look what finally remembered it has a tumblr account 💀 hi everybody
I drew a couple premades with colors based on albums that remind me of them, thought y'all would enjoy
nervous - who really cares (tv girl)
ripp - sports (modern baseball)
I ramble about them under here
janus shut up about tv girl challenge 💀 this isn't even really my favorite band lmfao I just feel like it suits nervous and pascal so well. there's this overwhelming vibe of longing in that whole album, like you had something wonderful and now it's gone and you're scared that that was the peak of your life, and it's all downhill from here. now it's just the memories and the bitterness and the things you left in each other's apartments. OUUGGH IM RGRGH AUGH
drawing-wise I like how nervous's drawing turned out. I have a tendency to absolutely destroy my colors and make them all muddy and blended so being limited to like five colors total and having to use the screen tones and dithering effects and stuff made it feel really... sharp, I guess? I don't like how it interfered with some of the details (like the face) but it was definitely a good way to tie everything together. main gripes with this one are the bandage on his leg (I know the blue is like symbolic or something but why is it so much darker than his skin it looks stupid) and the brick in the background because WHAT HAPPENED 😭 I finished this drawing at like 3am and I really thought I knocked it out of the park with that
ripp's is definitely worse though. the cover for who really cares is incredibly simple, but the one for sports is a whole picture, and I feel like I didn't lean hard enough into the yellows that dominate most of it. the piece looks nice, don't get me wrong; the colors are way richer than I usually would've chosen and it looks awesome, but... it doesn't look anything like the reference. which was kind of the idea. with nervous's, even though it's not incredibly similar to the album cover, you can see where I'm going with it. I don't think anyone would know that ripp's was based on the album cover unless you told them. I set myself up for failure the second I used more red/orange tones than the yellows and creams. whoopsie daisy I guess
I can't really pick out a single song that reminds me of ripp from this album, but I feel like the whole thing gives off "I need to get out of my hometown asap" vibes, as well as the weird awkwardness that comes with figuring out what to do next, which I feel absolutely screams ripp. go struggling small town boy! struggle to navigate early adulthood!
anyway idk I kinda hate both of them just because I've been staring at them for probably six hours combined and I'm about to explode
I might do more of these with other characters but there's not a lot of other premades that I associate with entire albums rather than random songs so idk we'll see
as a parting gift here's a shitty doodles of pascal and nervous as the dogs from twin fantasy by car seat headrest
(the words in the background are random lyrics from the album)
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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.
one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.
i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.
the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.
my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.
i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.
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the reason why transfem elias is my favourite theory for gwendolyn is because think about the implications.
so let’s say this alternate universe reveals that elias is actually transgender, and would present/identify as female if they had the opportunity to figure themself out and transition (elias was reportedly very young when jonah possessed them)
then the idea that in the tma universe they not only didn’t live long enough to do that, but THEIR BODY WAS TAKEN OVER BY SOMEONE ELSE WHO THEN PRESENTED IN A MASCULINE WAY AND LIVED AS A MAN USING THEIR FACE AND BODY FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS?!? FUCKING TERRIFYING
as a trans person myself, even though the real elias was dead the dysphoria that idea gives me is absolutely unreal, and really creeps into serious body/existential horror territory which i think would be really interesting and very in-character for a writer like jonny to explore.
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After, after, they gave his name to a carrier. The Navy never received so many votes for a single name, but she is brand new, shiny, and bigger than the other carrier. They say it is a she, but they call it USS Thomas J. Kazansky because no other name would fit.
Slider serves on in it the his last few years before retirement, Bradley is there more than he's not and Mav doesn't want to hear that name, see it or even imagine what it looks like. Sarah goes to the launch, and Mav spends the night hugging Tom's pillow and desperately trying to remember the feeling of his husband's arms around him.
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The Point of no Return
Because I will never shut up about the Hardeen arc- I really need to emphasize the importance of this moment right here. When we think of the Hardeen arc, we only ever think about the aftermath, after the lie and after the pain. But I have never thought about the before. The moments right before.
Obi-Wan takes a deep breath, he brings his lightsaber to his chest and he gathers himself. He has to take a moment to think about what he's about to do.
This is a complete turn of feelings from when we see him wittingly ask how his funeral was, it's that simple and easy commentary that makes them all think this was easy for him to do. He shoves down what he's feeling right here and instead he jokes and laughs. He's fun and easy, he's funny, he's great, but he's not, he's not, he's in a lot of pain and he hurt everyone close to him in the worst way. Obi-Wan would never hurt them, but he has, and he'll never be forgiven.
He made this choice for the greater good, but the greater good is seldom so. It's in this moment we understand his full awareness of the deception he is about to undergo, how there is no forgiveness for the action he is about to commit, how after all this is over, Obi-Wan cannot expect forgiveness and understanding because this is for the greater good, this is for the Jedi and all they protect.
This isn't a choice for Obi-Wan. It is an assignment to a Jedi Master. Attachment is forbidden, become a part of the cosmic force, and the galaxy will benefit from your sacrifice. But the undercurrent of remorse is there, and all the people he left behind will never forgive Obi-Wan for dying.
So, Obi-Wan holds his lightsaber to his chest because it is his life, it's a silent goodbye to who he is because of what he is. He chooses the Jedi and that choice kills him. It's in that moment that he says goodbye to Anakin and Ahsoka, to Cody and himself. His identity, his lightsaber, are about to no longer exist. Obi-Wan would willingly sacrifice who he is for the sake of the Jedi but that doesn't mean it is easy for him to do. So he holds his lightsaber close because he's not becoming a part of the cosmic force, he's becoming something much worse.
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STORYTIME TO UNBURDEN MY DEMONS. I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THIS SO IT'S TIME FOR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ONLINE TO HEAR IT:
when i was 14 years old and in eighth grade, i got cast in the importance of being earnest as cecily, a main character who is 18. this was a mainstage show, so the rest of the cast were adults. it was an insanely huge honor and i was extremely proud of making the cut!! there was just one problem-
cecily shares a single very boring kiss with her love interest.
and my scene partner was 24.
PREEMPTIVELY, i Promise this is not going anywhere horrifying. my mom supervised all of the rehearsals and i was honestly excited to kiss an older man because i have problems. my scene partner had excellent boundaries and was very respectful. none of this was traumatic; if the environment had been toxic, i would've dropped out.
HOWEVER. my scene partner was VISCERALLY uncomfortable with kissing a 14-year-old. as pretty much any chill 24-year-old man would be.
so. i got it into my head that he'd be less uncomfortable if he was kissing a high schooler than a middle schooler. (this distinction seems very prominent when you're in eighth grade and much less prominent when you are 24.)
so when the other cast members asked me what grade i was in. i told them i was a freshman in high school.
.....and one of the other cast had worked at my district's high school before.
so i had to, um. continually make up information about my classes and classmates and teachers.
for months.
.......and i got away with it.
...............until.
the cast party.
at which point my mom casually mentioned that i'd been cast as a lead in my middle school's show for that year.
and so the former teacher was like, "oh, you're dropping down from high school to do it??"
and my mom, so blankly, unaware that she was about to Ruin My Entire Shit Forever, was like, ".....no??? kitkat's in middle school??"
and he went, ".......oh!"
DEAD FUCKING SILENCE.
FROM EVERYONE.
DEAD SILENCE REIGNED.
NO ONE SAID A WORD.
IF ANY OF YOU THINK YOU'VE EVER BEEN EMBARRASSED-
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