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Ranting

Do y'all feel like everything is just so infuriating.

I don't even know how to phrase what I'm upset about. I hate how it feels like one side has to do the heavy lifting, while the other side just watches.

Avoidant people are automatically demonized and told to be better. Introverts are told to go out more and do better. Night owls are looked down upon and often pegged as lazy. Me literally trying to be friends with people but because I'm unemployed there's this vibe I get from people. Maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities but it genuinely feels so real.

Why is every aspect of my being tied to productivity? Oh "avoidant people don't take responsibility for their actions", hey not entirely true. Anxious attachment styles can also be toxic when not handled correctly. But you pair both of them up, at least from what I've seen/experienced, it is up to the avoidant person to manage everyone's feelings. Like wtf is that. I got in an argument with a friend, and I said I needed time to process and it basically led to them saying "why can't we just talk now, it's making me anxious". And because I fawn sometimes, I just compromised. And that's so fucking shitty. But I ask the people around me and the vibe is usually yeah it's best to handle things there and then. But because my brain literally isn't wired that way, I genuinely need to talk it out a lot with people who aren't involved to get a better sense of what I'm feeling. I often don't know why I got upset, or if I am upset at all. But nooooo avoidant people are the worst ever. Hey maybe we can also benefit from not dealing with a problem right away. Maybe taking some time can also be an appropriate decision.

Or when we speak about introverts. It's always this thing people want to fix. Talk more. Put yourself out there. Network. I'm exhausted. But the disdain is seldomly towards extroverted people.

Early risers can do so much with their day so people love them. But oh you wake up AND stay up late? What are you doing with your time?? Work I hope.

And I'm not saying we put the "other" side on blast. It's just frustrating to have aspects of yourself that don't necessarily need to change, constantly be poked and prodded at. And not once have people stopped to wonder maybe we can just do things differently.

I feel insane sometimes with hearing people say "that's just life". Hey so what if I shoot myself with a water gun. Why does it have to be like that? Are we not gonna do something about it? I'm just expected to grin and bear it like everyone else is doing? While it's literally making me question my sanity and if I want to continue *living* period. Hello??

Anyways therapy cannot come any sooner I am gonna crash out lmfao

Edit: how could I forget mental illness. People actually don't gaf. If your depression/anxiety/whatever isn't something digestible, you can forget about support. And people love weaponizing therapy. Therapy can only do so much. I'm literally paying for someone to validate me. If I can't find it naturally within my own community that's just more isolation. We've become so individualized and with terms like trauma dumping and capacity and what not being used, and rather incorrectly, it perpetuates this thought of you shouldn't complain about anything to your own circle.

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at the end of the day it's just me and the gut wrenching, soul crushing feeling of experiencing life

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A reminder to everyone with the nsfw/sfw stuff going around once more

It is not your job to police the entire fucking internet and also, you physically cannot do that

Put DNI/DNF's on your blog if you feel like it. State that you don't want minors following you, tag things appropriately, put warnings before a "read more", go through and block certain people. Go ham with all of that

But at the end of the day, that is all you can do. A lot of us have the story of being a kid and seeing stuff they didn't want to see on the internet/being exposed to nsfw stuff early on internet-wise. And a lot of us were purposefully seeking that out, too. If somebody wants to access certain content online, there is very little you can do to actually stop them. All you can do is trust that they are respecting your rules

I completely understand not wanting minors to see your content, that makes sense. But do not be losing your shit at minors for accessing your content. Block them and move on. You're the adult, act like the adult

Additionally, if you're a minor? DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO PUT YOUR AGE ON YOUR BIO. This is the internet, this is not a safe space, nowhere online is inherently a safe space. I understand not wanting creeps to interact with you, but internet safety is so important. If you want to, that is your prerogative, but we have to stop advertising this as the method to use. Stop telling minors to put their age up, this puts you at a huge risk online. Instead, if you're a minor, just respect other people's DNI/DNF's and do your best to stay out of that corner of the internet

Finally, we can tag things as SFW and NSFW all we want, but it is important to note two important truths: in every space online, there is going to be a blend of SFW and NSFW stuff, no matter how hard you try to avoid it--this is the internet, it is not a safe space. And two: You cannot control what other people look at. People are going to see what they are going to see. The best we can do is try our very best to make that kind of content very difficult to access

Most importantly, we are all human beings. Please treat everyone as human beings. It's fine to have SFW tickling content. It's fine to have NSFW tickling content. It is fine and possible, despite contrary belief, to have both

Minor, adult, everyone, just do your best to respect other people's preferences and boundaries and we can all get along okay

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Sigh

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Now and then I come across someone posting things like “I just wish I could actually TRUST people in fandom and not always worry if the every person is an IMMORAL FREAK-“ and like…

Hey man. That actually sounds like some intense paranoia. Most people don’t spend their hours worrying if every person they come across is secretly a monster of the most unimaginable sort in waiting.

You might be dealing with some unaddressed trauma or have possibly been roped into an alarmist, moral panic. ‘Everyone but me and my group of friends is/is potentially a moral and ethical threat’ is a really unhealthy way to live and a sign you’re in and amongst a toxic social group. I think you should step away from the internet and talk to someone.

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This post is specifically meant to help kids and emerging adults that were not taught what you might not want to share online.

The purpose of not sharing personal information is to make it more difficult to connect up information about you, and especially to make it difficult to connect the “you” online to the “you” offline. The reasons one may want to do this range from maintaining safe relationships outside of an abusive relationship, to making it harder to put together enough information to break into their bank account, to being actively concerned about doxxing and swatting.

For any of these reasons, if you’re not completely sure you will be fine having that information on the internet indefinitely, it’s best not to share it in the first place. The internet is full of turmoil, but we all know that some posts never die, and that others are archived.

Here’s some information that is generally considered a bad idea to share publicly or privately online, with the exception of applying for jobs or working with online financial and legal systems, and some strong alternatives.

Your full legal name, or any particularly distinctive part of your legal name. My first name has less than six hundred people with it in the States. I use a nickname on this blog for a reason. Nicknames are a great alternative to legal names.

Your birthday, especially if you also share your exact age. That allows for people to look for you based on your exact birth date, which is a very powerful piece of information. Unlike your legal name, there’s no way I know of to change it. Consider not sharing this at all. For age, “minor” or “adult” are all the information a reasonable person should need.

Your precise location. Big cities, like Tokyo, New York City, or London, have a high enough population to act as a bit of a smokescreen, but as a rule of thumb, stick to stating a local with at least a million people in it. I often just use my time zone, since it’s the main thing people need to know online.

There’s other information that is questionable to share openly online, particularly your personal phone number and email, but those are the three big pieces of information that it’s generally not a good idea to share either publicly or privately. This is because they can be plugged into background checkers and other databases to try to find you offline. The more information you share, the more someone can narrow down who you are. If that is something you are concerned about, consider following these guidelines about what not to share.

I encourage people to add onto and spread around this post.

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Fandom discourse itself is stupid because arguing over fictional characters, ships, and shipping labels is a waste of time. However, fandom discourse is causing very real and severe harm to people.

Adults and children are developing Moral Scrupulosity OCD, becoming extremely paranoid and anxious over whether they're "good" and constantly questioning their morality. In fandoms, people believe the fictional characters and ships they like reflect who they are and their moral alignment. They think enjoying something problematic means you’re an "evil" person. This has caused fans of problematic fiction to be labeled as "criminals" and harassed.

People are terrified of liking anything in fiction out of fear that it makes them a “horrible” person and being labeled as such by others. Persistent bullying has driven people to be doxxed and commit suicide. This moral superiority contest has ruined people’s lives because many are obsessed with proving their “goodness.”

Fiction is meant to be a fun way to explore themes and topics, not a test of morality. You’re never going to please everyone because there’s always going to be some who believe you’re “immoral” for what you like. Enjoy whatever characters and ships you want because it doesn’t dictate what kind of person you are.

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Also hot tip. If you are very concerned about minors interacting with your content. You can label your posts as mature. Anyone under 18 who set up an account won't be able to click it.

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okay, with all the anti discourse i’ve been seeing out there recently, i just want to say two things:

1) this is a ship and let ship blog.

proshipper, anti anti, whatever you like to call it. if you do not like a ship, simply skip over the content! block the tag! it is simple: you do not have to interact with content you do not like! no one is harming you by posting or interacting with content you find “Problematic™️” or dislike! no one on the internet owes you anything. it is up to you to curate your dash.

2) the “you must be x to write x” trend is harmful.

it asks people to reveal details about themselves that may be dangerous, painful to go through, or simply uncomfortable. once again, no one on the internet owes you anything. how much, if any, personal information someone puts on the internet is up to them, and it is not up to you to decide whether they have “permission” to write something, whether it be “Problematic™️” or not. up until less than two years ago, i did not think i was part of the queer community, but i was writing queer fanfiction. does this make me “Problematic™️”?

you don’t always know if the person writing x really is x—surprise, people can lie or not share that information—and in any case, it isn’t your business. bad portrayals exist—from within and without the community. we can simply not read them. sending hate mail to or doxxing anyone who doesn’t fit your blueprint of “who’s allowed to write xyz” is dangerous and downright awful. let me also remind you once more that i, and all other fanfic authors out there, owe you nothing. you do not have a right to my personal life.

at the heart of all this is the fact that fiction does not equal reality. sometimes people write unhealthy relationships to process trauma. you have no right to demand that knowledge. sometimes they write them because those dynamics are interesting to explore in a work of fiction that, again, does not equal reality. and again, you have no right to know why they write something. it is not up to the writer to impress morality upon the public. further, whether or not a work is moral has no bearing on its value as art. contrary to what purity culture would have you think, morality is entirely subjective and full of grey zones. you are not the sole arbiter of morality. if you disagree with an author’s work, simply do not interact with it.

“there is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. books are well written, or badly written. that is all.”

—oscar wilde, the picture of dorian grey

tl;dr: don’t like, don’t read.

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I think if I post what I wrote I would stir the pot (derogatory) and I don't have the energy to deal with internet discourse. I'm just some dude.

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I think there's many problems in the community. But I feel like 2 in particular are merging quite a bit. So before I begin, this is in no means supporting or condoning the negative actions of others, I'm just thinking out loud basically, trying to understand why it's a problem and what not. The "explains but doesn't excuse route" to help me process things. My heart goes out to everyone who has been a victim of gro*ming.

So I've had a discussion about certain words being thrown around a lot. Words that are used as an insult, a word that triggers people immediately and follows with loads of hate comments and the classic kys.

While there is most certainly predators and p*dos in the community. I think there's a secret third option that doesn't really get talked about a lot- if at all. And that's "well intentioned adults". Adults who got the spirit! But execute in very questionable ways compared to people who are more, for lack of a better word, mature in their experiences.

I think I was one of them to an extent, but had some incidents that made me have to make decisions that would have been difficult in the past with my previous thinking (will explain later). Personally, my blog was open to all. And I hear the sfw doesn't mean safe for minors which is so true. But I still let minors follow my blog and that was a choice I own up to. Up until a couple months ago I was somewhat ok with it. Until things started happening that made me ✨uncomfortable✨. I got 13 year olds following me, minors trying to initiate tickle talk in asks/dms, trying to befriend me in ways that were just not great lmfao (trying to comfort me if I made a vent post, or in turn trauma dumping in the DMs). And this led to a LOT of reflection. I didn't want to have this responsibility so to speak, of taking care of children, who I have no previous relationship (/p) with in an online setting. So I changed my blog to a dnf. That's just me tho, I curated my internet experience to suit me after realizing that what I was doing or rather passively allowing before, made me uncomfortable. I didn't engage in the conversations that were initiated, it made me queasy lmfao.

But for *other* people. This feeling doesn't occur. You can have the extreme of being so delusional and enraptured in your own personal gains/pleasure as a p*do. Or... Be the self appointed teacher, parental figure etc. Which is a lot like gr*oming (actually it is a sign of gr*oming). It's such a complex issue in terms of the way some adults could have a genuine desire to help and not harm/manipulate but there's this disconnect where the adult doesn't recognize the harms they're causing unintentionally.

There are adults who don't mind being the educator because that's what they needed when they were a child. And I get it! They want to help. But! We've seen what can happen. And I think the reason some people are hesitant with the whole it "DEPENDS on the context" is that you're taking away their ability to *help*. But they don't realize by shutting down those conversations *is* helping. There are very few circumstances where a 30 year old should be speaking to a 16 year old about sexual topics. And in an online context, even fewer. There are SO many resources online that people can use to educate themselves, you do not have to be the sole educator for those slipping into your DMs.

From experience, minors are very impressionable and still have a lot to learn when it comes to boundaries. There was this time one of my friends sent an ask teasing me and then I got flooded by people sending in their own teases. Minors unintentionally (giving the benefit of the doubt) making me extremely uncomfortable trying to befriend me through "innocent" tickle talk. There are other instances of minors as I mentioned before trying to comfort me when I'm venting. Very thoughtful of them for reaching out and all but also they're endangering themselves. There are adults who would easily respond to them and because the adult themselves are emotionally not stable in that moment, may explain their worries to someone they realllyyyy shouldn't be sharing experiences with, sexual or not. The adult has the responsibility in this situation, as they hold the most power in the dynamic. So yeah I'm not gonna put the blame on the minors. Gonna hold the adults accountable. Because it's absolutely not okay.

I always say while intentions are cool and all it doesn't really matter much. The impact, and what your actions will be after the fact, holds much more weight.

It's so frustrating to see the same old arguments pop up in this particular community. And I've said it once before, at our core, seeing the recent discourse and posts from both parties I can see the want to keep minors safe. However, there are some people who don't see how their perceived innocent actions are actually harmful in the long run. Not only for minors but yourself as well. You deserve to have a community your age as a healthy support system. What's not okay is the waters being muddied under the pretense of helping other people. You can't fix people, and it's really not your job to do so as hard a pill that is to swallow.

I'm losing my train of thought so...

TL;DR. While there are p*dos, there are also adults who mean well but go about it in very wrong/harmful ways, and I hope that eventually (sooner rather than later) they realize the harms they caused and work towards bettering themselves.

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Since this is relevant again

Dropping the Controversial Tickling Tea~

A list of takes that may be controversial but I no longer care because these issues are argued about far too often not to say anything

Keep reading

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Hey so we're gonna use a new word.

What you like is platonic tickling. Tickling devoid of sexual and romantic intent.

Sfw is just a descriptor for something you can look at in public. Though it can certainly contain platonic content, don't use them interchangeably.

Do not romantic/sexualize my platonic.

I do things with friends deemed as romantic. Doesn't take away that it is platonic to the people involved. No matter how many other voices say it's more than that.

I can look at a piece of art and it can evoke feelings of sadness. Other people may feel joy, anger, fear, a combo of any other emotion. No one is wrong. Everyone's perspective is valid. Even if the artist said the intent was to invoke jealousy. Your own feelings about it are valid. No one can dictate how you feel about anything, that's up to you alone.

I will say, if an artist says to not sexualize their work. Respect that. Even though you may interpret it as such for whatever reason (maybe it has bondage or any other elements you deem sexual), let's just keep those thoughts to ourselves and keep going on. Hey maybe it'll inspire you to make your own twist to the art you saw.

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Asking for a friend. Does it actually get better or are people just saying that shit for funsies?

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Mama the tickle monster behind you (it's me)

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Genuinely 4, 5 seconds from wilding every day now. This isn't cool anymore

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if you're feeling powerless right now—and god knows I am—here's a reminder you can donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds, the Trans Law Center, Gaza Soup Kitchen, the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, and hundreds of other charities that will work to mitigate the damage that has been and will continue to be inflicted

life continues. we still have the capacity to do good, important work. that matters