#I WAS GOING THRU IT OKAY!!!!!
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secret rendezvous
#my art#kh#xehaqus#hey everyone i rendered!!! a background!! wrow#embarrassingly watched all of dark road again thinking i wouldn't feel NOTHIN#had to draw them Kissin....#i've had a fic idea for Years and went back and rewrote stuff and it's like 12 pages now LOL#and an old playlist...#I WAS GOING THRU IT OKAY!!!!!#if people care for my thoughts or snippets i guess i could share#posting at midnight bc i can't believe xehaqus has a grip on me goddammit
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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its true!!
the original. well link to knowyourmeme but yanno. wahoo !
#in stars and time#isat#isat mirabelle#ummm thats it i dont think theres anything spoilerly???#i want to make special note of the note to myself i did live on stream#which is verbatim:#i habe the power of hod AND anime on my sife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#Aaahhhhhhh#Mira#im proud of myself of being coherent in notes given the stream theme that day ASFASDASFAS#it couldve been much worse#but yeah !! i did a thing past me asked me to do thank you me thank you me#i may or may not have given up on the background midway thru and just started semi winging semi painting over the original image#it was going to be lined!!! but then i went nvm LOL#and i got so far into it and maybe messed up the layers so i couldnt go back and not do that ASDFASDA#but i like how it turned out overall :]#ok tag talk over#okay into q u go sleep time wahoooooooooo !
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happy friday dykes, xoxo 😘
#ok to rb#okay i know i said i wasnt gonna post but I found this photo from this past September that i never posted while going thru my photos#and it is literally so hot i need to share it even if i am not feeling very sexy rn#bunnyflesh#femme4all#femme bait#butch bait#dyke bait#fat femme#fat femme friday
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feeling very soft for them lately
#really and truly they just need a moment (or a few years) of peace#also in their future in a time of tolerance#and they could be together#and I cry for them often#their story is a tragedy#I want to cry again#LET THEM BE HAPPY AND IN LOVE#going thru the stages of grief rn#okay goodnight#house md#gregory house#james wilson#hilson#greg house#hate crimes md#hatecrimes md#house#hugh laurie#house md fanart#my art :3#traditional art
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I think they’re crushing on each other your honor
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#hetalia#hws#hetalia america#hetalia russia#hws america#hws russia#rusame#amerus#hetalia england#hetalia france#hws england#hws france#fruk#ukfr#hetalia x codename: kids next door#hws x cknd#hetalia au#they’re way too silly i needed to let it out okay#Alfred doesn’t wanna admit he kinda likes Ivan just a teeny weeny bit#Ivan is all over him he wants him to like him even just as friends#Francis and Arthur are totally like dating or smth but they dont know it yet#on and off relationship and they’re like barely in the 5th grade or smth dawg#they grow up to be that couple in school who’ve been dating for like years and air their laundry in the hallway#Alfred has internal homophobia he’s going thru it#WHY WAS THIS ON MATURE HELLO????#SORRY ABOUT THAT
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day 129
so was anybody going to tell me @adorkastock had their own random pose generator now or was i just supposed to find that out on my own
#day 129#year 5#aradia megido#homestuck#so hey genuinely i think adorkastock taught me to draw???#well among other things obviously. BUT.#in high school when i was just starting to like. understand anatomy as skill that i could Actively Practice#instead of just drawing whatever the hell i wanted and hoping it looked okay#i spent entire art classes just TEARING thru their deviantart page and drawing my blorbos in the poses i found#because my art teacher didnt know what to do with me since i was blowing through all the regular assignments WAY too fast#so she really just let me go nuts#and this was still homestuck mind you. like. it was 2013-2014 i was very much in the rabbit hole already#so fundamentally i have changed as a person in the last decade but also no i havent#ANYWAY it was adorkastock and line of action that basically got me Actually Improving at art at that point. cant recommend them enough trul
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Ending the night with the Canadian anthem being proudly sung correctly in Boston by the players and fans, I will forever remember this.
#team canada lb#4 nations face off#4 nations lb#I maye have only watched half the game from anxiety but I was updated constantly thru tumblr so it’s okay I was still there#I honestly thought u was going to regurgitate holy shit#not u#I meant I#you get the point#IVE NEVER BEEN SO PATRIOTIC IN MY LIFE#SIDNEY CROSBY MY BELOVED#I suddenly do not loathe Marchand and McDavid anymore#and all the other non Canadian team Canadian players#thank you all#my beloveds#nhl#hockey#FUCK YOU AMERICA#51 ST STATE MY ASS#MORE LIKE 4TH TERRITORY OF CANADA#GO FUCK YOURSELF
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stalemate
#i was just about done w this anyways i may as well share. just bc im in the financial trenches right now doesnt mean i stop twsting#i have a vision for this okay hear me out. 2 OBs facing EACH OTHER. each trying to better the world. at a stalemate forever#and they both CARE abt each other and wish each other no harm. but ALSO theyre in the WAY of saving the world ITS GOOD ITS PEAK#some overblot silver deets are absolutely inspired by my friend lav's from ages ago. shefs kiss. i hate designing shit i do#this feels like a two-yr sequel to the one i posted at 7.3 which i think is nice. maybe ill make this my new twt header#im going to do a bigger post for it tomorrow btw but i for real want to thank u all for ur help already. im. blown away. ive wept#paid my water bill today and my car cost $300 thus far which is FAR better than expected so :)))) WE WILL PUSH THRU#staring at my bank acct more than i think is healthy but what can u do. ive always had a nervous relationship w money so we'll see#twst#twstファンアート#twisted wonderland#twst silver#malleus draconia#suntails#im looking forward to the ssr. silver fans need food in the form of cards. its been too long
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2023 Brazilian Grand Prix - Sprint - Fernando Alonso
#yknow i thought maybe id get immune to his insane level of attractiveness from this weekend after posting so much#but these had me going: 'WHAT THE FUCCCCKKKKKK' super hoarse LMAO#im so confused at him. he was very cute and angelic in the earlier interview and now he looks like this???? unfair.#theres something about a man trapped by the sleeves of his racesuit....#okay anyways this should be my last work of the day actually#i have to go do a school thing so i shant be online...probably#BUT AH NO SERIOUSLY ITS BEEN SSO FUN YESTERDAY AND TODAY!!!#like it really is a reward after suffering thru all his races since zandvoort basically#but mostly cota and mexico killed me but this wknd has reminded me how fun racing and f1 can be#thank you everyone for being so fun hehehe#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#2023 brazilian gp#we do a little bit of f1
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listen. listen, there's a kind of intimacy in having a dedicated rivalry, okay. who else is going to know you like this!!! also it's funny
Ascanio Maria Sforza: la parabola politica di un cardinale-principe del Rinascimento, Marco Pellegrini
Julius II: The Warrior Pope, Christine Shaw
and on della rovere’s soldier comment:
Popes, Cardinals and War: The Military Church in Renaissance and Early Modern Europe, D.S. Chambers
and finally! regarding the delightful Mess of political-family relationships, including the marriage comment (altho the montefeltro family that giovanni married into did have sforza family ties, since giovanna's mother was battista sforza, but this is about the more immediate alliance based relationship and della rovere's hand in the rejection of a milanese match for his brother. and. this is not even remotely a serious comic, but now I am once again thinking about insular all these families are. the fucking medicis are here too, if you go half a step to the left on della rovere's family tree)
Julius II: The Warrior Pope, Christine Shaw
Giulio II, Il papa del Rinascimento, Giulio Busi (Bianca Maria Visconti is Ascanio's mom. btw)
panel inserts of the cards they're playing with are all from the Visconti-Sforza tarot deck! (I used public domain scans/photos for the comic itself)
ko-fi!⭐ bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost ⭐ cara.app
#weeping. ascanio's dialogue covers up della rovere's sleeve collar. i spent all that time drawing details on it and FOR WHAT#(it was fun)#there was another deleted bit where ascanio has some petty line like 'i bet arguing makes you hard' but then i realized#that's something that lucullus would probably say to crassus and also i need to set that line up for ascanio#we gotta. we gotta character build (lays down face in the ground) we have to provide the character set up for it#it's really more of a line for cesare to drop at some point over how much rodrigo and ascanio argued#shout out to the time rodrigo threatened to throw ascanio into the tiber river or that time ascanio like. decided to physically get into#a fight with juan borgia#and they were still gambling partners after that????? damn okay. sometimes the vice chancellor can be (checks note) im not finishing#that statement#komiks tag#italian renaissance tag#ascanio sforza#giuliano della rovere#i WILL get a relationship dynamic tag for them once i can figure out something punchy and fun. anyway!#ehgh. I NEED. to go to milan. and go thru the archives. let me in. LET ME INNNNNNNNN
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Rosebird Week Day 6: First & Last Kiss 🥀
"The Lovers II" - Rene Magritte (1928)
#rwby#rosebird#raven branwen#summer rose#rosebirdweek#you know what they sayyyy. start of fall is the... the uh. death of summer 🥴👍 aheem heem. whimper.#just one example of the endless painting redraws trapped in the confines of my mind. what will i put them thru next? 😋#idk what else to say. may the red spider lily agenda consume us ALL *drill sounds* *screaming* *chainsaw revving* 🥀🤩💥#pick ur poison vamp au bear trap or angst central tactical nuke 💥💣 either way there is no antidote goot bye 👋🧪#okay anyway i'm finally free from the grip this wip had on meee. back into the lake i go 🤗🌊#my art#collective
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Malleus having older sibling trauma. Malleus resenting how Lilia is able to openly express being Silver's parent but had to keep Malleus at arms length because of their roles. Malleus having to know someone who was presumably initially very cold and softened only as he was growing older while Silver had a very openly loving father immediately. Malleus being the child who taught Lilia how to parent and love. Malleus never feeling like Lilia truly loved him after seeing how he was able to love Silver. Malleus loving Silver because they're brothers and at the same time resenting him for having the father he always wanted.
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#am I projecting? yeah definitely#but honestly I feel like it could be really interesting in relationship to how Silver and Malleus perceive each other#what I hate is when people make Malleus ridiculously jealous of Silver though#like do I think Malleus resents the relationship between Silver and Lilia to an extent?#DEFINITELY! But again TO AN EXTENT#Malleus isn't going to hate Silver for this lol he knows that doesn't make sense#he still loves his brother yk#but yeah Malleus not being able to openly experience love and then Silver receiving allat has got to sting#his role as prince determines he will always be held at a distance from his world and that's best conveyed thru his relationships with dias#especially as a child with lilia#anyways I also dislike Maleficia and the BV senate because it's definitely their fault such roles even exist between Malle and everyone#okay that's. ramble done.#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#twst lilia
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Nothing to see here just steph stealing glances of klay like he’s afraid he’s going to get caught 😃😃 (via namxsj on twitter )
#nba#golden state warriors#dallas mavericks#steph curry#klay thompson#steph/klay#ok first of all oh my god#secondly i need asg week to be NEOW actually I don’t think im capable of waiting til feb#both teams have kinda been floundering (mavs to a lesser extent but still) and I am growing Impatient for the reunion !!#also the buddy hield cycle being proven right for the 4th(?) time. lmao. some of those dumbasses rlly thought they got prime klay back#the victory lapping after beating the blazers jazz pelicans and pelicans was like nothing I had ever seen#especially towards a fucking legend !! like klay fucking thompson !!!!#no one not even pr-trained to high hell steph curry himself could ever convince me that he’s hopeful or even okay with this bullshit#he needs klay. klay needs him. they need each other and always have but it’s looking more and more likely that steph is#gonna go out like kobe while klay is gonna gonna keep chasing the ghost of pre-injury self#that last part felt so wrong to type out because i personally think he’s been everything you could want and more from a guy#who went thru everything that he went thru and#his comeback is probably my favorite comeback story in any sport ever of all time bc it’s such a fairy tale. and it also actually HAPPENED#!!!!!!!!!!!!#ppl talk abt the injuries like they happened to him and then he just disappeared forever like no bitch !!!!#he came back and they won it all that same year !! led the league in 3pm the year after that !!!!!! led the league in ft% the year#after that n ppl still acting like he adds virtually no value to any team that wants to win a chip when in reality that couldn’t be further#from the truth#I wrote it like that because I get the sense that they both look a little lost/confused at times and I can’t help but think that#losing embarrassingly or not they might at least be in better spirits (if nothing else) if they still had each other’s company#oh well. lol#ok I think that’s everything I had and a million sorrys if this post exploded on ur dash i wish I could turn off my stupid sports rpf brain#but I can’t ❤️#wishing every happiness to the two of them tho they’re my babiest girls frfr#nik's rants
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just want to lay on ur chest and listen to ur heart beat
#ya...#they're okay. they'll be okay#newmann#newt x hermann#newton geiszler#newt geiszler#hermann gottlieb#pacific rim#pacrim#charlie day#my art#yall i am going THRU it#these sstupid scientists r keepin me afloat ngl
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(��`Д´)ノ彡┻twitter words of warning┻
AFAS Live November 18th, 2024
(Source)
Update!
#sleep token#iv sleep token#i swear to fucking god twit if you do not come thru with this i am becoming a mole a burrowing into the servers and eating them--#listen to me#kitty ear iv making a return is not expected after all this talk of don't toss shit on stage#still don't toss shit on stage#but holy fuck and heavenly cheetah print#i am going to be biting my way through twit for a bit#okay? we're all cool with that? cool. cool.
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