#because of those two things something i had to think a lot about was how the color progression changes the mood

[ghostedgwen]

under that attitude | j.potter

note : I'll have you know it was very funny to take breaks from writing this to create rollercoasters on my roblox theme park tycoon that I managed on the side, I cannot just do one thing lately - at least it was productive

warnings : some angst and a lot of overthinking, pining, misunderstandings (only a bit), two dumb idiots avoiding their feelings, idiots in love, a whole lot of fluff despite the denial

You were always good at keeping secrets - especially the one about your Legilimency. No one could know, because you didn’t have a solid prediction of how the wizarding world would react to that information. But everything changes the day you hear the truth behind his insults - the way his heart stutters when you argue, the desperate, half-terrified way he wants you. 4.9k words

. . . Like, I want you, bless my soul, and I ain't gotta tell him. I think he knows.

Like how most depressing things are, it was worse at night.

The castle breathed in the dark - long, slow sighs that rattled through stone and bone alike - and it was then, in the hush between curfew and dawn, that the voices were loudest. Not aloud. Never aloud. In your head. Flickering, always uninvited.

You leaned against the cold wall outside the Slytherin common room, your head tipped back, eyes closed. The torches burned low, sputtering against damp stone. Somewhere down the passage, you could hear the slow drip of water, the groan of ancient pipes. Familiar sounds.

The other ones - the ones that weren't supposed to exist - you kept locked tight behind your ribs.

You hadn't meant to become a Legilimens. Hadn't studied it, hadn't even known the word when it first happened. It had just. . . started. It started as barely audible whispers at first. At eleven years old, you'd thought everyone heard them - snatches of feeling, flickers of thought that didn't belong to you.

It wasn't until second year, during a Charms duel, that you'd understood: when your opponent raised her wand and spat a hex - and you had already known she was going to - because you had heard her panicked mind scream "Left - aim for her left!" before she ever moved.

You’d dodged without thinking. You won without even expecting an upper-hand thanks to hearing her thoughts and you’d walked back to the Slytherin huddle under curious eyes, your skin cold with the realization that something was wrong.

There were rules about things like this, from everything you have read so far.

Legilimency was dark magic in most people's eyes - an invasion, a violation - a talent reserved for those who couldn't be trusted. Monsters wore polite faces. Mind readers didn't get second chances.

So you told no one. Not even your dormmates, whose secrets you could taste sometimes when they laughed too hard.

And most days, it was fine. Manageable. If you stayed guarded. If you didn't look too closely. It only slipped when people were loud inside - when their feelings boiled over and the world around you blurred at the edges and suddenly their thoughts weren’t behind their teeth anymore, but bleeding out into yours.

You hadn't meant to overhear anyone.

But here, in the long velvet dark of Hogwarts, the mind had no walls.

Potions was a war zone on a good day. On a bad day, when the Gryffindors shared the clasroom with Slytherins, it was mutually assured destruction. Why the professors allow for this inter-house collaboration was beyond you, if there was a house the snakes mildly respect other than themselves - it would be the Ravenclaws.

You sat at your usual table near the back, carefully slicing a bundle of valerian roots, pretending not to notice James Potter throwing glances your way like hexes. He was always known to prank Slytherins, and you were not straying his radar with how you competed on the pitch often.

You anticipated it but still braced yourself for impact.

"Careful, ____," he drawled loud enough for half the room to hear. "Wouldn’t want you brewing up something - oh, I don't know - illegal."

You didn't even flinch, you saw the insult coming a mile away and barely rolled your eyes at how lame it was.

"Touching concern, Potter," you murmured, not looking up. "Planning to report me to the authorities or just desperate for my attention again?"

A few Gryffindors snickered. Lily Evans shot James a warning glare over her cauldron. He ignored it with practiced ease, an amused smile playing at his lips.

He strode closer, arms folded, the portrait of a boy who’d never been told no. Which is funny given how he's very much like a spoiled pureblood heir, only his robe colours were different. 

You neglected to point out how great he would be in your house, he’d thrive alongside the other snot-nosed pureblood brats.

"Just making sure the dark wizard training program’s running on schedule," he said, smirking. "Be a shame if someone as - what's the term? Frighteningly competent - wasn't putting in the hours."

You looked up then, meeting his gaze coolly and that was when it happened.

The world shifted - not outwardly, not visibly - but inside your head, the way it always did when someone's emotions rose too high and their mind got too loud. And James Potter, his mind was practically screaming at you, demanding to be invaded.

James's smirk stayed fixed on his face, not faltering even when your sharp gaze held his - full of mockery and bravado.

But beneath it, like a crack in the ice, you heard:

"Look at her. Smug. Brilliant. Bloody hell, she's so pretty it’s infuriating."

Your knife slipped, slicing too hard through the root. You caught yourself enough for anyone to not notice the stumble - steady hands with no visible flinch - but your heart jumped painfully against your ribs.

Stay calm.

Stay normal.

Outwardly, you quirked a brow. "If you spent half as much time on your coursework as you do worrying about me, Potter, you might actually pass your exams."

More laughter. A few Gryffindors - Sirius Black among them - hooted loud enough to make Slughorn look up from his desk.

James flushed slightly, his smirk faltering before he masked it with exaggerated affront.

You went back to your valerian root, slicing with vicious precision, pretending your ears weren’t ringing with the echo of his mind’s betrayal.

He hated you, he said. You were rivals, he said.

And yet.

"Bloody hell, she's so pretty it’s infuriating."

You didn't even want to think about what else he might be shouting inside that head of his.

You just had to survive the rest of class without cracking first.

The library was supposed to be a safe place - for you. Just you and the books and the quietness, somehow people's thoughts are quieter here. They get too focused that your abilities were not being demanded by their thoughts.

Low voices, scratching quills, sound of parchment - no loud Gryffindor boys itching for a fight. No accidental mind-reading incidents. Just quiet.

Or it should have been.

You hunched over a thick tome on advanced defensive charms, trying and pathetically failing to focus. The words blurred, your mind replaying Potions over and over.

'Look at her. Smug. Brilliant. Bloody hell, she's so pretty it’s infuriating.'

You shook your head sharply.

"No," you muttered under your breath. "No way."

Maybe you'd misheard. There was absolutely no way, the lack of sleep from slaving over N.E.W.T.s and the nearing Gryffindor vs Slytherin Quidditch match was getting to you, taking its toll. You convince yourself that was all.

Maybe James Potter didn't actually think you were. . . that.

You sank lower in your seat, dragging a hand across your face. 

You had rules about this. You never took strong flashes from someone and assumed they were true. Minds were messy, complicated things. Thoughts didn't always mean anything.

Still. You started noticing it.

The next day in Charms, you caught James looking at you across the room, chin propped on his hand, staring. When you met his gaze, he immediately dropped a book on the floor and made a big show of retrieving it.

Later, walking down the corridor between classes, you heard him before you saw him - laughing too loudly with Sirius, knocking shoulders with Peter Pettigrew, and the second he spotted you, his whole posture changed. Straighter. And then, predictably, he opened his mouth.

"Watch it, snake," he called, as you passed.

You rolled your eyes and kept walking, but your fingers twitched at your sides. Because even though his words were full of spite, his mind had been humming loud enough to burn:

"There she is. Merlin, she’s - "

You cut yourself off before the thought fully formed. You didn't want to know.

James Potter was many things - loud, insufferable, reckless - but he couldn't actually like you.

Could he?

You buried yourself deeper into your books, trying to drown out the noise - both outside and inside your head.

But the thing about secrets was: they had a way of refusing to stay quiet for long.

The air still smelled like grass and almost-rain when you cut across the pitch, broom slung lazily over one shoulder.

You’d only come to watch - Slytherin practice had ended hours ago - but somehow you’d found yourself lingering, pretending to study the Gryffindor formations. Pretending not to watch a certain messy-haired idiot loop the sky like he owned it.

You should have left.

You should have.

Boots scuffed behind you. You didn’t have to turn to know who it was.

"Well, well, well," James Potter's voice drawled, closer than you expected. "Didn't realize Slytherins were so obsessed with Gryffindor athleticism."

You snorted, not bothering to face him yet. "Don't flatter yourself, Potter. I was studying your mistakes."

He caught up easily, falling into step beside you as you made for the gates. His hair was still damp from flying, sticking to his forehead. There was a smudge of mud across his cheek, and he grinned like he hadn't a care in the world.

"Sure you were, sweetheart."

You rolled your eyes so hard it hurt - but your heart stuttered.

Because even before it hit you fully, you could feel it - the swell of emotion, bright and reckless, practically leaking out of him.

And then you heard it:

"If she knew what I really thought of her, I'd die. I'd let her hex me if it meant she'd touch me."

You stumbled.

Just a little. Just enough that you hoped he thought you tripped on the uneven ground.

But inside? There is absolute chaos brewing in you.

You recovered quickly, shooting him a scathing look, but James only laughed - like you were the most amusing thing he'd seen all day. Given the track record of his thoughts, there might be some weight to that.

He ruffled his already-ruined hair and gave you a wink that nearly made you want to hex him on principle.

"Careful, snake. Wouldn't want you falling for me."

You scoffed. "As if."

But your mind was spinning.

Because it was real. All of it - the glances, the smirks, the insults that were less venom and more cover.

James Potter didn’t hate you. He hated how much he wanted you.

The night was unbearably still, the only sound the quiet ripple of the Black Lake against the shore. You sat by the water, your knees drawn up to your chest, staring at the moonlight dancing on the surface. Your breath came in slow, measured patterns, but inside, it was chaos.

You liked coming here to help calm yourself - the sound of the soft ripples of water, the loneliness of it all as the moon shone brightly. Finally, it's quiet - truly quiet.

No person around whose privacy you could invade.

You had never wanted to know what others were thinking. You had never asked for this. But it had happened. You were a Legilimens.

And now, you knew too much.

James Potter likes you. He wants you.

The thought shouldn’t have had the power it did. It shouldn’t have twisted inside you like this, leaving you cold and unsettled. But it did. And you hated yourself for it.

You could still hear his voice, taunting you in Potions, the insults he threw your way. "Dark wizard in training," he'd called you, his words sharp and cruel. But it wasn’t his words that hurt, was it? It was the thoughts beneath them.

"Bloody hell, she's gorgeous when she's angry."

You froze, the echo of those words still too fresh, too sharp.

But you couldn’t tell him. You couldn’t let anyone know as it would open a pandora’s box of undesirables you dared not explore outside the wee hours when your head feels like it might cave in on itself.

Legilimency was a curse. It was rare, dangerous, and feared. Wizards who had been caught using it had been cast out, exiled to live on the fringes of society. Families had been ruined, careers destroyed.

And worse - those who could read minds were feared. There were whispers about what those with the power could do with it. How easily they could manipulate people. Control them.

Or perhaps the articles and books you have read were just laying it on very thick, making a spectacle out of something that was out of what society considered ordinary but you couldn’t risk it.

As a Slytherin, it was in your nature to always preserve yourself. Your well-being came first, so every action is well thought-out for your benefit - including hiding your ability away in shame.

People don't take kindly to having their minds read, the mind is one very powerful thing - a vast vault of secrets. You could very well weaponize people’s thoughts and secrets against them.

You’d keep quiet. Keep pretending you didn’t know. Even if it gnawed at you from the inside. Even if every part of you screamed to just tell him, to confront him, to understand what the hell was going on in that arrogant Gryffindor head of his.

You swallowed hard, standing up and brushing your hands off on your robes. The weight of your secret settled like lead in your chest.

You’ll pretend. You’ll keep it secret. And maybe - just maybe - you’ll survive.

Because that is why the hat sorted you to wear green robes, because you were not the type to grab James Potter by his tie to confront him and demand some explanation for the things he thought about you.

You walked back toward the castle, the darkness wrapping around you like a cloak. The sound of your footsteps on the cobblestone echoed in the quiet night.

The cauldron before you is bubbling with that familiar greenish glow, steam rising like smoke. Your fingers are quick, precise - just the right amount of crushed powdered moonstone, stirred counterclockwise, steady, controlled.

James Potter is sitting across from you, as always, only this time he's making a show of it. His elbows are planted on the table, chin in his palm, eyes fixed on you. And that smug expression. The one that makes your insides twist.

"Look at her. She’s so - "

You shut the thought out. It is your absolute misfortune that he settled on sharing a table with you when the Professor demanded some inter-house collaboration for today’s class due to Dumbledore’s insistence.

It doesn’t matter. You have a potion to finish.

But, of course, James never misses an opportunity to make you hate him just a little bit more - if hate is truly what you have been feeling.

“You’re stealing looks at me, _____. Thinking of what unforgivable to use, eh?”

You barely hear the words, your mind too focused on the process in front of you. But you hear the tone. You always hear the tone. And that’s enough.

You don’t look up from your potion, but the words slide out of your mouth like a reflex, sharp as ever. “What’s your problem, Potter? Can’t keep your mouth shut for one class?”

The words are meant to sting, meant to remind him that this rivalry isn’t just one-sided. But as you snap at him, the air thick with the tension of old wounds, your own mind is buzzing with something far worse.

"Merlin, she smells amazing."

The thought - completely out of nowhere slams into your mind like a train. Your hands falter for a second, a stray drop of essence splashing over the edge of your cauldron. You curse under your breath.

But that’s nothing compared to the way your heart jumps in your chest.

"Stop thinking about her like that, Potter. Just focus."

It’s like his voice is in your head - no, not just his voice. It’s his thoughts. His internal struggle, raw and unfiltered. And it’s all about you, as if all the time spent learning at Hogwarts were useless when all he could think about was you, you, you.

You almost choke. Almost spill the entire potion.

But you don’t. You manage to keep your face cool, eyes fixed on your cauldron. You won’t let him see the effect he’s having on you.

James doesn’t see the way you flinch, the way you want to scream and laugh all at once. He doesn’t know that you can hear every stupid, misguided thought racing through his head.

He’s still talking, probably making fun of you, probably insulting your potion-making technique. But inside, it’s all just a blur of "please don’t notice", how good you smell and "how is she this good at everything?"

You can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep pretending you hate him, when his equally-annoying voice spouted compliments and confessions in your head. Like he was right by your ear screaming them.

But you have to. Because you know. You know what he’s thinking. What he really thinks about you. And it’s driving you mad - as much as he is driving himself mad.

"She’s making it look so easy. Stop it, James."

You don’t flinch this time. You just keep your hands steady, your face calm, pretending like none of it’s happening. Pretending like the weight of his thoughts isn’t burning through your skin, making you want to dunk your head into the boiling cauldron.

It’s maddening. And you’re beginning to wonder how much longer you can keep pretending you don’t know.

The Quidditch pitch was alive with energy, the roar of the crowd drowning out all other sounds. Gryffindor versus Slytherin - the match everyone was waiting for, one that had your Quidditch captain on everyone’s rears all semester.

The teams soared high, the Quaffle exchanged between players as they raced towards the goalposts. It was fast, furious, and wildly competitive.

You gripped your broom tightly, eyes locked on the Quaffle as you swerved past a Bludger. You were focused, focused enough that you could almost tune out everything else - everything, except for him.

Merlin, despite the heat and chaos of the match, you could still hear him through them with how absolutely loud he was as if he was projecting his thoughts to you on purpose.

James Potter, the Gryffindor starchaser, was on the opposite team. The moment you locked eyes, he flashed that insufferable grin, like he’d already won. He was always cocky, always loud. But this time, it felt different. There was something in the way he was watching you.

"Watch out, snake!" he shouted, a taunt just loud enough for everyone to hear as you flew past him.

You didn't flinch, too used to the hostility. Instead, you focused on the Quaffle, your eyes scanning for an opening. You threw it, perfect precision, straight through the left hoop. Score. The crowd erupted into cheers, but the sound felt distant compared to the pounding in your ears.

But there it was again. His voice. Not in the air, but inside your head.

"She’s so good at this. Bloody hell, how does she do that?" James’ thoughts interrupted everything, like a crashing wave. "She moves like - like she was born to fly. Makes me want to just - "

You clenched your jaw, trying to force the thoughts out of your head. This was bad. So bad. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t block out the next wave of thoughts that flooded your mind.

"I want to snog her senseless."

It hit you like a jolt to the chest. You had to swallow the sudden rush of heat in your throat. You didn’t dare look at him, not with the intensity of what was going on in his head.

The game was still raging on, but your focus was slipping. You were just trying to keep it together, trying to pretend this was normal - that it didn’t matter that James Potter, the James Potter, was thinking about you like that.

He wasn’t just mocking you any more. His admiration was clear, cutting through every insult and joke. It made everything ultimately worse.

You caught another pass - biting the insides of your cheeks, dodging a Bludger, and went for another shot. But now it wasn’t just about the game. It wasn’t about scoring or winning.

It was about trying to control your emotions - when everything in you wanted to break the rules. To reach out. To tell him what you were hearing.

But you couldn’t.

Because the last thing you needed was for him to find out just how much you felt the same.

You were unsure how to process the realization that not only is James Potter besotted with you, but you liked him back. You, the Slytherin chaser who he exchanged insults with on a daily every Potions class was just as besotted.

It is truly a doomed plot written out for some sick god’s entertainment watching you run around like a headless Hippogriff.

So here you are, ending up yet again in the black lake during wee hours, escaping the castle undetected yet again. It is the only place that could truly calm you down when even your own ehad gets too loud.

Unbeknownst to you was the Gryffindor hiding under an invisibility cloak, watching you. His eyes studied your face that seemed much more softer in the dead of night, how all the frown left you and all that remained was your features all bare.

He felt the strong urge to reach out, but that would reveal the fact he followed you. He noticed you leaving the castle on the map, and out of concern snuck out to follow you under the cloak. He knew the dangers outside the castle walls, he just wanted to make sure you were safe.

He did not expect to invade your privacy as you looked out into the lake like a person who had the entire weight of the world. He wonders just what could be going on inside your mind, wishing he could peer into it and maybe, maybe he could take some of that weight off.

He gripped his wand, feeling defeated. 

He can’t even let you know how much he worries about you, how much he wonders about you - because that would be confronting the fact he has fallen for the enemy. That he would be going against his beliefs.

James Potter is an idiot. And he wanted nothing more than to snog you but instead he always resorts to insults, failing to do right by the bravery prided by his house.

You couldn’t hear his thoughts under the cloak, so you remained unaware of the boy watching you with so much love in his eyes that you were two hopeless idiots dancing around it.

“Merlin,” you breathed out exasperatedly. James Potter is not someone to lose sleep over, you knew that much should be true but nothing is working. No essay on Ancient Runes could distract you enough.

The school year was nearing its end. Despite yourself, you still managed to dodge out of confronting your feelings for one annoyingly-persistent Gryffindor and made it through passing your N.E.W.T.s with flying colours.

You had a decent set of “O” and “E” from your results, not getting anything less than Exceeding Expectations. Your parents are satisfied, not that you have ever failed them. Being a Slytherin is basically being bred for perfection.

Your academics and pureblood duties were already weighing on you but then - 

“Oi, snake!” right.

James Potter is that one itch you can’t quite scratch enough to get rid of. A very handsome itch with a perfect set of teeth, that is. 

“Sod off, Potter,” you roll your eyes as if following a perfected script by now, “I have better shit to do than deal with your childish antics.”

He frowned, something about the way you said it alerted him. There was no bite from that, all he heard was the exhaust from your voice as if you had forced those words out of you. He wanted to ask if you were okay, he thought it.

Before he could ask, you already gave an answer.

“I’m bloody fine,” you scoff. “Since when did you care?”

His frown deepened, impossibly so. He hadn’t asked it yet. You heard his confused pool of thoughts and your mistake began to dawn on you, you look at him, panicked and backed away before he could get another word out.

He must have called out your name, you weren’t sure. So you just made a run for it to avoid whatever he was about to say. 

He ran after you, not bothering to entertain Sirius’ confused inquiry as he watched his best mate chase after a Slytherin. He didn’t think it was anything James needed backup with so he only watched, nudging Remus next to him who also watched.

“What do you think that’s about?” Sirius asked, face unreadable.

Remus let out an amused chuckle. “That, mate, is young love blossoming.”

Sirius gagged, which was the reaction Remus anticipated, wording his phrase that way. “Prongs and that snake?”

“Blimey, you are bloody clueless.”

James had managed to catch up to you before you could turn and see the dungeons common room. Grabbing you by your wrist and pulling you back so you could face him, he called out your name again but your heart was too loud.

“Can you stop running away?” he asked, barely raising his voice. “What’s wrong?”

You turn at him, glaring. Tugging at your wrist to free it but he was not letting you go, you let out an exhausted groan and you only paused when a look of worry painted itself over his features as he watch you struggle out of his grasp.

“____?” he called out, his voice impossibly soft when saying your name that it almost made your knees buckle.

You blink at me. “Say you hate me,” you tell him and you wanted so badly for it to also be echoed in his head.

“What?” he couldn’t explain your actions and it was worrying him beyond belief. You could almost feel your eye twitch at him.

“Say you hate me,” you tug at your wrist, “and mean it, Potter. Fucking say you hate my guts, and also think it in that thick skull of yours.”

“Merlin, ____,” James sounded desperate. “What is going on with you? Lost your wits after N.E.W.T.s?”

You felt unbelievably angry at this moment but it was more directed at yourself than him. Though he thought it was aimed at him, so he threaded carefully. Slowly letting go of your wrist and it dropped limply at your side.

“Yeah, Potter, totally went nuts after the exams so I’m demanding you express your hatred for me,” you remark sarcastically, he did not appreciate it one bit. “Just say it.”

“No,” James replied right away sternly. “You are losing it.”

“How can I not?” You point angrily at him.

“____ - “

“You say one thing and you think another,” there was no going back now as the tears welled up in your eyes, all his confusion left him and all that was left was worry. “I can hear you, your thoughts.”

All the words he knew left him. Jaw slackened, he remained standing in front of you, unable to say anything. All this time, you heard him - how? That doesn’t really matter, his head is now replaying every thought he had of you.

Fucking hell.

Fucking mumbling, bloody hell.

“I didn’t mean to, I know it’s your privacy and I wasn’t going to - “ you cast your eyes down, afraid to see how disgusted he’d look when he realizes what you were confessing. “I couldn’t control it.”

James allowed a beat to pass, just a pregnant pause between you two as the hall remained empty, much to both of your delights. Then finally, he found his voice. He cleared his throat, afraid his voice would crack.

“You mean - you’ve heard all my thoughts about you.”

You managed to smile despite the tension, “Yes, including wanting to snog me senseless,” you saw the smile tug at his lips. You still refused to meet his eyes, “Your mind is very loud. I couldn’t shut it out even if I wanted to.”

James surprised you by what he did next - crossing the gap between you two which you had expected to keep growing until he was impossibly out of reach. Instead he closed in on you, capturing your lips in his and he did right by his words - 

You felt like he was stealing every breath away with how he kissed you like it could explain everything away. You kissed him back, finally allowing yourself to do one brave thing and confront your feelings instead of swallowing it all down.

His arm wrapped around your middle to pull you impossibly closer as he continued making your head lighter and lighter and only when you tapped in surrender did he pull away. You were heaving, breathless as you eyed him all bewildered.

“You -”

James Potter managed a smirk with swollen lips. “Snogged you senseless, didn’t I?”

“You twat.”

end. masterlist

[inbabylontheywept]

How is your life so interesting

Normally, I just kind of laugh this question off, but I've been asked enough times I'm gonna take an honest stab at it.

So, the first thing worth considering is whether the story itself is all that interesting, or whether I am just a good storyteller. My most popular story is about cutting a lot of worms and half, and crying, and then being comforted by my mom. That's not a terribly uncommon or hard to imagine event. A lot of my stories more about the telling than the substance.

There are also some stories that are weird, but they're weird in ways that I also find, like, relateably weird? It might just be that I knew a lot of athletes in college, but I don't think eating raw eggs is that weird. Eating 15 in one go is, but I was roommates with a guy that ate like, three for breakfast, three in his in-class protein shake, and another three at dinner. That guy was attending ASU on a gymnast scholarship, but also, he genuinely ate 5 dozen eggs a week. That seems much more normal than eating 15 in one day.

To say nothing of eating raw onion. Tons of people eat raw onions. It baffles the non-onion eaters, but it's a super common thing. Especially in Mexico.

Some of the stories happen because I am better at noticing story-worthy events than most people. I can't tell you how many times I've been in public, and seen someone do some weirdass thing, and then had to nudge my wife and to get her to watch it too.

If I had to point to the parts of my life that are truly, genuinely, bafflingly weird, they would be my dating stories, and. I dunno. My general thermonuclear dumbass event posts. And I can break down why those two are interesting pretty simply:

I was unbelievably bad at dating. The majority of the time, that just meant that there was a few minutes of stilted small talk and never get a call back. But the thing is, Mormon culture strongly encourages dating as like, a social-practice thing, and I was very motivated to get good at it, so I just kept trying and trying and I think I went on at least 200 first dates before meeting my wife. I genuinely believe that if anyone went on 200 first dates, they would get some pretty incredible bad date stories too. Especially if they had autism. I know I write well, and I can sound very charming here, but it took me a very, very long to get decent social skills. I am just a disturbingly persistent learner.

I am very convincing. This is helpful when I am interacting with other people, because it can do things like, convince them to let me into their secret facility, or convince them to not vote Republican again, or to save at least put the company match into their retirement accounts. But when I'm just debating something with myself, my convincingness works against me: I am very good at tricking myself into believing that bad ideas are, somehow, actually good. This is part of why I have so much sympathy for the right wing lunatics that I work with. Every time I meet a crazy person I go, ah, but for the grace of God, go I. Anyway, this does an unfortunate thing where my excellent verbal skills drive my poor decisions, which results in the very odd combination of welll written, articulate stories about someone being A Fucking Idiot. Like the condom bomber story. I think this is also why most of the lawyers that I meet are insane in their personal lives.

Anyway, those are my theories! I'm gonna tag @lizardho because we mostly had the same childhood, but she has a better grasp on what normal people look like than me, and perhaps she'll have her own theories on the weirdness of our lives.

[vonbabbitt]

hiroaki too. i think this is the last one i have from pink

hiroaki loredrop tw for hiroaki things

HIROAKI!! hiroaki was born in tokyo, specifically in the shibuya area, so hes always been living in a very urbanized and busy environment. he was a fairly normal and actually surprisingly boring child, but also very independent and didnt rely on his parents for some of the more basic parts of his life like getting to school and taking care of his needs and such. his parents were fine and he got along with them fine for the most part but he wasnt super close with them or anything. mostly co-existent! regardless: growing up in shibuya meant that he was around a lot of very interesting fashion that he was completely fascinated with. he eventually got into the habit of bringing a notebook with him when he took the bus to school every day and doodling any particularly interesting outfits he saw. this eventually bled into designing his OWN unique outfits during class instead of paying attention!! BECAUSE…..

HIROAKI GREW UP WITH VERY UNCHECKED ADHD. he was a super flighty child and didnt really pay attention in class because he just couldnt focus that well, especially if the topic wasnt super interesting for him. he did a lot of drawing and a lot of socializing, so those are the two things he ended up developing the most skill in. that said, he would get in trouble a lot for not paying attention in class and his grades were not fantastic, which upset his parents and had them nagging him fairly constantly to study and have better grades and pay more attention etc. etc. when really they maybe should have just gotten their son tested. anyway hiroaki persists with his not paying attention and his parents persist with their being very disapproving of his academic career!

hiroakis parents are not particularly invested in hiroakis interests at this point. they dont really care about fashion or his designs or any of that and would really prefer he just focus on school, so they dont really get invested in anything else he does. hiroaki is used to this from them - him and his parents are just not the same types of people at all so he never really tries to click with them - but regardless he continues drawing CONSTANTLY. hes just pumping out designs 24/7 because he loves it and hes passionate about it and its one of the only things that can hold his focus for a super extended period of time.

when hiroaki hits age eleven he decides its time to start realizing this hobby a bit further and he learns how to properly make a pattern and sew! this opens a WHOLE NEW WORLD for him. it blows his mind that he can make his drawings real. so now instead of just drawing all the time, hes constantly doing odd jobs around his neighbourhood to get enough money to buy new supplies and continue making outfits for himself. nothing else really matters at this point because he is fully invested and having a blast. grades continue to slip and his parents are not jazzed about it! when he hits middle school, his parents get a bit stricter. he needs to study, he needs to bring his grades up, no exception, no argument. so he loses some of his free time privileges because his parents are doubling down hard on making him study. he is PISSED about this and it drives a bit of a rift between him and his parents. hiroaki is a kid with very big dreams!! he wants to go into fashion and see other people wearing the things he designs!! he wants to make people feel confident in themselves!! his parents want him to have a more standard career that he'll actually be able to rely on. it is a conflict of interest. regardless back to the point: hiroaki is focused on academics for the time being and he is NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

key point: hiroaki's academic problems are only due in part to his obsession with fashion. the other part is, again, he has very unchecked ADHD! so he struggles HARD in the standard school environment and by thirteen hes in serious serious desperation for something that can help him. he does not understand whats wrong but he knows that he needs to be fixed so he starts looking for solutions. eventually this leads him to falling in with a bad crowd who insist that he can self-medicate with opioids and itll calm him down. hes thirteen and hes stupid and theyre all stupid because they are kids. regardless, he starts taking pretty low-level opioids and sees some success! hiroakis addictive personality kicks in and by the time hes fourteen hes a full blown opioid addict. needs them to do literally anything at this point. his parents are aware and concerned but also his grades are turning around so theyre not really sure how to react.

the OTHER thing that happened when hiroaki turned fourteen: his designs started BLOWING UP. by this point hes posting things online and people are LIKING IT. they start wanting to buy and he starts going full steam ahead on production. now his grades are slipping back down. parents are mad again! tension between hiroaki and his parents continues to build and his relationship with them continues to be not great. he doesnt really care: hes been independent his entire life and its paying off, so why should be bother paying attention to them now? he goes full force on building his brand and it pays off - soon the novelty of a kid his age being as talented as he is starts carrying him UP. hes getting interviews, hes getting invited to events, hes big news. hiroaki, very socially aware but also kind of a loner, does not know what to do with all this newfound fame and falls in pretty deep with his vices. hes hanging out with cool and popular people that do not have his best interest in mind. hes smoking because he thinks it looks cool because hes fifteen. he’s down a bad path.

this bad path culminates in hiroakis drug addiction getting a LOT worse. hes gone from opioids to help with focus to heroin to help him not have a complete panic attack at the massive amount of social pressure on his shoulders. while hes making a shit ton of money pumping out designs, he’s losing money FAST because he is BLOWING it on drugs. his friends think he’s cool and his parents don’t really notice so this goes pretty much unchecked, if not actually encouraged! eventually he’s doing so much heroin on a daily basis that he is not getting anything else done and he has a bit of a mental health spiral from here. his life is gonna fall apart and he knows it and he’s terrified. but as always, he is hiroaki nakamigawa and he is a lone wolf and he can handle this on his own! except no he cant and while he eventually gets himself on a much lesser dosage rate and focuses himself on art again, he still has a serious addiction to opioids and heroin. he doesnt really see it as an issue anymore because its not super obvious to the outside world and its not preventing him from designing, so its probably fine! everything is good and fine! except everything is not good and fine. the good and fine things: he is rich, he is successful, he is famous, he is doing everything he loves and he is living big in tokyo. the not fine: he is extremely anxious, missing any real connection in his life, very depressed and addicted to drugs! he is also SIXTEEN YEARS OLD so this whole lifestyle is a massive massive amount of pressure. hes a bit of an asshole but in his shoes its somewhat unavoidable. hes a dumb kid.

so age seventeen: hiroaki on an island of his own. same as always. hes finally not in debt anymore but hes on and off drugs about 90% of the time and has no real relationship with his parents anymore. the only things he cares about are the things that can give him something in return: his fame, his work, his drugs, his shitty friends. he makes a few attempts to turn his personal life around but ultimately deems it unnecessary because hes popular and rich so what could he be upset about? at this point in his life it’s easier to just repress. so he does! and then the killing game starts

[halfpsychic]

Dr. Robby x gn!reader Headcanons

Random thoughts I’ve been having about Robby. No warnings. SFW.

* We all know he’s a real yearner (for Collins in canon). He’s a REAL yearner. Will think about that one (1) moment you had alone for weeks on end. Doesn’t want to complicate things at work so he takes forever to make his feelings known. He lives on scraps for months but he’s good at rationing the memories of those quiet moments with you. When thinking about a subtle touch from weeks ago gets old, you’ll smile at him by his locker when you’re getting ready to leave and that is enough for the next few weeks.

* Subtly tries to get your attention. Asks how your days off were, wanting to know if you hung out with any friends, not so subtly asking if you’re single or going on any dates. Notices when you come in late with frazzled eyes, appears with a cup of coffee or a granola bar in hand for you. He’s physical with his coworkers (the way he manhandles Whitaker…), his hand on your shoulder in a gesture of encouragement or guiding your hands with his through a procedure.

* Likes old movies. Meaning anything before (but not limited to) 1980. Cassavetes, Hitchcock, Kubrick (Dr Stangelove), Malick (Days of Heaven and Badlands), Bogdanovich (The Last Picture Show, Paper Moon, Targets), Sidney Lumet, Michael Cimino (The Deer Hunter, Heaven’s Gate, Thunderbolt and Lightfoot), some James Bond movies. Never passes on a Western. Will fall asleep in front of the TV and you have to shake him awake so he can go to bed, which he’ll often protest, claiming he was just resting his eyes. Not entirely opposed to international film (enjoys the occasional Tarkovsky, and it's not pre-80s but you can't tell me Robby doesn't love Wong Kar-wai and In The Mood For Love) but most nights he needs something he can understand with his eyes closed.

* He doesn’t seem like a horror lover but him taking the measles kid’s dad into the Pittfest makeshift morgue makes me think he’d enjoy something like psychological thrillers? Thrillers in general? Funny Games, some David Lynch, The Fugitive, No Country For Old Men, The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974). LOVES Heat (1995).

* Reads A Lot. Taking inspiration from Noah Wyle’s various Instagram selfies with books. Will go to tiny bookstores that don’t have any method to their organization, just stacks and stacks of dusty books, and always comes out with an armful. God forbid either of you have to leave the city without the other but Robby will send you selfies with the books he reads. (One time you respond with “that hung smile” and he teases you about it for weeks, after he gets over the initial embarrassment of it.)

* Reads before bed and usually turns his light off after you turn over to close your eyes. When you do roll over, he takes it as his cue to finish up whatever chapter he’s on. He folds up his glasses, the sound of them hitting his nightstand is always a joy to hear because it means he’s going to click off his lamp and wrap his arm around your waist.

* Has a record collection. It’s much smaller than his book collection but still takes up quite a bit of shelf space. Going off of the 1 song he listens to in the show, he gravitates towards r&b, soul, jazz, some blues, some country (Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers, Townes Van Zandt, etc).

* I love this man but I don’t think he can grill. Burns some hamburgers once and never wheels out the barbecue again.

* At one point he definitely gets a recliner and it becomes his spot. You hate it because you can’t sit with him but that doesn’t stop him from pulling you onto his lap.

* He gets so possessive. Truly cannot stomach the idea of anyone else wanting you, and it’s worse when you’re having an argument and all he can think about is the possibility of you leaving him. If he even thinks anyone else is looking at you he’ll snake an arm around your waist or lean down for a quick kiss. Loves hand holding because it always fends off wandering eyes.

* Before Covid, he’d play poker with Abbot and a few other friends. They were all pretty busy so poker night was limited to once a month at most. Abbot is really good at bluffing and Robby tanks every game because his face turns red when he’s excited or upset with his hand.

* Robby teaches you how to play poker. And various other card games. He'll sit with you at the kitchen table and teach you the rules and the hands. Plays with you to teach you but wins every round. "I didn't say I'd go easy on you."

* When he has a bad day, he gets quiet. He'll lay with his head in your lap just to be close to you. It can be hard to be with an emotionally constipated man at first. He doesn't let you in, he subconsciously self-sabotages his relationships with his lack of communication. His silence has brought many challenges to the relationship. After a while, after the honeymoon phase and many nights going to bed angry, it gets easier. Robby still doesn't like to talk about what's bothering him but he seeks you out for comfort. Maybe he'll talk about the last book he read and how he thinks you'll like it or a record he's been looking for but can't find.

* Has a pair of slippers he wears around the house. It’s been years and they’re starting to fall apart but he refuses to buy a new pair yet. If you buy him a new pair he won’t wear them.

* Eventually takes a lot of candid pictures of you on his phone. He had a film camera he used quite a bit like 15-20 years ago but slowly stopped using it. So he has the photography skills (somewhat) but it takes him a while to get the courage to sneak pictures of you.

* You find a collection of his old photographs and it genuinely shocks you. Since when was he a photographer??? He’d never mentioned it before. He has boxes of photos from his residency (hardly any feature him, though) and lots of Pittsburgh when he first moved there. You beg him to start taking pictures with his film camera again. Another box is filled with photos of you. He likes to document memories this way because it gives him a physical reminder of it happening. Those dates weren’t just a dream. They’re real. He doesn’t spend a lot of time taking photos, though. He’ll snap one or two when the moment is right and not bring it up again. He likes to live in the moment with a little souvenir of it.

* Keeps a little photo of you in his wallet. No matter how long you’ve been dating, catching a glimpse of it when he opens his wallet for his debit card makes his heart stutter.

[rosenclaws]

Headcanons for what the first kiss with each version of Logan would be like 😳👉👈 ty for considering! ☺️

YESS so cute!!

First Kiss with each Logan!

Origins Logan -

So, you work at one of the shops in the small town closest to where Logan lives. He really only makes a trip there once a week but he always shows up on a day where you're working because well...he wants to see you. Its a lot of back and forth flirting until he asks you out to dinner. He makes you dinner in his cabin and you two eat outside and watch the sunset and he absolutely drives you home because he's a gentleman and before he can drive off you lean into the drivers side window and give him a soft peck on the lips before a hurried goodnight falls from your lips and you run to your house and hurry inside. It's like a movie where you close the door and lean back against it, your heart racing while Logan sits in his truck completely in shock but with a smile on his face as he drives off.

Trilogy Logan -

Your first kiss happens after a long mission. Things didn't go the way any of you expected and the confidence you all had going into it was completely drained. Just complete silence on the way home on the jet and even Scott can tell to push the debrief to the next day. Everyone just needed a nap. But sometimes after a mission like that you just can't sleep which is how you find yourself sitting on the kitchen counter eating cereal at 3am. That's where Logan finds you. He can't really sleep either. He would join you on the counter but he doesn't want to break it so he settles for leaning next to you. It starts with playful banter but it turns to something deeper when the mission comes up. You were scared of losing Logan and you know he can heal like crazy but you can't shake it and Logan feels the same way. It's like, he's standing between your legs and his hands are on your arms as he lets you see this vulnerability he rarely shows and you two kiss and it's fucking amazing.

DOFP Logan -

This is my vision alright. You're both professors and it's a totallll flirty will they won't they kind of thing. Classrooms are literally across from each other and everyone can see the two of you are crushing hard but you both enjoy playing this game to see who cracks first. You think Logan will and he thinks you will so it's just. Unbelievable tension that makes everyone so sick of it and wishing the two of you would just give it up and admit your feelings. Which is how a poor student who was just looking for the broom finds the two of you mid make out in the closet after those feelings have finally been spilled. You both argue who cracked first but the truth is it was both of you. Seriously just get a room.

Old Man Logan -

This is a much more intimate moment between the two of you. Probably after a fight about your place in his life. You want to help him, to carry some of the weight that's been forced on his shoulders and he doesn't want you to. He tells you he's fine and he doesn't need your damn help and his words hurt but you stay strong. You care deeply for him. You've fallen in love with him. He doesn't understand why the hell you're still here. You should be running far far away from him but you're still here. I see him collapsing into an old rundown plush chair. He's tired and he's afraid of letting you in but you're not scared of him. You crawl into his lap and its a gentle but needy kiss from both of you. His hands resting on your waist getting more and more desperate as he slowly starts to let you in.

Worst Logan -

It's messy and hot and very desperate but fuck is it a first kiss to remember. Logan has been fighting his feelings for you since the moment he saw you. He wants you but he can't have you and it's driving him crazy. You just won't quit it either. Constantly seeking him out, being nice to him. It's weird, its nice, and it's so not helping his feelings. The kiss comes after he kind of explodes, basically telling you to stay away from him because he can't control himself and he wants you so bad. He wants everything from you, the soft moments too. You basically just tell him to shut up and to kiss you. Which results him him pretty much pushing you against the wall and kissing you. It's really hot tbh

[potatoes83]

@quixotic-paladin Ach, had this one in drafts, hope it's not too stale. First off, prayers sent; when I was in RCIA, and my priest asked me what they could pray over me for, all I could think of was peace. Peace, because my mind goes a million miles a minute, and there's always at least 10 things to do. His story sounds very similar to mine. So prayers for peace, dona nobis pacem.

When I did RCIA, I had just been promoted at work, my first managerial role in the organization, a lot more work and responsibility. I was also going to school in the evenings working on my degree. Oh yeah, and proposing to my girlfriend and planning a wedding. And while my birthright background was Lutheran, so a lot of stuff I was already familiar with even though we didn't go to church or anything, the two other gentlemen were Pentecostal and Seventh-day Adventist, and let me tell you, there were some horror stories that they brought to the table about how they were raised in faith!

It was a lot. It wasn't easy. Obligations on top of obligations, it's not something you can exactly blow off. But at no time did I ever feel like it was the wrong decision, from the second I made that choice, I was drawn to it more forcefully than anything in my life. And it was so worth it in the end.

I hope things settle down for him, and I have faith that he'll get through/got through. Probably in one of those senses where you realize you did it, even though you can't remember exactly how it all worked out but you did it. The Holy Spirit works in us exactly when we need it to, even if we never notice it happening. 🥔

Say a prayer for my sister's boyfriend if you would please. He's going through RCIA and wants to become Catholic, but he's struggling with his past as a Jehovah's witness and all the family trauma that went with it. He's also just under a lot of stress with school and work and he's trying so hard to be "worthy" of marrying my sister, but he's burning himself out and needs to have more self-esteem and confidence.

[aellesira]

彡 gifts from you mean the whole world to me!

pairings, aether, albedo, alhaitham, cyno, diluc, gaming, kazuha, kaveh, kinich sethos, tighnari, venti, xiao, zhongli x reader. (separate)

ᯓ ᯓ' summary, what they get you on your birthday and why + how you react to it! and the silent message each gift passes. [ 1.7k word count. ] content, birthday gifts from our favourites, most are based off their voice lines, sorry for repeats or any ooc, fluff, mostly not established relationship, pining. happy birthday to me!

Yawning, you slumped down onto your bed after the day you had. Looking at the giant pile on the opposite corner of your room, memories of today and this week stirred in your mind, reminding you of everything you’d done today. All the gifts you were given by your lovely friends…

AETHER.

The Traveler, your partner in crime. 

These days you don’t get to see him because of how immensely busy he is off in other nations; he has long since passed from your own region of Teyvat.

But Aether has his own list of his favourite people, and you are one of those lucky few he loves dearly. So of course, his present is here too!

A picture of you two. You looked lovely in it, Aether was the one taking the picture, so it was more like a selfie, with Aether wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Paimon was flying in the background as well — you would be able to notice her if you squinted.

The Traveler and Paimon keep a lot of pictures, ones they take of you as well. This is one present you hold very, very dear.

ALBEDO.

He asked to sketch you, most definitely. 

And quite the lovely sketch he made, as lovely as the person it was of, you remembered a conversation the day before. He had asked if you would like to be his live model, or if he could take a picture of you. 

Nevertheless, the completed sketch was what was in that scroll. Carefully opening the ribbon, you were pleasantly surprised.

Framing it was obvious. Could you let such a thoughtful gift sit in your drawer somewhere in its beauty? I feel like Albedo would also want to see your reaction to his gift to judge if it was too little for something like your birthday, but he could tell you liked it.

ALHAITHAM.

Wouldn’t think too much of your birthday.

He doesn’t think it’s worth all the enthusiasm it gets, and that goes for his own and others’ birthdays.

Maybe he would do a favour for you just because it seemed like the right thing to do, even when he doesn’t bother with gifts on birthdays.

Although if you were his special someone, he might try to get you something you said you wanted a few weeks prior to your birthday, although for friends he draws the line.

CYNO.

I don’t think he’d know what you like specifically or what qualifies as a ‘good’ birthday present. Either he’d forget or he’d give you some new limited-edition expensive TCG card.

You don’t even play that often?

Nevertheless, it’s a sweet gift from Cyno, even if he wasn’t sure what you’d like as a gift.

Was half-considering offering to walk around the desert as like… a date (if he had a minor crush on you)? But he didn’t have time, didn’t know if you had time, and there is nothing romantic about roaming in the sand with beetles being the most interesting thing there — Tighnari told him that — so he relented.

DILUC.

Depends on how close the two of you are, but if you were someone he cares about, he would first get you a card.

Nothing too heartfelt; it was a rather fancy-looking card adorned with a simple happy birthday message from him, but it was really nothing much. Only for formalities, although you wished he would bring down the walls he let up for so long, at least with you, so as to make him less formal with you.

Maybe would buy you some expensive item from the shops, he doesn’t mind much, not with you.

GAMING.

Only a memory, because his gift wasn’t in your room.

 Oh! Your birthday is coming up? Just kidding, he’s been planning his gift for you for a few weeks now. He loves his friends, and that includes you, naturally!

Of course, it’s not Gaming it he doesn’t book you a private Wushou dance performance, just for your birthday. You’re always so busy, so you have to make sure you come to this one; it’s special.

You also knew he would make a reservation at Xinyue Kiosk, and damn, you can’t eat that much. Soups, curries, dim sum, rice, and so many other foods you couldn’t name…

All the same, you were really happy with his gift, touched by his kindness.

KAEDEHARA KAZUHA.

Definitely spent a few nights in his spare time trying to come up with a haiku for you.

As much as he has a habit of bringing on his flowery words of praise for you, your good qualities, and little things about you that only he notes, writing a haiku for you became something that he found rather difficult.

It wasn’t that there wasn’t anything to say about you, but could he write about you in a way that would capture your image anywhere close to perfect?

He thought not. As he put it, no word in our language could come close to describing you, and even though he had so much to say, he had only a little to write.

He gave it to you after your party, which of course, he had time to attend. Promising to read it once you come home, here you are. 

Swooning and struggling to hold your giggles, although nobody would hear you anyway. You told yourself he did this for all his close friends, but perhaps Kazuha tried to hide his true feelings for you in that poem, ones you shared too.

KAVEH.

Let’s be real; he doesn’t have enough money right now to spend on you.

But I feel like he would try to just barely hold on to enough to get you something he remembered you said you liked. 

Kaveh is an emotional person. Not in the sense that his feelings are out of control, or that he is too dramatic, but Kaveh truly cares for people. You of all people, anyone would note. 

Knowing that, the little trinket, bracelet, or small thing that Kaveh was able to give you meant more than any expensive gift anyone else could give you, even if he didn’t know that himself.

Maybe, one day you would have the courage to tell each other how you feel, but until then, he is happy with your shy little smiles and giggles whenever you get to see him.

KINICH.

Also wouldn’t know what to give you.

He frees up his schedule to spend some time with you, and that time is spent exploring Natlan for fun. And it is fun! Whenever you had to cross a pit of lava or a deep valley, he’d hold onto your waist and grapple through the sky.

At first it was pretty scary, but you knew Kinich knew what he was doing. The close proximity to someone you trusted also helped, although it flustered you a little.

Not a physical gift, but his presence was more than you could have asked for.

SETHOS.

He could give you anything, anything you wanted, and yet, it still wouldn’t feel like something attributed to him. Sure, you could spend time with one another, but he’d made that a habit a long time ago, of seeking you out constantly, so he ruled that out.

Totally not based on his voiceline — gives you a desert dweller hairstyle!

And it looks very cute, braids and all, you keep it for the whole day, especially with that pretty flower in your hair you don’t quite remember Sethos putting on…

TIGHNARI.

Speaking of flowers, Tighnari gets you a potted plant. Whichever Sumeru flower you loved, whether that be a Sumeru Rose, Kalpalata Lotus, Padisarah, a Nilotpala Lotus, it was one of them for sure.

It was there right now, right by your windowsill. If you looked hard enough it had already started to bloom under your care.

Tighnari comes around a few times after that, whenever he has time, and it is truly such a sweet thing, to see his gift bloom into such a beautiful flower as the day passes.

You love taking care of it, and make it a habit to water it every morning.

VENTI.

Was going to get you something, maybe, maybe not… you didn’t know. But alas, he eventually forgot it was your birthday and spent his evening at the tavern, like he usually does.

He didn’t quite expect you to go there too… had you been seeking him out? Then he remembered the poem he created a few days back. Stopping his incoherent rambles and songs although people were still tipping him for them, he sang.

It was about you, but did you know? Probably not. Still, it was quite a lovely song, about someone he cherished, a friend he wished to keep forever by his side. A lovely song.

You decided not to bother him while he performed, wondering who was this special person he sings for. You hum this tune in your room right now, wondering.

XIAO.

A memory. Also another that doesn’t care for mortal traditions, such as birthdays — he doesn’t understand it.

But it’s you, so… maybe he could give you something. An amulet. He created an adepti amulet for you, one you wore right now. After all, the one thing he wants for you above all else is your safety.

Even if he feels he can’t show you his care, he’ll do it however he can.

ZHONGLI.

Asks to spend time with you, if you would allow it. He takes you to a market with many fine brocades, gems, and jewelry to buy.

Of course, he knows what you’d like best, and what is best, so…

You end up having a lovely collection of trinkets, bought by him, although you insisted repeatedly not to dote on you so much.

The two of you have dinner, watch some stories and plays, all to end it with a final goodbye after the lovely day you had with Zhongli giving you a Glaze Lily. You as you were now, smiling and blushing at the flower in your hair, greatly remind him of someone dear.

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Baby! Headcanons

❥Yandere Park Seonghwa x fem reader (+ platonic ateez x reader)

Baby Series !

➯a/n: my hyperfixation on this au will not go away 😩😩😩 another chapter is coming soon but for now i just had to get these out of my brain and i wanted to try something a little different ! (members first, then mommy!hwa because there is wayyy more for him (duh lol))

♡'･ᴗ･'♡genre: yandere, headcanons

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: not grammatical correct, captivity, forced little space, talk of violence, anxiety, guilt, bribery, lima+stockholm syndrome, all the usual baby warnings, only briefly proof read

♫ Baby Playlist ♫

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

➯disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and does NOT represent a healthy little and caregiver relationship, or a healthy relationship of any kind. everyone in this story needs therapy and LOTS of it.

MDNI.

✧JOONIE!✧SANGIE!✧YUYU!✧

✧joonie! gave up on telling you that you are pronouncing his name wrong a long time ago. he's already responding to "joonie" and if he's honest with himself... he thinks it's a little cute but-

✧joonie! is a little bit scared of you after you tricked mommy!hwa into hurting him (but he's forgiven you for that and you've probably forgotten all about it with everything else going on). he still gets the heebie jeebies when he feels you staring at him with your tiny death glare (that wooyoungie! taught you and is very proud of)

✧joonie! doesn't have anyone to talk to about this whole situation — the members, sure. but they need him to be strong and get you ALL through this. so he channels his emotions into writing and producing. ironically, those song are the ones that he goes least insane making but still end up being amazing

✧joonie! knows that you don't like him because he's mommy!hwa's best friend, and he's a-o-kay with that. it means he gets to keep his distance from you more than the members that you have a preference for

✧joonie! is the only member that mommy!hwa fully 100% trusts so unfortunately for the both of you, when your mommy is busy with an individual schedule — joonie! is your caretaker. but he doesn't like that, and neither do you. so you kind of just sit in the living room and do your own separate things. if its near bedtime, because mommy!hwa insists you always have a shower or bath before bed, joonie! lets you do it on your own. that little bit of freedom and dignity he gives you earns him some brownie points brownie crumbs and neither of you tell hwa when he gets back. an unspoken agreement of "you don't tattle and neither will i"

✧joonie! , also because he's mommy!hwa's best friend, he's less likely to be hurt in the line of fire (stuffed raccoon debacle aside). so he is one of the members that steps between you and hwa when he's being especially overbearing or strict or clingy and making you freak out

✧joonie! becomes your partner in the never ending tournaments of uno that move through the apartments and its one thing that you both bond over, you actually can have fun together. it makes mommy!hwa smile when he sees you both celebrating together, arguably the two most important people in his life finally getting along

✧yuyu! will always give you a piggy back ride when you ask him. so that you can feel big for a moment and joke about how strong you feel from "way up here !"

✧yuyu! sits next to you when you're looking particularly sad at the company building and opens up his phone, scrolling through tiktok and "accidentally" letting you watch with him

✧yuyu! is one of the main culprits of spoiling you, he can't help himself ! a combination of guilt and affection makes it hard not to. he will reach up into the closet and get the sweets box and share a candy bar with you and then tell mommy!hwa he took one cause he ran out in his apartment. he will ask you what kind of cartoon you're into at the moment and then immediately go online to find coloring books or stuffed animals of it

✧yuyu! lets you put your head in his lap and play on his phone when he's over, and mommy!hwa allows it as long as he puts a password on the social media and phone apps

✧yuyu! learns how to do hair so that you can have another person to ask besides mommy!hwa, and he's actually pretty dang decent and makes sure to be extra gentle

✧sangie! always comes out of nowhere and snatches you up with the excuse of "i'm babysitting! take a break, hyung!" when really — he knows YOU probably need a break from everything

✧sangie! lets you do anything you want (except leave, duh) when you're with him. want to watch a horror movie ? sure. want to eat junk food ? let him get it. want to scream and yell and punch his pillow ? he will let you vent all of your emotions without hovering over you like mommy!hwa does

✧sangie! can't look at you without wanting to break down and confess his sins to the nearest stranger, even after all this time. he still sees you as his friend, as the woman with a whole life outside of mommy!hwa... and that's not the case anymore. but he forces his feelings down his throat and he tries to keep true to his promise to make things slightly better for you

✧sangie! understood when you didn't look at him for a few weeks, he'd feel betrayed too — but then when he got over himself and drug you to his apartment for a break from mommy!hwa, he felt a bit relieved when you hugged him. and then that made him feel all sorts of messed up. he shouldn't be happy that you still had warmth in your heart for him, he should want you to be mad at him and remember how fucked up this is ! but then you started crying, and he did with you, and you both knew you were still something of "friends" and you cared for each other. he just happens to care for hwa and for his career more, and that's another thing he fights himself about

✧sangie! is afraid to stand up to mommy!hwa to his face, but he will do it to protect you. no matter how much he loves hwa, no matter how scared he is that the cover will be blown off this whole thing, he will not let mommy!hwa hurt you — not while he's around. his muscles aren't just for show

✧sangie! , after protecting you in the heat of the moment when mommy!hwa might have hurt you, has to deal with the confusing ass emotions that come with hwa saying that he's sorry and that he didn't mean to upset anyone. he wants to hug his hyung and tell him its okay; but it certainly is not

✧BIG BEAR!✧WOOYOUNGIE!✧

✧wooyoungie! treats you so sweetly when you're in little space — because you remind him of his little brother. he loves kids, and while you aren't reallyyyy a kid; you might as well be to him. he cant stand to see you sad, he will do everything in his power to get you to crack a smile. if you said you would smile if he walked across hot coals or did a handstand at the bottom of the ocean, he would do it for you

✧wooyoungie! lets you nap in his bed whenever you want, so you can get a few hours of shut eye without mommy!hwa's arms around you. if you're little, he'll tuck you in and give you a smile before closing the door behind him. if you're actually you and not the baby version of you, he wraps his arms around you as you vent your emotions and cries with you until you both fall asleep of exhaustion

✧wooyoungie! hates his hyung. well — more specifically, he hates what he's done. he still has... something in his heart for mommy!hwa. they've been through so much together and he will always be apart of him. but thinking about what he's done to you makes wooyoungie! sick. especially because his attachment to him made him be apart of it

✧wooyoungie! shows his anger with the man in ways that make it clear where he stands. he opens the door to the bedroom and tosses you some junk food; he cares about you. he does so while glaring daggers at mommy!hwa; he doesn't care about his rules. and then wooyoungie! starts "infecting my precious Baby with bad habits" (hwa's words, verbatim) by saying "i got it just because it reminded me of her ! let her have it just this once !" and gets you agreeing; "yeah, mommy ! he went out of his way ! it would be rude for me not to eat it ! you said i can't be rude !"

✧wooyoungie! does that at least once a month, despite his words of "just this once". he times it perfectly with when he realizes that you're needing a pick me up, when you want a way to disobey mommy!hwa without getting in trouble

✧wooyoungie! does art and crafts with you and ming! a lot, but also spends a good amount of time doing flash cards with you so that you don't forget things like math and "big girl" words

✧wooyoungie! lets you paint his nails and wears it around proudly, and you do the same for him — showing your mommy how well you both did with a smile so big that he can't even be jealous

✧big bear! is your (mostly) loyal guard dog ever since the beginning. whenever you are scared for any reason, be it mommy!hwa being angry or a thunderstorm or a nightmare, he will let you hide behind him and he won't let anything get close enough to touch you until you calm down

✧big bear! gives you the most gifts by faaar !! at least twice a week he's bringing you a snack, at least once a month he's bringing you a book to borrow, he's always giving you things to make you smile

✧big bear! helped you make a stuffed bear with a kit he got online, and he almost cried when you gave him the biggest hug ever while declaring its name to be "hoho"

✧big bear! gave you one of his shirts after you split something on yours while in his care and it quickly became your favorite sleep shirt (to mommy!hwa's dismay)

✧big bear! has very conflicting feelings about you from time to time, but he never shows them because he wants to be an ever present rock for you. its the least that he can do after being apart of this, really

✧big bear! is always the one that you go to when mommy!hwa is scaring you. he won't push hwa away or fight him, he just stands like an impenetrable wall between you until one of the others can get him to calm down; reaching back and holding your hand the entire time

✧big bear!, when he sees something winnie the pooh themed, has to get it for you. he always watches it with you, even if you've seen it a million times before. at least every few days, your head is in his lap as he plays a cartoon of the bear

✧SANNIE!✧

✧sannie! risks being caught every single day to tell you headlines in the hallway even after mommy!hwa told them not to let you read or listen to the news

✧sannie! , while you were forced to kneel facing the wall as a punishment, caved after the second day of seeing you there and would run over everytime mommy!hwa left the room to place his hands under your weight and give you a short break

✧sannie! likes to do things with you that are slightly less "baby", because he knows that you would (and do, when you're big enough to notice) appreciate it. an almost difficult puzzle, a scary kids movie, giving you a cup without a lid — the smallest things make a huge difference and he helps to keep you from breaking completely when he asks YOU what you want to wear whenever mommy!hwa is rushing and puts him and ming! in charge of getting you ready

✧sannie! still comes into hwa's room as much as he did before (now that he's come to terms with you being there). he'll flop on the bed with you both while you're watching videos, he'll sit on the play mats in the corner with you, he'll come bug hwa when he's trying to do laundry. and more often than not, when mommy!hwa is streaming, sannie! is in the corner with you to keep you quiet company

✧sannie! tries to protect you, in a different way than the others who are brave enough to get physical. he tries to keep things from escalating to the point where someone needs to step between you and mommy!hwa in the first place. like calming you down before hwa gets home or rubbing his arm to ground him before he snaps

✧sannie! calls you "peanut". he doesn't know why, and it doesn't really matter. all he knows is that it leaves a sour taste in his mouth when he refers to you as "baby" but calling you by your name doesn't feel right either

✧sannie! always saw himself having a daughter, and sometimes he finds himself thinking of you as such before he realizes how fucked that is. but still...

✧sannie! can't help but wipe your face if he notices something on it before mommy!hwa, or to hold your hand when you go down the stairs. his instincts kicked in when you dropped a plate while doing the dishes and he picked you up in a second flat so you couldn't step on any glass. he, like hwa, is almost supernatural when it comes to his "baby senses" only he calls it "peanut senses". sannie! can be across the apartment and then- "my peanut senses are tingling" and he's running to help with whatever's got you upset

✧sannie!, when push comes to shove, will still ultimately end up shoving you. no matter how much he cares for you and wants the best for you and doesn't want you to become a shell of your former self and thinks of you as a child — he won't ever put you before mommy!hwa, before their career and livelihoods. and that messes with him deeply. he knows that it shouldn't be the case. he does have sympathy for you. but when his mind is telling him to just take your hand and lead you away from this cage of an apartment; his body won't move no matter how hard he tries

✧sannie! broke down crying the second he saw his parents when he went to visit them; crying like its the end of the world type of crying. when he finally caught his breath and they asked him what's wrong, the only excuse he could come up with was that he missed them because;

✧sannie! couldnt very well tell them that he was partially responsible for holding a missing woman captive in his apartment and might be developing lima syndrome because he found himself patting your cheek affectionately before he left

✧MING!✧

✧ming! , as someone once said, is the caretaker that baby really deserves. he babies you in a way that's not suffocating (cough cough mommy!hwa cough) and he provides you with every possible ounce of comfort you could ever need — which is what little space should be; a place of comfort

✧ming! , when given the chance, always asks what YOU want ! just like sannie! he wants to give you at least a bit of choice. if its his turn to be in charge of food, "what do you feel like ?" if its movie night, "what kind of genre are you into today, shortcake ?" always, he's asking you

✧ming! always keeps his door open so that you can come to him to get away from mommy!hwa, even if it's just for a minute. and so that he can hear if you call for him, be it for help or to play or literally anything; he'll be running at the sound of your voice

✧ming! plays games with you at least once a day, every day, without fail ! uno, go fish, checkers, tick-tack-toe, battleship, if you can get your hands on it — you have played it at least once with your best friend ming!

✧ming! loves to do arts and crafts with you, you've both amassed a large tote of supplies neatly tucked away in the corner of his room. he won't tell anyone, especially not mommy!hwa lest he get jealous, but he keeps a little finger painted heart in his wallet that has your finger print as a signature

✧ming! , who's special talent is "sleeping", always takes naps with you; you are each others personal teddy bears ! wether its on the couch where you are sprawled ontop of him, in you and hwa's bed where ming! is the biggest little spoon ever, or in his where you curl up so small that its almost hard for mommy!hwa to spot you between being held in ming!'s arms and essentially buried in the blanket

✧ming! can tell when you're about to have a panic attack, and you can tell when he is too. you're both absolute wrecks and you can read each other, because you're two pages in the same book. not a word has to be spoken as he places a hand on your head to ground you, or as you grab his sleeve to pull him back to the present

✧ming! , because of your shared anxiety, acknowledges it and takes care of it the best he can; especially when mommy!hwa isn't around to do it. even when he is, he lets the two of you help each other. rubbing knots from one another's shoulders from the ever present tension, holding hands backstage when things are moving a million miles per second, coloring on the floor in complete silence to take time to digest the day — mommy!hwa wont take away his dear friend and his precious baby's comfort

✧ming! has connected to you in a way that none of the others have or ever could. because he, in a way, knows what it feels like to be mommy!hwa's baby. he doesnt age regress or anything like that, but in their early days he always needed more comfort and support than the others — and hwa took care of him. mingi! knows the pain you must be feeling when torn between wanting to bask in mommy!hwa's attention and sweetness, and wanting to disappear when he looks at you with a disappointed or angry face

✧ming! tried to help you escape and got caught red handed, looking in your eyes as he did so. both of those things sent mommy!hwa into a fit of rage and poor ming! got the crap beat out of him but that didn't stop him from sitting beside you the next day and holding your hand under the table because...

✧ming! is your ride or die

✧MOMMY!HWA✧

✧mommy!hwa keeps all of his promises !! no matter how insignificant or silly they seem, he will never break a promise he makes to his baby. never taking your comfort items (we see how that panned out when he thought joonie! did), never touching you without your consent, "i promise i won't let you go hungry again" and he won't !

✧mommy!hwa carries around your favorite snacks just incase you get hungry at the company or while waiting for them to finish their performances

✧mommy!hwa actually carries an entire bag ! your favorite pacifier at the moment, a few different snacks, chapstick, headphones in case things get too loud, fidget toys, honestly he has thought of everything. he's like mary poppins sometimes — you all need some hand sanitizer before you eat ? wham ! mommy!hwa already has it out. "are you crying baby-ya ?" bam ! mommy!hwa has the travel sized tissues out in a second flat and cleans you up no problem. one of the members aching ? ming!'s back hurting ? your foot acting up ? oh, wait a second- guess what ? boom ! here's some tylenol and icyhot, curtesy of mommy!hwa's paranoid nature and need to be prepared for anything

✧mommy!hwa reallyyyyyy thought about banning you from watching music videos after you watched "seventeen" videos for your entire hour of screen time. he can't help if he got jealous ! but when you started singing quietly to your stuffed raccoon "scoups", he knew he couldn't take that away from you

✧mommy!hwa absolutely adores all of your art. even if you aren't very talented; painting and drawing and coloring are things you can always do (because they don't require an internet connection or anything sharp enough to hurt yourself with) so he has an entire shoe box full of your creations — all neatly folded and placed with care

✧mommy!hwa hates leaving you for any reason whatsoever, he will jump through hoops and do backflips and walk on his hands if it means you're waiting for him when he's done doing whatever it is that's got him away from you in the first place. if you're in the van outside, backstage, down the hall when he's recording, it doesn't matter as long as he can run to you at a moments notice

✧mommy!hwa has gone on stage with slightly smudged lipstick a few dozen times because — before any performance, no matter how big or small, he kisses you like it's the last chance he'll ever have to. cause in his mind, maybe it is

✧mommy!hwa loves picking your clothes out and doing your hair and overall taking care of you, he gets a sense of accomplishment after he gets you ready for the day and then again when he gets you ready for bed

✧mommy!hwa learns soooo much just to take care of you better. how to cook more meals so you can have a balanced diet, how to properly tend to injuries, ect ect. if you have a disability or disorder, he researched the fuck out of it and has asked you every question he could possibly think of. if you're on medication, suddenly he is too after he slides an envelope to a doctor (yeah, he bribed them to prescribe him your medicine, he isn't above that. he isn't above anything when it comes to you)

✧mommy!hwa loves your hair. he loves washing it, playing with it, styling it. he loves it. if you like to keep it short, he learns how to cut hair. if you have curly hair, he learns how to take care of it. you like dyeing it, he can do that too ! he puts cute clips in your hair almost every day and kisses your head when he's done, saying how adorable you are

✧mommy!hwa, even when he's exhausted from nonstop practice, sets aside time to stretch and exercise with you so you can stay active

✧mommy!hwa loves singing to you, he's fangirling over you when you start swaying lightly to his voice, he's almost flying ! he would sing until his throat was bleeding if you asked him to, but you're satisfied with asking him to sing your favorite disney songs

✧mommy!hwa worships his baby, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't want you to become spoiled either. you can have anything in the world (save for freedom or autonomy) but you only get it if you do what he asks — and honestly, mommy!hwa doesnt ask a lot

✧mommy!hwa has a spreadsheet on the fridge for who does what chores around the apartment each week and your name only ever has a few. the dishes, help him fold clothes, pick up your things. he wants you to have the same sense of accomplishment and purpose he gets from taking care of you and your home

✧mommy!hwa tries to make sure the punishment always fits the crime. he isn't cruel (on purpose) ! looking at someone in the eyes ? into the corner you go, if you can't keep your eyes where they belong — you shouldn't look at anything, actually ! throwing things ? say goodbye to them for a while while they visit the top of the closet. if you can't respect your things, you don't deserve them (save for scoups and hoho, who he promised he would never take). tried to run away ? have fun trying to walk.

✧mommy!hwa gets... scary when he's mad. he's an entirely different person when you try to escape or someone pushes him past his limits. not a single trace of his usual soft and nurturing self as he set things straight

✧mommy!hwa always ''makes up'' for it, though ! depending on how bad you've been, he might take a little longer to cool down before coming back and comforting you but he will never ever everrrrr dish out a punishment without taking care of the aftermath

✧mommy!hwa has an almost supernatural sense for when you're upset or acting out, it's weird ! when you were talking with yeosang and casually dropped the word "hate", NOT EVEN REFERRING TO A PERSON MIND YOU, he whipped around at the other side of the room ready to discipline you

✧mommy!hwa also uses his "baby senses" to try to stop your tears before they even start, holding you extra gentle and whispering extra sweet words when he can tell you're about to breakdown

✧mommy!hwa wears a lot of fluffy sweaters because you like to play with and feel the fabric and he takes every single touch he can get

✧mommy!hwa wakes you up every morning the same way. after admiring you for a moment; making sure he's not dreaming, a soft rub on your back and a gently spoken "rise and shine, baby"

✧mommy!hwa lets you pick from the sweets box after a hard meltdown. he knows he shouldn't associate bad feeling with things that make you happy, but after you have a particularly rough time he can't help himself !! the tiny smile you give him is worth it

✧mommy!hwa's camera roll is filled with pictures and videos of you and the members (mostly you, you and ming! playing games, you getting carried on yuyu!'s back, sannie! wiping your tears after a sad movie, you sleeping, you in the corner of the practice room coloring, you— you get the point). wether or not you're aware he's taking it, he's going to do it regardless. some of his favorites have been taken when you had absolutely no idea

✧mommy!hwa cried the first time you said "i love you" to him first, and he repeated it over and over while he kissed every inch of your face

✧mommy!hwa raaarely initiates anything sexual with you, but when you do; he can't deny you ! he makes sure to show all of his love when you ask for it, because he has just so so so much stored up

✧mommy!hwa needs you like he needs air ! he seriously has no idea what he would do without you, that's why he can never let you go. he would rather first die than to ever sleep without you in his arms again;

✧mommy!hwa lets you bite, kick, scream, cry, whatever you need to do to wear yourself out when you don't want to lay with him. you will be sleeping in his arms. bedtime is the the only time you won't get in trouble for putting up a fight, because he knows all it does is make you tired enough to give in

✧mommy!hwa is an excellent liar, its almost scary how easy he lies to everyone but you. cops, fans, strangers, other idols, even family. he has zero problem coming up with a lie on the spot but when he looks at you its like he's been injected with truth serum. no matter what he's trying to hide from you, it comes out the second he looks at you; "i'm an idol", "i killed your ex", "i accidentally ripped your blanket in the dryer", "i had a dream about you" anything and everything comes tumbling out

✧mommy!hwa has killed for you and he has no problem doing so again. if someone manages to hurt you while you're in his care, they will not see the light of another day. it doesn't matter who, if they cross you he will set it straight. his baby will always come first, he's made it painfully clear. when he thought joonie! took your stuffed animal, for example. even his best friend doesn't get a pass. nothing fucks with his baby

✧mommy!hwa calls you his sweet girl, precious, starlight, sweetpea, little angel, baby doll — literally every sweet pet name under the sun has left his lips when referring to you. but above all, you're always and forever "My Baby"

[cinderellaenjoyer]

I wasn't trying to imply that Max and Jason were exactly the same, I was just pointing out the similarities in Jason's character in Canon and how it's similar to Max's fanon portrayal.

I do think that standing by and letting someone be a bully is, while not as bad as the bullying itself, still pretty bad. Not wanting to do something bad but still doing it doesn't make it any better. By what we see the two week time skip is when Jason fully let's Richie feel like a part of the team. Arguably, I would call that a redemption. You do make a good point about Jason saying he'd go back to bullying, however I don't think that neccasary overshadows his redemption. Max's control of the school is shown to extend to his friends (him forbidding Kyle and Brenda to date). It's less random and more Jason admitting that his fear of Max would cause him to regress back into how things were before if he did come back.

As for Max...while the minor line about his dad does offer some context to his actions, it's still a minor line, arguably in the same way Jason's line about going back to bullying if Max came back is small but gives context to Max's relationship with is friends. I'd argue Jason's reasoning is just as much a Character reason as Max's is.

As you mentioned Kyle, I do want to talk about him. While not as much as Max, Kyle does get a fair share of attention in the fandom, more than I've seen for Jason. And as you said, he's in the show slightly less than Jason, yet he does get a lot of attention. screeetime does impact how popular a Character is to some extent, but characters with little screen time can become beloved by fandoms in the same way the main characters are.

You're right that Jason doesn't fully fulfil the 'toxic sad boy' fandom trope. He was a bystander and an enabler, but he wasn't toxic. Like you said, he's pretty healthy without Max around. However, the thing about that fandom trope is that people focus less on the 'toxic' part and more on the 'sad boy' part. They focus on the angst behind the 'toxic' actions rather than the impact those actions had. Max gets that because of the minor line about his Dad, but that line is overshadowed by the cruelty he shows throughout the rest of the show. That may be the Waylon Curse affecting him, yes, but they're still his actions at the end of the day.

I can see why you would disagree with my post due to the hyperbolic way I phrased it, and while I agree with a lot of your reasoning I still think my point more or less stands. Thank you for being open to conversation.

Jason Jepson is literally everything the fandom wants Max to be (kind of dumb, gets redeemed and turns out to be actually really sweet, cares a lot about his friends, makes up with the nerds he bullied, hell he even likes Grace). But yet the fandom still favours Max more. I wonder why that is! Hmmm, I wonder what the difference between these two could be!

[marimayscarlett]

You know what really fucks me up?

The fact that Richard most likely wrote songs and lullabies to Maxime.

He did mention writing songs to little Khira, like the beginning of Mutter was a melody for her so it's safe to assume he did so for his youngest one too and that's just 😩😩😭🥹🥹🥹🥹

And it's also sad that he never got a chance to do that for Merlin ☹️

Hi 👋🏼

Richard definitely likes to express his love and appreciation for the people in his life through the thing he excells at - music 🎶🤍

I'm not familiar with Mutter being written for Khira in the beginning - here's the demo version of a very early draft of a song which turned into 'Mutter', and apparently, Richard told a fan who asked about the story behind the song that he wrote it for a wedding. But who knows if that’s exactly true 🤷🏻‍♀️

What is proven, however, is that Richard writes or continues songs with his children in mind. As far as I can remember, 'Babe' on his first Emigrate album is dedicated to Khira, and both 'Rainbow' and, of course, 'You're So Beautiful' are dedicated to Maxime.

"With 'Rainbow' you know I had just become a father and that changes a lot of things in life, you know. It’s one of the biggest creations you can do as a human being – creating another human being – and this inspired me to write this song. It was interesting because somehow I could never nail the vocals of this song. I almost gave up and said, "It just doesn’t work, like something’s just not there, it sounds so weird." And then one day my daughter, who is three right now, shows up in the studio, and somehow I felt like: let’s do it right now while she’s here. And while I was singing it, it worked – in the first take. So I was glad she came by. (laughing) I’m just so glad it worked out. [...] My daughter is so funny, you know – she’s the opposite of the German stereotype. Like, we’re seen as cold, but she’s half American, and when she sees people on the street she says good morning to everybody, and people think she’s crazy. She’s such a beautiful girl that I could talk about her all day... let’s talk about music. (laughing)" (music injection)

- Q: Some songs, though, are closer to major tonality – 'You’re So Beautiful' from the second to last album, and 'Come Over' from the new one.

Richard: "Funny you mention exactly those two. Those are songs I dedicated to my children. They have the power to pull me out of dark worlds." (Fidelity)

Whatever Richard’s beginnings with Merlin may have looked like, Merlin definitely had an influence on the musical development of Richard’s latest album – because there was this old, unused song of his father’s that he really liked:

Q: Did you still recognize the Richard from back then?

Richard: "Partly. But sometimes I was honestly quite surprised. (laughs) 'Come Over' was such a case. I thought: What on earth was I thinking back then? But then I remembered how my son was absolutely obsessed with this song, how deeply it moved him. So I continued writing it with him in mind. I probably would never write a song like that nowadays – but I didn’t want to deny the past either." (The Circle)

And I'm very glad for Merlin's influence here since this is one of my favourites as well 🤍 From what we see (as fans, from an outward perspective on a man we actually do not know as we shouldn't forget) it really does feel like he cherishes his family very much, which is quite nice to witness 🤲🏻

[saaltskies]

Anthea and Concordia don’t show up or do much and it is very sad because they are so interesting. They only show up twice (one appearance in each game) but those appearances add some valuable and interesting context and information specifically about N’s upbringing.

Along with N, they were also children adopted by Ghetsis and are N’s adopted older sisters tasked with the role of being his caretakers which is kinda messed up because they were kids too. We don’t know their ages, but they would be only a few years older than N and were forced into the role of a mother when they were still children themselves. There is also an interesting thing in how they are girls and I would not be surprised if Ghetsis specifically picked girls to take care of N because he sees child rearing as a woman’s job and put them in charge of raising and taking care of him while Ghetsis served as a teacher of sorts to make him into a king. It is completely like him to do that.

A very interesting thing is how they had some level of awareness of what Ghetsis was doing. They clearly had stuff figured out by the time you met them in the castle, and two years later when you meet them in the ex Team Plasma safehouse, they know enough to call it grooming and to know what that is and that that is what Ghetsis was doing (and I loooooove how the game used that word and called it what it is and didn’t shy away from saying he was groomed), but I do wonder at what point in their lives they started figuring things out. They care a lot about N and when they met you they made sure to tell you that he is a good person, Ghetsis has just been manipulating him. They want to help him get out of there and break free from Ghetsis and his own ideals keeping him prisoner (haha prisoner of a formula). I wonder if they have tried telling him but it didn’t really work because N is so stuck in this mindset and Ghetsis had a lot of control over him and also they wouldn’t be able to say or do much to attempt to persuade him anyway because there is the risk of Ghetsis finding out what they are doing and punishing them (this is especially scary because Ghetsis is clearly not above killing children. He tried to kill both protagonists he would absolutely kill them or hurt them in some other horrific way if they defied him). There are also other things to consider like they probably didn’t know what to do with their doubts, and of course they were brainwashed too and are also in the cult mindset and probably supported Team Plasma a lot at least at first.

I do find it interesting that they don’t do much and don’t seem to have an identity outside of N. This is almost definitely not intentional and they probably just don’t do much in the games, but it is fun to get stuff out of it anyway. It is interesting because with the Team Plasma being a cult thing you kinda lose a sense of identity. The members are less their own people and more a collective whole. They all dress the exact same, all of their minds are focused on the liberation of pokemon and refusing any other ideas and outside forces, they all worship N like you would a god and think of him as this great savior, and they are isolated from the rest of the world to keep them under Ghetsis’s control. Many members who left after they found out what Ghetsis was doing couldn’t move on and split off to another Team Plasma faction where many continue to wear their uniforms and call N their lord and keep their beliefs but stop stealing and dedicate their lives to atoning for their wrongdoings and many are waiting and hoping for their Lord N to return (as if it’s Jesus’s second coming or something. yikes). Anthea and Concordia are among these. While they are separate from the rest of Team Plasma with their titles of goddesses, their lives since being adopted by Ghetsis as children has completely revolved around N and with that their identities. Even after leaving, the only thing they talk about to you is N and they remain in the broken off Team Plasma that follows N and hates Ghetsis. You could say that their characters completely revolve around N because THEY do. Their whole identities and lives are based around him and despite getting away from Ghetsis, they still won’t move on and start living their own lives like N has started doing. They voice their wishes for N to move on and do what he wants with his life but they won’t do it themselves and it’s very sad.

I really hope if a Unova legends game is ever made these two have a bigger role or at least show up more.

[theaskscenter]

How to start life when basically you had no life at all just 20 years of pure blank how can I start living now?

Coming back to the room works best. A lot of things happen in your head and they shield you from seeing life. I'd say getting out of your head and back into the room.

Not being a victim is a close second. It's so easy to think everyone is attacking you and sometimes when people are in fact attacking you, it's never that serious. Like okay they don't like you yeah that sucks but what will they do about it. Important to know just because something feels like a threat doesn't mean it is. You're not as much of a victim as you feel you are, and a huge part of gaining your power back is this. Okay it's scary but is it real?

Taking control of your life is actually in the small tiny things. I have a post ab this on my telegram. It's not as much sid figure business as it is making your bed and not using your phone after you wake up.

Getting out of freeze. Most of us aren't fight or flight baddies we're freeze baddies. You've been stuck in the freeze part and to step out I feel like Google gotcha. I could tell you but if I tell you everything how will you become independent?

Extending from above learn to do things and to rely on yourself. Just basic tiny everyday skills. Independence is living. You should be able to do it. Simple step is don't ask too much try to find out for yourself.

Let bitches bitch. A lot of us spend so much time entangled in other people especially abstract people like people on the internet don't exist. It's not important to you who is beefing with who in entertainment those are celebs their emotions shouldn't affect you if someone is being shitty you can always just block them or ignore them. Even in real life. Probably not living your life because you're living everyone else's life. My man says dogs bark. If you're not one why are you?

Do things with your body that require you to use muscle and move. Go for walks work out swim take up skating you're a mammal and mammals are hedonistic by nature. Wind in your hair sun on your skin muscle movement. A lot of depression lies here.

Have boundaries. It's pathetic to hold others to boundaries if you can't hold yourself to them. Have boundaries with yourself then with others. Yourself first. Then others will respect them.

Be pretty be healthy (mid BMI) be respectable be make money mind your own business.

dont engage with people in arguments don't argue as long as you're concerned they are right you are wrong. You're sorry you had a brain of your own they absolutely owned you there. Arguing is such weird behavior it's never about facts it's about power play. Submit and go home. ESPECIALLY with people that don't matter. Your child and partner are the only people that matter. Like I said arguing is sibling and HUSBAND (not bf) or WIFE (not gf) privilege. Everyone else is right. You're wrong . Apologies for being stupid thank you for schooling me .

Go to therapy or get a life coach. I'm pro therapy on the condition you can see TANGIBLE results in two months. Feelings are not results no one cares about those. In two months if you take a look at your life and see no tangible results drop out. With a life coach that's one month. In one month no tangible change take your money where it's useful to you.

Pick one and follow. *WHaT iS riGtFoR mE* nothing. Pick one and go. Indecision is where all your time and energy goes just make a decision band go

Fear men. When you have free time use it to fear men.

Master your masculine before your feminine. Masculinity is the art of survival.

[notateenbeachmovie]

Sinners (2025): how Stack had nothing to do with Mary's marriage

Something I find consistently semi-funny is how a whole lot of people think Stack had ANYTHING to do with Mary finding her white husband.

This is 1932 in the Jim Crow-era South. Stack is a Black man, and Mary is a white-passing/presenting mixed race woman legally defined as Black because of racial laws. How could he find her a white husband in the Jim Crow-era South?

This isn't Chicago, where he maybe could have met a rich white man working for the Italians or the Irish. He hasn't even been in town since 1925! There is no way he could possibly have found a white man for Mary--unless that man was also legally Black and was passing for white. Like, do people think he was scrolling through the newspapers in a whole other state to find one of those 'man looking for a wife' ads?

My take on his 'got you a white husband' was that it was AAVE. He's not saying he got her a white husband, but she got herself one. It could have been because she couldn't have Stack, because she understood the implications of being legally Black but physically white, or a combination of the two--which is what I think the case was.

Mary, as someone who was 1/8th Black and looked white, knew she couldn't remain in the Black community for everyone's safety. The Black community knew who she was, but any outsider would see her as a white woman and treat her accordingly--until they learned she was Black. That's why she couldn't be with Stack; the differences in their racial appearances made it impossible. Black men were lynched for less.

At the same time, even though she looks and acts (read: presents as) white, she isn't, which is why she has to marry outside of Mississippi. With passing, she has to hide all traces of her past because if anyone from her Black past connects with white present, she's done for. It's why she came to town ALONE to bury her mother, who was 1/4 Black and could have possibly not passed for white because genetics are funky like that. Her passing ruse would have been broken. Quite frankly, it should have broken with how she blatantly went up to Stack at the station and argued with him about how he left her--like all the other white people there are deaf and blind and won't notice a white lady talking to a Black man. I honestly though Stack was gonna die in that scene (I hadn't known at the time that Sinners was a horror film and that vampires would be involved).

Something that stood out to me during the film was that Mary had been passing for a while to have behaved the way she did (calling Sammie 'boy' like she doesn't understand the racial implications of the word, leaving the juke joint to talk to Remmick and his minions), yet forgetting she's meant to be passing quite quickly (running up to Stack in a public place where white people could see them, showing up at the juke joint, letting OUTSIDERS see her at the juke joint).

Finding herself a rich, white husband in a different state gave Mary four things: upward mobility via money, affection she couldn't get in the Black community because of race laws, separation from all that she ever knew and grew up with, and absolute fear because of what will happen to her if she's ever caught. After all, it's not like she moved to the 'nicer' (not really) North. The Jim Crow-era South would lynch her expeditiously.

So yeah, I find it funny how some folks seem to think Stack went out and found a white man for Mary like she couldn't have done that herself. Hell, her mama might have had a hand in it.

[mariusrenathyrs-crashout]

Thinking about this post talking Sparrow verus Lark and the care and attention differences they both receive based off of how well or poorly they both are able to cope with their respective traumas and mental illnesses. Not to say it is Henry or Mercedes faults since I can't even imagine the situation the two were put in, especially with how viscerally and full heartedly Lark came to resent Henry due to the Rogue's Curse; but it meant that Sparrow in a way turned into somewhat of a Glass Child (idk if this term is still commonly used so forgive me if it's out dated).

I think this is something very sad about Sparrow when it's placed into the context of his actions and life. As a child he and Lark were pretty 50/50 when it came to feelings and experiences: they both experienced the kidnapping, Lark's homunculi body died which he experienced but Sparrow experienced watching his twin die and attempting to kill their grandfather for it, they both experienced the attack that happened to Walter resulting in his legs being cut off, and both experienced the last big battle. But Lark got cursed by that goddamn Rogue's Curse and Sparrow didn't, and because he did and because of Willy, he is the one that shed the blood of Henry releasing the end times.

Of course he had a lot to deal with with the guilt and self hatred and resentment he can to feel because of it, not only towards his father but himself and others. It just makes sense that Lark's change in behavior and his literal intentional reckless endangerment warrants Henry and Mercedes to shift focus to Lark; but I think this also leads to the neglect of Sparrow. Sparrow who originally was the one who saw this Eldritch deity in his dreams as a child and drew it, who saw his brother be "killed", was kidnapped and beaten to a literal bloody mess, who experienced much of the same things Lark did.

But Sparrow experienced uniquely to Lark was being tasked with watching over Lark by Henry, "watch out for your brother, okay?". In that moment Sparrow became parentified, he put his issues on the back burner all for the sake of normalcy and so his parents didn't have to worry about 2 children rather than the 1. He did so much to take care of Lark to the point that this continued to adulthood. Where Sparrow let Lark live in his house with him and his wife, his wife who Lark slept with and never told Sparrow, Sparrow who knew but never said anything to disturb the peace and didn't want his brother feel more guilty so he played ignorant. Who helped Lark try and sit upon the throne by taking on his visage and through Lark's mouth pleaded how it was both of their faults, that it was the twins responsibility to fix this not just Lark, not only so Henry could hear it but so Lark could as well. Who wanted normalcy so badly he named his son Normal and named his daughter Hero for what he couldn't be. Who loves Normal but is so afraid that Normal will grow up to be like him and tells his son it scares him so bad that Normal doesn't have a mean bone in his body and is willing to get hurt for others happiness. Sparrow who did egregious things to preserve his family, only to be told by his parents that his brother was forgiven because his actions weren't his own but Sparrow in all his sacrifices and willing to be the bad guy or neglected child was at fault and they couldn't forgive him. Henry hated how he got treated by his father, yet here he is, having put those same standards on Sparrow. He loves Sparrow, but doesn't like Sparrow.

Rip baby girl. I'm sorry everything sucked so bad and then your wife got shot and your house was burned down. You really never stood a chance, huh.

[bolddeducktionneverfails]

For years, I had been wanting to create an easier way to share my most recent basis for this couple. And since the Speculation Timeline I wanted to put together isn't going to be completed anywhere near now (and since I'm being indecisive about whether I'd want to post it on here), I thought putting several images together was a good option.

I've had a general idea of what people think about my artwork, and the ship itself, for a long time and I'm sure a lot of those sentiments haven't changed. The other major reason as to why I made this post, is because I wanted to show people that I'm not oblivious to how Launchpad and Della were portrayed in canon. That I'm not picking two random characters to ship out of boredom. I put a lot of thought into how their dynamic could be and why we ended up with what we got. I was hoping to see a build up to something more meaningful. And now that I've been made aware of the show not getting to follow its initial plan, I'm trying to figure out what that was going to be, while also putting my own spin on it.

______________________________________________________________

Ok, so, more on the basis details: 

|    Cover

Dunno if I made it clear enough, but just in case I confused anyone, this is meant to be set within the same timeline as the show. It just goes a little farther than where the show left off. When I was restructuring my ideas, I was going to make an alternative timeline where Season 3 would be closer to what Plan A could have been. (I wanted to see a season revision so bad, but I knew it would never actually happen. 😭) As time went on, I considered what show would be like if it was able to pick up after the finale and I think I might like this case a little more, due to it being the most believable scenario. 

|    Della's Pages 

I undoubtedly believe that Della was supposed to have a turnaround with Launchpad and that "Trickening" was a strong indication of that. She doesn't know what LP is truly capable of because she's never around when he's at his best. And this feels very intentional because it's one of the biggest things that prevented their relationship from getting the development it needed. Keeping them stuck in this stage prevents anything...significant from happening. 

There's not much of a reason for them to be kept here if there's nothing to hide...they're capable of getting along and Della's assumption about Scrooge hiring Launchpad, would have easily been settled if the characters were given a chance to talk it out. 

In order for them to progress, Launchpad needs to do something amazing to catch her attention. I haven't come up with a solid answer to this in my personal timeline yet; it'll probably have something to do with saving Dewey, Della or both. But can you imagine what her reaction to Suavepad would have been like?! Or talking to Gosalyn about what it means to be a hero? The way she looked at Kit when he was cloud kicking could have definitely been giving us a good idea.

While not openly expressed in canon, perhaps another reason why Della is irritated with Launchpad is because there are things about him that remind her of HDL's Dad. Or maybe a bit more generally, how much she hates failure; I've been theorizing that Della had secret intentions of saving him when she headed into the cosmic storm. If this is true, she believes that she failed to save him. She could still be mourning that loss, so, if she began to have any feelings for Launchpad, there's bound to be a lot of resistance.

|     Launchpad's Pages

In the alternate timeline, I was going to have him completely stuck in friend mode and not notice anything until Della finally got more comfortable about her feelings. But I think having them both silently struggling to conceal their feelings, is a lot more interesting. 😂

I always thought it was strange that he was never written to show a prior interest in her...or even prior knowledge about her at all. In earlier essays, I noted how odd it was for Launchpad to know who Scrooge was without knowing about The Duck Twins. They were only out of action for ten years. Launchpad was alive before this happened and being that close to someone as popular as Scrooge...he would have seen them from time to time. 

I've also noted how LP was connected to Della from the first time we met him. His conversation about the snowstorm on the Drake Barrier Reef and the Atlantic trip as a whole, reflected the Spear incident. The way he was talking to Scrooge, sounded a lot like he wanted to encourage him to come out of retirement so he could be his pilot. That would mean that he did know something about Scrooge being an adventurer. So, how would he know about that without the Donald and Della portion?? It's the most recent part! He would have grown up with this! Either there's something up with him, or this is one serious plothole...

When Dewey and Webby started their investigation on Della, they never considered prying information from him...and after Scrooge shared his perspective on the Spear incident, Launchpad didn't have anything to say about Della's decision...(I'd expect someone who's supposedly a latchkey kid, to be...a little vocal about child abandonment...) and while his name carried over from original show, it's still very related to rockets. Why wouldn't the showrunners want to incorporate that into something bigger when the show has such a heavy space theme?! All this stuff feels a little too conveniently ignored...🤨

Speaking of the original, LP's family is full of pilots! If the reboot was going to borrow more from LP's history, that's yet ANOTHER way he should know who she is!! If one of your fellow aviators were related to the richest duck in the world, and they're travelling all over the place with him, surely their name and exploits would be brought up multiple times...Heh, if Della appeared in the original, I think it's safe to say he would immediately have a noticeable crush on her. 😂 The reboot hinted that Launchpad's romantic side is just about as active as it was in DT87, but it's a lot more private in comparison. It's really odd to have him dating around without extending any of that to Della...maybe there was something more subtle in "Coot" where he wanted to impress her...but c'mon, that's a fishy thing to do.

Anyway, I got the impression that LP found out about something having to do with Dad when the Timephoon sent him to the future. A lot of people took his delayed reaction to Louie's remark as taking too long to realize he was talking about Della. But I think it was because he wasn't initially thinking of her. The remark was said as if Louie's actions were hereditary. If not Della, then who else could Louie have "gotten" the idea of taking off with a powerful machine? 

Della's recording in "GlomTales!", warned Louie that he needed to stop his plans and schemes if he wants to be a part of the family. Dad doesn't seem to be part of the family. Could he be missing due to a plan or a scheme in relation to the Spear and the cosmic storm? In "Coot", the characters discussed how something valuable was being sought after on the non-McDuck side of the family and how everyone related to the family were frauds and cheats. If Louie was after valuables in his situation, and his situation was compared to Della's, then couldn't Dad fall under both of these categories?  

When thinking of what Launchpad could have seen during the end of the world, I amused myself with the thought of seeing them kiss, but it doesn't make sense for him to crush on someone else after that. If it was anything romantic, it would have to be a lot more subdued.  (I still do believe they were supposed to share a kiss in the original finale plans...) 

|   Ages

When it comes to pairing the pilots, shippers tend to be met with comments about Launchpad being too young. This is largely because of some statements from one of the showrunners and how they were perceived.

When I had asked the showrunner on his blog about whether Launchpad was around the same age as Donald, the answer confirmed this, and that it may have been agreed amongst the writers that Donald was little older; thus making Della the same.

In the following year, someone else asked for exact ages on Drake and Launchpad and were told that both were in their late 20's to early 30's. It was also mentioned that the twins were in their mid 30's for comparison. 

A month later, there was a question that mentioned the twins being a few years older than LP and Drake with no additional correction from the showrunner.

Later in that year, another fan asked for Donald and Della's ages and were given the answer "36".

The year after that, someone asked for the age difference between the twins and Launchpad. They were told "About seven years, I think.". 🤨 

This was a really strange thing to say after the information I was given, but once I thought more about it, I realized that this was pretty much just another way to reiterate the late 20's to early 30's range that was said before. It does...not sound like Launchpad's age is set in stone. And even though we got a precise number for the twins, it may not have been chosen with sincerity. The same showrunner had said in another age-related answer regarding the kids, that he didn't want to give them canon ages, only age ranges. This might also extend to the other characters in the series. Maybe any number in the mid-30's could be correct for Della's age and 36 was chosen at random for that question...

Similarly, some fans are proclaiming that Launchpad was officially confirmed as 31 because of a "Duckburg Life" podcast episode. But this takes place during an earlier time in the show, that wouldn't be his current age. (I remember hearing things that implied the first season, while others say it takes place in the earlier half of the second. I don't feel like checking right now, lol) How do we know the writer for this ep also wasn't just picking any number within LP's age range? Because it isn't part of the main show, this audio series is either semi-canon or not canon at all. And it wasn't helmed by the regular showrunners, so, we can't take the events and mentions too seriously without their confirmation.

Whatever the matter is behind the confusion and hesitancy surrounding their ages, a three-year age gap between the pilots could still work with how I want to see them. Just because Launchpad could be several years younger than Della, doesn't automatically mean that his is. He could be a lot closer.

That window of possibility could have easily been shut. And what helps to keep it open, is that there are multiple characters who have been placed in...highly unusual situations, that affected the way they age. Dating a mermaid, all the way out in Mid-Atlantic Ridge somewhere, sounds pretty unusual...who's to say it's impossible for him to be part of this trend in some way?

I've been theorizing that he has amnesia. Maybe that caused him to get his age wrong. We've already seen him time travel, and timeless dimensions exist in the show. What if one of his adventures lead him to a place where the passage of time works differently? We've been given at least three examples of characters being frozen. What about that?

______________________________________________________________

I would have loved to see a natural progression for Delpad in the show, but now that it's over, I don't have the patience to completely follow this timeline in chronological order. I'm mostly just going to elaborate on whatever points I feel like and work on organizing them later. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (🎶 can we skip to the good part 🎶 lol)

But don't worry, I'm not going to keep you too in the dark on this. I'm going to publish a light draft of my timeline...somewhere! Each section has been broken up into eras and will be tagged accordingly:

(PreSp-CE)

(PreSp-PDE)

(PreSp-DE)

(PreSp-SE)

(CSE)

(PostSp-SE)

(PostSp-UE)

(PostSp-FCE)

(PostSp-DE)

And I guess anything I'm not sure about adding to my headcanons in general, can be labeled "Up in The Air" (UiTA)

Will there be anything about my basis or these eras that are subject to change? Maybe. Will I create more "How I Ship" pages with other parts of timeline? There's a good chance! Did I purposely exclude an era somewhere in here for a secret reason? I'm not going to answer that. 😶

Whatever happens, I'll be sure to make an update about it! 😁

[windvexer]

Hello chicken!

I come to you today with a question I've had for a long time, and I read a post a while ago where you gave tips on entering the astral for people who struggle with it. In this, you mentioned, if I remember correctly, that people who day dream a lot should find a way to tell apart their spiritual travels from daydreams.

The thing is—I'm not only a maladaptive daydreamer since I can remember but also a fiction writer. Meaning my mind comes up with random places and people and story fractures all the time. And when prompted with something, it can run pretty far. I have no way of determining wether or not my spiritual encounters with familiar spirits have been legit or a complete result of my own imagination.

I really wanna know if there's a way to determine if my experience are "real" or made up and how I can go about differentiating them. If you have anything that could help with that I'd be super grateful.

Have a wonderful day and thank you already

We're in reference to this, I think?

This is one of those situations where there are IME never any blanket tips, because everyone has their own needs.

"Real astral travel is fatiguing whereas daydreaming is not" is not a rule of thumb that is helpful to people that don't really get tired astral traveling, or who are exhausted by racing thoughts.

I believe it's vital to experiment for oneself to build up a system of checks and balances that works for you.

That being said here are some ways that travel can be tested (again, consider how these checks may be inadequate depending on the areas you travel, your innate skills, etc).

If you have tips or thoughts to add, please feel free!

You have valid experiences with your spirits if they pan out - if your spirits give you information, spells, techniques, etc., that work. A lot of valid techniques and lore aren't written down, so comparing it to other sources doesn't always work - you have to put it to the test. You can also ask spirits to do things for you - things that should be easily doable - and see if it happens (like, asking them to visit you at a certain time and setting a reminder after the fact).

You can't really control spirits in the astral the way you control daydream characters. Your daydream character can say or do whatever you think even on the slightest of whims. Spirits do not, and if you try to force them to say or do things they can become very upset.

In the astral, there is no story to fracture. It's not a story, there is no narrative. It's a lived experience.

Astral realms are causal, just like our normal physical reality. In a daydream if you realize a character has on the wrong outfit for this scene, based on that mere idea the story might retroactively correct to suddenly have the character be in the right outfit. But in the astral, for a spirit to have on different clothes, they have to go change clothes. And that takes time. They have to leave that location, go to where they keep their clothes, change their clothes, and come back.

There is no fracturing the story into two versions, one where the spirit has on the right outfit from the start, and one where they don't. There is no story.

In a daydream, you control the experience. At the perfect moment, it starts raining in the graveyard for the dramatic reveal. In the astral, you are experiencing something external. You can imagine it's raining, try to force it to rain, or project rain. You might even see rain for a few moments. But your perception will tend to snap back to the actual experience. And then the spirits might be looking at you weird, asking what you're doing. You can't restart the scene because there is no scene.

In a daydream if there is a locked door, that doesn't necessarily stop you in any way. You can know what's behind the locked door, where the key is, how difficult it is to open the door, if there are alternate routes, and so on. You can even know who made the door and the forest the wood came from. The characters might be stuck on one side but you are the omnipotent creator god of that reality and you have all the information you want.

In the astral if you encounter a locked door, you don't automatically know what's behind it. If you don't have the key, you can use magic to unlock it or you can try to break it down. But if you can't, then you can't. If your path is blocked, you won't automatically know any alternative paths forward. The narrative isn't going to be rewritten to account for plot holes; there is no plot. Do you want to know who made the door? Well, how do you intend to find out? Because that information isn't up to you; it exists externally from you.

The characters are at a gorge. The next part of the story is on the other side. Figuring out how to cross the gorge isn't interesting right now, the emotional energy is ready to carry us deeper into the plot. Let's just put a pin in the crossing and figure it out later. For now, we teleport into the future. The characters are on the other side of the gorge, ready to travel into the city.

In the astral, you are stuck on that side of the gorge until you figure out how to cross it. You can imagine or pretend you're on the other side, but eventually you will be bounced back to where you are actually standing.

Daydreams remain static unless you are there to change them. The changes may be sprawling and nigh instantaneous, but they come from you; you are making it up. You are never going to come back to a daydream and realized the fundamental reality of the daydream changed since monday and is irreversible to its prior state.

Astral realms will change on their own whether or not you're there for it. One day a new path appears that was never there before. You can't "switch back" to the other version because there is not more than one version, it's a living area. One day there is a blockage and you can't go to that location. The next day the blockage disappears, or it remains until you resolve it.

Daydreams tend to be low-energy. You can go through the epic history of an empire in 30 minutes. Astral travel tends to be energy-intensive. You can hang out for 15 minutes and talk to one fish in a fountain before you get tired and sleepy.

Similarly, changes in daydreams can be done with nothing more than the energy of a thought; you can raise up houses, neighborhoods, cities, empires, and solar systems with the blink of an eye. In the astral, if you want a bucket of water, you have to pick up the bucket, go to the well, get the water, and walk back. And if it takes you 15 actual IRL minutes, then that's how long it takes you.

My tl;dr is that if it feels like you're an omnipotent multiversal creator god having adventures in endless stories with clear narratives, side-quests, and character arcs, then I'd be more likely to hazard that you're daydreaming. If it feels like you are a person trying to live your got dang life, if you run into problems that require real time and energy to resolve, and if you drop the ball and the world moves on without you - it's more likely you're traveling.

(The only thing I will say is that time in the astral generally doesn't work like how it does here - time can scroll forward very quickly. But if you have time-god powers like editing the past, jumping around from past to present and into alternate timelines, or flash-freezing the universe to walk around in it, I'd be suspicious.

In addition, what worlds you're going to can have a huge impact - personal astral spaces you're fully in control over are, well, much easier to control than external spaces where you're a visitor.)