#I HAD TO ARGUE WHY SOMETHING I CHOSE WAS A CLASSIC

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

It is 4:48am and I am now submitting my FIRST EVER UNI ASSIGNMENT WITHOUT ASKING FOR AN EXTENSION

After pulling 3 all nighters and cramming 50 hours worth of reading and studying into about 15 hours please tell me I still deserve cheesecake

[princesssarisa]

My post about whether or not Lydia should be saved from Wickham in modern Pride and Prejudice retellings has gotten more likes and reblogs than I expected. It's made me think of another possibility of why Austen didn't save her from him.

Presumably, Lydia and Wickham's marriage could have been avoided in only three ways that would have left Lydia's reputation intact. The first is if they had only been planning to elope, but it was prevented, as with Georgiana. The second is if they had been found earlier and separated before Lydia lost her virginity. Or else Lydia could have listened to Darcy and left Wickham, and then Darcy could have used his influence to protect her honor: e.g. by claiming that she was kidnapped, or by arranging a decent marriage for her.

If Austen had wanted to make any of those choices to free Lydia, she could have done it without drastically changing the plot. But if she had, it might have felt a bit too "literary" and unrealistic.

I've just been re-watching some of Dr. Octavia Cox's literary analysis videos on YouTube. They reminded me that Austen always loved to skewer the tropes and clichés of other literature, especially Gothic melodrama, whether in outright parody or in subtler deconstruction.

Dr. Cox's video on the elder Eliza's fate in Sense and Sensibility particularly highlights this trend in Austen. She argues that Eliza's story is a classic, clichéd Gothic melodrama (a beautiful orphan, an abusive uncle, thwarted romance, forced marriage to a cruel man, a "fall" into a life of "sin," and ultimate illness and death, all narrated by Colonel Brandon in heightened, poetic language), and that Austen's point in including it was arguably to highlight that this wouldn't be the fate of her heroines. Marianne comes close to it with Willoughby and with her near-fatal illness, but in the end she's saved. Austen's point was arguably to say "Yes, I know all about this type of melodrama, I know all the clichés, but I'm relegating it to the backstory, because that's not what I want to write."

(I don't know if everyone would interpret the elder Eliza's storyline this way, but it's how Dr. Cox reads it.)

Maybe with Lydia's fate, and with the backstory of how Georgiana was freed from Wickham, Austen was doing something similar.

I'm not enough of an expert on Georgian literature to know if the rescuing of girls from predatory men with their virginity and honor intact was a cliché or not. But it does appear in late 18th century comic opera. For example, Mozart's Don Giovanni: the title character is the ultimate womanizer, but he has no success with any of the women he tries to prey on over the course of the opera. His seductions are stopped by the timely, chance arrivals of his enemies, his victims get away unscathed, and he pays for his crimes with his life in the end. Or The Marriage of Figaro: the Count's designs on Susanna are thwarted, and he's humiliated and forced to beg his wife's forgiveness.

If stories of womanizers being thwarted and punished, and their female victims saved with virtue intact, were as common in the literature of the day as they are in opera from that era, then maybe Austen used Wickham and Lydia to deconstruct them.

We definitely see some skewering of poetic cliche in the fact that despite Mrs. Bennet's fears/hopes, Lydia's honor is saved with a bribe instead of a duel.

Maybe like the Eliza backstory in Sense and Sensibility, the backstory of Georgiana's near-elopement can be read as a more perfect "literary" example of a girl escaping a cad's clutches. The elopement was thwarted partly by pure chance, as Darcy paid a surprise visit just before Wickham and Georgiana meant to run off, and partly because Georgiana was a “good victim,” whose conscience got the better of her and who chose her family and honor over her whirlwind romance.

But similar luck isn't on Lydia's side, nor does she make the right, “virtuous" choices. Darcy doesn't find the lovers until Lydia has already been living with Wickham, and like a typical reckless teenager, she cares nothing for either her reputation or her family compared to her infatuation with him. So Darcy is forced to bribe Wickham to marry her, Wickham goes unpunished except that he loses his hope of marrying rich, and all the characters have to live with the results of the scandal for the rest of their lives.

By having Georgiana's successful escape from Wickham be mere backstory while foregrounding Lydia's lack of escape, maybe once again Austen was saying "I could have freed Lydia this way – I know the tropes other authors might have used to free her – but I'm a more cynically realistic writer than that, so I won't."

I have no idea if this is valid or not, but it's a theory.

[ravers8fantasy]

Punch out characters on a road trip!!! 🚙💨

I got inspired after my parents took me on a random road trip across the Scottish boarder yesterday (to ENGLAND EWW/j)

Update: I FORGOT TO PUT THE SEATING ARANGEMENT HERE OMDS im gonna get my sick ass into bed I swear just let me do the punch out grind real quick-

Little mac:

had to beg his parents to let him go on a road trip with everyone (they made him keep them and doc on speed dial)

had a feeling something crazy was going to happen so he chose to sit next to kaiser in the front (and oh boy was he right)

him and disco hyped up tiger to start rapping when there was so radio signal, Mac ended up beatboxing (beatboxing champ of the bronx/j)

got into a disscusion about road laws with Joe and piston because he thought driving with sandals/flip flops was illegal

Glass Joe:

Got left at a service station somewhere so the group had to go back and find him, he was so mad

lore dropped that he got hit and run three times in a row by a car when he was a kid. No one spoke for a while after he shared that information

bear hugger's emotional support squirell jumped him because he wouldnt give it the nuts he brought and he was screaming like he was being murdered (well, it was a squirrel so)

everyone actually liked the music he played, it was the most relaxing

Von kaiser:

designated driver because he has the most experience doing long distant drives

shocked everyone, not because he managed to get to their destination without a GPS, but because he drove the whole way in busted af van

one of his sandals slipped off after psycho squirrel scared him, so he was basically driving with one shoe on (this is what promted the discussion about road laws)

his music kept switching between calm classical and german heavy metal (this made the whole squirrel attacking joe thing even funnier)

Disco kid:

designated DJ but let the others take over the aux

was literally just screaming whilst the squirrel was going crazy for Joe's nuts (haha- wait no be mature)

him, Mac, Aran, Tiger, kinda Don his voice cracked, super macho man, Joe, and Soda all had a little sing song together to the sound of Bear's guitar

was a back up dancer for Tiger's improv rap 'concert' but got sent flying to the back of the van because Kaiser accelerated suddenly

King hippo:

ate all his road snacks within the first hour and got sad about it, joe tried to give him some nuts but thats when the squirrel struck

played eye spy with Aran in the back seat and kept picking Don's toupee as his object since it was the only thing he could see infront of him

fell asleep for most of the drive ngl, apart from the squirrel and Aran almost pissing himself situation-

got his crown stolen whist he was sleeping by Aran who passed it to bald bull , to sandman who passed it to macho who passed it to- basically everyone tried it on

Piston hondo:

lore dropped that he knew how to drive an old fashioned motorcycle, him and kaiser ended up talking about bikes for ages

was eating seaweed sheets and offered to share with the others because they were curious

realised his music could be heard by everyone after the feral squirrel knocked his headphones off (bro was embarrased af)

he took a nap and woke up thinking he got a really good beauty rest, when really tiger had actually just threaded his eyebrows

Bear hugger:

fell asleep alot, only woke up when his flippin squirrel escaped the beanie and started attacking Joe over nuts

collective team effort to get that squirrel back inside of Bear's beanie, he sang a song as an apology bless

brought a guitar and at first sang by himself until he started strumming some club classics and eventually some of the other boxers joined in

tried alot of snacks, but his favourite snack was the seaweed sheets Hondo brought

Great tiger:

Whilst Hondo was asleep, Tiger threaded his eyebrows because why not

got his jewel stolen by bear's squirrel and started arguing with it like it actually understood him

kept teleporting out of the car when he needed stuff (like the toilet or more food) which stressed everyone tf out cus they would be mid convo and he would just disappear

did an improvised rap on the spot, no one realised but the rap was actually a very symbolic diss track about all of them (the boxers, even the ref got mentioned)

Don 'rosey posey' flamenco:

he said the van smelt so he sprayed soooo much rose scented perfume, everyone got a head ache

was afraid to take a nap because he was scared someone was going to sneak up and snatch his wig (Tiger and Aran im looking at you two)

was clinging onto his toupee for dear life when bear's squirrel went crazy, also got a full front seat view of joe getting jumped in HD 4K

was singing really well until his voice cracked and he got embarassed but everyone kept hyping him up awww(I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM)

"sing rosey posey, do a dance for us as well!"

"....I hate you guys why did I even come"

Aran Ryan:

the reason why they had an emergency service break, woke up from a nap and was literally about to piss himself bro was like on the edge

kept barking at people through Hippo's window when they were driving through towns

at one point he managed to grab bear's squirrel, but it ran down his top and he started shouting the most heinous string of swears ever

started calling Don 'Rosey posey' because of his perfume, eventually the other boxers started calling Don 'rosey posey' as well (Aran found it hilarious when everyone started calling him by that nickname)

Soda popinski:

had to sit weirdly at first because he was too tall for the busted van, his seat ended up breaking because of it

the squirrel also annoyed him, it was hanging off his mustache for like most of the ride

his music jumpscared everyone, he put on hardbass and rock but turned the volume up LOUD.

was singing along to Macho's music... well shouting. He searched the lyrics to Kim K's Jam 'turn it up' and him and macho sang it like 2 drunk himbos on a hen do

Bald bull:

bro was not here for the ride he just wanted to sleep and relax, he shouted everytime someone pulled out a camera

him and sandman had a bet on wether or not Kaiser was gonna crash, he won.

genuinely could not believe Bear's squirrel was jumping Joe he thought it was a fever dream

didnt put his music on because he was too busy telling Macho and Soda to put a better song on

Super macho man:

kept fucking singing, even when there was no music playing

thought his part in tiger's rap was a compliment when really Tiger was calling his muscles faker than his fans

someone called him and everyone laughed because he had a really stupid ring tone

recorded Joe getting attacked, also made Bear upset after saying that he was going to chuck the squirrel out the window what a douchebag

Sandman:

Absolutely terrified that Kaiser is driving, has one hand on the grab handles at all time

was laughing at Bear's squirrel harassing everyone in the van, but stopped to shout at Bear to get it under control when it started jumping Joe

fell asleep. Then woke up to tell Aran to fuck off then went back to sleep. Then woke up again to watch Tigers rap performance

(he was the only one who realised it was a hidden diss track)

told Aran to stop barking at people but ended up joining in because he got tired of listening to Macho sing and honestly he was bored

・*:..｡o♬*ﾟ・*:..｡o♬*ﾟ・*:..｡o♬*ﾟ・*:..｡o♬*:..o♬

Okay so I had to refine this sm because when I did it last night they were so jumbled, so mixed and lwk really unhinged so I had to reign it in a lil. If there are any spelling mistakes im just gonna leave them here im so ill and cant be bothered to fix it, anyway I hope you enjoyed!!

[ciaomarie]

ESCAPING INTO A SHIP

So what exactly made me latch onto the Sydcarmy ship like a leech on a water buffalo?

It was unexpected (for me)! Yes, the very first meeting between Syd and Carm did make an impact. I thought "Oooh, what's this?!" However, Carmy was/is such a mess that I quickly dismissed it. And Sydney just seemed to want his professional approval and a partner in making something great after the soul-crushing failure of Sheridan. So, the first season I personally didn't feel a mutual sexual/romantic tension, more like an automatic respect and shared goals/passions. Sydney nor Carm were obviously trying to flirt. Most slow burns on TV are 100% obvious like a Jeanine and Gregory (Abbott Elementary), Nick and Jess (New Girl), Jake and Amy (Brooklyn 99), Jim and Pam (The Office)...Until Braciole Ep. 8 that is.

S. 1 Episode 8- I won't get into everything but Carmy was desolate. Yes, he became a psycho chef and two people quit in Ep.7. However, he mourned Sydney more than Marcus. She was in his flashback/nightmare (?), then the way he told Tina that she looked like Syd (the poor pup), him texting her before opening the note from Mikey, and finally the most gorgeous locked gaze scene since Pride and Prejudice (2005). The soft lighting, the music, the colors, the mind-reading...magical. I still didn't get it initially. Silly, blind me.

Mentorship where??? Season 2 Carm and Syd's "mentorship" dynamic is pretty much over. They are true partners and spending more time together. They're dressing alike even when not in uniform, finishing each other's sentences or talking in unison. Sydney is opening up more of herself and Carm is asking to know more. They use the ASL sign for sorry with each other and no one else until ep 10. Then there's that locker scene in ep. 1 or 2, when they almost hang out just cause. However, Carmy misses the moment and there's the return of the kicked pup face. Before being on the ship I was delighted with all of their scenes and was looking forward to the food tour. They just ROCK together on screen.

Classic Love Triangle- Who's Claire? She's "Claire Bear", the prototypical "cool girl", who is willing to chase an socially awkward, wrong-number-giving man, despite being a pretty ER resident with no shortage of options. Did a CW writer get hired? Anyways, why was her presence used almost exclusively to put strain on Carmy and Sydney's relationship instead of The Bear generally? We could have had scenes with Nat, Richie, and Marcus arguing with Carmy about him being distracted due to Claire. They saved 99% of that for Sydney. They CHOSE to insert her in between or just after scenes with him and Claire. Showing Sydney's tattoos and her getting dressed with the stained chef's coat juxtaposed with them was WILD.

I LOVE that both believe their interpersonal problems are solely about The Bear/business partnership. In most "slowburns" the characters are far more conscious and actively work to keep things platonic. Jeremy might be a smidge aware that Sydney means more to him after the panic attack, but I bet he's shoved it down. All he knows afterward is that being with Claire feels wrong hence ignoring her call and recommitting to SYDNEY. He could of said "You all/This/The Bear deserve my full focus etc..." He was also nagged into greeting Claire at Friends and Family, seemed anxious when Fak brought her up right before The Table scene, and also while explaining that "she's great" to Sydney. He was at peace when focused on Sydney in the moment below.

The actors: Jeremy and Ayo's real life friendship is warms my soul and their chemistry onscreen is amazing. DON'T WASTE IT!!!

Jeremy smolders on screen. I want to see Carmy continue to stare, yearn, fall, then eventually confess and for Sydney to reciprocate his feelings. Anyhoo, does anyone else melt when Carm means business?! They do this twice in season one and it's not good for me. Whew, I need to clean my whole house or run a few miles.

Finally, there's so many other parallels between these two. They are fearful avoidants, have a missing or dead parent, jacked up stomachs, use sarcasm, but are generally very earnest, they struggle with anxiety, are compassionate, are perfectionists, peace-makers, give people multiple chances, are workaholics...so much more. A lot of that is also ME, lol.

Sydcarmy is my Roman Empire. I love them as much as you can fictional characters and they deserve the most tender, angsty, triumphant, romantic best-friends to more love story.

[xoxo-sarah]

The Exit

Part 2

↝a/n: kinda based off the song. I wanted to write more but I was tired of seeing this just sitting in my notes. First love type shit edit: I took out the little bit of smut.

↝pairing:Steve Harrington x reader

↝ Warning: angst, not proofread, heartbreak, one-sided break up(?), arguing, Stancy

↝⎙ 9.3.23

"So, how long are you going to avoid me?" Shit shit shit.

You were doing fine with avoiding him, have been for 5 months. He just couldn't leave it alone.

Well, you suppose you'd be the same way. If he cut off all contact with you after you got a new boyfriend, you'd probably be a little pissed off and curious as to why, too.

"I'm kind of busy."

"I'm sure you have a minute." Steve leaned against the door frame, eyes flickering around your whole face, looking for any hint of what he possibly could've done.

The two of you have been friends for forever. You grew up together, went through so much.

He knew your tells, knew when he had disappointed you in some way. He had gotten pretty good at finding that one out in your young-love phase.

The classic friends to lovers teen romance. The kind that the neighborhood gossip would say "I told you!", "I knew it, they were meant for each other.", And the nosy "they're parents better watch them. They'll have a grandchild on the way before they can blink." That was something you both chose to ignore.

Like numerous other things.

•••••

You were both 15 when you decided to take it from friends to girlfriend and boyfriend. It's embarrassing how giddy you were after Steve had asked you out, kicking your feet and telling all of your friends.

It just felt right. He made it feel so easy.

The dates were nice. The way you acted didn't change, you just began to kiss and hold hands slowly after. And it eventually escalated.

~

Your chest heaven in pure bliss.

Reaching forward, you pushed some hairs out of his face. His eyes fluttered open for a split second, searching your own. His iris danced in yours, mapping out every speck of color.

"God, I love you."

His eyebrows furrowed.

You had whispered it so quietly. Maybe he heard you wrong.

Dropping beside you, he let you take his hand, rubbing your finger over his knuckles, your naked bodies beginning to intertwine in a new position.

You had this glow about you right after, you always did. He couldn't look you in the eyes right now.

But he couldn't help himself. He glanced up at you, seeing you looking at your conjoined hands. You looked as if you hadn't said those words. Maybe they just slipped out, you didn't mean to.

"I can't love you." He quickly added to that, after your head shot up to look at him. "I can't love anybody, I don't think. Y/n, I," he moved to sit up, you doing the same. "I like you, I really do. I have for a long time, and I intend to do it for much longer. Love just isn't something I have felt for anyone. I can't picture myself feeling a certain “love connection” to somebody. You know?" He really didn't know how to explain it. He had felt something with you. Something he hadn't felt with any of his other friends. He doesn't know if he'd call it love, though.

You couldn't say you didn't understand. What if what you thought was love, wasn't? You were kids, you most likely didn't know what love even is or what it feels like.

"Yeah- okay." Slowly nodding, you tried to find the words. "That's okay. You don't have to love me. What I feel for you is love, I think. We have plenty of time to figure it out, right?"

He nodded, his shoulders relaxing and a lazy smile making its way onto his face. "Yeah."

Everything was fine after that. Your feelings never changed.

It wasn't until Steve had run into this girl. You had seen her around school and around town. But you never talked too much.

She seemed to find him interesting. Who didn't? He had become popular in the early years of high school.

You didn't think anything of it. Maybe you should've.

"I forgot!" Steve threw his arms up in the air.

"For the third time? I reminded you." Your voice was louder than your normal tone. You were too exhausted to yell. Waiting at the little café for 2 hours the 3rd day in a row was embarrassing and tiring.

"Wha-when?"

You just looked at him.

"Before 1st period, Steve."

He threw his head back, looking back at you with a look of realization. He wasn't about to give in.

"I could barely hear what you were saying. You know how loud the halls get, c'mon."

"Or maybe you were too busy gawking at Nancy."

His head shot up to look at you in disbelief. "What does Nance have to do with this?"

"��Nance’? Are you kidding me?" Didn't know they were in the nickname phase. He rarely used any nicknames for you. "You know what, whatever. I'm not arguing with you right now." You had to study and it was already late. You really didn't want to focus too much on how your relationship was slowly breaking to pieces along with your heart. There was plenty of work you could do to distract you.

"No, hey," As you tried walking away, Steve reached out, grabbing your arm and softly pulling you to stand in front of him. His hand moved to your face. "Let me make it up to you, yeah?"

"I have to study."

"I'll help you study after." His fingers caressed your soft jaw, waiting for your response.

You sighed, "Fine."

There wasn't a point where you two sat down and broke up. You just kind of grew apart. You were done trying to fix something he couldn't care less about.

Pushing the fork around your tray absentmindedly, you tried to ignore the high-pitched laugh of Karen and the stupid conversations that happened on that table. The table you once sat at with Steve, talking about anything and everything. When he got those remarkable friends of his, you stopped talking. A person can only handle so many interruptions and digs from Karen and Tommy before you just decide to keep to yourself.

Your chair didn't stay cold for long. Nance sat down, and it looked like she fit in nicely.

Nearly 10 years of friendship and 3 years of a relationship all down the drain. It hurt, It really did.

It didn't help when you ran into Nancy at the store and she was the sweetest thing. She had even asked you about how you and Steve were doing. You found it weird. How were you to respond to that? Choosing to shrug it off led her to ask Steve about it. And with the pity look she gave you when you locked eyes in the school hallways, you guessed he gave an answer you wouldn't like.

Why did he look at her like that? Did he ever look at you like that? It hurt your brain to watch them from across the room. You should keep your eyes away from them. But it hurt more to know they were having a great time-together while you were in a corner, alone at the party. Chugging the rest of your pungent beer, you beelined to the kitchen to get a refill.

"Y/n."

"Steve." You didn't turn around, instead pouring your solo cup to the rim.

"Enjoying the party?" He sounded like he was talking to a friend. Once he hadn't left to feel like shit.

"Yeah, fun. Real fun."

The awkwardness between you was obvious. If someone were to walk in, they'd know something happened. Something not so good.

"So-"

"Nancy seems nice."

After getting over the shock of you interrupting him, he smiled. Actually smiled. "Yeah, Nance is great."

Was he not seeing your hurt? How could he be so blind? Of course she's wonderful.

"Um, about us-" so he had thought about you, what you two were. Maybe he could actually tell you exactly what it is, what game you were unwilling playing.

"What about us?"

"We're cool, right?"

What? We're cool- how are we cool? Leaving someone without any explanation as to why doesn't make you two cool.

He must have seen the pure confusion.

"It was a mutual decision." It was more of a statement than a question. He seemed so genuine.

Choosing to just nod, you didn't know what else to say. It was over. It had been for a while. Perhaps you were the blind one.

A few drinks in, you two were leaning against the countertop, talking like friends again. Talking about everything and anything. Maybe it was the alcohol that made you feel so relaxed and calm to be around him. You were just two friends catching up.

"I think I love her." Steve hiccuped.

Suddenly you were sober.

He continued to hiccup nonsense as you got quite.

Your mind was running a mile a second. He can easily love her but he couldn't love you? Your eyes caught sight of Nancy in the crowded living room. She easily talked to the people around her. It was easy for her. Men could drop to her feet and she wouldn't be fazed. She carried confidence and beauty. You got it, you really did. She was Nancy Wheeler.

"I need to go."

"What? C'mon, y/n, don't go." Steve slurred, watching as you put your cup down.

"It's getting late." You were off before his intoxicated mind could register you moving through the people and out the door.

He shrugged it off, bringing his own cup back to his lips.

It took 3 weeks after that party for you two to talk again. He came knocking on your door, broken and confused. He didn't know what to do. You didn't have to help him. But he was your friend before your boyfriend. You'd always be there for him, no matter how much it would hurt you.

As he cried in your arms, you held him, soothed his sobs and told him everything was going to be alright. Something no one did for you while you sat, sobbing on your couch or in your bed, not knowing what you were to him.

And you continued to be there for him until he went back. They figured it out and it left you alone, again. But it was okay because he was happy again.

You two went back to not talking until they got into an argument or took a break. You were always there.

It was a constant back and forth. An emotional rollercoaster not only for them, but for yourself.

You were helping a friend, so why did it pain you so much? It shouldn't.

Steve's knuckles against the oak door faded to the back of your mind as you continued to read the same paragraph over and over. "Y/n?" He called out. Glancing back, he made sure he hadn't imagined your car in the driveway. "I know you're home." He hiccuped.

It pained you too, you know. As he was hurting, your mind and heart was too.

Choosing to ignore him would be the first, the hardest step to peace, to happiness. It was time to put your emotions first.

He wouldn't stop everything to make sure you were okay if you were in his position.

•••••

"Talk to me, y/n." The way he leaned against the door had you deeply inhaling. He looked different. His hair had grew, it laid messy on the top of his head. The eye bags under his eyes were more prominent. His dark eyes still held the same shine.

"Steve, I was literally about to leave."

The music from the party downstairs had your head aching with every beat. The sound of a party with your friends seemed fun, until it wasn't. They had left to do their own thing. Going back home sounded nice.

"Can we go outside then? I miss talking to you."

Your mouth shut in distaste. You didn't want to talk to him. All the progress you made would be thrown out the door with those puppy dog eyes.

Reluctantly, you stepped back to sit on the guest room bed. Steve shut the door, walking over cautiously.

After a long moment of silence, Steve spoke up.

"Did I do something?"

No? Yes? Fuck.

"You know I would never deliberately do something to make you upset. You're my best friend-"

"That's actually why I'm upset." You blurted before you could help yourself.

He looked beyond confused. "What?"

It was your turn to get everything off your chest. With a big inhale, you poured your heart out. "We were more than best friends. I don't know about you, but that time meant everything to me, you meant everything to me. Until Nancy came along. You just discarded me like I wasn't your girlfriend, Steve."

For once, he didn't know how to respond. Steve stood there, just staring at your face.

Having about of his silence, you got up and walked to the door.

"You asked. Having to put your feelings before mine when you broke my heart without knowing or caring, was too much. I hope you and Nance are good, really."

-------------

•2021-2024 by xoxo-sarah on Tumblr•

•My work is not to be translated, copied, modified, and/or reposted on any other site without my permission. [!I don't give permission!]

[olberic]

HOWWWWW DID THEY MAKE ANDERS AND FENRIS SUCH PERFECT NARRATIVE FOILS AND NEVER FUCKING EXPLORE IT IN TEXT. IM SO FUCKING SERIOUS like

the classic foil “character arcs mirror each other in reverse” thing. anders starts (in awakening) as concerned only for freedom, ends up retreating into himself, and ends da2 full of rage and desire to strike back at the system that wronged him. fenris starting the game furious and scared and alone, slowly growing into a more open person as he takes down his pursuers, and ending the game in a much happier, safer space

both of them with identities built around what was done to them rather than their own, just for anders thats at the end of his story while fenris starts his whole known memory like it

anders’ close friendships dissolve as he loses trust in himself, fenris gains friends as he finds out who he is outside danarius

fenris’ glowy powers are from something done to him, anders’ glowy powers are from something he chose. both still given under life and death situations

anders having to kill the person he loved despite everything keeping them apart, fenris getting to kill the person who’d given him no choice in — yet still abused! — his given loyalty

even the fact that anders had slept with isabela before even awakening, while if left unromanced then fenris and isabela will get together

both of them are outspoken about fighting oppression in the ways they’ve experienced personally, and value freedom above all else (a trait they share with isabela, which is a nice touch)

previous failed escape attempts for both of them lead to punishments by their oppressors that completely changed who they are (fenris with being made to kill the fog warriors, anders with his year of solitary)

both engage in self-destructive habits when they feel powerless to stop the systemic problems (fenris drinking, anders working himself to the bone)

but anders always seeing suicide as a way out while fenris would never ever consider it

hell both of them can also be completely betrayed by a formerly ally hawke in act iii

and for all they argue, if they could be talked into sitting down and TALKING then theyd realize theyre on the same page, just blinded by their personal histories

im not even making any new points here yknow. and like yeah they share some traits with everyone else in the party (being in kirkwall through necessity, the idea of making personal choices over letting someone else dictate them, general frustration with how the system treats them, being discriminated against for being parts of minority groups, being bi and potentially down bad for hawke, etc) but theres just so many specific ones that are just for them. and ik i play the game from a “everythings filtered through varric filtered through cassandra’s perceptions” standpoint, but still for the absolute lack of effort to make anything of it its frustrating. theres no good doylist explanation of why it wasnt explored beyond “they hate each other bc mage controversy” and even pushing for the watsonian options of “varric never got into the topic” or “they never interacted outside hawke quests ever over 3 years” is fucking flimsy at best. this post doesnt have a concluding point

[art-blogge]

Blood and Rust

<"Great work today, everyone! We can officially end Limbus Company business there for the day. Go hit the showers early as my treat.">

Amid cheers, Dante rubbed their arm and flinched slightly. While the Sinners had been fighting off the Abnormality of the week, one of its underlings had managed to bite their arm. Outis had carefully looked over the wound and declared it a normal injury with nothing to fuss over (despite them bleeding on the floor).

Dante wanted to argue about this- A wound from an Abnormality or it's summoned pet could still cause odd status issues!- but they were too tired to bother at the moment. If anything was wrong, Faust would probably notice and tell them. Probably.

Then again, Faust had a running habit of not explaining things until the last possible minute. Why would she explain something if she didn't need to that immediate moment?

How annoying.

With only Charon and Vergilius in the bus, it was quiet for once. It couldn't hurt to nap out here unless Charon slammed on the breaks.

Dante immediate chose the biggest seat and threw themselves on it. Theirs now.

A few hours later, Dante woke up to an odd feeling. They knew what hunger was, what thirst was, but this wasn't either.

<"The effects,"> Dante rumbled, drowsily sitting up.

"The effects!" Don Quixote agreed, not looking up from Dante's device. It took Dante a few extra moments to register that all of this was unusual and did a double take once it had fully processed.

<"What are you doing with that?">

"Someone hath removed my description of Sir Heathcliff! 'Twas not you, Manager Esquire, but whomst?"

<"Probably Faust,"> Dante ticked, rubbing where their eyes would be, <"You're not putting stickers on it again, are you?">

"Nope! I desire to rewrite mine entry!"

Dante was handed their device and they just stared at Don Quixote. Something here was wrong, but Dante wasn't sure what it was. Had something changed? No. Don Quixote looked the same as always. Big, shining eyes staring them full in the face. Oh, they'd gotten distracted.

<"I can't edit these, Donqui,"> Dante finally responded, tapping on the [Edit] button multiple times to no avail. <"And you're not writing in my notes.">

Don Quixote sharply inhaled and Dante fully expected the following yell of "But whyever not???"

<"I don't want anyone in there.">

"Hoh, is it like a diary??… Might I take a peek?"

<"No.">

Dante pocketed their device as a final "No", and Don Quixote sulked. Sulked, but didn't move. Fine. As long as she wasn't making trouble.

Dante thought back to the odd sensation they'd felt. It was still there, gnawing on their insides in a way they had no words for. They couldn't eat or drink anything (in a classical sense), so maybe they were starving? No. That felt different. Similar, but different. Very similar, completely different.

How annoying.

<"Donqui… Maybe a bit of an odd question, but is it normal to want something and not know what you want?">

Her understandably confused expression said all they needed to know, and they tried again.

<"As if I want to eat something specific but don't know what it is.">

"Aha! A craving of sorts, yes! I know of such things! I myself do not get such flights of fancy, but I know those of us that do! For example, I know Sir Gregor---!!"

Dante stopped listening for a moment to think. Okay, their body wanted something. Needed, mayhaps? Perhaps they were lacking in something? They would ask Faust if she was here, but they didn't want to get up all that much.

"--Once caught her putting ranch upon her cheesed burger! I do recall even Rodion staring at that one, myself!"

Oops, they'd missed that entire conversation. They'd also missed the part where they'd put their arm around her shoulders- When had they done that? Whatever. That wasn't worth thinking about at the moment.

<"I don't know why that would be a crime,"> Dante carefully chose to admit, <"For obvious reasons. It's not cigarette ashes in the food so who cares?">

Dante didn't add that they absolutely did have food standards that were arguably higher than half the buses, but that didn't matter when they couldn't participate and SOME PEOPLE would eat off the FLOOR---- Thought terminated, there was something wet touching their glove. The one on Donqui's shoulder. Squinting in spirit, Dante pulled their hand back and inspected their glove. Blood.

<"DONQUI, YOU'RE BLEEDING!"> they honked, jumping up to get a better look. As they did, Don Quixote reached up to check her shoulder as well, visibly confused by the situation. Dante didn't hesitate in turning the clock back, bracing for the pain and---- Felt nothing. Huh? What? Huh??

The wound healed, but the twin holes in her shirt did not, leaving both Sinner and Manager staring at each other. Both were completely clueless as to how that happened.

"I was never once bitten by that fiend…" Don Quixote trailed off, then paused and looked back at Dante. She was thinking hard, or hardly thinking. It wasn't easy to tell with her until her eyes lit up.

"You were! Has that vile fiend made you one of them?!"

Hooooonk!! <"I don't have teeth to bite with!">

"And thy cravings?!"

Dante stopped. The odd feeling had completely subsided at some point in the last few minutes. No. Nonono. It was bad enough the Sinners were glorified sacrifices, which Dante already hated. Now they needed to- No, Wanted to…. "Feed"?

By the Wings, no.

<"Still there,"> Dante lied through their figurative teeth, <"You should probably go. It should be gone by morning.">

After a few more- or a lot more- words, Don Quixote finally left, leaving Dante to think about their options and put their head in their hands. This situation was going to be unsalvageable if something wasn't done soon… But they also couldn't leave the Mephistopheles. Not that it mattered any- Where the Hell would they go??

How annoying.

----

Dante didn't get an ounce of sleep that night, far too worried about their own circumstance to get any. That, and they weren't tired. At least, they'd swear they didn't get any. When they'd dozed off in Sinclair's spot was a big fat mental question mark, so being woken up there was TWO big fat mental question marks.

<"Sorry, Sinclair,">

A moment's pause after sitting up, and then Dante jumped up like they'd been bitten by something. The sensation was back and worse than before.

<"I'm up! I must have dozed off on watch, my apologies!">

It was better to play it off.

Meursault raised his hand slightly, signaling that he wanted to speak. With Dante's approval, he spoke up.

"Faust wants to know your current state after last evening."

Well, never mind that, then.

<"Awful. I'm starving and it's not food I want. It's been like this all night. Please don't come near me.">

Dante realized their mistake as soon as they finished saying it. Telling the Sinners not to come near them immediately meant at least half of them would gang up on Dante's immediate location.

"Do not be bitten by the fiend's evil claws!" shouted Don Quixote from somewhere outside of the ganging. Unfortunately no one besides Dante knew that was a very literal statement, and thus her announcement went ignored. Dante folded in on themselves, pulling both hands into their coat. Too close. Too close! People were so close that Dante swore they could hear heartbeats that weren't their own. And maybe also their own. Dante was very stressed.

Like an angel from the heavens Faust entered, breaking up the crowd with her mere presence.

"It will take seven hours without blood intake to allow the effects wear off. It has been more than seven hours, and yet the effect persists. Please explain yourself, Dante."

She glanced to the side while Dante shrunk into their seat guiltily. Luckily, Don Quixote finally broke through and stood in front of them.

"As I hath said! The fiend has granted Manager Esquire~e claws that draw forth blood with nary a feeling! Look upon the holes in my shirt!"

"Lassie, are you saying Clockface is some sorta vampire now?"

The Mephistopheles erupted into chaos, which Dante was for once grateful for. It meant everyone's attention was off of them for the time being, even if it very much was about them.

Shoving Heathcliff out of her way, Ishmael yelled over the chaos "What if it doesn't wear off?!"

"Then Dante will be reclassified as a Bloodfiend, with all that it entails," Faust calmly answered, not bothering to raise her voice. She actively avoided looking at Ishmael, instead looking towards the nearest window. "That would be more than enough for multiple parts of the Head to hunt them down."

"So just lock them in their office until it goes away!"

Ishmael had a valid point, but it also scared Dante. What if it didn't? And anyway, the LAST time they were in their office with anything relating to an Abnormality, they'd ensnared nearly everyone.

"Then we lose seven hours of work," Meursault stated plainly.

"Our paychecks!" Rodion mourned, mentally removing food from her grocery list.

Gregor adjusted his glasses, sighing and ignoring that last statement.

"We can't work like this. Manager Bud will absolutely be in range of someone's blood. Maybe we can run late?"

The Sinners started to argue again, and then everyone went quiet. Dante didn't remove their head from their hands to see why- Vergilius had probably stood up.

This theory was confirmed when the back of Dante's collar was grabbed and lifted, easily pulling them out of their seat. Dante honked in distress, wildly swinging their arms to smack at Vergilius for such a crime. Dante's pleas to be put down were completely ignored by the annoyed Color Fixer, and they got no help from any of the Sinners.

<"Put me down! Put me down! I can leave myself!">

"Whatever they are saying, I don't care."

How annoying.

<"I'm going to scratch you at this rate and then what?! Another seven hours?!">

To get their point across, Dante swatted at Vergilius' arm before freezing on contact. Though several layers of fabric seperated Dante's hand from Vergilius' arm, Dante could feel his heartbeat. They felt close to him. No, too close..!

<"I can feel your heartbeat, Vergilius! I could spread this to you!">

It had been intended as a warning, but it came out as a threat. Dante hoped it wouldn't be misunderstood.

"Dante says that you cannot risk this status. You cannot have it reversed, we can."

Thank the Wings that Faust understood them. Or maybe she was just playing it down. It was impossible to tell with her sometimes.

Wordlessly Dante was dropped, and they immediately scrambled to their office, resisting the urge to turn back. They wanted to apologize, explain, anything, but not like this. Not like this.

Dante slammed their door shut before leaning against it and sighing internally. Okay, fine. Fine. Just a few hours alone. Not even the full seven. They'd fed off Don Quixote hours ago.

That didn't tell them why the hand that had touched Vergilius' arm had fresh blood on the fingers.

Behind them, they heard the door lock.

<"Whoever's out there!"> Dante whined through some gears, <"I accidentally got Vergil I think! This blood is fresh, reset the count! Seven hours and don't let me out until then!">

"Seven hours," Faust's voice responded, "Faust will keep count."

Dante shut off their vision and mimed a sigh. They could definitely do it- That wasn't the issue. The issue was much harder to determine. The idea of being away from everyone worried them, despite regularly being in a different room than them. No, it'd be fine. It was a single door away. If anything happened, they could yell. Maybe. Probably. Hopefully.

They had their device. They could strategize and run some simulated battles- "Gaming", as someone had called it. It wasn't. It was strategizing and testing outputs! It was seeing how well IDs that normally wouldn't be run together would mesh in combat. And, okay, maybe a little bit of goofing around.

They could also record everything in their notes. Someone… C… Cat? Car? Catherine, that was it, Catherine had called it a diary. It couldn't hurt to add notes on their status.

--(6 hours, 50 minutes remaining) Ten minutes later, they'd fully written down everything they thought was important about their current state. Now to strategize.

Seeing no good EGO gifts in the first menu, Dante refreshed and got worse gifts. Ah. Time to reset, then.

Smoke and Wires. Excellent, they could run a Bleed team! How ironic that would be considering the situation!…

Dante wisely refreshed and reset again. They didn't want to accidentally tempt themselves. Dust to Dust AND Ashes to Ashes? Excellent, this would be a fast run. Full Liu, who cares? Time to goof off.

--(6h, 42m remaining) Seeing animated blood splatters was enough to make their insides squirm and gnaw, so they opted to start Win Rate spamming and turning the volume off. This team had no friendly fire (like Reindeer or Magic Bullet), so they weren't worried about outcome. If they won, they won. If they lost, they lost. But now they needed something else to occupy their time alongside this.

Not the projector. Too much blood in most of their life up to this point for it to be a safe option.

Not their own room. There was no way their room wasn't full of blood right now. No way in Hell.

Screw it. Time to learn how to draw. They had pens and they had their notebook.

--(6h 24m) "You alive in there, Manager Bud?"

<"Yes,"> Dante answered, relieved that Gregor was there. For some reason. <"I'm trying to figure out how to draw. It's uh.">

They glanced down at the pitiful attempt of a sheep they "drew" and grumbled.

<"It's not great. Did you need something?">

"Nah, Outis suggested we take turns watching you. Figuratively, of course. I bet it's a better drawing than I could do."

<"Bet,"> Dante responded, getting up and sliding the paper under the door, <"I told you it was bad.">

"What do you mean? This looks fine. Here, let me go find a pen myself…"

Gregor and Dante spent some time passing the paper back and forth, adding better or worse sheep on every time. Eventually this got Sinclair's attention, and he joined them. Unfortunately for both Dante and Gregor's self-esteem, Sinclair was an excellent artist. This went on smoothly until…

--(5h 53m) "Scheiße! Papercut…"

<"Should I get a new piece of paper??"> Dante quickly asked, already starting to get up, <"And are you okay?">

"Yeah, I'm fine, sorry. We can keep going-"

Sinclair was cut off by Outis distantly but loudly announcing "TIME TO ROTATE!"

"Uh, guess not. Sorry, bud."

How annoying.

But yeah, that made sense, as much as Dante hated to admit it. Someone staying here too long might forget why the door's locked and open it or something. Okay, time to find something else to do----

"Hello and salutations, Manager Esquire!!!!"

Shit.

<"Hi, Donqui…. How are you feeling after last night?">

"Tis nothing of note. I would very much like to attempt a sheep as well!"

<"Oh, okay! Let me get more paper!">

--(5h 32m) "ROTATE!!" came Ishmael's voice, and Dante stopped drawing to shake their hand out. Finally, they could stop. Don Quixote was surprisingly demanding when she realized Dante was a (slightly) better artist than her. Free of the impromptu commission, Dante slid the paper under the door and rolled over right there on the floor. Their back was starting to hurt from sitting like that for so long.

Unfortunately, since they were no longer focusing on the drawing, Dante was forced to confront the ever-growing hunger clawing at their insides. It was about the same as last night's craving, but it felt worse because they'd been so laser focused on something else… And now they were feeling it all at once.

"You alive in there?" came Heathcliff's voice, a hint of concern under his joking tone, "Do I gotta shove you in this bag too?"

<"I'd take the bag over this,"> Dante groaned, <"This sucks.">

"Sucks, you said?" Rodion added with an audible smirk, and Heathcliff groaned loudly.

A single playing card of some kind was slipped under the door. Dante didn't mind card games, but after the month at sea, they'd learned the hard way that playing with Rodion was not all that fun. Should they take the bait…? Idly scratching their arm with the pen, they considered their options before ultimately deciding that they'd rather be distracted and took the card.

It wasn't a normal playing card. In Rodion's handwriting, the card read "Accept the game or play 108 pickup!".

Well, now they didn't have a choice. Wait. No. If they said no, Rodion would potentially open the door. Wait. No. They wanted to be kept away… Right? Right. Right, yes, keep them away.

<"I don't really want to play with you, Rodya. You cheat.">

"And how the hell are you gonna play Uno when they can't see the deck? It just doesn't work," Heathcliff added.

Dante slipped the card back under the door and mimed a sigh.

<"Can we just talk instead? Donqui was telling me something about ranch earlier.">

--(4h 01m) "Rotation! Move along now!" Outis' voice rang out, breaking the silence. The current trio had run out of things to talk about surprisingly quickly, and it'd just been overall uncomfortable.

"See you in a few hours, Clockhead."

Hours?

Hours???

<"Hours?">

"Yes, hours, Executive Manager. You have four hours remaining. We've been rotating every half hour and--."

<"Four hours?!"> Dante honked incredulously, missing whatever Outis had said after that. Their stomach itched. They ignored it and futzed with the pen some more. They'd seen Hong Lu twirling a pencil the other day and now they were trying to copy it in an attempt to ignore the still-growing sensation of Need.

Outis cleared her throat and knocked on the door to regain Dante's attention.

"I'm sure you want to know why we've been switching every half hour."

Dante could hear the smirk through the door. If they could frown about it, they would be.

<"Of course I do. Go on.">

"Very well. We've been rotating because we've been unable to confirm nor deny that you have not inherited the Abnormality's penchant for manipulation. If a single person is left unchecked, you may convince them to open the door."

<"Since when was I good at manipulating anyone?"> Dante asked, figuratively raising their eyebrows, <"I don't want to be out there right now. It can't be that big of a problem.">

"Executive Manager," was Outis' only response. She sounded annoyed, so Dante didn't push it.

<"See? I'm bad at it. Anyway, who's with you?">

The sound of Ryoshu's odachi bumping against the door was enough to answer that question. Okay, so there wouldn't be anything to talk about this time-

"I would like to give you a suggestion, Executive Manager. Have you eaten yet today?"

Dante's stomach rumbled at the idea of eating. They hadn't even considered it with the stress they were under.

"Do not."

<"What?">

"Do not. You can eat after you overcome this. That gives you something to look forward to."

Ryoshu snickered just loud enough that Dante could hear it.

How annoying.

<"Real helpful. When I get out there, I'm making you eat this pen.">

Their empty threat was completely ignored, taking all the wind out of their sails. All they had to do now was mess with this pen, and that was it. They really, really needed to get a hobby.

--(3h 35m) "Our turn!" came Hong Lu's voice, and Dante picked their head up off the floor. Finally! Someone willing to speak with them!

"Greetings, Dante," said Yi Sang, sitting down against the door, "You have three hours and a half remaining. It is a shame we cannot look upon your visage as we speak to you, but it is a shame we must carry until the hourglass runs out of sang."

"… Sang, sand?" Yi Sang now offered, highlighting the pun that normally would have caught Dante's attention.

"Seems they're not in the mood for it, Yi Sang. Oh, perhaps if we put our face against the ground, we can see them beneath the crack of the door?"

For a moment, Dante imagined seeing Hong Lu's face appearing under the door, and then imagined grabbing his eye with their claws. They very quickly abandoned that imagery and spoke up instead.

<"So, anything to do before I accidentally stab myself with this pen?">

--(2h 59m) The half hour had been spent listening to Hong Lu and Yi Sang have an increasingly nonsensical conversation, so Dante had stopped listening in favor of trying to draw on their coat sleeve. It didn't work, so they took their coat off and tried to write on their shirt sleeve instead. This went predictably worse, what with both the pen and shirt being black. This was stupid.

Frustrated, they scratched at their arm again with the pen, only to recoil when it hurt a bit. They'd accidentally hit where they'd been bitten yesterday, and they immediately put the pen down.

Dante then picked the pen back up and poked at it again. It hurt, yes, but it was a sensation that wasn't the hunger or other hunger.

"Charon wonders if Clockface is dead," Charon plainly stated from outside, startling Dante and making them drop the pen.

<"Uh, no, I'm alive.">

Meursault's voice confirmed for Charon that Dante was alive, and then both went quiet again. Okay, fine, they could play the quiet game too. By taking a nap, right there on the floor.

--(2h 25m) Knocking woke Dante, and without thinking they knocked back.

"Two hours and twenty-five minutes remain," Faust informed them before adding "How is your condition, Dante?"

<"Fine,"> Dante lied, picking at their bandages, <"I'm alive and the clock is fine, so it's fine. I'm going back to sleep.">

--(1h ?m) The sensation of their organs being squeezed snapped Dante wide awake. It didn't hurt them, no, but it was still an awful sensation. They were so, so, SO… Hungry.

<"Is time up yet…?">

"No, and you have about an hour left," answered Vergilius.

Dante would have scrunched up their face if they could have. Instead, they threw the pen across the room as if that would help any. Reasonably this did not help, and Dante returned to picking at their bandages. It was itchy! Super itchy!

Wait.

<"How do you know what I asked??">

Vergilius didn't answer that. Either he'd guessed what Dante was asking, or he was being a prick.

How annoying!

Digging his claws into the door, Dante hissed out <"I asked you a question!">

They were ignored a second time. Dante realized their claws were out and immediately retracted them. Then Dante realized they had claws and let them back out to inspect. They didn't pierce Dante's gloves, but they were still very sharp. Abnormality logic, Dante figured, poking their uninjured arm with a claw. Ouch. They weren't sure what they expected when they did that.

Another internal squeeze caught Dante off-guard, causing them to curl up and groan. It felt like they were being squeezed like one would a lemon or something. Was the vampirism trying to drink their blood? That didn't make sense, but neither did any alternatives.

Vergilius said something, but Dante didn't process it with all of their brain and RAM focused on figuring out how to ease this awful sensation.

--(? ??) Laying on their side with their knees to their chest seemed to settle the foreign sensation the best, so they kept that position. They were determined to get through this. The only issue now wa---

<"Ouch!">

They'd poked the injury again while itching. Whoops. Well, that wasn't an issue. If it bled, they could just re-wrap it.

If it bled.

If it. If it bled.

Bled? Bleeding?

Would it bleed?

Scratch, scratch. Scratch, scratch. Scratch- BLOOD! BLOOD! FOOD! FOOD! F--

<"Ack!">

Realizing what they'd done, Dante ripped their claws out of the re-opened wound and immediately pressed on it with their coat. It hurt, and they could feel the blood soaking into their coat, and they could feel the blood soaking into their glove, and they could see the blood, and they could smell the blood. It was right there, free, without hurting anyone else.

"Is everything good in there, Manager Bud?" asked Gregor with a bump on the door.

<"No!"> Dante blared a little louder than intended, <"Ask Faust if my own blood will make it take longer! The wound reopened, sorry! It got itchy…">

They had no intention of admitting that they'd briefly fallen victim to madness. Why would they? They were the Manager, and they had to appear competent. They had to, despite all of the Sinners knowing well that they were a defenseless coward.

They waited to hear an answer, but none came. So they waited, and waited, and none came.

Hesitantly, they called out. Was anyone there? Could anyone hear them?

Hello?

But nobody answered.

It was just Dante, their wound, and the bitter scent of blood.

Panic took over. They had no idea how long was left, and their claws had touched their own blood. Did this mean they ruined everything? Was it fine or was there another seven hours? Was there a point in waiting anymore?

Now completely desperate to escape the sensations, they plunged their claws back into the wound with a maddened fervor. Feeling blood rush into their hand gave them a euphoric rush as well. Free! Free! No more waiting! Sustenance! Food! Blood! No, not enough! More, faster! It wasn't enough! Bite down and drink up! Still not enough! Still not enough! Ignore their burning throat! More!!

Then it was over, leaving Dante soaked in their own blood and feeling nauseous. They'd failed. They could feel stomach acid bouncing up and down their throat, threatening to overflow, and they could feel their vison blurring.

The door's lock clicked, and Dante scrambled away from the door.

<"Don't come in! Don't!">

Their warning was completely ignored, and Faust's voice clearly spoke.

"Time is up. I am opening the door."

<"No no, don't, I lost control…!"> they weakly warned, but this too was ignored.

The door finally swung open to most of the Sinners squeezed into one area, all glad to see Dante… Before taking in the sights.

Everyone shouted at once and tried to run every-which-way, chaos erupting right there in Dante's doorway. Dante was grateful they cared enough to express it.

Rodion had once joked that if Dante was an animal, they'd be a cat. Dante's fading mind agreed with this and slowly blinked before remembering they weren't a cat and that they didn't visibly blink. Someone had grabbed their wounded arm in the meantime, and someone else was holding them upright. That wasn't important. Oh, and they'd had claws like a cat too. That was definitely more important.

<"Rodya was right,"> they slurred, one uncomfortably long tick bubbling out of them, <"Kinda was like a cat.">

"Goddamn bloody delirious."

"That is quite like a cat! Do you also have nine lives, Dante?"

Before Dante could consider responding in their daze, the room was briefly covered in water with a loud SPLASH from somewhere to their left. Dante's vision cleared, and they rapidly became aware of the situation they were in. They also ignored whatever it was leaking from their head, whether it be water, oil, blood, or vomit.

"Situation has been resolved," Faust stated, removing the Fluid Sac EGO, "Time is up. Your own blood was not able to trigger the counter. Faust thanks you for testing that."

"A.Y.I?"

"Ryoshu wants to know if you're insane.."

"Faust is completely sane and reasonable, as am I. Thank you for asking."

Rodion bent down and lightly knocked on Dante's head, turning their attention from Outis re-wrapping their arm.

"Danteeeee, you bad kitty, you've made a mess!" Rodion teased, and Dante swore their head got warmer all of a sudden. If not for their arm being stiffly held, they would bury their face in their hands. Instead, Dante opted to bury it in Outis' shoulder, ignoring her visibly irritated expression. From there, Dante spoke up.

<"Thank you for being patient, but I think I'd like to skip today… I need to hit the shower.">

All of the Sinners immediately agreed that Dante was not to leave their sight again and unified to deal with this themselves.

How embarrassing…!

[worriedvision]

How about a fic where the reader's going over to Kaveh's house to confess, and when they get a response from the door after knocking they see Alhaitham. Somehow, they don't know about him being his roommate, so the reader assumes Kaveh is either married or in a long term relationship with Alhaitham. Ofc leading to insecurity as well as dealing with the idea of Kaveh being taken and Kaveh trying to find out why they're suddenly so distant.

Gender neutral reader, decided to do this with a vague ending bc why not lol. Angsty, includes the classic Alhaitham and Kaveh arguing

--

"Oh, uh...Hello." You smile awkwardly, Alhaitham at the door. You had no idea who this man was, but he was a piece of eye candy and he certainly looked important. Clearing your throat, you continue. "Is Kaveh in?"

"No, he is currently away with work." Alhaitham explains, you growing uncertain as to who this man was to Kaveh. You had been to Kaveh's house a few times for collaborations, and you never saw this man. "Do you need him for something?"

"I can try later." You reassure the man, him nodding. You want to ask this man who he was to Kaveh, but your heart wasn't ready to confront the ugly idea in your head that Alhaitham was Kaveh's partner. Looking down, you figure you may as well give this man the box of chocolates you planned to give Kaveh as a confession gift. "These are for him..."

"Thank you." Alhaitham states, taking the box and looking up, only to see you now walking away. He closes the door quietly, not wanting to startle you nor himself, and he looks down at the box of chocolates before deciding to open them up.

--

"Welcome home, Kaveh." Alhaitham sings, Kaveh immediately looking at the inviting looking box of chocolates. Desperate to see what choice there was, he rushes over and opens the box...

Only to see one chocolate left. The others were all gone, clearly devoured by his nightmare roommate.

"A stranger delivered those." Alhaitham shrugs, Kaveh tutting to himself.

"Don't lie." Kaveh groans out. "Nobody I know would give you a box of chocolates, especially not a stranger. Who was it?"

"Don't know. They chose a lovely selection." Alhaitham nods, licking his lips as he teases Kaveh with the idea of taking the last one. Kaveh grabs the chocolate before Alhaitham gets any closer, shoving it into his mouth and indulging in the sweet treat.

"Can you at least describe their appearance?" Kaveh sighs out.

"All I'll tell you is they were asking for you." Alhaitham states, returning his sight to his book as he turns on his headphone to block Kaveh out.

--

You were deeply embarrassed by your actions. The man you thought Kaveh was in a relationship was so beautiful, he had a strong and healthy physique and he was so well spoken from what you saw. You stupidly gave him the box of chocolates you specifically chose because you knew Kaveh loved them, and you didn't even ask if you could wait until Kaveh was home. Then again, if you waited until he was home, you would have most likely seen him give Alhaitham a loving kiss on the lips, rubbing salt into the wound.

Your mutual friends, Cyno and Tighnari, couldn't help but share a confused look between each other when they saw you cancel plans that involved Kaveh. You still showed up when Kaveh wasn't there, but when it was excluding him you did. It was so different from your usual, you always wanting to see him. Both of them saw that you had feelings for him, and they also knew he returned the feelings.

Something must have happened after you confessed. You had told them with this pure excitement your plan to confess to him, and they enthusiastically cheered you on.

"What happened?" Tighnari asks, you looking up at the sound of his voice. "With that confession, did something happen?"

"I saw his partner." You admit quietly, Tighnari and Cyno looking at each other with surprise. Kaveh would have told them about a partner, it didn't make sense that he had someone. "His partner is handsome, and he was so polite. He explained Kaveh was away, and I chickened out before giving him the box of chocolates and leaving."

"I think both of us are surprised by that." Cyno states. "We didn't expect him to box up the fact he has a partner..."

"Yeah, well now I can't look at him without remembering the sheer embarrassment of that confession I couldn't make." You pout, shaking your head. "He has great taste, and I can't get to that level."

"Hold on..." Cyno hums out, your attention turning to him. "Do you know he has a roommate?"

"How wouldn't they?" Tighnari laughs, only for his jaw to drop when you shake your head no.

"That was most likely Alhaitham." Cyno explains. "Those two don't get along."

"Well, maybe they've become partners." You think out loud, Tighnari pursing his lips together to stop a laugh from escaping.

--

The next day, Kaveh met up with Tighnari and Cyno for a meal. He expected to see you, only to have no such luck. The day after that, he didn't see you when he should have with his work. Every day he tries to talk to you when he finds you, you pretend you didn't hear him before running away, your sights caught on something random.

He had no clue what happened, and since he couldn't talk to you he went to Tighnari and Cyno for clarification.

"They think you're in a romantic relationship with Alhaitham." Cyno states, Kaveh unimpressed.

"That's an awful joke. Now tell me what's actually happened." Kaveh sighs out.

"They do think you're dating him." Tighnari buts in. "They went to your house to try and finally confess to you, but Alhaitham was there. When he explained you weren't in, they got the idea you were dating him. How they didn't know you lived with a roommate, I have no clue." He sighs, shaking his head. "They handed him the box of chocolates, explaining they were for you, and then they just left."

"...Wait, they gifted those chocolates?" Kaveh gasps. "Oh that absolute menace. Alhaitham ate all but one of the chocolates, he didn't even explain who gave them, nor did he say they were gifted for me!" Kaveh grunts out, crossing his arms. "I haven't been able to talk to them. Any time I do, they run away."

"I suppose I could arrange for them to show up for a get together that's supposed to just be the three of us, and you can come along after we gesture for you." Tighnari thinks out loud. "Alternatively, we could take them along when you two are bickering in the house to show the relationship you have with your roommate is not romantic."

"I think the first idea would be better." Cyno interrupts, Tighnari sitting back. "The second option is left for interpretation."

"Besides, it's about time the both of you finally admit you both like each other." Cyno states, looking directly at Kaveh.

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Magic tricks aren't for cats

Based on @thewigsnatcher764's ask :D

A/N : I made it a small story because I was inspired, oops? Also please consider reblogging instead of liking posts because likes don't boost posts and just make them die <3

"Encore ?! Aw, come on mon minou, how do you manage to fail this trick everytime ?"

Pluto looked up from the small coin that has fallen from his hand, and stared at his friend, deadpan. Duke were offering him this half-amused, half-confused grin that he was starting to know well.

"You're bad at explaining it." The short boy answered, still not impressed by the gap between their respective skills in magic tricks.

Duke exaggerated a shocked gasp, laying a hand on his chest in faked disbelief. "Comment peux-tu dire une chose pareille!" As he spoke, his dark-haired friend bent down and picked the golden coin, looking at it closely. "You're the one who's bad at understanding what I say!"

Without even answering to the dig, Pluto tried to reproduce the trick again. He closed his fingers around the buck, attempting to hide it away, but despite his agility, his fingers ripped, sending the coin into the air as he tried to catch it in flight, the round slice bouncing on the skin of his hands and changing direction, until it touched the floor. Again.

The pale-skinned boy looked up at Duke again. "Deer?"

For a second, the magician furrowed his brows, puzzled both by his friend's inability to success the trick, and by his terrible accent. "No. Dire. It means to say, to express with words."

"So..." Pluto looked down for a second, searching in his memory for something that he knew a lot better than magic tricks. "It's latin."

This time, Duke didn't fake the massive confusion that his expression was showing as he answered with disbelief, while his friend picked the coin again. "Quoi? No! It's French!"

The short boy looked up at Duke, raising a brow underneath his black strand of hair. "What I mean is... It comes from the classic latin dīcĕre. Isn't it ?"

The brown-skinned man took a moment to connect the dots, before his usual, prideful smile came back and he walked closer to Pluto, grabbing his shoulders in a friendly way. "I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to, mon minou. De nous deux, I'm not the nerd. Now what about we try this little trick again?"

Pluto sighed, deceived to see his diversion had been noticed. Looking at the coin in his hand, he complained. "But why don't you teach me some French instead? I'm sure I'd be better at it than I will ever be with your weird pranks!"

Those last words made Duke frown slightly, his ego touched. "Je ne te permet pas! Those tricks are very distracting and useful!" His sulking didn't last long however, and the trickster cracked an amused smile at his friend's annoyance. Raising a finger in the air, he continued cheerfully. "Besides! You really think I would grant you with the capacité to comprehend such a sophisticated language that is French?"

Rumbling a little in annoyance, Pluto hid his hands in his pockets and tried to argue. "It it really that complicated ? It just sounds like you put weird syllabus next to each others and twist your tongue at impossible angles."

Duke snickered, enjoying his friend's grumpiness as he answered on the same tone as before, determined not to let the pale-skinned boy have his way. "Oh, no mon minou! You need a lot more finesse than that! Well..." The magician looked at his friend with a smirk. "At least enough of it to manage the simplest tricks."

The black-haired student deadpanned at him, unmoved by Duke's attempt to motivate him. Moving away from him and taking the coin out of his pocket again, Pluto put it in evidence for his friend to see, before closing his fingers around it, and throwing the buck over his shoulder. Opening his hands again, he showed his two empty palms to a not-so-convinced Duke, who looked at him curiously. "Here. I succeed. It disappeared."

The brown-skinned trickster laughed frantically, amused. "Ha! Je ne l'avais pas vu venir! I didn't expect that!" He stopped his laugh and wiped an imaginary tear from the edge of his eye. "Oh well, mon minou..." As he spoke, enjoyment in his voice, Duke came closer to the short boy, and wrapped his arm around Pluto's shoulders, before leading him to the dinning hall. "Alright, alright, laisses tomber, let's drop this for now. Our friends are surely waiting for us downstairs."

And with that, the black-haired boy was safe from Duke's teaching methods. At least for now.

[totaltrashmammall13]

Total Trash Mammal Base-Game Friendly Save

The plan is to have the three main towns done upon release, but I plan on upgrading the packs one by one as well in the future.

Let me show you what this is about

Remodeling Pre-existing Homes and Families

Pictured Left: The Spencer-Kim-Lewis Home remodeled Pictured Right: Alice and her daughter Olivia

Some of the homes made in the early days of the Sims 4 were god-awful, and I think we can all agree on that. For example, the Spencer-Kim-Lewis home was a monstrosity. Many of the child sims, much like in Sims 3, seem to have been made without anyone looking at their future life stages. This leads to some very odd-looking people in your next generation (and not just the newly generated townies.) The pre-existing sims have now gotten a bit of a refresh, both in their homes and their mirrors.

Recreating Families from Previous Titles

Pictured Left: Holly Alto brought into the base game Pictured Right: Teens Angela Pleasant and Dustin Broke

Many beloved families from previous titles were seemingly missing in the Sims 4 "Alternate Universe" when the game came out. Later on, certain sims were brought back locked behind expensive expansion packs, and completely unrecognizable. This save brings classics to the base game! The Alto's, the Burb's, the Pleasant's, the Broke's, and more! I also chose to stick to the idea of an alternate universe to bring back from the dead some sims further back in these family trees.

Established Stories and Skills

Pictured Left: Darren Dreamer working on a pop-art painting Pictured Right: Nancy Landgraab arguing with her estranged son Johnny

"What do you mean there's a love triangle, these people don't even know each other! And why does nobody in the game know how to cook?!" If that sounds like something you've said before then this is the save for you! It's hard for story-loving sims players to jump into a pre-made household just to learn that they might as well have started from scratch. In the TTM save, pre-made sims have pre-established friends, lovers, enemies, skills, and careers. There are also some new stories to be played you may or may not have expected from your favorite characters.

Updated and Simplified Public Lots

Pictured Left: A new toddler-inclusive kids section in the library Pictured Right: A base game wedding chapel in downtown Willow Creek

Now, you may be thinking; "Why do I want the lots to be simplified? Some of them are pretty sparse already!" And I have an answer for you. The game will only spawn in so many Sims once you enter a public lot, yet their builds are often very large with everything spread out. Not to mention they had strict item limits when the base worlds were first being created. This leads to these places feeling empty, both with people and decor.

Many of these family-friendly lots now also accommodate infants and toddlers, who they neglected to add before release. We've also added base lot types that weren't originally included, such as wedding venues.

Please follow my tumblr and youtube for updates if you are interested!

[bookshelf-in-progress]

⭐

I'll discuss my latest Sleeping Beauty retelling, "For Love of the Princess."

Watching the first twenty or so minutes of the 1993 adaptation of The Secret Garden, the scene where Mary explores Mrs. Craven's dusty old rooms reminded me so much of "Sleeping Beauty" that it made me want to write a retelling of that fairy tale.

One of the available Chesterton Challenge prompts that day was "love", which is ideal for a "Sleeping Beauty" retelling.

Sleeping Beauty retellings are also ideal for short stories--which is what I had to focus on to keep up with the breakneck pace of the Chesterton Challenge--because the fairy tale is focused around one major moment--waking up the princess.

When looking for an angle, I remembered a painting that showed Sleeping Beauty with two ladies-in-waiting asleep on the floor by her bed. I had long wanted to write a story from the point-of-view of one of those handmaidens--how would it feel to sleep for a hundred years because you're caught up in someone else's curse?

Since the prompt was love, I decided that the handmaidens chose to stay with Sleeping Beauty during her curse--an excellent way to focus on female friendship. I envisioned that scene of the court leaving Aurora behind, and I had the opening of my retelling.

I considered having the handmaidens stay awake during the hundred years to assess the princes and find the right one to break the curse, but I didn't see a great way to make that work--the interactions would be between the handmaid and the prince, so it wouldn't be satisfying for her to hand him off to the princess.

I'm also very attached to the idea of the curse being broken by romantic True Love--specifically, true as in "faithful"--so I decided to take that route, despite the fact that I recently wrote a different flash fiction Sleeping Beauty retelling with that premise.

My first inkling of Margaret's personality--practical and protective--came when I wrote the lines: Princess Aurora, who’d been fairy-gifted with grace and compassion, had sweetly said she understood. Margaret, who had no such gifts, thought the queen deserved to have her eyes pecked out by birds. Those are also my favorite lines in the whole story.

I didn't plan to differentiate the other ladies-in-waiting. I didn't even know how many there were going to be. As I wrote, I randomly assigned some names, then in group scenes, I tried to attach certain reactions/emotions to one particular name. This then gave each lady a slightly different personality that I could emphasize in edits.

Since Aurora's only sixteen, I wanted to emphasize that her love interest is young--barely past puberty--but give him some gravitas-beyond-his-years that made him a worthy hero to awaken the princess from a hundred years of sleep. It's especially fitting since Aurora's fairy gifts make her mature for her age.

I love William. He's such a good boy. So proper and considerate. I want to adopt him.

The supper scene in the Great Hall mostly exists to hint at the first sparks of connection between William and Aurora, but it was fun to explore the almost apocalyptic atmosphere of preparing for a hundred-year curse to fall--eating up the food, etc.

The scene where the ladies argue before the curse falls is where I differentiated their personalities. I then went back and wrote the paragraph describing each of them.

The ladies waking before Aurora was my way of giving them something to do to help break the curse without staying awake for the full hundred years. I rather like the simple explanation for why it works that way.

Initially, the girls made their way outside and found William waking up in the guardhouse. Then I remembered I had already mentioned the thorns around the castle. I could have given the girls a tool to cut their way out, but the stakes would be higher if the girls were trapped inside, and then I could give William the classic heroic moment of cutting his way through the thorns to save them.

Yes, William's hesitation over kissing Aurora is my way to directly address the "consent" issue. But it's still cute on a character level. He's such a good boy.

All the girls yelling "Kiss her!' is very cartoony. But in a way that's just fun enough that I'm not totally embarrassed.

I'm not fond of the fact that I end with a hugging-and-thanking scene between Aurora and the handmaids, especially when we already had one earlier in the story. I wish I'd taken the story just a little bit further--let them see something of the world outside and make plans for how they're going to fit into it--because the way it ends right now, with none of them having ventured much further than the tower, it's hard to believe the assertion that they woke up into a better world. But for something I came up with on the fly and wrote very quickly, it's a satisfying-enough ending.

I do sometimes wonder what they did after the end of the story, and consider writing a bit of it, but I also kind of like ending on the promise of a happily-ever-after--implying that everything went so smoothly there was nothing more worth writing about.

[sunshinechay]

So I want to talk about Tai for a second.

Specifically I want to talk about this moment right here:

Tai says point blank that he’s wanted to get rid of his hearing loss but he doesn’t feel any better now that it’s gone.

Of course I think he hates the way it happened, no one wants to go through anything even remotely similar to what he is going through right now. The emotional pain of having argued with someone important to you, the mental pain of knowing you fucked up in so many situations that you can’t figure your way out of. But this is something he’s wanted for at least the last 2 years. But by his own admission, he doesn’t feel better and I don’t think that’s going to chance any time soon.

It’s been talked about by everyone that Tai’s conflict resolution style is to clam up, to go silence and refuse to communicate. This is why this moment and the ensuing arguement with Patts is so painful. I agree with @bengiyo when he said that Tai is someone who reads too much romance. He has a skewed view of the way relationships are supposed to work. I also think though, that as time as gone on Tai has become more aware of that. He is still naive and fucks up so badly it’s completely understand why Patts reacts the way he does, but I don’t think he’s unaware of his fault. However he lacks the ability to convey the way he feels ( @lurkingshan and @ginnymoonbeam both have great posts here and here in which they discuss his conflict style and lack of ability to communicate) and now he has lost the best tool he had for making Patts believe that Tai finally knows that he will always choose Patts.

For all of Tai’s hang ups about the soulmate bond, I think he also recognizes that Patts doesn’t have those hang ups and that he does hold the believe that it means that they were meant to chose each other. It’s why Patts gets anxious, angry and upset when Lomfon acts the way he does. Why he is so frantic when he tries to confront Tai about it. Sure Tai might not have talked to him for 2 years, but he was still there and they still found their way to each other and that had to meant something, right?

But now it’s gone and Tai doesn’t know how to tell Patts that he does choose Patts because not only should Patts have already known that but the connection was also always there to prove it. Tai shouldn’t have to say it out loud because he shouldn’t have too. Again he thinks Patts should already know that. It’s horribly naive and shows Tai’s lack of dating experience but it’s what he believes in that moment.

The show is of course trying to point out that they don’t need it to have a successful relationship. They need hard work and good communication, but within the internal logic of the universe, I get why Tai would think this. Why should Patts doubt that Tai would choose him. They’ve already said they choose each other and they have (had) that connection.

But now that connection is gone. It’s gone because of Tai and he already regrets that it’s gone and that he took it away. I wouldn’t be surprised if we find out later that he wants it back. A classic case of don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.

Hopefully before that happens (if it does), Patts and Tai will finally communicate with each other and get on the same page and learn how to work around their conflicts in way that both are able to do. Tai needs to grow up a bit more and learn that life’s not a romance novel (even though we might want it to be sometimes) and that it’s hard but worth it to try and make the best of it.

[summerwritesfics]

🗺️As My Memory Rests But Never Forgets What I Lost

Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang Length: 1665 Words Rating: Mature Warnings: College AU, College Club, Musicians, Guitars, Arguments, Hobby Drama, Petty Fights, Past Character Death, Grief/Mourning AU-Gust 2024 Day 16: Hobby Drama

AU-Gust 2024 Masterlist

Notes: Honestly, I can’t believe I’m on day 16 already wtf where has august gone?? Title is from Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day, and the fic itself uses a couple of lyrics from it. (Originally the song I was gonna use was Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, but the more I thoughts about it, the more I thought Wake Me Up When September Ends works more thematically with Kuai’s backstory in this.)

“We’ve been saying we’re going to be playing Wake Me Up When September Ends for months! You need to choose a different song!”

“No, you do. We’ve been intending to play it since the end of May.”

“We’ve been saying it since March, fuckface!”

Kuai Liang did not look up to watch the argument, he stared at his guitar as he gently strummed it. He didn’t really want to be in the middle of this, even if he was in one of the bands involved. Music club had sounded like such a cool thing when he was looking to join college clubs. But then Bi-Han had wanted to join too, because god forbid Kuai do things on his own. And Bi-Han did not get along with many of the people in the club, least of all Hanzo Hasashi.

That said… Technically Bi-Han was right in this situation.

The Lin Kuei had decided that for the end-of-year concert the club put on, they would play Green Day’s classic, Wake Me Up When September Ends. They had been vocal about this, and said it from pretty much the start. The fact Hanzo and his band now had decided to play it was clearly just trying to provoke Bi-Han. Which was wild because usually it was Bi-Han doing the provoking but Kuai guessed Hanzo just decided to be a petty bitch in turn.

“Man, it’s like being back in high school,” Johnny groaned, leaning back in his seat next to Kuai. “I thought we’d be over this by now.”

“With my brother, not likely,” Kuai sighed, strumming a little tune on the guitar.

“Eh, I dunno, I’m actually kinda with him on this one,” Johnny said with a shrug.

“I mean. I am too, but don’t tell him that because we’ll never hear the end of it,” Kuai warned, knowing exactly what his brother was like. You gave him an inch and he’d run a mile.

“True.” Johnny made a loud groaning sound and slipped lower in his seat. They sat in relative silence, as just listened as the argument raged on, both Bi-Han and Hanzo throwing cutting insults at each other. “I feel like someone should probably step in and stop this though.”

“Not it,” Kuai quickly replied. Again, he really did not want to be in the middle of this. If he completely agreed with Bi-Han, he’d be expected to do the same every single argument. If he took a more neutral stance, Bi-Han would take it as an attack and Kuai would never live it down. It was genuinely a no win situation for him.

“Guess it’s up to me then,” Johnny muttered, pushing himself to sit up. “Hey. Hey!” He yelled, getting the two arguing men’s attention. “How about this, whoever can play it better will be the one to perform it in the concert.”

Bi-Han and Hanzo glared at each other, before at the same time they both hissed “fine.”

Then Hanzo smirked and added “but my band will definitely be better.”

Kuai felt himself scowling. He didn’t care about the argument, but something about that statement made him mad. The song was one of his favourites, it was the first song he ever learnt to play. It was special to him, which is part of why Bi-Han chose it. Hanzo’s cockiness made him want to put him in his place.

He began to strum the first few chords of the song, noticing how everyone’s head snapped around to him. He knew now he was the one being petty, but in the moment it felt good.

“Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last,” he started singing, closing his eyes and shutting out the world. “Wake me up when September ends.” He felt his fingers glide along the neck, the music so familiar, just like an old friend. “Like my father's come to pass, seven years has gone so fast, wake me up when September ends.”

Deciding he had probably made his point, and not wanting to go into the full song, he stopped there. Finally opening his eyes to see his surroundings. Absolutely everyone was looking at him, jaws agape and eyes wide. Kuai didn’t understand why it was so shocking, to be honest. Everyone knew he loved that song, everyone knew he could play guitar.

Then, somehow, the answer suddenly hit him.

He’d actually sung. Bi-Han was the lead singer of The Lin Kuei, and Kuai never even so much as did backing vocals. He’d always been shy when it came to singing, so this was the first time anyone outside of the band had heard him.

And he genuinely couldn’t tell if the reactions were good or not…

At least… Until Johnny chimed up.

“Holy fuckin’ shit dude,” Johnny breathed out, looking at Kuai like he was in love. “Why the fuck have you kept that voice to yourself? You sound like a fuckin’ angel!” He looked over to Hanzo. “I’m gonna be real with you, man, but you are gonna have to pull off a miracle to beat that.”

Hanzo stared at Johnny, before his eyes flicked over to Kuai Liang. There was a strange air of regret to his posture, but more important was that he looked defeated.

“You guys can play the song,” he muttered, before stepping back and turning away. He walked over to the other side of the room, where his band looked like they were trying to cheer him up.

To Kuai’s surprise, Bi-Han didn’t say or do anything either.

The club continued on about as normally as it could after that. The air was still thick with tension but it was being somewhat broken by people asking Kuai why he wasn’t the lead singer, or just a singer in general. He could tell the questions were annoying Bi-Han from the frown on his face. He tried his best to explain he simply wasn’t confident in his singing, didn’t know how to care for his voice properly and just in general didn’t like the attention being a lead singer seemed to gain.

As the club drew to a close and he was packing his guitar into its case, he saw a shadow come up from behind him. Expecting it to be Bi-Han about to have a go at him about the singing thing, he decided to remain with his back to them.

“That song means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

Kuai blinked, realising that it was Hanzo’s voice. He turned around, and indeed, there was Hanzo, looking at him with an expression that Kuai could not for the life of him read.

“What?” He questioned a little dumbfounded, because while yes the song was special to him, it was a bit of a weird way to start a conversation. “What makes you say that?”

“The way you played it. The way you sang it. It was like that song was a part of you,” Hanzo explained, and Kuai felt himself swallow and his heart rate increase.

“It was the first song I learnt to play, my Father taught me before he…” He paused as his breath hitched. Even now, it was so hard to talk about his father’s death. He brought Kuai his first guitar for his 10th birthday. Then one day, when he’d turned 11, his father was gone. Even now, it felt like this gaping chasm in his chest. “Before he passed away.”

“I am so sorry,” Hanzo said in a horrified tone. “Your brother’s been pissing me off, I just wanted to annoy him. If I’d known what that song meant to you, I’d have done it a different way.”

Kuai actually kind of smiled at that. It wasn’t that Hanzo wouldn’t have pissed Bi-Han off on purpose. He’d have just found another method to do it instead. That was beautiful, in a strange way.

“No, I get it, my brother can be a bit of an asshole sometimes,” Kuai agreed, really hoping Bi-Han didn’t hear him. “Although don’t let him know I said that.”

Hanzo grimaced before agreeing “my lips are sealed.” He let out a breath, before saying “but you know. You really do have an amazing voice. It’d be nice to hear it more in the club.”

Kuai gave a bit of a shy smile, “maybe.” He wasn’t sure how to take any of this, to be honest. He liked singing, and knew he could hold a tune okay. But he’d never thought of himself as being that good. At least not good enough to earn the reception he’d seemed to. “I mean I might have to, I’m starting to think the other club members won’t let me withhold it for much longer.”

“Yeah, you do seem to have amassed a lot of fans today,” Hanzo stated, glancing around the room. When Kuai did the same, he was relieved that Bi-Han seemed distracted by Tomas and Sektor.

“You included?” Kuai joked, expecting his cheeky question to earn an exacerbated tut or something. Instead Hanzo just looked at him with a smile as if to say yes. Kuai felt his mouth go dry. “Oh.”

“I’d better get going,” Hanzo awkwardly said as Kuai felt his entire face begin to go hot. “I’ll see you at the next meeting.”

“You too, Hanzo.”

He hadn’t realised he’d stopped breathing until Hanzo left, and he suddenly gasped for air. This whole afternoon there had been people fangirling over him. Why was Hanzo’s attention so much different?

He brushed his hair behind his ear, leaning down to pick up his guitar, throwing it over his shoulder. He needed to calm down before he spoke to Bi-Han. He had a bad feeling that knowing he’d had a friendly interaction with Hanzo would drive big brother mad.

Still, his eyes flicked over to where Hanzo was leaving the room, and his mind echoed back to Hanzo’s request to hear his voice more.

Maybe I should sing more often.

Maybe he should indeed.

[liesmyth]

This post started out as a tag ramble (& became longer than the actual post as per usual) after seeing @mayasaura‘s tags in this post about the origins of Kiriona Gaia’s name. Especially the part about Kiriona’s first name:

#also yeah kiriona is her given name spelled using the phonetics of Te Reo #which I'm mentioning bc which language it is specifically is somewhat important #given that it's the language of John's people #that he likely never learned to speak fluently due to the colonial governement's attempt to exterminate it #so thematically that's rather signifigant #she's the only other person he's allowing to share in the legacy of his lost home #(lost because he blew it to kingdom come but lets not bicker and argue over who killed who)

I think a lot about the implications of names in the Nine House following a very specific theme (ancient Greek, Latin, and Biblical first names, Latin-inspired arithmonic House names) but John gave his daughter the name Kiriona. This is very interesting to me, especially in light of what those tags say re: John being Māori but most likely not speaking the language of his people due to colonialism. We don’t have the full picture yet, but a lot of what we know points to John choosing to preserve some of the ~foundational mythology~ of western civilization when shaping his empire. A colonizing Empire, though we really don’t know if “space colonization” was John’s plan for the Houses all along or if he decided it later. (Also an Empire that’s in large % made up of descendants of historically colonized people so there’s that too). At the same time, John shares his own cultural heritage with his daughter – and his daughter only, as if it’s something to be kept between the two of them and better forgotten at large.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this and I’m sure a lot of the implications are going over my head, but I think the initial cultural mould of the Houses tells us something about John as a product of a society that valued one specific area of cultural history above all others, and John internalizing that to the extent that he reverted to those stories and those myths when he was looking for civilization building blocks. And then he went and turned to the language of his people when naming his newfound daughter. Maybe it’s a public vs. personal sphere thing, maybe he wants to wear a different hat as a long-lost father than he does as the God-Emperor, or maybe it’s just that by the time he finds out he has a daughter he’s over the whole ‘Classics names’ thing and sort of regretting those initial choices.

fwiw, John probably wasn’t very coherent in the early days (maybe early years?) so who knows if he actually put any planning into what he did. As a scientist he probably had a lot of Latin engraved in his brain so why not use that? Sounds very smart. But, also, the fact that our scientific classification is based on Latin is itself a product of western supremacy and so on so forth. It’s a tautology: I’m God now and I guess God likes ancient Greek and biblical themes as filtered down to us through the lenses of Western Christianity. Why? Because that’s what God does. I guess.

(Also: compare all of this with the Blood of Eden naming system where they chose random bits of human culture to preserve. Not those deemed worthwhile by the elites, just… random bits. Shakespeare but also an Eminem song and a verse of an anthem in an indigenous language. That last one especially is Curious and tbh it’s the only detail giving me pause from jumping 100% to the very obvious conclusion that BoE was founded by the descendants of the FTL ships just because of who was on those ships and what cultural resources they would’ve brought along. But that’s a whole different speculation.) 

[benis-chillin]

Backlog Reviews 2024: Resident Evil 2

Platform: Gamecube

September 8th, 2024-October 6th, 2024

(Previous review)

Well, here we are again, fellers! I ACTUALLY completed a game again!

Well, for LeonA/Claire B, at least.

So my journey with Resident Evil TECHNICALLY began in 2022, where I randomly watched some videos about it while home alone for a day or two…And I had a nightmare that night about zombies breaking into the house and me having to punch them(not in an awesome way, though, more like a "crying and screaming while flying my fists" kinda way). This was probably also provoked by me hearing some noises that caused me to do a "sweep" around the house with a fairly meaty cane before I went to bed, but RE DEFINITELY caused the zombies.

But anyway, that nightmare kinda stuck with me, so I determined to play the Classic Resident Evils to conquer those lingering feelings. To rise above that fear that made me jump at shadows that night…

And my first attempt failed, because I tried to play Deadly Silence on an emulator to circumvent the tank controls, and it did NOT go well, so I ended up dropping it by the time I finally got to that house with the plant.

I was still determined to finish at least ONE, though, so I put RE2 on my backlog list for 2023, didn't get around to it because of reasons stated in my 2023 lookback, and rolled it over to 2024, figuring I'd get to it around September/October time.

Part of why I chose to do the Gamecube version was because of Control mode C, which put the move forward option on a trigger, instead of D-Pad Up like usual, but then something amazing happened this April:

I retried Deadly Silence on an actual DS Lite, swallowing my pride on tank controls, and finished both campaigns. So now, rather than going into RE2 blind to the references and history, moving on a trigger like a jackass, I got to experience it AS a sequel, tank controls and all.

And in that context, I love it! It's a step up in every way from RE1, yet you're JUST familiar enough going in that you can feel the shared DNA. The pre-rendered backgrounds are certainly pixelated as hell, but on a slightly older TV like mine, the characters and objects blend into those environments perfectly!

I argue that there's a certain "grit" to things shot or rendered in non-HD formats. Our eyes compensating for details lost by the old methods truly helps visuals that would be somewhat ho-hum in HD, and that applies here.

The setting of an art museum-turned-police station was also an inspired choice, given these limitations. An important part of these types of games is to choose an interesting and distinct locale to set yourself loose in. Metroid is typically set on an abandoned alien planet or space ship, Batman: Arkham Asylum chose, well, an old-ass asylum, and RE1 used a mansion since they're known for having secrets and puzzles, per most media.

So, combining a mansion-like art museum, with the weapons you'd find in a police station? It's unique, and honestly brilliant, and helps get you into the shoes of a rookie cop surviving the worst first day on the job imaginable, or a sister desperately seeking out her lost brother.

Corny as it may sound, the atmosphere from the setting, combined with the grit for the old pre-renders, genuinely made it feel like I'd been dropped into a horror movie, but I was playing the "smart" character. The one who actually acts rationally in a scenario like this. And the near constant isolation led to this feeling of dread, like I wasn't sure what was gonna come out to get me next. And in Claire's case, while Mr. X was actually barely in it until the end, I felt watched.

The heebie-jeebies are MAJOR in this game, in a way that they honestly just weren't in RE1. The addition of previously cleared hallways getting new zombies kept me guessing in this game, and scares like zombies coming in through a door transition, or Mr. X on a monitor literally RIGHT around the corner…Whew, there's a reason I played this game mostly at night.

There's also the conspiracy angle to all of this, as you read various documents about how much Umbrella is covering their tracks, consequences be damned. You get a feeling that you're uncovering something that could get you killed if you go public about it, but you can't ignore the "reality" around you.

Oh, there I go getting immersed, but how can I NOT be with how nicely the controls were handled? They just felt a bit tighter this time. Maybe the DS Lite's D-pad is smaller than the Wii Classic Pro I used for this game, but walking and running down long hallways had less "drift" than when I played RE1, and it overall just feels better.

Definitely glad I have this controller for RE3 as well.

Well, that's the good stuff, so what DIDN'T I like?

Well, you can get kinda lost in this game, especially in Claire's B scenario. And while I praise their grit, the lack of clarity in some backgrounds can cause this problem to rear its ugly head, because sometimes the background obscures important objects. There is a shine effect for SOME things, but it probably could've been used a bit more to cut down on backtracking. I DID have to use guides for some things, and I rarely felt like I was the stupid one for not noticing them.

This especially rears its head towards the ending of Claire's B scenario, where you have to:

Power up the train, so you gotta get the plugs, then you gotta find this room in the back, completely obscured by the stairway, to put the plugs in, then you gotta fight mutated Mister Sex, but none of your weapons affect him! Oh, but thankfully, Ada got us a rocket launcher, so somehow, you gotta pick that up VERY slowly and carefully, even though he's RIGHT ON YOUR ASS, and can interupt your pick-up animation!

So, you one-shot him, then you race your ass back to the train platform, get rid of all the naked zombies so you can open the gate, then get back into the train so you can get outta here.

ALL IN UNDER 5 MINUTES.

And then the real ending…Is shit, I'm sorry.

The A scenario ending was nice because it let you sit for a minute with what happened, but also had a hopeful note to end on. You entered the world of survival horror, and now, you just escaped it. Sure, it was an FMV, but YOU did the action.

But here, though?

William Birkin's final squid form just needs to get shot a few times, then an FMV does all of the action! Maybe this was cool as shit in 1998, but it did NOT age well, especially with these FMVs where the lip sync is off most times, and everyone moves like they're in Sonic 06.

Like, sure, the animation for the in-game cutscenes…Makes me question why Sonic Adventure's in the same year are looked down on so much, but they blend in better than THESE things.

Hell, the voice acting, which is actually fairly decent for most of the game, takes a dip in quality for the FMVs. Probably the most poorly aged part of the game.

Wait, forgot about tonal whiplash: the ending theme.

So, overall, a good game that holds up WAY better than it probably should, given its technical limitations, but not flawless.

8/10

And now, after I take a quick break, I will be playing through the first Halo through the Master Chief collection on PC! See ya then!

[heterophobicmaxanne]

While much has been made of the inarguably homoerotic tension between Andrey and Goncharov, both after the 1973 premiere and after its' recent rediscovery, Katya and Sofia's relationship and especially its' lesbian subtext has been sadly underexplored - despite the fact that in many ways, their relationships homoeroticism mirrors and refigures that of Andrey and Goncharov just as much as the relationship in general does. The general themes of competition within the Mafia world, creating or finding an heir, Freud's Thanatos and Eros drives and class all colour Katya and Sofias relationship as much as they do Andrey and Goncharovs. Scholars thus rightfully regard Katya and Sofia as a foil to Goncharov and Andrey, noting the similarly tragic ending but consistenly ignoring the similarly present but much more subtle queer implications.

And, to a certain degree, this is understandable: the progression of Katya's feelings for Sofia from anger and almost hatred for the woman trying to ensnare her husband and replace her to an exploitative look at Sofia as her ticket to freedom to begrudging yet genuine respect and something resembling care already asks viewers to suspend their disbelief, consindering how little screen time this relationship actually receives. Vice versa, Sofia regards Katya first as an obstacle to securing her own future and then as a manipulator abusing her class privilege trying to damn her to a life Katya herself attempts to escape who she has to and finally manages to outwit. Especially the fact that Katya is a rich, educated Russian socialite who chose the life of a Mafiosi wife when she could have chosen differently and then tries to move Sofia - who has never really had a choice - into this life Katya now wants to escape seems like an unsourmantable reason for Sofia's deepened antagonism towards Katya in the second half of the movie. That erotic or romantic feelings and a relationship could develop between these two characters, in these conditions, seems almost preposterous. But does it seem more preposterous than the idea that an aging Mafiosi and the man sent to kill him could form such an attachment? And if it does not, as I would argue, why have both the audience and many scholars been able to suspend their disbelief for Andrey and Goncharov's homoeroticism but are unable or unwilling to do so fo Katya and Sofia?

One - almost painfully obvious reason - is of course screen time: Katya and Sofia are given at best a third of the time the movie takes to flesh out Andrey's and Goncharov's dynamic. However, the second reason seems much more important to me. It seems like the introduction of Sofia as a love interest for Goncharov and challenger to Katya has locked Sofia into the character dynamic as solely heterosexual in most of the audience's mind. Additionally, the classic analysis in which the eponymous Goncharov is the protagonist and all character dynamics in the movie are to be analyzed as to how they affect him does not need to be abandoned to account for Andrey's and Goncharov's homoeroticism but it squarely obscures a lesbian reading of Sofia and Katya. But Katya, too, is named and is thus Goncharov: she, too, can be the eponymous protagonist. In this more postmodernist reading, the movie stops being about one man and three people struggling with and for and against him, and becomes about the relationships and struggles between four people, all of which are given equal weight.

Finally, there is a third reason that Katya and Sofia's lesbian relationship remains understudied. Goncharov and Andrey are not just given far more time on screen, they are also given many opportunities for tenderness, beginning with Goncharov cooking Andrey pasta and ending with Goncharov's memory-hallucination of the famous cigarette scene. Katya and Sofia are not given such room; apart from the pearl scene, they never touch, and even that scene is primarily framed through a lense of heterosexual competition for Goncharov. The movie locks the characters into their heterosexual prison-norms: Goncharov and Andrey's male homosociability can only turn into subtext homosexuality in moments of violence and death, in intricate and hallucinated rituals allowing them to touch each others skin and at least in their fantasy escape fate, as Rubek (2003) has so expertly delineated. And, in true 1970s patriarchal fashion, the movie can only present Katya and Sofia as heterosexual women, struggling for the affection of and power given by proximity to a man in a way that destroys them both to the point where they, one after the other, die off-screen.

But much like we as the audience, as critics and scholars, can see past these norms for Andrey and Goncharov, we can and should also see past them for Katya and Sofia - especially because they are not even given on-screen deaths. It is the lack of screen time that creates ambiguity, that allows and asks us to take small gestures from short frames to imagine them safe, and it is their seeming antagonism over the idea of Sofia replacing Katya that can be read as the source of their affection. Because what if rather than trying and failing to damn Sofia to take her place to save herself, Katya takes Sofia’s sudden unwillingness to play her part and her growing resentment seriously and decides to save her instead? And what if in turn, this is what allows Sofia to save Katya? What if, in and after the pearl scene, they are no longer struggling for the affection of Goncharov and power over each other but begin struggling simply for affection and power, power to shape their own fates? And, most importantly, what if they - and thus, Katya Goncharov - succeed?

Holly McPhearson, „Failures of the Imagination: Absent Lesbians and Heterosexual Prisons in Scorseses Goncharov.“ Journal of Lesbian Studies, vol. 24, no. 1, 2020, pp. 33-49.