#I AM SO TIRED OF BEING IN SO MUCH PAIN | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

goldkirk · 4 months ago

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#I AM SO TIRED OF BEING IN SO MUCH PAIN #I am so grateful to be so capable of doing pt and rehabbing myself and slowwwwwly rebuilding health #I AM SO SICK OF MY STUPID LEFT LEG #I am so relieved to be getting enough energy to keep my joints and body moving #I AM SO TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO USE MY RIBCAGE EVENLY #it’s a blessing and a gift and an adventure getting to relearn having a body like I started to the first time around as a kid #I DON’T WANT TO RELEARN AND FIX AND HEAL ANY MORE OLD INJURIES #I’m speechless with awe that my body trusts me enough to hand me grief and terror and the dark hole of trapped misery to me to hold and heal #I HURT EVERY DAY SO MUCH OF THE TIME IN NO WAY THAT IS WORTH GETTING TREATMENT FOR ATM #I feel myself getting more in my body and able to control it and relearn tricks and dance every day/week/month #MY LUNGS FEEL LIKE THEY CAN NEVER BE MINE AVAIN #anyway things are fine I’ve just been doing this in my journal for weeks and decicded to ✨share the process✨ lol #trauma evolution #shh katie #personal #health

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quiddie · 10 days ago

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Just had a friend show me a conversation in a fan discord about Suvi as a Black American woman in the context of the fallout from the election. And honestly? Yeah. The blueprint is simple: Black women are expected to put their own priorities and emotions on hold to show up for everyone else's battles and hold endless space for everyone's feelings while simultaneously weathering attacks on our character (oh she's so angry/aggressive/violent/rude) and authority (she's a woke hire/affirmative action quota/nepobaby) without complaint. We're expected to save the day under nigh-impossible circumstance, and with fewer resources and support that is AT BEST, conditional.

So yeah, relistening to Suvi's speech in The Witness hurts now. Because that's exactly the feeling I'm wrestling with, and what I see mirrored in the Black women around me. We are exhausted and angry and sad. Those voter percentages are a betrayal of "we" that was promised by other marginalized groups when speaking of the interconnectedness of our liberation. And the unexamined expectation that we immediately rise from the depths of our despair to prepare for the next fight is a cruelty. Suvi isn't real, but if this helps lend empathy toward actual Black women in the world, then I'm glad.

#worlds beyond number #the wizard the witch and the wild one #there's a reason I spent so much time scrapping with fans misremembering plot #always with the aim of painting Suvi as 'the bad/mean one' universally responsible for any party friction #i've clocked dozens upon dozens of threads maligning her and nitpicking every choice she makes #and holding her alone to a ridiculous standard of behavior #while rooting for her to experience enough pain/loss to bend her to their preferred trajectory #and dismissing her emotions as Citadel programming unworthy of consideration #it's just more fucking misogynoir at the end of the day #i saw a post calling her an abuser for not being *nice* enough to Ame when she arrived at the conclave #and all i can think is 'why do you need her to mask her VALID emotions for others' sakes?'#and then i remember she's a black woman #and i get really tired for her (and me)#don't worry #i'll return to funky lil shitposts and art reblogs soon

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hinamie · 2 months ago

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so just know, I'm healing / even though it don't feel like it

insp

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #yuji itadori #fushiguro megumi #megumi fushiguro #itafushi #fushiita #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #good evening it is past midnight and i am here furthering the itfs scar kissing agenda #stumbled across the insp pic buried in my likes and i went oh this is relevant in the opposite direction :) I Can Use This :)#op has some of my fav itfs fanart ill b so real n tht piece ws swimming around in my brain fr Days #so i told myself today my reward for submitting my zine checkin wld b drawing yuuji kissing megumi's scars #also pls observe. /this/ is what i mean when i say tht megumi receiving affection looks like he is unsure and in mild pain #Does Not Know How To Respond To Affection Even From His Own Boyfriend.png #i LOVE drawing megu with this expression so sosos much the downcast sidelong gaze + furrowed brow.....#its SO good #also idk what i did with his hair here but the render actually turned out so well ?? best megu hair to date every1 pls clap #not 2 mention th shape of yuuji's bangs???? pats self on th back no offense but i am on fire w these boys' hair lately #that being said i decided i did not want to render anything else ddfdfjjghdjgf i got tired #kept the rest flat n took the opportunity to play around w light chromatic abberation on the scars #idk if any1 noticed but i found th retro film filter n used it a bunch on my recent comic #its so convenient it comes w built in noise n everything!!!!!!#anyway . caption is salt fv <333 if u care <333333 #i think it is also a megu song but like . a post-canon megu song #i thought this wld take longer bc i was planning on rendering everything so i cracked an energy drink and am tragically awake #shld i start smth new we shall see smile :)

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ticklepinions · 2 months ago

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Raise your hand if you feel utterly behind in life 🫠

#i told my therapist that i'm tired of being lazy #sorry for the L word #i just have no energy or motivation to do much of literally anything except distracting myself from the pain #of everything that should be done #i'm JUST a guy. but also an adult who should idk know better??? but i don't i am SO unbelievably lost #and it really just feels like I'm alone in this feelind and I know I'm not but the people around me don't seem to get it #or maybe I just need to lock in and get over myself #but I really really can't lmfao #ANYWAYS-

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 1 day ago

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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH

#i am so fucking tired of being ill #is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh #i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month #but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom #idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly #but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating #i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat #sorry i know i'm complaining #i just needed to vent for a moment #it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons #so this just feels like the last straw #universe please let me feel a little better soon #i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write #oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦‍♀️#lulu posts

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moeblob · 8 months ago

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I literally ate One Thing today and my stomach has decided to rebel.

#witewawwy so tired of being sick #i feel mostly fine except for you know the excessive amounts of time ive spent hunched over clutching my tummy #i at least am not still in back pain which is what killed me yesterday #u ever take 4 showers in 1 day (yesterday) to try soothing the pains ?#u ever eat 1 meal in 1 day (today) and regret it for the next 8 hours?#ive tried so hard to be good and rest and FOR WHAT ! a still horty tummy #inhaling too much still hurts and im like please body this is a basic human function ? breathing? why hurt?

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squeakadeeks · 10 months ago

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moodboard for this past week ❤️

#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane #i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile #this week was just horrible #there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe #even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment #during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll #the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab #AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ?????#then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly #i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window #im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard-#to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner #which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment #where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough #and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful #and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired.#im in so much pain and so stressed out #debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame

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figofswords · 7 months ago

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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

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tamagotchikgs · 27 days ago

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i hate my face it needs to be softer and i hate my body it needs to be sharper

#there is nothing in the world i wished i had more than a smaller/rounder nose #why is that thang genuinely V #<#>#^#every direction sniffin #i want to bury my face in things and not impale them #i hate the way it looks when i smile #somehow it gets even bigger #and more downturned #and my body well . at least thats easier 2 change #im so hyper aware of how much i weigh i hate the number being known it makes me want to cry i feel too exposed #its like it being a secret keeps me safe #even though everyone can see my body anyway #if i just have that then im safe no one can hurt me #what if the number makes them see me differently #what if it changes the way i look in their eyes like it does in mine #what if the dysmorphia streaks out past just me #i know its stupid n realistically it doesnt matter at all but i am so Scared i am terrified #i hate my ed i hate everything it holds over me all the time everyday #every time i look at myself im different #n im worse #and no matter how much i suffer its never happy #im so sick rn im in pain but all i can think about is at least im not eating at least its stopping me from eating #i just want to be different i want to be anything else #i feel like im always going 2 be stuck as the grossest thing in the world #ill never get the chance to look at myself n see anything but that #i want to be better. i do. i want to just move on #im so tired. but im So awful looking. & everyone has always made sure i know it. made sure im lesser and i am #ive never had a real friend. theyve always hated me n kept be barely around because they feel bad for me. n just told me how bad i looked

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 3 months ago

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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens

#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not #tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been #having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was #originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to #go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night #and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth #fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god #but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing #that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much #but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt #running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected #by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution #will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad #obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours #is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have #things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have #suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one

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aria0fgold · 1 month ago

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Elle having so much fun playing yume nikki meanwhile I was watching her with Aly and getting hit with Motion Sickness o<-< why am I the only one weak against that???

#aria rants #TIS ARIA AGAIN! elle gotten both tired (not used to fronting) and satisfied with her progress so shes resting now #then again tho... cant rlly say much bout elle not being weak towards anything cuz she doesnt care bout any pain orz...#she managed to get so much done all while tormenting me a lil bit. elle as she traverses the darkest areas in the game: :D!!!#me on the other hand: ELLE! EEELLLE!!! ITS TOO DARK!!! elle when she accidentally got jumpscared by a passin player:#OOO! that was surprising! but it sure was exciting! >:3c me who got pretty scared: hwat are you talkin bout #elle is gonna be the death of me. im starting to think she loves horror more than i could ever love it (i am big scaredy cat orz...)

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starryeyeddreamer21 · 4 months ago

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That asexual urge to just become a nun

#asexual #ace #I'm not actually Catholic #I am christian though I'm just pretty sure nuns are Catholic #it just seems convenient #I probably wouldn't be a good nun but like it's so much easier being like it's my religion than actually saying I'm asexual #idk I'm tired and in pain #the cramps are cramping #like I'm pretty sure ripping out my uterus would hurt less #I genuinely thought I was going to pass out and/or throw up #also Jesus is definitely aroace right???#i want pizza

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heybaetae · 4 months ago

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#there's no way i could ever have another pet bc this has destroyed me in unimaginable ways #despite him being old and his health declining the past three or so years #we did everything we could to keep him around and healthy but his little body just couldn't do it anymore #i love him so much i hope he wasn't in pain #i regret not saying goodbye when my mom told me to before he went to the hospital friday but i was in denial #we held out all weekend to see if the treatment would work but he was just so weak my dad gave them the go-ahead to stop it today #idk if they've put him to sleep yet but we're assuming so since my dad is gonna go pick up his collar tomorrow #i cried so much last night because i just had a feeling today would be it #and then i woke up this morning and already had tears in my eyes #this is gonna be. another long grieving process and i'm already so tired from losing my sister last year #when does it fucking end lol like when do i get to the other side #i'm just exhausted. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted #he's such a big extension of me like who tf am i without my dog i'm nothing he's all i had

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mamawasatesttube · 4 months ago

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my head hurty :(

#i have had a headache since fucking tuesday. IT'S ENOUGH #and granted today is much better than yesterday bc yesterday i was genuinely in the pits of hell #but also im so so so tired of being in pain im so tired of it :(#especially bc this was. preventable. like not my fault but someone else fucked something up and did this to me #i am so tired. and my head hurts. and i am so tired of my head hurting. augh #rimi talks

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usermoreid · 9 months ago

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#the doctor and jack actually make me so insane #like. i am going to live for a very long time and i have nobody that truly understands what its like to die and be reborn #and i latch onto people who will die and leave me and i will never get to experience genuinely spending my life with somebody #and you are immortal and you love me and you waited so long for me but i cannot bear even being in the same room as you #the very sight of you hurts.#i met you when you were chasing your past and i was running from mine #and now you chase me as i run from you.#you're too permanent. i don't know what permanent feels like anymore.#like my fucking god i have so much more to say but i am so tired and in so much pain😭 i just love them so much #this is specifically ab ten and jack btw if u couldnt tell #i just think theyre tragic and wonderful and i love them and despise them. u get it.#sorry these r all tags bc my thoughts r not coherent enough to actually post this. so im whispering.#tenjack

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 2 months ago

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my mum supports me in getting accessibility aids when i break down about it but the moment i'm not upset or in tears then it's what if people don't want to talk to you because you're in a wheelchair and what if they think you're fragile and i want you to make friends but this might not help and-

#IM SO TIRED #you know why i'm not making friends. you know why i'm struggling so much #because i cannot go anywhere. i can't go to meetings i can't go to events i can't go to anything because i'm tired and in pain #i'm hoping to go to a talk tomorrow but honestly i don't know if i'll be able to. but it's on disability so i wanna try #i'm getting my covid booster tomorrow and i'm going to ask the nurse about it #'but what if-' i am struggling to go to class i am struggling to go to work i had to stand up the other day and almost burst into tears #i still have to get to work later and i'm thinking it'll rise but my heart rate today has been 49-164. and that's lower than average but #my pots is just getting worse. the pain is getting bad again. my brainfog is extreme #i'm done trying to get better i'm done being told i don't have to use mobility aids because people will fix me. i just want to make friends

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