#in high school when i was just starting to like. understand anatomy as skill that i could Actively Practice | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

diezmil10000 · 1 year ago

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2023 art summary + thoughts on my own art progress under the cut!!

(template by HedgeCatDragonix on deviantart)

so i've been doing this for 10 years :P

i'm not posting these pics in high quality, they're somewhere on the internet if you want to scavange for a bit. i didn't start taking art seriously until late 2015 and i honestly don't like looking back at old drawings. i still like my 2022 art summary but it wasn't until this year that i'm proud of all my finished artworks.

my art journey is complicated. i'm not one of those artists who can say they've been drawing for all their lifes. i used to trace pokémon in my school agendas but that was it. around 2013, a couple of friends invited me to their Skype server where we used to draw each other's ocs and make art memes and stuff - it was fun and cringe in the most positive way i can say it :] i didn't know shit about art and i took pride in drawing on MS Paint with a mouse just because it was hard.

(all of my drawings until may 2018 were made with a mouse)

when i was 15 yo i got into Love Live! and i decided to get better at art because i didn't want lesbian fanart to be made only by creepy cishet men. at some point i watched this video from Sycra and it rewired my brain. i understood that i needed to actually practise and understand what i was doing, and that i wasn't going to improve just by observing. its follow-up video also helped me a lot, i remember watching it on the day it was posted jskhfdjdfd.

and so fast forward until 2021 approx. i spent all of those years practising drawing in my traditional sketchbooks, so my improvement was steady. the only problem, and in retrospective i see it as a Big Problem, is that i was grinding mindlessly. by that i mean that i copied artists i liked and i drew again and again stuff i was bad at, but i didn't think too deeply about it or analysed my own art to look for faster ways to improve it. i also don't take feedback well so i didn't ask for it either, which further slowed down my progress.

on top of it, that just made me better at drawing, not at illustration. i firmly believe that a good drawing is hard to ruin but i could have made my illustrations way more interesting if i had started going wild with colors and effects way earlier. i don't exactly regret my choices because at the end of the day it's just my hobby, and i've been praised for drawing a lot and for challenging myself to practise drawing traditionally, so i want this to be read as introspection rather than complaints!!

the reason why 2021 was a big change in my art is because in november i did this monstrosity:

i got an Android tablet to be able to draw in class and took the challenge alongside my friend Nico, who also did their own Huevember. hola si estás leyendo esto Nico, aunque lo dudo :) i can't say that any of the drawings made me better at anatomy, or composition, or colors. i can't say that they solidified my knowledge, either. but they planted a seed in my brain that would fully bloom in late 2022, which is the seed of hating the finished result of some pieces so much that i forced myself to improve.

everyone has their own motivation to get better at art and i've always thought that mine was a healthy one (i want to draw more lesbians, that's all). however, i've had a very solid 2023 and now i don't cringe at any of my pieces, plus i can notice any mistakes they have without wanting to delete them from existence - and i could only get there because at the end of 2022 i told myself i wouldn't make any more ugly illustrations. like, period. i didn't want to get anxious every time i had to look back on my own art.

i also learned that no ammount of compliments from others would magically make me like a piece i see as mid at best. of course, i appreciate every single nice comment i get (genuinely, i get very happy knowing that other people love my work), but gratitude doesn't fix a skill issue.

so, late 2022, many things happened. first i got cancelled on twitter over a drawing of my beloved mizuki from project sekai (this info will be relevant later). then i spent a whole month doing this other monstrosity that is to this day the best thing i've ever done. i haven't peaked it (yet):

this comic actually made me improve and solidify my skills. it wasn't a class assignment, or a collaboration, or anything more than a headcanon i shared with a friend - it was pure brainrot over Revue Starlight and it made me put all my cunt into it. this was also the point at which i started filling in blacks with the bucket tool instead of picking a very dark color, which is a big part of my current style :3

the thing about people cancelling me is that i had to distance myself from fandoms and eventually change accunts, which also affected how i perceived my own art. even if i draw for myself, at the end of the day i still draw characters that are loved by many people, so i disabled comments and stopped interacting with other artists of my fandom circles. that led me to go on hiatus at the start of 2023, knowing that it was time for a fresh start (my art accounts were 5 years old anyway).

that period of time made me think a lot about my finished pieces. since i wouldn't post them until i had a new account, i would stare at them for longer than ever or make small changes even if days had already passed. letting my mind rest from illustrations i had been working on and knowing i could change them whenever i wanted was a big step forward.

i realised that for the past years i had been in a hurry to post my drawings as soon as i was done with them instead of appreciating them. that was a turning point for my mindset. this was also past the time i decided to stop making ugly art, but i hadn't really taken any measures to get better. so i changed the wording of the challenge: i can make ugly art but i can't post it if i don't like it.

it doesn't sound epic, but for some reason it worked. every time i was in the middle of making a drawing that looked kind of ugly, i changed it until it looked right. not perfect, but good enough to avoid cringing in the future. some times i had to redraw it from scratch with a more interesting pose. some times i needed to add a background or a graphic element to make the characters pop. and somewhere on that period, i went wild with colors and effects, and a lot of times that saved a piece that would otherwise be boring.

i have to thank Revolutionary Girl Utena and Revue Starlight for making me experiment a lot during my hiatus. both pieces of media, one being the daugher of the other, give artists so many visual metaphors and interesting topics to work with. the revstar brainrot had been there since the junnana comic, but rgu was something i had been meaning to rewatch for a couple of years and it hit me like a fucking train. it also made me create one of the comics i'm the most proud about:

then i got into homestuck and my art got. well. stuck!! >D< but it was okay because i wasn't making ugly drawings anymore. i was putting into practise a lot of things i had been learning or experimenting with, especially regarding colors and character interactions. and the yuri was delicious hmmmmmmm.

the rest of 2023 was very linear in terms of art but not so much in terms of fandoms (?). which is fine, honestly, but i was also glad to get back into Fire Emblem: Three Houses in late that year because when i first got into it in 2019 i didn't have the skill to draw everything i wanted to draw. and i still haven't drawn all the yuri scenarios that i've been cooking in my mind, but i have until forever to do it!!

so for 2024 i want to study some stuff i feel i'm still lacking in. i think i've always had a good eye for composition, but i've never actually pushed it in my finished illustrations - they depend a lot on the poses because i've always been prioritising drawing over everything else. that needs to change this year.

i also want to get better at drawing characters from extreme angles. i've always felt like my poses are a bit flat and i think i can study photos taken with wide angle lenses to improve at that.

and of course i still want to draw faster, which is something i've always struggled with. i think i have a good rhythm of "producing" art (excuse me for the poor wording), but i'm still too slow for the kind of artstyle i want to achieve, which includes having a looser lineart and less details in irrelevant areas of the drawings. i think that overdoing the lineart actually hurts my illustrations, because everything ends up pulling the viewer's attention with the same energy. i also think messy artstyles are neat.

i promise i'm not crazy and i don't hate what i do. in fact, it's precisely because this year i managed to make some pieces with that kind of feel that i know where i want to aim. special mention to the junnana comic because i haven't been able to replicate that lineart ever since.

examples:

as for the stuff i like about my current artstyle, i definitely want to keep the way i color!! and by that i mean the method i have for applying filters that make my colors pop. i could maybe play more with textures too.

i also like the way i depict intimacy, and people have praised it too. thank you for noticing. it's the yearning that's doing it, not me. but i don't think i'll ever change the content (?) of my art, i eat breathe and speak in yuri. if anything, there are still some ways of conveying feelings that i haven't been able to draw because i lack the skill to do so, but i'll keep trying ;)

i honestly didn't expect this post to be this long. i've been writing for hours now and i'm not sure my thoughts are coherent for anyone that isn't me. i also can't grasp the idea that some people know me from fanart i did in 2016 while others started following me last month, time is wild and it's an extra dimension of complexity that i don't know how to account for when i write stuff like this.

but again, as i do with art, i've written this for myself. it's been nice to put my thoughts in order. i think i've only talked about art in depth with like 5 people and it's always been in casual conversation. no creo que estéis leyendo pero Nahia y Henar os amo y he aprendido mucho de vosotras.

thank you for reading until the end if you have. i hope you have not only a nice day but a nice year. let's meet again in the future.

#diez's art thoughts

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anotherpapercut · 1 year ago

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College Resources

hey y'all so I have a degree in math, and have been tutoring college level math, stats, physics, and study skills for a few years now and I have several certifications as a college level tutor and in my years tutoring I've picked up a lot of absolutely essential things you NEED to know to pass math classes (and others!) if you have a hard time in math class, which unfortunately most schools will not teach you

so if you're in college (or high school, but some of these will be college specific) and you would like to hear my Professional Tips for how to survive math in college I have compiled a list of things I think you should know below the read more! I'm going to put a couple general tips at the top though for people who aren't taking a math class

alright, welcome to the read more! let's start with some general things

ok I'm starting with a kind of tip before the tips: if you are disabled, talk to disability support services at your school. a lot of times they provide services to attain a diagnosis if you don't have one, but if you do it's typically pretty easy to get accommodations and if your teachers try not to follow them, they will get in A LOT of trouble (I'm in the us so idk how disability laws are in other countries but here this is a big deal for universities bc public funding etc and if you make a complaint they will be FORCED to comply). I'm not saying bad experiences never happen, I've not been to every school in the us and I'm sure there are places that suck abt this, but I literally would not have been able to get a degree in math without accommodations (I'm autistic and have dyscalculia + memory issues) so it was worth every annoyed sigh by a dumbass teacher (which honestly rarely happened. most of them were cool). some possible accommodations include, extra time on tests, separate testing locations, formula cards, ability to use notes etc etc

I work in a free tutoring center at my local community college. while I won't say these are definitely universal, every college I have encountered (in the US, where I live) has one of these. Google the name of your school with tutoring. there is a very high chance you have free tutors available in a variety of subjects who are ready to help you. you should utilize the fuck out of this bc ur already probably paying for it in ur tuition

my favorite resource ever is one you may have heard of but I'm reminding you of it anyway. the Crash Course YouTube channel! it has free comprehensive videos about various subjects (including anatomy, physics, biology, economics, statistics and lots lots more). the videos are about 10 minutes each and they're incredibly easy to understand. they're an amazing way to study for finals. trust me on this one. they actually now have real introductory college courses that you can take for credit (tho I think you have to pay for that?) through YouTube so check into that!

take notes!!!!!!!! for real. seriously. even if you've never had to before. trust me. and don't just copy exactly what the board says, write what your teacher says out loud as well, that is often the most important stuff. I highly recommend investing in a few colored pens and/or highlighters. anytime the teacher says something important (such as formulas in a math class or a grammar rule in an English class) either write it in another color, or highlight it. color coding your notes even the tiniest bit will help you tremendously when you're studying and doing homework later. this doesn't mean having a color code so elaborate and strict that you're spending more time and energy figuring out the right color than listening and writing. I usually do the bulk of my notes in black then things like formulas or whatever in one bright color and extra bits of info from the teacher in another, this way it's easier to find the important stuff later on

if you've got a couple extra bucks, invest in a mini stapler. you'll be shocked how often those lil bitches come in handy

DO NOT EVER purchase your text books before the classes start (unless you get like an email before class starts telling you you need the book, but this is pretty rare tbh). half of your teachers are going to tell you on day 1 that they don't use the book at all. and honestly almost all of your books can be found by googling the name + pdf. just triple check that you have the correct edition!

speaking of emails, CHECK YOUR FUCKING SCHOOL EMAIL. I am so dead serious about this one. set up notifications on your phone. if you do not check your email you are going to show up for cancelled classes, miss assignment corrections, and generally not do nearly as well in your classes. I know this sounds fake but holy fucking shit please for the love of all that is good and holy check your fucking email. seriously.

the best way to study for your finals is to look at past tests and homework! if your teacher isn't a total dick they'll give you back your tests and homework. when studying for your final, go through and redo any that you got wrong, and look over the ones you got right. teachers usually take final questions from old tests and homework so if you do this it's very possible you'll study your exact finals questions. if they won't give you these back, reread your notes (in a way I'll describe in a moment)

reread your notes the same day you take them or very soon after so the lecture is still fresh in your mind! when you do this, grab a colored pen and take notes on your notes. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's actually a very important study tool. if you come across something you wrote that is confusing, write out an explanation. write down extra things that will help you understand the material. if there's something that you don't understand or don't remember PLEASE ask your teacher. some of them won't answer email so catch them in office hours or after class if you can. at the end of the semester when you're studying for finals, do this all over again but through your whole notebook for the semester (not all at once. pls take breaks lmfao)

if your teacher doesn't offer it up at the end of the semester, ask "can you please tell us some of the topics we should emphasize when studying for our finals?" (you can also say this in a far less pretentious way but I've found that professors are more likely to give you a real answer if you talk like this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I'm ngl, some of em will be assholes about this. they may laugh at the idea and snarkily say "look at your homework" or some shit equivalent. roll your eyes at these old bitches and move on. but many if not most will at least give y'all some idea of what to expect. and crucially: write down what they say and use it as a study guide

okey dokey!! that concludes the general section. now I'm gonna talk about some math specific stuff that will help you a lot if you struggle with math!

starting with an easy one: get a good calculator. please for the love of GOD do not get the TI-30X IIS unless you love it and are EXTREMELY familiar with all of the different operations. I'm sorry but this calculator sucks ass and it will hold you back. for about the same price you can get my personal favorite the Casio FX-115ES Plus (1st edition only, I haven't tried the 2nd edition bc I don't like change) or an FX-991 EX. if you're a Texas instruments guy get a TI 30XS or if ur doing calc and shit I'd get a 36X pro. I just prefer Casio personally lmao. in all likelihood your math teacher will be a calculator nerd who can teach you how to use any of these but there are also lots of videos made by calculator nerds on YouTube as well

so next I just want to emphasize how important your notes are. you cannot pass a math class without good notes unless it's a class you've already taken or something, and honestly even then I'd recommend you write some stuff down because the thing about math is there are a lot of different ways to do the same thing. which brings me to my next point

pay attention to the process your teacher uses to solve problems (I'll give an example in a sec) and especially to how they write the process down. if you're like me and you have trouble with the whole "show your work" thing this will help a lot, because you can use what your teacher writes down as a guideline for what you should write down. for instance, you may have learned about a math concept like permutations and combinations in high school one way, and then be taught a completely different way of performing the calculation in college. if this happens, ask your teacher about your way. sometimes their way is better for a specific reason and it's really important that you learn it. sometimes they'll say it doesn't matter just do what makes the most sense to you. sometimes you will also not get full credit if you do things a different way too so be careful and pay attention to what your teacher says abt it. you may have also been taught to show some steps in an operation but not others and your new teacher may want all of them. or none. or different ones. unfortunately math has a lot of variations

similarly, if there's a concept you don't understand, start by asking your teacher about it first bc they may want you doing a specific thing. if they're not helpful and you don't have access to a tutor turn to the internet. here are my recommendations for resources: Khan Academy has videos and examples explaining concepts in pretty much all types of math. usually really helpful because they'll show you several different methods and use different explanations, MathWay for classes that come before trig/calc. you can use it for those but it's a little more annoying lol specifically in regards to graphing and solving integrals and shit. this tool has A LOT of stuff in it but is best as a calculator to check your work on stuff and for showing you graphs that have transformations and shit like that from college algebra. it's got settings for different math types and even chemistry tho!, for more complicated graphing I'd use Desmos. you can use this in all classes but it's just a bit more complicated imo and it's more made for complex operations so I prefer to use MathWay as much as possible bc it's just more user friendly., there's also Symbolab which a lot of my fellow tutors really like but I personally tend to use the others more, Wolfram Alpha is a pretty well known one. tbh I find it kind of hard to use sometimes so i usually use it as a last resort lmfao but it is really good!, this last one is calculus specific (including things like calc based physics ofc) but derivative calculator and integral calculator are everything to me. could not have gotten through calc 2 and 3 w/o these mfs

OK THIS PART IS REALLY IMPORTANT!! we're going to talk about how you can make your math tests WAY easier on you and massively improve your chances of passing. here's what you're going to do for every test

1. when studying for your test, go through and find ALL formulas that you used in the unit(s) your test is over (this includes formulas you learned previously but used in this unit as well!!)

2. commit them to memory. easiest way to do this (besides practicing using them!!) is to rewrite them a few times including what you use them for and what all of the symbols and letters stand for

3. when you go in to take your test, spend like 5-10 minutes beforehand, right up until they make you put everything away, studying and rewriting these

4. the SECOND the test hits your desk, flip it over and write down every single formula immediately (including as much extra info like when to use and variable definitions as possible). now you won't have to try to remember them 30 minutes in when your brain is frying!!

5. go through the test and read each question carefully. if you can't remember how to solve it within 30 seconds skip it. you might only do 4 or 5 questions (maybe less depending on the length of your test) after the first pass, but just go back to the beginning and do it again, giving urself a little more time w each pass. this will ensure that you're not spending 45 minutes on problem 4 and having no time to get to the rest of the test. additionally with math it is extremely common to basically find the answer to how to do one problem while you're doing another problem. doing the ones you know first will also boost your confidence and help prevent anxiety from wiping ur brain. this is a really really important part of math tests

6. before you hand your test in, make sure you've written SOMETHING down on EVERY SINGLE QUESTION. even if you have absolutely 0 idea whatsoever what to do, there is always a chance for partial credit. a lot of times, you also know more than you think you do. so even if you can only do half a step of the whole process, half a point is better than 0!! if you really have no clue what to do, make something up. I know this probably sounds ridiculous but I'm so deadass. once I was taking a physics test and could not for the life of me remember what formula to use so I just made one up based on my vague idea of how it worked lmao. I wrote off to the side "I know this isn't how physics works, but I can't remember that so just pretend I'm god for a second" and I got like 75% of the points bc the teacher appreciated the effort!! there were fucking countless times when I was taking a test and I got to a point where I knew the steps of what I was supposed to do but could not figure out HOW to actually DO the math. so I wrote in words my understanding of what the next steps were. even though I didn't finish answering the question, I always got points for trying. this is what teachers are wanting from you. effort. so PLEASE write literally anything even if you're just making that shit up (just explain your reasoning in words to the side, as long as you're using logic you're really getting the essence of math anyway). you would not BELIEVE how fast your grades will improve by doing this. I tutored a girl who went from Ds to Bs within literally 2 weeks of starting tutoring just because she stopped leaving any questions blank and started getting partial credit

that's all the important stuff I can think of for now though I'm sure there's much more so I may update this in the future!

of course everyone is going to have a different experience and relationship with math. so adjust all of these tips to fit how you learn best. please try to remember that learning math is a very important part of developing your critical reasoning and logistical analysis skills. these are essential to understanding and interacting with the world and math is just a way of exercising those muscles. trust me when I say I know how infuriating math can be. I have dyscalculia and a math degree. I've spent so many hours crying over math you probably wouldn't even believe me. but it's worth it! and frankly, if you're in college, you're paying a lot of money for this class. you deserve to get everything you possibly can out of it

above all, if you're having trouble ASK FOR HELP. ask your teacher, ask your classmates, ask the head of the department, ask student services, ask Google!! and if you need help you can always ask me! :) I love helping people with this stuff and even if I don't know the answer to your question I'm pretty good at knowing where to look for them!

#this is so long and im praying the readmore works #this has been in my drafts for like a year sjdbakhdwihddnemsodm #college resources #math resources #forgot that tumblr builds in its own readmore now #good enough right?

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starrrling · 8 months ago

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REECE STARLING ( RACHEL SENNOTT ) is a TWENTY-SIX year-old GUITAR TEACHER in STATEN ISLAND. They were brought under Richard’s care when they were only ELEVEN years old. They are known as THE MISCHIEVOUS because they are MIRTHFUL but also IRREVERENT.

tw: substance abuse/addiction, parental neglect/custody loss, death, domestic abuse

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Theresa Rebecca Starling

Nickname(s): Reece

Date of Birth: December 7, 1979

Age: twenty-five

Occupation: guitar teacher & restaurant hostess

Current Residence: Staten Island

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Hair: brown, curly

Eyes: gray

Height: 5’2

Notable Features: Reece is rocking up to Richard’s funeral with a strip band-aid over her nose and a bruised eye :/

PERSONALITY & BEHAVIOR:

Strengths: amiable, outgoing, witty

Weaknesses: flippant, addictive, impulsive

Quirks: talks with her hands like a true italian, constantly fidgets with her jewelry

Vices: aside from her smoking habit—weed and cigarettes—Reece needs Monster Energy in an IV to make it through the day

INTEREST & HOBBIES:

Interests: astrology, music production, tabloid gossip, the 2005 music industry as a whole, the brad x angelina x jennifer love triangle, survivor, grey’s anatomy, gwen stefani

Hobbies: stand-up at the local open mics, songwriting, music mixing, bird-watching, parkour

Special Skills/Talents: music theory & a handful of instruments (mostly guitar)

BECOMING A WARD

Reece’s grandmother, Estie, was an old friend of Richard’s wife, Adelia, who she met in school; once they were all married—Adelia to Richard, of course, and Estie to her own husband, Charlie—I imagine they were “couple friends,” with double dates and so on. Estie got pregnant with Reece’s mom, Tess, a little less than a year before Adelia got pregnant with Winifred; the women probably talked about how they’d raise their daughters together. When Adelia passed in childbirth, though, Estie was heartbroken; Estie and her husband remained in contact with Richard, trying to be there for him and Winnifred if they needed anything. Winnifred and Tess spent their early years as friends. Shortly before Winnifred disappeared, Estie’s husband died of a heart attack; Estie and Richard came to lean on each other in this time—a widower trying to raise her daughter alone, and a man who had lost everything. They found comfort in each other. It wasn’t some torrid affair—they were just the only two people left living who could understand one another. They both felt guilty, as though they’d betrayed Adelia and Charlie, and the two grew apart. Tess, who never fully recovered from the sudden loss of her father and close friend in childhood, dropped out of high school later on, and developed a drinking problem which progressed to a drug addiction as she got older. At 24, Tess got pregnant with Reece; when Reece’s father, a fling at best, didn’t want anything to do with it, Tess moved to Chicago for a fresh start. Tess tried to raise Reece and get her life under control, but without proper help, Tess was never able to stay sober for long. When Reece was five, CPS got involved after Tess overdosed, and Reece was taken into the foster care system for a few months. Tess was able to get sober and get Reece back; the two moved back to Staten Island, where Estie was, and when Tess fell off the wagon again a year later, Reece moved in with Estie, who raised her for the next five years. This took place in the late eighties, when I imagine Estie and Richard would have caught up after all of that time had passed—perhaps Richard would have even met Reece once or twice at some gathering or another that he invited Estie to attend, although Reece and Richard didn’t know each other especially well until Estie, aged 63, died in a car accident in 1990, when Reece was only eleven. Aware that Reece had been in the sole care of his old friend, Richard stepped in to prevent Reece from having to enter the foster care system again.

LIFE AS A WARD

Reece arrived at the Woodrow House as a grieving eleven-year-old who had no idea how to deal with her pain aside from joking about it. The times she spent in her mom's care as a kid were often turbulent, and she'd kind of adapted to the unpredictability of her mom's moods by learning to be an entertainer—nobody can yell at you if they're too busy laughing, right? So, reece developed a real knack for levity and lifting spirits that she carried with her when her grandmother got custody while reece was 5, and again when her grandmother passed and she moved into Richard's care at age 11. Reece has never been good at dealing with the deep stuff, so it's always been hard to get her to be serious about anything. Growing up, I guess you could say she was kind of a troublemaker, but it all came from a kind of impulsive hedonism on Reece's part. it was less true rebellion for the sake of rebelling, and more a desire to do whatever would be the funnest/funniest, no matter the consequences. She has some trouble knowing when a joke has gone too far sometimes, because in her mind, the Joke—whatever that joke may be in the moment—is praxis. Reece more or less invented committing to the bit! She probably spent plenty of time trying to get the other wards to go along with her dumb bits or reckless schemes, too, and she's never been able to stand anyone who takes themselves too seriously. So, that's Reece: an eternal class clown, because laughter takes some of the sting out of the truth. Even the wards that are closest to Reece probably haven't had a lot of truly deep, serious conversations with Reece—at least ones that she participated in voluntarily. Reece spent a long time in and out of alcoholism treatment programs because she couldn't really take her own addiction seriously and see it for what it was; she started drinking young, probably around 13, and she immediately understood what her mother saw in it as an all-day activity. It didn't take long for Richard to recognize Reece's drinking as problematic—after all, thirteen is young to even be experimenting with alcohol, especially given Reece's family history—but it took years of short-lasting sober stints and casual backslides for Reece to understand that she wasn't just being young and dumb, and everyone was right to be worried: it's an illness, and it's not something that went away when she turned twenty-one, which is what she'd been hoping. an instance of alcohol poisoning on her 21st birthday, though, led to Reece getting placed in a more serious addiction rehabilitation program, and she had to drop out of school, but she did get sober at 21, at least for the time being.

AESTHETIC

vintage rings, snarled curls, smudged makeup, menthol marlboros, crushed energy drink cans in the bottom of a beat up purple vw bug, scrawled-on sheet music

Reece's wardrobe pretty much gives y2k laundry day. even though her outfits are usually pretty low-effort, she sort of always comes off as though she's wearing a costume. She oscilates drastically between slutty hi-femme clothes and absolute androgyny, and sometimes she blends the two at once. She wears rings, and her hair is almost always tied back.

EDUCATION

Reece absolutely wanted to be a private school girl, but not for any academic reason. She probably just thought it would be like the movies. Reece wasn’t especially focused when it came to her education, but she did well enough to get accepted to college, which she saw, on-and-off, as a place to party, mostly. She ended up dropping out in her junior year because her alcoholism had gotten out of control, and she needed to go to rehab; she never ended up getting her music degree.

EXTRACURRICULARS

Always inclined towards music, Reece cycled through a number of instruments growing up—piano was her first and longest instrument, encouraged by Richard, but Reece’s favorite was guitar (something she picked up at around 14), which she still plays today. She took singing lessons for a while when she first started taking piano, and she also learned some percussion. She probably learned a little saxophone and clarinet, too, so that she’d have experience with band instruments. When it was clear that music was a real passion of Reece’s, Richard set her up with someone who could teach her music theory, and her tutor helped her learn to write music of her own, which became Reece’s major focus during her high school years. For the first couple of years she was at the estate, I also think she probably took some acting lessons and did some local theater acting, since it was probably pretty obvious that Reece really liked being the center of attention and needed some outlet for that.

THEIR LIFE NOW

As stated before, Reece enrolled at NYU to get a degree in music—I'm thinking something related to digital music production, although Reece doesn't have the equipment to do much of that anymore—and she was sober on-and-off over the first few years, not really taking seriously the fact that she needed to stop drinking, but keeping it under wraps enough that things didn't come to a head until her 21st birthday. After being hospitalized with alcohol poisoning, Reece dropped out, got sober, got settled, and moved back to her hometown of Staten Island, where she job hopped for a while before becoming a guitar teacher. Nine months ago, Reece relapsed; she'd had a conversation with her mom, something she hadn't done since her mother lost custody, and it reopened a lot of old wounds Reece didn't know how to deal with; she felt really alone in Staten Island, and she didn't want to reach out to anybody, so she started drinking again, something she kept a secret for as long as she could. Of course, Richard eventually caught on, and he helped Reece to get sober again; the other wards will probably be vaugely aware that Reece is set to collect her 7-month chip in a couple of weeks. Another thing Reece kept a secret, albeit successfully, this time: she started dating a guy she met at an open mic night she preformed at (aspiring comic in new york lets goooo) five months ago, even though recently recovered addicts are generally supposed to hold off on dating anyone until they've been sober for at least a year, for the sake of stability in sobriety. The relationship was turbulent to start—he negged her comedy routine–but it was combative in a way that Reece found kind of... comfortable, maybe? It was passionate, kind of hot and heavy, and Reece moved in with him right away; however, the relationship very recently came to a head—what had always been a fiery relationship eventually progressed into Jack manipulating & mistreating Reece, including a few instances of physical abuse. So, Reece will be rocking up to the Woodrow House for the funeral with a black eye and a bandaged nose, less than a week off of a break-up, and in need of somewhere to live (she'd been planning on couch-surfing during the process of trying to get her old apartment back </3).

#intro #wrhq.intro

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jenny-from-the-bau · 7 months ago

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okay sorry this is a lot but 1, 5, 12, 19, 24, 25, and 34 for the ask game pls!!

-🐙

1: What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

I only write in Garamond, and I care very much. I write in Garamond pt12 with a 0.5 indentation on the left, single spacing, and 0 before/8 after paragraph spacing. Every time.

5: already answered

12: If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? BTW if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ispum, I don't make the rules

I never mix up tenses

I always know how to end a story

There is always someone around to give me notes

19: Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Yeah! So, my mom really wanted to be a writer (or at least write for fun), so she took random online writing classes, and I always took them with her. I also wrote random short stories just for fun. In high school, I had an actual book that I was working on and I had SO much detail and planning, but it was all just so cringe lol I wrote a lot of (bad) poetry, too.

I started writing fanfic in high school. It started as Sweeney Todd fanfic where my ideas were WAY too big for my skills lol I completed my first multichap in 2013! it was a grey's anatomy mafia au. It was... fine haha

I was really easily discouraged, and I'd stop writing at like one mean comment. I didn't have a writing community or other writing friends, so I just wrote for me, and it wasn't great. I got some good feedback on a few swan queen oneshots, but my writing really took off when I watched Person of Interest. I was getting my Master's and working in theatre and I just wrote so so so much. I was literally posting once a day. It was a lot of fun to talk about writing with people and exploring fandom.

I ended up watching Criminal Minds on a whim and it really hit me. I had a great writing community, posted like 50 fics in a year, and just really hit my stride. Some life stuff happened and I got VERY mentally ill and it took away my motivation to write. I had stories that were tangled up in people I was no longer friends with, etc. I also lost my writing voice for a while. I was writing for other people, but like... I was writing what they wanted and exactly how they wanted and it just wasn't me. I eventually hit a point where I stopped writing for almost a year.

Now, I feel like I'm in a much better headspace and I have better friends who understand me and who I am and what my voice is. I feel like I'm finally getting into my stride as a writer and finally figuring out what kind of stories I want to be writing.

I'm considering going back to writing original fiction. I have a few ideas. It's just scary and hard and I'm not quite sure how to do it lol We'll get there!

24: How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

So much prep work! I outline almost all my fics, and even if I don't do a full outline, I do at least a couple paragraphs. I had all 26 chapters of Born Into Bad Choices planned before I started. I'm doing like a few chapters ahead for What It Takes, but still. I have so so much outlined. I really like planning because it gives me a sense of direction and that makes me feel less lost. Without a plan, I flounder.

25: What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

Hmm... This one is hard lol Maybe pick a story and I'll tell you!

34: Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

Necessary, Mandatory, and Wonderful.

#ask #🐙 anon #that last one is a little joke #the girls who get it get it lmao #ask game

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jcmarchi · 10 days ago

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Hank Green to deliver MIT’s 2025 Commencement address

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/hank-green-to-deliver-mits-2025-commencement-address/

Hank Green to deliver MIT’s 2025 Commencement address

Hank Green, a prolific digital content creator and entrepreneur with the ethos “make things, learn stuff,” will deliver the address at the OneMIT Commencement Ceremony on Thursday, May 29.

Since the 1990s, Green has launched, built, and sustained a wide-ranging variety of projects, from videos to podcasts to novels, many featuring STEM-related topics and a signature enthusiasm for the natural world and the human experience. He often collaborates with his brother, author John Green.

The Greens’ educational media company, Complexly, produces content that is used in high schools across the U.S. and has been viewed more than 2 billion times. The company continues to grow its large number of YouTube channels, including SciShow, which investigates everything from the deepest hole on Earth to the weirdest kinds of lightning. Videos on other channels, such as CrashCourse, ask questions like “Where did democracy come from?” and “Why do we study art?” On his own platforms, Green takes on virtually any topic under the sun, including the weird science of tattoos and how ferrofluid speakers work.

Green has also launched platforms to help support other content creators, including VidCon, the world’s largest gathering that celebrates the community, craft, and industry of online video, which was acquired by Viacom in 2018. He also launched the crowdfunding platform Subbable, which was later acquired by Patreon. His latest book is the New York Times best-selling “A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor,” the sequel in a pair of novels that grapple with the implications of overnight fame, internet culture, and reality-shifting discoveries.

“Many of our students grew up captivated by the way Hank Green makes learning about complex science subjects accessible and fun — whether he’s describing climate change, electromagnetism, or the anatomy of a pelican,” says MIT President Sally Kornbluth. “Our students told us they wanted a Commencement speaker whose knowledge and insight are complemented by creativity, humor, and a sense of hope for the future. Hank and his endless curiosity more than fit the bill, and we’re thrilled to welcome him to join us in celebrating the Class of 2025.”

“I was just so honored to be invited,” Green says. “MIT has always represented the best of what happens when creativity meets rigorous inquiry, and I can’t wait to be part of this moment.”

Green has been a YouTube celebrity since starting a vlog with his brother in 2007, which led to the growth of a huge fanbase known as the NerdFighters and the Greens’ signature phrase “Don’t forget to be awesome.” Hank Green also writes songs and performs standup. Last summer he released a comedy special about his recent diagnosis and successful treatment of Hodgkin lymphoma.

“Hank Green shares our students’ boundless curiosity about how things work, and we’re excited to welcome such an enthusiastic educator to MIT. CrashCourse’s lucid, engaging videos have bolstered the efforts of millions of high-school students to master AP physical and social science curricula and have invited learners of all ages to better understand our universe, our planet and humanity,” says Les Norford, professor of architecture and chair of the Commencement Committee.

“Hank Green is an inspiration for those of us who want to make science and education accessible, and I’m eager to hear what words of wisdom he has for the graduating class. He embodies a pure and hopeful form of curiosity just like what I’ve observed across the MIT community,” says senior class president Megha Vemuri.

“As someone that has worked tirelessly to make science accessible to the public, Hank Green is an excellent choice for commencement speaker. He has commendably used his many skills to help improve the world,” says Teddy Warner, president of the Graduate Student Council.

Green joins notable recent MIT Commencement speakers including inventor and entrepreneur Noubar Afeyan (2024); YouTuber and inventor Mark Rober (2023); Director-General of the World Trade Organization Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala (2022); lawyer and social justice activist Bryan Stevenson (2021); retired U.S. Navy four-star admiral William McRaven (2020); and three-term New York City mayor and philanthropist Michael Bloomberg (2019).

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caitlinphleb · 1 month ago

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Essential Requirements to Become a Phlebotomist: Your Complete Guide

Are you‌ considering a career as a�� phlebotomist? This vital role in the healthcare system involves drawing‍ blood for tests, transfusions, research, or donation. This comprehensive guide outlines the essential requirements to become a successful phlebotomist, including education, certification, key skills, and tips for getting started.

Your Pathway to‍ Becoming a Phlebotomist

1. Understanding ⁢the Role of a ⁣Phlebotomist

A ⁤phlebotomist is a trained medical professional responsible for collecting blood⁣ samples from⁤ patients. This role requires a combination of technical and interpersonal skills,‍ as phlebotomists often interact closely with patients, ensuring their comfort and understanding during the process.

2. Educational Requirements

To become a phlebotomist, a high school diploma or GED is generally the⁣ minimum requirement. However, further education can enhance job opportunities and earning potential.

Common Educational Paths

Phlebotomy Certificate Program: These are typically‌ 3-6 ‌month courses offered by community colleges and vocational schools.

Associate Degree: Some choose to pursue a two-year degree⁤ in a health-related field, which often includes phlebotomy training.

Course Topics

Course Topic

Description

Anatomy and Physiology

Understanding human body systems relevant to blood collection.

Phlebotomy Techniques

Hands-on training in blood collection methods.

Patient Interaction

Communication skills to help ease patient anxiety.

Safety Protocols

Learning ‍about infection control and bloodborne pathogens.

3. ‍Certification ‍and Licensure

While certification is not always mandatory, it is highly recommended⁢ and often preferred ⁣by employers. Certifying organizations ‌like the American Society‍ for Clinical Pathology (ASCP) and the ‌National Phlebotomy Association (NPA) ⁣provide widely recognized credentials.

Steps ‌to Obtain Certification

Complete a phlebotomy training program.

Gain hands-on experience through internships or clinical practice.

Apply ⁣for⁣ certification exams.

Key Skills Required

1. Technical Skills

Phlebotomists must be proficient‍ in blood-drawing techniques, understanding various collection equipment, and managing samples post-collection.

2.⁤ Interpersonal⁤ Skills

Being a phlebotomist often demands excellent communication skills. Building rapport ‌with patients is crucial to ensuring a positive experience.

3. Attention to⁣ Detail and Dexterity

Accurate blood collection and sample labeling‍ are essential to avoid errors that ⁤could affect patient care. Fine motor skills are necessary for‍ efficiently handling needles and other equipment.

Benefits of ⁣Becoming ⁣a Phlebotomist

Job Stability: ⁢There is a consistent demand ⁣for phlebotomists in the healthcare sector.

Flexible‌ Work Schedules: Many ‍positions offer part-time or flexible hours.

Human Interaction: If you’re a people person, this job allows for meaningful patient interaction.

Career Advancement: Experience as⁣ a phlebotomist can lead to opportunities in nursing or medical technology.

First-Hand Experience: Case Study

Meet Sarah, a certified phlebotomist‌ working at a local hospital. She ⁣shares her journey:

⁢⁢ “When I decided to become a phlebotomist,‍ I wasn’t quite⁣ sure what to expect. ⁢The training program taught me not ⁤just the practical ⁤skills, but also how to communicate with patients effectively. My favorite part of the ‍job is⁢ seeing the relief on a patient’s face when I reassure them‌ that the blood draw will be quick and painless.” – Sarah, Certified Phlebotomist

Practical Tips for Aspiring⁢ Phlebotomists

Network: Attend health fairs and workshops to connect with experienced ⁣professionals.

Volunteer: Gain experience by volunteering in medical settings where⁤ blood ⁣collection might occur.

Stay Updated: Keep abreast⁤ of the latest techniques and safety protocols in phlebotomy.

Conclusion

Becoming a phlebotomist is a rewarding career choice for those who enjoy working⁤ in healthcare and interacting with patients. With the right education,⁢ certification, and skill set, you can embark‌ on⁤ this fulfilling path. Whether you’re seeking stability, flexibility, or the opportunity for advancement,‍ the field of phlebotomy‌ has much to offer. Now‍ that you understand ‍the essential requirements to become a phlebotomist, take the next step on your journey ‌to success!

youtube

https://phlebotomytechnicianschools.net/essential-requirements-to-become-a-phlebotomist-your-complete-guide/

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dogs-in-a-trenchcoat · 1 year ago

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I don't normally like to piggyback off of other posts but this topic is something really dear to me. I saw a lot of like 'my art by year' posts back in my deviantart days and the one thing that always struck me is how much slower I felt I was developing than others.

Tldr up front: Time really does make massive difference but sometimes it's hard to validate that looking at others you see on the internet, everyone has a different pace, we all have different techniques that work for us and we all have different barriers. In a case where you may feel like you're hitting a wall or progressing slower than others at your age and experience level, a willingness to experiment, continuing to learn more about anatomy or how things are assembled, and overall just continuing to observe the world around you and consume art will all *also* help you where time alone may not.

Of course now I know I have aphantasia, and autism related motor skill issues, but at the time I lived and breathed drawing, I made quick progress and then hit a wall. And I hit that wall for something around 6 years. It felt like my peers started better than me and then just kept getting better while I fell behind.

My question was not so much how I got from this (approx 2002, not my first drawing but the first I have on hand)

To this (approx 2004)

To this (approx 2006)

To this (approx 2008)

My question was always more how do I get from this (approx 2012 on year 4 or 5 of drawing basically the same)

To this (approx 2016)

And eventually, where I am today (this one being from last year or early this year)

And obviously time played a factor. And there certainly was a lot of it. 20 years between the first picture and the last, in fact. And time has all but erased my motor skill issues (in regard to drawing lmao), you can see my lines and shape language become clearer and more confident. I learn from trial and error things that help with the process and get comfortable with various mediums. But what about those 5 or 6 years of stagnation? What happens when you hit a wall?

This is where my aphantasia comes in. I didn't really have access to language talking about this when I was in high school and college. I just didn't understand 3d shapes the same way my peers did. How on earth do you even imagine that people can visualize stuff when you have no real frame of reference for what that would mean or that that is even a possibility? (it's a little more complicated than that for me, but the point remains without me going on that tangent)

Either way, I just assumed I was less skilled and was doing something wrong and left it at that and I still wouldn't have the language to have discussions about this, check with friends to get a deeper understanding of what visualizing meant, and so forth, for a pretty long time after my art started evolving again.

So what changed in 2014? Well just a year prior a little show called Steven universe came out. And one little thing in it totally turned my entire process on its head.

I don't remember where the exact point in time I decided to change my under-drawing process was. I know I had been wanting to draw fanart of these characters with the kind of body diversity and strong shapes I had always wanted to draw. I was so excited by the material, so inspired by the artistry of the backgrounds and style of the show, that I fell in love with drawing again. And that ended up being exactly what I needed. The way I do my under-drawing and sketches now makes it much easier for me to understand 3d shapes without having to be able to visualize them.

These changes, and the willingness to do so, to abandon my whole process and basically relearn drawing from scratch (but sort of a new game plus deal, with the experience I already had under my belt) helped me understand the 3d shapes of the body in a way nothing else had. And I had tried a lot.

I still struggle with feeling badly about my art, feeling like I'm hitting another wall, or like it will never be what other people enjoy. But the bottom line is continuing to find joy in the process, love drawing itself, enjoy experimenting. Don't let a lofty end goal of being "good" in some definition that will always continue to outgrow you dampen your joy with drawing. If you invest the time into your art, if you have fun with it. It will come together eventually.

hey I saw that speedpaint video for Amy's 30th bday art you did and now could you please post some really old art of yours and how long you've been drawing for because I just started drawing and am getting a strange feeling I don't fully understand but feel will be alleviated by getting some perspective on how long it takes to get gud at drawing.

So I’ve been drawing my whole life, ever since I was 2 years old. And I’ve been drawing Sonic for as long as I can remember as well.

Unfortunately I can’t find any of my drawings that pre-date 2005. I am not sure if they’ve just been misplaced, or if they’re with my mom, or if they’re just gone forever. I went through a lot as a kid, including losing our home, so I don’t have a lot from when I was little.

But hopefully some of these drawings will give you some courage:

I was (and still am) obsessed with Phantom of the Opera haha

I made a bunch of weird comics. I really have no idea what is going on in half of them lol. Here are some panels from a 2005 werewolf Sonic comic:

This one is from my diary in late 2005

Here’s a mega drawing I did in 2006 so you can see how I drew Sonic characters as well as people and monsters:

I’ve posted older drawings in the past too but again I can’t find those drawings physically now. Here are some more from 2004 thru 2006:

The more you draw the more your art will evolve. Don’t give up. And please don’t destroy your old art! You should always keep your old stuff so you can see how you’ve improved!

#Long post #Sorry I just had a lot on my mind and wanted to expand here #Idk if i actually added anything of value #But I think it's easy to get hung up on getting good and losing sight of the process #I kept trying to refine what I was doing and getting frustrated that it wasn't working #And it took something rekindling that childlike wonder and joy with art to really throw a wrench in things #Idk if it's the same now but it was also really easy to worry about having a 'style' and you are always your style #Don't limit yourself trying to stick to a certain brand #Your style follows you not the other way around

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cafemagie-magie · 2 years ago

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Howdy! First I just wanna say you're a really great artist, one of the best I've ever seen, and I love every single one of your LWA fanarts! And if you don't mind, I just wanted to ask how you learned to draw? I've always wanted to learn, but I'm not sure how to learn the fundamentals and progressively get better until I'm as great as someone like you. If you know any books, videos online, exercises/habits, or any resource to look up and learn how to draw and slowly get better, that'd be great!

Hi! Thank you very much, I’m touched by your kind words ^^

I give you Diakko but theyre motivation coaches to wish you the best ! Have fun with drawing, it's one of the best thing on Earth!

It took some time to answer because I wanted to write a document with a lot of resources, so you and other fellows can use it :

To answer the first part of the question, I always loved doodling with a pencil and replicating manga panels like Dragon Ball, Naruto... also I love scientific illustration and fashion design! Never took art classes, but went to an art club in high school^^

I have a pencil and watercolour self taught art background, drew since 9 but with a lot of art breaks (the most recent one lasted 4 years because of pharmacy studies), digital art came very late when I hit 23 (January of this year, got an iPad!🥳🎂) and I learned it with the resources stated in this shared document :D

Now for the second part, let's say every artist have their own art planet, like the Little Prince 😊

You have your art home, and realism is the house foundation to you build up other skills on it. The first skill associatied with foundation is observation : when you look at something...how does it work? Why is this moving like that? What are the simplified shapes of it?

Near you home, you can plant your favourite artists seeds from other art planets in your own art garden to be inspired by them. They'll bloom into different flowers, scents and colors... they'll inspire your work as you progress :D it's like pretty things to admire and look up to! To keep you on the go and learn from them! (It works with the library metaphor too, like having a collection of your fav artists, subjects, reference...)

Then you build up solid walls for your house, by learning/practicing technical things like figure drawing, life drawing, drapery... with these, you can already have a lot of fun!

Adding windows will bring you some fresh air as you'll explore colour theory, light and shadow... at this stage, traditionally or digitally, you'll be able to create really cool sketches/llustrations! You can always use references and observe them to understand the light source, a particular scenery, or some tricky anatomy position, etc...so you can incorporate it in your drawing.

Then you can make your house bigger by adding new rooms: learning how to draw specific things like detailed backrounds, animals, weapons, machinery, everything you'll be interested in...if you started with humans only for example.

Later on, you can decor your house with things like art style, aesthetics, that little somtheing that makes people recognize your works...these come naturally as you progress so dont worry too much about it!

Building a comfy house takes time but it's your home and even if there will be struggles/frustration... enjoying the process is key to a happy artist journey ^^

Hope this helped, and you can always dm for more specific things, if needed (or ask anonymously again, I’m shy so I’ll understand lol)

#ask solace #art advice #art resources #artist help

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bbangsoonie · 3 years ago

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jeong (정)

member: sunwoo genre: angst, fluff word count: 7,233 synopsis: the line between love and hate is blurred as you struggle to erase sunwoo out of your life.

a/n: lightly inspired by @timextoxhajima‘s hostis because i now understand the hype over the enemies to lovers trope

sequel: commitment

Sunwoo was annoying. He always got on your nerves and had the habit of stealing everyone’s attention. It all started when the school reallocated its resources to better fund the boys soccer team by taking away a part of the girls soccer team’s budget.

Immediately after hearing the news, you stormed into the boys locker room to confront the team captain. Wolf whistles as well as yelps of surprise trailed after your path. You didn’t see the guys scrambling to cover their exposed torsos; you only saw red.

By the time you reached Sunwoo, all eyes were on you.

“Is this the only idea you could come up with to get a glance at the male anatomy?” he snickered.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” you glared as you pointed accusingly. “You’re the one who insisted that the boys team needed to replace their perfectly fine jerseys when the girls team has been fundraising to buy new ones.”

“It’s not my fault that the school wants to invest in the better team,” he arrogantly shrugged.

That was the last straw.

Your foot reached out to kick his shin, making him kneel in pain. He gaped at you in disbelief as you wore a smug expression.

“The girls team has won way more games than the boys team,” you reminded.

“The boys team generates more revenue from tickets,” he retorted.

“That’s because this school’s sexist,” you scoffed.

“Nothing changes the fact that our team attracts more spectators,” he taunted.

You’ve always had a bit of an anger issue. Hence, you couldn’t hold yourself back from stamping on his foot before turning around to leave. You ignored his yells as he screamed profanities at your back view.

That was the beginning of the neverending rivalry between you and Sunwoo. The entire student body came to know of the feud as you two spent all of high school sabotaging each other.

He would drench your uniform with water before practice and you would throw his cleats over the school wall. He would trip you in the hallways and you would shove past him as if he was invisible. You both trained like your life depended on it to win championships just to brag to the other.

You hated how cocky he was. You hated how he made it his life’s mission to piss you off. But what you hated most was how your heart still raced whenever he was around.

미운 정도 정이다. It means, “even hateful jeong is still jeong”.

Jeong is an interesting word. There isn’t an exact translation for it in English. The definition is a mix of affection, attachment, and sentiment. Even in Korean, the meaning is broad and ambiguous.

And it was the best word to describe your relationship with Sunwoo. Despite wanting to strangle him, a tiny part of you cared to be involved in his life. You liked being the one person who could push his buttons.

As much as you wanted to deny it, he was an amazing soccer player. And as a fellow athlete, you had to admit it and even envied him for it. But you would never let him know that. You could never let him catch you peeking at his skills on the field.

But when Haknyeon asked you out in senior year, all thoughts of Sunwoo left your head. Your stomach stopped churning at the sight of your enemy. Instead, it fluttered with butterflies thanks to your first boyfriend.

Haknyeon was the complete opposite of your arch nemesis. He was sweet, caring, and mature. He picked you up at your house to walk to school together and took you home after school. He called you pretty and made you feel loved. He always made you a priority and never upset you.

Something about it didn’t sit right with Sunwoo. He didn’t like how Haknyeon took up all your time and stole your attention. He didn’t like not having you pick a fight about every little thing. He didn’t like how you brushed him off with a simple eye roll rather than arguing with him.

He convinced himself that it wasn’t jealousy. No, there was no way he was jealous. He just didn’t like seeing you all happy.

So when he saw you after dismissal, he stopped you in your tracks.

“So you’re just another girl who lets a guy change her,” he provoked. “It disgusts me to see you act all girly and innocent around him.”

“Just say you’re lonely and can’t get a girlfriend,” you sneered.

You tried to walk past him but were blocked again. You opened your mouth to tell him to get out of your way but his own mouth silenced yours. Literally.

It took you a few seconds to register what was happening. Then your eyes widened when you realized that he was kissing you.

“What the hell, Kim Sunwoo?�� you spat as you shoved him off of you. His eyes weren’t on you but somewhere behind you. You followed his gaze to see Haknyeon standing just a few meters away.

Your boyfriend’s fist was nearly shaking by his side. You gasped as your hand shot up to cover your mouth, which probably wasn’t the best gesture to fix the misunderstanding.

“Haknyeon-” you tried to explain the situation but he was already turning around to leave.

“Forget it. We’re over,” his voice had never sounded so cold.

The pain in his eyes hurt more than the sudden breakup. Your feet refused to move despite every nerve in your body willing yourself to chase after him. You could only watch as he disappeared from your view.

“What was that for?” you yelled, turning to the boy who was secretly just as surprised as you were.

Sunwoo wasn’t sure why he did what he did either. Part of him wanted to piss you off. Part of him just wanted to feel your lips against his. But the moment Haknyeon came into his sight, something in him snapped. All he wanted to do was break him. Break you. Break you two up.

So, stupidly, he let his ego take over. He didn’t know what came over him or how he could smirk while looking into your sad eyes. But he did as he shrugged.

“Just one more thing I took from you.”

Sunwoo had taken away a lot of things from you. Your sanity, your temper, the title of being your school’s best soccer player, and even your homework. But you never thought he’d cross the line to steal your first kiss and ruin your first relationship.

Like that, your first love crumbled to dust. Like that, you lost all trust in love. Like that, your fiery competitive side vanished.

“Fine. You won,” you spoke barely above a whisper. “Happy now?”

He didn’t think he’d feel this much guilt and regret. He didn’t think he’d wish he could unsee the tears welling in your eyes. Yet, he still didn’t do anything as you walked away.

The next day, the whole school was whispering about you. You grit your teeth and barely managed to get by the day.

Cheater. Slut. Whore. There weren’t any words you didn’t hear.

So when you lost it at practice after missing a goal, the coach sent you to the nurse’s office to cool off. The nurse offered you a glass of water before leaving the room to fetch some documents.

To add insult to injury, the person you least wanted to see opened the door.

“Get out,” your grip around the cup tightened and your knuckles began to turn white.

“Y/n-” Sunwoo’s sentence was cut short by a loud crash. You slammed the cup on the table with enough force to shatter the glass. He stood there frozen, stunned by your explosion.

“Get. Out,” you seethed. Your voice was calm yet shaky as you tried your best to refrain from screaming at him. Not wanting to upset you further, he hesitantly obliged.

Your self destruction mode was officially turned on and there was no going back. You were going to transfer out of this stupid school.

Seeing Sunwoo’s face made your blood boil and you couldn’t bear to be worse than strangers with Haknyeon. You were the school’s biggest villain and you hated the disdain that everyone looked at you with.

It was only when Sunwoo saw your empty desk in the classroom that he realized he truly screwed up.

Five years later, you landed your first job after graduating from college. Because of your unpleasant high school experience, you left soccer behind and never looked back. You pursued a career in marketing and entered the corporate world.

You were determined to forget all about past pains as you began your adult life.

Fate, however, had other plans. After introductions with your department, your chief guided you to the break room to give you a tour. Never in a million years did you ever imagine seeing Kim Sunwoo there.

He was in the middle of pouring coffee when Chief Lee pointed him out as one of the company’s accountants. While you maintained a poker face, Sunwoo couldn’t hide his shock.

“Do you two know each other?” Chief Lee asked, amused.

“No, sir.”

“Yes, sir.”

Chief Lee blinked in confusion at the contrasting responses. Awkwardly laughing, he asked if it was something he shouldn’t poke at.

“I think we went to the same high school for a bit,” you quickly explained. “Though I don’t remember too much of my time there because I moved away.”

Your boss nodded in understanding and dropped the subject. You avoided Sunwoo’s eyes as you followed him out of the room. It had been suffocating in there and you finally took a deep breath once you left.

On your way to your cubicle, you caught a glimpse of Sunwoo’s desk. You could easily identify his workspace by the framed photo of him in his old soccer uniform.

Looking at it, you were reminded of Sunwoo, who had fun playing with your feelings and messing with your established relationship. And of Haknyeon, who chose to believe in the set up instead of you.

At a coworker’s question, you snapped back into reality. You chided yourself for your lack of professionalism hurried over to help with whatever she was struggling with. You spent the rest of the day adjusting to your new environment and ignoring the person you had hoped to never see again.

The next day, you walked into the break room and saw that Sunwoo was the only one in there. You broke the uncomfortable eye contact and turned back to leave but his voice stopped you before you could.

“Want some coffee?”

You almost scoffed out loud at his nonchalance. So he was going to play dumb? Fine, two could play at that game.

“No thanks. I don’t like coffee,” you said as you reached for the pot of coffee.

“Sugar?” he offered.

“No, I like it black.”

No you didn’t. You couldn’t stand the taste of Americanos because of its bitterness. You liked adding a lot of milk and sugar into your coffee. But your pride would not allow you to take anything from him.

So you swallowed the bitter drink and left.

Unfortunately for you, Sunwoo was as persistent as you remembered him to be. He greeted you each morning with a cup of black coffee that you couldn’t decline in front of all your coworkers. Because of one lie you made, you now had to suffer every day.

Even at work, he was a social butterfly. He was just as well-liked as he was in high school. All the male employees were friendly with him and all the female employees swooned over his good looks.

Once again, you were the only one who couldn’t stand him.

And to your annoyance, you and Sunwoo were paired up for a project. You were both representing your own department and had to work together. The project entailed one-on-one meetings as well as client meetings. There was no way you could steer clear of him now.

Reminding yourself that you were doing this for your salary, you plastered on a fake smile. Though you loathed being in his presence, you had no choice but to put up with it.

“This is the budget we’ve been given for the marketing campaign,” he said as pulled out a chart.

“I know how to read,” you snapped.

Sunwoo chuckled at your feistiness, which only irritated you more. Meanwhile, he was glad to see that you haven’t changed much.

“You’re still the same,” he commented.

“Don’t talk as if you know me. And I’d appreciate it if you upheld formalities at work, Accountant Kim.”

“Ouch.”

You comforted yourself with the fact that once this project was finished, you wouldn’t have to see him so often. That was the only thing that kept you going. That was the only thing stopping you from ripping his head off.

You wished he would stop trying to win you over. To act like you two were on a team. Well, yes, you were on a team for the project. But there was no sense of comradeship. At least not for you.

Today, like all the previous days, he brought you a sandwich to share. He insisted that it was too much for him to eat alone and that you needed to eat too anyway. You couldn’t come up with a good rebuttal for that.

Begrudgingly, you picked at the sandwich in front of you. You didn’t even like the one he bought. You were never a fan of vegetables and this was filled with a bunch of them.

After observing which ingredients you plucked out of each sandwich, Sunwoo came to order a customized sandwich for your childish palate. The list of things you didn’t eat was long: tomatoes, cheese, onions, spinach, olives, and cucumbers. In the end, he finally managed to satisfy you by bringing a sandwich with just ham, lettuce, and mayonnaise.

He hid the smile that formed on his face when you devoured your meal. It was the first time you didn’t leave leftovers.

A knock interrupted his thoughts and Chief Lee poked his head through the door to notify you two of a company dinner. It was to serve as a belated welcome dinner for you and as the company’s bonding experience.

That was how you ended up at a sushi restaurant sitting next across from Sunwoo. You took drinks from coworkers, hoping the alcohol would ease the awkwardness you felt.

Feeling uneasy at the fast pace you were drinking, he nudged your foot under the table. Not in the mood for playing footsie, you shot him a look and kicked his foot away.

“So, Y/n, I heard you used to play soccer as well,” Chief Lee turned his attention to you. Eyeing Sunwoo, you half-heartedly laughed as you shook your head.

“That was a long time ago,” you brushed off.

“What made you stop playing?” he innocently asked. You could feel Sunwoo’s gaze on you as he waited to hear your answer.

“I guess I just got tired of competitions,” you forced a smile. “It really drains you after a while.”

“Oh that’s pretty similar to what Sunwoo said about quitting soccer!” he exclaimed.

That was news to you. You never really wondered why Sunwoo was in accounting and not playing in a national team like he used to proclaim he would.

“He said he stopped enjoying winning. Sounds a little obnoxious, right?” he joked.

You could infer what the deeper meaning behind those words were. But you refused to acknowledge it. You weren’t going to humanize him now after all these years. He was the antagonist in your life and he was going to stay as just that.

By the time everyone left the restaurant and began to disperse, you were beginning to feel the effects of the saké. You bid your higher ups farewell as they got into taxis and were eventually left alone with Sunwoo.

“Where do you live? I’ll take you home,” he held onto your arm after you stumbled a bit. You shook yourself free from his grasp and frowned.

“I can get home by myself.”

“It’s late. Stop being so stubborn and let go of your pride for just one night.”

“Fuck off, Sunwoo.”

It was the first time you spoke so roughly and addressed him casually since high school. He had almost missed it. Almost.

“Get off your high horse and learn how to accept help,” he crossed his arms.

“You haven’t changed either,” you said as you mirrored his pose. “You’re still fooling everyone else with that capitalistic smile and personality. How could they ever imagine your true twisted self?”

“If this is about-”

“It doesn’t matter what this is about. The bottom line is that I find you repulsive. I want nothing to do with you but I’m holding back because we have to work together. Because I’m not going to let you affect my life anymore.”

With that, you hailed a cab and slammed the door shut. Sunwoo was left to watch the car drive away, just like how you watched Haknyeon walk away five years ago.

You didn’t do a great job of hiding your hangover the next day. Your coworkers offered you sympathetic smiles as you groaned at your upset stomach.

A hangover drink was suddenly placed in front of your face that was resting on your desk. Surprised, you sat up and was displeased to see Sunwoo yet again. He left it there and walked off.

You shoved the bottle to the corner of your desk and hid it behind your computer monitor. One hangover drink wasn’t going to make reparations for years of torture.

“Y/n, could you meet with the client today? I know the meeting was supposed to be tomorrow but they asked to do it today instead,” Chief Lee asked.

Then came the anticipated and dreaded following words.

“Take Sunwoo with you too.”

The trip was fairly uneventful. Both of you were in business mode and got through with the meeting with no hiccups.

It wasn’t until you reached the bus stop that you wavered. A little boy was playing with a soccer ball and unintentionally began passing it back and forth with Sunwoo. While waiting for the bus, Sunwoo taught him how to dribble.

You could tell by the way his face lit up that he still loved soccer. It was a shame that he gave up playing professionally.

Seeing him happy to teach made you long to play as again. Running on the field had been an outlet to relieve your stress. But now, it was nothing more than a distant memory.

If only Sunwoo had been half as kind to you back then as he was to the little boy now.

You shook your head to rid any lingering regrets. The past was the past. Both soccer and Sunwoo held no significance in your life anymore.

You should have known better than to attend the next company dinner. After what happened at the last one, you should have known that mixing alcohol with Sunwoo was never a good idea. He still had a way of setting you off.

Once again, you two were the last to leave the restaurant.

It was a Friday night and you didn’t feel like going home. You wanted to drink a little more and began walking around to find a place that was open. You didn’t bother flipping Sunwoo off when he followed after you.

You two ended up at a random pub with nothing but two soju bottles on the table between you. You couldn’t bear to converse with him sober.

“So what’s the real reason you quit soccer?” you asked as you poured yourself another shot. He took the glass from you and downed it himself. You rolled your eyes and drank from the bottle.

“Without you to fire me up, it became mundane. And winning stopped bringing me joy,” he paused before continuing. “You know, your words haunted me for the longest time. “Fine. You won. Happy now?” I couldn’t get it out of my head until I stepped down from the team.”

“You deserved it,” you mumbled.

“I know,” he admitted. “So I lived with regret and I still do. I never got to properly apologize for what I did. Until now.”

He couldn’t just undo everything he did with a simple apology. You hated how he assumed all would be good just because time had passed. Five years had gone by but you spent those five years building thick walls around you.

But what you hated more was that your hatred for him was beginning to fade. You could feel yourself growing fond of him and it terrified you. That stupid jeong was still there. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t erase him from your heart.

Giving him the power to hurt you again was never in your plans. In fact, crossing paths with him was never a part of your plan.

Your resentment towards him was beginning to shift towards yourself. It felt like high school all over again, with you despising the fact that your heart reacted to an asshole like him.

It disgusted you.

So you got up, paid for the drinks, and left.

Another hangover drink was waiting for you when you arrived at work the next day. It merely joined the other bottle behind your screen.

Fate sure did love to go against you. You and Sunwoo were asked to run an errand outside together and you fought back a groan. Letting out a small sigh, you reached under your desk to change out of your heels and into your sneakers.

The two of you were sent to a supermarket to take notes on which products were being advertised and which products were on sale.

You were writing in a notebook while Sunwoo was throwing things into a cart. So far, it was filled with chips and cup ramen. You wanted to shake your head at how he could act like he hadn’t unloaded his burden on you last night.

He caught you staring and grinned.

“What? The pantry in the break room is almost empty so I’m gonna refill it,” he explained.

“I didn’t ask,” you deadpanned as you walked off.

He trailed after you like a puppy following its owner until a pack of jelly caught his eye. He rushed to grab it before proudly presenting it to you.

“This is the jelly you used to like. I remember because you got so mad at me for stealing and eating all of it,” he recalled.

How could he talk about the past as if he wasn’t the reason for your sour mood both back then and now?

You gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the time at the mart. On the way back to the office, however, he got you to talk again.

In the middle of the sidewalk, he paused his steps and motioned for you to do the same. Before you could ask why, he bent down to pick up the loose shoelace that had been swinging by your sole. You stared as he tied the laces together and then stood back up with a smile.

“Stop it,” you blurted. He cocked his head in confusion, unsure of what made you so upset all of a sudden.

In that moment, you decided that you would not allow yourself to be dragged around by him any longer. You despised how he still held control over your emotions and refused to let it continue.

“Stop acting like you didn’t ruin my life five years ago. Stop acting like we’re close enough for us to reminisce over memories and for you to be tying my shoes. Stop acting like you don’t detest me and that I don’t detest you,” your voice was now raised.

He looked at you with eyes feigning innocence and it pissed you off.

“I hate it. I hate how you pretend to be nice and I hate how you pretend to care for me. I hate how you’re just trying to erase your past self. I hate you.”

“Hate is a strong word,” he finally spoke after taking in your words.

Scoffing, you squatted to undo your shoelaces out of spite. After you angrily pulled them loose, you stomped off.

The soft manner in which he treated you with. The genuine concern he looked at you with. You hated it all.

You heard a sigh before he ran to face you. You glared and demanded he move but he refused to budge.

“I messed up. I know I did. I was young and immature. That’s why I’m apologizing and trying to make up for it. But you won’t hear any of it no matter how hard I try,” he said, frustrated.

“It’s not an apology if you force me to accept it,” you spat. “What happened five years ago may not mean much to you but for me, that was when you destroyed the concept of love and trust. You stole my first kiss and first love. The way I’m ignoring you now is in no way comparable to the way Haknyeon ignored me back then. Everyone turned their back on me and I was labeled as a cheating bitch.”

Bringing the topic up reopened scars you thought had healed.

“You did all that on purpose, Kim Sunwoo. For once, I was finally happy and receiving love. But you couldn’t stand to see that and had to ruin it. That’s why I can’t look at you without thinking of what I had to go through because of you.”

“Believe it or not, it wasn’t on purpose.”

“Bullshit.”

“I liked you, okay? I fucking liked you,” he confessed, catching you off guard. “I kissed you because I wanted to but I admit I also wanted Haknyeon to see it. Because I hated that he was the one by your side, and not me.”

You searched his eyes for any signs of deceit but all you could see was sincerity. It scared you.

“Why tell me all this now?” you asked.

“Because, you dense rock, I still like you.”

That was all it took for you to smash your lips onto his. When you realized what you had just done, you pulled back and covered your mouth as you gasped. Sunwoo watched in amusement as you attempted to sputter an excuse before giving up and running away.

“Where are you going, Y/n?” he laughed as he chased after you.

“Stop following me!” you yelled as your speed increased.

Eric, a member of the marketing department, suspiciously eyed you and Sunwoo. Unable to come up with an explanation and unable to withhold his curiosity, he rolled his chair over to bump into yours.

“Did something happen? The icy tension that’s normally between you two has been replaced by an awkward vibe. Ever since yesterday,” he commented.

“Nope,” you quickly answered as you got up to go make copies.

“Something happened, right?” he probed as he glanced over at Sunwoo, who merely shrugged. Eric tilted his head and mumbled something about his intuition always being correct until he was called over by Chief Lee.

Sunwoo made sure no one was looking before making his way to join you in the copy room. You didn’t hear him come in until he crept up behind you.

“Are you going to continue to be so obvious?” he asked, startling you. Your breath hitched in your throat when you felt his hand brush over yours to click a button.

“I’m sure you meant to make 10 copies instead of 100,” he chuckled.

You scowled at his teasing as you shoved him away. Ever since that incident, he was acting like he had the upper hand.

“It’s like you want everyone to know we kissed,” he smirked as he emphasized the last word.

You slapped his arm, loudly shushing him. How could he be so nonchalant about it while you were terrified of having your coworkers catch on?

“Shut up!” you whispered.

“What? You were the one who couldn’t resist my lips,” he said smugly.

“That meant nothing,” you huffed.

His expression immediately hardened at your words. He caught a hold of your sleeve before you could open the door to leave. You looked down to see his hand grabbing your blouse instead of your wrist.

“Stop walking away from me all the time,” the seriousness in his tone surprised you. “Stop leaving me behind and stop pretending like you didn’t feel anything yesterday.”

“What happened yesterday doesn’t change the fact that I still hate you,” you lied.

“It takes a lot of energy and dedication to hate me the way you do. And you know what they say: even hateful jeong is still jeong.”

“I do not have jeong for you.”

“Even after this?”

With that, he gently pulled you close to him and planted another kiss. Except this time, it was more than just a peck.

Before it could advance any further, however, you heard the door creak open. Both you and Sunwoo jumped at the sound, frightened to see Eric standing there.

Eric awkwardly cleared his throat, not knowing how to react. In one aspect, he was proud to have guessed that something in your relationship changed. In another, he hadn’t really wanted to witness it firsthand.

“I’m gonna…” he slowly backed up. “I’m gonna go. You guys can… continue.”

You facepalmed and wanted to hide in embarrassment. Meanwhile, Sunwoo tried to play it cool despite his bright red ears.

You nearly screamed when the door swung open again and Eric’s head popped in.

“Congratulations by the way,” he grinned before bolting.

“I don’t know who to kill first,” you sighed. “You or him.”

You and Sunwoo had begun to make amends. You weren’t dating but you also weren’t clawing at each other’s throat anymore. For once, you felt relaxed around him.

He drove you home after work and came over on weekends to cook for you. He was a terrible chef but knew the best places to order takeout from after setting off the fire alarm.

It finally felt like the world was done throwing you obstacles.

That was, until you ran into someone else you hadn’t expected to see ever again.

There he was, with an iced Americano in his hand, standing just as still as you were. Ju Haknyeon. Five years had passed but he still did wonders to your heart.

The two of you stayed frozen like that until the cashier asked if you were going to order. Apologizing, you walked up to place your order.

Haknyeon waited until you got your coffee to sit down at a table together. You fiddled with the straw as you tried to think of something to say. Luckily, he was the first to break the silence.

“Vanilla latte,” he pointed out. “I see you still like sweet drinks.”

“Yeah, I was never a fan of dark coffee.”

“It’s been a long time. How have you been?”

“Good. What about you?”

Younger you would have never thought that you and Haknyeon would be exchanging awkward small talk at a cafe. But here you were, discussing work and weather.

Until Sunwoo’s name lit up your phone, notifying you of his incoming call. Flustered, you flipped it to have the screen face down.

“After all these years, is there still no room for me in your heart?” Haknyeon quietly asked. The elephant in the room was finally going to be acknowledged and addressed.

“You know, I really loved you,” you said. “You were the only one in my heart back then.”

“As much as I wish it were true, you know it’s not,” he bitterly smiled.

“You were my first love and that’s a fact. What you saw that day was a misunderstanding you never let me clear up.”

“I may have had your love but I never had all of it. There was always a small part of your heart that you reserved for Sunwoo. That’s why I ended our relationship. Because I was the one who loved more and it scared me. I was scared that it would hurt more later on when you would eventually realize.”

You were left speechless as he triggered your self awareness.

Jeong. That stupid jeong. It trapped you in a tangled mess both then and now. It was why you could never detach yourself from Sunwoo despite hating his guts.

“Hate is often an obverse form of love. You hate someone whom you really wish to love but whom you cannot love,” Haknyeon recited. “It’s a quote I came across that immediately made me think of you.

You were filled with guilt as you came to realize that you hadn’t been as good of a girlfriend you thought you had been.

“Trying to win over him was a losing fight,” he continued. “But I don’t blame you. I never did. I’ve always wanted to tell you that it wasn’t me who spread the rumors. I have no idea how others found out.”

And that was how your perception of high school fell apart.

“You should call him back,” he said before getting up. “It was nice seeing you, Y/n.”

After that missed call, Sunwoo was unreachable the rest of the weekend. You didn’t think much of it until Monday when he avoided you like a plague.

Even Eric noticed how distant he was being. He asked if you two fought, to which Sunwoo stiffly denied.

Just when you were starting to see Sunwoo in a different light, he returned to his old self. But worse. At least the old him used to retaliate. Now, he was just flat out ignoring you.

Frustrated, you barely managed to get him alone to confront him.

“Alright, spill,” you demanded. “Why do you have a stick up your ass?”

“I do not,” he snorted.

“Yes you do,” you rolled your eyes. “Is this because I missed your call the other day?”

“No,” he curtly answered as he tried to leave. Before he could, however, you held onto him.

“What the hell is up with you, Kim Sunwoo?”

“Nothing. Let go,” he pried your grip off and left you in the break room alone.

You stared at the door in disbelief. You couldn’t figure out what you could have possibly done for him to act like this. It couldn’t have been because of just one missed call.

You let out an annoyed sigh and shook your head. How much longer was his tantrum going to last?

The answer to that question was: fairly long.

A week went by with him treating you like a ghost. He only spoke to you when he had to for the project. Other than work-related conversations, there was no interaction between you two.

It was only until you saw him flirting with another coworker that you decided to stop trying to get through to him. When he flashed her that stupid smile you both loved and hated, your hands fisted to crumble the paper in your hand.

Right. Sunwoo had always been like this. He had always been the type of guy to attract girls and entertain them out of boredom.

You had forgotten about why you used to dislike him so much. He only played along to his mood swings. If he lost interest in something—or someone—he dropped it cold.

You were the idiot for believing he had changed. For thinking that he was ever genuine with you.

Once again, he was the cause of your broken trust. And this time, it hurt a lot more.

“I still like you.”

His voice rang in your head every time he walked past without sparing you a glance and every time he laughed at another female coworker’s joke.

If he was going to be like this, he shouldn’t have said those words. If he was going to act like you never kissed him, he shouldn’t have kissed you again.

“Y/n?” Chief Lee’s voice was finally heard after calling out to you a few times.

“Huh?” you snapped out of the daze you were in.

“The company dinner tonight. Can you make it?” he chuckled.

“Oh, yes, of course, sir.”

You wish you hadn’t agreed. You spent the night pinching your thighs to distract yourself from the sight of a Sunwoo having a lovey-dovey time with Ahri. She giggled at every word he said and he kept both the plate and cup in front of her full.

You stared at the empty glass in front of you. It looked a lot like the one you had smashed in the nurse’s office five years ago.

At that moment, a half empty soju bottle was knocked over. The remaining liquid spilled onto the table, slightly wettening Ahri’s sleeve. Sunwoo dabbed at the fabric with a napkin and you almost scoffed at his gentleman façade.

Now the glass cup in front of you was really tempting you to repeat history.

You grabbed the teapot to warm up your insides but accidentally over-poured it, spilling the hot tea over your hand. Your yelp of pain garnered attention and your coworkers gasped at the sight of the red mark on your skin.

Tears brimmed at your eyes not because of the burning sensation on your hand but because of Sunwoo’s indifferent expression. He had been so concerned over Ahri’s clothes getting wet but seemed to care less about you.

You excused yourself and ran to the bathroom before anyone could catch the stray droplet that escaped down to your cheek.

Running your hand under the sink’s cold water, you allowed yourself to get lost in your own thoughts. You sniffled as you cursed Sunwoo out in your head.

Fuck him. Who was he to ruin you twice?

When you returned to the table, you assured everyone that you were fine and insisted that they go back to enjoying dinner. To avoid suspicion, you stayed until the end despite wanting to leave.

This time, you managed to flee before you could be left alone with Sunwoo. You found refuge at a nearby bar, not quite ready to go home just yet.

“Y/n..?” you heard a familiar voice.

You turned around to see Haknyeon yet again. You were happier to see him than the last time.

“What’s with the long face? Is it not going well with Sunwoo?” he asked as he took the seat next to you.

“Don’t say his name,” you groaned.

“You know, I’m always ready to take his place if he doesn’t treat you right,” he joked. There was a bit of honesty mixed in.

“I’m done with boys,” you sighed as you sipped on your wine.

“Hey, what happened to the gutsy Y/n I knew?”

“Gone. Dead. Nonexistent.”

He frowned at your words and questioned what caused you to lose your spark.

“Turns out I’m not as strong as I made myself out to be,” you shrugged. “It’s been five years since I came to that conclusion.”

“Or,” he dragged out the word. “You’re just afraid of what will happen if you add too much fuel to your fire. You’re afraid things will blow up and get out of hand.”

“I’m not sober enough to hear you talk in metaphors.”

“All I’m saying is that a fire is meant to burn, not die out.”

Though it barely made sense to your drunk mind, it made you think. Then you got riled up wondering who the hell Sunwoo thought he was to put out your fire.

Did it completely make sense in your head? No. But you were irked. And that was a good enough excuse to drunk call the one who was always pissing you off.

You demanded that he meet you at the nearby park and hung up before he could refute. You arrived first and brooded until he came. He found you huddled on a bench with your arms crossed and your face frowning.

“You!” you got up and pointed a finger at his face when you saw him coming. “What do you think you are, huh? Flaming my fire and blowing it out as you please.”

“You’re drunk. Go home.”

“No, you listen. First, you say some fake shit about liking me or whatnot. Then you kiss me to confuse me and act like my fucking boyfriend. And out of nowhere you treat me like a stranger while you flaunt your new fling right in front of me. What is all that, huh? Is this fun to you? Am I a joke to you? You aren’t done messing around with me after all these years?”

You lost your balance but was caught in his arms before you could fall.

“See?” you snatched your arm back from him. “You didn’t bat an eye when I burned myself but all of a sudden you care if I twist an ankle?”

“Y/n,” he sighed.

“What? Huh? Say something, even if it’s just an excuse.”

“You’re the one who’s back together with Haknyeon,” he snapped. “And this time, I’m respecting your relationship status.”

“Haknyeon?” your brows furrowed in confusion.

“I saw you at the cafe that day. I saw you reject my call to go back to your date.”

You blinked. Then it all clicked.

“What the hell, Sunwoo?” you blurted. “I coincidentally ran into him and that was the first time I saw him in years. I missed your call because the name of the guy I kissed in front of my ex flashed up on my screen. It didn’t feel right to pick up while we were getting the closure we never got in high school.”

Silence. Then an awkward “oh”.

“Yeah, oh,” you snorted.

“So you’re not dating him again?”

“No, you dimwit.”

His cheeks reddened in embarrassment. You hated that you found him adorable, sheepishly scratching the nape of his neck. Then again, you hated a lot of things about him.

“Now it’s your turn to explain,” you said, crossing your arms again.

“Jealousy.”

This time, he wasn’t afraid to admit it. This time, he was more afraid of losing you.

“I was over the moon thinking I finally made things right with you. But when I saw you with Haknyeon, I thought it was all for nothing. I didn’t want to ruin your relationship again so I distanced myself from you because I wasn’t confident I could pretend to be happy for you. Falling back on to Ahri’s advances was just me being stupid and needing validation.”

“I don’t want to hear you say her name again,” you scowled.

“Aw, are you jealous?” he grinned.

“Watch it,” you warned with a not-so-threatening glare.

He beamed as he kissed your cheek. Then your lips. Then your forehead.

“You smell like alcohol,” he teased.

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the smile forming on your face.

People say that jeong is scarier than love. Because love diminishes over time whereas jeong continues to grow. Because love grows from happy memories whereas jeong grows from enduring tough times together.

And in that moment, it all made sense. It all felt worth it.

tag list: @geniejunn @wooyoung-a @cloudskyu @bloom-bloom-pow

#deobiwritersnet #the boyz angst #tbz angst #sunwoo angst #the boyz fluff #tbz fluff #sunwoo fluff #the boyz #sunwoo #the boyz imagines #sunwoo imagines #the boyz scenarios #sunwoo scenarios #the boyz fic #sunwoo fic #tbz imagines #tbz scenarios #tbz fic

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lilas · 2 years ago

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Hi! I've just started drawing. I really like it, but I don't have much time because of school, so most of the time, when I draw, I like to learn new techniques. I really admire your art, and I was hoping that you could share some tips? And if it's possible, explain how to do the stained glass thing? I understand if you don't want to, though. Thank you!

Hello, and I hope you continue to love drawing!

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to just have fun, play around with different styles, and experiment, which it seems like you’re already doing so you’re on the right track.

As for the stained glass illustrations, I’m happy to show you the general process. I won’t get too much into nuance since it’s more personal to my specific style and you can go about things differently as you try it out. ☺️

Beneath the cut!

I’ll use this illustration of the Wayfarer companions as the example since I have a lot of process pics from it.

1. Compositional sketch and final sketch

So first when planning a stained glass work, I play around with a compositional sketch—it’s easier and a lot quicker to adjust things.

This illustration was pretty straightforward. I just wanted the companions (and Aeran) standing together in typical heroic ensemble fashion with some nods to their unique skills. So when I was sketching, I was just adjusting for things like proportions and anatomy.

Then I did the final sketch over it, and started building up what will eventually become the framework.

Since the main point of interest (the companions) were figured out, I also integrated the background elements.

2. Lining

The most tedious, time consuming, and important part tbh.. you want to make sure it is clean and you know what you want your main shapes to be.

At this point I’ll also add some tinier shapes if I think a spot needs them.

3. Color and Texture

Next is color! My favorite part and it honestly can go by pretty quick if you have colors already in mind.

I usually block out the colors first so I can test different color schemes quickly, kind of like this:

Once I have the base colors set, I’ll go into each color block and alternate with different shades and tints of that base color. To me this adds interest and and depth to the illustration.

Then I add texture!

The textures I use vary, sometimes I’ll create my own, sometimes I’ll doctor high res photos of textured glass from the web. I personally like a more liquidy feel to the glass texture so I look for things like that.

I use two to three, and adjust their layer/overlay modes depending on how they look together.

It takes some practice with finding a good balance of texture. Give yourself some room to play around with the combinations!

4. Coloring line art and viola!

Final step is coloring line art, and it’s subjective how you do it and dependent on the actual piece.

For this, the colors are very bright and like a rainbow, so the line was colored to be more of a rainbow. Definitely play around with it

And that’s it! That’s how it all comes together.

I also have this process video. It’s of an older piece, and I entirely change the comp halfway through but it might be helpful.

Let me know if you have any other questions and have fun drawing! 👋

#lilas art #art tutorials #asks

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come-on-shitty-boys · 4 years ago

Text

//fatherhood headcannons//

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou / Bokuto Koutarou / Daishou Suguru

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.7K (~550 a piece)

Notes: don’t come for me and my self-indulgence. Also >:C if you’re of age and living in the United States, go fucking vote. i am not asking.

Kuroo Tetsurou

He goes into this whole fatherhood thing with complete and utter confidence. Kuroo Tetsurou is convinced that he doesn’t need to have a single parenting book. How hard can it be?

It’s all just making sure his kid doesn’t die, right? R I G H T?

He tries really hard to understand all of your discomforts during the pregnancy, but wowowow he’s bad at it. You were complaining that your feet were sore and he just looked at you weird. You had just gotten out of bed? How did your feet already hurt? Your back hurts? How? You’re laying down?

He recognizes that you’re in discomfort and he, of course, doesn’t look past that. He’s going to do whatever he needs to do to ensure your comfort, but he just struggles to comprehend it.

I promise that Kuroo was so calm and cool and collected throughout the entire pregnancy and honestly, even during delivery, he was there to tell you how great you were doing, holding your hand, letting you crush his fingers in your tight grip. He would pat your head and occasionally give you little kisses on your temple.

But when the nurse asks if he wants to hold his new little girl and places her in his arms, oh he’s crying. He doesn’t even realize that he’s crying until he feels the tears stream down his cheeks.

It was in the following weeks that he realized just how hard this whole parenting thing would be. Sleep? Kuroo didn’t know her. The baby religiously started crying every night at 2:27 a.m. and it would take nearly an hour to get her to fall back asleep. By the time that hour passed, he was already back to being wide awake and would just lay in bed, unable to fall back asleep for hours.

The first time he ever had to change a diaper, he had to pull up a YouTube video to figure it out, but he’s not about to tell you that.

He has no idea how to dad, but Kuroo ends up being a really incredible father. While he may be lacking in the basic skills like knowing the correct formula temperature or how to properly hold his daughter, he makes up for it with his constant companionship.

You’ve walked in on him in the nursery so many times. He’s really not even doing anything. He’s just leaning against the crib, running his fingers across his little girl’s skin, still not believing that this is real and that that little baby is his, something that he helped create. Oh, it just makes him so soft to think about. He talks real quietly to her, telling her about his day, like she has any idea what he’s saying, but he still smiles so wide when she looks at him.

His little girl is his entire world and I just know that he’s an incredibly protective father. He knows that the world is a scary place and he wants his daughter to be able to grow up having the best life possible, even if it is difficult.

Bokuto Koutarou

It was an accident. It was 100% an accident. But, the absolute joy that lit up his features when you told him your happy news, well, you don’t think you had ever seen him smile so wide. He had picked you up to spin you around and covered your face in kisses. Bokuto had set you down and immediately squatted down to place a kiss on your non-existent baby bump, telling his little baby how excited he was to be their papa.

Bokuto does prepare, well, at least a little. He owns one book, but he has read it cover to cover. When he was reading through it, he would stop at something that he found particularly interesting and show it to you.

He didn’t really know how best to take care of you, but he tried his best! He would rub your shoulders or feet when you asked. He would make dinner after practice. He is absolutely running to the store in the middle of the night because you had a sudden craving for Cheetos and vanilla ice cream. Bokuto thought it was best not to ask what the hell you were doing when you proceeded to dip the Cheetos in the ice cream.

Bokuto forces you on walks. He read in that one pregnancy book that walks can help induce labor, so in the time leading up to the due date, Bokuto was taking you on strolls around the block multiple times a day.

But, he gets really busy with MSBY ;-; like. . . a lot. He wants to be there every step of the way, but he just can’t. Even after the baby was born, it seemed like there was rarely a day off for him to just spend with you and the baby.

Nothing hurt more than seeing the video of his little boy taking his first steps, knowing that he wasn’t even there to see it for himself because he was stuck on a bus in another city for a game.

This boy B R A G S about his kid all the time. Sakusa might just beat his ass if he has to hear Bokuto coo about his son one more time.

Games that happen at home are Bokuto’s favorites because he knows that whenever he looks up into the stands, you’ll be there, the baby in your arms, a tiny black knit hat with gold detailing pulled over his head. It always made his heart so warm and he seemed to always be on top of his game just so he could secure a win quicker. He just wanted to rush to you and cradle his little one in his arms.

He likes to toss his little bean up into the air, but he has absolutely bonked his son’s head on the ceiling and then proceeded to fail to catch him because he was so in shock that he just hit his son’s head on the ceiling. Insert one (1) bokuto koutarou suddenly regretting every life decision that he has ever made.

Surprisingly, he’s a really good parent? He understands the balance between being caring and supportive, but also having a firm hand on discipline. He isn’t much for punishments, because he’s going to feel bad, but he won’t hesitate to sit his son down and have a talk if he needs to.

God Bokuto is such a good dad please i’m so soft i just know that he would sob his eyes out the minute the baby is on its way

Daishou Suguru

please i don’t even want children, but i would make an exception for daishou suguru

Suguru is so?? stupidly?? prepared??

Like the two of you decided that you wanted to have a baby and this man went to the bookstore and asked one of the workers which pregnancy books were the best. The poor high school student had no idea

He took notes and was just constantly studying up on things. You’d think he was back in university again with how much he poured himself over these books.

While Daishou may have all of the technical stuff down like knowing the exact female reproductive anatomy and how it all works to produce the baby and he can definitely change a diaper with his eyes closed by now, but-

When the time came to put together a nursery- oh the boy was lost. He had no idea what to do. He’d never built a crib before. He wasn’t really sure why he was expecting it to just unfold or magically form together when he took it out of the box, but now he was just sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by bits and pieces of a baby crib, pouring over the instructions, only to get more confused.

Please go sit with him in his time of need. He’ll rest his head on your shoulder and rub tiny circles over your bump.

Suguru probably jumped a foot in the air when he felt that itty bitty kick against his hand. It took him by complete surprise and his eyes were as wide as saucers, but this really slow smile took over his face and you don’t think you had ever seen him so happy, a complete smiling and laughing mess.

He takes the best care of you b y e

Morning sickness? He’s right there to pull your hair away from your face and get you a glass of water.

Too bad he spent all this time looking up information on the actual pregnancy and had no idea what to expect for actual childbirth. Overnight bag? He said, “How long does this take?” He had no idea what to do during delivery. His dumbass just stood there until you demanded that he give you his hand and definitely screamed when you nearly crushed his bones in an absolute death grip, nails digging painfully into the back of his hand, but who was he to object. He wasn’t the one pushing a child out of his body.

Oh, did I say child? Try children. Suguru nearly fainted when the nurse said that there was “one more.” He didn’t remember seeing a second little peanut on the ultrasound, but maybe he just forgot in the overwhelming panic of the moment?

He was so good all throughout the pregnancy, but the minute the kids are born? It’s like he completely forgot everything that he read over the past nine months, but the softness in his eyes and the gentle smile on his lips the very first time he got to hold his kid? It made it all worth it. He didn’t know that it was possible to love someone so quickly, but he looked at the faces of his newborn children and he couldn’t have been happier.

Daishou has fallen asleep in the nursery chair more than once when he was up with the babies. You’d get up to see what was taking so long, only to find him leaned back, his head lolled to the side, two tiny bundles held securely to his chest.

In conclusion. I love daishou suguru and he would be a really good dad once he figured it all out

{Taglist: @moncymonce @nicka-nell @celosiiaa @kuronekomama @lovinnoya and @nekxrizawa @boosyboo9206 bc you both got me thinking about them as d a d s and now i can’t get it out of my head onyx please take this as a bribe to receive the daishou suguru hip dermal edit you made i need it}

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mensobrush · 3 years ago

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its like almost 12 am where im at but fuck it imma ask; if you don't mind do you have any show/book/series recs? most specifically art related bc whelp im just someone wanting to draw and your style is really clean and i lowkey kinda want to diversify my art so uh.

yeh.

Oh BOY have I got a list for you my friend

SHOWS: I'm not too sure about shows that would teach you art necessarily, but i know of a few that are ABOUT art and artists (forgive me because most of these are all anime lol):

1. Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! - super cute anime about three high school girls working together to create an animated short film, there's a concept artist, animator, and manager and they have such distinct personalities! Highly recommend for anyone wanting to go into those fields 2. Blue Period - manga and upcoming anime about high school students trying to get into Japan's best fine art colleges. Lots of deep shit about what being an artist is about and delves into struggles like impostor syndrome and shit. Had to stop reading the manga because it hit too close to home and gave me nam flashbacks

3. Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki Kun - definitely less on the art side and more of a shoujo between a mangaka and his assistant - super cute

The next few are shows that aren't about art, but have distinct/outstanding art, animation, or cinematography and i highly recommend them for artists to watch:

4. Ping Pong the Animation - probably the most distinctive anime in terms of art style, definitely worth taking a look at!

5. Mob Psycho - highly mainstream but the animation for that anime is insane, especially for fight scenes!

6. Godless - live action western/cowboy limited series on Netflix, probably the show with the best cinematography I've ever seen

BOOKS

This I can probably give more info on! Keep in mind that most of these are geared toward concept art/illustration since that's what I mainly do, but all artists can benefit from having these:

1. Framed Ink and Framed Ink 2 by Marcos Mateu-Mestre - Books on composition, lighting, and storytelling! Must have for people interested in illustration and creating full pieces, and it goes into storyboarding as well!

2. How To Draw by Scott Robertson - THE book on perspective (disgusting, i know, but if you're a character person and you want to level up, perspective is worth learning)! It's definitely more on the advanced side, so I don't recommend it for beginners!

3. Stonehouse's Anatomy by Seok Jung Hyun - I don't personally own this one but I've heard VERY good things about it! I think it's also a pretty advanced level book, but feel free to challenge yourself if you wanna get it!

4. Bammes and Bridgman - Gottfried Bammes and George Bridgman are the people to go to when you're first wanting to get into human anatomy! They focus less on scientific latin muscle names or whatever and more on the gesture of the figure and simplifying body parts into simple shapes that are easy to put in perspective! You can get pdfs of their books for free online or buy them off amazon.

5. Any art book from games that you like - art books are literally a gift from amitabha y'all, they are so insightful into the concepting for games and some of them (coughs the Ghost of Tsushima one coughs) have ALL BANGER art in there and there's NO MISSES

The next ones are again, not necessarily art tutorial books but books with insane art in them:

6. Vagabond/anything by Takehiko Inoue - this man is a fucking god, a legend, his art is so fucking good and delicious and it never misses and he's cracked out of his mind and

SERIES

I don't really know what you mean by "series" so I'll just use this as an opportunity to highlight "series" of videos/channels that are highly helpful for artists:

1. 10 Minutes to Better Painting by Marco Bucci - Marco Bucci's videos are fucking awesome in general, but his 10 Minutes to Better Painting series condenses painting concepts into something concise and easily digestible, and they're incredibly helpful for general painting skills.

2. Proko's Anatomy Series - again, Proko is a great resource for everything art related but he specializes in anatomy and is probably the best resource for people starting out and wanting to jump into anatomy.

3. Draftsmen Podcast - Podcast by Proko and Marshall Vandruff, less direct art tutorials but more talking about artist mindsets (which is just as if no more important than practicing technique)

4. Sinix - not a series, but a channel on youtube! Sinix is great at condensing complicated shit into simple to understand, short videos! He also graduated from my college hehehe

5. Rossdraws - another alum from my school ;) I have many mixed opinions on Rossdraws, but he's pretty good for beginner artists! And his videos are fun to watch so there's that

I might add more onto this as i think of them but these are all I can think of off the top of my head! hope this helps :)

#ask

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fakeloveaskblog · 3 years ago

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Yay lasertag!!! Janus you should totally go visit Remus on the weekend and hang out! Also, maybe invite Remy too, if they wanna come. Then (specially if they don't show) you can plan with them both to maybe go on another hangout with Remus but to somewhere you like and let Remy tag along for the ride if they wanna while u're at it.

(Words: 3153 words)

Janus: "Ah yes! I will let you know that after hanging out with Remus I managed to use my incredible totally very good texting skills to ask the Rems if they wanted to go to an art museum and they both for some reaosn, maybe they are being blackmailed, said yes! I hope it will go g-"

He cut himself off as he saw the two Rems come towards him. He had been waiting outside the museum. (Honestly half the reason he had choosen it was because he knew Remus liked art)

Remus waved at him while grinning. He had on sweatpants, a way too large t-shirt and a necklace made out of animal bones. Remy had their arm swung around him. Even though they had sunglasses on their eyebags were still visible.

“Aight gamers! Are we ready to do an epic art heist!! I got my sunglasses ready!” Remus exclaimed. He didn’t, he was planning on stealing Remy’s sunglasses.

“Partner you’re forgetting that we must first observe the security measures of the museum before we can even start to plan the heist” Janus replied.

“Oh!!! That’s what we’re doing today isn’t it??”

“Correct partner!”

“Babes I dunno why you gotta steal art when I’m standing right here” Remy added while posing.

“Good point. Good point”

Janus had on a yellow bowtie he’d gotten from Logan, a loose purple shirt and black dress pants. People had to look fancy when they went to museums right? Remy had a skirt short enough to fool god and their boyfriend’s hoodie on (it looked oversized on them but with how skinny they were Everything looked oversized on them).

As soon as they got in Remus started to bounce up and down as he looked at the posters showing all the different exhibitions. There was a modern art one, classical and one smaller exhibition for specifically mosaic works.

“So whatcha you wanna look at Snakey?” Remus asked.

Janus was caught of guard “Why are you asking me?”

“Well you chose how we would hang out. C’mon you deserve to choose this too”

He looked over to Remy who shrugged “Uhm okay. Well. The classical paintings would proably give us the most money on the black market so lets look at those”

“Yay!”

Remus quickly took on his noise canceling headphones and a chew necklace before doing thumbs up. He firmly took Janus’ hand in his. He sent him a soft smile which made Jan’s heart spin before dashing of with him into the exhibition.

A few big paintings from the renaissance hung on the wall. Remy came a little later since with the cane they walked pretty slow. Remus eyed the paintings from a distance before squinting at them up close. He flapped the hand he was hoding Janus with around.

"Oh!!! This is so cool!!!! This is from the renaissance but it's not using the chiaro oscuro technique like everyone did 'cause Da Vinci would eat their newborn if they didnt!”

"Is that why it's looking flatter than me?" Remy asked.

“YEah!! Augh I love the renaissance!!! Mostly because they were dissecting bodies so much!! sometimes for the sole purpose of drawing anatomy better!! I wanna do that! Or watch someone do that! Getting to see one of those old classrooms where they dissected corpses would be so awesome!”

“Huh good way to get rid of bodies. Great time for serial killers” Janus commented.

He let out a dreamy sigh “It truly was. They’re doing serial killers dirty nowadays”

They went through some more rooms of renaissance paintings. Janus made sure to hold Remus back a bit so Remy could keep up with them. The duke kept rambling about different shading techniques.

They stepped into another room and the style changed. Remus continued to flap his hand nonetheless. Janus was definitely going to have pain in his wrist tomorrow. It was worth it if he could hold his hand though.

Remy leaned their elbow on top of Janus’ head “This is like the baroque time right?”

“YEah!” Remus’ eyes went huge “Bean you didn’t tell me you were into art history??! Do you know about Ruben too?? I like how he paints butts!”

“What? Nah. I just- I can like see it on the clothes in the paintings. Can’t you?”

“Do I look like a time traveling fashiong guru” Janus replied sarcastically “That is honestly impressive”

Remy sunk in on themself and a hint of red appeared on their cheeks “No. Nah. I’m like a total airhead! Completel idiot! hehe I’m like tots sure everyone knows this stuff. Y’all are just bad at fashion. I uh anyway Rem you were gonna rant?”

“I was?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh....Okay!!” He looked around the room before getting caught on a small painting in the corner. He dashed over to it “HANds!”

The painting depicted 2 bloody hands over a table. They were holding onto each other. the red stuck out against the dark background. It was hard to see if they were supposed to belong to two people who were fighting or in love.

Remus looked down at Janus’ hand while playing with his fingers “I think my favorite body part are hands” He mumbled “I mean they’re horseshit to draw but they can do so much”

Janus looked away from the painting as well. He let his crush do whatever he wanted with his hand as long as he kept holding it. the way he held him so lightly but kept rubbing his thumb up and down his skin made him melt.

“Yeah they can do a lot of fucked up shit” Remy butted in. Jan nearly jumped. He’d completely lost himself in adoring his crush.

“Well hands can also be used to give snakes small berries! And to make coffee!”

“Girl I wasn’t starting an argument. But you sure did won it!”

Remus was staring down into the floor as he said “When I become a cannibal I would wanna try eating human fingers first. I’m sure they would be tasty”

“Why was there a when in there?” Jan asked in a small amount of terror.

“Oh yeah babe totally. I will like actually eat a dick” Remy agreed.

“Why is there a will in there? What kind of time tenses are you people on?? Does english grammar mean nothing to you heathens!?”

Remy got a smug look on their face. They poked their finger right into Janus’ chest “C’mon say what you will eat when you become a cannibal”

“Yeah Snakey” Remus squished his cheeks “Say it! Say it! Say it!”

The two of them kept going on while Janus looked like a sour lemon until he finally caved in.

“Fine. I would either eat the stomach or....the buttocks since they would have the most fat and sustain me the longest”

The Rems looked at each other before bursting out into laughter. “He said butT!” Remus cackled out. The other Rem nodded along and pretended to wipe away a tear from laughter.

“Aight babe let’s put the guy out of his misery”

They motioned for Remus to go ahead. He happily skipped into the next room and grabbed Jan’s hand to take him with him. The snake couldn’t help but notice how Remy stayed behind for a monent.

“Oh cool!! We’re onto impressionism! The first real art style!” He sighed “From impressionism to cartoon furries. How magical the journey of art is”

(Jan who had a scaley phase in high school chose to not reply)

“I love the music as well. Crazy lads. My favorite lad?” Remus snickered “De bussy!!”

“That’s my porn name” Remy instantly replied, coming up behind them. “Hey that paint lady kinda like looks like Terra” They pointed at a painting.

“....Hey YEaH! I guess my art is timeless!”

Janus looked between them “who’s Terra?”

“Well girl” Remy playfully ruffled Remus’ hair “She’s just Rem’s tots cool like cartoon character. She’s like all over his sketchbook. Makes it look kinda straight if you ask me but she does have like a very cool design so I get it!”

“Oh......Yes...Sounds very....cool”

The group kept going around looking at art. While it felt like lead was filling Janus’ chest. He’d never heard about Terra. He’d never seen his sketchbook. Meaning they had spent time with each other without him.

He pierced his nails into his palms to stop the thoughts. He refused to be some jealous person who didn’t allow his friends to hang out without him.....Still he wish he could have seen the drawings as well....seen them smile together...heard their shared laughter....

Oh. Oh what if they thought he was annoying. What if they preferred being without him. What if he’d forced them to come here today. What if-

“Hey snakey wanna look at the modern art as well?” Remus interrupted.

“What?”

Without realizing they’d gone through all of the classic art. Now they were in the last room with not much more than a giant painting the size of one of the walls and a bench.

“That sounds horrid!”

“Yay!”

Remus quickly continued of into the next exhibition. Janus still had the taste of lead filling his throat as he went to follow. Until he realized Remy wasn’t there. He turned around and saw them sitting on the bench in front of the painting. They were leaning their arms on their cane.

“It would probably give us a lot on the black market” Jan said while sitting down beside them.

“Mhm. It’s pretty. I just like wanted to look at it some more” They lied.

“Understandable”

The painting was pretty much a big flower field with a summer sky shining down on it. Janus noticed how Remy forced deep breathes through their gritted teeth. Their brows were furrowed and their hands kept shaking.

“Are you alright?”

“Of course!”

“I have some painkillers with me. Would that help agains the pain you’re totally not in?”

They glanced over to him “Girl what you doing walking around with painkillers?”

He looked at them with the most deadpan expression “Remy I’m overweight. You can not phantom how often I get knee pain" He took out a pill and held it out to them "Here"

"There's really like no need! I can like handle it"

Even more deadpan "You shouldn’t have to ‘handle it’. It's 1 painkiller dear. I'm not exactly becoming a saint because of this"

They hesitantly took it "Thanks"

He did fingerguns "No problemo"

They stayed sitting for a bit so the pill could kick in. Jan shuly glanced over to admire them every now and then. Remy kept looking down into the floor while picking at their skin.

“I’m sorry” They said it in a much quieter voice than their usual high pitched one “I tried to do everything right so I wouldn’t ruin everything. I even went to bed early so I wouldn’t get tired....I...I really looked forward to getting to be with you two”

Janus heart beat faster. He pulled himself together to comfort them “You haven’t ruined a thing”

They hid their face in their hands “I’ve been tired and out of it all day. I keep like slowing you down. Don’t think I haven’t like noticed how much you have to hold Rem back from going faster! I’ve just been making this all much worse than it should have been”

“Well you’re here aren’t you? I for one appreciate you simply being here. You don’t have to do anything to make me appreciate you, don’t even have to talk. I hope you know that”

“....really?”

“Oh no darling I totally expect you to win the nobel prize while in a kind of pain I can’t even imagine being in on a daily basis”

Remy chuckled “Thanks”

“There’s really no need for that. I am at any and all times doing the absolute minimum to be counted as a decent human being”

“Sure snakey-babey” They had a soft smile on their face.

They moved to hug him. Their arms wrapped around his back and they muffled their head right between his man titties. Janus sat still for a few seconds, too flustered to think before moving his arms around them as well. A hand on the back of their head, another on their lower back. Their skin felt so cold against his.

Remy closed their eyes and let themself calm down. They could feel Janus’ breathing against their hair.

“I think my fav like human part is the chest” They mumbled out “‘Cause I can hear the heart beat. It reminds me I’m- we’re still like alive”

“Like a bloody biological seashell”

“Exactly” They pressed themself closer. “I like being with you” It was nothing more than a whisper, like it was a secret “When you’re here I feel a bit less like a rotting corpse”

Janus held onto them harder “Well I-I try my best”

“I know babe”

His heart was beating out of his chest. The people around them must think they were a couple. He closed his eyes and focused on Remy’s touch, on Picani’s words from their last session. He managed to push enough of the shame away and focus on the happy butterflies in his stomach instead.

Remy moved away. The moment broke.

“We should probs go find Rem before he starts like eating the art”

“haha yeah” Janus did thumbs up but kept sitting. He’d gone full idiot.

It wasn’t until he saw Remy straining to stand up even with the cane his brain kicked back in.

“Is there some way I could help?”

They didn’t answer. But they did lean their arm around his shoulder to let him carry some of their weight. They slowly but surely made their way to the modern art exhibition.

Remus was sitting crosslegged in front of a weird statue, he was doodling in his sketchbook but shone up into a smile when he saw them.

“There you are! I was starting to think that either the zombie apocalypse had started or you were making out somehwere”

“Oh yeah babe. Full tounge” Remy joked back. Jan let out an inhumane noise.

He closed his sketchbook “I think we’re done here. You’re looking tired beanie. We can come back some other day”

Remy held back the urge to lie that they were fine. Instead they weakly nodded.

The gang left the museum. Right beside it was an ice cream shop. Remus got 3 scoops of a worryingly weird mix of flavors. Janus got 1 scoop of lemon. Remy didn’t feel like eating.

They sat down on a couple of benches right outside. Remy laid down with their head leaned onto Remus’ thigh. He chewed his ice cream while calmly moving his hand up and down their back.

Soon enough they were deep asleep. Janus quickly laid his jacket over their legs. He didn’t want to accidentally see anything under their skirt without their consent.

Remus stared at him like a blood sucking eagle while smiling “Soooo now when beanie is in dream land.......Do” He stopped to giggle “Janny. Janny. Do. Do you like someooooonnneee??”

Janus just blinked at him for half a minute. This was too much. This whole day was too much. He was a wreck. His crush was asking him THis?! While his other crush was laying in his crush’s lap?!?

“Why- Why- What- Who are you working for?! The fucking FBI??? Are they after me?” He desperately tried to joke it away.

“No. No. But seriously JanJan!” He wiggled his shoulders around in a stimmy way “Do you happen to like anyone with a name that starts on R????”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Janus kept glancing between his two crushes while his blushing could be seen out into space. He wanted to lie but his mouth wouldn’t move.

Remus leaned closer and whispered “You’re into Remy right?”

He nodded. A breathe of relief went through him. At least Remus didn’t know he liked him.

“OH I KNEW IT!” Remus yelled out in excitement while flapping his hands.

“Shh! Shh!” Janus scrambled to cover his mouth as Remy stirred for a moment. “Shhhh!” They cuddled closer to their friend and fell back asleep.

“I knew it!” He giggled “Or I mean Remy knew. They told me they thought you were into them”

“WHAT?!”

Now it was Remus that covered his mouth. He was full on cackling “Yeah! They said it was really obvious! But good for you snakey! I’m sure if you murder their boyfriend you can get them in no time! Or you can become a fab homewrecker!! I can help you buy a nice sexy dress and all!!”

Janus paled in terror “How- In- What- In what way did they say it was obvious?”

“Oh y’know-”

The notif on his phone went off. He checked and his eyes went wide. He carefully moved Remy’s head onto the bench before standing up.

“Sorry snakey! Ro needs super duper emergency help! Gotta go!! See you later! Don’t die!”

Remus left him just like that. Right after dropping THAT bomb on him. Janus sat unmoving. His mouth was slightly agape in shock. His thoughts were runnig around screaming nonstop.

He sat like that for over 20 minutes until Remy let out a yawn and slowly woke up. They took off their sunglasses to rub their eyes. Just seeing their vibrantly green eyes made Janus panic even more.

“Did Rem disintegrate?” Their voice was hoarse from sleepyness. Janus pinched himself to hold back the uhm feelings.

“He- he uh he went he went he sure did went yeah”

“....Cool!”

They stretched their joints, they all cracked. They looked to Janus and moved closer. He couldn’t breathe. They knew. They knew. They knew.

“Girl are you feeling okay?” They pressed their palm to his forehead “You’re like super hot. In both ways! Maybe you should like go home and rest. I gotta get home before my boyf gets home anyway”

“Y-yeah” Was all Janus could get out.

“Cool. OH! By the way! Girl!!! We haven’t like hung out just the two of us right?? We should tots do that! Just like tell me whatever you wanna do and we can do it!”

“Yeah”

“Awesome! Well I’ll see you on that hang out then”

They hugged him for just a few seconds but for those seconds Janus felt like he was in heaven.

They got up and left. Janus slumped over on the bench. His heart was going crazy. They knew. They knew and now they wanted to hang out alone with him. He turned to you. His eyes were wide and panicked.

Janus: “W-what am I supposed to do? I don’t know any good hang out plans! Do you know any??? I’m- this is all- how did they even know I like them! Oh I’m sounding like an overdramatic 13 year old.....This totally isn’t really overwhelming. I would hate getting Logan cuddles right now!”

#thanks for the ask!!#im sorry these keep getting longer #i really do try to cut them down #dukeceit #demus #janus sanders #remus sanders #remy sanders #mini fic #sanders sides #desleep #desleepmus #dukeceitsleep

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