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pochapal · 4 years ago

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rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking:

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3.

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it.

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with.

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

#Anonymous #long post #read all of this if you have vested interest in knowing intimate details about my life or whatever

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fipindustries · 4 years ago

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list of comics i made so far

i already shared the list of all the novels i tried to write throughout my llife so i see no reason why not to do the same with the comics i tried to work on. no i should clarify, with my lists of novels there was a clear cut distinction between what was a novel and a short story so to parse one from the other was an easy task. it should be known that i wrote hundreds of shorts stories that i havent shared with anyone. now a similar situation occurs with my comics, i have done hundreds upon hundreds of little comics, short jokes, little skits and short lived strips through my life, so in order to give this list some weight and not make it longer than the bible the criteria i used was that it had to be something i did on a regular basis or that tells a self contained story with a beggining middle and end.

now without further ado, lets begin!

spike Vanderville (age 7)

you can tell i was way more into comics than i was into novels from a young age. done with pen and folded paper, it was the story about a young kid called spike, whose design was heavily inspired by bradley from sticking around, who had magical powers which allowed him to manipulate reality. it was a mix of harry potter and a series of illustrates short stories that came in a magazine in argentina. his best friend was a scarecrow with a pumpkin head that he had brought to life, his archnemesis was a fat bully.

curiously enough i was so passionate about this project even though i had no idea what i was doing and no talent that i actually did like three full colored issues of it. my family was really proud of me. sadly those comics are completly lost to time

andrew and the monkey (age 10)

this was the classical story about a boy and his best friend the talking animal. one page comedy strips done in pen and paper. nothing too clever, just a way for me to try lame jokes mostly stolen from spongebob squarepants. not much else to it. i tried to do like a revamp in 2014 but it was short lived, as you can see the jokes didnt get any less lame

FIP industries (age 17)

mostly done in digital. yes as you can see fip is something that has followed me my whole life in quite the variety of mediums. there were as a matter of fact multiple attempts to make this comic a real thing but time and again they would peter off as i saw that my skill was just not up to the task. i think i have talked more than enough about fip industries on this blog, one interesting thing is that if you follow the link you will come across a lot of proto ideas that i had before they cemented and took their definite shape in the novel (and even after the novel i kept retconning and retooling things over and over again, fip industries is an ongoing thing that will probably last my entire lifetime)

Disregarding Reality I (age 20)

the first iteration of disregarding reality, a humorous strip done in pencil and paper, a fairly short lived affair, lasting no more than 3 months. the entire premise of the comic was an MRA activist and a feminist live together, they are friends, they argue a lot. remember 2013 guys? back when this whole politics bullshit truly kicked off online? this was before gamer gate, mind you. but by that point i had seen more than enough of it on tumblr and i was like “someone should do some scathing commentary with wit and penache” and that someone had to be me. mainly inspired by commics like f@nboys and el goonish hive and a thousand billion others that were so popular back in those halcyon days.

i got bored of it pretty quickly and it wouldnt be until three years later than i would finally decide to re-start the project but until then...

Strangers in the forest (age 21)

here comes a rather productive era in my ouvre, ink and paper, based on a short story i wrote, its about an eldritch monster pretending to be human and a ghost girl, killed by her father. they have a dispute because the monster wants to eat the corpse of the girl but the ghost doesnt want to give up her bones because its the one thing that tethers her to the mortal plane. they eventually resolve their dispute. by this point i was actually, unironically trying my best to do comics which i felt looked professional.

Song of a nightmare (age 21)

another one based on a short story i wrote. ink and paper, a private detective wakes up in the middle of the night and sees a mermaid lying in bed next to him. he spends most of the comic trying to figure out how the hell is this possible. still one of my favourite ones and certainly one of my family’s and friends favourites as well. a rather poetic tale, strongly inspired by argentinian fiction and their propensity towards magical realism, i was reading a lot of cortazar back then.

Aika (age 21)

as you can tell i was on a fucking roll that year. ink and paper, this was a story based upon a simple and basic idea that i had in my mind for years and years. i always liked the concept behind the movie “the kid” where bruce willis mysteriously comes across himself as a kid. so of course one day i came up with the idea, what if you recieved a visit from your future self... but she was a woman?

this is probably the most aggresively trans story i ever wrote in my life, it is literally about a guy realizing they are trans and breaking down over it. here is the giant kicker, i did not realize at all what i was doing. i was completly unaware of what was going on here, i was still deep deep in the closet and not even realizing i was there. it really is astounding the honesty and the rawness with which i wrote this comic and it went all over my head. a perfect example of “im such a great ally lol”

oh also there is time travel i guess. my main impetus (beyond whatever my subconcious was forcing me to do) was my desire to make a complete clusterfuck of a story, i was a huge fan of homestuck, i had read fleek and demon, i wanted to do my own take on a hypercomplicated time travel puzzle plot. other things came out on top of it but i didnt noticed them. fucking hilarious

Hello Agatha (age 21)

a comedic strip about a wacky pixie dream girl having wacky adventures with her wacky friends, one of which is a man with a toilet for a head. what a gut buster, what a knee slapper!

there is not much to say about this one, wacky surreal comedy was always my favourite and so time and again i would try my hand at it but it is surprisingly hard to do!

The /co/ ventures! (age 20 - age25)

an ongoing project done in multiple mediums. i think i said more than enough about this in here and here. it was me practiscing comics, practiscing my humor and adding my tiny grain of sand to the 4chan culture. i am proud to say these comics were actually very well liked there and that i would be recognized without a name or signature of any kind, just on the strength of my style.

the vest kind of madness (age 22)

probably one of the projects in which i put the biggest amount of effort to make it look professional. traditional inks and digital colors. a crossover that i cant believe never happened in comics considering how obvious it is. Rac Shade, the changing man and delirium of the endless, the two flagship vertigo characters associated with madness. clearly a match made in heaven.

to this day im flabbergasted i seem to be the only one to think of this.

Disregarding Reality II (age 23)

another work where i have already spilled rivers of bytes explaining my thought process behind it. after having a no good, terrible, very bad day, finding my self aimless and without purpose, deep in denial and depression, i decided to give my self a big project to have something to get me out of bed every day. these three guys came from the depths of my mind to save me.

this time leaning a lot more on silly humor and surrealism than political commentary, still insanely proud of how much i managed to make this last, almost three years, well over 200 pages! and in here i found the inspiration and the creative energy to tackle all sorts of diverse projects of which we are about to see all about.

Mama Bird (age 24)

my masterpiece.

by far the best comic i ever did. a kid with a bird for a mom. hilarious, touching, heartbreaking. it was a concept that i had come up with when i was 21. back then it was supposed to be exclusively a humorous comic strip but then i found a dramatic angle for the story and that was when everything clicked into place. that was when i realized this was a comic i had to do. and i did it. it took me five months but it was well worth it. still insanely proud of this one

Soft boys (age 25)

a weird experimental little story where i decided to sit down and deconstruct one of the most popular superpowers. super elasticity. more akin to me just mashing my toys against each other than me trying to tell a serious story. i am actually really happy with some of the art here and some of the sequences presented. particularly the final one where a brick joke twenty pages in the making finally pays off.

Hexen Snatch (age 25)

a semi spinoff to my novel FIP industries, we focus on a side character that managed to survive after the events of the novel and how they’ll manage to survive further beyond that. insanely soaked by the magical world of pact by widbow i wanted desperatly to share my own take on magic, every page is accompanied by a little text where i expand upon the lore and the way magic is supposed to work on this world. i really like the prose on those snippets and the ideas they work almost more that the comic itself with which i was not happy at all when i was working on it. i didnt like the character design, i didnt like how the art in general was coming out, i didnt like the pacing of the story or how superficially we were getting to expore this world in the comic proper. i had to take a very long hiatus just to accumulate the will to finish the comic and once i did i feel it really petered off without much of a satisfying payoff.

on some level i blame the exhaustion and frustration that i came out of this comic with for the fact that i ended up quitting disregarding reality soon afterwards.

Maxplosive (age 26)

another project that has followed me across multiple mediums. came up with an idea for a videogame back in 2015. saved it on the back pocket for a while, used it as a story within a story on my novel fan.tastic, practisced a couple of animations with the characters and eventually decided that, if my skills at videogame making were not enough, i had at least more than poven myself as a comic artist so maybe that was the definitive medium in which this idea would have to exist.

the original idea was to tell the story in two parts, the first half would introduce the character and the videogame as if the comic was a playthrough of the game. all fun and childlike and innocent. then the second half was meant to explore the life of the main character as an adult, how being “a videogame protagonist” had ruined her body, her mental health and her life. i tried all sorts of weird stuff with the format here, using reciclable assets, static camera angles and generally presenting the whole thing as if it was a videogame.

sadly the project got too big for my breaches, i was fucking exhausted back then, swamped with a bunch of other projects, my job, other responsabilities, unsatisfied with the story and with no idea where to take it. eventually i got tired, decided to skip a day, then the day became a week and then the week became a month and by then i had to face the facts, i was just no longer able to continue the comic. and so i quit not only maxplosive but disregarding reality all together.

i still did the occasional comic here and then but it wouldnt be until the very end of 20-fucking-20 that i was finally inspired to tackle a new project, my newest one, my last one....

Lapsarian (age 27)

an interesting experiment, i decided to do the whole comic in one sit and then post it chapter by chapter on a weekly basis. a surprising result of this was that i managed to do in one month the same amoung of pages that would have taken me 5 months back when i started disregarding reality, is good to see that after al this time i still got it.

took me a while to get the hang of it again and find my own style once more but once i armed up it was smooth sailing for 40 pages all the way to the end. but what is this comic even about?

its... weird, with full disclosure and no shame, it is mostly a fetish story about big lizard creatures commiting vore. the milkman had already shown me that i could do those types of stories and no lighting would come from the heavens to strike me down so i said, why not as a comic? i like to think that beyond the fetish content it is still a decent story in its own right, an interesting feedback that i got from this is that people are suprised how earnest it is, one saying something like “this is the best pitch for a fetish that i was never interested in”

Conclussion:

looking back on this im surprised, turns out i was a lot more prolific and working a lot more regularly than i expected, in here are documented ten years of creative output that never seems to wane. it was fun to do the roundabout trip and see how my style, my technice and generally my work ethic evolved through the years. another nice thing to see is the multiple formats, the multiple tools and mediums i experimented with, i find myself constantly trying new things, new methods, new angles, new interesting ideas for how to make a comic (without even getting into what to make a comic about).

something i always knew about myself was that drawing is a fundamental part of who i am, it is something that just cant be taken away from me and that will always be a part of my life one way or the other, is good to see it so plainly, in black and white, on this list. here goes for what i might be able to do in the future

#art #writing #fip living life

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rioniarts · 5 years ago

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welp, gang! not only another year is coming to an end, but it also marks the end of a decade. i’ve been drawing for over 10 years now, so i figured i should do a decade of art just to show off my work over the years!

if you want to read my retrospect of each year, it’ll be under the read more! heads up, it is a bit of a doozy.

TL;DR: just all around happy with how much i improved over the years and i can’t wait to see what 2020 will bring!

2009 (11-12 yrs old) at this point, I’m on my second year of drawing (both traditionally and digitally!) This year mainly consisted of either oc art or drawings of my best friends at the time, but there was some fanarts sprinkled here and there. I also did my first animation piece around this time too tho it’s private now :3c i may show it off one day...

2010 (12-13 yrs old) I got my first drawing tablet for Christmas 2009 and this is when i went ham on my digital drawings. this year was kinda weird i guess? i started experimenting a more cartoony style on some artworks, though the majority are still anime inspired.

2011 (13-14 yrs old) ah yes...... the year i found out about homestuck.... well, i found out about it on the second half of the year. the first half was all about my ocs. this was because around this time (or late 2010? i dont remember exactly) i discovered flipnote hatena, where I did tons of animations including my ocs. but once i discovered homestuck, that was all i posted for a while lol. this was also the year I made my tumblr account. oh and I also lost my tablet pen for a few months so some of the drawings from this year were made with a mouse.

2012 (14-15 yrs old) I started falling out of deviantArt and became more active on tumblr. I mellowed out on the homestuck drawings a bit and posted other stuff. this year was kinda similar to 2010, where my artstyle was kinda all over the place. the second half of the year I discovered a super obscure browser dating sim called Star Project and became a part of the roleplaying community so plenty of my artworks revolved on my muse Souta and the game as a whole. 2013 (15-16 yrs old) this year was really quiet in terms me posting art. i had been constantly doodling both traditionally and digitally but I never got around to posting the majority of them. this was mainly because I was so busy with school. on the flipside however, I discovered Earthbound and i hecking fell in love with it ♥

2014 (16-17 yrs old) still relatively quiet but i posted more than 2013 lol. Earthbound drawings galore! i also did posted more oc work, including my gal Usako. I haven’t posted her anywhere in a long time though. i have been redesigning her and i’ll show it off sometime in the future!

2015 (17-18 yrs old) ahh, here we go! now we’re picking up the pace! i graduated from high school this year and started posting more often. splatoon came out this year and I was constantly drawing them squidkiddies! (tho tbh my rin and len drawing is my fav) this was also the year I got Manga Studio (an older version of Clip Studio Paint) but I still used Paint Tool Sai. this was also the first year i did commissions!

2016 (18-19 yrs old) this year was really interesting tbh. lots of really neat works and i started to do more backgrounds. this was also the year I (attempted) to do my webcomic! i haven’t updated that thing in a long time tho. I want to reboot it one of these days. but anyways, good mix of fanart and oc works. really, this year was great.

2017 (19-20 yrs old) this was the year i made this very art blog and my instagram account! (which i haven’t advertised here at all but here’s the link lol) i think it was around this point i found my own artstyle that i want to more or less stick to! of course, it was going to change overtime, but compared to the years prior, my artstyle at this point has been more consistent. this was also the year i attempted to start an oc askblog with a friend of mine but it haven’t gone far ;w; def want to try again one of these days!

2018 (20-21 yrs old) this year was also really nice! i moved to a new university to get a major in animation. quite a few persona 5 and kingdom hearts drawings here and there since i was like love with both of those games (even tho kh3 wasn’t even out at that point, but i was still hyped omg) i also introduced Cimmaria and Nicktornal for a future story that i’m currently developing! i also made a full move to Clip Studio Paint after Paint Tool Sai wouldn’t load on my new computer.

2019 (21-22 yrs old) last year of the decade and i left it with quite a bang! I def posted more often. i did missed a few months, but then i would come back with a bunch more works to post! I discovered Artfight from a friend so that kept me busy during the month of july! made a couple more animations too since of course i will be doing more of it for university.

So, what’s my 2020 art resolution?

Def want to keep posting! try to go for at least 4 artworks per month, one for each week.

experiment more on backgrounds, perspective and composition!

post more oc artworks! i haven’t been posting much about them for the past few years but I really want to change that. there is one oc i am definitely introducing to you all! here’s a hint: it is a Dungeons and Dragons character. I will show them off when the time is right uwu

continue developing on story ideas and sticking to it! i’ve noticed that i usually start on projects only then to drop them later on. I really want to revive them and work on it!

continue working on animation! if all goes well, i’ll be taking animation classes in fall of 2020 so i need to start prepping more!

and of course, continue improving my art!

that’s all i have in mind! if you got this far, thank you guys so much for reading this wall of text lol. I promise that will do as much as I can to fulfill these resolutions! onwards to 2020 and beyond!!

#decade in art #2009 vs 2019 #art improvement #art meme #decade challenge #digital art #artists on tumblr #fanart #ocs

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chronotopes · 6 years ago

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uhh fibonacci? for ask

sarah this is why you're my favorite

1: if someone really wanted to understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

terry pratchett’s tiffany aching books, star trek: deep space nine, and either heretic pride or transcendental youth by the mountain goats (the albums, not just the songs)

1: already answered, just now

2: have you ever found an author who thinks just like you? if so, who?

hmmm i think authors like terry pratchett and diana wynne jones have SHAPED how i think to a great extent but i don’t think i’ve ever incidentally stumbled upon an author only to be like “wow, they think just like me!” ....or you know what, never mind, terry pratchett’s tiffany aching voice thought pretty much exactly like nine-year-old me

3: list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with?

if you’re taking ‘fandoms’ to mean ‘things i post about on this blog’ then just ezri dax from star trek ds9

if you’re taking ‘fandoms’ to mean things i’ve liked in recent times without ENGAGING with them, this list expands to feature, like, rose lalonde (i still can’t believe i read all of homestuck in the first two weeks of this month and then just kind of forgot about this) and jo march to an extent and uhhh i really have not consumed that much Fiction recently that wasn’t for a class :(

5: do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?

honestly i have never really thought about this recently but probably as a human being? i am not always doing something. the only thing i’m always doing is thinking but as some philosopher bitch told us that’s basically synonymous with being. i do connect to the things i do, but the things that define me aren’t limited to that - they also include, like, things i care about and people i invest myself in

8: what musical artists have you most connected to over your lifetime?

the mountain goats (2014-present), mumford and sons (2016-present, unfortunately), the decemberists (also unfortunately), marina and the diamonds (like every sad high-achieving girl in the year 2013), mitski (like every sad high-achieving girl in the year 2019), lauren aquilina (2013-2015 but even now a little), orla gartland (2014), mika (2018-present), connie converse (2017), carly rae jepsen (2016-2018), etc

13: inside or outdoors

OUTDOORS. i was thinking about this today, i genuinely start feeling dead sooooo easily if i’m not outside regularly.

21: do you love easily?

relatively so, i think? i think it happens easily when it does and not easily when it doesn’t. which is a very cryptic answer but there’s a few people in my life for whom the mood is very much I LIKED YOU THE MOMENT I SAW YOU!!!! and stays that way forever. i was ride or die for gene basically a few months into knowing him, not that i would have ever let him know this. a similar thing goes for abby. and then for other people it takes time to notice and appreciate a person but when i love them i love them and i think that qualifies as loving easily too.

but i guess... i do but i don’t. i think when it happens it happens quite easily, but also i’m a picky bitch.

#asks #frogntoad #thank uuuuu #frogndtoad

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lovewithoutresin · 7 years ago

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CC here. Please help me reconnect with some old Twitter friends I was taken away from

Hey guys, I’m here with a bit of a personal story for you, and a mission in mind, if you’d be so kind as to help me. I am asking you to please reblog this so that it could be seen by the people I’m looking for. Most of you know me by Stocky, but back in the day my friends called me CC, so if you’d rather call me that, you may. It may help them recognize me.

Here’s the story: for about five years of my life, I lived in a very isolated small town, and was homeschooled for three of those years due to social problems. There were no associations around for homeschooled children like me to meet other peers, so I essentially had no face-to-face contact with anyone in my age group.

During that time I had a Twitter account, which is where I had my online friend group. I met some of them in the summer of 2013 and the rest I met in early 2014, I believe. We called ourselves The Crew at the time. I still do. Then one day I left on a family vacation for spring break and never came back.

My mom used my computer and decided that curse words on a website were enough of a concern for my soul (we’re Christians, and I still am in spite of everything, but my parents doing this sure didn’t help my faith much) to justify taking away the only friends I knew. For the next year and a half, I was entirely isolated except for my family. I fought like hell trying to get back to my friend group, but ultimately they won. I gave up, and eventually I mostly repressed the memories.

A lot of them have changed usernames and to my knowledge The Crew eventually fell apart from one another. I’ve remembered recently, and now I am absolutely desperate to find all of them again, if not to reconnect then at least to know that they’re still out there. If you think you knew me, please contact me, I am begging you. And if anyone who sees this and is willing to help me could please reblog it in hopes that they will see it, it would be greatly appreciated. If you think it may be you, there are some names and memories in lists below the read more, if you want to confirm or if you think you may at least know them. But whether or not you read the information below, please, please reblog this. I need them more than anything right now.

I’m tagging this as all the interests mentioned, sorry if that’s aggravating but I’m trying to increase the odds one of them will find it in the tag. Please understand and forgive me and let me do it just this once.

So here’s some information that I remember about the old Crew. If you were in it and you don’t see anything about you here, please still contact me if you knew me. It isn’t that you left no impact, but bear in mind that it’s been so many years and my memories are vague at best, apart from what I’ve found on my old account archives.

Some old crew member names I remember:

Lexie

Hannah

Brooke (i believe used to be @melodicwriter on twitter but i could have them mixed up with someone else)

Marissa (I think her parents took her away too, shortly before I left. I’m not sure if she’d be out there now but it’s worth a shot.)

The name Val comes to mind but I may be wrong about that being a thing

Michi (was @NebularKatana on twitter)

Someone with the username @yangire_ on Twitter, that account still exists but is now inactive

I think one of the above had the tumblr url totally-not-a-salamander a long time ago but the url has changed

If you’re not on this list and you were in the crew with them, please contact me.

Some vague memories/concepts/inside jokes I remember that may help:

A lot of you were Homestucks and I had only just started reading it when I left but look where we are now; I’m probably the last one standing in that department lol

I remember once there was a person in the group who I believe is not listed above who was staying with relatives or something and the relatives had turned on the security system and it called the police when the friend triggered the sensors?? I never found out what happened with that

We also watched Gravity Falls and most of us liked Taylor Swift (I’m not sure if it was all of us but there was definitely an overall Taylor Swift vibe there)

HELLO CHILDREN

Lexie used to drink hot chocolate and I don’t know if it actually made her act high or if she was just playing around and pretending it did but there were some INTERESTING tweets borne of those times

We all (jokingly?) had a Mike Wazowski cult at one point

Also was there something about Bob Duncan from Good Luck Charlie as well? 2014 was fuckin weird for us, man

“Donut”

Old chatzy “roleplay” chats

Frozen, SO much Frozen

I literally openly and unapologetically “dated” a Dipper Pines RP account (listen, I was twelve) and we all joked about it later

I’ll add onto this list if I remember any more people/things, but I think if you were one of them or know them you would probably get the gist with this stuff. Please contact me even if I’ve forgotten you, because rest assured I definitely do miss you, and it’s made the past few years some kind of hellish not realizing all this and being without you all.

There are some things I lied about back then, and I am so incredibly sorry for that too, and I take full responsibility. But it’s worth more to me at this point to contact you again than it is not to face that.

I fucking love you guys, and I would never have left without telling you if I’d had any choice at all in the matter. I hope more than anything else that you’re all out there somewhere and you see this somehow and we can reconnect, because after all this time, I feel like I really do need you all. I love you guys. Please, please get in contact with me if you’re out there and you see this. <3

#Important #The Crew #find my friends #homestuck #gravity falls #taylor swift #twitter #frozen #chatzy #mike wazowski #monsters inc #good luck charlie #please help #melodicwriter #?#ccroxgirl12 #swifties #boost

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pleasereadfully-blog · 7 years ago

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WARNING: LAWRENCE M. REINHARDT/USER “OSPRIET”

further proof the person and accounts referenced are him:

(since writing this, lawrence has since deleted his blog. either he then recreated it with the same url or someone else got to it in the interim, just know that the current holder of the url “ospriet” may not be lawrence himself. there are as many screenshots of the posts referenced as possible.)

to match the pictures above with the ORIGINAL account referenced:

http://ospriet.tumblr.com/tagged/it-me [click for image]

warning for not safe for work content with multiple topics. adults having sexual contact w/ minors, topics including incest, beastiality, rape, torture porn, abuse and other uncomfortable topics.

what’s of most concern is this man’s tendency to pursue teenage partners despite being well into his 20s and nearing his 30s. this perhaps wouldn’t be so concerning if he didn’t start his pursuits when these vulnerable (mostly trans boys, either pre-transition or as they transition it seems) teenagers who either aren’t 18 yet or are just recently 18. while not illegal, there is something very disturbing about a 28 year old man who repeatedly targets teenagers. he is not engaging in these relationships without knowing the ages or age gaps, he has admitted he knows just how old his partners are when he first starts seeking them out. these are not false allegations. there have been lengthy, emotionally devastating conversations with his past partners. he appears to use to fandom, online communities and groups, friendship, and roleplay to lure (there are other instances of similar posts throughout his blog) these teenagers in and then fosters a friendship with them that then he turns into a (sexual) relationship. there are several other links and screenshots throughout this post where he admits he enjoys age gaps as well.

(for those who do not know what some of these terms mean: roleplay is where two or more person’s write from the view point of certain characters from different mediums. it can vary from safe for work content or sexually explicit content.

“fandom” refers to collective fans of different medium, shows, games, books etc.)

it seems the fandoms in particular are snk, homestuck, the mcelroys brother’s content and dragon age. the first two seem as though he’s not into them anymore, but they’re worth noting. also vulture culture, norse mythology, werewolves and witchcraft but those two aren’t fandom just communities more or less.

he also appears to use okcupid, tinder and other date applications and websites to find people who meet his marks so be aware if you use such things or know people who do.

any adult man who has repeatedly displayed this behavior around teenagers should not be tolerated or excused for these actions. i would have liked to not put words in the reader’s mouth but repeated offenses like this have only one word: predatory. he should not be fostering friendships with teenagers, particularly ones who are minors. he should not be allowing minors to follow his blog. he should not be talking with them in private through skype or text or email or any other venue. he has reblogged provocative illustrated art of minors before which is disturbing given his inclinations. yes to be just, there are only two instances but they are there. there are images below which contain beastiality and as confirmed by others, he is sexually interested in scenarios involving animals beyond fiction and should not be around those either to be frank. even if you would like to wish that purely fictional interests don’t necessarily translate into real life pursuits, he has already demonstrated he’s willing to sexually and coercively pursue minors. the at the time 17 year old he dated still bears deep and lasting psychological scars from their “relationship” with him.

be aware that much of this is just the things we know of now that were made public through his blog.

the following information has been either found on his blog or generously supplied by individuals seeking to do right by the community.

his name is lawrence m. reinhardt [image], his nickname is wren, he’s currently 28 years old [image], lives in milford connecticut [image], works at jones family farm [image] and utilizes this tattoo parlor [image]. previously he was employed at uniqlo. [image]

this is his etsy shop [image] , his facebook account [link] his skype account [image] as well.

this an avatar he frequently uses. formally made by a previous girlfriend. [image]

his home address was left out of this write up as it wouldn’t be fair to involve his family since he still lives at home with them.

do not agree with some of the previous methods used to address these matters nor do i enjoy sharing the information above but i think it is important given his history that people know just who he is and where he can be found.

i sincerely hope that the information below gives anyone pause before they continue interacting with and supporting lawrence. these are not matters that could or should be waved away or excused with “but his current boyfriend is 18/over 18.” this isn’t a one off event or cause of concern and trying to excuse his behavior makes the excuser just as much to blame for his actions.

his lines clearly are crossed between reality and fiction and his fictional pursuits clearly have already endangered vulnerable youth and left unchecked, he stands to harm future youth as well.

please keep in mind there is much that has not been shared at the request of those he’s interacted with in the past. please keep reading for specific documentations of the above matters.

there is a good thing to read on the matter of age gaps themselves located here for those willing.

as well as this post as well as other posts on the blog pertaining to age gaps.

===

he says he’s only interest in a 5 year or so difference but repeatedly targets teenagers out of his age range to pursue.

[click for image]

all of his relationships save for one that’s been found have been 8 or more years with largest gap being 9 years. this is a dangerous pattern.

from the oldest relationship located to the most recent:

in 2013, dated http://barackohana.tumblr.com/unknown age unknown and this is the only mention of them. mentioned only to establish the timeline. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/41822601413/barackohana-im-gonna-meet-my-bf-face-to-face-on [click for link to image]

then dated http://dysfunctionaldraught.tumblr.com for several months. currently 22, so they were 17/18 at the start of their relationship and interactions. [click for image] [click for image]

====

[NAME REDACTED IN THESE POSTS this individual was a minor for this ‘friendship’ into ‘relationship’ and has been contacted about this relationship. talking about lawrence and this ‘relationship’ was very uncomfortable for them and they prefer to keep as much distance as possible and we’ve done our best to honor that request.] keep in mind, ospriet/lawrence was 25 for this relationship, he acknowledges his age here: http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/84571471106/sometimes-i-forget-im-in-my-mid-twenties-l-m-f-a [click for link to image]

”i was 17 when i met him and he was 25 (i’m 21 now) and [redacted …]” [click for link if image won’t show]

was 17 when they started talking. (old links & their old account berik http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/93897778121/beriks-im-twelve-look-at-this-little-shit [click for link to image]

being 17 at the start, they were in highschool. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/88865162886/beriks-time-to-graduate-nerds-congratulations [click for link to image] ospriet.tumblr.com/post/85847849581/ [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/85180268721/92936-pm-chief-i-a-cute-southern [click for link to image]

sexual content: http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/91473197761/stayed-up-waaay-too-late-foolin-around-with-the http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/87159731326/this-just-in-my-boyfriend-has-the-cutest-undies [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/88177729331/more-i-think-thats-partly-why-i-freakin [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/86710997056/you-know-what-sucks-more-going-almost-an [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/87947493101/more-you-know-what-sucks-going-through-a [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/101713543141/more-i-say-i-dont-chase-but-i-do-i-did when they had broken up, references ‘chasing’ people and the fact that this person was a child at the time something he himself points out. [click for link to image]

other bits of conversation with this person: [chat part 1.] [chat part 2.] the parts that are redacted are for this person’s comfort, they felt those parts were too identifying. [chat part 3.] contains more (see below under cl2y) about his habit of telling stories about all of his exes, none of which are kind and all paint him in a better light. it’s one of the classic moves of an abuser. the red edits are from them themself, the edits do not change the context and also fix some grammatical errors.

of note, after this person broke things off with lawrence, he went on to reblog this post [link to image] despite asking for and engaging in sexual content with a known minor willingly.

====

http://coyoteas.tumblr.com/ [click for link to image] - was 18/19 when they started dating. was 18 when they first started talking. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/archive/2014/9 http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/101642762146/coyoteas-replied-to-your-postthat-feel-when-you [click for link to image] rp might be one of the ways he lures people in. [definitely uses sex appeal - click for screenshot] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/103246409901/if-you-cant-appreciate-hella-cute-boys-with [click for link to image] chat with coyoteas. [click for link to image] this was all he was willing to share in regards to lawrence’s behavior.

====

http://kitchnboy.tumblr.com/ / localchef.tumblr.com (previous url) / http://unchefly.tumblr.com (previous url) was 18 when they started dating, was 18 when they started talking based on timing. [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/120590264641/also-im-not-single-anymore [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/129047704191/pretty-sure-my-boyfriend-fell-asleep-cuddling-an [click for link to image] references his boyfriend’s underage drinking.

===

he was briefly seeing a few people between the person below and kitchnboy but there is not enough information his blog to find out who they were and ask them if they’d be willing to speak about their experiences with him or their ages for that matter… see the chat logs below generously given for this from cl2y.

====

name redacted upon request. this partner was very uncomfortable talking about him so we’ve kept it to just what was said on his blog and the fact that they are in fact in their 20s, closer to his age than his previous partners which, if we can speculate might be why he lost interest relatively quickly. [click for link to image] [click for link to image] [click for link to image]

=====

as for lawrence’s most recent ex, they’ve asked to also be redacted from this file. - is currently 19, supposedly they’ve been talking since he was at least 18 ish while lawrence was dating another partner. he was described as one former partner as a ‘serial monogamist’ and it does appear that he rapidly lines up and cycles through partners. [click for an old image] link redacted for as much privacy as possible [click for link to image] age proof http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/160663250106/the-gays [click for link to image] they have definitely met irl. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/160694921851/you-know-youre-screwed-when-your-bed-still-smells [click for link to image] proof of sexual contact. where ospriet and others go on to defend his choices in dating teenagers: ospriet.tumblr.com/post/161463971591/just-so-were-clear-i-have-a-boyfriend-my [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/161480963336/now-that-im-home-for-the-evening-i-will-explain [click for link to image]

======

other inappropriate age wise ‘friendships’ that were found: http://puppy-eater.tumblr.com/ http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/97018639641/puppy-eater-replied-to-your-post-mor-i-used-to had been speaking to lawrence before this point, so was in highschool. between 17-18. http://native-trickster.tumblr.com/ [click for image] was 17 when they first began interacting on tumblr, is now 18.

=====

general others:

http://tricksterkind.tumblr.com/about - age unknown but they might have been almost dating at one point.

user cl2y was exceptionally generous and brave to not only share the following logs but to allow us to keep their name attached to all this. the following are both logs from skype with him as well as a tumblr chat they had with someone else concerning what he said. cl2y and lawrence had been talking in the summer of 2016, when these screenshots had come from.

[tumblr log 1.] [skype log part 1.] his age. [skype log part 2.] this seems to be one of the people he was seeing after kitchnboy. [skype log part 3.] on his other exes. [skype log part 4.] not really proof of anything, but can’t distinguish between reality and fiction and lets that fiction influence his reality. the folowing contain noncon or torture porn references in rp scenarios that cl2y was not comfortable with but he couldn’t take a hint. [skype log part 5.] [skype log part 6.] [skype log part 7.] [skype log part 8.]

of note as well, he made this post 3 years back looking down upon scenarios he himself asked for. [click for link] also note the fact he is unconcerned with minors engaging in sexual scenarios. in the following link from 3 years ago, he berates fictional portrayal of noncon including using it to cope despite soliciting such content against the wishes of one of his then roleplay partners (cl2y). [click for image]

this was also around the time he was “dating” and engaging a minor in sexual scenarios so he is certainly not really concerned with the legality of the issues he’s talking about.

it’s believed he uses roleplay to find new targets. [click for image]

========

underage art reblogged: http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/87417886561/irisviel-yukinashin-%E6%B4%97%E6%B4%97%E7%90%83%E6%B4%97%E7%90%83%E7%90%83 levi and eren (13-16 years old) from snk [click for link to image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/90305481776/erueres-%E3%83%89%E3%83%AA%E3%83%BC eren (13-16 years old) and erwin from snk [click for link to image] [click for image] - more incestual content, from homestuck this time. the characters pictured are related as well as 13-16 years old.

========

nsfw content warning http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/151957572816/inkeyeliner-had-a-freaking-blast-at [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/160297190971/sometimessmuthappens-oh-gosh-%CF%89-%E3%82%9E-i [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/155717961546/sometimessmuthappens-uhhhhhh-ooops-not-sure-if [click for image] borderline beastiality. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/114134431481/i-long-to-talk-with-some-old-lovers-ghost-who if not actual. [click for image]

======

borderline fetishistic interest in other cultures, particularly japanese (reblogs a ton of japanese art/uses japanese phrasing/kanji/acquired a job at a japanese clothing store) or other asian cultures. please look through his archives, there are too many posts to include. [click for link] also says things like http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/92592080111/oh-my-god-i-dont-have-yellow-fever-i-swear-ive not this is involving the 17 year old he was dating. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/84559811006/when-i-turn-30something-i-hope-i-look-half-as-good [click for image] also roleplayed real people (http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/90308357146/blauh-blah-more-when-i-came-home-from-the [click for image] also native american cultures. has plenty of reblogs in history.

other posts of interest http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/70938323641/sigh-pretty-girls-in-lolita-dresses-and-frills [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/54425446342/am-i-the-only-dude-who-ships-roxy-and-dirk-le into incest. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/159349377356/cats-paw-talisman-for-safe-travels has a real cats paw.. who knows from where. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/155183650071/shit might be his car. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/114184533256/what-sort-of-animal-could-be-my-spirit-animal involved in ‘spirit animals’ even though that is not his place as a non-native american. [click for image] http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/101732442131/i-need-something-cute-to-bed-stat lends itself to the whole theory he targets and dates people for relative easy access for sexual content/sex. teenagers are slightly easier marks than people his own age. [click for image]

====

these posts are simply ironic given his history with minors and teenagers. http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/154185782796/being-an-adult-is-hardmore-being-an-adult [click for image]

http://ospriet.tumblr.com/post/139206250666/ngl-im-a-little-bummed-i-wontcant-attend [click for image]

====

i’m well aware there are many who will feel strongly about how this is being handled but this isn’t gossiping or rumor-milling. there’s ample evidence here that points to his attentions to minors/teenagers. and no, no one involved in the marking of this post (apart from the exes or ex-roleplay partners who responded) was personally affected. one of us got a message about this man and decided to look into it because you can’t go and believe general “slanderous” statements about people, especially from completely anonymous parties. imagine the shock when it was discovered that the message received wasn’t based in lies and that it wasn’t a “typical tumblr callout” post.

#vulture culture #witchcraft #dragon age #werewolf #norse paganism #norse mythology #homestuck #mcelroys #mbmbam #da2 #cryptids #asatru #freyr #nature #dai #wolf #taxidermy #dave strider #taz

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