#Hef

[scopophilic1997]

scopOphilic_micromessaging_984 - scopOphilic1997 presents a new micro-messaging series: small, subtle, and often unintentional messages we send and receive verbally and non-verbally.

[retropopcult]

1977

[whumpfessional]

Settling In

I mean, if you worked for a pro-human terrorist group and had the opportunity to radicalize a child combatant, you would do it too, right? It just makes sense. Definitely the best choice for the kid.

I’m glad we are meeting more of the crew. I like them all a lot. And we get to see married Hef and Doc here! I think I have a post in my masterlist that has the Aspida crew’s bios and pictures but I could talk about them for hours.

Cw: past slavery, past minor whump

Patterson had been happy to let her onto the engineering team and she spent her days tinkering on small projects. She was the tidiest worker Patterson had seen, given what a massive mess Lyle left everywhere, and she was so quiet that her presence was barely noticed. 

“I fixed the lower deck power converter”, Circe said quietly, Patterson whipping around from what she had been working on. She hadn’t heard her approach. “It was only functioning at 87% capacity so I made sure all the connections were firmly attached. It’s at 96% now.” 

“Did you look at the upper deck ones yet?” Patterson regretted the words as they came out of her mouth as she watched Circe flinch away from her. 

Circe started, “I’m so-“ 

“Don’t apologize. I didn’t expect you to. You can go do it now if you’d like.” Circe nodded and slipped down the corridor towards the upper decks. 

Patterson sighed. It had been a couple months since Circe has snuck on board their ship and she still flinched at everything. She was talking now, which was something and more often than not, she made eye contact with who she was talking to. It made Patterson’s blood boil to think about what could be done make a person break so completely and it had solidified for many of the crew the importance of their mission, what could be done to them if they didn’t work to maintain human dominance. 

Hef had been most successful so far in getting anything out of her and was able to even put a hand on Circe’s shoulder without causing her to flinch violently. They had put her age somewhere between 14-15, based on her height and size but the bio scan had put her at 16-17. Patterson had overheard Pilar whispering to Emily about Circe’s scars after she had had a full medical work up done.

And she hadn’t been sleeping, either. It was possible that she was catching catnaps while she scurried around the ship all day. She had certainly found most of the best hiding spots. 

Patterson was stuck with an idea. “Lyle, come in” she spoke into her communicator. 

“What’s up, Patterson?” A crackly voice came through. 

“Meet me up here, I have a job for you.” 

Lyle stood in the hallway outside of the cabin that Circe shared with Emily and Pilar. Patterson had heard Emily mention that Circe didn’t sleep in the cabin and went somewhere else after she thought everyone was asleep. And of course, Patterson had put him on it. He let out a huff and leaned around the corner to peak. Nothing. 

When he had his own ship, he wouldn’t have to run these stupid errands. Plus, he wasn’t the biggest fan of this new girl. It was kinda freaky how she wouldn’t talk and how she would pop out from nowhere. On top of all of that, she fixed a ventilation fan that he had been stuck on for weeks in a matter of minutes. It was starting to get personal and he planned to tell her tonight.   

Lyle was somewhat lost in this daydream when he heard the door in the hallway slide open. He quickly peaked around to see Circe slipping out in the other direction. Giving her a few seconds head start, he followed the sound of her footsteps down the stairwell to the lower levels. It sounded like she was heading for the garage. 

She made it down before him and he hung in the doorway, tucking his body behind the corner. He watched as she dug behind some boxes, before pulling out a cloth wrapped object. Lyle recognized it as one of the few swords from their armoury, as the crew preferred to stick with their guns. He prepared to leap in there and prevent her from doing whatever she was trying to do when he noticed her going back to drag something else out. 

It was a practice dummy from their training room. No one has noticed that one was missing, though the only one who would probably notice would be CJ.

Circe had set up the dummy and now circled around it, holding her sword low. Lyle could see that it was not well balanced for her, likely too large. So when she started to attack, Lyle was stunned. 

She moved quickly through practice forms, in a style Lyle recognized as Batarian. 30 minutes, an hour passed as Lyle sat there, watching Circe flow from one form to the other. It was clear that she was well practiced, though her offensive forms were markedly weaker than her defensive ones. 

The only sounds in the room had been Circe’s heavy breathing and the thuds of the sword smacking into the dummy. Lyle watched as her attacks began to become more frantic and heard a sob escape her mouth. Soon, she was yelling as she beat into the dummy, all sense of technique lost. She let out a final scream as she planted her foot in the center of dummy and kicked it over. 

Circe’s shoulders were slumped as she panted over the fallen dummy. Slowly, Lyle watched as she raised her sword arm, resting the tip of the sword at the neck of the dummy. 

Lyle slipped away as she stood frozen there, lost in her memories. The footage that he has gotten would be enough for Patterson, though he felt guilty, as if he had seen something he shouldn’t have. 

—-

Hef, Lee, Montoya and Patterson sat silently, contemplating the footage that they had just seen. 

Hef rapped her fist on the table. “She’s good, I’ll give her that. Not great but good.” She turned to Montoya, “What do you think?” 

Montoya gave a shrug, “I agree. She’s small but we can work with that. Honestly, I think that she would be a valuable asset.” 

“I’m just worried about her stability,” Lee piped in. “You saw how she was at the end of the holo.”

“I think that can be harnessed though,” Montoya pointed out. “It’s easier if she already has that anger.”

Patterson leaned forward, “She’s a good worker too. I know we were going to wait until we needed to resupply to figure out what to do with her, but I think we should make the offer now.” 

Lee threw his hands up with a huff, “I will bet you all 100 credits that she will disobey the rules at the drop of a hat in order to get revenge.” 

“We’ll make the rules clear to her. She steps out of line, she’s out. We will let her know that those kind of actions won’t just hurt her but all of us,” Hef paused. “I want to give her something to hold onto. She has nothing. She needs a purpose.” 

“All in favour of bringing Circe onto our crew?” Montoya asked, raising their hand. Hef and Patterson raised their hands and, after a pause, Lee did the same. “Passed unanimously. Congratulations captain, you just got yourself another mouth to feed.”

--

“-So that’s what Cerberus is. That’s what we’re offering you.” Hef concluded, placing her hands back on the bed. The two of them sat in the quarters that Circe shared with the others. There was no sound other than the hums of the engine as they sat there. 

All Circe could feel was terror. Not at Cerberus, at what it does, but at the prospect that she could do something too. The concept of taking action, of fighting back was so infinitely inconceivable in that moment. She felt her breathing quicken but couldn’t seem to catch it.

She leapt out of her seat as she felt a weight rest on her shoulder. Gathering herself, she noticed it was Hef, looking down at her. Her face was so open, so full of concern and emotion and the fear started to build again. She saw Hef’s mouth moving but the words took a second to start to hold meaning.

“-I’m not saying you have to stay. No one is going to make you do anything. Just keep breathing, you’re good, kid. We aren’t going to ship you off either.” Hef gave a smile as Circe retook her seat. “We’ve got a lot of connections, we can find you some place to live where you can do something you like. Maybe go to school?” 

Circe nodded her head, trying to make sense of the future being offered. The idea of being in school, of doing something she liked, she couldn’t see herself in it. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she grasped her hands tightly together, trying to ground herself but her right hand skimmed across the burnt skin of her left and the numb burning from the damage caused her to double over, curling inwards. She held herself so tightly she shook. 

There was the sound of movement from across the room and she flinched at it, preparing for a blow. But none came. Instead, she heard Hef kneel on the floor next to her bed, sitting there wordlessly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hef take a glove off her left hand and hold her arm out towards Circe. 

It took a moment for Circe to be able to turn her head as she tried to relax, to push down the dread, push it to the bottom of her brain where it would only be screaming faintly at her. She pushed herself up slightly, still hugging herself. 

The tattoo stared up at her. The everseeing eye. Hef had been like her. Now Hef was… was Hef. She brought her hands up to her face, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. “H-how?” she choked out. “How do I be-become a person?” Her voice hiccuped at the end and she brought her hands up to cover her mouth.

She heard Hef huff as the captain shifted backwards to lean against the bed opposite. “Well,” Hef’s lower voice started, “I was older than you when I was taken and it was only for five years. I was working on a merchant vessel when we got captured and they just tossed us over to the Batarian mechanics.” She paused, gathering her thoughts. 

“It wasn’t the same as what you had to do, hun. What you went through, that was personal. I was broke-” Hef stumbled over her words, “I wasn’t doing great when Cerberus found me. But I was angry too. I tended to get into a lot of fights when I was younger and after 5 years of being able to do nothing? Circe, I wanted to destroy them. And that’s what I get to do. I get to ruin their lives just like they ruined mine.”

“Circe,” Hef tilted her head, trying to catch eye contact, “you don’t have to be afraid. You can be angry. All your pain? That’s their fault. They did this to you. And you can make them pay.”

The fear that overwhelmed Circe’s mind shifted at this, twisting slightly. The thought threatened to send her over but there was something else there too. A deep part, pushed down too many times so that it felt that it rested at the base of her spine, that delighted in the thought of their destruction. And the destruction of all those that hurt others like she had been hurt. Because she had been hurt. And she could be angry and mad and scream. 

She had tasted it at that dinner. How they had laughed. How they used her. 

She hated them.

Hef watched Circe’s posture shift slightly, the tenseness shift from her shoulders to her fists. Circe looked up to Hef finally, making eye contact. 

“I ca-can stay?” Circe whispered across to Hef. A grin grew on Hef’s face.

“Yeah, hun. You can stay. You can be a part of our team.” Hef smiled, “You can do whatever you want. If you want to work with Doc and Pilar, I know they need some extra hands. There’s Lyle and Patterson too. I know Patterson loves having you. And maybe not right away, we need to get you a little stronger first, but you can do some training too with Montoya and CJ. Everyone wants to have you here, if you’ll have us.” 

It was possible, Circe realized. This was something that could possibly happen. She could see it too, working on the engines maybe. The crew was loud and obnoxious sometimes but they also felt safe. Furthermore, she felt safe here too. And, that deep down part of her mind added in, she could get revenge. 

-----

It was way too late when Hef heard the knock on the door to her quarters. She had gotten in late. They had docked on some backwater minor moon in order to refuel and the officials were reluctant to take the usual bribes. By the time they had managed to dock, it was already past the time when most of the crew turned in for the night and Hef had sent Lee off so that he could get some rest as well. She had handled the refueling with Lyle and had made the executive decision to stay docked for the night instead of having to wake up some of the crew for take-off procedures. 

And Hef knew that it was way too late not just because she was planning on falling asleep soon but also because Doc was curled up next to her, softly snoring. She shook them awake and gestured with her head towards the door. They just rolled their eyes in response and pulled the blanket over their head. Hef tossed a pillow onto the blanket, hoping to make it look like a messy pile.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened and Hef was over it too to some degree. But when the two of them had first gotten together, they figured that they’d keep it a secret. Except now they had been together for 12 years and married for 5. They figured 9 or so years ago that it was no one’s fucking business and it honestly worked well this way. If a crew member had a problem with Hef, they would usually go to Doc to talk about it and the two of them predicted that if they knew about the whole holy matrimony part, they might not have that same openness with Doc. 

It worked well until a crew member came knocking in the night. Doc’s room was connected with Hef’s by a small door, as they used to be storage rooms for cargo so if someone needed a doctor in the night, they would usually hear the knocking from Hef’s room. 

Expecting some form of emergency, it was not a small surprise to see Circe standing in front of the door instead. She shifted back and forth awkwardly, looking down at Hef’s feet. 

Hef let out a sign. “Circe, what is it? It’s late.”

Circe looked up to Hef and Hef swore she could see some light in those eyes. And was that, was that a smile? 

“I figured out what I want to do,” Circe rushed, shifting back and forth. “I want to learn how to be a pilot. I think I can do it because I’ve flown air shuttle simulations before and I also knew the theory of flying the other ship but I never got to try it.” She took a quick gasp, “I also want to learn how to do more with my sword. I saw Lyle creeping around and I know he told you. I want to be able to use it for more than just defense.”

She took another breath and Hef stared onwards. She didn’t think that Circe had had this many words inside of her. And she kept going.

“I also want to learn how to use a gun and how to shoot things because I wasn’t allowed to and I want to be able to fight with you guys and you mostly use guns.” Circe took a breath for more words but realized that she had run out. She looked up expectantly at Hef. 

Hef took a moment to gather her words. “Right. Yes. Okay. Yes. We can do that.” She smiled. “We can do all of that. It might take some time, because I’m not just going to hand my ship over to you. But we can do that.”

Circe nodded and spun right around, walking away down the corridor. Hef opened her mouth to call her back but decided against it. Slowly, she stepped back into the room and closed the door. As soon as the door closed, Doc burst up from the blankets, holding the pillow over their mouth to stop from laughing. 

“What in the universe did you say to that child?” Doc managed between laughs, “you work miracles, Hef. If you had told me last week that she was going to say more than one full sentence, let alone declarations of what she wanted, I would have taken you in for a psych eval. How did you do it?” Doc shook their head in amazement. 

Hef held up her left hand. She had only been wearing a glove before for Circe’s sake and had left it off since their chat. Doc stopped laughing, pulling themselves together. “Oh, right.”

Hef shrugged, squeezing into the cot next to Doc. “To be fair, I wasn’t expecting that either.” She was silent for a second until Doc gave her a nudge. “I think she looks up to me, crazy as that is.”

“I don’t think it’s crazy. It makes sense.” Doc replied, laying their head back on Hef’s shoulder. “A lot of the crew looks up to you, you know.” Hef let out a snort.

“They better or I’d beat their ass.”

“Hef.” Doc said sternly

“I know, I know.” Hef sighed, “I know.” She ran her hand not trapped under Doc over her face. “I’m going to have to tell the higher ups about this. I doubt I can get her much of a wage.”

“Hef?”

“Yeah?”

“I really don’t think that that thought has even crossed her mind. Give her a roof, a bed, food, security. Let her learn about what she wants. She’s never had that before.” Doc muttered into Hef’s shoulder, “That’s more than enough.”

“Mmm, you’re probably right.” Hef replied, shifting deeper under the covers. “I just want her to be happy.”

“I know. You’ll do it somehow.” Doc whispered, their voice growing heavy with sleep. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Hef turned to press a kiss onto Doc’s forehead. “I love you.”

“Mm mmm mmm mm,” grumbled Doc into the pillow. Hef closed her eyes as well, curling towards her partner.

Circe tag: @annablogsposts

[themadhatterspsychiatrist-33]

[ratnestmcgee]

One day I'll get him right 🤩

[hunchoeatsfirst]

The constant want to fall off the face of the earth and disappear because you know nobody will come looking for you.

[athena-endre]

House Wittlsbach is on the Throne after being elected by all major princesses of the Empire, Emperor Maria is crowned on the Red Throne at age 40. The League of Empresses forms between Song Empress (Bao), Bengal-Ganges Empress, Tsarina of Russia, German Kaiserin and Persian Shashanah in an effort to control the Empire away from Rose Red and towards their respective realms. Their bid on Maria is poorly made when he begins centralizing the Empire. They think they can control their daughter Enya to do their bidding. The Queen of Phoenicia-Canaan is one of the many invited to the scheme, but reports it to the Secret Service, who begin their investigation. 

The League then orders Maria to be killed on the day of Prince Coby's first birthday. They begin with stoking rebellious provinces, mainly in the east, to rise up against the power of Rose Red. The League of Assassins kill Maria on the day in question. King Nadeem, now acting regent, begins the preparations to prepare his daughter Vilma to ascend to the Red Throne. The League ignites their Green Shirt rebellion in the east. During this, the League begins slipping by acting too directly to end the rebellion, mostly paying rebels off. 

The Tsarina, in a fervor of the events going on, outs herself with photos taken of her bribing certain members of a then unknown rebel leader. The Sickle Rebellion begins to ally themselves with the Green Shirts. Following many months, the leader of the Sickle Rebellion turns on her benefactor in exchange for a deal. She indicts the Tsarina spilling many of the juicy details about her plan to pay a rebel leader to rebel, in order to gain control of the 8th Imperial Army. The 8th Imperial Army is a Russian group which at the time secretly swore to the Tsarina before the event. The Secret Service discovered the leader and her details through the photo. The Tsarina is executed for treason under orders of Nadeem. 

Following the execution, the 13th Imperial Army under orders from Bao set into motion the kidnapping of Vilma’s husband, Prince Timur, in an effort to gain the upper hand and strike a deal. The 8th Army, a month following the execution, is reorganized with loyalist leaders. Empress Vilma is crowned in a quick ceremony during campaign in Novgorod. During this time the Kaiserin, Queen of Egypt, and Yavana Queen bladder to the Secret Service in an effort to distract them from frame both Empress of Great Scythia, Basilissa, Queen of Romania, and the Queen of France (all of whom were never involved with the League) as the perpetrators of the rebellions. Blaming the Tsarina for their involvement. Following the capture of Prince Timur, Bao makes a demand to Vilma, personally, to abdicate or her husband gets it. Not exactly having a leg to stand on, with her Empire falling and Bao attempting to subvert them all, she gives in. Nadeem after figuring this out has a bounty put on Bao in secret. 

Enya is crowned at the age of 11 in a grand ceremony offered by Bao and her compatriots. The League suspecting the Service is off their tails start to manipulate Enya for their own purposes, as an emergency diet is called, and then elects Bao as temporary Speaker until the crisis is over. King Nadeem becomes regent of the young Enya. The service releases new evidence pointing to the League which made news world wide that there is a shadow cabal running the government via the new Empress. Revolts start to intensify as Bao attempts to keep order in the realm. The tribal districts and states are the first to attempt to leave, with massacres being very effective to keep them within the Empire. As the populace starts to fall in this new normal for the time being. Bao starts to divert what powers she can from the Diet, President, Empress, and Subdiets to the Empresses of the Empire, fulfilling the goal of the League. Enya begins to be the hero the League needs and buys into their propaganda of decentralization. Bao dies of old age at 56 of a gunshot to the back of the head. 

Following this Nadeem is elected Speaker and coaches Enya to become her own Empress. Enya goes on a quest to explore herself, her Empire and most importantly figure out what is really going on. During her 3 years of explorations she makes friends, and realizes the atrocities that Bao and her co-conspirators have committed against the populace with their new found powers. 

The Service finally has found the smoking gun for their entire investigation. While Enya was away they got permission from Nadeem to investigate the Imperial Palace and other offices of the Capital. There they found the entire correspondence of the League, as well as the receipts for their hitman and rebellion leaders. In the same office they also found files on top of files of a ring going back as far as the Empire’s founding, and them talking of a secret organization which according to them “aims to capture the minds, and make reality as they see fit” or “to suppress the truth of the flat earth and discredit anyone claiming that dinosaurs do not exist”. In a more shocking turn of events during a raid on a League owned company outside of city limits, they found the receipts for funding various criminal organizations out of Gotham including the infamous Falcone crime syndicate. In the same offices they find a room for torturing and murder, along with personal effects of those murdered there. Implements were found and the instigators of this crime are rounded up. In a third location they found ties to hidden and secretive cults in low places. As well as ties to various different worldwide criminal organizations. This newfound fury led to dozens of assassination attempts against members of the League. 

The League, now with more known members and a list longer than my arm, has been brought to trial with Empress Enya, and King Father Nadeem acting as judges. Half of them receive death sentences. Most of the rest were forced into Brazilian Penal Colonies or banished to Aethiopia. Few escaped with their lives and dignity intact, though were still stripped of titles. During the chaos of this period the Diet forced the Song Empress, Wang Zhi, into abdication and eventual banishment to Brazil. Enya returns from her trip with friends, and a potential future queen, galore! She also comes back a wiser, more knowledgeable person. The League of Empresses Conspiracy is ended, Enya begins recentralizing everything that was decentralized.

In the following years reports are made, security is tightened, and things begin to return to normal following the Royal Wedding. 

Authors Note: This is an expansion on the world before the current Empress. Also, Chapter 1 shall be coming out soonish, just been a bit procrastinating on it. Most of these filler stories are the ideas I have come up with for now before expanding upon Athena's Story

[escritasss]

Eu poderia estar em qualquer outro lugar, mas tua glória me atraiu, tua presença me atraiu!🤍

[joostpauze]

i realised not everyone may have seen the ass eating clip so here it is

since what we're all thinking is finally being talked about

[whumpfessional]

Naming

Comfort with the hurt. The crew of the Aspida try to name the stray they picked up.

Cw: slavery (past, referenced), past hand whump, vivid dream, past minor whump

“She’s got to have a name, this is ridiculous.”

“It’s been three weeks, Patterson. Give it a hot sec.” 

“This is bullshit.”

“I can’t force a name onto her! You do see how that’s worse, right?”

Voices floated up into the ventilation shaft of the Aspida, where the girl hovered over the ship’s mess. 

She hated sleeping these days. Even the pills Doc gave her didn’t stop the dreams. So she skulked instead. Exploring the ship. Listening. Watching.

“I’ve raised a fucking child, Hef. That kid is a ghost.” Cutlery clinked in the quiet pause. “Get her a name. Get her started on some basic schooling. It’s time already.” 

The girl’s burnt hand ached against the cold metal but she held herself still. Guilt flickered up in her stomach briefly for listening to what she shouldn’t. But there hasn’t been any punishments in all her time on board. Not even when she broke things. 

“She’s so skittish.” Hef’s voice echoed in the vent, quieter now, resigned. “In all my years… what they do to us when they take us…” Her voice trailed off, followed by cutlery sounds. “I’m just scared to fuck her up even more.”

“Mm, the fear of all parents. That you are somehow going to ruin them.” 

“I’m not her parent.”

“Then who is? She’s your responsibility now.”

Conversation lulled. More silence interrupted by the scraping of a chair being pushed back. 

Patterson’s voice trickled up. “We’ve all got your back, Hef. Ask us for help. You aren’t on your own.” 

A door hissed open and closed. Quiet. 

The girl snuck away, slipping back to her shared room and the stashed sleeping pills under her pillow. 

—

Hef found her the next morning putzing with the water purification systems. The girl could feel the presence of someone watching behind her but she continued screwing in the new filter. Hair stood up on the back of her neck, body tensed to dodge, to take a blow. 

Instead, Hef waiting until she had put things back together before clearing her throat. The girl whipped her head around, pretending to have not been aware of her presence. 

“So kid,” Hef started, looking around, eyes not landing on her. “I’ve been thinking, it would probably be good if we started you in some classes, y’know?”

The girl stared back, not shying away. She tilted her head to the side in curiosity, face blank. 

Hef flinched inwardly at the Batarian gesture but steeled herself to not let it show. It unnerved her sometimes how few human idiosyncrasies the girl had. They all had translation implants but she could still tell when the girl would struggle to find the English words, resorting to Batarian ones instead. 

How do you make a human human? 

Another throat clearing, “Pilar’s offered to help out with some math and science stuff. Lee’s a history buff so there’s that too. I don’t know what your reading and writing is like yet but we can assess that and see what you need.”

The girl nodded, a slight upturn flicking at the corner of her mouth. Thoughts began to race and she had to suppress the trill of excitement forming in her chest. 

Encouraged, Hef continued. “I think we are going to have to figure out a name for you too. I know you said you don’t have one but maybe there was something the other humans would call you? Some starting point?”

The warmth of excitement turned into the acid burn of panic. Instinctively, her eyes flickered around, looking for anyone who might be watching.

Hef watched the shift with interest, seeing the withdrawal in real time. Words came unbidden from somewhere inside of her. “You are safe, kid.” She crouched down, lowering herself to the ground across from where the girl perched. “I can’t imagine how hard it is to believe this but we are not going to hurt you. You are allowed to be a person. And you need a name.”

Silence stretched, only broken by the rush of water coming back into the pipes. Hef watched the girl struggle internally, her face concentrated and contorted as she worked to find words. 

“The steward-“ the girl’s voice cracked, “he-he was human but he-“ She struggled for the word for a moment. “He got his own room, better food. An-and he made sure w-we obeyed.” Her eyes pulled down to the thin, silvery scars that crisscrossed her hands, the whistle of the switch slashing downwards loud in her ears. 

“The masters didn’t want us to have names. Mostly they just called us by our jobs.” The girl swallowed, the words flowing more easily as she let her eyes blur. “And that was a rule. And if-if you broke a rule and someone else told the steward, they would get something. An extra meal, a morning off.”

Hef’s face paled slightly as she watched the girl shrink into herself. But this was more than any of them had heard her say at once so she stayed silent, listening in horror. 

“I-I never told. B-bu-but,” the girl’s voice began to crack, a tremble forming in her hands as she clenched them tighter, “I took a piece of bread one day. And someone told him.” She looked up at that point, tear filled eyes meeting Hef’s with a shocking intensity. “So no. I don’t have a name. It’s never worth it. And-“

A tear finally spilled down her cheek, which she wiped away quickly with the back of her hand. “And when I go back, if I have a name, then he’ll just take that away from me. And I-you… there’s so much that he can take from me now.” Her voice picked up speed, as if trying to get all the words out before something stopped her. “When you have nothing they can’t take anything more but you keep-“ Her voice cracked.

“You keep giving me things and I can’t have things. I am a thing. I am legal fucking property and when I get taken back-“ Tears flowed freely down her contorted face. “When he gets his hands on me-“ 

The girl couldn’t continue, she just curled inwards, sobs wracking her small frame. Hef moved in quickly, gathering up the girl in her arms. 

They held each other, the girl’s tears soaking the shoulder of Hef’s jacket. Hef stroked her hair gently, making calming sounds as she did. 

“I’m so scared.” A small whisper came from the girl in her arms before she broke into another round of sobs. “I’m so scared all the time.” 

“I know, I know.” Hef soothed, holding her tightly. “I’m never going to let that happen. He’s never going to take you. I will die before I let him take you, do you understand?” 

They stayed in the pump room for a long time, clinging to each other. Not letting go. 

—

The next morning, the girl woke up to a message from Hef on her hand-me-down omnitool. 

Hey Kid,

I figured it would be pretty hard to think of a name from scratch so I asked the crew and thought of some myself. Don’t feel like you have to use any of them but they could be a good starting point. 

Let me know if you need any help. 

Hef

Attached to the message was a document that she clicked open.

Name Suggestions

Zhi You - 只有 (freedom)

Strel (from the bird of paradise plant, represents freedom and immortality)

Blythe (self determination)

Planē (Greek wanderer + mistakes)

Joan (Joan of Arc, god’s gift)

Circe (Sorcerous from Greek Mythology, turned pirates into pigs) 

Static filled her mind but instead of letting it consume her, she forced herself to breathe through it. 

Slowly, she read through the list, sounding out each of the names slowly. Like Manny taught her, she typed each of them into the search engine on the omnitool, finding their meanings and adding them to the list. 

A name. It felt too big of a choice for her to make. Patterson had sent her to repair a stuck door in the cargo hold where Montoya had set up their workshop. Fixing things was easier than thinking. 

They worked in compatible silence. Montoya seemed to be taking apart some miniature mech on the table, laying out all the pieces in the order that they took them out in. 

The girl had taken off the control panel for the door and kept checking the inner workings against the schematics that Patterson had given her. She was supposed to diagnose the issue herself but everything looked like it should be. 

Frustrated, she let the flux probe clatter to the ground, sitting back on her heels. 

“Trouble?” Montoya’a voice came from behind her. She turned to see them with a pair of magnifying glasses on, making their eyes look huge. Suppressing a giggle, she tilted her head back and forth. 

Pushing the goggles up, Montoya got up and came over to the door, taking a look themselves. She pulled up the schematic to show them but they brushed her off. 

“That’s not going to help much. A lot of stuff on this ship has been modified through the years.” Using rubber tipped pliers, they pointed to a tangled bunch of wires that she had missed at the back. “Someone rewired these a while ago. Probably didn’t solder them properly.” 

They sat back as well, matching her crouching position. “You know how to solder?” She shook her head, ready for the pliers to jab in, for a punch to knock her over. 

Montoya headed back to their table, gathering tools. They tossed the girl a pair of goggles and began to explain the process to her, getting her to clamp the wires together while they prepared the iron. 

“So,” they started casually as they lit up the iron, “heard you’re working on figuring out a name.

The girl dropped the light she had been holding up for them and scrambled to pick it up again. “I guess so.” She said quietly as she refocused it. “Hef sent me a list of ideas.” 

“I picked my name, you know.” Montoya added causally, finishing up the solder and turning off the iron. They turned back, settling cross legged across from her. 

“You did?” The girl asked in surprise. 

Montoya nodded back to her, fiddling with the screws from the panel she had removed. “Yeah. The one I was born with didn’t fit me. So I changed it.”

The girl was quiet for a moment, considering. “I didn’t know people did that.”

“Oh yeah, happens all the time.” They said with a smile. “You think Doc was born Doc? Or Hephaestus was named that? They both chose those names. I don’t know if they did it legally on paper like me but yeah, same deal.” 

“Anyways,” they continued, getting to their feet now, “don’t stress too much about it. It’s not final. You can always change it if it doesn’t feel like the right fit. The great thing about a name is that it’s yours and nobody else’s.” 

The girl focused on putting the panel back into place, finding the right screwdriver head. Her hands shook slightly, causing the screw to clatter to the ground. She flinched at the sound, quickly gathering it back up. 

Chancing a look behind her, she relaxed to see Montoya back at their work. Deftly, she put it back together and gathered her supplies to head out. 

“Hey kid,” Montoya called out behind her as she stepped through the now working door. She turned around to see them with the ridiculous magnifying goggles on again. “No one can make you feel small without your consent. Remember that.” 

Unsure what to do, she gave them a thumbs up before turning down the hallway. 

The syllables of her favourite names played on her lips. Strel, Zhi You, Joan, Circe. She repeated them as she walked, the names taking the rhythm of her steps.

Strel. Zhi You. Joan. Circe.

Strel. Zhi You. Joan. Circe. 

Strel. Zhi You. Circe.

Zhi You. Circe.

Zhi You. Circe.

Circe. Circe. Circe. 

Circe.

—

She let the name circle around her head for the rest of the day, feeling how it felt. She liked the softness of the c’s, how they hissed in her mouth. It felt round and smooth, like a rock that had been tumbled in the ocean. 

She liked the word Sir in it. And she liked the stories she read of Circe. 

In her dreams that night, she turned the whole Batarian fleet into a mess of squealing pigs and slit their throats. She could feel the hot blood flow over her hands as she worked the practice sword across their necks. In the dream, it was razor sharp. 

—

She woke with a smile on her face. It felt like she had a secret that was waiting to burst out of her. Slipping out of her bunk, she hurried barefoot to the cockpit. 

Hef and Doc were set up in there, coffees in hand. The vastness of space stretched out the windshield in front of them. They turned at her entrance. 

“I want to be called Circe.” She declared before the terror could overwhelm her. Panic began to hit and she gripped her hands tightly at her sides. But she had done it. She had fucking done it.

Hef broke into a brilliant grin, turning to look at Doc before she turned back to Circe. “Okay. Fantastic.” Hef set down the coffee, heading to stand in front of her. “You sure?”

Circe nodded, not trusting her voice anymore. There was so much goddamn hope in her heart and every instinct told her to crush it. But looking at Hef and Doc and the potential of millions of stars, she let it grow instead.

A smile broke out across her face, uncontrolled. “M-my name is Circe.” She stated, shocked at the joy in her own voice. 

“Hi Circe. It’s lovely to meet you.” Hef swept her up in a bear of a hug, spinning her around. Circe let out a squeak in surprise which quickly turned into a giggle and then a full laugh. 

Hef set her down and Doc stepped forward, offering up their hand to Circe. “A pleasure to meet you Circe.” They said, shaking her hand. 

Circe bounced on her toes slightly, still smiling. “Can I got tell the others?” 

Hef nodded enthusiastically, gesturing towards the door. “Yes, go, go. We will deal with the administrative stuff.” She paused, pulling Circe in once more for a hug, “I’m so proud of you.” Hef whispered in her ear as she squeezed her tightly. 

Slipping out of the embrace, Circe rushed out the door to head to the mess, where most of the others were likely having breakfast. 

Hef leaned into Doc as the door hissed closed behind Circe. 

“She picked my name.” Hef whispered up to them, leaning her head on their chest. 

“I know, love.” Doc planted a kiss on her forehead before resting their chin on her head. “You did so well.”

Circe tags: annablogsposts

[captainbaddecisions]

Show me the champion of light.... .... And I'll firewalk with you

[tagedeszorns]

It's Marine Meat Monday again and I'm back with a canon-guy: Navar Hef of the Raven Guard!

I love the mutated Raptors so much! The smooth with the rough, as they say.

If you want to know more about how and why there are almost possessed-looking Raven Guard Marines and how Corvus tries to blame the Alpha Legion for that (but let's be honest - just look at him now. It's his gene-seed!), you should absolutely read "Deliverance Lost" and the short stories with the Raptors.

[digitalfountains]

Maia Del Estal by Hef Prentice

[monsieurenjlolras]

Crying weeping sobbing about how at its very center His Dark Materials is a story about childhood best friends who love each other so much that one of them literally rips the universe apart because she promised she'd save the other one and she refuses to abandon him. "I told them you'd come, just like at bolvanger" yeah okay okay okay even in the world of the dead Roger never for a second questioned that his best friend would show up and help because she promised. the way children love is strong and pure and more powerful than anything in the world its okay I'm fine its fine.

[hunchoeatsfirst]

My life has always been so mid. I’ve always felt like I was meant for more but how? Why do I always give up on myself so easily?

Questions that may never get answers

[nudesnoises]

Hef Prentice