised as a Bond villain and to make this Bond villain Jewish is, and I say this unironically, problematic representation in my book.

What we knew about Terry before:

He's in business.

It's an unreputable business.

He uses bribery.

He pollutes nature.

He is filthy rich.

He's queer coded: a single man with no partner and a penchant for surrounding himself with pretty boys, who is loud and very flamboyant.

He is manipulative and dishonest.

He's quite insanely loyal to those he considers his.

He has no obvious connections to an established upper class, rather, he constantly buys his way into new circles.

He's very cultured.

He is a danger to children. (He is, come on!)

If he were of unspecified religious affiliation, well. That's not anti- semitic, per se. But he is said to have attended Shabbat services and he has a name that is heavily over-represented among Jewish people.

Now I want to be very careful what I say because for all I know things are different among different Jewish circles and in different countries but as a rule of thumb, and if I have absolutely nothing else to go on:

Christians will open their church to everyone in an effort to convert. When visiting Christian places of worship I often simply mimic the motions because I don't want to have that conversation (though I will not take communion in Lutheran or Catholic or Anglican services, as that is a sacrament). But if visiting people think you already are Christian, well, they leave you to it, mostly.

Jewish people where I come from do not open their services to just anyone. I can't blame them, again and again and again and again they have been betrayed by non Jewish people, often Christians, who they thought were friends. They do not wish to recruit, and if you're in a Jewish place or service of worship, you are often there by express invitaton. I would never ask to join a Chanuka meal, and definitely not a Seder, and I have attended a Rosh Hashanah celebration in a synogogue only because it was a concert open to the public and even then some people were a little uncomfortable with that shikse joining their party. Which, fair enough; it is still in living memory that lifelong goy friends sold people to the Nazis.

As for his name: a lot of Jewish people are named after gemstones or precious materials, so much so that naming someone Gold - anything or Edelstein has become a shorthand for "this person is Jewish", especially when written by non Jews. Silver, possibly anglicised from Silber or Silberthal, isn't that much of a stretch. So a man called Silver attending shabbat services is likely Jewish or if not, likely closely affiliated with Jewish people in some way.

And with Jewish stereotypes, Terry is a problem.

It's not the representation that bothers me; we have Eli Moskovitch for ambiguous representation in Cobra Kai. Is he Jewish? We don't know, but with a name after a Jewish prophet and an Eastern European background? It's likelier than Samantha LaRusso, let's be honest.

But why is that likely?

Why is a kid with a Russian name in America likely Jewish?

Because it is likely that his family was driven out during one of the many waves of persecution in continental Europe, be it Eastern or Western. If you're going to flee your homeland, America is simply a safer place than Europe.

Why?

Because the Church, which for centuries meant either the Catholic or the Orthodox Church - Protestantism is relatively new - used to paint this picture of Jewish people:

They're merchants who will lie to you (Jewish people were often banned from trades so they went into finance. They were not particularly loyal to Christians because):

They spread diseases by poisoning the water (Dynatox, anyone?)

They look different (dark haired being the first marker)

They are rich and buy their way into respectability that they, as non-Christians, do not naturally possess (Terry hosting the charity ball)

They are a danger to Christian children because they prey on them for nefarious purposes (Here we have Terry seducing children to some kind of Dark Side)

Jewish people are also stereotyped to be both very studious and artistically talented.

The last reason is why they were often invited to some place in Europe when another place decided they had cursed them with the Plague and started yet another persecution and killing spree, only for that cycle to restart 50, 100, or 200 years later.

It... it is a lot, OK. And as Terry is so obviously a villain - we didn't need that. We simply didn't need that. Why could he not have struck a deal with sensei Rosenthal anywhere else? Why shabbat service? Are we led the believe that the Jewish sensei also does not have a non Jewish social circle?

This is not proof that Terry is indeed Jewish, though it would in my eyes be very interesting if his father was, and Terry may be looking to convert, or in true Terry fashion, may be pretending to be looking to convert to get close to people. But do I wish they hadn't done it. There's literal millennia of painting Jewish people like villains in stories, it's dangerous, and they should try something new.

[billfarrah]

Also about the queerness of the show. Like Simon dated Marcus (a GUY!) and Wille spent his time either being encouraged by Felice to remain hopeful or talking to Nils about being queer. Also Stella and Fredrika. Also straight people are allowed to exist in a queer show? August and Sara were Wille and Simon’s foil to show that even if someone (a crown prince) is straight it doesn’t mean that it’s without problem. Like August may be straight but he’s an elitist asshole who thinks the rules don’t apply to him. Sara and August is the antithesis to Wille and Simon in a way. Wille and Simon didn’t do anything wrong but Sara and August did. Don’t really know what point I’m trying to make but the world doesn’t consists of these pure social bubbles where everyone is exactly the same and I don’t expect that from fiction either and it’s kind of strange that people seem to expect that?

Season 2 was very gay. It literally opened with a tender gay sex dream. The central love story was still between two boys and also Wille and Simon are still queer characters regardless of whether they spent their screentime kissing or not. Wille was willing to give up the crown if it meant he could have a shot with Simon. That’s pretty damn queer.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this article:

https://uproxx.com/pop/harry-styles-harrys-house-review/

I think it’s very harsh but not altogether wrong. There are darker parts to Harry that he doesn’t share, however not every artist should have to make art based on the darkest parts of themselves to be considered iconic. I think there is room for many sentiments in art. I personally like exposing and writing about the absolute darkest shit, but that doesn’t mean that is for everyone. People used to shit on One Direction to me and I always defended it. Is it the most in depth profound music ever? No. But it is really well done and fun manufactured pop and why is that seen as less than.

I don’t agree that Harry’s album makes him out to be squeaky clean and illusory. I think this critic maybe heard it that way since Harry’s reputation proceeds him. I actually think Boyfriends is him owning up to behaviors his younger self engaged in. Just because this critic doesn’t understand the philosophy or sentiment doesn’t mean it’s air headed (in a way yes it is because he’s Aquarius). I really hate this perpetuated idea that he is stupid. Like the whole a movie that’s a movie thing. It deeply pains me because I don’t think people actually understand him. It’s like with queer baiting argument. Ultimately he can’t always clearly articulate his more expansive thoughts to people and that doesn’t make him stupid. I actually think he’s just years ahead and usually that makes you seem stupid or crazy. Pretty sure people thought Galileo thinking the sun was the center of our solar system was stupid and crazy. People judge things they don’t understand. I think later on they may better understand the genius behind him, but Harry is still learning how to show his brilliance in music. I don’t think he’s yet clearly articulated what’s happening in his mind and I think he will only get better.

Also all art is basically redoing what’s been done. All human thought is that too. I think it’s a weird argument to say this music sounds like this other song when it’s like yeah, just like your profound thought you had probably is the same as Aristotle. Everything is recycled. That doesn’t lessen it. It’s part of human existence. There’s so many of us and usually the ones we act like had original thoughts are only the ones privileged enough to write it first, usually due to unfair advantages. White men didn’t have all these profound thoughts before everyone else, they just got recorded in history.

Ultimately I think it’s so hard to truly critique Harry that they resort to a base insult of it lacks substance but just because the substance is obscured in a way you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I’ve never thought his work lacked substance. And ultimately I find constructive criticism to be helpful but not really when it comes to art. The goal of art is to capture points in times, feelings and emotions, abstract things that are expressed every kind of way. I believe everything is art if it speaks to the human experience and to judge it as not human enough is odd because that means you’re placing rules around what it means to be human.

[lionheartslowstart]

Autigender

A couple of weeks ago, I came across a term that I hadn’t seen before on a facebook page for the queer community. Now, I consider myself a pretty knowledgable person when it comes to queerness. I am constantly looking to expand my understanding and my vocabulary. It’s a topic that’s important to me, not just because I’m queer myself, but also because I dedicate myself to the idea that everyone deserves to feel heard and understood by those around them. So when I saw “autigender,” I jumped at the chance to learn about yet another identity.

Imagine my surprise, when I learned that autigender means “a person whose understanding of gender is fundamentally altered by their autism.” In other words, their gender is so heavily influenced by autism that their gender and their autism cannot possibly be unlinked.

I was surprised because, while I was only recently diagnosed as autistic, I’ve been doing research for over a year while pursuing said diagnosis. So I was a bit taken aback by the fact that I hadn’t come across this term.

Still, it makes sense to me. Based on the research I did do, there is a high correlation between being genderqueer and being autistic. Not every genderqueer person is autistic, and not every autistic person is genderqueer, but there does seem to be quite a bit of overlap.

Why could this be? Well, in short, autistic people don’t think the same way neurotypical people do. We don’t live in the same boxes, or abide by the same rules. Therefore it makes sense, that autistics would have an easier time not only recognizing that gender is simply a construct, but also playing with it, and molding it to fit their wants and needs. Even so, the concept that gender could be so connected to autism never occurred to me. It’s certainly left me with some questions.

As of right now, I don’t identify as autigender. I don’t know that my autism and my gender are so intricately linked. I do know that I have a complicated relationship with gender, and that my gender identity is extremely fluid. Could my autism be a factor? Perhaps. But it’s hard to know without being able to compare my experience of gender with a neurotypical genderqueer person’s experience of gender. Also, to be fair, I’ve only been “officially” diagnosed as autistic for about six weeks now. I still have a lot to learn about myself, and about autism in general. I suppose this is just another facet of autism that I can look forward to studying.