#when i compare every time i felt the most confident about myself physically and mentally

[aly-s0ares]

it’s really hard to have “it all” with people nowadays isn’t it?

[scyfozoa]

kou and katusza's first encounter — extended ver. (from the into)

Despite what eyes see, Kou is never alone in combat. As he slices with his scythe at whatever dared to attack him, an invisible hand helps the weapon slash in the most lethal of spots – the bony hand of Katusza itself, a Snezhnayan spirit thought to be one of the faces of death.

Kou never intended to meet the spirit – it was a purely random encounter. He was rarely in Snezhnaya to begin with, but this time a rare gap in his mother's "timetable" made for an opportunity to finally pay her a visit — currently, his visits to the land entombed in snow are even rarer, as his mother, Izabela, relocated to Fontaine, as to be closer both to him, his half sister, and Kou's step mother and Izabela's wife and boss — Sandrone, the Marionette herself. The young adeptus was happy – he sees his mother only two times a year, the letters between them the only form of communication. But sadly, Izabela's job needed her again, so their week long mother-son bonding time was shortened to just four days. Kou was of course, saddened by the ordeal, but he decided to spend the last three days exploring around the part of Snezhnaya where he technically comes from.

And as on his second-to-last day of his trip, as he found himself stepping into an usually quiet part of a snowy forest – the distant howl of the wind disappearing, the chirping of birds, the sounds of animals – all gone. All he could hear was the soft crunch of the thick snow beneath his boots.

And before he could take in how unnatural the setting was, he was circled by a group of treasure hoarders. Nothing hard for Kou, easy defeat. But he could see something in their eyes – a desperation to get out of this place, excitement that Kou's presence is finally a reason to leave this place, doesn't matter if their robbery is successful or not. And of course he wasn't, as Kou was quick with defeating all of them, his catalyst by his side as the treasure hoarders quickly ran away – not from him, but from this place.

And he knew why. Well, not exactly why – but the feeling of being watched ever since he stepped in this forest was overpowering, especially when he thought. And it would not take long for him to find out why, as mere seconds later, a voice spoke to him. He could not pinpoint anything about it – he didn't know where it was coming from, it sounded as if it was in his head; he could not pinpoint anything about how it sounded, whether it was masculine, feminine, old, childish – it sounded like a mixture of everything, a pleasant cacophony of voices.

"You are quite skilled, confident in your abilities. An adeptus, here in the harsh Snezhnayan winter. A rare sight indeed – a first for me."

Kou has turned to face whoever was talking to him – the figure towering over him – over twice his size, a long, dark veil adorning it's head, strings of ribbon flowing from it. It had no face whatsoever, only an absolute void. Kou immediately took notice of the enormous scythe on it's back, a few more strings of ribbon wrapped around it. He did not feel threatened – somehow, the adeptus felt that the figure had no harmful intentions towards him, despite it being one of the faces of death itself – something he read about a lot, despite it's existence being cast off as a myth by all.

It introduced itself as Katusza, it's voice softer now. It lowered itself, seemlingly kneeling, as to hear Kou better – and Kou was curious too, having no idea why a being like this took interest in him – sure, he was an adeptus, but compared to even other half-adepti, he was weak, both physically and mentally.

"I have travelled through nearly all the lands of Teyvat, my companions diverse – normal humans, warriors, Oceanids, yōkai, mages. They were crucial to me, as I cannot leave these snowy lands by myself. I have tasted death in every single nation, experienced all their rituals, looked at their great suffering and happiness – but one nation avoids me, as not one soul from it has ever graced this forest their presence. But you, Adeptus, are a first. So I ask, plead – will you let me travel with you to the land of Geo, so I can finally experience all Teyvat has to offer? So I can live my seemingly infinite life to the fullest, before I ultimately will be drowned and another Katusza is born, having to form it's memories anew? That is what I exist for, after all. To experience the circle of life and death in every land Teyvat has to offer.

Of course, you will be compensated. I don't think that's the right word for it, though. The second you call my name, I shall protect you – or help you, as you seem very capable of protecting yourself – with everything you need. I shall forge you a scythe based on my own, one that you will use even when I am not around. Sadly, there is a little catch, one that I cannot control. Everytime you use it, the scythe hurts you – nothing a little healing can't fix, it is nothing long term – no lifespan shortening, no curses. It can affect your combat, but with how skilled you already are, I am sure of it being nothing more than an annoyance.

...You do not have to answer immediately. You can come back a day from now, a month from now, years from now – if you come back to this forest, I will be waiting, waiting for your answer. But I will ask you now regardless, whether you answer or leave it in your thoughts is up to you – Adeptus of Liyue, will you let me experience how the land of Rex Lapis goes through the cycle of life?"

Despite the reassurance that he did not have to answer right away, Kou did not need it. He accepted, both because he geniuely wanted to help the spirit, but also his own needs. Thanks to the power Katusza will give him, will he finally stop being so useless? Maybe he can prove himself worthy of the attention of the Adepti, maybe he can help people in need, maybe he can always protect the ones he loves?

And so the contract was made, all that was needed was a drop of Kou's blood, took by Katusza from a small cut on his hand.

It has been 4 years since that day, Kou having just turned 14 at that time. Ever since, Katusza has been travelling through the land of Geo when it is not by Kou's side. Kou has mastered the scythe, despite the setbacks that it was supposed to bring – he truly feels like he has become a stronger version of himself, but his training is never-ending. So he continues on with life, the only person with knowledge of the origin of his scythe being his beloved Gaming. And the young adeptus doesn't plan on telling anyone else, the only indication of the deathly spirit being a dark blue gem embedded in an ornament adorning the back of his scarf – acting like a watchful eye, ready to strike whenever the right time comes.

SORRY IF RHIS IS MESSY its a few months old n i will rewrite it but !!! still !!! the meepiessssss (there will be angst. in the timeskip au.)

[f1]

Tsunoda reveals the 'key' areas he is looking to improve upon in 2023

Yuki Tsunoda says he feels “much stronger” in 2023 compared to his first two years in the sport - revealing he has improved both physically and mentally – although the Japanese racer also earmarked the areas he is keen to improve upon going forward. Tsunoda has made a bright start to the season, despite scoring just a solitary point so far this year after finishing 10th in Melbourne. He narrowly missed out on top-10 finishes in Bahrain and Saudi Arabia as he finished in P11 in both races. WATCH: Alonso vs Hamilton in the pits, Red Bull’s ‘wing-gate’, and Monza madness – 10 times F1 qualifying got heated On AlphaTauri’s YouTube channel, Tsunoda was asked where he felt stronger compared to years gone by. He said: “The place I feel much stronger compared to previous years will be situation controlling, I know now how to survive or to adapt to any situation. “Even [when] the worse things happen or the things I didn’t expect, I know now how to handle it. First year especially, I didn’t have any experience in Formula 1. Most of the things were new and, especially from Formula 2 to Formula 1, it’s a really big step. “Of course, the car, the environment, everything is a big difference. But now I know how to relax or the places I have to focus properly. Those kinds of mental things I feel much different. Tsunoda's says he feels stronger this year compared to previous seasons “Even training, of course. I was doing training in Formula 3, Formula 2, but I would say how I think about training, and how I approach the training session, is a little bit different mentality than in Formula 3 and Formula 2.” He added: “I felt Formula 1 is really physically demanding. While it was one of my big limitations in my first year in Formula 1 in 2021 - those things I learned from other drivers but also learned from myself - and I think in the end those kinds of things have improved a lot. So, I’m pretty happy with my shape now.” READ MORE: De Vries says experience of racing in other categories can be of 'value' to AlphaTauri Tsunoda was also asked where he felt he could improve going forward. While he says he can still improve physically, he also pointed to his “consistency” as one of the areas he was determined to progress in as he looks to stamp out the “unnecessary” crashes he had last year. “Of course, physical," he continued. "I think the physical thing is almost unlimited. You can train as much as you want, the more you have strength. It’s better. Also, a bit more consistency in terms of race pace." Tsunoda is looking to get rid of the some of the crashes he had last season “Last year if I look back, I had a couple of crashes that were unnecessary. There was potential to score points, and I lost that. I feel like last year, in a situation where the team needed every single point especially because we were struggling in the pace, [and] those things hurt a lot in the end. TECH TUESDAY: 0.3s per lap and a sign of things to come – AlphaTauri's latest floor upgrades analysed “In the end we finished P9 in the team championship, but we were definitely far away from where we expected and where we wanted. Definitely consistency is one of the keys that I want to improve this year. “Other than that, I am pretty happy, like I said, about my shape and how I progressed through the season. From last year I think I have pretty good confidence that I can continue that momentum and be a good driver." via Formula 1 News https://www.formula1.com

[thetrinitarianmystery]

A Frog Somewhere: On Perfectionism, pt. 2

A Frog Somewhere

I am One with the great Silence, and I am the calling-forth: The echo of “Who am I?” In the stillness of “I AM.”

Again and again, my assertion; My falling over myself, responding. Can it be? How can I be? And why at this time, now?

( )

But for every call to righteousness— For every cry for being— There is a foggy, sleeping pond;

And a frog somewhere, I’d like to think, who knows not one thing about me.

------------

I wrote in my last post about perfectionism. I would like to continue that discussion here. The usual story I tell when asked about my intellectual history is that my interest in science originated from my love for the woods around my childhood home in Hudson, Massachusetts. I was fascinated by the sights and sounds of the New England deciduous forest. I loved rocks and minerals, trees and frogs, and I wanted to learn everything about them. When I studied biology in high school, I loved it; but they asked us to take some results from chemistry for granted, such as the details of the Krebs cycle or photosynthesis. This didn’t sit well with me: how could I claim to understand biology if I didn’t understand the “facts” on which it is based? When I studied chemistry, they told us to take some results from physics for granted, such as electron orbital shapes. When I studied physics, they told us to take some results from mathematics for granted. When I studied mathematics, they told us that we have to take axioms and logical rules of inference for granted; and when I thought about this further, everything started to unravel a bit. I then spent some time with philosophy and mysticism, and now the whole picture is coalescing again. That is the usual story. But the blog sees the inside scoop 😉 The more complete story is that while the descent from the forest to the study of physics and mathematics was certainly influenced by ongoing intellectual curiosity, it was also motivated by the desire to be seen as intelligent or successful. Physics and mathematics are generally regarded as some of the hardest subjects, so part of my reason for studying it in college was just to prove that I could. It’s hard to say when exactly perfectionism crept into my thinking. I was singled out as intelligent from a very young age by my parents and by metrics in school, such as grades and awards, and eventually by class rank and GPA in high school, as well as roles like class president, team captain, etc. It became a part of my social identity within my family and among my friends to be relatively successful at everything I pursued. It is fairly clear to me that my family circumstance also contributed to my problems with perfectionism. I am one of ten children of my parents, and as such I may have received less individual attention than I would have in a smaller family. Perhaps as a result of being such a large group of people, it sometimes felt like we all were implicitly competing for our parents’ and each others’ attention and approval. This only reinforced the sense of an existential need to be exceptional. I can see that this implicit competition drove both my insecurities and my goals. My insecurities growing up were mostly about my stature, since I was always a tall and very lanky boy. I didn’t have the strength or build of my older brother, David. I also didn’t have the confidence and fierce, go-getter mentality of my older sister, Carmen. I don’t think I really compared myself with my younger siblings in the same way. But I see that my “angle” toward being different or “better than” my older brother and sister was to be the smartest or most accomplished, especially in a “hard” STEM field; and hence this became one of my goals. ...

Continued On WordPress

[saturnsstufff]

okay as a chubby girl myself I struggle with how I see myself and this idea makes my heart KSHDHSJS

okay so imagine IMAGINE

Request maybe 🤔🤔🤔

Okay,, you’re standing in the mirror yk in your mirror at technos house/cottage in your underwear and stuff, grabbing at the chub and stuff looking upset and not feeling good about yourself, and techno walking into the room and seeing this. yk him being upset that you feel that way Bc he thinks youre just so pretty 🥺.

IT COULD EITHER GO INTO A SMUT( 😏 where he SHOWS you how much he loves you and how pretty he thinks you are in the mirror) OR FLUFF WITH SOFT WORDS AND CUDDLES or both idk

*slams hand on desk* IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS

I went with both, because I like options. I also based this off a little personal feelings so I hope it works!

My Goddess- Technoblade

Warnings: self conscious reader, swearing, NSFW

   The mirror. Your best, but worst nightmare imaginable. Some days you could look into it and see beauty within your curves. Spend endless minutes hyping yourself up. 'Man I look good' 'I am the fucking shit' 'damn look at that' all little things you tell yourself in pride. Because in those moments, you feel powerful. In those moments you feel like you own the world, that others are just lucky to breathe within your presence.

   However, there are bad days. There are days when looking into the mirror brings shame. Days when all you can do is grab at your stomach, and ponder of what you could have done, or what you will do. Its pressed that everyone is perfect in our own imaginable ways. Yet when you look at others, you cant help but be envious. Others can get away with wearing tight clothing, baggy clothing, any type of clothing. Yet when you try it on all you see is a box, if you wear tight clothing, every roll and muffin top pops out. It can be embarrassing.

   Techno never saw your curves as embarrassing however. He loved them. He loved the plush, soft skin of your tummy or your thighs. Your hips? don't even ask what he thought on hips, as long as they were yours. They were perfect.

   With that said, when he saw you saddened about your form he was slightly hurt. You thought he was beautiful, a hybrid of a monster. But yet you couldn't find the beauty within your rolls? Your plump little form? The very thing that made up you? If he ever found out who planted these seeds of lies in your mind, he would have words.

   If you felt confident enough to take the world by the horns, he let you. He would build you up with sweet words of encouragement. 'Well don't you look amazing...' 'you are looking beautiful as ever'. They were small phrases but they meant a lot to you.

   Techno isn't verbal with his love, or compliments really. He chooses to show it, words are just that. Words. Actions are done, are shown. They are physically put into motion. That's why he prefers it. But he also understands sometimes words are needed. They are needed to ease your nerves and doubtful mind.

   when he catches you glaring at your plump form in the mirror, he cant help but quickly move to your side. Kneeling and kissing up your body. Your arms, your thighs, everything. In the beginning he would let you look away. The idea of someone liking your body type left you uncertain, many times you would ponder if his endless kisses were done as a joke. But each and every time he would reassure you that it was real. That him loving you, loving your body. It wasn't in pity, it was in genuine love.

   Tonight was one of those bad nights. With Techno in the bath, you were left to change for bed. Wait for him to come out, and then cuddle the night away until the sun kissed the horizon.

   But well you changed your eyes fell to the mirror. Your eyes casually roamed your body. You were used to looking at it so nothing stood out of course. But as you shifted, you caught a few stretch marks within the candle light. They looked like streaks of lightning that were dragged across your skin. With a quick glance away, you pulled something over your form. Wanting to cover your body and deal with that mental baggage later.

   Of course the Hybrid that stood tall within the door frame held other ideas about that moment. The one thing that always put you at ease was Techno's size. Before you were in a relationship with him, you feared you wouldn't be able to wear your lovers clothing. Being a bit plumper meant "one size fit all" did not fit all. But luckily, with your roughly 6ish/7ish foot Piglin Hybrid of a lover, all of his clothing was a bit baggy on you. Technoblade was a very Built man, this came from his never ending training and his natural born strength of course. But even with him being built and big, the first time he asked you to sit on his lap had you hesitant. What if he found you too heavy? The idea of him asking you to move off would leave you completely mentally ruined. Of course when you finally sat he didn't utter any words besides praises. His hands running gently over your thighs, with a tight grasp he kept you close. When Techno saw you ease into his lap more often, he took pride in knowing you were comfortable enough to do it on a daily basis. That was when he upped the bar again. The day he asked you to sit on his face was the day you had a heart attack. You were so paranoid you would crush him. Of course he was all bemused smirks well you tried to think of excuses. Yet this man was able to ease your nerves and reassure you until you were comfortable once again. You would never forget how giddy he was to be between your thighs. That was the day he found his favorite spot.

   Before you could ease some bottoms over your underwear, this man had his arms around you. Pushing against your hands. His nose was nuzzled into your neck muttering gently "Please, leave them off for now..." with a brow raised you complied. You let the shorts drop to the floor, assuming you would be coming for them in a brief moment. You could smell the lingering sent from his shampoo. The fresh smell giving you great comfort.

   Techno moved you back to face the mirror, his head moving briefly so he could see you face yourself. With a light stubble scratching against your neck you felt the goosebumps rise. Your eyes met his ruby ones within the mirror. "Do you know, how beautiful you are?..." he asked rhetorically. Dragging out the words that he felt were important. You wanted to say no, but knew he wouldn't want that answer.

   "I think I'm alright..." you said softly. He hummed and pressed a loving kiss to your neck. His hands slowly fell down to the buttons of the shirt you were wearing. Skillfully he undid them without thought. When you had pulled a shirt on you didn't think much, but now saw that it was his you wore. Of course he didn't mind, he never minded.

   With the buttons undone he opened the shirt to expose your naked form. Every curve and roll on sweet display for him "You are beyond 'alright'... alright is basic. You know my goddess is beyond mortal definitions..." you gave a gentle smile at his charm, glancing away from his eyes. He didn't allow this tonight however. Instead he took your jaw and gently redirected it to the mirror. Meeting his gaze again.

   "My love... My goddess, you know your body rivals the gods, yes?..." you slightly shrugged, unsure if this was true. With another loving kiss he continued. "Persephone had rolls... She was just as plump as you my love..." you fallowed his eyes gently. Him comparing you to the beautiful goddess left you feeling better. If someone so divine could have rolls why couldn't you?

   He didn't stop there however. "If you cant see your beauty. Let me show you how beautiful you are..." his tone was pleading. Like a animal begging for spare scraps. You watched his eyes, his finger and thumb having control over your chin. You thought on his words and gave a brief nod to him. Trusting him and whatever he had planned.

   Instead of immediately kissing you all over, he pulled away. Firmly telling you to keep your eyes on the mirror. You felt a bit awkward standing there, your legs shifting closer underneath you. He soon came back however, his crown in hand. You could also see he had a simple gray towel around his waist, showing he was fresh from the bath.

   Your curiosity with the crown lingered, but you watched as he put it on your head. "You are a queen... My Queen... You will always be reminded of your everlasting beauty for as long as you are with me..." for not complementing a lot, tonight he was on a roll. Your eyes ran over the crown. The delicate and bright stones contrasting the shimmering gold well against your skin.

   He walked around to the front of you, leaning down to meet your lips in a loving kiss. His hand found a firm places on your hip, and on the plush skin of your ass cheek. With a gentle, but firm grasp he moved and rolled the skin beneath his hand. Loving how soft you were. With his hands working soft whimpers and moans out of you, his mouth devoured them. Eating every noise you made, cherishing them deep within his heart.

   Leaving your lips swollen he moved down. Kissing your jaw and neck. Planning to leave you a work of art. A show of how much he loves you.

   After your neck it was your chest. Soft plump breasts fitting ever so sweetly within his hands. With firm grasps he had you flushed red whimpering. Your eyes half lidded with the sweet lingering pleasure. Yet you still watched yourself and him, knowing to not disobey him.

   With soft kisses placed to the tops of your breasts and nipples he moved to your stomach. This is where you craved to look away. Wishing to hide yourself in his neck.

   "T..T-Techno..." he hummed acknowledging your words. But he still pressed light kisses down to the hem of your underwear.

  “Keep your eyes on the mirror." He said, pulling them down. Helping you step out of the discarded clothing. You couldn't see his face. Only his backside was facing the mirror, and even then his long wet hair hid most of his toned back.

   His fingers ran through your slit briefly. His rings offered a major temperature difference between your heat and the cold metal. With a little squirm his hands moved and held you in place. Desiring to keep you in place before he moved his head in and started to devour you. Eating you out like it was his last meal on earth.

   With a ever so sinful cry, you gripped at his hair. Begging for your knee's to not give out. With one hand on his head, the other one flew to the crown on your head. Trying to keep it on well you easily hunched over from the overwhelming pleasure. Techno never failed to leave you speechless- or should we say, he never left you quiet. Even if you could see yourself, you didn't think you would be able to focus much. Your eyes were tightly shut well your mouth ran between being in a 'O' and being locked shut.

   He did pull back from your folds to speak. Earning a cry from you. You were getting close and him pulling away was painful. "You can cum. But you have to keep your eyes open" you nodded profusely. Agreeing to anything if it meant feeling his lips back on you. He lingering a moment. Making sure your eyes opened before he leaned back. Taking his time to show your clit attention before going back to his main course.

   With your eyes looking back at you. You were unsure if you were ashamed with how blissed out you looked or happy. The whole scene in itself was erotic. You were incredibly small compared to the giant between your legs. His only drive to please you completely. Your eyes never left the mirror as he ate you out to your climax. Your hips stuttering and bucking, but proving no use to his iron grip. When you came he waisted no time at cleaning it up. He had no shame, that your cum was running down his chin. He was happy when you were pleased. And he knows you are definitely pleased after that climax.

   But he wasn't finished. With your legs weakening he helped you down onto his lap. He let you collect yourself against his chest for a few moments his hand ran over your back.

   "Doin' ok there Princess?..." you nodded slowly. Your chest rising and falling fast well you try and calm yourself. "Think you can do one more?" You nodded again well he pressed a kiss to your forehead, acknowledging your response. Adjusting his crown on your head, he moved so the mirror was beside you two. Showing both of your bodies, with the towel acting as a thin barrier.

   When you both were situated he did remove the towel. With a strong arm he lifted you up and positioned his hardened cock at your entrance, wasting no spare moment to fill you up. Well you did try to hide within his neck, it proved no use. He made sure to turn your head to the mirror.

   With your eyes hitting the mirror you saw how his head was beside yours. Your cheek was pressed to his chest well his was pressed to your forehead. His eyes lingeried your body. Drowning in your blissed out form. He found you utterly perfect.

   Well your bodies were connected, it almost looked like art. With techno's sharp gaze and your blissed out reddened cheeks, the contrast was there but yet they went together in perfect harmony. With the roll of his hips he made sure to keep your eyes on the mirror. Wanting to drag out every cry and moan you could utter. He set his pace at a rhythmic thrust, wanting to not only pleasure you, but himself as well. Well you griped to his sides, he kept his hand on he back of your head gently. Wanting to keep your head facing the mirror. With sweet sinful praises he coached you to a second orgasm, his fallowing close behind. He kissed your head gently, keeping you close to him well he felt himself soften. when his eyes met yours in the mirror he smiled softly. 

“Look at how beautiful you are... Always so, so beautiful Princess...”

[itsallyscorner]

just like magic with marvel cast, the vibe is----- a perfect song for a lil b*tch with a good heart and a sarcastic mouth

just like magic is the song we ALL need for 2020😌 Start manifesting ya’ll🖤 Also thank you sm for the request I am so so sorry this took so freakin’ long😭 Love u, happy reading🖤🖤 Tried to add my own lil twist to your request:)

(A lil different from the request, but I tried to make the reader have a bit sas.)

💌.

just like magic

Growing up within the Marvel Cinematic Universe was probably one of things you were most grateful for. When you first started out you weren’t that social. You were new to the business, you didn’t know anybody and you were intimidated by every single actor you crossed paths with.

At first you didn’t feel like you fit in. You felt as if you were a burden to everyone else. You barely talked to anyone which made the others approach you out of force by the Russos. Everyone around you was talented while you were just some newcomer who had jack shit as experience. The first few years you were insecure of yourself mentally and physically. You weren’t as pretty or fit as the other women in the MCU nor did your skills live up to theirs. Which led to some unhealthy habits. Plus there were haters and movie critics who would say horrible things about you and your acting.

You had a rocky start unlike Tom Holland and even Lexi Rabe. Until one day when you realized that you had to change how you were thinking. It took you a while but all that negative thinking you were doing was only bringing you negative energy. So when you had a break from filming movies, your number one goal was to improve yourself.

Wake up in my bed, I just wanna have a good day (Mmm, ah)

Think it in my head, then it happens how it should, ayy

Twelve o'clock, I got a team meeting, then a meditation at like 1:30

Then I ride to the studio listening to some shit I wrote (Oh)

You woke up with smile on your face in a sense of calmness. The sun shined bright hues into your room as you got up from your bed. Today was the first day back on set. You guys were finally filming Civil War and you were honestly so excited. As you did your morning routine, you went over how the day would go in your head. You’re genuinely excited to see the entire cast. It has been almost half a year since you’ve seen everyone and you couldn’t wait to be back.

You took one last look at yourself in the mirror. Compared to the previous year, you looked and felt healthy. Your eyes shined and you looked well relaxed. You know like one of those face cleanser commercials? That’s how you felt. You felt like a breath of fresh air.

The ride to the studio took a good 30 minutes but it felt like seconds. You entered the set with a new sense of confidence and pride. The energy was practically radiating off you.

“(Y/n)?” You hear someone call from behind you. You turn around and see Scarlett looking at you.

“Hey!” You greet her as you approach her. You pulled her into a hug, startling her.

“Oh! Hello to you too, honey.” She laughed as she wrapped her arms around you. “How are you?”

“I’m doing great! Life’s been good.” You answer as a toothy grin graces itself on your face. Scarlett’s eyes are filled with shocked. From the previous times she’s talked to you she’s never seen you so loud or open. You were always shy and closed off from everyone on set.

Good karma, my aesthetic (Aesthetic)

Keep my conscience clear, that's why I'm so magnetic

Manifest it (Yeah), I finessed it (I finessed it)

Take my pen and write some love letters to Heaven

Eventually everyone on set caught on to your new attitude. Though they tried to be discreet about their reactions and shocked expressions, you could still see how they were caught off guard by your sudden change of nature.

Anthony watched as you conversed with Elizabeth and Scarlett on the couch in Robert’s “village” . You were probably the most smiliest person in the room beating Evans, who was eating his lunch.

“She’s like different. But in a good way. It’s like she’s bloomed.” Anthony thought out loud to the men beside him. Chris (E) and Sebastian look in your direction.

“Bloomed?” Chris snorted as he swallowed his food.

“Yeah, like she’s growing into a woman.” Anthony hummed proudly as he went back to his own lunch. Sebastian smiled at you, “I think she’s gained some confidence in herself and finally realized how good of a person she is.”

“If she’s finally realized that, I’m glad she did. She’s like a ball of sunshine, it’s adorable.” Chris smiled proudly at you as your hands move around animatedly while explaining some story to the two women in front of you.

“Y’all think it’s a boy?” Anthony wondered. Sebastian rolled his eyes at his friend. Before he can even respond Anthony is calling you over. You approach the men with a smile and take a seat beside Sebastian.

“What’s up?” You greet them. Chris nods at you as he chews on his sandwich. Sebastian greeting you with a quiet “hey”.

“So who’s the lucky man?” Anthony asks teasingly. Your brows knit together head tilting to the side.

“Man?”

“Yes man, or boy, whatever. Who’s got you feelin’ yourself, (y/n).” Anthony wiggles his brows as he shimmies closer to you. Sebastian, who’s in between you two, cringes at the man to his left.

You didn’t take any offense to the question, knowing that everyone was curious as to why you were so unlike yourself.

You chuckled before smirking at the older man, “Anthony, honey. I don’t need a man to be feelin’ myself. I did this on my own.”

Chris and Sebastian’s mouth drop at your answer. Chris laughed as he pointed out Anthony’s face. Sebastian slung an arm around your shoulder bringing you into a side hug as he laughed with Chris.

“To be fair” Chris began to say but started to laugh, “To be fair, you deserved that.” Anthony’s face went flushed as he nodded to himself. You suddenly felt bad that you put him on the spot.

“Alright, stop laughing at him.” You playfully glare at Chris and Seb. You poke Anthony’s arm, “To answer your question, I’ve just been working on myself. Thinking more positively, I even tried manifestation.”

“You know what, that’s good. You’re taking care of yourself mentally and physically. I’m proud of you for doing this for yourself, we all are.” Anthony tells you as he motions to the two other men.

You look at all three of them, all of them looking at you with pride, “Thanks guys.”

Just like magic (Baby), just like magic (Oh yeah)

Middle finger to my thumb and then I snap it

Just like magic (Yeah), I'm attractive (Oh yeah)

I get everything I want 'cause I attract it (Oh)

As the months passed, the more you evolved into another version of you. You walked with determination, carried yourself with such grace and you’ve gained confidence in your career. You didn’t let your insecurities get to you, instead you faced them and overcame them. You were tired of letting them control you.

Your change in attitude and perspective on life has definitely affected your life in many ways. Manifestation was one of the things that have helped you the most. Writing about your goals and putting that energy out to the world has helped you persevere in your job. You’ve only faced good karma; sending out positive energy and receiving it back from the universe.

So far you’ve been casted in two new projects and have a campaign lined up with Gucci. If you were told a year ago that you’d be working with big time directors and freakin’ Gucci, you wouldn’t have believe them. Life has been unreal ever since you decided to change your life around. But of course you had to thank your Marvel family, without them and their support you probably wouldn’t haven gotten to where you were today.

Looking at my phone, but I'm tryna disconnect it (Oh yeah)

Read a fuckin' book, I be tryna stay connected (Yeah)

Say it's tricky at the top, gotta keep a slim ego for a thick wallet

Losing friends left and right, but I just send 'em love and light (Oh)

As many people recognized your success many people still tried to pull you down. Some fans on social media have noticed your change in behavior and have even praised you for practicing self care. While others still tried to push you off the mountain of success you were currently on and drag you across the ground.

These were the reasons as to why you were barely on your phone anymore. You used to be invested in your phone but after realizing how much negativity it brought you, you’ve decided to slowly disconnect from it. Which led you to becoming more interested into books.

Chris (E) had even brought some of his favorite arts of literature for you to borrow. You were currently on your third book of his, Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari. You were sitting outside your trailer in a fold up chair under the shade. Your peacefulness was interrupted by Tom (Holland) who had a worried expression on his face.

“Have you not seen it yet?” He asked you as soon as he was in front of you. Being the two most youngest actors on the current set, you guys were closer to each other than with the adults.

“Seen what, Tommy?” You put a finger in between the pages you were reading to save your spot. Tom pulls his phone out and began to type. He tapped on his screen and turned the screen to you.

“She’s been talking crap about you for days.” You read the article and saw that one of your “friends”, Sabrina has been speaking out about your success and how it’s changed you as a person.

“She’s going off about how the more money you get in your wallet, the more bratty and arrogant you become.” He grumbled as he turned his phone off.

“I could care less, honestly. I know I haven’t done anything to her and if I did I was unaware of it. Plus, she stopped talking to me after I said I couldn’t get her a part in a movie.” You shrugged as you placed a proper bookmark in the book.

“You’re not upset?”

“I mean it’s sad that she’s acting so two faced. But if that’s how she wants to roll, then be my guest. It’s her loss, not everyone has great taste.” You flicked a piece of hair away from your face with your hand.

“You’re not gonna release a statement against her?”

“No, probably just wish her well with her life and move on with my own.” You answered much to Tom’s dismay.

Redesign your brain, we gon' make some new habits

Just like magic (Just like magic), just like magic

Filming has officially ended a few months ago and now you guys were doing press tour for Civil War. Before you were the new and improved version of yourself, you dreaded press tours. Some interviewers were nice and respectful, but there were those who would ask inappropriate questions and were just rude in general. All you could remember during those past tours was wanting to leave those rooms as soon as possible.

The q&a panel at New York had a packed room. There were many journalist crowded in the room shoulder to shoulder. You were sat in between Elizabeth and Scarlett, two of the women who have been guiding you and teaching you about life as a woman in the business. They were also like your older sisters.

The panel had been going smoothly for the first half hour until a man with a snobby face and cocky demeanor approached the mic.

“Hello, I’m Keith and my question’s for (y/n).” He began. You nodded in his direction, motioning for him to continue.

“I think everyone’s noticed how you’ve changed and developed as a person. Obviously something’s changed in your life. So I want to know if you’ve had any intimate relationships with any of the men in the cast?” You were surprised at the man’s question. First it was bold of him to ask such a question and second it was just disrespectful to you and the others on the cast.

“I mean someone’s gotta be fucking you good to make you crawl out your shell.” The man finished shrugging nonchalantly. Robert was about to interject but your mouth was quicker than his. The men of the cast were disgusted at the man while they sat at the edge of their seats.

“Well last time I checked my contract, my job was to act, not sleep around with the men who are part of these movies.” You spoke into the mic. All the attention was on you while the room was at a standstill.

“It’s also very upsetting that you think a girl needs to be fucked in order to be confident in herself. I hate to break it to you but women are completely capable of turning their lives around without the help of men and that says a lot about you, sir. So if I were you, I’d take myself back to my seat and rethink my life because if one of us has to redesign our brains it’s you.” You finished as you placed your mic on your lap. The room was silent until the cast began to clap. This was your first time standing up for yourself, usually Robert or Scarlett would swoop in and save you but this time, you were saving yourself.

You shook your head as you blushed, shoving your head in your hands. You felt some pats on the backs and cheers from your dysfunctional family. You look up and see Scarlett and Elizabeth smiling at you proudly.

“Isn’t she amazing?” Robert asked the crowd as he hugged you. The crowd cheering you on.

Just like magic, your life felt like a dream come true, knowing that you were worth it and enough for the people around you and for yourself.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Matched

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x female reader

Genre: match-maker au / fluff / university au

Warnings: none

Prompt: “Are you lost?” - #1 of Idea Starters

Word count: 1545

You were stunned when Mingyu walked through the door. Not because of the obvious, however.

You weren’t like the rest of the population who thought of the tall man as incredibly handsome and fawned at his feet. Sure, you could acknowledge that when he was created, his maker dumped him in the physical appearance container one too many times. You just weren’t someone who went ga-ga over attractive guys.

No, you were stunned because Mingyu had no perceived reason to come into your department at all at this point in the day. You serviced many people on the university campus every Friday. Those who came into your little office in the Clubs department were of a certain type.

Those who found dating hard.

You simply couldn’t imagine Kim Mingyu having troubles with dating at all.

“Are you lost?” you couldn’t help but ask in a detached voice, clearing your throat immediately and chuckling. “Sorry, I just can’t imagine you need my services. Are you looking for the tennis club that used to occupy this room? They’ve moved into the bigger room-”

Smiling softly, Mingyu shook his head and interjected. “No, I meant to come here, Y/N.”

“Oh wow. You know my name.”

“Should I not? We’ve shared the same classes in high school before coming to the same university.”

“Huh,” you simply said, staring at the tall man for half a minute before recomposing yourself. “Well, what brings you to Matched, Mingyu?”

“What brings other people?” he enquired, and your eyebrow rose in confusion.

Your match-making skills were second to none, and you had built up quite the reputation in creating some of the hottest campus couples. Surely, your services were widely known.

Again, you gave him a reprieve, still convinced he didn’t need to come to you for anything.

“Most people enter my office looking for a way to make their crush see them in a romantic light. It doesn’t always work out, and I’m straight forward with pointing this out so people can move on instead of pining over the impossible. I also help with dating advice to build confidence in general.”

Nodding, Mingyu smiled weakly. “I’ve heard good things.”

“I appreciate that.”

Silence prevailed your statement, and so you smiled politely before reaching for your water bottle, pulling your straw between your lips.

“Can you help me?”

It was unexpected, much as it was to him that you would splutter your mouthful of water over the desk towards him. For a second, both of you stared at one another, aghast, before you launched into using some tissues to mop up your mess.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” you requested, darting your focus between the mess and the man before you.

Mingyu rubbed his neck awkwardly. “I need help.”

“With what exactly?”

“Dating. Finding the confidence to ask someone out,” he offered shyly, and you stifled a snort.

You could count on both hands how many close friends you possessed who would sell their souls to date Mingyu. You had witnessed countless girls throw themselves at the man and assumed he had his weekends full because of it.

“You need assistance with that?”

Mingyu nodded.

“The world is stranger than I thought.”

“What does that mean?”

“Oh!” You let out a small laugh and waved a hand dismissively. “Nothing! No reason. I could help you. If you need it.”

“I do. I’ve liked someone for a while now, and I’ve struggled to ask them out.”

“Do you know why?”

You were already running through a mental list of the hottest girls and guys on campus. As you did so, Mingyu fumbled with the cuff of his sweater. Finally, you glanced up at him, and he was startled, sitting back in his chair as if you were about to confess his secret crush to him.

“Do I know them?”

“You know her, yeah,” he said, inhaling a shaky breath that relaxed him again.

“And she’s single?” you continued, turning to your laptop to take notes.

“I think so.”

“You don’t know?”

Mingyu cringed. “Her relationship status isn’t public knowledge, but I’m pretty sure that she’s single.”

“Okay, so we can work with that.”

“You’ll help me?” Mingyu asked, hopeful.

“I’m not sure what help I can be for you, but I’m ready to give it a shot. Everyone deserves the chance to tell someone they like them.”

You worked with Mingyu twice a week for a month. At first, it was rather awkward. You had a preconceived notion that someone like him wouldn’t need help. But after unpacking his good looks, you were able to establish that he wasn’t the type to do things just on a surface level. He was a deep thinker, and you began to appreciate his sensitive side a lot.

Mingyu warmed up to you the further he spent time in your company, his endless smiles leaving you in a good mood. In fact, after each session, you felt great. It was different from your other clients. They were always so focused on their situation, which made sense. However, Mingyu really engaged with you, was eager to learn more, and even wanted to understand how you would feel in the hypothetical situations you created.

“So, you would appreciate someone just telling you honest?” he asked, and you nodded immediately. “Even if they fumble over it?”

“Of course. Honesty is endearing.”

“I’ve held it in for so long though, I wonder if it would be taken as sincere or not,” he wondered, and you leaned forward, reaching out for one of his hands on the table and gave it a gentle tap.

“I’m sure when you do it, she’ll appreciate it.”

“In any situation?”

You laughed. “Describe the situation?”

“Like right now.”

“Totally fine. If you’re in a position like this with her, it would be the right time. There’s no one else around to interrupt the moment. Timing it to where it’s just you and her will make it easier for you.”

“Y/N,” Mingyu said, and you waited for him to continue. “It’s you.”

“It’s me what?”

“I like you. I’ve liked you for years.”

“Ohhhh, you’re practising with me!” you replied, chuckling lightly. Gesturing with your hands, Mingyu implored you to pay proper attention.

Your eyebrows furrowed together.

“It’s not practise anymore. I want you to realise the girl I’ve crushed on is you.”

You blinked slowly.

“Is what I’m saying registering?” he asked, and you nodded before shaking your head.

“I’m confused.”

“I can tell.”

“Are we talking about what you’ll say or-”

“I’m confessing to you.”

“You came to me for dating advice about myself?” you concluded, and Mingyu smiled coyly.

“You should know yourself the best.”

“I don’t know, right now I’m having a bit of an out of body experience,” you admitted, and Mingyu reached out for your hand, brushing his thumb over the top of it.

It was then when you comprehended everything.

Of course, it had been different.

Every session, Mingyu seemed nervous to be around you, not the idea of dating. He had a lot of questions for you, asking you what you liked, and you had assumed it was to get a general feel for what other girls of your age group might like. You had been completely blind to his affections because you believed from the moment he stepped into your office that you weren’t even someone on the cards.

You hadn’t offered yourself up to him to be approachable over all these years. No wonder he was hesitant to know how you felt compared to those who had confessed to him.

“Can I like you?” he asked, and you melted away from all confusion, a smile gracing your lips. His own curled up hopefully. “Can I?”

“Was this your plan all along? To blindside me like this?”

“No, definitely not. I didn’t know how else to approach you. And since you are a formidable matchmaker, I had hoped you would have the skills to even match yourself.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” you replied with a wry smile. “I don’t ever consider myself.”

“Why not?”

You shrugged. “I’m too busy with crafting love for others.”

“Can you try to craft a little with me?” he asked, and you clamped your eyes shut, feeling flutters erupt in your stomach.

Oh, you were good. Way too good. You had taught him well.

Laughing, Mingyu leaned closer, and you felt his breath hit your face. Opening your eyes, you blinked at his proximity. “Did you like that?”

“I don’t know if you need any more sessions with me. I think you’re about to become the master at flirtation.”

“That’s not true,” he mentioned, though his smugness permeated through his body. “I need more help.”

“With what exactly? You’ve done too well with this confession of yours.”

Mingyu smirked. “I’m not a very good kisser. I’ve been pining over this girl for so long that I haven’t had a whole lot of experience, you see.”

“Oh, so you think I could offer you lessons on how to improve kissing, like I’ve done with the dating, huh?”

“That would help me out a lot. I appreciate your efforts.”

Giggling, you then bit your bottom lip giddily.

It looked like Mingyu had you matched.

_________________

All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft

[SEVENTEEN Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

[gubler-me-up]

Outside the Box

Request: It do be a sad day. So could i request a Spencer x Fem reader where she’s tall and heavier and she really likes Reid but he doesn’t know and she’s always comparing herself to JJ? And like one day she skips work for mental health day and he comes over and she tells him her insecurities and he’s all like “but I love that about you!” And they share their feelings? Thanks

A/N: Thanks for the request, @spencers-hoodrat​! I hope it don’t be a sad day any longer and this fic cheers you up ❤️ I hope this fic does justice for your request and you find comfort in it! (PSA to everyone you’re all beautiful angels and deserve the world) Happy reading!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content warning: None

Word count: 2.3k

--------------

You walked into the bureau early Monday morning feeling a sense of dread overwhelm you. Throughout the whole weekend, you had contemplated not going in on Monday. You felt off. Every time you passed a mirror you found yourself fixated on the image reflected at you.

“Hey, Y/N. How was your weekend?”

You turned around and saw Spencer walking towards you. You felt a sense of discomfort as you saw him. Did he feel as if you were disproportioned as much as you did? Being on the taller side was bad enough, but with the extra thigh fat and stomach weight made you feel almost undesirable.

You smiled at him. “It was fine.”

You could tell he didn’t believe your answer. It was hard being friends with profilers because they were always one step ahead of your lies. How do you tell someone you like your insecure about your height and weight comfortably? To tell him you felt disgusted with yourself and wished you were in a different body.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

You nodded. “Yeah. Enough about me though, how was your weekend?”

“It was pretty fun actually. I was apart of a chess tournament at the park on Saturday. Super intense gameplay,” he said.

You giggled as you both walked towards your respective desks. The one thing you admired about Spencer the most was he didn’t know how funny he could be at times. He just lived his truth and wasn’t phased by how it may come off or if it made sense to anyone else. You wished you could live your truth as well.

As the two of you continued small conversation as you both got settled for the day, your eyes couldn’t help but wonder to JJ. She had just walked in with her perfectly slim and petite body. You stared at her as she walked to her desk to unload her files for the day. You felt rude for not looking at Spencer while he talked, but you always fell into a deep abyss of wishing you were smaller.

JJ looked up at you with a smile and waved. You smiled back and waved as well to not seem weird for staring at her for so long. Spencer turned around to look at JJ as well to greet her a loving good morning. You watched them interact with each other. The way he looked at her with so much love in his eyes was ridiculous. You wished he looked at you like that, but you didn’t blame him for not looking at you that way.

“Y/N?”

You looked up to see a concerned Spencer and JJ looking at you. You had zoned out as they were talking, not even realizing they had included you in their conversation. You snapped out of your thoughts and put on a smile for them.

“Sorry, guys, I’m just a little tired. What were you saying?” You asked.

“We were just wagering bets on if we’re gonna get a case today or not,” JJ said.

“I hope we don’t. I wish the weekend had been longer,” you said.

“You and I both,” JJ said.

“I kind of hope we get to do something brain-stimulating today,” Spencer said.

“Spence, you think going through 20 case files in five minutes is a fun time,” she said.

You eventually zoned out their back and forth bickering as you once again found yourself thinking about if life would be better if you weren’t you. Maybe you’d get more compliments from people. Maybe you’d actually have a boyfriend. Maybe Spencer would give you the time of day the way he gave JJ.

It had always been hard for you to find the confidence to be yourself. You always felt out of place in your friend group. You felt physically overbearing. One time a guy asked if you were into football because you’d be an amazing quarterback. That was his idea of flirting with you. Little remarks like that stuck with you for years. It was hard to see yourself for more than just your physical attributes since no one bothered to look past them.

One night you and the BAU ladies went out for some drinks. No surprise every guy’s eyes were fixated on JJ until they saw that ring on her finger. No one looked your way, not even once. If random strangers didn’t give you the time of day, you felt as if no one in your everyday life would either.

You felt tears starting to form in your eyes. You had shot up from your seat to go towards the kitchen. You couldn’t let JJ and especially Spencer see you crying. They would inquire about your mental state and you weren’t ready to tell them about your disgust with yourself. You didn’t want to bother them with your negative feelings. You could barely handle them yourself.

————

You decided to take the day off on Tuesday. You hadn’t told anyone besides Hotch you needed a sick day. You told him how you believed you wouldn’t be any value in the office with your state and opted to work from home. Hotch agreed to let you do that but told you not to push yourself. Sometimes he had a real soft spot for his team.

You tried to get through as many case files as you could in the morning, but you felt mentally drained. You found yourself not focusing properly on any of the information you had to read. After you struggled to get through 10 case files, you decided to give your brain a rest. You told yourself you would only nap for two hours.

When you had opened your eyes, you saw through the window the sun was already setting. You turned over on your bed to reach for your phone on your side table. You checked the time and let out a deep sigh. It was nearly 6 p.m. You forced yourself out of bed and made your way towards the kitchen to see what leftovers were still good to eat.

You opened your fridge and saw a bowl of this pesto penne recipe you tried a few days ago. It was pretty good but you didn’t feel like filling yourself up with carbs. You decided it might be a better decision if you grabbed an apple and went to do some work. You had already wasted time laying down not being any use.

You closed the fridge and walked over to your counter to grab an apple from your fruit basket. Before you sank your teeth into it, a few light knocks came from your door. You groaned as you put the apple down. You guessed dinner had to wait a while longer.

You walked over to the door expecting to see a package delivery you had forgotten you ordered. Someone should really take away your access to online shopping. You only indulged in it so much because you hated going into stores to try on clothes. You felt so embarrassed and judged. At least if you ordered clothes online you could try it on in the safety of your house and ship it back if it didn’t fit.

As you opened the door you were surprised to see Spencer standing there in his usual brown corduroy jacket, purple scarf and tan satchel. He was tightly holding a paper bag in his right hand. It seemed as if he didn’t go home after work considering he hadn’t finished long ago. You looked at him confused as if he lost his way home.

“Hey, Spence. What’s up? What brings you to this part of town?” You asked.

“I noticed you weren’t at work today and I asked Hotch if you were okay. He told me you weren’t feeling good, so I decided I’d pay you a visit after work to give you some soup,” he said.

He held up the bag of soup for you to take. You smiled and soon found yourself letting out a little giggle as you accepted his soup. It was cute how he believed you were physically sick. It was better than him knowing why you actually took the day off.

“Thanks, Spence. I don’t wanna get you sick, so I’ll talk to you later,” you said.

“You’re not actually sick, are you, Y/N?” He asked.

“I am,” you assured him.

“Not physically. No stuffed nose, no cough, no sweating, no puffiness under your eyes, no-”

“Okay, Spencer. I’m not physically sick. I just needed today for myself, that’s all,” you explained.

The way he looked at you confirmed his profiler mindset was kicking in overtime. He wasn’t about to leave you without a solid answer. He was stubborn that way.

“Y/N, if you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you, we can talk,” he assured you.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Can I at least keep you company for now until you decide to tell me the truth?”

You weren’t ready for him to say that. He had never been inside your place before. He had never even asked to before. You didn’t know he was invested in your wellbeing so much.

You sighed and stepped aside. You gestured for him to come in and he did. You locked the door and then turned around to see him with his hands in his pockets, looking at you with the same concern.

You smiled. “What’s wrong now? Don’t like my place?”

“No, your place is wonderful. I just don’t like seeing you so…defeated,” he said.

“Defeated? That’s an interesting word choice,” you said.

“I saw it in your eyes yesterday. You were in deep thought and it brought tears to your eyes. It looked as if you were reflecting on yourself.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You zoned out on JJ before you lost yourself in thought. I don’t really know why and I just want to know if everything’s okay with you mentally.”

You took a deep breath as you tried to avoid the tears stinging in your eyes from making an appearance. You hadn’t thought he noticed you at all yesterday since he was in deep conversation with JJ. He made you feel as if you weren’t invisible in his eyes.

“I’m okay. I just…”

“It’s okay, I’m here. You can tell me anything.”

When he said that you could feel the tears rush down your face. It was as if he knew the right words to say to you to break free of keeping everything in your mind. You saw as he watched you with patient eyes as you tried to gather the right thing to say.

“I-I…I never liked what I saw in the mirror,” you confessed.

“Why not?” He asked.

“I’m tall and on the heavier side. I look as if I play for the NFL. It’s embarrassing to even stand beside anyone smaller than me because I look like some sort of Goliath.”

“Y/N, I know it’s hard for you to believe this right now, but you’re not the size of a football player or Goliath. Comparing yourself to people smaller than you isn’t healthy.”

“I try not to compare, I really do. It’s just hard when you’re surrounded by beautiful, petite women everywhere you go and I’m just…”

“Just as beautiful.”

You calmed your sobbing as you looked at him confused. You didn’t know if you imagined him calling you beautiful or if he had actually said it. By the way his cheeks had turned a light shade of pink you assumed he had said it and meant it. You didn’t exactly know how to respond to that. You couldn’t even recall the last time a man complimented you without inserting comments about your stature.

“I admire you, Y/N. You’re an amazing person with amazing talents and you’re beautiful. You don’t fall into the box society tries to market to us as the “norm”, which I love that about you. I know it might feel as if this is coming out of the blue, but it’s my fault for not telling you how I felt towards you sooner,” he confessed.

“You…You like me? For real?” You asked.

He nodded. “For a while now. Morgan said if I didn’t tell you soon he was going to do it for me, but I just didn’t know how to express it perfectly. I also didn’t want to make things awkward if you didn’t feel the same way back.”

“I do,” you quickly replied.

He smiled. “That was easier than I anticipated it to be for all these months.”

You looked at him shocked. “Months?”

“Yeah, I’ve been admiring from afar for a while now. That’s not really important right now though. What’s important is that we sit down, have some soup and I can help bring some positivity to your day.”

You smiled as you walked up to him and embraced him in a big hug. He wrapped his arms around your waist and held you tight. You hadn’t felt so comfortable with someone holding you like that in a while. You let go of him and held up your bag of soup.

“What type of soup is it?” You asked.

“Vegetable soup,” he replied.

“Huh, maybe you do like me after all.”

“I couldn’t imagine someone who doesn’t.”

You smiled widely at his sweet words as he wiped the tears away from your eyes. You looked at him and felt as if a warm aura was surrounding you. You couldn’t resist but to lean in and kiss him. He kissed you back as he held your waist and pulled you close to him. If this was the way he expressed love, you didn’t think there was anyone else in the world who could compare.

—–

MASTERLIST

[schmergo]

I’m gonna get a little more serious and personal than I usually am on social media here for a sec, so sorry if this is annoying. Anyway, I never had an actual eating disorder, but, like many young people, I struggled on and off with somewhat disordered eating habits and negative body image for many years. 

Between ages 9 and 20, every year or two, I would suddenly get into a groove of weird restrictive behaviors around food, either because I felt like my life wasn’t going well enough and I needed to be punished, or because I felt like my life was going too well and that I wasn’t pretty enough to deserve it. I would stop for a year or two, and then when it came back, I’d be even more strict with myself.

 For example, for a year in elementary school, I only let myself eat yogurt for lunch, not because I particularly liked yogurt but because I Decreed It Must Be So. For a year in high school, I would throw out my lunch every day and go to the library during lunch time, on the excuse that “you aren’t allowed to have food in the library, and I need to do homework.” And while studying in London in college, I would only let myself eat 800 calories a day. I was only allowed sweets on Wednesday, but no actual meals on that day, just the dessert. I used the excuse that I was trying to save money on food, but calorie restriction isn’t the most efficient way to save money. These are just a few examples of some of the little phases I fell into-- I finally stopped after that last one because I felt so awful  when I came home from that semester and had to eat around other people again that I just went, “Never again.” I still don’t have very good body image, but it’s better, and I don’t do strict rules around food anymore.

I never lost much weight or developed health problems from it, and I was always either a healthy weight or slightly overweight, but I know those weren’t very healthy habits to have. But I guess I didn’t realize that even though the behavior itself wasn’t super extreme, the way it was ingrained into my mind was more insidious and deeply-rooted than I thought.

The reason I mention this is that I recently got into a kick of rereading some of my old writing. I did a TON of writing as a teenager and wrote a lot of book-length stories, many of them fanfiction. Most of my work is fairly humorous, light-hearted, and a lot of it falls into the ‘fantasy’ genre. There are darker themes at times, but the endings are usually happy. I was reading a romantic comedy “book” that I wrote in high school and enjoying the blast from the past when I realized something strange about the narration. It’s written in first person, and the heroine/ narrator is written to be a fairly attractive character-- her friends think she’s pretty, she receives a few compliments on her appearance, and she attracts the interest of at least two dudes in the story. As written, she’s athletic and in good health. 

But the narration CONSTANTLY seems to obsess over food, her appearance, people’s body types, and comparing her body to everyone she interacts with. If she’s eating lunch at the same time as a coworker, she complains in her internal monologue about having to make excuses for her food choices so that her coworker doesn’t judge her for what she’s eating. She makes jokes about a pregnant family member, saying she enjoys hanging out with the pregnant character because she feels skinny next to her. She seems to think she looks horrible and unpresentable when not dressed to the nines and frets over how unflattering her work uniform is. She makes snarky remarks about her best friend’s husband’s weight and constantly seems to feel inferior in terms of appearance compared to her own very athletic boyfriend, thinking other characters are judging her appearance when she’s with him. She both seems to envy and make fun of her skinny best friend’s body. And she talks about food A LOT. At times, she’s so conscious of her appearance and how she looks, even when she’s alone, that you almost feel like she knows she’s in a story and has strangers observing her.

If you had asked me at the time that I wrote it if I intended that character to have body image issues or food issues, I’d say no, she’s just a sarcastic, snarky, funny person who likes to make self-deprecating jokes and that she knows she’s considered conventionally attractive. But reading it seemed honestly pathological-- like, it permeated the entire thing. The comments happened on every page. I didn’t notice at all at the time, and that really tells you where my mindset was. 

I think it can be hard to separate an author’s feelings from a fictional character’s feelings at times. Sometimes when a fictional character has a problematic viewpoint, they’re really a mouthpiece for the author, and sometimes the author intends it to be a negative trait or a biased belief. In this case, I expressed opinions about food and body types that were way harsher than I would ever say out loud in real life or admit to anyone in my life and used a character who, if you asked me, had a healthy and confident attitude toward her body, to express them. I guess I just thought everyone’s internal monologue was like that. I figured attractive people were just as obsessive as I was but better at self-discipline. I honestly believe a lot of the books I read as a teenager may have been written with a similar attitude to mine.

I think I still have a slightly distorted self-image-- for example, at a recent doctor’s appointment, discovered I weigh 30 pounds less than I thought I did-- but I have a much clearer-eyed view of this stuff that I couldn’t see before when I was in the thick of my body issues. When you’re deep in this stuff, not only can you not see your physical shape accurately, you also can’t see your behavior, beliefs, and thoughts for what they really are. It all seems normal.

I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make here, but I do think that the stuff we create can reveal so much more about our own biases, insecurities, and sometimes even harmful beliefs than we’d ever suspect. Those thoughts tend to linger longer than the actions themselves-- I sometimes still think about myself the same way now that I did then, I just don’t let it change my behavior anymore. And like I said, my actions never got so severe that they harmed me physically, but I hope the thoughts that I expressed in my writing, which I published online for people to read, didn’t mess with any other impressionable young people’s self-esteem or habits. Fairly mild mental health issues are especially weird like that-- you don’t really notice the change the way you might with more severe symptoms, and you don’t really think you’re seeing the world or yourself any differently from your peers. It all seems totally normal at the time until you look back.

[ezra-autumn]

Testosterone and Emotions:

I went on HRT with the knowledge that a lot of people report their emotional range changing and as someone who used to cry Every Day over pretty much everything, I was kind of relieved and excited about this.

Now, let me try and explain where I’m at now and what i’m experiencing now 4+ months on T.

My emotional range has completely changed. It’s not more limited, it’s just like not really comparable. It’s not on the same graph. It’s like trying to chart the sweetness of candy vs the sweetness of fruit. It’s apples and oranges or whatever people say. They’re not the same thing.

1) Fear: I can tell where the fear used to be and I can remember it, but when i’m in mildly scary situations it just isn’t there anymore. Walking to my car in a mostly empty parking garage at night, i’m aware it’s not totally safe and I’m wary, but I have to remember to be wary. I’m not just automatically on guard with adrenaline making me jumpy and my heart racing and stuff. There’s this weird feeling of like extra thick skin? i know it’s not physically different. I didn’t get magically stronger or less vulnerable or at any less risk, but I just don’t /feel/ vulnerable in the same way. I feel a little delusional-ly invincible in a way the reminds me of being a teenager and doing dumb shit just because it felt good to be alive.

2) Sadness/stress/etc. is all internal and implosive instead of external and explosive. I don’t feel any less sad over sad things or any less stressed over stressful things, but now I feel it in a sort of internalized sinkhole and a feeling of shutting down and my brain just like slowing and molasses-ing. Crying doesn’t come easily any if it does it’s like one tear after a long long while of feeling miserable.

3) sex drive: understanding for the first time in my entire life why people call sex a basic human need. I was kind of like take it or leave it about sex/masturbation before this and now it’s like a basic maintenance item on my list of stuff I have to do for myself to feel functional like showering and brushing my teeth and eating. It’s wild.

4) internal perceptions of my own strength: still figuring this out but when i forget to over-think it, i can open jars easier and lift stuff i wouldn’t have attempted before. I’m hoping i adjust to this enough to start being more confident about my ability to build and use more upper body strength soon. The weirder part of my adjusted self perception of my own strength is that intellectually i know i’d still lose most fights, but emotionally I’ve caught myself mentally up for a potential fight in a way I haven’t been since i was a kid. Even though i’m a nonviolent person and I definitely do not actually want to fight anyone, I’m like “yeah but i could though.” and I have to be like “sit tf down me, you would still lose and it would not be a good time.”

5) anger: still haven’t noticed anything there yet. Anger isn’t really on my emotional range that often. usually it’s tied to sensory overload for me and i’ve been working pretty hard on shaping my life to accommodate my sensory needs as much as possible.

[606writings]

Could i request a Saeran and Saeyoung scenario where the MC has been secretly going to therapy for her mentally abusive mom and didn't wanna tell them because they had it way worse? Or just Saeran, whicherver you prefer. I could use something like this rn haha

SC: Therapy [Saeran]

Genre: Fluff.

Word count: 2,434.

You were coming out of your therapy session later than usual; you had a heavy and very emotional session and things dragged on way longer than what you expected. Your eyes were all swollen and your face was completely flushed because you had spent the last two hours crying non-stop.

Fuck, I’m late.

You thought to yourself, looking at your phone to check the hour. It was already 2:45 p.m., you were supposed to be home by 2:30 to receive your boyfriend.

I hope I don’t look like a mess by the time I get there…

While running down the street, both your hands were busy tying up your hair in a bun, sniffling and trying to regain your composure. You didn’t want Saeyoung or Saeran asking why you looked like that when you were “just buying groceries”.

You had to admit going to therapy wasn’t an easy thing to do, but what made it much worse was the fact that no one knew about it and you had to keep it a secret from your closest friends and even your boyfriend.

It wasn’t something you were ashamed of, in fact you always tried to encourage everyone around you to reach out for help when they needed it. And, of course you wouldn’t be ashamed of getting professional help when Saeran, the love of your life and the most important person to you, was going through the same thing.

You always tried to show him all the love and support he needed throughout his process of recovery, you were happy to be by his side and help him. But that was exactly why you hadn’t told anyone about your own problem; you didn’t want to be a burden to him or the rest of the RFA, you felt that it was not necessary.

Since you were younger, you were used to take care of yourself and be responsible of your own health –physical and mental health—. That’s why it wasn’t something new for you to go through difficult processes alone.

After another 15 minutes of bus ride, you were finally a few meters away from the home you shared with the Choi twins.

You stopped for a moment in front of the door trying to catch your breath and act as if nothing ever happened, but the moment you extended your hand to reach the front door you stood frozen.

I forgot the groceries! You screamed internally, realizing you had no excuse to why you arrived home so late and empty handed.

Usually, you got out of your session early enough to go to the supermarket and buy some things to prepare a special dinner. Every week you did Saeran’s favorite dish knowing it must have been a rough day for him.

Even if you two were going through the same process of recovery, you wouldn’t dare to compare your own trauma to his. You were convinced he had it much worse. Sure, you had a mentally abusive mom and a frustrated childhood due to your parent´s negligence, but at least you could go out of your house without gangsters hired by an important politician going after you every second.

Saeran didn’t have to deal with your problems, he already had enough by himself.

The moment you were back into your senses, you thought of walking to the nearest supermarket and buy at least frozen food and some ice cream, you could invent some sort of excuse on your way back home. But your plans were ruined by the motion sensor camera, that had already alerted Saeyoung of your presence in front of the house.

The door opened suddenly showing a confused red head looking at you with expectation.

“MC, why are you so late? You should have called me to pick you up.” Saeyoung asked, leaning his head lightly in confusion.

“Ah… I—I forgot my purse, and I…” Your eyes suddenly lit up when the perfect lie crossed your mind. “And I thought I left it at the store, but then after a long time looking for it, I realized I forgot it at home.”

With your head nodding fervently trying to look convinced, you pursed your lips to avoid any more words to come out of it and ruin your excuse.

Saeyoung looked even more confused, and with furrowed brows he pointed at something below you:

“Your purse is on your right hand.”

You looked down and, once again in less 5 minutes you froze in your place, amazed by your stupidity.

“Well… I…“ With your eyes still locked on your right hand, you searched in our head looking for any explanation, before being interrupted by a calmer voice.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you getting in?” Saeran asked, walking passed his brother and reaching out to take your hand and guide you inside.

Saeyoung locked the door behind you still looking cautiously at you.

“MC… You didn’t even go to the supermarket, did you?” He asked kindly.

You avoided his gaze with your hands still holding firmly Saeran’s, when you felt your boyfriend stop abruptly in front of you. He turned around and looked at you, noticing how you had brought nothing, and then looked at his brother.

“I did! It’s just that… Ummm, it’s just…” Your voice started getting smaller and smaller as you spoke, no excuse arrived on time to your mind to get you out of the current situation.

“MC…” A soft and cold hand took your chin and gently made you look at the loving eyes in front of you. Saeran was analyzing your face with a calm expression on his. “I can tell you’re lying. If there’s something going on, you can tell me.”

Looking at his noble expression, you started feeling bad for hiding something from him. Even though you thought it was better this way, you didn’t like it a single bit.

Since there was no believable excuse for you to tell them, you resigned and considered telling the truth.

“You know if there’s something you need to tell us we’ll help you with anything you need.” Saeran spoke once again, giving you the reassurance you needed to take the final step and tell them the truth.

“Uh, I feel like this is something you need to talk just the two of you, so I’ll be in my room until you need me…” Saeyoung said switching his stare between you and his twin, sensing his time to step out of the conversation, and then walked out slowly.

You witnessed as he left and then looked back at the expecting eyes before you. Clearing your throat, you prepared yourself mentally to talk about the truth:

“Ummm… You know I don’t have a good relationship with my parents…”

“Yes, I do remember that…” He raised slightly a brow with confusion.

“Well, I think the situation with the is a bit more serious than just ‘not getting along’… You could say I was abused by my mother and neglected by my father…” You explained yourself the best you could with all the nervousness flowing inside you. “Oh! But I was not abused physically! They rarely touched me…”

Saeran closed his eyes and made a disgusted grin, showing how he was getting angry about what you were telling him, so you hurried and kept explaining the rest:

“That was a long time ago! I mean, my mom is still as shit as ever but since I don’t talk to her anymore it’s all in the past… That’s why I decided to go to therapy…”

Saeran was listening with his eyes still closed, until you said that last part. It took him by surprise and he wasn’t sure how to react.

“I’ve been going to therapy since we started dating, I wanted to be in my best condition so I could help you too, you know? When I met you, I wanted to be a strong and reliable person for you, but I wasn’t, I had too many things inside me that were holding me back…”

You took a step closer to him and grabbed both his hands, as if that would help you share your emotions and thoughts better.

“I didn’t tell anyone about it because I thought it would be a burden for you, you had enough things to deal with already.” A wave of regret invaded you now that the truth was coming out of your mouth finally. “I’m so sorry for lying and inventing such stupid excuses, but I was convinced it was better this way.”

You stood silent for a few minutes, just holding Saeran’s hands tightly while he looked at you scrutinizing ever word you said.

Finally, after what felt like hours, he opened his mouth to respond with honesty and a bit of hurt in his tone:

“I’m a bit disappointed, MC.” Saeran looked down at your hands holding his, and then looked up at you again, his words taking you by surprise but at the same time, you knew it was a normal reaction.

“I’m slightly disappointed because all this time I’ve been sharing the deepest and darkest parts of myself with you, and I chose to be honest and talk about my past. But you’re still hiding from me.”

His words made sense. He always talked with you about the progress he made every week, even if it was difficult or painful, he wanted you to hear how he was slowly becoming a better and stronger person. That meant a lot to him.

That’s why it saddened him hearing you say you were “a burden to him”, he didn’t expect you to tell him every single detail about your past, but he expected the same level of confidence and honesty from you.

“I know we didn’t go through the same experiences, MC, but please don’t belittle your struggles like that. The reason why I’m trying so hard to get better is because of you. I want to protect you and be with you the rest of my life, making you happy. But I can’t do that if you’re not ready to share things like that with me…”

The weight of his words pierced through your heart. A small part of your chest started burning due to the arousal of emotions waking up inside you. You were speechless to his sincerity and his pained voice, and could tell he was really hurt because of your choices.

“Saeran, I’m so sorry…” Was the only thing you could say in that moment, instead you decided to step forward and pull him into you for a tight embrace, being that the only way you could show him how much you cared for him and how sorry you felt.

He was noticeably surprised by your actions at first, but after a few seconds he raised both his arms and wrapped them around you with gentleness. The moment his hands were placed on your back, all the emotions and tears you had been trying to hide came out suddenly, and between tears you spoke once again:

“I love you so much, I just wanted you to only see the good side of me…! I wanted you to think of me as someone strong enough to help you, but how can I do so if I can’t even deal with my own issues…?”

Your boyfriend sighed at your words.

“MC, I can’t tell you how much I disagree with you.” He replied, taking a small step back just enough to have you two face to face, so you could see the seriousness in his eyes. “You’re the strongest person I know, not because of how much you endure your pain, but because no matter what happens or how much you go through, you always manage to stay bright and see the good things in the world.

“Despite everything, you still smile cheerfully and laugh, you are a loving and caring person and I admire you so much because of that. And now that you tell me about your past and the way you’ve been dealing with that on your own, I admire you even more.

Look at me, I needed your help and my brother’s to realize how wrong and how damaged I was in the past. But you only had yourself to rely on, and still made it through and reached out for help.”

His feelings and thoughts were calming the deepest fears buried in your heart, making you feel thankful for having the most awesome boyfriend ever and being able to be beside him no matter what. Your tears wouldn’t stop falling across your face as he kept talking:

“I don’t need you to only show me ‘your good side’, I need you to show me all of you so we can grow together and become the best of ourselves for each other. I want to know the darkest parts of you so I can light them up and help you through them, just as you are doing with me.”

With his right thumb he gently brushed your tears off, caressing your skin as a silent message of support. Everything he said was leaving a huge impact on you, but his last words sealed any doubt that could be left:

“I love you more than anything else; I love every single thing about you. I want to keep discovering more and more of you, so I can love you even more.” Saeran leaned his face towards yours slowly, his breath warming your wet cheeks as every word left his mouth. “MC, will you let me love you even more from now on?”

Only two seconds passed before you nodded with shyness to his question, giving him the confirmation he so much wanted just before he closed any space left between the two of you to kiss you deeply.

It was as if that kiss erased the fears even you didn’t notice were there, letting you finally be at peace with yourself and be able to admit you needed his help too to go through the journey of recovery. You even felt relieved for finally talking the truth.

This was a new step in your relationship, you were ready now to ask for his help and support from now on, and show him your deepest struggles and fears knowing he would be by your side until you find your own answers.

You sighed in relief after separating your lips from his, and cleared your throat before speaking:

“Thank you, Saeran…” He smiled at you with love. “Let’s do this together from now on, okay?”

[moo-nstone]

Hey girl, i need some advice and i hope you can help me. I don’t know if you’ve been through this but i guess so bc i saw some asks ago where you were talking about this and yeah

How do i deal with someone i love (ex partner) moving on so quickly and being with another girl?

And like, when that happened to you did you compare yourself to that girl? Because that’s also a huge issue of mine, im always comparing myself to her and stalking them like ugh HELP

OKAY FUCKING PREPARE YOURSELF

the first thing you’re gonna do is, hear me out: you’re not gonna get involved with ANYONE. not for a good while, not until you’re ready. trust me when i say that the one who moves on the fastest after the breakup is the one that’ll suffer the most. even though it might not seem like it now, even though he might be experiencing happiness right now, in some months reality’s gonna hit and it’s gonna hit him hard. why? because he didn’t process the breakup. he didnt allow himself the time to get over you and just moved on so he wouldn’t have to deal with the bad feelings. literally a few months after what happened to me, his best friend texted me saying how he tried covering up a huge hole with a quick bandaid and now he was realizing how it had only been a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

the second reason why you’re not gonna get involved with anyone else is because that’s what he’s expecting you to do. he immediately moved on to someone else in part to hurt you — and he WANTS you to move on with someone else so that he can feel the satisfaction of you trying to replace him. it’ll boost his ego and it’ll make it easier for him to warp his perception of you into someone who he doesn’t respect.

if there’s one thing i know is that men always come back, no matter how toxic or healthy what you had was. they come back when they sense you getting over them, they come back when they see how amazing you’re doing, they come back when they realize how much they messed up.

so what you’re gonna do is focus on yourself. im not just talking about a physical glow up, im talking mental. when i went through that i couldnt stop comparing myself to her, i used to have an amazing confidence but i let myself shatter it, constantly feeling like i wasn’t enough, like i wasn’t loveable, like i was replaceable just because he replaced me. you know what helped? working on my individuality. right now im focusing so much on developing my style, wearing things out of my comfort zone, things that make me happy, things that make me feel so sexy and confident. unique things. working on my makeup skills too and how to express myself with makeup. skincare and haircare too, there’s something so healing about taking care of yourself and being gentle and dedicating all the love and care you deserve and start seeing results. go watch hyram on youtube if you want to learn about skincare! it’s so much fun. about the mental part: astrology has helped me so much. you gotta be infatuated with yourself, with learning more about you and your past and your traumas and unhealed shit that you need to acknowledge and work on. also manifestation and saying daily mantras to myself about how pretty and smart and interesting i feel, and listening to music that makes me feel sexy. i find exercise boring bc i need to be constantly stimulated so what i started doing was dancing to just dance videos on youtube and now i cant stop LOL ITS SO FUN, gets my blood pumping makes me feel sexy when im dancing to rihanna songs AHDJDJDJ and makes me feel more energized. and for the love of god: PLEASE get a hobbie. you don’t need to do a lot right now, just ONE. hobbies give you so much self-worth and make you feel so capable and like you’re art creating art - i dont want to be cheesy but it is true that interesting people have interests, this is the time for you to get into something you’ve always wanted to do or that you used to love doing as a child but stopped because life got in the way.

i also want you to allow yourself to feel. don’t repress - whenever you want to cry, cry. whenever you miss him, allow yourself to. whenever you remember all the amazing things he did, or all the terrible things he did, or that YOU did, allow yourself to feel all that. time heals nothing, it’s you who’s gotta put in the work to heal yourself.

also, this is the time to focus on your friendships. join an online community or talk with your current friends, talk with them through what happened, be with people who can make you laugh just as hard as he did. communicate all that you feel to them, about your past, about how much you love them, doesn’t matter.

a thing that i did that helped so much was that i’d imagine him coming back and begging me to get back together with him, and i’d imagine being at a point that i felt so good by myself, that i was so confident and so focused on my shit that i’d tell him no. and eventually i became that girl, who was over him and deserved so much more than some childish kid who thinks i’m replaceable, and that’s exactly when he came back. so, please remember that just because you feel like he replaced you, it doesnt mean he did. you are irreplaceable, unfuckwitable, unlinkable, way too good for ANYONE.

and PLEASE STOP WITH THE STALKING LMFAO THAT’S THE WORST PART OF ALL, IT’S SO HARD TO STOP STALKING AND TO NOT ANALYZE EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HE LIKES AND TWEETS AND EVERYTHING THAT SHE POSTS BUT YOU’RE GONNA STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. you dont need to block them, there’s an option on twitter that lets you silence them so you’ll never see them on your tl, if it’s on other social medias where you can’t silence, unfollow and block. know that it doesn’t matter who’s prettier or smarter or hotter, SHE’S NOT YOUR COMPETITION. know that as much as you’re comparing yourself to her, she’s comparing herself to you ten times worse. sending your pics to her friends asking them if they think you’re pretty and shit. she’s not your enemy and it’s not her fault he’s an asshole. so you’ll just let them completely out of your life. also, out of sight out of mind. avoid seeing him. if you have work together or school together or ride the bus together or whatever, avoid all the places where you know he’ll be. make an effort to never be around the same places as him.

i wish you good luck my love, know that you’re the shit, literally the hottest and smartest bitch alive and that’s something he’ll never be able to take away from you. this is what helped me through the worst times, so take it with a grain of salt pls im not an expert. I LOVE YOU

[giulsherondale]

"Please change your expression."

"What expression?"

"I'm talking about your sly grin, please change."

"I can't get over myself."

She slaps Serkan😂

"Love gets tired of a lots of whims."

Serkan kissed her again😍

Eda compares Serkan to potatoes. His faces were so funny during the speech.

"You agree with the fact that I have brought color to your boring life?"

"Color? You brought the whole rainbow in my life."

Serkan Bolat definitely knows how to made a woman swoon at his feet.

I love the fact that Leyla calls Eda immediately when Serkan does not respond at her calls. And I love that Serkan turn off the phone every time he's with Eda, because he doesn't want to be disturbed even more.

What the hell Alptekin you have the courage to ask for divorce like that?! Where is your pride? He didn't even say sorry to her. Bad move, zero character development.

Selin and her last sneaky move, she made everyone guilty, Ferit, Eda and even Ceren. I really can't stand her. The only thing that she did right was selling the shares.

I liked the way Serkan reacted to the truth revelation, he actually surprised me when he forgive Ferit immediately. So proud of him.

Aydan hug with Eda and Serkan... Ahh Aydan you don't have an idea of how much I love you.

"To make amends, i give you a chance."

"A chance?"

"Yes."

"What are you up to Serkan Bolat?"

"The right to three wishes."

Honestly... Serkan is soooo smart. Great move babe. I love that he asked her to fulfill three wishes.

"Why doesn't she speak? Engin don't talk like you don't know Piril. With women like Piril, one should listen not to what they say, but to what they are silent about."

Serkan and Engin friendship is so special. And Serkan really knows how to advise friends in love. And I love the fact that when Engin asks him how is going with Eda he tells him that Eda has to try too to get their relationship work. It's so true actually, because by now only Serkan made steps towards Eda, but now she has to do that too.

"If you have time, I'd like to discuss something with you."

"Yes, I have something to tell you."

"If you will allow me, I will begin. I understand that I could not become a good father for you. But I'm sure that... You will be a wonderful father. I don't know how important my opinion is to you, but believe me... Eda is a very correct person. If you don't make the mistakes that I have made you will be very happy. "

"Thank you for your words. I never want to see you again. Not in my... You will never appear again in my mother's life."

"Yes. I will not appear in your life again. You can be sure. But... One day, I know that you will forgive me. And further... If one day you need help or get stuck... Then I'll be there. You are my son and I am your father. And nothing will change that."

I actually really liked this conversation. I still hate Alptekin but this was nice. And the thing that I like the most is that when Alptekin goes away he put the chair in place. It's a little thing but so important. We all knew this "order" obsession, and I was happy to see that he noticed that. And Kerem acting in this scene was amazing. And how sweet was Ferit that he wanted to check on Serkan to saw if he was okay.

"Are you free?"

"Yes. I'm always free for you."

"I was worried about you... Alptekin bey..."

"In moments like this, Eda, I have a wonderful remedy. This is work. Work is the second thing in the world that makes me feel good."

"What’s the first thing?"

"Guess?"

"Sports activities?"

"No."

"Vacation?"

"No."

"Nothing else comes to my mind."

"This don't get out of my head at all."

EDA IT'S HIS FIRST THING THAT MAKES HIM FEEL GOOD.

"Good. Perfect. Really good."

"Perfect?"

"Perfect. I'm talking about the portfolio. She's also beautiful in human terms. And the great thing is that she knows English."

"English... And portfolio. Everyone here knows English."

"Yes."

"Are they all beautiful?"

"That's why they work for us Eda."

"Did you say that they are all beautiful?"

"Yes... So... Good."

"In my opinion, none of them."

"Eda, they are all successful in their field."

"We cannot know this from one interview. As you know, but Efe wouldn't want to."

"Efe wouldn't want to... But Efe is not here."

"That's it, which one suits you? Which one of them?"

"I'm looking for a decent PR manager who will be good at his job. You... Are little..."

"A little what?"

"Are you jealous?"

"Me? Jealous?"

"A little."

"Don't be silly."

"A little bit."

"No! Why should I be jealous?! But they stick to you, you know? Pay attention to this, they were glued. Of course it doesn't concern me... But if you like this attention... As you want."

"If you feel calmer we can find a man."

I love jealous Eda, just like Serkan loves her jealous. It was so funny to watch her being jealous. And Eda expression when she sees Balca... Priceless.

"Then consider the males candidates, because women pisses you off a little."

I'm in love with confident Serkan.

Selin sneaky move pt. 2. Why the hell did she tells Balca every about Serkan private life? And why did she tells her that if she want to have success in the agency she has to know Serkan personally? Really Selin you couldn't have Serkan so now you don't want him to be happy with Eda? What a waste of character... I'm actually mad at her she's really the worst.

Have you noticed Bedo (the hairstylist) between the journalists?😂

SORRY BUT I'M STILL HERE... PHYSICALLY... MENTALLY... EMOTIONALLY❤️✨

"I want you to surprise me."

"How?"

"On one night you knock on my door."

"Why should I come to you?"

"So that you surprise me."

"And then what? Leave?"

"You will come in."

"To do what? I'm leaving."

"Eda, sit down. You will come into my house and watch a movie with me."

"Suddenly? Are you suggesting that I knock on your door?"

"You knock on my door."

"We will see a movie?"

"Exactly."

"Only?"

"We can eat popcorn too."

"Popcorn? You don't eat that Serkan."

"I have changed a lot Eda. I'll eat, even if a little, but we will eat them... Very little."

"I think I can agree to that."

The fact that Serkan want to know if she will come to his house tonight show us how badly he wants to spend some time alone with her. My romantic robot.

Serkan prepare the entire house in a romantic way, with candles, wine, soft light... And when someone finally knock at his door... Who is he? Engin, and than Ferit... And in the end Erdem. This scene was hilarious, sooo funny. I actually like this boys night, I'd like that they will do that more often. And when Engin notices that the house is really warm I thought... Soo Serkan I wonder why you warm up the house like that... You don't want that Eda gets cold right?😏

I really like Ferit and Ceren together, they are cute.

The way Eda go near Serkan as she sees Selin. I love my protective woman. And I hate how they wrote Selin, no character development, she keeps running after a dream that she made with Serkan... Girl go and do something for yourself for once. I'm so happy that we get rid of her, but I'm sad for Bige, she is actually a really good actress.

During the dance scene I felt too much. The chemistry was on fire🔥

Engin proposal... I loved it. You know I go horse riding and if my boyfriend would have ask me to marry him on a white horse I would have said yes immediately😂. And how proud Serkan was of his friends. I love their friendship.

What the hell Serkan? What the hell? Pizza? With Balca? No I'm sorry maybe I didn't understand... A beautiful speech about a woman changing your life, the fact that she made you live again but really Serkan? I really don't understand him? Why he behave like that? My poor baby Eda. I know that Serkan doesn'tlike Balca in that way but I understand her if she gets mad and starts screaming. Come on Serkan help yourself a little.

[theimperialnuisance]

FFXIV Write 2021 Day 1

// FFXIV Write Info // Prompts // Master post //

(Heads up, this is LONG. I got kind if carried away as this is an ORGIN STORY! : D Set before ARR so Kien is 18 but is not known by that name just yet. Mentions of  speculated physical and mental abuse if you squint. Some of my personal headcanon’s of Meracydia are present in this! I hope you enjoy!)

Day 1 Forster

bring up (a child that is not one's own by birth).

encourage or promote the development of (something, typically something regarded as good).

Ranald had been to his fair share of places since becoming a merchant, but no place struck him as interesting as Meracydia.

It was a place people scarcely traveled to as it had been rendered a wasteland ever since the Allagan Empire declared war there during the last years of the Third Astral Era; a lot of regions were still uninhabitable to this day and those regions that could be lived in consisted of a rather recluse population that would attack any outsider on sight. However, some of the natives were still open to trade as certain materials from Eorzea were highly sought after and the rare gems found on the southern continent could sell for a hefty sum of Gil in Eorzea but one wrong move in the eyes of the natives meant an ambush or death, so Ranald never stayed for long or ventured too far from the shores whenever he decided to come around to try his luck with a trade.

With every visit, the Hyur could never quite comprehend how natives still lived on the southern continent. The water was always cloudy and murky and the sky was ochre in color with the sun permanently hidden behind a thick haze. The land itself was barren and dry—what remains of standing trees were bare and splintered while the rest were deduced to blackened stumps. In some places, there were remains of structures but none of them were in one piece and most of them were reduced to rubble, but he certainly felt prying eyes on him at several instances and he shuddered to think of who—or what—could be roaming around the ruins.

He and his three fellow traders had been in Meracydia for the better part of three nights with no luck when Ranald finally made the decision to call it quits and leave before any sort of ambush befell them; It was already risky enough to travel without a tribe’s trust to trade with and staying any longer than the initial welcome was just begging for an attack. As he turned to follow his fellow shipmates up the ramp, he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end; someone had been watching him.

“Who goes there?” Ranald quickly unsheathed his daggers and whipped around, expecting to come face to face with a tribe ready to ambush them but was mildly surprised to find a young Miqo’te staring back at him. He seemed just as startled as Ranald was, his own bow drawn at the ready and a hand resting on the quiver on his back as if he was about to draw an arrow.

“Wait! Wait!” The Miqo’te said hurriedly but still didn’t lower his weapon. “You’re a trader, aren’t you?” His accent was thick but his Common was easy to understand causing more confusion to the Hyur. Usually, it was always the other way around; the natives expected outsiders to understand their language when trading, it was unusual to meet a native who could speak and understand Common.

Questions bubbling, Ranald arched an eyebrow at him. “I am. What have you?” Behind him, he could hear his shipmates rush out to see what going on, but he cocked his head to the side in a silent request to stay back to which they obeyed.

The Miqo’te looked even more nervous than he was before at the sight of the three other people but didn’t move. “I did not come to harm you; I only want to trade…an exchange, if you will.”

 Ranald almost wanted to laugh. “Then why are you brandishing your weapon at me lad?” He asked, watching as the Miqo’te’s expression twist from concern to confusion. “This has better not be a trick and no one else comes out to attack.” He said firmly, watching the Miqo’te eyes widened.

 “I—I wasn’t trying to catch you off guard, but when you suddenly pulled out your daggers, I panicked.” The Miqo’te confessed. “I—I’m not really used to talking with people outside my tribe, so I was unsure how to approach you.” He slowly lowered his weapon and pulled his other hand away from his quiver of arrows. “I promise you, I am alone, and I only seek to trade with you.”

Ranald eyed the boy a bit longer before slowly relaxing his stance and sheathing his daggers. The Miqo’te, who had been watching him carefully, seemed to sag in relief and he quickly returned his bow to his back. Without a weapon shielding half his face, Ranald could finally see how young the lad was compared to him—he looked as if he was in his late teens, maybe the same age as his own son but somehow older and wiser just based off the energy he had about him. His shaggy black hair fell almost completely in front of his right eye, giving Ranald barely a glimpse of it which he could see was amber; a color not like his left eye which was green. He seemed to be traveling somewhere himself as two bags sat behind his feet, and he looked as if he hadn’t gotten any sleep the past few days.

“What’ve you got to trade?” Ranald asked as he descended the ramp back onto the shore. The Miqo’te wordlessly picked up the smaller of the two bags and opened it, inviting Ranald to step closer and look inside. Still a bit weary, Ranald leaned forward to peer inside the bag, nearly gasping aloud at the abundant sparkling gems inside.

“You cannot find these anywhere outside of Meracydia,” The Miqo’te began. “At least, that’s what the other traders told me when I traded with them before…I’ve been collecting them for several years.”

Ranald could hardly believe it. There had to be at least twenty or more gems inside the bag and the Miqo’te was right: they were rare ones he’d never found in Eorzea before—this was more than what he’d ever traded in the past. But…he knew he didn’t have anything worth the amount offered in goods to trade. He looked up with a questioning stare. “What can I give you in return?”

“Passage on your ship,” The Miqo’te replied confidently as if he had rehearsed the line several times before. “While I do not know where you’re bound to next, know that I you needn’t worry about lack of provisions as I have my own and I will do any necessary work during the journey.” He spoke with confidence but once again his fidgeting hands and tense shoulders gave away to his nervousness—had he been denied before? What fool would turn down a bag of rare gems for an extra passenger on the way back? Nay, there was something more to this and Ranald felt a need to know why.

“What’s your name lad?” Ranald asked but the Miqo’te stayed silent as he bit his lip in hesitation. Ranald’s expression softened, deciding to not press it further. “Well, you can tell me when you’re ready—it’s a long journey back to Eorzea so there’s plenty of time to share life stories.”

“Eorzea…? The place I’ve heard stories about…have seen in...” The Miqo’te trailed away and bit his lip to prevent himself from speaking any further. “You’ll have me then?” He looked back up; hope swimming through his eyes that caused Ranald to smile warmly.

“Aye, climb aboard!” Ranald smiled as he gestured to the ship. “These three here are Mikiah and Arlix,” he gestured to the short brunette Hyur to his left and the tall blonde Elezen to his right before turning to the brunette Miqo’te standing at the top of the ramp. “That there is U’vhana Tia and I’m Ranald.” The three friends all raised their hands in a gesture of greeting looking confused but welcoming all the same. Ranald watched as the young Miqo’te eyed them wearily before nodding his head in greeting. “We leave as soon as we fire up the ship, don’t want to lose any more of this daylight—if you can call it that.” He waved his hand absently with a smile as the Miqo’te gathered his remaining bag and followed them up the ship and they took off.

----

For the first half of the journey, Ranald watched the young Miqo’te bemusedly as he seemed to go through an array of emotions over the course of seconds—fear from the airship beginning to fly, excitement when he saw a blue sky, probably for the first time in his life, and then, he seemed to settle into his thoughts as the ground below grew smaller and smaller and they sailed through the clouds.

As the day stretched into evening, the Hyur left the Miqo’te alone, sensing he was still nervous from everything that had just occurred while the man himself was still in bewilderment of it all. He essentially just helped a kid run away from his family, and his friends didn’t even question him! He wasn’t what exactly possessed him to agree to such an absurd trade but judging by the relief on his face once he invited him on board, he supposed he couldn’t blame him for wanting to get the hells out of the wasteland. But what about his family? Wouldn’t they be searching for him? Would it even be safe to return to Meracydia again knowing there may or may not be a tribe on the lookout for their lost family member? And that scar on his eye…Ranald hadn’t missed glimpsing that but chose to not ask him about it either. Was that why he wanted to run away from his family?

The Hyur sighed, running a hand through his graying hair. Such speculative thoughts would have to wait! Mayhap he could get some questions answered over dinner. Deciding to do just that, he ensured his friends were all tended to with the ship and made his way up to the deck where he spied the Miqo’te leaning over the ship wall and watching the stars. Just as he made way to approach him, the boy suddenly went rigid, his hand flying to his forehead as if he was in pain. By the time Ranald was able to get to his side to help keep him steady as he staggered, he was coherent again but a little pale.

“I must’ve gotten too excited and gave myself another headache, but it passed.” The Miqo’te looked down as if he was ashamed and slowly stepped away from Ranald’s hovering hands. Ranald furrowed his brow and gently placed a hand on the Miqo’te’s shoulder, not failing to notice the slight jolt that went through him.

“Another headache? These’ve happened before?” Ranald couldn’t help voicing the question aloud and the Miqo’te flinched as if he was expecting to get yelled at. Ranald’s face softened as he quietly asked, “Are you alright?”

That question seemed to take him by surprise, and he looked up to meet Ranald’s worried expression, blinking in bewilderment. “Ah—I—I’m fine,” he stuttered before looking away again in embarrassment. “Sorry, could I maybe sit down for a bit? I’m feeling very sick.” Ranald carefully guided him down to a chair and quickly fetched one of his water skins, offering it to the boy with a gentle nudge. He cautiously accepted it and took a few sips before leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes.

 Ranald watched him carefully for a bit, trying to figure out the right then to say as he sat down in the chair across from him. “Have you heard of the Echo before?” He finally asked. When the boy shook his head, he smiled warmly. “I don’t know much about it myself unfortunately, but I’ve heard what it can be like—headaches—like the one you just had—and if I’m not mistaken, you saw something, didn’t you?” The Miqo’te’s brow furrowed as he nodded his head.

“How—how did you know?”

“Your eyes glazed over for a good minute as if you were watching something,” Ranald explained. “When you’ve been traveling around for as long as I have, you meet a few people with the Echo every now and then. Who knows, maybe you’ll become one of Hydaelyn’s chosen and save Eorzea in her time of need like those ‘Warriors of Light’ did during the calamity five years ago!” He chuckled fondly, a memory of his son excitedly talking about the fables springing to his mind.

“Hydaelyn’s chosen? Warriors of Light?” The Miqo’te questioned.

“Aye, the rumor goes that they’re the ones who the Mother Crystal chose to bestow her blessin’ to and they showed up during the Battle of Carteneau and promptly vanished after some big ol’ flash—no one has seen ‘em since. My son would always tell me about an adventurer he met—Kieron, I think—he believed he may have been one of those warriors.” He smiled fondly. “My son was frail and sickly; he didn’t get to travel around as often but Kieron would trade with me often and helped fill that void for him—kept him company and told him all about his grand adventures before taking off on the next one.” He paused, feeling his heart twinge in sadness.

“My son passed away before the calamity, bless his soul for not having to witness that battle, but… I cannot help but wonder if Kieron really was a ‘Warrior of Light’ like my son thought he was because after the calamity, I never saw him again either.” Ranald let out a sigh as he brought his gaze to the starry sky above. “I’d like to think he and my son are off on their own grand adventure somewhere now—mayhap I’ll see them both again someday.” He fell silent as turned his gaze back to the Miqo’te. “Can I ask you why you won’t tell me your name?”

The Miqo’te hesitated for a moment, his eyes casting down to his boots as he wrung his hands. “It’s Roh’to,” he began quietly. “I rather not be called by it anymore…I just want to get away from my tribe. They…did not make me feel welcomed and I’m not proud of my tribe name. I just want to start anew.”

Ranald reached up to scratch the stubble on his chin with a nod, his speculation about the relation to his scar and family slowly piecing itself together. “Then I suppose we’ll have to find a new name for you then.” The Miqo’te looked up, his expression a mixture of confusion and awe. “Take all the time you need to think of it but what I really need to know is what you plan to do once we get to Gridania.”

“I—I don’t know,” The Miqo’te confessed as he looked down again. “I truthfully didn’t even think I’d get this far in the first place…not a lot of traders were as willing as you to believe I wasn’t trying to trick and ambush them.”

“Used to be a pirate,” Ranald laughed. “Easy for me to tell when someone is lyin’ to me.” He leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “Tell you what, you can stay with me for a bit, just until you get yourself situated. There’s a few people I think you should meet anyways in regards to that Echo of yours.”

The Miqo’te jerked his head up and stared at him in disbelief. “Truly? I…I won’t be a burden to you?”

Ranald shook his head with a laugh and leaned back. “O‘course not! ‘Sides, I could use the company with how quiet my house has been lately.” His expression softened, somehow knowing this was the right decision to make.

The Miqo’te seemed on the verge of tears as the corner of his lip tugged into a small smile. “I promise to do my part and help out in anyway I can, you won’t regret this.”

“No expectations, just be yourself.” The Hyur smiled and stood, giving a small nudge to the Miqo’te’s shoulder, noticing that he didn’t flinch this time, a sign that he was already feeling more comfortable than before. “You take all the time you need to figure that name out, and I’ll get some dinner prepared…get some sleep too, it’ll be a while before we get to Eorzea.”

He turned on his heel to retreat down into the hull, but before he could descend the stairs, he heard the boy call out, “Ranald?” The Hyur paused with a hum to indicate he was listening. “I thought about what my new name could be.”

“Oh?” He turned to face the Miqo’te again.

“Kien.”

A smile spread across Ranald’s face, his heart filling with warmth. “Well Kien, it’s nice to finally meet you.” 

[dailytomlinson]

When reflecting on music’s most influential artists, critics tend to use statistics to measure their legacy—whether it’s a band reaching #1 on the charts, multiple sold-out tours, or albums that represent a generation. Those types of accolades and praise are for bands that, typically, exist within rock with a predominantly sizeable male fanbase, like The Rolling Stones or The Beatles. For English-Irish boyband One Direction, who actually broke one of The Beatles biggest achievements by having five Top 10 debut tracks on the Hot 100 compared to The Beatles’ four, have sold out multiple tours and delivered five albums five years in a row, they have not been regarded as much of an influential force in the music industry as they should be.

Today—on July 23rd 2020—the band celebrates ten years since they first became a band, even if five years of that time was during a prolonged indefinite hiatus while each of the members pursued solo ventures. A decade marks ten years of One Direction and, for the fans, ten years of an impactful legacy the band, both together and apart, has had on their lives.

After being thrown together on The X-Factor back in July 2010, the band did more in five years than most bands do in their entire careers; they released five albums and sold more than 6.49 million copies in just America alone, filmed one concert documentary and one tour film, completed multiple world tours, and pursued philanthropic ventures. All of those things didn’t come without a price, though. Zayn Malik left the band in 2014 due to his mental health suffering. The band toured consistently every year with hardly ever having any personal time off, and add in an album release a year, they were extremely overworked.

There’s a belief boy bands have an expiry date, and it’s likely their management felt they needed to get as much out of the band while they believed they were still relevant. It’s likely that fans would’ve stuck around if the members took time between their albums and tours. In 2015, when the hiatus began, people wondered if One Direction really could ever come back and, if they did, would fans still really care about them?

“One Direction was one of the biggest and most successful bands,” said @TheHarryNews, a Twitter fan update account. “They achieved amazing things in the five years they were together, despite being overworked by putting out albums and touring every year, which isn’t normal.”

One specific thread that ties together every fans’ thoughts when they reflect on why they decided to become fans of the boys in the first place is the carefree and loving rapport the band has with one another. We’ve all seen The X Factor video diaries, laughed over their banter during interviews, and watched every live performance they did to look out for cute interactions between our favourite members. In their own unique way, One Direction helped defy traits typically associated with toxic masculinity; they didn’t shy away from their affection for one another and made that known in interviews and concerts. Their friendship set them apart, made them more real, and through them, we made friendships of our own.

When someone seeks out new friends, they go to where they feel safest: the communities of people who love the same things as they do. Social media not only propelled the band to international audiences, but it also helped many fans meet the people they now call their lifelong friends. “They have impacted my life in ways I never thought a ‘boyband’ could,” said Lauren, a fan from Buffalo, NY. “They gave me the best friends I could ever ask for, helped me when I was lost and thought I had no one. They ultimately helped me find myself.”

Social media did more than just help us make friends. It was also a major catalyst for the band’s success, and a large part is due to update accounts on Twitter that were created by fans, for fans. Fan-created update accounts would document every single movement and moment made by the band’s five members, whether it was live-streaming a concert or updating fans on the band’s whereabouts. For @With1DNews, a UK/Canada-based update account, it’s a labour of true love for the band that “glued them together” in the first place. “We found each other through our 1D fan accounts on Twitter,” they said. “We started talking about the boys, then our lives, and quickly became great friends.”

Even though they started the account after the hiatus already began, they still felt like fans needed One Direction news. “We had noticed there weren’t really any active 1D update accounts left and we knew a lot of fellow 1D fans were still interested in seeing news about the boys’ careers and lives. It was also because we missed seeing 1D together and hearing about them together. We thought, why not create this space that connects them even if they’re now all going their own way.”

Update accounts take as much time, effort, and energy as an unpaid second job; it requires those who run them to schedule themselves accordingly to cover certain times of each day to ensure their fellow fans get updated in a timely manner, and they do as much fact-checking and researching that any other traditional news outlet does.

Even if some critics might not consider One Direction an influential force in the music industry, the impact they continue to have on their fans is what has set them apart from every other musical act. In a scene in One Direction’s concert documentary, This Is Us, a fan breathlessly states “I know they love me, even if they don’t know me.” This type of parasocial relationship to a band is something not many understand; it’s a sense of intimacy that doesn’t require either party to actually deeply know one another on a personal level but is still as meaningful and significant as actual relationships.

A connection with the band is even more prevalent for Amy, a Los Angeles based writer and mum of two, because of the impact the band has had on her family is something that isn’t tangible but has been detrimental to her children’s development. “I have a child with physical and neurological disabilities who, prior to One Direction, was completely non-verbal and really struggling to find motivation and happiness amongst all the doctors and therapy appointments,” stated Amy. “They have done more for her development, including indirectly teaching her to speak and sing, than any therapy she’s ever done. Up until we found the boys, everything was trial and error; trying to find what makes sense to her and would, in turn, make the world make sense to her. Who knew the key would be a ‘silly’ boy band?”

Many fans have expressed that the band is their happy place – the only positive light in their life when things got tough. For so many, the band came at a time when they desperately needed something to help them through difficult situations whether that be pressure from school, jobs, peers, or life in general. Watching the ‘Best Song Ever’ music video, or a funny interview felt like a cure to smile and laugh after a long day. “They were what we turned to when we felt overwhelmed in our own lives. Now, we’re adults, and they still bring us as much happiness as they did when we were younger,” says @With1DNews.

Not only that, but the band has also helped fans gain more confidence in themselves. By helping create a space and community for them, fans who may have felt lonely, different, or struggled to find a place they belonged had somewhere to go now. They made friends who accepted them, endless content that felt like a burst of serotonin, and a band of boys who told them through lyrics how great and valuable they are, songs like ‘Through the Dark’, ‘Diana’, and ‘Little Things’. Through the band, One Direction fans created their own safe space to work out and navigate their own identity; a space that is free from outside shame where they could be whoever they wanted to be because the people they loved the most accepted them for exactly who they are.

Despite the safety found in those spaces, others have given those fans different descriptions: Hysterical. Rabid. Extra. ‘Screamers.’ Those are just a few of the many words that have been used to describe female fans of boy bands, both past and present. Although these words carry negative connotations, they imply something more powerful than any naysayer could understand or try to define: the sheer force that comes with unashamedly loving something so deeply, you don’t really care about anyone else’s opinions.

Young female fans are the most supportive, passionate fanbase an artist can have, yet they are the most trivialized and ridiculed both within and outside of the music industry. At the start of their career, music’s most beloved band The Beatles was a boy band that catapulted into fame because of, not despite, their female fans. It wasn’t until male fans noticed the band’s progression into an experimental sound when they decided to embrace the band and deem them worthy of their support after they began playing ‘real’ music.

Even if there are major similarities between The Beatles and One Direction, the latter is still regarded by many to be a manufactured pop boy band with a ‘teenybopper’ fanbase. The members of the band have consistently embraced and validated their predominantly female fanbase; Harry Styles has been consistently vocal about this matter, going so far as to say “Teenage-girl fans — they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act ‘too cool.’ They like you, and they tell you.”

In ‘Girl Almighty’, the fifth track on their fourth album, Four, the band addressed the way their fans have been misjudged and labelled ‘crazy’ because of their passion and not only applauded them for their dedication and love, but bowed down to them as well; “Let’s have another toast to the girl almighty […] I get down on my knees for you.” Not only has One Direction always known who helped them get to where they are today, but they’ve also never shied away from declaring their respect for them, constantly validating their fans’ feelings.

For One Direction’s fans, a decade of the band’s formation represents ten years of a legacy that will continue on, even if the band never formally get back together. For Amy, it doesn’t really matter if they got their start on a TV talent show because it’s the fans that made them and set the band apart from every other boyband. “What we all created together feels so untouchable in regards to boy bands of the past and ones to come. I think people will look back in awe and see what we see; we’ve been so incredibly lucky to have witnessed the magic of One Direction.”

They might not be aware of it, but One Direction was incredible at predicting what was to come in their own music; “Who’s gonna be the first to say goodbye?” / “But it’s not the end, I’ll see your face again” / “We had some good times, didn’t we? We wore our hearts out on our sleeve” / “We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen.” In ‘Best Song Ever’, a song that ordinary listeners would not exactly consider overly sentimental or profound, there is one lyric that will always stand out for the fans to represent One Direction’s legacy perfectly: “I hope you’ll remember how we danced.” Ten years later, we haven’t forgotten.

[manjuhitorie]

tat - Shinoda’s Hitori-Atelier blog posts - REAMP Digest volume 4

Shinoda’s blog post via Hitori-Atelier! Please consider joining Hitori-Atelier and supporting Hitorie’s ventures today. How-to here: https://boatmanju.wixsite.com/hitorietranslations/hitorie-atelier 

It’s already been 3 months since REAMP was released, time really flies.

In that short bit of time we’ve already planned a tour ahead of us, and were given the opportunity to do the opening for the anime ‘86′. Let’s fucking go~~~~~ Is everyone faring well? I've recently rekindled my passion for sampling, I haven't felt like this in years. I'm taking free samples I find strewn across the internet and turning them into techno. I kinda remember mentioning my appreciation for techno in vol. 1 of this blog series, and yeah. I'm finally trying it out for myself. I've managed to make a pretty sick song if I do say so myself. You'll find it on Hitori-Atelier soon enough. (＊This is most likely the song titled 'mad candy', found in 'Shinoda's Contents') It's fun 'cause compared to vocal stuff, I use a whole different part of my brain to make techno. I say "This part of this sample has a good beat to it, I bet if I rearranged it like this it would make music~" and do it. Relatively speaking, this kinda music making matches my personality type really well. I feel like I've found a fucking good hobby for myself here. With that said, even though it’s a hobby, work is still work so the collateral damage of music-making is still vividly affecting my body. Like music is still music, and with the way I tunnel vision I'll end up at my desk for an obscene amount of hours. By the time I'm done with it physically and mentally I'm a wreck. Like the fuck do I mean by hobby, is this some kinda shitty joke Shinoda? Anyway let's talk about 'tat'. The question as to what the title means comes first. Initially I wanted to name this song "刺青(meaning tattoo)". Because the song ‘Perfume’ by ‘Eito’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MjAJSoaoSo) was a huge hit at that time so yeah.. But that idea failed ygarshy's inspection so I had no choice but to look around for a word similar to tattoo.

That was when I found photos of tattoos on Instagram with the hashtag #tat. This is it, I said. As a slang tat can mean many other things as well but I forget what they were. I'm sure you can find out if you look it up but, take note that none of it has much to do with the song itself. I considered '#tat' for the title as well, but it was too lame so I pulled back. This song was written when the album was almost finished and most songs ready: I reviewed the album as whole and felt that something was missing. I had wanted something with now tat’s tempo and mood to it to tie the album together. It turned out really well, if I may say so myself. Isn't it a great song though? I feel like all my efforts were worthwhile... It's fun to let the creative juices flow and write with whatever comes to mind. I tried to make the amount of guitar notes concise and solid. The tone was supposed to be graceful too but... ygarshy swooped in with a kick and his bass so heavy it sounds like he's blasting music from a little motorcycle. The melody too has the same makings as the hits these days. It’s about someone of the opposite sex with a bold tattoo who’s stuck in days of ennui, and me who’s gazing from afar wondering what these feelings inside me are. It’s about that sorta thing (?) - I think I managed to express it (????) The beat isn’t made to be far off from modern tuning either. I’m sure I could’ve harmonized it even better but, at the time I found good reason to make it more rock band-y, so I have no regrets. I only wish I made the song name something easier to find via search. It’s so hard to find the people talking about it... Starting with a verse and closing a song with that same verse is great, ain’t it. I’ve always liked songs with a bit of a whacky structure to them, Like November in HOWLS, it goes from verse 2 back to verse 1 then into the instrumental break. If you think it’s just any old number then prepare to be sorely mistaken - Or, that kind of fetishy stuff is important for music if you ask me. I received a fair lot of praise from people in the song-writing industry about tat, I’m happy. Though I’m not sure about the lyrics. Someone from our workplace told me that “Mushy gushy heart-wrenching lyrics would fit well”, so I sought out to do exactly that. The only problem is that my expression of mushy gushy made that person from work go “????” so making people’s heart clench is hard shit. This doesn’t leave here okay.. My dismay over the discontinuation of Chikyuu Monogatari is vented in here a bit as well. Though I don’t think Chikyuu Monogatari is boring. Not really. I saw a few people say that ‘tat’ is like the evolution of cakebox. And it makes sense to me now that y’all say it. cakebox was my solo project I did back in my mid-20’s. I made 3 mini pieces with 7 tracks and 1 EP with 4 tracks before stopping. I’m sure only like 10 people in the whole world ever listened to it. If you look it up you can still get it to listen too. Like an offering of random ass songs to my dead school life, I had a phase between my late teens and my early 20’s wherein I was obsessed with making songs using just my voice and guitar. The question of direction was beyond my consideration, I just sorta let the creative juices flow back then too and promptly set pen to paper. That was my creative process cycle. It was kinda like a diary. There’s barely any proper complete songs. The reason being that I completely lacked the skill necessary to make them proper. My guitar was alright but my singing wasn’t up to par, no one ever praised my voice at all. So I resolved that I just wasn’t cut out for it and strove to be a lead guitarist. Instead of my own songs I chose to go do band stuff, thus devoted myself to guitar.   Yet still my desire to make something proper stuck with me, and so soon after that I started a band in which I did guitar and vocals. we mashed stuff together and made song proper. Alas. Between creative differences and my own lack of ability, we were barely able to make something that I was proud of. After shit happened I ended up at home immersed in making my own songs. “Surely I could put all my experiences in bands and my own growth to good use, to turn my backlog of WIPs into something proper as well?” I thought to myself, and thus was the beginning of cakebox. I think that was the first time I ever got involved in making my own music through my own power. But my way of intense creation was too innocent for listeners or something, or like I wasn’t conscious enough of my headfirst personality... So I didn’t even have the sense to match the tuning up with modernity, and ultimately my work wasn’t clicking with society’s needs. That reality was crushing me more and more with every piece I made. I didn’t have absolute confidence in myself or conviction to push through either. After 3 albums the feeling of “Why am I even doing this” grew, and I found more purpose in Hitorie instead. From then on I devoted myself to Hitorie. These past few years in Hitorie have been nothing but learning experiences for me. After years of the four of us together stressing over what makes good music, I think my own work has leveled up as well. One thing I learned that has especially stuck with me, even now, is leader’s unwavering stance on “Believing that I’m just no matter what”.   For someone with my relative dispositions it’s a nigh impossible stance, and at often times I felt it was egoistic of him but... It’s what led him to create such powerful music, and it’s something we depended on greatly. The other day I gave Unhappy Refrain a full listen for the first time in a while. It’s perfect in every way, what the hell. Vocaloid as a genre was still establishing itself back then, and without a doubt this album served as a monument for the cause. The same way ‘my bloody valentine’’s ‘loveless’ was the cherry on top for the shoegazer genre. It’s made an immovable unsurpassable mark on music history. I really was in a band with a crazy person. To think that when I was in a band with him I more saw myself as the crazy amazing one. What the fuck was up my ass. I understand why felt the need for a band after making this album - why he brought us together - even more now. The obscene amount of notes in that album with a tone reeking of rock band stuff... It’s really flooded with his innocent yearning for rock music. I think the troubles he faced following Unhappy Refrain were the repercussions of him making such a huge monumental piece. But his stout core belief in himself - that he’s just - has stood equally as tall as that monument all the way. Now, after so many twists of fate.. I never thought I’d be writing AND singing my own songs for Hitorie like this. Except, one difference between the me of now VS. the me of old is that I don’t feel even a smidgen of unconfidence. I’m not worrying that I “don’t stand out” or “don’t suit societies needs” anymore. I feel like ‘tat’ might be the best song in the album (sorry ygarshy and Yumao). To the point that when people praise it I merely agree with them, “No lies detected” I say.

It’s all thanks to my time spent with Hitorie, the musical knowledge we sharpened, and the fact that my bandmates’ amazing performances have my back. If I don’t have something as big as this supporting me then I’ll just be a fucking chicken with no confidence in my music, after all. With that said, Music made by you yourself is an irreplaceable treasure, “If you made something good, then be proud”: this lesson of mindset was taught to me by Leader. It’s a really life-changing way to be so... If I mimic Leader at least this lil’ bit no one would make a bad face at me, right? What do y’all think? With that that said, the actual most pure thing that’s naturally come out of my head in years, with my actttual emotions stuffed in, is... The actttttual best song is “Utsutsu” if you ask me so. Look forward to the next entry of this blog series, y’hear me. Shinoda