#but then if im doing all the work and starting on my own time why is this a group thing lmao!!! anyway
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celtrist · 3 days ago
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As incredible as it seems, i really like your idea for obsessed sir pentious just acting like a normal romantic partner for alastor (just a little glingy). Dont get me wrong im loving the dark stuff happening in your au, i just thought that sometimes you need a little break from all the dark stuff, a little cup of fluff, a bit of a "safe heaven" you know??
I also dont think that pentious could be same level harmful like vox, vaggie, valentino etc. Yes hes still obsessed so i imagine him wanting to hold hands, watching alastor sleeping, stalking him a little bit but not doing much besides that, making him take care of the eggbois, playing fighting, maybe creating deer related inventions to try impress alastor 🤔
Im a sir pentious fan i think that noodle is just a simple man with simple wishes 💅😅
Yeah, that's sorta my same thought process. Obviously everyone is pretty much OOC in this AU, but I do genuinely try to make it sorta "in character" for them. Like what if these character's with their canon selves WERE put into this situation and how would their obsessions vary?
And Pentious, out of everyone, was like the one character I really couldn't think bad things for. He's just such a wet cat of this series. People call Lucifer pathetic? Did you not SEE Sir Pentious at all? When someone had asked what he'd do, I remember being a bit lost and just saying he offers a bunch of harmless gifts to Alastor that Alastor declines or destroys in his face. And I think at the time I mentioned him being a bit stalkerish, but I might be remembering wrong. But yeah, Pentious' worst crime being a harmless stalker compared to everyone else just feels like it makes sense for him.
And I definitely remember talking about how having some light-hearted stuff in the midst of the dark stuff would probably be good for the AU! I think it was about there being a good end in the AU where the curse is lifted, but it's more or less what you said. The dark stuff can get pretty boring/mind-numbing after a while if there's nothing to like, break the monotony so to speak. It's kinda why, while the AU definitely has some very dark content with it, I have always thought about it a bit more like a dark comedy. Not always obviously, but the whole idea of Vaggie making traps, Charlie's delusions about Alastor and Vaggie's relationship, Lucifer just under the impression they have an "enemies to lovers" thing going on, and even Rosie's and Alastor's occasional lunches together were always meant as sort of dark-comedy parts of the AU. Nothing serious. Heck, both Sir Pentious and Niffty are actually just silly jokes all in all. They're both the most harmless of the crew. This might seem strange with Niffty, but I never really imagined her succeeding in her advances. And like I said, Pentious is just a puppy pretty much. I never imagined (in part because I was never able to) think of anything dark for his character to do. And with you're own thoughts about it, I think it cements the idea for me that Pentious doesn't really have anything dark going on (again, aside from stalking but he also just watches others sleep in the main series, soooo....).
Pentious also works as an occasional "sidekick" so to speak seems kinda fun. It'd be similar to that sort of relationship you see in kid shows where Character A is clearly in love with Character B, and Character B ignores it or brushes it off but will use that crush to their own benefit. Sheldon and Jenny's relationship from My Life as a Teenage Robot would probably be a fairly good sum up to Alastor's and Pentious' relationship? Pentious is way too obsessed from stalking to creepy shrines and poor attempts at flirting, but the guy doesn't really harm Alastor nor wants to harm him in any way. And to be honest? I feel like Alastor would, on some occasions, maybe throw a bone. If only because it wouldn't make Pentious start pushing any harder. Plus, Pentious being more "normal" in the love department compared to everyone else is a bit of a nice contrast to the monstrous actions of everyone else. I never thought about how his obsession would actually be (again, aside from gift-giving and being a doormat to others pretty much), but I do like the idea he would just be in a nice relationship with nothing really terrible happening.
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puppppppppy · 8 months ago
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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luck-of-the-drawings · 1 year ago
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IMAGINE. working at ur stupid uhhh job or whatever. pulling into your drive way and ready to work on some crazy project in your garage. opening the door to the most unfamiliar silence. did your wife and kid leave for something? could you imagine knocking on your kids door, hardly getting an answer, and opening it to find the splattered remains of your wife across his room your child is scared! hes hardly consolable, in a state of shock and terror. you are too, but youre the adult here. you need to take charge. you need to protect him. you need to do something. you need to do something.
#cw gore#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi pd spoilers#ashe winters#LOOOORRRD HELP ME THIS IS A YEAR OLD AND I HAAAATE LOOKIN AT IIITTTT ALL I CAN SEE ARE MY MISTAAAKESSS RRAAGHHHGGG ITS FINE THOUGH#ITS FIIIINE ITS ALL FIIIIIIINE!! IM HARSHER ON MY ART THAN ANYONE ELSE ITS FIIIIIINE IIITTSFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEE#ANWYAY SO I THINK ALOT ABOUT THE FACT HE KILLED HIS MOM. FUUUUCKED UP. POOR GUY.. i wish i could learn more about what that day was like#the lil scenario wrote is my own silly little headcanon. but what really happened on that day? was mark there? or did he come home to it?#how violent was it really? was ashe awake the whole time? does he remember exactly how he killed her? does he remember?#who was mrs winters? what was she like? i like to think she was the one that gave ashe the book. taught him what she could before. yknow.#did ashe or mark try to destroy it afterwards? i could imagine mark throwing it into a fire. only for it to reappear with ashe#maybe ashe couldnt destroy it but i could imagine him hiding it. hiding away from it. and yet when we find him he holds it so close#its the only thing he can do! no super powers or anything. this was it. why would he ever throw away the only thing hes good at?#AND GOOD GOD MARK... TURNING TO MERCENARY WORK OVER IT ALL... SELLING HIS SOUL TO A LAbortory that changed him in immense ways#when did it get bad enough for him to start covering his face? what was ashe thinking? he knew his dad was up to something but what?#maRK HAS SUUUCH A CRAZY KILL COUNT TOO. I THINK THE HIGHEST IN THE SERIES IF WE'RE NOT LOOKIN AT THE GODS OR WATEV#MASS MURDER. MAN HAS COMMITTED MASS MURDER AND BROKE OUT OF SUPER VILLAIN PRISON WITH A PEN. MAN BUILDS IRON MAN SUITS IN HIS BASEMENT#OKay okay enough of my ramblin okayokay i just REALLY LOVE THIS SSHHOOOOWWW DUUUDEE EEUUGHTHTHHRHGHGH I LOVE THE WINTERS FAMILY...
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vani-ash · 1 month ago
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I'm just trying to make a timeline of Paradise Of Thorns for myself feel free to correct me if it sounds wrong. (Spoilers for the movie)
According to google it takes approximately 3-5 months to grow durian to ripe from when they first bloom, So the movie takes place roughly over 5 months if we go for the longest time.
Thongkam is a monk for about a month (again i just googled how long temple duties take and it said a month).
At the start when asked how long until the durians are ready to sell Thongkam says 4 months, so its been 1 month by himself before they move in.
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And then I think when he gets back from being a monk, that's probably close to 4 months being done (he goes to do it 4 months in? based off 1 month by himself, 3 hospital visits )
Mae Saengs hospital visits are once a month, we only see 2, once at the start, and once when Thongkam buys her the wheelchair, but there is a third we don't see where Thongkam goes to sell the produce and tells them they have to take a taxi.
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I think Jingna shows up around halfway through the second month.
The time between Sek and Thongkam finding their first durian bloom, getting married, Sek dying, and Seks funeral is unclear to me. I did think they got married, paid off the debt and Sek dying happened in a day but i think it'd make more sense to be like a week. (I thought a day cause Sek asks to marry and its like sunrise, then it cuts to them going to pay the debt, which i assume was already mostly paid off if they could do it this quickly, so like i assume Thongkam insisted on paying it that day instead of whenever he was scheduled to pay it, Sek leaves to do things, then comes back that night. But after trying to time line it i think a week or two sounds more realistic?)
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So sometime within the first month all that happens, and then I've just been using the hospital visits to try and count how long each section takes.
-1 month alone/with sek -3 months with Mae Saeng, Mo and Jingna -1 month away at temple -1 month with Jingna (the durians arent fully done when he gets back so I'm adding 1 more month even though thats over 5)
I think Mo's wedding, and the rest of the ending all takes place on the same day/night. Also Sek / Thongkam been together 5+ years
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Mo / Sek been together 20 years (?)
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(Mo wanted to leave to work in bangkok 10 years ago but Sek convinced her to stay, so Thongkam/ Sek could be together more than 5 years as thats only how long hes been paying the debt?)
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petrow1tch · 4 months ago
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They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands
#3rd month of taking antidepressants and knowing that There Is something majorly fucked up within me#i feel like im becoming normal bit by bit but also now my other problems become my aparent to me#i started to notice i have this childlike simplistic attitude towards wonder and relationships but also at the same time i understand the#severity of troubles around me on the level of burned out adult#but also it takes me from a week to several years to realize what people meant#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly#there are still ways to go#i still have to find a therapist#cuz psych diagnosed me with BPD; geberal anxiety disorder and ADHD and said i have autism signs that could explain the development of BPD#but all he can do is medical treatment which is not the kind you need for BPD and autism#im not saying you can treat autism but yeah he meant i need a psychotherapist for these instead of psychiatrist#i hope i can complete this mental health journey bcuz i feel like i finally got hit with all the weight of burnout i had all these years#i did some creative work in the august/early september but rn its all touching grass in real world and playing games#like i cook i help my family with chores i play fortnite i clean up my room i go out at 1am to look at the stars#all of my own volition without feeling like i need to push myself to do this#I'm scared that making art is not one of those things#i often have a thought that maybe art isnt really for me and in a perfect world i wouldnt do it#but then why am i so good at it#like...#petrotalk
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tinyfantasminha · 3 months ago
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👍
#i went to sleep at 3am and its 6am now bc i criedmyself to sleep 👍👍#sorry to ventdump my annoying insecurities again#i cant bring myself to do something i really want anymore#been having these thoughts since last year but this year its a lot more apparent#ideas are not scarce but the motivation/time to execute them are#i wish i could take an indefinite break on taking commissions bc by the time im finished with all of them im too burnt out/1#to draw for my blog and by the time it passes my motivation for these ideas also vanishes/2#I cant actually stop now bc im still an unpaid internee working for experience+portfolio so I need the money#I feel like shit whenever i can't get art done at the appropriate timing (ex: thematic holiday/character bday/event etc)#everything passes too fast and its already too late and the hype dies#its so hard to stay relevant and charismatic enough#Looking back I can't say im 100% satisfied with ANY art i posted this year#“was it worthy? is it still relevant? did I waste my time doing this?”#im too overly emotional over this (unfortunately) popular fictional lion beastman#“I want to yume/draw him more often/talk more about him!”#why? hes already popular enough. He has louder and more popular users who do that for him. nobody would care if it's you.#you'd get a swarm of hate. nobody would send you nice asks about it.#you don't get nearly half of the asks you used to receive back then. people just aren't interested in you anymore.#maybe you should delete your blog and start drawing trendy doodles of whatever is being hyped up at the moment.#.#if I can't execute original ideas what's the point of it?#I hate HATE having to do trendy art of whatever unfunny meme is being hyped up at the moment#but sometimes its necessary for the algorithm to boost you and to get some actual crumbs of engagement and new followers#what else can I do? being interesting on your own or having an interesting oc is no easy feat. I envy those who manage.
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monachopism · 10 months ago
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being jewish with zero affiliation to israel and rather a generational line of activists for palestine is a hard line to walk and sometimes i wish i could just fall off
#i hate zionist jews i hate i stand with israel signs in my neighborhood i hate leftists who write and speak and act like theyve never met an#actual jewish person in their life and believe that were all genocidal monsters (in spite of our own genocide which i assume will eventuall#flip around to leftist holocaust denial) i hate that people are blaming israeli civilians for the faults of their deeply corrupt government#i hate that i cant say zionism is inherently antsemitic without getting fucking maimed i fucking hate it here the world is on fire just#fucking let me burn#anyways#sorry#free palestine#any other#jumblr#girlies (gn) relating to my vent#bc im started to feel ashamed of myself my culture and my people#and its such a fucking shitty feeling#like i can barely look in palestine / gaza / etc. tag without seeing blindingly blatant antisemitism coming from left right and center#like just say you hate jews and fuck off#i cant look at this shit anymore fuck#idk why im so worked up about this rn i just. btwn weeding out all the zionist blogs i didnt know i followed and just being so fucking-#and weeding out all the antisemitic leftist blogs i didnt know i was supporting its all just crashing down#im so fucking tired#and im so fucking tired of having to defend myself any time i talk about the jewish experience in any of this#and im so fucking tired of people equating judaism with religion only#and im so fucking tired of the double standard of also equating with only one race#like there arent jews of every race#the reason you cant see any of this shit is because nearly a century later were still dealing with the aftermath of the 6mil person murder#were always at the cross roads of some ridiculous double standard or the scapegoat for when things are going badly#like fuck i just#dont want to have this fucking identity anymore it makes me a walking talking breathing living fucking target#idk what to do I'm just#desolate
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swagging-back-to · 16 days ago
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i dont get why people who watch kids are expected to watch them 24/7 by parents who barely watch them for 7 minutes.
i think babysitters should be allowed to sit in the other room while the kids entertain themselves. teachers should be able to sit in the corner doing paperwork while the kids do their thing.
as long as there is an adult present and at least partially attentive to whats happening i truly do not see what the difference is to the parents being there.
oh wait it's just that a lot of parents refuse to admit any fault in themselves and hold everyone else to extremely high standards so they have someone to blame their child's failings on :)
#it's always people who interact with kids 0% of the time who expect you to be right up the kids ass the entire time#no one wants that. literally no one wants that.#there doesnt always need to be a structured activity.#there doesnt always need to be intense adult-child conversation.#again. as long as theres an adult there i think it's more than okay#------------------------------------------------#i strongly prefer this hands off approach with my own students bc these kids NEED TO TALK TO EACHOTHER AND NOT JUST ADULTS#they only socialize with adults online. they only see adult youtubers. they only truly sit and do activities with adults.#there really arent any group activities anymore and when there are... it's so obvious these kids dont know how to act around other humans#especially peers#they truly do not know how to treat someone as an equal and constantly talk down to eachother like how adults talk to kids#theyre constantly trying to prove their maturity and to insult anyone who clings to childhood#they need to know how to use their imaginations on their own#how to work through problems on their own#i have kids asking the most basic of questions which is why i firmly believe stupid questions DO exist#they will ask 'where is the bright orange paper' as you are holding the bright orange paper right in front of their faces#because they refuse and dont know how to actually look around and think about things for themselves#because teachers are constantly pressured into walking through eveeeerrryyything. constantly holding their hand.#yu think im joking about the paper thing but i experience that question AN UNCOUNTABLE AMOUNT OF TIMES in just a single day#every single fucking day#it's to the point i DO NOT TELL THEM ANYMORE. i say 'actually look around. use context clues. think about what you're asking before you ask#and agin... it's all because people who watch kids are expected to hold their hands through every single thing#when you dont let a kid develop any skills on their own they do not develop skills. period.#since i've started doing this the amount of kids needing their hand held has actually diminished. lots of kids learned how to tie shoes#they learned to read a clock#they learned how to read and write#they learned to say thank you and please and be mindful of their area and the people around them#all because i MADE them do it. i didnt just give them the answer or coddle them.#it's still very bad but it isnt AS bad. obv theres only so much i can do when their other teachers; daycare workers; and babysitters#all treat them like inept idiots.
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the0ther-side0f-dawn · 2 months ago
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just a little personal anecdote/ thought dump in the tags..
#so there's this girl i work with - lets call her E. and i used fo work with her mum - lets call her J.#and E is overall v sweet. tho somewhat manipulative and a bit of a princess. ad i guess kind of my friend?#but only kind of bc she is younger and that maturity difference and also im her manager (we used to be the same rank)#but i was like really good friends with her mum - J. like we had v similar experiences and just clicked.#i dont talk to J anymore for several reasons (she stopped working. i got weird - like insecure and whatnot. she moved away).#and E and J do not get along very well#and like J was my friend first right. i was biased by her side of things and disagreements with E.#and tho my rship w J was kind of fucked up and i definitely carry a sadness for how that ended. it doesn't erase#that she was my friend and we got long v well and we clicked and i felt she understood me and vice versa#and similar life experiences and all that jazz etc#and i dont think it ever has occured to E that like me and her mum were actually friends??#bc like we'll be having a conversation and she'll start talking about her mum in a v negative way#and its just so so awkward#bc i know her mum isnt perfect and isnt necessarily fair to her - compared to her sister#but like E is very strong willed and she's still maturing and struggles to see past her own ego#and J is someone who definitely avoids conflict and confrontation but not by giving in - but by stepping back. if that makes sense#but thats why E and J dont get along. neither knows how to reach agreement or compromise#but anyways i understand J and respect her and it so awkward to sit there whilst E whines and trash talks#and it also makes me sad#and we're well past the pointof me saying anything#like a year ago. sure. and there were several times i did say 'hey. i know youre having feelings about this but like ur mum was my friend?#so i think its better if we dont discuss this' kind of thing#but it didnt stick. plus its kind of weird. bc its v much past tense now - like me and J WERE friends.#and like i think E thinks that she and I are good friends. which is also awkward.#bc we were coworkers so yeh. kind of friends by default - small team and o ly young ppl#but she's not rly the kind of person that i vibe with#and ive been making an effort to withdraw bc I'm her manager now and i need professional boundaries so i can do my job well#anyway thats kind of the end of my story#for some context J was previously my manager and briefly also her daughter's manager#and something ive never admitted fo anyone before but you probably picked up on already - i did have such a crush on J
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flufallo · 10 months ago
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DID NEIL GAYMEN WRITE DBD
He wrote the comics yes
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poisonedfate · 9 months ago
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not to get deep on this lovely tuesday evening, but i wonder when exactly did everything go wrong
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guinevereslancelot · 3 months ago
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hm am i going insane or is it just november
#is my life falling apart or am i just 27#it's dark at 4pm and i have no life when i'm not working#😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫#and my career plan sucks#it's unrealistic and i can't afford it and teaching pays absolute shit#but its the only job i dont suck at that won't drain my soul or kill my body#so i want to go for another associate's or (kill me) a bachelor's#bc i NEED a job that is full time and pays actual money so that i can get my own car and start my daycare business#and i cant do that without a minimum of an associate's in early childhood#they wont let me work full time as anything except maybe a pre k aide without an associate's in ece#and that job may never become available#but with an associate's i could be lead in prek or kindergarten i think or full time as an aide in any grade#and substituting just isnt reliable enough and there's no benefits#tho the pay probably isnt that different by the hour i dont get enough hours rn so#ughhhhh#im gonna take one class in january bc its all i can afford and idk how hard it will be w my current job#then hopefully the next semester i can do two at a time from then on while still working as a sub#or hopefully by then i can at least be an aide part time and a sub the rest of the time#but anyway 😵‍💫#its all so expensive and unrealistic just to get qualified to get paid not very much lol#and i wouldn't want to work at any other school than the one i'm at either#so while being more qualified will make it easier to get a more permanent position there it still wont open up my job prospects beyond that#anyway why does the world always start ending for me in november lately#how am i supposed to have myself a merry little christmas in these conditions
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iwakuraz · 6 months ago
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it'll all be okay because there's only one more day left in the school week and after that it'll be the weekend. wait no what do you mean after the weekend I'll just have to go back to school? what do you mean the cycle of going to school and coming back home completely worn out is gonna continue?
#mole talks#ive been back in school for..... one week.#im so tired i can't stop feeling tired all of the time now this is horrible#i have to walk around school so much and im forved to be around other people anf its just exhausting#for me school would be better if they removed all social aspects#and all you would have to do is work and you wouldn't have to see other people ever#(apart from the teacher who is teaching you about the subject)#because if theres no forced socialisation that also means....... my classmates would never be ableist towards me again#:[ i can't believe i have to continue going to school#and ill probably have to continue going for many years to come#i hate how much it wares me out. i was si productive during the summer but now im not at all#and i JUST started school. it only gets worse from here#i just wanna learn. i dont want some annoying kid to call me slurs#i dont want to wear a uniform that makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin#i dont wanna walk around the corridors feeling like everybody is staring at me and judging me#i dont want to go home feeling too weak and tired to do anything#i just want to learn stuff#i don't think i even really care about how going to school is good for my future because i don't know whats in the future for me#i just want to learn things in the present#:[#wow i have a lot of homework i need to do. i say i don't mind the work but i haven't finished all of this yet so maybe im just lying#im gonna cry. i dont want to go back to school tomorrow i dont want to be surronded by people who hate what i am#but also i dont want the teachers to infantalise me anymore! im not a kid. im 16. treat me like everybody else im not a kid#why am i crying into the tumblr void again
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autisticlee · 1 year ago
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how to make business plans: spend 2 weeks looking for a website to make a visual plan guide that you can collaborate with business partners, but you end up nowhere because all of them require paid subscriptions to do more than a few basic things. except you don't want to pay for these because you don't have a business yet and therefore no money!!!! but you need more than basic features (basically you can only put 50-100 items on your board with free account and i will definitely need more)
#WHY DOES EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET HAVE TO BE SUBSCRIPTION NOW#i miss the days where you could use a website and all the features for FREE.#or at best only have one-time fee or subs for advanced stuff only profitable big businesses need and can also afford#the average person is starting to get locked out of the internet. we already pay for the internet itself. everything is too expensive#i need to make my own business so i can afford to live but everything to mae a business costs too much!!!!!!!#im too autistic for this shit. “this shit” being “a profitable member of society”#i cant get a big cool job to make a ton of money and then afford to easily become a millionaire#i bet most millionaires and all billionairs didnt work a day in their life to afford to start their businesses#and if they say they did they lie#lee rambles#i found a free unlimited one but you have to download the program and save everything locally#so it doesn't look like you cam collab with other people which defeats the purpose of what im trying to do 😭#i wanted to use milanote or whatever its called because i liked how you can link separate pages to keep things clear/uncluttered#but i dont want to pay $12 a month i think it was? to put more than 100 items on the boards. that goes so fast#but i might have to use it and just cram things together in a messy fashion to not hit that limit......#you can double the amount by referring people to make an account but still. i hate bekng limited#and being forced to pay to not have limits!!!! let me be free and only pay for advanced stuff i can live without for fuck sake#i dont know what im doing. but im making an attempt to business or something
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quarklynx · 6 months ago
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Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?
#lynx thinks#oh nooooooooooooooooo#nooooo i can feel the urge to be crazy and act on my hubris#ive just been talking to the grad students in the theater program and theyre taking like 9 credits a semester#and its all stuff that seems interesting or fun or at the very least useful unlike my undergrad degree#and im like... i can already sew as well as if not better than these grad students. i can for sure draw better for any designs i come up w#heck i can draw better than the current head costume designer faculty member for the university#so the little overcommitting gremlin in my brain is like ''yoi could totally do it. do it.''#and the other part of me is like ''im already so tired just from working again after needing to recover from burnout. how would i even?#so I'm sitting here Thinking about it...#a masters degree in theater might be better for finding work at a pre-existing institution than just a bachelors in art#and it might be better than a masters in art too#I'd have to stop taking commissions completely probably if i did it for the sake if time#but if i somehow got an assistantship position? then maybe?? i could do it?#oooooooh i hrm so hard y'all#its only been a week since moving and ao much is still in boxes. im only working part time but I'm tired now so much#idk if its just because my stamina levels have atrophied or what but im so. tired. these days#and by these days i mean in the last week.#maybe a week isn't long enough of a sample to work from.#im hoping my energy levels will even out a bit but with the time zone change and the fact that I'm almost 30 I'm not sure if it will?#so thats worrying#i actually kind of see why people seem to drink coffee every day now#I've definitely been eating a lot more normally since i started. both in timing and quantity#i still have projects of my own to work on i cant afford to be so eepy orz
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rosesradio · 6 months ago
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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