#Fear of Conflict

[amyintherapy]

"Conflict Avoidant"

I saw this in a tiktok and keep thinking about it.

People call themselves (or others) "conflict avoidant" often. Or they say they're afraid of conflict. I definitely have said these thing myself. This tiktok stuck with me because it made such a good point. Which is, the vast majority of these people aren't really afraid of conflict. Because conflict is just having a disagreement. And disagreeing when you both respect each other and have good intentions, is not a bad or scary thing at all. It often is a really positive thing. It's something that allows you to reconfigure something in your life so that it works better for you and better for your loved ones. It can be a chance to grow, and a chance to connect with someone, understand them better, etc. Even if the conflict is extremely tough and you can't seem to find a way to come to an agreement...you could still walk away agreeing to disagree. Conflict is just sharing your perspectives while they share theirs, and you work to find a sense of understanding, or learn where to place boundaries, or you find a way to negotiate so that both people are better off, etc. Healthy conflict isn't scary to most people. Most people, if they were conflict that conflict would be handled with respect, no raised voices, no name calling or manipulation, etc - they'd not be afraid of or choose to avoid the conversation at all.

Most people who are "afraid of conflict" are actually afraid of abuse. They have a history of knowing that when they disagree with someone else, or when they ask for someone to accommodate a need, or that they need to set boundary - that people have responded with hostility, rejection, screaming, emotional abuse, even physical abuse. So they assume that if they bring up a problem or a need, that this person will (or at least might) mistreat them. And that's what they are afraid of. Or perhaps instead of abuse, they associate conflict with being abandoned/neglected, so they fear if they raise conflict, they'll be abandoned.

Fear of abuse, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, yes. And humans are supposed to be afraid of these things. Those are protective instincts.

But it's not a fear of conflict. We shouldn't be afraid of conflict with people who respect us, and if you've lived a life that has taught you to associate abuse, mistreatment or abandonment with conflict, then it's understandable that you've become conflict avoidant in an attempt to be abuse/mistreatment/abandonment avoidant - but it's a shame because respectful conflict/disagreement is a key part of healthy relationships.

[djkingfury]

I've always found it hard to tell someone when I feel like they've been injust with me. Maybe just because I don't want to be wrong and look stupid. I also can't explain exactly what they did made me feel like it was unjust or wrong.

[engineeringeconomicshub]

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[magnetic-rose]

"why are beelzebub and gabriel allowed to be happy but aziraphale and crowley aren't" because this story isn't about beelzebub and gabriel. it's not that they got their happy ending and aziracrow got fucked over. gabriel and beelzebub's relationship is meant to show aziraphale and crowley what they can have if they were on the same page. this is what aziraphale and crowley can achieve in the next season. because gabriel and beelzebub's story is done (for now). aziraphale and crowley still have at least one more season.

[mysterycitrus]

their relationship is complex and not entirely definable but if u look me in the eyes and tell me that dick grayson isn’t bruce waynes first kid im not gonna take u super seriously. sowwy

[mochela]

miscellaneous fungers

[dreamyintersexouppy]

"boo hoo this site is so hostile to transmascs nowadays" a choice few transmascs have constructed a platform on harassing transfems, are we supposed to be nicies to them or something??? you are not them, you shouldn't feel threatened by any kind of frustration they get in retaliation and if you have this fear because you identify with them i need you to ask yourself why because they are not people you should look up to or identify with, what they do is just full faced transmisogyny you are not under threat because a few guys are sexist and their victims decided to speak up about it

[waitineedaname]

MXTX protagonists ranked by how bad their mommy/daddy issues are

Luo Binghe: absolutely nuclear level of mommy/daddy issues. this is the consequence of giving your protagonist two deadbeat dads and two dead moms, and then letting him project all those issues onto his overly indulgent teacher

Wei Wuxian: he could've had perfectly normal orphan levels of parent trauma, but what's that?? IT'S THE JIANG PARENTS WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!! the combo of fear and respect he had for Yu Ziyuan is already bad enough, but then there's also the feeling of responsibility for the Jiang siblings that they put on him, which then leads to, you know, all the Yunmeng sibling problems

Lan Wangji: this dude is so haunted by his father potentially kidnapping his mother and then locking her up and putting himself in seclusion, and this significantly shapes his relationship with Wei Wuxian. plus he took his mother's death really, really badly :(

Shen Qingqiu: he like never mentions his parents?? which is weird, but at least he's not haunted by it. however, he gets the special privilege of being the person exacerbating someone else's mommy/daddy issues. he brought this on himself. he doesn't get to walk out of a confession involving a metaphor where he'd be pregnant with his partner and act like that's normal

Xie Lian: he definitely has trauma surrounding his parents for sure, but they don't seem to have manifested as specifically mommy/daddy issues? it's just, you know. normal grief. honestly, there's so much shit going on with his trauma and baggage that he can't be defined by this one thing

Hua Cheng: does not seem to care about his parents?? at all???? he's presumably an orphan and they're probably the origin of his self worth issues, but like. in the grand scheme of things, they do not seem to be that big of a concern for him. who needs mommy issues when you have devotion to dianxia i guess

[bacchuschucklefuck]

one thing I really really appreciate abt riz gukgak as a character is that he is un-self-aware to the max. he inhabits his body so completely. the arc that would usually be run as "I'm different and unable to connect with my friends in this way that everyone seems to be able to do and so something's wrong with me and I don't like myself" when it comes to riz is actually like no! I have literally no problems or praises for myself personally. I don't stand outside of my own self and judge it. it's phrased as "other people will eventually find someone more important to them than you" rather than centering it on his self-perception. he doesn't know why he doesn't have the best social life on earth even though he's not afraid at all to talk to other people. every time he sees himself in someone else's actions or behaviour he gets startled by it. his latest epilogue is realizing seemingly for the first time that he's not just an agent of causes but an actual character. he's my hero and I want to be him when I grow up

[adrift-in-thyme]

Panels with Time and the Master Sword are my favorite flavor of angst

Credit to @linkeduniverse

[yarmiko-art]

First base is mutual threats

A redraw of this thing I made two year ago. Still love the dynamic

Engaging in verbal passive-aggressive conversations with each other is actually very entertaining passtime. This is why their post-Robobot\pre-Star Allies interactions are so fun to me: this is a very shaky ground, riddled with mutual loathing. Susie, who really isn't doing very well after Max dying (technically her fault) and getting the CEO's status to pressure her. Also not actually processing her trauma in AD, but repressing it along with most of her emotions. And MK with his wounded pride, who is frustrated with himself first and foremost. And genuinely not trusting the new CEO of intergalactic corporation, which is kinda valid

I guess I just love the trope of "this evil\annoying person you preserve them as, turns out to be not so evil/annoying"

[lotus-pear]

WOULD U GUYS STILL LOVE ME IF I DID PERSONA 5 FOR MY 13K DTIYS ☹️☹️☹️☹️

[peachy-artist]

He’s making it SO hard for me not to trans her

[pianokantzart]

Do you think Lu has any deeper fears like you headcanon that Mario does? More emotional ones; whereas lava and dogs and whatnot are more lighthearted?

This is me taking a little bit from the Mario & Luigi RPGs, but being deemed not worth the trouble and left behind, particularly by his brother.

While Luigi doesn't care that much about what people generally think of him, a lot of his sense of self-worth hinges on how he can help his brother.

Luckily, Mario thinks the world of Luigi and always will, but even so Luigi finds the idea of failing the one person who somewhat understands him to be more terrifying than any ghost.

[lonelyoleander]

everything's better with friends~ ψ(｀∇´)ψ

[coffehbeans]

Another g/t trope that I love but as a dialogue prompt

Giant: "You're scared of me."

Tiny: "...I don't want to be."