#I can’t stop comparing myself
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babymorte · 2 months ago
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will i ever be content with myself again
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forthesummer · 2 years ago
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i wanna throw upppp like i hate looking at pretty girls and all of the little bit of self worth and esteem i have completely crumbles bro
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winnie-the-monster · 2 months ago
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Outlander quotes that feel so Elucien coded to me:
“I can bear pain, myself, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have.”
“Ye werena the first lass I kissed,” he said softly. “But I swear you’ll be the last.”
“I wanted ye from the first time I saw ye—but I loved ye when you wept in my arms and let me comfort you, that first time at Leoch.”
“I am your master…and you’re mine. Seems I canna possess your soul without losing my own.”
“It has always been forever, for me, Sassenach.”
“Do ye not understand?” he said, in near desperation. “I would lay the world at your feet, Claire—and I have nothing to give ye!”
“You are my courage, as I am your conscience,” he whispered. “You are my heart—and I your compassion. We are neither of us whole, alone. Do ye not know that, Sassenach?”
“Your face is my heart Sassenach, and the love of you is my soul.”
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floofanflurr · 2 months ago
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I adore him
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dots-in-my-head · 6 months ago
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alaskan-wallflower · 1 month ago
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sometimes i forget that people on here don’t know i’m visually impaired/legally blind, or that that’s even a thing with people with albinism (i’m actually like…blind. not in the “oh haha i’m like a bat, i can’t see the board!”, it’s the “i’m never going to be able to get a drivers license unless it’s extremely, extremely limited to daytime and two lane highways only, needs an iep, can’t read less than size 24 font without squinting, reads braille because my eyes get tired, can’t see snow/rainfall, can’t see 3d, can barely see my keyboard” kind of way) so when i try to make a blind joke it doesn’t hit as hard as it does if you know me irl. sigh.
#misc#maybe it’s my sign to stop making an ass out of myself#whatever i don’t believe in signs#i do know braille tho#like it’s not the quirky “lol so blind” thing#i genuinely cannot see#idk how to explain my vision either since i don’t have normal people vision#so it’s hard to compare to smth you’re not accustomed to#i dunno this is a ramble#ok the driving thing is complicated#technically…i can kinda sorta drive#if i wear my contracts AND glasses AND and extra set of glasses with a bionic in it#and i’d have to go through tests to see if even that works—and even then i have to go in front of a driving judge to see if they approve it#and if it got approved then i’d still have to go to “special” drivers ed#and at the end of all of that my license would be limited to daytime and no more than two lane highways#BUT i can’t even try that because if all went according to plan i’d lose my services and iep#so i’d have to wait til after college#which given all of that…it’s not worth it#sure i feel like an idiot riding the bus in my junior year and needing to be picked up from clubs (and i’ll feel worse my senior year)#but i guess its better than getting my services repealed#this turned into a rant#…oops#i’m really insecure abt not being able to drive mb lol#i mean get at least i’ll never have to be designated driver—and the school can’t take my nonexistent license for “low grades”#ignore the tags this is a ramble abt my personal insecurities-—i’ve never ranted abt the visual side effects of albinism 😭#alaska’s irl bullshit
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flygonscales · 5 months ago
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2 weeks at uni and I’ve already reached peak procrastination. I found masking tape and somehow decided that the best use of my time was to make a tiny Belphemon-sleep.
#I actually can’t wait till student finance have processed my dsa#maybe next year or something I should look for an adhd diagnosis? if I’m having this much trouble focussing and a cup of coffee doesn’t work#anymore as a way for me to focus maybe I should see if meds would help?#(when I got my autism diagnosis i was also told its possible that I have adhd. I’d privately suspected adhd before I considered autism)#like. some days I can focus. it feels like I’m balancing on a knife-edge and it’s very stressful#and I can’t do it on command or anything#but sure#seeing one piece of fanart with Boy from tts#and my whole day goes down the drain because I can’t drag myself away from the series#and listening to video game soundtrack helps but then if I do that too much I start feeling lonely but I can’t listen to a podcast because#then I focus on that above the work I’m meant ti be doing#and even then I might look up other stuff about the video game I’m listening to#and the worst times are when I become self aware and that really breaks my focus but I know I’ve got to keep going#and then at the end of the day I feel awful because I’ve done about 1-2 hours actual work in 6 hours#time I could have spend doing other work or#heaven forbid#enjoying myself#that was more of a rant than I expected#I’m doing ok I think#I hope#i know I’m not meant to compare myself with others#but I’ve done more work than my flatmates#and that at least makes me feel a little better#I’m going to get myself a coffee now#hopefully that’ll help me today#my goal is at least 200 words#then I can stop#actually autistic#autism#personal rant
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that-was-anticlimactic · 10 months ago
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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luffysprincess · 1 month ago
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I wish I was faster when it came to art
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strwberry-milk · 2 months ago
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.
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subarashiihibi · 9 months ago
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What I rly need to do is write up a thing abt this excerpt I read in one of the novels …. Ah it was so good I was filled with such emptiness and dread and suicidal ideation as soon as I read it … i have a final to take later (and get I am awake at nearly 4am) so after I get home from that maybe I will…
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just-absolutely-super · 2 years ago
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I know the best advice to get better at writing is to keep writing but like…how do you get over the feeling that you’ll never be good enough no matter how much you write?
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onlythebravest · 2 years ago
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me: I don’t have chronic pain
also me: *can’t remember what it’s like to live with a fully functioning pain-free shoulder*
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aly-s0ares · 13 days ago
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it’s really hard to have “it all” with people nowadays isn’t it?
#when i compare every time i felt the most confident about myself physically and mentally#i’ve always been around someone that made me laugh and genuinely made me feel wanted#nothing else matters besides our connection and how much we understood each other#and everytime i compare the couples i’ve always thought were cute and ‘’ideal’’ they did nothing but laugh and enjoy their time together no#matter what was going on around them#they were best friends and lovers#nobody understood each other quite like the other and without that#you have nothing at all#sure maybe the looks at first is what have drawn you in but it’s the connect that keeps them beautiful to you no matter what#to be seen is to be loved and to be truly touched#people wonder why relationships don’t lasts anymore but when you’ve grown up in a generation where how you look on social media or live in#an environment where loooks are everything it’s hard to value connection over that#but when you don’t value how someone makes you feel internally there’s nothing left#at the end of the day people never forget how you made them feel#and i miss feeling good by the people i have in my life#i feel like i haven’t laughed like i was understood in a long time#it’s my only goal when i connect with someone platonically or romanticly#i don’t want to feel drained or bored and i feel bored when i don’t feel safe and understood#it’s hard to have loyalty trust attraction and what looks ideal to the world without connection without understanding the person without#being understood yourself and it’s fucking scary but it’s so worth it to let that fear go and just let yourself love someone else who makes#you feel happy#and that’s what having ‘’it all’’ with someone else is#everything else materialisticly will come in time when you’ve stopped chasing shallow luxury over genuinely being happy#because you can’t have physical stability without emotional support from someone who genuinely just believes in you
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flowachild · 2 months ago
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ong nahhhh im crashing out lol
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macaron-vents · 2 months ago
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NOPE NO NUH UH IM NOT WATCHING THIS ONE BOYS. THIS ISNT FAIR ANYMORE. HE’S TOO POWERFUL BRO LET ME EXCAPE GENDER ENVY DYSPHORIA SOMEWHEREI really hope this is clickbait
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don’t make me hate you cause I aren’t you rin oenrose
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