#fellow travelers rewatch party

[feelingpure]

FELLOW TRAVELERS 1.01 ‘You're Wonderful’

[fellow-travelers-events]

Rewatch Party

Every Saturday we watch one episode of Fellow Travelers and scream together and play bingo. You can find rewatch party posts under the #fellow travelers rewatch party tag or join our discord server!

Dates of the event: January the 13th (episode 1) - March the 2nd (episode 8)

Promise you WILL write ao3 prompt fest

Are you a writer and waiting for prompts or inspiration? The ao3 collection has more than 50 prompts already!

Are you crazy about FT and endlessly imagine different scenarios? Share your ideas and prompts with the writers!

Follow @promiseyouwillwrite for the news about the event!

Dates of the event: open dates

Fellow Travelers Fic Recs

Fic recommendations blog, where you not only can find the best of the best Fellow Travelers fics to read but also can promote your favorite fics and writers of the fandom. The author of the blog has their own ongoing events like the author of the month. Please go interact with @fellow-travelers-fic-recs!

Dates of the event: open dates

FT Valentine's Month

Weakly prompts for Valentine's Day! Write, draw, edit, gif, create all the fluff this fandom deserves. You can find fics in the ao3 collection and other contributions under the #FT Valentine's Day tag!

Dates of the event: February the 7th - February the 28th

If you have some fandom activity going on, we will be happy to participate and/or promote you!

[cinnamoncountess]

Fellow Travelers Rewatch Party | episode 1

Content warning: NSFW, strong language (likely)

This will be mostly a reaction and based on observations, given the knowledge about how things will unfold in later episodes.

What a perfectly beautiful way to start a show! The song flows amazingly with the cinematography and it encloses around the viewer like a warm hug, simultaneously delivers an underlying sadness, the lyrics preparing us of what lies ahead, a tragic love story that yearns to end happily, but won’t. It sets the mood and gently announces with a toe-deep dive that we’re about to journey backwards into a different decade. I love it! <3 (song: Stevie Wonder - If It’s Magic)

Marcus drives down the sophisticated suburban lane to meet Hawk in his perfectly cultivated family nest to hand over the package, according to Tim’s wishes. It’s sweet to know that he supports and protects Tim, because - as we find out later - he knows Hawk and his shenanigans the best. 

Promotion party! Lucy and Hawk certainly know lots of people. Also, how many grandchildren do they have? I’d assume the other kids are probably the children their guests brought to the party, playmates of his granddaughter, right? No, wait, Lucy says „grandkids“ - so there are more than one? 

Lucy: The grandkids are going to miss Hawk so much when we got to Milan. I don’t know what Kimberly’s going to do. - Hawk’s a beloved granddad.

Hawk: Well, she’ll ship them over in the diplomatic pouch. - The sass and wit never ceases. 

Lucy: I almost gave up my dream of moving to Italy with the man I love.

Hawk: In the end, sh settled for going with me. - OH. The foreshadowing, the ambiguity. The HURT. For BOTH of them. My heart.

Did we ever find out how and when Lucy got to meet Marcus, though? 

Marcus is sooo distressed about the AIDS situation killing all his friends, his beloved ones around him. I want to hug him! 

Marcus: Tim doesn’t want to hear from you. He asked me to make that clear. - It’s another verbalisation of ‚Promise you won’t write’, Tim might have been hoping to hear from Hawk. Then again, of course Tim made sure Hawk will receive the paperweight. It’s the same ‚message‘ that Hawk delivered to him when he left it as a gift before betraying him - to let go. Tim wants to let go. 

Flashback to 1952!

Tim ordering a glass of milk, almost snapping at Hawk for questioning his beverage of choice.

The beginning of the milk odyssey…

What a beautifully shot scene, the lighting, the music / score, the switch between scenes, paralleling the scenes between society conform married life of a ‚straight’ man and cruising through park bathrooms - the double life of Hawkins Fuller and preparing us for what lies ahead, truly marvellous.

I think that’s the roughest and most mechanical, unemotional sex we’ll see in the show. Hawk literally punches Eddie like a donkey.

Hawk: Milton. But my friends call me ‚uncle Milty‘ - Cracking up. Hawk, be serious. 

Hawk doesn’t care about your little life, Eddie. He got what he wanted. He doesn’t give him his number. Important detail since that’s the first information he receives from Tim, already going one step further than he does with Eddie here. 

The small „:|“ glance Mary and Hawk share in reaction to Miss Addison’s disapproval of commies, only the eyeroll and irritated sigh missing. Love Hawk’s and Mary’s interactions and friendship overall, so entertaining how they’ll constantly talk ambiguously. 

Tim and Hawk first meeting at the park! 

Tim: I have a degree in political science and history. I think I should aim a little higher, don’t you? - Oh, baby, you should! Too bad he’s never got to indulge in a profession that fits his education. But then again, maybe it’s for the best that reoriented his career and found a better path for himself, for his eagerness to be politically vocal! He still became a spokesman. 

Tim flusters as Hawk inquires him about memorising his biographical entry! His reaction is sooo endearing. He’s already so smitten. 

The banter between them! 

Hawk: Down boy. - And so the dynamic starts.

Hawk: Perfect. I’ll spend the afternoon picturing you kneeling in prayer. - Pants flew to the moon, ovaries and peepees exploded!

Smith: Your plan, me in the White House in eight years. - Hawk intending to ‚manipulate‘ his mentor’s career, making him president.

Tim and his little cupboard where he hangs his very few white socks and pants. D: Also, he is a plant person! In this apartment as well as in his 80s one he own quite a bunch of greens. 

Jean: … could stand to improve his spelling. You’ll have to do this one again. - Is Tim dyslexic? 

The book Tim bestows Hawk with, as a present for getting the job is titled ‚Look Homeward, Angel.‘ Angel. Skippy, in the book apparently, is derived from an angel’s name. So maybe that’s Hawk’s inspiration in the show?

Hawk visits Tim for the first time and wants to take him out for dinner! So much to the ‚we NEVER eat in restaurants!‘-complaint in episode 3. Hawk wanted to take him out to a restaurant before. <3

Tim is very, VERY drastic in his political views, which is a bit concerning, but also understanding, given the historical context. 

Hawk asking for consent before lifting Tim to his feet and undressing him, love it. 

Tim showing Hawk the family photo album.

Tim: This is uncle Ronald, the drunken designated hopeless sinner of the family.

Hawk: I think you’re giving uncle Ron a run for that title.

Tim: Thanks to you… - and the little smirk, I can’t.

Mary: How are you enjoying ‚Look Homeward, Angel‘?

Hawk: Immensely. Although I have trouble finishing a book before I wanna start another. - he says while he eye-flirts with the next guy standing closeby, oh Hawkins. 

Eddie making a scene out in the open, in the hallway…That is very, very awkward and risky and Eddie should know that, not a clever move. I feel for him, for what happens to him later on, but he had it coming, unfortunately. He should’ve let it go when Hawk made clear he doesn’t want further contact during their encounter and then clearly signifies he doesn’t recognize him. It’s like having an ONS or anonymous sex, the rules about how this will go and what it entails are set. 

Tim toe-sucking bj-ing himself to the fancy party is still wonderful and he must’ve done a spectacular job to convince Hawk. Also, he’s wearing Hawk’s coat here. Wonder if they acted out the little monologue and Tim really went there with the taste of him in his mouth. 

Alsop: My wife says the aroma is somewhat reminiscent of feet. I can promise you it tastes perfectly marvellous. - This is a very feet-heavy episode.

Lucy and Hawk share such entertaining banter moments, I wish they could’ve stayed just really good friends, without all the heartbreak and pain.

Bringing up Lucy is a red rag to Hawk, but Tim just can’t help it. These two have severely different perspectives on life at this point and Hawk told Tim multiple times that he can’t give him what he wants, the life he dreams of, that they can just enjoy these occasional moments of fun together, which of course isn’t enough for Tim, who craves for everything straight couples have, to date his partner openly. It’s not possible in this environment and Tim acts very stubborn and naive here. He is also constituting a great risk for Hawk, who doesn’t shove him away just yet, which is surprising, giving what we’ve seen of him and how cautious he wants to be, leaving no traces endangering his career.

After hearing McCarthy’s speech it’s actually so disturbing and irritating to know that Tim holds onto this man’s ideals so firmly. 

Shout out to the beautifully nuanced OST created by Paul Leonard-Morgan.

And that’s it for this episode. 

[beyondxmeasure]

Today is your rewatch day right? Are you going to do anything special for it?

We have some companion questions for fellow re-watchers to use as a guide during/after. Unfortunately my plan’s changed suddenly and I have a family obligation so I will miss the first one. But will catch up later with the group discussion in our discord server.

FT events page

[invinciblerodent]

it's a really good thing that I'm recording all the scenes I can with Astarion, because it's like I need to listen to everything he says at least three times to get the nuances of what he's actually fucking saying

like. the cutscene that plays when you first pick up a Sussur bloom in the Underdark (I assume if you're a caster of some description? it'd be weird otherwise), you can have this little scene with him, where he says things like "I don't travel with you for your personality, you know" and "the sooner we can get your magic back, the safer we'll be", first I thought "well that's a bit of an uuuuuh how you say.... fucking rude thing to say to someone you're supposed to be halfway in love with already, but aight".

But rewatching it, I'm now also hearing the concern in the first lines ("you look drained" and "is the plant bothering you?"), the immediate call to action that's buried in sarcasm (WE [the group, me included] get your magic back so WE [you] can be safer), and that almost-anxious little "try not to die" at the end. Plus, if to the personality-line you respond with "the feeling is very mutual, my friend", he quite literally tells you that it was a (slightly ill-timed) joke, and that he's glad (relieved?) that you still have your sense of humor.

even though it's likely because he's the second in the party order, it's also not escaping my notice that narratively, in this party, Shadowheart (a fellow caster whose magic was also impacted) was standing right there, but it was still Astarion who kept a close enough eye on my girl to immediately clock that something was wrong. For all they know, she picked up a flower, went pale as a sheet, and he was at her side in like two seconds, well before the only other person with significant enough magic for it to actually matter would have as much as noticed.

you like her, don't you Squidward >w>

[fiddleleafedfig]

fig!!!! fig!!!!

a) i’ve been thinking abt u for the last two weeks just meaning to message. that’s the sentence.

b) i saw u reblogged my arcane shit??? fellow arcane admirer???? talk! to! me!

ok that’s all i love you i miss you i think about you constantly.

Harper harp harpy harp harp!

A) I’m thinking of you constantly god I hope you’re doing good!!

B) yes well ok…. Where do I even start

I saw the first season when I was living abroad and my partner called me and was like “you should really watch this,” and then I saw that is was based on LoL lore and then I was like “naaah” cuz my partner and all my friends played LoL at the time and I was not super interested

But!! I watched let’s say 5 min…. And then I was completely hooked. All nine episodes in one go in my shitty little apartment in Prague. I was so empty after it was over, I felt hungover

Cut to now, so I’ve waited for this season patiently and even got to the point where I was like, no way this second season can be as good as the first. Because we all have shows/movies where the first one is so so so good and then the sequel just…. Not sucks maybe, but is definitely a disappointment

It was not

I stand corrected

Fuck ME

So first of all (this I going to be an insane ramble, let me try to organise my thoughts in bullet point form)

• vi and jinx? Yea the heartbreak there nearly ruined me in the beginning. I was so so so disappointed at vi for joining the enforcers. Like, girl, wtf?? And the the fight? Where Caitlin aims to shoot and vi stops her and that whole drama? Delicious

• cait made me annoyed at the beginning because how do you turn into a dictator because your mother just died?? Have a feel for the room here, lady, everyone’s lost loved ones here, you gotta take it easy

• viktor turning into Jesus/mage/fucking I don’t know? I called it, that fucked me up for a bit

• Ekko???? My sweet sweet ekko?? He can never catch a break. The only true golden hearted son of a bitch in the entire show I’m convinced

• Jayce? I have to say, I never really found his catcher to be super interesting. It wasn’t until the whole cutscene where he realizes that he has to destroy hextech/disable the gates that he fucking turned it for me

•vi drinking and fighting and going all emo?? Yes please, we love a complex hero down on her knees emotionally (and physically)

• vander?? The scene where they all hugged??? Still crying over that one

• ekko trying to fix it all with his time traveling in the last scenes??? We had a watch party with some friends and I honest to god exclaimed “god I’m so fucking turned on right now” and I stand by that

• jayce and viktor??? There it is, my heartbreaking. That ship has so much fucking potential, I love them your honour

•and the final nail in the coffin: the realization that in order for either vi and jinx to have any type of happiness is for the other to die….. don’t talk to me….. I haven’t accepted it yet

(Honourable mention to vi’s shoulders and that tattooed back, she could break me in half and I’d say thank you)

This was very off the cuff and I need to rewatch it and also make a part two to this for all of the stuff that I’ve missed

I love you I miss you, thank you for letting me rant!!!!

[trashfor-imagines]

My Senpai | 4

Ushijima x Reader

Summary: You’re Goshiki Tsutomu’s older doting sister, second year at Shiratorizawa and captain of the girl’s track & field team. At your brother’s first practice you sneak in to support him and end up meeting the impressive force that is his captain. Warnings: None really. Mentions sex. Spoilers: We’re encroaching on manga territory. Takes place after Karasuno v Shiratorizawa.

Author’s Note: Sorry for not updating in forever! I lost my original chapter and got discouraged. I started rewatching Ushijima episodes to refresh my grasp on his character.

[1] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5]

-

It was a shock. You never thought Shiratorizawa was capable of losing this year. Ushijima appeared unaffected, but that was just him. It was always mental for him and he had the ability to act with a sort of chivalric grace whenever faced with conflict. God, your boyfriend was really cool. Your brother, however, it broke your heart to see him cry.

After the award ceremony, you raced down to wait by the bus. Ushijima walked out first, his head held high. Noticing you, he simply rested his large hand on your head before getting on the bus. Quiet hello’s and thanks for coming’s were whispered to you. Your little brother could barely make eye contact, the last one to get on the bus. Reaching for his hand, you gave it a squeeze before letting it go and heading for the bus that brought the cheer squad.

The ride felt long. You spent most of it listening to music and playing with the sleeve of Ushijima’s spare team jacket he’d given you shortly after dating. You smiled and chatted occasionally with your fellow students, but the topics of discussion were focused on how Ushijima and the third years were doing. They expected you to have the answers and quite frankly, you thought it was obvious.

Getting back, you made your way into the gym to see the team working on serves. You sat quietly on the sidelines and watched as everyone gave their all, letting out their frustrations from the day. You never knew you could find the slams of volleyballs to be comforting to where they could put you to sleep. Or maybe you were just exhausted. Either way, you woke up from being carried.

“Wakatoshi,” you mumbled, snuggling closer to his chest.

The two of you snuck into your dorm room, stripping down into your underwear and entangling under the sheets. Ushijima’s body was like a radiator, warm and comforting.You ran your fingers through his hair patiently. If he wanted to talk, then he would. Until then, you whispered little praises to him, pressing kisses to his shoulder between sentences.

“I won’t lose again,” he spoke quietly.

Months passed and things continued to go well between the two of you. They were better than ever honestly. During Christmas you visited each other’s families at his request. You didn’t even have to prompt it! Your parents loved him. They thought he was quite the protector type and approved. His mother ended up accepting you once she realized you were intelligent and genuinely loved her son. Your personality had definitely thrown her for a loop.

Graduation was soon approaching and the two of you decided on a five year plan together. Long nights were spent discussing goals and dreams, wondering if they would be compatible with one another. He intended on going pro right after school; the Schweiden Adlers seemed most likely and they were based in Oita. You still had your third year of high school to finish, but you were applying to Kyushu University for architecture. It was in Fukuoka and closer than your other options to Oita. It was just a couple of hours by train or car. You also had plans to stick with track and field and keep your spot on the national team for as long as you could. You both had your eyes on the 2016 Olympics.

For a year the two of you managed to maintain a healthy long distance relationship.

After graduation, there were farewell and congratulatory parties almost every day, but the most fun for you was going apartment hunting, together. It was like a vacation, enjoying the beaches and hot springs. You spent a week staying at his apartment where the lease was ending soon. He said the two of you needed a new place together, that his current apartment wasn’t fitting enough for you. On your third day in Oita, Ushijima decided on the place, a 2 bed and 1.5 bath townhome instead of a one and one apartment. When you told him it was a bit expensive, he said it was perfect because he wanted you to have your own space at home to study for school without being bothered by him. You cried right there and he handled it like a champ. The two of you moved in a week before you started school.

“Wakatoshi!” you called to him from the rooftop terrace. He appeared, sticking his head out from the sliding glass door. You wiped your cheek, smudging dirt across your face. “Can you help me move this bag?”

He slipped on his outdoor shoes and walked over, lifting the bag of dirt and moving it to one of the two raised garden beds that he built earlier today. The two of you had plans for a small vegetable garden. “I thought we were going to plant seeds after lunch. I’m almost done cooking.”

“I know, I just got really excited. I was staring at your beautiful work and couldn’t help myself,” you cooed, giving him starry eyes.

Sighing, he set the bag down where you needed it before taking your hand and dragging you back inside. “We’ll do this after lunch. Together.”

“Aw, are you jealous I tried to start before you?” He didn’t say anything in response, making you grin. “My handsome farmer, I’m so sorry.”

After lunch, the two of you filled the garden beds with dirt and carefully planted seeds for carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, peas, basil, parsley, rosemary, thyme, marigolds, lavender, and scarlet plume celosia. Ushijima had done quite a bit of research on complimentary plants. Hours really. Hours spent doing online research and drawing diagrams of how the garden should be set up for its fullest potential.

You were watering one of the garden beds when you caught a glimpse of Ushijima squatting with a spade in his hand. It was so cute how concentrated he was and how much attention he was giving this simple task. Biting your lip, you sprayed him briefly. He blinked, as if not comprehending what happened and looked up, as if blaming the sky. A muffled laugh escaped you. You went back to watering the garden bed as he went inside. Minutes later you heard the glass door slide open and didn’t pay much mind to it. Suddenly you felt chilled and were thoroughly soaked. Moving your hair from your eyes, you looked up to see your boyfriend holding a bucket over your head.

“Wakatoshi!”

Soon you were off to university, moving into a small dorm room with a single suitcase. Your dorm was littered with photographs of you and Ushijima and it was hard to cope with the fact that you wouldn’t see him through at least the rest of summer, maybe not even until the end of September if your school’s track team did well.

For a month you and Ushijima would call or FaceTime every night and tell each other about your days. He was quite proud of the garden the both of you planted and would send you progress photos and then describe what he saw in fine detail. Honestly, you didn’t realize your boyfriend was capable of being so invested in something other than volleyball. There were a few times you tried spicing up your phone calls, but honestly Ushijima didn’t get it. He was terrible at phone sex. It was fine though. Summer break was.... just a few months away.

It was a Saturday night after track practice when you got a phone call from your boyfriend.

“Wakatoshi! You’re calling early. I haven’t gotten back to my dorm yet,” you spoke, excited to hear from him.

“(Y/N), I’m lost.”

Your brows raised in surprise. “Lost, how? Do you need me to look up how to fix something?”

“No, I’m somewhere on your university’s campus.”

You felt your heart skip and you immediately ran toward main campus. “Okay well tell me what you see.”

In thirty minutes you were in your dorm taking a shower and Ushijima was reading the newest shonen jump he picked up at the train station on your bedroom floor. You came out with your hair in a towel and one of Ushijima’s t-shirts you had stolen. He set aside his magazine and pulled you down into his lap, holding you tight.

“I’m so surprised you came. I’m so happy,” you squealed, burying your face into his neck and running your fingers through his hair.

“I missed you too. I can stay for two days, but then I must go home.”

Pulling back, you let your fingers run over the stubble on his jaw, pouting a bit, “So what do I owe this short visit?”

His stare was intense and a faint blush kissed his cheeks. “I recognize that a few times you’ve tried to... initiate some things on the phone. I admit I’m not very good at it, so hopefully my presence now can make up for my... lack of experience.”

“Wakatoshi,” you breathed out in surprise, gazing at him with so much love. He literally traveled almost three hours because you were horny without him. Pulling the towel from your hair, you knocked him over onto his back as you jumped him.

Visits like these happened sporadically and soon it was fall. Track and field season was over which meant you could make your weekend visits home to Oita. You’d leave Wednesday nights and head back to school on Sunday mornings. Despite the second bedroom serving as a private study for you, you found yourself curling up to Ushijima almost always - as long as he wasn’t busy.

This was life for a couple of years. The two of you had become quite the duo. In fact, throughout your relationship, you had only argued about two things:

You broke your phone once and he wasn’t able to contact you and he freaked out from not knowing what was going on.

He forgot your anniversary and cancelled on your date for volleyball and you laid in on him for it.

Things were great until the 2016 Olympic qualifiers came around. You had broken a metatarsal in your right foot at the first qualifying meet of the 2015 season. You were out for the next eight weeks and even then, you weren’t going to be in shape to qualify because you had to go through physical therapy and get your athletic abilities up to par. Your coach told you that staying on the national team, going pro, and qualifying for 2020 was still possible for you. It didn’t stop the feeling of complete and total devastation that wrecked you and you were jealous.

Ushijima wasn’t sure of how to help you; he’d never seen you so vulnerable before, never seen you so sad, but he did his best to support you, even if that meant being a punching bag. He was consistent, despite things he had going on for his own Olympic goals.

After two months it was summer break. You had to go through physical therapy and you moved back home to Oita, transitioning to online classes for the second term of the year. Because Ushijima’s love language was different from most, you found yourself being forced to do your PT homework exercises, no matter how down and bratty you got.

“Wakatoshi, I don’t want to do stairs,” you groaned, curling up into a ball on the couch.

“You must, or you won’t be ready to start training any time soon,” he replied simply.

Your foot was throbbing and you were on your period, and everything just felt like shit. All you wanted was to watch anime and eat the small bag of chips you had hidden under the blanket you were under. Ushijima had been so strict with your diet and honestly all you wanted were trans fats, sugar, and carbs. With ease, he ripped the blanket from you, exposing you in your underwear clutching a bag of Calbee honey butter flavored potato chips.

“You should get up and walk the stairs now,” he said, prying the bag of chips from your hands, “if you want these back.”

Throwing your legs over the couch, you winced, balling your hands into fists in frustration. You got up, favoring your left foot, which he noticed. He walked up the stairs and sat on the top step, waiting for you to follow. Biting your lip, you moved slowly, trying to ignore the pain. There were 14 steps to the top and you had to go up twice and down twice. You were doing fine until your second trek up the stairs. It was a misstep and you slipped and you were clinging to the stair case, crying. It was embarrassing for you to be like this in front of him. This sweet giant quickly enveloped you in his arms and had you lying on your side of the bed, gently caressing your foot as you sobbed through it.

When you were calm again, Ushijima left for a while before returning, dinner in hand. The two of you sat in bed and had the meal he made in silence. You’d barely eaten, but you waited until he finished before you curled up to his side.

“I’m so sorry, Wakatoshi.”

“I would be surprised it you took this easily. You’re a competitive person. It’s one of the things I find attractive about you,” he replied. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, his fingers gently running up and down along your own arm.

“Really?” you asked, feeling shy. He hummed in affirmation, glancing down to make eye contact. Smiling, you played with the hem of his shirt that was beginning to ride up. “What else do you... find attractive about me?”

“You’re thoughtful, kind. The way you pursue your passions and you’ve encouraged me to pursue my own; you believe in people wholeheartedly.” A thoughtful expression settled on his face as he spoke on effortlessly. He paused and his brows furrowed briefly before settling into a relaxed expression. “You’re beautiful.”

Placing a kiss to your forehead, you watched as he got up and headed to take his evening shower.

While you couldn’t compete, you concentrated on therapy and school and finished your courses early for your degree. You picked up a simple class to stay enrolled until your four years at school were up*, this way you could go back to competing your last year of university. The summer of 2016, Ushijima took you with him to Brazil. Japan didn’t win, but the competition was incredible. You got to meet with track and field athletes and it reignited your passion for competition.

You’d graduate come spring and then your focus was on 2020 Tokyo.

-

*In Japan, early graduation doesn’t exist. It was explained to me that if you attend a 4 year university, you have to be a student for 4 years before graduating, even if you complete your degree early.

tag list: @hihiq​

[zukosgay]

1-25 but just if your up to it^^

did you..... did you ask for the entire questions fjsdhf

note: okay i just checked and you did. you mad man, you. skipping the ones i don’t wanna/can’t answer

Song of the year?: funny little creatures - nothing more. or more like a song that came out this year? uhhhhh.... anything by billie eilish, i guess. bad guy.

Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year? nothing more. 

Movie of the year? AND THEN WE DANCED, I KNOW IT CAME OUT LAST YEAR BUT I WATCHED IT THIS YEAR IN CINEMAS; SO.

TV show of the year? i watched so little television this year except like.......... me and my roommate rewatching spn, rip

Game of the year? animal crossing new horizons hands down... what a question, pff. tom nook saved all our asses

Best month for you this year? February, i had some nice hits, turned 23, traveled to budapest, went partying for the last few times rip

Something that made you cry this year? literally almost everything. my existence makes me cry

Something you want to do again next year? travel. get drunk to britney spears next to fellow gheys

Talk about a new friend you made this year JULIA, who’s not on tumblr but i met her while tagging along at a gay bar and i love that girl.

How was your birthday this year? uneventful

Favorite book you read this year? in the dream house - carmen maria machado, the twisted ones - t. kingfisher (both of these i HIGHLY recommend, the twisted ones is horror and in the dream house is a biography about an abusive relationship)

What’re you excited about for next year? idk, it feels weird to be excited about sth during these times.... i’m excited about getting my bachelor’s and working.

What’s something you learned this year? i think i need to earn my existence by helping and giving everything to others because i feel a huge shame/disgust around myself and think i’m only worthwhile if i can do sth for others. thanks therapists @ the hospital. 🤪✊

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year? i redecorated my entire room and it looks completely different & also way better now. not yet, but soon i’ll be living on my own when my roommate moves out

Favorite place you visited this year? Budapest

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be? say fuck it. go to that gay party & drink your lights out. don’t just say “there’ll be another one soon”, cuz there won’t be. be more spontaneous bitch, u only got like 3 more months until a pandemic and psychiatric hospital visit will hit you.

[heathers-wig]

last kiss oneshot aka a sad heathers-wig making a duncney oneshot at 1AM and getting emotional over the duncney parallels because i’m THAT bitch

listen,,,,, i know. i have no shame. making duncney content in 2020? to old taylor swift songs? my pride has evaporated, so please td tumblr, have mercy. 

also @ my few non-td mutuals and non-writer mutuals: do not judge me more than you already have please i’m begging.

available on ao3 here

I still remember the look on your face

Lit through the darkness at 1:58

The words that you whispered

For just us to know

You told me you loved me

So why did you go away?

A somber reflection of her own face stared back at Courtney as the brown eyed girl stared, saddened, outside one of the jet’s windows. The Jumbo-Jet had been flying for hours, to wherever the show’s next location was, and the rest of her team was fast asleep; even Cody, who was terrified of Sierra rubbing his feet at the dead of the night. Sierra herself had been worn out after hours of cutting out perfectly shaped pieces of paper of a Gwen silhouette and then destroying it — she had taken so much joy out of it, and had done it so flawlessly, that Courtney was sure it had become a routine over the few years Total Drama had been airing on TV. After today, Courtney would gladly join Sierra, if she wasn’t so busy making a list on how much of a back-stabbing, helio-phobic goth-loving liar that Gwen was. 

God, Gwen; just the name made Courtney want to let out one of the most pathetic sobs that had ever been seen on television. She knew it was stupid, she honestly did, that she trusted Gwen — it wasn’t anything she said, or really anything that she did, that deemed Gwen as untrustworthy, it was more like the feeling of being unsettled that came after every time Duncan’s name would worm its way into the conversation, and the way Gwen had tensed and how the goth’s cheeks would become slightly pinker, yet her skin somehow paler; in hindsight, it was so dreadfully and painfully obvious that this would happen, and how inevitable it was that this sad, beautifully breathtaking destruction would crumble down on the fragments of happiness in Courtney’s life, but maybe that’s why Courtney and Gwen were drawn together in the first place. To prove the paparazzi wrong, or maybe because Courtney really believed that Gwen wouldn’t stoop as low and confirm the public’s suspicions. However, time had slowly gone by and Courtney learned the hard, cruel way that they were absolutely right.

Chef, who had never taken any sort of liking or pity on Courtney — except when she had sued Chris, he had begrudgingly admitted that he was impressed — had been nice (or cruel, Courtney couldn’t decide which one was more accurate,) enough to show the brunette the clip herself. Herself hugging Duncan (who she now nicknamed Dumbcan in her own mind — ugh, the jerk!) so lovingly after being separated for what felt like ages, and feeling her heart soar when he said he thought of her while he was gone —

— But that was all a lie. A lie that made Courtney feel secure in her deteriorating relationship, a lie that allowed Duncan an easy way out, a lie that filled Gwen’s stomach to the brim with fluttering butterflies. Courtney had to watch, with something that felt all too familiar to horror, as Duncan and Gwen embraced and slowly leaned towards each other, all while knowing and ignoring the brunette outside who was just so happy that she had her boyfriend back and someone she could call the closest to a best friend was still in the game with her. It was almost ironic how that ended. Almost.

Now, staring out the window, Courtney couldn’t help but wander how this could have possibly happened. Of course, she knew the actual answer; Gwen falling for Duncan after her public and awful breakup with Trent, and Duncan losing interest in her as Courtney thought more and more of their relationship as long-term versus until one of them had gotten a sudden sweep of common sense and dumped the other. Whenever Courtney had tried to construct the words in her head of what she would say to Duncan when she eventually had to actually face him, the thoughts that were so carefully balanced on the tip of her tongue would come tumbling back down to the pit of her stomach. Throwing a pity party and tantrum when breaking up with Duncan would be inevitable — she knew it, as much as she didn’t want to acknowledge it — but the feeling of dread she felt when looking back on their initial relationship was too much to bear. 

It was ironic, wasn’t it, how she was the first to lean in, while Duncan had took the final lean out? And how he didn’t even have enough guts to breakup with her to begin with? Sure, it would definitely hurt, but she was almost positive that it would be nowhere near the amount of heartache she felt while watching that clip.

What killed her the most was that she could still remember the electric blue eyes of his that seemed to illuminate the darkness of night that day she rebelled, the very day she would now do anything to erase from history. The look of initial shock on his face when Courtney grabbed his face and smashed their lips together in one electrifying kiss... it was painful to remember such a time. If Courtney tried hard enough, she was sure she could hear the slight chatter of their friends behind them and the crickets around them and maybe even the humming of porch lights next to them. Possibly even pick up on the slight smell of cigarettes that followed Duncan everywhere (like his criminal record, as Courtney would snidely berate him, though those days were left to wither in the past), or unfortunately the resting puddle of vomit next to the porch. 

“Enjoy a peanut butter-less life,” he had remarked, the words still ringing in Courtney’s head almost two years later.

“Thanks,” Courtney herself had quipped, leaning up against him. “Enjoy prison,”

“I will,” the juvenile smirked. It all felt like such a long time ago. Had it all meant nothing? Maybe it had been broadcasted around the world, but it was such a private and intimate moment between them that felt like it was for them and them alone — and yet he cheated? He turned around and kissed up her best friend with little to no remorse? Did it mean anything to him? She wasn’t sure she wanted the answer. 

If it did, wouldn’t he had stayed? Wouldn’t he had wanted to talk things out, instead of hurting her in the worst way possible? Wouldn’t he have meant every ‘I love you,’ he said while they were still dating with no second thought? Did he even mean every ‘I love you’? Or were they just lies that tasted as sweet as honey on his tongue, that he spoon-fed to Courtney every now and then to keep her from leaving him.

She wasn’t sure what haunted her more; knowing that Duncan felt no regret for what he did or having a last kiss with no knowledge of its significance. 

I do recall now

The smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement

I ran off the plane

That July ninth

The beat of your heart

It jumps through your skin

I can still feel your arms

As odd as it felt, a few weeks have gone by since her nasty breakup with Duncan. She finally got to shove Gwen (who was swelling up from her allergic reaction at a concerning rate, but Courtney had no pity left for Gwen in her heart that the goth and Duncan were responsible for breaking) off of Chris’s jet, but to her disappointment it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as she hoped it would be. Sure, seeing Gwen’s falling figure struggle to open the parachute brought a smile to her face and earned a chuckle from Heather (and a maniacal laugh from Sierra), but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to personally shove Duncan off the plane herself, but she wouldn’t be as kind to him as she was with Gwen; she’d be taking the parachute right before she shoved the fatal push.

The feeling that came after Gwen’s elimination was hard to describe — of course, sheer joy immediately after, but after the cameras stopped rolling and Chris instructed them all to head to bed, panic took its place. Courtney knew she was a target from her fellow teammates — Heather probably wanted to chop all her hair off for flirting with her dear Alejandro; Courtney almost wished the two would get together and save Courtney the heartbreak she’d have to face that there was no one left for her. Duncan would of course crave Courtney’s elimination, and Alejandro and Sierra would probably agree to anything so as long as it wasn’t them, or Cody, in Sierra’s case. Just about everything seemed to be going her way, wasn’t it? 

Courtney wasn’t even sure if she cared at this point. Should she? Of course, winning would be a great payment for everything she’s had to put up with on Total Drama, this season in particular, but at the same time, with Gwen officially out of the running, following her and going back home would feel even better. 

Home. Courtney hadn’t been there in ages, and at this point she wasn’t sure what she considered home to be. There was the pristine mansion she was raised in by her lawyer parents, and while that place might have looked like the front of a magazine cover, it felt like an empty ghost of a home. Not a single thing was out of place — not a throw pillow or piece of silverware. Her parents were either always at work, travelling for a case, or holed up in their respective offices; there was rarely “family time”. Courtney was fine with this, though; that’s just how things were for the Castillo family. 

There was Camp Wawanakwa, as evil and ironic as it was. For a few weeks, she lived with teenagers, not the reality stars they were now. When her friends from debate club sometimes dragged her to a rewatch of the first season, it was odd to see how different they were all back then, but at the same time, they really hadn’t changed at all. Though Courtney was unsure if she would ever step foot on that island ever again, it would always hold a place in her heart — good or bad? She hadn’t decided yet — for the beginning of whatever her life was now. 

Her apartment was an option, as well. It wasn’t as much home as just the place she so happened to live in. No emotional attachment whatsoever; some boxes were still stacked in a spare coat closet, all neatly labeled in a thick Sharpie. It wasn’t that Courtney was disorganized or lazy, more like there was no use in unpacking all of her belongings in a temporary home. She moved out of her parents’ mansion as college crept closer and closer, and she hadn’t lived with her parents since last summer. 

That summer felt alien at this point, looking at old photographs that were neatly organized on her cellphone. She remembered her family went on a month-long vacation in Europe, and Duncan had come to pick her up from the airport, much to her parents’ displeasure. The Castillos and Duncan did not get along, but tried to be civil for Courtney’s sake — they knew how much it could upset her when they were constantly at odds. Being civil was nowhere easy for either parties, but seeing Courtney’s happiness and hope that there was just maybe a hope that she and Duncan would be able to have a future together made it worth it.

However, seeing his arm around her waist with easy smiles on both of their lips made Courtney’s stomach lurch, just knowing what he would do a little more than a year later. It brought back too many memories that were painful to recall, and came all at once with no warning, much like a band-aid being harshly torn off the surface of a child’s knee.

That day it had been raining all afternoon, and there was still a slight drizzle and mist in the air when Courtney’s family had landed. Duncan was there, at the pickup area, with brunch for herself and her entire family from some local cafe — as much as he would deny it, deep down she just knew he was a sweetheart — and as soon as he could, he wrapped his arms around Courtney, which Courtney had gladly returned. 

The smell of rose and cigarettes, a smell that had become the twisted combination of the aromas surrounding Courtney and Duncan, filled Courtney’s nose, and she couldn’t help but bask in how glorious it felt, to simply be embraced by Duncan. No bickering, no making out, just a simple sign of affection was all it took for Courtney to feel at peace. They were so close, she could’ve swore she could feel the faint beat of his heart underneath his t-shirt.

It was such a quick, and rather insignificant moment, of their relationship, that Courtney couldn’t figure out, for the life of her, why it stuck with her. Maybe because it was insignificant in the long run it was so cherishable to her — a quick, stolen moment of sweet nothings that was caught in the middle of the timeline of her rather messy and confusing relationship with Duncan. 

Did Duncan still remember that July ninth? Probably not. Realistically, not. In fact, he was probably busy daydreaming making out with his new girlfriend in another all new spot on Gwen’s neck that made them feel something new that they never felt with Trent or Courtney. Not at all reminiscing on Courtney unwillingly falling in love with Duncan that July ninth in front of her parents, not at all remembering the imprint he left on her heart (though it did give her a sense of satisfaction that all Duncan could do was wish, as Courtney could gladly say she heard Gwen’s shrieks of terror as she plummeted towards the Earth at a rapid pace with a broken parachute).

Feeling a sudden chill in the air, Courtney runs her hands up and down her upper arms. As much as she hated him for it, she could still feel Duncan’s arms wrapping themselves around her, and she felt less colder. 

She doubted Duncan remembered the smell of lingering rain on the pavement that July ninth, or the hand squeeze and smile she gave him, or her parents finally warming up to him when he remembered their favorite brunch meal. 

She doubted he would even want to remember any of it.

But now I’ll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is

I don’t know how to be something you missed

Never thought we’d have a last kiss

Never imagined we’d end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

Courtney wasn’t sure what to feel; upset? Angered? Humiliated? Robbed of winning, yet again? Maybe even a little relieved? They were all emotions she had felt before on the previous times she had been eliminated from Total Drama, but considering the circumstances... Courtney decided a combination of all would be the most appropriate. 

She was upset she allowed herself to cheat for Alejandro, who she was only really using to spite Duncan (not like Duncan had even batted an eye, which admittedly really stung), and she was fully aware Alejandro didn’t return her feelings, but God, she hadn’t felt any joy in what felt like ages, maybe she felt Alejandro would, what, reward her? All she got was a kiss after she freshened up, and it wasn’t even that good to begin with — too much tongue for her liking. 

Duncan knew how to kiss me just right. Crossed her mind, but as soon as it surfaces, she shoves it far, far down.

And she was angry, so angry that she had allowed herself to be used and manipulated, on International TV no less! She looked like exactly what she was, and she did not like it in any way, whatsoever — weak. And with that, humiliation; being cheated on, blanked, used and then sent packing with that trashy, gossip-craving Blaineley of all people was such a huge hit to her pride, Courtney was unsure if her pride would ever be able to recover, even five years from now. God, that was pathetic, the thought of still being sensitive to her Total Drama World Tour experience as a full-on adult. Definition of embarrassing. Her ego was massively bruised, and had taken such a fall that Courtney was sure she would never allow herself to get close to anyone ever again. Was it selfish? Maybe. But a businesswoman has to do what she has to do to be successful and strong, and if that meant ghosting everyone and plunging herself into her work — so be it. 

However... a small, incredibly fragile fraction of herself was so relieved. Of course, she wanted to win, to show to her ex-friend and boyfriend she was more than capable of destroying them, but she had already endured so much humiliation during that season that she felt her shoulders relax a little rather than tense up before she jumped off the plane. Though the cameras didn’t show it, Courtney found herself smiling like a lunatic — like Izzy, as she had now come to realize, not that she enjoyed acknowledging it one bit — as she dived off the jet, finally free from Chris, the cameras and most of all, Duncan. 

But now that she was back at her bleak apartment, she realized that cruelly ironically enough that he was more present in her own dorm even when he was across the world, with no thought or emotion to spare in her direction. The couch reeked of him, where he had spent New Years’ Eve and where they ended up falling asleep at 4 in the morning; the coffee table underneath her bare fingers felt like him, where an engraving of D+C was proudly displayed on the corner; the fridge seemed to still have him traced all over it, where she and Duncan had a huge argument in front of before he had slipped out the words “I love you” for the first time, and even the coat racket was imprinted with Duncan, where one of his jackets still hung, firm from months of not being used. Though a part of her wanted to reach out for it and wrap it around herself for some source of comfort, Courtney knew she shouldn’t — she couldn’t. But... 

It was ridiculous. A stupid, humiliating and reckless idea that would take the mere shreds left of her ego, dignity and pride and bury them six feet under. But right now, nobody would know... there was no paparazzi or roommate around to expose her, and she did feel awfully cold....

Grabbing the collar of the jacket, Courtney wrapped it around her shoulders and (shamefully, she couldn’t believe she was allowing her pride to stoop even lower than it already had) dashed in her pristine bedroom and immediately opened one of her drawers; Duncan’s drawer, which was filled with even more memories, both good and bad. To be fair, they were once all good, but now they left a sour sting on Courtney’s tongue. She tore through the drawer, before fixating on one item and pulling it out — one of Duncan’s many copies of his infamous skull t-shirt.

Without even meaning to, Courtney found herself crumbling like a piece of wet gingerbread. How pathetic are you? She mentally scolded herself, but at that moment she found herself realizing she simply didn’t care. After a lifetime of being as cold and emotionless as she could be, a boy of all things is what broke her down. After being rid of Total Drama — for now, Courtney had to remind herself — and the travel, the cameras and the clothes, and now just in her pajamas and dreadfully Duncan’s jacket, Courtney couldn’t help but unleash the full power of the sobs that had been building up in Courtney since the breakup. 

How was she going to get past this? Would she always be remembered as the bitch that a criminal cheated on on TV? What about her future? Would this all affect her chances in office? How could her ego possibly come back from this? Most of all, how would she cope knowing that Duncan, the nuisance criminal she’s despised for around two or three years, was gone for good and was never, ever coming back, no matter how much Courtney craved for it? 

Would Duncan even miss her? Would he ever, someday in the future, when things with Gwen were rocky? Would he remember Courtney, and think of her as something he missed? Was that even a title Courtney had the chance of claiming?

Courtney craved Duncan. She wanted his presence in her apartment, she wanted his arms around her, his lips pressed on her own; she hadn’t, didn’t and probably would never have wanted a last kiss, and knowing that they were as good as done with no chance of having another stolen kiss — it was too much. How could she have let them end like this?

“D... Duncan,” The name forces itself out of Courtney’s throat and through her lips, crumpling his shirt in her hands and bringing her knees to the ground, where she continues to sob. Tossing one more item from the drawer — the wooden skull, with D+C engraved on it, looking as new as it did years ago — she hurls it at the mirror in the corner of her room, its impact cracking the glass. 

Maybe in the morning Courtney would care, but at that moment, all she wanted was to be comforted by the one person who couldn’t, wouldn’t and would never comfort her ever again. All she knew was that she would never stop craving Duncan, no matter who was by her side or made her smile and laugh and shower her with kisses — the whole time she would be wishing it was Duncan instead, sharing a kiss that would be far from their last. 

I do remember

The swing in your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

Because I love your handshake

Meetin’ my father

I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets

How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something

There’s not a day that I don’t miss those rude interruptions

Courtney despised the nights that followed post-World Tour elimination; they were filled with nightmares of happier times that mocked Courtney, nightmares that were dressed like perfect, safe and welcoming dreams. Nightmares that felt like incredible dreams at first, until Courtney woke up and remembered how alone she truly was. 

That night it was a random, and rather insignificant, memory of a wild party that Duncan had dragged her to. It was hosted by the cousin of a friend of Geoff’s friend, and of course Geoff and Duncan insisted that Bridgette, Courtney and DJ to come with, as much as Courtney was opposed to the idea. Duncan always made impacts, for lack of better word, on the guests, that would usually result in him adding a hundred followers to his Instagram, starting a riot and Courtney having to bail him out of jail or being kicked out by the host; it was a gamble each time. 

That night, Duncan had chosen to boast in front of a group of guests on all the laws he had broken and tattoos he had gotten — just Duncan’s usual load of shit. 

Courtney had rolled her eyes and sneered in disgust — just Courtney’s typical reaction to said load of shit. “God, Duncan, those tattoos are disgusting, I don’t see how you put up with them,” She had scowled. Duncan shrugged and wrapped his arm around her, leaning into Courtney, intently watching her incredibly dark and hypnotizing (at least, they were to him) eyes widen in surprise. 

“You’re just no fun,” Duncan lamely insulted, poking his tongue out at her and showcasing his tongue piercing that made Courtney’s nose scrunch up.

“I am plenty of fun!” Courtney snapped.

“Really? Prove it,” Duncan challenged, jerking his head toward the dance floor. Courtney gave him a withering glare that would have turned anyone else to a mere pile of dust, before gripping his wrist and dragging her with him, determined to prove him wrong. Unbeknownst to her, he was grinning like an enamored puppy behind her. 

As a slow song came on, Courtney wrapped her arms around Duncan’s neck while her wrapped his around her waist as they slowly swayed around to the beat of the song. Just as Duncan dipped her down, and Courtney felt a glamorous sensation as they both leaned toward each other and —

— suddenly, Duncan impaled a hook through Courtney (that looked all too familiar to the one he had spooked her with a long time ago) that Courtney hadn’t even noticed he had, before dropping her on the dance floor, her white dress staining with red blood like wine, as everyone else continued dancing to the romantic melody, paying no glance to Courtney.

She felt light headed while her eyelids felt like three tons, and as she fell on her knees, hunched over from the wound, she couldn’t help but notice as her eyes began to flutter shut no one spared a glance at her way; not even Duncan, who was back with his friends, showcasing the book like it was a trophy. As Courtney knew she was breathing her last breath, Duncan glanced her way and gave a crooked smirk, his eyes flashing hot with satisfaction at her pain. The ocean blue in his eyes had become a ferocious storm.

Courtney had jarred awake, hot, sweaty, emotional and desperate with the time of 2:34 staring back at her from her alarm clock. Courtney sighed with relief upon the realization it was just another nightmare about her ex-boyfriend, one that was rather cheesy anyway — what she would give to not be haunted by him as she still was. Unfortunately, as much as she hated the fact, she knew he still roamed her consciousness, subconsciousness and unconsciousness because of the fact she still loved him, even after everything, and a fraction of that love would probably live on for years to come until Courtney was on her deathbed.

With that comforting thought, Courtney groaned and turned away from her clock and towards the wall, studying the plaster like her life depended on it; anything to get her away from the angry electric blue that followed her even when her eyes were sealed shut.

It was plain annoying how she knew that she still loved Duncan, no matter how many times she was forced to re-live the brutal truth that he no longer loved her whenever she came face-to-face with a tabloid at the checkout line when she would occasionally get groceries, or search his name on the Internet to see how he was coping; maybe Courtney couldn’t face the truth, couldn’t face that maybe she was no longer in love with Duncan but instead with the memories of him that were scattered about her life.

It felt odd going to her parents’ and not having to deal with her father staring Duncan down, and for Duncan to stare right back, passive-aggressively. Not to watch both men clench each other’s hands firmly while looking at the other dead in the eye when Courtney introduced them. Now whenever she went to her parents’, all she felt was the sore reminder that in the end, the Castillos were right — Duncan was nothing but trouble and pain in the end.

It was painful going to the mall without Duncan to lean on, or his hand to clutch as they would lazily walk around the shops. Or how Courtney no longer had to unfold each of Duncan’s clothes from being inside-out in the laundry or hand a mountain of objects found in Duncan’s pockets to him before stuffing his pants in the washer. Duncan used to (or maybe he still did, Courtney would have no idea,) stuff anything and everything he possibly could into his pockets — keys, empty wrappers of gum, cigarettes or small things he’d pick pocketed, even spare change (though Courtney used to mock him for still carrying pennies around — who does that? She’d tease).

“That’s what you get for always walking with your hands in your pockets,” Courtney used to barate. “Someday, you’re going to end up washing your wallet if it isn’t for me,”

“Yeah, well, you’ll always be here, so that’s not a concern,” Duncan had winked back.

All Courtney could do now was scowl at how that had aged.

Hell, Courtney found herself missing their arguments — mostly over the small and rather unimportant things, they were ironically some of her fondest memories. Half the time their arguments would end up with the two making out after Duncan had silenced her with a kiss, and Courtney was now well-aware no one would ever interrupt her in such a way ever again.

Duncan was the only person who Courtney would allow to interrupt her, though now he wouldn’t want to even listen to her, let alone care enough to plant a kiss on her lips when she was in the middle of talking. Courtney had never wanted someone to interrupt her more than she wanted Duncan to.

And I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is that

I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep

And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are

Hope it's nice where you are

( TIME JUMP: 4 Months after TDAS )

Two months after coming home, Courtney found herself slowly healing from the damage that Duncan had caused on her heart. Two more months after that, Courtney found herself genuinely able to smile after that without the desire for Duncan and Gwen to be by her side; a year after that, Total Drama All Stars has been done for four months and Courtney lived day-to-day life without thinking of either Duncan or Gwen.

Courtney had been laying low for that time; obnoxious, gossip-hungry tabloids had asked for a “statement” from her whenever Gwen or Duncan or one of her ex-contestants found themselves on a headline, but Courtney shot them down every time — her ego might have taken a huge hit from World Tour and that episode from All Stars, but she wasn’t desperate enough to willingly make an appearance and be interviewed by Celebrity Manhunt.

The questions for “statements” seemed to blur over time; do you have any words of advice for Heather, who suspects Alejandro of cheating? Have you heard Trent’s new single? Rumor has it it’s about Gwen and Duncan! Speaking of Gwen and Duncan, if they were reading this, what would you say to them?

It was an endless and rather tiring cycle of the paparazzi trying to lure a reaction out of her, which Courtney refused to give into.

However, one day as Courtney was loading her groceries on a conveyor belt at the local grocery store, a headline from a tabloid caught her eye. All Courtney read were the words Totally Dramatic, and Courtney knew she should look away — they were the same magazine that publicly called Courtney a bitch a few months ago, which she would never forget. Though she had self-control in public, she found that at 11PM on a Friday night she had little to no self-control and found herself pulling open her laptop and typing Totally Dramatic in the search bar on Safari.

Almost immediately, the faces of her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend take over her screen, with the text underneath that’s all too hard to miss — Gwuncan Engagement Rumors Confirmed!?

Courtney could feel her the pit of her stomach drop and her heart shatter as it crashed to the ground below her.

It wasn’t that she missed Duncan — she didn’t! It was just that she so good at her job of avoiding Gwen and Duncan’s names like the plague she was blissfully unaware that they had gotten back together.

She would be lying if Courtney said she hadn’t thought of reaching out to Gwen — and shamefully, it would be a lie if Courtney swore she never considered sending a drunk text to Duncan (thankfully, she never had; it was a nightmare just thinking of the embarrassment that would cause) — but always decided against it because of three reasonings; there was no way either would want to hear from her, they hated her guts and Courtney would never allow her dignity to stoop as low as it had during the third season ever again.

But now — now Courtney was sure she would never reach out. Not even a quick Congratulations! text, not a gift basket, not even show up to Gwen’s bachelorette party if she felt bold enough. Courtney was positive that she was reduced to the stalking ex, browsing through both of their Instagrams, watching them mature and fall back in love through their own photographs. It was... strange, to say the least.

What was this feeling that was erupting inside her? It wasn’t jealousy, she had gotten over Duncan months ago, but it wasn’t sadness, resentment or anger, either. It was like the feeling of realizing that, as ironically and unbelievable as it was, the two had grown up without Courtney, and all she could do was watch from a distance. Watch them slowly move on from their memories of Courtney — both bad and good — until the mention of her left both indifferent; Courtney was almost positive that being hated by the two would be less painful than knowing that at one point, they were the closest and best people in her life and now they couldn’t care less on how Courtney was.

Courtney used to watch Gwen paint and draw with such concentration that she was sure she would be held accountable for messing her art up if she just so much as breathed too loudly. The furrow between her brows would deepen and the stormy gray of her eyes would be clouded over with concentration and care, and Courtney found herself wishing that she was as passionate about something as Gwen was of her art. Sure, she had her studies in law, but Gwen’s skills — they were truly beautiful. She used to watch Gwen’s head very thrown back a little when she laughed a little too hard, and how tears would leak from the corner of her eyes from laughter so easily. Or how whenever Gwen dyed her hair again, she would unintentionally run her fingers through it all of the time, leaving Courtney wandering just how soft her hair could possibly be with her double-conditioning. But now she would witness all of Gwen’s happiness through her phone’s screen when she would look up her name on Instagram.

Courtney also used to watch Duncan do so many miscellaneous things that it would be impossible to list them all; like how his eyes would glint with joy whenever he would successfully break a law, a small shot of success and pride to keep him going. Or how, as much as he stated he hated them, always showing great amounts of concern when his friends or family were stressed and immediately began brainstorming how to make them feel better. Or how no matter how tough he pretended to be, when he slept, he just looked so peaceful that it was impossible to find yourself able to avoid falling for him. But now all she’d be seeing of him was his face plastered on a tabloid, probably with his arms around Gwen’s waist.

Maybe she was being overdramatic, but it really was ironic how at one point, she had held them both so close she could feel them breathe but now all she felt was herself slowly becoming more and more insignificant to the two of them, until she was nothing more than just a blurry memory and a face that was hard to recall among others.

Someday in the future, she could already picture herself casually asking Bridgette how Duncan was, since he was still friends with Geoff and DJ, afterall — what would she be expecting? For him to be struggling to make a living and pay rent? For Duncan to be unhappy with his life and relationship? For Gwen and Duncan to experience as much pain as they inflicted on her?

Deep down, she knew the real answer; no matter how many times they’d backstab the other, Courtney just wanted Gwen and Duncan to have the best, even if it killed her to admit it.

A small part of her couldn’t help but wonder if they felt the same about her, too.

And I hope the sun shines

And it's a beautiful day

And something reminds you

You wish you had stayed

You can plan for a change in weather and time

But I never planned on you changing your mind

Maybe one day Duncan would look back on their relationship like Courtney had been doing for months — or maybe, a small part of her hoped, he had been.

All Courtney could hope for was that someday in the future, when Courtney had found peace and Gwen and Duncan were happily moving on to whatever chapter of their lives lied ahead of them, something small would catch Duncan’s eye — a picture of her on the news, a box that reeked of memories of her, even the mere mention of her name — would send him back in time to when they were sixteen and still in love and clueless to the cruel world around them, and maybe a small part of him that he thought died when he was a teenager would blossom again with the wish that he had stayed; they would always be their own biggest what-ifs.

Courtney had planned anything and everything in her life ahead of time; one thing she hadn’t ever expected? Duncan to give up on her and leave her with a last kiss while she still craved for more. And while he had moved on, Courtney was stuck in the past, but that was okay — if he could move on, so could she, and her while that may take time, she was fully prepared to wait it out; she may have been painted as the villain of the story, but she also deserved her happily ever after.

So I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is that

I don’t know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

Just like our last kiss

Forever the name on my lips

Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last

[feelingpure]

“I'm hoping, you know... He'll call.”

FELLOW TRAVELERS 1.02 ‘Bulletproof’

[fellow-travelers-events]

Fellow Travelers Rewatch Party

It's been enough time after show finale to recover, so let's start our rewatch party!

We are going to watch one episode per week, every weekend, starting this Saturday, 13th of January!

The rules are simple: you can pick any time on Saturday and watch the episode, then make one or several posts about it. It can be gifs, screencaps, text posts with your thoughts/notes/favorite moments, videoedits, etc!

For those who want to watch it together at the same time, you can join our discord server!

Don't forget to tag your posts with #fellow travelers and #fellow travelers rewatch party

[cinnamoncountess]

Fellow Travelers Rewatch Party | episode 2

Content warning: NSFW, strong language (maybe)

Let’s continue the weekly review / reaction session while watching episode 2 tonight!

First time seeing the title sequence and the composition of different LGBTQ+ and historical photographies as well as original sequences from the show - Hawk hanging Tim’s cross chain over the bedpost - merged in is spectacular. The intro has been composed by Paul Leonard-Morgan and he explains the build-up and musical structure as follows: 

„The idea was to have this loop which kept on evolving and descending keys,as Hawk’s life descended into inner turmoil.Tim’s cello sound playing the pizz at the start and the end - I wanted to represent that Tim was the grounding force, keeping the steadiness in the relationship while Hawk’s life descended into chaos.Each character adding a layer to the arpeggios on the top - first the violin, then the piano, then the wind. Sticking to our rule of never resolving. It gets increasingly frenetic until the final reprise played on the cello. Also, it’s written in. Again, so we never settle, just like @MattBomer (Hawk) and Jonathan Bailey’s (Tim) complicated relationship in the show.“ (source: Paul Leonard-Morgan via X / twitter)

It’s incredibly beautiful, well-crafted and the meaning behind feels very palpable in the music, especially with the given explanation! You should check out the Fellow Traveler’s OST: 

We’re in the 80s timeline with Maggie and Hawk meeting in the café!

I still wonder how that came about… Did Tim just tell Maggie to call Hawk? Did they have a discussion about that with Tim pondering whether or not he should go and meet Hawk and Maggie, the protective sister she is, intervening and shushing her brother off in a ‚no way, I’m gonna call and meet this douche who breaks your heart every decade‘ manner?!

Maggie: Although he swears no one else even came close. - Ouch. Tim never found happiness with someone else. That’s truly devastating. However, I’m actually curious to hear a conversation between Maggie and him on that. What did Tim tell her about Hawk and their past relationship? How did he justify his feelings for the man? I crave for more scenes focussing on Tim and his family.

Hawk is part of the Smith family. Leonard is rightfully salty at Hawk, seeing right through his scheme of settling himself a place in his family whilst masterfully playing a false game, while his standing with his own father is standing on wobbly feet.  

Tim: Had I know there’d be pictures I would have worn my best tie. - Dawww. 

I love seeing Tim and Mary socialising with the key political society and shielding each other. The supportive friendship between them is absolutely precious.

Roy Cohn looking Tim up and down suspiciously and then presenting his mom as his date, what a goblin. At first I thought he’d eye Tim up as a potential ‚interest‘ of McCarthy, but maybe he’s just extra cautious recognizing him from the State Department Bureau and the fact that he always seems to linger around when important meetings are held. 

That change of scene from Mary/Tim sweetness to Tim full on blowing Hawk in a doorframe is just  so filthy, sinful and juicy - it nearly threw me off the couch the first time I’ve watched it, such an unexpected switch. Also, damn Tim, clutching the peachy cheeks! (I get it, I get it) Also, it’s Jonathan’s / Tim’s muffled moans while he’s at it, enjoying it just as much as Hawk and edging him on, that makes me feel like a sinner. 

Tim figuring out that Mary is a lesbian and Hawk plans to encourage them to see each other, caring about both of them, their safety, because they aren’t bulletproof like he is. It’s his way of protecting the (vulnerable) people he cares for. 

Hawk talking about his dreams of buying a villa for himself, living a life where no one is judging. He doesn’t explicitly mention Tim but it makes me think of the villa he buys on Fire Island, which comes as close to his dream as it gets, just under more tragic and depressing circumstances. Tim seems satisfied with every little glimpse he is allowed to have into Hawk’s perfectly guarded ‚inner world‘ and emotions. He doesn’t press further and ask what his own place in this dream of Hawk’s would be.   

Them falling asleep together and Hawk waking up to the sight of Tim sleeping peacefully next to him, the sun and lightning in this scene - so beautiful and warming and at peace! That's how every morning for them should be.

Oh no, the neighbour seeing them together. Hawk, you can’t fool him. He’s got his own newspapers in his hand and these were definitely not handed over by a dorky looking man in glasses and a suit.

Marcus introducing us to Langston Hughes and a world where he struggles between racism and homophobia. He’s an outsider in the black community for being gay, which is why he can only handle and focus on one cause… This is far worse than living a fake life in a ‚white people‘ world. 

Momma Fuller: Don’t tell me you’ve gotten some poor girl in trouble. Didn’t think so. - Oh, Momma Fuller knows everything. What a lady, ahead of her time. Like, she’s a Gilded Age woman and is more tolerant and accepting than most of society at the time, very fierce, knows what she wants and willing to marry for a wealthy entourage. She also reminds me of Lucy, because I think she indicated as well that she’d marry a man if he’s wealthy and even if he’s ugly (because then she wouldn’t have to try too hard to hold onto him).

Momma Fuller: And he’s had a change of heart.

Hawk: Doesn’t seem likely in the absence of one. - Hawk can cut super sharp, especially when standing up to homophobes and his father. Love it. 

Mary’s party is honestly my favorite scene of this episode! The pure joy, the music, the playfulness during the charade game, seeing Tim happy / smiling and dancing with Luis. Mary insisting that Tim shouldn’t mention her relationship with Caroline to Hawk… well, she knows very well that Hawk wouldn’t approve at all, that he’d consider it dangerous, not only for them but also a threat for him. AND Mary might be worried for her job as well, she's his employee after all.

Hawk preferring to stand up for his past actions, talking down to his father’s homophobic bullshit and thus refusing to gain the heritage. Wow. Delicious, superb cinema. Wonderful. Perfect. Love to see it!

Hawk (to Tim): I’m home now. - Remember the echo in episode 8 and hold back your tears till then.

Hawk is the big spoon! Awww. Again, such a beautifully staged scene. 

Hawk dictating the love letter, formally addressed to Mary with words actually aimed at Tim - my heart. 

Again, Hawk’s attempt to protect both of them, Mary and Tim, with ethically questionable but effective means. Mary does as Hawk predicts - they know each other very well. Also, can we please recognize that Mary and Marcus as well are just as willing to throw people under the bus as Hawk is?

Back in the 80s timeline!

80’s Hawk refusing to go and have fun with the young guy in the gay bar, instead warns him to be more cautious. 

When Hawk enters Tim’s apartment and Tim notices who it is… then just traces his lips with his fingers, reminiscent. Also, I just love that Hawk still calls him ‚Skippy‘ (affectionately) and Tim doesn’t protest, although he would have every right to claim that he doesn’t call him by this pet name, a name that arose from their first sexual encounter. But he doesn’t. Because he still loves his Hawk.

Sen. Smith: But someone asks me the other day why one of the most eligible bachelors in town hasn’t married yet and I couldn’t think of an answer. - Here’s the pressure for Hawk to start courting Lucy, to protect is mentor and not be his Achille’s heel. 

Hawk (to Lucy): You’ll make a wonderful mother. You’ll teach them to have principles.

Lucy: You always found my principles annoying, silly even.

Hawk: Come on, you know I’m too smart for my own good. 

Their whole conversation, looking ahead. Ouch.  

The whole Marcus and Frankie scene is so effin’ sweet. The way they talk about their poetry and Frankie opening up on his first drag experience and what that entailed… Such natural chemistry between them. The poem Marcus recites is flows so well with the scenes!

Seeing 80s Tim all overjoyed and happy and smiling when they sit down together for Chinese Takeaway food is such a treasure (His ‚thank you thank you thank you!‘ is so sweet)! I’m pretty sure a great part of his delight must derive from the fact that Hawk is there with him, spending this evening with them, eating together. They NEVER had that, not even in the 70s, Tim and Hawk eating with a family member of either of them.

That’s it for episode 2!

[ptersparkers]

proud to be a stark

summary: at your graduation, tony remembers all the moments he shared with you and is surprised by your speech, which leaves him rendered speechless. 

a/n: this was based on a request of rory gilmore’s graduation speech in gilmore girls and when i rewatched it, i really wanted to pour out everything i wanted to say to tony in this. make some noise if you would sell your soul for tony stark!!!!

warnings: just some fluff and my tears

masterlist / taglist

Tony wasn’t sure what to expect when he entered your school grounds for the event that was your graduation. He saw a flock of parents sitting at one part of the football field and scouted where the rest of the Avengers were, having reserved seats in the middle just so they could see you the most important day of your life thus far.

You had told him it wasn’t necessary for him to do so, but he did it anyway and you didn’t expect any less from him. Tony laughed to himself, remembering the squabble you two had a week before when he purchased a bucketful of graduation tickets. 

There were chairs lined up in front of the crowd and he figured you’d probably sit in the back because of your last name. He had dropped you off not too long ago and you had given him a quick hug before sauntering off with your senior friends to relive high school one last time before you’d leave for good. 

“Hey, Tony!” Carol yelled from a few feet away as the chattering parents surrounded Tony, Carol, and the rest of the Avengers in civilian clothing. 

“Carol,” Tony said, grateful that he wasn’t alone anymore. “Where’s Pepper?”

“On her way,” Carol replied. “She’s parking the car as we speak and she should be here in a few minutes.”

“I’m glad to see you guys,” Tony said, clapping his hand on Sam’s back as they all walked to their reserved seats. 

“You didn’t have to pay for these,” Bucky said as he sat down. 

Tony beamed at the team. “You knew I had to,” he said. “Today’s my girl’s graduation and I wanted the best seats.”

“Jeez, Tony. You need to drink some water and calm down,” Rhodey commented. 

Tony looked down at his leg, which was bouncing up and down in anticipation, excitement, and nervousness. It was then did he feel like his life flashed before his eyes, from the moment he took you home, to the day you had called Pepper ‘mom’ for the first time at age thirteen, to seeing you disappear behind your gym’s wooden doors to get ready for your graduation ceremony. All his hard work had paid off and he couldn’t be more proud. 

“You did good, Tony,” said Steve from behind. “Y/N turned out to be a wonderful young woman and that’s all thanks to you.”

“Oh Steve, you always know what to say,” he joked. 

Right then, the band played Pomp and Circumstance and all heads turned towards the entrance of the field where the first batch of students walked in. Certain groups of people started to cheer when they saw their kid in the line of students, but it wasn’t until you walked by that all the Avengers had yelled their loudest, earning both proud and annoyed glares from the guests sitting around them. But they didn’t care. 

For Tony, the entire ceremony seemed to drone on and on when the principal and other district faculty gave speeches about the importance of education and how far high school seniors had come. It wasn’t until you stood up from your seat that Tony’s head perked up. 

“Hi everyone,” you began. “Today marks the last day of life as we know it and the first day of life unknown. If you don’t know who I am, my name’s Y/N Stark. My father bugged me to read this speech since he found out I was valedictorian, but I chose to hide this speech from him until today.”

The crowd laughed and Tony did too, rolling his eyes as a joke. 

“I’m going to be honest. I get treated differently because of my last name. Almost every day I used to detest coming to school because of the people who’d strike up a conversation with me just to get the perks, which don’t exist, of being a Stark. For a while, I went through a period of anxiety and absolutely hated being a Stark because of how differently I had been treated,” you said. 

Tony remembers all the times you had entered his laboratory late at night with red and puffy eyes, crumbling down in his chair as he comforted you until the early hours of the morning. He remembers you staying home from parties and get-togethers every weekend for the first two years because of the fear that you’d make phony friends. 

“And you know,” you continued, “I’ll remember all the times my father told me that I’m more than my last name. I’m more than the legacy laid before me. I’m capable of accomplishing my dreams on my own and the privilege I was given can be used in a positive light. I can help other people, whether that be my fellow students or people in the future.”

Tony remembers you coming home one night from a friend’s house and you had told him you found a good group of girl-friends who support you for you. He was wary, as usual, but you were so happy and he was happy to let you have your fun. He was just grateful that these friends turned out to be people who treated you like how you deserved to be treated. 

“What I’m trying to say is, we all have our fears about being teenagers who have barely entered the real world. We all set expectations for ourselves and we all have expectations other people put on us. How we deal with it and overcome said fears defines who we are, not the rumors people label on us. We are all capable of chasing our dreams and making it come true.”

Tony smiled when you finish that sentence because he remembered the moment you came into his lab and told him you want to work in Paris one day. You toldhim about this great study abroad opportunity NYU offers that lets students travel for a year and learn all about engineering. Tony remembers thinking you’re growing up and how proud he was of you for taking the first step for the rest of your life. 

“My father is the reason why I’m confidently standing on this stage. No amount of tabloid rumors could make my love for him disappear. He taught me what it looks like to be knocked down and pick yourself back up. He taught me how important it is to surround yourself with people who support you. But most of all, he showed me what strength looks like and how you are your hardest critic. For that, my father will be the greatest teacher I have ever had and I’m so grateful to be a Stark.” 

The crowd was silent and Tony’s sure everyone sitting around him could hear him sniffle when he tried to keep the waterworks in. Your eyes searched for Tony’s and when you found his gaze, you smiled. 

“Congratulations to the graduating class. We did it, guys! And dad, I love you three thousand.” 

The crowd erupted in cheers and applause, and you stood for a moment to bask in the hard work you put in the speech. You made sure you didn’t trip of your graduation robe as you stepped down from the stage and returned from your seat, saying hello to a few friends who you passed on the way back. 

When the graduating class disperses to say hello to their loved ones, Tony runs down and hops the fence even though he knows he’s not supposed to. He sees your smaller figure instantaneously and engulfed you in an embrace that made up for all the fights, arguments, and long nights for the past four years you spent in high school. He felt a tear slip from his eyes and your hands grip his suit tight as he held you closer. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Tony whispers. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, dad,” you replied. “I’m so grateful for you.” 

Tony pulled back and watched you with glossy eyes as you held up your diploma, letting a sheepish smile slip from your lips. You looked behind your father’s shoulders and saw the rest of the Avengers, whom you heard from the crowd as they were the largest group that chanted your name when you had graduated. 

Carol immediately went in for the hug and lifted you off the ground momentarily before nudging her shoulder with yours. Steve hugged you next and Natasha let a tear shed, not bothering to hide her wispy emotions when you reached out to hold her in an embrace. 

“She loves you so much,” Rhodey said, standing beside Tony as he watched you happily greet the other Avengers and your other friends. 

“And I love her. I always will.” 

***

Taglist:

@kath94210 @sessi03 @olliekookie @edgyhargreeves @simonsbluee @meraki--me @sleep-i-ness @amourski @zaynjawy @captainlarsonn @katiemcrae @holyhellthatbook.

[aion-rsa]

Where in Fiction Would You Spend Christmas?

https://ift.tt/34FuLCB

It’s been a staying-in kind of year. That New Year’s Resolution you made to travel more? It’s gained 20 pounds, started cutting its own hair and is now in a jigsaw club with your neighbour Ken. The only marathon you’ve completed in 2020 is a Battlestar Galactica rewatch. The only mountain you’ve climbed is the metaphorical one it takes to shower daily. That beach trip you’d planned? It went okay actually. You made some bells by selling coconuts to Nook’s Cranny and dug up a bunch of Manila Clams with a flimsy shovel.

For obvious reasons, escape is on our minds this year more than most. So we started thinking, if you had your wishing socks on, where in the collected imaginations of everyone who’s ever dreamt up a film, TV show, game or book, would you spend the holidays? On the holodeck of the Starship Enterprise or roasting on an open fire with The Simpsons, exchanging gifts with Ewoks or witnessing Scrooge McDuck’s transformation from miser to philanthropist first hand?  

To get things started, here’s what our writers picked…

Alec Bojalad would spend Christmas … reveling with the Sterling Cooper staff on Mad Men

If I’m to indulge this hypothetical in which I’m torn away from one reality and thrust into another, one thing is very clear: I will have to be extremely intoxicated to avoid my heart exploding from the stressful terror of it all. Thankfully, I know exactly where in pop culture to go to get absolutely blitzed: Mad Men. In terms of sheer debauchery, a Sterling Cooper Christmas party probably falls somewhere between a Bacchanalian orgy and Valhalla itself. As Don, Roger, Bert, Peggy, and company gather together to celebrate another successful year schmoozing clients and sexually harassing one another, I will don my finest 1960s attire and infiltrate the festive event. 

As Don Draper wonders who this soft-bodied weirdo in an ill-fitting suit is, I’ll catch up with Harry Crane about television. Then I’ll ask to see Bert Cooper’s weird tentacle porn painting. Sometime around my 9th J&B Whisky on the rocks I’ll visit the secretarial pool and beg them to demand better treatment because “you’ree ssssooo strong and eleganttt. Don’t listen to thessseee men. They’re Mad Men.” Hopefully I’ll be taken away to an old-timey hospital at that point, given electroshock treatment, and return back to my own continuity.  

Ryan Britt would spend Christmas… at Deanna and Will’s cabin from Star Trek: Picard

When Jean-Luc Picard uses the spatial projector to zap himself and Soji across the galaxy to the planet Nepethene, the result is a cozy pizza dinner with Will Riker, Deanna Troi and their daughter Kestra. For those who had been pining for more ‘90s nostalgia in this Trek series, the episode ‘Nepthene’ delivered, but with a strong shot of realism. Although Picard was written and created before the Covid-19 pandemic, the idea that Riker and Troi would leave the busy and crowded life of Starfleet, and retire in a remote cabin to protect their family is a choice many have actually faced in 2020. As people around the world have fled pandemic epicenters and tried to put shields around their own families, the peaceful and remote home of the Riker-Trois represents the optimistic ideal of Star Trek with a quiet, and very close-to-home twist. 

Spending time with the Riker-Troi family would mean great conversation, great music (oh the jazz!) and, above all, great food. I would happily put my own family in their ‘pod’ if only so Kestra could teach my three-year-old daughter the best way to construct a bow and arrow, and of course, how to learn that secret language of butterflies. 

Then, after the kids were in bed, having a glass of wine or some Romulan whiskey with Will out on the porch sounds pretty damn perfect. 2020 has been tough. A bear hug from Riker seems like the perfect Christmas gift of all. 

Caroline Preece would spend Christmas… at The Muppet Christmas Carol’s Penguin Skating Party

Ever since young-me set eyes on the ultra-festive world of The Muppet Christmas Carol I’ve wanted to visit. I can’t imagine a better way to spend Christmas Eve than in the cuddly version of Dickens’ cautionary tale, helping Kermit and his co-workers tidy up Scrooge’s office for the holidays, dancing down the snowy London streets and attending the Penguins’ annual Christmas skating party as the ultimate topper to a perfect evening. 

As well as being super-merry and joyous (‘tis the season), judging by Kermit’s performance on the ice, they let anyone take part.

It could just be the general lack of socialising and festive frivolity in 2020, but Bob Cratchit’s hopeful walk home from the office (remember the office?!?) on the night before Christmas has always epitomised the idea that the anticipation of Christmas Day is the best part. Add to that a trip to the market to pick up some singing vegetables, or the cosy Cratchit dinner with Miss Piggy and their gaggle of pig and frog offspring, and it’s a version of old-timey festive cheer that will always hold a place in my heart.

Louisa Mellor would spend Christmas… with the strippers in Hustlers

This choice won’t reflect well on me. It’s neither edifying nor improving and has a core of savage capitalist consumerism, which is probably what makes it so Christmassy. Midway through Lorraine Scafaria’s Hustlers – a film about a group of strippers who right the wrongs of the 2008 financial crisis by drugging Wall Street guys to run up their company credit cards – there’s a scene that’d make anyone’s heart grow three sizes. 

A dozen lap dancers gather for Christmas in a high-end apartment, their daughters and a grandmother in tow. Dressed in luxe loungewear and chunky gold, their skin glowing like a sucked butterscotch, they swap gifts, smile and sing and dance and thank the lord for their sisters. Expensive elegance is everywhere. Someone gets a fur coat, somebody else a pair of animal-print Louboutins. The woman who dips the dancers’ tits in bowls of ice before they go on stage is given an iPhone 4. Mostly though, they give each other affirmation. Without a natural hair colour, nude fingernail or a man in sight, it’s a dream family Christmas. Picture a Norman Rockwell painting with Jennifer Lopez in gold lamé, a cashmere Santa hat and a balcony bra. Feel-good festive perfection. 

Michael Ahr would spend Christmas… secluded in Hogwarts

Some may have found Harry Potter’s winter holidays without his friends rather lonely, but I can think of nothing more magical than having the vast empty halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry all to myself. Why let the staff have the warm, dry, magical snow that fell annually in the Great Hall all to themselves? Not being of school age myself anymore, I might choose to share a butterbeer (or perhaps a hot buttered rum) with Dumbledore and Hagrid by a roaring fire.

I might even be tempted to make the trip to Hogsmeade to see all the shops decked out with lights and blanketed in snow. I’d still be able to enjoy the comparative solitude without all the kids running around, but I’m almost certain there would be a group of carolers wandering about the square, never mind the singing enchanted suits of armor back at the school. And of course, if I could pick a particular present, I’d choose to receive the same amazing gift Harry received that first Christmas from Dumbledore: his father’s Invisibility Cloak. I’d likewise pass it along as a family heirloom to my own children on some Christmas morning to come.

Jamie Andrew would spend Christmas… in a Deep Space Nine Holosuite

At first, I entertained the idea of spending Christmas in Baltimore with the denizens of The Wire, mainly because I liked the idea of children running up and down the streets hollering, ‘Omar’s coming!’ moments before the shotgun-wielding Robin Hood of the Hood came swaggering down the street wearing a big red coat and a white beard, tossing out bank notes and whistling ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’. Then I realised that the chances of me ending up a corpse inside a boarded-up derelict building before the turkey was even cooked were surprisingly high, so I thought I’d try Christmas with Frasier Crane and family instead. Unfortunately, my foreknowledge of Martin’s and Eddie’s deaths would cloud the occasion, and I’d probably spend all night slumped crying in Martin’s recliner, unable to tell anyone why I was so upset without violating the temporal time directive. 

Best, then, to spend Yule time on Deep Space Nine. Christianity and its associated festive traditions don’t appear to exist in the 24th Century, so after saying hello to Sisko and co., and maybe playing a bit of Dabo at Quark’s, I’d probably spend the rest of my time in a faithful Holosuite reproduction of a 1990s Irish bar on New Year’s Eve getting absolutely wasted with fellow Celt Chief O’Brien. Now THAT’S what I call Christmas. 

Juliette Harrisson would spend Christmas… in Narnia

Not, of course, the White Witch’s eternal winter, when it’s always winter but never Christmas, but a regular Christmas in Narnia. It would, of course, be a white Christmas because otherwise, how would Father Christmas come and deliver presents to everyone? So I could spend the season in a snowy woodland surrounded by magical creatures, and be in with a chance of a really good present. Or possibly a sewing machine.

Read more

Movies

Why Chronicles of Narnia’s Santa Claus Celebrates Christmas with Weapons of War

By Juliette Harrisson

Movies

The Rod Serling Christmas Movie You Never Saw

By Chris Farnell

On the first moonlit night when there’s snow on the ground, Narnian fauns, dryads, and dwarfs perform the Great Snow Dance, with the fauns and dryads dancing around while the dwarfs throw snowballs that don’t hit them (an often forgotten detail from the book version of The Silver Chair!). I would join in, although possibly not throw any snowballs as my aim isn’t that good. Then I’d go back to Mr Tumnus’s for sardines and cake on Christmas Eve and talk to him about his somewhat dubious taste in books (just what is Nymphs And Their Ways about, eh Tumnus?). I’d spend Christmas Day up at the castle of Cair Paravel, eating and drinking like a Queen, and then I’d go visit Mr and Mrs Beaver on Boxing Day for a feast of leftovers and maybe a little light ice fishing.

John Saavedra would spend Christmas…celebrating Life Day with Star Wars’ Poe Dameron 

No one has ever cared so much about Life Day, the Star Wars galaxy’s own version of Christmas, as much as ace pilot Poe Dameron does in the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special. From decorating the Millennium Falcon and choosing the right Life Day sweater to roasting the traditional tip-yip (also known as Endorian chicken), Poe shows there’s something much stronger than the Force in the Star Wars universe: holiday spirit. Who knew the Resistance hero best known for his knack at blowing stuff up had such a soft spot? 

Hanging with Poe on Life Day would mean chestnuts roasting on an open exhaust engine, drinking whatever passes for cocoa in the Star Wars galaxy, hanging out with Wookiees on their homeworld of Kashyyyk, singing festive carols in Huttese, and finding just the right Life Day tree for the Falcon. It’d also mean dancing to the hip tunes of Max Rebo’s drum (the rest of his band is unfortunately no longer with us) and partying with Lando Calrissian, Finn, Rose, Rey, Jannah, Mon Calamari, Jawas, Rodians, Ewoks, and maybe even Chewie’s son Lumpy. If you’re not sold by now, your taste in holiday parties might be bantha poodoo. 

Elizabeth Donoghue would spend Christmas…. at The Office’s Classy Christmas

Dunder Mifflin has many memorable Christmas parties, but Steve Carell’s final festive special includes some of my favourite things about The Office; weird Gabe, Michael’s enduring hatred of Toby, and Michael and Holly’s adorable relationship.

After Toby announces he is taking a leave of absence for jury duty (‘Thank you, Scranton Strangler. I love you. You just took one more person’s breath away’) Michael learns that Holly will be returning to Scranton and demands that Pam’s regular Christmas party must get classy. What makes a Christmas classy? A backwards Kangol-esque Santa hat, a red velvet smoking jacket and a quarter of a jazz quartet of course.

I would actively enjoy watching Dwight take down Jim in their snowball fight (total bully, needs to be taken down a peg or two), get drunk with Kelly and Meredith, dance with Phyllis and Erin and learn more about the enigma that is Creed. And although it is slightly more subdued than their Benihana and Moroccan Christmas parties, I’m sure we could keep the party going at a Poor Richard’s after-party.

Kayti Burt would spend Christmas … on Themyscira

The Amazons’ decision to opt out of the “Patriarch’s World” has always been a relatable one, but never so much as in The Year 2020. Historically, I’m not really a beach person, but Themyscira, aka Paradise Island, has a lot going for it: warm weather, a supportive community, and live sporting events where you don’t have to worry about some drunken dudebro spilling cheap beer on your toga. 

As far as I can tell from the Wonder Woman movies, no one (besides Young Diana, who’s usually working through some stuff) ever seems to be having a bad time on Themyscira. And why would you? The pre-Crisis comics incarnation of the island (which I am going to choose to accept as my holiday canon) includes indigeneous kangaroo-like creatures called Kangas that the Amazons ride like horses. Diana’s is called Jumpa; mine will be called Jimmy Hoppa, and we will explore the island’s cascading waterfalls and cliffside terraces together. In the evenings, I will attend performances at the Themysciran amphitheater with my new Amazonian friends or, if I’m feeling introverted, catch up on my book reading and crossword puzzles.

Listen, I wouldn’t want to spend forever on Themyscira—I’d miss my friends, family, and TV shows (Themyscira doesn’t seem to get a good wireless signal)—but a few weeks (or months, especially as I will be quarantining for my first two weeks) for Christmas 2020? Bring me to the enchanted feminist utopia.

Alana Joli Abbott would spend Yule… at the coven house from the Nightcraft Quartet

Witchkind, as presented in Shannon Page’s Nightcraft Quartet, don’t celebrate Christmas, but they do love a good Yuletide celebration. Page’s witches and warlocks are separate from humans, long lived, and magical. Young witches train in the magical arts at a coven house, living there like a dorm; the adult women of the coven (always numbering thirteen) may be involved in scientific research (like protagonist Callie), medicine and healing, or reading Tarot, and they teach their specialties to the young witches. The coven house is a central place where women gather to live, to practice magic together, to celebrate, and to honor traditional rituals. While Callie’s coven in San Francisco has their problems, the community there is caring and genuine, full of both youthful energy and centuries of experienced witchery. 

One of the perks of editing this series is that I get sneak peeks into parts of the story readers haven’t seen yet—including Yule decorations. Rather than cutting down dead trees, witches coax living fir boughs to weave along the walls and mantles, accented with red ribbon and gold—coins, beads, chains. I can imagine the cozy San Francisco coven house filled with witches all rushing to perform their tasks to make the perfect celebration, some of them convincing the fir boughs to expand in just the right ways while others brew hot chocolate or prepare the feast. I picture them eating in the large hall, voices lifted in joyful chatter, and then making their way out to the grounds beyond the house to celebrate beneath the stars, singing midwinter songs and looking forward to the next year. After months of 2020 with smaller communities and less human contact, being surrounded by such a vibrant, magical group of women sounds like just the right way to end my year.

Rosie Fletcher would spend Christmas… with the Roy family from Succession

Go hard or go home, they say, so since I can’t go home this year, I’m going round the Roys. That is, of course, the family at the centre of Succession, a show peopled by the very wealthiest and utterly worst. Festivities would be held at the home of patriarch Logan Roy. His children and their partners would be obliged to attend. Logan would hire a chef to cook, waiting staff to serve, some of whom he would abuse. I would give them sympathetic “I’m sorry” looks but do nothing, secretly thankful Logan’s ire wasn’t focused on me. 

In all likelihood I would be a figure like Greg (the egg), or Tom Wambsgans – mostly tolerated, vaguely despised and very much the second class citizens of the Roy clan, skulking on the periphery as Kendall, Roman and Shiv compete for Logan’s love and oldest son Connor comes up will another entirely ridiculous life plan – I dunno, maybe this year he’s decided that his next career move is to become Santa Claus. 

The food would be extraordinary. The booze the very finest – how long before, like Greg, I would be claiming the bottle of vintage rose champagne I had just motored through was ‘not my favourite’? And the dinner table conversation would be electric. Electric like an electric shock – sharp, painful, disorientating, unexpected. 

So Christmas has become too commercialised? Fine, fuck it. I’ll take the eye-wateringly expensive gift that’s grudgingly bestowed on me, I will gorge on the finest cheeses known to man and coat my tongue with port made from molten rubies, knowing I am on my way to moral bankruptcy and doing it anyway. Go hard or go home…

Kirsten Howard would spend Christmas… singing along in the closing moments of Scrooged 

You’d be hard-pressed to find a Christmas movie that feels as genuinely uplifting during its climax as 1988’s Scrooged. Bill Murray’s arrogant TV boss Frank Cross, having been visited by the Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present and Future, disrupts a live broadcast of A Christmas Carol to rant openly and honestly at the cast and crew (and eventually you) as he makes a passionate case for a life less invested in exploitation and capitalism, and eventually kicks off a collective singalong of Annie Lennox and Al Green’s version of ‘Put a Little Love in Your Heart’.

That’s where I’d like to be this Christmas. Not just to sing along with Bill, but to be around people immediately swept along by the much-less-explored altruistic route of ‘no fucks given’. 

Also hanging out with Bill Murray, though, of course.

So much of the last few years has been a public race to the bottom of Nothing Matters Mountain, but even if it hadn’t all been so demoralising and forced so many of us to reevaluate our priorities, Frank’s message of redemption in love and living as well as we can, while shrugging off our own heavy expectations of success, still feels really special. 

This Christmas, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We may not be able to grab the nearest stranger and sing “put a little love in your heart!” at them right now, but we CAN carry that feeling with us into 2021. As Frank says: “There are people who are having trouble making their miracle happen”. We can always try and find time to stop focusing on our own for a while and to help them.

David Crow would spend Christmas… chilling with Harold and Kumar

Not many people are aware of this, but A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas is the best Harold and Kumar. It may not have the pop culture cache of their medicinal-fueled quest for mini-cheeseburgers, but it does have something very special, indeed: Wafflebot. If you’ve had the misfortune of living your life oblivious to Wafflebot’s existence, allow me to introduce you to a greater world of wonder and magic.

Wafflebot is the best Christmas present to ever come out of Santa’s Workshop. Displaying an eerily sophisticated artificial intelligence for a toy meant only to cook delicious breakfasts, Wafflebot can make you waffles any time by just popping the top and letting that batter drop. But he can also do so much more! Vaguely aware of the concept of friendship, this brunching Frankenstein can learn how to love and appreciate his owners… and defend them from any threat with scalding hot projectile syrup!

With the ability to serve breakfast, save your life, be manipulated into dangerous attack mode, and learn how to see the real you, all while playing a mean drum solo, Wafflebot would make any Christmas a sweetly warm experience. And then Harold and Kumar, and I could also steal a Christmas tree from NPH or something.

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The post Where in Fiction Would You Spend Christmas? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2WFwPWD

[bffsoobin]

extra long tag game (a guide to all unnecessary knowledge of me)

tagged by: @txtdiaries (ily lana)

tagging: @pxppinstars @txtdream @lavenderlattaes @soobindipity (feel free to ignore if you’ve already done this or just can’t be bothered)

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

Um okay so I’ll go with explaining BTS and TXT I guess, haha. For BTS it was DNA! That was the first mv I ever saw by them and I was instantly obsessed with everything about it. For TXT, it was obviously Crown since I was keeping an eye on them as soon as BH announced a new group haha. But I initially loved the super bright and happy concept from Crown and they totally got me hooked by their personalities and other music!!

—

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

married by 23, kids by 25...I’m 19 and I’ve never even had a boyfriend so I would be shocked if I actually got this lmao

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Honestly, I can’t think of anything other than spending more time with my roommate who I miss so so much. 

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

I wouldn’t usually call this unconventional but right now I’d say my student ID since it’s useless as I’m not going back to campus

favourite type of plushies and why?

I love teddy bears. I have two that I sleep with every night! One is a gift I got for preschool graduation (eloquently named Teddy) and the other is my iron man build a bear that my uncle bought me to cope with Endgame. 

favourite song right now?

I am notoriously bad at answering this question so I’ll just say that at the moment I’ve been listening to Red Desert by 5sos a lot.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

I’ve always wanted to learn how to play drums and any language other than English haha

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

This took way more digging in my mind than I would like to admit but when I saw 5sos live in 2016 my best friend and I had soundcheck, so we got to sit in the venue early and ask them questions and hear a few extra songs. At the time I had beef with Luke Hemmings (because the girl he was dating at the time was one of the most toxic people on earth) and he wouldn’t break up with her. So the girl sitting next to me at soundcheck raised her hand to ask Luke a question so of course he was looking basically right at me. We were like maybe 8 rows back from the stage and at this point in my life I had bright pink hair, so there was no missing me. So this girl is asking her innocent question, and naturally Luke looks around a bit and we make eye contact and instead of fangirling like a normal person, my anger at him boiled over and I ended up flipping him off. The whole band noticed and had to pretend they weren’t laughing at the oddly aggressive 9th grader who flipped off their lead singer. I still feel bad about it to this day lmao but all my friends think it’s hilarious and it’s definitely my go to party story.

headphones or speakers? why?

headphones all the way. Speakers only if I’m showering.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

Surprisingly I’m not craving anything but that’s because I just ate dinner 10 minutes ago

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

Spotify all the way

ten questions (by lana, answered)

1. what is your favorite movie of all time?

This is such a hard question for me. I’m so bad at picking favorites. But I’d have to say it’s sort of a tie between Heathers, Brave and Iron Man 2

2. describe your childhood in three words

Disney, animals, comforting

3. Favorite holiday?

Halloween forever and always

4. Favorite vacation spot?

Disney World! 5.What do you think of the education system? Are you a fellow slave to the GPA?

The US education system has massive holes. I was lucky enough to attend a pretty good highschool and take good classes so I don’t feel like I was as robbed as other people, but there are curriculum gaps and misinformation everywhere you go. As far as college goes, I think it is wayyyy too expensive. Despite that, I still signed myself up for 8 years of debt so yes, I am a slave to the GPA. Gotta go hard for the dream job. 

6. What is your hair color? Very light blonde now, normally dirty blonde

7. What talent do you wish you had?

I wish I could draw or paint well so bad. I am so envious of artists.

8. What is your major and why? (If you’re in highschool, what do you plan on majoring in?)

I’m a biology major because I want to become a veterinarian! 

9.Do you like kids or do you merely tolerate them? I love most kids. There will always be some awful ones but as a general rule I love being around kids and I definitely want some of my own!

10. Any pets?

Yep, I have five cats!

ten questions from me to you:

who is your favorite non kpop artist?

do you prefer to be warm or cool?

dream job, if you have one?

favorite TV show?

top three celebrities you would sell your soul to meet?

do you believe in ghosts?

cookies or brownies?

do you like where you live?

do you know your personality type? If so, what is it?

do you prefer floral scents or neutral scents?

—

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

—

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: sara

nickname: sadams

birthday: April 16th, 2001

zodiac: Aries hehe

nationality: sadly, american

languages: only english 

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5'2 or 3 I don’t know for sure

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: obviously txt but I pull inspiration from my life, music, TV/movies and other stories!

meaning behind my url: I heavily believe in the idea of alternate universes and I think there’s one where Soobin and I are best friends so that’s what I made my url!

blog established: May of 2020

followers: 568 (how??)

FAVORITES

favourite animals: cats, snakes, raccoons

favourite books: Looking For Alaska by John Green

favourite colour: black, light purple, forest green, deep blue

favourite fictional characters: Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds), Andy Dwyer (Parks and Rec), Leslie Knope (Parks and Rec), Klaus and Ben (Umbrella Academy), Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes. For some reason I’m blanking on book characters so here are all of my movie/tv faves

favourite flower: Forget me nots

favourite scent: fresh laundry, anything tropical or ocean smelling, basil

favourite season: fall!

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 7 or 8 usually 

cats or dogs: cats

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate 

current time: 6:41 pm

dream trip: Australia or SK

dream job: Veterinarian 

hobbies: writing, watching tv/movies, shopping, going for walks

hogwarts house: slytherin

last movie watched: 68 Kill (do not watch if you’re under 18 or sensitive, lmao)

last song listened to: Sarah Smiles by Panic! at the Disco

no. of blankets you sleep with: right now two

random fact(s): I love dinosaurs, I have low iron, I’m allergic to dogs even though I work at a doggy daycare

—

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to 

stay gold- bts

20 cm- txt

catch fire- 5sos

self- khalid

f2020- avenue beat

nyla- blackbear

everywhere- niall horan

heather- conan gray 

red desert- 5sos

eight- iu, suga

[letterboxd]

The Curve.

Letterboxd members are gathering around Steven Soderbergh’s fictional pandemic drama Contagion, as a real disease has us keeping our distance from each other.

“Rewatched this with a friend quarantine-style over Netflix Party tonight and it was really fun until it really wasn’t.” —Patrick

Whether coming to Contagion for the first time, or rewatching it in light of the global Covid-19 pandemic, Steve Soderbergh’s 2011 drama, written by Scott Z. Burns, has been floating near the top of Letterboxd’s ‘Popular This Week’ list for the past couple of months. This week, with infection rates soaring and borders closing, it took the top spot.

The number of diary entries logged for ‘Contagion’ between January 1 and March 19, showing a steep rise as major parts of the US, UK and Europe entered lock-down mode.

Contagion was a solid, fairly well-received film that made decent box-office when it was released a decade ago. Critics noted its focus on the public servants working to identify and lock down the mystery virus, rather than sensational dramatics. (“Feels more like a PSA than a narrative,” observes Jeremiah.)

Jude Law’s Australian accent aside, the Contagion scenario represented a reality that experts had told Soderbergh and Burns the world should expect from a major new virus. Speaking to journalist Mike Ryan at the time of the film’s release, Soderbergh—who hasn’t so far commented on Contagion’s revival—said the most disturbing thing in researching the film was that “everyone you spoke to said ‘we’re due for a big one’.”

And here we are.

“Last year I reviewed Contagion and said the scariest part of watching it was that in the back of your head, you know that this could really happen. Well… fuck me.” —Brett

Steven Soderbergh on the set of ‘Contagion’.

Contagion’s resurgent popularity can be seen as a compliment to Burns’ and Soderbergh’s diligent foot-work. As Burns told Vulture last week: “There’s been some strange shit going on in my social media, where people I’ve never met have done everything from accuse me of being able to travel to the future, to having access to God, to being a member of the Illuminati.”

Burns has none of those gifts. What he does have, he told Vulture, is relationships with well-respected scientists, including epidemiologist Dr. Larry Brilliant (who was on the team that managed to defeat smallpox) and Columbia University’s Dr. Ian Lipkin, who refused to take part “unless what we did was scientifically authentic and verifiable. So from the beginning, I knew that I had to stay within the lines of what was possible.”

“Contagion makes real life less scary in the sense that Covid-19 is way less dangerous than the fictional virus. But it makes life more scary because Jude Law’s character is basically the President now.” —Brian

Reading recent Letterboxd reviews, it’s easy to understand why we’re all watching Contagion right now: to figure out our current reality; to understand how Covid-19 has spread; to learn what our responsibilities are; to marvel at the sight of comedian Demetri Martin in a hazmat suit; and to put faces to the many thousands of health workers, scientists and government officials who will help us out of this crisis. (“It’s like competence porn,” says Iana.)

Jennifer Ehle puts herself in harm’s way in order to save humankind.

What’s interesting in more recent reviews is the shift in attitudes towards the film’s style and structure. When Contagion was first released, audiences and critics often pushed against the clinical plotting, not to mention Soderbergh’s plainly brutal camera technique—isolating characters in the frame; jump-cuts to quickly advance a character’s fate. Whereas now, it’s exactly this hyper-realism that’s giving us, if not comfort, then at least the dose of frankness we need to be able to stick to our necessarily isolated lifestyles, and avoid the mistakes made in the movie (there’s plenty of food to go round, yo—no need to ransack the local grocery store).

“How this movie has a 3.3 here baffles me. This is a 4.1—a non-stop, ‘who’s-who-of-Hollywood’ pulse-pounder that worked even before every scene became highly relevant to our pandemic. Its filmmaking feels like a virus; it moves fast and exponentially—without empathy or hand-holding. Characters appear and disappear like tweets—here one moment, dead the next. Wash your hands.” —Aneesh Chaganty

Indeed, Burns told Slate last week, “one of the beautiful things I learned while doing my research is what public health really means. What I came to understand it to be was an obligation we have to each other.

Laurence Fishburne and Jennifer Ehle compare Letterboxd diaries.

“Until we have a pharmaceutically generated or a scientifically generated cure, we are the cure. We can be the cure. It means listening to public health officials and being conscious of your obligation to your fellow humans.”

But Letterboxd reviewer Jordan needs Contagion’s popularity to settle down now. “I need people to stop reviewing this movie. This is the social media platform I’m using to escape thinking about the coronavirus.”

For anyone else feeling like Jordan, our latest Letterboxd Showdown focuses on feel-good films. Submit your list of ten favorite uplifting movies by tagging it showdown:feelgood and we’ll meet you in a fortnight for a synchronized viewing of the most-mentioned film.