#but no actual 100% confirmed diagnoses and that fact is fueling my brain in whispering these mean things to me
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sorry for disappearing. I promised I wouldn't do that again but it's always the thing I fall back on in desperate times. idk how to stop doing that
I'm just so tired and in pain, I wanna lay down and cry and never get back up again
#wish i could cry. as it is the tears are pressing on my eyes but cannot come out. it hurts. i wish it wouldn't hurt#all i can do is sleep as much as i can whenever i can. no other way to escape it all#trying to plan my mental illness breakdown around my work hours so my coworkers don't have to worry#i actually like being at work and putting on a smile and acting bright and bubbly comes to me so easily#but i feel the tiredness creeping in. making work a bit more difficult and i don't like that#my brain is starting to merge dreams and reality in a way that hard to tell apart#it's also whispering evil things into my ear. like: you're not mentally ill there's no official diagnosis so better be sane and normal#or: you're making it all up. stop with that. just be normal. <- about literally every single thing#<- like me dealing with depression and anxiety and probably no small amount of trauma and gender dysphoria? NOT REAL according to my brain#which is. idk i KNOW i struggle with all of these things and there have been suspicion diagnoses#but no actual 100% confirmed diagnoses and that fact is fueling my brain in whispering these mean things to me#and i'm just so very very tired of it all... i don't want to fight anymore but i'm also too scared to take any kind of final action#sorry...#delete later
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