#I hate that this is the state of things rn I really do
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'asking for the severance they’re owed by law could potentially become a financial burden to the studio and further jeopardize the development of Dreadwolf' ?? girl
#I dont even know where to begin#reading the article and just saying 'oh no' to myself over and over#I hate that this is the state of things rn I really do
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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its incredibly depressing to see every post about people enjoying palworld is like "is it blatantly ripping off Pokemon? Yes! And I'm loving it!" and weird stuff about how totally taking designs from a larger company is somehow anti capitalist (??)
like is there no artistic integrity anymore. watched vinny play it and it was genuinely just shitty ark. go play that
#riz speaks#i have a lot of thoughts on it but its insane bc we were all anti ai and pro artist until somehow someone made edgy poorly made pokemon#with guns and people were like well fuck pokemon! its a big company#which is wild bc they stole a mega Delphox design. they are predating you the online artist.#anyways this isnt bc im sucking pokemons cock. i really. really do not like the state pokemon is in rn it sucks ass#and while i hate the designs and think theyre uninspired at least some artist is going ok. diglett as a geoduck. ok.#prehistoric lizard bike. like at least theres an artist designing rather than mooching off of something else in its entirety#tbqh tho the thing that concerns me the most is that they line for line copied the delphox fanart#didnt even try to hide it bc theyre not fighting with the company.
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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nearly every time i tell a fellow german person that im getting married to an american they get really excited for me because that means i can move to the usa and its such a cool and carefree place and so good to its queer people, and then depending on how argumentative im feeling the next time i open my mouth im almost certainly about to ruin their whole day
#like its so obvious when they get all their information from tv#either that or its older white people who say they have friends in the states and they really envy them then its like. yeah manfred. sure#i bet you do.#i mean we all know i hate germany too and i think there are some things the states do better than us#idk man both countries suck. rn mine is more affordable and has better labor laws#no im not going over there. im not staying here either. byee
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being a crowley kinnie is harder than being a u.s. marine
#“it's a relationship that's up to interpretation” There Better Be Mad NDAs In Place Right Now#good omens 2#anthony j crowley#frustrated dyke ranting in the tags do not eat#(dont get it twisted i do not blame any of the cast/crew playing into the 'bromance' narrative)#(bc i get theyre under contract and things are sticky rn)#(just so fucking sick of queer love and relationships being boiled down to “up to interpretation” and erased)#not saying good omens is intentionally doing that it's more my outrage towards articles and season 2 promo that baits fans#while simultaneously belittling and gaslighting (bold word ik) said fans#and honestly? would just feel really nice to shove it in the face of everyone who insulted good omens fans for liking a ship#that's selfish and mean i know but it would be satisfying to have like an ofmd moment where i can point and say “look! i'm not delusional!”#especially bc neil has stated multiple times that it *is* a love story. even if they're not making out on screen or whatever#and i hate that queer representation has to always be an argument like this#wow i did not mean to go off for this long in the tags i've really been holding that in for a while
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Editing this because I can
I'm Mov, but you can also call me Dee, Ziar, Mike, and Sweets. I have multiple names so look at my pronouns page for them! (Just click Pronouns in purple)
This is my blog, and honestly I have no idea what I'm doing here other than enjoying myself and posting whatever comes to mind.
(Nick)Names: Mov, Dee, Mike, Leo, Rafi, Sweets
Pronouns: He/Him, They/Them, It/Its, Tech/Techs
Interests: ROTTMNT, TMNT, DHMIS, BATIM, DDLC, UT, CU, S, TDLSK, TT, MARVEL, SV, SU, Anything LEGO, TROLLS
Some other things are that I typically write! Though posting motivation is in the dirt. And I don't usually draw, obviously, but I do for some reason have mostly moots who do art!
I am currently still working on my Uncle Shredder series, and a iteration of my own called Laid Out Events, (Title in the works), which is silly like everything I make but I hope to make it more serious in the future, and EC which is a simple series I have on AO3 that is Brains & Brawn centered. There should also be actual posts on LOE soon though!
Overall, I don't post too much, I think, and am the current CEO of claiming to do things I never end up doing.
Believe it or not, I do also post past turtles. And you can find some Gems such as, 'I'm going to make a Podcast' and, 'I set my stove on fire' and, 'I think I need to go to bed', which all happened no more than an hour from each other. Some more including, 'My knee hurts', 'My hands hurt', and 'My uterus fucking fell'.
I also sometimes mention people I know directly, so sometimes you will see posts with zero context, my bad. (I am not sorry.)
That's all! Thanks for reading whatever this was, and I hope to make a much better Masterpost in the future when I actually have everything organized for once, lmao.
#introduction#Teehee#Mov actually explains something#- Lush!! 🏵️🏵️#We're very giggly#I also refer to myself as plural sometimes.. so heads up for that#But we feel extremely silly rn#I don't do it so often so no need to worry about it#But woohoo we finally churned out an Introduction!#I deserve a donut#good day bub#(Lush is also a mood NOT a person.)#(It can be confusing.. especially after the 'we' thing but Lush is just me but in a certain state of mind.)#(It's to help me cope so don't really mention it unless you have respectful questions!)#*Stares at Will with villainous intent*#I hate him sm /j#I want to throw a brick at him at Mach 20#Just to watch him obliterate :D#Wilbur is my Twin so it doesn't matter :DD#Yes.. yes I caved and am now a trolls fan#They fucking grabbed me even before the third movie came out it was s useless fight#I'm a weak man okay
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truly but does anyone notice but does anyone care
#AND WOULD ANYTHING MATTER IF YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD???????#i mean i dont wanna be like this i know people might have different priorities and i mean SAME#i dont wanna fucking do this that much anyway!!!! lol#but it just frustrates me when people are like yesss let's do it and then just keep on dragging#and then just dont even participate on anything or state any opinion even lmao#like i hate to be like thisssss bc i like this person GENUINELY and i know she must be tired etc#so it makes me feel really bad especially in my position vs hers rn but also like#like. :( i really dont wanna do this alone and i feel so stupid for it like it's not that hard lmao#why are u bitchinghgggg about this#if u started earlier none of it would be a problem!!!#but then if im doing all the work and starting on my own time why is this a group thing lmao!!! anyway#i made myself so upset for no reason i dont even wanna play anymore lmao#anyway. but does anyone notice but does anyone care#i hate how this song comes on in the best/worst times lol#🗒#i feel like im 100% on the wrong side to be upset over this btw but i still feel annoyed and frustrated lol
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it's that kinda dark at 5pm that has me lost and convinced i need to turn my whole life upside down
#text#@___@#i hate waiting.#im waiting on so many things rn. health. job. health again. will i have to pack and move states?#with a busted foot and i can't drive for 2+ hours and the rest of my health issues???#idk i guess I would hire packers. and get everything shipped. or buy an rv. and pack everything in there???#i have no idea how to navigate life rn. this fucking foot has put me over the limit. only choice is to distract myself and wait.#wait for job offer wait for doc appt.#tbh the only thing i want to do is go home to friends. i don't know how to be disabled on my own and that's really scary.
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Currently thinking about the lyric ‘wondering if I doges a bullet or just lost the love of my life’ with piarles and I don’t know what to do with this but thought you may enjoy
first and foremost: whatever Tumblr is doing to asks on mobile lately is TERRIBLE. it looks completely broken & i can barely read it!! *charles_wtf discord react*
anyways!! hello anon <3333 sorry it's taken me this long to respond! i saw this ask at work, didn't have time to reply, and then, predictably, forgot all about it. i am so sorry. BUT here i am now - better late than never, right?
SO. omg. this lyric!! 🙏 a banger... ngl it breaks my heart to think about it in a piarles context, but i also love it. "wondering if i dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life" - i could see this as charles POV after a break-up. he's hurting and he's mad but he's also terrified that he lost the one thing that matters even more than ferrari...
ALTERNATIVELY - and you'll have to forgive me for bringing in something a little toxic/cursed here, but this is where my brain is at lately, i'm afraid - this lyric is still charles POV, but he thinks it about max. after a break-up with max (and, spoiler alert... he DID dodge a bullet with that one.) but it was a good dodge, because guess who is there to pick up the pieces and treat him a thousand times better than max ever could... 😉 pierre, of course. and THEY never break up - no, they have a "call it what you want" inspired romance <3333
either way: there is SO much potential for this lyric + piarles, and i adore you for opening my eyes to it!! tysm anon 🤩
#asks & answers#anon#BESTIES I AM SO SORRY FOR IMPLYING LESTAPPEN - EVEN PAST LESTAPPEN - ON MY BLOG IN A FIC IDEA#unforgivable i know 😭😭#BUT i made it piarles in the end so please forgive me... if you can... 🥹#it's just that i hate piarles break up fics 😭 i hate it. i am a sap and i need them to be happy ever after FOREVER#(unless it's a second chances fic... but then it needs to be done REALLY well and i *need* my happy ending)#the point is; though; i can never really do piarles break-up hcs for long#but i CAN do a sort of toxic & very much anti-lestappen thing where charles breaks up with max (everyone cheered!) and gets with pierre#HOWEVER. do NOT misunderstand this as me saying charles would always have a what-if in his mind about max#HE WOULD NOT. he would leave that behind him like 'good riddance to bad rubbish'#so perhaps this song IS better suited to piarles after all bcs of the 'wish i could go back to you right now' vibes...#mmm#either way this has given me a LOT to think about and delicious ideas to ponder#thank you so much anon!!#and sorry this answer is such a mess LMAO. that is... also the state of my brain rn i'm afraid xD
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convention money is crazy. i wish i could make that kind of cash just from taking pics with people and signing my name on shit. lord what misha and jensen made in two days would feed and house me for a decade easy. madness. i bet they got free food all weekend too. fuck my entire life aint worth $250k. i could literally sell everything i own, a kidney and my ass to a dozen dudes and still be 90% short of what misha and jensen made this past weekend.
you and me nonny, you and me 😔
personally im good. i dont need their money. i'll wear my wool sweater and wool socks and keep warm etc etc but it just feels so unrealistic sometimes. like they really do be living such a completely different life than most of their fans. thinking about con prices and such really is crazy. im not gonna come on here and say they should do this and this with their money but i do hope they do feel some resposibility to do something useful with it
#the thing is. im fine. im good. my uni is covered like 99% by the state. i have my student loan which im saving for something else. and i#live with my family during normal uni days (not rn tho). and i get that theyre in like a completely different period in their lives. they#have worked like 30+ years and i know misha comes from a poor family and i do know he often donates to charity which is nice#but like every time i actually sit down and think about the numbers. jeez. like. one picture. i payed 120 euros for ONE picture with misha.#and i get that i dont have it bad. i went to a con. im going to a con. but like. i do that and have to not do something else. yk? i have to#choose. imagine never having to think things through without buying (omg re rob and the watch or whatever)#anyways. idk. feels weird. the world is unfair (i hate saying that). and i doubt they (jenmish) will get cheaper and i doubt cons will stop#so yeah. i suppose it kinda is a it is what it is situation#stuff like this is always so weird. we mock my dad for going on business trips and stuff. but for him thats tiring. so like i get its their#job to do cons and thats tiring. but for me. (us?) an outsider. it sure looks like a really easy job. idk. im just ranting and throwing#thoughts out there. hi! if you bothered reading this far down <3#funny that my feet are freezing rn. the amount of wool clothes im wearing you guys. crazy. gonna take a hot shower later to warm up
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I genuinely do not understand people who are guests in someone else's home that just. Take shit. Without asking. And leave shit a mess after themselves.
Someone is ALLOWING you to STAY in their HOME and you are gonna leave the bathroom a mess after you shower? Floor soaking wet, towels and rags and clothes pushed behind the door that make it hard to open, using their soaps and shampoos (without asking), using their PERSONAL products like razors or hairbrushes or loofahs, hair all clogging the drain, etc.
Someone is allowing YOU to stay in THEIR home and you are gonna assume blanket permission to eat whatever the hell you want from their pantry and fridge? Like. I know I have an eating disorder that makes it. . . difficult. . . for me to ask for and accept food at other people's homes but. Is it not just. Common courtesy? That 'if you didn't get blanket permission and you didn't ask specifically then you shouldn't be eating food you didn't bring/pay for yourself'?
And like. It doesn't matter if they're family. I promise you, nothing about you being a GUEST changes because you are a sibling or a parent. If you as an adult are a GUEST in another adult's home YOU ARE STILL A GUEST AND SHOULD ACT ACCORDINGLY.
#the dork is being a dork#am i vagueing about people irl? yes#well#kind of#i'm complaining about what i can only assume was my dad having taken some of MY food#(specifically MINE as i bought it for ME and not for the house to share)#and a little bit about my sister who always leaves the bathroom a mess#which was annoying to live with but more annoying when it happens when you're NOT living with it#but she lives in another state now so i'm (literally) far enough removed from it that i'm not as incensed as i am about the food thing rn#which is probably exacerbated by the fact that i fucking hate my dad 🤷♂️#and the aforementioned eating disorder that means food i DO eat and buy specifically for myself OUGHT TO FUCKING BE THERE WHEN I GO FOR IT#oh uh#tw ed#tw eating disorder#etc#tho i don't really get into it#i do mention it so i guess it warrants a tag?
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#people keep commenting on my fics begging for updates but i’m gonna be real y’all: i have nawt been feeling it lately#i’m still gonna finish them ofc ofc but i’ve not been in the mood to write and i’ve barely been paying attention to#much in the hilb verse / larrie nation as of late#my interest is spread across a few different things rn + work has been really hard lately#plus life in general. and there are so many awful things happening in the world#the consistent apartheid in palestine. the coltan mining disasters in congo. the horrors in sudan.#i just don’t feel in the right state to be spending my limited spare time on fanfic + on a hobby i’m not feeling very connected to at the#current time#i appreciate the support and desire to read more of my work ofc#but just as always on top of what i said above#comments strictly begging for updates make me#feel adverse to updating? like they don’t motivate me at all to work. they just stress me out#so i apologize but that also hasn’t been helping#the most i’ve been able to do the last month and a half is half heartedly edit chapter two of SMYL#it’s almost entirely smut and that’ssss also a struggle for me to write when there’s a lot of it#(and yet i have lengthy detailed smut in everything i write oops)#i will try though i hate having so much on the backburner. i just wanted to give a general update on things#alex talks
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I’m so angry
#at everything really#maybe it’s niave of me to say but.#why is it so hard for people to be nice? for people to not do horrible things?#I firmly believe the world is good but god fucking damnit somedays it hurts really bad#why do people hate? why can’t we all just be nice to each other?#why does war happen why do people do terrible awful things just because they can?#every day I grieve#it’s not fair#it’s not fair people have to suffer for existing as themselves#I hate that this happens#I feel like a child writing world peace on their Christmas wishlist#but nights like these it’s all I want. it’s all I want. I just want people to be happy.#it’s so unfair and it’s so scary and I can’t imagine how scary it is for those actually going through it#I’m lucky enough to be safe in a state that won’t take away my rights#I’m lucky enough to be somewhere that isn’t torn up in war or conflict#I wish I wasn’t lucky. in the sense that I wish my normal was everyone’s normal#sorry for the vent I’m just really upset and angry rn#I’m gonna go eat icecream and cry for a while#nebula rambles#negative
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welp, add lying to my best friend about my mental stability to the list of shitty things from today 🙃
#personal tag#dude why do i say that i’ll ask for help but when they ask if i’m alright now i shut down#i don’t want them to feel like i’m being all woe is me and leading the convo that direction ffs i just wanna be sad#it’s this dumb circle of not wanting to burden others but then having more problems because you won’t reach out :/#see i can’t really bring myself to lie to the people i care about and have to choose my words very carefully on those rare occasions#so this is making me nauseous and also a little hateful towards myself so i’m doing the totally healthy thing of self flagellation#by just reading something i wrote in my notes app in a very sleep deprived state that will never be sent to my bsf#this post will be fun to look back on someday because i’m more comfortable shouting my feelings to the internet void than to my friends rn
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My current laptop is a 2015 model and it’s saying I need to replace the battery (this would be the second or third time I think) and sometimes people are just like “keeping that thing going can end up being more expensive than just buying a new computer” but I’m ride or die with this thing. We’re together until god themself takes its life for the final time. I don’t care if its tenth birthday is coming up, we’re in this mess together, and even when I will one day be forced to get a new computer for outdated software reasons, I’m keeping this bitch until they pass on to computer heaven (because it’s been a good computer but my last personal one is in purgatory and my old highschool laptop is in hell) I used my 2014 (or was it 2014?) phone until the screen started to detach from the frame, don’t test me. I’m too stubborn and autistic.
#emma posts#my current printer is going to technology hell for sure#I think I actually might have to replace it and I haven’t even gotten to use it! because it’s that shitty to work with!#if anyone says windows software is better they are wrong#every piece of technology that has made me use windows has hated me personally#I know that there wasn’t actually any thought behind it but I will still take it personally#fuck it being a bit more expensive and bulky. canon printers don’t hurt me like this#I hate figuring out new devices and i get attached to ones I like so I’m just really fucking stubborn about replacements#plus. have you seen some of these newer laptops? if it doesn’t have a usb port it can go to hell#do you know how much stuff uses old style usb? not usbc? a fucking lot of things!#I’m already mad that my current laptop doesn’t have a dvd spot and my old external one doesn’t work with it#and my state is a right to repair state so technically I could sue any company that tried to give me shit for it#I probably won’t unless it’s part of a group lawsuit (can’t remember the word for that rn) because money and shit. but I could!#it’s the ominous threat that counts in this bitch of a nation#but I’ll admit most of the companies have more money than god#I’m having a lot of thoughts today and I’m nervous#two more days until… ya know? and then more until we know for sure#I mail in voted myself because damn is that more convenient
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