#I didn't reread before I posted

[person4924]

Sirius Black - Comfort Crowd: An Essay

TW: depictions of child abuse and blood (not too specific I don't think)

Notes: Bold = Lyrics from the song Regular = Explanation 

I’m using They/Them pronouns for Siri too in this! (just in case there was any confusion with grammar or anything)

Comfort Crowd. Somehow even the title holds meaning to Sirius?? I have no idea, maybe I’m utterly insane. But at first glance, if you hear the term comfort crowd you might think, like a crowd you find comfort in. Like a group of friends you feel safe with, and in the song, it may mean that (or not idk). But in the context of Sirius Black it means finding comfort in the crowd (I switched the words you see!). Which means that they just find comfort in being in a crowd, being around people. 

“This hurt that I’m holding’s getting heavy. But I’ma keep a smile on my shoulders ‘til I’m sweaty” This line is so Sirius in so many ways. They will physically glue a smile on their face until it rips their face off to anymore. They will crack jokes until their mouth is physically glued shut. 

“Beggin’ on my knees screamin’, ‘someone come and help me’. But by the time they’re there, I’ve already hid the body.” When their parents would curse them, they would scream for help, even though they knew (falsely) that no one could hear them (Regulus always could). Then, when they would inevitably lose consciousness, their parents would hide them in the cellar until they woke up (or would keep them there for days as a punishment sometimes). 

“My breath’s getting short and I’m unsteady, wellin’ up in tears as I lay upon your belly. Telling you, ‘I’m fine I don’t really need nobody’ But you say through a sigh, that I said that lie already.” WOLFSTAR. So whenever Sirius would wake up from nightmares and have panic attacks, Remus would see (they’d be sleeping together so it was hard to miss) and Remus, being Remus, would try to comfort Sirius but then Siri would say the lie, “I’m fine, I don't really need nobody.” I have the headcanon that when Sirius is upset or is being comforted, they would (sort of purposely sort of not) make their grammar really bad so it would seem like it's less important and they didn’t really care. Anyways, this shows in this statement. Because in general, they would have impeccable grammar (because of how they were taught as a kid). So Remus in maybe first or second year noticed this (his hard-crushing/denial era!) and took note (“They see right through me they see right through me…). So then whenever Sirius would start talking with really bad grammar or anything, Remus would notice they were upset and/or were lying. So then Remus would say, “You said that lie already” and sigh because, Why couldn’t they just talk about it? Then obviously Sirius would take this as Remus getting annoyed with them and not wanting them anymore, and they would get defensive (somewhat deflecting) and then ask “What was that about?” and then would end in an argument of some kind.

“I just needed company now. Yeah, I just needed someone around. Yeah, I don’t care what song that we play. Or mess that we make. Just company now.” Sirius was always a people person. Ever since they were little, they could dazzle the whole room and were always the center of attention at fancy dinner parties (whether the attention was good or bad). But as they got older, they craved the attention. They needed it to be okay. If people weren’t paying attention to them, then why were they there? If people were there, around them, paying attention to them, then they could pretend. It would be okay. If they could smile and crack jokes, they were still alive. And if they were still alive, then that was enough. That’s all they needed. Sirius wouldn’t care what they did, how they did it, how much trouble they got into, just as long as they were around people. 

“We rot, thinkin’ lots about nothing. Yeah, I could spend a lifetime just sitting here talkin’” In the early years, before the war, before everything. Like in 1-3 year, they would all just sit, listen to music, and talk about nothing but what seemed like everything at the time. And as Sirius sat there, they thought they could spend a lifetime just sitting there, talking about nothing and everything at once. 

“And even if I cry all over your body, you don’t really mind. Say you like your shirt soggy.” Once again, WOLFSTAR. So sometimes when Sirius would have nightmares, they would just start crying. Silently, always silent. But Remus (being the lightest sleeper ever) would always wake up anyway, and he would just hold Sirius’s head into his chest and let them cry. I don’t think Remus ever literally said the words “I like my shirt soggy” but I think this line just kind of symbolizes what this means and is kind of an unspoken thing. Like, cry into my chest, I prefer my shirt soggy anyway and it would just kind of be like an unspoken thing. Eventually, Sirius would just fall asleep like that, Remus rubbing circles in their back or playing with their hair, and it wouldn’t be spoken of again. This would happen multiple times though, especially after Sirius escapes. 

“We mess around and laugh too loud” So I think this just kind of symbolizes all the marauders. Like they mess around pranking. And laugh too loud at night or in the astronomy tower when their supposed to be asleep. 

“By blood, we’re bound. Through ups and downs, through smiles and pouts.” So I think this entire line is just like James and Sirius. I think definitely at some point when they were young (like 1st or 2nd year) they made a blood oath. Like they were climbing a tree or something or James cut his hand on something or whatever. And then Sirius said “OOO! We should make a blood oath, so then we’ll be real brothers! We’ll be bound by blood” (or something like that, I don’t know how kids talk). Then Sirius picked a bug bite or something that would bleed, and they became blood brothers (if you get this reference, marry me). Then the other half of the lyric, “through ups and downs, through smiles and pouts” is like just friendship, through ups and downs, through whatever they were going through, they were there for each other. No matter what. They were brothers after all. 

“Comfort Crowd, you can always count.” This line I think can have double meanings, so I’m gonna go through both! 1) so the first meaning I think it could have is something that I talked about before. Like how Sirius finds comfort and crowds. And so this means like in disguising yourself in a crowd, you can always count on. Like if your on the verge of a mental breakdown, just throw a party or surround yourself with people, it works. 2) The second meaning I think would be contradicting myself but whatever. So I think it could mean like their friend group is their comfort crowd. A crowd they feel comfortable in. And then it just means it’s a group of people they could always count on (until they die lol). 

In Conclusion! I am completely and utterly insane. I am also very un-normal about Sirius Black and Conan Gray so… BUT this also goes to show how Conan Gray IS Sirius Black and all of his songs are about the marauders (I could write more essays). And if you got this far, thank you for indulging this! This was so much fun to write /gen

[gretchensinister]

Probably a weird post to be making in February in the northern hemisphere but the American cultural taboo on nudity is fucked up and we need to fight it whenever we can, I think. I've seen takes that posit that the sight of a naked human body (just like. being there.) is inherently inappropriate/traumatizing to others, that just being naked is equivalent to assault--this is good for no one.

If the only naked bodies anyone sees are in curated media contexts (mass media like some mainstream shows and movies, and pornography) then it's very difficult to learn the range of what human bodies look like. Art in an art-context like paintings or photography doesn't help that much with the issue, because it's something that requires significantly more effort to seek out than an HBO show or whatever.

There are so many kinds of bodies that people are living their lives in, and getting along just fine, but so few kinds of bodies get shown, that, from my perception, there's a lot of worry from people that there's something wrong with their bodies, when there really isn't! At all! It's just not one of the Shown Body Types. And then when a lot of people do finally get naked around each other, it's in a sexual context, which then gets this added layer of anxiety with the people involved revealing bodies that have not been normalized to themselves.

Like, what the fuck! Basically, I think it does everyone a disservice if naked bodies are put in the boxes of 1) sex situations (media or IRL) 2) sex crime situations 3) life-threatening medical situations/death 4) miscellaneous weird/bad/deviant situations. When those are the mental boxes how is anyone supposed to be comfortable with the bodies they or anyone else has?

I think that ideally, I would like it if naked bodies were like, trees in the woods. It's not alarming to see a tree. Trees are all sorts of different shapes and sizes. Every person has particular kinds of trees they like, but no one freaks out upon seeing the kind of tree that's not their favorite.

[eruherdiriel]

This is not right, this is not fair, how have I sinned that the gods would do this to me, how?

Sansa III, A Storm of Swords

[clotpolesonly]

on fathers, homes, loyalties, and defectors

The Raven Boys ch 7 // Dream Thieves ch 5 // The Raven Boys ch 36 // Dream Thieves ch 5

[pretendthisisaname]

Sure hope this isn't some kind of foreshadowing

[astralhope]

- Yuma... Someday, once again, we will... -

Rank 55: Yuma Jet!!

[boyfridged]

You may have already mentioned this in some of your other metas, and I just missed it, so please ignore this if it's redundant.

Do you think Bruce is projecting onto Jason by pushing him as a Robin? Obviously, Jason wanted to be Robin and was excited about it, and Bruce let Jason do other things, but (if I'm not mistaken) before Tim came into play, solidifying the whole Batman needs a Robin/support to keep him upright, Bruce and Dick becoming Batman and Robin, in the beginning, was also sort of a coping mechanism.

I think there are a few examples of Bruce enabling this kind of mindset. Like in Gotham Knights #43–44 (sorry), every time Barbara brings up Jason's inner turmoil, Bruce refocuses on his ability as a Robin; similarly, when Jason finds out about Two-Face and his dad, he is hurt, and Bruce acknowledges that but then does the same thing, zeroing in on reassuring Jason that he made a mistake but is still a good Robin.

Like, Jason got it from Bruce, but he unintentionally encouraged that kind of thinking.

oh, i definitely think that bruce is projecting on jason and that it profoundly affected jay. and, while every single one of your observations is apt, i would add that what truly made it so tragic is that he projected his own worst traits on jason while being blind to the fact that jay already shared his best qualities.

tldr: bruce projects himself on jason in terms of grief (saying that jason needs vigilantism to work his grief through) and sees his own worst traits in jason (anger) but doesn't see his own best traits in jay (compassion, love, and sensitivity). ironically, jason does end up developing all of the (projected) worst characteristics of bruce (obsessiveness, and relentlessness in pursuit of the respective perceived idea of justice). this happens even though they were barely present in his early storylines, and only ever manifested when jason was scared or lost. later, they truly came to be because of his trauma relating to vigilantism.

and the long, long version, coming with panels and quotes: under the cut.

first i want to say that the following analysis focuses very specifically on bruce's mistakes, but i don't view the overall of jay's upbringing by bruce solely in these terms. from text it is also clear that bruce deeply loves and cares about jay, and that jay enjoys being robin. now that this is clear, let's get to particularities, and start with jay's origin story.

i truly never stop thinking about the significance of bruce meeting jay in the crime alley, the place of his parents' death. there's a lot to be said about it, but here the focus is, of course, on the fact that he sees a little boy, very much similar to himself, angry and hurt, in the same scenery that brought him so much grief. and jay in some ways does appear to be a mirror of bruce's own agonies, as well as a mirror of his own inclination for seeking justice; and somehow, bruce fixates on the first one, while almost completely dismissing the latter.

bruce looks at him and assumes that the remedy to jason's pain and anger is being robin; and he doesn't stop to think about it. (it has to be noted that there's also classism at play, classism that is mostly a result of writers' own beliefs – collins did state in a couple of interviews that that the motivation behind jason's background was to make his introduction into vigilantism seem less offensive, as jason has already been exposed to crime...)

i think, in this context, it's interesting to look at the two-face storyline even closer, and from the start too. in the beginning, bruce talks of jason's 'street' roots and assumes jay would go "down the same criminal road that took his father [willis] to an early death." he also talks of jason making a lot of progress. later, in batman #411, after jason learns that willis has been killed by two-face, bruce comments that jay "has never been like this...listless...almost pouting--"

this all, along with jay's cheerful and diligent behaviour from the previous issue builds an interesting picture for us: because we essentially learn that jay has been overall an unproblematic child. bruce, of course, attributes this "progress" to the training. however, for anyone else, the logical conclusion would be that jay's quick adjustment was simply a matter of finding himself in a safe and stable environment and receiving continuous support and attention from a parental figure. i find it rather questionable that jason's personality softened down because he had something to punch in the cave–– the more intuitive explanation is of course that he was angry and quick to fight when they first met because he couldn't afford anything else and because he was scared. but months later, in a loving home, he can allow himself to drop his guard; and his cocky attitude disappears until much later.

so the rather unsettling picture that we derive is that bruce is training jay to become a vigilante in order to "channel" his (nonvisible at this point) anger into something useful and just. and he clearly links this to his own trauma in batman #416 (that’s already starlin btw), in his conversation with dick, explaining why he took jay in: “he’s so full of anger and frustration… he reminds me of myself, just after my parents were killed.” bruce also mentions that soon after their first meeting, jason helped him and "handled himself well" in the fight, but he doesn't mention that jay has ran away from a crime "school" and intended to stop injustice on his own only because he was ignored.

the theme of bruce comparing jay to himself appears again in detective comics #574 (barr), where it is approached with a much more... critical look, thanks to leslie's presence and her skepticism of bruce's actions. after jason has suffered nearly fatal injuries at the hand of the mad hatter, bruce reminisces on his own trauma and motives. he tells leslie: "i didn't choose jason for my work. he was chosen by it...as i was chosen." leslie replies: "stop that! (...) you do this for yourself... you're still that little boy (...)" then, the conversation steers to the familiar ground and the topic of anger. in bruce's words, again: “i wanted to give jason an outlet for his rage…wanted him to expunge his anger and get on with his life…” and finishes "and instead, i may have killed him."

the recognition that bruce's projection on jason and involving him with his work might have fatal consequences is, as always, fast forgotten once jay wakes up and proclaims that he wants to continue his work as robin.

but to circle back, i think there's something else worth our attention, something deeply ironic, that is showcased in that issue: that bruce has no evidence for jay's "rage." when leslie talks of bruce's past, she recalls his tendencies to get into brutal fights at perceived injustice as early as in school; when bruce talks of jason, two pictures that are juxtaposed, are that of jason fighting as robin and jason... smiling, playing baseball.

so, in the early days of jason's training and work in the field, we see bruce talking of jason's anger a lot; but we barely see it.

that being said, jay is angry sometimes– and i think your observation about how bruce deals with it is incredibly interesting and accurate.

we first see jay truly and devastatingly angry in the two-face storyline. bruce focuses on jay's reaction as robin, which is, in fact, aggressive. but something that he barely addresses is that jason's first reaction is sleeping all day, and not beating anyone to a pulp; in fact, this vengeful instinct seems to arise only when he is put right in front of two-face. and his third instinct, once the rage (very quickly) dies down after the altercation with two-face, is crying, because bruce hid the truth about willis' death from him. jay, while crying, asks bruce: "you have taken me out into combat-- but you spare me this?" in response, bruce lectures jason about how grief inspires revenge, which is, again, deeply ironic, given that jay seeking out revenge seemed to be prompted and enabled solely by the role of robin. moreover, his question suggests that at this point he saw grief ("you spare me this") and fighting as two different things.

the final is, as you said, bruce focusing on making it into a lesson on vigilantism, or, in his own words, "tempering revenge into justice." personally, i think in this way bruce directs jason to bring his grief into the field as a powering force, something that he didn't necessarily have an own incentive to do. the flash of compartmentalisation between his ordinary life and being a sidekick that jay has shown by questioning bruce's decision is lost. emotions are now a robin thing, and they have an (informal) protocol, a moral code. and when jay is confronted with an emotionally exhausting case next – the garzonas case, i believe that the focus on "tempering revenge into justice" is exactly the problem– we don't see jay crying, we see him frantic about finding the solution. this, right there, is bruce's obsessiveness, that in my opinion, was developed in jay specifically as a result of how his engagement with vigilantism combines with his deep sensitivity.

and, needless to say, his sensitivity is all the same as that of bruce – they both can't stand looking at other people hurting, they both wear their hearts on their sleeve, caring way too much – the thing is, bruce never quite acknowledges how they are similar in this matter. instead, he focuses on his sparse bursts of anger, wanting to bring jason closure in his grief the only way he knows it – in a fight for a better world. so, as you said, he focuses on jason's ability as robin.

which just doesn't work for jason. at all. we know it from how his robin run comes to an end: in the first issue of a death in the family (batman #426) alfred informs: “i’ve come upon him, several times, looking at that battered old photograph of his mother and father, crying.”  to that, bruce contends: “in other words, i may have started jason as robin before he had a chance to come to grips with his parents deaths.” he also tells jay that the field is not a place for someone who is hurting; a message that is the opposite of what he's been saying for years now, and something that i imagine was difficult for bruce to conceptualise, because then he would have to question his own unhealthy tendencies. it's a bit late to come to this realisation; bruce's self-projection that caused him to worry so much about jay's anger has already turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy that will fully manifest itself in utrh, when jason does the only thing he was taught to do with grief: try to channel it into justice.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Well.

[orcelito]

a note for people who may not have noticed this:

at the start of chapter one, we get this view of Vash's wanted poster. notice that bit there about the murder of "Count Revenant Vasquez"

and then in trimax chapter 37, we see here:

Count Revenant Vasquez.

That's Conrad.

now the interesting bit is that Conrad hasn't died by the time we see that wanted poster. he's currently busy working to revive Knives, then follows him around once he's alive again. for Whatever Reason, Vash is being blamed before Conrad's death for his "murder"

which makes me contemplate a few possibilities. Conrad was present around the time of the July Incident. and not only that, but we see in chapter 28 that Vash was looking for him just prior to July

so like, What's The Deal? "Count Revenant Vasquez" is not "dead" by this point, just acting oddly in his big house. perhaps after July with his disappearance, people attributed his "death" to Vash, along with all the rest of July... but why would they focus on just him, rather than all of July? is this Nightow wanting to keep the reality of July under wraps this early in the story? or was Conrad really That socially important that his death would stand out among all the rest of July?

and another thing to consider is how Vash knew to look for him under that name in the first place. Vash was pursuing Knives at this point, the whole Point was that he managed to find Knives in July, but he did it by following the trail of Conrad. he met Conrad when he was a child, the second human he ever met, so maybe he somehow managed to deduce that Conrad was helping Knives out?

except when Vash sees Conrad in trigun chapter 20

he recognizes him, but he can't place from where. is this his July amnesia getting in the way? the general passage of time? it HAS been a century and a half since he officially met him. but if he knew to look for him by that name to find Knives, he must have known Conrad was following him around... and then perhaps as part of the amnesia of everything surrounding July, Vash forgot Conrad too.

it's interesting! brings the question of how Vash caught wind of Conrad's involvement with Knives in the first place. we do see that Vash has his fingers in information networks (like when he talks to the "shoemaker" in May City to try to gather information), so maybe that's how he found out? which honestly I find fascinating, given that Especially this early in the story, we just see Vash acting the fool. but even Years prior to the start of the story, he shows a level of resourcefulness and intuition that is Very much not congruent with his act of being a "fool".

and then he shows up to confront Knives in July and his plan is to just

show up, point his gun at him, and then... ???? something? which obviously blows up in his face in a MAJOR way bc Knives easily knocks him out & then has Conrad experiment on him.

which. isn't directly related to the Conrad point lol it just baffles me how smart yet dumb Vash is constantly. high intelligence, low wisdom build for SURE.

but yeah! I didn't notice the Count Revenant thing my first read through, so here's this detail for anyone else who might've missed it like i did

[laesas]

did you ever make a post about pete not liking tankhun ? i know you mentioned it a few times in your tags but i don't remember seeing a post. (i share your opin ions.)

I definitely toyed with the idea of meta or a gifset but I didn't ever make a full post! I love unrequited love and I ESPECIALLY love the extremely rare platonic version which Tankhun and Pete absolutely nail in my opinion!

There are loads of moments where Pete's smile drops around Tankhun very quickly, or he insults Tankhun behind his back. Instead of laughing things off like Arm and Pol, he almost has a wincing fear-response to Tankhun, which we don't really see at all from the other bodyguards.

I think that Tankhun likes to think of himself as being close friends with his bodyguards, and he does genuinely show a lot of open affection for Pete and eventually concern for his safety. But I think ultimately for Pete, Tankhun is just a part of Pete's job, and over time resentment has built up until he thinks of Tankhun as one of the *worst* parts of it. I definitely don't think he resents Tankhun enough to hurt or endanger him, but that's about as far as it goes, there's certainly very little love there.

Something about that dynamic is just particularly brilliant, especially when combined with Pete's eventual defection from Tankhun's side to Vegas'. He chooses a man who has beaten and tortured him over a man who showers him in affection and throws parties on his return.

I utterly adore Tankhun but I think as a character that's grown up in a gilded cage, he doesn't really understand that what Pete needs is a sense of his own autonomy rather than being dragged to "fun" "lets cheer up Pete" parties that Tankhun has demanded on his behalf. At least with Vegas he *chose* to go back, he handed Vegas the ropes, let him lock him back up again. Even before he develops feelings for Vegas, Pete has clearly felt like a subhuman pet for Tankhun and the main family for a long, long time and I think ironically Vegas acknowledging Pete's humanity is the tipping point for him.

I think even without their nascent romantic love as a factor, Pete would always choose Vegas. Because despite the threat of suffering, he offers a sense of freedom that Tankhun's gilded cage does not. It all makes for an incredibly interesting betrayal, and makes Pete choosing Vegas over Tankhun all the more pointed. By choosing to be Vegas' pet, he chooses to be human.

[tadaxii-i]

New chapter of biomimicry is upppp

for anyone who doesn't know it's my projected-300k-wc-wip about blind Regulus and war dynamics and shit, it's cool :p

let's goooooo

[unproduciblesmackdown]

reread the rest thus far of lackadaisy and there's the both v easy & difficult task of gathering a shit ton but only a shit ton of excerpts (like every single page is a highlight i'm not exaggerating)

and every single element is superlative and the way it all only becomes More So....already mentioned the way the like smooth gradient shading made the successful evocation of 3D Shapes more noticeable, along w/the consistent geometries of character design & details in fabric folds; the way Lighting & Coloring only goes on to become more prominent elements only enhances that further. the compositions, backgrounds, pacing, angles....everything is so dynamic & expressive, such as including the expressions which you know i also Love / absorbed

going "hell yes for people to discover this superlative comic" then having to occasionally refresh past site traffic overloaded server errors like "nooo" but actually yes

whilest clapping & cheering for the fun of everyone who's been here a minute. My God the invigorating reward when again i started reading in '07 & the concept of rocky & freckle on a "proper" run had only manifested via fun official bonus art, then a literal decade later as it was actually happening in the comic like screeeeaammm i can feel it coming in the air tonight oh lord etc....i've loved following it, again, if i see another new comic page. i am going to be Enriched

i also really was right on the ball myself this time around like okay okay yep i have picked up on Everything, at least to the degree i can lmao. i love the mysteries. i love how Character Focused it is too ofc and there's no characters i'm uniterested in / dislike. you gotta point to one of them, truly, and i have been a [pointing at freckle] enjoyer these fifteen years but fr i am a connoisseur of everyone, i love that so many characters are a weird mysterious chaos element story driver in their own right. i considered mordecai more intently than ever, love his like ultra mystery (and that we leave off on him doing some detectiving even) and truly fun that like, the source of the more Immediate problems he keeps having in every damn interaction isn't the like [wow mordecai with the just diving into the hatchet murdering] factor so much as it's that he's generally like "i am just standing here" and is not nt in any way that matters and people insist on fucking with him on that front. the peak tragedy of him in a bonus comic getting bullied into having to dance with someone to Be Polite like i'm so sorry i wish you could be that ficus too. anyways intrigued with the marigold &/or mordecai mysteries including that it's like, how coincidental is it that he talks about marigold having a thorn in its side & the savoys' nickname for him is peekon = thorn. there is so much to consider, love that for us truly. and i'm rooting for mordecai & nicodeme's dynamic out here, is another conclusion....very enriched by comparing & contrasting that serafine nicodeme mordecai triumvirate with the rocky ivy freckle one, to be sure. im enriched

i'm also enriched by every footnote that's got like historical facts / research notes / [this is inaccurate for xyz prioritization but here's the disclaimer] explanations. i Love information. and everything else like i loooove this comic it's Soooo Fucking putting my hands to my temples and inhaling at length through my teeth

[coquelicoq]

lost power for five hours last night WHILE sick AND it was dark and i was soooo bored 😩 tried to nap to no avail. had my candles going and was doing a crossword by flashlight but there's only so long before that becomes annoying. so i dug out one of my old i spy books i haven't looked at since childhood and spent like 45 minutes finding all the objects. it actually turned out to be the ideal way to experience that book, because the flashlight beam forced me to focus my attention on small parts of the image at a time. went back to twiddling my thumbs after that but at least it killed 45 minutes.

[sysig]

Special Counseling (Patreon)

[foolsocracy]

As the one who can't stop sending you long-winded overly poetic asks, I personally love your long responses back. STORIES WITH THEMES, SYMBOLISMS EVEN!! WHEN THE ANALYSIS?? Y'KNOW?

I'll read over the post again a bit later and try to come up with a more thoughtful response, but, ough. So ready to die honorably, just like everyone else, you've already dug your grave beside your family's. And then, by your joints and limbs, you're unearthed again. Some poor, bedraggled marrionette. Fuck.

HAHA thank you! THE THEMES.. THE MOTIFS.. its all right there and free for the picking! And ive got all your other asks in my inbox and i want to answer them as timely as possible, i do, but alas---i'm slow. thanks for ur patience <3

and im jumping on this too. we're like a tag team, you and i.

being put to rest (however violently) and being pulled back into being alive has to be horrific for anyone. But because im the #1 jewish peter parker fan, i kinda want to comment on this with a bit of a jewish lens as well.

In Judaism, there isn't really a heaven/hell/etc. It's described as a type of oblivion that is as far from heaven as possible. The dead exist there without knowledge or feeling. There is a total disconnect and inability to communicate with god. I wanted to mention this because imagine the surprise of not being disconnected from god at death, but instead being forcibly man-handled into resurrection. Peter very well could have thought he'd be free of his curse once he died. Sorry pete but life has more in store for you.

In jewish tradition, it is customary for someone to be buried within 24 hours of dying. Today, this concept is translated to 'as soon as possible' and is a bit more lenient. It is the family's job to bury their dead, but if they are unable to do so it is up for the community to take up the task. There are no exceptions to the burial rule; "even criminals who have been put to death, the unclaimed slain, suicides, and strangers to the community" would be buried. It is a tradition created from compassion. "To be denied burial was the most humiliating indignity that could be inflicted on the deceased, for it meant 'to become food for beasts of prey.'" Prior to burial, it is also customary to have someone, typically family, accompany the body of the deceased out of respect, as they are seen as defenseless, and as a comfort to the soul that rests within it.

I wonder if he would have ever thought about that aspect of dying alone. Was there any kind of debate, whether it'd be worth it to die as Peter Parker, a boy with a name to his face and an aunt at home, or to die as The Spider-Man, fighting for whats right, but a stranger to everyone, alone? And what of when he wakes up again, after death, knowing he was unburied, left to rot. If that isn't a signifier of just how alone he is, I don't know what is.

There are two ways he could have been honored, i suppose. The traditional sense, through his family's and community's customs. Being laid to rest beneath the ground with others at his side. Or on the streets of the city, alone but dying for everything his family believed in. Finding solace in following in their footsteps. He gets neither, of course.

[feelingpure]

Fellow Travelers Rewatch Party | You're Wonderful

Favourite moment(s) or scene(s) of the episode

It's still the whole chicken noodle soup scenario, from Hawk's entrance up until the radio gets brought up. I like how it sets up their starting dynamic. And to link with that, the whole dynamic filp when “I wanna go to the party” happens. Tim's hones his seductress powers, and we get to see Hawk be the flustered one caught off guard for once.

I also really like the opening scenes 🥹 and the election night meeting and the 1st time at the Cozy Corner and and and–

Favourite quote/dialogue

There's so many too choose from 😭 I'm gonna list a few;

For funsies:

“I'm your boy, right?” - I mean, it's the blog title for a reason - the moment the tables turn. (I made an edit of this moment as a bit of episode appreciation, as suggested in the master series rewatch post 🫶)

“I'll spend the afternoon picturing you kneeling in prayer.”

For feelsies:

“When I committed this sin, I felt pure. More pure than I felt in my entire life. So how can I be sorry for it?”

“I want to hold you tonight. If you'll let me.” - it's just so 🥺

Something new you noticed after the rewatch

Joe Alsop is talking about turtle soup that smells like feet (but taste great) at his party. 👀 And Tim's just stood there, then the camera goes back and settles on Hawk in the background talking to Lucy and someone else. Tim's smile fades at first for a lil bit, but then he has this like sneaky smile when it goes back to him. Given what happened in the previous scene, it's very... 😈

And just some more of this bit, Tim then goes to grab a drink for Mary and as he's walking away we see Hawk tracking him with his eyes (and of course he then follows him). I knew the major beats at this party, but there were certain little things that I definitely did not pick up on before. 😆 (Probably too brrrrrrrr from the previous scene)

The MVP of the episode

I think I'm gonna have to go with 80s Tim, even though we only catch a glimpse of him. It's the decision he makes, to allow Hawk back in, that makes the rest of the 80s timeline possible. 🥲

You general thoughts on the episode

It just perfectly sets everything up for the rest of the series. There's so many bits of dialogue that calls back to things later on, or is just more interesting with them in mind. Also all the anticipation at the end, even when you already know the while story, some bits still had me holding my breath like an idiot hahah.

My main feelings coming out of episode 1 is just always wanting to protect 50s Tim at all costs. Though after seeing the whole show and softening on Hawk, I also wanna protect him; from himself. But yeah - screaming crying etc.

Thoughts on soundtrack of the episode

I'll spare you the essay about when each part the score comes up in the episode and how it makes me feel (😭), but it's just brilliant. Hawk's main theme at the election party, and Pull Them Off at Tim's apartment being notable.

The Waiting for Tim theme especially is just. 😚🤌 He's waiting for his call back at that cafe/diner in the 80s, while he was also waiting outside his apartment in the 50s, and it's just full of anticipation. 🥺

While you're here, go listen to the composer talk about this particular piece.