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caffeinated-cryptid · 4 years ago

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bishop to castle; check.

3.8k words | AO3 link | tags/warnings: suicidal behaviour, risk of falling from a height, talking someone down from a ledge, hurt/comfort, platonic roceit, positive ending.

“After weeks of moping post-POF, Janus goes into the imagination to find Roman. They end up having a much more intense conversation than he could have ever planned for.”

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Janus hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Roman since their last argument. It was fine, probably, he justified to himself, despite how Patton had returned from their talk with pursed lips and worriedly furrowed eyebrows. He likely just needed time to process everything that had happened, and Janus wasn’t going to push that.

(His reluctance to address the issue had nothing to do with the fact that he dreaded another confrontation. Totally not.)

After all, forcing his presence on Roman now could potentially only make things worse. So instead he would just have to wait for him to come around first-- to calm down enough to be willing to hear him out without resorting to name-calling.

Janus was plenty busy anyway, what with his new position in Thomas’ life. More than smoothing over one less-than-steller relationship with a side (which Janus was collecting like pokemon cards recently, it seemed), he elected to focus on ensuring Thomas held true to his promises of self-care, which meant working with Patton more often.

That wasn’t so terrible, at least it wasn’t as bad as the him from a year ago would have expected; the side was trying harder to welcome his contributions which he appreciated. Though inadvertantly through this new partnership, he found himself being dragged into more casual hang-outs, where they would do nothing but...chat. Sharing daily anecdotes and worries and secrets about themselves. It was strangely open and the sort of thing Janus had to adjust to, but with this new friendship he had found himself in, he did his best not to ruin it.

“I’m getting worried.” Patton admitted one day, setting down the tv remote after a finished screening of some Air Bud spinoff. How Janus had been wrangled into watching that ceaseless dog series was beyond him. “I think the others might be starting to come around to you, but Roman...”

Patton didn’t need to finish his sentence, because Janus already knew what he meant. With Virgil and Logan, he’d been making an effort to try to prove his worth as a member of the team (whether or not that was working was yet to be seen, despite Patton's generous assertions that it would all work out eventually), but he hadn’t even gotten the chance do to that with the creative side. As much as he had first assumed that time and space would do the trick, it seemed like that wasn’t the case after all.

“I suppose a confrontation is inevitable.” He grimaced, knowing that this had been put off for long enough.

“Would you do that?” Patton asked suddenly, looking to him with relief. It made Janus realize that it sounded like he had signed up to go talk to Roman himself.

“Uh...” Janus tensed, his previous concerns surfacing again. “I don’t think I would be the best suited to have this conversation-”

“Oh- Pleeease? You two need to talk most of all! Besides, when I went, he wouldn’t even...” Patton trailed off, biting his lip with a pout. “...Could you try, at least? Maybe you could get through to him.”

“...Alright. I’ll go before lunch.” Janus agreed begrudgingly, rewarded by Patton’s grateful smile. Stupid puppy face. That would have to stop working eventually.

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That was how Janus found himself in the lawless lands of The Imagination.

It had filled him with dread, knocking on the red and gold door and recieving no response. Even more so when he risked intruding anyway and seeing the wrecked state of the room, and then noticing the entrance to The Imagination wide open.

Unsurprisingly, that was where he found the side in question. More surprising was when he did, finding him sitting on the edge of the tallest turret of his castle, like he had decided to overlook his kingdom in the most dangerous way possible. Janus wasn’t so naive to assume that was all it was though.

Roman probably saw him approach as he ran the rest of the way to the castle, and that pushed him to go faster, dashing through the lonely walls of the old building until he was climbing up those spiralling stairs all the way to the top. When he finally made it, he stood there doubled over and completely out of breath as he adjusted to the high altitude winds that bit at his cheeks. He used the seconds he took to catch his bearings to figure out what to do-- his eyes never once leaving Roman’s back, who luckily hadn’t moved at all during his frantic dash. Perhaps his insticts had been wrong and there was nothing dangerous going on here. Every part of him screamed to stay and stop whatever this was though-- so he did.

“Roman.” He ended up saying once his breath had evened out, and nothing more. There was too much going on in his head to break whatever balance they currently had; too much to ask, too much to say, to explain, to defend, to try to understand.

Said side turned his head slightly to make eye-contact; not facing him, yet it was acknowledgement at least. “Deceit.” He said after a beat. His voice was cold, but not angry, and for some reason Janus would have prefered it if Roman were upset with him. Anything but this odd indifference that made him feel guilty for not summoning up the courage to check in sooner.

“Janus.” Janus corrected in an invitation to use his name. He intended it as a sign of goodwill, but Roman’s face twitched and he looked away again, this time his focus on the ground directly below.

“I came to talk.” Janus said in an attempt at a distraction. He was disheartened when Roman made no move to acknowledge him again, so he continued despite his uneasiness. "Would you please come down?”

“What? Scared, Deceit? I'm not doing anything. I'm not going to either, so you can go back to whoever sent you and tell them I’m fine.” Roman scoffed and the string of lies felt bitter in the fridgid air, enveloping him like an unwanted hug. If possible, Janus’ heart begun racing even quicker.

He wanted to protest and say that he had come of his own volition, but Janus knew that lying right now wouldn’t do either of them any good. “In that case, would you do it for my peace of mind?” He tried instead, and it earned him a wry smile, sent from over Roman’s shoulder.

“What ever gave you the impression I care about that?” Roman shot back, standing up only to turn on his heel to step down into the crenel next to him, then back up onto the the next merlon. He continued, going up and down and slowly circling around Janus like a predator would it's prey, but somehow he didn't feel like the one being hunted here. Actually, it was more like he was trying to convince a mouse that the cheese on a trap wasn't worth it. And being a snake himself, that simile was especially ironic.

“...That’s fair. We can talk like this, then. I wanted to apologize and hopefully make amends.”

Roman’s footing twisted haphazardly and Janus all but shot forward to steady him until he was given a deadly glare that froze him in his tracks.

“Stay back! You're not fooling me again. As far as I know, you'll just try to convince me to take a swan dive right of the side of this tower. No greater depth to plummet to than that, huh?"

“I- that's the complete opposite of what I want.” Janus stressfully replied, fighting against the urge to pull Roman off of the edge and end this whole thing himself, instead holding up his hands as a sign that he wouldn’t come closer. God, where had he gone so wrong go end up in this situation? He should have convinced Patton to come with him when he had the chance-- at least he probably would have had a better idea on how to get through to Roman when he was like this. Comparitively, Janus had no clue. He didn’t have the trustworthiness or the years of friendship.

“I believe you. You've already made it so clear just how much you care.” Roman replied sarcastically. Janus felt his hackles rising.

“I’m not lying! I didn't want any of this.” Janus gestured around. “There's so much I wish I could take back, but especially whatever I did to cause this.”

“Oh, Janus.” He felt a small dose of hope when Roman finally used his name, which was quickly dashed as he huffed out a laugh. “Always thinking you have a finger in every pie. Isn't it enough for me to come to this conclusion by myself?”

He continued bitterly, practically stomping his way around the edge of the tower now. “It's not like it was hard. Even an idiotic egomaniac prince like myself can tell when he's not wanted anymore. When the dream has died.”

Janus, despite the silver tongue he may possess, struggled for words in the face of Roman’s insecurity. He had wanted the anger because he had assumed it would be easier to prove that he wasn’t as evil as Roman was so keen to accuse him of being. He just hadn’t expected this issue to be so deeply sensitive. (Though perhaps he should have picked up on that hint when he saw the other side looking ready to jump to a temporary death). “Thats not true at all, you’re incredibly important and all of us need you. Perhaps we’re operating under new rules now, but that doesn’t mean you’re not wanted.”

But it seemed that wasn’t the best thing to say. Roman stopped in his tracks, his expression unreadable as he began shaking with fury or perhaps something else. “...If I’m ‘so important’, why does it never feel that way? Why am I the only one who has to change constantly for rules that can never stay the same? Why do I have to make sacrifices and tone down my voice?”

His controlled tone got louder and more stressed. “Why are my best efforts never good enough? Why are my doubts ignored? Why is it considered fair to disparage my work? To ignore the blood, sweat, and tears I put into everything?”

Janus stared in horror as Roman kept going, yelling over anything he could have possibly wanted to say.

“Why does it take this to be be fucking noticed?!”

Both of them paused when his rant reached a screaming crescendo and fat angry tears rolled down Roman's cheeks.

"...Forgive me if I'm having a little difficulty trusting what you say right now.” He sniffed, ducking his head away to wipe his eyes. The words were distant despite the soft way they were uttered.

Once again Janus was lost for what to say as he watched Roman compose himself. There was simply too much there to unpack, too many years of built-up stress and resentment. What in the absolute hell had these sides been doing all this time? “...I do wish to take some responsibility for that, though. Your hesitancy to trust again.” That seemed like a good place to start, if any.

Roman only snorted humourlessly at his efforts though, voice tired and unenthused. “I'm sure you would. It's a lot easier to sweep aside a broken vase rather than acknowledge its cracks when they’re forming, after all. That was the lesson you taught us, right?”

Janus winced at the callback to his first appearence to Thomas. He didn’t necessarily regret that day, but having it thrown back now made it feel like something to be ashamed of; seeing his lessons interpreted in such a way. “...Is that how you see yourself? Broken?” He asked instead, squashing down his indignation.

He only got silence in return. Janus swallowed, definitely regretting his hesitance to resolve this issue now.

“Roman, even though I doubt you’d trust my words, I promise that we're not trying to simply ‘sweep this aside’. If we're going with the vase metaphor, all of us want a chance to try to glue the pieces back together. Make right on all of the ways you’ve been wronged.” When that got no response, he tentatively asked, “Have you ever heard of Kintsugi?"

“...Broken pottery fixed with gold, I'm aware. But trying to apply that right now is sloppy, even for you. People are never so beautiful after being so thoroughly broken, nor is it that easy." Slowly, Roman sat down on the edge, and even though his legs were dangling over the wrong side, Janus' heart finally felt some semblance of rest. He took a step forward.

"I disagree. Kinstugi is rarely an straight-forward process either, and yet it achieves such splendid results with just a little patience and care. Which is to say... while it may not be the easiest thing to do, there’s undeniably beauty and strenght in survival. Trying again even when it feels impossible.”

“Of course you'd think that, Mr. Kill or be killed. You have no choice in whether you get to continue forward. But I do.”

Janus paused at that, only four paces away from Roman now. The creative side startled when he peered backwards and saw him so close, and then he glared at Janus as he stood up again, this time facing him fully. His foot slid backwards until the worn-down structure crumbled under his heel, sending rocks tumbling down below. It was a warning, Janus realized as his blood frooze in his veins.

“Don’t look so shocked. I control everything here, or did you forget?” Roman smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile or even a smug one; it only looked like he was stretching his mouth unnaturally, all pretenses of putting on a convincing performance stripped away. “If I want, I could have a Pegasus fly by and save me at the right moment. Or I could expand the moat to catch me. Or..."

Roman looked frustrated for a second when he couldn't think of anything else, even more so when Janus patiently waited for him to think of another example. In the end, he gave up.

"The point is, I call the shots about what happens to me."

"But would you? Save yourself?" Janus questioned hesitantly. He knew he was treading on thin ice, so he left it there. Roman raised an eyebrow at him and he returned it, making it clear that he wanted an answer. He recieved it with a scoff.

“Of course I would. What kind of question is that?”

Lie.

Janus winced. “Roman... You are aware of my ability to detect lies, yes?”

The creative side blinked in surprise and then looked at him with wide eyes, as if he hadn’t expected to be called out. Like it had been so natural to brush aside the question that he didn’t even realize his own feelings. Fortunately, Janus’ ability was too keen to be fooled by one’s own self-deception. He could see below the surface like that; pull people’s hidden truths from them and keep them for himself, like a keeper of forbidden knowledge (Though in moments like these, sometimes he wished he couldn’t. Ignorance truly is bliss).

“Should I ask again?” He pressed. “Are you really planning on saving yourself?”

This time Roman’s face screwed up in confliction and he directed his gaze to the floor of the tower. It was an awfully clinical way to ask, but it felt necessary to stop dancing around what was important-- this casual show of self-destruction.

Eventually, the other cracked with a tired huff of laughter. Sadly genuine this time.

“...It's certainly nice to think that I could.” Roman admitted as he rubbed his face, apparently not mad at being called out this time. “Finally being a hero again, even if it's only to myself.”

Janus paused in shock. Was he still misinterpreting that moment?

“That wasn't a lie.” Janus blurted out, taking even himself by surprise by the thoughtless exclamation. “Thomas still thinks of you as his hero. There’s no need to do things like this to prove it.”

Romans eyes went watery and he avoided his gaze.

“At this point I don't think it matters, when I haven’t been acting like it at all lately.” He whispered coarsely, uncharacteristically quiet compared to the wind. “Frankly, I'm surprised you're even trying to stop me."

Janus eyes softened and he took another tentative step forward, then another when Roman didn't react badly. “Why wouldn’t I? I’m not just Deceit, you know. Part of my job is to help you.”

“...Because you hate me? At this point you have more reasons to than not.” Roman explained warily, looking at him like Janus were seconds away from snapping and shoving him over the edge. It hurt to have that sort of mistrust placed on him, but at the same time Janus understood it. He had often been in that sort of situation before; doubting the safety of opening up to other people. That was just part of his job, to be doubtful and wary in order to protect the self. Yet to see it so openly on somebody else felt like a punch to the gut, even though he should have been used to that feeling of being distrusted by now.

“Do you think me so sensitive that a schoolyard insult would make you my archenemy? Or being called evil? That is...sort of what I’ve been going for.” He cracked a joke, gesturing to his outfit. When Roman kept staring at him he sighed. “Of course I don’t hate you, Roman.”

Roman shifted doubtfully. “That doesn’t mean you like me, either. Maybe it doesn’t mean much to you, but you should know how- how being called that hurt me.”

"...Yes.” It was Janus’ turn to be uncomfortable. “Perhaps at first I felt attacked and wanted to make you feel the same hurt, but I would never have said that had I known just how deeply it would have impacted you. I’m sorry for that.”

Roman’s expression turned incredulous, like he couldn’t believe Janus had apologized. “...You know, I wanted to make you upset. I wanted you gone.”

“I figured.” Janus nodded.

“And that doesn’t change anything? Even though I acted so...” Roman bit his lip. “So unheroic?”

Janus stifled a sigh. By now, he really hated that word with a passion. It had caused so many high standards, so many instances of self-sacrifice, so many misguided attempts at selflessness and perfection. Perhaps later they could talk about it all and lay out why it had done so much harm, but for now he decided not to push it, not when he felt so close to getting a breakthrough.

“Believe it or not, but I think that you've been plenty heroic already. This whole time you've been fighting for something you thought was valient and noble, and that means something, even if it was for a misguided cause.”

That took Roman off-guard. He moved his foot away from the edge subtley, and had Janus not been focused on his face, he would have considered it a small victory.

“...What’s the point of all of this, really? Is this some... some dastardly plot?” Roman questioned skeptically. He was looking even more cornered now that he was letting Janus’ words sink in.

“All I'm here for is to offer the helping hand you need, if you’ll accept it.” Janus said softly as he extended his hand up to him. “Really, my only plot right now is to get you off that ledge before you give me a heart attack. Please?”

Roman stared at him, desperately trying to find some sort of mistruth in his eyes before his gaze lowered to the outsretched hand. It felt like time slowed in the seconds he was making his decision and Janus held his breath, waiting...wating... until finally the other side nodded and took his hand.

With Janus’ help, Roman stepped down, looking confused and lost now that he was away from the edge. The expression pained Janus’ heart, so he opened his arms half expecting rejection, only to be taken back by how quickly Roman latched onto him. Janus wasted no time clinging back, so relieved that he actually suceeded that he didn't want to risk ever letting go, like this moment could be torn away at any second. It was no surprise when he felt the other’s chest jerk with held-back sobs until there was a wetness on his shoulder, and he didn't say anything about it. He didn't need to either, because Roman spoke up first.

“It didn’t mean anything. Really!” He exclaimed through messy tears. “I was only thinking about it!”

Lie.

“...It's okay if it was more than that.” Janus soothed, patting his back. “It's okay to feel low and in need of help.”

That made him cry harder and Janus was relieved to see the excess of emotions finally pour out. While waiting for Roman to calm down, he had to fight for his own tears to not spill over. Inevitably, the stress of the situation finally caught up when the adrenaline wore off, and he sagged into the hug, sniffling quietly and trying not to fall over on his aching legs. He really just sprinted up multiple flights of stairs, didn’t he? Belatedly, he realized that he must have lost his hat at some point during the journey because he could feel the wind tousle his hair.

It would have been funny if it weren’t for the absolute rush of emotions he had just gone through.

The two of them stood there for what would normally be considered an awkward amount of time, except the act of simply hugging on solid ground was the biggest comfort in the world, too much to ruin the moment. They waited until they got through the worst of their tears before they dared speak again. Once again, Roman went first.

“Sorry for laughing at you back then.” He said, voice reflecting the yelling and crying he'd been doing. It felt genuine. “I actually really like your name...the mythology suits you. Very dramatic.”

Janus laughed wetly, finally a true statement. “Why, thank you. And I apologize for where I’ve wronged you.”

Finally, they straightened up. Roman took one look at him and summoned hankerchiefs for them both. Janus accepted it and wiped away his tears as gracefully as he could.

“Hopefully we can have a more in-depth discussion on this later, but for now Patton and I prepared lunch, if you’d be willing to have us.” Janus asked, hopes raised.

“...That sounds good.” Roman smiled.

Janus smiled back.

Together, the two of them descended down the steps of the tower, and the imagination was the slightest bit sunnier when they reached the outside.

#my writing #sanders sides #platonic roceit #janus sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #roman angst #roman stans come get y'alls juice #(i wrote this in a Mood so if this is janky i'm sorry)

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d-p-f-m · 5 years ago

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Take it easy |🥁|💕|📌|✔|

Seokjin x Reader |🥁|💕|📌|✔|

I love love love writing Seokjin prompts, so thanks again @btsfangirl1999 for requesting it!

Sorry for taking so long but I promise I'm working on everything as soon as I have time and inspiration!

Also thanks to my lovely beta for reading through this mess I call my writing. I'd be lost without you, girl❤🔥

Hope you enjoy!💞

Prompts:

A.) 94. Why the hell are you on the floor? + 95. I'm so tired, it hurts when I close my eyes

Word count: 5783

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The distant ringing in the back of your mind has you writhing underneath the comforting cover of your blanket. In a silent act of protest you instictively wrap the soft fabric tighter around your body, burying your face in your pillow in hopes of drowning out the annoying noise. Obviously though, the torture doesn't magically stop on its own.

About three more minutes in and you finally admit defeat. Groaning in dispair you rip the sheets off of you in one swift movement and slowly roll on your back to extend one arm in the general direction of where your phone is supposed to be.

Without actually being able to see what you're doing, it takes you a few seconds to locate it and press the power botton on its top to cut the alarm off for good. Sighing in content at the peaceful moment of silence you allow yourself to simply lie there a bit longer before you eventually sit up straight, so you won't be tempted to just fall asleep again.

Forcing yourself to pry your eyes open you blink against the blinding screen of your phone to check the time. There is still about twenty minutes left before you have to leave for university, thank God. With all the willpower you're able to muster you heave yourself out of bed and waddle through the corridor leading to your bathroom to proceed with your usual morning routine.

Examining your puffy face in the mirror while brushing your teeth you make an unsatisfied noise in the back of your throat and grimace at your reflection. You don't have time or motivation to conceal your sleep deprived expression with make-up and usually you don't care much about things like that anyways, but seeing the dark circles under your eyes you really wish you could just crawl back into bed and hide from your responsibilities until you're finally well rested for once.

Hearing your phone buzz on the side of the sink you look at the message that popped up on screen and sigh. With finals week coming up there is usually no space for personal life already and you knew it was a stupid idea the moment you agreed to help one of your friends to plan the project for one of their classes but you just didn't have it in you to tell them no. They'd do the same for you when you need them someday. ... right?

While rinsing your mouth you brush your hair absendmindetly and stare blankly at your reflection, thinking about your plans for the day. You'll need to meet up with your friend after classes and then you have to work the evening shift at the café before rereading your notes for the first exam coming up next Monday. You can do this. No problem. You've gone through worse things in your life.

Still, as you set aside your hairbrush and reluctantly make your way downstairs to the kitchen, you can feel how every muscle in your body protests with just the tiniest movement. Walking down the circular shaped staircase has somehow made you a bit dizzy and you have to take a moment to lean against the nearest wall for support when you feel a light headache spread from your neck upwards all the way to your forhead. Probably because you've pulled an all-nighter last night again.

Seokjin would definitely scold you if he found out, he always tells you to slow down when you get like this. Of course you never listen. Good thing you didn't actually see each other the last few days even though you live together, because you're both too busy with your own lives. The only time you would have the chance to talk to each other is either in the morning before heading out, or on rare occasions at lunch break when you don't meet up with anyone else.

It seems like you've missed your chance for today though because it's so silent around the house that you assume the acting major is already out and about again and even though you don't want to admit it, you're starting to really miss having him around all the time.

It's not common for two university students of the opposite gender to be roommates and you often have to endure judging stares or rude comments about your undefined relationship with your handsome friend.

You don't mind, though. If they're nice enough to ask you about what's going on between Seokjin and you, you'd gladly explain that you're just very close friends, for the time being at least, and if they prefer side-eyeing you from afar then you'd simply ignore them. It's not their business anyways.

Yawning, you turn on the coffee machine and then make your way to the fridge to search for something to eat that will hopefully get you through most of the day. To your surprise there's a box with food placed right in the middle for you to see, with a bright blue sticky-note attached to its lid and you instantly pray that it's what you think it is.

You take the box to read the note to make sure the contents are really meant for you and not reserved for your roommate since he's the only one who could have put it there and you don't want to risk getting into a fight over food with Seokjin of all people. You only tried to get away with stealing his food once and decided right after that it wasn't worth the eventual consequences ever again. You actually value your life, thank you very much.

One look at the note is enough to tell you that the food is in fact meant for you though. It's even your absolute favorite and at the thought of your roommates' skilled cooking, your mouth automatically starts watering. Maybe your day won't turn out to be as draining and horrible as you originally thought it would. Seokjin made apparently more on purpose so, and quote: 'your lazy ass doesn't starve before you pay me back for the last seven months of living at my apartment for free'. His choice of words makes you let out a huff in amusement.

When he had taken you in after you got kicked out of your old dorm in favor of someone else without any warning beforehand you both had come to a silent agreement that you wouldn't speak of how much you owed him, since you can't effort even half the rent to his apartment. It's clear to you that you'll pay him back as soon as you have the chance and Seokjin knows this too, even though he probably doesn't actually expect you to.

Silenty thanking him for his life saving food you pack it into your bag and then grab your phone to thank him via text as well so you won't forget. After hesitating for a short moment you also decide to ask him when he's going to be home today. If there's even the slightest chance you're going to be able to see him for dinner or at least a few hours of lazing on your couch just talking while watching some random movie, you're sure that it'll give you enough motivation to get through the day.

Seokjin immediately opens your message and you can't help but smile when you see that he's already typing a reply. He's always been like this. Always quick to answer your texts or calls, always down to go with every single one of your random ideas that tend to pop up in your head at the craziest of times, just... always there for you when you need him.

Being close friends for so long you know that's just who he is, of course. You know he's a good person and a really loyal friend but still, that little voice in your head keeps whispering that maybe, just maybe, he's so considerate because it's you. That it's not just your wishful thinking and he actually cares about you as much as you care about him. That he'd somehow realize how whipped you are for him and return your feelings instead of trying to let you down gently like he does with all the girls that confessed their crush on him in the last three or four years.

Shaking your head to get rid of your cheesy thoughts you stumble back to the coffee machine to get your mug while still squinting at your phone screen where Seokjin's message just popped up. As expected he's pretty busy today as well and he doesn't know how late it's going to get until he gets home. He tells you not to wait up for him with dinner if it starts getting too late but that he'll try his best to make it on time.

Sighing you brush your hand through your hair before finishing your coffee and putting your mug down on the kitchen counter to clean it later. It wasn't a 'no'. So it could happen, ... right? You decide it's not going to be of any good to think about it too much and instead make your way back upstairs to change into some proper clothes. It's almost time for you to leave for university anyway. You try to think positive and tie your hair into a ponytail before putting on your shoes.

You'll just have to survive the next 11 hours, then you'll finally be able to rest. And maybe you'll even see Seokjin again and have dinner with him tonight. So with this promising thought in mind you eventually step out the door of your apartment to get on with your day.

Stepping inside your own four walls you almost start crying in relief when you're finally able to get out of your shoes. You're burned out. The only thing on your mind right now is to sleep for at least 12 hours straight before even thinking of anything else. Unfortunatly though, you still got a few things on your to-do list for today, so you'll have to settle for a quick power nap.

Shrugging out of your jacket you just drop it on your way to the couch, not caring about anything else other than your well deserved rest. You grab the remote and turn on the TV with low volume to let the background noises lull you to sleep and then drop yourself backwards on the couch. Or that's what you thought.

Having misjudged the distance between you and the soft cushions you only scratch their surface before your fall continues and you land on the hard floor with a loud thud. The impact has you holding your breath in shock and while your mind is trying to catch up with your body you instinctively reach up to hold your head in your hands a few moments before the pain even kicks in.

You let out a pathetic groan and slowly roll over to lie on your back, swinging one arm over your face without moving a second time, too tired to try and get up again. It's what you deserve for not being more aware of your stupid surroundings anyway. And the ground's not even that bad, you tell yourself. There can't go anything else wrong if you don't move, right?

Allowing your heavy eyelids to finally rest for a while you stretch your legs out completely in an attempt to get more comfortable and huff, a little disappointed, because it's not working. The noise of the show that plays on TV is actually stressing you out more than helping you relax so you just press the power button on the remote that's still in your hand since you fell down to turn it back off before you finally admit defeat and just wait for sleep to take over.

That's how Seokjin finds you.

You don't know how much time has passed since you first slipped and fell to the ground just to stay there without moving a muscle when suddenly the front door to your apartment opens, accompanied by the very familiar jingle of keys and a heavy sigh sounding almost as tired as you're feeling.

The urge to stand up and greet your roommate comes up for a moment but the second you try to even so much as shift a bit your headache gets worse and a scorching pain shoots through your neck causing you to let out an almost inaudible groan in defeat.

You pray to every entity your brain comes up with that Seokjin won't find you like this, that he'll just grab a snack from the kitchen and then go upstairs to his room to study or whatever. But of course, like most of the time when it comes to Seokjin, it doesn't go the way you want it to. 'Hey y/n, you there? I'm home!' You can't help but cringe at the loud noise coming all the way from the other side of the room.

It's not because of his voice, you love his voice and on any other day hearing him say your name with so much hope and anticipation coloring his words would have caused your heart to go into a frenzy. Right now, however, you just want him to go away and leave you there to suffer alone until you're feeling better.

As much as you want to call out and tell him where you are, you can't bring yourself to actually answer him. The incredible pain in your neck and the merciless pounding of your head aside, the potential humiliation of him seeing you like this, completely vulnerable and pathetic has you biting your lip as if that would help you to make as little sound as possible.

There's a moment of heavy silence in the room before you can hear him let out a disappointed sigh, probably because he's assuming you aren't there and you immediately feel bad. It's the only choice you have to protect your dignity though, so there's no way around it. You decide you'll make it up to him with breakfast tomorrow instead.

His footsteps seem to lead him in the direction of the kitchen, away from you and you're starting to relax a bit but then he suddenly stops, presumably in the middle of the room. It's silent again and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. Your brain is trying to come up with an explanation for what could have made him pause like that and when you hear the shuffling of clothes it suddenly clicks. Your damn jacket.

You dropped it on the ground on your way to the couch. Cursing yourself you press your arm tighter over your closed eyes and bite the inside of your cheek while anxiously waiting for Seokjin to move again. After a few seconds the rustling of clothes picks up again and your instincts scream at you to curl into a ball so he won't be able to find you.

You can pinpoint the exact moment he sees you by his surprised gasp of horror coming from almost right beside you and you can't help but to click your tongue in defeat. 'Y/N?! Oh my fu- ... y/n, are you alright?!' He's by your side in an instant, kneeling at your feet and touching one of your legs oh so delicately to check for any signs that you're alive and well.

Even in your hazy state you're still able to appriciate how careful he's being with touching you. 'Shh... shut up, Seokjin.' Hearing your raspy voice he pauses his attempts to softly shake you awake and even though you don't open your eyes to look at him you know he's probably staring at your covered face like a confused puppy.

'You're alive?! Why the fuck- Do you think it's funny scaring me to death?!' Groaning at the volume of his voice you move one of your legs to kick against his knee softly. 'Unfortunatly, yes. But could you please be quiet, my head hurts like crazy.' Amused by his overly dramatic reaction your voice automaticly takes on a softer tone to show him you're fine and it's then that he finally relaxes a bit.

You can feel his hold on your thigh become weaker and you immediately miss the warmth of his touch when he shifts to get a better look at you. 'Well... I mean I've been told my looks are able to bring girls to their knees and while I'm aware of how easy it is to fall for my handsome face, I'm pretty sure I'm not the reason why you're wiping the floor with your shirt. So why the hell are you on the floor?'

It's kinda funny how he's trying to lighten the mood without even knowing what's going on, you think. His voice is barely above a whisper though and you let out a soft hum to let him know you're going to answer in your own time. He still hasn't moved and you're wondering if he just doesn't know what to do in this situation.

Sighing, you move your arm from your face and reach out to search for him. Once you can feel the rough fabric of his jeans under your fingertips, you pat his thigh reassuringly while thinking of what to say next. 'Mhm... it's nothing, really. I just thought it'd be nice to get to know my surroundings better. You know? Bond with the floor, so it doesn't get lonely. Turns out it's really nice to talk to. Found my standards here so I didn't feel like getting up again.'

The amused snort he gives you as an answer is enough to get a content smile out of you as well. You give his thigh another friendly pat and subconsiously lick your dry lips. Something to drink would be nice. You make a mental note to go to the kitchen the moment your body is ready to function again. 'Give me a few minutes, yeah? You can go upstairs and I'll be there in a bit. Honestly, I'm so tired, it hurts when I close my eyes.'

There's silence for a while, like your roommate is contemplating what to answer and if it wouldn't be for your hand still touching his leg, you couldn't even be sure if he's with you anymore.

Suddenly, you feel him shift away from you and your heart squeezes in your chest at the thought of him actually leaving you here to go upstairs. There's still no way you'll open your eyes to confirm your suspicions though. The throbbing right behind your temples got worse while you were talking and you won't take the risk of provoking a full-on migrane just because your stupid feelings tell you it's absolutely necessary to look at your etheral being of a roommate right now.

You don't know what you were expecting at this point but the sudden noise right beside your ear was definitely not it. Feeling your head being lifted carefully you make a confused sound in the back of your throat but before you can actually react, it's already over and you're lying on something far more comfortable than the cold linoleum of the floor.

'You're an idiot. You know that, right?' Seokjin's voice is just a hushed whisper against your ear and you can feel him wrap his arm around your waist when you try to get up on instinct. 'Wha-' You don't really know how to react to his sudden proximity but as you open your mouth to respond he just pulls you closer until your cheek is pressed against his shoulder and hums quietly to effectively shut you up.

'You could have just said you weren't feeling well. There's nothing wrong with taking a break when you feel like you can't keep up anymore, you know?' His words make you let out a resigned huff. He always says that. And he's right, of course. Theoretically. But thinking back to the pile of notes on your desk you've still got to rehearse to be able to pass the exams next week, you can't help but disagree with him.

Seokjin seems to know what you're thinking because he sighs in an almost frustrated way, like a parent trying to reason with his stubborn toddler and leans his forehead softly against the top of your head, burying his face in your hair while stroking your back with his free hand as if trying to soothe you. He has you pretty much caged in his arms and even if you wanted to, there'd be no way to get up now. You're not complaining though. It does soothe you.

It feels nice to have him hold you like this. Like he actually wants to be here, with you. Like he wants to protect you from anything that's trying to harm you in any way. Like... you mean more to him than he says out loud. From time to time, the fingers caressing your back find their way up to absentmindedly play with strands of your hair and you can't stop your heart from jumping a bit when you feel him subtly shift closer.

You're so close you can hear Seokjin's heartbeat and while the steady rhythm calms you, it's still kinda strange. It's not like you never cuddled before. The actor's a pretty affectionate person and so it's actually common for you to be constantly hugged or held in his arms or pulled into his lap when you two hang around each other. Still, there's something about the way he's holding you right now. It's so loving and gentle, as if he's scared he'd hurt you if he isn't careful enough. You've never felt so at ease before.

Seokjin suddenly stops playing with your hair and after another moment of silence lets out a small huff. 'Don't think I didn't notice that you weren't feeling well for a while now. Still... I didn't exactly stop you from letting it get worse, so I guess I'm a bit at fault as well. I should have known you'd strain yourself... you really are an idiot.'

The tone of his voice is a mix between cockiness and genuine worry, so instead of complaining about him calling you an idiot you just grumble into his chest and murmur something that's supposed to sound like an apology. A small laugh escapes his lips at your childish behavior. 'What was that, princess? I couldn't hear you.' He gives your shoulder a soft push to get you to lean back and look at him and not able to resist any longer you comply.

You carefully blink open your tired eyes and when they finally adjust to your surroundings you see Seokjin smiling down at you so fondly your breath hitches. The words you wanted to say won't come out and you clear your sore throat when you see him raise an eyebrow in question. He casually licks his slightly opened lips and you can feel the blush creeping up your face when you realize your eyes followed the movement without your consent.

You're pretty sure he saw you staring for a second and not being able to look into his eyes after that, you press yourself up against him and wrap one of your arms around his waist as well to cuddle into him more. 'I missed you,' you whisper instead. The words come out of your mouth before you can stop them and they're so muffled through the fabric of his shirt that you hope he couldn't understand you.

It's kind of embarrassing how needy your voice sounded just now and when he tenses against you, you immediately regret saying it, scared he'll take it as a joke and laugh at you for being dramatic or worse, understand what the real meaning behind it is and reject you for good. But instead of teasing you like you expected he just hugs you closer to him and lets out a sigh. 'I missed you too, y/n.'

Maybe it's because you're feeling so tired and vulnerable or maybe it's the tender way he just answered you in but hearing him say it back has a wave of pend up emotions suddenly crashing down on you all at once. Your eyes well up with tears and before you know it you're sobbing into his chest, gripping onto his shirt like a lifeline. 'N-no, you don't get it. I missed you, I always miss you and it's so stupid because I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I'm stupid, so stupid.'

You don't care if you're crossing the invisible line you had drawn from the moment you started living with him right now. You're tired and cold and you can't think straight with that fucking headache drumming against your skull. All you can think of is how warm Seokjin is and how good it feels when he tightens his arms around you in an attempt to calm you down.

Not really knowing what else to do Seokjin slowly sits up and pulls you into his lap. You bury your face in his neck and clasp at his shoulders while he hums a low tune and rocks you from side to side, one of his arms securely wrapped around your waist to hold you in place. 'Shh... it's fine, you're fine.' For the past eight years you've know him, Seokjin always tried to avoid emotional confrontations by cracking a joke or playing dumb but right now he seems completely serious and you're thankful that he's not withdrawing himself from you even though seeing you like this probably makes him uncomfortable.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you know how dramatic you're being and usually you'd be embarrassed to let him see you like this, but the way he's cradling you in his embrace like you're something precious to him has you melting against his chest without a second thought. You're allowed to be weak sometimes too. Seokjin is always here to remind you of that and it makes you love him even more. So maybe, just maybe, you can allow yourself to show him what's really on your mind from time to time.

Your roommate hushes you for a while until you're not crying anymore and as soon as he's sure you've calmed down he turns you in his arms so he's able to stand up. 'Come on, let's get you in bed. The floor's going to make me get sick and if my handsome face gets all puffy because of you, you're going to pay.' The comment makes you snort in amusement and glancing at him from out of the corner of your eyes you see him smiling at your reaction. Would it be too much to tell him that his puffy face looks extremely cute? Probably. Better not take a chance after what happened just now.

He carries you up the stairs as if your body weighs nothing. The actor isn't even the slightest bit out of breath when you arrive in front of your room and you're reminded of how build he actually his, despite him joking about becoming fat all the time. You silently study his face while he lets you down on your bed carefully. His eyebrows are furrowed in thought and he's looking down at the mattress instead of at you.

You can't really tell if it's out of respect for you or because he can't bring himself to look at your miserable state, and you actually don't want to know if you're being honest. Sighing in bliss at the feeling of your soft covers being pulled over you, you snuggle deeper into the fabric and look up at your friend through heavy eyelids to see him give you a warm smile. 'I'll be right back, don't fall asleep on me already, hm?'

You let out a quiet hum in agreement and watch him leave your room to go somewhere downstairs. His absence gives you time to think about what happened in the last few minutes and your heart squeezes painfully when you remember what exactly you told him while you had your little outburst. Is that why he was so stiff and quiet just now?

Does he understand your feelings towards him and needs time to think about a way to reject you without making things awkward? Fuck. You really don't know if you're ready to hear him say it. Suddenly you can hear his footsteps coming back up the stairs and on instinct you close your eyes to pretend you're asleep. He can reject you all he wants tomorrow when you're emotionally stable enough. Right now you just want to fall asleep and pretend today never happened.

Your roommate comes to a stop beside your head and just stands there for a moment, probably looking at you. After a few seconds the mattress sinks down at the level of your waist and your breath hitches when you realize he's now sitting on your bed, softly brushing your hair from your forhead. 'I know you're awake. Nobody blushes in their sleep, not even because of me. Now open your eyes and let me feed you, so I know you're not going to die in your sleep.'

Clicking your tongue in annoyence you comply to his order and blink your eyes open. He's holding a glass of water out to you and you let out a short hum to thank him, eagerly accepting it while you sit up and lean against the headboard of your bed. You empty it in one go and hand the glass back to Seokjin for him to place it on your nightstand. He offers you a slice of an apple but when you try to take it from him, he lightly presses it to your lips instead, the look in his eyes daring you to refuse him to feed you.

Your face starts burning again but you know he won't take no for an answer so you just open your lips and let him slip the slice into your mouth without complaint. Seokjin makes a content noise in the back of his throat at your obedience and pats your knee over the covers with his unoccupied hand to reward you.

'You want some more?' Shaking your head at his question you lie back down and pull your blanket up to your chin before he can press another slice to your lips. 'Wanna sleep, 'm sorry,' you manage to croak out and thankfully he relents right away. 'The plate's right here if you change your mind. I'll be in my room if you need anything, yeah?'

He makes an effort to stand up and leave but you immediately shake your head and grasp the sleeve of his shirt to stop him before he can get away. 'Stay, please? I could use your cuddles right now.' Your roommate blinks at you a few times as if unsure of how to react but when you silently lift your blanket in invitation, he finally gives in and gets under the covers next to you with a small sigh.

Pressing your body against his you shift two or three times and then yawn happily once you're comfortable. Neither of you talks for a long time, Seokjin just lets you lie with your head hiding in the crook of his neck and affectionately brushes through your hair to help you fall asleep.

You're just about to let his breathing lull you to sleep when he suddenly smiles against you as if he remembered something and whispers in an amused but husky voice. 'Your actual confession is going to be a bit more romantic, right? I'm thinking something like a restaurant or a movie night with take out and lots of cuddles to set the mood.'

Tensing up a bit at the sudden question you slowly pull away to look at him with your eyes already bleary from how tired you are. 'Who said I liked you?' Seokjin grins cockily at your terrible attempt to play dumb and the mischievous glint in his eyes tells you that whatever happens next, everything is going to be just fine.

'Oh please, it's so obvious you're whipped for me. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's me we're talking about.' You roll your eyes at him and grin back but you can't come up with a sly response right away since what he says is one hundred percent the truth, so you settle for not answering at all until you know what he's getting at for sure.

Seokjin looks into your eyes for a moment longer, the content smile still prominent on his face. Then he's shifting forward until his nose brushes against yours and a shiver runs down your spine when you feel his breath on your lips. 'So how about that dinner? I think I deserve something fancy for our first date. It's what first comes to mind every time I think about how to ask you out, you know?'

By now your heart is already threatening to jump out of your chest from how wildly it thumps against your ribs. He already thought about asking you out? More than once? So he actually likes you too and it's not just your hopeful mind playing tricks on you?

When you think you're finally able to form a coherent sentence and tell him you'd gladly go out with him, Seokjin suddenly closes the remaining distance between you both to press a loving kiss to your slightly opened lips. Gasping in surprise against his pillow like lips you don't even get the chance to return the kiss before he's already leaning away from you again.

He's smirking at your dreamy expression and wraps his free arm around your waist to pull you as close to his side as physically possible before speaking up again. 'Movie night would be fine by me too, though. Tell me tomorrow, yeah? You gaping at me like a deer caught in the headlights made me kinda sleepy and you need your beauty sleep. Let's get comfy, hm?' Wow, the nerve of this guy. As if you'd be able to get any sleep now.

'You're an idiot,' you say amused and cuddle into him further to get comfortable again. He pulls a funny face in response and sticks his tongue out to you before he chuckles. 'That's my line, idiot.'

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

#kpop #bts #jin #seokjin #kim seokjin #bts jin #seokjin masterlist #seokjin scenarios #seokjin fluff #seokjin humor #seokjin crack #seokjin request #best friend!seokjin #roommate!seokjin #seokjin x reader #seokjin x y/n #seokjin x you

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shibachibi · 5 years ago

Text

Random fanfic moment

So guys. It’s been so long since the last time I’ve posted, I’m not even sure someone still reads the silly things I write but, anyway.

I am a little sensitive today. That time of the month is coming soon. lol And I was watching some historical chinese dramas mvs and, all of a sudden, I started daydreaming after watching one specific mv.

The storyline was kind of like this: the female lead is head over heels for the male lead and is always chasing him around, being troublesome, even ends up making him marry her and all that, but he actually likes someone else (at the start, of course). That’s the general idea I got from the drama after watching the music video.

So, with that, I started imagining and making up scenes having this story as a background setting. What if their marriage is a contractual one (classic drama troupe, of course!), set with a limited time? Like, “you have one year to make me fall in love with you. If you fail, you’ll agree to get a divorce and leave me alone.”

And so, I came up with this mini fanfic, I hope you enjoy it!

“Hey, Chang Bo*! Have you seen my wife?” The master of the house asked the passing servent.

He hadn’t seen San Qi since early morning, which was extremely unusual. Normally, his foolish wife would always be stepping on his shadow, unless...

“Don’t tell me she made trouble again?”

He questioned the servent with semi-closed eyes before the poor man could answer to his first inquiry.

“My lord”, said the man, “I do not know where the madam has gone. She left early with that girl, her closest maid, but didn’t say where she was going. She did leave a message for you, though.”

Saying this, the unconcerned servant passed a small piece of folded paper to his master, took a bow, then left.

‘How strange’, thought Zhao Cuo, as he unfolded the paper.

“Let’s meet at 19 p.m in restaurant XXX, on street market. I’ve prepared a surprise for you.”

He couldn’t help but smile as he read the note out loud. ‘This foolish girl... What is she planning this time?’ he thought to himself.

Well, his wife was always full of surprises. He had lost count of how many times she had come up with the weirdest ideas. Zhao Cuo used to be really taken aback at first, but had ended up getting used to it. At some point, he found himself even enjoying her gimmicks and looking forward to the next time.

‘She was always so straight forward and silly...’

As the meeting time approached, he couldn’t help but feel a little restless. That had been the first time he and his wife had spent so many hours apart since they had married. Normally, San Qi was like glue...

‘She must have prepared something quite grand this time.’, he thought, as he walked towards the set place.

Upon arrival, he was promptly lead to the reserved room inside the restaurant.

There was a table at the center of the room, specially decorated, with red flowers and strange floating things that resembled the floating lights that were used during festivals, though those didn’t seem to float due to fire. He continued scanning the place, but his wife was nowhere to be seen. Instead, someone else was seated at the table.

“What are you doing here?”

He was staring at Ruo Yao. His voice sounded restrained, he felt confused and slightly irritated at the sight of her. His once good mood dropped instanly.

‘How come it’s her? Where’s San Qi?’

She looked at him and got up immediately. She felt a little nervous, but certainly wasn’t about to show him that.

“Can’t you see that I am waiting for you?” she asked back, with a meek voice.

“I can see that,” he answered, his frustration and increasing irritation clearly showing through his voice and expression. “What I mean is, why are you here waiting for me? Where’s my wife?”

“I am here to see you. I missed you...”, she said as she came close to him, “Didn’t you ask to see me and prepared all this so we could be together?” she finished her act by looking into his eyes and landing one hand over his arm.

His body instictively rejected her touch, even producing unconfortable goosebumps. Grimacing, he stepped away from her.

“What are you saying? I didn’t do this." He felt a little disgusted at the thought.

“I already have my wife. You shouldn’t be here...” When the thought came to him, it burned like fire. ‘Yeah, she definitely shouldn’t be here. I am married and she is not. This could become a terrible rumor...!’

“Leave. Immediately.” He told her firmly.

At his clear rejection, she felt so offended she wanted to scream at him. ‘How dare he reject me? How could he choose that little girl over me?’ Her delicated features became twisted for a split of a second, but she managed to keep her cool. She had to preserve her dignity at least.

“You’ll regret this”, she mumbled to herself and left the room.

Still baffled, he staring at the empty table, trying to come up to terms with what had just happened. ‘What the hell.. Where’s San Qi?’

At that moment, a restaurant worker entered, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Upon noticing the lady wasn’t there anymore, the man asked:

“Sir..? Has the other guest already left?” the worker looked confused.

“Yes. I was supposed to meet someone else here, not her. Hasn’t anyone else arrived? A petit pretty youngwoman perhaps?”

“No, sir.” Zhao Cuo’s heart dropped at his answer.

“ But...”, the worker continued, making his heart expectant, ”that description matches with the person that made this reservation. She also left this in my care so I could give to you.”

He handed in a little box. Inside, there was a letter. Zhao Cuo trembled.

“Hello! This is San Qi.

Congratulations! Do you know what day it is today? Today is the 365th day of our marriage. Uhul! I prepared all this by myself. What do you think? Do you like it? You see, I don’t want to brag, but I must say that getting those floating things wasn’t easy, you know! It seems they’re called ballons and are filled with a different type of air. I heard they’re a new invention, it was hard getting my hands on these. Hehe.

Well, it seems that this is it, hm. If you’re reading this, it means that I failed and, like I promised, this is the end.

You know how they say that when you’re having fun time flies and when you’re not it feels like it doesn’t pass at all? Well, our time together felt like the passing of a warm confortable breeze on a summer night. Just one blink would be enough to miss it.

Though I know that for you, it wasn’t the same.

The truth is, deep inside, I’ve known it all along. I just couldn’t bring myself to give up just yet. I took advantage of your kindness and ended up making you suffer right? Please forgive me.

You must’ve felt like you were stuck in hell, right? Like your precious time with your beloved Ruo Yao was being robbed of you. All because of me. I have no excuses.

So! This is me trying to make up for it. Of course, just one romantic dinner can’t possibly measure up to all those times, but I hope you feel my sincere repentence.

Also, all those troublesome and annoying things I did in the past, was me trying my best. I am sorry for all of those. I never meant to make you look bad or make you trouble. I just hope you know that my feelings for you were true. And that I am really greateful to you.

You made me learn that love is selfless. And that it can’t be forced.

Though for you it were bad times, I hope that if someday you happen to spare a thought for me, you will look back and maybe find at least one happy memory of us. That would mean the world for me.

Thank you for everything.

Like I promised, you will never see me again after this. But I’ll always be praying for your happiness.

With love,

Tian San Qi. “

#i've fallen for you #cdrama #fanfic #esther yu

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hockeylvr59 · 6 years ago

Text

Promises || Auston Matthews

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: When you go to lunch with your friend and return to his apartment to find a baby left outside everything changes. It’s an idea that has been plaguing my mind for the past few weeks. But wow putting it to paper it was a lot longer than I thought it would be.

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3,730

Song Title: This I Promise You - N’sync

A bright smile lit up your face as you walked down the Toronto street with Auston’s arm slung over your shoulders. You couldn’t help but rib him a little over the game last night and how he couldn’t just not score against your favorite team. He’d rolled his eyes but tugged your body closer to his to fend off the winter air.

You’d met Auston shortly after you arrived in Toronto for graduate school. It had taken every ounce of willpower to keep your cool because as a lifelong hockey fan you were more than aware of just how talented he was. He was attractive too, but it never once crossed your mind that he would go for a girl like you, no one ever had before and they weren’t hockey superstars. Still, he was easy to talk to and you settled into a casual friendship with the twenty one year old.

With your graduate school schedule and his hockey schedule it was hard for anything more than the occasional text messages and phone calls but you both put the effort in to actually hang out at least once a month. Today you’d gone out to lunch and were now headed back to his apartment to watch a couple movies and just relax. You hadn’t seen him since before the holidays and yeah, you’d missed him just a little.

Entering his building, you worked off your hat and gloves while he summoned the elevator and by the time it arrived, you had your extra outerwear tucked back into your coat pockets.

“So...what movie are we watching?” You asked as you leaned against the elevator wall.

“Whatever you want. Within reason of course.” He shot back and you shook your head with a laugh.

“Well, I added the new Netflix movie about Robert the Bruce to my list and haven’t watched it yet. Or there’s always Marvel or DC movies, I may not be an avid fan but those are always good. Oh...or Disney, those are classics…”

Your rambling about movie choices was cut short when the elevator door opened and the moment you turned down Auston’s hallway you ran into his back when he froze in place. Peeking out from around him you gasped seeing a carseat sitting in front of his door with a backpack placed next to it. From the car seat you could hear soft crying and glancing up at Auston you could see the pure panic on his face.

Immediately all of your maternal insticts jumped into action and you tugged Auston toward his doorway before crouching down to peek inside the carseat. The baby inside was tiny, really tiny and immediately you were filled with a mix of emotions. Rage as to how someone could just leave a baby like this. Fear because you’d watched enough cliche tv to know what this all meant. And protectiveness because it was clear that Auston had had no idea and the baby certainly hadn’t done anything wrong.

In the minute it took you to make your initial evaluations of the situation, Auston hadn’t moved a muscle. Standing up you reached for his keys that were dangling loosely from his fingers and quickly unlocked the door.

“Auston...go inside and call your parents and agent.” There was a faint recognition on his face that you had spoken and after a moment he stumbled into his apartment. Once he was out of sight, you turned back to the baby whose cries had gotten louder. Quickly you unbuckled the infant before gently lifting them out of the seat to cradle them toward your chest.

“How could your mama leave you here little one…” You whispered quickly kissing its head before using your free hand to tug the zipper of the backpack open to see if there was any information there. Inside you found a birth certificate with Auston listed as the father, and though the mother’s name was listed you certainly weren’t familiar with it. The birth certificate signaled that the baby was a boy, Owen Alexander Matthews, who was born three days ago and as you read the information you snuggled him closer to your chest. Behind the offical document was a note that read that the mother couldn’t handle raising a child and that she knew the baby would be in better hands with Auston.

Besides the few papers there wasn’t much else in the backpack except for a small container of formula, a few full bottles and a small supply of diapers and wipes. There was a single change of clothes but it was clear that this baby’s mother never planned on keeping him and from the looks of it brought him here as soon as they were released from the hospital.

Though Auston was listed as the father on the birth certificate, you knew that the first thing he, his agent, and his parents would want confirmed was that he actually was the father. Pulling your phone out of your pocket you quickly dialed up a friend that worked for a biological lab and through whispers asked if she could come over to take swabs and run them for you. After getting agreement that she would be over as soon as she could slip away for a late lunch you gathered everything up from in the hall and carefully carried them and the baby into Auston’s apartment.

Inside, Auston was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands and his phone was nowhere in sight.

“Aus…” You murmured as you quickly laid the baby back in the car seat for a moment before moving over to his side. “Did you call anyone?” Even without asking you knew the answer was no, but his lack of reaction to you confirmed that. “Alright. Unlock your phone, go take a shower and calm down okay?” You urged wrapping your arms around him for a moment when he finally stood up and handed you his phone.

As you heard the shower start in Auston’s bathroom you opened up his contact list, quickly finding his agent to make the first call. While none of these phone calls were going to be pleasant, you were certain that this would be the most painful. His agent was brusk and angry and you had to insist multiple times that there was nothing he could do right this minute and that he should not come running but simply be prepared for any fall out before you were able to hang up.

At the end of that first call you cringed for a moment hearing the little boy wail and something in you knew that he had to be hungry. So as you returned to the contact list for Auston’s mom, you ran one of the premade bottles under hot water and stashed the others in the fridge before again gathering the baby into your arms.

Once dialed, the phone rang for a minute and just as you were worried that she wouldn’t pick up Ema Matthews’ voice came through the line.

“Oh thank god…” You breathed, letting the little boy latch onto the bottle, immediately soothing his cries. “Mrs. Matthews, you don’t know me but I’m a friend of Auston and I...your son needs you and Mr. Matthews to come to Toronto asap.”

It was clear that she was confused and you had to fight back tears of your own as you spoke an explanation. “I...Auston and I were out to lunch and were coming back to his apartment to watch a movie and when we got here there was a baby outside his door.” Her gasp was audible over the phone and you rocked the baby boy in your arms slightly as you wanted for a verbal response. At first there was just a murmuring of Spanish before she started firing a million questions at you.

“No. I. I don’t know who the mother was. At least I didn’t recognize the name on the birth certificate. Yes. Looking at the baby he certainly has some of Auston’s features though I have a friend coming to take DNA samples to confirm paternity. No. She just left him and he’s only three days old and he’s so tiny. I don’t know. He...he hasn’t said anything since he saw the car seat and I...I tried to get him to call you but he was just on the couch with his head in his hands and I sent him to go shower but I don’t know.”

Throughout your explanation you could hear Ema calling for Auston’s dad and after a long moment she assured you that they were booking the first flight available and would be there as soon as they could. You were about to hang up when she asked your name and after hearing it you could catch a bit of a smile through the phone.

“Y/N. Thank you for being there. For taking care of Auston. We’ll see you soon.”

Ending that call, you noticed that the baby, Owen, had finished eating and after searching the bag for a burb cloth to no avail, you simply grabbed some paper towels to drape over your shoulder before gently adjusting Owen onto it and patting his back lightly to burp him. Once he’d burped you just let him remain there while you searched Auston’s contacts one more time. The sound of the shower had disappeared but Auston had yet to reappear and you didn’t want to push him yet, knowing that there were a million things running through his head.

You didn’t know any of his teammates but you knew the Marleau’s were like his second set of parents and that they had young children so maybe they still had a few things that could help until things were figured out. Dialing Patrick’s number you bit your lip from the heightened emotions of the past hour and when he picked up you once again explained what had happened before asking if maybe they had a pack and play or something from the boys that Auston could borrow so that the baby didn’t have to sleep in his carseat. You also mentioned him seeing if they had any infant clothes though you were sure that was a long shot. With confirmation that he would talk with his wife and bring over whatever they could find you thanked him and ended what was hopefully the last call you had to make.

Sighing softly as you once again surveyed the things in the backpack, you knew that they wouldn’t even last twenty four hours. So opening your own phone you quickly pulled up amazon and found the brand of formula that had been brought, a couple gallons of distilled water for mixing, a small pack of wipes and a pack of diapers. Looking at the bottles you ordered another set of the same brand as well as a set of pacifiers, a pack of white onesies and two more sleepers along with a bottle of infant laundry detergent. Hoping that would be enough to triage the situation you placed the order for same day delivery and just as you pressed submit there was a knock on the door.

Peeking through the peep hole you saw your friend and immediately let out a massive sigh of relief. Quickly you let her in and when she saw your face and the baby curled against your shoulder her eyes went wide and she pulled you into a hug.

“Wow...you weren’t kidding.” She mumbled and when you pulled back she pulled out two swab kits from her jacket pocket. “I’ll take the baby for a minute and swab him if you want to get the father’s DNA?” She offered and you both knew that really she just wanted to give you the chance to check on him because it was clear that the baby had needed all of the attention to this point.

“Yeah sure, just tear the wrapper, uncap, swab the cheek and recap?” You asked wanting to make sure that you didn’t screw it up. When she nodded you passed Owen off to her and took the swab she was offering before slipping down the hall to Auston’s bedroom.

The lights were off in the bedroom but the bathroom light cast a glow into the room. You could see Auston curled up on the bed, his body huddled in on itself. Gently you crawled in behind him, your fingers trailing up and down his arm as you waited for him to respond.

After a moment he turned to face you and you could see the tears trailing down his cheeks. Brushing your thumb to wipe them away you then ran your fingers through his hair moving it out of his face.

“I need to get a cheek swab of DNA from you so that we can confirm if he’s yours or not.” You whispered, hesitant to actually say the words. Auston just nodded and opened his mouth and after tearing the plastic wrapper of the swab you got the sample and then laid the sealed tube onto the bed beside you.

“I called your agent and put him on standby, your mom and dad are on their way here to help, and I called Patrick to see if they had any baby supplies they could loan.” It was clear that he was hearing you but that everything was still just floating above him and while you understood, you were also slightly annoyed.

“Auston. I know this is hard. But I need you to get up out of this bed and try and face this because hiding from it won’t do you any good.” For a moment his face showed dismay but eventually he nodded and you slipped off the bed to return the sample and reclaim the baby so that your friend could get back to work.

She left promising that she would rush the samples and email you the report as soon as it came through and you thanked her once again for her help before taking Owen and moving to sit on the couch, baby cradled in your arms.

Five minutes passed before Auston came staggering down the hall and when he sat on the couch next to you, his hand rested on your knee, his way of seeking some level of comfort through touch.

“I think you should hold him.” You declared after a moment of silence.

“I’ve never held a baby before. Not that tiny anyway.” He mumbled and you found yourself smiling.

“It’s not hard Aus. Just make sure to support his head.” Motioning for Auston to cradle his arms like yours you nodded and turned, half kneeling on the couch in order to transfer the infant into his large arms. “See, there you go.” You assured him, watching carefully as Auston took in the sight of the baby for the first time.

“He’s so small…” He whispered and it was clear that he was afraid he’d hurt him.

“You’re doing fine and yeah he’s small, three days old according to the paperwork. His name is Owen. Owen Alexander Matthews.”

“Do you really think he’s mine?” Auston asked and though you knew he wanted to hear that you didn’t, you couldn’t lie to him.

“I’m almost positive he is. He has your nose. And his eyes are deeply set like yours too.” As you spoke you tapped your finger against the baby’s nose before bopping Auston’s as well. “But I mean, I don’t recognize the mother’s name, not that I know who you’ve slept with.” You kind of regretted the words the moment you said them and were grateful for the baby’s cries that quickly filled the air.

Auston jumped a bit in response to the sound and you pressed your hand to his arm. Leaning forward to sniff at the baby’s bottom you nodded to yourself before standing to grab a few things from the backpack.

“Y/N.” Auston called, his voice strained.

“Relax. He just needs a diaper change. Hold on while I get the diaper and wipes.” With the items in hand you took the baby from his arms and moved to settle yourself on the floor of the living room.

“Do me a favor and get me a towel.” You directed and once he brought one back you laid it down on the floor before laying Owen on top of it. Slipping his little pants down his legs, you unbuttoned his onesie and tucked it up behind him before making sure that the wipes and diaper were ready to go. Once the diaper was unhooked you used it to clean as much as you could from the babies bottom, laying a wipe over him to protect yourself from pee. Once the old diaper was off to the side and Owen was wiped clean you quickly fastened the new diaper up and redressed the infant.

“See...piece of cake.” You assured Auston. “Now you might want to go get a plastic shopping bag so that I can put the old diaper in there and it can be taken out so it doesn’t stink up the apartment.”

With the dirty diaper bagged, you settled Owen back into Auston’s arms on the couch knowing that in order to accept all of this, Auston needed a chance to bond with the baby.

“I’ll be right back, I’m just going to toss this into the garbage chute.” Auston was clearly uncomfortable but that was a good thing. “Relax, I’ll be gone less than a minute, you can handle it dad.” Bumping against Auston’s knee to assure him that he would be fine, you left the apartment, taking an extra twenty seconds or so to try and compose yourself. Auston needed you, that was obvious, and you wanted to help, but there was that faint part of you that had always wondered if maybe it could be you someday. That was obviously not the case and right now he really needed a friend, at least until his parents arrived and his team found out and he had more support than he could ever need. So until then, any hurt you were feeling just needed pushed to the back of your mind.

Fighting back those emotions until you were alone in your own apartment, you took a deep breath and let yourself back into Auston’s apartment where he was sitting and just staring down at Owen who had fallen back asleep in his arms.

“See. I told you you could do it.” You declared as you reached for the tv remote. Now that things were mildly settled, you needed some form of distraction and you had come over to watch a movie. “So..what are we going to watch?” You asked.

“You pick.” Auston murmured not taking his eyes off of the baby and you nodded flipping on Moana before curling up beside the two Matthews boys. You stayed there until there was a knock at the door with the amazon delivery. As you carried all of the supplies inside, Auston gaped at you and you simply shrugged.

“He didn’t come with much, probably not enough to get through a single day so I ordered some things…” You explained, as you came back to the couch. There weren’t any interruptions for the rest of the movie but before you could start another Patrick Marleau and his wife were at the door with a pack and play and a few other supplies.

Their visit was followed by setting up the pack and play and starting a load of laundry so that Owen would have clean things to put on when he inevitably messed up his current clothing with either spit up or an exploding diaper. After that, dinner had been ordered and as the clock struck nine, Auston’s parents finally arrived. You were more than a little relieved because your emotions were drained and now you could finally go home.

As you gathered up your things Auston spotted you and his hand gently reached for your arm.

“Where are you going?” He whispered.

“Your parents are here now, you don’t need me.” You replied shrugging.

“Yes I do.” He responded, his hand falling from your arm to your hip. “Please just stay tonight. I...I don’t know how you’d managed to know how to take care of the baby and I’m sure my mom would do just fine but please, please just stay tonight.”

The earnest expression on his face made you sigh and after a moment you nodded, no energy to attempt to fight him. It was late, it had been a crazy long day, and everyone was tired so after getting his parents set up in the guest room, you planned on taking the couch, grabbing more pillows and blankets from the closet. Again Auston spotted you and his hand stopped yours from pulling anything off the shelf of the linen closet.

“Come to bed.” He breathed and his fingers laced with yours as he tugged you to his room where Owen was asleep in the pack and play. Auston continued to hold your hand as he pulled open drawers and handed you a spare t-shirt and sweats and then motioned for you to change in his bathroom.

When you returned to the bedroom, he was laying on his back, a hand over his eyes. Silently, you padded around the bed and slipped under the sheets next to him. The moment he felt your weight he turned to face you and his hand pulled your body closer to his own.

“I’m so scared. How am I supposed to be a dad?” He whispered.

“I promise you it’s all going to be okay. You have your family and your hockey family who will do everything they can to help. Just take it one day at a time.”

“What about you?” He asked, his voice almost inaudible.

Pressed up against Auston, you could feel his breathing steady out, little puffs of air near your ear. Every once and awhile he’d shudder until you rubbed circles into his side. “You have me. I promise it will all be okay.” You finally declared before letting sleep take you as well, knowing it was only a matter of time before you’d be awoken by Owen’s cries.

#auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #toronto maple leafs #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #plus size hockey imagine #tleafs #006

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yawninginf · 6 years ago

Text

(Ch.1:) Instinct

Okay..This is my first fic ever written and it hasn't been edited properly so it may have grammar/vocabulary mistakes or even wrong game/world facts. If you spot any mistakes please correct me.

World belongs to the extremely talented artist @jojo56830 /@linkeduniverse. Additionally, I want to thank @jinmukangwrites for inspiring me to actually start writing, with their great stories.

Forgive me for not having experience and writing trash

Summary: Are you always aware of your actions?

The night had been rough. Slow raindrops that seemed they would never stop falling from the dark, cloudy sky, would wet the panicked faces of the sleeping heroes and blend with cold sweat. They were having nightmares. It was something they had grown used to, except that they would feel helpless every time. Helpless, with the most haunting memories of their journeys reawakening, the most painfull wounds reopening.

The last watch had been kept by Time, who had felt more than relieved when Warriors woke him up. He had stood guard over the rest of the heroes until dusk, however, it wasn't necessary. Everyone had lost sleep by then; even Sky was wide awake.

Wild gave them some jerky he had saved in his bag, for breakfast. Few ate, even fewer finished their short meal. The lack of appetite was a cause for various leftovers. They eventually ended up in the stomach of a bear who invaded the camp. The pyromaniac aimed at it with an arrow ready, yet Twilight didn't let him release the bowstring.

◇•◇•◇•◇•◇

-"What were you thinking Twilight?! It's a wild animal it could have harmed us!"

-"Still, it didn't! If you hurt it, it would try to defend itself by attacking us. We both know a single arrow would not take it down!"

-"--Now we have no food resources!"

-"Is food all you really care about?"

-"Well if you end up starving don't run to me saying I was right."

The hero of Twilight rolled his eyes and continued the arguement "That's not the--"

"Guys, please stop it! The bear is gone now, okay?" mixed emotions were showing on Sky's face, hesitation, anger, sadness, tiredness"We all had a hard time last night and there's absolutely no point in fighting over such non-essential things!" His voice was a stage away from cracking.

"Fine." they said with one voice and rolled away their eyes, arms crossed. The spark of anger feeding the fight inside them couldn't stay lit. Exaustion was all they could feel, every other feeling slowly fading away. They ought to put an end on the, slightly aggressive, disagreement before it evolved in sword fight. They had been acting instictively since last night, they weren't thinking clear. Anyhow, they let it roll. For now.

◇•◇•◇•◇•◇

Wind was slightly afraid. Twilight and Wild hadn't been at eachother's throats for a really long time. He couldn't even remember the last time they had fought over something other than Wild recklessly taking irresponsible risks. He expressed his thoughts to Hyrule, who agreed with him but found it wise to keep this contemplation to themselves.

Legend considered all this being too much. The nightmares, the lost food, the argument between two of the people he was least expecting to see crossing words...He would bet his sword and shield that things were just about to get worse, had he wanted to jinx it.

Sky was...elsewhere. Dreaming of an entirely different world, one he had lost but wholeheartedly desired to return to. He just wanted to go home and pretend none of this ever happened. Go home and ride his loftwing beside Zelda, have a small talk, hear her crystal laugh and watch her eyes joyfully looking around. He missed her. Her gentle smile, her golden hair, her sweet voice and kind personallity. Sky stopped thinking about Zelda and his far away from reality home. His eyes were cloudy and his vision blury from the memories coming back to his mind and he could barely force back several, bitter tears.

Twilight was sitting on a rock, not very close to his protègè, looking carried away while watching an ant carry a tiny leaf. Time gave him a pup are you ok, cause you don't look ok look that went unnoticed. The thought of talking to him was unreasonably rejected by his brain. He needed some time alone to try and put all of the memories his nightmare had awoken back where they belonged; the past. He supposed pup needed some time too. It wasn't in him to react like that. No, his protègè was always reasonable and the type of person that thinks before je acts. Time sent a worried look directed at him, then walked away.

◇•◇•◇•◇•◇

The heroes packed their stuff and set forth again, eyes red and legs shore from exaustion. Nobody spoke while they were travelling, which was extremely odd for Warriors and Wind; the most talkative of the group. Considering the circumstances, Four realised it wasn't at all weird. He attempted to break the silence; "So..uh..where are we headed for? I don't remember having an update this morning.."

Wild looked away in unexpected annoyance, his hair following the direction of his head. Sky rubbed the back of his head. Warriors restyled his scarf with akward and rather goofy movements. Hyrule and Wind directed a soft, curious glare first at Four, then at Time. He got the message and answered after adding a small pause, without being more expressive than stone.

"Wherever the road takes us"

The truth was that he himself wasn't sure if he knew the answer and, if he had actually learnt something about Wild, the hero whose Hyrule they were in did not know either.

The shortest hero did not bother trying again. The veil of absolute hush fell once again on the adventurers. He couldn't bear watching his companions be so troubled and...lost, but he also couldn't force them to act as if they were fine. He himself was being tormented by his own demons and after the events that had previously occured, he could wholeheartedly relate to them.

◇•◇•◇•◇•◇

They had been walking for quite a while now. Wind stopped to rub his feet and sent a complaining look at Time. Sky felt his eyelids heavily falling onto his eyes. Legend saw him struggling to continue and offered him his asc of water.

Wild's eyes fell on his Shiekah slate. They were at the Great Plateu. It was the same as the rest of the hundred times he had been there. It should be. Notwithstanding there was a, rather strange sign, coming from the Shiekah technology. It was the first time he had taken sight of that. Following it leaded northeast and Wild did not hesitate to change his direction. No hero realised the adjustment of his plans, for some of them were closed up in their own thoughts and Wild had improved his ability to hide his change of emotions.

Suddenly, he stopped to get something from his pouch. It was a paraglider. Dark red, with nice paterns on it, it seemed royal. At least it would if it didn't have all those patches every there and there. Wind sweared he had seen it before, though he couldn't recall the time. His friend took it and started gliding down the Plateu.

"Wild! Where are you going?!" Warriors shouted at him when he realised they couldn't follow wherever he was going--gliding to. The questioned hero gave a serious look at the hero of Warriors and rudely turned his head away without bothering to give an answer.

Time asked him to explain himself while Legend and Twilight were giving each other looks that gave out how tired and sick of this they were. Wind grimaced, making a face that Four was sure no human being could possibly make. Sky's thoughts were travelling at the fact that they hadn't encountered any monsters yet. He found that intimidiating and his deep frown was passing similar feelings to Legend as well as Hyrule. The last was silent as always: he prefered to watch everything around him without taking part.

The group of heroes could now spot Wild landing near the ruins of what used to be a military outpost many years ago. The paraglider became a small dot and they completely lost sight of it when its owner put it away to continue travelling on foot. Despite their fear of supposably being left behind they felt the need to observe the place. It was...stunning. If that was meant in a good or bad way, they couldn't decide. The whole view was..nice, though the feeling of abandonment and loneliness framing their location made them feel a weight on their chest. There was only one question spinning in their minds with every other query developing from it.

Where was Wild going?

◇•◇•◇•◇•◇

Outpost ruins. That's what the place is referred to in his map. Ruins. Just like the majority of his hyrule's once glorious (or not) monuments and buildings, they're just ruins. Reflections of a painfull past. A past without a hero to save it. Wild used to put the blame on himself. He still does in fact. Ruins, a reminder of his inability to protect this land, his land, one hundred years ago. His failure.

Anyway it didn't matter at that moment. Wild just wanted to find that "treasure" marked on his shiekah slate and head back to the others before they got mad at him, well, before they got completely mad at him.

There was just a journal. Misko's journal. He wasn't aware of that name. He quickly flicked through the pages and spotted an instructional guide, map to an ancient relic. He moved his hand to put it in his pouch but stopped half way. He inspected the journal from all corners and a thought flashed in his mind. No second thoughts. No hesitation. Something told him he had to go get it. It was his duty. He didn't know why. He took the map in his hands and slowly vanished in blue lights.

◇•◇•◇•◇•◇

"We can't wait any longer" Legend was losing his temper, tapping his foot to the ground "what if monsters find us? We have been here for almost half an hour now and Wild is yet to be seen."

"Is he not coming back?" Wind's secret fear was no longer secret. Twilight tried to comfort the youngest hero, in an attempt to convince him that Wild was about to return any moment now. To convince himself that cub would return, he ought to. Twilight believed he was mad at his protègè. Yes, he was mad, and the pyromaniac would have to face a really-angry-mom-Twi when he decided to show his face again.

He spontaneously directed his look at Time. His mentor's eyes were meating the morning sky. The others didnot seem to notice this habit the oldest hero had, but Twilight did. His mentor seemed as he was silently praying for mercy, with an expression that showed he never believed his prayers would be heard. A sadness faintly carved in his face even when he was smiling. He wouldn't let it show. Still Twilight could not let that go. He couldn't accept his mentor's "need" to stay alone, to remain silent. Not if he could help. He would try, although something inside him screamed he couldn't. He hated that, but deep inside he thought he knew that he wasn't the one to bring the light in Time's eyes again. And it ate him inside.

Legend felt abandoned, though he tried to convince himself that Wild is real and that he won't leave them like that. He felt as Wild had tricked them all by pretending he was one of them. He always feared something alike would happen. That he would be fooled in attaching to someone and then not being able to let go when they left him. He was sick of that and ,though he had promised himself not to let his feelings overcome him again, he couldn't do it. He was angry at Wild, angry at himself and an emotional reck. He had always been like that and he used his snarky behaviour to cover his weeknesses. Yet, he had failed, once more.

They were all gesturing with slow movements, not knowing how to react. Their confused looks would match at eachother's, troubling their thoughts a bit more than necessary. Wind felt restless, putting his weight on one foot and then on the other. Warriors put a tuff of hair back where it should have been on the first place and Twilight was frowning although he didnot seem to notice. Sky bit his lower lip and Hyrule's palms were starting to become sweaty. His hands reached his tunic in an attempt to dry. Four frowned and glared at Time. Legend tried to say something but Four interrupted him by shushing him and pointed at Time; "Look. The old man's senses have caught something" he whispered with a slight tense perceived in his low toned voice.

Indeed, Time had heard a weird sound and was trying to understand which direction it came from. With a nod, he let the rest of them know they needed to keep their mouths shut and quietly prepare themselves for battle. Twilight nodded his head, as if he was unknowingly accepting the place of the leader. Warriors would have made a snarky comment on that, Legend would have smirked and Twilight would have hated them for it, but it was no joking time. The sound could belong to a wild animal, if they had been lucky enough. However, by the looks of it, it was probably because of monsters approaching.

Another weird, unexplained sound. They couldn't describe it. They couldn't see where it came from despite the fact that the place was at most open. Hyrule's face became white out of a sudden, fear hugging his whole body, a shiver running down his spine. "Wild has told us about these...things. They shouldn't be here-it-it isn't natural for them." Still, was anything natural since they were all there, together?

Curse you Wild.

A lazer ready to fire.

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chronicallylatetotheparty · 5 years ago

Text

After the Fall Ch. 8 Pillars

LoganLight, AO3

This chapter is dedicated to Kasienda

'Cause I wasn't gonna write this part! Nope, not even a little bit, but here you go!

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". . . Whut?"

". . . I was Chat Noir."

". . . Whut?"

"I was- Okay, sit!" Adrien pushed Nino onto his couch and turned to Kagami for help.

"He's in shock," she stated.

Adrien gave her a look. "Well, obviously."

"Give him a minute."

Adrien made a face and turned away from them to glare out his windows. "Why does . . . What's so . . ." Adrien let out a sound of frustration at his inability to articulate his feelings.

"Finding out anyone we know was hiding something so big would be surprising. It's not just about you, it's about everything."

You don't know the half of it.

Before calling Kagami over for moral support he'd told Nino she didn't know about Carapace or Rena Rouge. It was . . . safer this way . . . He really hated secrets.

Would it have been simpler to do this without Kagami there? Probably. Was he in any state to make the attempt? No. No, he was not. His nerves were on edge and Nino had already been quiet longer than Kagami or maybe it just felt longer and he was-

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." Nino was gazing at him with watery eyes.

Adrien gave him a wide-eyed stare before looking away again. "It wasn't your fault . . . There was nothing you could do."

Nino stood suddenly. "You're my best friend! I knew something was wrong but I . . . I should've tried harder! I should've realized! I-"

Adrien strode toward Nino and seized him by the shoulders. "It. Wasn't. Your. Fault!"

"You died! You died and I wasn't there for you! I . . . I left you alone . . ."

"No."

Adrien pulled Nino into an embrace and held tight. "I pushed you away. Not the other way around."

Nino wrapped his own arms around Adrien. "But I let you."

Adrien looked at Kagami. She was turned to the side and glanced at them only briefly out of the corner of her eye. Her body language spoke volumes about how uncomfortable she was. But Adrien couldn't bring himself to feel sorry for putting her in the awkward position of observer, because Kagami's presence steadied him.

"Nino, I'm gonna say something and I need you to listen, okay?"

Nino stepped back and nodded, wipping at his eyes.

"I needed someone who wasn't so involved."

With Ladybug or the Miraculous.

"You're my brother. And that makes you biased." Nino opened his mouth to argue but closed it at Adrien's raised eyebrow, conceading the point. "I needed someone who would be truthful. No, I needed someone I would believe when she told me the truth. I . . . I'm sorry. I should have told you first but . . ."

"But you were afraid," Nino finished for him.

Adrien nodded and took a deep breath. "I've always been afraid . . . of letting people . . . see me. The real me. Even as Chat Noir I felt . . . like I couldn't show anyone . . . Like I couldn't show her any vulnerability. B-b-because if my own father could barely stand to look at me," Nino gripped both of his hands and Kagami set one of her's on his shoulder. "W-why would anyone else . . . Why would anyone else . . ."

Why would anyone else care about me?

They guided him to the couch. Adrien covered his tears with his hands as his shoulders shook. They didn't say anything just yet, mearly held him comfortingly. Nino pressed himself into Adrien's side so there was as little space between them as possible. Kagami poured all her presence into the small points of contact where they touched.

". . . Do you . . . still believe that?" Nino asked, instictively understanding Adrien's incomplete confession. He trembled slightly as he restrained the searing flame of his anger.

"Not . . . Not all the time . . . It's been worse since . . . you know."

"You never told me it had gotten worse. I assumed your father would spend more time with you after the therapist scolded him." Kagami kept careful control of her tone, her displeasure a burning cold.

". . . He took me out of therapy."

"What!?"

"Said people were asking too many questions. That it damaged the Agreste name . . . Or rather, Nathalie said for him but what's the difference at this point, I never see him anyway. This week was my last session."

"He's dead!"

Adrien glanced between Kagami and Nino, who stared at each other with startled looks. He chuckled at them and covered his mouth to smother his growing laughter.

Nino's brow furrowed in worry. "Uh, is he okay?"

"He gets mood swings," Kagami explained.

"Oh. Is it usually . . . this . . ."

"Sudden? No, but our simultaneous heartfelt loyalty is apparently very amusing."

"S-sorry!" Adrien took deep, slow breaths to calm himself. The emotional whiplash leaving him . . . disoriented. "So, I was Chat Noir."

Nino blinked at the apparent non sequitur. "R-right! Um . . ." A mess of emotions flew across Nino's face: guilt, sorrow, regret, anger . . . determination.

"Thank you. For always being there. For getting back up no matter how many times you're knocked down. For being so . . . self-sacrificing. Thank you, for inspiring me, for being . . . Chat Noir!"

Shame filled Adrien as an old memory resurfaced. "I . . . the Bubbler . . ."

"What, am I supposed to be mad my bro wanted to party?" Nino smiled softly. "Nah, dude."

Adrien wiped at his eyes as he returned the smile. "Sh-should've told you months ago . . ."

". . . How did you know he died?" Both boys turned toward Kagami in surprise. "Adrien never said he'd died."

Nino fidgeted nervously. "Uh, we'll . . . M. Dupain was the last akuma anyone saw Chat Noir at and, uh, from what Alya's managed to drag out of Marinette it seemed, you know, obvious dude."

Plus, Carapace would get a more detailed account from Ladybug and it'd be easy to put the pieces together . . . Please, don't think too hard about it!

Kagami gazed intently at Nino for a moment before she nodded. "I'm glad Adrien has someone else to confide in," she smiled.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," Adrien grumbled, masking his relief. "And I have Plagg."

"Plagg is busy and unpredictable."

"Who's Plagg?" Nino asked.

"The Black Cat kwami," Kagami replied.

"Isn't he with Panthera?" Nino looked at Adrien.

He shrugged. "Yeah, but Plagg isn't big on following rules."

"That's an understatement," Kagami muttered.

"Oh." Nino gazed at Adrien.

"Nino?"

"Yeah?"

"About your kwami . . ."

"Wayzz? The little dude's right here! Did you want to meet hi-"

"He's not invited."

"What? But . . . I . . ."

"I don't know him."

"He's my friend, bro!"

"I know. But he's not my friend."

"Adrien-"

"Please."

". . . Okay."

Adrien glanced at Nino's backpack. He could faintly hear music coming from what he assumed was Nino's headphones as they weren't around his friend's neck at the moment . . . Given a kwami's small size he wondered if Wayzz would be able to hear anything for a while.

I should probably explain why I didn't want Wayzz here . . . Later.

"-how are we going to keep this a secret from your nosy girlfriend?" Kagami's question refocused Adrien's attention on the present.

"Alya isn't nosy, dude!"

"From your curious and persistent girlfriend, then"

"Better. And I have no clue."

". . . We could tell her about my death. Leave Chat Noir out of it."

"That's good of you bro, but it doesn't explain why you're not talking to Marinette . . . Oh. Oh."

Adrien's lips twitched. "Just figuring it out now?"

"I was a bit distracted!"

"He has a point Adrien," Kagami said. "Telling Alya a half-truth is a stop gap measure. Especially when the other half is about Marinette."

". . . What if I . . . started talking to her again? . . . Marinette, I mean."

Kagami and Nino exchanged glances. "Are you sure you're ready for that, bro?"

"It's taken you this long to open up to Nino."

Nino nodded.

"Yeah, but now I have you backing me up in there," he told Nino. "You're a big help, Kagami, but you're not in the same class as us."

As much as you want to protect me, you can only do so much if I don't tell you about the three (and a half) superheroes I sit next to.

"Besides, I'm not going to tell Marinette everything. I'm just going to talk to her. 'Hello, how are you?' You know, baby steps."

And maybe have a long overdue conversation with my former partner. Not that she'll realize that . . .

Adrien felt his heart accelerate at the thought of speaking to Ladybug again. Their last talk hadn't gone so well.

"Or we could, and I'm just spit-balling here dudes, tell Alya everything?"

"No. We are not telling the aspiring intrepid reporter about Adrien!"

Nino bristled in indignation. "Alya would never betray Adrien's trust like that!"

"Regardless, it's a risk we don't have to take and-"

"Kagami. We talked about this," Adrien interrupted.

She blinked for a bit as she remembered what he meant. "Sorry . . ."

Adrien nodded. Kagami wasn't supposed to speak for him unless he was really out of it. "Nino's right, Alya would never do that."

"See, dude? Now all we gotta do is-"

"Nino. Kagami has a point, too. It's a risk. One I'm not going to take." Adrien gave him a pointed look.

Rena Rouge is very close to Ladybug, Carapace.

Nino caught his meaning. "Yeah, okay bro."

"Right. Nino will provide Alya with the non-superhero version of the story when she inevitably deman- asks for the details of your conversations with Adrien. Meanwhile, Adrien will forestall any of her questions by initiating small talk with Marinette . . . Adrien?"

"It's been five months. I think it's about time I tried, at least."

Nino gave him twin thumbs up. "I'll be there for you, bro."

"Good. So, are we going to discuss Gabriel Agreste risking your mental health because of a few paparazzi!?"

Nino's eyes widened. "Didn't think of it like that! What're you gonna do?"

"I'd prefer not to." Adrien told Kagami as he pulled out a business card. "And I've got it covered."

"Your therapist?" Kagami asked.

"Yup. I have this, a bodyguard-chauffeur who won't sell me out, a caretaker who doesn't watch me very closely, and an allowance that'll cover all the expenses."

Nino whistled. "Must be some allowance."

"It's actually quite stringent by our standards," Kagami commented. "Impressive planning, though."

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck. "Thanks."

Nino slumped suddenly with his head thrown back.

"Nino?"

"My best friend was Chat Noir."

Adrien raised an eyebrow.

Well my best friend is Carapace!

"You're not going into shock again are you?"

"C'mere!" Nino grabbed Adrien's head and cradled it to his chest, running his fingers through the blond's locks.

". . . Stop that." Adrien made no move to pull away.

Kagami sat still for a moment. "Didn't see that coming."

"Ha, ha. Very funny." Without moving his head Adrien reached back and pulled her into a second group hug.

Kagami relaxed her posture as he shifted to accommodate her. Nino removed his glasses so they wouldn't get squished again. Adrien set aside his worries about Alya, his father, Ladybug, and focused on this moment.

Surrounded by friends.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 4 Ch. 5 Ch. 6 Ch. 7 Ch. 9 Ch. 10 Ch.11 Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15 Ch.16 Ch.17 Ch.18 Ch.19 Ch.20 Ch.21 Ch.22

@kasienda IDK if you read the rest but anyway. Here you go. Again.

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madfictionland · 6 years ago

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Master Xehanort - NOT a flawless mastermind!

I’m always having trouble to understand people in KH ‘discourse’. They have every right to hate the series for many different reasons, please be my guest, but they usually do it with this silly argument that it’s so damn lame and impossible for Master Xehanort to plan all of this and predict so many variables... But I’m like... he didn’t, really... so what’s your problem even...

Sure, Xehanort kind of takes the credit for everything that happened (in DDD) and makes it sound like everything went ‘according to plan,’ but I thought that’s just what villains do, you know? Despite some setbacks, especially *when their other splintered selfs still achieve results that ultimately lead to his final goals*, it is actually fair to claim the credit. In the end it turned out perfectly well and Master Xehanort learnt a big deal of things. And knowledge is extremely important in his line of business. In the end, he WAS too eager regarding creation of his own pure light and darkness which wasn’t the right way.

But it seems like people don’t even live in a logical world anymore (once they decided they don’t like the direction the series took) and they need everything explained by characters for some reason, like a lenghty lecture from Master Xehanort perhaps... with admission after admission about where his initial plans went wrong and how exactly (which is ludicrous to expect even).

Here is a quick look at things he DID NOT predict/planned for:

1. He never planned to be defeated by Aqua and for amnesia Terranort to be created.

2. He never planned for amnesia-esque (thus less efficient) Ansem and Xemnas.

3. He never planned for the exact timing of DDD meeting and his recompletion. His words about how ‘it’s been decided’ are to be taken with a grain of salt, naturally, since Nomura’s concept of time is tricky and *kind of* fixed (since it does happen... it’s ALL been decided already, apparently). And Master Xehanort himself, despite his ambitions and discoveries, seems to be a strong proponent of ‘fate’ which corresponds with that rule of time. He took interest in Ventus because he felt like it was destiny, after all, and there are more instances of such thinking behind Xehanort.

4. He never planned for Ansem and Xemnas to be defeated since he never planned for their creation in the first place.

Now, it doesn’t mean his plans begun and ended in BBS. BBS focuses exclusively on his ambitions and schemes sorrounding Ventus and Terra but there was clearly more behind the man. Including vast knowledge about the lore, nature of the world, hearts and darkness. He did study everything about a keyblade and keyblade war which is a messed-up subject in and of itself, with so many things unclear and hopefully to be explained in KH3. Pure light and darkness? X-blade shuttered into 20 pieces? 7 pure hearts? Hearts born from darkness? Keyblade War connected to Kingdom Hearts? Door to Darkness connected to Kingdom Hearts? Maybe they’re all just legends, hence so many different stories and unclear answers? or at least that’s an explanation they can go with, so it’ll make sense. In any case, all of them crucial info for Xehanort and something to keep in mind when scheming!

See... there are so many things that it’s actually hard to get your priorities straight. I actually know this feeling pretty well when it comes to personal life or fandom activities!

So what did he plan or what were his ideas, logically?

1. Whatever his destination... Norting other people along the way seemed like a great idea (the first experiment being Braig/Vanitas most likely). But what he wanted for his original self was a perfect young vessel such as Ven or Terra, a keyblade wielder.

2. Looking for ways to forge the x-blade/make Kingdom Hearts manifest itself he already learnt of the 20 pieces of it and 7 lights. Whether there is an actual utilization behind number 13... or maybe he thought it was edgy and cool which would be character-accurate if you ask me... the idea behind 13 versions of himself working in perfect unison towards their shared goal was easily hatched. If only the Nortification technike proved to be working... possibilities were endless.

3. Maleficent seemed like a perfect candidate to be set on a path towards 7 princesses. Something crucial and what could come in handy - regarding the Door to Darkness or even the x-blade.

4. He did know how to time travel so he certainly had such an option in mind and taking into account his established, natural curiosity with the world... and with extremes such as darkness/keyblade war... not surprising he would be willing to test it and utilize it. However, it required to abondon his body which he wasn’t going to do just yet. Plus: it would be a very experimental endevour and he had better things to do. (But do you know who did think it was a great idea and felt compelled to initiate it, despite his other ambitions? Ansem Seeker of Darkness, the most brazen and insane version of Xehanort. The premise was literally about gathering 13 “seekers” of darkness so makes sense considering his own strong obsessions.)

5. Knowing that he has many different things to explore (because he has barely even scratched the surface), other than his main goal... he probably did plan to split himself into a heartless and nobody, eventually. He never really got a chance to do it and have his two halfs cooperate in perfect union (which was clearly not the case with Ansem and Xemnas). We’re to assume that amnesia Xehanort, at some point, did remember this original idea of MX, and acted accordingly.

Master Xehanort was an explorer and ambitious darkness wielder. I’m sure there was no shortage of original ideas, pathways and new, potential plans. But in the end, he had Ventus and his main attention and hopes were to exploit him to forge the x-blade. In his eagerness, that’s what he put most of his energy into during BBS. He never really realized or even initiated most of those other plans and ideas. Well... at least not on his own...

But just as Young Xehanort’s heart led him to explore the outside world (which may actually be due to fixed ‘time paradox’) in the same way different versions of Xehanort felt compelled to put into motion different fragments of his plans and ideas. Destiny and fate, the strange feeling and exploration of the unknown and darkness, something that drives Xehanort forward, very similar to how Sora is guided by his heart and in contrast to it. His younger self captures it perfectly and even though his older self (+ other incarnations) act and maybe even feel like they are in control of everything they do to achieve their own goals... at their core they’re still guided by this basic premise:

Both the irony and fascinating factor behind Xehanort. Whenever he is delayed or his plans go not as planned... all these events may still contribute to the final outcome. In the end, he was destined to end up there. So in essence, all went according to plan and his ambitions continue to progress. All of this while the old man Xehanort, his ‘original’ self... sleeps in sort of limbo state.

Now what one needs to understand to even begin to comprehend what Nomura was going for here (which most people don’t care about and it’s actually understandable, all things considered) is that Xehanort exists across many different layers of self and even planes of existence/reality (as a force of darkness or a more spiritual force in his own and Terra’s body).

There is NO ONE PERFECT MASTERPLAN.

What we have here is basically:

- Xehanort’s plan put into motion in BBS - which failed to achieve his master goal (although he did Norted Braig and maybe Vanitas).

- Apprentice Xehanort does his research and formulates some of the plans and ambitions that are later passed on to Ansem Seeker of Darkness and Xemnas, along with Apprentice Xehanort’s history and sense of self (he is aided by Nort!Braig in hopes that Master Xehanort will eventually regain his complete memory and sense of self).

- Apprentice Xehanort - being Xehanort - gets obsessed with the darkness and hearts very quickly and achieves a certain mastery. Some of it may be his heart guiding him, despite amnesia. Some of it may be actual memories resurfacing. That leads to him being able to summon his keyblade and extract his heart, though his identity is still pretty twisted and memories incomplete (calls himself Ansem, just like he did in the reports). This twisted sense of self continues into Xemnas/Ansem.

- Ansem pursues his own ambitions and curiosity regarding Kingdom Hearts, Door to Darkness and Darkness. He makes good use of Maleficent (earlier set on a path by MX) and, recalling some of his original Destiny Island’s past, tries to posses Riku (similarities between the two are just too big and you can see why Ansem was so stubborn about Riku’s body).

- Xemnas aspires to become one with Kingdom Hearts of released hearts and achieve eternity, at his highest “tragic villain” moments being influenced by more humane aspects of Apprentice Xehanort and possibly Terra (”Unfortunately, I don’t remember joy”). But beyond that, he is still Xehanort and everything that the man entails, for the most part...

Most of Apprentice/Ansem/Xemnas’es plans, knowledge and ambitions came from MX’s memories that they were able to access OR - what’s more likely - they were simply influenced by them, at first unknowingly. Furthermore, at the peak of their power - especially Xemnas and Ansem - they may recall a great deal of their past and true purpose. But it doesn’t mean they cooperate in perfect unison - because they don’t really know everything, miss important pieces of the puzzle (like keyblade war, for example) and remain their unique, unstable beings, with their own share of drama and goals. Which is why they have self preservation insticts and desire to succeed at their own goals (that wouldn’t be the case if there wasn’t any amnesia factor involved... with their sense of self being 100% Xehanort). But EVEN THEN... there is a catch. They share Xehanort’s core feature - which is this compulsive instint to follow *fate* whenever it presents itself and explore the unknown without fear nor care for one’s safety. Plus, due to different factors, they are far less stable in the sanity department! THAT’S WHY:

- Driven by some of MX’s memories (Point 2 and 4 of MX’s ideas) Ansem explores time travel and meets his younger self whom he directs on the path towards 13 Seekers of Darkness, a ‘crazy’ fail-safe which is actually a part of fixed time paradox...

- Xemnas is actively working towards Nortification project which is the true main goal and premise behind the Organization and their many detours/experiments all along.

- After being visited by Young Xehanort (at some point prior to their respective failures) - they join him without hesitation and serve under the new organiztion and their recompleted self in the future. We are to assume that Young Xehanort (who observed everything through time travel) educated them, hence they know all about their failures and events they missed.

Now, all of those big plans happen simultaneously and, for the most part, independently from one another. It’s not a single master plan but when you have so many versions of yourself somewhere out there... the odds are really in your favor. And that’s not even thanks to Master Xehanort being an efficient mastermind villain (which he is only to some extent) but due to his enormous drive to pursue Kingdom Hearts and study the dark unknown around him. Which is true for all versions of Xenahort, especially those strongly associated with his original self and not influenced by 'lesser’ traits of vessel personas (Braig’s light attitude, for example, since, as a Nort, he is kind of impatient for the final destination but NOT curious enough to dedicate himself fully to all the research and detours).

So even if his BBS plan failed and main variables shift all the time - in the end Master Xehanort remains on top. Not thanks to him, really, but kind of thanks to him. And guess what? Once he returns and recomplates himself... he actually feels like he’s been doing all these things and he gets to keep all knowlegde gathered in the process. Despite setbacks, fate has clearly been in his favor and he emraces it.

Master Xehanort is NOT a perfect chess master, directly responsible for everything that’s happened in the world of KH. But he IS an efficient short-term strategist with many ideas (as we saw in BBS) who, despite his grand goal of becoming god-like, is both driven by and strongly intertwined with fate. Sure, there are many confusing elements to it and time travel in particular wasn’t explained too well, but all things considered - MX not being such a flawless mastermind is why I still love this villain!

#master xehanort #xehanort #kingdom hearts xehanort #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts master xehanort #and yes he is recently being shows playing chess...#but the opening with him in KH3 being a 'a chess master' behind KH1 and KH2 is just an asthetic thing #not a 100% perfect plan that he created for everything to unfold the way it did #this holds true unless KH3 will make it wrong #which i don't think it will but please no spoilers #kingdom hearts reflections

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monotype-on-phantom · 6 years ago

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Do you think Kindred Spirits should've been the season 1 finale? Bitter Reunions, Shades of Gray and Maternal Instict are all set up to Kindred Spirits. Having the episode just be part of season 2 makes no sense. Especially since in season 2 Vlad doesn't really seem to care about having Danny as a son anymore. (That being said The Million Dollar Ghost should've been an Season 2 episode)

I absolutely do not think that, no. Sorry, but there are a number of reasons I think that would’ve been a terrible season 1 finale. Do those episodes contain some setup for Kindred Spirits? Yes, but moving the payoff for that to as early as the season 1 finale would’ve been hella rushed.

For one thing, Valerie’s character already gets the short end of the stick. Shades of Grey and Life Lessons are the only episodes in season 1 that dedicate any time to her at all. I’m not talking about solely episodes that focused on her. These are the only episodes that feature her at all aside from the time she spent as a background character before Shades of Grey. Valerie needs more attention prior to Kindred Spirits because a) that increases the emotional impact of the revelation that Valerie was being used to monitor Danny and b) she is extremely relevant in literally Danielle’s only other episode.

I will begrudgingly admit, Valerie’s kind of a minor point here, but I’m starting with her because she’s one of the characters who would suffer the least for this change.

You could make the argument that moving Kindred Spirits would do something for the plot, but it would destroy Danny as a character. Kindred Spirits taking place that early would see us missing such important development episodes for Danny as: Pirate Radio, Reign Storm, The Ultimate Enemy, Secret Weapons, Flirting With Disaster, and Masters of All Time. Season 1 Danny is still public enemy #1. He hasn’t worked out a lot of his self-loathing or character flaws. He’s still not that great at controlling his powers (and he doesn’t have the ghostly wail, which makes a significant appearance in Kindred Spirits). He hasn’t had the opportunity to mend his familial relationships. He’s met only two ghosts that weren’t enemies (one of which was a very minor character and the other started as an enemy).

While I love Danny, his development in season 1 wouldn’t have left him with much reason to give a single solitary shit about Danielle. He still sees basically all ghosts as evil. He hasn’t had his values challenged much. He’s still more of a fight first talk later kind of kid. Valerie was willing to let Danielle die at first because she was part ghost, and it took Danny some pushing to get her to realize she’d be helping to kill a human girl as well. For Danny, who grew up having it drilled into his head that all ghosts are evil, it’s easy to see why he’d have a similar mentality. He doesn’t even value himself all that much.

Kindred Spirits is originally toward the end of season 2. By then, Danny’s seen how complex ghosts can be. He’s seen that morality isn’t black and white. He’s seen himself go off the deep end. He’s seen Vlad could be redeemed. He’s managed to make friends out of enemies. He’s even fought alongside some of this greatest enemies. He’s grown a lot, and his ability to see Danielle as a person and even accept her as family is a great way to showcase that.

Now let’s talk about Vlad. If we go with your idea of moving Kindred Spirits to the end of season 1 and The Million Dollar Ghost into season 2, that gives us exactly two episodes before Kindred Spirits where Vlad is the main antagonist. People often cite Kindred Spirits as Vlad’s Moral Event Horizon, which I completely agree with. He plans to kill Danny, experiments on and clones him, treats Danielle as a pawn even though she truly loved him as her father, and falls so far into his delusions that he’s essentially replacing Maddie with a hologram and Danny with a clone.

That wouldn’t have any impact if the only episodes we’d spent with him before that were two where his obsession with Maddie is the entire focus of his character. The Million Dollar Ghost needs to be before Kindred Spirits because in this instance, he’s still trying to turn Danny against Jack. He hasn’t given up on making him his son yet. Reign Storm is important because it shows just how manipulative Vlad can be and hints at his greater plans, and it even shows Vlad helping Danny and saving his life. While I have my issues with The Ultimate Enemy, that episode is crucial because it shows that Vlad isn’t completely irredeemable. In a sense, having Kindred Spirits take place after The Ultimate Enemy is a good way of showing contrast. The only way Vlad can be good is if Danny isn’t, and vice versa. It’s also significant to have Vlad’s Moral Event Horizon take place after we’ve seen a world where Vlad was able to realize his mistakes.

I’m also going to throw Secret Weapons in here as an important episode, because that could easily be the last straw for him. Jazz isn’t as important to Vlad as Danny and Maddie, but she’s still Maddie’s child. He was overjoyed at the idea that Jazz abandoned Jack for him, and was willing to adopt her on the spot. Once even Jazz has rejected him and called him a fruit loop to his face, going to such drastic lengths as cloning Danny seems logical for Vlad, especially since we’ve spent so much time getting to know him.

Throwing Danielle in there so early would’ve also been a mistake, unless you planned to rewrite the entire rest of the show so that it included her.

Personally, I would’ve made Reign Storm the season 1 finale. To begin with, it’s the first two part episode, so it’s got the right feel for a season finale. It has the greatest stakes out of any episode up until that point. It’s got almost all the characters from past episodes returning to play at least a small part in the story. It gives significant development to multiple important characters.

Most importantly, it follows up on so much more than just Vlad’s obsession with Danny and experiments. It continues Valerie’s story arc. It gives Vlad more development and shows that there’s more going on with him than just being a creep. It addresses the development Danny, Jazz, Sam, and Tucker have gone through up to that point. The inclusion of Jazz is especially significant.

It’s also the episode where Danny is publicly acknowledged as a hero. His status as public enemy #1 was far more significant in the first season than Vlad was, especially if you only included two episodes in that season where Vlad was the main antagonist. Even when it’s not the main focus, Danny’s bad reputation is addressed in several episodes. I could easily argue that nearly half the episodes of season 1 are at least partially about that.

For my part, I’d much rather have Kindred Spirits show up late in the timeline, when other things have been resolved and the characters have been given enough time for it to pack a punch.

Besides, after episodes like Lucky in Love, Teacher of the Year, and friggin’ Attack of the Killer Garage Sale, Kindred Spirits would’ve felt like a really weird sudden shift in tone. It could be worse, of course. The Ultimate Enemy would’ve made a much more garbage season finale in this respect, but Reign Storm has a good enough balance of fun and intense while not having too much there that can genuinely disturb someone. The image of the melty clone’s eye falling out and dissolving on the floor might be too intense for this early in the show.

You’re more than welcome to disagree, but I can’t see any real benefit to making Kindred Spirits the season 1 finale.

Also, I apologize for the lack of images in this post. I didn’t really have the energy to go get a bunch from all over the course of two seasons.

#danny phantom #dani phantom #kindred spirits #plot #epiccrasher #ask me

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icharchivist · 4 years ago

Text

Ramble about the Hisoka&Chikage dynamic (w/ spoilers for the two Winter Play Events and chapter 5) and more personal stuff under the cut

Either way the thing i found really cruel with the Chikage arc is that, Hisoka was already on top of my fav list, but since he was amnesic he wasn’t defined by much aside from “his amnesia most likely come from his trauma”, and learning that he has a guilt complex/is responsible for someone’s death and it’s likely that this death is what triggered the amnesia, and that’s it.

and i thought i was safe with that bc What Could Go Wrong meanwhile i could relate on being a Sleepy Bitch like Hisoka (hell i used to be able to sleep ANYWHERE before and often fell asleep in class or in a corner on trip, before anxiety indulced Insomnia started to kick my ass.) and i have memories issue, trauma babey, so like, My Kin Now:tm: (i have more reasons but that’s the funny short version)

but then the Winter Chapter ended with the April’s cliffhanger and the thing is that i was aware of Chikage’s cards and i knew of that one card from the “past self” set which was matching with Hisoka, so it was obvious that Chikage=April and that Chikage and Hisoka both were spies

and it fucked me up and from all the rookies’s build ups from the events it’s Chikage’s that fucked me up the most bc he specifically appears in Winter chapter, makes it clear he’s lurking on Hisoka LIKE THIS IS CHIKAGE’S FIRST APPEARANCE

IS WHEN TASUKU PICKS UP HISOKA AFTER HE COLLAPSES.. AND NOW WE KNOW IT WAS CHIKAGE’S ROLE..... HE LITTERALLY SLIDES ON SCREEN TO DECIDE TO TAKE ACTION ON HISOKA WHILE SEEING SOMEONE FILLING HIS ROLE OF CARETAKER OF HISOKA.....

And then Chikage leaves Hisoka flowers saying it “means a lot to him” to send those flowers and considering the whole Flower Language in the game it had to be on purpose so i checked up the flowers he sent Hisoka and i’m a crying mess

Second Winter Play:

(red pre chap 5, green post chap 5)

Third Winter Play:

and i’m a messssss because while the first one can have resentment in it it also showcase the specific grief Chikage denied himself to feel??? even the grief he felt FOR Hisoka. But the second one is so positive and hopeful like Chikage doesn’t WANT to turn on Hisoka like he planned and i’m a fucking disaster.

COUGHS anyway i got lost but, the thing is that, the fact the direction they took with the complex relationship between the three siblings is. The sort of sibling relationship i connect with because this is closer to what i can relate.

it is a similar reason why i’m fascinated with the Wales brothers in gbf, with the fact the youngest brother had to bear the burden of his older brother disappearing and his other brother going off rails and taking it out on him, before being torn by guilt and realizing he ought to make it up to his brother.

And if you boil down the Hisoka/Chikage/August storyline it’s the same thing happening, except Chikage specifically BLAMED Hisoka for August’s death, and Hisoka felt guilty and responsible and beared that burden.

And honestly i already connect much more with sibling dynamics when the youngest of the bunch is bearing the burden of their dynamic bc, mood.

But, as someone who had my eldest sister ran away from home when i was a kid and my other sister turning on me and pushing me away because, as she told me ways later, she badly lived the abandon and she knew i was closer to my eldest sister so she pushed me away in a form of jealousy AND the fact we were not allowed to talk about my runaway sister, we had to act like she never existed, and it was extremely frustrating so my sister shifted the blame on me

bc Chikage was always a bit jealous of how close Hisoka and August were and then when August died, with the inability to process his grief, he had to blame Hisoka.

And like, if the Wales Brothers’ dynamic punched me in the face, this was a suckerpunch because bro that hit, ways too close from home??? on a character i already kinda can project on?? (even though my behavior and coping mechanisms are closer to Azuma bc of the shared Abandon Issues and all but man it’s not like i had nothing on Hisoka yaknow?)

And, meanwhile, Hisoka and Chikage fixed their relationship. They opened up about their trauma, they cleared it up, they decided to heal together and getting better, and this is something that’s fucking me up a LOT because... it’s not something i can have? My sister and I shared our trauma but we’re still so distant and so caught in our parents’s bullshit that my sister KEEPS shifting the blame on me for anything going wrong with our family, especially lately with our dad.

It was something that made me irrationally emotional with the Wales bro already but here destroys me, the fantasy of /fixing/ it. The fantasy of, after this hardship, managing to realize they can rely on one another and be there through their trauma. And, for Hisoka and Chikage, this desire to rebuild their family, in a less toxic environment. It’s something i can’t have, and don’t even really /want/ because the relationship with my sister is too damaged and we’re too different as people, but the fantasy of it being a possibility somewhere makes me weak on my knees.

(+ tbh a3 is HEALING bc with the Wales bro, the youngest is still the most responsible one, he still has to carry this burden, he has so much on his shoulders, and it’s... heavy when you get to project a bit on his story. While Hisoka is, on the contrary, encouraged to rest in order to recover. He’s encouraged to keep sleeping, to do stuff he likes, to nurse himself back to health, and this is so HEALING to have to see the characters who’s trauma you relate to being told that they don’t have to just “carry on” but, that they can be safe to rest now. (likewise with Azuma who’s also encouraged to rest and take care and rely on others without being punished about pushing people away. Instead it’s his friends picking up how to read him to counter Azuma’s first instict that is to isolate himself, without lecturing him about how he shouldn’t do that.), a3′s way to tackle trauma and recovery is seriously getting to me SO BAD like, it’s really healing to me)

Adding to that that, independantly to it all, I genuinely adore Chikage, he’s fun, he’s sneaky, he’s an ass, but he cares so much, and everything is because he cares ways too much, he’s so damaged and was never allowed to have room to get better and now he does, and he built so much walls around himself, his lies are just that (i’ve seen someone call it gas//l//ighting and DEAR LORD learn the meaning of words he doesn’t do that AT ALL) he just lies to throw off people, he tells people right away that he lies, even when it would protect him to keep on the charade (see his lie to Sakyo to cover up when he kidnapped Izumi), they’re walls in order to keep people away, to keep them from asking about him, and like he says to Tsuzuru because there’s weakness to be exploited in the truth, which is a paranoia that is completely legit to have when he’s litterally an informant/hacker spy??

he’s completely different from my sister, which is ironic, but therefore i do not even manage to project this thing fully on him. Hell, i crush on Chikage. I have terrible taste but good lord he’s been appearing in my dreams every day lately what the fuck Chikage. (litterally my top 3 chara is just “1) Kin in regard to the lore, 2) Kin in the coping mechanism, 3) Crushing ways too hard on him, am a total simp”)

Also meanwhile the fact the whole ending is “we’re leaving the organization (which was their family), we have a found family now, but together” is peak fantasy for someone like me and i’m always crying over the Mankai Found Family, but just, going “screw the previous family”? but..... the two of them together? I’m a mess. Especially adding to the fact Hisoka got SO close to the Winter Troupe and with the course of the events it really shows how precious they became to one another, this found family remains so precious to Hisoka (hell he bothers Homare and Tasuku as much as he bothers Chikage dLKFJD) he just, wants Chikage to experience this happiness too instead of letting himself collapse under his trauma and i’m!!! aaaah!!

So yeah what i’m getting at is, that, I thought i would be safe from Hisoka’s arc, that i wouldn’t be this emotionally invested in it, i was already too emotionally invested in Azuma’s bc Azuma has my coping mechanisms, but instead the plot took me by the throat with the direct sibling dynamic i REALLY feel for, it hit WAYS too close from home, with a storyline i can HEAVILY empathize with, and feel pain for both Hisoka and Chikage because i get both sides so hard, and i HAD to fall for one of those morons.

I’ve been playing a3 for over a year, started playing when the EN server lautched, and i had been emotionally involved in all of it, a LOT, i’ve played it every day in over a year, i’m up to date with everything, i feel so much for it, but despite that i felt like i was keeping it mostly lowkey, like i wasnt /obsessed/

but this storyline ruined me. This storyline brought this lowkey obsession to highkey at full speed.

And all of that bc i genuinely loved Hisoka before those truthbombs, that those made me love him even more, that Chikage became SO loveable and has been living in my mind rentfree ever since, and that the dynamic they touch is both too close from home while also being unrealistic (as in how they fixed their dynamic), but in a “fantasy i love to indulge in” kind of unrealistic and it is destroying me.

so yeah, A3 good, i can’t get over how GOOD the writing is, but also that fucking wrecked me.

#i've been a mess for months now aaaaaa #ichatalks about a3 #ichapersonal #(i'm talking about some of my family issues under the cut so DLKFJDLFK that's why the warning anyway)

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journalxxx · 7 years ago

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Rerun

Inspired by @steampunch‘s breathtaking art

The images on the screen are surprisingly clean and vivid, the sound of laughters and broken branches unexpectedly crisp and sharp. Each reel was packed and sealed very carefully, but Ford wouldn't have guessed they would have aged so well. They've withstood the test of time much better than the both of them, which, he supposes, is the exact purpose of such keepsakes. He doesn't watch them, though. He can barely remember the content of the tapes, but they hold very little interest compared to the fact that Stan's jokes and questions have gradually lessened, that his eyes are now glued to the screen as if the very essence of the universe was pictured on it. His own largely is, probably.

Bless the visual arts. Three nights of detailed tales and heartfelt apologies didn't so much as spark the barest hint of recollection on Stan's part, yet a handful of pictures from a child's scrapbook and few minutes of haphazard recording are proving miraculous. Ford observes his brother's features with trepidation, the deep shadows cast by the projector giving him an even more serious and profound appearance. This is it, he can tell. He hopes.

The reel stops with an abrupt snap. Stan blinks, glancing around himself as if suddenly awoken from a dream. He rubs his hand on his eyes for a moment.

"...Damn. Sorry, can we rewatch the last part? I spaced out a bit." "Of course." Ford stands up and starts fiddling with the projector, rewinding roughly half of the tape. He bides his time with the equipment, and with his questions. He sits back on his chair as two overly energetic kids are about to earn themselves a semi-permanent banishment from the family shop. "Where did you say you found these?" "In my private study. I don't quite know how they ended up down there, but I do remember having them sent here from home. I guess I did move around some stuff at some point..." Stan keeps staring at the screen thoughtfully, slouching slightly to the side of the armchair, his hand holding his right cheek. A frown crosses his features, but only for a moment. "...Right. The second underground floor. I could never get past that fancy lock. But the backdoor to the emergency stairs was a child's play. I can't believe the gnomes never found a way in." There's his answer. Relief washes over him slowly, almost a physical weight settling in his stomach and crawling up his spine. It pervades him so deeply that it feels almost unpleasant. Stan shoots him a small, satisfied smirk, and Ford can only smile in return. "I set up a couple of magic deterrents back in the day. You got in?" "'Course I did. I turned the whole house upside down while I was searching for anything that could help me fix that mess in the basement. I couldn't make sense of anything I found down there though, not even the giant computer. Goddamn codes and passwords everywhere." The precarious Fort Stan on the screen collapses loudly, catching their attention again. An abrupt cut spares them their father's decidedly unimpressed reaction to their filming ambitions, and the setting switches back to the great outdoors. Stan's expression shifts again, to one Ford doesn't quite know how to interpret. "I found these, I think. I checked one, but I didn't... Well, they weren't going to help me with the nerd work. I put them back where I found them." Ford considers the screen for a moment, realizing he himself has no memory of that specific sequence. He remembers asking for the reels, when his mother had decided to toss away some of their old stuff. He remembers the thought of the tapes being destroyed feeling vaguely unpleasant, he remembers packing them adequately for when he would have time to watch them. For later. "...I never watched them either." Silence stretches between them, way more meaningful than all the inane chatter and one-sided conversations of the last few days. Stan sighs deeply, and Ford squeezes his arm gently. "...Are you all right?" "Yeah, yeah." "If you're tired, we can call it a day and-" "No, really, I'm fine. It's just- it's just..." Stan's gaze drops to Ford's hand and he stares at it intently, as if trying to gauge the right word from Ford's knuckles. "...Nuts." "That's putting it mildly." Stan smiles, and falls silent again. He is strangely pensive, strangely quiet and cautious, much unlike his normal boisterous character and even his easy-going and carefree amnesiac self. Of this third, probably temporary iteration of his brother Ford knows nothing, and he has absolutely no idea how to handle it. "Stan... I know I've been nothing but spitefully secretive about everything since I came back. About myself, about my plans, about Bill- and God knows how much damage that caused. But if there's anything you need to know... Anything you want to ask..." "No, not ask... but I do have something to say." He frowns, picking an invisible speck of dust off Ford's sleeve. "And do. Before it slips my mind." That is a loaded introduction if Ford's ever heard one, so he waits. Stan slightly leans forward, then he pauses, a shadow of uncertainty crossing his features, then he leans forward again. He doesn't stop. His lips land on his brother's, his breath tickles his cheeks, and Ford's mind goes completely blank. The first emotion emerging from the void is utter dread. Because Ford cannot possibly fathom what may have spurred such an action, so it must be some sort of mistake, some tragic inconsistency or misplaced attachment in his brother's memory, a positively catastrophic one. He tries to inch back from him, but Stan's arm slips from his grasp to hold him by the side of his head. Ford's mouth opens imperceptibly in surprise, and suddenly he's acutely aware of his brother's thumb tracing his cheekbone, slowly tickling his sideburn, of his palm brushing the shell of his ear, of his fingers tangling in his hair and curving on his nape. Stan's lips caress Ford with a gentleness that he's never experienced before, with his brother or with anyone else, and with a deliberate tranquillity that subdues any objection. It's over before Ford can recover properly. Stan leans back just a bit to look at him, still gripping Ford's head firmly, only slightly flushed and holding his gaze steadily. "I..." Ford gulps. Each word feels like a round of Russian roulette, ready to blow both their brains out. "I think... this is a serious misunderstanding." "You think, uh? Figures, I should have started with the other thing. But that 's been... a long time coming." "What... Stanley, what on earth-" "Shut up and listen, Poindexter. Carefully." The hand on Ford's nape becomes heavier. The grip on the back of his neck suddenly feels way more like a vise, and Stan brings their heads closer again. Their foreheads bump. Hard. Painfully. "You motherfucking bastard." Ford blinks. His doubts on Stan's coherency and sanity have skyrocketed in the last sixty seconds, but he has no opportunity to express them. "To make it quick. I'm not going to rub in your face the ungodly amount of utter bullshit that you spew on mine thirty years ago, but don't think I don't remember. Don't think for a second that I don't remember." He can feel Stan's nails digging slightly in his nape, their glasses tinkling uncomfortably against one another, his brother's steely tone digging in his chest like a knife. "I'm not going to question your right to complain about the state of the house as if it was a deconsacrated temple- my house, as much as it is yours - or to burn my merchandise, or to disparage three decades' worth of work to bring your sorry ass out of Sci-Fi Land. I'm not so stupid that I can't see your point in those matters. A cheap, selfish, haughty point, but a point nonetheless." "I-" "What I do question-" Stan's jaw sets at a sharper angle, a tight grimace twists his features "- is how much of a petty, self-absorbed prick one must be to greet his own brother after thirty whole years with a punch on the face. A punch. On the face. And insults. And a full-fledged eviction notice." "No, listen." Ford's head snaps up, nudging the other to earn himself enough leeway to look at him. "I told you, I'm- believe me, I'm truly sorry about that. I had just come back, the house was-" "I know what you said and for God's sake, shut up. This is nothing, this is childish, obnoxious, irrelevant crap- nothing compared to dragging a couple of kids - my niece and nephew, your niece and nephew- into your personal holy crusade against a psychopathic, mind-controlling monster. They could have died, Ford. They could have gone mad. I may have done a lousy job at protecting them from all this myself, but at least I tried. At least I tried." "...I know. That... I know. You-" "Stanford. Shut. Up." Stan finally loosens his grasp and raises his head to meet Ford's eyes. He doesn't look as furious as Ford was expecting. He doesn't look angry at all, in fact. He looks dejected, tired. Sad. "I know that you know, and that you're sorry. I know what you told me. The problem is, you told me yesterday, and the day before that. You told me when I didn't even know what the hell you were talking about, you gave me your apologies when I didn't even know I deserved any. And that - as sincere as you may have been - is cowardly as fuck. Wonderfully refreshing for your conscience, I bet, but completely meaningless for me, because I couldn't talk back." The logic is flawless. It's his turn not to talk back, so he doesn't. Stan's expression grows softer. "So. We're doing this all over again. We're talking again about all this, so that you can deliver your apologies properly. And... have some of mine as well. And we're talking to the kids too, of course. They deserve it more than the both of us." Ford nods and instictively glances at the clock. Stan follows his gaze and shakes his head. "Not now. God, not now, I barely even know how old I am. And you look ready to stab yourself with an ice pick." Stan is still holding him, but Ford finds that it doesn't feel as if he's about to snap his neck any more, so he can lean back to a reasonable degree. Ford sighs tiredly, scratching his own knee nervously. "Well, you are right. About... basically all of it. I... I know it doesn't mean much like this, but... I really am sorry. For everything." "I know. I heard you the first ten times you said it, but... Hell, don't give me that look, I refuse to console you. You had that coming." Stan pinches the bridge of his nose, his whole face scrunching up. "Don't go moping around like that, you'll worry the kids. I just... needed to get all that out of my system." Ford considers his brother's words for a moment, his thought dwelling on a short but very prominent part of the evening. "...All of that?" "Yeah. All of that." Now that expression, Ford recognises. He's seen that purposefully casual, undisclosing demeanour countless times from countless hardened gamblers on Lottocron Nine. And apparently three nights in a smelly cell and a forceful ejection from the dimension's finest establishment still haven't taught him that not all bluffs should be called out. "...Is there anything else I need to hear?" Stan snorts. "Yeah. You're a stuck-up, insufferable, pushy smartass." "...I see." "A callous, unfeeling, smug cock." "I'm... glad this nasty incident hasn't impaired your vocabulary." "A remorseless, ungrateful, stubborn son of a bitch." "We still have the same mother, you know." "Are you seriously-" The reel snaps loudly as it stops. They both stare at the bright, white screen for a moment. "Dammit. I can't get to see the end of this thing." "Shall I rewind it again?" "Nah, maybe another time. Put on the next one." Stan lays back comfortably on his armchair and his hand finally withdraws from Ford's neck, slipping off his shoulder. Slowly, lightly. Almost like a caress. "And grab more popcorn while you're at it."

#stancest

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fuckyeahclassiclink · 8 years ago

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I just finished my first run of The Legend of Zelda randomized.

That was a pretty fun experience, and to my shock, I only died 9 times. Sure I can beat the original game without drying, but the original game didn’t have Lynels roaming where octoroks would normally be found.

The biggest hurdle was locating a ladder, I had to exit a few dungeons because I didn’t have it. Though I was kind of a dummy and the ladder ended up being in one of the dungeons I left. I didn’t try to bomb every wall, despite my Zelda insticts telling me that’s the thing to do.

The randomization really kept things interesting for me. Nothing was where I expected it to be, and it made for a few funny moments too. Level 2′s triforce piece was one single room to the left of the entrance in level 4, and Ganon was in one room to the right of the entrance in level 9, however, I still had to track down Zelda after slaying Ganon.

The dungeon colors were different from the main game, and even the tunic colors were ( sort of ) random. I set it to be Pink at the start, the blue ring turned the tunic blue, and the red ring turned the tunic white ( a more pure white than what the blue ring normally does ), dialogue for shops, potions sellers, money making game, and more were altered to some random one liner, but there were still helpful hints as to the locations of dungeons and which items could be found in one dungeons ( you may need to look at the helpful links section of the Zelda randomizer website to decipher it )

The game isn’t truly random, the overworld layout is still exactly the same, and all the secret caves are in the same places ( sometimes, it depends on if you picked 1st quest, 2nd quest, or mixed ), what really changes is their contents.

Probably my favorite ( optional ) change is that you can alter the properties of the Book item so that it turns magic wand blasts into bomb explosions. It makes the rod a very viable, if not OP tool, that will ensure that you’ll never need bombs in a dungeon again ( overworld, not so much since you can’t detonate the blasts at will ), I’d almost say that this is something that should have been in the original game, so long as it was kept as a late game item, it really makes up for one of my nitpicks of the game, with it’s limited space for the ever important bombs.

One thing to note, when you finish this run, that’s it. There is no second quest, and if you start your file again, you’ll find that the quest is the same one you just played. You’ll need to put another clean Zelda rom into the randomizer for it to give you a new quest.

So if you love the original Legend of Zelda, you know all the ins and outs of it, and you want to experience the game in a new way, I’d recommend playing through a Randomized Zelda run. I certainly plan to play it again someday. Just be sure to make some crappy throw-away maps.

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hqtbells-blog · 8 years ago

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milan adventures. + trendall

TAGGING: Troian Bellisario, Kendall Jenner @ikennyxo, Phillip + Sophia Allen.

LOCATION: Milan, Italy. Hotel, gelato cafe, toy store.

TIMEFRAME: February 24th, 2017.

NOTES: Expecting a fun evening out in Milan, the two girls get more than they bargained for with an over tired Phillip.

Kendall: It had been such an honor for Kendall to open the Moschino show, the first time for the model with that brand so she was naturally nervous but excited about it. She feared she's trip and fall but having her friends there, Bella and Gigi, made it a bit less scary for her so before she knew it, the model was on the runway walking down in the outfit that was chosen for her. She had to walk in two different ones but at the end of it, she was happy when people started congratulating her. "I'm on my way back." She sent the text to Troian as she was in the car that would drive her back to the hotel where they'd been staying. Having her friend with her during Fashion week was a great, it was amazing to be able to show her around town and just have Troian actually in the audience at one show to see her walking. They had another day out planned with the kids and the model was very excited to see where they'd be going now. The drive wasn't long so Kendall was back just about 20 minutes after she sent the text. "I'm baaaack." She shouted out as she entered the suite the four of them had been staying in.

Troian had wanted to attend as many shows of Kendall's as possible, since she was so proud of her friend for getting all these honors. Unfortunately, she had only been able to sit in one and the reason for that were the two kids currently jumping up and down on the bed. "Philly, you're going to fall off the bed and bust your head," she warned. She knew that sometimes she needed to just let her children make their own mistakes but she swore grey hairs were being added by the minute to her own head each time she watched her two year old make another high leap. Sophia was always eager to follow in her brothers footsteps so she too was trying her hardest to jump and Troian finally grabbed her by the waist. "Phillip Matthew! Stop! /Now/!" She accentuated the last word with what she liked to call her "mommy voice" - no nonsense and as stern as could be, and ignored the glare he shot her. He could be mad at her, that was fine. He'd get over it. Hearing Kendall open the door and step inside, Troian rolled her eyes as Phillip immediately ran over to her to hug her around the legs. "He's going to tell you I'm mean," she chuckled and then gave Kendall a smile. "How was it, babe?!"

Kendall: "Unf" Kendall almost stumbled as Phillip ran over to her to hug her legs, chuckling when she heard what Troian said. It was funny to see how kids would take refuge in other people when they thought the parents weren't nice to them. "It was great! I was so nervous to open the show but it all went great. I looked like a big brief in my first outfit but it was amazing!" She beamed whenever talking about her job, the ones she was most proud of. The spark in her eyes remained hours after the show, especially since this one was special. "Now..." She slowly took Philly's hands away to crouch in front of him noticing the pout on his face. "Why does mommy say you think she's being mean? Did she say no to more ice cream? Auntie Kenny will talk to her" She kept it light hoping things weren't as serious. She never wanted to mess with the way her friends were raising their kids but she also had the instict of an aunt to let kids do things parents wouldn't. "Are we going out?" She looked up at her friend with brows raised not sure if they're still on with the plans they made earlier.

Troian was smiling just as big as Kendall as she listened to her friend talk about her show. It was adorable, to see the glow that practically settled across Kendall's face as she described what it felt like to be on the runway. The show Troian had been able to catch had been a lot of fun and that was why she was so bummed that she didn't get to see more. Still, her kids came first and she loved Kendall even more for knowing and respecting that. "We definitely have to celebrate then so yes, we're going out. I'm not sure if Philly deserves an ice cream cone though.." Her tone trailed off as she adjusted Sophia on her hip and bit her lip to hide her smile as Phillip immediately shook his head and clung onto Kendall for more support. Ugh. Those big blue eyes of his and the puppy dog pout he had inherited from both his parents; every one was in a world of trouble when it came to saying no to them. "But Aunt Kendall thinks you do, so you're lucky. Put on your shoes and we'll head out." Setting Sophia down on the bed so she could slide a coat over her, Troian looked over at Kendall. "And don't even protest that I'm treating you."

Kendall: Kendall just nodded when Troian talked about Phillip, she figured there was a reason for it and that Troian would tell her if it was something big. The model winked at the little boy when they finally got an approval from the actress, Philly smiled mischievously which made Kenny giggle. "Let me just put a hat on my head, my hair doesn't look good and I don't have the time to wash it" She walked into the bathroom letting her hair down and it surely didn't look like she wanted so she just took a hat and put it on, making her outfit look chic. The girl stepped out again with a smile on her face, happy to be able to go out with her friend and her kids. "Okay, you can treat me" She grinned standing in front of Phillip and helping him with his jacket before taking Soph in her arms so Troian could get ready too. "One day we're gonna be watching you on the big ads and runways if you keep looking that gorgeous, princess" She cooed at her tickling the little girl to make her laugh. "Ready?" She looked over to her friend with her hand on the door handle, excited to get out with them.

Troian thanked Kendall as she took over so that Troian could get ready. She had mastered the art of dressing herself in record speed so all Troian needed to do was slide on another coat of mascara, pull her hair back into a short ponytail and then slide a hoodie over her slim figure. "You look gorgeous," she called out over to Kendall - clearly, she was a rising /supermodel/. "Both my favorite girls look gorgeous," she smiled at the two of them and then straightened up. Yep. This was as good as it was going to get with her. Zipping up her boots and holding Phillip's hand as they walked towards the door, Troian nodded. "Ready. You'll have to lead the way though. I may know Paris but Milan is still kind of a mystery to me." Troian placed her key card into her purse and then followed the merry band of them over to the elevator so they could head outside.

Kendall: Looking over at her friend, Kendall smiled when she noticed she was ready. "You look gorgeous too. Right, Philly? Mommy is pretty." She grinned walking out of the room with Soph on her hip hoping there weren't many paparazzi out so they could have a nice late afternoon/evening out with the kids. "You are in great hands" Kenny smiled, there were still few places she didn't take her friends to and she was looking forward to show them another one. Taking her phone out when they were walking out of the elevator, Kenny snapped few pictures of her and the little girl wanting to save them for time when she'd miss the kids so she'd have these memories with her. "You three had a good day too?" Kendall asked as she motioned for her friend to follow her as she made her way to the place where she wanted to take them. It wasn't far away so they'd be able just walk over there and stop at a place nearby to buy something for kids to remember Milan and aunt Kendall.

Troian held onto Phillip's hand tightly as Kendall held onto Sophia's. The four of them made quite the cute picture and Troian observed in silence as Kendall took selfies with her daughter, smiling. It always gave her a warm glow of pleasure to see that her friends loved her children just as much as she did. When the elevator doors opened and they were going out, they walked out the lobby and to the outdoors. "We mostly just laid around in bed. They didn't seem to want to do anything," Troian motioned to the two silent kids who were walking and staring out at the sights around them. She pulled a wry face at Kendall. "They're very lazy today. But it was okay, I guess. We watched some TV, I convinced them to explore the gift shop with me. We bought some nice presents for everybody. I guess I'll just have to bring them back when they're older so they'll appreciate it more."

Kendall: "I envy you" Kendall chuckled. It was a white lie because while it was true she needed a day off, she would choose walking a show over being lazy any day. It was her adrenaline rush and something she enjoyed most so being tired was actually the only downside of her job right now. "If she ends up being into fashion, she'll appreciate having me in her life so I could sneak her into places most girls only dream about." The model smiled as they walked down the street, giggling when she saw a tattoo shop. "Do you approve of tattoos? You know, so kids remember this trip?" Kenny winked jokinn with her friend, she knew that tattoos weren't actually meant for kids. "So, do we go for a gelato first and then gifts from Kenny ro do we want gifts first?" She asked looking down at kids as there was no way their mom could talk her out of it, she was determined to get them each something nice here in Milan.

Troian never would have thought she'd have a daughter actually interested in fashion but Sophia seemed to be her polar opposite that way. Troian as a child had shyed away from dresses and bows and everything deemed "girlie" because she was a little tom girl. Sophia, on the other hand, didn't look as happy in over alls as she did in pretty pink pinafores. That was just the way the world worked, though. Your kids developed their own likes and dislikes and you had to accept them. "If she goes into fashion, you'll definitely be her biggest inspiration," Troian replied back to Kendall with a warm smile (because Lord knew Sophia wouldn't get quality tips from Troian). Swinging Phillip's hand lightly, Troian glanced over at the tattoo shop and crinkled her nose. "I actually do want to get a tattoo for them but maybe not today," she chuckled and then pointed to the gelato cafe. "Stop here first? I really am in the mood for something sweet."

Kendall: "And I'll be happy to give all the advice she needs, introduce her to right people. It's my only advantage over all the other aunties kids have." She chuckled looking down at the little girl and somewhat envied her for being so carefree, she still doesn't know how cruel the world can be and how exhausting it was to be an adult. Noddinh when she saw the place Troian was pointing at, Kenny walked over opening the door and going into the gelato cafe, her eyes glued to all the colorful choices they had. "What are you having?" She asked looking back at her friend, suddenly undecisive as she wanted so many flavors they were offering but she knew she just couldn't have them all. Luckily, the place wasn't too crowded and so far no one even noticed two famous girls with kids in there, it was a rare thing for Kendall but it felt good to be able to be out so carefree.

Troian walked into the cafe and was immediately struck by the long range of flavors. They all looked delicious, if she were being honest. "Can we have all?" She piped up, grinning at Kendall and then picking up Phillip so that he could see the choices better. He had a big sweet tooth, just like her. 'What do you want, baby boy?" She asked him and waited patiently as he pondered, his face very serious as he tried to pick out a flavor. "Chocolate!" He finally said and Troian relayed that to the worker, watching as they placed a scoop for him. "Chocolate for her as well," Troian jerked her thumb near Sophia and then it was her time to place an order. "And..mint chocolate chip for me." She waited until everybody had picked out their gelato and then Troian paid, leading the group of four over to a table in the corner. "Man, this is going to be so good," she remarked and set Phillip down in a chair. "After we eat, we'll walk around for a bit!"

Kendall: Kendall waited until everyone picked their flavors before she went with the same as Troian. Although she usually chose something fruity like blueberry or lemon, she wanted to treat herself after an important show. Knowing there was no use in trying to pay, Kendalll let Troian do it while she led the kids toward the table, placing Sophie right next to herself. "One can never have enough gelato when in Italy." The model giggled looking over at the little girl as she was starting to eat hers, to help her out and try to keep her somewhat clean."I'm so happy you could join me here, having you and the kids here really means a lot to me." The girl said honestly, although she missed few parties, the company in the hotel room was much better. Besides, there will be plenty of parties in Paris. "I hope one day you can come to Paris, the fashion week there is something else." Kenny said almost moaning when she tried her gelato but keeping herself quiet due to kids being around.

Troian "Seriously," Troian answered with her mouth already full. The cream just melted right on her tongue and it was exactly what she had been craving since arriving in Italy. Looking over at Phillip who was just poking his with a spoon, Troian frowned but directed her attention back to Kendall. "I'm so happy you invited me!" She confessed back just as sincerely. "I've really been missing you and we haven't had any time to just hang out. I was excited to have the kids see you too even if they're..not on their best behavior..Philly," Troian said abruptly, having trailed off as she witnessed her son pushing away his treat. "I thought you wanted some. Is something wrong with it?" Troian inspected the cup but nope, it was perfect. Phillip wasn't a picky eater either. "I don't want it," he told her stubbornly and Troian shook her head. "Eat a little bit, baby. You want some of Mommy's?" She tried to offer hers and sighed as Phillip pushed it away with his hand. "No," his voice was a whine and Troian knew she was in for it. "I want sissy's," he tried to reach for Sophia's and Troian shook her head. "Philly, that's exactly yours. Eat yours."

Kendall: Kendall noticed something was off and she suspected it had to do with Troian's comment before and when she saw how Phillip was acting, her suspicions were confirmed. Instead of tryng to intervene, Kenny remained silent. She tried to one time with Mason and she got a lesson from Kourtney later that the girl never even thought of getting in between a parent and kid again. Sophia moved closer to her when her brother tried to take her gelato from her and the model could only hope this won't turn into a disaster that they'd have to go back to their room. "Why don't you want yours, Philly?" She asked careful not to mend into Troian's way of trying to reason with him, it was the last thing she wanted. "You have such big scoop for yourseld, your sissy already ate a bit, you'd get less chocolate" She tried to keep it light.

Troian appreciated that Kendall was trying to keep the peace. She wasn't so much of a helicopter mom that she'd bark at people trying to help with her kids, but she didn't want Phillip to be told it was alright to act this way. She knew most of it was him being tired - he wasn't napping as much lately, and she knew the jet lag was messing with him. Still, she had shown him better manners than this and it was times like these she had to put her foot down. "Aunt Kendall's right, sissy is almost done with hers. Eat yours, it's the same chocolate. We'll save it for later if you don't want to finish it." She tried to smooth back his hair but Phillip only whined once more and retreated into his seat. "I don't want it!" He repeated louder and Troian's cheeks flushed pink, seeing that everyone was starting to turn around in their seats and watch the free show. "Alright," she told him calmly. "Then when you want some later, you can't have it. Either we save it or we dump it, Philly." Phillip answered her by swiping the gelato off the table and glaring at her. Her sweet little angel had just spouted devil horns. Troian's lips pressed together and she got up, throwing it away and turning back to Kendall. "Fun times ahead," she told her wryly and ignored Phillip's noise as he pouted at the table.

Kendall: The younger woman was surprised to see the boy acting like this, he was usually very sweet but then she remembered Troian saying he was throwing tantrums lately, not lot but there were few cases. Kenny looked at the girl snuggling up to her, the pout on her face as she looked confused with what was happening. Biting on her lip, Kendall finished her gelato soon enough, in case they needed to go and helped Sophia with hers, wiping her mouth so it isn't as smudged. The model looked around and saw one woman looking sternly at Troian and she just raised a brow daring her to say something. "Do you want us to go back? We don't have go to town if he'd be better back in the room. I don't mind really." She shrugged wanting to make it as easy for Troian as possible, after all she had seen enough of Milan. "I was looking forward to buying them stuff, I saw this really cool thing the other that Philly would love but I'm not sure he deserves it now." She spoke about him loud enough for him to hear on purpose, trying to help and maybe get him to apologize to Troian.

Troian resisted the urge to smile at what Kendall was saying. Bribery - maybe not the healthiest trick to use, but it was still effective. "I don't know. Maybe we should find somebody to watch Philly and us girls can go out and have a good time," Troian played along and arched a brow at Phillip, watching as his little face crumpled. It was this right there that always made Troian feel as if she were doing something wrong by denying him things, but she knew she couldn't just keep giving into the pouty face so easily. "Mama, no," he protested and tugged at Troian's sleeve. She pulled him out of his seat and onto her lap and was finally able to run her fingers through his soft blonde hair. "Then you have to behave. No more throwing things, okay? We're going to go shopping but if you act up, we're heading straight back to the room. Okay?" At his nod, Troian exchanged a smirk with Kendall and then finished up her gelato. "Alright K-Dawg, you and Princess Sophia ready to go?"

Kendall: Kendall had to admit she was relieved when Phillip went back to his old self and although bribery wasn't good, she just wanted them to have a nice time in Milan together, she didn't want everyone to remember it by fighting or crying. Kenny took out some wet wipes to clean up the little girl before she got up and lifted Soph to carry her to the store, it wasn't that far away anyway. "We were born ready" She winked at her friend before looking down at her son. "You know Philly, you're not that cute when throwing things" She teased sticking her tongue out at him hoping to get him to smile again. As they were out on the streets again, Kenny noticed it was a bit colder than LA but still warmer that how it was in New York the week before. "Let's make Aunty Kenny's bank account a bit less heavy" Kenny giggled walking into the stopre knowing she wouldn't deny anything the kids wanted her to buy them.

Troian shook her head as they walked down to the store. She wanted to protest Kendall buying them /anything/ but she knew that it wouldn't matter. Once Kendall had something in her mind, she made it happen. Holding onto Phillip's hand as they walked in, Troian pushed open the doors and was immediately struck by all the toys and gifts on display. "Wow, Philly, look at all this!" She offered and pulled him over to a large display of stuffed animals. He had a mountain of them back at home so really, what was one more to add to the collection? But Phillip didn't seem interested in that, more so in the painting supplies. Her little boy had an eye for art and he always loved to be coloring. Seeing that Phillip was preoccupied for now, Troian turned her attention to Sophia who was happy and content in Kendall's arms. "What do you want, Princess Soph?" She asked, tickling the little girl in the tummy. "She might like a doll, she loves holding them," Troian suggested to Kendall. "You're so sweet for doing this, by the way. Thank you."

Kendall: If there was something she loved buying more than her clothes, it was toys and clothes for her nieces and nephews. She slowly walked around the store with Soph in her arms to avoid the little girl making a mess even if it wasn't on purpose. All the things on display were amazing and she wouldn't be able to choose one herself either. "You love holding them? Maybe we could buy you a doll and some clothes for her so you can later dress her how you want" Kenny spoke to the girl showing her the dolls the store had to offer letting her choose the one she likes the most. "I see what you're doing there and stop. I'm not buying him a teddy bear just because it might be the cheapest thing here, okay? If he wants /that/-"she showed at where Phillip was standing - "he's getting it. I have enough money and I wanna spoil the once so please don't think about money right now" She pleaded at her friend.

Troian watched as Sophia picked out a doll that probably just seemed the prettiest to her, and smiled before returning her attention to Kendall. "I'm not doing anything," she suggested innocently but she knew Kendall was no fool. "It's just so expensive!" She groaned lightly, and shook her head. "He /really/ doesn't need it..but okay, okay, you buy him whatever you want." Troian gave Kendall a small smile, knowing her arguments were fruitless. Walking back over to Phillip, Troian watched as he perused through everything the store had to offer and then picked up both a coloring book and a full blown easel. "You can only get one, baby," Troian told him and in her mind, tried to plead with her son to buy the coloring book. How she planned on getting that easel back home, she didn't even know and it wasn't like he needed it. He had one set up at her house. "Both," Phillip insisted and Troian shook her head. "No, Philly. /One/." But Phillip wasn't having any of this either, his stubborn streak matching Troians. Joy. "BOTH," he shouted and his face screwed up like he was about to cry. "And now none," Troian told him firmly and went to pick him up but Phillip had flung himself at the floor and was crying at the top of his lungs. His first full out temper tantrum and Troian was /mortified/.

Kendall: Kendall was preocupied with Sophia as they tried to find some clothes for the doll totally ignoring Troian's tries to have the kids pick one tiny thing. She knew that parents always felt bad when someone wanted to buy the kids expensive stuff but Kenny really wanted to do this. She was into her own world with the little girl that she didn't notice what was going on in the store with the other two until she heard a cry and someone shouting and she immediately realized it was Phillip. Kendall walked over to them crouching down to get closer. "Philly, what's going on? You're scaring you little sissy" She tried to reason with him as Sophia clung to her unsettled now. Kenny looked up at Troian to try to get the answer. "You can pick whatever you want in the store Philly, we had a deal I'd buy the thing you want the most."

Troian didn't think Phillip deserved any treats, especially with the way he was carrying about. Troian tried to ignore the other curious shoppers gazing their way and she knelt down herself, picking up Phillip's flailing figure and ignoring how he jerked in her arms. 'Just buy him the coloring book', Troian mouthed to Kendall. She wasn't going to be so cruel as to deny Phillip a present when Sophia got one but she wasn't going to give it to him when he was behaving so rudely. He had to learn that making a scene and screaming at the top of his lungs wasn't the way to get what he wanted. "C'mon, we're going outside." She didn't even flinch as Phillip wailed and kept one hand on the back of his neck as she walked out of the store and to a side bench. "Is somebody tired?" She asked, wiping Phillip's tears away and pressing her lips together as her son shouted that she was mean and he didn't like her. "I know. That's okay. We're going to go back and take a nap when Aunt Kenny gets out, okay? I think somebody's sleepy."

Kendall: Kendall nodded at Troian's words and watched them as the actress took her son out before she stood up again checking up on Sophia. They picked a coloring book for her brother but that wasn't quite what Kendall had in mind so she added a big box of coloring pencils to her purchase. It's not that she wanted to go against Troian nor would she dare but she figured her friend could give that to her son later when he apologizes and sees he was wrong. After waiting for two people to pay their things, it was Kendall's turn and she noticed a small Milan souvenirs display so she chose a magnet and a miniature replica of the cathredal for Troian to take home. As she paid and got out, she saw her friend with Phillip on the bench. "Hey you two, ready to go back?" She asked watching the little boy carefully hoping that his worst tantrum has passed or they'd be in for a long night.

Troian continued sitting with Phillip on the bench, rocking him back and forth slowly in her lap. He was getting too big to be treated like a baby but this motion seemed to soothe him. His wails had quieted to soft whimpers and sniffles, his face still bright red as evidence from the fit he had just pulled. When she heard shoes clicking on the pavement, Troian looked up to see Kendall and Sophia headed towards them with bags in Kendall's hand. She smiled, knowing her friend probably had gone above and beyond. She wasn't mad; that was just the way Kendall operated, and her heart was so big. "Yep," she replied easily, and stood up with Phillip still clinging around her neck like a monkey. "He's just tired. And once he gets some sleep, he's going to apologize to his Aunt Kenny for being so rude." She pressed a kiss to her son's head and held onto him as they walked back to the hotel. "What'd you end up getting?"

Kendall: It made Kendall sad to see Phillip like this but he was just a kid still and she couldn't hold it against him, he wasn't used to jetlag like her so it hit him bad. She just wanted for him to feel better. When she heard Troian's question, the model bit on her lower lip caught in the act. "I got someone a big box of coloring pencils along with a coloring book, some dressed for Soph's doll and the mommy got a magnet and little replica of the cathredal" She looked at him with puppy eyes to plead for mercy. The hotel was close so before they knew it they were back waiting for the elevator. "Are you hungry?" Kenny looked over at her friend as the night was still so young and it didn't have to end just because the little boy wasn't feeling good. "You feelin' better big guy?"

Troian chuckled as she heard Kendall lay out all that she had bought. "It sounds like we're very lucky to know Aunt Kendall," she smiled at Kendall and rubbed Phillip's back as he remained silent. "I think so. I'm going to lay him down and then we can order room service and watch a movie?" It wasn't quite the partying maybe the model was used to, but these were just how nights with toddlers went. Sophia didn't seem to be sleepy, just very engrossed with pushing her doll in everybody's faces to give them a kiss on the cheek and Troian reached out to tug at her foot too when the elevator doors opened. As they walked back to their room, Phillip finally spoke up. "Sorry Aunt Kendall," he said in a small voice and Troian's heart glowed with pride. Maybe he wasn't having the best day but at least her son knew when to apologize. That was one thing she could pride herself and Keegan on.

Kendall: "Sounds great, I haven't had a quite night in in a long time, I'd love to do that with you" Kendall smiled, wellcoming the change with her whole heart. To just spend one night with her friend was just what she needed. As they entered the room, Kenny put the girl down letting her wander around after she took off her jacket and went to take hers off too. Phillip's apology caught her surprised but also brought a big smile to her face. "Can Aunt Kenny get a hug too?" She crouched in front of him opening her arms, happy when he nodded and slowly walked closer hugging her. Those were the moments she loved the most, she didn't need expensive things, just knowing people cared about her and liked having her in their lives was enough for the model. "Aunt Kenny love you, she always will. Even when you're not on your best behavior" She nodded at him kissing his cheek before letting him go over to his mom. "What do you want me to order?"

Troian was slipping off her shoes when she saw Phillip hug Kendall, and her smile widened. It might not have been a smooth afternoon but at least it wasn't ending horribly. She sank down onto the bed and pulled Sophia up so that she could be resting in the middle. "Order everything," she waved her hand flippantly and then fell backwards onto the bed. "I need a shower," she spoke to no one in particular and then sat back up. "Alright, Philly. Let's give you a bath and then you can go to sleep." She picked Phillip up once more and carried him over to the bathroom, ready to just relax and unwind with one of her best friends and with whatever sappy movie they could find on television.

#p:ma

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lifeofkingcarol · 4 years ago

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5 September 2020.

Anyway my personal beliefs as umntu who subscribes to African spirituality, while actively studying Kabbalah...

I COMPLETELY REJECT THE BIBLE.

But I don't doubt the fact that the majority of what its says is TRUE.

Hear me out...

For most part this book takes from iTorah which in essence takes from ancient Kabbalistic laws. Which are laws of Spirit-Science ezingaxhomekekanga on whether we believe them or not because ziyinyani in the physical and metaphysical realm.

Ezazibhalo zokuqala zifana neTextbook. (For example, a maths text book. Ayikwazi uba neFiction. Ixela iiLaws zamanani including what will happen if those numbers & mathematical signs are moved/manipulated in certain ways). Ukuyiphikisa kwethu won't turn 1+1 into anything other than 2.

The problem starts kwiTranslation. Because kwasekuqaleni the original words used were a REPRESENTATION, not literal. (E.g. "Israel" doesn't mean the literal country kwezazibhalo zokuqala. It means a period in one's life where they've collected enough wisdom to be as in tune as possible with God's plan for their destiny).

"It took 40 years for 'israelites' to find the promised land."

Xa ujongile does it not really take someone about 40 years to shed all the nonsense the world has tried to groom her with, ibe kungona eqala ukuphila impilo on his/her own terms. Hence the phrase "life begins at 40." Nevermind the fact that for some it's a bit later or earlier than others. The average age really is 40.

Now xa kuzawthathwa amagama afana na la amele ukuba yiRepresentation njeee, ajikwe enziwe as if aLiteral, obviously it will sound like fiction. Hence iBible ingathi ngamabali nje, and amabali aContradict'anayo.

The above is problem number one yeTorah, before Constantine even got involved.

Then we get to the real reason why I reject the bible even though I know it's mainly filled with truth.

Indawo yokuqala, it would take years of research and fluency in ancient languages to decode ezona meanings zezaFigurative words zibhalwe pha.

Black people have no business studying all that when we're the most spiritual beings alive. We have the capability to access this information directly from its source, God.

Okwesibini, the fact that ibhalwe with the intention yokusikhohlisa. And those who did so were highly intelligent because bambamba with one of two things umntu omnyama.

It's either:

1. You believe this exaggerated version and subscribe to modern day Christianity le ikususayo kwiingcambu zakho,

Or;

2. You figure out that the book is smoke, mirrors and think it's all "lies." And spend your time more concerned with researching facts that back up your claims and concerned with proving to others that ayinabunyani leDoctrine and kufuneka baguquke away from yona.

Both these acts hold you back from the most important aspect of spirituality: Practicing/trusting/growing in nothing other than eziSpiritual powers that wena nabantu bakokwenu nabeRace yakho nanizombathiswe at birth.

If you want to see examples of that look at other religions. They're very well aware that Christian doctrine bububhanxa but have you ever heard them preach that?

You won't.

They're too concerned with growing in their own Spiritual beliefs that they identify with, not caring who outside of themselves/their households believes religion's lies or truths. THIS IS WHY THEY PROSPER.

You win at everything in life xa uhoye only lePath uyibekelweyo by your Creator.

Then still... As an African Spiritual, I am forced by my natural being to believe in nothing other than what I've seen manifest in my own life. Ukugcinwa yiForce that makes sure that as long as ndithemba ithongo/icamagu/iHigher Self/natural instict, which over the years since childhood has led me (via the things I'm naturally inclined to love and be curious about) into safety, prosperity, peace, healing both physically and spiritually, love, support systems and alternative education.

There's no book, priest, gobela, or outside influence who can give me this.

In fact it is at the instances where I've trusted my personal spiritual inclinations, that I've been led to the correct books, priests, gogos who are equipped to guide me at certain stages of my journey.

Now where does this put others of my race and those who share certain aspects of my conviction?

As I chat with Khwezi I'm more convinced than ever that we are our own answer to everything qha uninzi lethu doubt our own potential nale yokuba we're born legends.

Here I speak with someone who, intellectually, is probably a million times more qualified to write Izibhalo Ezingcwele than the so-called scholars who rewrote ancient scrolls baziguqula into this nonsensical doctrine ikhoyo.

Someone who knows very well that he caries the blood of the founders zenkolo eAfrica ngokuba his ancestors ezidabuka eEthiopia were right in the thick of things at the beginning, therefore spiritually amandla akuye wonke as well.

Lest we forget that if Jesus or a character like Him indeed existed, then during his lifetime he was just being. Living his daily life, doing nothing special, not being intentional about leaving a legacy, but ended up becoming a legend spoken of for thousands of years.

Nathi ke, ezizinto sizenzayo, nesizaziyo, esicingba we're just being and we're nothing special, could potentially be weapons of mass-awakening.

We need just to be brave. First at a simple level. Where we openly refuse to follow iinto ezifana neChristianity.

Singayikholelwa just because aspects of it stem from a watered down version of what our ancestors tried to live out and preach. If yona neTools zayo ezifana neBible don't fully serve us, then singoyiki ukuthatha a stand sibhale le isiServe'ayo into. Le siyibone in researching, experiencing, travelling, manifesting.

Limkile ixesha lokulinda abanye abantu basikhulule emakhamandeleni, regardless of what their titles in society and religious circles might be. We're our own last hope. Our ONLY last hope.

SIDE NOTE:

It would be in our best interests to have unwavering belief in the only two things I've taken from the Bible and incorporated into my life.

1. uThixo wakho unawe, akuswelanga nto.

2. We're created in the Image and Likeness of God.

AYIKHO iBuffer phakathi kwethu noThixo. We're equal parts God, and "of" God.

Soon enough kuzawfuneka siyiyeke lento yokucingba something plays the role of ukusithethelela kwiQamata.

I cherish the day that true spiritual leaders will get rid of "isithunywa, ilizwi, iAngel, into ebambekayo ethile, isinyanya" says "uthi uThixo mandithi..."

Nguwe mntase. Not those invisible voices. Unamandla. Own amandla owaphiweyo because aDivine. As impossible as it is to believe, UNAMANDLA okuyenza intando kaThixo without being guided by anything other than yona iQamata ubuqu.

Uthe omnye umfana "if we debated the possibility of ukuba fake kwayo leForce called Jesus in 1995 besingazomanyelwa, but today, siyavakala. Maybe in 2040 we'll discuss not placing as much emphasis on isinyanya as we currently do."

It all boils down to the fact that sooooonke sizawhamba the exact same path as spirits - humans - then spirits again. Same path ehanjwe ngowayephila 2000 years ago, nobhalayo today, nozawshumayela tomorrow, novele ethongweni esithi nxiba a certain animal fur or a certain set of colourful beads. We all are gods because we're all children of God.

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