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yoon-topias · 5 months ago

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Yoontopia | Chapter 4 {Tunnel of Secrets}

⟡ Warnings: Strong language, depression, mental health issues, references to self harm, references to violence, references to sexual assault, manic episodes, smoking, risky behavior, jealousy, smut.

⟡ 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

⟡ Best friend's older brother x OC

⟡ Summary: When a normal aquarium trip becomes telling the deepest of secrets in a kids tunnel, in each other's arms.

⟡ 5.3k words

Yoongi Pov:

Walking into the aquarium I think maybe now is the time to ask her when and how. I want to make sure she is in a better place now. She has her pinky wrapped around mine, looking down at them connected, her little pinky wrapping around mine for dear life. She is guiding me where she wants to go. This has always been for her. Everything I do is for her, Going up the stairs making our way to the viewing area for the penguins. As soon as she sees them she lights up "Look! Yoon the babies hatched!" There is a momma and dad with their little baby along with multiple others.

Maybe one day I'll be like that, but you need someone in your life to want that with you. Also for me someone willing to accept me and all that I come with. She lets go of me and runs up to the glass, her nose is touching it so she can get as close to them as possible. I come behind her and give her a hug. She doesn't tell me to move. It's nice to be close to her like this again, leaning down to her ear and whispering "Hey wanna go in the tunnel?"

She turns around in my arms and looks at me "You me in the kids tunnel?"

Humming in response her eyes dance with a thousand sparkles and nods her head. "It's been so long let's go!" She goes to the end of the glass lined wall and there is the entrance on the ground to go to the tunnel where you can pop your head up and look into the exhibit. She bends down in her boots, suit she does not look like she should be crawling on the ground let alone me also, but fuck it. I'm gonna cherish this moment with her living freely. She starts to crawl through, bend down and get in behind her. As I do she is already halfway to the peep hole to look up. I move my eyes to look at the side of the wall as I make way behind her to be respectful. It isn't mine to look at. Okay, okay I may peak sometimes.

The tunnel is lit with purple and blue lights. It is very calming, and reminds me of our starlight. No starlight, Yoongi. When she gets to the part to look up she sits down and her head is poking up through the top, but not fully waiting on me to sit with her. She is glowing the way the lights cascade on her face makes it feel like home, it's reminding me too much of my utopia when I see her in it. It all feels like a trance looking at her with the little smile she has on, reminds me of the little girl running through here too short to look in the peep hole and I had to sit down and lift her up to see.

"Yoon come here" motioning with her hand, I sit down next to her. “Oh you don't need help looking anymore I see how it is.”

She laughs “I haven’t needed help for years thank you.”

The face she has on speaks so many words she is happy this is so different then that shy girl looking at herself in the mirror earlier. "I'm here, now how about you go up and take a look at em." She nods her head and smiles, getting on her knees she pokes her head up and I hear a small "woah" come her. I can't help but smile as this woman I have watched grow up. The shy not confident girl who always needed my sister to be the other half that kept her going to be that half of her that she wasn't and now she doesn't have her. Maybe I can be that for her. I hear her talking and it takes me out of my thoughts "Yoon you gotta see them."

"Okay, okay but you gotta get out so I can" she sits back down and I poke my head up. It's cute how close they are in the pocket of their parents keeping them safe from the unknown. It's fuzzy and small. "It's adorable, Vi." taking my head out, she is sitting there with her knees to her chest and in the corner of the tunnel "Hey Yoon, can we stay here for a little bit?"

Sitting down next to her in the very back of the tunnel, Luckily it's a slow day and little to no kids are here. "Of course we can do anything you want." Looking at her under the lights, her wide eyes are pleading with me like she wants to tell me something. "Hey, Vi wanna tell me something?" She nods her head, but moves it to rest on my shoulder.

"You may want a fix for this one" she sighs and reaches into her pocket and grabs out a lollipop, passes it in my direction. I take the lollipop if she is tellin' me I'm gonna need it, I'm gonna need it no doubt. As it hits my tongue the sweet bursts in my mouth shutting my eyes for a second taking in the sweetness in all of its glory. I go to my utopia for a second, unlock the door and step in. She's there waiting for me with a stupid fuzzy blanket and a smile. Like a ‘welcome home.’ Been gone too long that's for sure.

Sweet. Sweet. Pineapple.

Her sweet voice brings me out of my solace in my mind, I need to lock the door. No chain it up forever but I can't stop. Everyone needs something right? Mine just so happen to be my utopia that she has invaded.

"C-can I hold your hand?" the smallest of voices I have ever heard from her.

"Oh yeah? You wanna hold my hand, You admit it? Of course VI it's always empty for you." taking her hand in my hand pulling it to my side. We're both sitting here with our knees up to our chests, her head is on my shoulder, her outer arm pulled to my side. Our hands connected, not just pinkies.

"I'm gonna tell you, but pinky promises you won't get mad, hate, or look at me differently."

I'll always promise her anything she needs even if it burns me from within. Thank god I took my meds is all I can think. I take a bite of the lollipop, chewing on it, relishing the taste.

Unclasping our hands, it suddenly feels cold without her, Putting the lollipop stick next to me on the floor. Closing my fingers besides my pinky I'm ready to kiss the fire and never look back. She takes a deep breath and clasps her pinky around mine, Slowly moving her face to kiss her thumb. "Then same for me, Vi" as she kisses her thumb. Once she does her seal I move forward pressing a kiss on mine.

"Pinky" "Swear"

Touching our thumbs together and looking each other in our eyes searching for answers on both sides. Her lips are part and she is looking at me like I have answers she needs. Those same eyes I have seen a thousand times since we were young. "Would you like me to tell you something first, would that make you feel better?" She grabs my hand, nods her head and lays it back down on my shoulder. I don't think I could have told her everything I'm going to if I was looking at her eyes. I’m a coward I know.

Here goes nothing. I'm going to tell her my deepest inner battles I fight, that she didn't know about. Taking another deep breath, my free hand I'm doing a coping technique touching my thumb to all my other fingers slowly to ground myself.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

"Violet, I'm gonna tell you something that only Ma, Pop, Hans, and my roommate knows." She is listening intently and nodding her head on my shoulder.

"From the time I was young I was a difficult kid you know that. My moods change rapidly, high energy, unstable concentration, and irritability. Well once I hit fourteen that's when the hallucinations started, I tried to end it for the first time. You remember that camp they told you I went to that Summer?"

She hums in response, squeezing my hand as in reassurance. I take another deep breath.

"Well then I was admitted and diagnosed with bipolar type one, little did I know I was in and out of manic episodes my entire childhood and when the hallucinations starts it got too much, Vi I wanted it all to stop. Yeah I have loving family, friends, and you but to me it wasn't worth living through those. I felt foreign in my own body, with that I started to get help I refused at first and which is why I admitted on and off. I bet you can think of all the times I was gone. That's where I was."

She squeezes my hand and it feels clammy. I tense up and shut my eyes. Yes, ground yourself Yoongi, that's what you need. Breathe.

In and out.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Opening my eyes. I'm with Violet and I'm safe with her, nothing is going to get me. Only I can.

"I know you're probably mad at me for never telling you, but I'm doing my best. I didn't wanna tell you where you already had so much going on, Vi. I know it doesn't make any excuses. I have been stable for a while now. You can probably guess that, because when was the last time I went away for a while? Mhmm? About three years ago. I need consistency and Jin my roommate does that everyday at our apartment, honestly couldn't make it without him. He even stopped me mid-attempt three years ago."

Hearing a little gasp she registered that it wasn't that long ago. "But don't worry I go to all my appointments, therapy weekly, and take all my meds. I'm on the right path Violet and you're the main reason I want to be strong enough for you. I have always liked you more than my friend Violet, more than just my sister's best friend. I know you fight your own demons so I hope you can accept mine"

I hear her take a deep breath, and she turns to me looking me in the eyes.. Hell no I couldn't have told her looking into those eyes, they are glossed over a tear threatening to fall and she blinks at me. She lets go of my hand, oh no did I go too far? Maybe I should have kept it in. She gets on her knees in front of me and taps on my knees, I crisscross them. She fucking climbs on top of me and sits in my lap. Nope we have never been this close but it's making me feel better. She wraps her arms around me, looking at my chest nodding my head knowing what she is hinting at. She lays her head on my chest. "I'm sorry, I know I'm heavy" I lightly hit her back "Stop that Violet." she lets out a sigh. She isn’t fighting back about it and it's nice to know she automatically knows my thoughts about it.

"I just want to tell you, I accept you and everything you come with Min Yoongi. I'm also sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me because of my own demons behind the scenes. I wish I could have been there for you, visit you, bring you snacks and a plushie to hold at night when you were away but there's nothing I can do about it now. Just know I'm here now and I will be. If you're ever struggling please tell me Yoon. Just please tell me."

"Hey" backing away a little so I'm looking at her eyes and she is tearing up, I can't handle it if I make her cry. "You were there more than you know Violet. You remember you would text?" she slowly nods her head to me in response.

"You know Hana would read those texts to me over the phone when she would call and check in. I remember this one time you got mad at me, because I wasn't answering about your trip to see Lewis and you sent a picture of you sticking your tongue out. Along with the photos you took that day. I had Hans tell me everything about the pictures in all detail down to your little rosy cheeks. You were consistent when I was in there without you knowing Violet. Also it was good to not be asked 'how is therapy' 'are you adjusting' 'how is the medication' it gave me a sense of normalcy"

"Wait so I was there even though I didn't know, Min Yoongi you let me be mad at you for two weeks! Two weeks! Because I thought you didn't wanna talk to me and you hated Lewis." she is crossing her arms and pouting now at me. This is what I miss. Fuck she is the one for me after telling her all that she is still herself.

Putting my hand over my chest and acting it up "Ahh I can't believe you would think I would hate Lewis he is my son after all." she squints her eyes at me and sticks her tongue out at me.

"Since when was he your son?"

"The moment I set my eyes on you, He was ours even if he wasn’t hatched yet. Also don't stick your tongue out at me or I'm gonna have to show why you shouldn't"

"Huh and why shouldn't I?"

"Vi, it isn't the time okay."

She understands what I mean by this, and just gives me a hug. I take a deep breath. I did it with the one person who I wanted to tell for so long and she accepted me. Hell even made me feel normal, not worried how I can be or what I can be like towards her. Even though I never have been with her, always distancing myself when I got bad, and had an episode.

"Can I tell you about what you saw Yoon?"

"Of course Vi, I'm here to listen always." I rub her back, she nuzzles into me to get comfortable to tell I guess she can't look at me either while we're both cowards hiding during our most vulnerable times together.

Violet Pov:

Here I go something I never thought I'd be telling him, rather anyone take it to my grave. I take a deep breath in and after what he just told me it's time to let him know everything that he didn't see for all these years. I didn't want him or Hana to worry about me. They were my escape from this life and I couldn't do it without them. So I just wanted to keep those parts of me separate for as long as I could, yes they know my story but they didn't know what was always happening in the moment.

"You still pinky promise Yoon?"

"Of course I'll always keep a pinky promise, it's the most important promise Vi."

I scoot on him a little more, thinking I weigh a ton. I'm probably squishing him, but at this moment I feel like I can let the boundaries slip just a little bit. Let my mind rest for a second. He has his arms around me and his cheek pressed against my head.

"I don't want you to be mad at me that I didn't tell you or Hana okay?" He hums in response and gives me a squeeze like an "okay" when we're riding. Taking one more deep breath preparing myself to tell him everything, at least we're in my safe place but I think it's turning into more because of him.

"You know how after dad was sentenced the town excluded us and wrote us off like we died with him when he went in. We both were fighting a battle on the inside and outside. So that's when we moved out of the city and you too always found a way to come see me and you even picked up in the mornings to ride the bus with me so I could go to the same school as you both. I can't believe you did it. You must have woken up so early everyday for me."

He gives me a squeeze and I feel a kiss on my head. "And I'll do it all over again Violet." This is a lot for me. He knows some of this already. I need to give all details without holes, but everything in me is telling me to run, he’ll react just like how any other person would. It takes me back to how everyone looked at mom and I after the fact. I Even changed my last name so I didn't get looked down upon in court because of my father's case.

"Once we were out of the town, yes I saw you and Hanna everyday but what you both didn't didn't see was mom struggling to keep a job because she kept being harassed that she still loved my dad because no one believes he was framed for the crime. Mom and I relationship distanced as she filled all her time with trying to find an out for him, trying to find stable jobs she turned to using any man who would fulfill the need she wanted whether it be money or filling the void. So when I would get home you both never came in. I wouldn't let you all make my excuses because there was always a different guy."

"Violet, tell me right now no one ever touched you." he demands, his voice harsh. I know it's because he is protective.

I don't say anything and continue with what I was telling him.

"So that caused me to-"

"Violet rose." he pulls away from me and is looking into my eyes. "Tell me." I nod my head and give him the answer he is looking for.

"Who the hell are they? Tell me right now. I'm gonna kill those bastards."

"No use Yoon, it's too late and no idea where they are, hell they probably didn't even use their real name. They could be dead for all we know a lot of them are drug addicts."

"Why? Why didn't you tell us?"

"Well you know they always told me they were working on the stuff for dad so I didn't wanna stop any progress, but they weren't helping I was just naive.”

"You weren't naive. You were a child for fucks sake. "

"It is what it is. I have accepted it, Yoon. So with that all happening when I wasn't in class with Hana the other kids would bully me and call me names fat, ugly, murders daughter, devil's spawn, and many others but I didn't tell you because you both didn't need more trouble from me. I fell into a hole of feeling worthless and it was spiraling. To feel anything I hurt myself anyway I could hide it because the only other time I felt was when I was with you or Hanna. So when I was home it was a cycle come home see who was there that day and hope I was lucky, if I wasn't lucky afterwards I was make sure I felt something to know I was still alive and not in a time loop that it felt like."

A tear drops from my eye and it rolls down my cheek, he catches it with his thumb. Wait I was looking at him the entire telling him and I didn't even notice fuck. I'm doing it again when I black out thinking about it. "Violet. Baby, why did you let yourself go through this alone. I would have been the first person to step in."

"You both were my escape and I didn't wanna bring you down with me into this hole because that hole was never ending."

He pulls me in and hugs me so tight that I feel the air being sucked from within me. It feels like forever since I've hugged this tight. When was the last time I had one this tight? When I got the last hug from dad. And he told me. "Run whatever you do whenever there is something after you, you run Violet don't wait for it to catch up to you" and that's what I have always done.

"Well I'm never going anywhere you got that? I'm here for you and I wish I could have been there for you and even if I was dealing with my own stuff I would have been there in any form I could have been. I know Ma, Pop, and Hans would have also been there you know they see as their own" nodding my head yeah they have always been there for me but also they don't need another problem to deal with now that i know the behind the scenes stuff they were dealing with Yoongi.

"After that point it was a repeating cycle and when I was in high school and you were no longer there, hell in college you even came and took me by bus to school told Hanna to get more sleep, you were the only consistent thing I had so why would I bring that into my hole and just get wrapped up in the loop I thought. When I moved out with Hana in senior year and we both got jobs and we finally got the okay to move out I didn't get to option honestly a month prior I was told I needed to be out so I had to get a grounding on my life and the loop I was in."

"Wait you didn't move out because you and Hana both wanted out" shaking my head and giving him the answer.

"I figured out I wanted to help people like dad, found the path I needed to take to get there even though I know I won't ever get him out. We have done too many trials and appeals. He doesn't want to try and gave up hope, you know that. So I got out of the loop with mom which was a start but then it spiraled to when I was alone the things they said during, ya know..would eat me alive and I needed to feel alive to make sure I was living."

"Violet, look me in the eyes when was the last time." He places his hand on my cheek and looks at me with the softest eyes searching for answers.

"The case that reminded me of dad." that wasn't long ago I just closed the case and won. It felt euphoric to win and prove his innocence. He got to hug his son not in shackles like I wished mine would have ended that way. I’ll live through that little boy. That night I went home and needed to remind myself I was alive in the real world.

"That was but only a few days ago, that's why they felt rough and bumpy, they are healing." he places his hand on my thigh and rubs it lightly over my pants.

Giving him a nod and he looks at me like I’m as light as a feather about to fly away in the wind. "But it's okay before that it was months actually, being with you makes me feel alive Yoongi. I haven't needed to because anytime I would, you would be at my door, texting, or even taking me out. You saved me from myself without knowing, making me feel euphoria, grounding me to this earth."

He grabs my hand and pulls it up and places a kiss on it and looks up at me "I'll always be here Violet, but promises me no more you'll call me. Text me. Hell wake me up and you know how much I like my sleep."

Lifting up my pinky to show him I'll do it. He looks at me and I see they are teary, raising his pinky and clasping it with mine.

"Pinky" "Swear"

Sealing it with a kiss and pressing them together it's the closest I'll ever get to kissing him. He needs someone strong, someone to bring out the best in him all the time. I'm not that for him I can't be when I'm fighting my own battles. I need to be better before I can be that for him. You can only be that for someone when you're at your best.

"I have one more thing to tell you."

"What is it, Vi?"

"So the company party is uh don't get mad at me.. um a goodbye for now party, because six months ago I was at all low and I felt like I needed to run away. I didn't know any of this would happen between us but I'm moving to another branch that's seven hours away and also got in touch with a counselor there to help me. I plan to come back in a year or so. I just wanted to get my footing and try to gain some control before it took over. You honestly have been saving me while waiting for the move"

He is looking at me with no emotion. It looks like he shut them off, his eyes are black and his grip tightens on my thigh. I see the tears wanting to start but he's holding them in. I know I did something hard for the both of us but I ran the only thing I have ever known. "You mean you- You're gonna be gone for a year after all this? Violet I don't wanna grow apart, I wanna grow with you."

"Just think of it as my own summer camp" placing my hands on his cheeks and giving me a small smile.

"Yeah your own summer camp, but this time I better get replies since I know you can answer me."

Leaning in and wrapping my arms around him and giving his a tight squeeze "You better give me Lewis updates mister pineapple, I'll be waiting."

He laughs a little bit and gives me a tighter squeeze. "How could I forget my son I gotta get him his lettuce if his momma isn't gonna be here."

I pull away and wipe my own tears. I know I'm about to wanna run from what I'm gonna say but if now isn't the time then when is it? "Min Yoongi, you are my universe so please just wait a little bit while I'm working on myself. You know how fish migrate to high levels of water when theirs is too low. Just think when I no longer have any more water left in me I'll migrate back to you Yoon. After all, we're fish in another universe. I love you."

He gives me a smile and pulls me in and places a kiss on my forehead "Yeah we're fish Vi. I love you more than life itself. Fuck it feels nice to say it finally." he sighs, places his forehead against mine and takes a deep breath. "Looks like I'm gonna have to make the second prom the best one yet huh? If my little fish is gonna be gone for a little bit."

Humming in response this one time I'm gonna let myself enjoy it and be free no longer hiding and running. This time I'm gonna run into it at full force for the man in front of me. If he can make himself better than I can, it only took me years to get there.

"And my big fish is gonna be okay? Right."

"As long as I get my updates and how you're doing, I'll make it Vi. If it means some time away to know you're doing better, getting to a better place. I'll be here always waiting. I'll be here waiting to give you the water you need. Now let's go tell Lewis momma finally accepted dad." Yoongi places his finger on his lips and makes a shhh sound "He's been waiting for years for momma to finally accept it."

Hitting his chest and laughing with him "Min Yoongi have you and my son been plotting against me?" he gives me a shrug, his right side of his lip moves up smirking, rolling his eyes to look in another direction other than me. I grab his face in my hands and look at him "Violet, I don't know how much longer I can hold back, don't hold my face like that."

"Then don't hold back Yoongi"

Yoongi is fighting an inner battle with himself after she says it and thinks fuck it. I have waited this long. It's time I finally do it in the real world, not his utopia.

I hear him mumble "fuck it" and he pulls my hands down to my sides and his left hand grabs my cheek, his right grabbing my neck and he locks our lips. We both lose ourselves in the kiss. He pulls me closer to him and I feel like I'm in another universe. Yeah I'm in a different universe that has to be it and I pinch my thigh, nope we're here right now and I'm kissing my childhood crush. His teeth swipe over my bottom lip as he pulls away we're both breathing heavy, eyes locked on each other. He is the first one to say something. "Fuck you don't know how long I have waited for this. Violet, you're the one I have always wanted."

"You could have had me, but I don't know if I'm the one for you."

"Don't you dare fucking say that, you're the one who gets me up in the morning, take my meds, go to therapy, and eat. God violet! You don't see it but everything I have done has been for you. I love you okay?! So just let me love you and accept it!"

My lips part and I'm looking at him. I don't know what to think, like someone actually wants me? I give him a small nod. I have no words, no one has ever truly wanted me for me so right now I don't know how to react. He notices this and pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. "I'm sorry I raised my voice I- I didn't mean to. I just can't stand you not accepting something so good for the both of us. Clearly we both have been running from it so this time let's not run from it until you leave."

"Okay, this once I won't run but in the end if I run it's my instinct."

"You can run all you want after the party. I'll forever be chasing after you." He kisses my head and lingers there for a minute before I feel his lips move on my forehead. "Now let's go, Vi it's almost closing time and we have to stop by Lewis again and bubbles"

“Mhmm we can’t forget to say bye.” getting off him, turning to crawl out of the tunnel and as I stand up I see him coming out looking the other direction to not be looking at my ass he really is the right one for me huh? Min Yoongi, my best friend's brother.

He smiles as he stands up holding out my hand to wrap around his pointer finger and look up at him "let's go my big fish."

They say only a broken heart can understand a broken heart so maybe he is my other broken heart.

Thank you for reading. ₊˚⊹♡

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