#maybe it’s niave of me to say but.

[oasisofgalaxies]

I’m so angry

[konigsblog]

Hi! Can I request Yandere Alejandro and Yandere König with darling who is naive and innocent. The man see her as a goddess/angel.

alejandro, and könig with a darling who is niave/innocent

warnings:, smut, sexual remarks, corruption kink, praise, bodyworship: i do not condone any behaviour i write about, all of this is fiction.

masterlist

könig

definitely views you as a goddess/god. you're everything to him, everything he needs.

because of your innocent personality, sometimes he views you as more fragile and delicate than you actually are.

any sexual remark you make is downplayed or thought as just an accident. he doesn't think you actually know what you're saying, even if you remind him multiple times that you are an adult and know what sex is.

when he first had sex with you, he was so nervous. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable or scared after he built up this relationship.

"mausi, are you sure you want this?" he'd ask, multiple times. watching your facial expressions for any sign of discomfort.

if one day, you do decide to say something sexual, he wouldn't think anything of it. you're sat on his lap, slightly grinding against him? maybe you're not comfortable where you're sat, sit on his other thigh!

or if a sex scene came on while watching tv, he'd watch your fave the entire time, confused on how you're not gagging.

könig honestly doesn't understand, you don't find sex gross? but you're so innocent, surely you do?

when speaking to others, he gives death glares to anyone who says something slightly inappropriate. you're too innocent to hear this, save it for the bedroom.

if he does make a sexual comment, you don't notice it immediately. only when you're sat in bed late at night thinking bad to what he said. königs kissing your neck, he's just playing around! right?

but when you're sat in his sweatshirt, it hangs low to your thighs and you panties are slightly showing while you're sat down, he can't help himself from lapping at your pussy juices! you can't blame him, can you?

—

alejandro

due to alejandros job, he often worries about your safety. teaching you how to use a gun, hold a knife and throw a decent punch.

he decided to buy a german shepard while hes away.

because of your niave personality, he knows you could get yourself into danger, telling you what's right and wrong as if you're 5 years old again.

you remind him that, “i'm not a kid, don't treat me like one.” but he hears none of it. in his eyes you know nothing.

but, that doesn't mean he doesn't like that. he values your innocence and bows down to you, worshipping you as if you're some type of magical god that could grant him his three wishes.

during sex, he kisses your body, holding you down so you don't squirm.

definitely into bodyworship, wants you to feel like a goddess/god.

if anyone tries to ask you something that he deems as inappropriate, you won't hear from them again. he'll cut contact off with them saying that he doesn't think that they're right for you when you ask.

he praises you anytime, pretty much looks up to you. “amor, i love you, you're everything baby.” alejandro whispered into your thighs.

oh, and any sexual remark you make sounds like a joke to him. not that he's laughing at you, but just confused because it doesn't match how he views you.

he still loves you though, through your innocence and how niave you are.

—

[svgvru]

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐓! since its NNN, im doing a fluffy or angsty event thingy. (i will be making a smutty fic on that). so...FLUFFVEMBER OR WHUMPVEMBER whatever the fuck you want to call it. regardless, there's gonna be one fic for every week, (maybe two if i'm feeling spicy) plus a fic on the last day of the month. but im not going to push myself this month. regardless, angst prompts and fluff prompts will be listed below (these will be used in the future).

just request a prompt (up to five) with any character thats in my fandoms list. here's the form to fill out!

𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙

1. "we can be sick together." 2. "your problems are my problems, okay!" 3. "i'm always here for you, i need you to know that." 4. "can we do that again? my eyes were closed." 5. "i love you." 6. "yes, i unfortunately love this idiot." 7. "your lucky you're cute." 8. "you and only you." 9. "oh? do i make you blush?" 10. "a hug . . . i want a hug." 11. "you don't need to do anything, i've got you . . . just say yes." 12. "you're everything to me." 13. "my place, is by your side." 14. "you're the only one who—the only one who's made me feel like . . . this." 15. "you're special. i can feel it." 16. "my heart yearns for you, and you only." 17. "if you can't find a reason to live, live for me." 18. "nah, your stuck with me." 19. "are you sure about this?" 20. "i have never been so sure about how i feel than now." 21. "it think i deserve a reward . . . maybeee a kiss?" 22. "do you want my jacket?" 23. "trust me, i can read you like a book." 24. "i've missed you." 25. "i am never leaving you, understand?!" 26. "just—just a little longer, please?" 27. "aren't you handsome? well, i mean your not handsome—wait no! i mean you are handsome! but i didn't mean it in a—well maybe i kinda did . . . just—! im gonna shut up . . . " 28. "the second you flashed that smile, i fell in love." 29. "you're my favorite . . . everything." 30. "i've got this, you rest." 31. "Just close your eyes . . . i promise you, it'll be all over soon." 32. "oh. oh." 33. "as much as i hate to say it! . . . i need you . . ." 34. "you're love is like a blanket . . . and fortunately i'm always cold." 35. "i will always choose you. whether it be over someone else, or the world. it will always be you."

𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗦𝗧

1. "i loved you . . . " 2. "you were everything to me . . . " 3. "i can't—i can't do this anymore." 4. "no, you're a widow (can be replaced with anything) who's taken her grieving too far." 5. "i guess i was too niave . . . " 6. "why did you make me fall for you?" 7. "nope . . . what i've fallen for is a lie." 8. "you don't get nor desreve a second chance!" 9. "guess i'm just the rebound . . . " 10. "you . . . turned me into this." 11. "i can't fight anymore . . . i wan't to lose this battle. please let me lose . . . " 12. "i wish you were gay . . . " 13. "i wish you were a girl." 14. "what if . . . what if i just let it kill me?" 15. "we aren't—good for each other . . . not anymore." 16. "you're not good enough for me." 17. "oh. oh." 18. "what are we if we aren't together?" 19. "i . . . I HATE YOU!" 20. "you lied to me . . . ?" 21. "my heart, my soul, my body . . . all of it to you. and you fucked (/fell for) someone else?!" 22. "you promised me . . . " 23. "im so sorry. im so so sorry!" 24. "i couldn't keep my promise . . . " 25. "please—please don't leave!" 26. "i never should've let you in." 27. "what makes you think you still have that privilege?" 28. "you can't leave and then demand something from me . . . " 29. "you broke me so devoid of care, threw me away like a toy . . . and you want me to welcome you back?" 30. "no . . . you lost me." 31. "oh? well where's that bitch?" 32. "you thought that wouldn't hurt me?" 33. "i . . . i hope they make you smile." 34. "no. this—is not who i fell in love with. you are no longer my husband/wife and i am no longer your husband/wife." 35. "give me my ring . . . you don't deserve to wear it."

more prompts are likely to be added! if there are requests, then i will update this post to have a masterlist! 2/5 SLOTS FILLED.

[sharkiiv]

Gayness. Tw maybe???

you know your family is fucked when your 70 year old grandparents are more accepting than the dumbass homophobes who literally popped you out Arthur Morgan style. Like, ok, this might be long but bear with me. When my mom caught on that I *might* be a queer, she said that she was bisexual and that my dad 'is probably bisexual too" (like uhm?) And I was all "okay cool I can date girls and boys!". WHEN I CAME OUT AS TRANS she totally flipped on me. Said it was 'just a phase' and that I was 'niave and oblivious' basically called me stupid. When I came out to my doctor, she was totally chill and I was ecstatic. My mom said on the car ride home that she "just thought I was lesbian". WOW. MY THERAPIST HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT I CAN BE TRANS AND LESBIAN. WTF WOMAN??? my dad though....omg. he literally dragged me into his truck and gave me a talk about how I was confused and asked me what made me want to be a boy. HE MADE ME RESEARCH AND RIGHT A WHOLE FUCKING ESSAY. I TOLD MY THERAPIST AND SHE TOLD ME HOW HARMFUL THAT WAS. I CRIES FOR HOURS AND HE WAS STILL POUNDING ME ABT IT. I don't talk about it anymore. I look like a boy, yeah. They know I go by a different name. They just avoid it all together.

NOW. MY GRANDPARENTS!!! OMG I LOVE THEM TO DEATH. My grandma was going through my school yearbook and say that I was using a different name on my yearbook (I wrote it in there and she knows that my friends don't call me my birth name) and her first reaction was "Hey I know that kid!". She also asked me if i still use that name and I said yes. She'll also drop hints about me looking handsome and once called me a prince. She isn't as adapted to all the genders and pronouns and sexualities but she enjoys learning. Like genuinely enjoys when I explain. She uses all of my friends preferred names and pronouns. My mother does not. My mom is more used to the gay stuff. My grandma is learning. My grandpa doesn't rlly care lol.

Does anyone understand how fucked up that it? My mom's family is more supportive than my mom.

[bookstoreaders]

*Spoilers for both of these books*

I had found out about CS Pacat while searching for art work inspiration for my own story and that's how I found the Captive Prince Series and then I saw Dark Rise in books a million and I was instantly caught by the cover. I love any story with darker morally complex (not gray: I could and will make a post on that) characters.

I put off reading it for while because I'm very much a mood reader and this past week I decided you know what let's dive in.

So I'm going to go through each character and what I think of them because I am 100% a character reader. This will be for both books Dark Rise and Dark Heir (also please note i did audio book so I may spell things wrong)

Let's start with our main boy:

Will:

I find Will so interesting and complex. It's hard to tell if what he is doing is because he truly doesn't want to be like Sacien or if this is all apart of Sacien's "will". I find it very interesting that Will's name is well, Will. At the same time it's seems to me that Will is trying so hard to NOT be who he was in his past life. At the end of Dark Heir when he gets outed and he thinks James is the one person who actually accepts him and finds out he has the collar on (I have thoughts on that but I will get to theories later on) it's devastating. I think for both Will and James they want to not be judged for the choices their past selves made.

On that note James:

James is probably my favorite character.

He is snarky and smart and brave and everyone treats him terribly except for Will. He is either treated like a wh***, a weapon (though Will is guilty of this), or a traitor. He's something to be owned, to be possessed. He is paying for the actions of a past he can't even remember (until the very end) when the collar was put back on him i was so upset, but knew it wouldn't work the way St. Claire wanted.

Violet:

I liked Violet more in book one. Im.curious about her inpending "fight" with Tom and if and when that will go down. I was hoping she would be the one to stick behind Will and not judge him. (Though i feel she's going to be the first to go back, if Will really is trying to be "good")

Cyprian:

Cyp Cyp... I really didn't like him.at first. But.now I do. However, I find him complex as well. I love his dedication to his believes and his loyalty and obvious love for Violet. I hate his judgement of James, that he blames him for Marcus and the other Stewart's and doesn't think about why James might have left. (Their father tried to kill him when they found out he was a reborn) ... on a different note him drinking from the cup, wrestling the shadow, jumping down that whole and breaking the "staff" and dragging Will back up like he was a sack was pretty bad ass.

Katherine/Visander

Let's start with Katherine: I wish we'd had more time with her. I didn't feel very connected to her so when she died i wasnt that upset. Visander seems so one sided in his goals and thoughts. It's like has blinders on. He doesn't think that maybe Devon has changed in 1000+ years or that things might have changed. He is stuck in the past. His relationship with Philip is interesting especially with him being in Katherine's body (which is very weird and im not sure how I feel about it)

Elizabeth: she can be annoying but she is.also 10 years old. For her age she is a very smart and brave young lady and im excited to see where her story goes.

Tom:

I feel like I am grappling at straws for more information on Tom. I want more. How much does he truely know? Is he niave? What does being a "lion" mean. He clearly loves Violet

Devon: he interests me more than anyone. His story is tragic and sad. Hunted and having his horn cut off... they say it was by humans but I have thoughts (theories later) and then living through all those years alone. It's pretty tragic. He seems to have a very loving and trusting relationship with Tom from what I can tell (I do hope I'm reading that correctly)

So thoughts and theories and all that and there's no Rhyme or Reason to any of this:

I am starting to wonder who the real bad guys are: I don't think it was really Sacien. I wonder if it might actually be the Sun King or whatever he's called. I wonder in book 3 of with James remembering the past if we won't learn the truth. Because something is up.

I despise Will's mother. She raises this child, ties him to beds, tries to kill him. All for the supposed mistakes of a past life he can't recall... yeah f**ck her.

I think the Stewart's are sus. Did they hunt down Devon and saw off his horn? If not how did they end up it?

What exactly is the white death and if it's evil how did Visander come back if he is good?

What's up with Grace?

I'm firmly convinced that Sacien/Anharian Will/James is like a "You have to have shadows with light" James is the Light and Will is the Shadow they are supposed to compliment each other. I think someone fucked with history but we will see.

Basically, I really enjoyed these two books, and I am desperate for any news on book 3

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Hi Sir, do you think Sebastian has a Daddy Kink. Y’ know considering his past, and the situation with his biological father. I know you have written about Sebastian calling Chris “Daddy”, but I mean it more as in, do you think he maybe has Daddy Issues, and therefore calls Chris “Daddy”?

I sent in the “Daddy Kink ask” and thinking about it more, I realize how disturbing (towards you and Sebastian) that may sound. I swear it wasn’t meant like that. I’m just a very curious person. So feel free to just delete the ask if it makes you uncomfortable!

Hey, sweets!

No, but I actually like this ask because I feel like this general idea is A Thing in both the vanilla world and the kink world, I can't and won't put words in your mouth specifically, but I have noticed generally that people tend to pair the idea of trauma and kink.

Definitely, there's the stereotype that kinks are born from trauma. Which, yes, is true in some people. However, it's not the overall rule. Then, the myth that all kinks come from trauma can then extend into the stereotype that all people with kinks are "broken" or "fucked up" in some way. Fucked up by said assumed trauma. Also, of course, this isn't true.

But, with that being said, personally, I have noticed that there's is some correlation between people who look outwardly fucked up (or, as my parents would say, "scary") in that they're tattooed, pierced, or have alternative aesthetics that stray from the "norm". My idea for that correlation is, well, hey, if you're not going to fit in with mainstream society in one way, then you might as well not fit in, in all the different ways that you feel. Why pretend? Why not just fucking go for it? (That's how I feel. I mean, I also am just... like that. Genuinely. It's not a conscious link for me a lot of the time, trauma -> aesthetic -> kink, I just see where they bleed into each other. It just so happens that I fucking love kink and I love metal music and I love body art and I love the gothic/emo/alternative/whatever you want to call it, aesthetic.)

Although, at the same time, as paradoxical as it is, it's niave to think that how you're raised and what your parents are like doesn't shape how you go into your relationships and your life. I'm paraphrasing, but as Chris once said, your parents shape how you love. They teach you how to love (x). You can absolutely outgrow that basis, but it's also a basis.

Anyway, where am I going here?

All this is to say that I have no idea if Sebastian has daddy issues. Granted, I also have no idea if Sebastian has a daddy kink. I don't know Sebastian.

Not everyone with daddy issues will have a daddy kink, and there are plenty of people with daddy kinks that don't have daddy issues. (At least, they wouldn't consider themselves to have daddy issues, looking specifically at how the Western world expects fathers to act when raising children. Personally, I think most people have issues based on that, but I also recognize that based on my life experience... I'm probably just being cynical, lmao.)

And for Sebastian, I don't think it's about trauma or issues. I think it's about power dynamics. I think it's about the general idea of daddy. The biggest, the best, the most capable, comforting, and caring yet stern, too. We've all seen how easily Seb crumbles with praise, and I think, related to that, Sebastian responds so well to having someone telling him what to do in the soft-but-still-authoritative role. That's what gets him in my mind.

Also, it's worth pointing out that I don't think it would go back to his biological father for Sebastian because he wouldn't've known his biological father as "Daddy" because it would've been the Romanian equivalent for the English affection name for a father. He might've been encouraged to call his step-father that, but, eh, he was older by that point, so it's unlikely in my mind.

All in all, I have no right to speculate, really. Seb's a real person, a real person I don't know, so I don't know, and I won't ever know either 🤷🏻‍♂️

[chaos-in-the-making]

OK I've had a few hours to process and i HAVE to talk about Lucifer. Cuz like, there's so much that he represents to me as a Christian, and seeing this version of Depressed Single Dad Who Lost His Dream is EVERYTHING.

Because FIRST OF ALL!! This Lucifer is NOT power hungry, or even trying to be the Canon "rebel". He didn't even want to tempt Adam and Eve, he wanted to "gift" them with free will. That is an important difference. The other thing we learn is that HE'S TRIED TO REHAB SINNERS BEFORE. So he is from heaven, and despite what heaven did TO him (alleged victim), he still knows that heaven is better than Hell and wanted to redeem the sinners so they could ascend to a better afterlife.

THAT IS WAY DIFFERENT THAN THE BIBLICAL CANON NARCISSIST WHO WANTED TO BE WORSHIPED THE SAME WAY THAT GOD WAS WORSHIPPED. What are the implications of this???

THAT THE PERCIEVED "EVIL" IS REALLY BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.

Now there is still a clear divide of "good" and "evil" in the way people treat each other, but it is "shades of gray" as Charlie and Emily point out in their duet as far as how to categorize souls. AND LUCIFER ONCE WANTED TO PROVIDE A WAY FOR THOSE SOULS TO BE REDEEMED.

SO WHERE THE FUCK IS JESUS CHRIST?!

No that's not a rhetorical question, because in Biblical Canon, it's only through JESUS that souls are redeemed. Lucifer was never a foil to GOD, as in the Father, but he was the foil to JESUS. So in this show, where we see CROSS IMAGERY my question is ARE WE GONNA SEE JESUS AND HOW DOES HE CONTRIBUTE?!

Now I wouldn't be surprised if God the Father and Christ the Son are not actual people, and maybe just ideas of "pure" and "holiness". And maybe the cross imagery is something that Sinners made up for their religion.

But Lucifer has already made a joke about a "sacrificial lamb", and wants to redeem sinners, something that canonical only JESUS can do. So whatever knowledge the angels are holding back is going to be quite telling. (ALSO CONSPIRACY BUT WHAT IF LUCIFER IS ACTUALLY JESUS I CAN EXPLAIN)

BUT OK BACK TO LUCIFER.

This man who wanted to redeem sinners, (possibly out of guilt because giving Eve the apple made evil take root?) Has now LOST HIS DREAM. After thousands of years of watching the sinners enter Hell, and failing to redeem them, he NO LONGER BELIEVES THEY HAVE HOPE. LUCIFER HAS GIVEN UP ON THE SINNERS.

But Charlie????? Oh, Charlie is young and niave, and has been raised on the (one sided) stories of being able to reach a better place. Charlie is the Youth, the Hope for the future, the daughter of a Dreamer. AND SHE GIVES THAT HOPE BACK TO HER FATHER WHO HAD LOST IT.

Lucifer is stuck in this circle of insanity, making thousands of rubber duckies to pass the time, but we see just how fucking insane he is. Like, the sad pathetic insane, not the sexy insane. But then his daughter pulls him out, and he is confronted with the dream he once had that she has now taken up the mantle of continuing.

AND HE SAYS HOW HE DOESNT WANT HER TO HE CRUSHED. HE HAS INTENTIONALLY SHELTERED HER TO KEEP HER SAFE FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. BUT CHARLIE IS BREAKING THAT CYCLE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT SHE DESPERATELY WANTS TO TRY. BECAUSE SHE HAS INHERITED THE HOPE THAT LUCIFER LOST.

AND LUCIFER IS STILL UNCERTAIN ABOUT IF ITS POSSIBLE, BUT LIKE A TRUE LOVING PARENT HE WANTS TO SUPPORT CHARLIE. AND HIM SAYING HE MISSED HER SMILE, AND HOW GRATEFUL HE IS THAT SHE IS HIS DAUGHTER HAS ME GRIPPED IN MY PARENT FEELS.

[matan4il]

I'm not saying I love the donor storyline at all, but it is what it is, so I gotta wait for the payout. I hated Eddie leaving the 118 last season also, but the payoff was good. For me, at this point, I think it's more that it was told messy. I imagine they wanted it to be the cliffhanger? But by doing that again told messy. Here are my reasons...

Eddie, I actually don't fault his initial reaction for 2 reasons. In his world, "sperm donor" isn't exactly a word that would tackle you. He's besties with Hen and Karen, after all. Second, he also found out in the same moment Hen has known. So Buck chose not to tell him. I think no matter what, it's logical for him to have been shocked and taken a moment to get to the real issue of it it all.

Maddie, see above because it applies to her. Sloppy pacing of a storyline because they want her reaction for the back half.

But the biggest issue is Buck because I don't understand what he's thinking. I walked away thinking he sounded naive, and that made me disappointed. The impression that he will golden retriever out and over step with them. However, I wasn't sure last season how he would react to Eddie leaving, and he exceeded my expectations there, so fingers crossed.

I guess I could be wrong but I'm just trying to give some hope to anons. Last season had the same pacing problem to me also. I'm not sure I love this new style.. The potential of the arc though could lead to some pretty amazing thing though.

If the idea is bringing Buddie full circle, then it has the makings of a pretty good confrontation between them finally. But maybe I am being just as niave as Buck and will hate to conclusion too. Till then, I remain hopeful.

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for the ask.

Regarding most of this, all I can say is I agree, and it's a part of what's a bit frustrating about this storyline. Regarding Buck last season, I think it's implied he was a little lost puppy in denial for a couple of months that happened off screen, between 510 and 511, and where 5b entered is exactly when he was starting to accept that this was really happening. And then he got drunk, and while drunk, kissed Lucy. Which, I kind of find it amazing to see I'm getting more asks about the donor storyline this season than about her last one, and maybe a part of it is that it didn't stretch for as long? Maybe, IDK, but I guess it says something about how much the sperm donor storyline is stirring people up. But absolutely, remaining hopeful is a good way to go about it!

If I may, I'll also add in this ask with some similar themes:

I get people being frustrated with the Buck storyline. Trust me, I do, and I am. However, now that it's here, I'm hoping it could very angst. You write so as a writer can't you see what the potential could be.

For instance, we meet Conor in Buck Begins when Buck discovers he was "born for defective body parts." Now, if something happens to the baby, it will just reinforce the idea. Especially having Conor word it like that, I came and asked you for bodily fluids.

Finally, Buddie talking about the will revelation. Eddie not understanding why Buck doesn't realize he's a father. Buck expressing he feels he's a back up plan.

Or you guys were talking Fried Green Tomatoes the other day. Could be as soft as just that scene where Ruth offers to leave so Idgy can settle down, and she replies I'm as settled as I want to be. In Buddie terms it could just Eddie being like why are you giving up your chance as a family. And Bucks response is like Idgys, I already have one.

Again, I have no clue how this all goes, but now that it's here, I hope we get some sort of scenario like above. I'm not trying to make it all about Buddie, but those boys need an intervention!!

Hi Nonnie! Thank you as well.

I wanna start by saying that, while 911 is def not the Buddie show, it’s totally okay if that is the main thing for you. The way I see it, life is hard enough as is. Fandom should bring us joy and a bit of rest from the hardships. So whatever makes you happy about the show, is legit. If it’s only Bathena? Legit. Only Chim? Legit. Only Buddie? Also legit. It is an ensemble show and that’s good to keep in mind for your own adjustment of expectations, but if you want to? You’re absolutely allowed to wanna focus on Buddie without having to apologize or explain that. And yes, they do need an intervention.

Now as for the sperm donation story, looking at both of these asks together, it sounds like maybe there's an impression that I’m very upset by it. It’s incredibly kind of you both if you wrote me to comfort me by offering ways that it can be good, but I’m honestly not that upset. I wouldn’t be posting about this storyline that much (or maybe even at all) if I didn’t keep getting asks about it. I’m not very fond of it, there are parts that are frustrating because I'm not fond of the direction, and 'coz even if the show was gonna tell the story, it could do a better job of it, but I also don’t think it’s a disaster, and I believe how I’ll end up feeling about the whole thing overall depends on how things will unfold in 6b. And I have said that there are good directions this could go in, but yeah, it really all depends on the resolution (like many stories TBH... sometimes a story starts great and then the resolution is so bad, it ruins all of the good build up). Which brings me to what I always say about speculations, that I prefer to stay away from them. I don’t wanna build them up by dreaming about all the good stuff a story can bring, I don’t wanna get depressed by thinking of all the ways the story might disappoint me. I’m okay with stating how I feel about what we’ve seen so far and then just... waiting and seeing what happens next. I do think remaining hopeful is a good thing! And I'm happy to be sharing your asks so everyone can see the potentially positive things that might come our way in 6b.

I appreciate your kind anons! And whatever you do or don't celebrate, have a great day! As always, here's my ask tag. xoxox

[kisskisskisskisskiss]

I used to not understand the blowback from 9/11. I used to think it was just "the crazy ones", the people we see as hicks or rednecks that prepetuated that violence. Only they could be stupid enough to look at anyone with brown skin, anyone who is muslim, anyone that seemed different and think they caused this.

As the years have gone by, I have come to understand culture in a way I never could've comprehended then. I literally studied the concept of culture and that, paired with growing up outside of the dominate culture, opened my eyes.

When there was an uptick in racial hatecrimes during the pandemic, I was still shocked. I didn't expect there to be real backlash, especially so completely unjustified, it felt like people knew better by then. I guess I was still more niave than I thought, but it made me realize that most people havent engaged with these ideas in their heads. They simply condemn hatred on its face, not realizing what causes someone to think like that in the first place.

Maybe now, most of you can't explicitly voice your racist and islamaphobic ideals, but it's obvious you still engage with them. You still see us as terrorists, you still dehumanize us, you are still comfortable murdering us in the thousands in the name of "saving us" from? From the money we could make from our lands? The land you will soon reap profits from in the billions??

I am not saying it's every single one of your's faults, that's not how culture functions. Culture is a collection, it is taught and learned, it never means the same thing to two people. Everyone doesn't simply behave the same or think the same things, they are taught to. In that way however, it is everyone's duty to oppose it and to teach others to oppose it. Everyone is blameless but everyone has a duty as well.

[imaradiocure]

The worst day of my life

Reaching over to your side of the bed, I expected to feel you beside me

I was jolted awake because you were not there

At the time I had no idea how 'The Reach' would haunt me for years in the twilight between sleep and wake

I'd continue to reach but I'd never find you.

I got up from bed and peered out into the living room, thinking maybe you'd fallen asleep on the couch or had gotten up early

and how niave of me it was, but I didn't yet know that this was the worst day of my life.

I think I called your name, but I can't be sure as panic set it and things became a little hazy at this point.

I found you in the bathroom. You were unresponsive. I didn't know what happened but as I tried to wake you, you didn't respond.

I remember looking down on us in the bathroom, with what was likely your dead body, but my brain did not accept that. You couldn't be gone. Not my Nick. Not my love.

I heard your voice from all around me say, "I'm so sorry," it was loud but it didn't come from your mouth. Maybe it was an auditory hallucination. The brain does strange things in the face of extreme stress and trauma.

I darted for a phone, but I couldn't find mine. I was so fucking panicked and scared and alone. I found your phone and dialed 911.

Things become more hazy. I knew this was an overdose because I saw the spoon in the bathroom. I told the operator it was heroin, the toxicology report would later say it was morphine.

I had to do CPR and the 911 operator instructed me but I failed. I failed you. I couldn't stop sobbing, hyperventilating. I was trying, but I was no good. I couldn't help you and I couldn't breathe either.

The paramedics arrived and I rushed to unlock the doors. I dont really know what happened after. They took you to the living room I think and I was sat in the bedroom. I was quietly sitting in shock, I kept asking if you were going to be okay. The female officer told me she didn't know yet.

They asked me questions and I dont remember what. They pronounced you dead and the doctor came to tell me and I kicked and I screamed "No! We were supposed to get married!" and other things, but I can't remember what they were. An officer may have been restraining me.

One of the many officers combing through my home asked if I wanted to go outside for fresh air or a cigarette and I must have agreed. I was in pajama shorts, so I went to my closet to grab a coat when officers panicked because they didn't want me unsupervised. Maybe they thought I was hiding drugs. Maybe they thought I was a danger. I don't know.

I stood outside shaking, blank, empty, in shock. In shorts and an open jacket in mid February in South Dakota.

I remember a male officer say something to the effect of "you look like you're doing alright"

I don't think I looked at him. I did not respond. I had already shut down. The female officer asked me if I could call someone, my mother. I tried to give the number but I guess I gave my own phone number. I was very confused. As I said, I had shut down.

Somehow they reached her and she came to get me from the home I had shared with my fiance. I was stone cold and silent until I saw her, hugged her, and broke down into wails and sobs. Before we left the female officer told me I was not going to be charged with anything, which hadn't even occured to me as a possibility.

For months I did nothing but sit or lay on my mother's couch. Sometimes I didn't recognize where I was. I couldn't look in the mirror. I couldn't eat. I couldn't exist. All I wanted was to go with him. I didn't want to be here without him.

People who pretended to be friends came and went. Family members collected my pets and belongings from the house I shared with my fiance. I couldn't return. I paid another month or two worth of rent just to avoid going back and tying up those loose ends.

I lost friends over 10 years long because I was "too sad to be around"

I was angry

I was empty

Nothing felt good. Nothing tasted good. Nothing felt like anything except for his absence.

I would have sudden panic attacks and freak out in a totally quiet home. The only way I could curb these was to observe my cats and note that they were sleeping calmly and therefore there must be no immediate danger. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't.

I thought a lot about suicide. I thought it was unfair for my friends and family to expect me to live in the debilitating pain just so they didn't have to suffer losing me. I should exist in the pits of hell to spare them the very grief I was lost in. It seemed so unfair.

There was no hope. There was nothing to live for. I was a shell. I either felt nothing at all or extreme emotions - anger or grief. I said extreme things to people in the deepest depths and I cut ties wherever need be.

Grief was like poison inside of me. I had a toxicity in my thoughts and speech. I had a skewed perspective and no one had it as bad as me. No one could truly understand my loss and pain and the trauma of finding the person I loved most dead on the worst day of my life.

I went crazy sometimes. I had brief periods of psychosis. I would run out of my house in fear and hide in bushes blocks away. Fear of what? I don't really know. I felt trapped and I needed to go.

Grief is a shapeshifter and it never really leaves.

It doesn't get 'better' it just changes and morphes into different contortions. Maybe we get better at carrying the weight over time. I'm not sure.

It's been six years and three days. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, the day of his viewing 6 years ago.

I still ache. I still get angry. I still love. I still yearn. I still have nightmares. I still feel cheated. Every so often, I still reach for him in the twilight of wake and sleep.

Nothing will ever fix it. Nothing will ever make it better. There's no remedy. No healing potion. No spell or ritual. Just ache. I will ache.

As I continue to live, I will only collect more grief and you will too.

Life is an endless collection of loss.

[imabillyami]

That segment had me really enotional. Not in a Jey is quitting, im sad, because that's obviously fake, but of how over and loved he is. How, unless im being niave WWE seems to be leaning into it instead of pulling away from it like they have done in the past. Yeah, he's being written off when he's at peak popularity, but not only does Josh deserve a break, but the way they did it, people are going to be SALIVATING for his return. If they wanted us to forget him, they'd just have him off tv after Summerslam to lick his wounds. But no, they gave him something dramatic, engaging, badass, and most importantly, he looked so strong. I've seen people say Roman should have won clean at Summerslam, but I believe they wanted Jey to look strong. If anything can be said about that match is Jey looked strong as hell,he had the momentum through most of that match. Then they carried that into the next night, where he looked like a Rockstar to solidify himself as a star. If anything, I believe it showed they think Jey can carry a championship, a world championship someday. Now it's being reported they never seriously considered Jey to dethrone Roman at Summerslam (but I also argue they never considered Cody at WM either, he wasn't even supposed to be Romans opponent) it doesn't mean they don't consider him as someone who COULD. They just dont want Roman losing it at SS and probably before he surpases racist Hulk Hogan. Maybe they don't see him for Roman's, but they see him for something. They saw the work this guy put in for three years and probably, especially the last 9 months, and realized they had something special and I'm emotional because I knew that since day 1ish.

You hit the nail on the head with that one, anon! I couldn't agree more.

With how Summerslam ended and with how they showcased him on Smackdown afterwards, they really strapped a rocket to his cute lil butt and made him the most over guy in the entire company (I argued that the most over guy was LA Knight the other week, but after this it's Main Event Jey Uso 100%). That crowd reaction really speaks for itself.

People will go bonkers once he returns and he truly deserves that break he's getting now, even though we'll all miss him like crazy. (It'll also give people who've been complaining constantly time to miss this storyline and the characters involved because they'll get to see that it's the thing that truly carries the company, despite their claims of it being stale and boring. Upon return the hype is gonna be even stronger. Believe that.)

[haunted-homes]

Hurt no Comfort, No Pairing, Suicide Warning

A lot of people say, that sometimes you just never see it coming.

"He had just came out of that low point in his life..."

"Everything seemed fine, he was happier than usual even!"

Nothing seems out of place when you're just glad they finally stopped Moping About. Something new that seems like an improvement is easily missed.

A lot of people don't get it. Don't understand the weight that's lifted, the flood of relief that swims through and lifts the fog of it all. Even if there's not a solid plan, You know in the end you'll be free.

It never made sense to me, when people said they couldn't see it coming before someone close to them killed themselves.

Maybe it's because for Me, I had seen it coming a mile away. I didn't understand it yet.

Not Like I Do Now.

It wasn't that something had snapped inside him, he didn't loose his mind and make some huge terrible mistake.

Wilbur had let go, he unclenched his fist that was clinging so tight to his mortality.

I wonder now, if he had felt the same thing upon his decision. The buzzing in the tips of his toes, the tingling in the tips of his fingers. Maybe that's just the cold wind getting to me.

Wilbur did what he did that day, because he knew by the end of it all he would be free. He got to have his way in the end regardless of if his plans went accordingly or not.

I'd have seen it coming sooner if I hadn't been blinded by niave hope for Wilbur to come to his senses. I could never have understood, that this relief is what he felt. I never could have stopped him and I know that now, because when you finally truly give up hope is when you feel the most freedom you've ever felt in your life.

I wonder to myself if I'm scared. Am I? The ground lay below, a rocky sandy surface. No welcoming arms certainly.

But really? I couldn't care less. Fear was nothing in the face of Peace. Maybe this is my Hope. I'm not scared of being met with a deep sleep, even if it does mess up my face. And my Arms, and Legs, and Neck

Besides, the only one likely to find me is Dream anyways. Who cares what He thinks.

Fuck Him.

Fuck all of them.

I'm going back to Wilbur.

Dream had felt off from the start. The day he came to check on Tommy, and tease him like the frightened wood mouse he acted like, he wasn't met with trembling hands and tired blue eyes.

Tommy wasn't loud, hasn't been for a long time. But he spoke easier now, like the shake in his system had completely left him. Despite the eyebags that seemed permanently attached he almost seemed well rested and at ease.

Dream didn't bother to ask about it, he knew how to deal with rebellion. He dug his hole, he ordered Tommy around. And Tommy didn't fight one bit. He marched around like a well trained puppy, and the feeling of being on edge seeped out of Dream slowly but surely. Eventually he got bored, and before noon he left.

The strange twisting gut feeling never left him though. The day ticked by and ass the sun was starting to lower down bit by bit Dream had finally had enough of letting this emotion stew in him. He headed back to Logstedshire and when he saw the large tower he felt his stomach twist tighter. With a clenched jaw and an expression of deep annoyance he walked to the bottom of the tower where one of his most prized possessions lay, broken and splattered on the rocky shore.

If worth nothing more than a pretty pawn, at the very least Tommy would make a much better test subject than dearest old Ghostbur.

[fish-with-hair0-0]

Today I all I will do is breathe

That's all I can do

The incident stole my breath away it stole my ability to speak and my ability to swim through the torrent of bullshit

So today all I will do is breathe.

Back to the basics i suppose.

The bricks that plague my gut feel lighter each breath in but that just makes the exhale more painful

I will fight the urge to hold in my breath because it will fail. And the brick will drop and land harder than before and perhaps it will rip a bleeding hole. Perhaps my spine will become stuck to it and it will fall with it and I will become a useless bag of gelati lying on the floor. My blood would pour into the ground and stay their staining the carpet and then the wood under it.

It's a strange feeling to be injured and blame the wrong creator. I got home after the incident and felt the need to destroy. Noone was home to stop me.

I grabbed a piece of wood which had previously been my entertainment . Now my wrath was directed at it. I cut towards me. And I did not feel the pain. Instead I placed my bloody finger were I had made the cut. I blamed the notch in the wood not the knife. This is not a metaphore for the incident. If it were accurate I blame the knife and the wood the knife for making the cut the wood for pushing it into my finger.

The first time for anything is strange especially when it's the first for a certain kind of pain

Seeing a person who's actions say your family and freinds should die is shocking to say the least

It is shocking to hear myself say it and it makes me tense. And I bend over as if i was stabbed in the gut

This will be the first of many incidents. It will break my trust for a while each time. And I hope I never have to have the pain of it being someone I liked.

It feels naive to be so sad and scared when there are those who went through it every day. But I will not apologize for being niave. I just wish it could stay that way, for me and for everyone else

I enjoyed their presence I thought we might be freinds. it makes me hate my mind for not knowing. it makes me hate me. And I cannot stand for that. But for now it is one breathe at a time. I cannot swim. Not yet and I don't have the energy to try. But I will in time

Maybe...

I will let others decide who i am l or why I experienced this because no matter who i am my experience is alive. No matter if you see yourself in it or see someone else.

I wrote it so I could understand

I dont know if this feeling is universal but if it is then I understand. And I refuse to get used to feeling this way.

[dirtytomatoedwrites]

I literally have no words! Like NONE!

Okay I have a few.... after the cut.  I can’t help myself  😭 

I’m so shaken up by this chapter I’m sure my ramblings here will not make much sense but I just wanted to get down my initial thoughts.

First Can I just say I love the titles of  all your chapters but- Resisting the New Moon - Ugh Brilliant!! Just BRILLIANT!  

So this chapter is HEAVY!  LIKE @youaremyhome​ was not kidding with the HEAVY  and DARK warnings.  This chapter is all about reader’s inner turmoil and it is JUSTIFIED.  

In the space of 3k words we’ve gotten a real taste of who Rafe Cameron really is - sure we had a taste in the previous chapters but I think we were also blindsided by all the mind-blowing sex and attention  (or maybe I was) and therefore a part of me thought well maybe now that he has her he’d chill the f out - HOW TERRIBLY FUCKING WRONG AND NIAVE I WAS!  Now Rafe is at his utter worst still coking, still drinking and just as violent. The violence now aimed at reader when he can’t have his way and to make it even more devastating the whole campus is watching and thinks it’s some romantic fairytale.  Reader has no-one to confide in.

I love the dream sequence. It’s some of the most powerful writing I’ve read in a long time. It’s also unbelievable relatable.  How many times have you gone through something and replayed it in your head.  You can’t help but think maybe if I didn’t take that particular turn.  Maybe if I had not gone to such and such a place.  Or maybe there’s an alternative universe where things play out differently.  Maybe, maybe maybe  only to come to the realisation that the outcome would have been the same.  In the end all roads lead to the same destination, the same outcome, the same lessons to learn. 

UGH Such a beautifully written chapter.

I rarely have time to read and I’m so happy I’ve found this great piece- it’s like I’m being sustained with a really great book.  I’m so grateful you’re writing this and I hope you update soon with Rafe’s point of view.

Please tag me in any updates!  

Until next time (hopefully not too long now ) 😉

Pieces of the Night: Resisting the New Moon

Warnings: Dark!Rafe Cameron x Reader, 18+ NSFW, smut, HEAVY non-con/dub-con, drug use, possessive behavior, blackmail, manipulation, DARK. More to add. Read at your own risk!

Notes: 3.0k words. I just to thank everyone that has been patiently waiting for my updates and i am SO SORRY for how long this took. Bad news: this is pretty plot-heavy so no smut, good news: next chapter is Rafe's POV! so i really hope yall like it so tell me if you do or don't, i just wanna hear from ya'll!! it means so much to read what you guys think as you read and i find it just as entertaining as writing the series lol

Taglist: @belcalis9503 @ACRAZYBIOTCH374 @fangirlwithlou@malfoytargaryen @RAFECAMERONSBADUSSY @takin-care-of-business@watersquirtpewpewboomm @magnificantmermaid @mk15x @abbybarnesstuff @lavenderhue

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! (And I’m sorry if I missed you, I love you)

Coming home should be relaxing.  

Instead, a ball of dread sits in your esophagus as you turn the key, inching the door open. Silence greets you, shoulders dropping with the weight rolling down your back. You’re truly alone now, with no greedy hands or nipping teeth to get you.

It was a struggle to leave Rafe’s apartment. A wake-up call of kisses and an encore of his performance in the alley started your morning off, followed by an insufferable breakfast with his roommates, Topper and Kelce. Both boys seemed confused as you sat at the dining table, dressed in Rafe’s t-shirt and boxers as he placed the coffee in front of you. The boyish leers and whistles followed you down the hall when you excused yourself, their eyes pinned to the various bruises scattered on you like exploded stars.

Rafe tried insisting on you skipping class with sweet promises that escalated into whispered threats. Fortunately, you were able to escape. It costed you another pair of underwear.

Dragging yourself to your room, your body and mind argue about who’s more exhausted.

While muscles felt strained and bones felt weak, your mind had no inner voice for once. On autopilot as you change, dumping your things to the ground. A muted consciousness fogs your senses, moving like a sim controlled by a child; clumsy and aimless. Collapsing on the bed is the last thing that happens before the screen turns black.

“Get up!”

Your name is being yelled in layers, crusty eyes peeking open as your friends storm in like an army brigade. Andi squeals and jumps into your bed as their voices overlap.

“How could you keep this from us you bitch?!”

“Everyone’s talking about it –"

“Talking about what?” Your sleepy voice cracks.

“You and Rafe, duh!”

Springing up, an instant flush blisters your face, the girls hitching up an octave as they point it out. Their eyes and questions are like needlepoints poking at your skin.

Rubbing your face with both hands, you press the heels to your eyes. “It just sorta… happened.” Little specks of black and silver sprinkle your vision once you’re done squishing your eyes. There’s no point in lying to them. Well, more than you have to.

Looking between the three of them you ask, “How’d you even know so fast? I left his apartment this morning.”

“Oh, please.” Dan huffs, flicking her wrist. “Those frat boys are worst gossips than us. I heard from Mary, who got a text from Liz whose sleeping with Matt, that Topper told him how you did the walk of shame straight to your class."

Louise strikes out, pulling the neckline of your sweater down, revealing the fresh bruises on your skin. They titter, the girls settling on your bed as you pull your knees up, hugging them tightly to your chest. You tell them what they want to hear.

How Rafe had been persisting you in class while you secretly – hated – loved it, cautious because of his reputation. Leading him to beg for a date and the modified version of the dirty details. As you weave the story, struggling is replaced with play fighting, crying with giggling. The lies stumble through your dry mouth, but they assume it's from your shy demeanor.

“So, do you like… like him?” Louise asks with an impish grin and wonder in her eye. Ever the romantic.

“Personality-wise?” You can’t help the grimace on your face. “He’s alright, I guess.”

Clearly, it isn’t the answer she was hoping for; she shrugs, saying people start dating from being fuck buddies nowadays. Controlling your bodily reaction to your relationship named as that is difficult, a weak nod is all you give.

You can see the excitement they hold for you like little offerings you’re supposed to lap up. In any other case, you would be squealing along with them, maybe even having butterflies in your stomach with fuzzy wings instead of knives.

They probe for more intimate details, something you all do after a new boy. Only this time feels…dirty, that these details should never see the light of day for how dark they are. Further despising Rafe for another thing he has unknowingly ruined: the enjoyment of gossiping with your friends. You’re holding back now and it doesn’t feel right. You should be telling them how you cry at the sight of him, not that you orgasm every time (though that is begrudgingly true, too).

“Just be careful, okay?” Danielle says after the conversation winds down. Reaching over, she lays her hand on yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. It’s a simple caring gesture that has you almost breaking. The touch is innocent and good-natured, something you haven’t felt in weeks.

It reminisces the first time you had told them about Rafe. Danielle always had a better judge of character than you. Repeatedly telling you how there were some people that rather burn than put a fire out. Now, you were encircled in a hellish blue fire that licked at your skin.

You hold eye contact, a wall trembling to fall but you reinforce it with a smile. “Of course.”

Over the course of the next couple weeks, other Greek life people you knew were asking about you and Rafe. You knew the community was big enough to not know everyone, but small enough for word to spread like a slow forest fire, contained in an area before it latches onto a lingering branch, lighting its way through the whole campus.

Questions of if you were dating seemed constant, a hardy no was always the answer. Not understanding the fuss of a random frat boy sleeping with a random college girl. Frustrated with it, you had asked a sorority girl that shared the same class with you and Rafe why it even mattered.

“You’re kidding, right?” You frowned and shook your head. “Everyone knows the rich, crazy VP that loves partying more than girls has never had a girlfriend. Especially one so nice.”

You repeated to her and anyone with ears that you and Rafe were absolutely not dating.

That didn’t stop him from heightening the rumors, walking you to and from classes, a kiss hello and goodbye. Arm stretched behind your chair during lecture, playing with the ends of your hair. Public displays of affection that curdled low in your belly. It only reminded you of the leash he has on you. So taut, that with any wrong move, he’ll turn it into a cage.

Even parties weren’t as fun anymore, Rafe making an appearance more likely than not. Those nights usually ended with you drunk, high, fucked out, or a combination of the three. It didn’t matter if you tried hiding somewhere in the packed houses or fought with him there, it ended with you in his bed.

Today you were especially ticked off.

Hungover and crabby, you’re grumbly and feeling like all over shit. You don’t know why your body hurts more, from your intense hungover or the way Rafe had slammed you down to the bed last night. He was already up when you awoke, only in sweats as he ruffled through his desk drawers. He gave you a distracted morning as you got up and dressed. Though you’ve been appeasing him as of late, you don’t bother with a response.

The sound of sharp inhaling has your eyes rolling to the back of your head in annoyance. After a few moments, you feel his stare as you push your last night's clothes into your bag.

“Wanna bump?” He thumbs his nose, lounging back on the chair. “Make you feel better.”

“Yeah, no thanks.”

The words are clipped and maybe a little sarcastic, focusing on getting everything you need so you can leave. Easily ignoring him as you round the bed to head to the bathroom.

“It’ll get that stick outta your ass you woke up with.” He mutters, but you know you’re meant to hear it.

Mild annoyance flicks into anger. Anger that has you whirling back to him, letting it dominate you like he has done so many times. Arm lashing out, you swipe the rest of the cocaine off the desk. The collected powder floats into a cloud of dust as its disturbed, satisfaction thrumming through you.

“What the fuck?!”

Rafe’s up in a blink of an eye, chair clambering back to the floor. Your delight dries up when livid eyes pierce you, and before you know what you're doing, you're running away.

There’s shouting of your name, bare feet slapping the floor as he gives chase.

The hallway between his door and the entrance narrows before you, distorting into something longer, inescapable. You don’t know where you're going to go with being shoeless and phoneless but you need to get out of here before –

You’re pushed to the side, inches from the front door and your temple bounces off the wall. Hands spin you around, facing Rafe with his eyes wide and skin taunt as he gives you a jagged shake.

“You stupid bitch –"

“Fucking jackass –"

“Hey, woah!”

You both freeze.

As Rafe turns his head to look behind, you cock your head to the side. Topper stands at the small dining table, dimpled chin hanging low and a bowl of cereal sitting in front of him. Bewildered eyes asses the way Rafe is hunching over you, the twisted grip on your upper arms.

“Rafe, man…let her go,” Topper says calmly, one hand lowly reaching out. Something akin to concern filling out his expression.

With a grunt tickling your ear, Rafe releases you, his chest still pressed to yours. He commands under his breath, “go back to the room.”

If it weren’t for the essentials you left, you would’ve disregarded him completely. Glowering, you check shoulders with him as you go, Topper’s worried questions echo down the hall.

Fear, anger, and misplaced embarrassment from the witnessed scuffle rattle up your head down to your chest. The scene plays in your mind’s eye over and over, a loop that changes only in perspective like a movie. One that doesn’t happen to you, only to a girl that’s looking for her lost voice. She had it before.

Only once under the shelter of being in public does relief settle over you like a cool mist. You don’t know what would’ve happened if Topper hadn’t been here.

🌙

“So, what are your plans for spring break?"

“Um, to go home?”

Confused, you tilt your head to stare down at the phone, Lauren combined with numerous heart emojis displayed on the screen. Your laptop is set on your knees as you complete homework while chatting with her. Hair still wet from your shower and Rafe’s texts unanswered. Apologizes filled the text history from him, all left on read which led to missed calls and increasingly agitated texts.

“Uhhh, no.” The crinkle of fabric as Lauren packs for an upcoming trip accompanies her words. “Dad didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“He and mom are gonna go back to that little island we stayed at for Christmas.” Your heart drops, your oblivious sister continues, “…yeah, apparently Dad and that Wade guy hit it off and they’re doing business.”

Your dad’s a commercial architect, designing retail and office spaces across the west coast. He sometimes takes the odd job at the beginning of the new year so your family would be able to enjoy your summer in a new city. It usually took months of permits and construction to fully finish the project, your dad liked to stay with them till the end. You don’t even know what Ward does, just that he must’ve made a good impression, yet you can’t remember because you had a nuisance sitting beside you.

A gnawing pit opens at the bottom of your stomach, feeding on the fear that drips like a broken faucet. If this deal with Ward goes through, you’ll be spending your summer in Kildare, possibly longer with no job lined up for yourself.

A summer of Rafe. A summer of suffering through all the shit he’ll pull. No doubt he’ll be hearing of the news soon, having been privy to the calls with his dad, wanting to be a part of the business.

Before now, you’ve resigned yourself to placating him until May, until graduation and then you’d be across the country, far away, and never looking back. As Lauren’s voice hums in the background, your eyes stare at the keyboard in thought. A hand grazing over the tender spot of the side of your head.

This changes how you’ve been dealing with the situation. Handling Rafe like a spoiled child, giving him limited access to his favorite toy. It was the best strategy you had, believing you had an end date to this mess. However, with summer looming towards you with its long shadows and unrelenting heat, you know you can’t do it any longer. You can’t deal with the constant touching, the faux sweet gestures, and the rough treatment. It makes your head flutter with sickly butterflies just thinking of it, your chest feels light as you breathe in deeper.

You need a new plan, now. One that frees you from the shackles of Rafe Cameron. How you were going to do that…you had no idea. Once he learns of the deal, he won’t let it go. He won’t let his dad say no to it, and won’t let you say no to coming with.

The rest of the phone call is a distant thing, the laptop closed and you don’t even know if you saved your work. Amongst the quiet of the night, you drift into your mind, visualizing an alternate world.

A world where you never saw Rafe on the beach that night, or even went to the Outer Banks at all. How after winter break, you still would’ve had a class together. Still had that fated reunion. With no pogues around to deface him, you might’ve liked the attention from him.

Played it coy, compelling him to make the first move, maybe after lecture one day and walk you home. Having a nice, normal conversation with him. How you would’ve agreed to see him again, to have sex with him again.

This other you gets the Rafe you had first met. A jerk, yes, but one that listened to you, that had self-control. Was soft with you. She gets the normal progression of fuck buddies to a situationship. Because despite all the faults he clearly has, other you would’ve been able to look past them. Giving him leeway with his transgressions, not considering it a big deal since it wasn’t a serious thing anyways.

Other you has weeks and months to see the red flags rising up, one by one. The excessive drinking turns him nasty, the blow that levels him out and becomes emotional. Other you would’ve ignored them, chalked it up to typical college behavior until he eventually hurt you. You’d like to think other you would immediately end it, no matter how much he had manipulated you into liking him.

It's at this point of the dark tale where you know the universe is out to get you, an age-old revenge set upon your very soul. Because if other you tried to end it with him, would he have turned just as vicious as before?

Yes, you think, yes, he would in a heartbeat.

Separate paths: one with a smooth, sandy trail as the other grapples with high seas. These two lives are so separate, so unlike the other but still converging in the end, the same destination. A desisted beach with just a blond boy, ready to meld hands and bodies together. No path to take and no boat to ride on.

Gusts of wind brusquely whip around you like nature herself is propelling you forward, toward him. A warp of stumbling and muted colors as the rough waves crash to the shoreline, deafening and ferocious. The blond stays there, waiting. As if he knows you’ll be coming to him, even though you don’t want to. Like he knows no element will stop this journey of yours deeper into the sand.

You can’t see his face but fright ghosts over you like a disembodied entity. You want to go the other way, back to what was before.

The sand starts to flow, gentler than the water, luring you nearer to him, closer to what you know is bad, bad, bad. You think you scream, or maybe there’s another roaring of the waves as your arm's length away now. Details filling out his face come into a sharp focus, the edges around him blurry as Rafe smiles at you.

He seems unaffected by the storm happening viciously around the two of you. Spontaneously, you’re in his arms and you’ve never felt so small. Resisting only seems like it's the sand moving your bodies to and fro, not the intense effort you give. There are words being eaten around you, Rafe telling you something with that giant grin of his.

What? You mouth, your voice is sucked into the vacuum of noise and boomerangs back at you.

YOU’RE MINE. Rafe shouts with a manic glee like a god’s voice booming down below from the heavens. His laughter pushes the waves closer, sand and sea mixing together.

Terror is all you know, from the beginning of time to the end of your days. Rafe’s hold feels more like tentacles than hands, squeezing and capturing you tight. There’s merely the scream of delight by the ocean and the sob of horror from you.

Just as you’re there, you’re not.

Woken in a slick sweat that coats your hairline to the back of your knees. Your heart sputtering from the nightmare and the harsh yank back into the conscious world. After taking a moment that this is reality, that you’re not being swallowed into the vortex of Rafe; do you relax back into bed. Smothering your face back into the pillow, you whimper with the ruminants of irrational fear. That little nub in your brain is lightened up, alarming you that there is real danger near you.

A danger you have to face head-on.

[funeral-grayy]

@ my worst

you’re prayin’ im the one but maybe i’m a curse

it was one am when you heard light tapping on your window. when you didn’t immediately get up, the tapping only became more louder and insistent. you knew who it was and why they were here and that was the exact reason you were hesitant to leave the comfort of your bed. dabi had forgotten your date earlier in the night and he was more than likely here to attempt at making it up to you. but god, you were so sick of this push and pull game he was playing with you. the tapping quickly turned into loud banging and you finally jumped out of bed and opened the window.

“what the fuck do you want, dabi?” you asked, annoyance evident in your voice. the smirk on his face told you he wasn’t going to take you seriously. sitting down in your computer chair, he started to unlace his boots, leading you to believe he would be staying. there was no point in trying to make him leave, so you got back into bed. you huffed in annoyance and rolled over, your back facing him now. 

“oh cmon doll, don’t be like that” you heard him say, much closer to you now. you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep up the cold shoulder, dabi was very persistent when you attempted to ignore him. you felt the bed dip, then a pair of arms grab you around the waist, pulling you until you were flush to his chest. his nose nudged the side of your neck, small kisses placed here and there in an attempt to gain your attention. “I’m sorry baby, you know i am’’ he tried convincing you but you weren’t stupid. this wasn’t something new, it was a constant pattern with him. him fucking up, coming to say sorry, fucking you and then doing it all over again. but for whatever reason you could never break it off for good, because for whatever reason you had fallen in love with the blue flamed villain. you were fucking niave, thinking you could fix him when all he did was push you away anytime you showed him an ounce of compassion. 

“dabi…” his name left your lips as a timid whisper. god, the way you said his name always did things to him. sighing he rested his forehead on your bare shoulder and thats when you felt it. warm and sticky. jolting up, you turned to face him and thats when you noticed that a few of his staples had been busted open. ignoring your concerned look, dabi sat up as well. 

“you sound so fucking beauitful when you say my name” reaching forward, he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. he knew you were about to fuss over him and shower him in affection. he should have known better than to come here injured. he didn’t want to see your loving gaze or feel your gentle touches. he didn’t deserve any of it, not from you, not from anyone. but he didn’t even attempt to put up a fight when you led him into the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet. he didn’t push you away when you started to dab his wound. his eyes shut as you dressed his wounds, not wanting to risk seeing the pity in your eyes. he could handle it from anyone else but not you. finally done, you cupped his cheek with your hands and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“dont.” he pushed your hands off his face, the word stung. you knew what he was doing, he always did this. any form of affection and he immediately bolted, cooking up some reason why he needed to leave but you weren’t having it this time.

 “why won’t you let me love you?” it was like time stood still, neither of you moving as you asked the question that would more than likely ruin everything. dabi’s eyes widened and quickly filled with anger. why the fuck did you have to ask that? why did you have to love him? you could see how at war with himself he was, so many emotions swimming behind his eyes. anger, confusion, hope. jumping to his feet, he began to pace the bathroom. why were you trying to fix him? this was just making it worse. his hands frustratedly grasped at his hair and pulled, a sound of anguish leaving his throat.

“you dont know what you’re saying. could you love me at my worst? after i’ve slaughtered innocent people? burned them alive? could you love me then?” he all but yelled in your face. he let out a humorless laugh. he knew better than to get involved with you, he knew things would end up this way. nothing ever stayed simple, feelings always got involved and he was a fool to think this would be any different. he couldn’t give you what you wanted, no matter how much he tried, he was far too damaged. no matter how much he loved you, he’d never say it. he hated that he showed you all his scars, showed you his vulnerable side because you accepted him so blindly. a gentle touch to his arm broke him from his trance.

“lets go to bed” and that was it, that was all you said as you took his hand in yours and led him back into your bedroom. he said nothing as he watched you unbutton his shirt, nothing as you helped him out of his pants. you were trying to be as gentle as possible as to not scare him off. you knew you had crossed a major line and scared him. getting into bed, you pulled him down next to you, placing his arm around your waist. you could pretend he didn’t yell at you, you could pretend like nothing had happened. you couldn’t lose him, not now. finally the limp arm that had been placed on your waist, tightened. he held you so close and so tight, like he was afraid you’d leave if he didn’t.

the air in the room felt thick, everything was tense, both of you afraid to make the wrong move. tucking your head under his chin, you closed your eyes and placed a gentle kiss to his chest. when he didn’t push you away or retract, you continued your kisses up his neck. your hands found his face and you pulled him down to meet your lips. he didn’t hesitate in kissing you back, his lips pushing harder against yours. he wanted to devour you, he wanted to be selfish tonight and claim you as his. rolling you onto your back, he hovered over you, his gaze was so intense but you couldn't look away. he dove right back  in and kissed you with so much passion it made you dizzy. his hands left a trail of heat as he stripped you of your clothes. the way his hands danced over your skin, so precise and so gentle that you had to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. he’d never touched you this way before, it was always hard and rough. tonight he took his time, memorizing every dip and curve of your body. he kissed the insides of your thighs, kissed just above your pussy, ignoring the needy whine you let out. he slowly parted your glistening folds, fingers becoming soaked with your essence. 

“eyes on me, sweetheart.” he said as he eased two fingers into your needy hole. the moan you let out was sinful. slowly he pumped his fingers in and out of you, all while maintaining eye contact with you. he wanted to see every single reaction, hear every single whine and moan. tonight was about you, the outside world didn’t exist. tonight he could pretend everything was alright. adding another finger, he could feel your walls tighten around him, warning him of your impending orgasm. leaning his cheek against your thigh, his thumb started to rub tight circles onto your clit. “i can feel you tightenin’, cum for me. fucking cum on my fingers.” his voice was an octave lower and laced with arousal. he’d never wanted you so badly. his fingers spet up and thumb pressed harder to your clit. both hands found solace in his hair, tugging while you gushed all over his fingers. cumming with a silent scream. he worked you through your orgasm, fingers slowing as you came down from your high.

“fuck, i need you so bad. i need you so fucking bad.” he sounded feral at this point. standinig up, he rushed to undress, discarding his boxer briefs into the pile at the end of your bed. he crawls back over you and cradles your face in his hands, dipping down to place gentle kisses over your face. the action completely different from how he was acting only 10 seconds ago. grasping the base of his cock, he runs the flushed tip through your folds, groaning at how soaked you are. 

“please” you whisper as he rests his forehead on yours. you can tell he’s battling with himself but you refuse to acknowledge it, wanting to bask in his gentleness. slowly, so slowly he sinks into you. it’s so much different from any other time you’ve had sex. he’s savouring the feeling of you, of being inside and close to you. once he’s bottomed out, he stills for a second. he leans back a bit so he can see your face, watching how tender you look, so full of love. his heart aches at the sight. he slowly pulls out, only to snap right back in, setting a steady pace. 

“fuck, i love you. i fucking love you. fuck fuck fuck” he whispers as he buries his head in the crook of your neck, finally setting a more brutal pace. “i love you so fucking much” he sobs out, tightening his hold on you. tears slide down your cheeks, from both pleasure and the sheer happiness you feel from him saying those three words. he can feel you clamping down on his cock and knows you’re close.

“cmon baby girl, cum on my cock. fuck, i need to feel you cum around my cock.” the moan that leaves his lips is so loud, you’ve never heard him this vocal before. his right hand slides down your body until he reaches where you two are joined. rough fingers start to rub and pinch your clit, bringing you even closer. he continues to pound into you, playing with your clit until you’re a moaning, whining mess beneath him. your vision goes white and thighs clamp around his waist, he can feel you cumming and it spurs him on. he picks up the pace, chasing his own high while he stares down at you. he can’t believe he was lucky enough to get to feel love in his lifetime. to be able to feel it radiating off of you. closing his eyes he lets out a string of curse words and with a loud groan he pumps you full of his cum. slowly pulling out, he watches as it seeps out, memorized by the way it seems endless. 

you’re groggy and sleepy now, too blissed out to fully notice when he pulls out completely and rolls down next to you. you can feel him running his fingers through your hair and whispering sweet nothings to you. this is how you end up falling asleep, full of love. 

dabi gets up once he realizes you’ve fallen asleep. he doesn’t look at you while he redresses. he doesn’t look at you as he laces up his boots. he doesn’t look at you when he takes your phone and deletes his number from it. and he doesn’t look at you when he blocks your number from his phone. there’s no turning back and there’s no looking back as he leaves through your window and into the night. he loves you but he knows he can’t be what you need. he loves you so fucking much but he’s too fucked up, too damaged to be in your life.

this is the end, this is the end, this is the end of me

[toontowncreepypasta]

Miles doesn't have a motive - The biggest flaw in The Turning.

I was rewatching the turning for the third time now and I realized one of the biggest flaws in the writing for what they were going for. Miles doesn't have any drive that'd make you believe he's a bad kid. Awkward, autistic, lacking boundaries, yes for sure. But he has no motive to be awful to Kate. Which could've worked if that's what they were going for, but its clearly not.

Nothing Miles does seems actually malicious. And even when framed as such, there's always contradictory information. Miles seems extremely niave and overly polite to the point where nothing he does seems like he's even being a creep on purpose. Off the top of my head I can think of multiple moments that make me think of that but the biggest ones are the explanation of why he was strangling that boy, because he burned pictures of Miles father. Which, Miles isn't justified in that, but he isn't malicious for lashing out at quite a large and malicious act of bullying. Another one that comes to mind is Mrs Grose saying that Miles had been with her for the last 15 minutes during hide and seek. If both of those lines were removed or changed it'd leave Miles thoughts and actions more in the dark, easier to fill in with assumptions.

Miles isn't particularly impassioned about... anything, other than Flora and protecting himself. He's forgiving towards Kate multiple times, he repeatedly tries to connect with her, and he's insanely protective of Flora. Other than his lack of boundaries Miles doesnt show any behavior that could make him seem like he's purposefully attempting to target and gaslight Kate. It all seems entirely accidental, esprcially since it never seems like he understands what hes doing wrong. I think believably it could've been written that its because of hos strange feelings towards her, but in reality that whole psrt of his character is dropped the third time thats brought up. It never comes up again.

Miles doesn't seem vengeful or particularly spiteful about Quints death, and while he mentions missing his dad he also never seems to feel very strongly about their death. Focused more on the fact that he feels abandoned instead of feeling sad they died.

Miles never seems "there" enough to manipulate either. We never see a super smart, super thought out, super calculated action from him. He's some kid who spouts sad poetic shit, and stands there mouth open with the blankest look on his face. He looks like his thoughts are far away and staticy and he REACTS like his thoughts are far away. The kids got like 8 different dissociative layers, I don't even think he could be super calculating and smart.

Which in contrast makes Kate look MUCH worse because she's putting all of these very very very strong and bad assumptions on a kid that doesn't even seem to be able to keep his thoughts under control let alone mastermind an evil game of hide and seek. Kate looks so dramatically awful in comparison. Which, again, could have been used to rheir advantage! If they remembered to show the viewer a little more into Miles ability to even think like that. One small scene, maybe something with him un the background.