#I cannot have a normal dream
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Just woke up from a nightmare after shortly falling asleep where old man mcgucket was nicknamed sleepy joe by the whole town and Stanford went and SHOT HIM ššš
#my mind is an enigma#nightmares#gun warning idk???#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#doomed yaoi š#stanford pines#fiddauthor#I cannot have a normal dream
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There are so so so many ways to experience the gods.
There is no right or wrong way. There is no blunt way. Its all feeling and ephemeral.
If you've felt warmth, if you've had a dream, if you've seen a crow that stares at you for too long, if something inexplicable happens and you're lucky suddenly, if you've caught eyes with a stranger and felt like you knew each other, if the candle flickers a certain way, if one time when you're singing your voice sounds gorgeous in a way you weren't expecting, these are all the presence of a god.
God phoning is popular on witchtok but half the time what they're saying is bullshit. I've very very rarely heard a voice and every single time it was my own voice, just suffused with something, saying something I normally wouldnāt say. Or maybe I would. I've never heard a clear, distinct, audible voice. Its an invisible world we're connecting with, its a different plane. We cannot experience it the same way we experience every day life.
We'll never sit down at a coffee table across from the physical manifestation of our god, and know that its them, not until after. And even then we can never be sure. Thatās the nature of it. There are no absolutes, there cannot be. Thatās what makes it beautiful. Thatās where belief comes in. It isn't about being good enough or worthy enough or devout enough, that doesn't exist. That isnāt what its about at all. You are worthy even if the divine doesnāt manifest in a way we've been told is the only real way, and you are connecting even if you cant see it now. My most intense spiritual experiences are never something I realize are happening in the moment, its always only after that I can see it clearly.
The gods are all around us.
#Hellenism#Paganism#deity communication#my posts#I will never forgive witchtok for making an entire generation of pagans feel inadequate#You are good enough your practice is enough your experiences with the gods are good and normal#You don't have to have a godphone or intense dreams or whatever the hell they're claiming they're doing for clout#Even if what they're saying is true one of the Delphic Maxims is literally 'Do not boast about power'#Don't tear yourself to shreds#we all want to feel like this is real#to KNOW that this is real#but there is no way of knowing and having proof isnt the point#it isn't#it's about you and your soul and your spiritual journey and connecting with the magic in you#repeat after me#you are good enough.#the gods are with you in ways you cannot see#in ways you aren't meant to see#live your life#keep going keep building something in yourself take CARE of yourself#thats them guiding you too#ok to reblog
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I did some twists and turns to the Dreamtale I included in the server me an my friends rp in, and Iāve been kinda hyper fixated so I did a little thing
I donāt like perspective but im going to have to eventually learn, soul shattering I will never be the same once i dominate it
Yea the fucking tree told him to shoot night because everyone is so mean to him so I just yknow she might as well also be mean to a fucking seven year old who knew no better ļæ¼
Dreamtale (Dream and Nightmare) Belong to Jokublog
#undertale au#utmv#dream sans#nightmare sans#dreamtale#wow jaja im actually normal for once?? I donāt have anything to bark at but WROFO WROOF AUUUUUUUU howling in pain for them they are devasta#I love them sosososo much I have been putting Dreamtale animations on loop and songs that remind me of them I love them I want to hold them#and give them hugs and tea and give their little heads little kisses and and show them that they both deserve to be loved#I want to show Dream how to read and write and I want to comfort nightmare i want to tell him that heās capable of being loved too and he#deserves the world#I cried I cry I always cry when I think of them I will always cry for them I will always mourn for them they have my entire being and soul#would kill for them please be nice to them they have done nothing but suffer and cry and be angry I need them to be happy please let them b#happy please I cannot explain how much I want to scream and bang my head on a wall when I think of them and their relationship I break and#cry urgrurghr why why why why why I have such a brain rot I just want to see them hangout and smile and call each other brothers and call#each other family I need them to gossip and pinky promise and cook together I need nightmare to teach dream to read and write and dream to#teach nightmare how to have fun and heal their inner child I need them to do brotherly things and cause destruction together
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So, uh...
Mine lived(?)
How Are We Doing.
#yakuza#like a dragon#yakuza 3#yoshitaka mine#mine yoshitaka#masayoshi yokoyama#kson#I THINK THE STAFF MEMBER IS SANTO. LIKE 90% SURE IT'S SANTO but i don't have the video clip and cannot identify him im so sorry#i included the āpreambleā to make it clear he was talking about mine and why but i'm just obsessed with the whole conversation honestly#kson having the opportunity to go up to yokoyama and say ādo you think mine is out there somewhere.ā living the dream#yokoyama's character arc not particularly liking mine back in the day and falling for him later on like me too bro#also he literally does just straight up say mine is alive. with zero ambiguity and even with an explanatory tone.#i ADDED what ambiguity there is because i don't want anyone to--as the tweet says--expect too much#anyway that's the end of the normal tags the rest of this is just going to be overwrought melodramatics#i hate the entire ending portion the transition and effects are godawful#not what my vision was at all#this is my first time actually editing and it shows. but it'll have to do.#i'm also nothing short of embarrassed of the timing and the missing words#but i really did do my best. i really did pay to have it professionally transcribed.#and part of me certainly wonders if this is all a mistake and irresponsible to put out there. if i'm giving people false hope.#if the extent of my understanding just isn't good enough to know better#yet if there IS something there... then what good will it have done to keep it to myself#original#my clips#my translations
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i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst
#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back#but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my#normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all#tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK#and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never#had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do#nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses#some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad#i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out#and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels#i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that#w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry#i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's#dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes#and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts#anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain#chemistry is off#k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going#to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji
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OH MAN-
I havenāt drawn in my sketchbook in A WHILE-
(Not even in a while- LIKE IN FOREVER-)
So I did some tiny sketches finally- BEHOLD š„š„
I actually cannot tell you the context for this Iām so sorry I am the way that I am- š„²š
#Pizza Tower#FINALLY BACK EITH THE SKETCHBOOK#MY PRECIOUS I HAVENāT SEEN YOU IN FOREVER *Smooches notebook*#Seriously missed it. Kinda-#The only thing Inhave with it is that I can move a perfectly drawn limb down just a bit and I actually have to erase all of it to make#it look normal-#Will not tell you the context for the last one btw thatās not family friendly here-#Trust me you donāt wanna know šš§š§#Peppino is scared shitless and Gerome is just listening (he doesnāt know what to say and feels a bit awkward-)#THE PEPPER BOY DREAMING ABOUT VIG HE CANNOT CONTAIN HIMSELF-#Pizza Head#Peppino#Gerome#Toppinā (Mushroom)#The Noise#Vigilante#Pepperman#Pepperman x Vigilante#Pepperjack#š„š„š„š„
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i constantly have a stress dream where i go to a public restroom & they only have freestanding toilets like no stalls & iām like i donāt want to pee in the open š and itās a whole thing & today i went to pee while on campus and when i walked into the bathroom my first immediate thought was oh good thereās stalls as if that is a real life issue i might have š the stress dreams r invading my lifeā¦ā¦..
#michelle speaks#lexapro dreams will change u forever unironically.#sometimes i am like i wonder what it would be like to have normal dreams againā¦..but itās ok at least i am slightly#less suicidal š no but frrrrrr u cannot imagine what the lexapro dreams r likeā¦ā¦ā¦#i donāt mean this content wise i mean it in that my dreams r extremely vivid as if they r memories#which makes me sometimes confuse reality & dreams i have had leading to me going oh thank goodness#there r toilet stalls even tho i know there r my brain is just confused bc it was so vivid š
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From The Uncanny X-men #200
This godamn issue, I swear to god- !!
I'm crying my fucking heart out. This was just too good. It broke my heart
#are you afraid? and with good reason#charles i'm not worthy-- of your trust of this awesome responsibility#please do not ask for what i cannot give#DAMN THE DIALOG IN THIS IS JUST TOO GOOD#THIS IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE#it will be hard. consider the alternative. well? I shall try#suppose I fail and betray your dream--?! OUR dream blast you!#I gave you my word charles come what may I will be true to it#all of this is rotating inside my head#kinda healing my traumas with how bad dc handled ghostmaker's redemption also#<- just kidding i'm still pissed#anyway this is a banger#issue 199 was also amazing#i don't think i'll ever be normal about this scene between erik and charles#i mean liked what they did in the x-men show but god- !!!!! wish i could have seen this#drac panels#marvel comics#magneto#charles xavier#cherik#x-men#the uncanny x-men
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its night time and i cannot seem to sleep... lovely
#not to say i didnt sleep at all#i slept at like 11ish? woke up nearly 2 hrs latee cause i kept having dreams in korean <---- Probs from me watching kdramas#and woke up so perplexed cause i didnt understand anything#and now am so anxious for various reasons and cannot sleep#idk if its daylight savings effect or my anxiety probs both anxiety more tbh#normally i can sleep alright but tonight idkkk#and the worst part is today is monday and i have to work fuck#sigh#why couldnt i have had horrible sleep on the weekend when st least i can sleep in#probs will delete thiw later but o woll say#just writing this out to a void helps a little#luna.txt
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does anyone ever get a second of 'i'm going to pass out' before your body snaps back to normal or is that just me
#it keeps happening lately#i don't like it#it might be a me thing#one time when i was younger i 'passed out'#i completely disconnected from reality in the space of a second and thought i was having a dream where i was dancing#i came to on the floor#turns out i'd stumbled my way across the room completely unresponsive to anyone shouting at me#almost hit a table on my way down#i don't know if that's a normal passing out experience#but lately i've been feeling myself have a split second disconnect from reality and i feel my body slumping#but then it immediately stops#it's really weird#i really cannot stress how short these are#it's not even a full second#it's just enough for me to notice and go fuck i'm going to pass out#and then i don't
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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goofy silly lovedrunk bashir! and AWED STARRY EYED GARAK!
#dee s 9#this is why i LOOVE Cupid Computer... the look of a man for whom all his dreams had come true at once...#meanwhile julian blushing grinning hee hee wrowwww...#ooOWOOOOWWW my favorite dynamic#garak cannot believe he is allowed to be this lucky in this or any other lifetime. is it selfish to grab at this happiness?#meanwhile julian is just having the time of his life with his several-years crush. getting butterflies#good morning ...#especially good if theyve known each other for like years at this point. normal buddy dynamic. then UH OH SHIFTING INTO CRUSH ZONE!#used to be two bros chilling in tains gardening shed 0 feet apart cause theyre sharing a standard issue quick-deploy cot#and now its...... CHARGED
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Heās my little meow meow, my darling, my bbygirl (Patreon)
#Doodles#Commander Peepers#I'm soooooo normal about him you guys <3 So normal! <3 <3#*Looking back over the other Little Guys I've collected* Hmmmmmmm Evil Xisuma and Spamton and Sableye and Rick Diggins#I think there might be a theme here#Just casually making Venn Diagrams in my head - Evil X has the red/black - Spamton is trans - Sableye has Gremlin energy - Rick is too tired#And those are just the ones I can think of lol - if you look I did the same stretchy pose with EX when I was still drawing him lol#The Stretch Pose is how you can tell if I like a character lol - they stretchin'? I am infatuated <3#I mean I'm normal I'm totally normal lol#Also had to give him a bbygrl pose - I for the life of me cannot find it again but the reference is very strong in my mind's eye!#Not that I couldn't go for another one at some point lol āŖ#Ugh the middle one lol - so that Word of God I mentioned in passing about female Watchdogs#I read it in passing as just a basic research of ''Oh here's what The Original Creator has to say alright neat''#Except that it Immediately made me itchy and I was like ''What. What brain this is not that big of a deal what are you doing''#And I was like ''No I'm being silly about this - just because I don't agree doesn't mean it's a big deal lol''#Except then I had stress dreams and woke up Weird the next day and the last time that happened I left a fandom#And the time before that I wrote 4 consecutive pages of 20-something panels in like 18 hours of consciousness - I have normal reactions lol#But I opted instead to vent to smol about it and she agreed with me so basically I'm just saying I'm correct lol /s#Personally Peepers doesn't strike me as misogynistic - he's very much an Equal Opportunity villain in my eyes!#And yeah I considered a lot of different angles around it but like - based on the text of WOY I just don't buy it#If it's not in the show it doesn't count! For all we know there might not even be any female Watchdogs! Lol#Would also lead to the equally-to-Spamton interesting question of How Does Trans Work in that kind of situation#I've definitely not already put a lot of thought into it don't look at me lol#Don't ask me to write an essay about both of those things I'll do it and where will that leave us lol#ANYway lol āŖ He's still the absolute funnest to draw in distress and discomfort <3 And kneeling! He makes me want to practice :D#I always feel like I can try again and do better! >:3c
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Qinyaoš
they're everything to me, sorry I dont make the rules
(theyre also aesthetically pleasing but i forgor to cross it whoops)
#i love them so so much#the gc with my best friends gets at least one message a day from me going 'QINYAOOO' and i think that explains everything#i am so Not Normal about them i cannot#this is also genuinely my favourite A-Yao ship lmao#theyre perfect for each other!!! there's a reason they fought for the marriage and were couple number one#qinyao#i have had multiple dreams about this ship#half of them were me being JGY and mourning my dead wife but you get the point#put them in fluff put them in angst i'll take it all#i mean i think it's very obvious im a qs and jgy enthusiast character wise#but i start shaking trees irl if it's ship content#just#THEYRE EVERYTHING#when i die put them in my gravestone or something#actually no dont i dont want anyone having to explain them to my parentsš
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sorry for disappearing. I promised I wouldn't do that again but it's always the thing I fall back on in desperate times. idk how to stop doing that
I'm just so tired and in pain, I wanna lay down and cry and never get back up again
#wish i could cry. as it is the tears are pressing on my eyes but cannot come out. it hurts. i wish it wouldn't hurt#all i can do is sleep as much as i can whenever i can. no other way to escape it all#trying to plan my mental illness breakdown around my work hours so my coworkers don't have to worry#i actually like being at work and putting on a smile and acting bright and bubbly comes to me so easily#but i feel the tiredness creeping in. making work a bit more difficult and i don't like that#my brain is starting to merge dreams and reality in a way that hard to tell apart#it's also whispering evil things into my ear. like: you're not mentally ill there's no official diagnosis so better be sane and normal#or: you're making it all up. stop with that. just be normal. <- about literally every single thing#<- like me dealing with depression and anxiety and probably no small amount of trauma and gender dysphoria? NOT REAL according to my brain#which is. idk i KNOW i struggle with all of these things and there have been suspicion diagnoses#but no actual 100% confirmed diagnoses and that fact is fueling my brain in whispering these mean things to me#and i'm just so very very tired of it all... i don't want to fight anymore but i'm also too scared to take any kind of final action#sorry...#delete later
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It was so warm and tender that he thought he might have died.
It was a fleeting thought, bursting from his chest with the rustle of a small bird's wings as it left him only a heart beating fast and gentle, and a splendid unknown with curious eyes looking up as it laid beneath him.
Could he have described it? Oh, he didn't know; he wasn't enough of an artistic soul to do such a thing justice with his words. If he was forced to wrack his brain about it, he would have said it was incomplete: like a sketch left unfinished, the vague shape of an anatomical structure made of sand abandoned at the cruel mercy of the rising tide, some new flavor of sublime.
But he didn't want to think, and all he could describe it as was handsome.
He leaned down upon it, basking in the heat and light and barely completed physicality. His hand brushed the cheek, pressure causing its infinite pieces to crumble before they returned to their rightful place.
So handsome, he muttered as he settled between the ever shifting legs. So handsome.
The marvelous being looked at him with the gleaming eyes of a puzzled child beholding a strange rite for the first time.
"What is this?" it asked.
"Oh, we've got names for it," he replied: "Some crass or mean or downright silly."
He sunk into the body of multitudes like one sinks in a warm, dense liquid, with a pleasant mellow resistance enveloping him wholly; his gorgeous partner gasped without a mouth, and its arms melted briefly as it was taken by surprise. He kissed its forehead kindly, feeling its fluid chest lurch slowly forward for an overwhelmed second before deflating so sweetly.
"If you like it, we can call it making love," he said with a smile.
The body beneath him raised to surround him.
"I do," his wonderful lover replied breathlessly, wrapping him within itself slowly, limbs rising to consume him, swallow him, with such magnificent tenderness, and on its yet to be drawn face bloomed something akin to watercolor blush beneath its shining eyes: "I do like it - I do like it very much."
He moved forward, sliding without opposition deeper within the gentle mound covering him, embracing him slowly.
It felt sweet, and good, and just like he'd imagined it, or almost; the strange non-existence of the body he pierced at such a deliberate pace felt welcoming despite the peculiarity, the fleeting sensation as it barely clasped around him like a spectre's shadow upon a wall - but after all, he could not expect the taking of a formless minor god to feel too similar to that of a creature of flesh and blood.
A blissful sigh grazed his face through a cloud of mild golden embers.
"I like it so, my friend," the wondrous beast whispered, its voice propagating through him in long waves: "I do like it - I truly do like it so, my friend, truly, truly..."
He was slow, so slow, so gentle, as he kept going, going, going, sinking further and further down in that barely held together shape that kept enveloping him with relaxed coils as if trying to turn him into another part of itself - here he was, inching slowly along its stomach, digging in its faux entrails to fill it up completely, kind and warm and loving, moving into its chest where a quiet thrumming spasmed rhythmically through the sand-like form while it curled around him, covering every single inch of him, leaving a sensation so indescribably good across his skin.
He leaned down to kiss where its mouth should have been and felt a pair of lips kiss back.
"I love it - I love it, I do," it breathed through him, overwhelmed by something too delightful to explain: "I do, I do, I do."
In a moment, he was swallowed up completely.
The splendid creature exhaled through his lungs, long and quiet, as they both unwound.
"I do," they both repeated longingly, bodies and minds muddled together imperfectly like too much syrup in too little water, distinct but not for long: "I do. I do."
His hand reached out.
Something akin to another palm caught it.
He held onto his marvelous lover for a long while, feeling it pulse over him slowly.
"How wonderful," it sighed through him, smitten.
He laughed quietly, just as lovestruck.
"How wonderful indeed." he whispered through it.
The dream kept going - longer than it should have, really; the shapeless body enveloping him held him down, close to the unknowable core of the gorgeous chimera in his grasp, until their thoughts began clearing from the humid mist overtaking them again, until their forms began to divide enough to be pulled apart from each other again, until he could see those magnificent eyes clearly again (half-lid and heavy and gleaming with the soft sheen of velvet, taking all the time in the world to return from their bliss), until he could feel the hand gently resting on his nape as something outside himself again, until the invisible mouth that met him halfway to a kiss was one with his own in a manner different from the inexplicable unity that had bound them again.
He felt a quiet sigh curl upon his cheeks, just for a moment, warm and tired. Then his sublime partner closed its wonderful eyes, breathing deeply, fast asleep - and Ackar woke up still groggy, with his body half aching from moving in ways it hadn't enjoyed in a long while now, as Mata Nui slumbered deeper still in his own rest, exhausted from making love.
#bionicle#mata nui#ackar#random writing#suggestive#local man mistakes passionate night with his friend Yaldabaoth the Demiurge for sexy dream (in his defense he was literally dreaming)#literally. just Some Guy going down on a false god extremely tenderly and not realizing This Is Happening For Real#one day hell realize and go ohhh my god wait. he lives in dreams. oh my god. OH my GOD i didnt even fucking ask for his CONSENT#(slams head on wall) (passes out) (visits mata nui) IM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS *REAL* I THOUGHT I WAS JUST SLEEPING I SHOULD HAVE ASKED#mata nui forgives him bc tbf thats a pretty normal assumption for anyone whos not a minor god forcibly having 2 sleep within a mask to make#also welcome to yet another iteration of my fav trope for OG Form Mata Nui being a Vague Shape Possibly Made Of Light And/Or Sand#in this case coming to save me because i Cannot Write Sexy Details lest i Die Forever due to repulsion
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