#I haven’t had one in SO fucking long
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marsbars1714 · 5 months ago
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I just love waking up at. 1-2 in the morning?
Idefk atp I’ve been trying to go back to sleep for a WHILE and just checked the time bc I just can’t and keep having the same nightmare (? Is it a nightmare if you’re awake??) ab fucking up smth small (that I (kinda) know how to fix by myself) and then having to clock out before I can fix it for wtv reason
I just woke up fully and decided to get myself a drink and chill on my phone for a bit to see if that’ll make them stop so here’s hoping
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mylove-thresher · 4 months ago
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(Joseph and Bruno)
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destructive-delight · 2 months ago
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how often do you think nikolai uses his skill to steal things?
depends on whether or not you consider misplacing items the same as stealing them (he only borrowed that telephone pole, it’s not his fault that things got so heated he didn’t get a chance to put it back… there’s so many of them around anyway, who’s gonna miss one? he even left it in a public place, if the city really wants it back so badly, they can send someone out there to get it). he certainly uses it to borrow things without asking and leave them in increasingly absurd places for the owner to find (but dos, why wouldn’t laptop go in the fridge? you’ve been complaining about the cpu overheating all week! the shampoo bottle looks way less lonely between the condiments too. where’s the mouthwash, you ask? well… smash cut to fukuchi experiencing a whole new flavour of hangover). stealing things to keep though? not sure about that.
stealing is such a boring crime anyway, especially if you have the ultimate yoinking device. i think if fyodor puts him up to a (crucial, important, don’t-fuck-it-up-under-any-circumstances) task he will make use of it so as to not unnecessarily sacrifice efficiency, but otherwise if he wants to acquire things for the low low price of free, he’ll do it by way of stupidly elaborate bamboozlements... he'll trick you into giving him what he wants, no criminal activity needed. u know how clowns sometimes involve audience members, make them go along with stupid bits and such? kind of like that. he’s charismatic, confident, dramatic. he's an actor. he has your wallet, your phone and your firstborn before you realize he’s just fucking with you.
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sammygender · 8 months ago
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normally i have enough of a complicated relationship with dean that thinking about his death in the finale doesn’t make me too unhappy but sometimes i’m like. man. he never even got sober…… we deserved to see old man dean drinking non alcoholic beer. sigh
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gardenofhope · 23 days ago
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I like. violence :]
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no1ryomafan · 24 days ago
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I think one thing that low key peeved me a little especially regarding media I consumed is when people make a critic of “oh short media doesn’t have time to do everything longer stuff is always better” because I don’t mean this as hate to longer stuff even if I do struggle with getting into long shows and some stories DO need to be lengthy, long stories can have as much equal amount of miss potential or undeveloped characters as shorter stories if they don’t do SHIT and are just dragging out for the sake out of it.
And I’m not even complaining about anime filler here, just some long stories do fall into a trap of being a slog, where as shorter shows while yes are gonna go by super fast so there’s a chance the pacing could suck for a different reason, at least it’ll get to the point! Like I said in another post-though I think it’s just a tag-it’s all about WHAT you do with screen time and not about the length unless you are doing something overly ambitious.
It’s fine if some stories are legitimately short because the only benefit if they were longer is more time with the characters but you also have to think: would that actually benefit them and the overarching plot? Especially if the story gave them enough time to work with as is?
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blushy-tigerrr · 7 months ago
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vent in tags sorry
cw: mention of loss
#adding a long note to the beginning so no one sees the actual vent in the case that they don’t want to which is absolutely okay#okay that’s probably good#i feel like a failure today.#my car wouldn’t start on friday and i haven’t had a moment to actually call a mechanic until today#called early in the morning and he said he’d call me back with a time#i’ve reached out multiple times since then and have heard NOTHING#if i don’t get it fixed today i’ll have to take my partners car instead#and when i asked them if that would possibly be okay#they started off on a rant about how they were planning to do all this shit tomorrow morning and now can’t if they don’t have their car#but genuinely. how tf was i supposed to know about their plans?? why did they have to say it all like this is completely my fault???#i’m sorry that i’m still in a not so good mental place right now and might forget to do things in a more timely manner#i’ve had two grandparents pass away in the span of a few WEEKS. give me a little grace.#i give them the same understanding every day when they’re having a rough time#so why can’t they offer me the same thing?#i know they’re just stressed and tired and busy but FUCK SO AM I#i’m just. over it. i want to go to sleep.#and by sleep i mean literal sleep i’m not insinuating anything darker i promise#i may be in a rough spot mentally but it is not that kind of rough <3 i’m safe#just. very tired. and in need of support.#i feel like i’m always giving and rarely getting support in this relationship.#and now i’m just feeling like a burden and an inconvenience for even needing the extra support in the first place#the urge to run away and start my life over is strong holy shit
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butnotbubblegum · 7 months ago
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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ranger-kellyn · 3 months ago
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moreaujeans · 16 days ago
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moodboard
#personal#GODDDDDDD fuck ive thrown up three or four times today and have had horrible other stomach problems and now on top of all that im pretty#sure this has exacerbated my period symptoms bc now my lower back hurts like hell and my legs are so achy and every time istand up i get#lightheaded#it took me a fucking hour to make a smoothie for myself bc i kept feeling weak and at one point had to run upstairs to Expel My Insides in#the middle of it#also all of this means no auditions for me today 👍🏻 messaged director to let her know i wouldn’t be coming in and also to ask her to tell#stage manager that despite my bailing on this i do plan to be involved in crew still 👍🏻 since the stage manager told me she’d see me at#auditions since she’s part of the audition committee. anyway director messaged back saying i could do an email audition which was very#nice of her so i guess im supposed to send a vid of me singing + reading some sides + following a choreographed routine once she sends me#the guide for that which she said she would do later… since she like just said that im guessing it will be like 9 at least by the time she#gets it to me so hopefully it’s fine if i do that tmrw morning instead of tonight bc i don’t want to disturb my roommates#<- we are all students btw sorry this is making it sound like i have a weirdly informal relationship w the audition committee#the music chronicles#anyway also emailed asking if i could take work off tmrw bc i still feel like shit and don’t want them scrambling to figure out the#schedule tmrw morning if i had called then instead. they haven’t replied yet tho#also i feel like. sick bc tmrw is MLK jr day and like what if theyre thinking i thought we had the day off and am now finding out we don’t#and just spitting out an excuse to not come in bc i made plans for it or smth… ugh#lke it would be fine if it were just this but I also requested Feb 7 off not long ago and last week my testing went so overtime like they#are going to think im slacking so bad… :/#i am straight up not having a good time ‼️#cw emetophobia#also if i am still sick tmrw that means no working on crony with lab partner either since we meet on mondays ☹️ was looking forward to that#even if im not sick actually i still shouldn’t go bc i called off work and we work on it in the same building as my workplace so if they#saw me that wouldn’t be great#the engineering chronicles
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paper-enigma · 1 month ago
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Had art block and decided to experiment with highlighters
3 hours later I’ve got THIS
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I LOVE IT SO MUCH
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Here it is next to my first experiment from yesterday
@potatoeofwisdom the art flow was STRONG with this one!!!
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fractallogic · 1 month ago
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I don’t want to be a complete dick, but I’m beginning to wonder if my dear husband has come to the basic realization that “smaller stuff fits in bigger stuff”, like with the nesting mixing bowls we have, or like, the cake tins that fit together with the pie pans
Like do I need to get him stacking rings for infants so he can practice or???
God bless him for being on top of putting the dishes away pretty consistently now but every time I open the cabinets there are new organizational horrors for me to behold
(This is also how he packs, both in luggage for trips and in boxes for moving. Basically “IF I JUST FUCKIN JAM IT IN THERE HARD ENOUGH IT’LL FIT” and way too often I have to say no babe that’s how you BREAK SHIT (true story))
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seventh-district · 1 month ago
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it’s the last Sunday before Sunday’s banner ends so i suppose it’s about time for me to finally boot up HSR and pull him home… wish me luck
#i’m gonna need it bc i haven’t rlly played much since 2.3 so my savings are.. not Great#honkai star rail#hsr sunday#viddy game stuff#Seven.txt#it’s not that i don’t Want to play i just haven’t made the time to do so lately#i’m trying to juggle 4 live service gacha games at the same time and i am dropping all of the balls constantly 😔#i don’t feel like i’m doing much more than i used to but for some reason i seem to have a lot less free time for gaming lately#idk it’s probably just my time management getting worse#Anyways so yeah i haven’t played much since the Boothill hype. and i haven’t pulled a single new 5 star since his release#but i also haven’t played much at all during that time so i’ve only got 54 pulls saved :)#and if that’s enough to get me Sunday and his LC i’ll lose my fucking mind bc ain’t no way i’ll get that lucky#i Do have a good luck streak with Light Cones but i’ve only pulled for 3 so that’s not that impressive#i got Acheron’s on a won 50/50 at 14(!!!) pity and Aventurine’s on a won 50/50 at 22 pity so those were kinda insane to me#but then i don’t remember how it went for Boothill’s LC and i didnt log those pulls so i couldnt tell ya if the good luck streak continued#so anyways yeah probably gonna have to whale a lil bit but that’s ok bc it’s christmas time#i allow myself to whale (or. more like Dolphin perhaps) guilt-free on these games a lil bit on my birthday and christmas as gifts to myself#i used it on Xilonen and her sig weapon back around my birthday and now i’ll use this one on Sunday#ain’t no way i’m letting him pass me by when he’s the one that really hooked me into HSR in the first place#i was halfheartedly playing for a while but as soon as i saw the first hint of him on that livestream Penacony teaser i was Obsessed#don’t think i’ve ever been that excited for a character that i knew next to nothing about aside from a lil chibi avatar -#- and some line about him being malevolent. and i don’t even like the chibi style At All so that speaks to how strong his design was#or maybe it just shows how i see an angel coded character with weird-cool-head-wings and a halo and my brain worms start raving#well it’s 1am here so Technically it’s Monday now but shhhhhh it’s still Sunday in my Heart ok? and that’s what matters#and it’s still kinda Sunday on the American server bc the daily reset isn’t until like. 3am for me#but it’ll still probably record it as me having pulled him on the 23rd :/ oh well can’t turn back time#i guess i Could wait until Christmas morning but i don’t wanna flirt with the deadline so closely#this is close enough for me to count it as my Christmas pulls#and we spent Too Damn long without confirmation of his playability (though i always had faith in the leaks 😤🙏🏻) so i deserve this lmao#i mean i’ve waited longer. i waited for Scara! i waited for Baizhu! but still. all the ‘he wont be playable’ fearmongerers can kiss my ass
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unintentional-sad-wizard · 3 months ago
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Got prescribed a new anti nausea medication to manage my health bullshit while we continue trying to diagnose it and I took the first dose today since I wasn’t feeling great (it’s a take-as-needed thing) and. I’m not feeling nauseous right now but I do have literally every other symptom that tends to go along with the nausea (weird temperature swings, fatigue, dizziness, brain fog, etc) which are apparently all common side effects of this medication. So maybe it’s working as intended?? But I’m so incredibly anxious because usually when I have this set of symptoms it means my nausea is about to get really bad.
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flippedorbit · 4 months ago
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i’m gonna be so for real, if things don’t start changing for me in good ways i will be disappearing off the face of the earth
#Rasp Rambles#vent#my mental health is already in a shitty state and i am already considering multiple different ways to end my own fucking life#suicide mention#like i’m genuinely hanging on by the thinnest fucking thread only because i have friends that care about me. i don’t want any of them to be#sad about me dying. i’d say the same for my family but i don’t they ever have really given a shit about me so what does it matter.#i’ve been forced to be the perfect; quite child my entire fucking life and that was never good enough. i had to be kind and respectful#even though none of the adults in my family ever really were that to me. and the ones who were didn’t stay that way for long. it truly#sucks so fucking badly that i can’t get away from any of them. i don’t have a job because mental health issues; some physical health issues#and my lack of drivers license and car. i can’t financially support myself. i never get to fucking leave the house and go anywhere but the#store or my grandparent’s house with my mom and sister. i have ONE irl friend who i’m not even sure considers me a friend because#we haven’t gotten to hang out much since i graduated in 2023. i have practically no fucking support system in the physical world.#i don’t get to do fun things i enjoy that aren’t internet related besides drawing. but artblock and general depression are doing their#damn best to prevent me from even enjoying the creative process at all. one may think its difficult to feel lonely when you’re living in a#house with at least one other person but its fully fucking possible apparently. for me at least. i really wish my mom would actually get me#a therapist or psychiatrist i can see in person but we all know that’ll never fucking happen because again; she doesn’t fucking care enough#to make any actually helpful attempts to get me medicated for whatever the fucks going on in this stupid head of mine.#sorry for being incredibly fucking depressed and mad at 3am. it will happen again unfortunately for all of us.
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no1ryomafan · 6 months ago
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One more semi umbraclaw related thought for tonight-mainly cause I haven’t played since last post yes this dawned on me-but you know what I realized? Despite the fact my currents thoughts are “this is game is neat but there’s definitely some weird design choices made” it made me realized why platformers are like the genre of games I can always play and commit to: They actively encourage you to keep trying and figure out how to play right even with all the bullshit they throw at you. A lot of games do this yet there’s something specifically more appealing about this to platformers cause it’s down to learning to navigate stages. Other games its usually just fighting whatever in your way but here its that but with terrain being your main obstacle. And also just the fact platformers are short enough games to keep my attention span LOL but also prove to be more replayable for these reasons, cause it’s short AND the more you play the better you get.
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