#i feel like im 100% on the wrong side to be upset over this btw but i still feel annoyed and frustrated lol

[kimmkitsuragi]

truly but does anyone notice but does anyone care

[aclosetfan]

im so annoyed i can’t send asks from my fan acc bc it aint my main acc but i don’t want to be anonymous so i will send this before i can chicken out!

you are my favorite writer in the whole fandom and honestly i’m really surprised you don’t have more followers! people should stop sleeping on you!!

still, i’m really happy that you got 100 followers now! you deserve every single one of them and more!!

“are you busy? can i talk to you for a moment?” with Professor and Buttercup, if you’d like it but you can just write random stuff and i would love it anyway

i’m @buttercupistough btw,,, ITS SO ANNOYING I CANT SEND ASKS FROM THERE BUT OH WELL- i will say it again: i love your work!!

idk why i feel so shy sending this omg😭

Since you're both basically asking for the same prompt, I consolidated, but don't worry, since there's two of you, you get special bonus sentences :)

first off, to the anon, thank you so much!!

Second off, specifically to @buttercupistough, it means a lot to me that you came off anon to say such kind words! I know how bad it sucks with the main account issues. I deal with the same thing all the time because this fan blog is my side blog 😂😅 I’ve replied to comments from my main and have had people be like, wait, who are you!? Lmao

Thank you again for your lovely comments! You're so sweet! I really appreciate it 🥰 I love your blog, I think all of your incorrect quote posts/jokes are absolutely hilarious, and I really see and enjoy the love and effort you put into all your fics!!!

Anyway, onto the prompt! I’m so happy people requested family fluff. It’s my favorite kind :) anyway, I feel Buttercup would be around 7 or 8 in this one.

Prompt game rules here; prompt list here

—————————————————

“Any man can be a father; it takes someone special to be a dad.” --unknown

"Hey, daaadd,” Buttercup zoomed as fast as she could into the house and began bunny hopping down the stairs to the lab, punctuating each landing with a “Dad! Dad! Dad! DAD!”

"Buttercup!" Frantically, the Professor pushed his safety glasses atop his head and rushed to the bottom of the stairs, already looking Buttercup over for any sign of trouble, "What's wrong! Are you okay?"

She cleared her throat awkwardly, toeing the ground, and the Professor watched her confident, bright smile fade into something shy as she hesitated climbing down those last few steps.

“Uh, dad—“ Buttercup had always thought the word dad felt weird on her tongue; to her, he was usually just the Professor, “can I, uh—are you busy? Can I talk to you for a moment?”

"Of course, spice cake," Professor nodded seriously, concern still etched across his face as he squatted down to her eye-level, "always."

"Well, uh," Buttercup began, eyes trained on the railing of the stairway, tracing the tiny swirly patterns carved in the wood with her finger, "I was sorta wondering—" She shrugged, "—I dunno, all the other kids at school call their dads dad, and I was thinking, you know, if it was cool with you that instead of calling you the Professor all the time and stuff, I could call you dad too—maybe?"

After a heavy moment of silence, Buttercup's face began to burn with shame and embarrassment. "You can just say no alread—" She scowled, but the upset glare she shot him was quickly replaced with panic, "—Professor! Why are you crying!?"

"I-I think I'd like that a lot," The Prof—no wait, her dad, explained through a watery smile, "I'd like that very much, you calling me dad."

The only time I remember someone canonically calling the Professor "dad" was Mojo (multiple times) and Bubbles (once in the movie). Isn't that crazy? I feel these moments would be very special to him.

[dyklopces]

*pays u attention* hiiii I only go here(here being pjo) for the valzhang . Feel free 2 use this ask as a hc dump :}

lee i owe you my first born

it doesn't take leo long to say he's in love . if he makes eye contact with someone and then they smile at him ?? game over . he tells everyone he knows that he's found The One

this being said . when he sees Frank for the first time . he doesn't feel any romantic attraction

mostly cause Frank thinks he's annoying and talks 2 much . also yknow Fire Powers and franks life force being dependent on a piece of firewood

frank is seemingly the exact opposite . he falls in like a lot slower (demi Frank rights) so when he meets Leo his first thought is "why is this tiny person screaming "

don't get me wrong . Leo thinks frank is Beautiful but like , not anything to ride home about . so what if he can nail a bullseye from 100 yards and turn into a lion . Leo doesn't think he's cool or scientifically interesting or kind of funny in that weird dry way grandmas are at all, shut up

I cant remember the books plots exactly cause i haven't read them in years but like , over time as they almost die together for the millionth time , they start to trust each other instinctually. they talk to each other now , and joke around

side note, when leo makes frank laugh for the first time , he has to almost immediately run away to piper to talk thru how he APPARENTLY has a crush !! how . when did this happen . piper why are u laughing

(she tells him that she's the daughter of love and she knew from the start and leo almost lights her room completely on fire from how embarrassed he gets )

the more leo talks it thru the more he's like. oh he thinks im annoying huh . im in way too deep now ! shit !!! he hates me and im in love with him !!!!!! why do the gods hate me piper . im too sexy for this help

she comforts him cause like , she knows frank genuinely doesn't like him rn . she has Vibes but romantically speaking she knows that atm it's one sided

frank , having been Abandoned , talks 2 Hazel for a bit (they are best friends ) and is like . is this what having friends My Age is ? laughing and leaving and nearly dying ?? huh . wild.

leo decides to be himself about the whole situation and Ignore It . it is fine he is fine he's just in love with someone who hates him . he is Okay and Stable and Normal and Not Upset About Anything , Hazel , Why Do You Keep Asking .

this goes on for a few weeks and franks confused cause whenever he makes a joke leo laughs really hard and then says he has "Very important and Shipley duties to attend to . not crashing and such . bye"

and then . Leo gets sucked up or whatever and is on calypsos island for a week .

in my world they're found family and LOVE EACH OTHER , thank you very much , so they all are desperately searching for him everywhere they can think, and Jason says "he's nowhere .. " cause Jason is a repressed emo and percys like hm . Well

frank, being Distinctly upset, immediately sees when percy puts the pieces together, demands he explains . so he does , and as upset as everyone is, they decide to try and help stop the end of the world or whatever.

leo has been having a Week on calypso Island . no one's looking for him, the only human company he has hates his fucjking guts , he has no way out . its literally His Personal Hell and he spends it damning every god he can think of cause like . what are they gonna do . put him on an island where he's functionally alone and can never get off and none of his friends even care ?

as is in canon, he and calypso reluctantly bond over lost loves and dead moms or whatever I can't remember .

eventually, he tells her about Frank, and how Frank could never like him like that, let alone love him.

calypso laughs in his face .

"first of all, I bet 100 drachmas he's in love with you too . second of all . so what . I would kill to have friends like that."

this time, when he promises to find a way off the island for her, she says "Good luck with your boy, boy. May the gods be on your side"

when leo shows back up on argo II everyone's like :-D !!!! LEO !!!!!!! and piper has to Hold frank back from tackling leo in excitement . they just hug rly hard :-) (BTW at this point she knows it's requited and if she weren't so thankful leo was back safe she'd pull his ear and call him stupid)

in the final battle , yes I am skipping ahead my hands hurt , Frank gives leo his firewood and says "don't be stupid, leo . people love you . " Which is as good as a confession you're gonna get before you almost certainly die

when leo Does die, frank goes fucking insane .

he doesn't leave his cabin at the roman camp for a week and when he does, he spends all his time at the archery range . he doesn't talk to anyone but Hazel.

he and annabeth have a conversation about losing someone before you can say you love them , but he barely responds cause like . percy came back . Leo won't.

about a month passes like this , and eventually he goes to chb to pray to hades / Pluto whatever who cares, ans be like . treat him well.

leo then shows up out of the sky, on a Dragon, carrying a Random Girl who immediately hugs leo, punches percy on the arm then hugs him too, and frank faints like the KING he is

when he wakes up in the infirmary, leo is at his bedside, still w the random girl, holding a cup of nectar . he hands it to frank and starts rambling nervously, explaining where he was for the past month and apologising

frank just . grabs his hand . says "I told you to not be stupid."

leo then reaches into his belt and pulls out the firewood

they confess and kiss :-)

[mithliya]

ive been saying that i’ll be posting receipts on the hetfem server, which was also heavily requested by plenty of people on here. this post is going to be pretty long, so i’m putting it under a read more. keep in mind, this isn’t every single wrong thing that has been said on the server, some may disagree with some parts even being wrong to begin with, and this post may have more added to it afterwards in the reblogs. the individuals who have provided me with receipts were all feeling threatened due to knowing how vicious and prone to harassing others the women in this server often are. so ive been sent countless receipts with context, which i have tried to summarise as well. please remember that the point of this post isn’t to call out specific individuals, but rather it is to showcase that the concerns and ‘rumours’ going around about this server were reasonable and true, and to show how lesbophobic and racist this server is (which many have publicly stated before being dogpiled by members of the server). 

first is the zionism and racism in that specific regard. “theHettyishere” is black-diaspora, “Autumn” is probablyaterf. both are partaking in the erasure & justification of how israel is treating palestinians, erasing palestinians proven ties to their country, erasing the war crimes israel partook in, and also erasing the racism within israel which prioritises ashkenazim over mizrahim and black jews.

then they got more blatant and started saying that if you’re anti-zionism then you’re .. anti-semitic ?? keep in mind these people aren’t even jewish 

then they go onto defending christianity

and falsely claim hitler ‘deeply respected’ islam. interesting considering hitler called muslims ‘half-apes’ and all but oh well!  

second set of receipts is the defending of blackface and justification of it. in both these ‘debates’, they literally only present one side and then act like they had a great discussion at the end of it when they’re all just confirming their pre-existing beliefs and using one another to support that. anyways, girlsfrommars had previously come under fire for publicly defending the blackface tradition existing in her country, the netherlands. this is her doing it again after backpedaling on tumblr on this topic, and people in the server standing by her. battleking is bookrebelwordwarrior on tumblr. 

the conversation kinda goes on for a bit and girlfrommars does the same thing she did on tumblr not long before this convo, which was give a “oh ok i’ll reconsider!” which may not be her truth anyways.

next is people on the server saying straight women don’t have enough good representation and even talking about being upset over bi women and even lesbians being represented?? again, autumn is probablyaterf. laughing bird will appear in the screenshots a lot, although i’m not sure what her url is.

idk how to tell these het and bi women.... that lesbians have practically no good representation. especially not as much as het women. there’s a lot of parts of this conversation that are highly questionable. tldr its bad if lesbians or bi women headcannon gnc women as bi or lesbians. also its bad if gnc characters aren’t straight.

this next screen is coming from a het woman so keep that in mind. i don’t know how to put into words why i find this iffy so yall can see it and decide for urselves

she justifies it w this when a couple of members make it clear they find her message questionable:

on a different occasion, girlsfrommars, a white woman, decides to randomly ask other white women in the server what they think about reparations. a bunch of racist white women show themselves during this conversation. please keep in mind i was not the one censoring their usernames so i myself have no idea who these women are, but the person censored in white is emanon, who has a tumblr. i dont know what her tumblr is, but she will appear in multiple other receipts after this. keep in mind this entire channel ends up being deleted by probablyaterf to cover up the racism and prevent the collection of receipts, which you’ll see evidence of later on in this post.

then one of the white women dismisses the impact of racism, basically,

then woc start to chime in (white is the white woman, ‘emanon’)

then, after this conversation went on for a while, a mod decides to tone-police and shame the woc for taking issue with what the white woman was saying. this mod is also white.

“my race doesn’t matter, but i’m jewish” sounds convenient. especially since this person admitted to being white and stated thats why she should stay in her lane the previous day:

back to the dispute between LB and the woc:

remember LB’s tone and behaviour in  the above screenshots as you’ll see how different it is from how she acted when a white woman was being lesbophobic on the server. 

probablyaterf eventually comes in with “both sides were bad :)” basically

girlfrommars makes a non-apology apology about bringing up reparations the way she did

the next set of screenshots is just.. i dont even know what to say about it? yall can see it for yourselves because i think its self-explanatory. battle king = bookrebelwordwarrior, thehettyishere = black-diaspora, autumn = probablyaterf.

then the subtle lesbophobia comes in

this convo was then moved to a channel that was eventually deleted (receipt of that will be shown on this post).

probablyaterf then comes in and says lesbians are All saying the things mentioned above 

then radfemkitten talks about how upset she was and probablyaterf goes on about how this conversation should stop or something 

PAT then lowkey admits that part of the point of her server is to be able to talk shit about lesbians without being criticised for lesbophobia: 

radfemkitten more or less confirms this

PAT basically says “if you think women here are lesbophobic then leave but if you keep criticising what is said then i’ll mute and maybe even kick you!” ok

after this PAT muted that woman for saying that some of the women were being lesbophobic. 

someone showed exactly where lesbophobia was present 

 “straight women should have a space where they can shit talk lesbians without criticism” basically ^. this is the 3rd screenshot where members of the chat, specifically the creator PAT, states that the server exists partially so that non-lesbians can say shit without being criticised for being lesbophobic. 

this was then said by emanon (racist reparations lady): 

then probablyaterf coddles the women who were upset for being held accountable and kicks out the women who called out lesbophobia

probablyaterf deleted entire channels which involved members being lesbophobic and racist for the bullshit reason she provided here, basically admitting she would remove things to prevent the collection of receipts:

this is why she is so confident on her blog about how people can’t possibly have receipts on her server. because she makes sure to delete the evidence. issue is, she did it too late. she then started twisting the story and lying to save face. she removed the conversations regarding reparations, separatism, the accusations of racism & lesbophobia, them complaining about there not being enough good representation of straight women, etc were all removed. evidence:

then it gets even more blatantly sketchy, where PAT basically tells the members of the group to not repeat the drama or dish the details of it, as any honest and open person not hiding questionable shit would do, apparently. 

the details and specifics of this drama were all kept quiet by those involved as well, and those involved agreed to not talk about what has happened in detail.

the bit “one of the members was crying SO MUCH because you called her lesophobic that she almost LEFT HER JOB :(” is funny as y’all can see the situation for yourself up there, she said something and people questioned her on it. this wasn’t a case of a poor defenseless victim being cruelly attacked or whatever.

“a lot of them do tho clearly” keep in mind that there were like what .. 4 lesbians that took issue with the server? and initially there was even less than that.

radfemkitten then goes onto a lesbophobic rant.  

then they changed the story within the server and claimed that the accusations of racism were directed at woc... when it was directed at white women exclusively, as shown above. keep in mind the person claiming this and putting racism in quotations is a white woman herself so. hmm.

next incident is some white woman being very blatantly lesbophobic on the server. several people took issue with it, and she received multiple warnings but was not kicked. keep in mind that earlier, someone was kicked simply for questioning a member on the server and saying they were being lesbophobic. yet when someone is blatantly lesbophobic, they receive multiple warnings and then get away with it. “pinkie the feral one” goes by roxxy, i don’t know if she has a tumblr. notice how laughing bird is comparatively very civil and patient with this roxxy person. 

bi & het women determining that lesbians talking about thinking of pussy somehow implies ‘homosexuals are sex crazed deviants’, is what’s homophobic, btw.

next are when the hetfem server came under fire after TD spoke against it and drama ensued. i was initially 100% for the hetfem server and said those opposing it were being illogical. however, after a while of that drama, some lesbophobia was starting to come out from the hetfems which is when i said i think both sides are wrong. the hetfems took this very personally and proceeded to make lesbophobic comments about how im just bitter bc i dont have a gf or something (altho i was in a relationship back then so lol) and then they blatantly said they dont think het women have power over lesbians. the convo resulted in them full on arguing that lesbians have it easier than het women.

next coming is the hetfem server arguing that abrahamic religions actually *helped* women and how radfems should be talking about that. keep in mind some of these are the same people that mock people who say islam is a ‘feminist religion’. 

next is them arguing on the hetfem server that Nasime Aghdam, the youtube shooter, is male and referencing a meme as a source. they completely ignored the fact that Nasime’s childhood photos make it pretty obvious that that meme was inaccurate anyways. also probablyaterf argued that it’s somehow racist to note that nasime aghdam resembles many other people in the middle east (somewhere im from & where ive lived my entire life). its interesting considering how many things she argued weren’t racist or homophobic, yet noting that someone isn’t a Weird Unusual Looking Alien like she wants to claim is ..racist

the probablyaterf goes on to strawman that i claimed all iranians are clones of each other or smth simply bc i said nasime aghdam’s face is not unusual in countries like iran. also keep in mind the person censored in red is a white woman lol.

henryhetta = foxfur-nadine.

listen.. ive seen women wearing borderline clown makeup in my country. it doesnt make them male. anyways then PAT says ‘maybe im wrong but ill insist im not anyways’, basically.

next is the time black-diaspora posted a pic of my mom taken from my country’s gov facebook page, which provides people with her first & last name. this was brought up on the server. they said i was lying (i was not) and went on about how im crazy and need to get laid. also calling me a ‘nigel’ in one of those screens.

then they just keep justifying it and insulting me. instead of taking issue with what a member of their server did.

so basically “calling out lesbophobia is bad, but posting information that leads to someone’s mom’s full name and facebook is ok, and somehow posting something from a ‘public news article’”

then they said “homosexuality is legal in bahrain” to somehow justify any of this??? as if Bahrain doesn’t have a history of killing, imprisoning, torturing, and exiling Bahrainis that they see criticising the government (which i frequently do) or anything. not like around 200 people have lost their lives for critiquing Bahrain’s government or anything. moreover, plenty of things are ‘legal’ in Bahrain but still lead to punishment. sex outside of marriage is illegal and gay people can’t legally get married, for one. and people have been imprisoned in Bahrain for kissing members of the same sex. but whatever i guess. anyways then radfemkitten argues that i sent a picture doxxing my own fucking mother to black-diaspora. so i endangered my own mother and then begged these people to delete the information they posted, apparently? 

sadly, that is the end of the receipts i have on the topic of BD endangering my mom and the hetfem server justifying it and finding ways to blame me for BD’s actions. so i don’t have the bit that confirms how she explained herself to others and justified it, however she did justify and defend it publicly when i called her out on it. BD was not kicked or muted or anything of the sort for what she has done, and as you can see, everyone justified it and took it as an opportunity to insult me. this wouldn’t have been as much of an issue if i wasn’t from a dictatorship and if my blog wasn’t so political. what BD posted is STILL present on another blog and i could not get staff to delete it, so if the information falls into the wrong hands i don’t know what’ll happen to my mother, or even to me.

next is them justifying allying with the right despite their homophobia, racism, etc. keep in mind some of these women reblogged white supremacist propaganda in agreement with it so this isn’t particularly shocking. christmas begins in november = autumn = probablyaterf.

the issue with this, by the way, is associating with a group that is often misogynistic, homophobic, and racist solely to have a slightly larger platform of people who are more or less heavily for gender, gender roles, and more, sends the message that somehow these are ok things to side with as feminists. yall notice how many ‘radfems’ are literally just conservatives who are against some aspects of misogyny or trans people? these are the people you’re roping in a lot of the time. and this makes the voices of radfems easier to dismiss by the left as well. instead of establishing a space in the left, you end up placing yourself closer to the right and effectively putting the success of your movement to a halt.

these coming screenshots are the hetfems arguing het women have it The Hardest in radfem spaces 

separate event is just some lesbophobia, again.

“imagine a straight/bihet woman wondering what the purpose of a lesbian is” go outside. there’s plenty of that. one idiotic woman saying that about bisexuality doesn’t somehow override that.

more blatant lesbophobia in a separate event. note the reactions underneath the text (all in agreement)

how often have gay people talked about how the stupid “you have equal rights now uwu” bullshit is simply bullshit? this is exactly what men use to dismiss feminists, why do it to dismiss talk of homophobia?

a bunch of white & het/het-passing women joking about making a straight pride or kkk march

remember the white woman, emanon, who argues against reparations because “what about poor white people? :(” she comes in with more racism, and some intersexism too! this is her calling caster semenya, an intersex black woman, a man and using ‘he’ pronouns for her. girlfrommars, the white woman keen on defending blackface, comes in to express her agreement.

then they argue that semenya was raised as a male.. because she refused to wear feminine clothing including in school & because some people thought she was, and thus treated her as such until they realised shes not, a man??

this is more recent than a lot of the previous receipts. i reblogged one post by radfemkitten a while back, and she was so flattered she felt the need to complain about it on the hetfem server, to which someone replied by likening me to a male hippo from madagascar. 

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

[leesungjongg]

Fight My Way fangirl time~

But before I start, I just need to say that this drama was different than the other dramas I’ve watched... It wasn’t too dramatic, but more realistic in a way. I kind of thought it was boring at the start (and idk if I would’ve finished watching it if it weren’t for Seojoon and also the actress who played Seolhee) but as time went on, some parts of the drama kept me interested. 

hmmm... where should I start... (contains spoilers btw, if you havent finished watching it)

Choi Aera.

didn’t deserve all that heartbreak. that guy who was studying for school and cheated on her - you suck. also i hate you moobin, i actually gave you a chance, even tho u were kinda weird

and also finding out her landlady was her mom? ahhh... that’s a lot to take in, esp when she thought she wasn’t there for most of her life (she was... aera didn’t realize it, but still... it’s a lot)

breaking up with dongman for like 2 weeks or smth I CRIED dont do this to me, you guys have been through everything since forever.. i understood why aera didn’t want him to go through w/ fighting tho

not getting jobs for almost all the interviews she went for bc she didn’t have experience like how soul-crushing was that? 

Good things:

aera’s amazingly tough ability and strength to get her through her struggles, you go girl

knows how to stand up for herself and for her friends too, will protect her loved ones without hesitating

she’s got guts and now the glory because she’s an announcer AFTER ALL THIS TIME she finally got to be one im so proud :’) thanks to the person who hired her based on her skills and enthusiasm (everyone’s gotta start somewhere, right?)

finally realized her true feelings for dongman, who annoys her all the time but is always there for her (which she deserves)

friends with seolhee who has the most beautiful heart in the world

Go Dongman. 

needed guidance w/ relationships, how could he not see that he loved aera, when he’s been by her side for so many years

had enough sense to keep hyeran out of his life when she came back around

lost his senses whenever aera did something around him. this includes getting flustered around her but  also getting defensive and protecting her whenever she gets into a fight, and also lending her a shoulder to cry on

mostly a silly character but kept something inside of him for so long, 10 years to be exact

kim tak su. i hate you too. i hope u learn not to headbutt someone ever again. 

had a wonderful relationship with his dear coach, one of my favorite characters in the drama ilu coach jangho thank u for being there for dongman for 10 YEARS you are the true mvp

wanted to make his dreams come true too, but had to choose between aera and martial arts... chose martial arts... pls refer back to 1st bullet point 

then he chose aera after beating kim taksu thank goodness. after getting headbutted and temporarily losing his hearing!!  which is so terrifying, and he still wanted to fight after that... dedication

proposed in the middle of a boxing ring? oMFG WAIT SO AERA STILL GOT PROPOSED WITH A RING(??)

Baek Seolhee.

prettiest cherry blossom. i loved her wavy/curly hair, her pretty lips, her beautiful big eyes, her pink cheeks T_T i’d do anything for u seolhee, just ask 

i didn’t know she had a dream, but her dream was to be a MOM. A MOM. i didn’t even think for a second that could be anyone’s dream, but she proved me wrong.

seriously the purest person on the show, 100% an angel. she worked so hard and did things no one asked her to do but she did it solely beause she wanted to T_T im gonna go cry now

she didn’t deserve that heartbreak from jooman :(((

got stomped on by jooman’s mom/sisters, but jooman defended her every time

finally decided to do her own thing and not to live behind someone else’s shadow -> starting up her plum wine business, :’) i will support you in everything seolhee. i hope she becomes a mom in the future.

Kim Jooman.

tries his best to provide for his soon-to-be wife (of 6 years)

gets swayed by someone who is similar to seolhee when he first fell for her

seolhee is upset, but jooman doesn’t stop?

when seolhee finally breaks it off with him, he cries for days/weeks/months. serves u right.

called himself trash bc he knows how much he messed up. glad to know that he admits to what he did

does everything to bring her back to him, including getting hit by a sizzling hot piece of meat in order to protect her from getting injured. this is probably as dramatic as this drama can get

comes from rich family, but falls for the less rich girl (and can’t get over her, probably won’t ever marry anyone else if it’s not her)

takes time to rebuild relationship with seolhee after the breakup. will wait for her if she wants to date other men bc for him, it’s only her.

Overall, I wish there were more episodes. I am satisfied with the ending, but I want more on what they do in the future. Now that they have accomplished their dreams, what’s next? 

I loved their relationship with each other, and I also love how they all stayed friends since childhood, minus Jooman, who showed up 10 years later (but even so...). It was frustrating to see what Seolhee went through when Jooman kept going after the girl at his office, it was literally tearing Seolhee apart... after she broke up, then Jooman felt pain too. I’m glad Dongman and Aera got to do what they had always wanted to do, and I’m grateful that their parents had supported them alongside too (quietly, but the support was still there). I wonder if Seolhee ever became a mom, or if Jooman ever got a promotion? and got to give more to Seolhee (even if she preferred the small things). 

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 10 - "If the votes aren't Unan1mous, I'm going to die." - Maynor

what the fuck kind of alliance votes out two of my closest allies two rounds in a row, and doesn't even tell me their concerned or trusts me with their opinion.

alyssa and jess. jsyk.

Well, being completely blindsided doesn't feel good. I just want to make sure that I'm safe moving forward, and I'm feeling very upset about how this just went over. I'm so pissed at Jess and Alyssa for not saying anything. And even Aidan. Fucking Aidan said nothing. I need to look at this situation positively, but I honestly don't know what to do right now.

I guess I need to find a way to strike against Jess/Alyssa/Devon because they are the power trio right now... I just hate doing it because I love all three of them, but if I want any chance of winning at all, I kind of need to do that.

I probably need to start by making sure I have Aidan and Dani with me. Chelsea being on the wrong side and talking with me helps, and then I need to solidify my relationship with Jones and Maynor.

Maybe with all of those combined, I have a chance.

So tonight I fucked up harder than I EVER HAVE FUCKED UP IN A GAME BEFORE (and that's saying something). I've been going through a rough patch the last week and have probably gotten a total of 15 hours of sleep since Friday???? When I was on call with Devon/Alyssa I read something out loud Jones sent me and it mentioned the whole alliance with Alyssa/Jones. I'm hoping I fucking mumbled but Alyssa understood me so DEVON KNOWS. I attempted to play it off but I DON'T know. I just don't fucking know. I'm dumb. I feel dumb.

I'm just trying to build trust with people at this point. I feel like my game fell apart fucking HARD this round. I cracked at final 10. FINAL FUCKING 10. I'm not trying to get DOWN on myself but low-key this is probably why I don't win games lmfao.

I told Alyssa about the idol so I'm hoping this is a sign of trust. I don't know how I 1000% feel about telling her but here goes nothing I guess?

I was in a pretty decent position going into this round and then....until I literally set fire to the rain and fucked shit up.

My relationship with TJ took a hit. That's not going to be good in the future. My relationship with Maynor took a hit. That's not going to be good in the future. My relationship with Chelsea is fucked (but did we ever have any type of working relationship, not really). My relationship with Devon probably took a hit because of my own stupidity. My relationship with Alyssa took a hit when I was sipping on dumb bitch juice. My relationship with Jones is still a major question mark? My relationship with JD is as stable as I am currently and that's saying SOMETHING?

THAT'S LITERALLY ALMOST EVERYONE IN THE FUCKING GAME WHO HAS SOME SORT OF ISSUE WITH ME?

Literally the only two people I didn't piss off or give reason to hate me is Dani/Aidan... and that's.... just fucking sad.

I destroyed my game and that's on me.

Time to pick up these pieces somehow and make them FIT.

Here is a Haiku about my game:

My game is a mess. I messed it up real bad. Jumping of a bridge.

okay so,,, I talked to Alyssa and Jess,,,,,,, and I understand,,,,,, like 80% where they're coming from? Jess told me she and Alyssa flipped because they didn't realize TJ and I came to them and said JD said Jess' name?? Jess went to JD and she said that Tim was the one who threw Jess' name out,,,,, and like,, they couldn't take my word for it when I said I trusted Tim, WHICH I UNDERSTAND that they didn't trust tim, but the fact that I told them how i felt and they just didn't listen to me bothers me.

like,, imagine this scenario,, would you take the testimony of someone who's in your alliance (albeit with some ulterior motives, but still in the alliance) and told their alliance (95% of) the truth,,, or someone who is never online and had been stirring up chaos and drama and was spewing shit this entire day just too keep their self safe? just answer that in the comments below thank you xoxo

so now that Alyssa and Jess know what happened on my end, and I know what happened on their end, we're both in agreement that JD has to FUCKING GO!!!! Tim was fucking robbed, i'm so espresso depresso you have no idea i'm so sad that Tim's gone. what a king,,, the creator of Jones' angels,,,,, robbedt,,,,,

we're rebranded as Tim's Angels btw jsyk <3

but ummm this fucking Unan1mous thing???? more like fucking BOOnan1mus amirite ladies hahahahahah ha h hah ah  um,,, hmm that joke sucked i'm so sorry. SO okay yeah,, Alyssa/Jess/TJ/Maynor agreed they'd vote for JD, and that they'd try to get the rest of the numbers to work for JD, BUT the problem is that if ANY ONE PERSON DOESN'T VOTE UNAN1MOUSLY,,,, they're safe. so we gotta get /everyone/ on board with this. hopefully Chelsea won't want to have like,,, revenge against Alyssa/Jess/Devon or anything sksksks

but ummmm let's hope for the best? I gotta get to school at 6:00 am and it's 2:00 am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it's snoozeville for me. catch you on the flipside :p

I hashed things out with Devon last night because I was so pissed off about the vote, but I still have a lot of trust to rebuild. When i mentioned my name going around, Devon, Alyssa, and Jess knew that my name wasn't out there and still didn't let me in on the Tim vote. I was completely alone and had to make an alliance with the others out of desperation and tbh, i think I look like an idiot. But anyway, i think Devon and i are on good terms and I hope we can rekindle our old team that i was loyal and comfotable with since the beginning.

This might be a long one Johnny. I am so sad that Tim went home. I was shocked. I thought i was able to trust Jess, Alyssa, Devon but they all lied and now to me personally are dead to me. Like im still going to work with them until i have an opporunity to strike against them. Like Alyssa she’s great but now has to leaving sooner than later. Devon final 2 is dead, i would gladly vote you out but have to time it really well. Dani m Aidan dead even more but seems like they are worried about Alyssa Jess and Devon so might use them to take out Alyssa. But yeah last night was rough. I had this ‘thing’ happened to be that was triggered by this game and my class lab. It wasnt good. There was a dark low moment were i got a negative thought that I should just tell them to vote me out for unanimous week. My friend texted me and told me to think it thru and Im glad i didnt day anything. I still want to play and try to make it to the end. Only person i trust 100% with out a doubt is Jonesy. ❤️ Everyone else can leave. Except i also like TJ amd Jess.

I'm not sure where my vote will land tonight. If I vote JD, I lose a shield in this game. At the same time, if JD goes tonight in a 9-1, we start to build trust among those we previously blindsided.

If I make it an 8-2 or 8-1-1, then I'm worried that people will use the process of elimination to find out I flipped....

Another random note about tonight. If JD stays due to me, the next target becomes Chelsea.

Essentially, I am deciding between playing with Chelsea or JD....

Everyone is saying JD’s name like lets do this. But now everyone is afaid of an idol and i swear if the votes aren’t unanimous, im going to die.

If I get idol'd out in this format I AM FUCKING SUING.

I CAN'T GO OUT ON MY FIRST TUMBLR ORG IN A ROUND BASED ON A ZWOOPER GAME.

HOW FUCKING IRONIC WOULD THAT BE?

YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER!

In all honesty I'm struggling hard this round. Idol's are so dangerous this fucking round. SO FUCKING DANGEROUS.

The mental gymnastics happening this round is insane.

I'm honestly having PTSD about this god damn format. The ONLY time I've ever cried because of a game was IN THIS FORMAT (thanks JOHNNY).

Today all I've done is try and repair relationships. I've worked harder than a hooker on a Tuesday today. I am exhausted. If I go this has been fun-ish.

I feel fuckig awful i worked too hard in this game to potentially get idoled out and that breaks my heart that that could happen tonight. apparently JD is writing down my name because she thinks i'm "Stubborn" and she wants to save me???? like if you wanna save me then like maybe don't vote for me?????? like i get the intent behind it with like,,,, the idea to save me but this is fuckin wit hme to my c ore . .Jess thinks JD's ly ing ad that she's voting for Jess, I just,,, fuck i really wanna die right noww yk i think i might be getting out there's like a 60% chance JD doensn't have an idol, and if she's comfortable enough then she wont play it. but there's a good chance I'll be going home. fukfalkdsfajsdads don't be surprised if i cry i'm just so upsetti/uncomfortable with the idea of going hope i tried too hard but um yeah

Wellp I’m really close with Aidan and so far I feel like we are doing really good. I feel bad because I lied straight to JDs face about voting jonesy. Instead I voted for her.

I'M DEFINITELY NOT CRYING OR ANYTHIGN FUCK

[wolfwhiteflowers]

my confusing thoughts/tweets issue 186.

vvvv

twd comics rn . eh idk what to think of it. :\ Kirkman don't ruin the comic Richonne's relationship. :( But since we got Elodie, im like well idk anything could happen -like Michonne’s death. 😒

they're kinda like Bellarke of The 100. The main twos that moves the story. kinda cos twd comic isn't like that really.. cos there's also carl, etc. 

comic richonne is over or just getting started lol im here for angst if there's a happy ending to it.  i read it cos im bored idk. I don’t trust Kirkman. 😒

--------

Yeah Idk what’s going on exactly. It was so rushed. Well we finally have a big dramatic moment in the arc in the comics. I think two volumes the story went slow and building up arcs and Commonwealth. But I generally don’t know where the story is going still. War of politics? I also feel like it should be more developed on what’s going on exactly ( because of this short story way, comic style). Idk. So Dwight went crazy and he went too far on one side even though he’s right about some stuff. Pamela is too power hunger and in control when people can be more free (our world).

I don’t get the whole Rick blaming Michonne. It’s more like an accident and dumb move from Michonne. Idk why it’s so dramatic but it was also tense moment too. Michonne was being like tv-Andrea with thinking that she can bring peace between both sides and to fix it. So, Michonne invited Rick and Dwight to talk. Then she invited Pamela to talk but she brought her guards and overhears M,R,D talking. Michonne didn’t expect that. Dwight believes that Pamela is all about power, so being peaceful isn’t gonna work. Then Dwight threatens Pamela or wanting to kill her, so Rick felt cornered and killed Dwight.

 I think everyone knew Dwight was gonna die. But I felt what happened that started a conflict, I feel like we still need Dwight to be the antagonist? in the story. I guess Dwight is just gonna be the cause of the conflict. Dwight’s story was an interesting one. I think it kinda fits that he died that way. He’s always been in the middle of wars and politics and leaders. It was cool he mentioned Negan when talking about Pamela. It made sense to me why he acted that way in CW.

 Rick killed Dwight because if he didn’t kill Dwight, Pamela would die and CW will start a war, or Dwight be jailed and Rick and Michonne wouldn’t be trusted either. Rick’s upset for Michonne to plan this meeting like that and that she shoulda trusted him, etc. I don’t get it. It’s more like her plan didn’t work out and Rick was cornered and had to kill Dwight. It is upsetting but where is this sudden blaming on Michonne. And suddenly this plot of Michonne being on “Pamela’s side” explained in one issue, where we see the moment with Elodie’s friends. I guess next issue will explain it better. Oh and then Rick said something like “maybe WE are on the wrong side of the war.” He said “we” so then, Rick chose a side already for himself or stuck in one? Idgi. 

I hope Rick and MIchonne work it out soon and their friendship. I do think Michonne is probably on Pamela’s side or that it seems like it because she’s all about her daughter and she’s used to CW and got privileges and fancy stuff for being a lawyer. I don’t think she cares about CW that way. She cares about Elodie being in safe place like CW. So Idk Im gonna think Michonne’s gonna be on the other side and it will be Civil War or Elodie will die and Michonne will realize what’s really going on and be on Rick’s side on..the political war.

I wish the arc or volumes build up better on toward the conflict. So yeah. Idk why Rick and Dwight cares about CW’s people and Gov Pamela. The TWD comics is always been about world building. So we’re passed building communities and it’s politics? Territories, counties. Presidents. I guess if Rick is still the main character of the story, he would then always want to LEAD..right? He would want to lead CW and everyone else someday because he’s a leader who leads. ok idk. I guess our main characters would like to in CW and not use the Old World rules but the New World rules.  ...But Idk I’m like why can’t Rick make his own community with his own rules. I mean rn US and Russia are different governments. There’s no one true government over here on Earth rn.

oh how some fans are so quick to hate on Michonne. 😒

Kirkman isn’t that great in romances, imo. whatever I don’t trust his writing.. Anyways, I really like the relationship with Eugene and Stephanie. It may be quick like the other ships are but this ship is more developed and sweet to me. Ok about Stephanie’s race. I figured she’s meant to be WOC at first, even tho they forgot to ink her, and then she’s black. I thought she would be Indian but she’s black with a wig. I kinda wish she’s Indian just cos. But whatever. The Carl and Sophia thing is just weird. Can Sophia find friends first. ok. Carl stop acting like you’re in your 20s. Which btw we never saw Carl and Lydia make up and be a couple again. Lydia u poor girl who is just always in bed.

yeah ok it’s cool how this issue got people freaking out till the next one comes till January. This year have been 15? years for TWD comics to run. Wow.

headcanon: Sophia and Elodie will be BFFs.

[survivorniue]

Ep. 6: “Ghosting” - Kevin (Merge)

NED

I actually survived that. I never in a million years would have expected Tribal to play out like that. Van voted against Kait, Sam stuck with me, and John believed the story I made up to scare him. Immediately after Tribal, I said that I was sorry and Kait BLEW UP at me. Here's a nice little selection of what she said to me: [11/1/16, 10:41:18 PM] kait ~~/: lmao don't say sorry for shit you're not sorry for [11/1/16, 10:41:47 PM] kait ~~/: so congrats I'll tarnish your rep to everyone I know [11/1/16, 10:42:06 PM] kait ~~/: Good luck in this community and good luck in Bangladesh you little cunt Of course, she's speaking about how I went to her today and apologized for anything I may have done wrong to get on her bad side. I recognized that how I talked to her after Canary Islands was actually pretty mean, and I genuinely hoped she could forgive me and we could work together with Van and Sam and dominate the merge. However, after I apologized her and proposed working together, she went to her allies and told them to vote me out. That is the ONLY reason she went home. If she had just talked to me like a human being, John would be going home instead of her. This is ALL on her.

FORREST

soooooooooooo I'm not really sure what just happened. kinda confused but oh well Van is dead to me for flipping. This is not Chanel

DAN

SOOOOOO happy to be back with Sam and Ned. I do trust them 100% and I'm willing to go very deep into the game with them. I don't know where Pat stands, but I do feel like I have Nicky and Kevin under my wing as well, so I really only have to get through this vote and to f5 with Sam and Ned.

KEVIN

Guess who the flipper is this time! Van! It's super sad because I was actually rooting for her! Like genuinely! But Van just couldn't meet my expectations, shocker highkey feel like forrest is on this gig somehow and i'm about to get my ass kicked but yknow what's new it's worth it if it's for kait

KEVIN

Iloa may win because they've got the numbers with snake but the gag is Iloa is a flop tribe full of mutes and Van's their pet snake!!! At this point we may likely tie and idk how to convince Dan that this is a good idea for him because really, it isn't. Maybe if we gave him immunity? But that would involve winning it in the first place, lmao

SAMANTHA

Omg I love duolingo :)

NED

Merge!! I honestly have no idea how things are going to shake out. Hopefully I can work with Sam, Van, Dan, and maybe John, and then we'll have to pull in someone else to get majority. Unfortunately, I won't have much time for the Immunity Challenge, so I'll have to rely on my alliance members to help me.

KEVIN

Honestly Monty really has the audacity to feed lies into my mouth saying these squares don't have idols, I'm sick of it!!!! Honestly!!! Okay so I wanna tell Forrest and/or Amanda about my idol, but I'm probably gonna wait a round to do that so I know for sure they're loyal. Primarily this is also to tell them that John has the idol clue and/or idol because seriously, where the fuck is it. But just to make sure, if I go home, I'm gonna tell Nicky ASAP before any of them and tell him to spread the word if I'm gone. Honestly I feel like I'm about to go batshit and just spend like an hour straight blatantly looking for the idol 

KEVIN

currently buttering up van so she can realize that yes, i AM an ideal goat to take to the end! 

PATRICK

DAN

WHEN NO ONE TALKS TO ME AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON AND I’M PROBABLY GOING HOME BECAUSE MY LIFE SUCKS AND I’M JUST SO MAD

VAN

Oh geez I suck So after that fiasco of trying to plan it out, in the end Kait did get voted out. But because I forgot to fill in Forrest about it he wasn't too pleased with me RIP. But right after it, we merged! It's pretty exciting to meet some people I haven't seen yet but of course it's a bit nerve-wracking because ya know, it's the merge and things can be a bit murky and on the surface, it looks like there's 5 Iloa vs. 5 Miti, right? WELL, because I suck and basically ruined the "Miti should stick together" idea between me/Forrest/Kait during the swap, I feel like I'm in a bit of an awkward spot! So, Kevin and I get along great and I would never want to vote him out unless we're getting close to the end of the game. Ned is honestly the person I feel most comfortable talking game with and I know he's a super strong competitor and I KNOW I'm probably gonna have to back-stab him later which just makes me more awful AGH. But for now he's my partner-in-crime and I'd like to keep killing this game with him. Ned/Sam and I, we're a trio now and I'd like to stick with them for as long as I can. Both of them are tough competitors and likable so yeah, obvious winner candidates and I'm probably the goat of the trio so I know I might have to jump ship at some point but for now, I'm sticking with them. I just hope I can figure out how to jump ship and still win them over if I make it to the end. The only person I know I've probably burned in Forrest because this game of mine as been a disaster so far. Was jumping to Ned/Sam a good idea? Probably not, but I'd rather move forward in a game with people I trust more. It was a gut feeling of mine so I'll stick with it. ANYWAY, we're trying to figure out the vote right now. I threw out Coffey and Forrest because both have been kind of quiet and yeah, I get people are busy and stuff (I have been too oops) but it could be an "easier" vote even though I love them both. Voting Coffey out after getting him to vote out Kait is mega shitty of me. Voting Forrest out is just shitty in general too. Ned threw out Kevin and Amanda and I shut him down on Kevin because I wanna keep working with them. I threw out Pat because we haven't talked much but Ned said that Pat's just shy. Well, I think we decided on Forrest. RIP that jury vote if he's on the jury. But at least I'm self aware about that. And that means I can hopefully improve my game from here on out.

KEVIN

So turns out Van's truly a turncoat and is turning on Forrest for being inactive, umm what? Who on earth votes out inactives in merge? Is Van just lying to get me out and #blindside or does she think this is sound logic??? John has an idol clue and if these people can't realize that was the reward they deserve to lose. Van's reason for keeping Coffey is bc they worked together in some game which umm first of all screw pregames and second of all who cares! who cares! you're gonna betray him sooner or later just like Kait so who cares!

KEVIN

I think I'm having a minor aneurysm because of this tribal council at this point there's almost no way Forrest isn't going home and then Van is going to eventually send me Amanda and Nicky home because she can and we're gonna be powerless and all my allies are ghosting and??? It's fine

NICKY

I'm... well.... I'm happy I won immunity.  At least I can maneuver into the final 9 without worrying tonight.  I just... I hope this all works out for me in the long run.  I don't know if I can completely trust in Dan come next round, but I sure hope so.  If not, maybe I'll have to put on my immunity pants.

AMANDA

Im really upset about his vote. I didnt wanna vote for forrest but no one was throwing names out and i didnt want it to be me. Im really good with Pat and Dan right now and i think im really good with kevin too. Me and Sam talk alot as well. John Coffey sucks at answering my messages btw. I also cant not say his whole name lmfaooo im annoying anyways ill talk about more people in my next confessional woo