#I think the two having a shared fear of failing each other just in different ways

[pianokantzart]

Do you think Lu has any deeper fears like you headcanon that Mario does? More emotional ones; whereas lava and dogs and whatnot are more lighthearted?

This is me taking a little bit from the Mario & Luigi RPGs, but being deemed not worth the trouble and left behind, particularly by his brother.

While Luigi doesn't care that much about what people generally think of him, a lot of his sense of self-worth hinges on how he can help his brother.

Luckily, Mario thinks the world of Luigi and always will, but even so Luigi finds the idea of failing the one person who somewhat understands him to be more terrifying than any ghost.

[metranart]

“Even if I have to repeat myself a million times, I will do it…” Hawks reached for your strand of hair again, and this time the feather around your wrist, halted your aggressive motion. “You have to let me take care of you.”

ft. Hawks centered, Hawks x reader, Slight! Bakugo x reader, Slight! Dabi x reader.

Hawks x UA Student! Reader (Part 6)

- Warning tag: obsessed! Hawks, possessive! Hawks, naive! student reader, violation of trust, dubious consent, mating cycles, rut response, obsessive behavior, uncontrollable thirst for reader, manipulation, forced, thigh riding, hormonal minds out of control, sexual content, first time, cock riding, teenage fuck, Dabi's toxically interested in you, Bakugo bestie yet secretly inlove wit you, love confessions, cock-drunk, Hawks trying to be good but failing miserably, gaslighting, HEAVY plot, lots of smut. -

The aftermath was without a word, after what felt like an hour strapped with Hawks rooted inside you, he finally pulled out and you weren’t able to look him in the eye. 

The young Hero on the other hand, was more than desperate to have eye contact with you, kept chasing your gaze when helped you dress, you kept swatting his hands away, didn’t want him to touch you, not EVER again. Yet, he seemed committed to ignore your disgust for him and his less than human actions. 

Slowly, arranged your shirt buttoning it up and even went as far as to kneel to rearrange your skirt around your hips, doing his best to be gentle and tender, nothing rough or unpleasant came from his working hands. He just wanted to make it up to you, he knew that the silence enveloping both wasn’t a comfortable one, not like what a loving couple or a first timer would share with his first sexual partner, Oh no! There was no love share between you, not even familiarity and Hawks itched to correct it, yet refused to break another of your boundaries. 

All his hopes of the rut ending and that helping him dissuade this awful feeling of possessiveness were gone. He wasn’t even a little bit ready to part ways with you, and hated to think he would be banned from be near you, he wanted to be glued to your hip, tattooed on your skin, Fuck! Don’t vanish him from your side, dammit! He couldn’t take it.

“Baby Bird,” he cooed, “There’s no number of words to make you—” 

“Don’t.” The finality on your tone, halted his speech but his body openly rebelled to obey him, and when you tried to step away from him, his hand quickly latched itself to your forearm. 

“Don’t.” He mimicked, whole different sense in the same words. Keigo wasn’t ready to part ways with you, at least no right now, “just—… I don’t have any right to ask, I KNOW this, but please…. Please, let me be near you….” he spelled, thinking every word very well, “I-… I just please…. Let me take care of you.”

The fear reflecting on your blown pupils told him, he had overstepped his welcome and when your mouth opened just a tad, his hand landed on it. 

Shushing your possible refusals, hate words, sarcastic comments, curses or fit of cries, he annulled them all, even when knew he deserves each single one like a medal of honor for his awfully torrid misbehaving, he was a monster, yet wasn’t ready to hear it out from your mouth. 

“Fine-…” he sighed, looking a little defeated “I will take you home, you will eat, hydrate, bathe, sleep and then… I will—” Only his fingers remained on top of your lips, tapping them ever so slightly. The way his eyes narrowed telling you he was pondering the next word, to what you end up saying. “—leave.”

He sighed and swallowed. “I… I promise, I’ll think about it—” 

You stilled. Shock ruling your body before numbly, repeat. “You—you w-will think....think about it?”

The numb, abused girl slowly started to fade, all your patience and understanding blurring away by the uncomfortable and constant palpitating sensation between your thighs, throbbing the wrongness of what had transpired between the two. Slowly, your feeble voice began to raise in volume, “You said once your rut was over, this will end!” you snapped and bit hard at the fingers tapping your lips, feeling very proud when his brows creased, and he muttered a quiet ‘Ouch’. 

“You are a liar—!”

“I’m your MATE.” Keigo didn’t even need to raise his voice for your aggressive stance to stop immediately, the authority with which he said it was enough, as if your body remembered who it was dealing with. “YOU need to understand that this has to follow its flow in order to end, baby bird.” Those golden eyes shone differently, somehow sharper and you saw with disgust how he licked his bitten fingers. He looked disappointed, almost angry with himself, with you, but mostly with the entire situation… pushing him to make a point clear. 

“I didn’t ask you to kiss me on the lips and then use your quirk on me without notice or permission, kid—” Keigo was having trouble coping, too many mix signals, his rational brain urged him to fix things while his reptilian brain stressed very loudly how his mate just bit him like a brat… and unfortunately, was still too drowned in hormones not to listen. He´ll make it right, he knew how to deal with brats, he considered himself a brat tamer. “—YOU chose to do that and I’m really sorry, I really am…” he managed to sound remorseful, yet so scary as well, “I know you didn’t have bad intentions… but as a Hero-to-be you must learn to deal with the decisions you make.” Genuine displeasure leaking into his voice. 

Your eyes watered. You knew he was right, even Aizawa sensei repeated it every single time he could, but at that moment Hawks words tasted like corrosive acid, your pussy was still throbbing thanks to him, your entire body felt like a truck had run over it…. your first time, your first everything had been brutally taken from you—… and here he was giving himself airs of superiority, genuinely and blatantly trying to turn this entire shitstorm on YOU, and you weren’t going to fucking stand for it. 

“You just raped an underage student, Number Two Hero of the country—” you sneered, voice cracking. “… I guess I’ll be seeing you in court-…. or do you want to go straight to jail?” from the corner of your eye, glimpsed his fists tighten, and you openly sobbed trying to force a grin onto your lips as venom dripped down, “—you know, now that we are making ourselves responsible from our actions, like the Pro Hero’s we are, Hawks.”  

“Keigo.” He reminded; stare firmly set on you.  

“Hawks.” You repeated. Holding back angry tears.

Keigo barked out a humorless laugh. “You are not a Pro Hero, kid” he growled, “-not yet.” You were frustrating him, sparking a rut response out of his more primitive side, he wouldn’t fuck you like before, no…. he was more in control, even so, this wasn’t how a mate should behave, like HIS mate should behave. “What you are is MY mate, and as such, you are going to let me take care of YOU.” He stated, taking a couple of steps towards you. “Please… please back up.” You muttered out of your control, you could feel yourself shaking as he towered over your petite form, until he motioned one finger up and one of your arms raised in the air, making you notice the red feathers still wrapped around your wrists and ankles, like shackles. Hawks leant closer until his breath caressed your face and closing your eyes, felt him place a soft kiss on your cheek to then say. “—So, lead the way, so I can do just that.”

Even printing all the strength, you had in you, you could not lower your arm, making you remember who you were dealing with. You knew you weren’t match for his strength or impressive speed. You knew that—So, you took a deep breath to tame the anger enough to let you think straight again, and clenching your jaw, swallowed back the tears. Snorting soundly to make your repudiation for him clear.

“If with this I get rid of YOU-” you spatted at him without look him in the eye, “-it’s this way, Hawks.” Added between clenched teeth, resigned and tired. Holding onto the hope that maybe if you follow his stupid demands, he’ll leave, for good! 

“Call me Keigo.” His voice sounded strained but hide it well enough, keeping a smile on his lips.

You pretended not to listen and walked half a block in awkward silence, from time to time you felt his hand bump yours, as if he wanted to hold it, to what you crossed your arms expecting to make him angry, but he just smiled at you, unfazed, almost as if he was expecting it, which made you internally fume. 

Arriving at your parent’s house, snatched the keys out of your backpack and felt a little relieve knowing there would be no one until nightfall.  

Without waiting for you to invite him in, Keigo stepped forward taking a furtive look around, grinned, glancing back through his shoulder at you.  

“S’ Pretty.” He praised, and began to snoop around, grabbing things to inspect them up closely, bending down to smell a flower arrangement your mother set in the living room. You even saw his wings flap excitedly when grabbed a frame with a family photo in… your parents, you and your little brother, all smiling, all happy. Hawks scanned the picture with clinical fascination, and then put it back in its place, to then do the same with each single picture.  

“Now what, Hawks?” You broke his reverie, happy trance interrupted by the mention of his Hero name, instead of his actual name. An eyebrow rose in your direction, but you didn’t care.

“Eat, hydrate, bathe, sleep—” One finger on his hand stretching out at each activity mentioned, “easy peasy, baby bird.”

Rolling your eyes at him, you turned sharply to head towards the kitchen and immediately, a pang of pain doubled you over. Adrenaline had evaporated, and you didn't have the slightest energy to use your quirk on yourself. This Hero had sucked every ounce of strength out of you.

Hawks was at your side in seconds, his hands cupping your shoulders way too greedily for your liking. “Your body is exhausted, don’t exert yourself…. Let me—”, your face whip at him way too fast, judgment and uncertainty in your features, but before you could decline, added. 

“You know what I’m going to say,” Keigo aimed to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear when you slapped his hand away, making him sigh, “even if I have to repeat myself a million times, I will do it…” reached for your strand again, and this time the feather around your wrist, halted your aggressive motion. He shook his head, disapprovingly, and then calmly continue.

“You have to let me take care of you.”

Clenching your jaw, you boiled with rage. God! He was probing to be difficult, and so were you, your defensive stance didn’t let you realize he was truly slave to hormones, instinct ruling his behavior, all his thoughts and demands, right at that moment he would rather be fucking you to a pulp, but he was really trying to keep himself rooted to coherency, resisting the mischief his biological body suggested. He was a predator, designed hunt, he loved to hunt small things... like YOU. It was awful to know he could break you, if he slipped back inside you just to feel those unused walls sucking him in, squeezing so tight- as a vice.... yet, now that he felt more in control, also knew that if he did, he would be a true villain.  

His thumbs started rubbing circles over your tense shoulders, and you felt exhausted to keep fighting. Realized that there were only two options left. One, fight him throughout the entire process -him more than ready to submit you and take care of you- or two, play along and finish this weird after-intercourse ritual as quickly as possible.

Sighing deeply, you choose number two. Fuck! Up Lately you’ve been choosing number two in all the sense of the word, how awful! —But if this made him leave. 

“Please, let go...” you shook your shoulders brusquely, to no avail “… agh! so I can go to the kitchen and—” you pulled away trying to gain space, but his feathers stilled you, as he spelled, soothingly. 

“It’s not necessary. I prefer that you don’t move anymore.” Hawks said and in the blink of an eye forced you into his arms, carrying you bridal style to gently deposit you in the nearest couch. “Wait here,” he grinned down at you, and without letting you react, flew towards the kitchen as if he knew the place by heart.

A ruffled of red feathers came out of his back like an explosion and began to work around him as he just stood with his hands on his waist, watching. The control he showed was amazing, so many tasks were carried out at the same time, literally like magic. You saw the preparation of an entire menu. Boiled rice with vegetables, butter chicken and mashed potatoes with wide black pepper, a large glass of fresh-squeezed lemonade, and what looked like a banana pudding with almonds. 

Holy shit! How the hell does he do it! Hawks seemingly hadn’t moved a single muscle, even so each single dish landed gracefully on the little center table in front of you. 

“Voila! My Lady.” You heard him boast right next to you as a napkin was place on your lap. Hawks stood at arm's reach, all smiles and soft eyes, holding a set of cutleries inside his palm. 

Inner sighing at his theatricals -which you used to love, you tiredly reached to take a fork from his hand, never expecting him to snatch it away. And without giving importance to the question reflecting on your face, spooned rice into the fork and directed it to your mouth.  

“Say Ah, baby bird~” requested warmly, and you scooted away.  

“I don’t need you to feed me—” 

“—you are too exhausted, Its better this way.” Swiftly replied, leaving no room for discussion, golden eyes locked on you, narrowed, waiting, no doubt, for you to contradict him, and forcing yourself to remember your goal, tightened your fist and opened your mouth. 

“That’s my good girl.” He triumphal announced and you felt like slapping him, but instead reduced to eat. Him feeding you like a baby; you hated each minute. 

“One more mouthful, baby bird,” he insisted, “it’ll help you regain strength faster.” Said, holding a spun full of banana pudin in front of your mouth. 

You felt full, even so, opened your mouth and the spun entered, a pinch of food peeking at the corner of your lip and before you could lick it away, his thumb wipe it clean to then dip in his own mouth. Making sure to keep eye contact during the whole motion. Your cheeks turned red like the feathers adorning his back, but at the same time, your eyebrows furrowed sending him a mix message. 

“I’m fed and hydrated….” you broke eye contact to say between mouthfuls. “I’ll go to sleep, you can leave—” 

“First, you bathe, then you can sleep.” Hawks instructed, making you roll your eyes, vividly. 

“Yes, mom!” You spatted between clenched teeth, dripping sarcasm. 

“Not mom-… Mate.” He corrected, ignoring your biting attitude, “or Keigo…. I’ll even take, Takami—” 

“HAWKS-” you emphasized the Hero name and took a twisted pleasure at seeing his eyebrows knit together, “I’ll go upstairs, there’s the shower—…. make yourself scarce.”

The young Hero grinned humorless, a mix of irritation and disappointment perturbing his composed facial expression. 

You stood, and instinctively he was next to you, his arms hovering around you to carry you up. 

“Please don´t,” you swatted his hands away, “I assure you that—”

“—I assure you the opposite.” He growled, the timbre of his voice giving away his displeasure. Keigo was getting tired of you swatting him away, and in an agile twist, lifted you up in his arms, you pushed at his chest but stopped the same second his hard stare fell on you. 

This time you felt conflicted, part of you knew you were being unfair to him, since in a way this had been partly your fault.  But another part, angrier and more violated, felt with the right to make his life impossible, since you refused to believe that he never had the ability to control himself. He was not an animal, he chose to continue abusing you and even if you started it, he should have stopped it. But maybe right now wasn’t the time…. so, you yielded. Obeying your survival instinct, since the way he looked at you screamed danger. There was little time left for this to end, you could allow him this before he was banned from touching you ever again. So, you put your arms down and let him take you.

Leisurely, Keigo took his time getting to the top, it almost seemed like he wanted to bother you or at least that's how you perceived it, but it was the opposite, he just wanted to lengthen the moments to be close to you, touching you and not being openly rejected by you.

Once upstairs he deposited you gracefully in the hallway.  

“Go get some clean clothes, while I’ll run the bath.”  He instructed and spying you out of the corner of his eye pointed to the last door at the end of the hall, you nodded corroborating it was the bathroom, and rushed inside your room, slamming the door in his face.

You heard him clearly sigh from the other side of the door, and then you heard him stroll away.

Served him right, you thought annoyed. Being in your room brought you a certain sense of relief and security until your eyes collided with the wall next to your closet, the poster of Hawks greeted you from there, the figure of the winged Hero making the peace sign while urging you to achieve your dreams... That bastard! tears began to flow down your eyes without you being able to contain them, God! You hated him! everything that had happened... in a fit of anger you hit the poster on the wall, punching his heroic face with your fist, unworried by the sting on your knuckles, you only kept hitting him non-stop, no matter the pain or the blood staining the paper, you just kept going, letting out your pent-up frustration against the poor poster. Not even five seconds passed before your door was kicked down by the Hero in question.

“Baby bird—” Keigo rammed inside your room, alarmed, and his heart painfully throb at the pitiful act you displayed, bloodied knuckles and tears-stained cheeks contorting your pretty face. His golden eyes focused on the target of your ire, just to find himself printed on the bloodied poster. God! He was a villain, a Monster! And you were just a poor civilian he was so desperate to own. 

Using the feathers around your limbs stopped you, he didn't dare to touch you, the Hero didn't feel worthy.

“I´ll make this right to you, -I swear, baby bird. I´ll make things right.” You heard him murmur more to himself. 

A couple of minutes passed when suddenly you heard him swallow hard and sigh, sitting back on his heels next to your hunched body as you sob and hiccup, uncontrollably. You felt the warmth that emanated from his wings as they surrounded you making a sphere without touching you. 

"Finally....” he sounded relieved, “everything is fine, I'm here." Hawks said, and for the first time, you felt like you were talking to the real Hawks, not Takami Keigo the hormonal bird, but the Hero you admired and respected. The Hero whose posters and t-shirts you had was back and looking straight at you.

“...May I come closer?” 

He asked, Oh my fucking God! He ASKED! not intending to approach without your permission and that lead you to rush towards him, hugging him. This was all you needed, a little control and respect... it was what Keigo had taken from you.

“Hawks-s..” You sobbed into his strong chest immediately feeling safer, “I'm so sorry, it was my fault... my quirk, I shouldn't have used it-...I just wanted to help you...I-...I-" 

The young Hero hushed you, rocking his body from side to side paternally, “I'm the one who's sorry, I should have been able to control myself.... it's just-...it's a nasty thing, this rut....is ruthless and floods my brain until I can't think straight—…. it doesn't excuse my actions but... I wanted you to know.” 

And taking your hand in his, asked.

“…Are you alright?” He inspected your injured knuckles up close, and you shook your head, even so, you felt safe now that he was back and soon exhaustion began to close your eyes, slowly snoozing you away inside his warm embrace. “Kid… come on… Dammit! I need you to stay focus, this is merely a glimpse... I won't be able to stay lucid for long—” Hawks shook you a little, but your eyes kept closing, too exhausted, too tired, too drained.

“Please.... please, at least remember THIS!.......” He pleaded, desperate and inclining his head, kissed the tip of your nose, then your left cheek, then your right and finally your forehead. “Remember to do THIS in that exact order...” his words sounded slurred, “Bring...ME... back—” you heard between drowsy dreams, “.......... —Remember!” 

It was the last thing you hear before you fainted in his arms, arms which became too tight at the end, too greedy and possessive, setting a red flag in your unconscious brain, perhaps you might wake up and NOT find Hawks again.

COMING SOON PART 7....

⭕️ In this PATREON LINK you will find NSFW art of this story and more spicy MHA NSFW art and exclusive smut fanfiction (also JJK, Demon slayer, and Tokyo Revengers) .... Plus more fascinating rewards, check it out and if you got some extra bucks around, join our community. My eternal and vast gratitude for your support!!!

@dreamlessnight @wtvbabes

[slu7formen]

I heard you were sad about the lack of Luke asks, so l've decided to try and help! Bare with me bc this might not be the best considering I'm think on the spot and its late over here so feel free to delete!

So, reader was with Luke when he was running away with Annie and Thalia so they're really close. Then, when her and Luke were like 16 or smth reader left on a quest and its been like 2 years so its assumed that she just failed and died on her quest. This ruined Luke bc he loved her and one night, maybe at the bonfire, he hears reader screaming his name somewhere in the foresty part of camp, just absolutely terrified. He finds her and shes hurt, I'm talkin reallyyy messed up like a massive gash across her eye, (matching scar awww) leavin her like half blind, huge claw marks, teeth marks, and other wounds. He carries her to the infirmary, shes prob passed out at this point from like blood loss. Anyways, she finally wakes up in the infirmary and a bunch of fluff ensues, yk the usual "Don't ever leave me again" "I thought you were dead" the fun stuff and obv they confess to each other! (also, is 🖤 taken?)

whoever made this request, it was so good, you’re evil and brilliant; thank you 🖤

MDNI. luke castellan x fem!reader

warnings: wounds, injuries, blood mention, presumed death, luke being heartbroken (sorry), crying

reminder: english's not my first language so l apologize for any spelling mistakes

₊˚⊹♡

Every morning, Luke woke with the same dull ache in his chest, a constant reminder of the gaping hole your absence had left in him. It was a hollow ache, a physical manifestation of the loneliness that had become his unwelcome company. Nine years old when he ran away, the world had been a harsh teacher, but three years later, when he found you, that harshness had softened, replaced by a fierce protectiveness. You, a scared, twelve-year-old with defiance blazing in your eyes and a meager weapon in hand, had become his anchor in the storm.

The streets had been a cruel way of living, but together, you and Luke had forged a bond stronger than steel. You were the same age, yet he was older by a few months, a difference that somehow granted him a silent responsibility for your safety. Thalia and Annabeth, two more lost souls swept up in the world of their demigod destinies, completed their unbalanced family. But it was you and Luke, the two eldest, who shared a silent language of understanding that went beyond words. You fought together, scavenged together, your backs against the world.

The arrival of Grover, a satyr reeking of panic, brought relief and a terrifying truth— you weren't alone. The hunt for demigods was real, and you were all in danger.

Fourteen. A year etched in his memory with the sharp point of a spear. The monsters, the desperate fight, Thalias selfless sacrifice, the agonizing transformation into the pine tree — the events played on a loop in his mind. Camp Half-Blood, once a beacon of hope, now felt like a bittersweet prison. He had you by his side then, a hand to grip in the darkness, a silent understanding in your shared gaze.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. You were supposed to be there, by his side, facing challenges and forging a future together. He replayed the memory of your first quest announcement on a loop. The fear in his gut, a slap in the face of his fierce protectiveness. He wasn't supposed to lose you.

It wasn't fair. It shouldn't have been you, alone, facing whatever monstrous fate had befallen you. A bitter taste filled his mouth as he replayed the day you left. The forced cheer, the worry that gnawed at him, all a blur now. Training became a way to numb the ache, each swing of his sword carrying a silent plea for your sate return. But as days turned into months, the hope that had fueled him began to fade away.

News traveled slow in the demigod world, but eventually, rumors reached Camp Half-Blood. Whispers of a monstrous encounter, a lost trail, a silence that stretched too long. A year after your departure, the whispers solidified into a grim reality - you were missing, presumed dead.

Luke felt the world tilt on its axis. Denial battled with a cold, horrifying truth. You were gone.

A quest, a single solitary mission, had stolen you from him. Stolen your laughter, your warmth, your presence that had become an essential part of his world. It wasn't fair.

The quest for the Golden Apple had been a cruel twist of fate. A desperate attempt to appease his father, to offer a sliver of hope to a camp drowning in sadness, it had backfired spectacularly. Luke returned empty-handed, his body wracked with exhaustion and his spirit battered. But the most visible reminder of his failure was the jagged scar that ran from beneath his eye down to his chin, a pale testament to the dragon's fury.

He'd needed your presence then more than ever. Needed your steady gaze and the quiet strength you possessed. Needed the spark of defiance in your eyes that mirrored his own growing anger towards a world that had seemed so determined to tear them apart. He needed your touch, your hugs, he needed you.

He stood stiffly before your burial shroud, an image carved in his memory forever. Tears streamed down his face, hot and unchecked. He ignored the concerned glances of his friends, focusing only on the phantom warmth of your hand in his, a memory more vivid than anything else.

In that moment, ravaged by grief, a single truth burned bright — he loved you. And he had lost you. The world felt a little emptier, a little colder, without you by his side.

And the first nights after you left were the worst.

At first, they were hopeful visions. He'd see you, alone on a dusty road, tending to a nasty gash on your arm with a makeshift bandage. A surge of worry would course through him, a familiar anxiety honed by years on the streets. But then, a wry smile would tug at his lips as he remembered the countless times he'd taught you how to create a tourniquet, how to patch a wound and survive on the bare minimum. A flicker of confidence, a belief in your resourcefulness, would chase away the initial fear. He just knew you'd find a way back to him.

He'd wake with a jolt, his hand instinctively reaching for the empty space beside him. The sheets were cold, the air thick with the silence of your absence. But then, a flicker of hope would ignite— you were alive, you were out there.

Finally, the dreams turned into nightmares. You'd appear, but not the way he remembered you. Pale and gaunt, your eyes hollow and vacant. Sometimes, you'd be chased by monstrous shadows, their grotesque forms dissolving into a chilling whisper of your name. These dreams left him gasping for breath, his heart hammering against his ribs.

It had been a little over a year since the agonizing ceremony, the image of your burial shroud seared into his memory. But time, a supposed healer, offered no solace. In reality, it had stretched the fact of your absence even wider. Two years. Two years since he'd last seen your smile, heard your voice, felt the warmth of your hand in his.

"Luke!"

Ah, yes. He heard you sometimes. At first, it happened while he was alone; he believed it could be you, trying to contact him in some way, but it never was that way. He never found you. Then he started hearing your voice in crowded places, mistaking your voice for the ones of other campers, and his heart ached every time he realized it wasn't you.

He felt like he was going insane. Hearing you, even after years. He must be going mad. But then, it became clearer.

"Luke!"

The voice, barely audible above the crackling flames, cut through his thoughts like a knife. He froze, his hand tightening around the thin stick that held his burned marshmallow. Was it-? No. It couldn't be. He must be imagining things again.

The grief, the pain, he knew, could play tricks on the mind.

He brushed it off, attempting to rejoin the conversation, forcing a lightness to his voice that felt hollow. But then, it came again. Clearer this time, tinged with a desperate urgency.

"Luke!? Luke!"

The single word, laden with a desperate urgency, pierced through his defenses. He froze, his blood turning to ice. It was your voice. The same voice that filled his dreams and haunted his waking hours. He whipped his head around, searching the darkened forest beyond the fire's reach.

But the trees stood silent, their branches swaying gently in the night breeze. Nothing. Yet, the echo of your voice lingered in the air, a chilling reminder of the impossible. His heart pounded in his chest, a frantic drum against his ribs.

He glanced around the fire, catching the bewildered expressions of a few campers who had clearly heard the voice too. Their eyes mirrored the confusion and fear that clawed at him. If he said anything, they'd think he'd cracked, that the pain had finally driven him mad.

"Luke!"

But it was you.

Your voice, unmistakable and undeniably real. A wave of disbelief washed over him, followed by a surge of hope so intense it threatened to suffocate him.

He scrambled to his feet, ignoring the surprised yelps of his friends as he knocked over a tray of steaming hot cocoa cups. Stumbling over his own feet, he charged towards the edge of the forest, his heart pounding a frantic rhythm against his ribs.

He skidded to a halt just inside the treeline, his eyes scanning the darkness. "yn!?" he called out, his voice hoarse with a mixture of fear and desperate hope. The only reply was the rustling of leaves in the night breeze.

It was cloaked in darkness, making it impossible to discern any details. But there was a smallness, a fragility to its silhouette that resonated with his memory of you.

Just as doubt began to creep back in, another call pierced the silence. "Luke!" This time, the desperation in your voice was unmistakable.

He didn't hesitate any longer. "yn!" he roared, his voice raw with emotion as he launched himself into a run.

Several campers, roused by the commotion, scrambled to their feet, their eyes wide with confusion and trepidation. They watched, mouths agape, as Luke bolted towards the treeline, his long strides eating away at the distance.

"Luke!" Your voice came again, closer this time, tinged with a note of panic.

"yn!" He didn't dare slow down, his heart making its way up to his mouth. He could hear the sound of others following him, their footsteps pounding on the soft earth behind him.

Through the dense foliage, he caught a glimpse of your figure — small, hunched over, moving with a limp. Hope flared bright within him, battling the tide of fear that threatened to drown him.

Then, you stumbled, nearly falling. He redoubled his efforts, pushing himself to the limit. As he broke through the last line of trees, he saw you standing there, bathed in the pale moonlight.

And his breath hitched in his throat.

The sight of you, once vibrant and full of life, was a punch to the gut. Dirt and grime smeared your face, your clothes were ripped and tattered, and a sheen of sweat covered your brow. But it was the wounds that stole his breath away. Deep claw marks raked across your arms, a bloody gash marred your leg, and the most horrifying of all — a massive scar stretched across your eye, a brutal reminder of some unseen battle. The campers behind him gasped in unison, their faces etched with shock and horror.

Chiron, alerted by the commotion, pushed his way through the crowd, his brow furrowed in concern.

But your focus was solely on Luke. With a desperate cry of his name, you lurched towards him, your injured leg buckling beneath you. Without hesitation, Luke launched himself forward, catching you in his arms just before you hit the ground.

"Luke..." you whispered, your voice barely a breath. Your eyes, the one that wasn't obscured by the wound, flickered with a spark of relief and a hint of something else - a deep, unspoken emotion that mirrored his own.

Then, your eyelids fluttered closed, and your body went limp in his arms. Panic surged through him as he cradled you closer, his voice hoarse with a mixture of fear and relief. " yn? No, no, no, no, yn?" he slightly slapped your cheek, no response. He looked back to to the campers that decided to follow him, his voice cracking with desperation. "Get the Apollo cabin, now!"

The days that followed your arrival were shrouded in a suffocating silence. The once vibrant camp seemed to echo with a collective held breath. No one dared to talk to Luke.

His eyes, once playful and sparkly, now held a deep, smoldering anger. He snapped at anyone who dared to approach. Only Chiron, with his patient wisdom, Annabeth, with her loyalty, and the healers of Apollo cabin, sworn to secrecy about your condition, were able to pierce the storm raging within him.

Each day, a relentless routine unfolded. Luke would rise with the first rays of dawn, his body heavy with the weight of his own despair. He'd force down a meager breakfast, the taste turning to ash in his mouth. Then, with a heart that felt like a lead weight in his chest, he'd make the agonizing trek to the Big House, the temporary haven where you resided. He would do it multiple times a day, actually.

Lee, the son of Apollo with a mop of messy blonde hair and eyes that held a touch of empathy, would greet him at the door, a practiced neutrality masking his concern. The answer was always the same. You were alive. The healers had managed to stabilize you. But your recovery was a slow, painful journey. The wounds you bore were a testament to a harrowing pain, and the care they had taken on your body was immense.

As soon as you had fainted in his arms, you had slipped into unconsciousness. No amount of coaxing, no whispered pleas from the healers, or songs in Ancient Greek, could bring you back. Luke was devastated. The relief of having you back, a physical presence after two agonizing years, was a fragile flame quickly extinguished by the reality of your condition. Your life hung by a thread, and he was kept at arm's length.

One particularly bleak afternoon, Luke found himself face-to-face with Chiron. The old centaur, his kind eyes reflecting the turmoil swirling within Luke, gestured for him to sit.

"Luke," Chiron began, his voice soft yet firm, "I understand your pain. Your worry for yn is valid and understandable. But you must also understand, her condition is delicate"

Luke clenched his fists, his jaw tightening with suppressed anger. "Why can't I see her? Annabeth's younger than me and yet, she gets to see her. Why not me?" The words tumbled out, laced with a raw desperation.

Chiron sighed, a weary sound. "Because, Luke," he said, his voice heavy with empathy, "we fear the emotional toll it might take on you if-, if the worst were to happen."

He slumped in his chair, defeated. Grief, anger, and a gnawing helplessness battled within him.

"How long then?" he rasped, his voice barely a whisper. "How long will it be before I can see her again?"

Chiron reached out, placing a comforting hand on Luke's shoulder. "We don't know, Luke" he said honestly. "But the healers are doing their best And you need to find your strength. She will need it when she wakes up”

He nodded dumbly, understanding Chiron's concern for him. But that didn't make the gnawing ache in his chest any less agonizing. He missed you. Missed the warmth of your hand in his, the light that sparkled in your eyes, the way your laughter could chase away even the darkest shadows.

A few days later, he walked by the Big House again. Lee greeted him again, just as every other day.

"How is she?" Luke asked.

Lee sighed, a gust of exasperation tinged with sympathy. He looked tired himself, dark circles under his eye and a large cup of coffee in his hand. "Little change. But she's stable. Stronger than she looks. We had some healers fainting because of how much singing they've done to her"

A muscle ticked in Luke's jaw. "Can't I at least see her?" The words came out harsher than he intended, dripping with frustration.

Lee studied him for a long moment, his own blue eyes reflecting the turmoil within Luke. Finally, he spoke. "Look, I get it. You're scared, you're angry. But you have to understand, seeing her like this... we can't let you"

Luke clenched his fists. "I can handle it" he growled, the beast within him straining against its leash.

Lee took a step closer, his voice dropping to a low murmur. "Can you, Luke? Can you handle the possibility that maybe she doesn't get to wake up?"

The question hung in the air, a brutal truth that stripped away Luke's bravado. He stared at Lee, the anger draining away, replaced by a raw vulnerability that surprised even him. He swallowed hard, the lump in his throat suddenly making it hard to breathe.

"No" he whispered, the single word a confession of his deepest fear.

Lee nodded, a flicker of understanding softening his features. "Then trust us, Luke. Trust the healers. We're doing everything we can."

And then he remember Chiron's words. He knew he was right. He couldn't bear the thought of the last image of you being one of unconsciousness, a pale specter in a sterile infirmary bed.

The days that followed settled into a grim routine. Luke stopped asking the relentless question, 'Did she wake up?' The answer, etched into his weary soul, was a constant ache that no words could soothe. He had stopped arguing, the initial burst of rebellion replaced by a quiet desperation. He started asking more specific questions, focusing on the details of your injuries. Your eye, the massive gash that mirrored his own scar in a way that made his stomach churn, became a particular point of morbid fascination.

He couldn't bear to look at the jagged mark on his face, couldn't imagine how it felt on yours.

Not because he thought you wouldn't be beautiful —he knew you would be. But the thought of you facing the same constant reminder of pain, of vulnerability, filled him with a protective rage that simmered beneath the surtace.

But then, a shift began to occur. He noticed stolen glances exchanged between the Apollo campers, hushed whispers that died down as soon as he entered their vicinity. An unspoken secret they guarded fiercely. He tried to ignore it, burying himself in training, seeking solace in the familiar sting of sweat and exertion. Chiron's words were a constant drumbeat in his head - seeing you too soon, on the precipice of death, was a burden he might not bear.

But later that day, as the sun dipped below the horizon casting the camp in an orange glow, Chiron sought him out. Luke braced himself, his heart plummeting into his stomach. His mind spun with a thousand morbid possibilities.

He met Chiron's gaze, a storm brewing in his own eyes. "What is it?" he rasped, voice breaking.

Chiron took a deep breath, his eyes locking onto Luke's with a solemn intensity. "Luke," he began, his voice thick with a mix of trepidation and hope, "she's awake."

The world seemed to tilt on its axis again. The air whooshed out of Luke's lungs, leaving him breathless. For a moment, he could only stare, his mind struggling to process the simple, life-altering statement.

Then he ran.

His feet pounded a trantic rhythm against the dusty path, each step fueled by a desperate need to see you. Chiron's protests, if there were any, were lost in the roar of blood rushing in his ears. He wouldn't be denied this. Not now. His legs pumped like pistons, fueled by a desperate hope that threatened to shatter him if it turned out to be false. He burst through the doors of the Big House, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste. The interior was deserted, the silence amplifying the frantic pounding of his heart.

He flung open the infirmary door, the sight inside momentarily stealing his breath. Two Apollo campers stood by the window, their hushed whispers abruptly cut short by his arrival.

But his eyes were locked on you, the very image of him defying the cruelty of fate.

You sat on the bed, a fragile silhouette bathed in the pale light, your head bent over your bandaged hands. Your hair, once a fiery mane, had grown longer, a testament to the time that had passed for him in a blur of grief. Your skin, usually kissed by the sun, was a pale canvas.

He took everything in — the fresh cuts marring your arms, the claw marks, the way your shoulders slumped with exhaustion. And you had lifted your head, startled by the sudden noise.

Your eyes, usually sparkling with life, were dull with pain, but when they met his, a spark ignited within them.

"Luke!"

The word ripped from your throat, a cry that echoed with relief and a tremor of something deeper. You lunged off the bed, ignoring the wince that contorted your face as your injured leg protested.

"yn, wait!" Lee sprang forward, concern etched on his face. Your stitches, particularly those on your thigh, were still fresh, and any sudden movement could cause them to tear.

But you didn't listen. You threw yourself at Luke, your arms wrapping around him with a desperation that mirrored his own. He caught you, the impact sending a jolt through his body. His arms tightened around you, a desperate need to hold on, to feel you solid against him.

He held you tight, the fierce possessiveness in his grip both a comfort and a warning. Your body, the way you fit so perfectly against his larger frame, sent a jolt through him. He'd grown, you realized, his broad shoulders feeling wider, his embrace stronger. In contrast, you felt impossibly small, the warrior you remembered replaced by a shell of the person you once were. His hot tears quickly started to wet your hair.

The sudden weakness in your leg, the one that had been screaming in protest since you lunged at him, finally overwhelmed you. A sharp cry escaped your lips as your body gave way beneath you. Instinctively, Luke tightened his grip, his arms morphing into a cradle to catch your fall.

The impact with the floor sent a fresh wave of pain shooting through you, but it was a dull ache compared to the overwhelming joy of finally being in his arms again. You clung to him, your fingers digging into his back, burying your face in the crook of his neck. Luke wouldn't stop sobbing now, his shoulder shaking as his arms held you into his embrace.

The Apollo campers, sensing the intimacy of the moment, mumbled apologies as they slipped out of the infirmary, leaving you and Luke alone.

He cradled you close, the scent of your hair and the warmth of your body a balm to his battered soul. He buried his face in your hair, inhaling the familiar fragrance that had haunted his dreams for so long. It was real. You were real.

"You're alive" he sobbed, the words a broken mantra against your ear. "You're alive" he repeated. Each repetition wasn't just for you, but for him, a desperate attempt to convince himself that this wasn't a cruel dream, that you weren't an illusion.

He pulled back slightly, cupping your face in his hand, his thumb gently tracing the line of your jaw. The wounds looked clean now, stitched and bandaged, but the raw pain was etched in the lines around your eyes. The gash across your eye, a crimson scar angry and fresh, pulled at the corner of your eye, making it appear swollen and bruised. Yet, to him, you were the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

It started a finger's width above your eyebrow, then, just as abruptly, it dipped down, catching the outer corner of your eye. The scar tissue pulled the delicate skin, making your eye appear slightly narrowed and bloodshot.

But despite the rawness of the wound, despite the vulnerability etched on your face, there was something undeniably fierce about you. It was a look he hadn't seen before, a look born from surviving the unthinkable.

Tears welled up in your eyes again, blurring your vision. You had always been beautiful, that much was undeniable. But now, even with a scar contrasting against your features, you were breathtaking.

He didn't mean to say it out loud, but the words tumbled from his lips before he could stop them.

"You look beautiful" he breathed, his voice thick with emotion.

His words sent a shiver down your spine. You leaned into his touch, seeking solace in the warmth of his hand. "It hurts" you whispered, a tear tracing a path down your cheek.

"I know" he murmured, his voice filled with empathy. He sniffed uncontrollably at your sight, so broken and fragile, wrapped around his arm. "But you're alive. You're here" his bottom lip started trembling before he could control it. He inhaled sharply and his voice came out shaky; "I thought you were dead" tears rolling down his cheeks.

You laughed, a weak sound that was more like a sob. "You won't get rid of me that easily"

He leaned in, his forehead resting against yours, his breath warm on your skin. In that moment, the infirmary with its sterile smell and harsh light faded away. All that existed was the feel of you in his arms, the warmth of your body against his, and the knowledge that you were alive.

"Don't ever leave me again" he pleaded, his voice thick with a mix of relief and terror. The thought of losing you again, of facing another agonizing day without you, was almost unbearable.

"I wouldn't dream of it" you whispered.

[loveriotss]

Hello :)

I really enjoy your work, I've read all of it even if I didn't like the character bc your writing style is just so good I want to chop you up and put you into a stew in the best way possible

do you think you could do a bakugo x reader where the reader has a similar personality to him? they would be such a power couple + I'm a fiend for mean readers

also, may I be 🛸anon?

DOUBLE TROUBLE ⸻ katsuki bakugo

INCLUDES — gn! reader, headcannons, drabbles, fluff, crack WARNINGS — swearing

main masterlist — mha masterlist ༊*·˚

BEFORE DATING —

you both always tried to one up the other.

both in studies and combat training, y'all were rivals.

during training exercises, aizawa would have to use his capturing weapons on you two because sometimes your arguments would get out of hand.

[bkg] "HAH! I WON!" [y/n] "YOU CHEATED YOU MOTHERFU-" [aizawa] "that is enough. i will expel both of you if you keep doing this.

you both would get annoyed at times because of how similar you are.

ideas and tastes clashing occasionally and sometimes, even insults.

like an argument would be going on and suddenly you both spew out the same insult 😭😭.

[y/n] "shut the fuck up bakugo no one cares if you don't like this movie, we all are watching it." [bkg] "tch whatever, i don't want to watch a movie with your dumbass in the room anyway." [y/n] "yeah sure bakugo, make excuse. we all know the real reason is because it's past your bedtime." [bkg] "THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!?" [y/n] "OH I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'RE DEAF TOO!" [kiri] "uh hey guys? y'know this is a movie marathon, you both could pick out one movie each-" [bkg + y/n] "SHUT UP IDIOT" "SHUT UP IDIOT"

and now you two are having another fight because "you copied me!"

despite your bickering, there’s an underlying respect and understanding between you and him.

you recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses and can see the drive and determination in one another, even if y'all don’t openly acknowledge it.

there will be times when you silently exchange your notebooks where you've written quirk/fight techniques and read through them, sometimes adding small tips on the side.

you might bond over your shared ambitions and goals.

conversations sometimes revolving around your dreams and aspirations, and both of you motivating each other to push harder, even if you guys don’t show it directly.

mixed signals, mixed signals, mixed signals!!!

both of your dumbasses can't tell if the other sees them as a rival or something more.

like yeah you maybe 'hate' his guts but there's no one more understanding than him, no one who'd help you with your combat as much as him, no one who'd motivate you to stride further as much as him.

katsuki would be in denial for a bit, thinking these feelings would pass.

but honestly, he knew he was lying to himself. he admired you a lot as a person and his romantic feelings for you stemmed from there.

after he admitted his feelings to himself, he attempts to give you hints.

but poor boy doesn't know how to show that he cares for you properly and so all of his attempts fail as you take them as his usual brashness.

even people from outside your class start noticing how big of a crush you two have on eachother. always bickering but always together.

eventually you had decided that you'd confess soon. no use in dragging this out right?

but i fear katsuki beat you to it.

the ua dorms were quiet at this hour, save for the whisper of wind rustling through the trees. behind the building, where shadows danced in the moonlight, katsuki bakugo stood with his back against the wall, arms crossed tightly over his chest. you approached cautiously, glancing around to make sure no one else was near. you had a feeling this meeting wasn’t about a routine patrol or a late-night training session. when your eyes met bakugo’s, you saw something different — a rare vulnerability. he cleared his throat, the tension in his shoulders betraying his nervousness. “look, i've never done this and I’m not good at talking about feelings or whatever. i like you, okay? i’m not gonna be all sappy but i wanted you to know.” his eyes darted away, focusing on a distant tree, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. your heart raced, a smile tugging at your lips. “ah shit, you beat me to it bakugo.” bakugo’s head snapped back to you, eyes wide with surprise. for a moment, the air crackled with an unspoken tension before you both let out a chuckle, the gravity of the confession settling between you. "katsuki." he says, as your eyebrows rose in surprise. "call me katsuki, no more bakugo." you laugh before replying. what an honor. the bakugo katsuki is telling you to call him by his first name. "then you call me y/n. no more dumbass." you reply. "i'll think about it." "HEY!" the night air seemed to have grown warmer, the two of you stayed outside for another hour, simply taking strolls and talking. before you two headed back in, katsuki stopped behind you, causing you to turn around. “so . .” katsuki began, his voice less abrasive now, “we're like . . together right?” you pause, reaching your hand out to him. “we just confessed to each other you idiot. obviously we are.” a small hint of a smile appeared on katsuki's face as he took your hand in his. "i said to call me katsuki." "be quiet."

WHILE DATING —

you and katsuki had decided to not tell anyone about your relationship.

it wasn't a secret or anything, you two just didn't bother to tell anybody.

now this had driven your class mad. they knew something had happened between the two of you but they couldn't point out what.

it wasn't uncommon for you and katsuki to disappear at times. everyone assumed that it was for extra training.

so when you both would be leaving randomly in the afternoons, returning close together with not a sweat droplet in sight, they started suspecting something is going on.

[mina] "these two are killing mee! there is something going on, i'm so sure of it!" [tsu] "you're right mina. i think i even saw them wearing the same bracelet?" [jiro] "no way. i thought it was just a coincidence but now that you pointed it out, they did start wearing it from this week. getting the same bracelet is one thing, but at the same time?" [toru] "oh my god i feel like they're doing this on purpose to annoy us! i asked y/n about it and they just made a face at me and left."

you and katsuki know damn well about what y'all are doing. not oblivious to some of your classmates glancing at you two when you both leave to 'train' (going on a date).

it's absolutely hilarious to both of you when you see your classmates going crazy over your relationship.

when you and katsuki do decide to drop the bomb on them, they actually go ballistic.

the common room was a buzz of energy as class 1-a settled in for their usual friday night tradition: snacks, board games, and a new episode of their favorite show. the table was cluttered with bowls of popcorn, candy, soda cans and laughter filled the air as the group organized the evening’s activities. katsuki and you were sitting on the carpet, backs against the couch as y'all played an intense game of monopoly with mina and kirishima. everyone got really competitive, occasionally shifting their focus towards the show before continuing to play. after a while, you emerged victorious, shoving your victory into kirishima and mina's face as katsuki yawned and stretched beside you. “i’m heading to bed,” he announced, his tone as casual as if he were commenting on the weather. you glanced up from the board, nodding in acknowledgment. “goodnight,” you said. katsuki stood up, gave you a quick kiss on the forehead, and turned to head towards the dorms. his demeanor was so matter-of-fact that it was as if he’d merely forgotten his snacks in the kitchen. the entire common room went silent, eyes widening in shock. the gesture had been so casual, yet it spoke volumes. kirishima broke the silence with an excited shout. “i knew it!” he ran off to sero who reluctantly handed him some yen. wonderful, your classmates had a bet on you two. a wave of murmurs and surprised exclamations rippled through the room. “wait, you guys are together?” denki says, his eyes as big as saucers. you shrugged, a smirk tugging at your lips as you propped yourself up to the couch. “what do you think stupid? did he just kiss my forehead for fun?” denki opened his mouth to retort back but was interrupted by squeals from mina. “OH MY GOD YES!! YOU BOTH ARE OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE COUPLE!” mina exclaimed, interlocking her fingers with toru excitedly.

word travels fast in ua and by the end of the weekend, everyone and their moms know about you.

it couple, power couple (sometimes even literally because of how strong/powerful you both are), the couple. all these titles were easily taken by you and katsuki.

you both had a private relationship, everyone knew you were dating but never knew anything other than that.

both of you still have your competitive nature when it comes to training, however it has taken on a more balanced role.

while y'all still enjoy challenging each other, there's a greater sense of teamwork. you both support each other's goals and work together to achieve them, blending your rivalry with cooperation.

your arguments become less frequent and more constructive.

you've learned to communicate better and understand each other’s triggers and emotional responses.

instead of heated arguments, your interactions often involve playful and affectionate teasing.

you both have learned to express affection through shared humor and banter, making your interactions more enjoyable.

while y'all might still show a tough exterior in public, you have a more private and tender side to your relationship.

when alone, you both share moments of vulnerability and affection that are hidden from the outside world.

katsuki's protective instincts become more apparent and openly acknowledged.

he knows you're strong enough to handle yourself, but he can't stop himself from always looking out for you and feeling the need to protect you.

overall you both have a sweet and healthy relationship. always being there for each other and correcting the other when necessary.

NOTE — OMG THANK YOUU THATS SO SWEET 😭💕. OFCC YOU CAN BE 🛸 ANON!! hope you liked this! im so sorry this took so long, school has started and i get really busy on the weekdays so i only have time to write on weekendss.

©loveriotss — all rights reserved to me. please don’t try to copy/steal my work. please do not use any of my ideas/translate my work without my permission.

[blingblong55]

My Love, Mine all mine -Simon 'Ghost' Riley

Based on a request:

"Broken men know who to love, but not how to love. Broken women know how to love, but not who to love." This is so Simon related 🥺🥺

---- F!Reader, fluff ----

A/N: Because he isn't always some tough masked solider, he is a man with wounds and a life beyond the battle field

It wasn't a shared feeling, he knew that well. You and he had stayed up and talked about a future like you had a clue. He knew your issues, love isn't what you want at times, you miss it, want it, but sometimes just at times, you can't give in to it, in fear of something greater that you don't know about. The smoke of his cigarette gave his not-so-secret hiding spot away. "Better not ask for my jumper again, doll," he knew you were there, knew those steps all too well. You chuckle, "You have to be some superhero," you sit beside him. He shrugs, "Just a mere mortal," he smiles. Silence between you two, speaking the words lips fail to say.

Simon knew you he was meant to love you, but not ever meant to show it. And just as he was about to speak, you rested your head on his shoulder. Classic way to ask for his jumper because you once again forgot your own. "No, not this time, I'm sick today," he excuses. "What if I get sick?" you ask and he chuckles. "You can never get sick darling, remember New Year's Day last year?" 

It was cold, wind and snow surrounded you and he walked to you. The night died down rather quickly, lovers kissing inside as you walked in the snow. Thirteen years of knowing the other, he knew you too well, you want to avoid the romance, avoid the cliche and have something different, but not all can be unique. You know well, he knows too, you turn around, "Go back inside, Si, you'll get sick." He shakes his head. "What, you're telling me you won't take care of me, love?" He gets closer to you, a little pout as he gives you his puppy eyes. "Don't do that, Simon." He smirks. "Doing what, all I'm saying is, why not let me be here with you and just shit-talk all those people who might invite us to their baby showers?" You laugh. "I'm wearing blue," you comment he rolls his eyes. "No way you'll make me wear pink," he shakes his head. You ignore it, knowing a baby shower would come within nine to ten months from your friends. 

He knows you. He just doesn't know if he can ever love you. In this world, a man like him isn't guaranteed a happy ending. Maybe a cut to the throat, death in a dark place, bullets blazing as his body takes its last breaths, that is a guaranteed end. Nothing in this world belongs to him, not even the knife he carries. "I almost got sick," you recall. "Keyword is almost," he looks at the skyline. "So, what is new?" he looks over to you. "Same old story." It was mad, to know he can be the man who loves you unconditionally. You could stab him in the back a million times and a million times he would thank you for doing it. Love works in different ways, his love is dark and deep but real. You could break his heart, expose him to the world, turn him into his enemy, kill him over and over, and each time, he would say he loves you.

It's a dark and twisted fairy tale to love him, but it's love that no one can take from him. He can tell you he loves you over and over, but you would still ask him if it was true. You can kiss him, care for him, hug him in days or nights when he is the most vulnerable, burn the world and watch it fall apart for him, only to have him think it's all foolery. One hug, one kiss, and he would still question what love is. The meaning displayed in your eyes, the feeling displayed in his gaze but neither are too brilliant to take a step and claim what the poets oh so need to see. You are conflicted, getting your heart broken over and over by many lovers, asking and crying to the starry nights what is so wrong with you.

Do you love too much, do you care too much? What if it's you and not them? What then? Simon, the cold stare to the passers and the soft gaze to you. R/N, the confused lover with issues and questions that one man's lips hold the answers to. One New Year's Day, one whisper of a truthful 'I love you,' two hearts, one bed, tears and promises. What makes love is not what others perceive it as. Not for a soldier, not for a civilian who questions all her love. At dinner with friends, questions were asked of when either would settle down like the others did, not knowing the answer was right at that table. Simon and R/N, are two complicated hearts that beat for one reason. To live. But those two words can be more than just a basic meaning.

One stormy night, knock on the door and he opens, shirtless and with hope. "Hi," your hoarse voice is too soft. He opens his arms and you run to them. Antidote, what a soldier like him found in that night when he promised he would be more than just a soldier but a man who loves a woman. A woman who cries in his arms as she gets heartbroken again. Boyfriends, thinking they are better than a true woman who all she wants to do is love and care. Something a soldier like him looks for in the dark. "They don't know what they lost, dear," he kisses the top of your head as he holds you close to him. He is done trying to find reasons to not love you.

You are tired of not finding enough excuses to call him home. Your home. His home. An embrace of a man who all he wants to do is protect the last thing on this earth to love him. It was a shared feeling, you both know that well. It is believed that since the creation of our universe, our galaxy, the dust that made us, always tries to find a way back to its other half. And, as he holds you close, two hearts, under one roof, he finds home, and you find home too. It's not about what piece is broken but what is still there. It's not about love or who or how to love.

Sometimes, love is not just a kiss, sex and a caress. Love is sometimes about waking up late morning, hair all messy, bodies tangled with the sheets and a burst of lazy laughter as you realise your lipstick is all over his face. Love is respect, honesty, trust, happiness, fun, and him, holding you near as he watches you cry over something small. Love is about being imperfect, flawed, broken and having the one you care for sit down, love you a little extra that day and watch as you fix yourself with his hand holding yours. 

Tags:

@ghostslillady @queen-ilmaree @jnsmeyv @madamemelancholysstuff @kit-kats06 @ghostslittlegf @trulyunknownone @rogerfxckingtaylor @cripitique @sinners-sins

[pigeonp0st]

Lena Luthor x Reader #3

Summary: Lena breaks up with Reader to keep her safe from Lex. Reader hatches a plan to get rid of him that goes terribly wrong, and naturally, torture follows. This mostly takes place after she’s found again.

Warnings:

Angst,torture, depression, trauma, childhood trauma

Notes:

Hey! I’m going about writing differently now. Everything I write from here on out will most likely be straight from the tumblr drafts and fairly quick. Something I decide to do in a random sitting (unless it’s paid for). Fair warning that this isn’t that, this is just something I worked on ages ago and didn’t publish. I did NO SPELLING CHECKS and remember writing at 2am, so warning number 2

———————

Lena loathed the DEO in that moment. She loathed Alex, and she loathed Supergirl , and she loathed every damn agent in the building so that she didn’t have to loathe herself instead. It’s not enough, there was still a small part of her that she couldn’t ignore, a part of her that screamed; ‘you should have held on. You should have been there’

She knows she should have been there. She knows she failed you before anyone else did. She knows. But she’s trying now and she doesn’t know how to get it to matter to the world. Trying won’t save you, and trying hasn’t led you back to her.

Trying has only led you there, far from Lena, laying somewhere unknown with a body and a heart too worn. Though, Lena imagines, that’s probably not a new feeling for you. She trembles with the image of Lex mocking her on video, holding a gun to your head, she trembles and thinks, I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him.

Then, miraculously;

“Found her!” Winn shouts loudly, raising his Supergirl action figure in victory, and Lena, CEO, multibillionaire, crumbles in relief in front of dozens of agents in the middle of the DEO.

—-

When you wake up Lena feels her heart stop.

She wanted to kiss you, hold you. She wanted to be the type of person that stayed. She wanted to be the type of person worth staying for.

She wanted to believe the both of you would be okay, and she wanted to hold your face and tell you that. That you’d be okay. She wanted more than anything in that moment to be the type of person that said the right thing. That did the right thing.

She wasn’t. She wasn’t any of the people she wanted to be. Your eyes met hers, full of sorrow, and human and hurt, and she wasn’t. She wasn’t because she was scared, and because she was human also. She wasn’t—so she leaves.

Now, as she’s gripping herself in the hallways of the DEO, struggling against the weight of what feels like worlds on her shoudlers, choking on breaths that should have been being shared with you, she’s filled with so much self contempt it could fuel the whole government. Whoever said that “It’s better to have loved and loss, than to have never loved at all”, has never met the two of you and has never loved this desperately.

Loving you made her feel just as much as losing you had, and is it worth it? Maybe, but It’s certainly not better to be feeling this than not ever feeling it. Can’t those things coexist? Can’t it be better for her to never love, but can’t loving also be a choice she’d make despite all the pain?

Can’t you love the things that will destroy us in the end? Doesn’t she always?

She should go back in. She should go back in and ask for forgiveness, but the fear of ruining things further, of the both of you hurting each other further, prevents her from trying to fix things.

When she broke up with you she had just wanted to protect you from Lex. Losing you like that would have nothing compared to—

Lena shivers, shakes her head, and clutches onto herself more tightly with trembling fingers.

“You’re hyperventilating,” Alex says from where she’s leaning against the wall beside Lena. Her eyes are watchful, careful, but Lena feels them like daggers.

She straightens, forces out a; “wow, you really are an amazing analyzer, detective,” and nearly gets a smirk for her troubles—but Alex is too soft, too caring to give her that. She moves towards her, ever the big sister, but Supergirl rushes in first.

“Lena,” Supergirl—Kara, Kara, Lena thinks, and often starts to forget, except when Kara looks at her like this—breathes out.

Lena steps back from them both, the humanity in the room tears her apart, reminds her of her lack of, and destroys her. “You have to…to warn people when you do that…super speed thing,” Lena grits out, cutting Kara off before she can even begin to try and be…be good. She gestures towards the room with shaky hands and begins to try and compose herself lHow long was she awake while I was asleep?”

Kara and Alex look at each other. Say nothing. “Guys—”

“She woke up two hours ago,” Alex says, at the same time Kara says; “you were wiped out—didn’t even hear the nurses, of course we couldn’t just wake you up”

Two hours, and she was asleep. Lena goes cold instantly. She remembers hearing Lex had you, remembers it like one remembers the worst moment of their life; both intimately and not at all. She remembers hearing Supergirl had you—that you were breathing , but people only say that when someone is very not okay, and Lena remembers the way adrenaline had rushed through her. She had felt both alive and utterly useless through it, and it sticks to her even now.

Alive, but asleep, never the person she needs to be to protect you. How alone have you felt because of her? How scared?

“Lena,” Kara starts again, “Lena, she wanted you to sleep— ”

“Go in there,” Alex cuts her off, gets a very annoyed look for it, because they both can’t seem to help cutting each other off today. “You want to show her she’s not alone, that she’s safe? I promise you that the only way she’ll feel that is with you there.”

Kara nods, suddenly straightening and transforming into Supergirl just like that, just in the stance. “Hero complexes will serve nothing except separation and loneliness. You taught me that. Stronger together, Lena.”

Wanting to save you had left you alone, and yes, alone to Lena meant away from Lex, but he’s not the only scary thing in this world, and she should have known that he’d never forget how to destroy her. To leave you alone, Lena thinks, was the worst thing she could have done.

While you were away Lena had to confront herself. Had to realize that so far, every good thing in her life has come with a cost, has led to ruin, and the threat of Lex…it had just seemed to her like the time had come. Like it was her only option. To sacrifice, to sacrifice and hurt.

If Lex had won by separating the two of you, then he had one like that. In her mind, Lena had already been destroyed, of course she imagined that to be the end of it, that he wouldn’t touch you. She’d rather hurt by pushing you away than you dying. Even the thought—

God, she’s so tired of being a coward. To being so scared of losing you that she’s willing to destroy you both.

Kara and Alex hating what she’s done in the unspoken way that they do hurts even more in a way Lena’s used to, because it hurts like regret. Their stances have turned from concerned and loving, to protective heroes. She should have never left you alone. Not when she was scared of Lex, and not now. She gives both Kara and Alex a firm nod and tries to walk past to get into the room. To make things right.

Kara stops her with a hand on her shoulder. She drops it instantly when Lena turns towards her. Ever the fragile hero, always afraid of her own hands for the strength they hold. “Before that…” Kara coughs awkwardly, “Um…we need you to understand her injuries…and what happened.”

—-

When Lena walks into the room, it’s not like you thought she would. She’s not the fragile human curled up in a chair, or the terrified women fleeing your medical room. She’s angry with rage and a whirlwind of feelings, caught in a tornado of emotion. She’s large in the way she’s always been, and yet it has never left you feeling so small.

You sink back into your hospital bed, pull the covers to your chin, and watch her.

“You went after him?” Lena hisses out, so lowly, so sharply, that she might as well have cut the words into your skin for the way that it dig into you. “Everything I’ve ever done is to protect you, and you just decided to throw it all away like it means nothing? Do you have any idea—”

“You were protecting yourself!”

Lena stops. She was pacing, shaking with emotion, but she stops dead in her tracks at the sound of your voice. You yell it, and yet it’s still somehow silent. Your throat is ruined, a testament to the cruelty of Lex, and the evidence of that and more is written on your skin. You’re covered in injuries. Your brokenness has never been more visible, you think, and it should leave you feeling fragile, and it does, god it does, but right now it gives you power.

Power over Lena, who looks at you like her life hangs in the palm of her hand.

“You think I’m stupid, that I don’t know that every fiber of your being is laced with fear?” You whisper now, hand on your throbbing throat. “You left me for you, and I went after Lex for me.” Its venom. Venom, and anger, and all of the thing you know Lena takes In stride. The thing she strives on.

It hangs in the air for a second. Then Lena, beautiful Lena, kneels by the side of your bed. CEO, one of the most powerful people in this city; on her knees for you. She doesn’t look invigorated, doesn’t looked fueled by anger, just looks sad with regrets.

“I did it for me,” Lena agrees, so soft, so not like them; not like her family. “I did it for you, too. Of course I did it for you, and maybe it was a terrible thing to do—led by my trauma talking to me—but don’t lay there and deny I wasn’t thinking of you,” she breathes, then pauses, eyes tracing your busted lips, bruised face, bruised neck. Her jaw trembles and her lips part, she looks as if she wants to say more, but her eyes are haunted by the home she grew up in.

As if reading your mind Lena whispers, “they haunt me. It’s as if I can never let go. I’m so sick of it. I’m so sick of it.” She closes her eyes with furrowed brows, as if not looking at you will prevent the shake in her voice. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. For them. For them now, for them back then, and for them in the future—if you still want to be in my life, you have to know I can’t escape them. Even when they’re not there they’re there. It…god, it makes me sick.”

When Lena raises her hands and grips herself, digging her fingers into her skin like she wants to pull the trauma and memories out of herself, like she wants to get rid of them, something in you breaks. Breaks because your arms are raw and aching, and it wasn’t Lex. Breaks because you know so intimately what it’s like to face reality and find it so frustratingly unchangeable. To want so much, and for it to mean nothing is the most devastating thing.

To be so large, and so small.

You’ve been crying, and Lena doesn’t notices until a sob falls from your lips. You’ve been trying to hold it in, but when she startles up at it and looks at you with that same wanting, like you’re her heart walking and she’d give anything to take your hurt, the sobs break through like a dam. They break through and it hurts because there is no part of you left unbroken.

When you sob it disturbs your broken ribs, disturbs the bruises covering your torso, rips at your tarnished vocal cords, and has the machines in the room beeping so loud it alerts the nurses.

—-

Lena doesn’t even have time to stand before the nurses rush in and pull the blanket off of you. There’s no words to describe the shift that happens in side of her when she sees the extent of your injuries.

It’s like something both breaks and rebuilds in her, and then breaks again, paralyzing her. Then, she sees a nurse heading towards you with a syringe and it activates her.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” Lena says, or thinks she says. She can’t recognize the venom in her voice, doesn’t feel apart of her body.

She’s moving in between the nurse and you, but your sobs begin to bring her back to reality.

“She needs to be put under, she’s hurting herself—”

Lena doesn’t pay attention to her, just sees Alex and Supergirl enter the room. Sees the way Alex shakes her head and nods to the corner of the room, and follows in suit while every fiber of her being says to do otherwise.

It kills her that she can’t protect you. Can’t protect you from the nurses that you try to pull away from, can’t protect you from the hurt on your skin, or in your heart, couldn’t protect you from— she thinks of Lex. Lex when he was her big, smart older brother that she admired more than anyone in the world.

She thinks of the way he’d give her a cheeky roll of his eyes behind Lillian’s back after a small verbal lashing. Thinks of every chess game, every hide n seek game, every reassuring grin. You’re smarter than they know Lena, he’d say, and she’d beam, not noticing the progressive darkness in his eyes as he said it.

Her eyes don’t leave you as the nurses put you down again. She thinks; I’ll kill him. In her peripheral she knows Kara is watching the floor, and feels Alex watching her. When the nurses cover you back up and they both turn towards you, Lena knows it was out of respect for you. She’s grateful for it—somewhere in her thunder of emotions she’s thankful for them, but also feels a bit of anger towards them.

This is why they kept her from seeing you when you were brought in?

“Why doesn’t she have a hospital gown?” Lena asks in a whisper.

“She took it off, said it hurt when the nurses moved it, and that it was sticking to her. Constricting her,” Kara explains, she sighs, shakes her head, and then turns towards Lena as Supergirl. With a fire in her eyes.

The same one in Lena as she allows herself to ask the very question she wanted to run from hours ago. “Where’s Lex?”

“No.” It’s both Supergirl and Alex.

“Alive then? Okay,” Lena starts towards the door. “If you’re here, he’s here. I’ll find him easily enough.”

Supergirl, familiarly, stands in her ways. Eyes sympathetic next to Alex’s hardness. “Where are you when you’re with them?” Alex asks from behind her. When you let them guide every bad decision you make, she hears.

Lena stops. Thinks about control, about gods, about leaving you to wake up alone again, thinks about murder, both in her blood and not, thinks about Lex with a gun to your head, with fists, and kicks, and a maniac smile, thinks about her dad in the same way—standing over Lex while Lillian gripped Lena back. She thinks of cycles, thinks of protection and all the ways it’s possible, all the ways she’s capable, more capable then him.

Smarter, Lena remembers Lillian saying casually. Always smarter than.

Better than, Kara will say.

The good one, Alex will joke.

My hero, you’d grin. Lena feels herself split. Starts forward again.

Kara whispers now, “Heroes don’t kill, Lena.”

Alex, “it’s both the best and most terrible thing about us.”

Us.

Lena wants to yell, wants to crumble, wants to curl by your side, wants to kill Lex with her bare hands, wants to erase the Luthor history from her mind, from her body, wants to erase it from yours even more. Wants it so desperately, so acutely it hurts. Sadness fills the room, suffocates them all.

Kara is watching you again, Alex keeps glancing back, they’re both unconcerned about Lena now. Full faith in her to be who they claim she is. Lena returns to the seat by your bed and allows herself to be that person.

“Whatever cell he’s in, I’m building it,” Lena whispers, thinking of the cuffs she’ll put on him, wondering if she can somehow slow down his mind.

Alex nods, running her hands down her face. The past couple hours have completely exhausted her in a way Lena’s not used to seeing from her. Alex cares so much about you, and it shouldn’t surprise Lena but It does. “We’re thinking about sending him to the phantom zone.”

Here, Lena is more surprised. They must know that’s a death sentence. Lena glances at Supergirl, she’s still watching you but she’s clearly listening, her eyes have turned hard. They aren’t underestimating Lex. They clearly know the responsibility that’ll bear on them if he escapes again.

Lena feels another bought of gratitude towards them as she takes your hand, and trusts them to handle the person she trusts no one to handle.

——

When you wake up the second time it’s because nurses are dapping you with wet cloths, clearly trying to clean you. They apologize profusely, say they thought the drugs would keep you down longer, and offer to finish the cleaning after you’ve gotten more pain killers.

Your eyes dart around rapidly, chest constricting in anxiety, and then you see Lena. She’s standing by the door, clearly trying to keep out of the nurses way. She’s not full of rage and untouchable in that way, and she’s not fragile, she’s strong.

Her eyes are hard, but not cold. They’re determined, and loving, and they’re your strength too. You suck in a shaky breath, whisper; “thank you. Later might be an option”, as you try to focus on Lena and not the thought of the nurses hands on you turning into Lex’s violent ones.

When they all shuffle out Lena quietly returns to the spot by your bed. This Lena somehow makes you feel more fragile than angry, furious Lena had, because in the place of your defensiveness you’re left to feel your guilt.

“I’m…I’m not weak, Lena.” It feels stupid to claim now as you lay in a hospital bed feeling nothing but. You clench your jaw. Lena’s hand reaches up and takes your chin, forcing you to meet her eyes. She’s not gentle, certainly not rough, but her firmness gives you the power to continue. She’s the stable ground that helps you find your footing.

You find it. Meet her gaze unblinking. “I’m not Supergirl, I’m not you, I’m not Alex, or Jon, or Winn, or James, or Kelly, or— or Lex…I’m not capable in the particular ways you guys are, but I am capable.”

Lena’s eyes fall to your throat. You grip her wrist, the one holding your face, and her eyes meet yours apologetically. “I know,” she says, so softly, so quietly. “You being here is the evidence of it, isn’t it?”

You nod, but you aren’t done. “I’m not sure what Supergirl told you. Clearly she told you I went after Lex, and in a way that’s true, but more so I wanted him to come after me,” you pause. Lena is watching you with furrowed eyes, clearly trying to piece together what you’re explaining before you finish.

Her lips part after just another moment. She’s figured it out you realize, feeling a bit of pride because of it. Pride because she has faith in you, pride because she‘s so incredibly quick and you have had the privilege to know her so acutely. “All of this…was your plan?” Lena asks, sounding both shocked and not.

You wince, brushing aside her hand so you can look down, adverting your gaze. “Well…not all of it.” Memories flash through your mind. “I thought he’d keep me captive, not…” you left out a frustrated breath, angry, so angry at yourself for not being able to speak about it. Speak about him.

“It was a game to him, of course. He’d torture me, send you a video to torture you. He’d get you chasing him. He’s always liked the thrill.” Your eyes stay on Lena’s fists. Watch as they clench so tightly to her side that they shake. “I knew he loved messing with you, and was partly counting on it, not like that but— but maybe just having me wouldn’t have been enough, maybe it was good he did what he did—got so high off of it his guard lowered.”

“Don’t say that,” Lena pleads. You startle up at the sound of her trembling voice doing everything not to cry.

You breathe in; your ribs hurt. You breathe out; they hurt again. Lena shakes her head at herself, frustrated and biting her lip. She’s having a battle with composure and losing.

“Kara told me how you stole his nanotech and used it to immobilize him. That the tech that was missing from my lab last week was found with the stuff he confiscated from you. That you hacked his computer with my prototype to send her the location to his headquarters underground,” Lena rushes out, “I didn’t know you planned to get taken to his HQ, to steal his nanotech, didn’t know that anyone besides me and the DEO knew what he was working on.”

It’s a quick summary of the things you’ve done, leaving out the weeks of planning, leaving out the struggles of actually setting the plan in motion when the shifting variables shifted in a way you weren’t prepared for. It should leave you proud, but when you think of what you managed all you remember is pain and struggle.

“You stopped Lex like you planned. So many people are saved because of you. An unfathomable amount, and yet,”she says. And yet, you think, heart fluttering because you know Lena will say the very thought that kills you to think of, but the thought that can’t escape you anyways. “What…what you did was monumental, and thank you, but god, I so wish you hadn’t,” Lena breathes. “He gone, and yet he has never been so present. Perhaps you felt the effects of him through me before, but you know now what it’s like to have him really present, always right over your shoulder, and that…I would’ve given the world for otherwise.”

It’s exactly the same thoughts you have had. To hear it from Lena, someone you admire and trust so much, someone you believe to be good with every piece of you, someone you’d follow everywhere—it’s like a medicine for guilt.

“What I said before…about doing what I did for me,” Lena shakes her head, ever understanding, like she doesn’t need you to finish. You do though. “I did it for me because I wanted desperately for you to still be mine, and getting rid of Lex was the avenue for that,” you admit. “I didn’t want him to plague you anymore either.”

You hesitate. Memories of Lena pacing at night—startling awake, watching the news with the grimness of someone attending a funeral—memories of Lena’s affectedness come to you. Her humaneness at hearing Lex escaped again, and in her humanity in her vulnerability.

“I want to take responsibility, so I don’t want to say I did it for you, but what you said earlier made me realize everything is a bit of both. I did it for me, I did it for you too.”

Lena laughs. Laughs. It shocks you, causes you to jump and stop looking at your hand, causes you to meet her gaze again. “Ow,” you growl, unamused, because Lena is still laughing. She’s covering her face and has the decency to look apologetic.

Your ribs hurt from the startle but even you can’t help but be confusedly amused.

“I want to hate,” Lena starts, mirth in her voice, “that you did the thing I wanted you to do least in the world, and you got exactly what you wanted out of it. You captured lex, and in a way captured me back too.”

“Oh,” you perk up, smiling up at Lena innocently. “Guess I’m the brains now, brawn.”

Lena’s eyes narrow at you. “That insinuates that you were ever the brawn.”

Back to glaring. Lena lets out another huff of laughter and brushes your hair back, away from a cut on your forehead. Her eyes are so soft, so full of warmth, and love that you could cry. Would cry, perhaps, if it wouldn’t hurt every part of your body.

Instead you grin, because that’s what humans are taught to do instead of cry, and ask, gently—feeling like a shaky child; “does that mean you’re my girlfriend again?”

—-

Lena’s eyes widen as she realizes what she implied, and as you own up to it so hesitantly, so childlike, like Lena could ever think of pushing you away after everything. Her words, not for the first time today, betray her. All she can do is nod.

Your responding grin is heroin to Lena. You smile so wide the cut on your lip breaks open again and starts bleeding, but you pay it no mind. Lena does. She smiles back, albeit more gently, and squishes your cheeks together to prevent the split widening.

You pout in her hands. Lena’s heart flutters. She keeps getting hit randomly with momentous emotion, and she’s hit again with it now. The softness of this moment feels like seeing a rainbow after months of storms.

You here, alive, looking at Lena with so much love in your eyes, so much understanding. It feels like a fantasy. Feels like a lucid dream, a dream she’d choose, over, and over again, until the end of time.

Lena leans in and kisses you—not on the lips, they are cut and bruised. She kisses you on the space just below your eye. A spot, one of the few spots, clear of visible injury. She takes pleasure in the way you flush like it’s the first time. She always did, will always do. “I love you,” Lena whispers, promising herself that even if there are days you won’t believe her, there will never be a day you don’t hear it.

It’s you, and it’s her, and it’s the mountains of history and trauma you two are fighting against. Lena likes the both of your odds. Loves winning just as much.

You’ll beat Lex she knows. There will be a day soon where he stops haunting the two of you. Where he’s not even a thought. When that time comes you’ll have won the war, but for now she’ll take the pride of winning every battle in stride, for now, in the now; she’ll cherish every moment, the many moments, when trauma leaves the room and love consumes it.

“Lena Luthor,” you breathe. You breathe. “My love, my hero.”

[duckieduccss]

✨Kaiju Siblings!!✨

Did something small & simple just to take things easy & also while having fun. I often enjoy drawing these two interacting with each other. At least in my version of things, they are in fact siblings. They both share a lot of things together & of course are the future heir to Godzilla’s name & status. However, each are very different in their personalities. At least how they treat & do things:

Junior is the more curious outgoing type. She loves meeting new friends & generally seeing/learning new things. More so, she’s the one to start conversations & ask a lot of questions. To her, she likes getting to know others better (for that reason she has a lot of friends). Junior can also even be more confrontational whenever necessary to be. Putting her skills as a kaiju to the test & being able to stand herself strong. She’s not afraid to intimidate (she can be pretty brutal with downsizing the other if deserved (I’ll provide an example later ^^:). But for the most part, she’s very sweet & overall very adorable in how she does certain things (making her more serious moments more unexpected lol)

Minilla on the other hand is very awkward & less outgoing like his sister (pretty much the opposite; an actual introvert). He always wants to prove that he can be just as strong & be a great kaiju like their dad. But in the end, he lets fear overcome him or suddenly the thoughts of failing already overwhelm him into thinking it would happen. Along with the thing that he doesnt exactly like confrontation or being outed as much. If anything, he prefers if all could get along peacefully (which isnt anything easy in the kaiju world. But however, he still wants to work on being more confident so he often looks up to others he sees as role models. Minilla’s own role models happen to be: Godzilla of course, Ultraman (he happens to be Ultraman’s biggest fan actually), & even his own sister. He’s still very much going at it. No matter how many times he fails, he still keeps going. Shows that he’s got a very strong will & pretty sure he’d be great as the next Godzilla

Junior very much deeply loves her own older brother (Minilla’s the oldest & Junior’s the youngest btw). She understands his struggle more than anyone, for that reason she’s more than willing to helping him out. She’s quite literally his biggest supporter & always brings to his attention whenever he did something well or showed improvement. As a matter of fact, Minilla has their own burst of celebration whenever they’re able to successfully accomplish something (think of it as a lil happy dance he does). She hugs him as a reward as a good job & despite her being younger than him, she has the big heart to care after him too (as a way to show her love). Minilla always loves watching Ultraman whenever on tv (in this universe, Ultraman both doubles as a celebrity superstar & actual hero for both the humans & kaiju; well, more of just a celebrity to the kaiju at least) & taking inspiration from his favorite hero. That way to boost his motivation & even getting ideas on how to be a more powerful kaiju. Minilla does in fact have to deal with Gabara in this version too. Despite of how much Gabara has made him feel afraid from being bullied by him, Minilla’s ready to fight back thanks to the help from others with him

Well those were just some of my own thoughts. I also gave them some outfits that i felt matched perfectly with their described personalities ^^

[If there’s anything specific you guys would like to know about my headcanons, feel free to lemme know :D ]

[agentrouka-blog]

What made you first interested in Jonsa? I really want to love Jonsa. Which may sound strange. But hear me out. I’ve read all the metas and from a metatextual level I really agree with and believe in Jonsa. But I have trouble actually enjoying it and I think maybe it’s because so much content seems to focus on Jon pining over Sansa. I’d much prefer to see things from Sansa’s perspective where she sees the hero in him and sees that maybe all the songs aren’t lies after all as opposed to him “winning her over.” I feel I have been inundated my whole life with stories of outcast men pining over beautiful women they see as out of their league and “winning them over” and I honestly find the trope tiring because it’s so male perspective focused and doesn’t give Sansa the agency of choosing her lover, instead, making her something to be won or earned. If you have any suggestions for Jonsa content that focuses heavily on Sansa’s point of view, on her falling for Jon first (or at least falling for each other at the same time without realizing it) I’d love to hear them! And I’d love to hear what makes Jonsa appeal to you on a personal non-meta level!

Hi there!

I too draw a difference between Jonsa as a theory and shipping it for entertainment.

I've drifted quite a bit away from what you describe as "content", which is fanworks, art and fanfiction. My tastes are very narrow and that puts me outside the target audience for a lot of what is being shared by creators. Plus, I get a great deal more personal enjoyment out of just interpreting the canon text. I enjoy what the couple represents in the narrative more than I necessarily enjoy immersing myself in different non-canonical variants.

And there's a lot of variants. You have two similar but also very different canon-sources (books and tv show) and within those two sources very different takes on the couple. For as many "Jon pines for higborn Sansa" approaches you get an equal amount of "Sansa jealously pines for her brother's oblivious best friend" modern au's. What we enjoy in recreational reading is extremely personal and subjective.

That said, for fear of disappointing you, I don't particular enjoy the "Sansa falls first" scenarios because what I like about the couple especially is the idea of Sansa finally being appreciated for who she is. Canon offers us plenty of examples of Sansa extending affection and crushes on other characters. They are never truly reciprocated, and they join in on a theme of Sansa going unappreciated for her qualities by the world around her. She is disregarded, mocked, criticized, belittled, humiliated. So much so that a large part of the fandom considers this to be justified and educational for her. She has given up on being loved for herself, but she will not sacrifice her values as a consequence. So someone falling in love with her is to me a very compelling and cathartic validation of Sansa as a person. Of course, this only works if the person falling for Sansa is actually attractive to her and embodies the things we know she has been looking for all this time. But specifically the idea that Sansa falls first fails my personal taste because it contains a sense of lacking reciprocation that we've already seen multiple times in her story. She's been not-loved-in-return a lot already.

I do enjoy the concept of Jon being loved by Sansa, too, because it validated aspects of him he usually keeps close to his chest. Things that touch on his specific mixed sense of identity as a nobly-raised bastard. He has soft sensibilities, a romantic disposition, pedestrian dreams of family and home, and highly idealistic and emotional ideals surrounding leadership that center on duty and honor. But he is generally not appreciated for those specific things. He is appreciated for his brains and his abilities, his bravery, his pragmatism, his loyalty to his friends and duties - but not for the boy who wants to be Lord of Winterfell with a lady wife and babies, who wants to be a hero from the songs, Florian the Fool, Ryam Redwyne. It's a lovely and very specific recognition of a very private part of Jon, to be loved for his secret soft self.

But it's not my primary focus because unlike Sansa, Jon still receives a lot of validation and love in the source material. It's just not the specific kind he wants. So that makes it comparatively less compelling to me.

That doesn't mean that Sansa primarily falling in love with Jon isn't an equally valid thing to enjoy! It's just that I can't make you any good recommendations on this subject specifically because it's not my specific favorite flavor of jonsa.

I wish you good luck though!

[realvicoba]

Gon and Meruem acted as foils to each other during the chimera ant arc.

Typically, we get to see the main villain and the hero fight, but these two never once met— and yet the way they've been written gave us an interesting dynamic without the need for a meeting.

The monster expressing his humanity,

And the human expressing his monstrosity.

But what if I were to say that the beginning of Meruem's character arc with Komugi parallel's Killua's more than it does Gon's?

Both expressed shock at the other's triumph, shock that they somehow bested them.

How can this normal human who is, by all means, weaker than me, do something so incredible?

Just like how Komugi gives Meruem a new perspective on what strength and worth is, Gon does so for Killua. There is more that goes into an individual's worth than their physical strength. And alongside that, they introduced connection into their lives.

But by the time the chimera ant arc begins, the parallels shift.

Gon is the King.

I believe something a little different and interesting happens here— Killua becomes Pitou, just as much as he is Komugi, and Komugi can also represent what Kite is for Gon.

It's a bit confusing! But let's start from the easy one. Gon-Meruem and Killua-Komugi.

Komugi finds her worth in Meruem. Gungi to them is what nen is to Gon and Killua, something they both advance at together— something they have talent in and share. Komugi believes her worth and life's meaning was meeting Meruem, while she also pulls Meruem into a reasonable reality; she's his voice of reason, forcing him to think objectively without the looming responsibility of being "king".

Killua finds his worth in Gon. He saved him, he lit the path for him to progress in this world and helped turn his past traumas into a source of mental strength. In turn, he's Gon's voice of reason, anchoring him into reality and being there to calm his rage.

Both Killua and Komugi wonder if they're even worth being in their "king's" presence, if they're worth that connection. Is it okay if I stay by your side? Am I even worthy? Despite being such a useless person who can't even begin to shine as brightly as you do?

And the biggest difference is that Meruem's complete obsession is on Komugi, unlike Gon's focus being on Kite.

And here's where the dynamic begins to shift. Meruem grows more gentle, his love more blinding. While Gon grows a little colder, his rage being what blinds him.

Meruem and Komugi went on to do what Killua had wanted to— dying by each other's sides.

Him and Gon though? Their focuses don't match. Gon was completely focused on vengeance, and Killua, who loved him to the point of selflessness, did everything in his power to support his "king."

Like Pitou who put himself in a vulnerable situation to protect someone who is important to the person he loves most.

Killua's biggest fear was Gon losing himself at the knowledge of Kite's death. In the end, he felt completely powerless.

It's a little tragic, in a way. Killua failed to do what both Komugi and Pitou could for their most beloved. He could only save Gon with Alluka's help, and that was all after the worst came to pass.

I also find this page very interesting!!

I don't think Killua ever expected himself to protect something weaker than he is either, at least not at the start of the story. And when he did, he started taking an almost maternal role while protecting those he loves (supporting Gon and practically adopting Alluka).

I love the parallels between them. The things they say and do, their positions and roles, and their feelings— they all match. And in the end, it's the humans who are the most imperfect, failing at so much yet ending up the victors.

But failure is what helps Killua grow.

Meruem, Komugi and Pitou die.

Gon, Kite and Killua survive.

While Gon's mostly back at square one with some new trauma and some suicidal thoughts, Killua's at a stage of his life where he's starting to believe that there is more to his worth and importance than he initially thought, that he can live to protect others while simultaneously living for himself.

Komugi and Meruem had nothing before them in life, but Gon and Killua do. They are more than lovers on their deathbeds.

[piglet26]

Reylo Scenes: TROS Part 2

After a failed attempt at killing Rey and Rey slashing Ren's fighter. He's relieved he didn't kill her. She's relieved she didn't kill him. He emerges looking fucking glorious while Rey tried to stop a ship from flying off cause she thinks Chewie is on board. What the hell are they doing putting a mask on him at this point?!

In the novel from Kylo's perspective, "But his impulse to kill Key had almost ruined everything he had been planning..... but his deepest desire, the thing he wanted most (Rey) would require planning and patience."

"It didn't matter what or who was inside that transport that made desperate to prevent it's escape, he was not going to let her have it. He reached out, felt the massive machinery in his mind, yanked it towards himself."

What's interesting in this scene is Kylo Ren is pushing her and Rey ultimately pulls from anger to best him and keep chewing. That's what always been interesting about Rey is she's the Jedi, but often times she fights with anger, fear and aggression. In the novelization it's revealed that over the course of that year she's been hearing voices. It looks pretty and it's a good shot, but I kept thinking didn't we already see this? Force wise... they're pretty even. While it doesn't hit as hard as the tug-o-war in the TLJ it does serve a purpose. Rey is a Palpatine after all.

In the movie, as per usual, this next bit doesn't make any sense. Ren seems stunned and just let's Rey, Finn and Poe run off. In the novel it makes more sense.

"Kylo Ren watched the freighter rise into the sky, Rey inside it. She had beaten him again (she thought she killed her friend not really a win but you're emo) and yet, he was filled with triumph. He'd been right to push her. She had just demonstrated unbelievable, mind blowing power. Dark power. Sith Power. The scavenger was almost ready to turn. And when she did, they would both kill their light, embrace their darkness, then the star destroyer fleet and the Sith throne would be theirs."

Kylo Ren is a Reylo and is trying to make power couple goals happen and we have to appreciate that.

This is concept art from "The Rise of Skywalker" notice how their costumes mirror each other.

The chemistry between Rey and Kylo is electric whenever they share the same space, so much so that sometimes it feels like we, the audience, are intruding on a private moment between the two.

On board Ochi's ship Rey confesses she has sex dreams about Kylo Ren. Let's be honest they both do and she confesses she's had visions of her and Kylo Ren on top the Sith throne.

Next scene is them in Kijimi. Ren is looking for his future Queen who is trying to find the sithway finder or whatever. Arriving in his pretty cool ship.

In the novel per Zorii, "As the black clad man approached the squads officer snap to attention, "Supreme leader".... the man standing below with his gang od butchers was Kylo Ren himself.....The supreme leader said his voice was tight and calm, but Zorii got the feeling he was barely containing his rage. He looked around almost as if he were sniffing the air. "We have a perimeter around the city." The lieutenant began, but Kylo Ren cut him off, "We're too late, the scavenger is gone." Zorri goes onto describe Kylo Ren having a moment whipping his lightsaber out and going beast mode.

In the movie through the force it's implied that that's how Rey knows Chewie is onboard Ren's destroyer, but in the novel it's different. He interrogated Chewie forcefully (wink wink ha ha ha) to get information on Rey. Rey was able to link mind with Kylo Ren and that's how she knew Chewie was onboard. They should've shown them linking minds more.

Then Rey was in his room, or excuse me, private quarters. Anyone else surprised his room was so white and pretty, if no impersonal. Where's his bed? I saw it in the first movie I think.

"Rey. Wherever you are, you are hard to find."

I'm wondering if at this point that can connect to one another more voluntarily. Rey is always swinging first. Like always. This scene can only really be described as exposition scenes, but there is a nice aspect to it. It's nice to see what they see from one another's viewpoint when they force bond. They just see each other. The dyad is increasing in power, not only can they now touch through the force, they can fight and their spaces even blend. They were together and yet separate. Kylo Ren also seems to be very excited his girl is in quarters and wants to lock down that ship.

In their next scene, again, Kylo tells her the plot of The Rise of Skywalker while wearing that damn mask. I have questions when did Kylo Ren find out they were a dyad?! Why were denied this scene? Obviously they instinctually know they are connected, they just never knew the word to put to it, but were is the exact scene? The thing about Kylo Ren is he uses information to twist it like a knife. He's going to use the truth that they are Dyad, that she is a Palpatine and ultimately the attraction she feels for him to seduce her to the dark side. From Rey's perspective, "He extended his black gloved hand to her, she looked at it, remembered. The last time he extended a hand had been in the wreckage of Snoke's throne room. Their combined power had defeated him. It was true. That together they could do such incredible things. Suddenly, she sensed a weight at her back and along with it... Finn. His presence a bright beacon of light piercing the dark." Ren pulling some MJ Smooth Criminal moves there.

After Rey flees with her crew, in the novel it's gives Kylo Ren's reaction. Her surveys the damage left from The Falcon's engine wash. "Kylo considered it a small price to pay to encounter Rey again. To provoke her into a rage. To say the word Dyad and watch the truth of it wash over her lovely face......he hardly paid attention, he kept seeing her face. The way her lips had parted with surprise. The way her body had canted (leaned) toward him. If the Millennial falcon hadn't appeared she might have come to him. Taken his hand. Kylo really hated that ship.... he'd been so very close, but now she knew the truth. She would accept it."

Yeah, they're horny. It's the first time Kylo described her in such detail and really let us as the reader or audience know..... he wants power, but he wants Rey more. If Ren had the world in his hand it wouldn't mean as much without Rey. This is the first scene in the movie where Rey acknowledges how much she wants to be with him. Interesting, Finn again is really her solid base on the good side of the force.

Side note: Dark Rey is hot.

The lightsaber fight onboard the death star wreckage. I've heard criticism that this fight while beautiful is pointless. I disagree. It's actually a scene that pushes them forward. Rey said, "give it to me" and Ren giving this shudder like he just came in his pants. hmmhmm! Ren likes feral, passionate Rey. He's pushing her and pushing her when she's already at the edge. Interesting enough, Ben can take whatever Rey has to give. All the anger and the fury she's had to hide from everyone else she can express to him. The fight is really about their likeness and yet difference, their passion, how Rey has grown in her lightsaber fighting and fixing the end of The Force Awakens. Ren is fighting at full force capacity, he's not injured and he's not emotional.

The way he is in love

“He sent the thought directly into her mind: I know you. No one does, she shot back. But I do.” WHY WASN'T THIS IN THE MOVIE?!

They fight until Rey is exhausted and when it looks like Kylo Ren might strike the killing blow, Leia reaches out through the force before she passes. In a fit of rage Rey stabs Kylo Ren, but snaps out of it when she feels Leia's passing. She begins to heal the wound she created.

How did she heal? Oh, you know those books she had in the beginning of the movie? Those book were the sacred Jedi text from Acht-to. She smuggled them onboard the falcon. So they never were actually set fire. Turns out Yoda that they actually were useful.

Rey showing him compassion, healing him, believing in him almost doggedly is so empowering for Ben Solo to return. His parents might be gone, but he still has someone to return home to. This movie has flawed writing but sometimes almost accidentally that land on something that works. The line where she admits she wanted to take his hand is a great line. It's declaration of love for Ben, not a rejection of Kylo Ren. It's her saying, "I didn't reject you. I wanted the best version of you"

After the unconditional love offered by both parents and the selfless, sacrificial love offered by Rey...... Kylo Ren becomes Ben Solo again. We just don't see him for the next 20 minutes as Rey processes her identity crisis and then goes off to fight to Palpatine..... without a plan.

There's also something purely adolescent about Reylo. Even in TLJ, these two throw themselves into one another. Like Rey having a vision of their future together so she goes alone to an enemy ship based purely on belief in him. Now we have Ben Solo, in a moment of pure adolescent "I gotta get to my girl" just needs to be with her on exegol as she faces down Palpatine.

From Adam Driver, "and the thing that we started with for "Who is Ben, then? There's no ambiguity about what it is that he has to do. There's no more seesaw that's happening. For the first time, someone who has never had the answer now finally knows his purpose or destiny. But I don't know that he entirely is sure of what's going to happen from there, nor do I think he cares. I think it's so long as he is with her, he's on the right path. " Adam driver is a Reylo.

Ben solo is back and he's glorious. He's likeable, charismatic, he's funny and he shoots backwards like his dad. People appreciated Adam Driver in an all new way with these scenes. He doesn't say a word except "oh, but you know he's shifted from Kylo Ren to Ben Solo. His physical acting is so strong. The subtlety showed his talented and not many actors can say that.

It such a beautiful moment when finally Ben Solo and Rey connect instead. In the novel and in the film especially so because she reaches for her connection to Ben right before she's going to kill Palpatine.

He acknowledged her and Rey’s lips parted in surprise. The connection was… right. Good. Like coming home. They wasted a precious moment reveling in this new sharing. This is how it should have been all along. A true dyad.

Rey lowered the lightsaber behind her back, as if readying for a massive blow. She reached for the Force. The effort made tears sting in her eyes. [...] She raised her hand ... which was now empty. She had projected her weapon away. [...] The moment Ben felt the grip of Luke’s lightsaber in his palm, he knew it belonged to him, an extension of his very own self. He raised it slowly, relishing the feel of it. ”

It's a beautiful moment where Rey and now Ben Solo have a redo of The Last Jedi. Rey looks at Ben with such love, joy and relief. Ben looks at Rey with such confidence, determination and love. It's the "Are you with me? "Yes, I'm with" Now with them both in blue light.

Finally Ben Solo and Rey are united. These soulmates separate by so much over the course of two movies are finally as they were suppose to be. Palpatine and Skywalker standing together. What it should have been is act of love, redemption and hope defeating evil. It should have been Ben Solo confronting his demons with the woman he loves and fought to be with. It should have been is Rey belonging; a redeemed Ben was supposed to become her new home and/ fulfill her need for a family. It should have been a power couple fighting evil with the Force.

But no. Somehow the two of them coming together empowered the devil. Their power like a source of life itself. Then Ben Solo is chucked off a cliff after draining their energy. Why? Ben Solo should have faced his grandfather's and father's enemy, or his clone. Palpatine confirms all the voices he's been hearing in his head has been Palpatine. He literally made irrelevant to something he is very relevant to.

They fail together, but she succeeds alone after the spirits of the Jedi aiding her?! I hate all this. Then she dies after her energy being drained, or she clutches the lightsaber too hard, I'm not sure it's not described. It's annoying. Ben drags himself up broken ribs and all to get to Rey. He crawls to her when he realizes she's passed. It's a horrible moment where you feel how alone Ben feels.

"He could see her now, collapsed on the floor, and the pain in his chest was suddenly so much worse than that of a couple broken ribs."

Ben initially mourns her until he realizes there might be a chance to save. He heals her like she healed him. Oh also none of the films go into the fact that because of their bond they were able to learn the force, including fighting moves, from one another. "Ben poured everything into her. He found reservoirs he didn’t even know he had. He gave her his whole self"

Then Rey finally takes his hand! She's back! Ben is so relieve that she's there. In the novel, "She was glad to see him. Glad to be with him in this moment. It was the greatest gift she could have given him. His heart was full as Rey reached for his face, let her fingers linger against his cheek. And then, wonder of wonders, she leaned forward and kissed him."

Reylos! We finally get our kiss, they smile at one another, look they're so happy! Probably the happiest they've ever been. A celebration!

Anddddddd he's gone. Seriously. Rey mourns him in the novel like we never see her do in the film. "The girl who had felt alone for all those years on Jakku had been part of a dyad the whole time. And just when she'd discovered that precious connection, that incredible oneness, it was ripped away. A voice came to her through the Force, clear and strong. I will always be with you, Ben said."

It's tragic because there's so much to Ben Solo we just don't see as an audience after 3 films!!!!!! He doesn't have any lines.

This movie was edited until literally the week before the films release. The recall of the artbook, the last-minute editing, Adam Driver recording new dialogue in his closet..... I'm wondering if the original idea for TROS Reylo was, well, this. We know from the editor, they didn't know for sure if they wanted them to kiss until post-production. Much of the movie wasn't decided until post-production.

And then we get to the ending. Rey Skywalker. How are you not Rey Solo after the man you felt kinship with and the man you were in love with?! Like da fuq?!

Moving forward to this Rey 2025 movie. I'd like it to do well. I hope it does well. It probably won't unless Ben Solo returns. Reylo might be controversial (whatever) but it's currently one of the biggest draws this franchise has. Kylo Ren/Ben Solo is the most popular character out of the sequel trilogy. We deserve it and I'd pay to see it.

sigh the ending we should have gotten

This post took me like 4 days

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#17: You Led Me Here (S7E12)

Of course Say Yes has found it’s way back to the list. 😊 This is such a powerful and important conversation between these two. And the scene is stunningly acted from them both. It’s moving every time I see it and while it’s heartbreaking that this van scene ended up having some foreshadowing with the fact that Rick and Michonne will in fact “lose” each other 2 seasons later, it also is such a beautiful declaration of how much they love, respect, trust, need, and believe in each other. Rick and Michonne have had such a valuable impact on each other and this scene depicts how aware they are of that...

First, I love how Rick wanting to extend this trip with Michonne came up consistently in so many Say Yes scenes. And it’s super sweet that he wants her to know how much he loved this time with her when he pulls the van over and says he could've gone a few more days and would have liked that.

He knows Michonne's feeling a lot rn, and he wants her to know that while that was a scary moment with the whole Walker/deer thing, the overall honeymoon trip has still been everything they could’ve wanted.

If they could’ve stayed on this run for a month, homeboy would have been down for it, I'm telling you lol. He so openly loves her and wants to be around her. He has for seasons, and I love that post-canon he now gets to more directly express that.

Then Rick just breaks my heart and boosts my respect even more when he admits to her that he hasn’t been sleeping thinking about what they lost and thinking about his friends.

I love that Rick is always so willing to be vulnerable with her and let her see his most human side.

Side note: Another thing I think about is how in the TWD pilot, Rick talks with Shane and shares that while in front of Carl, Lori asked Rick if he even cares about her and Carl at all. It’s a line that intentionally has some real irony to it, as throughout this series we see Rick go on to demonstrate just how much he unquestionably cares about and will do anything for his family. But clearly, because Rick and Lori weren’t actually each other’s person there’s this inability to truly understand each other. It’s really one of TV’s most compelling depictions of a fail-marriage if you ask me. And I noticed that Lori always felt like Rick didn’t open up and show his care enough for her liking, which just makes me think about how much Rick grew over the seasons and how much Michonne brought out a side of him that was so different than with Lori. You know Rick found his true person in Michonne because he is always so willing to express himself with her. He shares his fears, his pain, his secrets, his hopes, and especially his adoration for Michonne always. And I just love seeing that Rick knows he can let Michonne into every part of his heart. 😊

And Michonne is always so willing to be there for Rick in these vulnerable moments like the one in this van because, upon hearing this, she immediately reacts and puts her focus on him, allowing what he’s sharing to resonate even above the personal state she’s in.

You can just see how much she feels for Rick and doesn’t take it lightly that he’s confiding in her right now.

Ok so then this is when these two don’t take their foot off the gas when it comes to getting me emotional as heck. Cuz Rick opens up about Glenn which is already just heartbreaking to hear them talk about him, but then he says how Glenn saved him but he couldn’t save Glenn. And it’s just tragic. 😢

Like you really feel the weight of this loss when Rick says this, and it’s painful knowing he feels almost like he let Glenn down by having to just sit there and not save him in the lineup.

Then when Rick says “it’s normal I know that” cue my tears because seeing him get teary trying to grapple with these heavy emotions and remind himself it’s normal to be stuck on it is just so heartrending. Like the way Michonne is looking at him at this moment is how I’m looking too. You just feel for the guy. 😢

(Another side note: I’ve seen people dismiss Say Yes as filler, but I actually think there’s important things that happen in this ep. I mean, even if the episode was just a time of levity for Rick and Michonne to enjoy their love and have some well-deserved alone time on their honeymoon before the war, I’d personally still have been sat and satisfied. But regarding the series, this is where we get valuable insight into two very important characters' mindsets about the looming war, their recent losses like our baby Glenn, and about life, which is necessary to see imo. And this particular Say Yes scene plants a seed for the show's future as we see Rick essentially choose a successor for who he thinks is most fit to lead the people if something were to happen to him. Which is notable. And, of course, Rick's choice of who should lead the others forward is his own leader - his exceptional wife. 🤗)

When Rick says they went through something that’s not cured, Michonne does just the most heartfelt thing as she softly places her hand on his face and whispers, "Rick, I’m sorry."

I adore the way she comforts him. The way they always hear each other and are present with each other. The way she sees him feeling so much and just instinctually reaches for him and expresses empathy. It’s beyond beautiful. 

And then it’s Rick’s turn to do the sweetest thing ever when he looks at her with so much love in his eyes and takes her hand and kisses it. It’s similar to when she did the same and kissed his hand in a very special scene earlier in the episode (oh we’re gonna talk about it 😋).

The way Rick cherishes Michonne is so evident as he kisses her hand and continues to hold it close to his chest. I’ve always adored how Rick and Michonne are these fearless warriors to everyone else but with each other that’s their baby who they would do anything to care for and protect. And that profound love for the human in front of them was on display in these two gestures from them. 

Rick tells her how they’re going to fight the saviors. He says that’s what happens next, and they’re gonna lose people, maybe a lot of them. I’ve always felt like there’s this layered sadness in Rick finally having to talk to Michonne about the real possibility of this war not ending how they hope it will.

Because throughout this ep, Rick so enjoyed seeing Michonne happy and he wanted to stay present in this positive bubble with her. But as the trip concludes, and as Michonne has now learned that losing Rick could potentially make her empty out to the point of dropping her katana in the face of walkers, Rick now knows he has to let talk of unfortunate possibilities in this war enter into their bubble.

And while it’s not fun to talk about, I appreciate how he still holds her hand throughout this cuz he’s comforting her while knowing this topic is not something she or he really wants to consider. But as the leaders, it’s a discussion that has to be had.

Then Rick says how they may even lose each other. Which again, how Michonne reacts is how I react because we are not trying to hear that.

She turns away and stays quiet because both her winning mentality and her love for Rick won’t even allow her to entertain the idea of losing the love of her life.

But Rick isn’t wrong. It’s possible. And I just like that he puts them in their own category because there are the people they love - and they really do love their people - but the idea of losing each other specifically is a very unique type of devastating for them. 

Rick says, "Even then...it’ll be worth it" and, watching it back, maybe it’s just me but I really do hear something in his voice that says he’s not 100% convinced about that point. But he’s trying to believe it and help her believe it too because he knows how distraught she became thinking she lost him and wants to remind her the fight has to continue even if she’s without him.

And if I wasn’t shedding big tears before...this next part happens.

After shaking her head at the notion of losing each other, Michonne starts to open up as she says, “When I thought that…” and just the trailing off alone is gonna break me every time. Because she can't even bring herself to say the words of thinking he was gone.

And then Michonne pauses and turns to him and, in the most devastatingly beautiful and vulnerable way, says, “I can’t lose you.”

When I tell you I react to that moment like I’ve never seen it before every time. My heart breaks every time. 😭 The love she has for that man is just so deep, and that was so extremely clear in this moment. I’m shedding a tear every time I hear it idc. 

Like wow. It’s such a big deal for Michonne to feel this and express this. She was the ultimate lone wolf when we were introduced to her. This was a woman who had lost so much so abruptly at the refugee camp and felt she had to then keep people at a bit of a distance to avoid being heartbroken yet again.

To see how far she’s come to have opened herself up so fully to team family, and to the Grimes family, and particularly to Rick to the point that now she loves him so much she feels she can’t lose him. It's so meaningful.

And this actually speaks to Michonne's strength because her strength isn't just derived from her katana or her ability to fight and survive - Michonne's strength is also radiantly reflected in her willingness to be vulnerable and open her heart up again even despite the risks.

When I tell you this well-rounded character is an inspiration. I stay looking at Michonne (& Danai) like...

And then y’all, those magnets seem to be kicking in cuz Rick is getting as close as he can to her to remind her that he hasn’t forgotten what she said when she asked him what kind of life they had just surrendered. I love that one thing Rick will never do is forget Michonne or anything she's ever said or done. 😊

Rick expresses that he agrees it wasn’t a life, but what they did while out on this run (and I do think he means everything they did on this run 😋) and fighting for their kids and the communities is what living really is.

It’s precious seeing Michonne nod through tears as she agrees with him about how making a future for their daughter, Judith, and Glenn and Maggie’s baby and fighting the fight is living. Rick repeats her words from earlier in the ep by bringing up 'fighting the fight' which is sweet.

Again, Richonne tones for the win as Rick tells Michonne that she is the one who showed him that’s living. I love that he always gives her so much credit and acknowledges the positive influence she has on him. Not only does he trust her to have this power in his life but also to straight up tell her she has this power in his life because Michonne would never use her influence for bad or to manipulate.

Rick says she can lose him, and Michonne and I really just be on the same wavelength lol, cuz when she turns and says "no," I felt that. Like even though she knows they have to fight for the future, she still loves Rick so much that she doesn’t want losing him to be on the table. 

But Rick says she can and that he can lose her. As I’ve noted before, it’s def meant in a literal sense of a physical possibility of losing each other rather than an emotional ability to lose each other and be fine. 

He softly places his hand on her as he shares they can lose friends, and people they love, and while we hadn’t heard 'I love You’s' by this point, you still just knew how aware they were of how in love they are on this trip.

Interestingly, Rick says, "it’s not about us anymore." The "anymore" makes me think it's said that way because at one point it was somewhat about them for Rick. Not losing Michonne, Carl, and Judith and having more time with them was a big reason why Rick didn't want to fight beforehand.

Then it is a very big deal when Rick tells Michonne that she’ll have to lead the others forward if he doesn’t make it because she’s the one who can. He says it with such conviction, and I adore how much he wholeheartedly believes in her. 

Michonne is truly so perfect in Rick's eyes and so capable. They are each other's biggest fans in the best way.😊

After all this time spent as the head leader, Rick entrusts Michonne most to pass the baton to in his absence. They’re such equals, and he knows that she can carry the torch and continue doing what he has dedicated his life to doing - which is leading the others forward. 

It’s powerful and also heartbreaking foreshadowing that she’ll have to do just that when he’s taken away. But seeing Michonne protect their ungrateful community post-Rick’s departure was heartwarming to me because it felt like her honoring what Rick shared with her in this van in 7.12.

Michonne asks how he knows she’s the one who can and then Andy just perfectly delivers the line, “Because you led me here” Powerful. I adore that the scene ends on this. It is so moving and so fitting for Rick to acknowledge the way Michonne has led him here.

Michonne has truly led him in so many ways, and I love that Rick is fully cognizant of that and seems so happy to look at her and let her know the immense impact she has. Rick is always going to give Michonne her flowers. Always. 😌💐

It’s great seeing Rick get to lift Michonne up and instill some empowerment, honesty, and encouragement to her with this whole conversation. They're both so good at speaking right into the other's heart.

It was a beautifully acted scene, a powerful conversation, and also very telling to both how Rick and Michonne feel about each other and how they’ll proceed when they eventually do get unwillingly separated.

And thank goodness losing each other wasn’t permanent and these magnetic soulmates will finally get to be back in each other's arms once again. It’s where they’re most meant to be. 🥰 

[deadpool15]

Roomate part 1

This is some dumb fucking shit. How can someone be this bad at their job, while sitting here smiling in my fucking face. "So, explain to me, umm, what was your name again?" Mika said, staring at the realtor with absolute disgust and annoyance. "Just Kim would be fine, sweetheart," he states, staring me up and down with a flirty expression. "Yea, that's amazing. I'm gonna call you bitch ass, you cool with that?" I stated watching his face completely drop. "So, since this very kind women can't talk to you like a fucking adult, I'm just gonna talk to you like the man child you mother obviously failed to raise. Now, would you be a dear and tell me how exactly does someone manages to sell a place to two different people with knowing. We obviously don't fucking look or sounds anything alike. Therefore, that rolls out that pathetic ass excuse. I should whoop your ass bitch-."

As I went to jump on him, the unknown woman that was standing next to me grabbed me. Holding me while apologizing, causing the man to immediately leave in fear. "OK ok you can stop now, Ms." I roughly back away from her casting her to put up her hands in the air as a showcase of surrender. "I know we are in a bit of a predicament here, but the papers have already been finalized. Plus, this place is more than big enough for the both of us, so we can just share it." I stared her down before laughing and shaking my head. "If you fuck up, I'll whoop your ass too."

And well, that's how me and bada met. At first, there was a bit of hostile energy, mainly from my side. I wasn't really sure about her, like I was judging her character before I let the real me out. Then, it all changed one night. She randomly got home from a long ass day of working, saying she needed some self-care immediately. I mean, true enough, I wasn't so sure about her yet, but I'm not a monster, and a girl in need is simply a girl in need. I sat her on the couch while we did face masks and painted each other's nails. She was a little on the rocky side about the nails, but I managed to talk or more so threaten her into it. After a while, we started talking about life. I learned she had a boyfriend named Howl, strange ass name.

"Wait so like when you two fuck, do you moan out howl or just government name. Because u fucking can't right now." I said laughing and hitting the coach, while bada sat there embarrassed and pushing me over. "I mean, I don't know. Like I don't really sit there and think about it." She says shyly. "What about you?" "Oo I don't do relationships, I mean, it's enough me to go around right. Plus, this pussy game is crazy, will have a motherfucker all obsessive and shit." She stares atcthe ground shocked. "Wow, are all Americans like this?" "Like what?"Just open and out there." I chuckle before adjusting myself on the seat. "To be honest, babes, I mean sex is sex. We are adults we should be able to talk about it freely. Plus, Korea is just really hush hush and polite about that stuff."

That night, Bada and i bonded. We became like sisters. Telling each other everything. I even met her man. They were a hot couple. I could see why they would go for each other. But that's pretty much all about Howl. we got to know each other to a certain degree. I mean, at the end of the day, girl code still exists, and it's something i truly ride and believe in, sisters over misters, you know. Like him and Bada would help pick out my outfits and stuff. Like right now. "So, what do you think?" I ask both of them as they are sitting on my bed eating snacks. "Don't you think they are a bit revealing?" Howl said while opening up another bag of the hot fries I had shipped here, while bada shoke her head, agreeing with him. "First of all, I'm a grown ass woman who is everything but insecure so I can show off. Secondly, shawty was fine in that pic she sent me, so she must wanna see all this. So, which one sluty sexy or sluty cute."

Each outfit was revealing yet gave a different vibe. I never questioned why Howl was protective over me, shit I thought he saw me as his little sister like Bada. Boy was I fucking wrong. I started showing then the messages between me and mystery women. She was a hot masc with a long wolf cut. And the entire conversation basically consists of us trying to have phone sex. But why sit in bed and play with myself when I can have her do it for me. "Wow, you two really are going to do this on the first date?" Bada asked while staring at me, looking slightly nervous, yet I couldn't understand why. To be honest, they both had been acting weird lately. They were like my best friends, so I wanted to know what was happening but didn't wanna drag it on. Maybe it's nothing. "Now you know I don't plan on dating that girl. Anyways, I'm sticking with sexy, so I'll be back and you two can do anything you horny fucks can thing of. Except fucking on my bed. Move it along weirdos." I tell them walking out the house.

"What the fuck, this shit is getting out of hand, Bada I thought we agreed to tell her?" Howl said angrily thinking about all the things Mika could be doing right now with that girl, she had been gone for hours. "I know, this is hard for me too. But we can't just tell her out of the blue. Hey, me and my boyfriend are totally in love with you, and I know you don't do relationships, but are you willing to date us, so we can finally call you ours and stop listening to you fuck other people." Bada stated basically yelling at him. "We just need to tell her this is bullshit-"

Before they could finish their conversation, they heard something slam against the door, startling them both. The sounds kept repeating as if someone was trying to get in, causing Howl to immediately grab Bada and place her behind him, thinking someone was trying to break into the apartment. "Are we being robbed?" Bada asks Howl in slight fear, but before he could defend them, both Mika comes crashing through the door, drunk as shit. With what seems to be her date. Both of them kissed and basically dry humping each other with clothes on, paying no mind to the people in the house. Mika moves her hand trying to lock the door before, the unknown woman grabs her neck shoves her knee into pussy, making sure to rub away all the tension. They both moan into each other's mouths and finally lock the door stumbling into her room, still without acknowledging her fellow roommate and boyfriend.

As they bedroom door abruptly closes shut, they are now finally out of the eye sight of Bada and Howl, who are seething in anger. "I thought you said they weren't gonna work out, jackass?" Bada whisper yelled at Howl, hitting him in the shoulder. Though he can't even find the time to register the pain before all they can hear is the sound of the bed creeks against the wall. "They shouldn't have, I mean, they don't have anything in common. What the fuck does she has that we don't?" "We are telling her tomorrow, I don't care what we have to do but she is gonna know. We can't go on like this. It's supposed to be the three of us, ok?" Howl says while grabbing Bada's cheeks, looking into her eyes for reassurance. She nods along.

"Y-yes... shit.... right there.... ughhh... fuck me...". Bada turns to looks at the door with a sour expression, "but let's go, I refuse to listen to this shit any longer. Not when we can obviously make her moan way louder then that." Howl just smiles for a moment and nods, "exactly baby let's not feed into negatively. She will be ours by tomorrow night."

(See, I know yall are waiting on the mommy duties part 2 fic, but I just got sick as fuck and I feel like garbage. But I don't want yall to think I'm one of those writers that's coming up with a new excuse every week, so I will try my best to work on it, babes. Now tell me if yall feel like roommate pt.2 would be a good idea or nah?)

[november-rising]

I was thinking about the dichotomy of Carmy and Sydney (overt and covert expression). I believe in this and how these manifest in each character – particularly Carmen. Carmy is attempting to live in what he feels is functional because it’s not like his family or like Chef David; however, his actions are still aggressive, obsessive, tight and unyielding. He’s becoming what he doesn’t want to be. And yet this is family.

His saving grace is his overt acknowledgement of his failures as one running the ship. He's barely realizing how he fucks up. Yet he wants to be better.

But how has he tried to move past it all or ask “what more can I do?” He probably doesn’t know how. He’s been confined in every important and driven aspect of his life. So, he pushes regardless of the nurturing advice he’s received during his training before Eleven Madison Park. How he had mentors such as Chef Terry who reminded him to slow down and calm down. He wants to bring that to the kitchen through nurturing the others to the best of clout and privilege. He saw how the OG Beef team was even greater but, in doing so, he imprisoned himself in being a constant leader. He’s never been as such. Carmy has been driven by others. Never himself. So, he strives, throws himself into something without fully knowing what he’s doing.

Covertly, Carmen is trying to change and evolve everyone and everything because maybe that will make a difference. Covertly, Carmen punishes himself to prove that he wasn't the reason his brother killed himself. Covertly, he’s trying to change himself and his understanding of abuse.

In comes Sydney. She’s talented. Impatient but knowing what she wants. She’s willing to do what is needed and respects Carmy’s input. She is finding her own place. I don’t know what it’s like to not have my mother in my life growing up. I can only imagine the soft specter of her in Syd and her father’s life. The small reminders in décor. Her father’s reminiscing. The need for something that you don’t know is there.

So, knowing that life is so ever fleeting, Syd forged her own path at the risk of cutting ties with other family members who didn’t understand. As a Black woman, I can imagine the pressures of doing something more financially stable. Doing something to honor the sacrifices your parents made.

And Syd did something wholly hers. She overtly stated that she will be her own person in this white male dominated field and show everyone. She did with Sheridan Road. She has run a business. She has a fire resume and a fire palate. But, now that she’s shone brightly and “failed”, she may be taming herself to fit in. These seasons have shown that she had a voice. She was loud and open and supportive to others. Her overt desire to have this restaurant succeed is obvious. Yet, with Carmy, she’s holding back because she hasn’t had this much control.  Because she hasn’t felt this seen. It’s scary so she holds back (particularly season three). Trying to express herself through “snark” all the while desperately needing her partner to be the one she saw glimpsed in season two. She “stupidly” wanted more, received it, and needs more if it. She shared some but not all of her fear. Subtly sharing her fear to this again alone. Syd was told otherwise and shown the truth.

Something that just hit me is that impulsivity and impatience is subconsciously thought of as control for Sydney and Carmen.

Thank you @thoughtfulchaos773 and @ciaomarie for the quick chat that got me going towards this.

[inconspicious-random-thoughts]

Anyone else see the irony in how Lucifer was punished for the sin of pride but all the angels seem to show this? They all claim to be all knowing beings of good but none of them know how heaven actually works and are to proud to admit it. They are also allow more normal sin that’s invisible to fester such as propagating racism due to the view on demons shown by the cherubs.

Greetings!

Sorry for the delay in response. It seems like I can only get things done on Sundays for most things. Which means my lazy day sundays became one of my busiest days. Bah.

It is fairly easy to see why the Angels and Heaven are the way they are. It's easy to be smug and have the "better than you." aura when one knows nothing but privilege and nothing about struggle. I imagine most of the higher up angels have little empathy and see everything as black and white. Then you have angels like Emily and Lucifer who actually has empathy for life and can see between the two colors. But that being said, Lucifer views slowly shifted to be the same of his siblings and believing they were correct all along despite his good intentions after his fall. It's only starting to shift back because of Charlie and her friends.

I think most of the higher angels in heaven just have so little concept on just how complicated and hard life can be for human. That each soul has different circumstance on their upbringing that greatly affect their outcome in life. A child born in poverty and ill health will more likely to commit sin just to survive over another child that was born into privilege and all their needs are met. I don't think the angels have that concept. They see the soul failed by sinning, if the soul wanted to be a winner eternity, they should have accepted their mortal struggle by not sinning, even if doing so would cause an earlier death. But the human body just doesn't work like that, creatures typically do what it takes to survive.

So I think that's part of why they seem like they are all pretentious and better than thou. Its like Humans are bugs. Some bugs are viewed highly, while others, such as parasects, are meant to be squashed once they are proven unworthy of praise.

I think the angels who directly deal with souls are the ones that learn empathy. Emily job was to keep souls in Heaven happy, She makes contact regularly. Sera seems more about protection, she seems to deal with other angels and interact with souls to a minimum. Peter being a gatekeeper and guide proubally has a decent amount of empathy but his contact is still fairly limited. He never really gets to know the soul outside their first appearance in Heaven. Where I assume he has to comfort some of the souls as their death may been sudden and very much in shock. But I don't think Peter gets to know them outside maybe what the soul remember before they died. So Peter may grew some empathy from his experience with shell shocked souls but overall his fear of falling would keep him him from sticking out his neck.

One part is, most of them seen Lucifer fall . They witness how he questioned things, how he attempted to change things by taking matters into his own hand. It caused him to fall. So the Angels are also fear of sharing that fate of falling from grace. We saw how Sera gave a warning to Emily, a subtle way of telling Emily to shut the fuck up, when Emily starting to question Heaven ways. "keep this up and you will be fallen, like Lucifer." Lucifer 'failure', his punishment, his fall is warning to others. Lucifer falling is example on what not to do , question and change things, unless you want a similar fate.

I think that's part of the reason why Heaven all kinds of messed up. The Angels all fear of falling to question, less than to act upon it. Lucifer fell before the first human died and made its way to an afterlife. So, when Adam and others show up at Heavens gates, they just rolled with it. They are not going to question what it took to get there exactly.

The other part is, Heaven and its angels just accept that that's the way things are. If you are in St. Peters book your in. That's the only criteria and they never question it. It what works. They don't realize the system is broken for it to be fixed. But even if they do realize it, its God will to keep it that way?

That's where it can get messy for them. Is it God's way to ignore the broken system and accept God knows what their doing and just accept the divine judgment and the names of the book. Or is it God will for them to intervene and fix it?

What I really like to know is what Lucifer was trying to cook up that Heaven deemed it "too dangerous"? I assume its the concept of free will. Lucifer didn't just take the concept and gave it away as a gift, he was also the creator of it.

The intro said Lucifer, was a dreamer, and had fantastical ideas for all of creation but was seen as a trouble maker of the elders of Heaven for they felt his way of thinking is dangerous to the order of their world."

It would be easier for Angels and Heaven to have order and control if its creations if they acted on Heavens will alone.

Lucifer was also drawn in by Lilith fierce independence. Which again, tells me, Lucifer really likes the idea of someone not following control order and thinking for themselves. "The rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love." All they have done at this point as far I know, was think independently to be rebellious.

After giving the apple to Eve, which I assume the apple is Lucifer creation in this universe: "The act of disobedience, evil found its way to earth bring darkness and sin and the order Heaven work to maintain shattered."

So I guess Heaven was a little right about free will being dangerous, but notice the part order was shattered at this point. I'm fairly sure Lucifer fantastical idea was free will and Heaven feared as it caused them to loose their tight grip on their creations.

Free will was something Lucifer was probably so immensely proud of to create. Making him the first embodiment of a Sin. So what a perfect way to punish him to cast him to Hell and rub his nose in it by letting him only deal with the worst of his creation had manifested. His dream was crushed by it.

I think he still proud of his creation, given by all the apple motifs but still horrified what humans have done with it. Humans are the worse.

I went off again. But yes, most of the angels show pride. How can they not, they doing god's will and work! It should be taken pride in. I think Lucifer did take it a step further with his pride with the apple that made him fall. I assume Lucifer was told his creation was forbidden, and he had his face rubbed in it like a dog made an accident on the rug for it. (Heaven has a lot of rules!) He was too prideful of his creation, his gift, not to be handed out and shared with the universe. He's an artist and a dreamer, they like their work to be shared. He straight out took a rule and broke it over his knee while the other angles may toe the line and only bend it slightly but never outright broken it bluntly like Lucifer had. I think thats the main difference of their prides and sins?

That's my guess anyways. Hopefully it was a worthwhile guess to read.

[dabadmooddood]

so, i went and saw challengers...

**spoilers ahead// I was stupid tired typing this so it might not make any sense and could just be word vomit, but I couldn’t sleep without getting this off my chest**

so i think the problem i've had with the conversations i've seen surrounding this film is the fact that people are trying to really simplify the relationships between them and their relationships with tennis then reducing them to some blanket statements like "oh Tashi just loves tennis and is just with Art because she can control him" or "Art doesn't even love Tashi, he loves the idea of her and what she can do for him" or even "Patrick doesn't love either of them, he just loves attention". i think why these conversations really bother me is because i fear we are reaching a stage where we are so unable to connect to people that we fail to see characters as people and recognise that like most people they are complex and so are their relationships with the things and people they love. i think this is the truest form of a love triangle but not in the traditional sense, i think all three have a love for two (or more) things or people and i word it like that for specific reasons.

Let's start with Art, who is a character i relate to quite heavily, i think it is quite obvious in both of his establishing scenes with them how much he loves both Tashi and Patrick and as a result also has a love for tennis because that is what keeps him within proximity of them, first Patrick then Tashi. I think his love for both stems from a clear adoration he has for them because their supposed, although faux, security in themselves is foreign to him because he’s quite clearly very insecure (this is kind of highlighted in multiple instances when he's so full of praise for them but doesn't really talk much of his own ability and in fact sees himself as quite the inferior to others in different aspects). I can understand how this can be perceived as him loving the idea of Tashi more than he loves Tashi herself but i think there are hints throughout the film that points out how he views her in a way that is much more intimate than just some great tennis player, i mean from the second he made the comment about the scream she made after winning the junior open i knew they'd end up together. His love for Patrick is a little bit different because he very much views him as a brother initially and it's a bit harder to tell how he feels about him after the kiss, but they never struggle to be within each other's space and the way they engage with each other is extremely intimate, I mean technically even his first sexual experience was with Patrick, and there is no doubt in my mind that he does love him very deeply.

Regarding Patrick, i’ve seen quite a few people argue that he loves neither of them and only loves himself but again i feel strongly inclined to disagree with that. Whilst it is obvious that he does have quite the ego and more than anything loves attention and adoration, i think to say he does not love Art would be extremely untrue. i think the fact that Patrick is only able to produce his best tennis is when playing against or alongside Art is meant to show us how deeply it is that he cares for him and that those are the moments in which less of his focus on his own ego which is what makes, “That’s different. That’s you and me.” such a beautiful line because it introduces us to the idea from early that Art is the only person whom Patrick is willing to surrender his ego for. Also, it goes unnoticed a lot, but he has a lot of praise for Art and is often frustrated with his lack of self-belief because what seems like just adoration on Art’s end is a shared adoration which is why he is ultimately fine with Tashi’s singing his praises in bed because he feels the same way about him.

Lastly, i’ve seen many say that Tashi doesn’t love Art in multiple ways, whether it be “she doesn’t love either of them, she just loves tennis” or “she was really in love with Patrick but because she got injured, she chose Art”, but i really do believe she loved Art. When discussing Tashi’s relationship with the boys i think it’s useful to analayse their double’s nickname fire and ice, with Patrick being fire and Art being ice. Fire represents passion and desire but similar to actual fire is unpredictable and uncontrollable whereas Ice is meant to represent calmness and stillness but also something that can be carved into something new or even reshaped. Tashi and Patrick’s fight, that ultimately ended their relationship, was a result of Tashi trying to coach Patrick and him being defensive as a means to protect his ego, which is quite similar to their initial interaction with each other in which Patrick defends the effectiveness of his serving routine against Tashi’s criticisms of it. When looking at that in comparison to Art pretty much immediately adjusting and improving his serve at Tashi’s recommendation it really highlights the exact differences in the two relationships. Now, i’ve seen many argue that that is the only reason Tashi chooses to be with Art, because she is controlling and needs someone controllable, but i think that is where we do the character a disservice and oversimplify her. Although we don’t see it all that often, Art brings out a side of Tashi which is very much caring and considerate. It's extremely hard to see it through her demeaner particularly when they’re older and she tries to be his tennis coach at all times but there are moments throughout the film when her guard momentarily drops and she’s seen smiling at him, expressing concern for him or just being generally softer than the Tashi we see throughout the rest of the film. Also, the so called “hate” she has for him is clearly an underlying resentment that she holds because he doesn’t love tennis as much as she does but it is still able to compete at the highest level and i can agree that it manifests itself in a very unpleasant way but I think the only reason Patrick calls it hate because he has a similar jealousy that Art was able to achieve the adoration he craved but it didn’t manifest itself in the same way and he probably still holds similar adoration for Art that he’s always had

All in all, i do think there are clearly loving relationships that exist between the characters but unfortunately the one thing that connects them, tennis, is also the one thing that doesn’t allow them to have healthy relationships as it breeds jealousy and resentment partnered with the different ways they compensate for their insecurities it can make it seem as simple as “they all hate each other” but I believe it more so a toxic love than it is a hatred.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hello! Interested in your encyclopaedic knowledge on this. Skim-rereading the VC now for first time since I was a teenager and have to ask - does Louis ever, like - do anything for Lestat? This prompted particularly by TOTBT which my god is so savage. I can’t believe he’s happy to just… let him die?!? He doesn’t lift a finger, he doesn’t even try to protect him? It’s IWTV all over again, only supposedly their relationship is much better by this point.

It got me looking for examples where Louis does anything whatsoever proactive for Lestat and I’m really struggling. At the end of QotD, it seems like lots of the other vamps are trying to look after traumatised Lestat a bit, but I don’t think Louis comes to him? He just wanders off to New Orleans? Maybe I’ve missed a bit though. He looks after him a bit in his coma? Although not moreso than anyone else. But in the end it is Lestat who ends up waking up to save Louis. Even that bit in PLaTRoA where Lestat is about to have his heart stopped - Louis sitting next to his coffin - but Lestat reaches out to take Louis’ hand, not the other way round. Aside from verbally saying that he loves him, other than being generally nice and calm and polite, does Louis ever do anything to show it?

Hey nonny!

(Not sure about the encyclopedic but I‘ll try 😅💕) I do see a lot of the mentioned events a bit differently, allow me to explain (this is gonna be long^^):

Soooo to address your mention of TtotBT first off, I personally do think Louis thought of Lestat first and foremost when he sent him away in that scene.

Louis was tempted. It's no surprise imho that Jacob really wants to do that scene with Sam, because the power dynamics are inverted of course, but it is also emotionally very raw.

I want to pause here and recall a quote from QotD here, which is important:

Louis, the watcher, the patient one, was there on account of love pure and simple. The two had found each other only last night, and theirs had been an extraordinary reunion. Louis would go where Lestat led him. Louis would perish if Lestat perished. But their fears and hopes for this night were heartbreakingly human.

Louis... would perish if Lestat perished.

For Louis to send Lestat away... is to resign himself to death also. I think that has to be taken into account for the scene you mentioned, where Louis decides that Lestat deserves to save his soul, before Louis himself deserves to save his own. His rejection of Lestat there is done in full knowledge that he condemns himself there to a very lonely, cold, and ultimately fatal existence. He rejects Lestat there, knowing he will lose his greatest love.

I wouldn't call that happy to let him die? And I, personally, don't see it as a parallel to IWTV either, though it might feel a bit like that for Lestat, but the Louis here knows how much this will hurt. He knows what he is doing. He is condemning himself, hoping it will free Lestat.

And, while we're on TtotBT, in the beginning of the book there is the mention of Louis coming by Lestat's, to 'Netflix & chill', to share space and spend time, watch movies (for example "Company of the wolves", just being there. Talk. Discuss. Being together. So Louis did come by, for Lestat. And Lestat visited Louis, in his shack, had his own chair there. They were in each other's lives.

And... in the end of that book - when David show's up? What does Louis do? He takes David in. Makes room for David in their old home in Rue Royale. Accepts David - for Lestat. Accompanies them, too. Honestly, given David is David... that is a HUGE sacrifice! He let's David, the new fledgling, into their home. Because he is Lestat's. Later on, in PL, he will do the same for Antoine, which is obviously something that had to grate quite a lot as well, and I have always seen that as a rather conscious decision to allow it. To allow Antoine into their lives, because he is Lestat's.

Louis also tries to protect Lestat before the concert.

I know a lot of people read that from Lestat's POV and are just happy with the reunion (and of course it is beautiful and I really want to see it on the show!!) but... it's not only that.

Louis comes, to Lestat, not only because he can do so. But he pleads for Lestat to stay safe, too, to not do the concert. Because he is afraid for Lestat. He wants to keep him safe, wants to keep him with himself, too. He pleads with him not to go on stage. Offers to talk, to make plans, to 'Let us have each other in this century the way we never did in the past'.

You mentioned the end of QotD, and... in their universe, all that happens right after this reunion. A few days, a week at most. And then Lestat hides himself away again, in a room, trying to cope. Because he has been used again, abused, too, in a way he himself can only cope with by reframing it as love.

Louis knows it isn't. Wasn't. And he knows that he and Lestat cannot talk freely with the others there. He and Lestat are not able to use the mind gift directly. And... he is deeply unsettled by Jesse's report, the report she gives Lestat. Claudia's ghost. Deeply, deeply personal and something they share, very painfully. They go by Louis' tombstone, and then they can talk. A bit. Louis trusts Lestat and in his new powers. Falls asleep in his arms.

And that... is a rather powerful statement.

Louis (admittedly begrudgingly) enters that "adventure" with Lestat, fully trusting in Lestat. Kissing, embracing. Sleeping in his arms. It's a statement.

A statement that, despite Lestat feeling changed, and alien, that Louis still trusts him. Trusts in him, too.

And it is Louis, who tries to take Lestat home in Memnoch, Louis who pleads, begs for Lestat to be released. Louis who cries out when Lestat is locked up. Louis is the one who saves the books, Louis is the one who tries to comfort Lestat. Louis is the one who holds the proverbial fort at Rue Royale, with David, for long, long years. Louis is the one who despairs, eventually, when Lestat goes back into that half-awake coma, his soul taken away by angels.

Though there is more to that, too. You say Louis did not look after Lestat more than others, and I'd beg to differ. Louis was the one in the chapel, guarding Lestat. Holding his ground with the ancients, and the riff raff that Armand hunted down (even once with Lestat later). Louis is the one who keeps Ruy Royale, and makes sure Lestat is kept clean during his episodes of stillness, and it is only when he breaks, eventually, when Merrick takes his focus... that that... stops. When the Merrick events start, David visits Lestat, and Louis is 'there, seated on the marble beside Lestat, reading in a hushed voice from an old book of English poetry'.

Louis never leaves Lestat's side for long. Armand notes how he seems emaciated, hungry when Armand comes by in his version of the tale.

It is only when Merrick's spell unfolds that Louis leaves Lestat's side, that his focus shifts. And with the shift to Claudia and her ghost... the despair takes hold.

And it is when Louis heartbeat stops - that the "angels" lose their blackmailing material.

Lestat later tells of how he was forced to do "their bidding" by them threatening to take the eye... and though he doesn't elaborate... it is very clear what that means wrt Louis.

Because there simply was nothing else they could threaten him with anymore. Nothing else was more important than Louis. Not his eye, not his soul.

This always sends a shiver down my spine.

But that just as a note.

Louis is the one who accepts Lestat's judgment, after Merrick's creation.

He also accepts Lestat abandoning New Orleans, eventually, because Lestat cannot stand it anymore to kill the riff raff, those who "offend Armand", something Lestat calls "autocratic, ruthless" wrt to Armand's killing of them.

Louis accepts Lestat's decision there, and goes to Armand. Something that Lestat in turn accepts and supports(!):

My beloved Louis de Pointe du Lac left soon after, and from that time on lived in New York with Armand. Armand keeps the island of Manhattan safe for them—Louis, Armand, and two young blood drinkers, Benjamin and Sybelle, and whoever else joins them in their palatial digs on the Upper East Side.

And when Lestat is finally ready, it is Louis who apologizes to Lestat for the "past" by hunting a woman who wanted to murder her husband - in front of Lestat.

Personally, I find that a very poignant "doing-it-for-someone" :)))

But there is more.

Louis is the one who rescues Rose! Rose, Lestat's charge. Louis knows about Rose. Lestat's lawyers know about Louis. Louis takes over when Lestat is unreachable.

There is so much in these simple facts!

Like, they must have talked about Rose. Louis knows about Rose, knows she is important to Lestat, he takes the responsibility, saves her from fire, kills the ones who harmed her. Brings her to him. And he is the one Lestat's lawyers reach out to when Lestat is gone? Unreachable? What a statement is that in and by itself?! Louis is the one Lestat trusts with that child, the girl he saved and who will become his immortal daughter. Their immortal daughter.

And then, when Rhosh is there in NYC, at that table, and the axe scene happens... what does Louis do?

He smiles.

Now I don't know if you know that scene well, but it is quite the scene, and I honestly cannot wait to see it on the show.

And Louis... smiles. Shows support.

Quiet. Steadfast. The support Lestat needs, probably more than he consciously realizes.

And then, of course, later on - knowing what "Lestat cannot confide". They are finally sharing blood again, and Louis becomes Lestat's confidant. To all the things Lestat cannot speak about, all the things he has hinted at but cannot put into words. All the things that are too heavy to address.

That is no trifle.

And the silver cord, where Louis pushes the matter against Lestat's (not) better judgement. Where Louis is there, for Lestat to reach out.

Your ask made it seem (a bit) as if being there and offering is not sufficient, but strength shows itself in very different ways. Lestat is more direct, "flashy". Louis' strength is more subtle, it is an offer for support, unwavering support, whenever Lestat wants it. For as long as Lestat wants it. Not taking agency from Lestat, which is like the worst thing that could happen again... because that is something that has been taken from Lestat again, and again, and again. And Louis knows that.

And so he doesn't.

He doesn't take. He offers. It shows he knows Lestat. And he accepts him, and their respective pasts, and all the shit that has happened.

Again, that is no trifle, imho.

There is more. Little mentions, in the books.

A "grotto" they once shared. For example. Louis wearing the clothes Lestat chooses.

But for the most part you have to "read between the lines" as Lestat says, for the juicy details - however, I think when you consider the arcs? The arcs that span all the books?

The things we are told actually speak for themselves, imho.

Louis does a lot of things for Lestat. The important things, actually.

He is there for Lestat to turn to when Lestat's strength fails.

And yes, that includes the rejection in TtotBT - because Louis thought he had to be the one to show the strength for Lestat - to hold fast to the initial belief. The initial hope that drove the body switch - because Lestat had just found out he could not die anymore. Even if he tried. And he had tried. And it had sent him spiraling.

Would Louis have held out indefinitely? Probably not :) But that's another discussion.