#Hey guys it’s me again; explaining racism; again

[5-7-9]

I realize i should probably elaborate on how We Are Robin was inspired by a legitimate movement.

So while researching interviews by We Are Robin’s writer Lee Bermejo, I tried checking for the ones that were straight from his words rather than articles that quoted him. So i almost missed this one article that was worded as though it was not an interview, but CBR quoted from USA Today so it must’ve been. If it weren’t for a DC comics forum that had already read it, i wouldn’t have noticed.

When the series opens, it really doesn't have an identity, Bermejo says, but the group knows its mission statement. "It's one thing to put a hashtag on your Twitter account as a teenager and feel like you're part of something. It's a whole other thing when the (stuff) hits the fan and you have to stand up for what you believe in."

"Just with everything that we've seen happen recently with Ferguson, there's a lot of issues here that I think can be touched on and should be touched on."

"There's that element of this particular moment we're passing right now, and with a book like this you have a chance to comment about certain things and bring them into the Bat-universe in real interesting ways."

As a longtime fan of the Dark Knight and his supporting players, Bermejo admits that he always had a hard time figuring out why Batman would have a teen sidekick and put a kid in danger in the first place - for the writer, that was the beginning of how a series such as We Are Robin could work.

"Maybe there could possibly be many of these kids out there on the streets who have different talents and different capabilities that could be useful to Batman," says Bermejo.

"With ideas and big concepts, teenagers can get really passionate about that stuff and it can be their whole life. That was something interesting to me, that this thing could be bigger than just one guy jumping around in a domino mask."

(Just the first 3/three forum pages, I’m not reading all that 💀) Seems as though Bermejo wanted to make a commentary about Ferguson metaphorically through the Batman mythos. My interpretation of his message: the disenfranchised youth of America that have no one to help them (authority figures like parents and Batman) feel as though they must take justice matters into their own hands. Something Robin originally meant to represent, a child character for other children to project on. Bermejo thought to implement that literally into the story, where Robin is an actual symbol children use. In the case of real life, justice is done by protesting. But in the matters of DC comics, specifically Gotham? Their protesting comes in the form of vigilantism.

In the chapter where the We Are Robin kids try breaking up a random riot that kinda appears out from nowhere?

But when the Robins join in to stop the riot, they were suddenly framed by the Robot Batman cop as the aggressors (being controlled by Jim Gordon as he was temporarily “Batman”). Indiscriminating its force of authority onto the kids as well as the rioters.

This carries into the Riko’s POV chapter. After a WAR member died from a bomb, the television shows Troy’s parents being upset at the We Are Robin movement, claiming it “does more harm than good.”

Troy’s death is probably another comparisons to when 6 Ferguson protesters died. So his death seems to ask the question, is protesting worth it if it gets you killed? Are protesters making the situation of unjust violence worse? Riko answers: “I think… I think he was trying to do what he thought was right.”

If you aren’t aware of the Ferguson unrest, an 18 year old boy (Micheal Brown) was shot by a police officer after being accused of robbery. When nothing came about the police officer in question, many in the black community began protesting for about 400 days for the officer to be reprimanded. The media would often call it riots, with the negative connotations of unnecessary violence. This was apart of the Black Lives Matters movement of anti police brutality.

(here’s one video but i recommend doing your own research because i’m not great at keeping sources)

I’m sure you can see the similarities now. If not… essentially the We Are Robin is an allegory of the Ferguson protests. The vigilante kids are fighting crime, while the Ferguson protesters were the black community fighting injustice.

Robin War actually touches back on this Ferguson inspired media conflict, by having such an interestingly similar story involving a teenaged boy and a robber and a person dying from being shot 🤔

But here’s the twist: a We Are Robin member walks into a convenience store, he intervenes a police officer trying to stop a robbery, then, because this WAR member was a young probably “immature” teenager, accidentally shoots the police officer with his own gun.

Ha. Ha. 😐 Certainly not an insensitive plot to use at all (sarcasm)

(I should remind you all that Robin War was a piece of garbage mostly written by Tom King, and other writers like Tim Seeley and Scott Lobdell. i don't really need to explain everything wrong with these guys right now. Except for the parts Bermajo wrote, those were the best despite the surrounding shitty plot).

There’s also plenty of police imagery. See here an iconic picture of the Ferguson protest as a poster right smack down in the middle of a panel. Just in case you aren’t fully convinced about the Ferguson allegory… 🙃

Smack down in the centre of this panel has a iconic redrawing of a Ferguson protester (Edward Crawford) catching a tear gas canister thrown by the police, and throwing it right back at the riot cops faces 🖕☄️

So yes, We Are Robin was an activist movement.

[menlove]

hey can you please explain it to us? like how are we supposed to just understand? why would a large ethnic minority vote for an open racist who hates them? this is not intuitive

wasn't trying to imply you're just supposed to understand- sorry, it's just always a lil bit of a uh bitter inducing moment when this topic comes up bc it makes it really obvious that a lot of people just don't engage w the latine community

but basically, most latines are conservative christian. usually catholic (my family isn't catholic, though my grandmother was raised that way). a solid majority of them are one issue voters, usually on the issue of abortion because many catholics & conservative christians are one issue abortion voters.

there's also the immigration issue. a lot of these conservative latines do in fact care about better immigration reform, but a lot of them also have this attitude of "I did it legally, so why can't you?" so they don't even see themselves as a PART of the group being targeted. and if they do and they take issue with it, they tend to go "okay, but the republicans agree with me on everything else and I can't in good moral conscience vote for the other party who disagrees with everything I stand for as a moral christian"

and while many latines have voted blue over immigration in the past, harris leaned pretty heavily right on the immigration issue so it's like. to them. are you choosing the guy who agrees with you on everything but immigration, or the woman who disagrees with you on everything Including immigration?

and then you also have to get into the race of it all because race is beyond complicated in this case. non-black latines sit in a weird in between space with whiteness. to the right, we're white when we're Good. to the left, we're white when it's a Problem. whiteness is conditional. and this is the case for many demographics, but it's especially relevant here. when people sit on that edge of whiteness, they WILL throw each other and other minorities under the bus to earn the protection of whiteness. so you know. behave, vote red, show yourselves to be moral, legal citizens, and MAYBE you'll be granted the protection of being considered white in america. and we aren't. but that doesn't stop people from trying. even taking my dad as an example, I grew up with him talking about how much he hated white people. today, he's out here calling himself a proud white man who voted for trump. it's conditional. and people know whiteness is a protection. naturally, this leads to a lot of antiblackness in the community as well as just racism in general.

it just boils down to latines by and large being conservative christian/catholic and voting based on that rather than viewing themselves a minority race. and being way way more split on the immigration issue than people might imagine, because I've absolutely heard it parroted time and time again that "I got here legally, so can they"

[nalyra-dreaming]

Pre season 2 rant - heavy on sarcasm!

This is the... well by now somewhat meditated on rant I promised a while ago. It has a lot of cussing, so be warned.

It is a… summary comment about some views I‘ve seen around, from “bad writing“ to the “abuse“ and other things. Oh, and it's about the "lying" subject. With receipts!

I‘m getting this out of my system before season 2 hits, and before more of the press leading up to it is released, because cast, crew and writers as well as the show have given us all of it already and, tbh, if I‘m going to see anyone scream “bad writing“ or “Louis being made a liar or the memories revisited/changed is racism“ when the changes will hit I‘m just gonna block you.

Fair warning.

This is long… so under the cut.

This show has made color-conscious choices. Brilliantly so. They also have an astonishing meta level.

And what we saw was not the truth.

That much is clear now. HAS ACTUALLY BEEN CLEAR FROM THE END OF SEASON 1 ON.

Jacob has said at the TCA panel that Louis is trying to regain his true memories.

Here is a reminder of some key statements by cast and crew:

Here are interviews and statements by Assad and Jacob and Sam and Rolin and the writers & producers that what we have seen was not the (whole) truth, that Louis’ tale has been “tinkered” with, influenced.

I'm heroically refraining from adding the gifs of Rolin and his statement again. Which are from the episode insider… and remember when that aired?! Yeah… 😒

But I've seen things recently that make me want to pull my hair out, to be frank. For example this, behind the link:

...Like, not making him a whole flat ass liar is actually the point, guys. And no it does not undermine the story....

As the writers said:

I mean, I get it to an extent. It's becoming clearer and clearer that the show some people made up in their heads is not the one they'll be getting. (We've been trying to tell them, but hey.)

Yeah.... That.

Unfortunately @blackgirlasis has blocked me, (and I have returned the favor now that I noticed), we only discussed something recently, but I think the reason might have been after I posted that video, in which it is literally said that "not everything Louis says is a lie", which, given her statements here might speak for itself, especially this part of that statement:

"It is actually ACTIVELY harmful to perpetuate the idea that the Black characters aren't to be trusted with the narrative and that we need Lestat to come through with the honest accounting."

You know, I would actually agree! Which is also why I always emphasized that we did not get the WHOLE truth. I also kept more than hinting at the fact that Armand is, well Armand.

BUT - and here it gets interesting - why is JACOB's - a BLACK man's - statement discarded? Why do they do not want to hear it that Louis does, in fact, lie? And, just to be clear - I do not NEED Louis to lie, nor be proven a liar, and I think the show will do its damndest to explain via the "tinkering" that Armand did. They will give some of the blame to Armand.

But to flip one's shit over argumentation that the MAIN CHARACTER, a BLACK MAN has already stated... that is what I find interesting.

Like, why do you* (*generally spoken, not her especially) accuse people of racism over this, when HE has already said that Louis does, indeed, lie. Why is he not actually listened to? I don't get that. Why is agency taken away from a living, breathing person to give it to a fictional character? Why is his statement that "not all representation needs to be healthy representation" not kept in mind?

Louis is Louis. Louis being color-consciously handled didn't "change the character an awful lot".

JACOB said that. Here. Interestingly enough in a comment about the racial consideration the show does(!).

Louis is NOT a whole other character despite the changes, and the twists that will happen in season 2 were always set to come, as the friggin' video of BEFORE the show aired is proof of. They talked about all that. They know it didn't all happen as shown. They knew Louis did lie. But NOT about everything.

They also knew that some of the scenes did not happen (at least as shown). And now... "it’s clear that Louis is somebody hugely angry with a man he loved deeply and now presents them as a monster…" Also Jacob Anderson.

Presents. Them. As. A. Monster.

Bailey Bass said in the SDCC interview, that it is not clear who is the "villain here" in various scenes, interestingly enough, because the dynamic keeps changing. Which of course was after they shot a myriad of scenes that would not make it into the final s1 cut. Again: why is she not listened to? Why do you take her agency away to give it to a fictional character?

And I'm not even starting on the others. Sam. Rolin. The writers.

Also, re the abuse and scenes being revisited. Again, screenshot as example:

There is nothing simple about this show. Especially that scene.

BUT the show knows what it‘s doing! I'm not going to rehash all that here now, here are links on that.

AND THE WRITERS SAYING IT WILL BE REVISITED... is from December 21, 2022.

DECEMBER 22.

A revisit and a change of that scene will not be bad writing. (Or tasteless.) They already DID so in the last episode of season 1, continuing that will simply fall into line with what we have already been given. That's not bad writing. That's just the show, and there's people who just did not want to examine that.

Because it will be echoed, and it will serve a purpose.

I know the show did the meta level of patriarchal domestic abuse, but for fuck‘s sake, the story itself is about vampires struggling, and Louis is struggling.

The show has a meta level of abuse, and patriarchy, and recognizing is valid and the meta discussions are too.

But Louis is not chained to his coffin guys, he could have left, and a fight which shows off power discrepancies within the show story line is not automatically domestic abuse.

*slow clap*

No-one wants this to happen for the sake of "redeeming" Lestat. Because he does not need that redemption. They're all murderers and monsters.

They kill. For a living. LITERALLY.

THEY ARE VAMPIRES It's not about vampires trying to find their humanity.

It's about vampires trying to find a way to live with themselves, because they are, indeed, monsters.

Doubting the narrative which was TORN APART WITHIN THE SHOW is not the same as bad writing or racism FFS, nor is actually looking at what we're given - and knowing the fucking, 50 year old books. And recognizing the hints and parallels.

I have also seen the take that Lestat isolated Louis... and like, did we watch the same show? You know, even with the vampirism (which, of course™, could not free Louis as promised)...

Months of flirting openly in NOLA, public wooing. DECADES LIVING IN NOLA. Operas. Restaurants. Family dinners. (And Louis stopping Lestat there, AS a mortal...) Cleaning the cribs, years of "human entanglement" because Louis wanted it.... Banjo barbecues, political influence, wakes... Everybody knew.

(Like, I could pull up gifs here.)

"Isolation". Right. It has nothing, at all, to do with the Rite of Passage, or Louis' depression.

Of course not.

I mean, Jacob says that Louis is very depressed during the time leading up to the fight, and his and Sam's discussion here is interesting as well, but hey, I mean, why listen to the actual black actor, right.

As a last thing.

Yeah. Tell me you know nothing about the books without telling me you know nothing about the books.

And, as a note, context is important if you pull up other scenes from the VC.

Welcome to the fucking Vampire Chronicles.

Anyone expecting big bad patriarchal abuser Lestat is not going to have a good time.

And honestly, to those: don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Good riddance - and BON VOYAGE

[mezzy303]

So I've been rereading skip beat from the beginning for the first time in uhhhhh almost 10 years and I'm going inSaNE over characterizations and development that I have to write it down

At this point I'm only at the Heel siblings arc so I haven't gotten to the Guam or Saena arcs which are very big for Kyoko and Ren's character development and healing which I haven't reread since those chapters came out

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Nakamura for basing Kyoko and Ren's childhood struggles and trauma on very real things that aren't often, if at all, dealt with in anime/manga and also writing them with utmost care (Not only do the traumas inform their personalities, but their healing arcs aren't just a one and done thing!! It's a very slow process) Like starting with Kyoko, her single mother neglected her so much that she was raised by a family friend. On top of that, nothing Kyoko did was ever good enough for her mother, and both of these things are so apparent in Kyoko's character. She attaches herself to fairytales and magic as an escapism and because she relates to stories like Cinderella. She literally cannot function if she messes up and no one criticizes her. She can't properly acknowledge her own talents and beauty without it being attached somehow to fairytales; she never quite believes shes good enough. Similarly, she didn't want to bother anyone with her troubles, so she always dealt with them alone/in private spaces. Pretty sure she also has lowkey abandonment issues. And this is all parental trauma!! Things she already has before the series starts and she gets so utterly heartbroken she swears off romantic love entirely so she can never get hurt the same way again.

(I don't think I'll ever get over how Kyoko told all this to Kuu and he was literally like I'm adopting you. Your mine now. Sorry I don't make the rules ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And Kuu going home to his wife like hey we got a new kid 😂 Like Kyoko freezing up when she made mistakes and then Kuu showing her love instead of reprimanding her makes me go 🥹😩💖✨😭💝 Kyoko getting all fluffy from head pats🥹🥹 But on the downside she literally can't bring herself to call him dad unless she's in acting mode sjdfhsf)

When I really consider it, I wonder if Kyoko really loved Sho as a person or like.... the idea of him. Like he was just a convenient guy via proximity bc Kyoko needed someone to be her "prince". We haven't been shown exactly why she fell in love, but it would explain why she stuck with dedicating herself to him despite his terrible personality and knowing he never saw her the same way. It's portrayed like the concept of hatsukoi in anime where its ✨pure✨and innocent✨It seems very idealistic. Whereas Kyoko's love for Ren is more mature. She sees every aspect of Ren and doesn't sugarcoat it, she sees him as he is (she does him up on a pedestal but partially bc she admires him but also as an extreme measure to protect her heart and hide her feelings imo)

And REN. trauma to the max. He had to deal with the hardships of making a name for himself when his parents are already famous, extreme racism from being biracial, his friend/mentor dying from an accident he unintentionally caused???? Like boy hates himself so much he's literally disassociating 24/7 he needs a fucking therapist. I get how being Ren has helped him in some capacity but he needs a professional asap. Though deep diving into this is so interesting because Ren/Kuon compartmentalized his issues and the parts that he hates about himself so much he created its own persona ("Dark Kuon"), to the point he's rarely ever just himself. And he buried it so deep that as soon as he cracked the lid open, those emotions just spilled out. He can't even allow himself to be happy, and when he does feel truly happy, his automatic response is acting nonchalant,,,,,,,,,,,, he didn't even realize he was doing it at first 😢

Also the symbolism with Ren's watch makes me go a little feral. I don't remember if it's originally his or Rick's but it obviously stopped when the latter died and Ren keeps it as a reminder of what happened and why he went to Japan. It's a weird item since it grounds him but also represents his heavy trauma, and I think having those two things in one kinda showcases Ren's unhealthy coping mechanisms (like grounding himself to something traumatic isn't... great...). But that scene where he realizes he took it off and he has a moment of whether it to keep it on as Cain Heel or not??? *clenches fist* it was so good. (To recap it, he had his watch so he wouldn't lose himself in the role of BJ and then forgot it in the bathroom after an unexpected trauma response) Ren narrates his thoughts as choosing between Rick or Kyoko but interpreting this, he's choosing whether to keep himself stuck in his past trauma or move forward and let himself be happy AKA stick with unhealthy coping mechanisms vs try something healthy and rely on people he trusts. Kyoko essentially becomes someone Ren grounds himself to 🥺 He still needs therapy though lmao. He's so mentally unstable in this arc,,,

As I'm writing this I'm seeing a parallel between Kyoko and Ren and how they both had an experience that completely and utterly broke them, and it was this that pushed them onto their current paths in showbiz. And they likely would never have met each other again if those things never happened (they had to lose themselves to find each other?? 😭). It's so funny to me that Ren is all like ThEiR fAtEs ArE iNtErTwInEd with Kyoko and Sho when you have to consider the fact that him and Kyoko meeting again was like. a chance in a billion. It was fate 😂

KyoRen is such a poetic ship to me. The fact that they're different people when they meet and don't recognize the other. How Ren starts falling in love AS SOON AS HE REALIZES KYOKO IS THE SAME GIRL HE MET (Ren being gray/demiromantic.... more at 5). Kyoko lowkey starting to crush on Ren when she witnesses a bit of his real personality. These two things happening around the same time??????? And Ren being SO afraid of being Kuon, his true self, because of his bad qualities, but Kyoko pulling out the good qualities without him fully realizing it?? (I'm 100% referring to Kuon being a mischievous little shit and I live for how he teases Kyoko) tbh they treat each other differently from other people without even realizing it lol. And Kyoko being surrounded by toxic and possessive men pursuing her, and Ren being anything BUT. Like my man is a gigantic green flag. He recognizes that he can't seriously pursue Kyoko bc she's a minor and he really tries his best to only be a friend and mentor in her life and keeping her trust and never crossing her boundaries despite the stereotypes of men being "unable to control themselves." Y'all take point this should be the standard at minimum☝️

I have to talk about Sho bc this boy is so fucking toxic but he makes such a fascinating character. As much as I hate how Kyoko got heartbroken in the way she did, I think it was necessary so that she could leave Sho's sorry ass and cut him out of her life. Seriously,,,, he took advantage of her and used her as a servant. she literally dropped out of school, moved to a different city, and took on two jobs for the sole purpose of helping his career and then he threw her away like a used rag (JUST THROW THE WHOLE MAN AWAY). And then he has the audacity to fall in love with her smh. Anyway the fascinating part about him to analyze is how he's so possessive of Kyoko. Like she was a mere fly in his life, but she was always his. Until she wasn't. And I think those twisted thoughts kinda morphed into feelings for Kyoko. Ig in a way he still cares about her, but it could never hide how toxic he is. Anyone who's like I don't care how this person thinks of me as long as I take up the biggest space in their heart is egotistical and narcissistic. BUT he and Kyoko bickering like siblings will always be funny. Like epitome of two people who've lived with each other for way too long so they know how the other ticks and also get on each other's nerves 😂😂Sho does makes a good foil for Ren though. Like he's basically everything Ren is not: immature, temperamental, possessive, vain, the list goes on. His only redeeming qualities as a character is providing good drama and humor and being an example of what Ren isn't.

Skip Beat is really a story about healing and learning to love yourself and letting others love you and Nakamura is such a good story teller 🥺

[spiralizera]

Mistranslations

Pair: Namjoon/reader (English/anglophone)

Summary: You get into a fight with Yoongi over speaking English and not Korean.

Tags: Hurt/comfort; angst; protective Namjoon; angry Namjoon; soft so soft Namjoon; besties Namjoon and Yoongi

Warnings: xenophobia, mentions of racism [writer is white take that as you will], severe panic attacks, depression, non verbal coping mechanisms, use of the word ‘waegukin’ [I know it’s not a racial slur in the same way we understand racial slurs in the west, I mention that in the fic], chats about eurocentrism and colonialism [lol]

Notes: this is the first fanfic I’ve ever written, v spontaneous, possibly due to sun exposure, it’s like 29C rn, inspired by the gorgeous work of @dreamescapeswriting

You were waiting in the dressing room for the boys to finish their set. You’d been working in Gwanju and Namjoon had insisted that you come see him in Busan. The crowd had been insane and quite quickly you’d retreated backstage, overwhelmed. The English translator, now almost permanently on staff for unexpected interviews or even just preliminary prep on translation before content was churned out for online consumption, came and sat with you. She’d been working on her cultural knowledge of English recently and you quite quickly descended into a deep conversation about the politics of Eurovision. You were happy to help, she’d been a saint over these last few months, helping you with Korean.

Just as you were explaining the running joke that is the U.K. and the ‘nil point’ streak, Yoongi and Jungkook burst into the room on a performance high. Jungkook was giggly and jokingly collapsed into your back while Yoongi grabbed some water. They were mid conversation, their breath labouring, rushed and hard to hear. JK turned around and asked you something and since you were just talking to Seo in English, your brain couldn’t quite register what Jungkook was asking. He asked again, gesturing his hands towards the table, too tired to form full sentences. You turned to where he gestured and before you could fully kick your brain back into Korean and ask him to repeat it again, Yoongi scoffed something under his breath.

You paused, unsure if you’d misheard.

‘Sorry?’ You turned to Yoongi, asking in Korean as your brain played catch up with the chaos slowly pouring in from the stage.

Yoongi ignored you and started speaking to Jungkook. Jungkook laughed and pushed lightly off you, grabbing a bottle of water. You were close with the guys, it was easy. They had such a close and intense bond, it was impossible to be intimate with one without becoming close with the others. The only one who’d always remained at a distance from you was Yoongi. He sometimes pretended to exchange pleasantries, but largely kept himself a distance from you. He never spoke in English to you, he never tried to include you. You knew he spoke far better English than most of the boys, except for Namjoon of course. But he only spoke Korean around you. ‘Around’ was the correct word, never at you or with you, just around you, like you were an unfortunately placed pillar obstructing conversation. You largely ignored him, ignored the sick feeling in your stomach whenever he was in the room. It was natural to not click with everybody. Healthy in fact. These were Namjoon’s friends, not yours after all.

You heard the word again. You’d definitely not misheard this time.

‘Hey,’ you stood up, walking over to Yoongi. The boys turned around, jungkook slightly startled by the raise in your voice. ‘What did you call me?’

Yoongi looked at you deadpan. You were the same height and his eyes bore unflinchingly into yours. ‘I said,’ his English was slow like he was speaking to a child, ‘fucking waegukin.’

You stepped back, slightly stunned. It wasn’t a bad word, you knew that, it was a fact, you knew that. People referred to you as one all the time, it was fine, it was-

‘Everywhere we go it’s ‘speak English this’, ‘speak English that’, why don’t you fucking speak Korean? Why do we have to always accommodate you monolingual fucks? The level of entitlement, you come here expecting everything to be handed to you on a fucking plate. We just gave everything out there, Namjoon killed it and you’re in here demanding everyone speak to you in English, wasting the time of our translator, and not even come out and watch us. Namjoon gives you everything, what do you give him? That’s all westerners do, they take and take and demand we meet their standards, demand we make them comfortable. Would you even like Namjoon if he wasn’t an idol? Would you even like him if he couldn’t speak English? He gives so much of himself, so much energy translating and managing interviews and making sure we come across the right way to you westerners. Now he has to come home to you and your English face and your English language. Give him a fucking break. What can you give him, fucking waegukin?’

Yoongi had been getting closer and closer to you, Jungkook had tried grab his shoulder, to interrupt him but he’d shrugged him off. He’d seen red and couldn’t stop. You were just as stunned. You’d almost zoned out after a minute, watching the scene from another corner, alongside the stunned crew. In theory you knew that Yoongi was tired, that this was about something else, something bigger than you. He was right you hadn’t seen the majority of the concert, maybe something had happened onstage. There’d be a simple explanation, you knew that. You knew that. But your heart was in your throat, you couldn’t speak, you couldn’t breathe. Every insecurity, every worry that had been simmering underneath your skin since you started dating Joon, that Joon had always dismissed and told you not to worry about, was now echoing about the room in one awful silence.

It felt like an eternity had passed.

‘Y/N-‘ Jungkook broke the spell, but you were faster. You didn’t even grab your things, you just needed to leave as quickly as humanly possible. You ran out the room, heading towards the cars, asking the nearest taxi to please drive, before you could see the way Yoongi’s eyes slowly cleared, the realisation that he’d truly fucked up dawning on his face.

——————————————-———————-

14 missed calls. 8 from Joon. 4 from Jungkook. 2 from Seo. You didn’t dare look at the messages that had been solidly lighting up your phone for the past hour. You just needed to get out. You needed to get out right now. You were shoving clothes into your suitcase. You’d catch a train to Gwanju, or maybe a plane would be easier, would there be any planes this late at night? Maybe the train then, or a hire car, but you weren’t really in any state to drive- Maybe you should just cut out the middle man and go straight to Seoul. You had friends there, friends from home who’d grown up split between Korea and Europe. But you didn’t want to worry then. You didn’t want them to know that this kind of relationship couldn’t work. That you were repeating the same mistakes that their parents had made, that maybe the cultural gap was too big. You didn’t want to cause them pain, you were causing everyone so much-

There was a knock at the door. You froze. Shit. You briefly debated scaling the fire escape, but thankfully dropped that idea. Maybe if you just stayed quiet, whoever it was, would go away. Maybe they’d leave you alone. Maybe you’d still be able to escape. You couldn’t be here. You couldn’t do this. You needed to leave right now. Right fucking now.

‘Y/N please,’ it was Namjoon. ‘Please open the door. It’s just me. Please I need to know that you’re ok.’

You softened slightly, your body couldn’t help but respond to his voice. But then your brain kicked into gear again. English, he was speaking in English. He was accommodating you, yet again, he had just finished a concert and he was probably exhausted and he had to deal with you, Yoongi’s words bouncing around your head. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t breath. You couldn’t-

You heard some soft swearing behind the door. ‘Ok I’m coming in Y/N,’ Namjoon slowly entered the room. He had an idea about what had happened, he’d seen you react like this before, he was just glad you were still at the hotel. He walked slowly towards you, arms outstretched like he was approaching a stray. He’d made sure to get rid of every single bit of his anger before coming to find you. He’d ripped into Yoongi and Yoongi had taken it, stood there limply and said nothing. Still high from the stage, he would’ve punched him if it hadn’t been for Jin and Jungkook holding him back. He’d forced himself to calm down before going to find you, he knew he it couldn’t come near you in this state.

He’d phoned the hotel to check you were there before sending Hobi ahead with explicit instructions to not to knock but just make sure that your hotel room light was still on and let him know if you left.

‘It’s ok baby,’ he almost whispered. ‘It’s ok, it’s ok,’ he softly repeated until he was close enough to envelop you in a hug. You initially resisted before allowing yourself to break down and cry. Namjoon held the back of your head to the crook of his neck, kissing the top of your head as he continued to repeat the mantra. Your legs started to go and he swiftly carried you to the bed. He didn’t let you go. He wouldn’t let you go. He controlled his own breathing, holding down the anger that bubbled just below his skin. He took your shaking hand and kissed each finger tip with such care and love before placing it flat against his chest You focussed on his heart, it’s even beats, strong and steady. You matched it’s rhythm with your fingers and eventually your breath followed.

‘It’s ok. You’re ok. I love you. I love you so much,’ Namjoon whispered sweet nothings into your hair and you focussed more on the feeling of his lips than his actual words. Eventually your eyes became heavy and you thankfully slipped away from this awful evening.

Morning came and Namjoon was still holding you. He was reluctant to let you go. Your head was heavy and you felt like were moving underwater. This was often the way after a bad night. You’d finally learnt to recognise the signs, learnt to treat them as something external, symptoms, side affects, not personal failings, character flaws.

Namjoon had learnt too. Just as you had so quickly become attuned to his bad days, the days he couldn’t leave the bed, the days he communicated solely through text messages and grunts, the days he was tired of fronting, tired of masking. It’d been hard, so hard. But you’d eventually let him in too. Let him take care of you. Stopped being so vigilant to everyone else’s needs and let him catch you.

You both stayed in bed for a long time, waking up slowly before letting yourselves fall back asleep again. Joon ordered room service and made you tea, forcing you to drink something and nibble on toast. Wordlessly and easily you moved in time with the other, understanding each others signals. Only the occasional ‘come on’, ‘jagi’, or ‘baby,’ from Namjoon as he coached you into returning back to your body. He’d put the phones somewhere you both couldn’t see them, and while you read, he went and drew you a bath.

The sound of the crowds, thickly ringing the hotel, continued to echo into the afternoon. Ideally Namjoon had wanted to take you somewhere outside, go for a walk to a park or a convenience store, something easy and familiar. But that simply wasn’t possible.

‘Jagiya,’ he called softly to you, still lying in bed, reading your book and tracing the late afternoon sun spots. ‘I’m taking you home tomorrow, is that ok?’

You nodded softly, allowing Namjoon to drag you across the bed into his arms. You felt numb. You felt tired.

——————————————————————

‘Absolutely not.’

Namjoon was trying to find his current reading book before heading to the studio. He’d reluctantly returned to work a couple days after you’d both come back to Seoul. You’d insisted, insisted that you were ok now. Maybe he’d jumped the gun.

‘You are not going anywhere near him, especially not alone.’ He came and stood in the doorway of your study, like he could physically stop you from leaving.

‘Jin is leaving in a couple of days, I’m not going to be the cause of any tension or awkwardness that’ll ruin his send off. You guys need each other more than ever now.’

You get up, matching his stance.

‘You haven’t done anything,’ he punctuated the ‘you’. ‘If anyone’s ruined anything it’s him. He crossed the fucking line.’

You sigh. Your fingers graze his arms, you can feel the anger vibrating just under there. He pretends it’s not there, he pretends you don’t know. He thinks he’s protecting you. You don’t say anything, just gently need the tension from his arms.

His hands eventually fall to your hips before travelling up your back and neck. He leans down and kisses you, your face between his hands like an offering. Its not horny. Its gentle. It’s protective. It’s like you’re the most precious thing in the word. ‘I won’t let him hurt you again.’ He whispers, refusing to even let your eyes slip from his grasp.

‘I know’, you whisper back. ‘I know Joonie. you’re good jooni, so good.’

——————————————————————

Yoongi hadn’t attempted to reach out to you since the night of the concert. Not that he would usually text you, it’d be more disturbing if he had.

As soon as Joon had left for the studio, you texted Jungkook to let him know phase 1 was complete. Jungkook’s job was to keep Joon distracted just long enough to execute phase 2. Before you could think about it too much, you picked up your phone and dialled.

‘Meet me at the convenience store in Dosan. I want to talk.’

——————————————————————

Mid afternoon the streets were almost deserted in Gangnam. Everyone was working or at least trying to avoid the mid afternoon heat. You sat at a plastic picnic table, your back against the shop’s glass windows and your feet up on the bench. You sipped on your coffee - hot drinks in hot weather, you’d learnt that working service - and watched the fruit cellar obnoxiously ring his bell, hopping from one dappled island of shade to another. If the coward didn’t show then at least you’d had a pleasant afternoon.

Two bottles of beer were carefully placed on the table, the clink of glass bringing you back to reality. ‘I thought you might like something stronger than coffee.’

Yoongi’s face was almost completely covered - the classic idol combo of bucket hat, sunnies and face mask - but he still radiated sheepishness.

You say nothing, and watch him eventually open the bottle and pour you a glass. It was unnecessarily formal for a convenience store. But you thought, let him play host. Let him show the foreigner good korean table etiquette.

You take a swig and return to watching the fruit seller. He has some customers now. It’s quite busy. They’ll need to form a line.

You’re both silent for a long time. Neither one of you are great conversationalists and Yoongi seems to be on the brink of an aneurysm. Eventually you relent.

‘Listen,’ your Korean is tense but you know it’s correct, you’ve made sure it’s correct, you refuse to give him an inch. ‘You were right the other night. It’s fucked up how the west and Europe looks at Asia, especially relatively new democracies like Korea. We hold them to,’ you gesture with your hand as you look for the word, ‘unbelievably high standards and then judge them for it. we judge you from democracies that are far far from perfect, democracies that are always on the edge of fascism, democracies that are built off the blood and backs of slavery, colonialism and ecological devastation. We forced you all to speak English and now English is the lingua Munda. You’re right to be angry, you’re right to be upset, especially considering the awful things this country has had to deal with from the likes of the USA. It must be incredibly frustrating and patronising to have to learn English, conduct interviews in English and be constantly asked for everything to be in English, to be considered worthy of international recognition. If anything you guys are proof that you don’t need English at all to dominate the global stage.’

Yoongi went to open his mouth then, but you waved him away.

‘But that doesn’t mean that you get to talk to me like that. Not you. Not anyone. Everything that you said, I’ve thought about myself ten times over and ten times worse. Namjoon and I have had so many conversations about this; before I came to Korea I had some understanding of the history of violence and colonialism this country had been subjected to for centuries, from the Japanese, from the US. But I still came to it from s western, trans-Atlantic understanding of colonialism and I’ve been working and researching to understand these different histories and thoughts and ways of speaking so I can fully understand. It’s a huge part of my job Yoongi, working in Gwanju.’

You could feel yourself getting off track. You took another swig of beer and tried to rain it back. Yoongi wasn’t looking at you, he was staring out into the street. You weren’t sure if your Korean was making any sense.

‘White guilt, western guilt, it’s boring and fruitless. It puts the onus on those who’ve been subjected to these systems of systemic violence. I know this. But in that moment Yoongi what you said was cruel and hurtful and i panicked and I needed to get the fuck out of there. You were right I missed half the show, I don’t know what happened out there, but whatever it was, whatever all of,’ again you gesture wildly, ‘whatever all of this fucked up fuckery we live in is, you don’t get to use me as a…a punching bag.’

Your Korean had become shaky at the end and you’d stumbled into English just so you could finish your point. You weren’t used to defending yourself, it still went against your instincts. Your heart was racing.

For a couple minutes, the sound of your breath was all you could hear, blood rushing to your ear drums.

‘It’s not true.’

‘What?’ You look up, Yoongi was now looking directly at you.

‘You said that what I’d said had been true. It wasn’t true. None of it was true. It was xenophobic and racist. You’re right, we’re subjected to these fucked up systems but that doesn’t mean that we can weaponise them and manipulate them to hurt each other, that’s not how they will end.’

You look at him, unconsciously mouthing some of his words as you try to process them in your head.

‘I’m sorry Y/N. I’m really sorry that I hurt you. I knew about your panic attacks. I knew what I was doing. It was completely and utterly fucked up, I’m so so sorry. You’re so great with Joon and I-

‘You don’t think that.’

He faltered. ‘What?’

‘You don’t think that I’m good with Namjoon,’ you repeated. ‘Ever since we started dating, you’ve avoided me, you never talk to me.’

‘I-‘

‘In fact you often leave the room if im in it. I think the other night was perhaps the longest conversation we’ve ever had, if you can call it that.’

Yoongi seemed to close then. He drew back. You sighed, you were tired of this. ‘Namjoon acts like it doesn’t matter but you’re his best friend Yoongi. I know he’s used to telling you everything. He’s so angry right now. I don’t want to come between you two, I don’t want him to lose you. He needs you.’

Yoongi looked up suddenly at that. His eyes were bright. ‘I don’t want to lose him either.’ He whispered, quickly ducking his head and raking his hands through his hair. You were worried he might try pull it out.

‘I’m sorry i treated you the way that I did. It was cruel and unnecessary, to you and Namjoon.’

You folded your arms and cocked your head.

‘I was weary. And it wasn’t because you weren’t Korean, I’ve close friends who’ve married people not from Korea, who’ve moved abroad-‘

‘Careful,’ you interjected, smiling. ‘You’re starting to sound like those people who insist that they aren’t racist because they have black friends.’

‘-but I was worried about how it’d affect the music,’ he persisted. ‘I was worried about how Namjoon’s priorities would not only shift towards love but also across continents and languages. I was worried he’d be stretched too thin and that the music would suffer.’ He looked at you then, before voicing your deepest fears. ‘That he would suffer.’

‘I’ve known him since he was young and he wasn’t like the rest of us. He’d never allowed himself to get distracted by girls or love. He’d been 100% on the music and the group, nothing else. Part of me worried about the music, but a big part of me worried that he wouldn’t be able to handle it.’ He grabbed your hand then, he could see the guilt and panic start to fester behind your eyes. ‘Because he was falling hard for you Y/N, so hard, harder I think than any of us have fallen before.’

You nodded, unable to speak.

‘I love him Yoongi,’ you breathed, not daring to look away.

Yoongi let go of your hand, he leaned back and took a swig of beer. He fiddled with the label, tearing it into tiny pieces.

‘The truth is Y/N that I’ve never seen him so happy.’ Yoongi rolled the shreds of bottle label into tiny cigarettes and laid them in a row on the table. ‘His songwriting is on s different level and, and he’s calmer,’ your breath catches in your throat at that one. ‘He’s calmer and you can see behind his eyes, you know, he’s not…always putting up a front.’

Yoongi stopped talking then. But you didn’t dare start. You didn’t want to break the spell.

‘I said some fucked up shit the other night. One thing I said was that he must be so tired coming home to you and having to speak English, but it’s not true. I’ve never seen him so healthy, so full of energy. I don’t know your relationship, and that’s my fault, but I don’t think you drain him at all. Not in the slightest. I think you do the opposite, Y/N. Im sorry.’

Yoongi leaned back then, pretended to watch the people walking past. His shoulders slumped forward.

‘I want to be friends Yoongi.’

His head whipped around. He must have misheard you. ‘Excuse me?’

‘I want to be friends Yoongi.’ You repeat again, smiling at him.

He blinks at you. ‘What is this? Primary school? You want to be my friend? Is it that easy?’

‘It can be. If you want it to be.’

Yoongi leaned back before suddenly smiling and getting up from the table with outstretched arms. ‘Come here, noona.’

You laugh and meet him in the hug.

‘You’re older than me!’

He grips you in a bare hug and shakes you from side to side. ‘Doesn’t matter, you’re far wiser than I will ever be.’

Suddenly a car pulls up and Jungkook is apologetically staring at you both from the driver’s seat. Before any of you can register what’s going on, Namjoon has vaulted out of the passenger side, across the car and scooped you into his arms.

‘Oh my god, I was so worried.’ His hands moved across your face and hair as if to make sure everything was where he’d last left it. ‘I’ve been trying to call you for the last hour but you haven’t been answering. I was freaking out and then Jimin said that Yoongi had also gone awol and hadn’t been in his studio for at least an hour and we put two and two together-‘

It was at that moment that Namjoon remembered Yoongi standing there, his arms swinging from where you’d been ripped from them. Namjoon instinctively put himself between you and him.

‘What do you want? What did you say to her? You’ve got some fucking nerve coming anywhere near her.’

Jungkook was out the car now and fruitlessly had his hands between the two, unsure who he was going to have to hold back.

You scoffed and pushed past Joon. ‘It’s ok Joon. It’s fine.’ You kept a steady hand on his arm.

‘We talked it out. It’s ok. It’s sorted, Yoongi apologised, all is forgiven, I promise.’

Namjoon’s eyes flitted between yours and Yoongi’s, the pain in them at having to fight his best friend over his girlfriend starting to seep through.

Yoongi must’ve seen it as well because he stepped forward. ‘Joon it’s true. She called me. I apologised, atoned for my sins, we solved neo-colonialism and late capitalism, we’re good.’ Namjoon’s eyes were still tight, he wasn’t moving. Yoongi sighed and grabbed his neck before Jungkook could intervene, leaning his forehead against Joon’s. ‘She’s incredible bro. You’re lucky to have her. I’m so fucking grateful she forgave me. I can’t wait to get to know her better. Can you forgive me?’

There was an intense few seconds. Before some silent communication took place because suddenly Namjoon and Yoongi were in the deepest of hugs. The kind of bear hug guys will do, slapping each other on the back and sort of rocking back and forth. You joined Jungkook on the sidelines, leaning against the car and trying not to laugh at the greatest romance in history unfolding before your eyes.

‘I missed you bro.’

‘I missed you too.’

‘Uughh!’ Jungkook loudly groaned, ribbing you. ‘Hyung can we go get tonkatsu now or what?’

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I'm probably going to do a terrible job of articulating myself here but every time I think about the worldbuilding in Hatoful Boyfriend, I think about the implications of having the birds simply have adopted the structure and policies of human society and go insane.

It's clearly originally just for the ridiculousness of it all for the players, but AGH it explains so much regarding the extremely rampant classism/racism/speciesism and how apparently normalized it is. It also, to me, adds a bit of moral nuance to the Dove - Hawk Party conflict.

(Long post under the cut. I'm so sorry I just kept going.)

First off, I'm obsessed with the concept of the birds becoming sapient and simply... taking over a society that was not structured for them. It leads to difficulties in universe! Bird wings are not made for doing tasks that human hands can do naturally - there's a couple instances where the characters ask for Hiyoko's assistance or express envy since she can just do the task more easily than they can. The birds are outright disadvantaged in certain areas of life, and yet, the society is in such turmoil due to the newness of it all that there still aren't really any workarounds for stuff like this.

Not that there haven't been any suggested solutions, such as the Labor 9 series, put forward initially by the Dove Party. Yeah, you know, that one throwaway line about how the party that up until this point have been the "good guys" wanted to take still semi-conscious human brains and make robotic slaves out of them Cyberman-style? What the hell. And what gets me is that Shuu was able to find the initial proposal, which he really only made tweaks to, which means that the project was at least close to being finished on the conceptual/planning/design phase before somebody went "hey this is a little fucked up actually".

The Dove Party wants peaceful coexistence with the humans, while the Hawk Party wants to eliminate humanity entirely. But we don't really go into how these two lines of thought evolved. I believe I have a suggestion for at least one part of the puzzle though.

Of all the birds in Hatoful, who enjoys the most privileges and the highest status? Fantails, it would seem. A breed of pigeon that is popular as a pet, considered beautiful and sought after, and achieve high accolades in shows and competitions - for clarity's sake, fantails were valuable in human society, and this status appears to have transferred when birds became sapient and took over. Conversely, which birds are ranked lower and often blocked from entering certain higher class places? Rock doves, who, in human society, are given an unfairly bad reputation, and considered anything from unclean and dirty, to nuisances, to pests. Again, this status transferred over when the birds took over.

So, while we don't know too many of the birds who make up the agents of the Dove and Hawk Party, let's take a look at who we do know of.

Fantails (Yuuya, Dove Party) are considered valuable over other doves and pigeons for being specially bred for their striking tail feathers

Cockatiels (Leone, Dove Party) are some of the most popular and beloved companion birds, kept as pets and considered very friendly

Rock doves (Ryuuji, Hawk Party) are considered unclean pests who receive a bad reputation, and are generally not treated with respect or appreciation <;- notable thing to mention here is that Ryuuji actually does like humans - I think he was only Hawk affiliated for the grant money and research facilities, which... fair enough man.

Chukar partridges (Shuu/Isa, Hawk Party) are game birds, specifically bred and released to be killed and eaten, and considered a delicacy

...do you... see what's going on here?

(I haven't mentioned Tohri as he's a special case. Give me a minute and I'll get to him!)

The birds we see in the Dove Party are those birds that were already viewed in a more favourable light by humans, a favourability that transferred over to their new society. Of course they are more likely to advocate for coexistence! They have less to lose, overall. And the Labor 9 series, and how that could've ever been suggested in the first place, suddenly makes a lot of sense. For many of these birds, society the way it exists now benefits them. Some of these high ranking Dove Party folks may be less about actual peace and justice (like Yuuya or Leone) and more about maintaining the current order of things - humans coexisting under their control, while they get to maintain their status... which is itself a product of human invention.

The birds we see in the Hawk Party, by contrast, are looked down on or hunted. Historically, even before bird sapience, they did not have a harmonious relation with humans - and it's likely this status carried over to their new society also, with many of these birds being more likely to have been disenfranchised. Their goal of elimination is therefore reactionary towards perceived threat. After all, the people who suffer when things go wrong aren't the ones at the top - it's all the people who sit at the bottom of the social rung; the vulnerable members of society who do not enjoy the same advantages as others.

Of course, the Hawk Party has built itself up into such a powerful group that they may have lost touch with this starting foundation - the only thing that remains is likely that reactionary fear. After all, people caught up in the actual conflict - Nageki, Hitori, Ryouta, and Hiyoko - see this kind of horrible bloodshed firsthand (firstwing?) and just want it to stop.

Again, it's not usually the people in these political factions who are the ones caught up in their conflict. It's the individuals who lack power or influence.

But that's just the political groups themselves. On an individual level, it's kind of interesting to look at and theorize where along the spectrum our core cast falls based on their species/breed.

Ryouta (rock dove) is actually rather indifferent towards humanity as a whole - he just likes Hiyoko. However, his witnessing of the Heartful House tragedy led him to abhor violence and unnecessary loss of life, and I'd imagine his mother's later illness solidified this. Ryouta doesn't seem overly interested in political struggles or the broader implications of a lot of things - he's actually a rather self-oriented character when it comes down to it (this is not a judgment, nor a bad thing! I love my boy!). Ryouta just doesn't want to lose people, really. A conflict would mean more loss, and rock doves seem to have to struggle enough as is.

Hiyoko (human) is the daughter of two diplomats, but interestingly, we don't get to see much of her political views on things - perhaps because even if she expressed them, it wouldn't really matter - she's not herself a diplomat, and humans are the lowest of the low - her going to a fancy school doesn't really change that. Social-wise, except with her friends, she is tolerated, not accepted. Yet, it's safe to say that Hiyoko strongly disapproves of people who flaunt their status - she's quick to not take crap from Sakuya, to get angry on behalf of Ryouta and herself over the gull clerk's assholery, and also to defend Miru and Kaku as living beings worthy of respect. Interestingly though, she also uses Okosan's status as a fantail to get Ryouta to let go of him and let him do whatever he wants so... it's kind of unclear what her firm beliefs are. Perhaps, as a human, she still values fantails more highly. I don't know honestly. Implicit bias?

Sakuya, Yuuya and Okosan (fantail pigeons) may share the same breed, but their experiences are highly different. Sakuya is largely separate from the human-bird conflict, as he is unlikely to be directly affected by it. As such, a lot of his story and development has to do with actually learning and un-learning about the world outside of the limitations of his "father's" classist views, which he simply mimics without understanding the larger implications. Yuuya and Okosan, on the other hand, may be fantails, but are also looked down on and often treated as inferior - Yuuya for being a "half-breed" and for his reputation, and Okosan for being closer to feral than a lot of other doves. Interestingly, these two show more interest and respect for the individual than Sakuya does, who often makes sweeping generalizations based on status - which makes sense to a degree, as they've been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment, whereas Sakuya hasn't. Okosan believes that each person has their own "wonderful names" (read: identity outside of breed or status), while Yuuya is a genuine fighter for justice who is able to get to the heart of people, especially in Holiday Star. However, even though they have experienced classism, they still have certain privileges with regards to species/race - take Okosan's shock when Hiyoko and Ryouta are barred entry from his favourite store. None of them are quite as out of place in everyday society as some of the other birds here, and it's notable that "diverse" St. Pigeonations still apparently has a significant fantail student population.

Shuu (chukar partridge) is really interesting, as he doesn't particularly care for the politics of the Hawk Party, and yet his role as a killer/hunter of both his fellow birds and humans is an interesting reversal of the chukar being a game bird. Shuu also has a disability (his semi-paralyzed right side) which hinders him in bird society even more than most. His extreme, yet coldly logical solution to kill all humans to stop the fighting between them, could be as much his rationality, as his joy in the sadistic, as a reactionary survivalism (remember he was caught up in a human terrorist attack as a child - while overall he considered this beneficial to him, he also did lose much of his colour vision and the use of his right side, so it did leave him weakened). Shuu attains control by "flipping the script" as it were.

Tohri (golden pheasant) starts out in the Hawk Party, but much like his colleagues, doesn't seem to care much for their politics. Golden pheasants are game birds whose eggs can be eaten, but are more often bred and kept for their plumage - they're not prey, but they're not exactly pets either. All this puts Tohri in this interesting position of being somewhat in the middle of this conflict, and indeed he goes on to be a part of (found?) the Crow Party - an opportunistic group that seeks to benefit from the overall conflict. Golden pheasants are birds intended to be admired for their beauty and intelligence more than anything else, benefitting in some ways from humans without a strong connection or a reliance, and Tohri's opportunism fits nicely with that. (As an aside, our sole crow character, Albert, is also something of an opportunist, being an assassin on the fringes of society.)

Hitori and Kazuaki (button quails) are somewhat interesting. It would be both expected and understandable if Hitori held hatred for humanity after the Heartful House incident, or even before then, considering they were all war orphans. Instead, he doesn't seem to harbour any particular ill-will - he seems totally fine around Hiyoko, and her being a human has nothing to do with his reticence with letting Nageki hang out with her in the shrine universe. Kazuaki, too, doesn't seem to mind Hiyoko being human and isn't afraid of her any more than he is anyone else. While quails are game birds, with both meat and eggs being eaten, button quails are too tiny for that and are mostly kept as pets - they are considered cute, silly, and entertaining, though a bit too jumpy to be outright companion birds. The quails don't seem to experience too much in the way of speciesism (except arguably with the whole mistaken identity of Kazuaki's corpse... there may be a bit of an "all quails look the same" thing going on perhaps). At the very least, they are able to occupy teaching positions at a renowned school as respected intellectuals, and did go to university. Still, it's kind of a known thing that you don't put button quails with bigger, more dominant birds, since larger birds will often pick on them or even outright try to kill them simply because they're small and shy - this may, in hindsight, explain some of Kazuaki's demeanour.

Nageki (mourning dove) and Anghel (luzon bleeding heart dove) are the two who are uncommon bird species in Japan. Nageki is another war orphan, who would be forgiven for harbouring resentment for humanity, but instead is appalled at the violence and made a huge sacrifice to get it to stop. It's kind of unclear how Nageki fits into this society, as mourning doves are not prey or pets - they're wild birds. They live on the outside of the human world, and while Nageki exists within current bird society, he likely doesn't have a designated status within it. Nageki is unfortunately also alienated from much of the action due to his illness and later his untimely death - this is why a lot of Nageki's thoughts are somewhat from an observer's perspective, with his most emotional moments being derived from his rare direct experiences - specifically the Heartful House tragedy and the human killings he was forced into, which solidified a really firm stance of not wanting anyone to suffer like that. Anghel is another outsider, this time genuinely a foreigner, as opposed to Nageki. Again, Luzons are wild birds, not prey or pets, and so it's a bit unclear what his status is. This might explain why Hiyoko repeats Sakuya's remarks towards him without apparently realizing they're actually insults - Anghel is removed enough from the conflict she is familiar with that it seems she doesn't quite... get it. Again, Anghel's role is as this strange kind of omniscient observer, whose perspective is closer to the player's than to the rest of the cast. He definitely frowns on the Hawk Party's overall goal - the Demon Spores are evil to him, and his main objective is to stop them from spreading, as they would cause damage to both birds and humans. I attribute his morals to his mother having raised him right lol. The lack of a clear status for both of them may be why they appear to take the stance of judgment based on individual actions, but are not heavily involved in the conflict itself - while humans tend to like mourning doves and luzons, there isn't much interaction that goes on between them. Nageki and Anghel are simply less embroiled in bird society's human-derived status conflict, which makes them both outsiders and observers.

As a bonus note, Azami, Rabu and Kenzaburou are all species of birds that can be kept as pets (java sparrow, budgie, parakeet), which may account for some of their friendliness towards Hiyoko, and Kenzaburou's willingness to hire her. Kenzaburou is even a bit old-fashioned it seems - he sleeps in a cage, which implies his ancestors were probably pet birds themselves. It's likely he, in particular, has more positive views on humans.

...Please tell me I'm not the only one who spent ages thinking about the implications and workings of a fictional post-apocalyptic bird society. Also I hope this made sense I kind of went off the rails here.

[min0uet]

I’m not a fan of kabru/mithrun but can I ask why it’s bad to ship? I’ve read the whole manga and afaik they’re not related, theyre both adults.

hi anon. i know you're asking in good faith and i'm gonna answer in good faith, but before i do, i have to say it's kinda wild that multiple people interpreted "you're weird for shipping this" as "there is something deeply morally wrong with this ship" when i never actually said that. a ship can be bad without breaking some kind of moral or societal taboo, and i think more of you have to remember that. sometimes things just suck. sometimes you can just be a hater.

that said, here's why kabru/mithrun is weird. first of all one thing that really bothers me is the age gap. not literally of course, they're different races so comparing literal numbers means nothing; i mean in terms of maturity. here's a post about otta that i think is applicable: [link] the main relevant point is that you can roughly divide an elf's age by five to get a sense of how old they are in tallman years. mithrun is 185, and in tallman years would be about 37. kabru is 22, and that's just way too big of an age gap for me. like, it doesn't even fit into that "half your age plus seven" rule. again, before people get defensive, i'm not calling the ship """problematic""" or whatever bullshit. i'm just saying, personally, they're too far apart for me.

there's also the part where the canaries are milsiril's peers, not kabru's. kabru/mithrun would be like dating one of your mom's old coworkers. gonna link to another post here since i'm just repeating the same points they made: [link] this one's not as notable since it's not like milsiril and mithrun were besties or anything, just another thing that feels weird.

okay, i've explained my good faith reasons for disliking kabru/mithrun. now i get to be a hater.

hey did you guys forget that mithrun is like, openly racist?

like you can ship what you want or whatever, but i think if you're gonna ship kabru with this guy then you shouldn't complain when people call you weird for it. i'm just saying.

edit: this post is getting notes again so i guess i should give an update since my opinions have slightly changed. i've seen people make pretty good arguments that mithrun is one of the only elves in canon who DOES treat kabru like an actual person and not an inferior child, and i also appreciate the relationship between them a bit more. remaking this post now i would probably leave out the part about the elves' racism since that does seem like yet another thing mithrun doesn't have the desire to care about anymore, so it's not entirely relevant. the rest of my points stand though and i still don't fuck w romantic kabu/misu

[thegodmother007]

My New Neighbor- Chapter 7: Pride & Prejudice

My New Neighbor Chapter 7: Pride & Prejudice

TRIGGER WARNING: This story will eventually contain violence, angst, threat of death, swearing, dark humor, adult themes like sex & drugs, racism, classism, sexism etc. Do not say you have not been warned

Chapter 7:

I got the notification from my bank that the $125 was dropped into my account a few days later & I was stoked. I already had a few things picked out & in my cart online that I used the $125 to pay for. It was then, as I clicked “checkout" that I wondered what Vi was going to get herself. My memory flashed in front of my eyes, remembering how Vi left Trivia Night a few days ago. I still felt a nagging in the back of my mind that I had upset her in some way. If I wanted a teammate for the next Trivia Night & to keep making money, I figured I would go and check in with her. I decided to text her, having gotten her number shortly before Trivia Night. “Hey, it’s Cain. Just wanted to see if your $125 dropped yet? I got mine this afternoon.” 

I left my phone on my coffee table, giving Vi some time to respond & picked up my gaming controller to kill some time before my shift at Dave & Crusters. After an hour or so, I took a break to grab some chips when I checked my phone to see that my message to Vi was ‘Read’ almost an hour ago, but left unresponded to. Maybe I am looking into it too deeply, but I had a pit in my stomach with the feeling that I probably did say something to her that may have upset her. I sighed and texted her again “Hey, did I upset you or something?” I asked her, and within 10-seconds, I could see she read it. I can see the bubble pop up indicating she was ‘typing’. I waited for her response, fishing through my cabinets for the bag of BBQ Chips I grabbed from the store yesterday. I hear a ‘ping’ and see Vi’s message across my screen. “Yea. That comment about giants being ‘better suited’ for hard labor was a bit fucked up considering I won us the Trivia Night...” My heart dropped reading that. I hadn’t meant it that way, I was just commenting on how they are capable of doing more physical tasks than us humans. I frantically typed back to her:

Cain: “I had not meant it in that way. It’s just you guys are better at the heavy stuff, that is all.” 

Vi: “You said you were shocked I am smart & could answer the questions during trivia night. You acted like you expected me to be an idiot.”

Cain: “I did not mean to underestimate you…”

Vi: “It’s more than just being underestimated. You treated me like the stereotype that Giants are bumbling idiots stuck in the stone age, is true. That is antiquated as hell.”

I felt a burning in my ears of embarrassment when I had to look up what ‘antiquated’ meant. Further showing me that maybe Vi is right, that I had the wrong idea about her. I felt like I should try to explain myself at least a little bit.

Cain: “I didn’t mean to stereotype you. I just wasn’t aware that there are giants who like school.”

Vi: “Yea, a lot of us like school & a lot of us are very educated.”

I could sense how matter of fact she was being in this moment and I didn’t know how else to continue the conversation. 

Cain: “I see that now. It won’t happen again.”

Vi: “Better not.”

I felt a twinge of fear crawl up my back at her last message to me. I couldn’t help but feel it was an underhanded threat. But at the risk of offending her again, I opt to say nothing to her about it. 

Cain: “Are we still cool?”

Vi: “For now”

I sensed she needed some time to cool off a bit, so I left the conversation. I looked at the clock to see my 2pm-10pm shift was not far away, so I went to grab my uniform & get ready. 

*************************************************************************************************************

Cain did not respond after my last message to him. I assume to avoid further pissing me off, which is fair. I had been waiting for an opportunity to talk to him about his comment towards me on Trivia Night. Admittedly, I continued thinking about his comment about what Giants are best ‘suited for’ and felt like I was 10 years old again. 

Involuntarily I was reminded of the time that I ended up meeting a group of human kids on the outskirts of the countryside where I lived, asking if they’d want to play with me. Being 10 years old at the time with no other kids my age living even close to me, I felt so lucky to find 4 who said “Yes.” Three boys & a girl. She was the younger sister of one of the boys who was forced to drag her along, but she was closer to my age & cooler than her brother, so I was happy she was there.

I hadn’t played with humans before, but I knew they were very fragile & I had to be extra careful when we played. That was always drilled into my head as a kid, to give humans their space & always be gentle. My father had a few human colleagues who he interacted with from time to time, so he always lectured me on the proper way to act around them, when I visited his work. 

It was fun at first, we had a great time together. I was only about 30ft at the time, so the size difference, although large, was not as intrusive as one would think. Kids can make almost anything work if it means playing. 

We played Medieval Kingdom where I played the dragon & the others were the knights and princess who slayed the dragon. Then we played superheroes, where I was the villain who was trying to destroy the city & the ‘heros’ defeated me to save the city. After that, we were dinosaurs where I played the T-rex & chased after everyone. Of course, I went slowly, so the humans could ‘get away’ and hide. It was a lot like hide and seek, but you act like dinosaurs & instead of ‘finding’ someone you ‘ate’ them. I later felt weird about that last part. 

After a while, everyone grew tired and the sun was going down, so we called it a day. Before we all went our separate ways, the boys asked if I would meet them again tomorrow to play. Without hesitation I agreed and went home to tell my parents and older brother all about the friends I had finally made. 

After dinner that night, I found my older brother who was 19yr old at the time, in the doorway of my bedroom. I was on my bed, drawing, when he came in. “Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked, with a serious tone that I didn’t really hear from him before. That night, he explained to me that playing the villain, the dragon & the most dangerous dinosaur, was not a coincidence. My brother tried explaining to me that humans saw Giants as dangerous. Already knowing that we could accidentally hurt a human if we weren’t careful, I tried shutting him down. I did not like how he was talking about my new friends. “Vi, just listen…” echoed in my brain as I remembered his next words. “Vi, humans see us as monsters. You were the dragon today because they see you as a monster. You were the villain today because you’re the enemy. You were the most dangerous dinosaur because you’re the most dangerous person to them.” I fought back, telling him that I liked playing the dragon, I liked playing the villain and I liked playing the T-rex. We were just having fun, what was the big deal? “The big deal Vi, is that you’re seen as the monster & you’ll always be the monster to them. Tomorrow, when you go back, ask them to play a game that does not involve you being the bad guy. Let’s see how they react.” 

Determined to prove my brother wrong, I went back to that field the next day knowing in my heart of hearts that he was wrong. But it never got that far. I sat in the spot we met, waiting to see my friends walking out the woods that separated my land from theirs, just like they said they would. After about two hours, I went home. “They probably got into trouble or got sick.” I told myself & I went back the next day. Then the next day. Each day, I waited patiently, praying they would show up. Much to my heart’s delight, one of them did. Sampson, the older brother of the girl my age, came out of the woods on his own, hands in his pockets. His eyes stayed casted down when he saw me sitting in the field. I was so excited that I would be able to go home and tell my brother just how wrong he was, that my friends came back to play with me despite what he said. Sampson came up to me, looking over his shoulder a few times as if he was looking out for something. “Hey Vi…” He said in a weak voice. I stayed seated, asking him what was wrong. “We can’t play with you anymore. My mom and dad found out we played with you & said it was too dangerous to see you again. They said it’s my job as an older brother to protect my sister…” My heart stopped for a moment, paralyzed by his words. “Why do they think I am so dangerous?” I asked him. Sampson took a few steps back, looking away while saying something under his breath that I couldn’t hear. I leaned in closer to hear him better “What?” I asked. Looking up at me with a pale face & true fear in his eyes he squeaked out “They said Giants used to eat people and that some still do. All Giants are dangerous and you could kill one of us if you wanted to.” I sat back up with shock “But I would never do that!” I exclaimed, feeling the tingling warmth of tears threatening to pour out. Sampson nodded “I know! I told them you were nice, but they didn’t want to listen. They said if we’re caught playing with you, we'll get punished.” I looked behind Sampson where I saw Allison, Sampson’s sister hiding behind a tree & the two other boys, peeking from behind a bush. When they saw me spot them, they all resumed hiding, away from sight. My attention was caught once again as Sampson said “We can’t play with you anymore Vi. You’re too dangerous & my parents don’t want us talking to you.” I watched one of my tears hit the dirt patch where Sampson stood, muddying up the ground. He avoided my gaze, and wiped what I could assume were his own tears from his eyes.

After some moments of silence, I hear Sampson ask me “Can you leave? We want to play but we can’t if you’re here…” I felt my throat tighten and my chest felt heavy. Slowly, I got up, wiping the dirt from my pink shorts. I did not say anything to them after that, knowing that nothing I could say would come out as anything besides broken sobs. I was already embarrassed enough, feeling the sting of rejection & of my brother being right. I turned & walked back towards home without having spoken to any of those kids again, trying to hold it in until I was far enough away. 

I didn’t go back home right away, I sat by a creek a few dozen yards off from my house & just stuck my feet in, letting myself cry until I was out of tears. I wrestled with what Sampson told me “Giants used to eat people.” That cannot be true. I have never eaten anyone, I have never seen anyone else doing that & the idea of doing it made me feel ill. I didn’t want my parents to see me cry, so once I was good & ready, I went to my brother Bo’s room where he was playing with his video game system. He sees me in the doorway, sparing me a glance before refocusing on his game “What’s up squirt?” He asked me, not peeling his eyes away from the screen until the only response he got from me was my sniffling. Pausing his game and looking at me with concern, he told me to tell him what was wrong, and I did. 

He listened to the whole story and sat with me as a few extra tears fell onto my lap. “I’m sorry they said that to you, Vi.” Bo said, giving me a hug. But one burning question bothered me to my core. “Is that true, Bo? Did Giants eat people?” Bo looked away, sighing much like he did when he warned me about humans the first time. “Yes. But a very long time ago. Like, hundreds & hundreds of years ago. No Giant these days has any reason to eat humans now, not like when we were all fighting for survival in the Stone Age.” Being 10 at the time, I didn't quite understand history & what survival took back then, but I took my brother’s word for it. “But if Giants haven’t eaten humans in hundreds of years, why are they still scared of us?” Bo was quiet for a moment, contemplating how to explain it to a 10yr old. “Because like it or not, Giants don’t need to eat humans to still be scary to humans. Imagine a person 50x bigger than you. They can step on you, grab & crush you, heck even if they don’t know you’re there, you could still get hurt, right?” I nodded, understanding what he meant. “So what can I do to not be so scary to them?” Hoping he had a way I could get my friends back and at that, he frowned “Nothing much you can do, kiddo. You’re a Giant & you’ll always be a Giant. There is no changing that, just stay away from them.” That answer hurt almost as much as Sampson telling me we couldn’t be friends anymore. 

I sat back on my couch, putting my phone on the side table as I looked up at the ceiling of my apartment. I had hoped that when I joined the Human & Giant Integration Program, I would have found my Unit Partner was more open minded than the parents of those kids. I was hoping that I would have met humans who were as interested as I was, in bridging the gap between the two races. I felt a distant feeling of disappointment, similar to what I felt the first time I encountered this kind of hurt. I remind myself “You’re a Giant, there is no changing that.” I sat, thinking about the next year I had in this place & figured we were only a few weeks into the lease, I needed to give Cain more time to warm up. “Imagine a person 50x bigger than you...” I faintly hear Bo’s voice say in the back of my mind. I look at my hands, picturing them compared to Cain, trying to put myself in his shoes, but that was a lot easier said than done. I decided I would push the memories from my mind with a good workout to clear my head. One of the reasons I chose this apartment that hosted the Integration Program was because they had an excellent gym. Very few emotions can’t be helped with a hard workout & some sweat. At the very least it would give me some time to think.

Previous ||| Next

[faulix]

btw, since people love lying about me on this website:

i have not known lolthia for a year like they claim. i first learned of lolthia about a month ago when i noticed their racist treatment of my friend. it was by chance we learned of their goretober list that had abuse glorification with prompts like medical/drugged torture, kidnapping, and stalking. we were able to see that lolthia had a pattern of writing yandere, murder, and other gross topics with a quick search of their blog. THAT is why i decided to say something and call them out. period

x

i find it kind of hilarious that you're claiming to have blocked me from servers and discord so you don't have proof. i wonder if you would even know my discord, yknow, the one handle i haven't changed in years. i mean, surely if you have me blocked you would be able to pull that up easy right? let's not forget the fact that you're claiming to know me personally when you cannot even get my pronouns right.

x

the funny part about this is that barely anyone who rb'ed your callout weren't even your mutuals, with a good amount of people actually adding in the notes how fed up they were with your bullshit. i am not a big enstars blog. i'm not even talking about enstars right now. i am a small blogger with less than 100 followers who ships with the only two minor characters in enstars. a majority of people who have rb'ed your callout are not big enstars bloggers. we are small time selfshippers just trying to have a fun time on tumblr dot com. the only one who is willfully taking themselves out of the fandom or even the circle of enstars selfshippers is you. you willfully create harmful content, you paint yourself as the victim, and you refuse to apologize for multiple things such as your racism and suicide baiting.

x

i am nice to others because they are not winding up their victim complex to make me look like the bad guy. again, if you have legitimate proof that we were once friends: look at your blocklist (or your server blocklist) and post my handle. i dare you. but then again, you probably couldn't do that considering you don't know what the username is. i think the funniest thing about it is that you can't even be bothered to post the server name, can't even bother to explain how we met (shocker considering i've only been into enstars actively for like barely a year now), it is you saying "well this is clearly my word against his" when you can't even provide the basic proof that you and i ever knew each other. you probably DON'T want me to post the ask where you said that you had finally found me and lamented that we could even be friends now if i would take back my words and be the bigger person. but then again, you kind of admitted that yourself when you said you didn't know who made the callout and even said it could be multiple people because you didn't know, but hey, let's take back that and spin it as a long rooted hate campaign by me. x

btw, when i first made this post, i held off on posting it because i haven't received nonanon asks for this, so i was able to chalk it up to you just trying to send more anons toward me to get me painted as the villain, but since this morning i woke up to you making a callout post about me that was filled with lies and fake screenshots it's about time i speak up. you may have deleted it, but don't worry, i made sure to screenshot everything you said and put it in an imgur album to refresh your memory. right here, don't worry, i took every screenshot word for word so you can remember what you said.

i'm not going to post every single screenshot to this. i think it would be insane behavior to make this post even longer. so let me just some up my feelings:

in your fake screenshots not only did you try to blur out what my name was (probably because these are not actually talking about me, but hey, you thought you could make it work, right?) but you proceed to, once again, continuously use the wrong pronouns for me, which is kind of weird since you're claiming to have known me for a year.

let me reiterate this so you get it through you thick skull: i use he/it pronouns and have been doing so for years now. your callout and screenshots repeatedly uses the wrong pronouns for me. do not even bother claiming you didn't know or that i recently changed them as my past blog and every single friend i'm close with will testify to my pronouns, and i'm absolutely sick of you misgendering and degendering me and my identity. considering you've been sending me several asks you could have easily looked and my pronouns in both my description and pinned, but hey, that's another lie for you, right?

then you post a screenshot of a server main chat, but it's very convenient of you to 1.) not get the server name and 2.) leave out the date you sent it, yknow, the things that you could at least say we shared together. i wonder why you didn't bother to get that information if it was so important. oh wait, i do! it's because you are deliberately lying about me to paint yourself as the victim.

i'm not going to even dissect the lies you weave together because, once again, you are speaking without proof. this is not a case of "my words against his" you are deliberately spreading lies on the grounds that you think no one will fact check you, you tool. again, if i was such a danger to you that i would deliberately make several accounts to surpass your "ban", why would you not post my discord username or the "alt accounts" i made to protect others for safety? why don't you do so now? oh! it's because you don't know them and are lying through your teeth.

i did not send you an ask where i told you that you needed to change your goretober list to get rid of the necrophilia. if i did, how about you post it with my url and call me wrong. not to mention the biggest thing i called you out on was the fact that you were glorifying and romanticizing abuse with drugged torture, kidnapping, and stalking. but sure let's gloss over that part because that would make you look bad!

there is nothing out of context in what you said or did, it is in plain english, several screenshots where you demonized a selfshipper of color because "they were more popular than you", pulled several excuses out of your ass to ship with a 16 year old, and put suicide baits in the main enstars tags, oh but don't worry! in your eyes the enstars fandom deserved it! and you want to paint yourself as innocent? give me a fucking break.

and the absolute gall of you to proclaim you acted like this because of your bpd, which you're still rb'ing sad bpd posts now. the nerve of you to assume i am not neurotypical when i have been struggling with autism and adhd all my life, and my own bpd for the past 14 years since i was diagnosed. it is not an act of ableism to call you out on your disgusting behavior towards people of color and abuse victims. i don't care about your backstory. you know exactly what you are doing and say that you are "exploring dark themes". no one believes you, and no one ever will. and miss me with that "i didn't know the shipper's race" as if you did not see the commissions you were directly complaining about them that shows them as not white very obviously. but hey, what's one more lie for you?

just so you know: every single ask you have sent me i have kept. from where you pretended to be 10 different people, all from your original ask where you think we should "just talk it out" without you taking any accountability, thanking me for the callout, pretending to be anons sticking up for you, and even threatening me with fake evidence that i have been in enstars servers sending death threats. but hey, since i didn't respond to those so you could have ammunition as so you could say i'm stalking you and villainizing you, i guess the next step would be a callout!

i will never be as obsessed with you as you are with me. you are the stupidest person on this planet if you genuinely thought i would not catch wind of what you were doing, from sending me and my friends and mutuals several asks to deliberately lying about me on your own blog. you have sent me over 50 asks in 24 hours, spamming my inbox with anons, but you couldn't even bother changing your typing style. you can't be bothered to tell people to watch out for this discord user because, again, you don't even know who i am. you can spin a web of lies to cover your ass, but barely anyone sees through it, and no amount of anons you send yourself will never convince anyone, especially strangers who has seen your blog. i do not care about how you no longer can look forward to your sick goretober where you glorify the abuse that real people go through. i am a grown adult with a job, school life, friends, pets, and so much more. maybe you could be the same if you shaped up and stopped being on tumblr. touch some grass for once. no one will believe you. i will not delete your callout. you have deliberately done horrible acts and acted like you were being demonized because "the enstars fandom and selfshippers are mean and cliquey", as if people don't see right through what you post without care and how you act. either apologize for what you have willfully done or log off and deactivate. i don't care which. leave me alone, leave my friends and mutuals alone, and grow up.

btw, i figured i would also throw this in the enstars tags so people would know about your horrible act and how you have treated me and demonized me for the past two days for standing up for my friends and the people you've hurt. here's the original callout btw, just in case anyone's new here! i don't care how badly you say this affects you because, again the only person trying to demonize you is you yourself. you lie about every aspect to save your ass and i will not take it. i mean, you tagged my "callout" with enstars tags (despite the fact that i never interact with the enstars fandom and have been talking about brc for the past month) but hey! if you wanna act like a clown i'll treat you like one.

you are an absolute moron if you think 1.) anyone would believe you considering your past behavior and 2.) thought i would just lay over and start crytyping for an apology. you are 20 years old acting like a spoiled toddler who got punished for throwing toys at others. i have more resolve, a backbone, and friends that will always care for me and support me, sorry if you can't relate. fuck you

[smolwritingchick]

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 38- I'm Lacking

Chapter Summary: BTS film Season's Greetings. Jen supports GFriend's debut. The Anti hate begins to get to Jennie harder than before as she begins to push herself. She learns the hard way what happens when she wants to work 24/7.

Words: 6,000+

Genre: Fluff and also angst with more hate comments and racism.

-----

When Jennie woke up, it was past 9 am, and she somewhat felt disappointed at the loss of heat from Jungkook when she got out of bed to stretch. She had a great night’s sleep thanks to him and she planned to spoon more often if he was okay with it. He was comfortable to sleep with and not to mention, warm.

Glancing at the bed, she smiled at the cute sight of the puppy curled up in a ball, next to him. Gently picking up the sleeping puppy in her arms, she placed the covers on Jungkook and set the puppy back to sleep next to him.

When she went out of her room, she was met by Jin, Yoongi, and Jimin eating breakfast. 

“Morning!” She took a seat next to Jimin as she was greeted back.

“Where’s Kookie?” Jimin asked.

“He’s in my room.”

Her statement caused Jin to stop eating and immediately turn to her. “And what is he doing in your room?” He asked with his voice filled with panic.

“Here we fuckin’ go...” Yoongi put his headphones in, blasting music so he wouldn’t hear another freak out of his.

“What is he doing in your room, Jennie?” He repeated.

Confused at his sudden questioning, she replied in a calm tone, “Jin, relax-“

“JEON JUNGKOOK!” He screamed, standing up from his seat.

“H-hey! He’s sleeping!” She jumped on her feet, trying to stop him, but ended up getting picked up over his shoulder and placed on the couch. “Jin!”

“You might as well just leave him, Ennie.” Jimin laughed as they heard Jin’s shouts and Jungkook’s yells of confusion. 

The puppy ended up running out of the room until it found Jennie. She picked it up and held it in her arms. She felt the puppy shaking in fear as she began to soothe it by gently petting its head. 

“Jin! You scared him!” She scolded as he dragged Jungkook out of the room by the ear.

“How heartless,” Yoongi commented after taking off his headphones.

Jungkook sat on the couch with her, rubbing his ear, lowkey annoyed at how his sleep was interrupted. 

“Hyung, was that really necessary?” He complained. “And you scared Tony.” He frowned and turned his head to the shaking puppy in Jen’s arms.

“It’s okay.” She cooed as the puppy whined. “Hey, hey. Shh.” She hugged it close as it started to calm down.

“Let me see the little guy.” He requested as she placed the puppy in his hands. Jungkook picked him up and turned the puppy to face him. “Jin is mean, isn’t he, Tony?”

“A big meanie for scaring you.” She added as she smiled at the puppy.

“Don’t be scared, you’re safe with Kookie and Jennie. We’ll protect you.” He whispered gently.

“We won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“Yeah, so have no fear, little guy.”

Jimin watched them both with the puppy. It was like they were taking care of a baby. It was cute to watch them together like this as a smile came across his face.

“Was that your Christmas gift, smartie?” Yoongi asked.

“Yes. We’re taking care of him together.” She answered.

“We’re just in a disagreement about if it should be a Captain America based name or Iron Man based.” Jungkook playfully narrowed his eyes at her as she rolled her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to scare the puppy.” Jin tried to explain.

“Too late, you already scared the poor puppy! How dare you?” Jimin called him out. “At least his parents are there to calm him down.”

After the puppy calmed down, it began to act hyper and happy again, putting smiles on its owners’ faces.

“I don’t feel comfortable with you two in the same bed together, all right? No more going in each other’s rooms.” Jin ordered.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Jennie complained. “We’re just sleeping!”

Jimin giggled at her statement. “Yes, friends sleep with each other, I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“Thank you! We sleep with each other a lot.”

“What-what-WHAT!?” Jin shouted.

Jimin couldn’t hold in his laughter as he began to giggle out loud, banging his fist on the table. Yoongi smirked in amusement and shook his head.

“What is so funny!?” She exclaimed, turning to Jimin.

“Nothing, nothing. You can carry on.” He gestured.

“I think you two need to write a report of the things you do together. Should I get hidden cameras?” Jin suggested.

Jennie glanced at Jungkook and they both turned to look at Jin, unamused. 

“All right now you’re outta pocket.” She declared.

“What does that mean!?” Jin looked confused.

“It means you’re getting old...” Yoongi bluntly replied.

“I am not old!” Jin shouted, as his ears began to get red.

“Jin, you really need to calm down. Let the kids live.”

----

Their season’s greetings took place in a studio in Gangnam as the members began to walk in, greeting everyone while they were filmed. Jen’s hair was straightened with curls at the end while wearing a hoodie, jeans with gingerbread earrings and black Nikes.

She waited patiently for her turn to take individual photos as she sat with V who played around with the dogs.

‘Are you wearing Nikes today?’

She was asked as a huge grin came across her features. “Oh well, you know I have to represent Nike. Like, Nike is life. Look at these sneaks!” She pointed to her black and white Nikes for the camera as it panned down. “Look at em! Dayum~! Some nice sneaks, right here.”

‘Miss Bangtan seems to be in her own little world with Nike.’

When it was finally her turn, she walked into a bedroom filled with teddy bears and other stuffed animals.

“I’m on the November page since my birthday is in November. Let’s go!” She shot the camera a thumbs up. 

Making her way to the middle of the room, she sat on the floor with the stuffed animals all around. She was told to act cute, so she grabbed a bottle of bubbles on the table, blowing bubbles around as the photographer snapped away. Afterward, she sat next to the huge brown teddy bear on the floor, hugging it from the side. She then sat in front of it, holding onto its big fluffy arms, wrapping around her.

“Whoa!” She laughed as it fell on top of her. 

The photographer caught her mid-laugh, it looked candid, deciding to keep it. She then posed in a chair drinking hot chocolate and cozied up.  

As the rest of the members took their photos, Jennie sat with Jimin, who decided to interview her. 

“Jennie, welcome to Jimin TV. Let’s do a 30 second fun fact session. Ready? Go!”

“Oh okay, well, I have you know that Miss Bangtan speaks four languages.” She revealed to the camera recording them.

“Whoa. What are they?”

“English. Korean. Sarcasm and Profanity. I’m not sorry, mom.” She grinned sheepishly over Jimin's giggles.

“What are your goals for 2015?”

“This is a long-term goal but I want K-Pop to be recognized more in America. I hope we’re able to achieve that goal, soon. And I want to improve my singing and dancing skills.”

“I believe we can achieve these goals together. 2015 will be a good year.” He reassured.

“Fighting!”

“Fighting!”

Standing up to stretch, she turned to see Jungkook with big Mickey Mouse gloves on his hands, fooling around. 

“Hey, Jungkook, give me a combination. Let’s test your skills.” She put her palms in front of him, pretending to train him in boxing.

“You got it.” He hit her palms with a fast combination. The speed of his hands caused her to turn to the camera, impressed.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I believe he’s ready for the championship.”

After the series of photoshoots with all the members, acting bright and cheerful, they head off to the next studio. Once arriving, the members begin to play around with the rocking horse prop.

Sounds of laughter came from J-Hope, Jin and Jennie as J-Hope began to ride around on the horse after Jin.

“Even the tail is moving.” Jin pointed out.

“Let me try.” She gets on the horse after him. “WEEEEEEEEEE!” She yelled, rocking back and forth. “I’m getting Rookie King vibes.” She let out another laugh with the members.

After she got off, she tried to stop V from sitting on the small toy hippo. 

“V! That’s a hippo!” She grabbed the stuffed toy away from him before he could sit on it. “Do you see how tiny this thing is? Hippo, I am so sorry, you’re safe now.” She held it against her chest protectively. 

The only response she got from him was a fit of giggles as she shook her head in amusement. After changing into a red sweater dress and black thigh-high boots, Jen watches Jungkook take his individual photos. 

“Hehehe, he has cute rabbit ears.” She giggled at the sight. “He’s cute and awkward. I think that’s what makes him so adorable.”

After his photo shoot with the rabbit ears, the stylist placed Mickey Mouse ears on him.

“Cuteness overload! This is too much cuteness in the morning.” She beamed.

After a few more photos, Jungkook gestures for her to come over and take photos with him. 

“Come on, Jennie! I’m not Mickey Mouse without my Minnie.” His cute bunny smile made it hard to resist his request.

Chuckling at his cheesiness, she obliged his request. One of the stylists placed a Minnie Mouse headband on Jen’s head and retouched her hair and makeup. After she was done, Jungkook and Jennie began to shoot.

“97 Line all day!” She cheered

The two of them take various poses such as putting up the peace sign, showing off their cheesy/bunny smiles, and Jen putting her arms around his neck from behind while they grin happily. They even both posed by simultaneously making a punch to the camera.

’97 Liners make the cute concept look easy’

As they stood back to back, Jungkook leaned forward with his hands in his pockets while Jen leaned back, keeping her back against his as the photographer snapped away. Once Jennie was left alone for her individual shots, she took photos with a blown up candy cane. She jumped up in the air, posing with it like she was playing the guitar. Going to the camera to go see how her shots came out, she was pleased to see how great the air guitar pose looked.

“Keep it! Put it in! I love it.”

Once she finished her shots, she worked on her New Year greeting for the fans by drawing ARMY in bubble letters with hearts around. Under it, she writes the caption, ‘#ARMYXBTS2K15! Let’s slay 2015 together! ❤ ❤’

All the members regroup to take group photos with a mischief concept. From Jimin throwing cheeseballs at Jennie as she aimed to catch them by her mouth, to her putting on Jungkook’s Mickey Mouse gloves to add to her Minnie Mouse concept, the concept went well as everyone was in high spirits. Jimin and Jungkook picked up V while Suga and J-Hope picked up Jin as Jennie and Rapmon were the refs, watching the chaos unfold.

It wasn’t even a photo shoot anymore because it was all filled with laughter as V and Jin tried to grab onto each other. It was nothing but chaos as Jen and Rapmon looked around for help. After their last shoot with red noses on their noses, they all applaud and cheer that the season’s greeting photoshoot was successful.

“Thank you for your hard work~” Jennie grinned at the camera.

“Please support our next year’s season’s greeting and look at our beautiful faces,” Jin added with a smile.

“Today’s photo shoot was really fun.” Jimin grinned.

“Leave no, leave.” Suga shoved him away.

Jimin continued to talk despite Suga continuously shoving him. “Thank you for supporting us until the end. Please keep loving BTS in the future.” He giggled as Jin placed a hand on the camera.

Pulling Jin’s hand away from it, Jimin placed a kiss on the camera.

“I hope you look forward to next year’s Season’s Greetings!” Jennie went on as Suga turned the camera to him, getting all up close.

“I’m back~!”

“Aye! I wasn’t done!” She pushed him away with J-Hope. “Look forward to next year!” She happily shouted before getting put into a headlock by Suga.

“Please look forward to season’s greeting!” J-Hope grinned.

“Why do we always interrupt each other? We should help each other.” Jimin pondered. 

It seems like he had the most sense around here.

-------

At the KBS Song Festival, Jen was already dressed for the It’s Tricky stage with the rest of the members.

Leaving the dressing room, she found herself in the mix of all the business of the show and various groups preparing for their stages. She didn’t want to be stuck with the members, she was always with them. She wanted to find some familiar faces and if not, make a few new friends.

“Hey, hey.” She heard a familiar voice and turned to see Taeil from Block B.

“Taeil! It’s been a while.” She pulled him in for a hug. 

The last time she saw him was at the MAMA Awards. She was pleased to see him doing well.

“It has. Good job performing Danger earlier.”

“Thanks, I’m looking forward to your stage, tonight.”

“It’s gonna be a fun one. I’m surprised you’re not with the members, right now.”

“I’m trying to make some friends here.” She sighed.

“I think I see Bora, from Sistar is over there.” He pointed out to her at the refreshment table.

“I see her. All righty. I’ll see you before the show is over, all right? Tell the guys I said hey.”

“You got it.”

Turning her attention to Bora, Jen made her way to her. “Excuse me.”

“Yes?” Bora turned around with a smile.

“Bora, right? From Sistar?”

“That’s me. You’re from America, right? BTS’ Bangtan girl?”

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you. I was wondering if we could hang out or something. I’m trying to meet new people.”

“And get away from the boys?” She teased.

“That too!” She shared a laugh with her.

“Well, of course, we can hang out. Dasom, she can speak English too.”

“Oh really? Nice.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll love to talk to you. I was on my way back to the girls. Follow me, I’ll introduce you to them.”

Meeting Bora and the rest of the Sistar members went smoothly for Jennie. They were extremely sweet and Dasom was eager to speak with her. After hanging with them, she bumped into AOA’s Jimin, Mina and Choa. Jen thought that Jimin’s voice was unique and complimented her and even found out that some of the members played the guitar, eagerly suggesting that they should play together something. Maybe she could learn a few things from them. Networking was always a great thing.

Walking around backstage, she went back to the refreshment table, to grab a small plate of cookies.

“Hey, Jennie!” A deep voice filled her ears.

She turned to see a guy smiling brightly at her. 

“Hi!" she greeted happily. "You look familiar...you wouldn’t happen to be a part of GOT7, would you?”

“You’re correct. I’m Jackson Wang. It’s nice to meet Miss Bangtan.”

“It’s nice to meet you too! I have been trying to get to know some new people. Get away from the guys.”

“Hahah, I wonder how they’ll feel about that. You know, I have a friend who’s really infatuated with you. He talks about you all the time. Now I see what he means about you having a cute smile.” He blurted out before getting smacked in the head by Mark who stood behind him. “Ow!”

“You are so gonna get killed now. You blab too much.” He scolded and turned to her. “Sorry about that. Ignore him. I’m Mark.”

“Jennie. Nice to meet you. Well, Jackson, whoever your friend is that’s infatuated with me, I’m flattered.”

“Friend? What friend? I said too much, ignore what I just said.” Jackson laughed nervously. ‘Oh, he is gonna kill me.’ He thought to himself.

Back to the boys in the BTS dressing room, Namjoon was on his phone, as usual, scrolling through Twitter until he found photos posted by Jennie, with the caption, ‘Friends!! Having a great time tonight! #Jen’

The photos consisted of her posing with Sistar, the AOA members she met, and Block B. ARMY was already tweeting how awesome it was that she was with them and how happy they were that she met them.

“Unbelievable...” He let out a chuckle. “This little girl is friggin’ everywhere. She’s gonna end up knowing everyone if she keeps this up.”

“She’s trying to get away from us.” Jimin pouted as he checked out the photos on his phone.

“Well we’re all guys, I’m sure she wants to be around women.” Jin reassured.

“She was just with Block B, hyung,” Jungkook informed.

“Oh.” Jin paused. “Never mind then. She’s trying to get away from us.”

As the night continued, the boys were on standby, getting ready to perform. Jungkook adjusted his USA hoodie and turned his head, only to frown at who Jennie was talking to.

The sound engineer guy? Again? Now, what did he want?

Jimin and Tae were joking around, while Jungkook continued to scowl, watching his every move.

“Hyung.” Jungkook spoke, catching their attention.

“What’s up, Kookie?” Jimin asked.

“Isn’t it that guy?” The Maknae pointed out bitterly. Tae and Jimin looked his way to find the guy getting a little too cozy with her.

“Unfortunately...” Jimin let out an annoyed sigh. “Now what does he want?”

Jennie stood with Shin as they caught up on how they were doing in their lives.

“I’d like to take you out on a date.” Shin’s sudden statement almost made her choke on her spit as she stared at him in disbelief. 

“Date? Me? Uh, I dunno.” She nervously laughed it off.

“I’m serious. I really want to get to know you better. You’re really cute.”

“Ah, um, well, I think it’s best if we remain friends.”

“For now?” he smiled, hopeful.

“Jennie. We gotta go.” Jungkook suddenly popped up and grabbed her by the hand, staring right at Shin, unable to hide his irritation. Shin glanced at their hands and back at Jungkook as his smile went away.

Regrouping with BTS, Jen and Jungkook stood by each other. All that was on his mind was Shin and he couldn’t stop the urge from asking Jennie, “Are you...interested in him?”

“I mean, he’s cute. But I only think of him as a friend.” She shrugged. “You think I should give him a chance?”

Jungkook looked down at his feet, pausing before answering. “If the guy you’re with makes you happy, then I’m happy.” 

Chuckling to herself, she shook her head. “You don’t want me to date him, do you.” She declared.

“I-I just...I...”

“Hey.” She placed a hand on his shoulder as he met her eyes. “I trust your judgment. If you think there’s someone better out there for me, well I’ll go with your judgment and wait for the guy. I’ll turn Shin down gently.” She turned to watch Ailee performing on the screen as he stared at her.

She watched Ailee perform with admiration and love in her eyes. “Oh mah God, this woman is a goddess. I would love to perform with her one day.”

Her statement made Jungkook smile. 

“You are such a fangirl.” He teased.

“Do you hear how beautiful she sings? How amazing she is?! Do you know what an honor it would be, to be on the same stage as her? Singing with her? Think of IU. You’ll understand.” She said as he nodded.

“Why don’t you introduce yourself?”

“Oh no, I’m nowhere near ready for that big step. I’m not worthy.”

“Oh stop.” He laughed

“That’s like me meeting Beyoncé. I’m not prepared to be slayed. One day. For now, I want to try to cover one of her songs. But my vocals need extreme improvement to be able to be on her level. I bet it’ll take me a few years.”

“Hey, don’t be discouraged. Whatever song you choose to sing of hers, just make the song your own. Don’t try to sound just like her.”

“Yeah, you’re right Kook.”

-----

2015 started pleasantly as Jen stood backstage at KBS Music Bank, walking around to find GFriend’s dressing room. It was January 16th, the day of their debut. 

When she finally got to the room, she opened it, while saying, “Hey, hey!”

“Jennie! You’re here!” Hayoon rushed over to her.

“You bet I am!” 

“Jennie! Glad, you could make it!” Eunha happily greeted and she went to hug her with SinB. 

Jen was well acquainted with the two of them because they were former Big Hit trainees. She was elated to finally see them debuting.

“How are the guys?” SinB asked.

“They always wonder how you two are doing. They’ll be thrilled to see you.”

The other members stared at Jennie, smiling politely. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Jennie from BTS. I wanted to support Hayoon, Eunha and SinB in GFriend’s debut. They're friends of mine. It’s nice to meet you. I came here with some goodies. You can eat them after the show.” She handed them small goodie bags.

“Aw, you didn’t have to do this.”

“I was bored so I decided to go shopping and make small goodie bags. No big deal.” She shrugged with a smile. 

GFriend was already dressed up and ready to go. They were nervous, but with Jen there for encouraging words, it made them happier.

As Jen was backstage, she watched GFriend’s interview as they were in the waiting room. Hayoon stood in the back, looking adorable as ever with her hair in a high ponytail. 

Jennie had high hopes for GFriend and hoped the members’ careers in the group would be nothing but successful. When they finally performed Glass Bead, she was blown away at how in unison they were with the dance moves. 

“Oh, I sure as hell am not gonna be able to dance like that. Hayoon, what the hell?” She chuckled to herself.

“Yas, girl, get your lines!” She soon said as Hayoon began to sing.

After they headed backstage, Jen met up with them, gleefully celebrating with them on their successful debut. 

“Now that is what I’m talking about! Amazing job. You ladies did well.” she cheered.

“Thank you so much for being here. You have no idea how much this means to me, to have your support.” Hayoon hugged her tightly.

“Of course, Yoon. How do you feel?”

She pulled away. “The butterflies are gone. I’m so happy. I feel good.”

“I was nervous during my debut as a member of BTS. You’ll get used to performing. Now, about this dance though...okay, Hayoon, there is no way I can dance that dance.”

“Hahah, Yes you can. I’ll teach you soon.”

“Eh heh heh, no, I’m gonna look like an awkward person. Like how the heck did you do those kicks? And act all cute like that? Ya’ll did that. That was a great debut.”

------

Next Wednesday, at SOPA, Jen sat in her seat, waiting to see what her score was on the English test she took last week. As the teacher handed the papers out to the students in her row, she looked up, surprised at the frown on the teacher’s features.

“I’m surprised at your test score, Ms.Walker. You’re usually our A student in this class. Is everything all right?”

Confused, Jennie took the paper but automatically groaned in disappointment at the failing grade she received. 

“I’m fine, I guess I didn’t study enough. I’ll do well next time. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just one bad grade.”

The teacher nodded at her response and continued to give out the rest of the tests. Jen looked back at her score. 

A 33%? What went wrong? She studied.

For lunch, sitting with her group of friends, Jen sat across from Hayoon while the rest of the students, including Eunha and SinB, were engaged in their individual conversations, studying for a test during the next period and getting their homework out the way.

Hayoon watched Jennie with concern as she played on her phone. “You are not okay. You’re getting faint dark circles. Are you all right?”

Looking up, Jen shrugged, bluntly replying, “Nothing but a little bit of insomnia.”

Hayoon frowned at her response. “Why aren’t you sleeping? And aren’t you going to eat?”

“Eh, I’m not that hungry.” She replied nonchalantly.

“Jennie, you haven’t eaten all day. You should eat something. Don’t do this to your body like that. Especially as an idol with constant scheduling.”

“Yoon, I’m fine.”

“How many hours of sleep did you get?”

“I guess two hours? I don’t remember.”

Hayoon gaped at her in disbelief. “You’re overworking yourself for your next comeback?” She declared. It sounded more like a statement than a question.

“I don’t call it overworking. I call it pushing myself.”

“And where exactly did you get this pushing from?”

“I...people’s expectations.” She admitted with a sigh.

“Jennie, you’re good at what you do, don’t overwork yourself because of some ‘fans’ expectations.”

“It’s not just that, the hate is getting a little worse, unfortunately.”

“Didn’t Rapmon tell you to ignore it?”

“Easier said than done.” She snapped, taking Hayoon by surprise before she understood what was going on.

“Insomnia? Irritation? Lack of appetite? You’re stressed and you’re exhausted but you don’t want to admit it. Your body can’t run 24/7, Jen.”

“I’m not stressed... I just have a lot on my mind...”

“The hate is on your mind.” She declared.

“I just...I’m really getting targeted these days, ever since that Instagram dispute.”

“I hope you know that none of what they say is true.” She handed Jennie the rest of her lunch. “I had a big breakfast, so I’m not that hungry. Please eat.”

“Hayoon, I’m not-“

“EAT.” She demanded in a stern tone.

Letting out a sigh, Jen took her chopsticks and popped a dumpling in her mouth. 

“Happy?” She asked with her mouth full.

“Manners.” She reminded her. “I’m glad to see you finally eating. Let’s talk about something more positive. How was the Wake Up Tour?”

Recently BTS has a small Japan tour. Although she had no idea how to speak in Japanese, there was a translator for her and she spoke in English apologizing for the language barrier. She promised the fans that she would try her best to learn more Japanese so she could be prepared the next time BTS went to Japan. The Japanese fans were respectful and supportive of them, and she had a blast.

-----

As soon as the opening beats came on for Wake Up, Jen swayed side to side to the beat, in her groove. Looking at the crowd, who waved their light sticks side to side, she smiled. Their Japanese tracks were fun to perform.

“Aye!” Rapmon shouted.

“Wake up!” She sang with Jungkook as they all waved their hands side to side with the audience.

“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.”

“Let’s go!” She heard Rapmon say as he began his rap. She danced along to the groovy beat, having the time of her life with the rest of the members as she stood in between V and Jimin

Bankan ga tsutsumu asa o

Subete owareba yoi to sura omoi

Mata michi hazushisou ni natta sono toki

Kikoeru oya no koe “okinasai, mou!”

Singing under his rap, Jen harmonized, “AIGHT MOM saa, ima tatsuze MA FAM, MA FRIENDS sore ni MA FANS.”

As Rapmon continued his rap, Jen looked around. All those fans that came to see them perform. She’ll never get used to it. Their energy was infectious.

Karawanai asa JUSS KEEP ON & ON & ON &

Juss keep ON & ON & ON &

Juss keep ON & ON & ON &

Juss keep ON & ON & ON & ON & ON & ON & ON, let’s go!

“Wake up.” She sang, waving her hand side to side with the rest of the members.

Me o samashite, hora

“WAKE UP”

Minna ga matteru no sa

“WAKE UP.”

Jikan wa naikara.

“WAKE UP.”

Hitasura hashiru no sa

GOTTA LIVE MY LIFE

GOTTA TAKE MY PRIDE

GOTTA SHINE MY LIGHT

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP!” She sang with the rest of the members.

GOTTA LIVE MY LIFE

WOAH OH

GOTTA TAKE MY PRIDE

WOAH OH

GOTTA SHINE MY LIGHT

WOAH OH

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP!”

As Suga rapped, Jen continued to nod her head to the beat of the song. She was sweating just like the rest of them from the previous performances. Some of her hair stuck to her face, but the smile never left.

WAKE UP

Me o samashite, hora

WAKE UP

Minna ga matteru no sa

WAKE UP

Jikan wa naikara

WAKE UP

Hitasura hashiru no sa

She waved her hand side to side again with the members, singing in a low, smooth voice, “Gotta live my life.”

“Life~” She heard Rapmon in the background

“Gotta take my pride.”

“Pride~”

“Gotta shine my light.”

“Light~”

WAKE UP

WAKE UP

“Gotta live my life.”

WOAH OH

“Gotta take my pride.”

WOAH OH

“Gotta shine my light.”

WOAH OH

WAKE UP

WAKE UP

WAKE UP hi, nobotte

Odoroku ryou kyou no yotei

Shinshin tomoni mou kakousen

BUT, itsu no ma ni ka ishou matotte

GO MAKE UP, NO BREAK UP

Getting into J-Hope’s rap, Jen continued to dance around. As the chorus came on again, Jen sang with Jungkook for the rest of the song as their voices clashed for a harmonizing sound, “WAKE UP.”

Me o samashite, hora

“WAKE UP”

Minna ga matteru no sa

“WAKE UP”

Jikan wa naikara

“WAKE UP”

Hitasura hashiru no sa

“Gotta live my life. Gotta take my pride. Gotta shine my light.”

WAKE UP

WAKE UP

“Gotta live my life.”

WOAH OH

“Gotta take my pride.”

WOAH OH

“Gotta shine my light.”

WOAH OH

WAKE UP

WAKE UP

As the song began to end, Jen and Jungkook spent the last of the song harmonizing again together, “ Ooooooohhhhhhhhh.”

Juss keep on and on and on and

“Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhh~”

Juss keep on and on and on

“Oooohhhhh~”

Juss keep on and on and on

“Oooohhhhhh~”

Juss keep on and on and on and

-------

Smiling at the memories, she put another dumpling in her mouth. “The concert was everything.” She answered.

After school, Jen found herself in an unoccupied practice room, alone at the Big Hit building. She was panting, sweaty, and exhausted from overworking herself once again with the I Need U choreography. Her whole body ached, begging for her to stop and rest. Punching the dance floor with the side of her fist, she let out a sigh of frustration. 

“Why am I not getting this right?” She sat up pretzel style, running her hands through her hair that was tied in a bun.

She was frustrated at herself because she couldn’t get the emotion of the dance, while the rest of the guys seemed just fine. Hobi helped her and she even stayed with Mr.Son for more help but she felt like she was a lost cause. Maybe she should sit out of this comeback while the boys take over.

She had a lot on her mind for the past few weeks. Maybe she wasn’t getting it because her mind wasn’t on the dance, it was on other things.

‘She’s so slutty for dancing like that. Like really? That’s not cute, she can’t even dance. Why is she in the group? So tacky. She’s nothing without Amity’

She shook the negative thought out of her head. That fan comment made her want to change her War of Hormone lyrics to say her and she instead of I and my. And why she didn’t want to dance with Jungkook anymore. She’ll never get over the disappointment on his face. She felt so bad. 

She couldn’t help but notice the sadness in his voice when he murmured, “You don’t want to dance with me, anymore?”

Mr. Son was genuinely surprised that she didn’t want to go through with the dance with Jungkook as well. He enjoyed watching them dance together because their chemistry was something he hadn’t seen from anyone in a long time and they both had a blast together. Ever since the Instagram fight, it looked like the Hailey and other bitter Amity fans were coming after her, calling both Angelina and her angry black women who are jealous that they aren’t a part of the group anymore and of Amity’s success without them. They even went on a full rant on how unprofessional they acted and what example they were showing for younger girls.

To see people say she’s nothing without her old group pushed her to work harder because she felt like she wasn’t at the level she should be. That she was more than just the cute baby of Amity. She had a lot of talent up her sleeves, and Big Hit was the company for her to showcase them in the future when she was good and ready.

‘All those pretty female K-Pop stars and then there’s Jennie...’

‘I swear this girl tries too hard. She’s really forgettable in the group’

‘Every time I hear her sing, I lose brain cells. And she wants to rap? Please just no. Stop while you can.‘

‘Where does she get her confidence from if she’s the ugliest member of BTS?’

‘Oh wow, so Jennie can apparently, DJ now? So boring. Next thing you know, she can fly.’

‘Can she be kicked out of BTS? No gorillas allowed ugh’

‘Why does her hair look so nappy? Does she have a comb? Like ew, unattractive’

‘She’s so annoying. Her laugh is annoying. Her smile isn’t cute at all. Why are we supporting this troll?’

‘She’s the least pretty of the group. Maybe she should get plastic surgery and fix her face’

‘I guess they’re just putting anybody in K-Pop groups these days...’

‘She’s a wannabe K-pop idol. Why is she even here?’

‘When are BTS going to disband? They’re a flop. Having that stupid girl in the group isn’t going to help them either. Did they make her a member for publicity since she’s black?’

“Why am I even here...?” She murmured as she looked at herself in the mirrors in front of her. 

It was overwhelming. She never dealt with any of this stuff before until recently and it was starting to become hard to handle. It was getting hard to ignore because everywhere she went, she would see it on social media.

There will always be haters. But why did these anti-fans have to be so harsh and waste their time writing hateful things? Didn’t they have anything better to do?

Jen knew she wasn’t the only member dealing with hate. It broke her heart to hear that people called Hobi and Namjoon ugly. And even wanted Hobi to be kicked out of the group.

“And I guess I’m the next victim...”

It was harder than she thought to be an idol. But something told her to keep going. 

She snapped a photo of herself, in the mirror and tweeted, 'I feel like I should push myself harder...I’m lacking. Please bear with me. #JEN’

Not even five minutes later, she looked back at the Twitter account to see that the members had replied, along with the spam of ARMY giving her encouraging tweets and I love yous.

‘Fighting Jennie! #JIN’

‘I have smarties waiting for you back at the dorm. I’m always proud of you. #SUGA’

‘Have strength, Ennie! ChimChim loves you! You’re important and valued. #Jimin’

‘I love her more! I met her first! Go Jennie! I’ll always support you my Nike loving friend! #V’

‘Don’t be discouraged, just keep swimming. #JK’

‘Munchkin! Don’t give up! Keep going. #JHOPE’

‘Even during our darkest moments, we must find the light. Stay strong, JW. #RM’

Jen smiled at their sudden responses and exhaled. 

“I’ll be okay...I hope..."

Back at the dorm, Jen was greeted by the members who were watching TV in the living room.

“Munchkin! You want your smarties?” Hobi beamed.

“Ah, no thanks.” She smiled apologetically as the members sat there dumbfounded at her response.

“Something is up. She never dismisses smarties.” Yoongi murmured as she headed into her room.

After taking a shower, Jen laid on her bed and heard a hard combination of knocks on her door.

“Come in!”

There stood Jimin with a bright grin on his face as he shut the door and took a seat on her bed.

“Now you know we’re gonna have a conversation after you rejected smarties. You’re stressed.”

“No, I’m not.” She let out a sigh.

He suddenly placed a hand on her cheek, examining her face. “Developing dark circles.” He observed. “Are you sleeping?”

“Kind of. I nap.” She shrugged. 

“You’re not sleeping.” He declared. “What’s going on, Ennie?”

“Okay, I’m a little stressed.” She admitted.

“When’s the last time you ate a full meal?”

“I don’t recall-“

“That’s not good.”

“I’m okay. I’m not hungry. I can’t force myself to eat.”

“Come on, Ennie. Please, you gotta eat. I don’t like seeing you like this. It makes me sad. I want you to be happy.” He pouted

Suddenly, she felt her eyes start to sting as she attempted to wipe the developing tears. “I just...”

“Please tell me. Vent to me. I don’t want you to be sad.”

“Everything is starting to get overwhelming. I have too much stuff on my mind. I want to make sure I’m at my best for this comeback, but all this hate coming at me left and right recently is starting to distract me. I don’t understand why I’m getting all this heat from these antis. People said they want me beaten, hanged, even worse. Why? What have I done? Cause I know damn well if I was lighter, they wouldn’t say half the things. And maybe if I didn’t leave Amity on bad terms, some of the fans wouldn’t be so resentful towards me. I understand racism is gonna be everywhere, unfortunately. But my gosh, hanged? Next thing you know I’m gonna get even more death threats. What have I done? What have I done wrong to deserve that?”

“We are definitely gonna talk to Bang PD about this. Threats are not okay. None of this is okay.” He responded in a serious tone as he held her hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

“I just wish I was mentally stronger. I don’t like to surround myself with negativity like that. That’s why I took a break from social media. I haven’t updated since my Instagram of getting followed by EXO.” She went on. “It’s like every time I go online, it’s oh how much I hate you, people creating photos of me getting hanged, like that is truly disgusting. It is 2015, why are we still at this level of hatred? I just have so much to prove, I’m working as hard as I can but it’s always underappreciated. It makes me think that I’m lacking.”

“Do you feel like you’re lacking? Or do you feel like you’re lacking because of some haters saying you’re lacking?” He suddenly asked, which got her to ponder.

"Was this all worth it?”

“Jennie, don’t say things like that. Everything you went through, got you here. To be a member of BTS. You wanted to do this. Don’t give up now just because of a handful of bad seeds trying to discourage you. You didn’t join BTS as a publicity stunt. You’re just as important as the rest of us. Just like when Hobi went through with the hate, you will get through this just like he did. Me, the members, Big Hit and ARMY will be there to protect you from anything. Trust in ARMY and believe in their love for you.”

She nodded and took his words in. Jimin was always such a sweetheart. His selflessness was always appreciated.

“Thank you, Chim.”

“Always. Now, enjoy these smarties with me.” He let her go and took them out of his pocket, handing her a few rolls.

“It’s been a while.” She grinned and popped three pieces in her mouth.

“There’s that smile. Now come on, you have to eat something.” He grabbed her hand and took her out of her room.

-------

Next Monday, waking up earlier than the others, Jen headed to practice early for a head start on cleaning up the I Need U choreography. Her insomnia seemed to get worse because she hardly slept last night as she kept thinking about what she needed to work on for the next comeback.

She just wanted to be on the go 24/7, but failed the realize how much of a toll it was taking on her body.

Today she would learn her lesson.

Two hours later, the rest of the members came in as they began their long practice for their upcoming comeback. Throughout the whole morning, Jennie began to have a headache. It was irritating but she chose to endure it and dance through it.

“Jennie, you’re getting sloppy with your movement. You all right?” Mr. Son called her out, looking concerned.

“Sorry. I’m good.” She reassured, trying to shake off the sudden dizziness.

As they all get back in position, they begin the dance once again, starting from the chorus.

I need you girl

Wae honja saranghago honjaseoman ibyeolhae

I need you girl

Wae dachil geol almyeonseo jakku niga piryohae

Neon areumdawo

I need you girl Neomu chagawo

Holding her head, the dizziness and pain began to be too much for Jen’s body to handle, and started to shut down.

'Oh no...not again...' she thought as she ended up collapsing on the dance floor and began to feel herself losing consciousness. 

Meanwhile, the boys heard a loud thump over the music and turned around to see Jen knocked out on the floor as they scrambled around to her in panic.

“Jennie!”

“Is she okay!?”

“Let her breathe!”

“What happened!?”

“Give her space!”

“Call 119!”

“Shit! Jennie! Hey! Stay with me!” She faintly heard Namjoon shout as everything faded to black.

[baelpenrose]

Project Praetorian 39: New Arrivals, pt 1, Friction

The team greets the new kids who just touched down, and Xavier demonstrates his leadership capability, dealing with one of the most troublesome new arrivals. TW for racism, antisemitism, queerphobia, ableism...spoiler warning, one of the new conscripts is alt-right at this point in the story. And he's now dealing with a unit whose CO is a Jew, whose Intelligence Officer is an Afro-Latina, and whose second in command is a Black man. Oh for the record there's also a bit of toxic masculinity in the groundwater, but they are being combat trained by a Marine, and frankly... yeah, teenage males do, in fact, use "throw down" as a fast and dirty means to establish pecking order if nothing else is working. As always, @canyouhearthelight helped find a good balance for all of the characters here, and did an excellent job beta reading. A big send up to @learntolive-again for the original design behind Micah as well, who is a different and far more likeable member of the new kids.

Xavier

As the blackhawk set down, Vergil called out to the rest of the kids about who was getting off. “Smith and Franks are with them - so is someone else. Tall white guy, bald. Broad shoulders. Suit. Looks like he’s got a shoulder holster?”

“That’s Agent Thompson.” Echo said. “He’s from Aventine - odds are they were gathered and held there for a day or two before getting transported here. He’s actually the guy who black bagged me.” 

Xavier filed that away. “Anyone else?”

“Uh…Tall Latina girl, just hopped off the chopper. She looks around fifteen or sixteen. White boy, short hair, kinda brownish? Blue eyes. He’s got a bruise under one of his eyes - he’s wearing cuffs. Uh…black boy, paler than Xavier or Echo, maybe mixed, might be the youngest of the three, kinda twitchy, I’ve been watching him for five seconds and he keeps fidgeting with his shirt. And…uh…girl. Agent Thompson and Franks are lifting her out of the chopper, putting her in a wheelchair. Really. Her arms are moving, her legs aren’t.”

Xavier idly made a note to explain to Vergil that ‘mixed/not mixed’ was not really a thing you could distinguish by sight most of the time but for the purpose of right now that was not gonna be his biggest problem. What were they doing conscripting a paraplegic? 

The group was already running over, at least ready to greet the new kids, with Gideon calling after them, and Xavier’s mind was racing. The disabled girl couldn’t fight - not even like Shiloh - so conscripting her, even if she was a strong candidate, would have been with truly evil intentions, probably with the intent of using her to test the limits of Koleth’s process.

They got to the chopper landing pad as the blackhawk was beginning to lift back off, heading towards the airstrip. 

Xavier waved to everyone, preparing to start his usual welcome spiel. “Hey, welcome to Imperator. I know you’ve probably got a lot of questions and none of them have been answered because your kidnappers were probably assholes, but you’re with your fellow kidnap victims now and we’re happy to answer most of them.”

Then the white boy spoke. “Why the fuck do they have you rolling out the welcome wagon?”

“I’m the second in command of the team you just got press ganged into and we prefer greeting our newbies ourselves rather than having our in-house opposition do it for us.” Xavier said, lightly, slowly scanning the other boy’s body language, recognizing the tension, hostility, and feeling himself grow tense. 

The Latina girl snorted and said something in Spanish, which Xavier didn’t catch. Echo responded, haltingly, and Xavier glanced back at her. “I picked up a little, I’m not fluent, but I know a bit. We’re…just expect we’re gonna wind up having to be polyglots by the end of the war, now that I’m thinking about this.” 

The white boy - Jared - snorted. “We’re in America, right?”

A prickle rose in Xavier. “We are, though we’re gonna be operating all over the world, so we probably should pick up a few more languages,” he started, easily. “Anyway, the multilingual girl over there is our intel officer, Echo. The blonde kid behind me is team sniper. Where the fuck is…” he suddenly spotted Mark, who stepped forward and offered a hand.

“Mark Ascher. Team leader. Xavier is the second in command.” 

If Xavier had any doubt about the problem this might turn out to be, it vanished the moment he saw Jared’s face twist in disgust as he heard Mark’s last name - and visibly refused the proffered hand. “Casey, over there, is more of a close range suppression expert, and the giant guy, Jonathan, is our heavy weapons expert. Shiloh is a medic - and the little redhead is more of a specialized support situation, it doesn’t really make sense in normal military terms. You’ll understand it better once you actually see how we do stuff.” 

“We already got filled in on the idea that we’re gonna get experimented on and get fucked up powers. That was just about the only thing anyone bothered making clear to us.” The paraplegic girl spoke up. “Speaking of which, I’m Kimmy. The Neo Nazi you’re bothering to try to be polite with is probably screaming a certain word, hard R, in his head, after asking, out loud, what the point of grabbing a cripple like me was. Honestly, I’m impressed by the restraint that he didn’t start calling your ringleader a slur at the offered handshake.” 

Xavier’s gaze didn’t leave Jared’s face as Shiloh’s snapped over to Kimmy - and the medic began signing rapidly, even as Casey began translating. Kimmy was laughing for Shiloh’s remarks. “Oh, he’s going to love you, but…”

Xavier refocused on Jared. “She kidding?”

“White identitarian. Some of the modern movements can recognize Nazis had some really dumb hangups.”

Xavier blinked. “Answering ‘yes’ would have been exactly as shitty but made more sense.”

“What a surprise, you don’t get it.”

“Mostly I don’t get what a Nazi’s ideology is if you strip out all the shitty hangups about race, religion, ability, sex, like…what’s left, at that point? The standard-setting bad guy aesthetic of the century? An obsession with impractical superweapons?” 

Jared opened his mouth and Xavier interrupted. “Don’t answer, I actually didn’t want to know or care to find out.” 

Xavier signaled to Jonathan, and said, flatly, “This guy is a Neo-Nazi. Sorry, white identitarian. It’s like a neo-nazi, but apparently with fewer hangups about…something. The hangups they keep are the ones that suck though. Also, not that it matters, worse drip.”

Xavier tried not to smirk as Jared looked up and down at Jonathan - the very image of the Aryan ideal. A man who, garbed in Hugo Boss, with his blond hair, muscular physique, and piercing blue eyes, would have looked like the perfect scion of the Prussian warrior class to splash across an SS recruitment poster. Jonathan looked at Jared and asked, “So…how are we gonna deal with him?”

“I figure we have to figure it out. Like…maybe he can get his shit together, maybe not. If not…aliens are a thing, odds are he’s gonna catch a plasma bolt when he can’t accept taking orders from a Jewish boy or acting on intelligence from a black girl.” 

“I just want to ask. We’re getting kidnapped by a flagrantly globalist organization. Experimented on against our will. You’ve been put at the disposal of a Jewish officer. Fighting something that is kept secret from the rest of the world. And none of you are even considering that my worldview has a point?”

Xavier looked at Jared for a very long minute. “Mark was kidnapped too, dipshit. Also, he didn’t get promoted by Imperator. We picked him as officer. He only got an actual rank later.”

“Why’s the medic flailing around?”

Jonathan growled. “It’s ASL. Why are you talking?”

“Just curious about how stupid this place is.”

Xavier held up a hand, which probably indirectly saved Jared’s life. “Jonathan, please control your temper. If you hit him right now, with no protective gear, pieces of his skull are going to fly everywhere, hard enough that it’s going to be a hazard to other people.”

Jared managed to not flinch at that, though whether that was because he was very brave, very stupid, or simply didn’t realize how strong Jonathan was yet, Xavier couldn’t tell. 

Jonathan eased down and Xavier looked back to Jared. “Now, not that I really want to ask you but the boy you came here with, since apparently babysitting you is my duty right now…”

“Some nut from an immigrant family. Honestly don’t know much more than that. Didn’t talk to him much. Name was Micah. Place is really recruiting from the bottom of the barrel. Freaks, gangbangers, cripples, queers…”

“White trash neo nazis.”

Jared snorted. “Alright. I walked into that one. People calling the shots don’t look at me any better than they look at a banger like you.”

Xavier scowled. “I’m not actually a gangbanger. Asshole. They said I was, to get me in juvie, then they took me here. How’d they pick you up?”

“Said I was involved with a junior chapter of a white supremacist group, scooped me up.” 

“Were you?”  Xavier was morbidly curious. 

Jared shook his head, and Xavier was relieved when he began his explanation. “No. I had an older cousin, but I was planning to join the military when I turned eighteen, get away from my parents, maybe go back and pledge later when I got out, or maybe not. They don’t take you if you’re with a radical group.” “You have the most remarkable talent for saying shit that looks like it’ll dig you out, then turning hard and digging deeper instead. Why’d you want to join up if you thought the problem was stateside?”

“Why’re you trying to get in my head?” Jared was suddenly sharp, aggressive.

Xavier cursed internally. “Maybe I like knowing who I’m working with. Maybe I know that Imperator is hell and we’re stuck in it together and I’d rather not be dealing with a neo Nazi the whole time and having to wonder if I’m gonna shoot him so he doesn’t frag me, or Mark. So I’m trying to figure if I can find something that can get us some kind of understanding.”

“Fuck off. If we’re fighting aliens I get that they’re priority. But I’m not gonna pretend that it’s fine that I’m working with people who belong here only slightly more than the aliens do.” 

Xavier realized that ironically he already had an option with just that, but it wasn’t enough -  a start, but not a good one, not something that would get Jared onboard with anything real. 

But Jared wasn’t going to listen to that perspective, not now. And on another level, there was a language he and Mark spoke to each other, a language every teenage boy was intimately familiar with. 

On one hand, using it with someone like Jared might confirm all of Jared’s already atrocious beliefs about him and people like him. On the other, the shock of it happening followed by a rapid follow up might allow him to actually speak and be heard. 

No, though. Not here, where the staff would see. Later, where there weren’t cameras. Assaulting the new guy in front of staff would communicate internal conflict Imperator could exploit.

They were back at the tables and Xavier could see Mark talking to Micah, nervously at first, then excitedly. Mark pulled out his phone and texted - Xavier looked. “Micah’s family is Ethiopian originally. Mixed-faith. Micah’s Muslim, sister is Jewish. We’re talking food and holiday stuff.”

Xavier glanced back to where Kimmy was being talked to by both Shiloh and Casey, and to where Echo was fumbling her way through a conversation with Mia. “Fuck…”

The newest wave was going to be harder to integrate. Parties and everything else didn’t make language barriers or ability barriers or whatever psychological issues Micah had any easier. 

Or Jared’s bullshit.

Speaking of which, Xavier turned to Jared and said, very, very softly. “Listen. This is a party. A welcome party, a party that our conditions are better than when we came here. Long term, after we win the war, we’d like to make the whole world better than it was. We’ve won two battles against the aliens. We’ve also fought humans - and won both times. We’ve never fought another Praetorian. I don’t know how it would go. But I’m never going to find out. Because, to be really clear? If it becomes obvious you’re going to fight us rather than help us? You’re not going to live long enough for your powers to develop into an actual threat.”

He took a breath, then leaned back. “I get it. Right now, you’re new. You’re scared. You’re rattled. It’ll take a while for you to integrate to the team. Take it as a chance to work on your shit with Leon. Don’t make it anyone else’s problem. We’re all in it together. Get to know people without pissing them off. Here’s the thing, Jared: my immediate family? Not bangers. I knew people who were. I had relatives who were. One uncle went down for some pretty heinous shit, and to this day I don’t know if he did it or was covering for the guy who did. I was told not to be like that. Maybe you were told to be like your cousin, maybe you weren’t. Don’t know. But this is a good time to be something else, because you’re not gonna survive this place if you choose to make an enemy of everyone else on the team.” 

Jared was quiet, then walked away without a word, and Xavier looked at his food, shoved something in his mouth, and walked over to Mark, who excused himself from Micah at the look on Xavier’s face, as politely as possible passing him off to Molly and Vergil.

“Hey. Xavier. What happened?”

Xavier realized he was shaking, and sat down. “He’s a fuckin’ problem, Mark. I told him he could either drop the Nazi shit or we were gonna kill him.”

Mark looked at Xavier, and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

They both looked at the fire pit. “I didn’t realize how much I’d changed, man. I knew I could fight, knew I could plan, but like…That moment, where I told a kid our age I’d kill him, cold, for being a piece of shit, and I wasn’t even angry, I was just…I was just realizing that it was because he was a problem we couldn’t afford.”

“Yeah.” Mark was quiet, and Xavier shuddered, then Mark asked a question. “So, you’ve talked to him. Sorry I left you alone with that. Do you think he’ll listen?”

“I think he might. I told him he could change. That he had a choice. Lot of these assholes want to be big shots, and we’re gonna be the biggest deal around for a long time. He’s got glory on one hand if he decides that diversity isn’t so bad, or he’s got being buried in an unmarked grave on the other if he wants to stay a Nazi. Easy choice, right?”

“If he realizes those are the choices.” 

Xavier nodded. “Let’s hope. How’s the new kid you talked to?”

“He’s pretty great. Antsy, he was hospitalized for some kind of psych disorder. He hadn’t told me which one when we got sidetracked.”

“What do you think of them scooping Kimmy?”

“I think we need a word with Gideon or Koleth.”

“Or both.”

“Yeah. Or both.” 

[oh-my-damn]

When I first showed him pictures of Chris' "rumored" girlfriend back in summer 2022, he screamed "HE'S DATING ALBA?!" and I was like 🤨 "you know her?" and he was like YES//

Hi, I’m new here, and I have a question. So you’re saying that a friend of yours was a part of a friend group that elbow was in as well? And when you show the picture of Albert, your friend, he said he knows her and that she is dating Chris? That was it or did he show actual proof of Chris and Alba actually together?



Hey hon!

Okay, so.

Just to like, explain this a little more, timeline wise:

Best friend (lets call him Taylor because thats easier, and thats his characters name in my book) was friends with Alba circa 2017-2018 ish (I don't know exactly how long, I know they spent NYE 2017/2018 together but he didn't go into specifics when they stopped being friends)

At some point, she drops her friend group pretty suddenly and they all stop talking

Then, I meet Taylor in 2020. We become best friends.

In January of 2021, my obsession with Chris and his movies start. Watching all his shit, writing books, starting this blog etc. Taylor thinks I'm cute but also a weirdo about it, but he's very supportive.

AN ENTIRE YEAR goes by. I start writing a book about Chris having a secret relationship in summer of 2021 (im including this bc its such a funny coincidence lmao)

In January of 2022, rumors start to circulate about Chris and his supposed knew flame (Alba). I look into her and thinks she looks like a child, and I figure it can't be real (I still had high hopes for Chris back then) or that it wouldn't last anyway.

Cut to, spring of 2022. Rumors still flying. I'm hanging out with Taylor one night, and casually mention theres this rumor that Chris is dating someone but I'm grossed out because she's so much younger and looks even younger than she is. I google her, show Taylor a picture, and he exclaims "HE'S DATING ALBA?!"

That's when I go, "you know her?!" and he proceeds to bring up videos and photos of him and her together (note: Taylor and Alba together) from 2017/2018 ish and tells me about how they were friends, blablabla.

In summer of 2022, he goes to New York for work, hangs out with some old friends. Comes back around mid-august ish and tells me he met up with an old friend who used to be in his and Alba's circle (Taylor and Alba's, back in 2018 time) who told him that Alba had been flying back and forth A LOT (note: SHE had been flying) and that he believed they were definitely together. I didn't believe him.

Then article, papwalk. All hell breaks loose. He's like "Told you."

THEN the videos from the papwalk come out. I start doubting things again. THEN the nude vid. That's when I bring it up to Taylor again.

He then says to me that he thinks the papwalk and subsequent vids are weird as fuck, and says he thinks I might be right about the PR aspect, but he also says that it's WAY more common than we think in HW (he could tell you some stories, y'all. You guys would loose it).

He ALSO said the nude vid was "smart of her" because she didn't show anything more than what you would show in a movie and this way she can "shut us up about her looking like a child." He did find it odd she deactivated though. He said it was 100% on purpose (this is coming from a man who actually knows her, so keep that in mind)

That's it, that's the timeline.

For those of you asking, I haven't heard about Joana or Justin from him, but I also haven't asked. I might do that one of these days, see if he ever met them back then.

I showed him the racism. He is a POC so he wasn't happy, but did point out that none of it was directly from Alba, but he was disappointed in her friends and said "they should know better, being in the industry." He also has only ever described her as very sweet.

I think thats it. That was super long-winded, I apologize lol.

[dervampireprince]

Have you ever thought about doing Sherlock? A bit taboo i know, old fandom and such, but I feel like you’d be brilliant at it. Just a suggestion from having some nostalgia here, non the less hope your having a wonderful day.

TW: homophobia, racism, albeism (specifically against autistic people), transphobia, mention of jokes about rape

if you don't want to read this entire answer because the TWs are uncomfortable for you, then tldr no because the show contains bigotry and the main cast are gross/have said gross things. i don't want any arguments about the show, i don't think you're a bad person if you like the show, i just personally am very uncomfortable with it and with the lead actors so i will not make any fan content of it and would ask for no one to request this fandom again. i can not like the show and you can like it and we can get along these things can coexist.

all of this post is /nm , i am not angry at you anon, i am just explaining why i have the feelings i have about the show which you do not have to read if you do not want too, no hard feelings.

full answer under the cut, read at your own discretion:

i assume you mean bbc sherlock since you said taboo? and if so, the answer is no. and i don't think it's appropriate to call sexism and homophobic 'taboo' like it's a guilty pleasure. i'm not going to voice for a show that is at worst bigoted and at best a really bad adaption of sherlock holmes as a character.

this isn't meant as a mean attack towards you. when i watched the show when it came out i was a young teen and didn't see the bad in the show. and then when i was older and i got more familiar with the writers and uncomfortable with them i looked back on the show and realised how terrible it was. and look it's fine if you like it as an adaption of sherlock or like certain scenes of the cinematography or acting performances that's all fine. but.

but. hey maybe you're saying 'taboo' because you just think the show is cringe because of how the fandom acted or because of superwholock so sorry to burst anyone's bubble but this show and the people associated makes me so uncomfortable and angry so sorry you opened a can of worms.

irene adler's story is adapted terribly. in the books she's the only person to best sherlock. in the show? she doesn't. she loses. and then is a damsel in distress. oh and also is treat with such lesbophobia as the male writers have her be gay, literally say she's gay, but then falls in love with sherlock cos i guess she just hadn't met the right guy yet. that's such a gross narrative. and the queerbaiting. i know that word gets thrown around a lot. let me remind people of what it actually means. when a work of fiction purposely baits that characters will be queer while knowing they will never make the characters queer. so many people make comments within the show about john and sherlock being boyfriends, john being gay, etc, etc, while the writers knew they were never going to make them gay.

also the actor who plays has said disgusting things about autistic people, the actor who plays john has a consistent history of making racist and sexist jokes as well as joking about rape, and his ex wife who played his wife mary watson on the show is a terf. so. i mean she's claiming she's not a terf but she's following so many terf accounts and you don't do that by accident, said she supports 'legitimate trans people' which is a transphobic phrase as theres no such thing as an unlegitimate trans person, and doesn't think trans women are women. so. and the head writer, also has a history of sexist comments but when i searched to see if i was right they're mostly old so maybe he's grown up since then idk i don't follow him and don't want too.

anyway if someone is interest in a critique of sherlock in terms of how it works as an adaption hbomberguy has a video called 'sherlock is garbage and here's why'. it doesn't talk about the actors and what they've done or said, it's purely pulling the show's writing apart and how it adapts the characters and while the title sounds click baiting it's a really informative and well made video essay.

this is not meant to be me saying if you like sherlock you're a bad person, because i don't believe that. this is me sharing my stance on the show, as someone who as a teen was a big fan but then grew up and reflected and more stuff came out about the people involved. if you can still find things to enjoy about the show despite what i've said, go ahead. doesn't bother me. but don't ask me to make fan content for the show.

[freedom-barricades-bighero16]

Chronicle of Abuse v2

Hey guys... I need help.

I've been thinking about what kind of a person my sister really is, whether all this is just sibling rivalry or she's actually been abusing me for years. I've talked to many counsellors, support staff and my therapists but they don't seem to have an answer. Maybe you'll know the better terminology to describe her behaviour and I'll let you be the judge.

When we were toddlers

Has hit me before.

Has sent me a threatening note. She even explained what it meant to me: She is allowed to hit me (repeated three times) and she is allowed to scream at me.

She abandons me whenever her friends / my older cousin comes along.

Always made me play the bad guy in our games, or in my drawings.

When we were children

Again with the threats. She threatened to tattle to our mum by using a "special device" to send her notes, and I was petrified because she would scream at me instead of disciplining me properly.

Slammed me against a wall once during a fight. I cried and my parents asked her what did she do, and she said that she did nothing.

When she first went to middle school, her own bullies got worse so she kind of took it out on me (can't really blame her for that)

Started creating some really weird stories. When I expressed that I'm uncomfortable with them, she gets angry and I have to pretend that I liked them.

Jumped out into the road many times just to avoid a dog, and throws a tantrum every time she sees one (which is a lot). You have no idea how much her dog phobia traumatized me

Sometimes says I'm not allowed to do certain things while doing the same things herself.

Told me many times that our parents are spoiling me and that I'm an entitled little brat, and she would get very upset if Mum and Dad finally agreed to get me something but she didn't have the same exact thing. In fact, now when I get something for myself, I'm kind of still dreading her throwing a fit.

After Mum almost divorced Dad over not having a cake for her birthday, my sister threatened that she would throw a tantrum like Mum did if she doesn't have a cake for her birthday. (She told me this when we're alone, I think. I forgot if Dad was present too)

My Dad has told her to not scream at me many times, but she never listened to him.

When we were teens

If I told my parents that I'm disagreeing with what my sister said (I often had to whisper), she would get really close to my face and GROWL.

We went to the same primary school and were both bullied by our classmates. When I cry, my sister tends to just tell me to shut up.

She got into Harry Potter and Game of Thrones for a bit, continuing on the weird stories. She would also read out the books in an accent that sounds more like English (which personally, I found very pretentious). I couldn't leave or she'll yell at me.

She tried to pressure me into dating boys when I came out as bi, and was very dismissive and asked me if I'm making everything related to LGBTQ+ when I came out to her as gay, and tried to adopt a more butch look.

Technically this doesn't count as affecting me, but there was a time where my sister wanted a manga but my Dad said no, so she threw another tantrum until he finally bought it for her.

She literally said "You're not allowed to treat me like this" when I'm unhappy with her. It happened a few times I think.

Demanding me to take a post down on my social media if it had swear words.

She would scream at Smokey like she did with me whenever he bit her (basically, being a typical baby kitten). I told her to not do that, her response was "What else can I do apart from screaming?"

When we are adults / Present day/ Ongoing

The transphobia. She once told me that she has heard of trans people saying that what Rowling said isn't transphobic, but now I'm pretty sure she was lying to me.

Constant, overt anti-Chinese racism. This happened after I told her her rants about dogs in the family chat are making me very uncomfortable.

Just being dismissive to literally anything that has to do with me, even when I'm trying to warn her about a cryptocurrency scam that I almost fell victim to.

So, there you have it. That's as much as I can think of right now.

I've heard from some friends that my sister might be a narcissist, while my parents often told me she has a lack of awareness of things/inertia and that she's very blunt in general. It almost felt like they're letting her get away with the stuff she did.

I've been trying to find support for dealing with a possibly abusive sibling, but I don't seem to find anything. I need your help. Please. I don't know what to do.

[the-haunted-office]

Hey guys! Quick update to my rules on Hardblocking. Nobody here has done anything, but I did update things here a little bit and wanted to make sure everybody was aware. I'm going to copy and paste the whole section for you to read, and everything will also be reflected in my rules as well, which is linked in my pinned post. Please keep in mind that there is a handy dandy TLDR in my rules and the reason my rules document is as long as it is, is to provide as many details as possible for folks like me, who like to have details to refer to in case there are questions! But the TLDR is also there for folks who just want the quick, general rundown because I know most folks don't want to read through the whole thing and that's fair. :p

The part I've added is in bold.

Anyway, here's the whole, updated section on Hardblocking. Let me know if anything is unclear or if you have any questions. Thank you!

⭐ Hardblocking

I don't hardblock people easily, except in cases of racism, homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, pedophilia, etc. If I have an issue, I will come talk to you about it first and give warnings prior to blocking. I much prefer to talk about things and try to work things out before blocking.

If I have made every effort to comfortably communicate an issue with you or reach out to you in one way or another and I have not received any form of communication back, then I will hardblock. This doesn’t mean I will hardblock you if you’ve gone on hiatus or if an emergency has come up and you are unexpectedly gone for a long period of time - I’m talking about if you are still clearly actively roleplaying on the dash and I’ve tried reaching you for weeks and you are not responding to me. I think we can all agree there comes a point where it becomes obvious that you are being actively and purposely ignored and there’s no other way of explaining it.

If I have warned you many, many times about the same issue over and over again, then I will likely hardblock. I understand that having multiple writing partners who all have different rules means sometimes you will forget things. We’re all human, and I’m not perfect either. This is why communicating is so important. But if it’s something that becomes a significant issue, then I’m sorry, I may have no choice but to hardblock.

If there are repeated instances of you breaking very obvious and universal roleplay rules such as godmodding and metagaming, then I will hardblock you. This should speak for itself. I will let things go on occasion because we all make mistakes and I will communicate with you when things happen. But if you continue to metagame and godmod and manipulate your muse or mine in ways that break universal roleplay etiquette, I will block you.

If I find you’ve blocked me first, then I will also block you so your blog doesn’t keep coming up as a suggested blog.

I ask that if you truly don’t want to rp or talk ooc with me anymore, please hard block me instead of soft blocking. Tumblr has a glitch that randomly makes you unfollow people sometimes, so if you soft block me I’ll assume it was the glitch and follow you again. Hard blocking will communicate to me that you don’t wish to interact any further with me at all and I’ll get the message.

However, if you can’t be bothered to hard block me, and I’ve followed you but you never follow me back and outright ignore any attempts I have at initiating interactions with you, I will hard block you. If you have no interest in interacting with me and can’t be bothered to block me to send the message to me that you aren’t interested, then I will block you so I won’t come back later and try to initiate contact again. I can’t remember everybody’s usernames and it’s embarrassing for me to try to reach out to someone again after I’ve been repeatedly ignored in the past.

[zizzlekwum]

Stranger In A Not-So-Strange Land

Masterlist

CHAPTER FOUR

Morgan is arrested for murder in Chicago while you're on crutches and recovering from the trauma of being buried alive. Follows the events of Criminal Minds Season 2 Episode 12 “Profiler, Profiled.”

Trigger Warnings: referenced racism; mentions of child sexual abuse

Word Count: 5,274

Tag List: @leftoverenvy @itsmeanobody @ctrljuls @theclassicgaycousin [if you want to be added to the tag list, please comment or send me an ask]

NOTE: Sorry for the late upload, I have not been having a good week. I hope you enjoy!

After about a week, you’re cleared to return to work, though you’re relegated to desk duty for the time being. You’re disappointed, but find you can’t really argue, given that you’re still on crutches. On your first day back, Garcia greets you with a bouquet of flowers, and Reid decides to treat you, JJ, and Garcia to a little Science Magic.

“Will you ever let us watch?” you ask, facing away from his desk as he prepares his experiment.

“A magician never reveals his tricks,” he says. “You guys can turn around now.”

You and JJ turn around to see an empty roll of film on his desk. You can hear something fizzing slightly.

“Nothing’s happening,” JJ says hesitantly after a minute.

“Shh! Watch!” Reid says excitedly, holding up a finger. You smile.

After another second, the cylinder explodes into the air, causing JJ and Garcia to shriek. Your eyes follow it as it flies through the air… right into Prentiss’ forehead, where she’s walking into the bullpen.

“Ooh!” she exclaims, rubbing her forehead. “Ah, what—?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Emily,” Reid says as you, JJ, and Garcia giggle.

“What even was that?” she asks, looking around.

Garcia laughs. “Don’t you recognize a rocket when you see one?”

“I-I was merely demonstrating a physics law,” Reid explains. “I-I-I didn’t meant to hit—”

“Oh! Show me!” Prentiss hurries over and stands next to you.

Reid sits up straighter, grabbing another empty film container. “All right. Uh… well, turn around, please.”

“Turn around?” Prentiss says.

You laugh. “Yeah, he doesn’t let you watch.”

“A magician doesn’t reveal his secrets,” Reid says, echoing what he told you not two minutes ago.

Emily frowns but turns around. “I thought you said it was physics.”

“Physics… magic,” Reid tells her.

“Trust me,” Garcia says, putting a hand on Emily’s shoulder. “It will not do you any good to argue with him.” The four of you listen to the sound of Reid shuffling things around behind you until he allows you to turn around again.

“All right, all right,” he says. “Turn back and observe.”

You excitedly watch as the film container fizzles until it pops upward. JJ, Garcia, and Prentiss exclaim as it flies through the air. It lands at Hotch’s feet. He bends down slowly and picks it up, staring at you.

Uh oh.

You bite back a smile as Prentiss hurriedly walks away from Reid as JJ and Garcia turn around, acting busy. You simply lean on your crutches, waiting to see what Hotch does.

“Physics magic?” Hotch asks.

Reid gives him a sheepish grin. “Yes, sir.”

Hotch frowns, walking over to Reid’s desk. “Reid, we talked about this.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Reid says.

Hotch places the film container down in front of Reid. He pauses. “Really starting to get some distance on those,” he notes, turning away and walking to his office.

Prentiss comes back over to you, watching Hotch. “So he does have a sense of humor?” she says. You snort.

“Sometimes,” Reid tells her.

“Hey, where’s Morgan?” she asks, looking around the bullpen.

“In Chicago,” Reid tells her. “He goes there every year for his mother’s birthday.”

Prentiss nods as you return to your desk, leaning your crutches next to it as you sit down in your chair. Prentiss follows you.

“Hey, how’s the leg?” she asks.

You shrug. “Mildly painful. Nothing a little ibuprofen can’t handle.”

“That’s good. Everyone’s been worried about you.”

“I’ve just been home watching TV and reading,” you tell her, smiling.

“Prentiss, Reid, JJ, Y/L/N, grab your bags,” Hotch calls, stepping out of his office. “Jet leaves in thirty.”

“Whoa, what’s the rush?” you ask, standing up. “We don’t even have a case.”

Hotch walks down the stairs and comes over to you. “Morgan’s been arrested,” he says quietly.

“What?” Prentiss says in disbelief. “Why?”

“Homicide,” Hotch says. “We’re going to Chicago.”

*   *   *   *   *

The two hours of the plane ride are filled with tension. You fidget in your seat the entire time. No one says much, all of you worried about Morgan. Hotch doesn’t know much other than the fact that Morgan’s been arrested, so he has nothing else to tell you, adding to the stress of the rest of the team. When you arrive at the precinct, Hotch wastes no time.

“Special Agent Hotchner, FBI,” he introduces himself to an officer at their desk. “I’m looking for Detective….” Hotch unfolds a piece of paper in his hand. “…Gordinski.”

Another officer at a desk behind the one Hotch is talking to stands up and walks over. “I got this, Chuck,” he says to the other officer before looking at your team. “How you guys doing? Wally Dennison, CPD.”

“Where’s Agent Morgan?” Hotch asks immediately.

“Detective Gordinski’s in with the suspect now,” Detective Dennison says. You and JJ share a look when he refers to Morgan as a ‘suspect.’

“I need to see him,” Hotch says.

“When my partner’s finished talking to him, sure.”

“I have your superintendent’s personal cell number,” Hotch says, not playing any games, “and in the interest of not running roughshod over another police agency, I’ve resisted calling him so far. I need to see Agent Morgan now.”

Detective Dennison plasters a smile on his face, but you notice the stiffness of his jaw, betraying his annoyance. “I’ll get Gordinski. He’s the, uh, primary.” He turns and walks down a hallway, turning the corner out of your sight.

“I don’t like them calling him a suspect,” Gideon says once Dennison is out of earshot.

Hotch gives a slight shake of his head. “Me neither.” You begin rubbing your hands together nervously.

“You’re stimming,” Reid says to you quietly.

“I’m anxious,” you tell him in response as Dennison comes back around the corner with another man you can only assume is the detective Hotch asked for.

“Detective Gordinski, CPD,” the new man says, coming up to Hotch and holding out his hand, which Hotch shakes.

“You think an FBI Agent, a BAU profiler, committed a homicide?” Hotch says.

“Actually, three homicides, at least,” Gordinski says, shocking you all. “Over fifteen years.”

“You-you think he’s a serial killer?” JJ asks incredulously.

“This is ridiculous!” Reid exclaims.

“I agree,” you add. “Morgan would never do that!”

“Has he been charged with anything?” Hotch asks.

Gordinski shakes his head. “I got 72 hours for that.”

“I’d like to see him,” Hotch says.

“Be my guest,” Gordinski says, moving aside.

“This way,” Dennison says, leading Hotch down the hallway and around the corner.

Gordinski turns to Gideon. “Agent Gideon, right?” He holds out his hand.

“Yes,” Gideon confirms, shaking his hand.

“I owe you a big thank you,” Gordinski says, walking over to another desk. “I had no suspects at all until you looked over my case for me, and sent me this profile.” He holds up a folder, walking back over to where you and the team stand. “Everything in it points to that son of a bitch, Derek Morgan.”

You grit your teeth at the name calling and share a look of shock with Prentiss as Gideon takes the offered folder, beginning to leaf through the pages inside. “I profiled him?” he asks quietly to no one in particular.

Gordinski nods. “It’s all right there.”

Reid takes a step forward. “Detective, a-a profile’s just a guide.”

“Yeah, this one guided me to him.”

“They’re really more useful in the elimination of suspects rather than the inclusion,” Emily argues.

“That’s not the way you presented it to me,” Gordinski says to Gideon.

Gideon shakes his head. “Well, if I confused you, I’m sorry.”

Gordinski chuckles. “I’m not confused at all.”

“Look,” Gideon tries again. “Whatever it is in here that made you consider Agent Morgan a suspect has to be coincidence. You can’t rely solely on this.”

“You’re right, I’m not,” Gordinski says. He walks over to another desk and grabs a slip of paper. “Fifteen years ago, I was a new detective. One of my first cases was a Black kid. Twelve or thirteen years old, found strangled in a vacant lot near here.”

“Boy was a John Doe, right?” Gideon asks.

Gordinski nods. “Still unidentified to this day.”

“Wait, a twelve-year-old kid that no one reported missing?” Prentiss says.

“Ever,” Gordinski confirms. “Four years ago, another body turns up, same MO. Worked that case just as hard, came up with just as much nothing. Nobody in the area had ever seen the kid before.”

“And no one’s looking for these kids?” JJ asks as you fiddle with the dog tags around your neck that you never take off.

Gordinski doesn’t stop to respond, never looking away from Gideon. “Then a few months back, I attended a seminar that you taught at CPD Headquarters. I told you about my case, you said to send you the files and you’d look ‘em over. This is the profile you worked up. There are about three million people in Chicago. Your profile said I was looking for a Black male, 25 to 35, with a knowledge of the area. Nonthreatening to children— either knows them or is normal enough that he doesn’t scare them. A probable criminal record. It also said that the way the body was placed gently on a mattress, not just tossed on the ground, indicated someone who was probably consumed with guilt. Especially for the first victim.”

Gordinski opens the file in his hand. “Your exact words are, ‘with a guild-ridden offender, the BAU postulates the first victim is the most important and the unsub may still visit the place of the crime or even the victim himself.’ Care to guess who visits my first victim every time he’s in town?”

“Can’t be just visiting the victim,” Gideon says, shaking his head. “There has to be more than that.”

Gordinski nods. “Sure. You said the unsub might try to inject himself into the investigation to keep tabs on it. Morgan has called our headquarters many times since he joined the Bureau. Always about this case.”

“So wait, he talked to you about it?” Reid asks.

“Headquarters,” Gordinski tells him, chuckling, though you fail to see what could possibly be amusing about any of this. “He’d never call me. After I got your profile, I checked airline records. Turns out Derek had just left Chicago when the other body turned up.”

“All of this is totally circumstantial,” you argue.

Gordinski waves you all over into a conference room, where a bulletin board is set up with pictures of a crime scene. “Then yesterday another kid ends up dead and the last person he was with was Derek Morgan. In the boy’s pocket we found one of his FBI business cards, his cell number written on the back of it. In fact, every time Morgan’s in town, he hangs out with kids.”

“This is all just coincidence!” JJ echoes your earlier sentiment.

“A hell of a lot of coincidences,” Gordinski says.

“As Y/L/N just said, it’s purely circumstantial,” Prentiss points out, glancing at you.

“So’s a fingerprint,” Gordinski says. “Did I mention that Morgan found the body in 1991? Hidden way back in a vacant lot? Now don’t you teach that when a body is hard to find, the person finding it is always a suspect?”

“There are key pieces of the profile that don’t fit, Detective,” Reid says. “Uh, the age, 25 to 35, Morgan was fifteen or so at the time.”

“Also says that age is the hardest to predict, and I should never exclude someone simply because of a discrepancy with the age,” Gordinski argues.

“Okay, but what about the theory that since he hadn’t managed to leave any evidence at the scene of the crime, that he probably has a criminal record or some kinds of previous law enforcement knowledge?” you point out.

Reid nods. “Derek wasn’t even in the Bureau yet when the first body was found.”

“He may not have had a knowledge of law enforcement, but Derek Morgan definitely had a criminal record.”

The team shares a look as Gordinski walks out of the room without elaborating on the bombshell he just dropped.

“Morgan has a criminal record?” Reid repeats, frowning.

“We’re dealing with a desperate detective here,” Gideon says quietly. “Three dead boys, no evidence at all. So he applies the profile directly to someone he already suspected. It’s easy to get tunnel vision that way.”

“One begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts,” Reid says.

“Oh, I know that one!” you exclaim. “Uh, Sherlock Holmes, right?” Reid nods.

“We need to figure out who really killed these boys before they decide to charge Morgan,” Gideon tells you all.

“What do you want us to do?” Prentiss asks.

“Last victim was someone Morgan was seen with,” Gideon reminds you. “Conveniently, Morgan was already a suspect in the other two.”

“You think someone set him up?” you ask.

“We should consider Morgan a victim. Prentiss, take Y/L/N and Reid to talk to his family, learn about him— especially around the time of the first murder.”

“Do we have the address?” she asks.

“I can take you,” Detective Dennison offers, walking over.

Prentiss turns to face him. “Oh, that’s okay.”

“No,” Gideon says. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea.”

Prentiss pauses, looking to Gideon. “Right,” she says with a nod, turning back to Dennison. “Okie-doke, lead the way, Detective.” She shares a skeptical glance with you as you and Reid follow them out of the bullpen to the door.

*   *   *   *   *

Morgan’s sister answers the door when you knock, letting you all in and introducing herself as Sarah. His mother and his other sister, Desiree, are seated around the small table in the kitchen, looking through a cardboard box labeled ‘Derek’s room.’

“Would any of you like a piece of cake?” Sarah offers.

“Oh, um, yes please,” Reid says.

“I would love one,” you tell her with a smile. She nods and walks to the fridge while Reid begins to look through the box on the table, gingerly moving a trophy aside with a frown on his face.

“Is, uh, Derek all right?” Sarah asks, handing you a fork and a plate with a piece of cake on it. You thank her quietly, balancing your crutches under your arms as you take it.

“He wouldn’t let us go down there,” Morgan’s mom tells you.

“He’s fine,” Emily tries to assure them.

“Our boss is with him now, trying to sort this all out,” you add, taking a bite of the cake. “Mm, this is great! The cake, I mean.”

“Did he tell you Gordinski’s been harassing him since he was a kid?” Sarah asks.

“Why’s that?” Reid inquires, taking a bite of his cake.

She shoots a glare at Dennison. “Well you’d have to ask that bastard yourself.”

“Oh, Sarah!” Morgan’s mother scolds.

“It’s true, Mom,” Desiree assures her.

“Sure it is,” Detective Dennison scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“What are you even doing in my mother’s house?” Sarah throws her hands up in the air in exasperation.

“They asked me,” Dennison tells her roughly.

“Not really,” Reid says through a mouth full of cake.

“Nope,” you agree, popping the ‘p.’

“I don’t understand how they could think he did this,” Morgan’s mother says.

You swallow another bite of cake. “Neither do we,” you assure her.

“Someone may be trying to make it look like he hurt those kids,” Emily says carefully.

“And the police believe it?” Sarah asks, incredulous.

Dennison shrugs, unphased. “Just following the evidence.”

“But he’s an FBI agent,” Desiree says.

“Actually, law enforcement officials are just as probable statistically to commit a crime as anyone else,” Reid tells her. “Look at the cross-section of society. There’s a general population and a small faction of this percentage—”

Prentiss interrupts him. “He’s not actually saying we believe Derek’s involved in this,” she says, pulling a chair out from the table and sitting down.

Reid’s eyebrows shoot upwards, only now realizing what he had accidentally been implying. “Oh, no, no, yeah, not at all!” he backtracks quickly. “I’m merely, um… speaking theoretically.”

Desiree chuckles. “You’re Dr. Reid, right?” Reid nods.

“Derek talks about you,” Sarah tells him, nodding.

Reid smiles. “He does?”

“Anyway,” Prentiss says, steering the conversation back on track, “so, someone may be trying to make it look like this was Derek.”

“But Derek loves kids.” Morgan’s mother shakes her head. “Every time he’s here, he goes to the youth center.”

“Youth center?” you repeat curiously.

“The Upward Youth Center,” his mom explains.

“Does that have some kind of significance for him?” Reid asks. Morgan’s mom smiles.

“What, are you saying there’s something in it for him?” Sarah says, folding her arms across her chest. “Other than giving back to the poor kids of your neighborhood?”

“Sarah!” Morgan’s mom chides.

“No, not at all!” you assure her. “Look, we’re your brother’s friends. All we’re doing here is trying to help.”

Prentiss nods. “When we ask a question it isn’t to denigrate or demean anything he’s done. We just have to know everything so we can figure out where to look next.” She smiles. “Is there some special significance to the youth center?”

Morgan’s mom smiles. “The youth center saved his life. My husband, their father,” she gestures at her daughters, “was killed when he tried to stop a robbery. Derek was with him, he was ten. A year or so later, he started getting into trouble.”

“What kind of trouble?” you ask, setting your now-empty plate down on the table.

“He started running around with older kids,” she explains. “They would give him money to run errands for them. Um, not drugs,” she adds quickly. “No, Derek would never disgrace his father’s name.”

“But they were gangbangers,” Sarah adds. “So people started looking at Derek like he was one of them.”

“One night, he and a friend were attacked by some boys from another gang,” Morgan’s mom continues. “Big fight. And one of the other boy’s head split open.”

“And that was the first time Gordinski arrested him,” Sarah tells you. “Now, he wasn’t a detective yet, just a street cop, but from that night on, no matter what happened in the neighborhood, he’d pick Derek up for it.”

Dennison sighs. “Probably because he was involved.”

“The hell he was!” Sarah retorts as you turn to glare at him.

“Stan’s never arrested anyone who didn’t need arresting,” Dennison argues.

“He did,” Sarah insists. “With Derek.”

“Until Carl Buford stepped in,” Morgan’s mom continues, grabbing Sarah’s hand.

“Who’s that?” you ask.

“He runs a youth center,” Dennison tells you. You fight the urge to snap back that you weren’t talking to him, biting your tongue instead.

“He took Derek under his wing. Um, mentored him,” Morgan’s mother explains. “Became like a surrogate father. He taught him football, and that changed Derek’s life. He got a scholarship to college— with it, he got his degree.”

Emily nods. “Where is Carl Buford now?”

“He still runs the youth center,” Dennison says, and again, you grit your teeth.

“I’d like to talk to him,” Prentiss tells him, standing. “Detective, do you think you could take me over there?”

“Wait, just you?” Reid asks.

She nods. “Yeah. I thought maybe you and Y/N could stay here and keep going through this stuff.” The corners of your mouth twitch upwards— it’s the first time she’s used your first name, and you can’t deny that you like the way it sounds when she says it.

“Good idea,” Reid replies as you try to get control of your crush, which you’ve so far been able to keep under wraps. “Yeah, keep going through the stuff.”

“We’ll swing by to pick you guys up after we’re done,” Emily tells the two of you as Sarah gets up to walk Prentiss and Detective Dennison to the door. Reid sits down in Emily’s now-vacant chair. You adjust your leg, wincing at the movement. You fumble with your crutches, trying to pull one of the chairs out from the table until Reid steps in and does it for you. “Thanks,” you tell him, sitting down with a smile.

“Is it all right if I ask how you hurt your leg?” Desiree asks as Sarah returns.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” You nod, giving her a smile. “I, uh, I was hit by a car and then kidnapped and buried alive by a serial killer.” It only occurs to you how blunt you’re being when all three of the women in front of you gasp, Morgan’s mother bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. “Everything turned out fine, though!” you add quickly. “My team came through in the end and there was no permanent damage to my leg, so it’s no big deal.”

“We know Derek’s job is dangerous, of course, but….” His mother trails off.

“Oh, I wasn’t working with Mor- erm, Derek at the time,” you assure her, trying to ease her nerves. “I also work with another FBI agent and a team of scientists out of the Jeffersonian Institute, it was one of their cases.”

“Can you tell us a little bit more about Derek?” Reid asks, changing the subject.

“Oh, of course,” his mother says, smiling. “What would you like to know?”

“What was he like in high school?” you ask.

“Well, he had a rough time as a freshman,” Morgan’s mom tells you with a frown. “Came home nearly every day with a new injury. A black eye or a split lip or something else. But sophomore year on he was liked by almost everyone. When he was fifteen, he went door to door around the neighborhood to collect enough money to bury a young boy that was found dead.”

“Did he know the boy?” Reid asks.

Sarah shakes her head. “No, but he found the body.”

“That made him feel a little responsible for him, you know?” Morgan’s mom smiles.

“He’s a good man,” you tell her.

She nods. “After college, he worked for the CPD before working in the bomb squad unit.”

“That’s right, I remember reading that in his file,” Reid notes.

“That’s about it,” Morgan’s mom concludes. “There isn’t really much else to tell that you don’t already know, I’m sure.”

“How about you, Dr. Reid?” Desiree asks. “How were you in high school?”

“Well, I was twelve,” Reid says. “I, uh, didn’t really have any friends because they were all older than me.”

“I was pretty much a loner, too,” you add. “I had a couple friends, but that was about it. Never really bothered me, though.”

The conversation takes on a lighter tone as Sarah and Desiree share some of their own high school experiences, and you’re all laughing about a story Sarah is telling when Prentiss and Dennison return. You say your goodbyes and leave, heading back to the precinct while feeling better than you were before.

*   *   *   *   *

When you arrive back at the station, Hotch and Gideon are engaged in what seems to be a heated discussion with Gordinski.

“Buford should be that kid’s hero!” Gordinski exclaims as you, Prentiss, and Reid walk up to the trio.

“You talking about Carl Buford?” Emily asks.

“Yes,” Hotch tells her.

“Emily and Dennison just left his office,” you say.

Prentiss nods. “Yeah, we—”

“HEY!” you hear Dennison yell from down the hall. He walks back around the corner. “What, did we turn him loose?” You frown as Gordinski quickly walks past him and down the hall. You and Emily share a look of confusion as Gordinski comes storming back into the room.

“You let him escape?!” he shouts, his voice accusatory.

“What do you mean, he’s gone?” Hotch asks, frowning.

Dennison goes to the phone and dials. He puts out an APB. “Black male, 33, six foot one, name is Derek Morgan.”

Gordinski glares at us. “You’re standing there trying to convince me that a local hero is my killer while you’re letting my suspect dance out the back door?! I’m gonna charge all of your asses!” He stalks over to his desk and angrily picks up the phone, jabbing his finger into the dial pad.

“You have to tell your officers that Morgan’s not a threat,” JJ pleads with him.

“Like hell I will!” he says.

JJ spreads her arms. “But this—”

“Lady, as far as I’m concerned, he is a threat, okay?”

Your grip on your crutches tightens as you grind your teeth together. “He’s beyond reason,” you say quietly as JJ walks back to you.

“We have to find him first,” JJ agrees.

“Any ideas?” Gideon asks.

“You know, his mother said that Buford practically raised him after his father died,” Emily says. “Mentored him, took him on trips, spent all of his time with him. Basically became a surrogate father.”

You scoff, and everyone turns to you. Hotch stares at you, and you look right back at him, mentally urging him to understand, to not make you say it and betray Morgan’s secret. After a couple seconds, his face hardens and he nods, glancing at Gideon. “Jason, I think I know what he was afraid we’d find. Detective!” he calls. “We may know where he’s heading.”

You ride in the second row of the SUV between JJ and Prentiss while Hotch drives with Gideon in the passenger seat and Reid in the third row. You know you’re technically still on desk duty, but there was no way in hell you weren’t going to help Morgan. One look at Hotch and he simply sighed and nodded. You fidget in your seat, fiddling with your dog tags anxiously.

“What are you wearing?” Emily asks, nudging you.

“Oh, these?” You pull the chain out from under your shirt, showing her.

She nods. “Whose are they?”

You chuckle. “You’re gonna laugh,” you tell her.

“Try me,” she says, raising an eyebrow.

“I bought them online about two years before I woke up in this universe,” you explain. “They have Bucky Barnes’ information about it.”

“Who’s that?” she asks.

“He, um, he’s a character from Marvel comics,” you say sheepishly. “Captain America’s best friend.” Emily smiles but, to her credit, doesn’t laugh, allowing you to continue. “He’s my favorite character from the Marvel movies, the ones that aren’t out yet. I wear them to remind me to always keep going and to never give up. He’s been through so much and he’s still a hero, a good man, and, I don’t know.” You shake your head. “I know, it’s silly.”

Emily shakes her head. “No,” she says. “I think I get it.” She opens her mouth to say more when you notice you’re pulling up to the youth center.

“We’re here,” you say. You all pile out of the car and walk up to the building, following Gordinski as he quietly enters the back door of the youth center. He creeps forward down the hallway, but stops when he hears Morgan’s voice.

“…make sure there’s a hell of a lot to lose, don’t you,” Morgan is saying.

You hear Carl Buford’s voice come next. “I don’t know what you think you remember—”

“No, no, no,” Morgan’s voice interrupts. “See, it’s not what I remember that’s gonna hurt you, Carl. Our business is over way too long ago to matter. You’re protected by a statute of limitations and that’s my fault.”

“Then good night,” Buford says.

“You set me up!” You can hear the anger in Morgan’s voice. “You knew Damien Walters wanted James to call me about you. So you killed him.” Morgan’s voice gets louder. “You killed him because you knew I’d come after you, didn’t you?”

“Now you’re just talking crazy,” Buford says. You see Gordinski shift in front of you.

“God, I should have told somebody about you when I was a kid!” Morgan yells. “When you were helping me. Well, you know what happens in cases like this. Once that dam breaks, the flood comes. One kid steps up, just one. And then another one. And another. Because they’re not scared of you anymore. They know they’re not alone. James Barfield is your dam.”

“Whatever lies James told you—”

“They are not lies! You did the same thing to me!”

“I did nothing to you, to James.”

“One, by one, they’re gonna pile up until there’s so many accusations, you can’t say that they’re all lies!” Morgan yells.

“Do you have any idea how many kids I’ve helped get out of this neighborhood? Hm? How many lives I’ve provided! Look at you! You’d probably be dead by now.”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t for free, now was it?” Morgan’s voice cracks and you grind your teeth together, wanting nothing more than to walk right up to Carl Buford and punch him right in his stupid face.

“I pulled you out of the gutter,” Buford says.

“I pulled myself out of the gutter, all the way to the FBI!” Morgan is yelling again. “I did that!”

“You sayin’ I had nothin’ to do with makin’ you who you are?”

“No, Carl.” Morgan’s voice breaks again, and you look up at the ceiling, trying not to cry at the pure anguish in his voice. “Actually, I’m saying you have everything to do with making me who I am. Because of you, I’m somebody who gets to spend the rest of his life making sure guys like you go down.”

“Look, Derek….” Buford pauses, and Gordinski carefully moves further down the hallway, stepping into the light behind Buford. “I never hurt you. You could’a said no.”

Gordinski steps up to Buford. “You’re under arrest, Carl.”

Buford spins around. “I’ve helped a lot of kids.”

“Let’s go,” Gordinski says, cuffing him.

Buford fights against him. “The neighborhood won’t be the same without me! It’s gonna be worse without the center!”

“Somebody’ll keep this center running,” Morgan tells him. “The neighborhood will. I will.”

“Wait! Wait!” Buford protests. “Derek. Isn’t there something you can do for me?”

Morgan glares at him. “You go to hell.”

Gordinski hands Buford off to Dennison, who leads him away. Gordinski gives Morgan a nod before walking after him. Gideon and Hotch step further into the room as Morgan turns to them. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. He turns and walks out the way Gordinski went, and Hotch turns to you.

“You should’ve told us sooner,” he chastises.

You shake your head. “It wasn’t for me to tell,” you say, shrugging. Hotch continues to look at you for a moment before turning and walking away. You sigh, following after him as Gideon motions you forward.

*   *   *   *   *

The team quickly packs their things and leaves the police station, heading for the jet. Morgan stays behind to spend a few more days with his family. The atmosphere on the ride home feels especially heavy, with everyone knowing what happened but no one really wanting to talk about it, wanting to respect Morgan’s privacy— or what little remains of his privacy, anyway. When you arrive at the airfield, Emily helps you down the stairs after you almost fall at the top. It’s after midnight by the time you get to your car, and almost one when you get home. You consider going to bed, but end up grabbing a bottle of Blue Moon from your fridge, wishing you had some harder alcohol in the apartment, and plop yourself down in front of the TV, watching reruns of House for a couple hours before finally taking your meds and going to bed.